I have been dating my girlfriend (F26) now for just under 2 years. When we fist started dating, the sex life aspect of our relationship was perfect, we would have sex from 5-6 times a week and both expressed how satisfied we were with it. About 4 months into the relationship, the frequency we were intimate became less and less. I would frequently asked her if she still felt the same and if everything was ok due to this, to which she always reassured me it was.
This past fall we officially moved in together. Since then I feel as if our sex life has deteriorated to the point that we were having sex about once to twice a month. Last week I approached her about this. I stated how I love her dearly but I have been incredibly sexually frustrated by this change and would like us to work on it if it possible. She acknowledge this issue and said she is just tired and stressed from work, which I understand as we both have busy and stressful jobs. However, she also insisted that this is normal and that it is how most women in relationships approach and feel about sex after dating for almost 2 years, but conceded that she will work on it.
Since this conversation a little over a week ago we have had sex one time. I am conflicted now. If this is normal, maybe I am being unfair to her and should just accept it as it is. If it is not, I really would not know. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
What should I do????

Three days ago, my housemates were alive.
And I wasn't losing my fucking mind.
Three days ago, I awoke to my housemate, Misty, shaking me.
“Get up!!”
Misty was usually the last to roll out of bed out of all of us, so I figured it was something important. My housemate wouldn’t get out of bed for nothing. She valued her sleep—often comparing her bed to a safe haven. Her place of solitude. I was right there with her, until she startled me out of slumber. I opened my eyes to find her face roughly three inches from mine, her expression lit up with excitement I couldn’t justify this early in the morning.
She smelled of toothpaste breath and her raspberry scented body wash. Her thick black curls framing her face were still damp from what I presumed was a shower, hanging in tangled knots in front of wide, almost unseeing eyes. When I first met her, Misty Kang had been my crush for a while. With a Korean father and a Texan mother, she definitely caught eyes when we hung out. We had a thing in freshman year, which quickly fizzled out once we started living together. Never date your housemates.
I will just say that.
Over the last few years, Misty has become one of my closest friends.
When she knew I was at least conscious, my housemate was grabbing my arm and yanking me out of bed. “Get up!”
I was barely awake, and those were the only words I could fully distinguish.
I shooed her away for a moment and swung my legs out of bed, taking a minute to blink sunlight out of my eyes coming through the blinds. “Sam.” Misty was in front of me again.
I don’t think she understood the concept of being half asleep.
She wouldn’t leave me alone, waving her arms wildly. Her shadow under the soft morning light almost reminded me of one of those inflatable tube guys.
“Huh?” My voice was a low croak, and her smile widened.
“Guess who’s just scored tickets for an actual screening of the first five minutes of gameplay for the most anticipated game of the decade?”
“What?” Her string of words wasn’t making sense in my caffeine deprived mind. It just sounded like gibberish to me, initially.
Like we were in some cheesy commercial, she was the lead, and I was the confused NPC with the WTF expression. But when I went over it in my head, words started to slide together like a jigsaw puzzle. Misty didn’t get excited about video games. Well, she did. Though, my housemate was one to get excited on behalf of someone else. After living with her for a while now, I had concluded she was a follower.
By that, I mean whatever others thought or did or said, she copied it. If her Twitter followers were mad at bad takes, she would drop all of her own opinions on said follower and focus on what other people said. We had Korean barbecue for takeout the other day, and Misty clearly did not like it from the creased look on her face, and her very obviously spitting it politely into a napkin.
Jay, my other housemate, liked it.
And so did I. So, naturally, Misty announced she wanted more.
I had to watch her suffer through two more portions before she excused herself—presumably to throw up. Blinking at my housemate who was clearly excited for Jay, I resisted the overwhelming urge to roll my eyes.
“Slow down. What game? What are you talking about?”
I got out of bed and threw on my robe, half aware of the mess from last night on my desk. Another attempt to finish an essay which just wasn’t happening. The monster energy cans and takeout Chinese wrappers were embarrassing. I got a basic run-through as I headed downstairs with Misty right behind me, practically breathing down my neck. From what I understood, there was a Reddit post.
That was all I got from Misty’s squealing. She leapt down the stairs after me with a spring in her step. The clock above the front door told me it wasn’t even 9am. The smell of bacon, however, was quick to arise me from the dead.
Jay was in the kitchen making breakfast. I noticed his laptop was open on the table, and every so often he’d peer at it with wide, almost disbelieving eyes. Jay and Misty were complete opposites, which made them great people to live with. Jay was a quiet book who was slightly on the pretentious side, routinely quoting something philosophical to piss me off.
He had rich parents on the other side of the world, but the guy himself was fairly humble and had mostly detached himself from said family.
My housemate was usually well put together. In fact, I barely saw him in his pajamas, excluding game nights. That morning, however, he was a disheveled mess, still in yesterday’s clothes.
He offered me a grin. I glimpsed sauce from last night’s dinner still staining his chin. Jay hadn’t brushed his hair or even put on deodorant.
I caught a whiff of BO when he ducked in front of me, his gaze glued to his MacBook. It was rare when Jay ignored basic hygiene, so yeah, I was going to guess this was a pretty huge thing. “I did tell her not to wake you up, y’know.”
His slight aussie accent was always refreshing on a morning. Born in Australia and moving to the states when he was ten years old, Jay still had a slight tinge in his accent. I had seen pictures of his family, and the guy had definitely gotten most of his dad’s genes, thick brown hair, and freckles. While his dad was built like a pro wrestler however, Jay was leaner like his mom.
I shrugged. “I was already awake.”
“Liar.” He didn’t look away from his laptop.
Looking closer, I glimpsed the Reddit homepage.
“So, you have won something.”
Jay didn’t answer. I could tell he was excited by the way he could barely keep still, bustling around the kitchen, barefoot. “Coffee?”
His voice was more of a Misty-like squeak, and I half wondered for a moment if they had switched bodies, or he had at least become one with my other housemate through a chemical explosion. In our kitchen, which was yet to be cleaned after a cooking disaster several nights ago, I wouldn’t be surprised if something was living on the countertop. I nodded, slumping into a chair. “What’s going on? Why is Misty freaking out?” I nodded at his laptop. “She said you’ve won something?”
As if my housemate couldn’t hold it in anymore, he nodded, turning his screen towards me. “You know____, right?”
“Yes.” I sipped my coffee, eyeing a toaster strudel sitting on the countertop. "You mean the game which has been coming out for a decade."
He ignored that. “Well, what if I told you one of the developer’s posted on the official sub this morning?”
“For _____?"
He nodded with a grin, and I wondered it this was one of those rare times when Jay was blindly looking through a red flag to see what he wanted. I had heard of these types of scams, and Reddit was a breeding ground for them.
Gamers were pretty intense. I didn’t realize I was pulling a face until I caught his lips curving into a smile. Jay was usually the skeptical one.
“You don’t believe me.”
I downed my coffee to avoid replying. When I had drained the cup, he was still staring at me with amused eyes.
“What?”
“You think it’s bullshit.”
I shrugged. “You said it,” I said. “I’m pretty sure that game isn’t even partway through development. Didn’t Twitter leak a still last year? Also, they’ll be bringing out a new console before that game comes out.”
I leaned back in my chair. “It’s more of a pipe dream, at this point.”
“The leaks were fake,” Even he didn’t look sure. “Anyway, that’s not the point. One of the dev’s posted on the official sub this morning. He asked if we were all excited for the new game, asked if we could post some of our favorite NPC dialogue, and he’ll DM winners.”
“Uh-huh.” I nodded at the screen. I had already checked my phone for an internet meltdown concerning this post, but there was nothing. “And where is that post now?”
Jay didn’t look at me. “It was deleted. So it only reached a certain number of people.”
“Oh, it was deleted?” I couldn’t resist a smile. “What a coincidence.”
When I laughed, Jay scowled, showing me his screen—navigating his trackpad to his Reddit DM’s.
To my surprise, there was actually a message from what I guessed was a throw-away account.
While I was skim reading the DM, Misty hurried in, all dressed and ready for the day. I peeked at her outfit from Jay's laptop. Cute.
Extravagant, but cute. My housemate cranked the radio up before bouncing between us, a toaster strudel hanging out of her mouth.
Misty was a living animated character. Ignoring her wide smile, I turned back to the screen. “Congratulation!!” The DM started with capitals.
It took me reading it twice to realize there was a clear spelling mistake. I sent Jay a pointed look, but he was too busy practically vibrating with excitement. If the guy had any more caffeine, he was going to explode. “Since when did winning DM’s start with a typo?”
“I knew you were going to say that.” Jay curled his lip. “They were clearly excited when typing the message.”
“But this is supposedly an official,” I said. “Surely they would make sure it’s professional?”
My housemate didn’t reply, shooting a look at Misty, who rolled her eyes.
“Wow.” I squinted at the screen. “I am so sorry for caring about your safety. You do realize these types of scam’s usually end up with you being sold on the black market, right?”
I shuddered. “I’ve heard horror stories about underground markets specializing in illegal organ harvesting.”
“Or…” Jay’s eyes were glued to the screen. “You could be happy for me?”
I frowned at the rest of the message, which was just a capitalized freak-out about the upcoming release of the game, before inviting Jay (and a friend!) to a five-minute preview of gameplay, as well as a Q&A. There was a location and a time, which was brow-raising. “10 at night.” I said. “Who hosts a gaming convention at 10pm?” I leaned my chin on my fist. “Unless they wanted to lure as many gullible people as possible, and ship them to some organ harvesting factory on the other side of the world.”
Jay scoffed. “That’s dark.”
“You’re actually considering going to a 10pm gaming convention in the middle of nowhere. I’m trying to wake you up.”
Jay nudged me that time. “It’s real. Relax.”
“And.” I pointed to the screen. “No phones? Why would they ask you not to bring your phones?”
“To stop us filming content,” Misty sang. “Duh.”
I groaned, leaning back in my chair. “You’re on his side? This is clearly shady!” I didn’t get mad unless something was seriously pissing me off, and this was one of those times. Jay was a smart guy. There was no way he was falling for this bullshit. I thought he was joking around when he spent the day tracking the location on Google Maps. I went to class like normal and got updates through text. At lunch, Jay agreed with me and said it was in fact shady, and he wasn’t going. By afternoon classes, he was texting me in paragraphs explaining his own skepticism but had found several “friends” on an online forum who were also going and had changed his mind once again. The guy couldn’t make up his mind. He was driving me crazy.
Misty sent me several videos of Jay pacing the kitchen with his MacBook in his hands. She was broadcasting his mental breakdown via Instagram stories. But then she started to send me pictures of herself in different outfits, asking me for my opinion on each one. At that point, I turned my phone off. My housemates had lost their fucking minds. I did my own research though, just to make sure I wasn’t actually going to lose them to a shady cult.
I searched for the game itself, but just as I thought, it was shown as still in development. Every “update” was just fan speculation.
There were YouTube videos and TikTok’s of fake leaks, but nothing was real. It was either AI generated, or badly edited. By the time my classes had ended and I had turned my phone on, I had a barrage of missed calls and texts.
Most of them were from Misty with her outfit changes, and Jay changing his mind again.
This time he was convinced it was all a scam, his texts full of typos and crying emoji's which he never used. Before it hit me that Misty was most likely using his phone to text me.
I was right. When I walked through the door, I was greeted by both of them sitting on the stairs. Misty was scrolling through Jay’s phone, while the boy had his head in his hands. According to Misty’s last text, he was back to being excited to go.
From the look on his face, eyes shadowed with sleep circles, light brown curls slipping from under his hood, I wasn’t sure what Misty meant by “excited”. The guy looked the complete opposite. His mind had been consumed by the game, and the idea of seeing new content.
When I dropped my bag and folded my arms, fixing the two of them with my best disapproving parent look, Misty jumped to her feet. “Sam!” she waved Jay’s phone at me. “Did you get my texts? We’re actually going now!”
The 100+ texts on both messenger and iMessage said otherwise.
I nodded, my gaze on Jay. “Both of you do realize it’s a scam, right?” I softened my tone despite growing progressively more irritated. We were grown adults, not kids. I could understand a group of teenagers falling for it, but two twenty-three-year-olds?
This time, I ducked in front of Jay. “Hey.” I pulled down his hood, and he groaned, burying his head in his knees. “I don’t want to freak you out, so listen to me, okay?”
I exhaled out a breath. “I’m not saying something bad is going to happen to you, because it most likely won’t—and yes, I admit I’m being paranoid.” When he lifted his head, blinking through bedraggled curls, there was a faint smile on his lips. “But.” I said. “You are most likely going to end up disappointed. Which I don’t want, because you won't shut up about it for weeks."
I was only partly joking.
For a moment, I thought my housemate was going to wake up, and nod, laughing at how crazy it was.
Before shook his head and jumped up.
“I’m going to take a shower, alright? I should start getting ready."
I admit, I exploded at him.
We argued while he was in the shower, and I paced up and down the hallway, coming up with multiple reasons why he was definitely going to die, and only two positives if it was in fact real. In the end, I gave up worrying all together. I didn’t say anything when the two of them were hurrying around looking for shoes and missing car keys. I didn’t realize they were gone until the door was clanging shut, and a text was coming through. I didn’t look at it until an hour later, and I had calmed down.
Jay: 1h ago: Stop worrying, lmao. We’re good! I’ll keep my phone just in case. I’ll make sure to avoid the organ harvesting 😉
Another from Misty a few minutes later: “Love you! Chillll, kay? 😭😭 It’s going to be fun! I’ll take pics!”
…
Followed by: “Oh shit, we can’t. I’ll try to sneak some!"
Attached to the text was a photo of the two of them. Misty with a wide smile and a peace sign, and Jay who looked like he was mid-shout, his eyes on the road.
Those texts were… at least comforting, I guessed. Maybe they were right. I figured I was paranoid, and they in fact would really be okay.
But that didn’t stop the anxious coil in my gut when I tried to force down takeout pizza. I attempted to focus on my essay to distract myself, but I couldn’t stop glancing at my phone, and checking Twitter. There was a hashtag on the DM, which was just “PlayStationGO.” When I searched for it, however, nothing came up.
Sure, it was a private convention and only a select few knew about it, but nothing could escape Twitter.
Somewhere, someone must be talking about it. After scrolling through endless tweets though, I realized I was wrong. There was nothing.
That put a bad taste in my mouth.
10pm came, and I held my breath all the way through a Netflix TV show I was forcing myself to watch, half asleep, slumped at my desk.
I could barely distinguish the plot.
I just had a vague idea of the character names, and some of their motivations.
Midnight passed, and I was struggling to stay awake.
I glanced at my phone.
No messages, just a notification from Spotify reminding me my favorite band was playing nearby.
1am.
Still nothing. I fell back to sleep.
2:48am.
This time, I stayed awake for a few minutes glaring at my phone before my eyes grew heavy.
3:16: am.
My phone buzzed with a text from Jay, but I could barely desipher it: "can't feel help my head hurts Canshdhsn727272_6798mi/!! _&go home please. (Sent from: PlayStationGo™️ BETA)."
3:27: am.
3:54: am. I was wide awake, blinking at a notification which had popped up from an unknown number. I was trying to figure out what number it was, when my phone vibrated again and I almost jumped out of my skin.
After a moment of hesitation, I answered it.
I was trying so hard not to think of the possibility of it being the emergency room, or even worse, the cops.
All of my worst nightmares had come true in a single second.
“Hello?” I whispered in a croak.
“Are they in the house with you?” The stranger’s voice came through in a hiss of interference.
His words sent my mediocre dinner lurching back up my throat. “What?” I managed to get out. “Who?”
“Your friends.” He said, and I leapt to unsteady feet, my gut twisting and turning.
“No.” I found myself taking slow strides toward the window, brushing back the curtain and peering out into the night. “Why? Did something happen to them?” I paused.
“How did you get my number?”
“That does not matter.” His voice rattled in my ear as I rushed downstairs, almost stumbling down the bottom two. “I need you to get out of that house. Now. Get as far away as possible.”
I could hear his rapid breaths.
He was driving. I could hear the rumble of the engine. With my phone pressed to my ear, I obeyed his instructions, pulling open the door and stepping out into the cool night, a brisk breeze grazing my bare arms was just enough to stop my thoughts spiraling.
I was barefoot, in nothing but a robe, staggering down the driveway. The night was calm and silent; our neighborhood was asleep, each window drowned in darkness. I couldn’t breathe, my clammy fingers wrapped around my phone, as this stranger broke down over the phone. “Whatever you do,” he gasped out.
“Do not, I repeat DO NOT remove the PlayStationGo—shit!! He hissed out, static rattling the call. The guy seemingly got ahold of himself, and the wheel, and continued. I started to walk—where I was going, I had no idea.
The stranger lit a cigarette. I heard the click of a lighter and his exhalation of breath. “It was a BETA version, but we had to rush it. This was not my idea. My boss is a greedy man. He wanted to release the game last year, which would have meant widespread infection. Luckily, that did not happen. We did manage to delay it, but only by a year.” His words barely made sense to me as I struggled to get a word in, peering in the dark. “It was supposed to be a virtual experience of the game—a whole new angle of gameplay. But testing was difficult. First, on monkey’s, we lost multiple subjects. Tonight was supposed to be a…well, I guess you could call it out first attempt on human subjects,” his laugh was bitter. “I knew the tech wasn’t finished. And I tried. Believe me, I fucking tried. I tried to blow the whistle, but these bastards know where my parents live."
Something squirmed its way down my spine.
“So my friends were lab rats?” I said stiffly. “You used them?”
I fucking knew it.
I knew it was too good to be true.
“Yes and no. Listen to me, the people I work for are hunting them down. Trust me, I don’t want my bosses to find them because a life of experimentation will await them. Torture. Do you hear me? It does not matter if subjects fail. They don’t care. As long as there is at least a light at the end of the tunnel for them, they will see it as a win, and bring the publication date closer. They will not be treated as humans. Your friends signed a contract before trying out the tech, where the small print stated that, under section 3, player engagement, all subjects must agree to offer themselves as participants in later updates. I silently cursed Jay for always skipping the terms and conditions when buying games." The man stopped to breathe.
“I have told you multiple times, and I won’t say it again. Get as far away from that house as possible. I will take care of them. I will make sure of it." The sound of squealing engines, and I stopped power walking, coming to an abrupt stop. The silence of the night around me, compared to the sound of the highway he was on, traffic horns and the wind rushing through the window was an eerie contrast, a disturbance to the heavenly bubble we were trapped in.
“What do you mean ‘take care of them?” I had to swallow a yell. “Hey! What are you talking about?
“I’m sorry.” Was all he replied with. “I’m afraid it is too late. There was once an opportunity to save the mind during the initial level of the demonstration. However, once the PlaystationGo has been fully attached to the base of the subject, we no longer have control of it. Once integrating itself into the cerebral cortex, the PlayStationGo can only be removed by signing out of the player’s account,” his breath was heavy. “On this unfortunate occasion, however, your friends are unable to navigate the system due to a malfunction which scrambled their brains,” He trailed off. “Which has left them stranded in the game."
I let out a breath. “Right.” I said. “That’s.. bad. I mean, it’s a fucked-up piece of technology, but they’re just playing a game, right?”
There was a pause, before the man laughed.
“Young man, I don’t think you understand,” he said. “The PlayStationGo was created to give the player a full virtual experience of our game. The PlayStationGo is not a physical object. Created with nanotechnology, it attaches itself to the subject’s brain and is supposed to create a personal gaming experience for each player. As I said, however, it is not finished. It is yet to be released to the public, and of course, we are expecting certain ethical arguments due to the controversial—”
I pulled the phone away from my ear, shaking my head. I didn’t need to hear his attempts at trying to save his own skin.
“You need to help them,” I whispered. “Do you hear me? Can you do that? Can you help them?!”
“That is what I am trying to tell you,” He said.
“I know you are upset and confused, and believe me, I offer my apologies. But you need to listen to facts. During initial testing, our subjects were conscious enough to know where their home was. We are unsure why this happens, though we have linked it to territory, as well as the main character of the game heavily influencing their actions. I have been tracking them from the testing facility, and they are incredibly close. Please get as far away from there as possible. If you are no longer in the vicinity of the house, I can end this quickly and quietly before we gain attention.”
I wasn’t sure what I was going to say. Maybe start fucking screaming at him, because he was talking about getting “rid” of my friends, after their mistake.
“Do you understand me?” He said, when I couldn’t reply. “Your friends are lost causes!”
Before I could answer, though, headlights were suddenly coming around the corner, and I found myself paralysed to the spot. The car which swerved twice, crashed into several trash cans, before reversing and coming straight towards me, was not Jay’s car. Jay’s car was an old hunk of junk he’d gotten from a scrapyard. Jay’s car had doors which were practically hanging off, and a stereo which exclusively played either static gibberish, or old tapes I had no idea how to use. This car was bright yellow, and definitely had an option to drive itself. When the car came to a stop, inches from careening into me, I lost all control of myself.
I was vaguely aware of my phone slipping from my fingers and hitting the sidewalk. But I was too busy staring at the two shadows in the front of the car. The driver, and the passenger.
And the muffled screaming coming from the trunk.
When the door swung open, a figure stepping out, I did not recognise my housemate.
The stranger told me I wouldn't, but I didn't believe him.
Jay had left the house in casual jeans and a sweater, bearing the game's logo.
Now, I found myself face to face with a man with my housemate's face and features, his smile and eyes-- but something had been severed in his eyes and twisted in his expression. For one, Jay was wearing a suit I knew he couldn't afford, the sleeves torn, collar pulled open, smears of red staining the front.
His pants had cufflinks, and the Rolex on his wrist had definitely been pulled off someone's corpse.
The silver was stained a revealing scarlet. Drinking in his face, he looked like Jay. His curls hung in front of his eyes, freckles speckling his cheeks, but everything else wasn't. It wasn't until I was glimpsing what was moulded into the flesh of his hand, did I remember how to move. But then I was taking all of him in, everything my mind had intentionally skipped, because I didn't want to believe the stranger on the phone. Nanotechnology, the man had said in a hiss.
Fiction, I had thought.
Before I saw the reality of it, a writhing metallic like substance glued to the guy's temple, and slowly, very slowly, inching down his cheek, already forming around the bridge of his ear, a very faint blue light flickering.
Something must have alerted him. His cavernous eyes left mine, and he twisted his head—and I heard the sound of his neck snapping, his head lolling to the left slightly, his eyes flickering. I watched his whole body seem to sway back and forth, ready to fall forwards.
Before the newly formed device on his ear turned red, then green.
It was almost like he was… rebooting. As if coming back to life, Jay lifted his head at an awkward angle, before looking straight through me. The blood vessels in his eyes had popped, rivulets of red beading down his face. He should have been dead, I thought. No. No, he was dead. That… that thing was keeping him alive. “Well, shiiiittt,” he said. I could sense the game dialogue which had taken over him, forming on his mangled tongue.
“I’m a man on a mission.”
In jerking movements, he turned and marched back towards the car, opening the door, and sliding into the front seat.
I remembered how to move, ducking to grab my phone, before something slammed into the back of my head—and I saw stars.
I didn’t remember hitting the floor, only the soft sound of her voice, a seductive murmur repeating NPC dialogue, and her kitten heel sticking into my spine, forcing me onto my face.
Misty. I was expecting her to get it over with. But when she dragged me to my feet, sticking the barrel of a gun into the flesh of my neck—I figured she was still playing the game.
Twisting around to meet her eyes, lifeless and empty, only filled with light from the device which had taken over half of her face, I felt sick to my stomach. This thing wasn’t a games console or a virtual reality headset.
It was an attempt at coercing and programming something you already don’t understand, to do something impossible.
I could see that in the way the things had visibly chewed and eaten through her flesh, devouring her from the inside and out. I could see what was left of the dress she had worn earlier, but something must have gone wrong with her too. Because Misty had thrown on another outfit over the top, a diamond necklace hanging from her neck.
I caught a thin river of red pooling down her right temple, trying to ignore the twitchy way she moved, just like a character. From the way Misty walked, stumbling, I already knew she was gone. My housemate had newly acquired strength, throwing me in the trunk of the car where three other hostages were, and slamming it shut on my attempts to reason with her. She didn’t tie me up or restrain me.
In the dim light I could just make out though passing streetlights, I could see the trunk opened from the inside. Which was too easy.
Still though, Jay was driving recklessly, and every time I tried to throw the damn thing open, I was knocked backwards, rolling into a screaming girl, who was bound by her hands and feet. It took me multiple attempts before I had the trunk open, freezing cold air blasting me in the face. I untied the other hostages, but when I told them to come with me, they just stared blankly at me, and continued begging for their lives—and it only took me glimpsing what was attached to their temples, a familiar writhing metal plate, for me to understand. They too were playing the game. This time, as NPC hostages.
I found myself gingerly touching the trembling metallic flesh of the girl's fingers bound in rope. It had a slimy consistency, and I swore, I felt something bite into me.
No way, I thought.
This thing was sentient, yes. But it wasn't living.
Listen, I wish I could tell you what it was like to jump out of a moving car, but I can’t.
I remember it as lunging out of the trunk, hitting the freezing cold air, before hitting the ground head first, neutron star collisions exploding in the backs of my eyes.
What I do remember is waking up on the side of the road. Hours later. The sky was bright blue, a scorching sun blinding me when I managed to force my eyes open.
The early morning rush hour flew by as normal, and I wondered how ignorant American people had to be to ignore someone knocked out on the side of the road.
It’s not like I was nowhere near civilization. There was a fucking Subway right next to me.
When I had gathered myself, I remembered I had no phone. I couldn’t go home in fear of running into my rogue housemates playing their own fucked up version of _____ in their head. My plan was to try and find my phone, get in contact with the stranger who blew the whistle on my friends being dangerous, and find them. They couldn’t be far., right? And even if they weren’t themselves… someone would be able to save them.
If someone could do this to them, surely they could reverse it.
I felt sick, tired, and I was starving.
So, with some loose cash I’d found in my pocket, I bought a Subway and a Coke.
The woman at the counter smiled widely at me. She leaned forward, with a wink. “Nice cosplay!”
Cosplay?
I didn’t understand what she meant until I swore I felt something… move its way up my pant leg. I ignored it, and it happened again, this time it felt like something was… biting.
A bug, maybe? I had been laying on the side of the road for around six hours.
When I went to the bathroom, though, I found myself staring at an all too familiar glint of silver creeping its way across my temple. Like it was sentient, parts of it sider webbed towards my ear while the rest writhed into my hairline.
I pulled up my pant leg again, and there it was, a fungus-like metal substance which had already formed in two solid metal masses on my knees. I remember grazing two fingers across the thing beginning its slow feast of my flesh. I remember trying to pull it off, hissing in pain when I risked ripping off my own skin with it. I remember shaking my head and being in denial, even when the lights dimmed above me, and the bathroom door in front of me became more of a shadow. When I strode back through the Subway store, I began to see slight flickers of light above each person, highlighting something not quite there yet.
I could see it already starting, beginning to take over my thoughts. Cars which sped past were suddenly highlighted, and at the corner of my eye, if I concentrated, the outline of a map was starting to appear. Even now, when the room is almost completely taken over by shadow, and my thoughts are half my own, and half not—when a metallic device is beginning to form over my eyes—I know if I hold on, this thing won’t take me. I have considered killing myself, but that wouldn’t… be right.
How could I kill myself when there is so much left to do?
This developer was right. I don’t even know where I can sign out. There’s what looks like the beginning of some kind of index when I look up, but it’s not… finished. I can still see entangled pieces of code struggling to load what I’m guessing was log out. Whatever this thing is, it’s taking over me. Fast. Like a fungus, like a virus, it will not stop until it’s dragged me into the game, until it's leeched itself onto me.
I can feel it happening right now. It's been slow.
Almost painfully slow.
But maybe that is the point. Maybe part of the game is to feel my own thoughts beginning to unravel in favor of something else entirely.
Fuck.
Time is going by…. Fast.
Five minutes ago… I was trying to get home. But I can’t remember where I live.
I can’t concentrate.
I can’t think straight.
I have a phone—but I don’t know how I got it. Did I steal it?
Every time I move, the slowly emerging map comes to life at the corner of my eye jerks with my movement. There is a car parked nearby.
I know it belongs to the man with a child.
But a confusing blur of light is highlighting it to be something of importance. Reality is crashing in front of me, replaced with contorting shapes and bursts of color I have to blink through.
I keep hearing... sirens.
Jay is messaging me.
On what, I'm not sure.
But I need to find him.
I’m sure one mission won’t hurt, right?

I'm not really sure how to start this post. I guess I can start by saying that I really enjoy this forum and listen to your podcast almost daily. Also, I must apologize, as this is kinda long, but I didn't want to leave anything out. So, here goes....
I'm a 40 year old male and I pride myself on being fairly successful in my life. That's not to say I'm filthy rich or don't have my problems, which we'll get to in a minute, but I have a life that many would be happy to live. I have a beautiful and loving wife, two wonderful kids from a previous marriage, and a job that is not only fulfilling, but allows me to live comfortably. Most people wouldn't suspect some of the things I've dealt with in my time, but I wanted to share this aspect of my past in hopes it will help me work through it.
All my life I've lived in the South, Mississippi specifically, and as one might suspect I've grown up going to church. This has never bothered me, although some of the experiences I could've done without (I'll looking at you youth choir). When I was a young child, probably 7-8 (the exact age escapes me, possibly blocked out for my sanity's sake) my family attended a Baptist church in the boonies which we lived on a family farm. It was your typical southern style church, we had service every Sunday morning, night services that would include business meetings, and RA's every Wednesday night. For those unfamiliar, RA's (short for Royal Ambassadors) was an organization very similar to the Boy Scouts of America. Granted, we didn't have all the same types of awards or taskings they did, but the group would study the Bible and how we could apply the teachings to serve the community at large. Every year we had a couple camping trips and nature hikes we would attend, but no merit badges or anything. I suppose now would be good to introduce our characters in this story. Myself, whom I'll call Addie, my brothers John and Steven, and a young man named Robert. Obviously, these aren't the real names, but you get the idea. Robert was the leader of my RA class and always seemed to be a fairly cool guy. He was probably in his mid-twenties and seemed to be really in tune with all the youth group. Robert was very well known to all the RA classes, as we all would meet in the fellowship hall after the individual classes were done, typically to have an activity as a large group before going home. My brothers and I seemed to be of a particular interest to Robert (And yes, as a grown man I look back and see the absolutely wrong and inappropriate nature of this) and he would always seek us out Wednesday nights to joke around or tussle. This type of behavior went on for a long time, not really sure how long as I've already said, but it was long enough for our parents to feel comfortable with him around us. Before any one starts trying to throw stones my folks way, you have to remember this was in the late 80's and society was far more trusting that it is today. As such, people in the church were thought to be mostly good people and it never entered into anyone's mind what could have been going on behind the door those nights.
I remember some nights where Robert would forgo the weekly lesson, instead opting to "play games" with all the boys in his class. These games were always posed as innocent enough, but always involved....well....things that boys shouldn't be doing with other boys, let alone in the presence of a grown man. This is bad enough, but one of Robert's favorite young men was my oldest brother, Steven. As I would come to find out, Robert had cornered my brother on multiple occasions and assaulted him. One of these times, my brother and I were walking through the church on a Wednesday night, no one else in sight. I honestly can't remember what we were doing (Possibly running an errand or something) but without warning, Robert rounds the corner. Apparently, he had seen us leave the fellowship hall and decided to follow. When he saw us, something about his facial expression gave me and Steven a chill. He looked excited, almost giddy, and had a big smile on his face. He started walking towards us, saying something about he was going to get us or some garbage like that, and that prompted us to run. We bolted back down the hallway and through the sanctuary, with aim to get out the front door and make our way down to the safety of the rest of the group (As our father was one of the teachers and we knew he was there). To give an idea of the layout we were traveling, the sanctuary sat on a hill and the fellowship hall was at the base of the hill. Also, the church was in the process of building a new sanctuary next to the old one, so we had to run around this giant construction zone to get down the hill. So, we exit the front of the church, sprinting to the right as fast as we could, past the construction, and down the hill. When we rounded the corner, we were looking straight at the door to the fellowship hall. We pick up our pace, the sound of Robert gaining from behind, but we keep a good lead until we get to the door. Now, you would think this should be the end of the story right? We fling open the door, the throng of people see our predicament, and rush to our aid. But no, we grab the door handles and find them locked. We ran to the side window, trying to get our father's attention, but to no avail. By this time, Robert had caught up to us and was blocking our way to go back. Things get hazy at this point, mostly coming in flashes, but the jest of it is clear enough. My brother attempted to run past or through Robert, but he ends up being lifted in the air and carried away from the building. He stopped at the far end of the parking lot and began to assault my brother right in front of me. I remember trying everything to get him to stop. I kicked Robert in the ribs, jumped on his back, screaming at my brother to do things to make him stop. But nothing worked. This man was violating my brother right in front of me. This particular memory is as clear in my head as what I had for breakfast today. I don't remember much of my grandfather, the majority of my Christmas holidays, or a thousand other things from my childhood, but this freaking memory sticks out like a billboard. Fast forward, it turns out (not surprisingly) Robert had been doing the same things to lots of other kids, John and I included. When everything came out, my father threatened to beat him to death, Robert was thrown in our state penitentiary, and put on the offender's registry for life.
For years I would check the registry, making sure that Robert was still behind bars. One day, fifteen years later or so, I checked it and found he had been paroled, now living close to my old hometown. It was a gut punch, as I hoped he would never breathe free air again. But by this point, I was grown, big into weightlifting, and trained by the military so I felt confident in my ability to handle myself. If I'm being honest, I actually had concocted an entire scenario in my mind that if I ever saw him in Walmart or something, I would confront him and throw him a beating for everything he had done to my family. Well, the years came and went, I got married, and welcomed the birth of my sons into the world. I also started a career in nursing, eventually earning my master's degree and becoming a nurse practitioner. Having kids of my own gave me a new perspective on life and truthfully gave me a different outlook on life and I never let my guard down when it came to my boys. Eventually, after almost 15 years, my wife and I divorced. I moved back to my hometown to be closer to my support system. This opened up an opportunity to manage and practice medicine in a clinic nearby. I did this for almost two years until I was given the chance to work back in the ER of a hospital system and decided this was a better fit for me. So, I'm working my last few shifts at the clinic, when I went into a room to see a patient. The patient was an older woman, a little older than my parents, and as old folks often do, she wanted to talk about anything but why she was there. I've always been somewhat of a people pleaser, so I typically would just let these type of people talk. I think about how my grandmother and how she lived alone for almost 30 years after my granddad died and how lonely she would get at times. I figured, if someone wanted to ramble and it would make them feel better, I was more than happy to lend an ear. Well, she asked me where I was from, if I was married, if I had kids, etc. Just typical stuff really and I answered everything she asked as it wasn't terribly strange stuff. She remarked at the beginning that my name was familiar, but she couldn't place where from. I told her who my parents were, where they worked, and where I had grown up. Eventually, it came around to where I had gone to church as a child and after I told her, her face grew stoic. Seriously, it looked like someone had pulled the drain plug on her face and emptied it of blood. I looked into her eyes, curious as to what caused this shift, and she started to cry. I was obviously stunned at this drastic turn of her demeanor and asked her what was wrong. She replied, "I know where I know your parents from, where I know you from. I don't know if you would remember my son, you were so young, but I don't want to tell you." When she said this, my brain jumped back to the start of her inquiry about me, at which time she had told me her children's names. I looked at her chart, searching frantically for her last name. When I found it, everything clicked and the name of her youngest child left my lips quietly, Robert.
The realization that I was looking at the mother of my childhood monster was, sobering to say the least. She began to apologize over and over, telling me she had prayed my brothers and I had led normal lives and hadn't been "ruined" by what her son had done. Now, it's important to clarify that while we all have been successful in our chosen fields, all three of us have carried scars from what he did to us. I, personally, have had difficulty with relationships and trusting other people. I can't say for certain what John and Steven endured in all these years, but I know that none of us were ever "normal" after what happened. However, as this woman had nothing to do with her son's atrocities, I didn't want her to feel attacked or responsible. I leaned in and tried to comfort her, reassuring that we all turned out well and had moved beyond the past (Despite this not being entirely the truth). This seemed to give her peace of mind. As she dried her eyes, she spoke again, "I'm glad to hear that. I know what he did was wrong, horribly wrong. He never could tell me why he did it, he told me he knew it wasn't right but he couldn't seem to stop himself. I know he went to prison, and he suffered there, but he's done so good since he's come home. He's not a bad man, he's so good to me." She kept talking, but by this point, I was tuned out. I felt sorry for her, truly I did, but I was ready to get out of that room. Then she said something that made my heart sink and my guts implode. "He's so good to me, he even brought me today. He's out front right now."
I stood up, my legs were numb, and I felt short of breath. I quickly told her what her treatment plan entailed and left the room. I walked to the front of the clinic, looking through the check-in window out into the lobby, and there he was...Robert was sitting not even 10 feet away. My mind raced, all of my rage and anger that had been pent up for over two decades boiling inside me. That memory, the one I spoke about, played in my mind like a bad snuff film (As if any snuff film is a good one, but I digress). I walked back to my office and sat down, trying to rationalize what was going on. All these years, I have had a clear and focused plan for how things would go if I ever saw him again. I rose from my chair, walking towards my car and the gun I always kept inside. I told my nurse to keep all the patient's in their rooms and not to let anyone out to the lobby. She asked me why and, for some reason, I told her everything. She looked into my face and said, "What are you gonna do Addie? What are you going to tell your boys when you go to jail for life?" Her questions stopped me in my tracks, like my feet were bolted to the floor. She continued, "He took something he never should have, no doubt. But don't let him take you from your boys, you're a better man than that." As soon as it had come on, my crazy idea to deal with this guy like I had always wanted evaporated from me. I asked her to discharge the old woman and I went back to my office. I stayed in there until they had both left and then continued with my day. I called my fiance and told her what happened, making sure she knew that I hadn't done anything stupid. She told me that she was proud of me and the rest of the day went by without incident.
I never thought the day would come where I was face to face with this guy. Despite my blustering, I'm no killer and he wasn't threatening anyone in that moment. Since that day, I've started my new job and haven't seen Robert again. I told John about the whole situation, and he echoed my fiancé's opinion, glad I had let him leave without incident. I've since told my mother about it, yet again, was told I did the right thing and that she was proud of me. I wish that I could say I was proud of myself, but I can't. I feel like, I dunno, that I somehow betrayed my brothers by not doing something...anything. Granted, no matter what I did to him, it wouldn't have been enough. Even if I un-alived him, it wouldn't do anything to remove what had happened or the impact we all have endured. But still, I can't help but feel guilty I didn't dish out the punishment I feel Robert deserved, the justice I feel the kids he messed up deserved.
I guess if anything, I'm writing this to hopefully let other people who have been through similar circumstances they're not alone. And to warn everyone else, no matter what you think, there really are monsters in this world and they look like everyone else.
s

Part VI
It was until three nights later when Kay was going stir crazy that I realized Jason had not told her about the dildo.
“God Damn. How am I going to go two weeks without it?” Kay said to no one in particular.
“He didn’t tell you? I was waiting for you to ask about it?” I said.
“Tell me what?”
“He gave me a life size model of his penis to use on you when you need it.”
“What! And you didn’t say anything!” She screamed.
“Sorry I thought I wasn’t supposed to talk about that.”
“You thought! You thought! Your a fucking idiot!” She screamed as she left the room.
She came back in on the phone. “Uh huh. Yeah I told him as much”
“Oh you did?…..yeah ok. How many?……yes I can do it……bye” she hung up. And left the room again. After a minute she called me into the living room.
“Strip.” She said. I quickly took off all my clothes. She threw a pair of panties at me. “From now on these are all you were inside this house.”
“Yes” I said as I put them on.
“God your pathetic. Come over here and bend over the chair”
“What? I’m sorry ok. Can’t we act like it’s somewhat normal around here while she’s gone?”
“Normal? Your standing wearing women’s underwear and you didn’t even fight me on it. Now get over here!”
I walked over and bent over the chair. That’s when I noticed she had gone upstairs to grab one of Jason’s belts he must of left here and I started to worry.
“Please Kay take it eas…..” Whack! “Aaaaah!” I screamed. Whack! Whack! Here come the tears. Whack! “That’s right cry you sissy.” Whack! When did she get so mean? Whack! I was just openly sobbing now begging for it to stop. “I put up with your tiny dick for too long. I am not going back. You understand?” Whack! “You will learn to listen!” Whack! “Oh please stop crying.”
“I’m…..sor…sorry” I tried to get out between tears. “I will listen I promise. Let me show you I can listen”
“I hope so. Met me upstairs with the dildo in ten minutes.”
———-
I entered the bedroom with the blindfold in one hand and the dildo in the other. I sat down on the bed and put the blindfold on. Then I heard the sounds of my wife taking off her clothes. I was instantly hard. It had been so long since I have seen her body. What I wouldn’t give to take a peek. My sore ass stopped me I didn’t want another punishment.
“I see your little hard on.” She said. “You’ll have no need for that”
“I know” I responded sadly. I then took the didlo out and started to guide my way to her pussy.
“Not so fast dear” Kay said. “We need to lube it up a bit.” She grabbed from my hand. “Open up”
“Whaaaa” was I could get out before she shoved it in my mouth.
“There you go” she said as she pumped it in and out. “You’re a natural!”
I don’t know what came over me but I was getting really into it. Trying my best to take as much as I could. Never thought I would be blowing a didlo in front of my wife but here I am getting off on it.
“That should do” she pulled it out. “My god I can’t believe how much you enjoyed that. Sucking cock, wearing panties…. I think we are going to have to give you a l new name. You are no longer the Jay I knew. But first it’s time for you to do your job.” She handed me the lubed up dildo and I guided it into hee soaking wet pussy. I doubt it needed anything to help it go in she was so ready.
I sat on the bed and pumped it in and out of her as she moaned with pleasure. I tired to keep up as she rocked her hips back and forth begging for more. For it faster. For it harder. I could feel her muscles tightening as she was getting close. Until she exploded in an amazing orgasm and collapsed on the bed. “Wow. Thank you” she said. “You can leave now.”
I slowly got up and left the room walked right into the guest room to jerk off but just as I was about to get started she called me back. As I got back to the room I put the blindfold back on.
“I’m dressed you can take that off.” She said. “I forgot to tell you no jerking off.” How did she know? “You have to earn it and honestly right now you are no where near any rewards. Clean up this mess” then she got up and walked out.
————
Oh shit! I forgot part of my instructions! I was supposed to remind Kay of my size while I used the dildo on her. There was still most of the two weeks left hopefully if I do it the rest of the time it will be ok.
The next night we got set up again me in the blindfold and dildo in hand. “You ready for a real cock.” I said. “Not like what I have”
“What do you have?” She asked as I slid it into her. “Ooooh. Yeeeeaaah”
“I have a small penis” I slid it in and out.
“Feels so good…..what do you have?”
“A tiny cock.”
“That’s it keep going” her hips started to move in line with my pumping.
“I could never make you feel like this. I don’t know how you stayed for so long.” She started moaning louder. “You deserve this.”
“Yes! Yes!” She started screaming
“I am forever indebted to you for allowing me to fuck you at all. My tiny cock is yours to ridicule” I was pumping faster and faster.
“YESSSS!” She said as she cam.
“I’m taking a shower. Clean this up” and she walked out.
——— The rest of the two weeks were intense. I tried my best to resist touching myself but there were a few times when I was alone that I was able to quickly jerk it. For the whole last week though I promised myself I would be good.
It was tough each night I would be blindfolded and then use the dildo on Kay. Sometimes she had me suck it first sometimes she needed it badly so I just went in her. Each orgasm was super intense as I could feel her tightening up just before she cam and collapsed back into bed.
On the last night Kay got on me hands and knees and had get right behind her. I was so close I could feel the sweat on her skin. Each moan rippled through me as I used the dildo on her. She got so into it and just hearing her was too much for me. I felt like I might cum myself. But just then she orgasmed and laid down.
“Wow. You are good with that.” She said. “Too bad you can’t do anything with yours.” As she said that she tapped my rock hard dick through my panties. That was all in needed and I cam with that little touch. Cum started leaking through.
“What the hell!” Kay said. “I told you no. And you cum on my bed that I share with Jason!”
“Sorry so sorry it’s just that I was…it had been so long.”
“Get out”
I quickly get off the bed and try and leave the room. But with the blindfold still on i tripped over something and land on the floor.
“Now you getting it all over the room! Jason is back here tomorrow. You have a lot of cleaning to do”
“Yes. I will take care of it. I’m sorry.” I say as I get up and leave the room
———-
The next day I spent most of it getting their bedroom ready for the night. (Woah even in my thoughts it’s their room now. What am I?) When it’s all done I meet up with Kay downstairs. I start to pick up all around her has she hasn’t been doing any chores for a while now and I notice there is a lot to pick up.
“So I have been talking to Jason.” Kay says “and he agrees you need a new name”
“Really. I mean think I have shown I can behave. Isn’t that enough”
“You haven’t shown us anything yet. You messed up Jason’s instructions while he was gone. You did listen to me about not jerking off. Don’t think I don’t know about how many times you touched that thing of yours.”
“Wha…”
“Think before you answer”
“Yes”‘I hung my head. “I did a couple times. But I was good all this week!”
“What was last night then!”
“That shouldn’t count. I didn’t even touch it”
“So it’s my fault!”
“No… “ she was staring at me. Waiting for me to continue. “It was mine. Sorry.”
“You should be. It’s disgusting that you cam on that bed. You should know better”
“Yes. I will do better”
“I hope so. Anyway back to your new name. I talked with Jason and we had a long discussion about the state of relationship we are all in. Do you know it has a name?”
“Aaaa”
“You do don’t you. I didn’t know I until Jason told me about it. But you know right?”
“Yes. I know. Cuckold."
“And you have know about this for a while right. Even before Jason?”
“Yes”
“How long?”
“I don’t know. But basically for as long as I can remember”
She started nodding. “That’s what he said. That you have always known because you have a such a small penis.”
“I guess that’s true” in that moment I got pretty upset. Even with everything that had been going on we hadn’t talked about the truth of the situation together.
“No need to get upset. This is a good thing. Now we both know what you are and we can grow from it.”
“I didn’t mean to hide it form you.” I started crying. “It’s just that I was so ashamed. And I thought you wouldn’t understand”
“It’s ok. I mean you should be ashamed because I expect you to be honest and your should be embarrassed having that small of equipment.” She motioned for me to come and sit by her. I did and I laid my head on her.
“So do you have a new name for me?”
“Yea we do. And I think it is a perfect fit.”
Just then there was a knock at the door.
“Cuck. Go answer the door.”
I got right up and did as I was told.
……

My parents moved to be close to us after my dad retired, and they've mostly been tremendously helpful. They babysit, help with rides to places, and have even given us some financial assistance. But it comes with a price...
My mom in particular can be very judgmental about the state of the house, the behavior of the kids, etc. This came to a head a few months ago when my 5-year-old was having a tantrum on his birthday. Nothing crazy, he was just overwhelmed at the end of a big day. My wife was getting a handle on him, when our baby tried to crawl up to them, and my wife accidentally brushed against the baby and knocked her over. The baby was totally fine, none of it was a big deal, but my mom got super agitated and said to me in a really nasty tone, "This house is chaos. This child (pointing at the baby) is in danger." My wife flipped at that (justifiably, IMO), and yelled at them to get out of our house.
That turned into a big thing for a while where they pouted and talked like they were considering moving away, but eventually it started to look like they might start to show us some respect and keep their little comments to themselves, at least around my wife. But my mom still feels the need to make little concern trolling remarks to me, particularly about my son. He's a perfectly healthy 5-year-old but he's very energetic and has big emotions--we're pretty sure he has ADHD, which runs in his mom's family--but honestly he's pretty typical. But my mom views his occasional tantrums and chaotic energy to be A PROBLEM, which she will sometimes express to me in hushed tones.
It's gotten more and more irritating, and my wife and I just want boundaries respected, especially around things like birthdays and holidays, so we can have nice memories with the kids without my parents making things needlessly tense.
This came to a head yesterday, my daughter's first birthday. We didn't want to do a party--it was a Wednesday, I had to work, my wife had a ton of errands, the kids start their bedtime at 6pm--we just wanted to quietly do cupcakes and a couple presents then go to bed.
Well Tuesday afternoon my parents text me proposing we go out to a pub on Wednesday--not even acknowledging that it WAS my daughter's birthday. I tell them Wednesday's no good but we can get together on Thursday. Well, now today I hear from my brother that they're all depressed. They tell my brother that they'd've been fine not doing something on my daughter's birthday but they're upset because (a) we hadn't explicitly told them that we were planning on not celebrating with other people on her birthday, and (b) they discovered my wife posted a photo of our daughter with a cupcake that they were blocked from seeing (my wife didn't deliberately block them; she just keeps social media posts limited to select people by default).
I don't actually buy this--they are upset because they feel entitled to be there for birthdays, even after how they'd behaved at my son's birthday just a few months ago. And the thing that really gets me is, THEY NEVER ASKED. At any point over the past month or so, they could've asked, "What are you doing for [daughter's] birthday?" But they didn't (probably because they're scared of my wife); they just waited until the day before and then offered to take us to a pub.
I'm just so tired of navigating the entitlement and emotional manipulation. Most of the time they're perfectly pleasant to spend time with and my kids love them, but good lord, tiptoeing around these big boomer feelings and the judgement and intrusiveness that comes with them has become utterly exhausting.

Meeting and first dates

I (29m) met a woman (26f) on OkCupid. She's really pretty, and she makes these amazing cosplays. While I don't really have the time nor skills to make my own cosplays, I've always greatly admired them.
I'm definitely an activity-oriented person, and I love doing stuff like board games, amusement parks, and other fun things (well, I think they're fun, at least). So, for dates, I always try to plan an activity, so that if it doesn't work out, at least I had fun with the activity, and it doesn't feel like a wasted night.
For our first date, we went to a brewery where we had drinks, ate pizza, and played board games. The next week, she was too busy to hang out in-person, so we had a video chat. For our second date, we went to a small amusement park where we played mini-golf, did bumper boats, and ate ice cream, before going back to my place where we ate takeout and played her favorite video game that many of her cosplays are based on.
While I really struggle reading people, she seemed into me, and it seemed like she wanted to get together again.

Planning the third date

She was busy the next week, but we made plans to hang out the Friday after that (two weeks from our second date) when we were both off from work. I was going to cook her dinner, and we would play more her favorite video game. The only snag was that she didn't yet know what time she was coming. As a meticulous planner, this really bothered me, but I decided to let it go, since at least I knew the day she was coming.
It wasn't until the day before (Thursday) that she told me she was driving her dad to the doctor at about 3:30p, and she wouldn't be available until that was done. While I was disappointed that she wouldn't be coming until late (I thought we would spend the whole day together), I am family-oriented, and I know the importance of helping family, so I told her I totally understood.
When Friday came, the forecast said there was going to be thunderstorms, so she said she didn't feel comfortable driving to me. I was really disappointed, but she said we could still video chat. So, I put the chicken I had defrosted for her into the fridge, and we hopped on a video call.
She was working the next day (Saturday) until about noon, and then on Sunday she was going to an art museum with her friends. I asked if she wanted to come over after work on Saturday, where I could cook her that meal I had promised, and she said she would see if she was too tired or not.
When I reached out to her the next day, she said she was too tired to come over. I expressed sympathy, but I really wanted to see her, so I asked what time she was coming back from the museum the next day.
And I never heard from her again.

Thoughts and reflection

I reached out late on Wednesday to say "Hi", but she never got back to me. It looks like I was being too pushy about hanging out, and I scared her off. But, maybe this is for the best? I am a meticulous planner, and while I'm definitely an introvert, I like to go out and do fun things with people. While I enjoy the planning process, and I'm totally fine doing all of the planning myself, all I ask in return is that I get a date and time when they are available, and she couldn't even do that.
Maybe I'm just crazy, and people are never going to be willing to make plans. Maybe I'm right, and asking for a date and time to hang out is reasonable. Maybe getting together in-person at least once every two weeks is unreasonable, especially when you've only gone on two in-person dates? What does everyone think? Should I just lower my expectations of planning (especially that early in a relationship), or should I try to find someone who can make that kind of commitment? Is there something I need to work on about myself?
Note: This is an edited version of the original I wrote that was around 1,300+ words long (this is about 700 words long). I tried to cut it down so it is not too long while still explaining the important points, but if anyone thinks I should post the long version, please let me know!

Several hours after I was left to browse the web I began to get hungry, but I have no idea how to get food since we’re supposedly in orbit and I didn’t see a cafeteria on my way to get my new arm. I look around the room for one of those buttons that will request a nurse to come to your room but I couldn’t find one, either they’re hidden, blending in or more likely there just isn’t one. I go back to the holo screen and look in the manual to see if it can call someone, but nothing, strange, do they expect all patients to be mobile? Or maybe their medical tech is so advanced that anyone who is immobile is unconscious, maybe I’ll ask a nurse on my way to get food. I walk up to the door and it slides open sensing me, looking around I don’t see an alien nurse, just those guards slithering around, going left I walk towards a guard with dull yellow skin and bright red eyes, she notices me right away and gives a wave and smile before waiting for me in place,
“Hey pretty human, what are you doing out of your room?” Do all of them act this weird?
“Um… I got hungry and was wondering where the food court was.”
“Oh I think I’m staring at a buffet.” her eyes look me up and down, seeming to ignore or not care that I have a robotic limb.
“I-I… um… can you please just tell me, I’m really not in the mood for… this.” Maybe if I’m blunt about this she’ll get the message, or maybe all female aliens are persistent creeps.
“Oh, I uh, I’m sorry, just keep walking that way and take the first left then keep going you’ll be in a big room, sorry I just thought, sorry.” well that worked better than expected, strange how easy these people seem to get embarrassed about confrontation, I’m no better though.
Giving her an awkward thanks I speed walk towards the court while I hear mumbling behind me. Following her directions I end up in a massive room filled with delicious smells and decorated with planters bursting with red trees and orange bushes, the food stalls are built into the walls just like an earth mall, the inhabitants are mostly Argochuria wearing uniforms but the occasional human breaks up the crowd here and there. One human lady arguing animatedly with an alien, gesturing wildly with both arms being cybernetic.
Ignoring them, all the food I see others holding is in some way exotic, green meats, yellow grains, pink fruit, purple bread among them, some prepared in unique ways, others look like earth foods re-colored and some are just in a blue foam like box. I decide on a stall with pink and lime flashing light that has a sign reading “Lukanog’s,” the cashier is a very bored looking Argochuria with red skin dotted by discolorations, she looks down and dead pans, “chit or bill?” I assume those are payment methods but I have neither.
“Uhm, I’m a patient from earth, do I get a free meal?” it’s worth a shot at least, worst case I go hungry for a day, maybe the job I’m being forced into will give free food.
With a sigh through the face scar she replies, “that would be a bill sir, get it now pay when you can,” ah, HOW THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW THAT DIBSHIT
“Oh ok, can I get…” shit, I have no idea if any of this is good, “can I get a Hadner with a side of Regon” on the menu it looks like a green and purple hot dog with a side of some sort of berries.
“And your drink sir?”
“Do you guys have fruit juice?” A simple nod is all I get before she taps away at a holo screen. After a few seconds of standing in silence she looks back at me and hands me a small coin object made of some sort of plastic like material with a number on it ‘2348.’ I go to an open table and sit by my lonesome, assuming that she will call my number up. I watch the other people in the enormous room going about their business, talking, eating, just relaxing, or yelling in the case of some who seem to be getting ignored. A few minutes of alien watching later I hear a deadpan voice call my number, I walk up and grab my food giving quick thanks before I return to my spot. Just as I pick up the hot dog thing and open my mouth I hear a female alien voice ask me, “you Yagak Grolgem?”
“Yeah? Who are you?” I look up to see an 8 foot tall orange skin Argochuria with blazing pink eyes staring back at me
“Can I sit with you?” she seems to avoid the simple question
“Uh, sure?” I don’t think I should piss of the giant muscle girl for my own safety
“Thanks.'' She takes a seat, she wears a white tank top with a sort of jean skirt that has two belts pulled taught on both ends. Her face looks like she’s trying to remain neutral but with cracks of emotion peaking through, anxiety, frustration, and… regret? “I suppose you don’t know who I am.”
“Not a clue.” seeing that this was to be a conversation I put the hotdog down on the tray
“I am Lengu, a soldier who liberated earth, and I know you.” she huffs it out like she’s been working up the nerve for weeks, sucks for her because now I’m leaving
“Well it’s been great but I gotta go, I think someone’s in my room waiting for me.” total bullshit but my past experiences say these women get the message quick. Standing with my tray I only make it a few steps before her hand grabs me on my organic arm, no one seems to notice or if they do they don’t care
“Please, please stay and listen to me, I'm begging you.” she really does sound like she is begging me, while I don’t trust her I am in a hospital already so I sit back down, “thank you.”
“Yeah just don’t try and claim my other arm for yourself, the last military invader I ran into already took the left.” she gives a little snort and shakes her head
“I would like to say…” she clears her throat and waits a few second before breathing deeply, “I would like to say that I am truly and deeply sorry beyond what words can express, if you do not forgive me you would be in the right as I changed your life forever, but I am sorry.” She stares at the table, trying to remain stoic but with flakes of emotion showing. I think I know what this is about but it’d be real awkward if I was wrong, swallowing my hate and rage and ask
“Are you the one that took my arm?”
“... yes.” is all she has to say for herself. A solid minute of silence passes between us but it feels like hours, Argochurian hours.
“I… I don’t know what to say. You want me to say you're forgiven? All's Well that ends well? I don’t care, you invaded my world, took my arm, and had me shipped off to god know where!”
“No, I just needed to have my apologies spoken to the one I wronged, whether or not you forgive me is not my choice.” the audacity. I feel like screaming like a human voice on the other end of the cafeteria, or making her go through what I went through, maybe both, but I sit there in silence.
What do I even say, I mean I wish she were dead, but for me not that much time has even passed, I’ve only been conscious and without an arm for a few minutes at most. My rage hasn’t had the time to build into a true grudge, and seeing the guts in this bitch… seeing the bravery and regret… I’m at a loss and struggling to stay angry, it seeping away like my blood, three days ago. And with a great sigh,
“I forgive you.” rage is good, a part of existence really, but you can’t let it guide you, you’ll become lost and lose more than you ever thought you could. “On one condition,” she already had been staring back at me in utter shock, not even trying to hide it, but now she nods frantically.
“YES, yes anything you want!”
“Pay my hospital and food bills.” may as well get something out of this, don’t want to be forced into my new life and find out that aliens also have ridiculous medical bills too.
“But the hospital is free?” she has a quizzical look about her
“Well that's good to know, but what about my food?”
“Oh, that's like 12 credits… done,” she pulls out a pen that emits a Holographic display, “How about we go and buy you some new clothes too.” well shit she is right, I do need new clothes.
“I think I’ll take you up on that, just let me eat.” she awkwardly stares at me as I finish my food. The hotdog tastes of beef while the berries are bitter sweet, the drink tastes like fruit punch. Once I finally finish, I stand up whipping my hands with a napkin and I ask, “alright, so where do hospitals sell clothes?”
“There’s an essentials store for patients about to be reassigned, follow me.” as we walk, slither, the sound and smells of the food court slowly fade away. A couple of guards give us the side eye as we pass by. I know they are not against species mixing, if what Ullgo said is true about all of them, maybe they’re just jealous? Or maybe it’s actually not allowed but they do it anyway? A couple turns later and we come to a hallway lined with glass windows peaking into shops of several sorts,
“Alright, being part of the military means I get paid well, I’ll buy you two outfits and some sort of personal device.” she smiles down with a proud look about her, like she finally can move on with life after this. Giving a nod I choose the store that appears to feature males of several species, one of which is human, and walk in. How they got a guy to agree to a photo shoot and mass produce enough clothes to fill god knows how many shops in three days is beyond me. and these aren't just clothes stolen from earth, most feature some some sort of alien sense to them, whether the material, add-ons, or the patterns, few are either from or inspired by earth fashion. As we enter a small yellow Argochuria male behind the register greets us.
I walk towards a section clearly labeled “human” and look around at my options. Browsing the strange alien wares I settle on; a tank top made of some sort of water wicking material, a pair of shorts made of the same stuff as the tank top and has zipper pockets, a sort of t-shirt that has sleeves that go to my elbows, and a pair of deep pocket jean like pants, oh and underwear and socks. “Can I get shoes too?” I ask her to which she says yes. I pick some boots, can’t go wrong with boots.
“Hello, chit or bill.” the man isn’t as tired sounding as the food court clerk but he’s not enthusiastic, who would be
“Chit.” Lengu says
As he begins to scan the items, which don’t have tags weirdly, he smirks and asks, “I knew soldiers were desperate for a husband, but to immediately start dating a human only three days after liberation?”
Lengu begins to turn a deeper shade of orange before firmly stating, “we are not dating, I just wanted to make it up to him.”
“Oh, what’d she do to you.” he says with only slight concern
“... She took my arm…” the room falls deadly silent, I can hear the hidden AC unit working away somewhere, I can hear my own heart beat as he clears his throat
“62 creds” he seems timid, like at any second I’ll snap
“Thank you…” she says as she pulls out the pen sized device and scans it on the computer
“Have a good day.” I say trying to ease him up, which thankfully works, the poor fella was so stiff you could mistake him for a board
“You too sir.” walking over to the tech store Lengu gives me a couple of glances and I sigh
“I already said I forgive you, let's just get this last thing and you don’t have to see me ever again.” she opens her mouth to say something but closes it
The tech shop is much more boring, different pens lined up based on size and that's it. The cashier here is just a very bored looking red skinned male. I pick out one that sticks just barely out of my hand and walk up to the counter, “chit or bill” he says in the neutral voice of boredom, clearly not much traffic in here.
“Chit.” Lengu says, the same scan as before and we’re back out and walking back to the food court in silence, then back to my room in utter silence aside from passers by. I see a few humans pass us by, all with escorts, and seeing what was done to them… maybe I got lucky.
When we arrive outside my room we stop and stand in silence for a few seconds “Listen I’m sorry again, that was supposed to be fun or interesting but I made it awkward… again.” she seems frustrated and embarrassed, with a hand on her neck and all her eyes staring at the floor
“Well you helped me alot in a short amount of time, so thanks, and hey I got a cool robot arm out of the deal.” At that she bursts out laughing as I start to chuckle,
What an absurd situation I’ve been forced into. Maybe this ain’t all so bad after all, maybe there’s good Argochurians as there are bad Humans, maybe I’ll enjoy my new forced life just a little. Hey, the arm is pretty cool and hard to remember it’s metal with how real it feels
“I hope we meet again Yagak, you're a kind soul” she wipes tears from her lower eyes.
“Yeah me too.” I drop my stuff and give her a bear hug. She grunts in surprise but picks me up in return, “see you again sometime, Lengu.” I say picking up my stuff and walking into my room
“See you.” she waves while smiling, and to think I wanted to kill her for taking my arm, guess it was just one really fucking bad accident after all.
first
previous

Fellow Eugene cps, where do you get your medication from? So far I have been to Walgreens, Walmart, and Costco. I am young, and often, mainly Walmart, will take their moral high ground and not give me my medication. They most common responses from Walmart are "there's an interaction with another medication" or "you're probably going to overdose" or "take this naloxone" while staring at me like I am pure garbage. Now, Costco, my god, they may fill everything and not say anything but it takes them almost a week to refill a medication I've had for years. Walgreens is the same though I've heard they are the only pharmacy that has the "right" to not dispense medication if they believe it's not right for you. There was gigantic class action lawsuit with about every single pharmacy dispensing opiates. I know it's a hot topic around here, but people need them to have a good day. Even a decent day. I am so tired of wondering when and if I'll get my medication on time. Anxiety makes pain worse.

Calling out to parents of adult children! I'm a 22-year-old who genuinely doesn't know where to start or how to navigate this. As a child, I was beat a lot, with the last incident occurring when I was 15. I was always obedient, but whenever I expressed independence or showed emotions, I was subjected to being "spanked."Here are some specific experiences that make it challenging for me to forgive my dad:

• I was forced to play instruments, and whenever I made a mistake, I wasn't allowed to leave until I got it right. This would often cause my dad to become visibly agitated and resort to hitting me.
• Participating in athletics on weekends was not allowed because my dad insisted on attending church. Despite excelling in track and field and receiving recruitment letters from universities, they were opened and thrown in the trash without my knowledge, with comments like, "You're not running in college anyway."
• I wasn't allowed to go to amusement parks or the beach with my friends during high school. I don't have bad company. Those friends have now moved on to successful careers. Consequently, many of my high school summers were spent in isolation or working for my parents.
• My dad threatened to make me quit sports if I arrived tired on Friday evenings after practice because my dad insisted on taking me to different church services.
• I was told things like, "Stop crying before I give you a reason to cry" or "Your tears don't make me feel bad."
• There were instances when I was told to "shut up" if I was excited or raised my voice.

These examples only scratch the surface of my experiences. I don't want to make this too long, but a few days ago, I attempted to establish boundaries and discussed how I was forced into various activities I showed no interest in. Unfortunately, my dad adamantly denies ever forcing me to do anything. When confronted with facts, he often deflects and says things like, "Look at how you've turned out now!" While it may seem like I have everything together on the surface, the truth is far from that.
What currently messes with me is that my dad has been nothing but nice and soft-spoken since I graduated from university and came home. He is a completely different person from the one I knew growing up. But this change in behavior unsettles me when I share my plans with him. I get anxiety when informing him about going on dates or spending time with friends. His response is usually a simple, "Okay, be careful." This upsets me because I can't help but wonder where this freedom was when I was 16, 17, or even 18 years old.
In other words, my upbringing has left me feeling inadequate as a young adult, constantly comparing myself to friends who had more enjoyable experiences growing up and are now successful in their careers. I will be living at home for another 5-6 years for grad school anyways so it's not like I'm leaving any time soon.
It's important to note that I have a positive relationship with my mom; she stopped beating me when I was around 7. I was hit less by my mom. I can have adult conversations and be comfortable about certain topics.

Evening, people! Currently sitting in the car, frustrated that I cant talk to anyone about my relationship problems. May mga kaibigan naman ako pero ayaw ko na sila abalahin. Besides I dont feel comfortable talking to them about my partner, I feel like I'm bad mouthing my SO. We're all friends.
Anyway, I just feel emotionally neglected. I feel unheard and invalidated. Laging may "lang" when I'm reasoning out how I dont appreciate her lack of intentional listening. Kahit mabigat na yung sinasabi ko, yung tipong importante sa akin like family issues. Imagine malungkot and frustrated ka with your sibling. Meron siya isasabat na unrelated while I'm talking. As in sobrang babaw at irrelevant but it derails my thoughts. I dont think I'm the only one who wants to be heard when we're trying to offload.
Ok lang segway pag normal convo. Cant be helped. Pero pag mabigat yung sinasabi ko at alam niya talagang it matters to me, I feel overlooked when she just jabs unrelated, irrelevant things while I'm in the middle of expressing. And when I tell her I dont like it, she'll just say "sinabi ko lang naman." Today yan ULIT. She also had the thought of comparing me to her officemates na wala naman daw nagko-callout sa kanya pag sumasabat siya, wala naman daw nag sasabing officemate na bad listener siya. Ako lang daw yon.
Parang hindi fair? I'd like to think our relationship precedes office relationships. Parang she's saying I should just let it slide even though we've talked about that particular problem of hers soooo many times in a span of yeeears. Mind you, on my end, I truly listen to her. Sometimes I remember stories and interests that she shares even when she herself cant pull it from memory. I try to tune into her fully when she rants. In general, i try to put down what I'm doing so I can give my full attention. I dont believe in multitasking and I love letting people know that they have my ears.
Granted my anger issues ako. I'll be the first one to admit. I reeeeally try to work on it. Kanina, I called her out straight up. And she just dismissed it. Ganito lang, ganyan lang. Para kasing pag sa kanya irrelevant, dapat irrelevant din sa akin. Laging ganon when I call her out. I dont know what to do, she's not the most conversational person. She's not the best communicator. I dont even know if I'm wrong for expecting that I should be able to share to her the things that burden my mind. Minsan feeling ko kasalanan ko na I expect her full sympathy and attention.
I'm tired of explaining how my issues matter too. Hindi naman ako parati humihingi ng seryosong pakikinig. Rare. 90% of the time I take a walk or exercise when my mind isnt in the right space. Parang wala na ngang nakinig sa akin feeling ko ang sama ko pa dahil I ask her to be a better communicator sa relationship namin. Parang I'm asking for too much.
Madaming beses na to. It runs in her family. Sanay sila talking over each other. They cut off her dad when he talks. They cut off their older sister just to talk about shallow stuff. She knows it's bad, she know it's an issue and we've agreed we wont be like that. Pero it's just a cycle. I dont want to grow old communicating like this. I've tried a hard line style, and I've tried a calm approach. She just chalks it up to "wala lang naman yan dapat." Made me cry that I feel like I always have to force her to be there for me fully in such situations.
Sorry ang haba. Paulit ulit, heart feels thirsty right now. I dont want to break up. Tagal na namin, she has redeeming qualities naman. Pero parang nagagalit siya when I present a way for her to address her issues. Ako, I have to take her suggestions and comments to heart. Cant go to therapy. Budget is tight.
TLDR: Alam niyo yung feeling na you're begging to be heard by your SO of all people? Pag natatauhan ako, I feel so pathetic that I feel unheard by my partner. Parang kasalanan ko pa mag expect na makikinig siya pag mabigat ang kalooban ko na hindi naman madalas mangyari.
PS. Take 2 kasi dapat daw sa relationshipadvice sub. Oks na, dito nalang. Daming details na kailangan don. ✌🏼😁

Tired of this company. Panda Express is a terrible waste of time and place to work. Pay gap is out in the open but because they will never say it in words, it will never get reported. Multiple of my female coworkers put in 10x the work and the males just sit on their ass, only to get paid more. I’m done

First/Previous
As the first rays of morning light peeked through the tattered blinds, Jack slowly opened his eyes, groaning slightly as he rolled out of bed on reflex and began his pushups. Lowering himself down and pressing himself up again like it was second nature to him, Jack slowly woke up and took stock. He felt a little more relaxed and well rested than normal, an unusual but welcome change from the nightmares and poor sleep he had gotten used to. But whether it was his time spent relaxing and watching films with the others the previous night or just sheer exhaustion finally catching up to him, he wasn't sure.
Regardless, Jack checked the time, the system of which Sephy had gone through with him a few times. Measurement systems were quite finicky here, but after just over a week of waking up in similar fashion Jack saw that the numbers looked similar to all the previous nights, and when he stopped a moment to listen, he couldn’t hear anybody else moving about. Even Dante was still asleep, and Jack was pleased to see that the ‘dog’ was breathing a bit better. Whatever Rayle had done seemed to work, though he’d still search for the nearest vet just in case Dante got this way again.
Tiptoeing across the room Jack quickly changed into some exercise clothes and grabbed his towel from where it was dumped on the floor from the previous day. This was a routine he had very rarely ever compromised on ever since he arrived in this realm, and like clockwork Jack tiptoed down the stairs and poured himself a drink of cold tea from the pot, downing it quickly before carefully opening the door to outside. Rayle was still asleep, resting their body on the natural ground to take advantage of their Druidic powers to slowly heal as they slept, but the two opossum-like Screediips, Thulu and Stega poked their heads out nervously to stare at Jack as he crept his way down the long-abandoned ancient road to the district wall. The only sounds were a few small birds fluttering well above him, and the soft thuds of his feet dragging themselves to the starting line.
Pulling out the display for his commlink was always a hassle for Jack ever time he tried, but he was getting better, correctly selecting the music app, clicking on the ‘workout’ tag and hitting ‘random’ with only a few errors or missclicks. As the heavy bass kicked in, beginning a strange combination of what sounding like a cross between death metal and yodelling, Jack started his warm up, his legs feeling stiff and barely functional until he got into a rhythm and soon began running without a problem.
It was about an hour before Jack wound down, seeing that Rayle had gotten up from their spot and left the back door open. So, finishing his workout he lightly jogged over, slipping through and seeing Nika awkwardly make another pot of tea.
“Wish I could have joined you.” The Kizun sighed. “Still sore but at least I’ll be able to come to school with you guys, no way am I gonna risk getting in detention, so it looks like I’m gonna try and tough it out.”
“Hey, you shouldn’t feel pressured to go if you’re hurt!” Jack cautioned. “We know a bunch of people that definitely won’t be able to come in, surely they won’t hand out detentions after a crisis?”
“They have before.” Rayle shook their head as they handed Jack a mug of water, which he downed greedily. “Glad I woke up in time, if it wasn’t for that Lifestone of yours I would probably still be in a coma.”
“Yeah about that.” that reminded Jack. “How are you holding up Rayle?”
“Much better!” The Squa’Kaar smiled nervously. “My connection to the earth is much stronger here, so I’ll be fine! I feel bad for those that lack the ability though…”
“Yeah, if it’s all the same with you Rayle I prefer sleeping in my room instead of freezing my ass outside.” Nika snorted.
“We always have the Lesser Lifestone?” Jack questioned. “Are you able to use that and get better?”
“You have a point.” Nika smiled. “But I’ll wait for the others to get up first, they probably need it more.”
“Doubt it.” Jack shrugged, “You’re hurt the most, you might as well get patched up otherwise you’re gonna have me worried all day.”
“Alright.” Nika smiled unsurely. “I’ll talk to Alora, you go have a shower before you stink up the place!”
“Heh, alright.” Jack sighed as he quickly made his way upstairs.
Once he left, Nika immediately reached into one of her pockets, frantically pulling out her bottle of pills. Quickly taking one, she gave the bottle a shake and sighed when she realised she was getting low. She had been taking pills to throw off her heat cycle more regularly now Jack was living with them, and times like these when he was either helping her with something or just straight up worried about her really set her off.
“You should stop fighting it.” Rayle pointed out from where she was curled up on the sofa sipping her tea, still wrapped up in the blanket they had taken outside while Nika gave her a look. “It’s not healthy to fight against an important aspect of your nature, why not just give in to it?”
“No.” Nika sighed before elaborating. “I mean, yeah I’ve thought about it but I honestly don’t think I’m anywhere near ready for that kind of stuff yet and I don’t think Jack is either. Besides, it’s not debilitating and the pills usually last a while. It’s just one of those things I’ll need to get used to.”
“Will it have any long-term effects?” the Druid asked curiously.
“Um…I don’t think so.” Nika shrugged. “My people have been using these since before our recorded history, ever since we no longer needed to rapidly spread, and there doesn’t seem to be any kind of built-up resistance over the generations. Buying these is the real problem though. My people are quite spread out amongst known and probably unknown space too, but finding a regular supplier can be a real pain sometimes even on the Ring. I’ll be alright. I usually am...”
*****
Jack’s body was still glistening with sweat from his run as he entered the bathroom and locked the door. Quickly shucking his clothes off and turning on the water, he waited for it to warm up a little bit before stepping in. As the hot water cascaded down his body he let out a sigh of relief as he washed away the grime, before leaning back against the cubicle wall and allowing a moment of relaxation before he knew he would have to walk into whatever shitshow awaited the group today.
He was brought back from his thoughts when the shower made a slight stuttering sound, prompting him to quickly turn it off and wrap a towel around him. Walking over to the sink and looking into the old, cracked mirror, he inspected the telltale signs of hair growing above his top lip. He hadn’t really been taught to shave before his arrival, because he hadn’t needed to learn yet, but Jack didn’t really like the idea of starting to grow a moustache or a beard at his age. Reaching into the bag he brought in with him he pulled out a knife he had been using for this purpose for the last week or so, which he kept reasonably sharpened. Though he didn’t know if there was any shaving cream or anything sold that could help protect his skin and make the process a little quicker and less stress-free, he still proceeded regardless, carefully running the blade up and down…
He quickly looked around as without warning, the door opened to reveal Vanya, who looked at him in a panic as he nicked his skin with the blade.
“No!” She yelled as she rushed over to him. “What are you doing!”
“Woah wait! Vanya! Calm down!” Jack tried to wave her off in confusion as she grabbed the arm holding the knife, allowing her to take it from him as he just stood there baffled, as she cast a quick healing spell on him.
Wait? Did she think he was…
“Hey.” Jack calmly put his hands on Vanya’s trembling arms. “That wasn’t what you thought it was, I’m not checking out just yet.”
‘At least never like that, since I’m a fucking coward…’ Jack thought to himself. “You okay Vanya?”
“Um…I’m sorry, I…” Vanya began, and had to take a few moments to calm herself down, breathing deeply in and out as a coping mechanism. “I’m sorry Jack.” She started again. “In the moment I didn’t know what you were doing and I thought the worst.”
“Nah, it’s fine.” Jack tried to give her a reassuring smile, knowing that he must have inadvertently triggered something in the rabbit-like girl. “I was just doing guy stuff, didn’t mean to spook you. How did you even get in if I locked the door?”
“I don’t know, I just turned it as normal and it opened, it might be broken.” She motioned to the long-cracked mirror. “Just like a bunch of other things, you guys mentioned you needed to do some home repairs.”
“Yeah.” Jack sighed, though realistically he didn’t feel bad about it. It was something more normal that he had an aptitude for, as he often helped his father and his brothers around the house with chores on the weekends. “Something might be off with the plumbing or something too, the shower was sputtering a bit towards the end but I wasn’t actually using it for that long.”
“Yeah I think Alora mentioned having the occasional utility problems when guests are over, I’m guessing it might be more problematic now there’s more people living here for the foreseeable future.” Vanya sighed. “I hope there’s enough for me.”
“There should be. If not then maybe Zayle can help with their water spirit?” Jack grinned, before suddenly realising something. “Um…mind getting off me and letting me get changed first?”
“Oh! Sorry!” Vanya panicked as she quickly moved back, freeing the towel around Jack’s waist to fall to the ground…
“Oh…” The Chuna just about got out with wide eyes, before Jack took the initiative and gently manhandled her out of the room, shutting the door behind him.
Quickly finishing his shave and getting dressed Jack waved the embarrassed Vanya in, who had pulled out her small handbag, somehow managing to yank out a fully folded school uniform for the day. Jack guessed it was something similar to the extra-dimensional wicker basket the Squa’Kaar twins had used to store most of their belongings. Heading downstairs, Jack was happy to see that the rest of the household was awake in various states of lucidity. Nika was wide awake and eating breakfast with Alora, who was a little tired but otherwise coping. Chiyo and the Squa’Kaar were sitting on the sofa catching the headlines while Sephy was still looking tired browsing her commlink.
“You’ve got some more bounties on you Jack.” Sephy cautioned. “But nowhere near as bad as last week, probably not gonna be a problem.”
“Who has he pissed off now?” Nika asked curiously.
“Actually it’s all of us.” Sephy shrugged. “Apparently the Ogar clan the Laird belonged to seeks a Weregild for his death. They either weren’t able to put up much or just don’t give a shit and put up a token amount that satisfies their tradition. We’ve also got some anonymous accounts freshly made that are bumping Jack up again…”
“Malakiel?” Jack asked, worried.
“Nah. It’s gotta be related to the Klowns. They’ve tagged a bunch of people, all prominent people that are publicly known to have had a hand in fighting off the Klowns. You, Luvia, Svaarti, Devil’s Daughter, and everyone’s favourite asshole Svaartal are up there, but the amounts are spread fairly evenly. Oh hey! Mr Sparrel’s here too! And holy crap, so is Master Kull!”
“How are the Klowns able to post bounties?” Zayle asked in confusion as their earth spirit lumbered over and brought over a tray of tea.
“Because it isn’t them themselves actually doing it.” Nika pointed out. “It’s all the crazies actually backing them on the datanet that want to see everything burn. The damn simps!”
The Cult of Jingubash is likely involved too. Chiyo added. They are known to exist but they’re treated the same as the Cult of the Destroyer. The Klowns are their public force, but there are many worshippers that hide in the shadows and keep their allegiances well hidden. They’re not believed to be organised in the way cultists of the Destroyer usually are, but they’re still very dangerous.
“Good to know.” Jack shrugged. “At least I’m one of many, any bounty hunters I should know about?”
“Nope.” Sephy smiled. “You’re all clear on the public list, but that doesn’t mean hunters aren’t coming after you, or they just haven't announced it publicly yet.”
“Yeah, when you’re known to have done a public service for the city, people tend to frown on those that want to mess with you.” Nika grinned as the conversation ended, with Jack quickly accepting the breakfast Zayle made for him as he watched the news, with Rayle occasionally skipping the more boring stories.
“...dire news as people are still being recovered from this scene of devastation…”
“..The CEO of Corvin Enterprises has threatened to hunt down and expel all ‘peasants’ from the newly annexed district…”
“It is currently unknown what occurred at the Pallid Pit, however Drow involvement in cleansing it is speculated to be the likely cause…”
“Red Legion forces have been pushed back from the Taurin Sector, causing many to wonder - Is the Red Legion on the brink of defeat?”
“....it is unknown if this is a possible sign of a new Nascent Demon Lord awakening on Hive Station Bastilla, but local factions are investigating….”
“Local rangers have confirmed a mass-migration of many Zorn tribes heading westward into the unexplored wilderness. The reason for this is unknown…”
“We have Breaking News!” A cheery avian female suddenly popped up on the screen. She was in a large hall amidst a crowd of journalists with a podium and lectern combo at the end. “I am reporting live from Cocaine Keep, where local warlord Commander Cocaine has called a press conference in light of the apparent death of Devil’s Daughter…oh! Looks like he’s about to speak!”
The camera zoomed in on a large biped walking to the podium. With greenish grey skin and several bone plates protecting their maw, the mean-looking, aquatic-looking warrior was wearing a full set of lithe combat armour that hugged his large frame, with an oversized pair of goggles and a plain white bandana.
“Ooooh yeah!” The warrior roared intensely, shutting up the crowd instantly as he posed with bulging muscles for the cameras as his voice echoed throughout the hall. “I’ve heard the news, yeah! I’ve seen the Klowns, yeah! I’ve smelled the chaos, yeah! And I sense the cries of the people for a hero, yeah! SO COMMANDER COCAINE WILL ANSWER! OOOOH YEAH!”
In the views of the cameras, Jack could see the front rows of journalists start to back away, almost as if they were afraid of the volatile warlord doing something crazy.
Jack couldn’t blame them.
“Yeah! I know you’re all feeling scared and alone out there, yeah! I know things are bad, yeah!” The lunatic continued, with energetic motions towards the stunned crowd. “But let me tell you people something. Commander Cocaine may not be the biggest or strongest there is, but I’ve got heart! I’ve got spirit! And I’ve got lots of cocaine! Ooooh yeah!”
He made several poses with his muscles bulging beneath his armour before he concluded his speech.
”You know who I am, but just in case you don’t, I am Commander Cocaine, and I am the hero this city needs! Anyone with an active bounty better watch out, because Commander Cocaine is coming! OOOOH YEAH!”
With that he strutted off as several reporters from the front row tried to ask him some questions.
“Well, we just heard from Commander Cocaine, who has just sworn to be the hero this city needs!” The reporter started after regaining their composure. “If you want to aid him, you can join the Cocaine Crusaders at the following…”
That’s enough crazy for me right now. Chiyo interrupted as she used her powers to call the remote to her and changed the channel.
“Heh, check this out!” Sephy suddenly cackled. “Svaartal’s got a fat bounty on him, probably from fans of Devil’s Daughter!”
“I hope Devil’s Daughter is okay…” Alora spoke up sadly, causing Sephy to calm down. “We may be partially responsible for what happened…”
“No, Devil’s Daughter made her choice using the information we gave her, we couldn’t have predicted what she would do with it.” Nika reasoned. “And we’re totally going for that bounty, right? We still owe Svaartal a receipt for coming after Jack last week, it’ll be the perfect time to get him if we all work together to take him down.”
“You forget that he’s aligned himself with a powerful Drow House!” Alora chided her. “Who we really want to shake off! As good as we are, we cannot stand against them if we give them greater cause to seek our destruction!”
“They came for us already!” Sephy pointed out. “How could it be worse? Besides, we can take them!”
“It could be a lot worse!” Alora cautioned. “And not only are the Drow Nobles powerful individually, they have a powerful force backing them. There’s a reason why they are a major faction here! You’d risk putting all of us in massive danger!”
“Svaartal has to separate from them at some point.” Nika reasoned. “What do you think Jack?”
“I don’t want to go after him.” Jack immediately replied, truthfully. “But if he gives me a good reason to, I'll face him again. However, if he leaves us alone, we can leave him alone.”
“Well, that’s decided.” Alora sighed in relief. “We haven’t got too much time before we need to go, so let’s all hurry up and get ready!”
As they all hustled and did what they needed to do, Nika sat down on the sofa already ready, unhappy with the decision on Svaartal. He was a dangerous threat to the group, and after his ambush on them she knew he had to be taken out before he had a chance to come for them again. She had tried to take him out during the Klown attack when everyone else was safe and nobody was looking, without success. But here, there was an opportunity to take him out for good without getting their own hands dirty.
Logging in to one of her proxy accounts, Nika bumped up Svaartal’s bounty some more, making it that much more lucrative….
‘Shouldn’t have tried to kill Jack, asshole.’ She thought to herself with a sly smile.
*****
The queues to the school entrance checkpoints were shorter than usual due to the Klown attack, but not depressingly so. Several of the students were talking to each other while they waited in line as they looked up and down the rows in hopes of seeing their friends. To Jack’s mind, many seemed relieved that there weren’t as many victims as they had expected, and the realisation that he played a major part in saving a lot of his fellow students around him during the attack gave him a warm feeling in the back of his mind.
Unfortunately, said good thoughts evaporated when they got closer to the prefects.
“Halt!” One of the Korrigan prefects ordered the group as they approached. “Due to increased security measures you will submit to a full pat down. Failure to comply will result in your immediate termination.”
“Heh, as if they could take us.” Sephy grinned to the others as she was surprisingly the first to volunteer, though Jack had no doubt the sneaky Skritta had ways of hiding what she didn’t want to be seen.
“You two, come this way.” The head prefect observing their queue told Jack and Alora as they moved separately to be searched.
“What have you got hidden here?” the Prefect narrowed his eyes at Jack as they neared the end of their check. It had been quite thorough but he hadn’t given the Prefects a hard time because of it. He could understand the need for additional security in light of the Klown attack, but he wished they weren’t so heavy handed…
“Those are my balls.” Jack squirmed away. “Handle with care, or preferably not at all!”
“Yeah only we get to do that!” Sephy grinned as Jack sputtered in shock.
“You may go.” The Prefect told him. “Actually…wait a moment.”
“Is there a problem?” Jack asked warily, not wanting to be given any grief by these guys.
“I…” the grey-skinned Prefect began before they found their words. “I want to thank you and your friends for what you did at the party, many of my friends and colleagues are still alive because of you.”
“I…that’s alright, I just did what I could to help.” Jack replied, abruptly taken aback by the words. As bad as the Prefects could be, they were still people.
As the rest of the group made it past the checkpoint to head to the lifts, Jack groaned internally as he saw several drow waiting for them up ahead. If looks alone could kill, Izadora was certainly trying as she snarled at the human, who grinned defiantly in return while wearing the shades he had picked up from one of the two Drow Nobles that had attacked him during their raid on the Pallid Pit. The two brothers, Soren and Kravel, were nearby dealing with the checkpoint, but Jack could see they had clocked their group’s arrival.
The huge drow was there too, close to Izadora, and casually leaning against the entry staircase looking bored. Another smaller drow was there who he didn’t immediately recognise, wasn’t she with Soren when the drow came to pick up Svaarti? She certainly stood out from the crowd; despite the slim, athletic build similar to most of the other Drow, Jack could see several school uniform violations, with the thin, high collared black leather-like jacket, with interwoven silvery circuitry that appeared functional being the most blatant, and several dyed strands of light purple amongst her naturally white long hair.
And finally, Svaartal himself. Standing at attention, he was leaning on the staff of Devil’s Daughter, and staring right at him.
“Someone’s chasing clout with that staff.” Nika growled, keeping her hands ready to draw weapons, ignoring the pain of movement as she put on an air of confidence.
“Let’s try not to escalate this if we can.” Alora cautioned.
“You.” Izadora growled under her breath, and the Eladrie sighed resignedly.
“Hey there!” Jack grinned widely, as he gave the Drow Matriarch a friendly wave while many students stopped to watch the exchange, knowing what had happened the last time. “How was your weekend?” He mocked, though he kept up the friendly facade.
“Better than yours I suspect.” She snarled back. “I’m surprised you’re alive, Outsider.”
“Wait, what?” The unknown Drow with them perked up, looking baffled, turning around to stare at Izadora, as Jack saw the traces of several neon circuitry designs peek up from the collar of her school uniform. “This is the guy that kicked your ass and got you all worked up, sister? He doesn’t look so tough to me! My mech could totally wreck him, shame the High Matriarch said no!”
Jack didn’t think the foul expression of Izadora couldn’t get worse, but he was almost amused to see that he was quite wrong. Both Svaartal and the huge drow covered their smirks as the Matriarch rounded on who was apparently her sister, even as the unusual Drow waltzed closer to Jack, peering at him with a curious expression. Nika immediately had her shotgun levelled at their head as Chiyo drew in her power, ready to lash out.
“What?” The strange drow rolled her eyes at the girls as she stopped. “I haven’t even done anything yet!”
“Dextra.” Izadora snapped with gritted teeth. “Satisfy your foolish curiosity another time.”
“You talk too much for a humiliated Matriarch trying to save face.” Sephy chipped in with her ricocheting plasma pistols pointed at the ground, though Jack knew from the angle that she had subtly taken aim at Izadora. “Jack kicked your ass right here, and we took out your special forces at the Pallid Pit!”
“I will make you…” Izadora snarled, before they were interrupted by a familiar, cool voice.
“Izadora, what is the reason you are accosting this group of students?” Rena called out, as she approached the crowd, and Jack was surprised and glad to see Nya trailing gingerly behind her, staring at Svaartal’s newly acquired staff. “It appears that you are holding up the flow of traffic.”
“I am simply ensuring that they know the rules, Rena.” Izadora dismissed. “I-”
“I doubt it.” Rena snapped, unamused. “Your duties are done here, I have been instructed to tell you to report to Mr Zhiel’s office immediately before class.”
Izadora grumbled but ultimately complied, while Svaartal and Dextra slinked away. Only the large one remained behind, looking at Rena almost amusedly as she gave orders to the students to disperse, before he finally turned lazily and slunk up the stairs, but not before subtly looking at Jack for just a tiny moment with a thin smirk.
“I would suggest you all go to your form classes, as there have been several changes in light of the Killer Klown’s attack. I will however address you about this incident later.” Rena sternly told their group, as Alora gently pulled Jack away, quietly pleading with him not to start any trouble, despite the human’s wish to chase after and attack Izadora again, and to give Rena some backtalk.
“Jack, did you really have to wear those shades you looted from the Mal’Kar’s around their surviving family?” The Eladrie sighed disapprovingly as they left the area.
“Yep!” He grinned as they made their way to the lifts.
“Totally worth it…”
*****
First/Previous
OOOOOOOOOOOOOH YEAH! COMMANDER COCAINE IS COMING!
If you're impatient for the next chapter, why not check out my previous series?
Some pictures have been added to The Galactic High Info Sheet! If you have any fanart or any pictures you think might fit one of the entries, please let us know on the discord!
Don't forget! You all have the ability to leave comments and notes to the entries, which I encourage you to do!
As always I love to see the comments on what you guys think!
Don't forget to join the discussion with us on Discord, and consider checking me out on Youtube if you haven't already! Until next week, it's goodbye for now!

I am 32F and I have had BPD among other things for as long as I can remember. I don’t stay in therapy, I never take medication. I have been feeling like this for so long, I have no idea what it would be to not have mental illness or to feel normal. I pretend to be normal but my life and relationships show I’m clearly not. I see so many people here expressing how tired they are/suicidal. I can relate to an extent but at the same time I’m so used to living like this, I feel like I don’t realize how much I’m truly suffering. If that makes sense. I just get through the days and this is my normal. I notice my physical appearance is something that makes me feel happier than anything else. Lately I put on some weight so my symptoms are out of control. Is that something anyone else deals with? Or is it another comorbid symptom I experience?

I don't think there is a word in any language to describe the amount of dread that haunts me lately. I sincerely wish I were just insane. I pray for someone to convince me that everything I've been experiencing is just the result of emotional trauma, or mental illness, or even a tumor. As morbid as that sounds, it's absolutely accurate. And of course it all had to come to fruition when I finally started to get my shit together. I started to believe that I could actually hope for a decent future. Truthfully, however, I don't think there is hope for any of us.
I'm now a college student, it doesn't matter where, or what my major was, all of that is down the drain anyways. Many people have had rough upbringings, it's a universal truth, so by no means does it make me special to say that mine wasn't any different. Pops was m.i.a, he left before I was even able to retain a definitive memory of him. All I had was my mother to raise me, which isn't saying much. There were the numerous attempts at some sort of "father figure", none of whom were exactly of any positive influence, and none of whom stuck around long.
As any rebellious teenager does in these circumstances I lashed out, started drinking, constantly fighting, doing and selling drugs. This eventually landed me in juvie until I was 18. It took me a while to adjust afterwards, especially being that I had no other option except for to move in with my mom. After a few years and a few mishaps I finally had a steady job, and enrolled in some classes at the nearby community college. Mom actually started to better herself too. I was trying to turn things around despite the odds, but it all crumbled.
I woke in a cold sweat one morning, my alarm hadn't gone off, but it felt like something had awoken me. I felt uneasy as I got dressed and stepped out into the living room. To my surprise I saw my mom standing with her back to me. She was almost never up this early. She one hand on her face. She seemed to be crying. The other hand held her phone to her ear. I stopped momentarily to listen to the conversation.
" How? When?" She said in a shaky voice. I couldn't hear any of the response on the other side. "Mom?" I said. " What's going on? " She seemed startled for a moment.
"I'll call you back." She said quietly, ending the call. " Nothing son. Just a problem at work. " I eyed her skeptically. "Are you sure you're ok?" I asked. She nodded without turning around. We'd never really shared our feelings with one another, so I just decided to let it go. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was off as I got ready for work, and I'd find out later that day on my way home that nothing would ever be the same again.
The eerie vibe of the day never dissipated. On my way home I was listening to the radio when my ears started ringing. At first it was subtle, but as I continued it got increasingly worse. Eventually it got so bad that it was all I could hear. Scared that something was wrong, I pulled over to the shoulder of the highway, turning the car off. I vigorously dug my fingers into my ears as it grew even louder. My eardrums started burning. Then out of nowhere it stopped. I waited for several moments, before finally regaining my composure, and I once again turned the key.
As soon as the car came to life, I was immediately met with what could only describe as distorted screaming blaring from the speakers. Just as suddenly I felt something I'd never felt before. My skin... It started to burn as if I was engulfed in flames. My face felt as it was being melted. I screamed. I started writhing in my seat, pulling at my clothes. I struggled to open the door, but it wouldn't budge. In my frantic movements I opened the overhead mirror. What i saw was utterly horrifying... The skin on my face was being melted, I could see glistening meat and exposed bone where my face was essentially degloving itself.
Somehow, even through my agony, I noticed something. The face in the mirror was absolutely still, not matching my movements. Just when I thought I couldn't take anymore I heard a loud rap on the window. It stopped. The burning, the sounds, everything stopped as sudden as it started. I looked to my left and there stood a police officer, he signalled for me to roll my window down, and so I did.
"Sir, is everything ok?" He asked. It took a moment to find my voice. Finally I answered. "Yeah everything is fine, my car is just acting up." He gave me a concerned look, but after I was finally able to convince him that I was fine he sent me on my way. The whole ride home I frequently checked my reflection, still a bit shaken. When I arrived home I walked in to find my mother on the couch. Her eyes were red and puffy as if she'd been crying.
She immediately seemed to stiffen up as I approached her. "Mom, what's going on." I asked. She just shook her head, trying to gain her composure . "Really nothing son, just tired." I'd never seen her like this, but although I could sense she was lying, I didn't press the issue. I had trouble sleeping that night, the images of my melted reflection plagued my thoughts, but eventually I drifted off.
It seemed as though I'd only just fallen asleep when I was awoken by an ear piercing scream that sounded like it was right in my ear. I practically leapt out of bed scrambling down the hall. Finding no trace of anyone. "Mom." I thought. I ran to her room. She was sleeping, a bottle of vodka beside her and the tv still on. I breathed a sigh of relief .
I wasn't able to get back to sleep, I was exhausted by the time I started getting ready for my 10 o'clock class. Mom was still sleeping as I left the house. I had trouble focusing in class, I was tired, and distracted by the events from the day before. I was absent mindedly listening to the teacher as I once again heard the ringing in my ears. "Oh shit." I whispered under my breath. It increased in volume until it was all I could hear. I jumped up, running out of the room and into the restroom.
" Not again. " I thought, splashing water on my face. I dug my fingers in my ears until it finally stopped. I stood at the sink trying to catch my breath. I lifted my gaze to the mirror, at first everything was normal, until I felt a dull pain in my right shoulder. I stared at myself in the mirror and went to rub my shoulder as the pain increased. That's when I noticed, once again, my reflection wasn't following my movements. I watched as my reflection raised both arms. Then I noticed my other shoulder started to hurt.
My face in the reflection seemed more terrified than I was. The pain increased tremendously. My reflection shut his eyes and started screaming. As the unbelievable pain increased I saw the arms pop as they were dislocated, I could audibly hear them crack. I started to scream as I felt the pop. The eyes in my reflection were rolled back as the skin started to tear at the shoulders. What i saw next took the situation to a whole different level of fucked.
From behind my reflection I saw the face of something abominable, it had no skin on its face, no lips, no nose, and no eyelids, only glistening muscle. It's skin was a sickly grey, the head was unnaturally elongated, it's eyes were completely white, and it's teeth were jagged and sharp. It had a wide grin on its inhuman face. Then I noticed the thing's long bony fingers were wrapped around the arms in my reflection. I watched as the arms were torn away by something, and I felt every bit of it. The pain was so unbearable that I must have passed out.
I came to on the floor of the bathroom, surrounded by a few students and a teacher. I sat up as the teacher placed a wet napkin on my forehead. "Are you alright, so you need an ambulance." Without saying a word I jumped up and ran out of the restroom. Needless to say, I had no intention of stickin around.
My thoughts were scattered. I had no idea what was going on with me. I started to believe that maybe I was going insane. I had never felt so utterly lost. When I arrived home I was practically zombified. Once again I saw my mom sitting on the couch, her eyes were red just like the day before. She was on the phone with someone, and just like the day before she ended the call almost immediately. She tried to dry her eyes, avoiding my gaze until she saw my face.
She studied my expression with concern. "Are you ok son?" She asked with a shaky voice. " What's wrong? " I started to say something but just shook my head walking away. "You can talk to me son." She followed after me. " I'm fine mom, long day. " I laid in bed until the exhaustion of the day caught up with me, and I drifted into unconsciousness.
My eyes snapped open, I immediately knew something was wrong. I was no longer in my room, in fact I was no longer in my house. I realized I couldn't move my arms or legs. It seemed as though I was tied to a chair with some sort of chain-like gag fastened to it so that I couldn't move my head either. Whatever room I was in was pitch black. I started to scream. The metal in my mouth made it hard to even breathe.
I kept struggling against my restraints and trying to scream until I heard something behind me. It sounded like a metal door. I stayed quiet as I heard something approach me. It's inhuman breathing sounded... Excited. The chair started to move. As it was turned around I realized I was in a wheelchair of sorts. Through the open door I saw a dimly lit hallway. Whatever was behind me pushed me towards the door. The hallway started out as a dark stone corridor with torches lit along the walls.
I don't know how long I'd been pushed before I noticed the walls were changing.ee3 There were patches of what looked like flesh sticking to them. Peering down I could see puddles of dark liquid on the floor that resembled blood. I began to sob as i continued on against my will. The further down the corridor we got, the more skin I saw on the walls until eventually they were covered entirely in human flesh.
We approached a doorway at the end, at first I could only see the red glow of torches that lit the room. As I was wheeled through the doorway I found myself in a torch-lit dungeon. As I was turned to my left I was met with something that made my blood turn cold. A man was shackled in chains, dangling by both arms. The chains were connected to some kind of contraption with cranks on either end. Two grotesque creatures held the levers in anticipation. Both of their faces were identical to the one I'd seen in my reflection.
The man was soaked from head to toe in something. I started to tremble uncontrollably, trying to scream despite the metal gagging me. Then the man lifted his head. I didn't think the situation could get any more horrifying until I recognized his face... It was me. The man that was hanging from chains by his arms was identical to me. Just as he opened his mouth to say something his eyes moved, gazing at something behind me.
To my left something stepped forward, it was tall, covered in a black hood. It was carrying a torch. As the creature approached him he stopped and slowly turned to face me. It's eyes were small and black with two small slits where his nose was. It's mouth was a gaping maw with too many teeth, and it's jaw was split at the chin, both sides moving as it gave me what seemed to be a grin.
I couldn't muster the effort to make a sound. I sat silently as creature suddenly turned and put the torch to the man that looked exactly like me. He was immediately engulfed in flames. We both screamed in agony, because once again I could feel everything as I watched his face melt. The other two creatures began to turn the cranks, and again, I watched as his arms... My arms were slowly ripped from the torso as we were being seared alive, blood began to spew. There was nothing I could do. I couldn't tell you how much time passed but it seemed like an eternity as I watched, and felt everything. Somewhere in my subconscious mind I felt as if I deserved this.
I was awoken by my mom's voice. I jumped out of bed screaming louder than I'd ever screamed in my life. I was drenched in sweat, and it seemed like I'd pissed myself. She ran over to me and hugged me. "Son it's ok. Shhh. It's ok." She said, in her best comforting tone.
"I don't know what's going on with me." I said as I began to calm down. After a few minutes I was able to tell her what i'd been experiencing over the last few days. Her expression went from concerned to horrified.
"Son... I have to tell you something." I looked at her curiously. She was quiet for several moments before speaking. "You have a brother." I stared at her confused. " What? You're fucking with me right? " She shook her head solemnly. "You were born with a twin brother." I stared at her incredulously. She then proceeded to tell me the entire story, effectively turning my world upside down. My mother gave birth to twins, unfortunately, she and my father grew to hate eachother. Being as they weren't married, and neither of them wanted a custody battle, my father moved across country with my twin brother. For some reason they thought it best to keep it secret, as they wanted nothing to do with one another.
The phone call she had gotten the other day was from my father, giving her the bad news. My twin brother had died trying to stop a robbery. He was shot in the chest and was dead before the ambulance even arrived. The information was too much to handle. I was too shocked to even be pissed, but it was then that it all clicked.
Have you ever heard of twin telepathy? People who are born twins all around the world swear they can feel the other's pain, whether it be from a paper cut, or a broken limb, or even a bad breakup. What I've come to realize is that it can extend beyond death. I can feel the pain of my twin brother being tortured in hell. I've felt it every day since, especially in my dreams.
The most disturbing part of this is what i learned at the funeral. Everyone there was so adamant about what a great guy my brother was, how many lives he's touched in his short time here. So many people. He died loved and cherished by everyone that attended his funeral. They say that there is a good twin and an bad twin. It's obvious which is which. So if he's subject to that level of torture, I can't imagine what's in store for me.

Am I the only Dom Bottom here. Is there such a thing as a passive top. Someone who will bend over backwards to insure my pleaser? I'm 6'4", I've tried being submissive. I'm tired of being submissive. I've sat back and took being degraded just for him to keep an election. No more! If you need to prove your man hood, lets find out your tolerance for pain. I bet I could endure more pain then you. If you've never been fucked lets see how you feel with a dick forced down your hole (with your consent) with sticky spit for lube. 😡
Yes pain is a component of anal sex. But what we do for love...
I'm 56 and 6'4" I will date bigger, older and more masculine then me. However my favorite men are younger smaller tops with a softer personalities. A man who doesn't need to prove to me he's a man. Who is a top. Dorks and nerds to the head of the class.
Impossible? Do they exist? Are there other Bottom who feel this way?
Degrading: I will degrad you if that is what it takes to keep you hard. However I prefer to complement. I find flatter hotter. You could call me daddy if you wanted to. I prefer to be called buddy, bro, baby, fucker, cocksucker, dick, and asshole. Don't call me bitch. Don't call me a pussy. I don't have a pussy. I have a fuck hole, I'm not gonna shave. Eat my fuck hole your ficking manfucker.

My ex broke up with me saying that he can't see me suffering along with him during his worst times.I chose to go through it because I wanted to be there with him even as a support. He told he was in depression and was feeling stressed due to academics. He first started being avoidant and when he realised that I wasn't going to leave him alone during his bad times, he ended it. I have no idea on how to process it. I miss him. I want to reach out to him but he ignored every attempt I made to make things alright. I expressed my wish of how I will always support him no matter what. He still doesn't believe me. I texted him about how I want to be there for him and asked him to let me help him. I begged several times to contact through his friends.I wasted almost two months on just trying to talk with him. He ignored everything. I am so tired.He shut me out as if I never existed. I saw his recent pic through a mutual friend. He appears happy and joyful. I am wondering if he actually made a reason to break up with me instead of telling me the truth. Will he ever realize what he did? I want a genuine opinion. Kindly don't mock me or make jokes.

To not ever attempt to argue the dangers of pundit fascist lies since covid is public harm IMO. When I hear "the views expressed are not necessary the channels or stations" I got ya, yet you hired this person to make profits off their absolutes and projections?
As their propaganda then soothes with "news anywhere but here Fake".
Also, why do republicans in amass just stay silent and ignorant about this?
Its like watching a tire fire of lies for power and money. IMO.

Are you a 25+ roleplayer looking for a place to call home? Are you old, tired, and just want to write? Do you have no idea what kids these days are into? Are you a permanent passenger on the Hot Mess Express, with your brain full of characters and plots as you slog through the adult world?
Welcome to Ramshackle Roleplay. We're all held together with little more than duct tape and a prayer, but our writing skills are sharp and we're ready to create! Formed by two long-time members of the Discord roleplaying community, Ramshackle Roleplay aims to be not just a hub and a hangout, but a haven as well.
What do we offer? SFW, NSFW, and NSFW+ advertising sections! A different themed color palate every month! Tunesday, a once-a-week collaborative playlist project! A section dedicated to finding gaming partners for RP or just co-op! Owned and operated by LGBTQ+ and neurodivergent folks! No venting, no politics, and no drama (except the IC kind)! A chance to be a founding member of a brand new server and set the tone for our future!
Come stop by Ramshackle Roleplay and join us as we make our adult lives a little more colorful through creativity.

Are you a 25+ roleplayer looking for a place to call home? Are you old, tired, and just want to write? Do you have no idea what kids these days are into? Are you a permanent passenger on the Hot Mess Express, with your brain full of characters and plots as you slog through the adult world?
Welcome to Ramshackle Roleplay. We're all held together with little more than duct tape and a prayer, but our writing skills are sharp and we're ready to create! Formed by two long-time members of the Discord roleplaying community, Ramshackle Roleplay aims to be not just a hub and a hangout, but a haven as well.
What do we offer? SFW, NSFW, and NSFW+ advertising sections! A different themed color palate every month! Tunesday, a once-a-week collaborative playlist project! A section dedicated to finding gaming partners for RP or just co-op! Owned and operated by LGBTQ+ and neurodivergent folks! No venting, no politics, and no drama (except the IC kind)! A chance to be a founding member of a brand new server and set the tone for our future!
Come stop by Ramshackle Roleplay and join us as we make our adult lives a little more colorful through creativity.
https://discord.gg/WBAJGCrYXy

I think a lot of us can agree that finding friends in general is very difficult. I’ve tried multiple things, tips and tricks to find irl friends and nothing has worked.
My boyfriend said he met some of his friends on discord through his video gaming because that’s his main hobby and special interest.
He wants to get me my own PC set up for Christmas to join the gaming world and make friends that way. which is very sweet and exciting.
He suggested I could find friends on discord too for all kinds of communities and topics that I already like.
But idk how to go about it. I don’t have many mainstream hobbies or interests. From my limited understanding on the app Its like a giant group chat but that is so overwhelming because there’s so many people who already are having conversations with one another so idk how to join them and then make friends.
I just am panicking over this like once a week because the problem has to be me at this point but idk how to fix myself to make and maintain friendships.
All my life I always altered my likes and interests to mimic those around me to make friends. I never would say I liked something I hated but I would definitely tolerate stuff and express more interest in things I didn’t care much for in order to bond with people. I’m tired of doing this and want to find people who like the things I like but it’s so ridiculously difficult. It makes me feel really sad and lonely.

Anyone know where to source spring steel sheets that don’t have a film on them yet? I’ve been making g10 build plates and I’m tired of removing the existing film from AliExpress plates.

Hi, I’ve been following this community only recently during a health issue that stuck me in bed for a couple of weeks, and because of Dr. K I started figuring out some stuff about myself (extremely grateful for his work and this community).
Context: I’m 24 (F), I’ve been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder in 2019 and level 1 autism sensory disorder a few months ago (end of 2022). I’ve been followed in therapy by a psychologist, a psychiatrist, and a behavioral therapist for the past 6 years (came off medication in June 2022).
I’m working on writing a thesis for my bachelor's degree in fine arts. I’ve been struggling to keep my motivation and stress levels under control, but what I notice mostly Is that I waste a lot of time when I actually feel like I could have a good day and make progress.
I tend to overwork and push way too much when I’m sick, sleep-deprived, and such, but when days are relatively ok everything happens. All of a sudden I get sleepy, I feel sick, random headaches, anxiety, and sometimes even panic attacks and flashbacks (coming from past trauma that is completely unrelated to the current situation). It usually spirals way too quickly and even if I learned to notice, a lot of times I have no clue what to do about it.
It usually ends up in emotional eating (that escalates in stomach pain and bloating since I tend to go for the only few things I’m sensitive or allergic to), heavily depressed mood (even with suicidal thoughts when t gets bad) or mood swings that lead to insomnia or intense nightmares.
I’m still living with my parents and the environment is stressful and sometimes toxic, they’re not very supportive, and they tend to be self-centered. Usually, there’s a cycle of them using me as a scapegoat, pretending I’m dead, waiting to see me getting sick or depressed, so they can show concern, and when I don’t show gratefulness the cycle starts again. I always thought that this kind of environment was to blame, but now I see myself spiraling on good days when they’re not at home, or they’re being nice and everything seems ok.
I’m getting tired of being trapped in this loop. I have high goals and ambition, and it’s frustrating being stuck here, not being able to accomplish most of my days but only surviving till bedtime. I’m way too scared of failure (always have been) but this to me feels like self-sabotage and fear of success too!
And I would love to figure this out in therapy, but I lost hope in that too: I always tried to figure out what I can do to understand my struggles and fix problems or adjust behaviors, but honestly, I got more answers and understanding from Dr. K’s streaming/podcast and DBT manuals I borrowed from a med student than my therapy team. So far it’s been having people telling me I have this and that, take this and that, and a lot of “what do you want me to do about it?” and I just thoughts there were no answers to my questions (found a lot of them in Dr. K’s podcasts and videos though).
I feel like both they and my family got their personal idea of me and that they won’t take what I have to say into consideration. If I express what I know about myself, they’re quick to be surprised as they’re quick to correct me. It got to a point where I got convinced that my goals weren’t my goals, that my personality traits were something else, and more things on this line (a new trend it’s blaming it all on the sensory disorder). After many years of struggling with depression (that never got fully acknowledged) I come to realize that I was forcing (almost I dare say limiting) myself to prove their assumption about me until I legitimately forgot who I am, living as somebody else projection (if that makes sense).
I hope I’m not the asshole here that is discrediting everybody else out of narcissism.
Is there anything I can do to help myself, considering that I can’t afford a private therapist? Feedback? Some podcasts or streaming I missed from Dr. K, manuals, books, anything really I’m desperate to get my life back.
I just want to thank you in advance for reading all of this, and I apologize for the length of the post.