Tyler
Cassie had taken over the discussion from there on, entering the formal interview stage of the chat with Miu'Kin, as was her right as first wife. She was the arbiter in the end, and she had a veto that Miu'Kin needed to clear before she could get the thumbs up or down from Tyler to formally join the marriage. Cassie didn't give the other woman any slack either, she might not be a warrior, but a mother needed her own kind of spine, and even with Nara on hand, Cassie wanted to make sure the children were safe with Miu'Kin as a guardian too.
"What would you do if there was a threat to the children while the rest of us are away Miu'Kin?" Cassie asks, close to the end of her intended questions.
None of them had expected Miu'Kin's eyes to blaze.
"A threat? To the children! What kind? I might not be a battle princess but by the goddess's shell I won't-" Miu'Kin stops, a small jet of flame coming from her nostrils. "Err.. I uhm. I'm sorry. I get... passionate about protecting those who can't protect themselves. My first year working in a daycare, someone who claimed to be an Orega Girl tried to kidnap one of my charges, a sweet little boy... I uh. Killed her with my bare hands. I don't remember it. I saw red, forced her outside, sealed the nursery and triggered an alarm and then proceeded to beat her into a paste. I don't remember any of it, but I uh... apparently finished her off beating her with her own arm after ripping it off. No one's ever threatened the children of that nursery again and I haven't worked there in over a decade."
Matroika leans in. "...I want to call bullshit so badly, but you're such a sweetheart I actually believe you."
"It was in the news a whole bunch. My name was redacted because of the possible organized crime angle, to try to prevent retaliation, but you should be able to search Heart Shell Nursery kidnapping attempt or something similar and it'll pop up."
"I'm on it girls."
Tyler pulls out his communicator and does a little search, and sure enough, exactly as Miu'Kin had described it. He quickly passes his communicator around, letting the girls all look for themselves.
"Well I'll be damned!" Matroika looks up from Tyler's communicator, clearly reassessing the other woman. "For such a demure gal, seems like you can bring that Apuk fire when it counts. She's got my vote girls. Seems like a perfect fit to me!"
Cassie coughs delicately into her hand. "I didn't realize we were at the voting stage yet, but I suppose we can have the discussion now."
Miu'Kin moves to stand. "Would you like me to wait outside the privacy field?"
Cassie shakes her head and motions her to sit down. "No, unless one of the others would like to you, I don't think that's necessary. Nara?"
Nara makes a show of considering things for a few moments. "I say yes to welcoming Miu'Kin as our new sister."
Cassie looks to Elyria. "What about you Elyria?"
"I say yes! Miu'Kin's a sweetheart and she can protect the children with all that Apuk ferocity where it counts? Sounds perfect for us." Elyria beams over at the other woman.
Cassie nods. "Well I see no reason to dissent from my sisters, I say yes. I think Miu'Kin will be a fine addition to our family. Tyler?"
All eyes now focus on Tyler who strokes his chin for a moment before smiling over at the lovely redhead, putting a shiver down her spine.
"I don't see why not. Miu'Kin, would you do me the honor of marrying me?"
To her credit, Miu'Kin, clearly a bit over stimulated, manages to squeak out a "Yes!" before she passes out, thankfully being caught by Matroika before she can hit the table.
"Heh, guess she got a little overexcited, not that I can blame her, getting to marry our hubby should be exciting!"
Caring Conquests apparently had people pass out frequently enough that a nurse was kept on staff, and Miu'Kin's back on her feet before too long, the shy beauty boldly taking Tyler's hand and nearly passing out again as the Sarkins head down to Caring Conquests' legal office and sit through another intense round of paperwork. True to Bey'Tor's word, the second round of Miu'Kin's fees for the matchmaking service are waived, and in what felt like no time at all, the Sarkins, plus one redhead, are standing on the sidewalk in the warm sunshine of a late morning on Serbow.
Tyler stretches before taking Miu'Kin's hand again. He'd decided that since it was theoretically her wedding day, he'd be giving her some special attention above and beyond what he tried to normally give his wives. They'd do a ceremony with the skipper back on the Tear of course, but for now... he gives Miu'Kin's hand a squeeze, savoring the warmth radiating from her as she looks over at him with a shy smile, clearly doing her best to suppress just how giddy she is about the whole thing.
"So Miu'Kin, since you're local to the capital, care to give us the tour?"
"I... I can do that! Yes! I'd love to! Anywhere in particular that any of you would like to go?"
Tyler pulls his communicator out. "Well we have a list we can go through and you can tell us what you-"
"Hey sir!"
Tyler looks up at a distinctly male voice calling out to him and finds a small group of Marines and sailors, many of them with their spouses, disembarking off an airbus. The man who'd called out to him, one of the senior petty officers from the squadron, races up and visibly resists saluting Tyler since they're out of uniform for once.
"What's up Petty Officer Tywin? Seems like quite a crowd."
Petty Officer First Class Scott Tywin nods. "Some of it's intentional, some of it's happenstance... this ad for this matchmaking service got sent out across the comm net an hour ago and a lot of us had been talking about adding Apuk gals to the family... hard to beat Caring Conquest's reputation from checking their reviews, a discount's just icing on the cake. We're also here to support Mark."
Tywin points to a man that Tyler recognizes as Mark "Tiger" Ayako, a Marine NCO and naval aircrewman.
"Oh? What's going on with Staff Sergeant Ayako?"
Tywin grins just as wide as he can. "Mark fell in love with the Apuk at first sight. Hell, at first description. Then he did some research and that was it. So we're something of a bachelor party and escort to make some Apuk girls extremely happy today. Not sure if they can shake out a battle princess from this joint, but I'm sure Mark would make any Apuk gal they match him with feel like a queen regardless."
"Hah." Tyler can't hold the laugh back. "How many girls is he intending to marry?"
"As many matches as come back good really. Plus one or two. There's a couple gals back on the Tear waiting for the Apuk to soften Mark up a bit before making their move themselves. So what brings you out here si- Oh."
Tywin looks twice at Miu'Kin and realizes it's not Nara or one of the other Sarkin girls.
"I take it you're a happy customer sir?"
"Something like that Tywin. This is Miu'Kin, my new wife."
Tywin nods cordially to Miu'Kin. "Pleasure to meet you ma'am, and congratulations to both of you on your wedding."
Miu'Kin bows her head slightly to Tywin, but keeps her peace, trying to hide a sudden bout of shyness beneath demure good manners, something Tyler suspects is part of her normal coping strategies.
Tywin looks over his shoulder at the group heading towards Caring Conquests, there was a small group of women lagging behind who were clearly Tywin’s own wives.
"Alright, gotta get back to the family! Enjoy the rest of your day boss!"
And in a flash the last of the small mob of Marines and sailors are inside as Tyler grins like a maniac.
"Hell just off that crowd I bet I'm going to get a very happy text from Bey'Tor. Seems like you're not the only happy blushing bride in the Capital city today Miu'Kin... and seems like the Tear is going to be getting a strong Apuk expat population."
Cassie chuckles into her wing. "At the rate things are going, Apuk might even equal or out number the Horchka. An interesting development for sure. Now... where should we be off to? Perhaps we could do a little shopping as well, to help Miu'Kin prepare for her move up to the Tear?"
Miu'Kin nods eagerly. "Oh that would be really lovely of you! I would quite enjoy company as I shop... and I must say I've ah. Never been to space before. Never mind made an extended trip to deep space or anything like that. So any of your experience you'd be willing to share with me, I'd greatly appreciate it."
"Of course, that's what family's for!" Cassie answers for the group, flexing her wings a bit and letting herself stretch, unintentionally emphasizing her gravid stomach... which lets loose a growl worthy of a grizzly bear. A blushing Cassie rests a hand on her stomach. "Oh dear. Seems I'm a bit peckish. Please excuse me."
Tyler shakes his head. "We haven't eaten anything but some snacks since this morning and you're eating for three dear, maybe we should all get some lunch. Miu'Kin? Care to recommend a local place?"
"Of course! One of my favorite places is actually nearby!"
Miu'Kin happily trots along, hand in hand with Tyler, and eventually points over at a building in the distance.
"That's the place!"
"Huh!" Tyler peers a bit closer with an axiom boost to his vision. "Well I'll be damned, looks like a tavern straight out of a roleplaying game mixed with a greasy spoon diner from back home. I love the look, the Apuk really nail some aesthetics that really appeal to me. That said... I can't read Cindertongue, Miu'Kin, what's the name of this place?"
"Oh! Sorry! It's 'Flame Charred With Love: Apuk Family Style Dining'!"
That got everyone's attention.
Cassie's wings ruffle just a bit. "Apuk family style cuisine? Ooh! That sounds lovely. As a fellow carnivore I know I enjoy Apuk food."
"Hell I'm down for any kind of home cooking. Nara says she isn't much of a cook but I've devoured every Apuk dish she's made me." Tyler notes, remembering some excellent meals.
"Bit rich for us omnivores sometimes, but I suppose that's what making a salad back in orbit is for." Matroika chuckles.
"Four carnivores in the family does make life hard when you like vegetables as more than a garnish, you're not wrong, darling."
Miu'Kin nods. "Well I'm a pretty good cook! I even know how to cook with vegetables. Just give me your favorite recipes! Between Nara and I we'll keep everyone fed! I think you'll like this place though, it's Apuk home cooking just like Mama..."
Miu'Kin freezes dead in her tracks as she reaches for the door.
"...Oh no."
"What's wrong, honey?"
The term of endearment melts Miu'Kin just a bit as she tries to compose herself.
"I eat here so often that I kinda spaced why I eat here. My uh. My mother owns this place, she's usually on shift. Some of my sisters and other mothers work here too, you could call it a family business. Working at the diner as a waitress was my first job."
Tyler shrugs. "So? This is good, I was hoping to get a chance to meet your mother at least before we left the planet."
"Sure, but I just... it. Okay. If you're sure. It can. Family."
Miu'Kin looks into Tyler's eyes, and finding only reassurance and a smile there, takes a second to steel herself and pushes through the heavy wooden door to the jingle of a bell.
"Come on in folks, we got a table ready just for you!"
An older Apuk woman with silver in her red hair and smile lines carved into her caramel skin calls out from where she's tending a spit in the middle of the mostly open kitchen, a smile on her face big enough that you could probably see it from orbit if she went outside. Then she actually looks to see who had just come through her door.
"Oh! Hey sweetie! Who are your fri-" The woman, Miu'Kin's mother it seemed, eyes actually focus on Tyler properly now, and drop down to where Miu'Kin's still firmly holding Tyler's hand. "-riends?"
Miu'Kin swallows loudly. "Uhm, Mom. This is my new husband, Tyler, and his other wives."
For a second. One brief second. Every noise in the restaurant ceased.
The live fish in the tank, clearly marked as food, stopped moving.
A waitress nearly dropped a plate.
Diners looked up from the booths.
Deeper in the kitchen, a few other older Apuk women, presumably sister wives or sisters of Miu'Kin's mother, all stick their heads out to see what in the shell is happening.
Then all hell breaks loose in the way only a family with up to a hundred odd mothers-in-law can.
First Last

We have done it. The end of another school year! Before we jump into this last set of stories, remember to subscribe to ReddX, home of the best cringe content on YouTube. Promise, swearsies, it’s just a fact and it’s totally science. Go ahead and look it up!
I miss that intro a lot so I figured I’d just write it in. I waited until after graduation to post this because, with ManiBeard at graduation, I figured anything could happen. And it did. And with that, let’s jump into this last set of beardy tales (for this school year). Let’s a-go.

1. “No Place Like Home (Campus)”

I was in a pretty good mood because I found out that district was ticked off at admin for considering moving my Cave to a different room next year and because they keep using my Cave as ‘backup’ for state testing. Evidently, the district was unaware this was happening but after I had complained to Cook about the extent of it she went to the district and, well, I’m keeping my Cave next year right where it is, and testing use will be limited. I won without lifting a finger. Sometimes bureaucracy works. Not often, but it’s beautiful when it does.
Of course, that good mood was not to last…
On this day I had a meeting with all the other Graphic Design teachers at another campus. We will call it Clique High School (because ‘cult’ may or may not be YouTube-friendly).
The first thing you need to know is I have a history with CHS. Remember, all the way back in chapter 1 where I mention I was a substitute teacher at Standard High before they hired me as a teacher? Well, there was one part I left out because it was irrelevant to that story, but it becomes relevant here. It is true I did sub at SHS, but the part I left out was that for half of the 2020-2021 school year (Covid year), I was a long-term sub at another campus and that campus was Clique High School. To say it was a poor experience would be underselling it immensely. You could say that Elon Musk is well off but that doesn’t really express the massive mounds of money that malevolent menace truly had. Likewise, saying I had a poor experience at CHS doesn’t really express the absolutely traumatizing, terrible, troublesome experience that my life there. It got so bad that I would leave work, cry the entire 30-minute drive to SHS, pick up Beatle, and make him drive the rest of the way home because my eyes were sore from crying.
What did I do at CHS? Well, I was a long-term sub in ESL. That’s where I got my start with it. When I walked in at the start of that year I’d never had a high school classroom before, I had no lesson plans, limited access to the curriculum since I was a sub, and I was teaching virtually because Covid…and what did I do? I build a curriculum, bonded with my class, and wrote my own lesson plans (even though subs generally don’t write plans). Basically, I rebuilt their ESL program. I did apply for the job. After all, I was already doing all of the work for substitute pay. I may as well get teacher pay for being a teacher. Right? Wrong.
They did interview me for the job but then proceeded to yank me around for half a semester before finally saying they were going to hire someone else. Who? No idea. But not me. But they wanted me to continue to long-term sub and do what I was doing until they found someone. Honestly, when I didn’t get the job part of me was pissed because of all the work I put in, but part of me was relieved. You see, the culture at CHS isn’t like the culture at SHS. Their principal, whom we will call Mr. D (for reasons that will soon be clear), had been named the district’s principal of the year and his staff completely fawned over him…a staff mostly comprised of women. The male-to-female ratio at CHS was considerably more unbalanced than at SHS. What struck me as odd was that Mr. D did not seem to warrant such admiration. During my interactions with him, I got slimy car salesman vibes more than high school principal. I would come to find out that this went deeper than I knew.
Remember AVIDBeard? Yeah, to her credit she was the one that warned me. Mostly I think she saw a chance to gossip, but nonetheless. I was visiting SHS and telling the English dept. how much I missed subbing for them (they actually liked me at this time…this was long before EnglishBeard even worked there so certainly before that whole thing made me a pariah). They missed me too. Although honestly, they missed having a sub at their becken call. Let’s be real. Anyway, AVIDBeard was all too happy to jump in with gossip.
“Be careful over there Mandy,” AVIDBeard said.
“Why? What do you know?” I asked.
“I had a training over there once and this teacher that works there started freaking out because the instructor, who was also a teacher there, was late. She started to have an anxiety attack and when I asked her what was wrong she said ‘Daddy isn’t going to like this’,” AVIDBeard explained.
“What?!” everyone in the room asked at once.
AVIDBeard nodded, “I know! So I asked her, ‘you call your principal Daddy?’ and she said ‘of course.’.”
I raised an eyebrow. I was skeptical, to say the least. Even then I knew AVIDBeard was not a reliable source. But, on the off chance she was telling the truth I had to know. CHS wasn’t exactly full of friendly teachers. In fact, where everyone at SHS had been welcoming, it had been the very opposite at CHS. They treated me like an outsider they were skeptical of. I had managed to at least have somewhat of a dialogue with the librarian. She helped me to ensure that my ESL students had books in their native languages to read during the pandemic. I went to her one day to ask about scheduling some book pick-ups for the students (this was when teachers were on-campus but students were virtual).
“Hey, can I ask you something?” I asked after we had figured out scheduling.
“Sure, what’s up?” she asked.
“OK, so it’s dumb, but someone told me you guys call Mr. D ‘daddy’. Silly, right?” I said with a laugh.
She just blinked, “Who told you that?”
Her reaction caught me off guard. She wasn’t laughing. My eyes widened, “Um, I don’t remember, it just got mentioned in passing.”
“Don’t ask anyone else that question…just…don’t even mention it,” she said.
I blinked. I wanted out of this conversation, “OK, I won’t. I’ll just forget I ever heard about it.”
She nodded and turned away, “I have work to do. If you need more books let me know.”
I rushed back to my classroom. After that, the librarian was very cold toward me.
To this day I honestly believe that the reason Mr. D didn’t hire me was because I’m too strong-willed and I have a big mouth…neither fits well into a cult-like structure, which it is very obvious CHS is.
At the semester break, they hadn’t yet hired anyone and asked me to stay for the rest of the year as a long-term sub. Basically, they wanted to pay me sub pay for an entire year of teaching. I told them ‘no way’ and I begged the district and Mr. Principal to let me return to subbing at SHS. I didn’t even care that regular sub pay was less than long-term sub pay. I just wanted out…and it turns out it all worked in my favor because obviously Mr. Principal ended up hiring me for the very job that Mr. D rejected me from and I’m very happy where I am now. And I don’t even have to call Mr. Principal ‘daddy’. Gag! Say what you will about Standard High, but I’ll take it over CHS any day.
OK, I know that was a lot of backstory, but I truly need you to understand why I so vehemently loathe everything about CHS and moreover why even being there gives me a mild case of PTSD.
Alright then, where were we? Oh yeah. Meeting for Graphic Design teachers over at CHS. I was not happy about this because I hate being at CHS of course, but I also hated leaving my students with a sub this close to the end of the year. But, alas, there I was. I walked into the familiar, loathsome halls. Daddy was in the main hall greeting his subjects.
“Mandy? What are you doing here?” he asked as he looked me over. I was in full-school spirit mode. SHS staff shirt and matching school spirit Converse I had custom-made.
“Graphic Design meeting,” I said.
“Oh, you teach Graphic Design now?” he asked.
I nodded, “Yeah, I did so great at fixing their ESL program they gave me my true dream job and now I’m relaunching their graphic design program.” OK, so it was a bit of embellishment, but I wanted him to know that his loss was SHS’s gain.
“Shame…we have an ESL position open here at The Clique,” Mr. D said. That’s how he referred to his campus. Imagine if the school’s name was Blue Mountain High and he called it The Mountain. Yeah…cringey.
“Oh yeah? I heard Patty didn’t stay,” I said. Patty was who they hired instead of me. She ended up retiring after one year at ‘The Clique’.
“Yeah, well we hired Emmy to replace Patty and now she is leaving,” Mr. D said.
“Shame…yeah, I’m still at SHS and quite happy. I heard principals were turning to poaching from other high schools so I’ll save you the trouble. I’m not poachable,” I said, wanting to get away from him.
“You could have your old job in your old room,” Mr. D said in a tone that made me very uneasy.
“I have a perfectly lovely Cave. Besides, my husband works at SHS too and I like being on the same campus as the love of my life,” I said, pointedly.
“If you change your mind, let me know. Enjoy your meeting. Welcome back to The Clique,” Mr. D said as I quickly walked away to find the room Graphic Design was meeting in.
Now, this may come as a surprise to you all, but I am NOT a social creature. Truly. Beatle is my best friend and aside from Cali all my other friends are on the ReddX Discord (hence my desire to not get myself banned over there). And I am 150% ok with that. At that moment I wanted to be in my Cave more than anything. The pressure to be ‘on’ and social was beyond exhausting to me, especially this late in the year. But, always the professional, I mustered every bit of perky in me to be lovely to my other-campus counterparts.
This proved to be a challenge. One of them, more of a Karen than a Beard really, would not shut up about how amazing her campus was and how she never had issues with phones because her kids were so well-behaved. She also said she couldn’t post work early because they would have it done before they ever got to class. Oh, and of course she is teaching graphic design because she needed a break from her real job as an engineer. And oh, did she mention she is an engineer? Because she’s an engineer. She also went on and on about how she didn’t like the curriculum at another campus she was at so she complained and got 68 teachers from all over the country to back her up and they changed the whole curriculum to what she wanted. OK, whatever. I wanted to ask if everyone stood up and cheered too.
Another teacher was just insufferable. She kept asking for the same bloody stuff over and over even after being told it wasn’t in the budget. She didn’t know the cost of any of it, just that everything she wanted (think equipment and software licenses) was expensive and our budget is next to nothing right now. She didn’t even make arguments as to why we needed it. She just kept asking for the same stuff in the same way. All of it was stuff we didn’t need and most of us wouldn’t even use.
I contributed my thoughts on what I felt needed to be added to the curriculum, which was met with agreement. I really only had that one suggestion. The rest of the time I let them do their thing, which was woefully unorganized, disjointed, and overall a waste of time I could be grading papers. And so I decided that while they did their thing I would organize my Google Drive. As I was doing this I noticed something. I was still the owner on ALL the ESL files for SHS. Not just the ones I created…ALL OF THEM. If I were to hit delete SHS would literally have to start from scratch organizing their program with new teachers next year. But Ms. Dean did make clear I was to have nothing to do with ESL anymore. If I deleted the folders was that malicious compliance? Or just being a bitch for the sake of it? I still haven’t decided…I find the situation humorous, in not a bit morally ambiguous.
Ultimately, it was decided that 1 day wasn’t enough for our meeting so we would meet again one week later at the same place. I declined. I needed to be on my campus because I did have actual work to do. Grades would be due the day they wanted to meet. I wasn’t the only one. About half of the graphic design teachers agreed to meet again the following week and we would all be meeting again August 1st. So I get to start my school year back at ‘The Clique’. Lovely.
Yeah, this was a very real reminder that for all the beardery at Standard High, it could be SO much worse.

1. “Lunchtime!”

After that long mammoth of a tale that the last story was, here is a short one for you.
This happened the day after my meeting at CHS. Sonia wanted to end the school year with some team building so she asked Ms. Dean if they could have an off-campus team meeting at a nearby restaurant and grab some food. Ms. Dean told them no. Sonia then decided they would just order takeaway and do the same thing on campus. She reserved a conference room and everything.
So the day of the eat and meet came. Beatle had ordered some enchiladas and was looking forward to a hot meal during the workday. CovidBeard didn’t go because she said she wasn’t feeling well and needed to just go home early. I know that comes as a shock. Meanwhile, ManiBeard decided he would sit next to his bff, Beatle. ManiBeard hadn’t ordered any food because ‘the catering menu looked good, but nothing on the regular menu appealed to me’. What ManiBeard did have, however, was a bag of crackers. As Beatle tried to eat his food, ManiBeard both ate his crackers and talked at the same time. It didn’t take long for Beatle to realize that small bits of cracker crumbs were flying at him and his food. He shifted to the side to dodge the airborne particles that threatened to infect his space. It was here that ManiBeard declared he had signed his contract but still wasn’t sure if he would be back next year because he had until July 3rd to pull out of his contract and he really just didn’t want to make a commitment.
After the meeting, everyone went their own way, except ManiBeard, who cornered Beatle in the mudroom. I was in my Cave waiting for him when I got a text ‘SOS, I’ve been cornered! Mudroom!’
I sighed, “Come on Wee One. We have to go save Dad.”
Wee One chuckled, “Oh no.” She followed me faithfully as we headed downstairs.
“Oh, good, you’re here already. We gotta go Love. Wee One has that thing…see ya later ManiBeard!” I said as I grabbed Beatle’s arm as I passed and just kept walking.
The next day Beatle went into Sonia’s room for inclusion and she smiled at him, “Sure you got all the crumbs off?” she teased.
Beatle rolled his eyes, “Right?!”
Sonia nodded, “ManiBeard is why I don’t eat lunch in the workroom anymore. ManiBeard would walk over to me and just stand over me…like right over me…and talk while he ate which would just send food everywhere. One day he was eating some chicken salad and a piece of chicken flew out of his mouth and landed on my arm.”
“Oh bloody hell. That’s disgusting,” Beatle said before vowing not to be near ManiBeard eating ever again.

1. “Little Lies”

Ever since it was announced PastorBeard was the new dept head he had been walking around like a roster puffing out his chest. He had also been going out of his way to talk to Beatle, as if to rub in that he got the dept head job and Beatle didn’t. It was annoying, but I stayed out of it. I even played nice when PastorBeard stopped me in the parking lot one day and asked me about my weekend plans while I was waiting for Beatle.
“What are you plans this weekend, Mandy?” PastorBeard asked as he leaned against the side of my car.
“Oh, nothing major. Weekend chores. Beatle has some school work to get done and he’s going to put some snake repellant in the yard…I’ll probably clean the house and spend some time with my mum,” I said, trying to be pleasant as I could be. What I really wanted to do was to tell him he was a bastard that should never teach, let alone lead a dept.
“You should come to watch me on Sunday. I’m preaching his weekend,” he said with a smile. His tone came off like he intended it to be a flex.
I forced a smiled, “No thanks. Not my thing.”
“God isn’t ‘your thing’?” he asked, leaning towards me a bit.
I took a step back, “Not the same one you believe in.” I started absentmindedly playing with the Flower of Aphrodite pendant I wore around my neck.
“Are you Catholic or something?” he asked.
I fought the urge to roll my eyes. People presumed since Beatle was Irish that we were a Catholic family a lot. Instead, I shook my head, “No. Actually, if you must know, I’m Pagan.”
PastorBeard looked taken aback, “Oh…I see.”
“So, while I appreciate the invite…not my thing,” I said again.
“You should come anyway. I’d love to look out on Sunday and see you there. And who knows? If you hear what I have to say you may change your mind about being pagan,” PastorBeard said with a cocky smile.
I looked around hoping Beatle and Wee One were going to be there soon, “I doubt it…anyway…um…I hate to keep you on a Friday.”
“I’m not in a rush. You’re fine,” he said, “Did you hear I’m the new dept head?”
“Yeah. I know,” I said, “Beatle told me. He applied to you know.”
“I know. They need someone that is a strong leader for the job though, someone that can guide the dept the way I guide the church. They can’t pick someone with a weak personality. A man should be able to lead…his church, his work, and of course his wife,” PastorBeard said pointedly.
“Uh huh…a good leader knows when to defer to those wiser than he,” I said as I saw Beatle and Wee One, “Love! Hey!” I waved.
Beatle saw PastorBeard and looked unhappy, “Hi PastorBeard.”
“Have a good weekend you guys. See you later Mandy…think about my offer,” he said as he went and got into his truck that sat on tires far too big for it.
“What was that?” Beatle asked when we got in the car.
I shrugged, “He was either hitting on me or he was just being a pompous arse…or both. Hard to say.”
And we went on our way.
The next work day Beatle walked into the workroom and saw PastorBeard in there talking to Vera (the assistant mentioned in chapter 26.)
“Just do your best to set them up for success,” PastorBeard told Vera as he walked out of the workroom.
Vera sighed.
“Are you ok mate?” Beatle asked her.
Vera shook her head, “We’re almost done. Almost there.”
“What happened?” Beatle asked.
“Well, only 2 of the kids in that group in the hall workspace need my help,” Vera said pointing to a group outside PastorBeard’s room, “The others are kids missing work and PastorBeard kicked them out of the classroom. I’m supposed to watch them and make sure they behave but they already told me they aren’t going to do anything.”
Beatle’s expression went dark, “You’re a SPED assistant. Not a babysitter.”
“I know, but I’ve never seen him actually help anyone. He doesn’t go around the room to help. Just tells them to be quiet and pokes them. I don’t know why he feels the need to touch them. He tells them if they need help they can go to him and he just sits at his desk the whole time…but no one is gonna go to him for help because they don’t like him,” Vera vented.
Beatle sighed, “You know he’s dept head next year, right?”
“Oh, I know. He told me no one else wanted it,” Vera said sadly.
Beatle blinked, “No ma’am. I interviewed for it.”
“That’s just what I heard,” Vera said.
“He lied,” Beatle shook his head.
What PastorBeard didn’t know is that Beatle had something else in the works…we weren’t sure it would pan out at this point (as of this writing we still aren’t), but Beatle wasn’t going to take PastorBeard’s crap lying down…and for that, I was proud of him.

1. “Wrapping It Up”

3.5 days till summer. Grades were due. I sat at my computer to adjust the grade book and turned on some music. Not even kidding, ‘The Final Countdown’ was on the radio (yes, I listen to the radio. Satellite Radio to be precise). It was the perfect music for working on my end-of-year checklist. I felt like I was in a movie and this was my montage music!
We reached the point in the year when all the teachers were just playing movies. For my part, I was letting them watch the Super Mario Movie. I had some happy students. I also wrote Wee One a pass to spend the day in my room. She was done with her work and wanted to help me with some Graphic Design work for next year’s launch (we are launching an on-campus design firm). She asked me which workstation she could work at and I did the worst thing a mum can do to her child. I sat her next to my baby neckbeard. She started working but within 10 minutes she came to my desk.
“Mom…” she started.
I looked at her. “Excuse me?”
She sighed, “I’m sorry…Ms. Mandy?”
“Yes ma’am?” I asked her.
“Can I sit on the other side of the room…it’s less claustrophobic and I have a friend over there…” she trailed off.
I chuckled and leaned in so only she could hear me, “You don’t appreciate sitting next to the baby neckbeard?”
She looked sheepish, “Not really.”
“Can you smell him?” I asked.
She made a disgusted face, “Sort of, yeah.”
“OK, yes, go ahead and move,” I nodded.
In the meantime, Beatle was texting me:
Beatle: Why does ManiBeard always start class with “How are we?” instead of “How are you?”?
Mandy: Because that’s what’s in his programming.
Beatle: LMAO! Point. I will not miss him this summer. You know he said he is only helping with graduation because he didn’t help with either dance. I thought it was mandatory that we do one of the 1 dances.
Mandy: Sigh. 1) yes it is and I bet they got on him and forced him to help with graduation and 2) why the hell would they let him help with graduation? That event is stressful enough without adding ManiBeard to the mix.
Beatle: He said he rather work graduation because it’s his favorite event because he gets to see the kids move on.
Mandy: But he’s a freshman teacher. He doesn’t know many if any, seniors.
Beatle: I know! Oh, CovidBeard is leaving.
Mandy: WHAT?! FOREVER?!
Beatle: I’m watching her class for the rest of the period.
Mandy: Oh, just for today.
Beatle: Yeah. Don’t get too excited.
Mandy: Damn. 3.5 days left. Heaven forbid she stick it out.
Beatle: Right?
And right about the time I was hoping my Beard encounters were over. At least until graduation…it happened. I had to email EnglishBeard. Why? Because I needed one of his students (who happened to be one of my most talented graphic design students) to come to my class the next day during his class. I cringed at having to interact with him. I asked Beatle if I should even bother. “We’re not doing anything, why would he say no?” Beatle asked. “He’s a beard.” I replied. “Fair.” Beatle conceded.
Finally, I took a breath and started to type: “EnglishBeard, if it is alright with you, can Sara come to my class during 5th period tomorrow to do some Graphic Design work? Thanks, Mandy”
2 hours later, he replied, “What work? Why should I send her to an elective? My class is core.”
I sighed, “It’s ok if you are doing something in class. I just thought it would be ok if you are just watching movies.” I replied.
“We are just watching movies, but my class is still a core class and yours is not,” EnglishBeard replied.
“You are correct. However, Sara is going to be in my Graphic 3 class next year and I want to get all my Graphic 3 students together for a meeting before the end of the year and the rest of them are in my 5th period. If you don’t want to send her that is fine,” I replied.
“Ok, that would be fine. I will allow it,” EnglishBeard finally said.
I sighed and wrote a pass to give to Sara.
Meanwhile, in the English 1 meeting, Beatle was dealing with his own Beard.
“And the Beard came back….CovidBeard came back for the meeting,” Beatle texted me.
“WHY?!” I texted back.
“IDK! I’m spraying Lysol when she leaves the room. She’s like ‘I’m sitting here sweating. I have no idea what I have.’ I guess she came back for attention,” Beatle replied.
I sighed as I typed, “Probably.”
Why did all these Beards have to come back? Why couldn’t this be last year when we had the mass exodus of Beards? That was nice. I liked that.
Maybe they would get less beardy over the summer?
Probably not.

1. “Graduation Day”

Have you ever sat through a graduation ceremony? If you have you know how dull they are. Being part of it is even worse. Graduation in Australia was quite different, but when I graduated from college in America Beatle practically had to force me into the cap and gown. It was not something I have ever liked…so the irony that I volunteer every year (except next year when Wee One graduates) is not lost on me. Mostly, I do it because I know it means something to the kids to see their teachers there. That said, I silently curse in my head the entire time while making sure to smile, be peppy, and congratulate even the most ungrateful of students. While I don’t look back on my graduation fondly, some of them might and I want to help provide good memories.
Graduation isn’t just on that day either. The day before we have to participate in graduation practice, which is just as awful, if not worse. I did entertain myself by watching ManiBeard however.
We all gathered in the practice gym to line up and then once everyone was in place we processed into the main gym. The practice gym was so bloody hot that I was sweating. It was so bloody hot that ManiBeard actually took off his cardigan for the first time all year. I have now confirmed he does have arms under it. Bloke never takes off his cardigan/coat…even when the outside temp is 100+ in Fahrenheit. I further observed only to realize that they had, for some reason, put ManiBeard in the same row as 2 of the baby beards I’ve been observing over the course of the year. ManiBeard was as clueless as one might expect and had no idea how to manage the kids and telling them when to stand, when to sit, when to walk, etc. He made it through graduation practice, but I was seriously concerned about the next day. I was also concerned because I saw the gown they set aside for Mani. It was huge! He was going to look like a puppy wearing his owner’s sweater. Let the chaos commence!
And commence it did. Shortly after lunch Beatle texted me “OZZY ISN’T COMING BACK! WHAT THE HELL IS EVEN GOING ON AROUND HERE?!”
Remember Ozzy? The other Australian on campus? Yeah, evidently he said, “this really isn’t something I foresaw happening. It is something I needed to do. But please, I don’t want to make it seem like I’m excited to leave. I’m not. It’s actually been really hard packing up my things.” Ozzy had been around since the campus opened in 2016. It was a true shock to see him leave and Beatle was very distraught over it. Honestly, so was I.
After school Beatle barrelled into his classroom, “OK, mate, what the hell is going on?”
The conversation was private so I’m not going to detail it, but I will say that circumstances happened so that Ozzy had to go back to Australia. He was not happy about it. He said he thought he would retire from Standard High, but life happens. This was a blow, but we wish him the best.
I found out later that night that ManiBeard managed to out-beard himself. He did the beardiest thing he’d ever done.
“Did you guys meet today in E1?” I asked Beatle.
“Yeah, but it was more social than a meeting,” Beatle replied.
“ManiBeard? Social? How did that go?” I asked.
Beatle chuckled, “ManiBeard wasn’t there.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because he miscalculated all his grades and had to redo them,” Beatle said.
I froze as I tried to register what he said. Finally I spoke, “But our gradebook is automated. We don’t calculate anything. We put in the number and bam…grades. How the hell did Mani manage to ‘miscalculate’ grades?”
“No idea, but admin wasn’t happy. They sent in Lana to guide him through it,” Beatle said.
I laughed, “Oh my god! After everything he did to keep Lana out of his room she ended up fixing his gradebook? The irony is too delicious! This has got to be the beardiest thing he has ever done. How the fuck do you miscalculate grades in and automated gradebook?!”
Beatle shrugged, “Talent?”
The next morning (THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL) an email started circulating from teachers that were worried about getting left at the arena we were holding graduation in. They wanted to ensure the bus wouldn’t leave them behind. Beatle and I watched as the emails flooded our inboxes. ManiBeard: “I need a ride too.” EnglishBeard: “Don’t leave me behind!” HistoryBeard: “I look like too much of an escaped inmate to safely hitchhike. Don’t leave me either.” MathBeard:I need the bus to get back to school.”
It was at that point I texted my brother to see if he could pick Beatle and I up after graduation. To be clear, we have to ride the bus over with students so taking our own car wasn’t an option…but riding the BeardBus home did not appeal to either of us. I like getting fodder for stories, but I’m not a complete sadomasochist. My brother agreed and I felt relief wash over me.
Beatle and I ended up combining our classes in my Cave for the last day because we bought breakfast tacos and donuts for the kids and it was easier to combine classes than to try to split the food. So, most of the last day was the kids eating and playing Mario Kart on our Switch. It was pretty fun. I did leave the kids with Beatle at one point so I could go down to Cook’s kitchen and do my department check-out stuff. When I say Cook had a professional kitchen that is not hyperbole. The culinary kitchen at Standard High is anything but standard. We’re talking a state-of-the-art kitchen that any head chef would be in awe of. It’s truly a thing to behold and for high school students? Yeah, it is pretty bloody great. Oh, and the cutting boards…let me tell you about the numerous cutting boards!
…I’m kidding Red! Just kidding!
But yeah, the kitchen is pretty great. Anyway, when I went into said kitchen, MediaBeard was in there doing his check-out as well. When he saw me he smiled and turned to me.
“Mandy, thank you so much for everything you did for me this year. It was a rough year and you had my back. I truly appreciate you, thank you,” he said as he hugged me.
I hugged him back, “Aww, mate…I got ya. Anytime. Next year will be better.”
When I said back in Chapter 1 that MediaBeard was certainly a Beard, but one of the ‘good’ beards, this is what I meant. Yes, he can be a bit…well…beardly. But, the bloke has a good heart. And I am glad he will be back next year. I’m going to try to mentor him now that I’m settled in graphic design. I am also glad he will not be Wee One’s teacher next year. She’s decided to take graphic design 3 and animation 1 which means she will have me as her teacher for 3 out of 8 periods. Come to find out she likes me as her teacher. And I’m pretty hard on her. She said I made her better. I must be doing something right!
Cook has 100% become my work Mum and I adore her. She plans to have a department soiree before school starts and for the first time ever I’m actually looking forward to going to a department function, solely because of Cook. She is amazing.
Finally, as long last, the 2022-2023 school year ended. All the non-senior students left and the seniors arrived.
Beatle and I scarfed our lunch down and headed to the gym… this is where graduation truly begins.
I put my gown on over my work clothes as did Beatle. We sat together and chatted for a bit before he went to his row to help organize kids. I was left sitting alone in my row as the students filed in. And, as I usually do in these situations, I started to observe my surroundings and live a bit in my own head.
I saw some teachers grouped up talking and laughing near me. For a moment I felt that loneliness I felt all through school (until I met Beatle). I had a moment of feeling like that ‘weird blonde kid’ again. I guess it never really goes away. It was a reminder that from the day we met (see SquirrelBeard for that story) Beatle has always been where I fit. Does anyone else ever have a moment of reversion like that? Where even as an adult you remember how it was to be an outcast at 15 or whatever? Maybe it’s just me? Maybe it’s because I work in a high school?
In any case, I snapped out of it and looked around. What caught my eye was a pair of BRIGHT crimson skinny jeans. And the wearer? ManiBeard. OF COURSE! He also had on a plain white t-shirt with the district logo on it that we got free at the start of the year and Van trainers. What was the dress code for this event that admin had explicitly given us the day before? Dress pants and a Polo or button-up for men or a suit for men, a dress or nice pants and shirt for women, dress shoes, and absolutely no jeans, trainers, or t-shirts. Yeah. For J’s part he had on black pants and a black button-up shirt with a tie. He looked good. It was also the first time he got to wear his Master’s hood at a graduation, which was pretty frickin cool too! I had on black pants and a nice shirt. I was not wearing a dress at graduation. Just, no. Anyway…ManiBeard…right…so he wore EXACTLY what admin said don’t wear. Cause…ManiBeard. And I was right, his gown made him look like a puppy wearing his owner’s sweater. It would have been cute if it was anyone but Mani. Instead he just looked robotic and lost. And, exactly like I suspected, he didn’t talk to any of the kids. He didn’t even congratulate them. Probably because he teachers 9th graders and didn’t know any of these kids and had no connection to them. Beatle knew a lot of them. These were the kids that he taught his first year as freshmen so he had seen them through all 4 years. It was emotional for him.
It was around this time I turned around and noticed paramedics in the hall. I later found out a student (one of mine actually) had a seizure. I had seen them roll a kid out of the building on an office chair but I didn’t know who under Mr. Principal told me later. As all of this was happening APBeard said they put a sign up sheet on the stage for any teacher that needed to take the bus back to campus after the ceremony. A bunch of teachers headed to the stage. One that looked like a textbook beard said, as he walked past me, “that would be all of us. Like any of us can afford an Uber with what they pay us.” I raised an eyebrow and looked the man over. “That has GOT to be HistoryBeard” I thought to myself. Beatle ran up behind me.
“See that bloke up there…the one at the sign up sheet right now?” Beatle asked me quietly.
“Yeah,” I said.
“That’s HistoryBeard,” he confirmed.
“I knew it! I knew that had to be him. Damn, he is a beard and it’s not even just on the inside,” I said.
Beatle shook his head, “No, he’s one that is beard inside and out.”
I shuttered as Beatle returned to his seat.
About 45 minutes later we boarded the bus and headed to the arena. I hoped everything would be smooth sailing from there, but that would have been WAY too easy.
So, I need to paint a bit of a picture here…have you ever been backstage at an arena? It’s not a huge space…and when you put a couple hundred people back there…it’s a tight fit. We were lucky to have a 2 inch radius around us. Personal space does not exist when you cram everyone back there. And we had to line up in order. Each row had a letter. It seemed everything was fine. My row was in order…but something felt off. That’s when I realized whoever set the signs up doesn’t know the bloody alphabet because instead of A, B, C, D, E, F, G it went A, B, C, D, E, G, F. I was in row F. I realized the error but I also wasn’t about to move anything without telling an AP. So I found an AP that said he had to find another AP and 3 APs later I was told to swap Rows F and G. I helped correct the signed and then we had to shift the rows with VERY little space. It was…something.
It was hot, cramped, and miserable. Beatle told me later some of the kids in his row snuck back into a supply room and were stealing popcorn. It was in the moments of being back stage I remembered why last year I said to myself ‘never again, I’m never doing graduation again’. I’m really not next year cause of Wee One and I’ll probably forget the year after and volunteer again. Cause teacher brain. Anyway, it was finally go time and we walked out, sat down, and the ceremony started. All done? Not quite.
For the sake of wrapping this up I’ll quickly list the crap that happened during the ceremony:

1. Someone in the stands called to a kid ‘you look like ET but we love you anyway!’ to which a graduate yelled back ‘you’re an asshole’. Classy.
2. ManiBeard was clueless and lost. He may as well have not even been there because he was mostly just in the way.
3. The boys decided it was great fun to pretend to fall on stage just before the got to Mr. Principal. This happened 4 times. A 5th pretended he was about to fall then twerked instead. Again, classy. Ladies and gentleman, our future.
4. A boy in the row in front of me turned around and was using his program to sword fight with a boy in my row. I gave them the ‘mom/teacher look’ and they both got a panicked look and said ‘sorry ma’am’ before sitting straight for the rest of the ceremony. Maybe Wee One is right. Maybe I am scary.
5. MediaBeard made the senior video and it was awful. I have a hard time believing he worked ‘in the industry’. Next year I’m going to see if he will let me do some graphic design templates for him. It will be part of my proposal to mentor him.

And then graduation was over. Beatle and I checked with Number One and were cleared to leave. Brother picked us up and we headed to dinner (where Brother once again came very close to getting the name BrotherBeard) and summer began.
And that concludes this year of School of Beards. If there is any demand I will be back in the fall because with all the beards returning I am sure to have a new batch of tales. I sincerely want to thank everyone that had come on this journey with me, Red for reading (and being a mate), and Beatle for supporting me and allowing me to share his stories. I mostly want to thank everyone that has listened to Red read these stories because that is the most amazing thing…hearing these stories read and getting his insight. I do appreciate it more than I can say. Keep an eye out for the rest of BowserBeard this summer and maybe a couple of one-offs.
Now, to end this year I decided to try my hand at my first parody song. Apologies if it’s not very good. Like I said, it’s my first one. I hope it doesn’t suck!
“BeardSchool’s Out” (Parody of “School’s Out” by Alice Cooper)
Well, we got no choice
But to hear the noise
Listenin to the beards’ voice
The poor girls and boys
Well, we can't escape ya
Can't find an out
And when they start to shout
Education’s in doubt
BeardSchool's out for summer
Beards go into slumber
Beardschool makes us shutter
No more Mani
No more English
No more preacher's judgment, yeah
Well, Mani can’t control his class
And Pastor’s got the Principal
And the students pay the price
We can't even think about next year
BeardSchool's out for summer
Beards go into slumber
Beardschool makes us shutter
No more Media
No more Math Emails
No more two-faced Dean
Out for summer
Out 'til fall
Do the beards have to come back at all
Beards go slumber
BeardSchool's out for summer
Watch the Beards lumber
BeardSchool’s out till August

Watched in theaters May 27 2023 - Started May 15 2023
Synopsis/Review
Ariel, a young mermaid, makes a deal with a treacherous sea witch to gain human legs and explore the surface world to find a prince she has fallen for.
I try not to go to movies with expectations anymore, especially if I’ve seen trailers. The damn things just spoil most of the plot anyways. Luckily, I didn’t really need to try too hard to avoid trailers here because I already knew the plot. It’s “The Little Mermaid”, my little cousin wore the VHS out on this one, and it has some of the best songs of any 80s/90s Disney movie not called “The Hunchback Of Norte Dame” (which personally I think would rock as a live action rEiMaGiNiNg or whatever they want to call them). And other than some stupid jump-scare abruptly-cut-the-music gimmick they pull in the opening minute or so to try to convince you that this won’t be the same Little Mermaid you’re used to, it’s basically the same plot beats. Ariel is fascinated by the human world, falls for a human, makes a deal with Ursula, and so on and so on. Not that I’m complaining, it would be pretty dumb to mess with a classic too much.
I went in knowing very little about the cast except for Halle Bailey as Ariel. Absolutely zero notes. She rocked all of her musical numbers and her performance as human Ariel was just sweet and charming. Javier Bardem plays a more subdued King Trident than what some folks might be used to, but his presence alone adds a bit of gravity to the character and it certainly gives a good spin on it. He’s less bumbling-controlling-dad-who-doesn’t-understand-Ariel and a bit more conflicted-parent-who-wants-the-best-for-his-daughter-but-ultimately-still-doesn’t-understand-Ariel.
As soon as he recovers from what I can only describe as an ill advised buzzcut, Jonah Hauer-King certainly has the potential to be the next Hollywood pretty boy. His run as Prince Eric carries all the same starry eyed hopeless romantic vibes of his animated counterpart. Daveed Diggs was solid as Sebastian. His accent wasn’t as cartoonish as I was scared it would be, and if you don’t already know, the man can sing quite well. Jacob Tremblay did Flounder justice, but good lord was that character design nightmare fuel to the point of being damn near distracting. It’s not his fault at all, but easily the wonkiest looking character.
This is usually the paragraph I reserve for my favorite performances, and I can’t pick between Awkwafina as Scuttle or Melissa McCarthy as Ursula. Both parts were right on the money. I chuckled or laughed the hardest at their antics and their musical numbers were absolutely crushed, but I’m gonna give the edge to McCarthy simply because “Poor Unfortunate Souls” is a banger.
The musical numbers were a huge highlight for me. Everyone gave it their all and made their character’s signature songs their own, especially Bailey’s “Part of Your World” and McCarthy’s “Poor Unfortunate Souls”. Unfortunately, the visuals are where I was underwhelmed. When the cinematography worked, it was incredible, with beautiful bioluminescent colors and tricks with sunlight and fire. When it didn’t, it felt like the entire screen had a case of uncanny valley. Watching effect driven movies where you know you’re staring at a green screen digital shot can be a drag. The pace of the movie didn’t feel that great either. It’s almost an hour longer than the animated film and you can certainly feel it.
Overall, fans of the original will really like giving this one a go and comparing notes and memories of the original, and this one can stand as a cool, if slightly inferior, companion piece.
3.25/5

A homeless teenager reaches out to the Shil’vati on first day of the invasion of Earth.
This is a rewrite of my original story ‘Loyalist’.
Credit to u/bluefishcake for writing the original SSB story.
Pizzaulostin who has been beta reading since the beginning.
and u/BruhMomentGEE
Credit to u/HollowShel for getting me started with this!
This story is based in the SSB universe.
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as always, comments are welcome.
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Chapter 20:
Itaro:
I tried to distract myself by looking out the large windows framed by scuffed dull purple alloy. I fidgeted with the flat pulpwood box on my lap as the old city bus lumbered through the low-income apartment block suburbs broken up by small factories, tiny parks, schools, shopping malls, restaurants, temples, and other minutiae of the community.
I looked down at the box containing dad’s old cooling vest. A vest I had tailored surreptitiously for Klein as a “friendly gift”. A utility present to get closer to him and maybe ask him out in a month or two.
That scheme had gone out the window two days ago the moment I stood between Klein and Giton. That same day, Klein had kissed me, and the gift now was part of the first date. I’m still stupefied on how forward he’d been. It didn’t help that he was the adopted son of my father’s ex-lover.
Yeah, this was weird, Humans are weird.
The calm chime sounded to let me know that we reached the junction of thirty-seventh and forty-fifth street. I sighed inwardly, signaled a stop, and stood up. Weird are not, Klein was fun to be around, and a mental vacation compared to my own family.
Klein:
I tried my best not to notice how tight my arm sleeves on my dress shirt were as I read through Gearschilde craft-book on common legends and stories of the early days of their calamity.
The heavy book had pages made of brass and steel, small levers, dials and switches helped animate the illustration while also teaching the basics of mechanics, electronics and materials science through rhyme and illustration. Skills necessary personally and communally needed to simply survive on their hellscape of a home world.
I handled it gingerly. I hadn’t understood when Cee gave it to me why they were called “craft-books”, nor why a priest had so many of them. A bit of research on the data net had explained that a craft book was an heirloom object of the family, made by a crafting-priest with the removed augments and implants of a deceased Gearschilde. A priest such as Cee handled such sacred objects when the family may no longer need them.
Apparently Forges Metal In Service Of Life was Exceptionally doting on her grandchildren, and the introduction she wrote for her own recycled corpse told of a woman who had literally given everything to her children so they may have a better future.
It was wholesome, but still I couldn’t help feeling a little creepy that I was technically playing with a dead body, or at least what had been vital prosthetics within it.
My thoughts were so wrapped up in the book though that I only caught the last few notes of the front doorbell melody by the time the sound drew my attention. Reqellia was already out of her chair looking at me expectantly in the study. I (carefully) closed the craft-book, got up and followed her out into the courtyard. A bit of nervous and excited energy in each step.
Itaro was here!
‘You are acting like a middle schooler on his first date’ Squirrel brain chastised me.
Fuck you too squirrel brain, it’s not like I had a wholesome date before that I could bring to a parent. I thought back, bringing up the mental image of Kelly, my last “girlfriend” that lasted two weeks, and was expelled for drinking in school.
I shook the old memories away. Bringing myself back to the present as Itraro opened the courtyard main doors. Dressed in tight, tailored, black ‘hunting pants’ with a thin silver stripe down the out seam and a deep navy-blue cooling vest with more silvery accents. I could see actual boning on the vest meant for body support. Itaro had gone for the Rakiri “functional formal” dress that was meant for parades and hunting parties. She carried a flat gift box that was semi-expensive and had clearly come to take this date seriously.
I stood up straighter in my Shil formalwear that was ready to burst at the seams. Reqellia moved between me and Itaro, performing the Shil’vati ritual of inspecting a potential suitor for their son on their first date. Again, yesterday Reqellia calling me her “son” felt fake, I was not her son, but I played along. She was at least one of my guardians right now.
There was a lackadaisy air to Reqellia’s words as she spoke. “You are interested in Klein, and want to go for a walk with him?”
Itaro still had a bit of nervousness in her voice, but she spoke steadily. “Yes, ma’am.”
Reqellia stayed silent and stared at Itaro for just a heartbeat, then broke into a wide grin, throwing up her hands. “Jrafell’s (goddess of joy’s) fire! You two get out of here, and don’t message me till {sunset}!”
Reqellia shooed us out the front door, and as it closed behind us, Itaro held the package out towards me. “So, uh, I wanted to give this to you after the raid game. It’s a cooling vest since I notice you're starting to sweat even in the mornings now.”
I took the box slowly, trying to parse what she said. It was warm, but I was sweating all the time? I touched my forehead, and yes, I felt a slight dampness. How had I not noticed that?
I looked down at the layers of wicking fabric I was wearing. The high collar, the arm length sleeves. I was normally clothed neck down so that only my head and hands were exposed. The sweat wasn’t visible, and I had just mentally blocked it out. Shil cloth didn’t get stiff with sweat salt somehow.
I opened the lid. The vest was colored in a dark blue with the heat sinking accents in gold creeping vine motifs. “It’s… gorgeous.”
Itaro’s ears flicked back in self-aware embarrassment at the complement. “It’s not too outdated?”
I closed the lid with a dramatic snap as we started to walk towards the bus stop. “No, I think it’s styled for exactly the right time.”
The bus took us to a different part of town. Instead of the monolithic metallic blocks of shopping, living, and factory complexes, it was more akin to squares of walled-in outdoor malls with rows upon rows of car width sized streets and two-story shop or factory houses.
The outer walls of the area were the same style as any other Shil’vati building; however, inside those walls completely threw off any Shil sensibilities, and reveled in the multi-species culture so indicative of Sky that had become my favorite part of living here.
I always felt like a tourist walking through the compound gates. It was still hard, trying to understand what all the stores, meeting houses, clubs, and drink vendors offered. I was really hoping when I could walk alone to come here on my off days and just learn.
It was by far one of the most comfortable places I had been. I wasn’t given a second glance as scales, fur and even odder skins walked the streets. The scents changed from pungent and earthy to downright floral. The late morning was bustling with crowds also wanting to enjoy their off days of the Shel mid-week break. Colorful awnings had been stretched out to provide shade, and here some of the signs even had multi-language signs as opposed to the normal Trade Shil lexicon. The small gardens ranged from normal green hues, to cartoon colorful oranges, reds, and even bright blues and shiny blacks
I led the way to a cluster of shops owned by Tulo’s family. The architecture was Shil-ish. The patterns were of typical stars and seas done in metal, but instead of the traditional purples, blacks, and golds, it had textured matte finish and pastel colors. The sign above this particular hole-in-the-wall was labeled simple “Ki’tra’s Styling”
We walked in the open door, and again I was transported to a Shil’vati style not fashionable in at least two centuries. Brass instead of gold, marble and granite where thermocast metal should normally be placed. It was bright, shadowless, with a similar setup of padded chairs every barbershop that every species seemed to have in common.
“Be with you one second!” Tulo called out as he finished with a different customer. A Sharpfish gang member getting their hair done in a complex set of braids that I knew had a tradition of long-ago sea raiders. Thank you, Death Islands serial drama play, for giving me that tidbit of info.
Tulo was dressed flamboyantly straight for Shil’vati culture. He carried tools on a lacy belt rig. The pants and shirt were Shil cut, but again, the normally muted tones were swapped for bright swatches of color. A workaholic in terms of Shil’vati lifestyle and at the upper end of his species’ stamina. Pulling forty hours or even more a week, he never lost his marine’s purposeful gait despite the turn towards more gender conforming attitude and fashion.
I had a suspicion that Tulo and Ruhal were more than friends, but I didn’t pry. A few books and shows had hinted at such relationships, but there was a weird feeling when I checked the data-net that something was missing.
Tulo finished with the Sharpfish, as she strode out the room, she gave me a wink, and I could feel Itaro raise her hackles next to me. The tension was broken with Tulo throwing his arms wide in greeting. “K’ien! Thank you for giving us your time (and money) today! Ruhal sent over your wants, and I have been looking forward to this appointment, and who is this with you today?”
I looked at Itaro for permission, and with a barely perceptible nod I introduced her. “This is Itaro, my girlfriend.”
Tulo faked surprise dramatically. I knew Ruhal would have told him by now. “Oh, Itaro! I must say. You have found quite the catch, would you also like a trim? On the house!”
I knew Tulo would send a small fee to Ruhal for Itaro, but Itaro didn’t need to know that. She nodded again, but with her ears twitching, she said in a smaller than usual voice with intonation posing it as a question. “I would?”
Tulo turned around and yelled. “Reku! I have a K’ien’s girlfriend here wanting a trim and polish! You want practice?”
Reku walked out onto the shop floor from the back rooms holstering his omni pad while looking severe, but then again, he always looked severe. Reku was dressed in crisp clothes with muted blacks and purples more akin to a boardroom than a barbershop.
Tulo had let slip it was Reku’s way of “rebelling” from his father’s own counterculture style while helping Ruhal replace a faulty home heating unit.Tulo, to his credit, encouraged Reku’s “rebellious” behavior, and the quiet smile when he saw Itaro meant the next hour would be a production for both me and Itaro.
As I heard the snip of scissors, my head felt lighter by the second. It took a good quarter hour of combing for Tulo to get my bird’s nest hair unknotted, then the clipping started. It didn’t take long before the floor around me was covered in hair with faded shades of dye still clinging onto the strands.
I looked over at Reku snipping at Itaro’s mane to even it out and fur to sit flush with her clothes, with acute precision. While son and father had wildly different styles, their skillset was comparably solid.
“Head forward please.” Tulo’s voice was now business-like as he powered on the nearly silent trimmer, and in the mirror was a face that wasn’t recognizable to the boy a few months ago. The hair being the last vestige of a “Beach Bum” front I had worn while working at the convenience store.
The sides had been buzzed, and the top had been quaffed and rolled into a haircut I could only describe as “punk Elvis”. The haircut would be easy to maintain daily, but would require weekly trims.
“And now for the final touch.” Tulo smiled as he pulled out a hair dyeing comb and artfully brushed in a fade. My hair looked now like a field of grass just starting to turn in autumn with dark green tips shading lighter and blending into my naturally blonde hair.
It was just hair, but the loss of its weight on my head made me feel energetic. I wanted to stand, walk, run, but I kept seated as Tulo called out “Reku, I’m done with K’ien, ready to switch?”
“Almost” Reku replied flatly. I turned to see what he was doing and, oh… He had applied a dark bronze powder that gave her normally dull black spotted gray fur a speckled sheen that subtly reflected and scattered the light.
I stared a bit too long, and when Itaro saw me she looked away self-consciously. I did the same. It wasn’t right for me to stare, dating or no.
“Reku will be with you shortly. I need to take care of another customer,” Tulo said as he walked away. I still snuck glances at Itaro as I drummed my fingers to the rhythms of Ki’zachi, Chopin and got through the opening riffs of a Megadeth song before Reku started to work on me.
My face cleaned up and my nails polished and lacquered. I finally got up from my chair with Itaro openly staring at me. I blushed, feeling the heat on my cheeks, and looked away.
Well maybe staring wasn’t so bad.
“Now, my wife and daughter are two stores down with the clothes you picked out. The commissions take time, but we have rapid fabricators that will give you a feel how the real thing will wear, and if any adjustments need to be made,” Tulo explained to me as both me and Itaro tried not to gawk at each other.
We headed out of the shop clumsily, weaving slightly as we tried to decide where the line of personal space between us was considered proper.
Itaro:
“They are adorably awkward together aren’t they?” I heard Tulo whisper when he thought I was out of earshot. Dirtmothers this was embarrassing. Was my only thought as we walked down the road. All too aware of how we both looked.
Tulo’s wife Ma’tari was already putting clothes on the counter, her teenage daughter was at that weird phase of Shil life where they are skinny to the point of looking underfed with a name tag that read ‘Iss’fera.’
“Here you go K’ien! How have you…. What happened to you? I just tailored that shirt two months ago,” Iss’fera asked as her mother Ma’tari sternly looked at her.
“He built up some muscle, and you should too if you want to catch any boy’s eye!” using a bit of guilt to chastise her daughter for her faux paus. I wanted to defend her since she was working Shel break, but I didn’t want to get in another’s family drama.
“Oh! Uh, here you go!” she mumbled while handing Klein his clothes, blushing furiously.
I paced in the lobby of the shop each time passing the mirror trying not to stop and inspect myself. The coppery tint reminded me of action stars and dramatized play fights when we visited Iron Mountain city.
I thought of Klein, and how he looked. He might not be a heavyweight door guard, but he wasn’t some bone thin Shil boy, and Hario had explicitly approved of him. I held my head a bit higher. Reminding myself I was disappointing no one with my choice. No matter how xenophobic some of my extended family was.
The door to the changing room clicked open, and I turned to see Klein in a mix of profoundly familiar and utterly alien clothes. My father’s cooling vest over a loose white shirt with… belts? On the forearms, making it close fitting at the wrist with the excess fabric over the bicep. The black pants were Shil tight, but with weirdly patterned knees that could stretch, and the pleated skirt of heavy fabric that covered the crotch and thighs looked to be directly imported from the Dirt governess’s honor guard. The only thing still standard was the shoes, and I had doubts they would stay standard for long.
“It fits you,” was all I could say, and it was true. The clothes complemented a figure that was neither Shil, Senthe or Helkam slim, nor Rakiri heavy. It was clothes meant for a human.
Klein’s lopsided smile told me this wasn’t the same Klein that walked into the changing room. It was the smile worn right before a Raid game or an obstacle course, or when bantering with Paluto. It meant his persona switched from quiet to theatrical*.*
At least this meant he’d be talking more. It wasn’t like him to be this quiet. “Thank you Ma’tari, Iss’fera, for the wonderfully crafted clothes. I look forward to the real thing!” Klein said as he walked up to me and offered his arm. This was the Klein that had kissed me, and now I could relax as there was a role for both of us to play, with easy to follow baked-in social conventions.
I took Klein’s offered arm confidently and we walked out together as I asked. “Where to now?”
“Somewhere to talk, ever tried Nighkru Tea?” Klein stage whispered cryptically.
/////// Author’s notes:
A lot has happened in life! And this chapter was hard to get started. I didn’t know where the first scene was supposed to even be! I also had a lot of worldbuilding to do for everything to feel more solid than before. It was worth it though! It took me two weeks to get the first half done, and two days for the second half.

A homeless teenager reaches out to the Shil’vati on first day of the invasion of Earth.
This is a rewrite of my original story ‘Loyalist’.
Credit to u/bluefishcake for writing the original SSB story.
Pizzaulostin who has been beta reading since the beginning.
and u/BruhMomentGEE who has really helped with plot and dialogue.
Credit to u/HollowShel for getting me started with this!
This story is based in the SSB universe.
Previous
First
next
as always, comments are welcome.
​

Chapter 20:

Itaro:

I tried to distract myself by looking out the large windows framed by scuffed dull purple alloy. I fidgeted with the flat pulpwood box on my lap as the old city bus lumbered through the low-income apartment block suburbs broken up by small factories, tiny parks, schools, shopping malls, restaurants, temples, and other minutiae of the community.
I looked down at the box containing dad’s old cooling vest. A vest I had tailored surreptitiously for Klein as a “friendly gift”. A utility present to get closer to him and maybe ask him out in a month or two.
That scheme had gone out the window two days ago the moment I stood between Klein and Giton. That same day, Klein had kissed me, and the gift now was part of the first date. I’m still stupefied on how forward he’d been. It didn’t help that he was the adopted son of my father’s ex-lover.
Yeah, this was weird, Humans are weird.
The calm chime sounded to let me know that we reached the junction of thirty-seventh and forty-fifth street. I sighed inwardly, signaled a stop, and stood up. Weird are not, Klein was fun to be around, and a mental vacation compared to my own family.

Klein:

I tried my best not to notice how tight my arm sleeves on my dress shirt were as I read through Gearschilde craft-book on common legends and stories of the early days of their calamity.
The heavy book had pages made of brass and steel, small levers, dials and switches helped animate the illustration while also teaching the basics of mechanics, electronics and materials science through rhyme and illustration. Skills necessary personally and communally needed to simply survive on their hellscape of a home world.
I handled it gingerly. I hadn’t understood when Cee gave it to me why they were called “craft-books”, nor why a priest had so many of them. A bit of research on the data net had explained that a craft book was an heirloom object of the family, made by a crafting-priest with the removed augments and implants of a deceased Gearschilde. A priest such as Cee handled such sacred objects when the family may no longer need them.
Apparently Forges Metal In Service Of Life was Exceptionally doting on her grandchildren, and the introduction she wrote for her own recycled corpse told of a woman who had literally given everything to her children so they may have a better future.
It was wholesome, but still I couldn’t help feeling a little creepy that I was technically playing with a dead body, or at least what had been vital prosthetics within it.
My thoughts were so wrapped up in the book though that I only caught the last few notes of the front doorbell melody by the time the sound drew my attention. Reqellia was already out of her chair looking at me expectantly in the study. I (carefully) closed the craft-book, got up and followed her out into the courtyard. A bit of nervous and excited energy in each step.
Itaro was here!
‘You are acting like a middle schooler on his first date’ Squirrel brain chastised me.
Fuck you too squirrel brain, it’s not like I had a wholesome date before that I could bring to a parent. I thought back, bringing up the mental image of Kelly, my last “girlfriend” that lasted two weeks, and was expelled for drinking in school.
I shook the old memories away. Bringing myself back to the present as Itraro opened the courtyard main doors. Dressed in tight, tailored, black ‘hunting pants’ with a thin silver stripe down the out seam and a deep navy-blue cooling vest with more silvery accents. I could see actual boning on the vest meant for body support. Itaro had gone for the Rakiri “functional formal” dress that was meant for parades and hunting parties. She carried a flat gift box that was semi-expensive and had clearly come to take this date seriously.
I stood up straighter in my Shil formalwear that was ready to burst at the seams. Reqellia moved between me and Itaro, performing the Shil’vati ritual of inspecting a potential suitor for their son on their first date. Again, yesterday Reqellia calling me her “son” felt fake, I was not her son, but I played along. She was at least one of my guardians right now.
There was a lackadaisy air to Reqellia’s words as she spoke. “You are interested in Klein, and want to go for a walk with him?”
Itaro still had a bit of nervousness in her voice, but she spoke steadily. “Yes, ma’am.”
Reqellia stayed silent and stared at Itaro for just a heartbeat, then broke into a wide grin, throwing up her hands. “Jrafell’s (goddess of joy’s) fire! You two get out of here, and don’t message me till {sunset}!”
Reqellia shooed us out the front door, and as it closed behind us, Itaro held the package out towards me. “So, uh, I wanted to give this to you after the raid game. It’s a cooling vest since I notice you're starting to sweat even in the mornings now.”
I took the box slowly, trying to parse what she said. It was warm, but I was sweating all the time? I touched my forehead, and yes, I felt a slight dampness. How had I not noticed that?
I looked down at the layers of wicking fabric I was wearing. The high collar, the arm length sleeves. I was normally clothed neck down so that only my head and hands were exposed. The sweat wasn’t visible, and I had just mentally blocked it out. Shil cloth didn’t get stiff with sweat salt somehow.
I opened the lid. The vest was colored in a dark blue with the heat sinking accents in gold creeping vine motifs. “It’s… gorgeous.”
Itaro’s ears flicked back in self-aware embarrassment at the complement. “It’s not too outdated?”
I closed the lid with a dramatic snap as we started to walk towards the bus stop. “No, I think it’s styled for exactly the right time.”
The bus took us to a different part of town. Instead of the monolithic metallic blocks of shopping, living, and factory complexes, it was more akin to squares of walled-in outdoor malls with rows upon rows of car width sized streets and two-story shop or factory houses.
The outer walls of the area were the same style as any other Shil’vati building; however, inside those walls completely threw off any Shil sensibilities, and reveled in the multi-species culture so indicative of Sky that had become my favorite part of living here.
I always felt like a tourist walking through the compound gates. It was still hard, trying to understand what all the stores, meeting houses, clubs, and drink vendors offered. I was really hoping when I could walk alone to come here on my off days and just learn.
It was by far one of the most comfortable places I had been. I wasn’t given a second glance as scales, fur and even odder skins walked the streets. The scents changed from pungent and earthy to downright floral. The late morning was bustling with crowds also wanting to enjoy their off days of the Shel mid-week break. Colorful awnings had been stretched out to provide shade, and here some of the signs even had multi-language signs as opposed to the normal Trade Shil lexicon. The small gardens ranged from normal green hues, to cartoon colorful oranges, reds, and even bright blues and shiny blacks
I led the way to a cluster of shops owned by Tulo’s family. The architecture was Shil-ish. The patterns were of typical stars and seas done in metal, but instead of the traditional purples, blacks, and golds, it had textured matte finish and pastel colors. The sign above this particular hole-in-the-wall was labeled simple “Ki’tra’s Styling”
We walked in the open door, and again I was transported to a Shil’vati style not fashionable in at least two centuries. Brass instead of gold, marble and granite where thermocast metal should normally be placed. It was bright, shadowless, with a similar setup of padded chairs every barbershop that every species seemed to have in common.
“Be with you one second!” Tulo called out as he finished with a different customer. A Sharpfish gang member getting their hair done in a complex set of braids that I knew had a tradition of long-ago sea raiders. Thank you, Death Islands serial drama play, for giving me that tidbit of info.
Tulo was dressed flamboyantly straight for Shil’vati culture. He carried tools on a lacy belt rig. The pants and shirt were Shil cut, but again, the normally muted tones were swapped for bright swatches of color. A workaholic in terms of Shil’vati lifestyle and at the upper end of his species’ stamina. Pulling forty hours or even more a week, he never lost his marine’s purposeful gait despite the turn towards more gender conforming attitude and fashion.
I had a suspicion that Tulo and Ruhal were more than friends, but I didn’t pry. A few books and shows had hinted at such relationships, but there was a weird feeling when I checked the data-net that something was missing.
Tulo finished with the Sharpfish, as she strode out the room, she gave me a wink, and I could feel Itaro raise her hackles next to me. The tension was broken with Tulo throwing his arms wide in greeting. “K’ien! Thank you for giving us your time (and money) today! Ruhal sent over your wants, and I have been looking forward to this appointment, and who is this with you today?”
I looked at Itaro for permission, and with a barely perceptible nod I introduced her. “This is Itaro, my girlfriend.”
Tulo faked surprise dramatically. I knew Ruhal would have told him by now. “Oh, Itaro! I must say. You have found quite the catch, would you also like a trim? On the house!”
I knew Tulo would send a small fee to Ruhal for Itaro, but Itaro didn’t need to know that. She nodded again, but with her ears twitching, she said in a smaller than usual voice with intonation posing it as a question. “I would?”
Tulo turned around and yelled. “Reku! I have a K’ien’s girlfriend here wanting a trim and polish! You want practice?”
Reku walked out onto the shop floor from the back rooms holstering his omni pad while looking severe, but then again, he always looked severe. Reku was dressed in crisp clothes with muted blacks and purples more akin to a boardroom than a barbershop.
Tulo had let slip it was Reku’s way of “rebelling” from his father’s own counterculture style while helping Ruhal replace a faulty home heating unit.Tulo, to his credit, encouraged Reku’s “rebellious” behavior, and the quiet smile when he saw Itaro meant the next hour would be a production for both me and Itaro.
As I heard the snip of scissors, my head felt lighter by the second. It took a good quarter hour of combing for Tulo to get my bird’s nest hair unknotted, then the clipping started. It didn’t take long before the floor around me was covered in hair with faded shades of dye still clinging onto the strands.
I looked over at Reku snipping at Itaro’s mane to even it out and fur to sit flush with her clothes, with acute precision. While son and father had wildly different styles, their skillset was comparably solid.
“Head forward please.” Tulo’s voice was now business-like as he powered on the nearly silent trimmer, and in the mirror was a face that wasn’t recognizable to the boy a few months ago. The hair being the last vestige of a “Beach Bum” front I had worn while working at the convenience store.
The sides had been buzzed, and the top had been quaffed and rolled into a haircut I could only describe as “punk Elvis”. The haircut would be easy to maintain daily, but would require weekly trims.
“And now for the final touch.” Tulo smiled as he pulled out a hair dyeing comb and artfully brushed in a fade. My hair looked now like a field of grass just starting to turn in autumn with dark green tips shading lighter and blending into my naturally blonde hair.
It was just hair, but the loss of its weight on my head made me feel energetic. I wanted to stand, walk, run, but I kept seated as Tulo called out “Reku, I’m done with K’ien, ready to switch?”
“Almost” Reku replied flatly. I turned to see what he was doing and, oh… He had applied a dark bronze powder that gave her normally dull black spotted gray fur a speckled sheen that subtly reflected and scattered the light.
I stared a bit too long, and when Itaro saw me she looked away self-consciously. I did the same. It wasn’t right for me to stare, dating or no.
“Reku will be with you shortly. I need to take care of another customer,” Tulo said as he walked away. I still snuck glances at Itaro as I drummed my fingers to the rhythms of Ki’zachi, Chopin and got through the opening riffs of a Megadeth song before Reku started to work on me.
My face cleaned up and my nails polished and lacquered. I finally got up from my chair with Itaro openly staring at me. I blushed, feeling the heat on my cheeks, and looked away.
Well maybe staring wasn’t so bad.
“Now, my wife and daughter are two stores down with the clothes you picked out. The commissions take time, but we have rapid fabricators that will give you a feel how the real thing will wear, and if any adjustments need to be made,” Tulo explained to me as both me and Itaro tried not to gawk at each other.
We headed out of the shop clumsily, weaving slightly as we tried to decide where the line of personal space between us was considered proper.

Itaro:

“They are adorably awkward together aren’t they?” I heard Tulo whisper when he thought I was out of earshot. Dirtmothers this was embarrassing. Was my only thought as we walked down the road. All too aware of how we both looked.
Tulo’s wife Ma’tari was already putting clothes on the counter, her teenage daughter was at that weird phase of Shil life where they are skinny to the point of looking underfed with a name tag that read ‘Iss’fera.’
“Here you go K’ien! How have you…. What happened to you? I just tailored that shirt two months ago,” Iss’fera asked as her mother Ma’tari sternly looked at her.
“He built up some muscle, and you should too if you want to catch any boy’s eye!” using a bit of guilt to chastise her daughter for her faux paus. I wanted to defend her since she was working Shel break, but I didn’t want to get in another’s family drama.
“Oh! Uh, here you go!” she mumbled while handing Klein his clothes, blushing furiously.
I paced in the lobby of the shop each time passing the mirror trying not to stop and inspect myself. The coppery tint reminded me of action stars and dramatized play fights when we visited Iron Mountain city.
I thought of Klein, and how he looked. He might not be a heavyweight door guard, but he wasn’t some bone thin Shil boy, and Hario had explicitly approved of him. I held my head a bit higher. Reminding myself I was disappointing no one with my choice. No matter how xenophobic some of my extended family was.
The door to the changing room clicked open, and I turned to see Klein in a mix of profoundly familiar and utterly alien clothes. My father’s cooling vest over a loose white shirt with… belts? On the forearms, making it close fitting at the wrist with the excess fabric over the bicep. The black pants were Shil tight, but with weirdly patterned knees that could stretch, and the pleated skirt of heavy fabric that covered the crotch and thighs looked to be directly imported from the Dirt governess’s honor guard. The only thing still standard was the shoes, and I had doubts they would stay standard for long.
“It fits you,” was all I could say, and it was true. The clothes complemented a figure that was neither Shil, Senthe or Helkam slim, nor Rakiri heavy. It was clothes meant for a human.
Klein’s lopsided smile told me this wasn’t the same Klein that walked into the changing room. It was the smile worn right before a Raid game or an obstacle course, or when bantering with Paluto. It meant his persona switched from quiet to theatrical.
At least this meant he’d be talking more. It wasn’t like him to be this quiet. “Thank you Ma’tari, Iss’fera, for the wonderfully crafted clothes. I look forward to the real thing!” Klein said as he walked up to me and offered his arm. This was the Klein that had kissed me, and now I could relax as there was a role for both of us to play, with easy to follow baked-in social conventions.
I took Klein’s offered arm confidently and we walked out together as I asked. “Where to now?”
“Somewhere to talk, ever tried Nighkru Tea?” Klein stage whispered cryptically.

/////// Author’s notes:

A lot has happened in life! And this chapter was hard to get started. I didn’t know where the first scene was supposed to even be! I also had a lot of worldbuilding to do for everything to feel more solid than before. It was worth it though! It took me two weeks to get the first half done, and two days for the second half.

This story was written by me and was first featured on the SCP Experience Podcast! Please enjoy. Another cake day story will be coming tomorrow!
Item #: SCP-9388
Object class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures:
Attempts at containing SCP-9388 have been unsuccessful. Due to the transient nature of SCP-9388, it is difficult to initiate containment protocols. However, the successful placement of a permanent tracking device on an exterior wall by Foundation team members has allowed for quick mobilization to defend the perimeter and prevent human entrance once reconstitution is imminent.
Any humans already within the transient structure upon arrival of Foundation task forces are to be considered acceptable losses. Under no circumstances should Foundation team members enter SCP-9388, no matter how desirable the benefits of employment within may seem. Foundation team members who seem particularly interested should be reminded of their ongoing contract for lifetime service with SCP Foundation, and the consequences of voiding that contract.
Finally, any humans who are discovered dismembered or severely injured after escape from SCP-9388 should be brought in for immediate decontamination and neurological reprogramming following debriefing.
Description:
SCP-9388 appears to all unknowing eyes as a factory.
The casual observer will wonder how the building was constructed so quickly, as it seems to appear overnight. This is not far from the truth, as SCP-9388 does locomote, using some mechanism still yet to be determined.
Either that, or it teleports itself from place to place. One way or another, it gets where it needs to be.
For anyone unfortunate enough to enter SCP-9388, they will find escape to be quite impossible.
Through some investigation, it has been determined that SCP-9388 uses a tried and true method of luring victims within its doors.
By insinuating itself in a community with poor job opportunities and high unemployment rates, the building which appears to be a factory can lure in many unsuspecting people. By offering decent paying jobs with health benefits, SCP-9388 often finds itself with a surplus of victims - the survivors being left sometimes intact, sometimes partially dismembered, but ALWAYS dissatisfied when it comes to recounting their recent employment.
One such survivor recalled his experience during an interview which was recorded for posterity.
Here is one short excerpt, which gives a glimpse of a typical survivor's experience inside SCP-9388.
Interview 9388-604C - Subject: Redacted Date: Redacted
Investigator: Can you tell us how you came to find yourself in the employ of the aforementioned factory. The place you keep calling, “Sergeant Sphincter’s Nightmaratorium?”
Subject: Sure. It’s hard to forget. Maybe talking about it will help. That’s what they say, right? Talk therapy? Ain’t that a thing?
Investigator: Please sign this form indicating I am not a therapist.
Subject: For real?
Investigator: Yes, I’m afraid so.
Subject: (While signing paper) Okay, listen, I don’t like to think about it, that’s all. The factory was weird. It was all sorts of fucked up.
Investigator: Define “all sorts of fucked up.”
Subject: (Sighs) The day I noticed the place I was walking down the street. I never seen this place before, I think to myself, looking up at this big building that sprung up just since last week. Maybe more recent than that, even, but I ain’t been that way since Tuesday.
So anyways, I’d normally walk right past a help wanted sign, on account of I got a pretty sweet gig with the welfare office right now, but this place stuck out like a sore thumb. It was shiny and new, and there was a big sign planted out front - red with bold white letters - saying, “Hiring - No experience needed - High pay with benefits and pension.” I damn near shit ma’ self. Didn’t think pensions existed no more. Everybody’s doing 401Ks now - they're a helluva lot cheaper on the books.
Investigator: So you went inside? Then what happened?
Subject: Well, it looked normal enough at first. There was a lady at the front reception desk, pretty little thing, had an old fashioned haircut, though. Didn’t look right on her. Someone her age should be lookin’ more stylish than that, I thought. But I wasn’t in a position to be sayin’ nothin’ about it.
I got up to the desk and asked for an application, told her I saw the sign out front sayin’ they was hiring. And she gives me a pen and an application on a clipboard just like that, tells me to sit down and fill it out. Man, weirdest thing was her eyes. They didn’t look right. I don’t know how else to explain it, they just looked strange. Like she wasn’t human, or something. They was wide, like a cartoon character. And she kept lookin’ right past me.
Investigator: Can you elaborate on that? How else did she seem other than human?
Subject: I guess her skin. Now that I think about it. It was a bit plastic-like. Almost like a doll. She was pretty enough to be one, too. Like a damn Barbie doll but life-size and could walk and talk. And when she talked it was flat, like one of those online robots you can type words into and it’ll repeat them back for ya.
Investigator: Text-to-speech. I see. Please, continue.
Subject: So I sat down and started filling out this form. And man, was it long. There was nobody else in there with me, either, I noticed. Even though this place was huge and there was that big sign out front saying they was hiring and how good of a place it was to work. I just kept thinking to myself, ‘It goes to show, nobody wants to work no more these days.”
Investigator: You filled out the forms, yes? What happened next? Did they hire you?
Subject: That’s the thing. The forms went on forever. They just kept asking so many questions. What’s your greatest strength? What’s your greatest weakness? Sure, those ones you’d expect. But then it got more personal. Started asking, “What’s your greatest fear? What’s the name of your childhood best friend? Have you ever fallen asleep in the bathtub? Have you ever plugged in a toaster and dropped it into a bathtub while someone else was inside? What sort of sexual kinks do you have? How big is your-”
Investigator: I see. So it got quite personal. What did you do when you realized you didn’t wish to fill out the rest of the application?
Subject: I stood up. I was gonna go see that receptionist and give her a piece of my mind. I thought she was messing with me. You know what I mean? Like she gave me a bullshit application to fill out just to waste my time.
I got up to the desk and there’s nobody there. Just a sign that says, “Applicants please proceed to Section A.”
Investigator: So the receptionist was gone? And nobody else was around? Didn’t that seem strange to you?
Subject: Sure it did. But I thought maybe she just went to lunch. So I followed the sign to the next room, thinking maybe I’d find her manager there or somebody and I could complain. She was messin’ with me, I thought. For sure, she had to be messin’ with me.
Investigator: What happened after that?
Subject: I went in through those doors. Man, I wish I hadn’t though.
Investigator: And why is that?
Subject: Well, that’s when things started getting crazy. I walked through those doors and there’s this long, long hallway. And so I started walking down it. Ain’t no doors or windows, no pictures hangin’ up. Even the walls didn’t look right. They were smooth, no gaps, just this off-yellow paint. It smelled too. Like they had a bad mildew problem. The floor was a little squishy when you walked on it. Like that carpet was a bit damp. I started to feel water leaking through my shoes and into my socks - but it wasn't cold like you would expect from a flood or a leak. It was warm, almost body temperature, like blood. The fluorescent lights were flickering in this terrible way that made my head hurt, and I just wanted to turn around and go back. But I didn't. Something kept making me want to go forward, like because I'd gotten this far my mind wouldn't let me go back. But I got this feeling it wasn't MY MIND telling me to stay, it was something else. Something stronger than me that I couldn't fight any more than you could fight against the riptide if it was dragging you out to sea.
Investigator: (While scribbling furiously on notepad) Interesting. Please continue. Don’t let me interrupt.
Subject: I’m walking down this long hallway for what feels like forever. And then I realize the door at the end ain’t getting any closer. Just stays the same distance away from me no matter how fast or slow I walk. Yeah, weird, right? And I’m startin’ to think maybe this is a test, like a psychiatrist exam or something that they’re putting me through for this job, because this is the weirdest thing I've ever seen.
But at the same time, I’m thinking about all this other stuff. Like those questions from the forms that I didn’t want to answer, and I’m reliving all of these memories and it’s like I’m filling out those forms in my mind as I’m walking down this never-ending hallway, and I can’t turn back and I can’t think about nothin’ else.
Investigator: Something like that would frighten most people. Did you find yourself afraid at this point in time?
Subject: No, that was the other weird thing. The longer I was there for the more it started to feel like all this weird shit that was happening was okay. Like it was no big deal.
Investigator: So you found yourself acclimating to the place. Becoming accustomed to it. Please continue.
Subject: Right. Yeah, like you said. I was accustomating to it. So eventually I realize I’m in this big factory space. Machines whirring and spinning all around me. Conveyor belts and…
Investigator: I’m sorry, could you go back for a second? What happened to the hallway? Did you find a door leading out of the never-ending hallway? This seems to be a familiar pattern and we never get a straight answer on this.
Subject: Nah, I was just in the hallway one second, then in the factory the next. I must not have been paying attention. Anyways, this guy’s standing in front of me with a clipboard in his hands. He’s wearing a hardhat and safety goggles like you’d expect, but then he’s also got on this real fancy three-piece suit. His shoes too, looked like he was coming from a wedding or a real snooty restaurant or something, like he was one of those Mater Dee guys. And he tells me that I’m gonna be workin’ on the line. And I said sure, no problem, but I didn’t finish filling out the forms. He tells me, “Sure you did. Everyone fills out the forms, whether they want to or not.”
Investigator: Interesting. So he took you to your work station?
Subject: Yeah, he took me over to the line and tells me to stand in front of this conveyor belt. He tells me I’m on quality control, and that I’ve gotta keep an eye for any deformed product coming down the conveyor belt.
After that he walks away and I’m waiting for something to come down the line, but nothing does. I’m standing there for ten minutes and starting to think something’s broken. I was about to walk away to go find that supervisor guy. But then stuff starts coming towards me down the conveyor belt.
Investigator: What EXACTLY did you see first? If you can recall.
Subject: Oh I remember, alright. I can’t forget them. No way can I forget them. Umbrellas. Black umbrellas started coming out of this machine one by one. They were unfurled and closed, alternating one after another. It was so strange. I couldn’t figure out why they’d be like that. Why they wouldn’t all be the same. But either way I kept watching them closely, making sure there wasn’t nothin’ wrong with them. And the longer I stared at those umbrellas, open, closed, open, closed, one after another, the more I started to feel sleepy. Hypnotized.
And then other stuff started coming down the conveyor belt. Bad stuff. Real bad.
Investigator: I understand this must be difficult for you. Please take your time. What do you mean when you say bad stuff was coming down the conveyor belt? Can you be more specific?
Subject: (tearing up) I didn’t understand how she could be there. How she could be laying there on that conveyor belt, looking up at me.
Investigator: Who? Who was there?
Subject: My momma. She died when I was just a little boy. I could barely even remember her face before I saw her coming down the conveyor belt.
Investigator: Your mother was in the factory?
Subject: She was dressed just like she was at that fucking funeral! Her face all painted up, looking waxy and gray. And I felt like I was right back there again, watching her get buried. Standing in the rain. All those black umbrellas all around me. People crying fake tears, dressed all in black, giving me fake sympathy and fake sadness when really they were happy she was gone. She was a terrible mother. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t love her. Even if she did smack me around when she’d had too much to drink.
I thought she was still alive at first. I reached out to grab her and tried to pull her off that damn belt. I wanted to save her! But that fucking machine gobbled her up! And it grabbed me! Started to pull me in, too! It took part of my arm and munched it up with those awful teeth! Everyone I ever loved came pouring out of that fucking machine onto that conveyor belt, one by one rushing past me and heading into that black abyss that’s gonna swallow em up and they’ll be gone forever! I tried to stop them! I tried to help them! You have to believe me! You have to! (Sobbing) I hit the red button! The emergency stop button! It didn’t work! It didn’t do anything! It just kept going and going until I was covered in their bodies! They were all around me, everywhere, on top of me! And I could see their eyes! Somehow they were all looking right at me. All of them! Their eyes were all staring at me!
Investigator: Perhaps we should take a break for a few minutes.
Subject: (Sobbing turns to demented laughter) That fucking place ate my arms and legs, you son of a bitch! I'm nothing now but a stump with a head! A break! You want a break!? How about the universe gives me a fucking break! Get me the fuck out of here you-
Interview ends
Since tracking began SCP-9388 has been responsible for at least 2,549 deaths, 928 major injuries requiring hospitalization, 129 minor injuries, and one single individual who managed to escape the factory unscathed. Psychological trauma notwithstanding.
Following extraction, the subject who will be referred to here as “Abercrombie” was interviewed to determine how he managed his successful escape. It was believed that if replicated, this technique could serve as a framework for Foundation team members to safely infiltrate the facility, in an attempt to further potential containment efforts.
Interview 9388-452F - Subject: CODE NAME Abercrombie Date: Redacted
Investigator: Thank you for taking the time to sit down with me, sir. I promise this will just take a few minutes. I’m sure you’re a very busy man.
Abercrombie: You’re damn right I’m a busy man! This is bullshit. Do you know who my father is? Let me tell you, I’m not opposed to suing if I’m not out of here in the next ten minutes. My dad has the best lawyers in town on retainer.
Investigator: Ten minutes is more than generous. Now, please, if you would quickly sum up how you came to find yourself in the factory?
Abercrombie: Whatever, man. As long as it gets me out of this place. Are you guys cops? You have to tell me if you're cops.
Investigator: For the sake of simplicity, sure, we're cops.
Abercrombie: Look, I just needed to take a piss. Fuckin’ Starbucks went right through me. So I went inside this factory, it looked new at least, not like the other piece of shit places around there. Anyways, there's a guy sittin’ at the front desk - looks like he’s high on pills or something - eyes wide as frickin’ dinner plates. So I go up to him and ask for the bathroom, and he says to go down the hall to the left.
I go through these double doors and start walking down this long hallway. I’m thinking there’s gonna be a bathroom somewhere sooner or later, but there’s nothing.
Investigator: Did you find yourself having any… flashbacks during this time in the hallway? Did memories from your past coming rushing back with a flood of emotions?
Abercrombie: Nah, man. I just kept thinkin’ about how bad I needed to take that piss. Couldn’t really focus on much else.
Investigator: (writing furiously) Interesting. What happened next?
Abercrombie: I ended up in this big factory space all of a sudden and I got no memory of how I got there. But there’s this guy standing in front of me all fancy like a butler with a clipboard and a hardhat on his head. He says to me I’m gonna be working the line but I was like, ‘fuck that, bro. I just needed the can.’ And he starts gettin’ all agro on me. Tells me I'm part of The Horde now, whatever the fuck that means. I kicked him in his pecker.
Investigator: You kicked him in the…
Abercrombie: You heard me bro. You want some?
Investigator: No, I’m good. So, how did you manage to escape the place? Did anyone come after you after that?
Abercrombie: Nah, bro. I just opened my eyes and I was standing outside. Fucking pissed myself, though. That was embarrassing. Haven't pissed myself since college.
Interview ends
Following extensive investigation SCP Foundation management has determined that infiltrating SCP-9388 may be feasible in the coming days. Several insights have been gleaned from interviewing the subjects mentioned above as well as many others.
Recommendations for a future containment operation have been outlined in detail, but are summarized below.
Although it will be a dangerous endeavor it is believed that infiltration and containment may be possible using the following mechanisms:
Team members entering SCP-9388 during project codename: Xavier would be required to have a full bladder. It seems that physiological stimuli such as the need to urinate may cause the hypnotic programming and memory extraction of SCP-9388 to have less significant effects. Only the most devoted and seasoned SCP Foundation team members should be assigned for this theoretical mission, as the abilities of SCP-9388 to lure potential candidates for employment is well-recognized. It should be noted that during early phases of identification, several Foundation team members did succumb to the temptation of employment inside SCP-9388 and were subsequently never seen again. Team members should have little to no attachment to any living or deceased relatives if assigned to project codename: Xavier, in order to minimize chances of psychological manipulation and bodily consumption. Team members chosen should preferably be of low moral character, with rich daddies, and questionable decision making ability - matching the profile of subject codename Abercrombie.
Summary:
SCP-9388 is a transient, semi-ethereal structure with a hive-mind capability of vast superior intelligence, manipulating its victims and feasting on their body parts. An alternative theory suggests that SCP-9388 does not fully consume its victims, but incorporates them in their ethereal state into the factory, using them as workers. Similar to a ghost ship, SCP-9388 contains the essences of many individuals, whose disembodied forms are still capable of doing lasting physical and psychological damage if confronted.
Several reports indicate the presence of additional lifeforms within the factory, most of them appearing at least vaguely human, although they can be differentiated from victims of the factory as they have blue skin, oversized almond-shaped eyes, and are at least twelve feet tall.
Little is known about these beings due to limited contact and even fewer documented encounters with credible SCP Foundation team members.
Although there is potential for future containment, it will involve great risk to any SCP team members assigned to the project. Until that time, foundation team members will do what we can to protect and secure SCP-9388 whenever it resurfaces.
Otherwise, there’s a good chance SCP-9388 will continue getting craftier and more creative - as it finds new ways to lure in its victims.
The size of SCP-9388 has continued to grow larger with each documented encounter - as it is now the size of several city blocks, and is getting exponentially bigger with each reoccurrence.
Hopefully we can contain it before it consumes us all.

First Previous Next
The shuttle ride down to the major port city of Quest, which apparently meant "port" in the local language which Ivan, Suzie, Kip, and even Skeeter thought portended a fine excursion, carried a pall of anticipation. Well, since Kip didn't speak Commercial English or Texiean, he thought so upon his implant translating the amused chatter of his "wardens," as Skeeter thought his trio. The other members had a somewhat more favorable view of their relationship with the teenager in their custody, but to Skeeter's mind they were being rather cavalier about their responsibility.
"Listen kid, the point is for us to show people on the Human side of the gulf what things are like over here. We aren't here to solve any mysteries, root out any corruption, or do anything else dangerous. So you're not going to wander off down dark allies, look up were the high crime areas are, or do whatever it is people who are shady on this planet do."
"Shady?" Kip asked tentatively.
"You know, shifty, spooky, up to no good."
"Oh..."
"Hun, can we put 'im in the video?"
"And say what? 'Hey y'all, this kid turned up on our ship and moved into our cabin because Ivan and Suzie thought it was cute,' huh?" Skeeter scoffed.
"Why not?" Ivan asked.
"Adventure," Kip whispered.
Skeeter glared at all of them.
The planet itself had several large landmasses covered in dense vegetation from shore to shore, with darker green at the poles indicating conifer-like trees, but there were large patches of more organized vegetation visible from high altitude, trees growing in neat rows with even spacing, or fields of broad leafed plants with little to no trees encumbering their exposure to sunlght, while the only evidence of cities was the twinkling of artificial lights on the night side of Verdura flickering beneath the canopies of the towering trees.
The indigenous people, the Kauquawl became more visible as the shuttle dipped below the treetops, and the lower gravity world proved to be more hospitable to the other races of the Star Council than Woat, as among the giant white furred fluffy teddy bear people there were also a multitude of short beaked avian people with feathers ranging from jet black to mottled black and white, to blue with a few other rare combinations, cephalopod people who scuttled along on their eight tentacles, made sure their shifting colors stood out against the foliage, and carried small tanks of water on the backs of their bulbous heads, and finally a multitude of what many Humans have described as "Clickety-clack spider centaur people," since the somewhat unorthodox First Contact event. Thankfully, here too it was the norm to wear clothing, as none of the four travelers were particularly keen on the idea of going nude to fit in, but it seemed light, airy robes were the current local fashion.
"So is this place ship gravity, or like Woat?" Kip asked.
"Well, the travel information said mediworld, so I'm guessing no. Woat is a heavyworld, so that's high gravity," Skeeter said pensively.
"So you guys must come from a heavyworld too, since I didn't see you with gravbelts back home," Kip chipperly concluded.
"This is so, but on our ships we are having the same gravity as Terra."
"Is that where you come from?"
"Naw, Suzie and I are from a planet called Better Texas."
"Yea, and New Texas can just deal with the fact that we're better," Suzie quipped.
"How many Texas-es-es is there?"
"They are having five of them which are planets. They are naming them after a place on Terra because of how beloved it is being," Ivan explained, "I am from Sil'nyy Moroz, it was an early colony made for military purposes. It is no longer being such a harsh place as it was, but still more snow than most planets."
"So you went to the poles for some reason?"
"No, the planet is having snowy weather except for near the equator."
"Wow," Kip said.
"Thanks Ivan, that'll make a good opener," Suzie said as she stared out the window, "We'll have you introduce yourself later, Kip."
Skeeter resigned himself to the fact that Kip was a part of the series going forward, and busied himself with the tourism information muttering, "They're going to go nuts when he goes home..."
"AAAH! YOU WERE RECORDING?!"
The boring bits of landing at the shuttle port, getting transport to a local hotel, and checking in were routine to the three Republicans, and Juno and Jerry for that matter, but Kip was in constant awe of every last detail, from the massive trees with their spreading branches, to the buildings and their clean lined architecture in the dancing shade beneath the leaves, to the locals, who dwarfed the group of heavyworlder travelers and even their Star Sailor hosts.
Once they were settled in for a three night stay, Skeeter called a meeting with the others to go over the itinerary, "Alright, so these guys aren't very big on swimming, or really much in the way of athletics. So we'll skip a beach visit," Kip and Suzie made noises of disappointment to this, "But they're big on learning stuff, so there are some public lectures we can go to."
"I like this one on, how do you say..." Ivan said pointing at one of the available options.
"Xenonutrition," Skeeter supplied, "but I think that's xeno from the Kauquawl perspective."
"This is very good, because it's about what is safely metabolized by many races, and might give clues on what is safe and not safe."
"Sounds right up Skeeter's alley," Suzie chimed in with a playful hip bump to her husband.
"Lectures?" Kip groaned.
"I'm sure this hotel has a kitchen with dishes you can wash," Skeeter said flatyly,
"I love lectures!" Kip exclaimed to a round of chuckling.
"I kind of want to go to the lecture on us, I'm curious what the teddy-folk think about Humanity," Suzie mused.
"Kay, and after that we'll check out the restaurant scene. Unfortunately, no meat," The other three groaned at the news as he went on, "But lots of fruit, so we'll be good for a couple of days, and we have our jerky. Then we'll go see a play, since theater is apparently a big deal in this city."
"Can we go the lecture about you guys? The other one sounds like eating sand..."
One fulfilled itinerary later, and the quartet had returned with a need to satisfy a craving for dried meats.
"Is it really that weird to give your cleaning robot a name?" Suzie asked.
"Yes!" Kip said, "Why would a cleaning robot need a name?"
"So you can tell it that it is a good boy," Ivan said.
Kip looked from Skeeter, to Suzie, to Ivan in flabbergasted bewilderment as the three of them nodded sagely to each other. "But it's also kind of cute..."
"You've got a lot of nerve calling anything cute, water noodle," Skeeter scoffed. He was still determined to be very strict with the boy.
"Huh?"
"Alright, now we record the intro and voiceovers for the clips, figure out what You wanna say, Kip," Suzie said.
A few workshops of the intro later, and Ivan gave the others a silent countdown and a thumbs up to let them know the recording was live. "Howdy Y'all and welcome to Space Cowboy," Skeeter started out. "Today we're continuin' our series on the cradle worlds of Over There. I'm your favorite Space Cowboy, Skeeter."
"And I'm his prettier half, Suzie."
"And this is Ramblin' Stars with Skeeter n' Suzie!"
"The cute small one is being called Kip," Ivan interjected from behind the camera.
"He snuck onto the ship we're on," Suzie explained happily.
Kip waved and said, "Hi, I'm Kip, and I'm riding this wave."
"He's gonna be in the videos since we gotta chaperone him around!"
"Yup," Skeeter picked up without missing a beat, "and like I explained last time, the star nation we're in is called the Star Council, which is some kinda weird democracy or somethin',"
"The grown-ups vote on like everything the parliament proposes!" Kip very helpfully explained, "If that's the weird part to you guys. I just remember from civics class that's different from most other star nations."
"How the voting works hereabouts aside, what's important right now is that the giant teddy bear people live here, and we're on their cradle world, Verdura." Skeeter said.
"Once again, be making sure you are turning off translations for proper nouns. Things will becoming confused if you do not," Ivan advised in his characteristic deadpan.
"Verdura translates loosely to soil, or loam, so not that far off from how we named Terra," Suzie recited.
"Most cradle worlds have simple names like that," Kip said, "Some people can be touchy about it, but I've never heard of a Kauquawl being touchy about anything."
"But first things first, do the Kauquawl like Humans?"
All three of them paused to give Suzie a clear section in the timeline to edit in the footage of the reactions of various Kauquawl coming up to the group and complimenting them on their adorability, including one interaction in which a man tried to lift Skeeter, and learned he was heavier than he appeared to him.
"They are liking Doggos," Ivan said, and again there was a pause for Suzie to edit in a clip of various giant teddy bear peoples' attempts at petting at Ivan's fluffy head. "I am not knowing about Bigkitties."
"And us," Kip sighed, and once more there was a handy editing pause for Suzie to add in a clip of an old woman pinching his cheek.
"With the introductions out of the way, let's get into what we got up to on Kauquawl," Skeeter said.
"You did well," Ivan said to Kip, who beamed up at him.
First Previous Next

“I know how men in exile feed on dreams of hope”
-Aeschylus
IT WAS JUST PAST sunrise on Herenveen Prime and Charlotte Elizabeth Mackenzie-Nanda, Queen Consort of the Herenveen Staats-Republic, was still enjoying her coffee when she heard the distant rumble of a sonic boom that indicated an arriving shuttle had entered the upper atmosphere, bound for the spaceport. She set her cup down on the small table next to her.
“Grimsby?”
“Yes ma’am?” Her ever-present steward stepped forward.
“Do you have the omnioculars close at hand?”
“Always ma’am,” he replied. He stepped over to a small cabinet on the far side of the terrace, opened it, and, retrieving the omnioculars, brought them back to her. “Here you are, ma’am.”
“Thank you, Grimsby,” she said. Raising the omnioculars to her eyes, she began to scan the skies. Let’s see, she thought to herself. I’m on the eastern side of the palace, overlooking the gardens and that means the approach vector to the spaceport in Herenveen Town should be about… there. There was a faint trail of exhaust. She pressed a green button on top of the omnioculars and the readout confirmed her findings. There was a ship and it was- the readout directed her to move to the right and she did so, hoping that she would be able to catch a glimpse of the arriving ship before it disappeared behind the Palace and-
She froze and pulled back from the omnioculars. It couldn’t be. It couldn’t- she made herself look again. There was no mistaking it this time. It was a clipper ship, one of the ultra-fast pickets that the Star Union’s defense contractors were marketing to every buyer from here to the rim. Along its prow was its registration number (SU-76463) and its name, the Star Clipper. None of that was particularly of note. What was, however, was the red, white, and blue roundel of the Star Union’s space force and, she noted, the golden gryphon symbol of the Duchy of New Georgia underneath it.
She set the omnioculars down on the table and picked up her coffee again, staring out at the Palace Gardens. She was not ill-informed, of course. Even now, after decades in exile, she still had friends in the Star Union. She had heard about the failing health of her Grandfather, the King-Emperor, and- there’s only one reason why they would send a clipper ship. The thought whispered to her. Only one.
“Grimsby?”
A step forward. “Yes ma’am?”
“Where is she this morning? She usually tells you, doesn’t she?”
“I believe Her Majesty was convinced that the roses needed some attention this morning, ma’am.”
“Ah yes, Grimsby, but which roses? She has so many.”
“The Austins I believe were her primary concern, ma’am. She is worried about how they are adapting to our soil after the long journey from Terra.”
“Very well.” She made herself sit and finish her coffee, drinking in the view and soaking up the peace and serenity of the early morning. There was no better view than she could think of and if she was right- but what if you’re not? The Star Union has plenty of clipper ships. It could be anything.
Keep telling yourself that, she told herself, but no good news comes early in the morning. She drained the last of her coffee, placed the mug on the saucer and stood up, walking towards the edge of the grand staircase that lead down into the gardens, Grimsby just behind her, a constant presence at her side.
Decades before, she had been too young to know what was going on in the Star Union. She had been carefully shielded from the politics of it all. She knew the history. Everyone knew the history, but… she remembered the hands shaking her, waking her in the night. Urging her to get up, quickly, there was no time to pack. She remembered her mother’s face, creased with worry and realizing that she was afraid, seeing her fall behind on her little legs and sweeping her up into her arms. She was safe there. She was happy there.
There were only flashes of memory now, The sound of shoes echoing on the deserted hallways of the Palace. The night sky, so warm, so clear, the stars shimmering above her. She was placed in the transport, near the window and soon they were lifting off. The city was half cast in darkness, flickers of fire and columns of smoke dimly visible, split by the sinuous line of the River Nanda, running through the capitol city.
She remembered her face, pressed against the window, clutching her stuffed gryphon, Archie close as they reached the terminator line between night and day and she caught one last glimpse of the beautiful oceans and the green land of Astralis Prime, heart of the Star Union and then…
Then it was exile and her family had gone back to the Potentate of Cosmara once again, barely a generation after the First Restoration of their dynasty back to the great throne of the Star Union.
A delicate cough interrupted her train of thought. “Ma’am.”
“Hmm?”
“The roses are… that way,” Grimsby nodded to her left.
“Thank you, Grimsby,” she replied, annoyed at her absent-mindedness. It’s because it’s early, she told herself. No good news comes early in the morning. Father would say it all the time. Mother believed it. You believe it too, she admitted to herself.
Finally heading in the right direction, it was the work of a few moments before she finally came around the well-manicured hedge, ducked under a delicate moongate and stepped into the rose garden. There, she caught sight of her wife, Chief Stadtholder and Queen of the Herenveen Staats-Republic, Chief Executive Officer of it’s associated trading conglomerates and companies, Juliana Beatrix Oranje-Nassau, Fifth of her name.
“You bloody thing, I don’t know where you’re coming from, but I will find you and I will-” Juliana was on all fours, gloved hand buried deep into a rose bush, trying to trace back an offending weed of some kind. Charlotte stopped and just watched for a long moment. They were both getting older now. Their children were grown and in the case of their son, Eduardo had just secured the line of succession and made them both grandmothers. Even with the prolong treatments, streaks of grey were creeping into her hair now, but still-
“Enjoying the view?” Juliana asked archly, turning her head to notice her for the first time.
“You know I always do,” she replied. “You also do know that we have gardeners that can do things like this.”
Juliana growled and gave the offending weed an almighty pull before pulling her gloved hand out of the rose bush and holding it up triumphantly.
“We pay them quite a bit of money, you know,” she continued idly as Juliana stood up. “They’re experts at-”
“I know, Charlotte,” Juliana rolled her eyes. “It’s just, I like to sneak out-”
“-leaving me alone in our bed-”
“-and just get some gardening in before the tedious business of the day begins,” Juliana continued.
Charlotte smiled fondly at her wife, fully aware of how quickly she would abdicate should the Staats-General ever get around to deeming Eduardo to be a worthy successor to her. Juliana was a creature of nature, more than anything, far more at home puttering about the Palace gardens or strapping on big, practical waterproof boots to go tramping through fields. She was happiest getting her hands dirty. “I love you, wife.”
Juliana’s face softened and she stepped towards Charlotte, slipping her ungloved hand into hers and leaning forward to kiss her firmly on the lips. “And I adore you, my queen.” She creased her eyebrows, realizing something. “What brings you out into the gardens at this hour, anyway? You should be eating your breakfast still.”
“I started early when I woke to find an empty space in my bed,” Charlotte replied somewhat tartly.
“But, I came looking for you when I heard the ship coming in.”
“Is that what that was? I wondered, but I was…” Juliana raised her gloved hand, still clenched around the offending weed and looked a little sheepish.
“Preoccupied?” Charlotte finished.
“Yes, let’s go with that. So, a ship? It’s a little early for a ship.”
“I thought so as well, so I tracked it with the omnioculars.”
“Anyone important?”
“It was from the Star Union,” Charlotte said. “One of their new ultra-fast pickets. It…” she sighed. “It had the livery of the Duchy of New Georgia on it.”
“Your cousin. David, no, Dean, no-” Juliana frowned in irritation.
“Drake,” Charlotte supplied.
“Yes, him. That’s the one,” Juliana said. “Has he sent any messages? Any word that he’s coming?”
“No,” Charlotte admitted.
“So, it could be just another ship on urgent business for anything, right?” Juliana said. “There might be no need to worry at all.”
“Maybe,” Charlotte said. “But-”
“No good news comes early in the morning.” Juliana finished. She pulled the glove off of her hand and tossed it next to the pile of weeds she had placed to one side along with the garden implements. “Would it ease your mind if we went and find out what the ship wanted?”
“It would, my love, but…” she glanced pointedly at the mess and Juliana flapped her hand dismissively with a mischievous grin playing about her face. “The gardeners can get it.”
“Juliana!” Charlotte sounded scandalized.
“As you pointed out, my love, we do pay people- experts, some of them, to take care of things like this,” Juliana slipped her arm into Charlotte’s and with Charlotte rolling her eyes, but smiling as well, the two of them began to walk arm in arm back out of the gardens and toward the Palace, Grimsby an ever-present shadow in their wake. Charlotte was just about convinced that maybe Juliana was right and maybe she had nothing to worry about, but just as they turned the last corner and the terrace came into view, her heart sank. There was Mr. Vanderbeek, Juliana’s chief secretary, waiting at the top of the stairs for them.
Juliana felt her stiffen and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. “Pieter,” she called as they made their way toward the steps. “Good morning!”
Mr. Vanderbeek bowed. “Good morning, your majesties.”
“You’re up early,” Juliana noted as they reached the bottom of the steps and climbed up onto the terrace. “What brings you to the Palace at this hour?”
“A delegation from the Star Union has arrived, your majesty. They’re requesting to meet with Queen Charlotte most urgently.”
“Did they say what about?” Charlotte tried to make the question sound casual but realized she probably failed at that and shook her head ruefully.
“They did not, your majesty,” Mr. Vanderbeek said. “But I am told that his Grace, the Duke of New Georgia is the head of their delegation.”
“Drake?” Charlotte broke in, surprised. “He’s here himself?”
“Yes, your majesty.”
“Who else?” Juliana asked.
“Intelligence is working on that,” Mr. Vanderbeek said. “But so far, we have identified the Archbishop of Astralis Prime, the Earl of New Shaftesbury and a Parliamentarian we believe to be Beatrice Boothroyd.”
“When do they want to meet?” Charlotte asked.
“As soon as possible, they say, your majesty,” Mr. Vanderbeek replied.
“Has the government been informed?” Juliana asked.
“Yes, your majesty.”
“Very well, since they’re still renovating Noordiende, we’ll have to receive them at the Voorhout Palace. See to it, please and prepare a ground car for her majesty and myself. We won’t keep them waiting long,” Juliana ordered.
Mr. Vanderbeek bowed. “As you wish, your majesty.” He retreated the requisite five steps, taking care not to turn his back on either woman before, having reached the appropriate distance, he turned and hurried away to make the arrangements.
~
Receiving an official delegation from a foreign power required more of the Queen than it did the Queen Consort, so while Juliana allowed herself to be herded away by various functionaries and ladies in waiting to be cleaned and dressed, Charlotte was left to her own devices. Having decided on a sonic shower over the more decadent option of a water shower, she soon found herself opening the door to her closet, robe wrapped tightly around her.
It was less of a closet and more of a room, but that was the privilege of being a Queen Consort. There were dresses and suits and uniforms for every occasion. The chattering classes tended to notice if she wore the same dress twice, which had bothered Charlotte when she was younger, but now, she no longer cared. Dresses could be worn more than once. She had done so throughout her childhood on Cosmara if for no other reason than her family's reduced circumstances had made it a necessity.
She walked down the length of the closet, lightly running her hands along the dresses, wondering what she should wear. Cousin Drake, the Archbishop, the Earl of New Shaftesbury, and whoever that Parliamentarian is… there is only one reason to send a delegation like that to see me. Her hand stopped and, reaching up, she pushed the dresses back to reveal a simple, unadorned red dress.
Even with the prolong treatments, humanity was not immortal. Her father’s cancer had advanced, inexorably, resistant to every treatment they had tried.
Grandfather even sent his personal physician, she remembered. The Doctor arrived in secret, towards the end, in the dead of night, and tried her best, but… Juliana, always so careful to never even give the appearance of asking for favors or getting special privileges had made a quiet call to the government and bundled her onto the fastest ship Herenveen Prime had. It had not been enough. She arrived an hour after he had gone, quietly, without much fuss, as was his way.
He had not wanted an elaborate funeral. Juliana had brought the children. Cousin Drake had arrived as well, which had been a surprise at the time. All of them, clad in their funeral red, on the lip of the hillside of their small farm, the towers of Cosmara City in the distance, watching as the flames of the funeral pyre climbed higher and higher.
She ran her hands over the red mourning dress, remembering. She had not worn it since that day. It seemed a lifetime ago, but there was only one reason they would be sending a delegation like this. Charlotte took the dress down out of the closet and carried it back into the bedroom laying it across her bed. Then she went back into the closet and walked all the way to the back where the jewelry was kept. She did not hesitate this time. Opening the top drawer, she pulled out her mother’s sapphire necklace, the famous Star of Astralis, the one thing she had taken from the Palace when they had fled into exile.
Charlotte held it up to the light and, leaning forward blew some offending dust from it before nodding to herself in approval. “Yes, this will do quite nicely.”
Half an hour later, Charlotte made her way down the grand staircase to the main entrance of the Palace, where Juliana was waiting for her. She was dressed more modestly- in her usual grey suit with a simple string of pearls and a matching purse, but her lips pursed appreciatively as she watched Charlotte descend, Grimsby behind her as always.
Reaching the bottom of the stairs, Juliana smiled at Charlotte and then said, “Grimsby?”
“Yes, your majesty,” Grimsby stepped forward.
“Can you check to see where our ground car has gotten to?”
“At once, your majesty,” Grimsby inclined his head and then crossed over to the front doors of the palace and, opening them, slipped through.
Once they were alone, Juliana, cocked an eyebrow at Charlotte. “Red? That’s the color of mourning in the Star Union.”
“There’s only one reason I can think of for them to send an urgent delegation to meet with me,” Charlotte replied. “If my Grandfather has finally died, I will not show anything less than the utmost respect for his memory.”
“Well, you look lovely,” Juliana said. “Every inch an exiled Princess of the Star Union.”
“I hope so,” Charlotte replied.
Grimsby was returning and Juliana stood up as they both walked over to meet him. “You said you can only think of one reason,” Juliana noted.
“What else could it be?” Charlotte asked.
Juliana looked as if she was about to say something, but instead, shrugged and gave Charlotte a reassuring smile. “You’re right,” she said. “Let’s go see what they have to say.”
~
It was half an hour later when they finally arrived in the grand hall of the Voorhout Palace. That wasn’t entirely unexpected. They were both Queens (well, Juliana was the Queen, Charlotte was the Queen Consort,) and as the two of them, arm in arm, walked out of the antechamber onto the dais of the Throne Room, Charlotte had to admit that they both looked the part. Juliana guided Charlotte to her throne at Juliana’s right, before stepping up onto the main dais and taking her place on the Oranjetanuki Throne.
Mr. Vanderbeek was already in place off to Juliana’s left and after a moment to smooth out her skirt, she nodded to him Mr. Vanderbeek stepped down off the dais and walked the length of the throne room before opening the door and vanishing for a moment onto the other side. Charlotte felt her heart begin to beat faster and forced herself to take a slow deep breath to calm down. Juliana is right. Let’s see what they have to say. Another slow, deep breath and she became irritated with herself. Why are you acting like a spoiled Princess? You’re a grown woman and Queen Consort
The doors opened and Mr. Vanderbeek lead the delegation into the throne room and walked about halfway down before stopping, bowing, and then saying: “Your Majesties, an urgent delegation from the Star Union wishes an audience.”
“Their request is granted,” Juliana replied.
Mr. Vanderbeek stepped smoothly aside and the delegation advanced. As they came closer, Charlotte recognized her cousin, Drake. He was grown now, of course, but even behind the beard, she could still recognize him. The delegation advanced and went down to one knee as both Charlotte and Juliana rose to greet them.
“Your majesty,” Drake said. “We bring sad tidings. Your grandfather, the King Emperor of the Star Union is dead.”
Even though she had been expecting the news, the words fell like a hammer blow and Charlotte was surprised at the surge of emotion she felt. After the Revolt that sent her family into exile, her grandfather had been dragged out of retirement as the only acceptable option to both warring factions in the Star Union. Quietly, he had done what he could to make sure her family was comfortable in exile but had never once contacted them. Her only memories of him were happy ones, from her childhood, before they were exiled. She couldn’t bring herself to resent the old man, even now– and if either of her parents had harbored any bitterness towards him, they had never shown it.
“These are sad tidings indeed, cousin,” Charlotte replied. “I appreciate you coming all this way to tell me in person, but a vid-message or a tight beam would have been just as welcome.”
“Your majesty,” Drake said. “While those tidings are the official reason for our visit, we have another purpose here. A purpose of great urgency and import.”
Charlotte frowned. “What other purpose could bring you here so urgently, cousin?”
“We are here to offer you the Crown of the Star Union.”
If the news of her grandfather’s passing had been a hammer blow, this was news that nearly made her stumble and Charlotte felt herself swaying in shock, her mouth open in astonishment. Suddenly, Juliana was there beside her, gently tucking her arm into hers and steering her safely back into her seat. Charlotte smoothed her skirts out, trying to compose herself as she grappled with the enormity of what Drake had just said.
Juliana stood beside her, hand on her shoulder. “On whose authority do you make such an offer, your Grace?”
“Your majesty, with me I have representatives from the nobility, the church, and the commons. Our common desire is that which her majesty’s father and those who came before fought for and represented: a Monarch who governs in the name of the duly elected Parliament of the Star Union.”
“And how is that different from what you have now?” Juliana asked. Charlotte was dizzy with shock, but still managed to nod in agreement, still not trusting herself to speak. This had to be a joke, a prank, something- whatever it was, it couldn’t be real. The Crown? Her?
You could go home. A whisper from deep inside of her.
Drake grimaced. “The succession is contested. My Uncle Phillip-” Drake smiled knowingly as he saw the expression of disgust flash across Charlotte’s face, “-believes that he has the strongest claim. He is opposed by my cousin Hubert-” and his smile was genuine now as Charlotte covered an incipient laugh with a well-timed if artificial cough. “Your majesty, may I…” he shifted uncomfortably. “May I speak freely to my cousin for a moment, not the Queen Consort of Herenveen Prime?”
Juliana glanced down at Charlotte who nodded her assent.
“Cousin, I understand your skepticism and even your hesitation, but…” Drake sighed. “Invite me to dinner tonight. We can have a real conversation about what this actually means.”
Charlotte and Juliana exchanged glances for a long moment before Charlotte nodded and Juliana looked at Drake. “Your grace, it will be our pleasure to have you join us for dinner tonight at our residence at Het Loo. Seven o’clock, sharp.”
Drake inclined his head. “Thank you for your most gracious and kind invitation, your majesty.”
“We will withdraw then and make preparations,” Juliana said slipping her hand from Charlotte’s shoulder. She stood and the two of them left through the entrance they had come in, arm in arm once again.
Charlotte felt like she was in a daze, but allowed Juliana to lead her back towards their ground car. Mr. Vanderbeek was waiting at the courtyard entrance. “Mr. Vanderbeek, I take it you heard?”
“I did, your majesty.”
“If you would inform the Prime Minister and ask him for a full briefing later tonight. I would like to know the government’s opinion of this… unexpected offer.”
“Yes ma’am,” Mr. Vanderbeek replied. “Will the two of you be returning to Het Loo?”
“Yes, we will. The Duke of New Georgia will be joining us for dinner as well,” Juliana said.
“Very well, ma’am.”
“Thank you, Mr. Vanderbeek.”
He bowed and then stood as still as a statue until they had both walked out into the courtyard proper and reached their ground car. Charlotte slid into the seat, still trying to process the offer that Drake had made back in the throne room. The crown? Me?
You could go home, that whisper again, tinged with hope. But where is home? Charlotte replied in the silence of her head as the ground car manuevered out of the courtyard and onto the city streets. She watched as they made their way down the row of embassies from across the galaxy and then a thought occurred to her.
“Juliana?”
“Yes, darling?”
“Did you know?” Charlotte said. “When I said I could only think of one reason why they would want to see me…”
Juliana said nothing for a long moment before finally taking a breath. “I wondered.”
“But did you know?”
“No,” Juliana replied. “I didn’t. I about fell over when he made his offer..”
Charlotte chuckled. “That makes two of us.” She pursed her lips again and stared out the window, the brief burst of amusement leaving her. “I just wish I knew how real it was.”
Juliana reached over and took her hand. “My love, as soon as we are back at Het Loo I am going to be making all kinds of vid-calls to all kinds of people to see if I can get you an answer to that question.”
~
It was much later. Juliana had withdrawn after the main course, informing them she had some late calls to make. The stewards cleared away the last of the dessert and Drake leaned back in his chair and emitted a loud groan. “God, that was excellent food. I haven’t eaten that well in years.”
“The position does have some privileges,” Charlotte smiled. “We pay our chefs very well.”
“How well?” Drake asked. “That chocolate mousse was to die for.”
“Hands off,” Charlotte said with mock ferocity. “You can’t have him.”
Drake raised his hands in mock innocence. “All right, I surrender,” he said. Charlotte pushed back her chair and stood up, making her way to a small cart of liquor bottles at the side of the dining room. “Shall we adjourn to the terrace?” Charlotte asked.
“With whiskey, one hopes?” Drake sounded eager but pushed his own chair out to stand up.
“Of course,” Charlotte said. She unstoppered a decanter and poured out two generous measures into a pair of elegant crystal glasses before putting the stopper back in the decanter and turning back to Drake. She held out a glass to him and he closed the distance between them and took it from her, Grimsby having heard her proposal and waiting patiently, holding open the door to the terrace, the two of them walked out onto the terrace, and the warm summer night. Charlotte lead them to a pair of lounge chairs and gestured for Drake to sit down before smoothing out her skirts and sitting opposite him.
Charlotte took a sip of whiskey, unsure of how to begin. Happily, Drake did it for her.
“Ask me the question, cousin.”
“What question?” Charlotte asked, a picture of innocence.
Drake snorted in derision. “The one you’ve been wanting to ask me all night. The one we’ve been dancing around through an appetizer, two main courses, a dessert, and now a glass of whiskey.”
“Direct as always, Drake,” Charlotte smiled. “But, very well.” She took a sip of whiskey. “Why me?”
“Why not you?” Drake leaned back in the chair. “Your claim is just as strong as Phillip’s and it’s certainly stronger than that idiot Hubert’s. You have just as much right to the throne as they do if not more.”
“That’s not enough of a reason,” Charlotte replied. “My family has been in exile from the Star Union for a lifetime now. My children grew up here. My life is here. To the people, I would be a historical relic trotted out to serve some political agenda at best and at worst… a foreigner.”
“You say that your life is here now, but you knew the news we were bringing you and still wore your funeral red. Your sleeves hide them well, but you wear the bidari bracelets as well. I’m willing to bet if asked your children, they would tell me of the food and the traditions you still practice as well-”
“So, we celebrate Diwali and Christmas,” Charlotte said. “What of it? There is a thriving emigrant community here and on a dozen other worlds as well. Maintaining and honoring my heritage doesn’t mean I’m fit to lead a country I haven’t seen in decades.” She took another sip of whiskey. “You need to work on your pitch, Drake. I’m not persuaded.”
Drake considered that for a moment, taking another sip of whiskey. “You could secure your father’s legacy, once and for all.” He sat up straight. “Grandfather’s health had been failing for the past five years. Phillip has been defacto regent the entire time and his regency has not been a happy one. Your father was ousted for backing a government that at the time was seen as dangerously radical.”
“I know the history.”
“Yes, but what you don’t know is that your father was ultimately right,” Drake said. “Back then, he knew the Radicals were right. The tax avoidance of the entire nobility was a weight around the neck of the Star Union. The people resented it. The government was drowning in debt because of it, but when the Radicals tried to move their bill through, it was blocked in the Lords, and the only remedy they had to get it through after the second reading was-”
“The Royal Prerogative?” Charlotte asked, surprised.
Drake nodded. “It was a risk, but one he felt worth taking- unfortunately the nobility disagreed- but after the banking crisis a decade back, even the most diehard of the Lords was forced to concede that the tax exemptions were fiscally ruinous and it ended up being a Conservative government that suspended them.”
“And what of it?” Charlotte asked. “My father took on the Star Union’s political elites and it touched off a rebellion that cost him his throne.”
“Phillip has made it clear that he views the suspension as temporary. More importantly, he’s indicated that he doesn’t believe Parliament has the authority to overrule him on the question of taxation and many are beginning to be concerned that he doesn’t believe in the necessity of a Parliament at all.”
“So he’s a would-be Dictator in the making?” Charlotte grimaced.
“That’s what I’m afraid,” Drake said. “But you, on the other hand, would be untouched by the politics of the Star Union. Your father is remembered with affection amongst the common people and Grandfather, to his credit, did nothing to discourage that. You would be able to preserve the Union without plunging us headlong into either an economic crisis or worse, a Civil War.”
“Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown,” Charlotte sighed. “You’ve fitted me for a crown that I have yet to agree to take and already my head itches at the thought of it.”
“It doesn’t have to be forever,” Drake said. “With prolong treatments these days you could a decade or two, secure your family's legacy, and then step aside for someone else. You could even unify the crowns of Herenveen and the Star Union if you wanted to.”
“Do you ever find the notion of crowns and all this frippery to be a bit ridiculous in this day and age?” Charlotte asked. “Humanity has become a space-faring civilization. We’re spreading further and further out every year, terraforming as we go, and yet they still want us to put crowns on our heads. I’m surprised we haven’t grown beyond it yet.”
“Human society organizes itself somehow into strata. Doesn’t matter what flavor or ideology. We have the titles we have merely because our family was amongst the first stakeholders of the original colony of Astralis Prime. Doesn’t make us better than anyone, not anymore.” Drake drained the last of his whiskey.
“Well said,” Charlotte chuckled.
Drake grinned ruefully. “I’m not selling you on this, am I?”
Charlotte said nothing for a long moment before she too drained the last of her whiskey. “Do you remember that summer lodge Grandfather had down by the coast? Near the village with the funny name?”
“Etretat?” Drake said.
“Yes, that’s the one… named after some old Terran painting.”
“I saw it once when we went to Terra,” Drake said. “The cliffs near that village look nothing like the ones in the painting. And they pronounce it differently too.”
“How do they pronounce it?”
“Etret-ah,” Drake said. He shrugged. “Some weird quirk of an old Terran language. They were surprised that the locals pronounced the ‘t’ at the end.”
“Anyway,” Charlotte said. “Do you remember the hill, right by the beach?”
“I remember it being more of a vertical climb,” Drake said. “But yes, I do.”
“I loved the view from the top,” Charlotte said. “It’s one of the clearest memories I have. You could see that whole stretch of the south coast…” she trailed off, lost in the memory.
“And?” Drake prompted.
“I think,” Charlotte said slowly. “I think it would be nice to climb that hill again.”
Drake smiled. “So you are thinking about it?”
“I might be,” Charlotte said. She stood up and Drake stood with her. “But now, cousin, I need to go to bed.”
“Until tomorrow, cousin.”
~
Charlotte slept better than she expected and still managed to slip out of bed the next morning and make her way out onto the terrace where Grimsby awaited her with her usual morning coffee. She wrapped her robe around her tightly, for the cool of the evening still hung in the air. In the light of the day, she was forced to admit the uncomfortable truth to herself: she didn’t know what to think.
Part of her was tempted: she hadn’t been lying to Drake last night and even though he had shamelessly tried to trade on her nostalgia for her childhood at first, his arguments about her father’s legacy had been more persuasive than she wanted to admit. Phillip would be a disaster for the Star Union and if several members of the extended Royal line were suddenly afflicted with terminal illness or enough of them dropped dead that Hubert’s claim went from punchline to reality, he might be an even worse choice for the Star Union.
There were others, of course, but no one had a stronger claim than she.
On the other hand, this was home. This was where she and Juliana had built a family, raised the children, and- the sound of footsteps behind her broke her reverie.
“Now it’s your turn to leave me alone in our bed, I see,” Juliana smiled as she pulled her robe tightly around herself and sat down in the lounge chair opposite her. Grimsby produced another cup and held it up questioningly for a moment before Juliana nodded and he poured a cup, placed it on a saucer, and handed it over to her.
“I was up late enough and still didn’t hear you come in,” Charlotte replied. “What were you up to last night?”
“Meetings,” Juliana replied. “Too many to count, I’m afraid. Did you and Drake talk?”
“We did.”
“And?”
“I don’t know,” Charlotte said. “It’s tempting. But-” she gestured around her. “We built all this together. It’s our life. Our home. I’m not sure I want to leave it, however tempting it might be.”
“Would it help to know that his offer does appear to be genuine?” Juliana asked. “Our intelligence people were working all night to confirm it, but they’ve got enough sources to be sure that he’s on the level.”
“That doesn’t solve the question of how we do it.”
“The General Staff is of the opinion it wouldn’t take much. Their best plan calls for a lightning-fast surgical strike. You isolate and blockade key points, proclaim yourself, and proceed to Astralis Prime to take the throne.”
“Oh, that easy, huh?”
Juliana shrugged. “That’s what they tell me, anyway. The government also doesn’t hate the idea and is frankly enthusiastic about the possibility of gaining more direct access to their markets.”
“But what about you?” Charlotte asked. “I can’t go to rule the Star Union by myself and leave you here alone. I would… miss you.”
“As I would miss you, my darling,” Juliana replied. “That’s why, if you decide to do this, the government would convene the Staats-General and appoint Eduardo regent in my absence. It’s well past time he was given some real responsibility, anyway, and that way- what? Have I done something-” Juliana looked concerned because Charlotte’s eyes were full and the first tears were beginning to roll down her cheeks.
“You would…give it all up? For me?” Charlotte asked, in a voice thick with emotion.
“Of course,” Juliana replied. “I love you, after all. For decades now, you’ve stood by me, had children with me, and been the best Queen Consort I could have wished for. It is more than past time for you to be Queen in your own right.” She smiled. “Besides, I hear the royal gardens on Astralis Prime are a mess. Your grandfather evidently did not have the greenest of thumbs.”
Charlotte smiled. “I think the real expert was my grandmother, to be totally honest.”
“The only question, my love, remains the biggest one of all. Our children are grown. I have been looking for an excuse to give Eduardo some responsibilities mainly so I could tend to the roses here, but I could just as easily fix up the gardens on Astralis Prime. Drake’s offer appears to be genuine. We can bring the military force to bear quickly enough and easy enough to put you on the throne. So, what do you want to do?
“It seems absurd. I haven’t been back there in decades. I’ve lived in exile my whole life. This is home.”
“It’s not absurd. It also doesn’t have to be forever.”
“Drake said that too,” Charlotte said. “Also said we could unify the crowns if we wanted to.”
“So you are thinking about it?”
Charlotte nodded. “Do you remember the first time we met?”
Juliana smiled. “How could I forget? I chased you up a hill near the University on Cosmara. There was a beautiful view at the top.”
“I loved that hill because it reminded me of a hill along the coast near my grandfather’s summer lodge,” Charlotte said. “If I- no, we do this… will you climb it with me?”
“Yes, my love, I will,” Juliana said. “I won’t ask you to decide now but know this. I think it is well past time for you to be Queen in your own right on a throne of your own. I think the people of the Star Union would welcome a ruler who will respect the government they elect and actually advocate for their welfare. I think everyone who lives in exile harbors a secret dream, a hope of returning home someday. But, my love, my home is with you. Wherever you go.”
It came down to that in the end. That one simple sentence decided it. Charlotte Elizabeth Mackenzie-Nanda, Queen Consort of the Herenveen Staats-Republic looked over at her wife, Juliana Beatrix Oranje-Nassau Chief Stadtholder and Queen of Herenveen Staats-Republic, Chief Executive Officer of it’s associated trading conglomerates and companies. She reached over and took Juliana’s hand in hers. “My Queen, my love, my life,” Charlotte said. “I think I would like to go home again.”

Tour threads are for anything and everything relating to the relevant show. Discussion, videos, pictures, tweets - anything! This thread is also to collect everything in one place, so that we and future fans can look back at each show, so if you have anything relevant to the show, be sure to post it here!
Schedule:
11:00 AM – Parking
12:00 PM – Gates
3:05 PM – BAND-MAID (Point Black Stage)
Timetable
Venue: Hollywood Casino Amphitheatre, St Louis, MO, Ticket
Bag policy:

• "CLEAR plastic/vinyl tote bags no larger than 12” x 6” x 12” and/or small clutch bags (6” x 9”). The small clutch bags do not need to be clear."
  
• "No other bags of any type will be allowed."
  
• "If you bring a bag that does not meet the venue requirements, you can purchase an approved clear bag for $10 at our bag check building near the main entrance, and we will hold your original bag during the show. Otherwise, any bags that do not meet our guidelines must be returned to your vehicle."
  

Setlist:

1. Domination
   
2. Glory
   
3. Secret My Lips
   
4. Endless Story
   
5. Screaming
   
6. Influencer
   
7. No God
   

Setlists Compared
Future Dates/Previous Threads

2023

Date	Place	Venue	Thread
May 14	Houston, TX	Bayou Music Center	Link
May 15	Austin, TX	Emo's	Link
May 18	Daytona, FL	Rockville Festival	Link
May 19	Atlanta, GA	Buckhead	Link
May 21	Nashville, TN	Brooklyn Bowl	Link
May 22	Charlotte, NC	Underground	Link
May 24	Detroit, MI	St Andrews Hall	Link
May 26	Columbus, OH	Sonic Temple Festival	Link
May 27	St Louis, MO	Pointfest Radio Show	[Link]()
August 4	Chicago, IL	Lollapalooza	[Link]()
August 6	Minneapolis, MN	Varsity Theater	[Link]()
August 8	Denver, CO	Summit	[Link]()
August 9	Salt Lake City, UT	The Depot	[Link]()
August 11	Portland, OR	Crystal Ballroom	[Link]()
August 12	Spokane, WA	Bing Crosby Theater	[Link]()
August 14	Sacramento, CA	Ace of Spades	[Link]()
August 15	Anaheim, CA	House of Blues	[Link]()
August 18	Mexico City, MX	Pabellon Oeste	[Link]()

2022

Date	Place	Venue	Thread
October 9	Sacramento, CA	Aftershock Festival	N/A
October 12	Seattle, WA	Neptune	Link
October 14	San Francisco, CA	August Hall	Link
October 15	Los Angeles, CA	Belasco	Link
October 17	San Diego, CA	House of Blues	Link
October 19	Phoenix, AZ	Crescent Ballroom	Link
October 21	Dallas, TX	House of Blues	Link
October 22	Houston, TX	House of Blues	Link
October 25	Washington, DC	The Fillmore	Link
October 26	Philadelphia, PA	Theatre of Living Arts	Link
October 28	New York, NY	Irving Plaza	Link
October 29	Boston, MA	Paradise Rock Club	Link
October 30	East Rutherford, NJ	American Dream	Link
November 1	Chicago, IL	House of Blues	Link

So, let's start cold...
​
I think I solved MIDNIGHT MOTORIST!
​
Yeah I know, you most likely heard or read that one a billion times before but, if you could indulge me...
​
This is gonna be long, and pretentious, probably, and, well, most likely wrong!
​
But I can't shake the fact that I AM right about this one!
Can't find a hole anywhere...
And I'm just obsessed with this and I need to puke it out somewhere for people to read,
and then most likely get insulted because I'm so full of it! O_O
​
ALSO, this is gonna be going all over the place, welcome to my mind!
​
And it will seem, at first, that I have a whole lot of filler but, if you see this as a story,
which it is, then you will see that everything will fit and make sense by the end, regardless if I am right
or not!
​
I'm also going to make sure that I have as many links and explanations
about pretty much everything that I put down and I will try
to be as detailed as possible, because of that, I will be
making important words and names obvious by capitalizing them
and sometimes over explaining things, but, that's how I like to do things,
I just like to be, well, just thorough!
​
ALSO, I'm sure most, if not all of the things in here have been figured out by other people!
But all I can say is... I'm new to theorizing, my first time, actually...
and I'm only aware of what popular Youtuber theorists have came up with in the past...
So, if it seems like I'm using other people theories, I do apologize...
But at least it came from me and me only... And it is in my own words!
​
And one last thing... My grammar and spelling might not be perfect as English is not my first language,
I apologize for the annoyance in advance!
​
​
So, without further ado, let's begin!
​
​
​
From the first time I ever saw the mini-game, and then played it myself,
I always had one question in mind, the same as everyone's, in fact...
Who do you play as in MIDNIGHT MOTORIST?
​
I'm gonna be quite honest, I think saying that you are WILLIAM AFTON is a little lazy...
Why, oh why, would a creator that made a character purple for so long change him in a
GOLDEN/ORANGE/YELLOWish color?
​
Well, cuz he didn't...
​
Alright, so who are we playing as in MIDNIGHT MOTORIST then?
​
Well, let's look at the colors I previously mentioned!
But first, why did I choose those three colors specifically?
​
Welp, that's because I'm old... O_O
​
... Let me explain!
​
For you see, when I was but a wee child, my father owned an ATARI 2600...
And you learned pretty fast that that console didn't have much of a color palette...
And each colors didn't have many shades per either...
​
Which leads me to...
​
In FNAF WORLD, you do find a purple sprite that explains all of this...
That all flashbacks, or most of them anyway, are in, what I like to call, ATARI VISION tm...
And in ATARI VISION tm, some colors won't be completely representative of its actual color.
Like PURPLE can be used to represent the color BLACK, for instance, as explained by said purple sprite...
As in...
MICHAEL, in Sister Location, is seen to be purple, that's because he actually IS purple...
As his skin begins to rot after his death, his skin turns a purple color...
As for WILLIAM AFTON, he seems purple because he is usually shown against a black background!
If he were to be black, all you'd see is two eyeballs floating in mid-air...
Therefore, SCOTT had to make him purple, the next, deepest color that the ATARI 2600 had in its palette next to black!
So, he's either black skinned or he is wearing black clothes...
Seeing that all his children seem to be Caucasian, then I would suppose that
he is wearing black clothing, like a black security guard outfit or some type of business man outfit!
And seeing that he is both, it could easily be either or!
​
Therefore, we have a character that is most likely either GOLD, or ORANGE, or YELLOW...
​
OK, well, I do think that you're playing as the father of a family, that much seems clear for everyone!
But I do think you're playing as the father of the character that represents said color,
so... Let's find out who it could be, yes?
​
Well, we can throw ORANGE out of the way right away, seeing that there aren't any characters that represents said color...
​
So we go to gold...
We got either CASSIDY, or the CRYING CHILD, which I will refer to as EVAN from now, just for shortness sake,
Seeing that they seem to both inhabit GOLDEN FREDDY!
​
I don't think it can be CASSIDY, for the only reason that we don't know much about him!
Think about it!
Why make a side mini-game about a character that nothing is known about?
How do we connect anything back to anything if there's nothing to be connected to?
Especially considering when the game came out!
Nah, not him, can't be!
​
So, EVAN? Is it EVAN?
Well, no, cuz EVAN's father is William Afton and now we're back in the same boat I refuse to step in!
​
So, what? Yellow?
Well, it's the last color so... Let's dive in!
​
Are we talking about CHICA? ... Seeing that yellow represents CHICA!
​
So, am I saying you're playing as SUSIE's father?
​
YES!
YES I AM...
​
... And I got so much proof that your heads will spin!
​
So, let's try to connect it all, shall we?
​
Let's start by rethinking about how we can even play MIDNIGHT MOTORIST in the first place...
​
For those who can't remember, the mini-game is in the 6th installment of FNAF...
In that game you own your own restaurant and have to fill it with games for the children to play with, amongst other things! O_O
One of those games is an arcade cabinet named, MIDNIGHT MOTORIST, would you believe?
And you have to do something "Special" to get to the LORE bit of MIDNIGHT MOTORIST.
​
But is there only one Arcade Cabinet you can buy and play?
No, there is two!
​
The second one is called FRUITY MAZE...
In this one, you play as a little girl, her name is SUSIE (More on that later)...
and she is playing this little MAZE game where you have to find all the fruits before the timer runs out...
But what happens in that game? Is there LORE?
Why yes, indeed, there is!
In the mini-game, after you beat it once, you'll start seeing DEAD DOGS instead of fruits every now and again.
And near the end, you will hear a REALISTIC CAR HORN SOUND in the background.
While all of this is happening, you can see SUSIE getting more and more depressed and agitated being reflected on the arcade's screen.
What story does this tell us?
Well, one day, someone ran over her DOG with their CAR, and SUSIE decided to go to FREDDY'S to play
some arcade games to occupy her mind, but nothing seemed to help the child.
And then... WILLIAM AFTON comes in in his GOLDEN BONNIE suit and tells her...
"He isn't dead, he's back there, follow me so I can kill you and stuff you in a chicken suit"
I'm paraphrasing....
​
Now, how do I know that this is SUSIE and her death?
A few ways...
​
First, in ULTIMATE CUSTOM NIGHT, one of CHICA's death line is...
"I was the first, I have seen everything!"
​
Hmmm, compelling, but not enough!
​
What really made it clear to me is the costume that WILLIAM AFTON is wearing in the scene!
That suit was discontinued after his own death, evidently not right after EVAN's...
Which goes to show that this murder had to happen after EVAN's death, and, obviously, before WILLIAM's!
The only small window in which he could've been going around killing children in that suit, in that restaurant
would be during the original killing spree that made up FREDDY, BONNIE, CHICA, and FOXY!
​
Therefore, as a short recap, in FRUITY MAZE, you're playing as SUSIE the day her DOG died, which in turn
leaves SUSIE vulnerable for WILLIAM to lure in the backrooms of the restaurant and kill her!
​
So, why all of this explanation?
Well, ever thought that maybe, JUST MAYBE, there are TWO, and ONLY TWO ARCADE CABINETS that you can play in the game?
And both have secret lore in them?
One is about SUSIE and in the other one you play a game where the main character is kinda yellow?
And maybe we should link both of those games because the creator
obviously wanted us to link them both?
​
Hmmm, I mean, maybe... But still not enough!
So we should try to find more connections then!
​
Now, let's talk about the alternative title to MIDNIGHT MOTORIST, "LATER THAT NIGHT"
​
I have seen a lot of theorist theorize that "LATER THAT NIGHT" references the night that
WILLIAM AFTON killed HENRY's daughter, which I shall call CHARLIE for short from here on out.
​
But in reality, in the phrase "Later that night" the point of origin doesn't have to be at night.
The point of origin only has to be in a 24 hour span, but can be at any given time of the day.
I think that's quite important because what if "LATER THAT NIGHT" references what happened to SUSIE?
And that you're playing as her father... "LATER THAT NIGHT"?
​
​
And now I know what I'm about to say is going to sound extra crazy but...
We're ready for a timeline/story time with Peupui, which is me... Peupui! O_O
​
Here's what I think happened on the day that SUSIE died... Which will encompass both
FRUITY MAZE and MIDNIGHT MOTORIST!
​
So, let's begin!
​
Early one morning, WILLIAM AFTON, on purpose, sees the family DOG and runs over him.
Yes, I think WILLIAM AFTON killed the DOG, and he had motivation, more on that later!
​
Mommy and Daddy sees the dead dog, or more likely, hears about the dead dog (you guessed it, more on that later!)
and decide to bring it back to bury it!
​
MOM/WIFE-
Honey, we need to bury the dog, we can't let the kids see it like that!
But we can't bury it in the front or back yard either, that would be so cruel for the kids,
having a constant reminder of their dead dog every morning as they go to school, or heck, even look out the window!
​
DAD/HUSBAND-
So what do you suggest?
​
MOM/WIFE-
Bury the dog a little ways off in the woods, that way, seeing the kids always go play there and go
through the woods to go to FREDDY'S all the time to go play with their friends, they'll be able to go
pay their respect to him whenever they feel like it!
​
And so, the husband listens to his wife and does as she wishes and bury the DOG a little ways off the house
that way the kids can go and see where he is buried whenever they decide to...
Which would explain the strange DIRT MOUND you can find in the mini-game...
It's the DEAD DOG we hear about and "see" in FRUITY MAZE!
​
I realize that most people, or at least, the YOUTUBERS think that
the DIRT MOUND is from the fact that there's an animatronic that likes to hide
under the dirt during the day and come out at night...
Which they got from a FNAF book...
​
But let me ask you this... Which theory makes more sense?
The one where there's a bunch of new animatronics that
we don't see anywhere else in the mini-game,
or anywhere else in any other mini-games of FNAF 6,
or anywhere else in FNAF 6 period either...
Hell, we don't see, or hear, or hinted that said
animatronics exist in the entire game franchise's world,
animatronics that were in a book or two that only, like, 3 people read?
​
OR...
​
Is it a dead dog, that was referenced in another mini-game of FNAF 6, FRUITY MAZE,
where you play as SUZIE, who's known to represent the color yellow...
And that she's in a game that is accessed through an arcade cabinet...
And that the game we're currently playing, MIDNIGHT MOTORIST,
Which is the ONLY OTHER arcade cabinet, has the main character being yellow?
And that the alternative title to it, "LATER THAT NIGHT" could reference
that exact incident... Followed by SUZIE's death, but that's neither here nor there... O_O
​
I don't know... Not to toot my own horn but... One makes a whole lot more sense to me than the other!
​
But of course the parents weren't done, they had to tell the kids, which they did, early that morning.
And as expected, the kids were devastated...
The boy, which will remain nameless for now, went and hid in his room...
Too manly to cry in front of his family this young man is!
​
But SUSIE, she needed to go out of the house, do something to occupy her mind...
So, she asked her mom...
​
SUSIE-
Mom, can you give me some spare change?
I wanna go to FREDDY'S and play some arcade games... I don't feel like staying here right now!
​
MOM-
Sure honey, but don't tell your dad, you know he hates that place!
Just go through the woods as per usual, be back before dinner though, you hear?
​
SUSIE-
Yes mom... You know I never miss a meal! (More on that later)
​
And SUSIE went off, out of the house, around it, and into the woods she went, with a heavy heart and
a little bit of spare change in her pockets, she went off to FREDDY'S, to never be seen by her loved ones again!
​
Now, to specify something about FRUITY MAZE!
I don't think SUSIE sees or hears all the strange things about the game, like the DEAD DOG or the CAR HORN...
​
Because if so, then WILLIAM AFTON is also a wizard, because in the same day that the DOG died, he
reprogrammed the game to have DEAD DOG graphics and was able to change an old 1985 arcade machine
so it can play REALISTIC CAR HORN SOUNDS? From its old 1985 sound card?
Yeah no!
That was made by SCOTT to tell us the story of what happened to that girl and, I think,
link it to MIDNIGHT MOTORIST!
​
Now, what did happen between both games?
Well, I would suppose that...
​
The family just went through their day, slowly, and without a single smile on a single face...
The son/brother mostly stayed in his room, while dad worked outside or something and mom watched tv, I don't know... O_O
​
But then dinner came and went... Still no SUSIE...
​
Hours passed, darkness came... Still no SUSIE!
​
The mother, starting to panic at this point, asks her husband for some help!
​
MOM-
She's not back... We had dinner and my baby's not back!
​
She paused, probably shook a little by the idea that her daughter, who's known to have an appetite and a half
hasn't been home for her daily warm meal, and now it's dark... And her young little baby
is scared of the dark...
​
(Now to explain the appetite thing I talked about now and earlier, this might sound silly but...
Ever thought it was weird that FAZZBEAR ENTERTAINMENT would go and program every
iteration of CHICA to be wanting to eat so much?
Especially knowing that CHICA is a machine, and therefore doesn't have
a brain or digestive system to even be hungry to begin with?
And yet she goes around eating stale pizza... And even trash!
So, what if, seeing that the original animatronics were given life
through children souls, and not agony, that maybe a trace of the child
infused itself with the machine, and therefore that's why
original CHICA needed to eat so much?
And then maybe the children thought it was cute and THEN
FAZZBEAR ENTERTAINMENT programmed that in future iterations of CHICA?
I know, I'm pushing with this one, but hey, just a thought!)
​
MOM-
Please, I didn't want to tell you but...
just... Get in your car and go to FREDDY'S and please ask around if anyone as seen her...
Please find my baby girl!
​
DAD-
That place... I hate that place...
"Dad, can we please eat over-priced, crappy pizza?"
"Dad, can we have spare change to play some game?"
"Dad, can you buy me that chocolate bar?"
"Dad can you buy me that plushy?"
"Dad can you buy me that action figure?"
GOD that place will RUIN us!!!
​
He sighed
I'm sorry, of course I will... I promise...
​
He sighed once more
​
MOM-
Just promise me you won't drink... Not until you found her and she's back safe and sound here in this house!
​
​
He grunted a little at that but went outside, to and in his car and drove directly to FREDDY'S!
He asked around about his daughter's whereabouts... Probably even asked WILLIAM himself.
​
But they all said the same thing, either they said she was here earlier and then she was just gone,
Or, they didn't see her at all!
​
So, after leaving the restaurant, SUSIE's father spent hours upon hours
driving everywhere his daughter could've went, places she was known to hang out at,
even stopped at some of her friend's places and talked to their parents... Nothing!
And let's not forget something... This was 1985, they didn't have cell phones back then!
No way to text... No way to call, not while you're driving anyway!
​
So, he drove around the small town, and he drove... Until... MIDNIGHT!
​
At Midnight, he told himself that she was most likely back home by now anyway,
so he can safely just drive back home himself...
Hell, maybe even stop at JR'S and get himself a drink,
after all, he's the only man of the family and he had one hell of a bad day,
I mean, his damn DOG DIED...
Then he had to BURY the damn thing,
then his daughter went missing, for a while, anyway, he wrongly thought!
He sighed
"What a crappy day it is"
But then, he remembered, vaguely anyway, what happened last time he went to that bar
and he knows they won't let him back in any time soon...
This day is just getting better!
​
So, he finally gets home, however empty handed, hoping for the best.
Because, in the end, in his heart...
As aggressive as he can get...
He does love his daughter!
​
Right before he entered the house though, a thought creeped in...
"What if she ain't back home?"
​
In the meantime?
The SON/BROTHER has thoroughly hidden himself away in his room, refusing to leave!
And the MOM?
Well, all she can do is wait!
No way she can sleep on this stressful night!
And again, may I repeat...
No internet, no cell phone, no way of knowing where her daughter, or her
husband too, for that matter, are!
So the only thing she can do to kill the time in 1985 is to just sit down and watch tv, waiting for her
husband to come back home, with hopefully her daughter.
But when she saw him come back, indeed empty handed, she couldn't even muster to ask him questions.
To be fair, what do you ask the man?
"Did you find our daughter?"
OBVIOUSLY NOT!!!
So, all she could muster...
All she had in her mind, was the mental health of their other child and said,
"Please go easy on him, he's had a rough day!"
And indeed, indeed he had!
​
But daddy wasn't in the mood to have to talk to his son through his stupid door
of his stupid room and started banging on it, demanding for his son to come out,
but not only he didn't come out of his room, he didn't even reply to his own father!
​
That was it!
Pissed off, he stormed out of the house and around said house to the back, just like how his own
daughter SUSIE did that morning...
​
And he witnessed the last thing he wanted to see!
The window of his son's bedroom, broken...
Tracks of his son's feet... Going into the woods!
What he didn't notice was the tracks belonging to someone else.
A giant rabbit perhaps?
WILLIAM AFTON's prints!
And there was something else he missed...
Or should I say, something SHOULD'VE been there, but it wasn't!
GLASS...
There's no GLASS on the ground...
​
So, here I am thinking, if there's no glass on the ground, that would mean
the kid didn't break out, WILLIAM AFTON broke the glass FOR the child, so
the child could escape into the night with AFTON.
Because, if the GLASS isn't outside, on the ground, then
it is inside the room, so the BROKEN WINDOW had to be broken from the outside!
​
And then, I couldn't shake the idea that I heard that scenario before...
I couldn't remember...
Until it hit me...
TOY CHICA'S HIGH SCHOOL YEARS!
​
On the surface, those mini games are about TOY CHICA, being in high school.
We hear her inner thoughts as she talks about her new crush...
Which she seems to have a new one every day...
Then, she talks about how she's gonna LURE the characters and make them fall in love with her!
​
Well, I think we can all agree, that in this case...
CHICA is a stand-in for WILLIAM AFTON, and that he's telling us
how he LURED the original children to their death!
​
But when he, WILLIAM AFTON as CHICA, talks about FOXY,
He says something along the lines of...
"I'll just drive to his house and throw a rock through his window!
Once he comes out I'll tell him his house is on fire.."
​
Rock through a window, huh?
​
I think, that in this case, FOXY is the stand-in for the boy in MIDNIGHT MOTORIST!
​
Now, do I think that it happened exactly like that?
No!
I mean, think about it, if WILLIAM AFTON showed up at their house, unannounced,
In the middle of the night...
threw a rock through the kid's room just to tell him that his house is on fire,
when all the kid could have done is turn around, open the door and yell...
​
BROTHESON
MA!!! MAAAAAA!!!
​
MOTHEWIFE
WHAT?
​
BROTHESON
​
IS THE FREAKING HOUSE ON FIRE???
​
MOM/WIFE
​
WHAT? NO!!!!!!!!!
​
BROTHESON
​
OK!!!!
​
I mean, I don't know about you but...
That sounds quite silly...
​
So, I think it went a little more like this...
​
AFTON approached the house and threw a few pebbles at the child's window to get his attention!
​
AFTON-
Hey kid, it's me, BONNIE, or, you know, WILLIE, you know me, I'm your
friend's dad (More on that later)
​
KID-
Yeah? What are you doing here?
​
AFTON-
Well, I'm just surprised you're still here and not with your sister at the restaurant!
​
KID-
My sister's still there?
​
AFTON-
​
Of course, and your dog too! She thought he got ran over this morning!
Now, who would go and tell such an ugly lie like THAT!?!
​
KID-
My dog is still alive?
​
AFTON-
Of course, and your sister too, *Ahem*
They're waiting for you at the restaurant!
Can you sneak out of here and join us?
We have cake, and pizza and games and balloons!
​
KID-
Maaaaan, I wish I could but, I can't!
My dad is gone, still looking for SUSIE but,
my mom's home and she'll never let me out at this time of the night!
​
AFTON-
Well, get out the window!
She can't tell if you go out the window,
I mean, listen to that tv, I can hear it from outside...
She won't hear you, even if I have to break it!
​
The kid paused and didn't know what to do... But WILLIAM was there with a purpose, he wanted to kill this child,
specifically this child, and tonight was the night, all the stars were aligned and there was no way
that he'd let this opportunity slip out of his little furry hands!
So he said to the kid to step aside and he threw a rock right through the child's window!
​
By his surprise, out came the kid, unhurt and uncut!
​
The two grabbed each other by the hands, and with a smile, the child walked, unknowingly, right to his death!
​
And going back to TOY CHICA'S HIGH SCHOOL YEARS!
I know, I'm sorry...
​
I got to think...
If CHICA is there to be a stand-in for WILLIAM AFTON...
She can't obviously talk to herself...
So, is there a stand-in for CHICA herself?
​
I would like to say yes!
​
All the characters you see are as follows and in no particular order...
FREDDY!
BONNIE!
FOXY!
And even the POOPET!
​
But there's one that stands out...
A WOLF!
​
So... Is it possible that the WOLF is a stand-in for CHICA?
Well, let's see what she has to say about the WOLF!
​
Oh look at that... It's about running over some dog in front of their house,
and calling the owner to come and pick it up and then letting them in their house...
​
Welp, sounds like we have a winner, here... Don't you think?
​
But that ALSO reminded me of something else...
​
In the DAWKO interview that SCOTT gave, he said that
when the fans don't understand a part of the lore in one game,
he makes sure that he doubles down on it in the very next game...
​
I talked about the CHICA line earlier...
"I was the first, I have seen everything"
And now TOY CHICA'S HIGH SCHOOL YEARS
​
Feels to me like SCOTT tried to shove CHICA down our throats
in the very next game that MIDNIGHT MOTORIST takes place, huh?
Hmmmmmm...
​
But I digress... Where were we?
​
Oh yeah...
Now, I know what you're thinking...
SUSIE was never said to have a brother... Or CHICA for that matter!
​
Well, think of it this way, children very often hang out in groups of friends, from what I can remember anyway,
and quite often you will have siblings in said group, a friend has to have their brothers or sisters tagging along,
things like that!
​
So, what if SUSIE DID have a brother?
​
Well, is he someone we know?
Oh yes, indeed, indeed he is!
​
His name... Is...
Well...
I actually have two answers for that one!
​
Personally, I think this is the weakest point of my theory...
And I seriously don't know which of those two choices I believe in the most...
BUT...
I DO think I am right on either of those, because, if the rest of my theory is correct...
Then one of those has to be the right answer...
​
So, let's start with the weakest one of the two...
​
So his name could very well be... FRITZ!
​
Solely because in TOY CHICA'S HIGH SCHOOL YEARS,
the story that is attached to the child in MIDNIGHT MOTORIST is told with
FOXY as the stand-in...
​
That's it, that's all I got... Not much but hey, I tried!
​
OR...
​
It could very well be... JEREMY!
​
For you see, I always thought it strange, that in most, if not all the FNAF games that has CHICA in it,
there's always a counterpart to her,
someone, or something, that always replicates her every move,
someone that is always paired with her in every games...
... As if they were related, or even twins...
BONNIE!
​
Because, logically, if I am right, and MIDNIGHT MOTORIST is linked to FRUITY MAZE!
And that you are indeed playing as SUZIE/CHICA's father...
Then the boy is SUZIE/CHICA's brother...
And they both died on the same day...
Therefore, the boy had to have been killed during the original killing spree...
And RE-therefore... He had to eventually possess one of the animatronics...
And RE-RE-therefore, it has to be either...
FREDDY, which I can't find any conncections to.
FOXY, which we have one, a weak one, but one nonetheless...
And BONNIE, because of the pairing between he and CHICA!
​
And let's remember the good ending of FNAF 3...
What do I mean by that?
​
I mean something that not a lot of people are talking about!
​
When you finally give EVAN his perfect birthday, you can see him with his friends, and his friends are...
Gabriel (Freddy), JEREMY (Bonnie), SUSIE (Chica), FRITZ (Foxy) and Charlie (The Puppet)
​
Yeah, they were all close friends!
Which is why the parents and those children knows of WILLIAM AFTON!
Of COURSE the father of a young child would know of his kid's little friends and their parents!
​
And that also explains WILLIAM AFTON's motivations!
​
It's revenge!
Revenge for EVAN's death!
As some of us as suspected for a while!
​
But he can't kill his own child MICHAEL for what happened!
So he goes to the next best thing!
​
His kid's friends!
The ones that were there when the incident happened, and didn't do anything to help him!
They shall pay!
All of them!
​
And he started by luring SUZY to his restaurant, by running over her dog one morning!
By calling her dad to come and pick up said dog, who's most likely dead in front
of the restaurant, begging SUZIE's father to come pick the dog before opening hours
so random kids don't get to see the gruesome scene!
Then luring her in a backroom to kill her once she made it to his restaurant...
And then?
Well, it's easy!
He'll go to their house, which he knows about being the father of a kid who's friends with the children of said house!
Probably had to drive EVAN for a weekend sleepover once or twice!
And lure JEREMY/FRITZ back to the restaurant and kill him too...
Two birds, one stone!
​
Two down, three to go!
​
And I guess CHICA was telling the truth...
She WAS the first... She has seen EVERYTHING!

Hey all looking for early, mid, and late 80s pics from New Smyrna Beach and the surrounding areas.
Wish list: Sorrentos (sp) Pizza (the one in the strip mall) with the small dining area, gelato case, and Joust arcade game).
Shots of beach houses and the area near Mosquito Lagoon.
Old restaurants, the old theater.
Eldoras dock and ruins before it was restored.
The Brown Fox sign
The old arcade.
Any other gems of the area from that era.
TIA

Honolulu is the capital of Hawaii and is located on the island of Oahu. It is a popular tourist destination known for its beautiful beaches, stunning scenery, and rich culture. There are many things to see and do in Honolulu, from exploring historical sites to relaxing on the beach. Still wondering WHAT TO DO ON HONOLULU, in this article you will find all your answers.
HERE ARE SOME OF THE BEST THINGS TO DO IN HONOLULU:
Visit Pearl Harbor: Pearl Harbor is a historic site that was attacked by the Japanese on December 7, 1941. The attack led to the United States entering World War II. Today, Pearl Harbor is a memorial to those who lost their lives in the attack. Visitors can tour the USS Arizona Memorial, which is located on the site of the attack, and learn about the history of Pearl Harbor.
Explore Waikiki Beach: Waikiki Beach is one of the most popular beaches in the world. It is a great place to swim, sunbathe, and surf. There are also many shops and restaurants located near Waikiki Beach.
Go hiking at Diamond Head: Diamond Head is a volcanic crater that offers stunning views of Honolulu. There is a short hike to the top of Diamond Head, which is a great way to get some exercise and enjoy the scenery.
Visit the Polynesian Cultural Center: The Polynesian Cultural Center is a non-profit organization that offers visitors a glimpse into the cultures of Polynesia. Visitors can learn about the history, culture, and traditions of Polynesia through demonstrations, performances, and interactive exhibits.
Go shopping in Chinatown: Chinatown is a historic neighborhood in Honolulu that is home to many shops and restaurants. Visitors can find a variety of souvenirs, gifts, and food in Chinatown.
See a show at the Royal Hawaiian Center: The Royal Hawaiian Center is a shopping and entertainment complex that is located in Waikiki. The center is home to a variety of shops, restaurants, and theaters. Visitors can catch a show at the Dole Cannery Theatre, which is located in the center.
Website: https://farecopy01.is-blog.com/25007076/honolulu-hawaii-a-guide-to-the-best-things-to-do

Welcome to uTest (www.utest), by Applause (www.applause.com)! We are a company that helps businesses test the accuracy and usability of their websites, applications, and hardware through freelance software testing and feedback. You can get paid to help us shape the digital landscape!
Do you use a contactless payment card or digital wallet? Join our payment testing team!
For this payment testing project, we are looking for specific payment card holders living in or near specific cities in the USA, UK, and Australia:
Australia:

• Brisbane

UK:

• Dunblane, Scotland

USA:

• Folsom, CA
• Aspen, CO
• Windsor Locks, CT
• Key West, FL
• Kissimmee, FL
• Marietta, GA
• Rome, GA
• Beverly, MA
• Boston, MA
• Hackensack, NJ
• Long Branch, NJ
• Nanuet, NY
• Port Jefferson Station, NY
• Philadelphia, PA
• Wiemar, TX

Qualified participants will visit specific merchant(s) (restaurants, gas stations, general merchandise stores, etc.), make a small purchase using a their credit card with a contactless feature, and verify the transaction process works as expected (save your receipts as a proof of transaction).
Payout is $60 USD per location / merchant. All purchases (within $10 limit) will be reimbursed upon testing completion (small purchases are for you to keep). We will also cover your gas expenses (within a limit).
Project Details:

• Start Date: Active
• Location: Australia, Canada, UK, USA
• Payout: $60 USD + up to $10 purchase reimbursement + gas reimbursement (terms and conditions apply)

Please apply HERE if you are interested.
You can also see other uTest projects here.
For more information please visit us at www.utest.com, www.applause.com, or UTEST. Do you want to learn more about how uTest works? We have prepared this video for you!

26 May Update v2: new additions with *

25/05 Thu

• Phum Viphurit (bedroom pop), capitol theatre city hall, $88
• The Trilldon: JUSTHIS & MIRANI (KR hiphop), club drip orchard , $128
• Jazz Loft: Andoyama & The Girl'Z and the Boy'z choir - farewell gig (jazz-choral), blu jaz at bali ln (bugis), ticket $22
• Chill Sessions Jam: Audible Quirk - Mantravine's EP release performance, kult kafe - the grandstand 200 turf club road (sixth avenue), free reg
• Esplanade: Kpop Nostalgia by Curie, Mervyn & Aniq, free
• Esplanade: Nuri Terbang Malam - Malay Music in Singapore through Time - by Syed Ahmad, Jeremiah Choy and Orkes Nuri - 1st, recital studio, $23

SIFA

• Dance: BLKDOG by Botis Seva (UK) - 1st Day, SOTA Drama Theatre, $38
• Interactive Theatre: £¥€$ (LIES) by Ontroerend Goed (BE) - TILL 28 May SUN, SOTA, $58
   
  
• Drag MOISTNESS - a cabaret, projector golden mile tower, $28
  
• DJ, Combined Local Uni Party: Semester Shutdown (big room edm, moombahton, hiphop), yang club clarke quay, $20 soldout
  
• DJ, SPARK CONNECTIONS (msf) x Zouk - Kpop XL ft DJ Jagi and DJ Young, zouk clarke quay, $20
  
• DJ, Amy's Wine Bar: Daniel K (downtempo, minimal tech, house), 17d lor liput (holland village)
  
• DJ, Vertigo 26: Shakolin (UKR) - deep house, techno, at mint museum city hall, listening bar
  
• DJ, Offtrack: St Vincent and the Grenadines (ph), beside hong lim park, gastro bar
  
• DJ, Prism: Gucci Nights (hiphop reggaeton afrobeats latin), club prism marina square, free
  
• DJ, CE LA VI: DJ Ayane (FRA R&B) ft Olliedes & fadille, Marina Bay Sands tower 3, $30
  

26/05 Fri

• BERANI; DEMI MASA (malay percussion, dance), drama center theatre (bugis), $15
• SCO: Chinese Orch. Goes to Vivocity cond. Moses Gay - Day 1, harbourfront, $5
• Jazz Loft: CONTINUO by Pablo Calzado (world music jazz w Arabic twist), blu jaz at bali ln (bugis), tickets $24
• Simply Jazz: Fusion Jazz (ft eric lee & masashi sasaki, nakamura, marinello, raf m), chijmes b1, jazz bar
• Maduro Jazz: Le French Jazz Trio du Japon - Day 1, jazz bar harding rd (dempsey) $65 drink credits
• Live Jazz Music at Frenchie Wine Bar: Shed Trio, 81 tras st (tanjong pagar)
• Esplanade: Meermu Live (comedy-rap), free
• Guide Esplanade: Flipside - Circus / Physical Theatre Events, various
• Esplanade: Nuri Terbang Malam - Malay Music in Singapore through Time - by Syed Ahmad, Jeremiah Choy and Orkes Nuri - last, recital studio, $23
• Theatre Esplanade: Chimpanzee by Nick Lehane - TILL 28 May Sun, theatre studio, $30
• Dance: Republic Poly Momentum Dance Festival - also on 27th may, the republic cultural centre theatre, $11
• Tenuta Jazz Night by park90 at intercontinental singapore hotel, 80 middle road (bugis), $100 for 2
• Stratos Rooftop Bar Open Mic: hosted by Wymo, national design centre 111 middle rd, cocktail bar
• Chinese Play: Catfished - till Sunday 28 May, gateway theatre bukit merah, ticket $40

SIFA

• Dance: BLKDOG by Botis Seva (UK) - Last, SOTA Drama Theatre, also a pre workshop, $38
• Object Theatre: Cuckoo by Jaha Koo (KR) - 1st, drama centre black box, $38
• SIFA X & Ce La Vi : LOVE DIVINE - STILL LIVES (Nathan Hartono x Grace Kee Performance Art) & CHILDREN OF VENUS Burlesque by SUKKI, Marina Bay Sands Tower 3, $58
   
  
• DJ, UNFILTERED presents Flashback Friday (Taylor Swift Tribute Version) + 00s pop, hard rock cafe orchard, $28 soldout
  
• DJ, FUEGO NIGHT: Blackout ft skilla, zaxm k faith (reggaeton, dancehalll, afrobeats), luxe club marina square, left $37
  
• DJ, BLASE x Blu Jaz: hiphop rnb dancehall reggaeton, blu jaz bali ln, tickets $15
  
• DJ, Gay Event: The Den ft meraki soul, shigeki (deep housey), 87 club street, free reg
  
• DJ, Party Social SG: Throwback night at edition rooftop bar, 182 clemenceau ave (dhoby)
  
• DJ, Dirty Blonde Burlesque Night, suntec city l3
  
• DJ, Cupid's Inferno Prom Night by Afterlife - ft. DJ Kiara, Hamez, scrvple, club prism marina square, $40
  
• DJ, KPOP Party by The Arcade - O-Rak-Shil (오락실) ft dj linc, projector x picturehouse (cathay), $29
  
• DJ, Magic Carpet Bollywood Club's Urban Friday - Bhangra & bollywood (above 23), 7500 beach road, $30-$50
  
• DJ, DARKER THAN WAX x More Rice Label Night - Dott (THA), club iki (ikigai the riverwalk, clarke quay), $22
  
• DJ, Amy's Wine Bar: ARMS1 (open format, vinyl), 17d lor liput, natural wine bar
  
• DJ, Neil Conversion: Mandopop Night, 43 neil rd, $35 gay bar
  
• DJ, Club Rich: DJ NICOLE CHEN birthday bash, 114 middle rd (bugis), asian club
  
• DJ, Majesty Chen: DJ Killyx & Lady Goth - Hardstyle (THA)), oxley tower 138 robinson rd CBD
  
• DJ, Yang Club: Back to The Old School (90s-00s party) ft. DJ luqhere, alvinlim, shai, mr boo, clarke quay
  
• DJ, Spaceone SG: Last Day before Relocation Party, 100 jalan sultan plaza
  
• DJ, Black Horse: Xhale & Limmy (hardstyle, oriental edm, open), ming arcade orchard L7
  
• DJ, MILK: No Regrets (ethan & miggy t) - hard dance, oriental?, 530 North Bridge Rd Bugis Point L3
  
• DJ, Potato Head: OneWithAldrin (disco-funk nite), 36 Keong Saik Rd, bistro-speakeasy
  
• DJ, Offtrack: Ulyssess of Mugic Soundsystem, beside hong lim park, gastro bar
  
• DJ, Marquee: Astrolab ft. DJ Nash D, Marina Bay Sands, $45
  
• DJ, CE LA VI: Leonard T, Jamie Hall (house, tech), MBS tower 3, $38
  
• DJ, Headquarters: Kavan, Leland, Muto (techno, house), hq 66A boat quay, $30
  
• DJ, Tuff: Amber H & Emma SS, tuff club 138 robinson rd cbd, $30
  
• DJ, Phuture: .WAV(Y) with prav and xg (hiphop rnb afro), zouk clarke quay, $20
  
• DJ, Anjunadeep x Thugshop: Dosem & Simon Doty (tech house, prog-house), MDLR 62 cecil street (telok ayer), $60
  

27/05 Sat

• BODYSYNC (giraffage x ryan hemsworth doing garage house) ft Cayenne of Sobs, DJ Et aliae, EJ Missy, tuff club 138 robinson rd cbd, $48
• ST12 - 20th anniversary reunion (IDN pop-rock), the star theatre buona vista, $58
• Saylah Sessions x Parka Showcase - Icebox, Regina Song, Jeyes (sorta indie pop), 180 Paya Lebar Rd (taiseng), $20
• The Cellar Sessions - Hijack Hayley, Shirly Temple, Blush Hotel, Han-sa ft Qhum (indie rock, bluesy, folky), 12 ann siang rd honcho, $45
• Punk Gig: Septictank (IDN), KKC(MY), idx, rejected scums, secret army, $30
• Hardcore metalcore Gig: Pandemic is Over ft. scream the silence, slugg, wrathbourn, death in october, makkau, true anger, dm, $15
• JASSO: Jazz it up! Celebration of Chinese Songs ft. Judy Ongg, Jeremy Monteiro, Lee Wei Song, Marcus Lee, SCCC auditorium, $48
• JAZZIN UP Our Tampines Hub - lorong boys, eric lee & m.i.c, muse-x, sws city swing big band, impression of nanyang arts, geylang ska syndicate + najip ali, our tampines hub town square, free
• Jazz Loft: RIO RITMICA ft Maya Raisha (brazillian style jazz - bossa choro samba pagode), blu jaz at bali ln (bugis), $24
• Maduro Jazz: Le French Jazz Trio du Japon - Day 1, jazz bar harding rd (dempsey) $65 drink credits
• Trumpet Concerto: Tine Thing Helseth: A Norwegian Celebration - with RE:SOUND COLLECTIVE, NUS YST Concert Hall, $28
• Yevgeny Sudbin plays Rachmaninov 2 by OMM x Altenburg, esplanade concert hall, $18
• Singapore Symphony Chorus: Tre Voci, VCH, $20
• YST: Trombone Weekend Workshops, NUS yong siew toh conservatory, $27
• Singapore Chinese Orchestra: Goes to Vivocity cond. Moses Gay - Day 1, harbourfront, $5
• Guide Esplanade: Flipside - Circus / Physical Theatre Events, various
• Esplanade: The Flipside of an Opera Singer by Kira Lim (afternoon), free
• Esplanade: Table Read – Make Some Noise! with How Drama, free
• Esplanade: Multidisciplinary family classical concert - Musical Movements by Farah Wu, Tan Tiag Yi, Leow Huey Li (bartok, shostakovich, igudesman, takemitsu), recital studio, $25
• Esplanade Visual Exhibit Tour: Instrumental Possibility by Rosemainy Buang and Arnont Nongyao, free reg
• Esplanade Visual Exhibit Tour: The Rumbling In-between by Danarto dkk., ila + bani haykal, Julian Abraham 'Togar', Riar Rizaldi and Tini Aliman, free reg
• Musical Theatre: Monster in the Mirror - Last, gateway theater bukit merah, $20
• * Asian Opera Theatre: Butterfly's Dream - puccini's madama butterfly abridged, japanese associaton 120 adam road, $35
• * Family-friendly Theatre: 我是你的爸爸, bras basah chinese cultural centre, $28
• Singapore Indian Fine Arts Society (SIFAS) - Songs of Swadesh: NAVARASA ft Jyotika Joshi, RELC (orchard/stevens) 30 Orange Grove Rd, free reg but sold out
• Talk: Occult Philosophies at Singapore Arts Museum Distripark - body horrobatik horror with DJ duckdeleuze & joaen, tanjong pagar distripark l3
• * Sopranos Bistro: Otavio aka Oto Sequeira, 18 carpenter street (boat quay)
• Timbre One North: Strait Up Blues Jam - open jam, 73A Ayer Rajah Crescent food garden, $20 per jammer
• Muse Tribute Night by Minimum Wage Band, Crohn's Disease Awareness, NAFA studio theatre bencoolen, free reg
• Blackbird: A Tribute To Pink Floyd - by welcome to the machine, blackbird at gillman barracks, bar

SIFA

• Dance Theatre: Me, You, Then, Now by Muna Tseng (US), victoria theatre, $38
• TalkAI & Art: : Seeing Double - Bridging Dualities with Relational Intelligence by Sougwen 愫君 Chung , zoom, $32
• Object Theatre: Cuckoo by Jaha Koo (KR) - last, drama centre black box, $38
• One-man Theatre: Lolling & Rolling by Jaha Koo (KR) - 1st, drama centre black box, $38
• SIFA X: there is no future in nostalgia multi-performances - 2nd last, centre 42 waterloo street (bras basah), $25 or various
   
  
• Drag: QABARET: Goes to the MOVIES!, projector x picturehouse (the cathay), $48
  
• Drag DJ, Baby Boy Diva Era: Come What May ft lipsync smackdown part 2, hard rock cafe orchard, $40 with riot drag show sameday, $20 for just party
  
• Pool Party DJ, MANIFEST at 1-altitude coast (ft. tobias laut, kuma, raja rani, matsalleh - housey), the outpost hotel sentosa, $35
  
• Pool Party DJ, Party Social SG's Candyland ft. DJ Jagi & Nomi, Sofitel Singapore City Centre Poolside (tanjong pagar), $20
  
• DJ, The Last Escape - SG's 'largest' Pop up Festival (ft. wasted, chambers, entity, flow, prism DJs), scape orchard (somerset), $30
  
• DJ, TOSKA & Friends Boilerroom 360: ft goth mystery mafia, arlqin, joshua dillon, kaeiz, warlock, club iki (ikigai the riverwalk, clarke quay), $8
  
• DJ. CULTURE: Jiak Kim 2.0 (late 00s-10s edm era) ft SoundsOfFai, MR J, Marshmallowman, Franchette & DJ Pin, luxe club marina square, $31
  
• DJ, The Tuckshop Assembly Silent Disco ft DJ Leonard T (90s-00s hits), 403 Guillemard Rd, bistro-bar
  
• DJ, LGBT Kink Nite: DoMeKinky! - Hidden Empire (GER melodic techno & house) ft amber h & kuma, MDLR 62 cecil street (telok ayer), $90
  
• DJ, Habouji Reggaeton Vol II, unknown, $30
  
• DJ, LAST SATURDAYS x Club Sando Afternoon-Evening Party: Catharsis through the back door (underground electronica), baroque house 29 rowell rd (farrer park), $25
  
• DJ, Catfish Izakaya - The Red Room ft. Pillow Talk (r&b hiphop), 5 Gemmill Ln (telok ayer)
  
• DJ, Parliament Bar: Ultimate Old School Hiphop Nite 80s-90s, 18 teck lim rd
  
• DJ, Afrogroove SG: Afro Club Night ft. DJ Jag & Dabishop, blu jaz cafe bali ln, tickets, $15
  
• DJ, Afroclub Sunrise ft dj witjak, shan, waii , LOMIV, the parlour 140 owen road (farrer park), $20
  
• DJ, CHOICE CUTS PIZZA & RECORDS: Just Zé (samba, disco-funk, jamaican, jazz), 446 joo chiat rd, free
  
• * DJ, Stickies Bar's Bieber Fever ft DJ Clover, 178 clemenceau ave (dhoby ghaut)
  
• * DJ, Amy's Wine Bar: KHALLY - yes that neo-soul singer-songwriter (soul rnb hiphop), 17d lor liput, natural wine bar
  
• * DJ, Neil Conversion: emo night, 43 neil road, gay bar
  
• DJ, Yang Club: Coyote Ugly ft. DJ Verra V (INA edm/trap), sherpa big M, clarke quay
  
• DJ, Black Horse: Shai, Sforla, Limmy, open format oriental edm, ming arcade orchard L7
  
• DJ, Majesty Chen: DJ Killyx & Lady Goth - Hardstyle (THA) - last), oxley tower 138 robinson rd CBD
  
• DJ, MILK: Vivalavida: reggaeton latin hits (ft. dj nickaz, badgaldidi, dj naw, kelibre), 530 North Bridge Rd Bugis Point L3
  
• DJ, Offtrack: Yen Disco Soundsystem and MZA EP launch - SP404 performance (jazzy, uk jungle, hiphop), beside hong lim park, gastro bar
  
• DJ, Potato Head: Yujin (house-tech nite), 36 Keong Saik Rd, bistro-speakeasy
  
• DJ, Vertigo 26: Twilight Soul ft Redrimbaud & daniel peters, at mint museum city hall, listening bar
  
• DJ, Headquarters: Fiedel (GER techno) ft Daryl, Dexter, SVATG, hq 66A boat quay, $37
  
• DJ, CE LA VI: Magdalena (GER melodic techno & house - not 'Bay'), marina bay sands tower 3, $38
  
• DJ, Moonstone: The Weatherman (baeleric housey, jazzy, new beat), 103 Amoy St (telok ayer), bar
  
• DJ, Phuture: Slime - SPIT PIT the ultimate Rap Battle ft YUNGTAUFOO collective, zouk phuture clarke quay, tickets link $30
  
• DJ, Prism: 7 Deadly Sins: Lust - Masquerade Party, prism club marina square, + scavanger hunt $32 freeflow
  

28/05 Sun

• Cactus Cactus - Life Is Short EP Launch ft curb, intermission, kyoto protocol (my), captn trips the kid(my) - alt rock gig, phil's studio parklane (dhoby), $25
• Vidya Shah - evening of ghazals, sufi , stories, BAITHAK, esplanade recital studio, $65
• Singapore Pooram 2023 : Singapore & India Festival, gardens by the bay, $15
• YST: Trombone Weekend Gala Concert ft. Lion City Brass & YST Faculty, nus yong siew toh conservatory, $10
• NTU A Capella: NTU CAC Harmonix Down Memory Lane, laselle college at bugis, $22
• Victoria Concert Hall Open House and Various Family-Friendly Performances/Tours, various
• Guide Esplanade: Flipside - Circus / Physical Theatre Events, various
• Comedy Night: GB Labrador from phillipines (tagalog ed.), projector x picturehouse (cathay), $25
• Everyday, Last Show SHAKESPEARE IN THE PARK: A Midsummer Night's Dream, fort canning park, $60
• * Drum Workshop: SCAPE presents Shed! 8, scape orchard, free with reg

SIFA

• One-man Theatre: Lolling & Rolling by Jaha Koo (KR) - last, drama centre black box, $38
• SIFA X: there is no future in nostalgia multi-performances - last, centre 42 waterloo street (bras basah), Give-What-You-Can
• Multidisipline Artist Talk: A Day, 2023 by Joyce Ho (TW), The Arts House, free reg
   
  
• Dinner Party: Eat Drink Dance Africa by Africa Parties SG, La Salsa Kitchen Bar at Dempsey, $100 with dinner & drinks
  
• DJ, ELEMENT: House Edition 1 (KRIS HAAGENSEN, taz, vanan m, eiraie soundraid, radarboy3000), honcho 12 ann siang rd, $25
  
• DJ, GROOVETOP x Potato Head ft. St Vincent & The Grenadines (MNL), Candiceb & Kenneth Francis (funk soul hiphop afro house garage), potato head keong saik rooftop, $20
  

29/05 Mon

• Luck Life x STEREO DIVE FOUNDATION (j-rock/pop), gateway theatre bukit merah, $108
• Esplanade: Hwa Chong Institution Choir, concert hall, $15
• Guide Esplanade: Flipside - Circus / Physical Theatre Events, various
• SIFA Multidisciplinary: A Day, 2023 by Joyce Ho (TW) - TILL 4 Jun Sun, the arts house, free reg
• * Naruto TV Animation 20th anniversary exhibtion ft. naruto x boruto VR till July 2nd, marina square level 3, $25

30/05 Tue

• Esplanade: Dominic Chin x Michael: Medi/Musical, free
• SIFA Participatory Theatre: The School - TILL 4 Jun SUN, Stamford Arts Centre (bugis), $48
• Comedy Masala ft. ANNIE YANG (ind) , hero's 69 circular road boat quay, $20

31/05 Wed

• Esplanade: Siao Sing Songs (musical theatre ish), free
• Jazz Loft: Legacy Series - Sinclair Ang & His Rhythmakers (swing dance), blu jaz at bali ln (bugis), $24
• Last Day of The Laselle Show Graduation Exhibition, rochor campus
• The ARTrio - MUSICAL INTERLUDES (Bach, Beethoven, Mendelssohn, Schumann & more), library at esplanade, free reg
• * Talk: Life of a SG Influencer by MAD & School of Business Alumni (Thomas kopankiewicz BLYSK & wong sheau qian), singapore poly (dover)
• DJ, Simply Retro's Only DJ - Make It Retro (80s, wham etc), chijmes b1, bar-club
• DJ, Potato Head: ash le tigre (hiphop rnb nite), 36 Keong Saik Rd, bistro-speakeasy
• DJ, Offtrack: Intriguant (electronica, breaks), beside hong lim park, gastro bar
• DJ, Yang Club: Tango Hulu ft. Sherpa Shia, Mr Boo, clarke quay
• DJ, Club Rich: DJ YE (MY manyao nite), 114 middle road (bugis)

1/06 Thu

• HOJEAN (indie pop) ft alicia dc, grid mall at dhoby ghaut, $74
• Esplanade: Siao Sing Songs (musical theatre ish), free
• Guide Esplanade: Flipside - Circus / Physical Theatre Events, various
• Poetry of Ecstasy • Solo Piano Recital by Yevgeny Sudbin, victoria concert hall, $25
• Wheeler's Estate: BEYOND tribute night, 2 Park Lane (seletar), $50 soldout
• * Orbifold global music competition by the musicians stage (for youths, classical), voices of singapore recital hall
• Food & Music: GASTROBEATS till 25 june, bayfront event space, free admission
• SIFA Workshop: EIZO-Theater Workshop with Shimpei Yamada, aliwal arts centre, $38
• * Workshop: TM KRISHNA masterclass - karnatik music
• * DJ, EMONIGHTSG: The B-Sides ft bryanstate, waliman, amelia.cjl (alt rock, 00s emo, guilty pleasure pop-punk), hard rock cafe orchard, $20
• * DJ, MAGIC CARPET bollywood club: end of semester ultimate students party ft dj alving, wolverine (18 ok), 7500 beach rd (bugis), $30
• * DJ, WhoHurtYou x CULTURE: Linkin Park Tribute & friends, club iki (ikigai the riverwalk, clarke quay), $29
• DJ, CULTURE: Mando Hearts (mandopop edm, manyao?) ft dj pin, miggy t, j2, luxe club marina square, $31 sold out but table open
• DJ, BOLLYWOOD CLUB: Masquerade Party, yang club clarke quay, $32
• DJ, INDIAN CLUB X: Bollywood Rave, prism club marina square, $37
• DJ, Gay Event: Hyperrise, majesty chen 138 robinson rd cbd, $48 soldout
• DJ, Retro Night (80s-90s) at Furama Riverfront, Waterfall Lounge 405 Havelock Road Singapore, $20
• DJ, Thugshop XXL: UFO95 & Alarico (techno, a little acid-idm) ft Haan, MDLR 62 cecil street (telok ayer), $42
• DJ, Offtrack: Daryl Knows (housey, electronica, jazzy), beside hong lim park, gastro bar
• DJ, Headquarters: Vaibs, Ma De, Violesc (techno, house)
• DJ, Marquee: Mixtape Rewind ft DJ Five, Marina Bay Sands Shoppes, free to $20
• DJ, Drip : Slumber Party SG and also Wet Dreams ft. Entity: (daniel & tmo), 100 orchard road, $30 or $26
• DJ, Black Horse: DJ YE (MY manyao, oriental EDM), ming arcade orchard L7
• DJ, LEGACY GLOWHARD Harddance Festival - DJ Sub Zero Project, Wildstylez, INQUISITIVE, Nicole Choo, DJ Gammer, Brooklyn Bouncee, hyde lee, suntec city convention centre L4, $60

2/06 Fri - Vesak Day

• WayV Fanmeeting tour 威神V, the star theatre buona vista, $148
• Punk Gig: Friday Night Hardcore - ft. MAIR (MY), angulimala, recover, el familia, unusual poirates, the dojo, $20 door
• Esplanade: Musical Theatre Revue - Bag of Tags by Nadya Zaheer, free
• Kulu Orr's Control Freak (Musical Live-Looping Theatre) - Day 1, esplanade recital, $30
• * Timbre Eastside: EMO NIGHT bands ft. iman's leauge, rancour & noodle brain, singapore expo food garden, free
• Jazz Loft: Duncan Mckee Trio (jazz piano, ecm), blu jaz at bali ln (bugis), $24
• NUS Choir: Varsity Voices 2023: When I Have Sung My Songs, victoria concert hall, $25
• Guide Esplanade: Flipside - Circus / Physical Theatre Events, various
• Vocal Associates Choir: Of a Rose, a lovely Rose - MAGNIFICAT by John Rutter, esplanade concert hall, $15
• GastroBeats: 53A, bayfront event space, free entry
• Theatre: Doubt: A Parable by Pangdemonium Theatre - everyday TILL 18 Jun SUN, esplanade waterfront theatre, $55
• Puppet Theatre: Famous Puppet Death Scenes - TILL 4 Jun SUN, esplanade theatre studio, $30
• LGBT Workshop: KiKiHouseofKasicvnt's Vogue Femme Choreo, $20

SIFA

• SIFA X: Intermission - Traditional Thai Music and contemporary dance, drama centre black box (bugis), $38
• SIFA Slow Cinema x Theatre: Pompeii by Edith Podesta & K Rajagopal - TILL 4 Jun SUN
   
  
• DJ, Kampong Boogie ft DJ Stephan Day, Kenneth Francis, bambii, joshua p, swtlrk (house jungle hiphop breaks dub etc), projector golden mile tower, at the bar
  
• DJ, Hard Vibing Resurgence (hard dance), club iki (ikigai the riverwalk, clarke quay), $26
  
• DJ, ERRANT x PRISM: Yin Yang (hiphop, top40s, techno - weeknd dojacat pitbull taylorswift) ft joshua dillon, dj 3than, cheris, prism club marina square, $35
  
• * DJ, BASK x Magic Carpet Bollywood club: Magic Mantra ft. dj dal, milan, alvindev, dholi arvin, 7500 beach rd (bugis)
  
• * DJ, Club Rich: Annyeong! DJ Young and Jagi, 114 middle rd (bugis), asian club
  
• DJ, Offtrack: Bongomann (electronica), beside hong lim park, gastro bar
  
• DJ, Headquarters: Friendly Waters with Roshan (saturday selects KL) ft. vaibs tmddj, sivanesh, himmat, ramesh k, hq 66A boat quay, $30
  
• DJ, Marquee: NGHTMRE (dubstep, festival trap), Marina Bay Sands Shoppes, $45
  

3/06 Sat

• LAUFEY (jazzy bedroom pop), Pasir Panjang Power Station A, $75
• Damien Rice, star theatre buona vista, $98
• Shila Amzah (MY singer-songwriter), capitol theatre city hall, $88
• MARZ23 阿夜, esplanade annexe studio, $98
• APOCALYPSE II: Vader, Hate, Thy Disease (POL death metal) ft Amyr Abadawn (sg melodic metal), gr.id mall at dhoby ghaut, $118
• Aaron Kwok 郭富城 Day 1, resorts world sentosa, $188 soldout
• SCO: SNYCO20 Reunion (SCCC Cultural Extravaganza) cond. Moses Gay, SCO Concert Hall, $5
• Asian Cultural Symphony Orchestra - Multicultural Musical Mosaics - ft lynnette seah, cond. tsung yeh, victoria concert hall, $28
• ALL THAT JAZZ at Our Tampines Hub - Jeremy Monteiro Organ Quartet, Miss Lou, AkeHao 啊客号, Stephen Francis, Kencana Jazz, OTH town square, free
• Jazz Loft: MUSE X ft NyaLi (modern jazz funk fusion), blu jaz at bali ln (bugis), $24
• Esplanade: Vivien Yap - Calm down VV (indie pop/rock), free
• Esplanade Comedy Theatre: COMICAL 100: Improv Comedy Deathmatch, free
• Kulu Orr's Control Freak Workshop (Musical Live-Looping Theatre) Last, esplanade recital, $18
• Guide Esplanade: Flipside - Circus / Physical Theatre Events, various
• GastroBeats: peep show, bayfront event space, free entry
• Yamaha Electone Festival - music competition, Voices of Singapore Capitol Theatre B1, $12
• * Mogambo Bar-Restaurant 12th anniversary - circus spectacular ft djs, 3 canton st (boat quay)

SIFA

• SIFA X: Intermission - Traditional Thai Music and contemporary dance, drama centre black box (bugis), $38
• SIFA: NEW-ILLUSION by Toshiki Okada/chelfitsch (JP) - 1st, SOTA studio theatre, $38
• SIFA Circus Theatre: Humans 2.0 by Circa (AU) - 1st, esplanade, also a $28 kids workshop, $38

 

• DJ, The Powerpuff Girls Parade by MANIFEST (tech house ft lizzy, rimka, jonnyvicious), bisoux at Gr.ID Mall dhoby ghaut, $30
• DJ, Odyssey-Darkari Rave: atmosphere, majesty chen 138 robinson road oxley tower L20, $29
• DJ, INTO THE DEEP x iki: Uncaged with Raja Rani and Muttiah Asnim (house, techno), club iki (ikigai the riverwalk, clarke quay), $22
• DJ, First Ever Queer Reggaeton Party - Duttywine, projector x picturehouse (cathay), $20
• DJ, Crash Cartel: Noche De Tentacion (reggaeton seduction), Club Limelight 79 circular rd (boat quay), $22
• DJ, Gay Pool Party: Bring Your Own Trunks, sofitel hotel city centre (tanjong pagar), $40
• DJ, Partymovement SG: Tasty X dt eva, sweezy, mc t.williams (open format), blu jaz at bali ln (bugis), $10
• DJ, Afro Franco Night ft. DJ B.I.G & Stef (80s, french, latino rnb) at blu jaz, blu jaz at bali ln (bugis), $20
• DJ, Offtrack: Seelie (TH Balearic, house), beside hong lim park, gastro bar
• DJ, Headquarters: Aquarian (industrial techno, uk jungle-grime) ft Daryl & dexter colt, hq 66A boat quay, $37
• DJ, Tuff Club: One With Aldrin (indie disco, techno housey), tuff club 138 robinson rd cbd, $30
• DJ, Marquee: W&W (trance, prog house), Marina Bay Sands Shoppes, $55

4/06 Sun

• Aaron Kwok 郭富城 Last Day, resorts world sentosa, $188 soldout
• END (US metalcore) ft. error, killonsight, wreckonize, dissect, gr.id mall at dhoby ghaut, $55
• Esplanade: Vivien Yap - Calm down VV (indie rock-pop), free
• Thirdspace Sessions - Paroxysms ft. brian oreilly, jon he, george chua, lynette quek (avant music gig ) , Goodman Arts Centre, $10-$20
• Kids Philharmonic Orchestra: Pre-Korea Trip Concert - incl. senior orchestra, victoria concert hall, $37
• Guide Esplanade: Flipside - Circus / Physical Theatre Events, various
• Kulu Orr's Control Freak (Musical Live-Looping Theatre) - Last, esplanade recital, $30
• GastroBeats: jive talkin, bayfront event space, free entry
• DJ, Irie Vibrations (Reggae Day) at Potato Head: Masia One/ALX/Conrad Good Vibration/Yella Sky Sound System, 36 Keong Saik, rooftop bar

SIFA

• SIFA: NEW-ILLUSION by Toshiki Okada/chelfitsch (JP) - last, SOTA studio theatre, $38
• SIFA Circus Theatre: Humans 2.0 by Circa (AU) - last, esplanade, $38
• SIFA Installation Video: We Will Slam You With Our Wings by Joanna Dudley (AU) - Last Day, victoria theatre, free

5/06 Mon

• BoyWithUke, capitol theatre city hall, $88
• Guitar Concert: Maestro Flavio Cucchi and Sig. Thomas Liauw - East Meets West, esplanade recital, $48

6/06 Tue

• Peter Cincotti (jazz-pop, piano rock), victoria theatre, $78
• Piano Prodigy: Mikkel Stars Chopin ft Mikkel Myer Lee with Asian Symphony Orchestra conducted by Robert Casteels, esplanade concert hall , $28

7/06 Wed

• FOMOLOCO: Chupitos x FomoHomo with drag (Latin beats party hits, queer), clarke quay, $25

find me on - t.me/sgmusicchat

Here are options for downloading or watching Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. streaming the full movie online for free on 123movies & Reddit, including where to watch the anticipated sports movie Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. at home. Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. 2023 available to stream? Is watching Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. on Disney Plus, HBO Max, Netflix or Amazon Prime? Yes, we have found an authentic streaming option/service.
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Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are once again back on screen together in Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret., which opens in theaters today. Still Now Here Option’s to Downloading or watching Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. streaming the full movie online for free on 123movies, Reddit, Amazon Prime, Peacock, HBO Max or Netflix!. Do you like movies? If so, then you’ll love New Sports Movie: Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret.. This movie is one of the best in its genre. #Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. will be available to watch online on Netflix’s very soon!
Will Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. starring Matt Damon and Ben Affleck stream on Netflix? Here’s what you need to know about watching the acclaimed new movie. Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. premiered at the South by Southwest festival in March 2023 and releases in theaters on April 5. Find out when you can start watching the movie at home.
When Is the Release Date of Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret.
The film will officially be released on April 5, 2023. According to Variety, AIR will release on 3,000 screens across the U.S. and following its theatrical release, the film will be available to stream on Amazon Prime.
Amazon’s Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. is receiving an extended exclusive theatrical window, after which time the film will be given a streaming release date on Prime Video.
Where to Watch Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. Movie?
There are currently no platforms that have the rights to Watch Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. Movie Online.MAPPA has decided to air the movie only in theaters because it has been a huge success.The studio , on the other hand, does not wish to divert revenue Streaming the movie would only slash the profits, not increase them.
As a result, no streaming services are authorized to offer Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. Movie for free. The film would, however, very definitely be acquired by services like Funimation , Netflix, Amazon prime video and Crunchyroll. As a last consideration, which of these outlets will likely distribute the film worldwide?
Right now, Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. is playing only in theaters, which means the only way to watch the movie is to purchase a ticket at your local movie theater. You can find a showing at a theater near you via Fandango.
Is the Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. movie streaming?
No, not yet. For now, the movie is only in theaters. That said, Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. is an Amazon Studios original movie, and we do expect that the movie will be streaming on Amazon, free to Prime subscribers, eventually.
Will Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. be on Netflix?
No, Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. is not going to be on Netflix because it’s an Amazon Studios film. If you’re a Ben Affleck fan, his movies Triple Frontier and The Last Thing He Wanted are available to stream. Matt Damon fans can now watch all three Bourne trilogy films on Netflix, and Viola Davis stars in The Woman King, Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom, and How to Get Away with Murder—all currently on Netflix.
The streaming giant has a massive catalog of television shows and movies, but it does not include ‘Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret..’ We recommend our readers watch other dark fantasy films like ‘The Witcher: Nightmare of the Wolf.’
Is Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. on Crunchyroll?
Crunchyroll, along with Funimation, has acquired the rights to the film and will be responsible for its distribution in North America.Therefore, we recommend our readers to look for the Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. movie on the streamer in the coming months. subscribers can also watch dark fantasy shows like ‘Jujutsu Kaisen.’
Is Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. on Amazon Prime?
The short answer? We don’t know. Being an Amazon film, Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. will likely forgo a VOD and physical release and will be available to stream on Prime Video once the film’s theatrical window ends. The film is said to have a much longer theatrical window than Amazon Studios’ previous theatrical releases, so we likely shouldn’t expect Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. to be available to stream until late May or June at the earliest. We’ll keep you updated once more is known.
Amazon has not yet announced an Amazon Prime release date for Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret.. That said, we can make an educated guess based on past Amazon Studio film releases. Before the COVID-19 pandemic, Amazon frequently released its original movies in theaters for a full theatrical run, before moving the titles to Amazon Prime. The last example of this is the 2019 Mindy Kaling film Late Night, which opened in theaters on June 7, 2019, and began streaming on Amazon Prime three months later, on September 6, 2019. If Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. follows that release pattern, you won’t see it on Amazon Prime until July 2023.
When Will Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. Be on Disney+?
Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret., the latest installment in the Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. franchise, is coming to Disney+ on July 8th! This new movie promises to be just as exciting as the previous ones, with plenty of action and adventure to keep viewers entertained. you’re looking forward to watching it, you may be wondering when it will be available for your Disney+ subscription. Here’s an answer to that question!

Here are options for downloading or watching Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. streaming the full movie online for free on 123movies & Reddit, including where to watch the anticipated sports movie Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. at home. Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. 2023 available to stream? Is watching Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. on Disney Plus, HBO Max, Netflix or Amazon Prime? Yes, we have found an authentic streaming option/service.
​
Download NoW : Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. Movie (2023) Online Free
Watch Now: Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. Movie (2023) Online Free
​
​
Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are once again back on screen together in Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret., which opens in theaters today. Still Now Here Option’s to Downloading or watching Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. streaming the full movie online for free on 123movies, Reddit, Amazon Prime, Peacock, HBO Max or Netflix!. Do you like movies? If so, then you’ll love New Sports Movie: Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret.. This movie is one of the best in its genre. #Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. will be available to watch online on Netflix’s very soon!
Will Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. starring Matt Damon and Ben Affleck stream on Netflix? Here’s what you need to know about watching the acclaimed new movie. Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. premiered at the South by Southwest festival in March 2023 and releases in theaters on April 5. Find out when you can start watching the movie at home.
When Is the Release Date of Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret.
The film will officially be released on April 5, 2023. According to Variety, AIR will release on 3,000 screens across the U.S. and following its theatrical release, the film will be available to stream on Amazon Prime.
Amazon’s Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. is receiving an extended exclusive theatrical window, after which time the film will be given a streaming release date on Prime Video.
Where to Watch Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. Movie?
There are currently no platforms that have the rights to Watch Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. Movie Online.MAPPA has decided to air the movie only in theaters because it has been a huge success.The studio , on the other hand, does not wish to divert revenue Streaming the movie would only slash the profits, not increase them.
As a result, no streaming services are authorized to offer Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. Movie for free. The film would, however, very definitely be acquired by services like Funimation , Netflix, Amazon prime video and Crunchyroll. As a last consideration, which of these outlets will likely distribute the film worldwide?
Right now, Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. is playing only in theaters, which means the only way to watch the movie is to purchase a ticket at your local movie theater. You can find a showing at a theater near you via Fandango.
Is the Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. movie streaming?
No, not yet. For now, the movie is only in theaters. That said, Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. is an Amazon Studios original movie, and we do expect that the movie will be streaming on Amazon, free to Prime subscribers, eventually.
Will Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. be on Netflix?
No, Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. is not going to be on Netflix because it’s an Amazon Studios film. If you’re a Ben Affleck fan, his movies Triple Frontier and The Last Thing He Wanted are available to stream. Matt Damon fans can now watch all three Bourne trilogy films on Netflix, and Viola Davis stars in The Woman King, Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom, and How to Get Away with Murder—all currently on Netflix.
The streaming giant has a massive catalog of television shows and movies, but it does not include ‘Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret..’ We recommend our readers watch other dark fantasy films like ‘The Witcher: Nightmare of the Wolf.’
Is Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. on Crunchyroll?
Crunchyroll, along with Funimation, has acquired the rights to the film and will be responsible for its distribution in North America.Therefore, we recommend our readers to look for the Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. movie on the streamer in the coming months. subscribers can also watch dark fantasy shows like ‘Jujutsu Kaisen.’
Is Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. on Amazon Prime?
The short answer? We don’t know. Being an Amazon film, Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. will likely forgo a VOD and physical release and will be available to stream on Prime Video once the film’s theatrical window ends. The film is said to have a much longer theatrical window than Amazon Studios’ previous theatrical releases, so we likely shouldn’t expect Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. to be available to stream until late May or June at the earliest. We’ll keep you updated once more is known.
Amazon has not yet announced an Amazon Prime release date for Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret.. That said, we can make an educated guess based on past Amazon Studio film releases. Before the COVID-19 pandemic, Amazon frequently released its original movies in theaters for a full theatrical run, before moving the titles to Amazon Prime. The last example of this is the 2019 Mindy Kaling film Late Night, which opened in theaters on June 7, 2019, and began streaming on Amazon Prime three months later, on September 6, 2019. If Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. follows that release pattern, you won’t see it on Amazon Prime until July 2023.
When Will Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. Be on Disney+?
Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret., the latest installment in the Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. franchise, is coming to Disney+ on July 8th! This new movie promises to be just as exciting as the previous ones, with plenty of action and adventure to keep viewers entertained. you’re looking forward to watching it, you may be wondering when it will be available for your Disney+ subscription. Here’s an answer to that question!

First
Chapter Eleven
Sadaf was used to being an officer, not a piece of meat to be displayed to all and sundry. But now she was the center of visual attention for a wide group of aliens, and to be honest she didn’t really much care for it.
“She’ll be the first one out,” said Corporal Martinez. “She needs to look really good.”
On the viewscreen, the ‘president’ of this ‘United States’ leaned forward. “Her uniform looks fine. I don’t see the problem.”
“I think I do, ma’am,” said General De Vries with a smooth calm. “It looks a little too militaristic.”
“Military?” said Sadaf, looking down at the uniform she’d worn with pride for her entire life. “This is the uniform of the Coalition Exploration Bureau. We…okay, the CEB can call in military assistance but this is not anything resembling what we would consider military-grade. It’s not very armored, for a start. The Coalition military tends to show up in proper powered armor. And once they appear, they stomp everything flat which needs stomping flat.”
De Vries held up a hand to stop any counter-argument. “Look at it this way. This speech is going to be it, understand? It’s our one shot at convincing the entire world of your Coalition’s good intentions. We can’t have you stepping up to the podium next to the President of these United States, in front of all of humanity, wearing anything even vaguely military-looking. You need to look like…like you’ve gone native.”
Sadaf’s amber eyes narrowed. “Native?”
For once the general looked panicked. “I mean, it needs to seem like you like us so much that you’ve adopted our ways. It’ll sell better.”
“Sell…oh, yes, sell!” Sadaf perked up, which seemed to relieve her hosts. “I understand now. It’s to prevent panic amongst you humans, yes?”
“Yes, to prevent panic,” replied De Vries.
Onscreen, the president looked off to one side as someone spoke, then she nodded gravely and turned back to the camera. “One of my security detail knows someone who might be able to help. Her name is Teresa, and she specializes in last-minute tailoring and such for gala events.” President Correa’s mouth quirked up into a smile. “I figure this counts as such. I’m sending her over to you, and I ask you to please treat her with respect.”
“I think you may count upon that, ma’am,” replied De Vries with a solemn gravity.
__________
Teresa Vila figured this whole nonsense had something to do with her meat-head husband’s career. Most of her clientele consisted of upper-crust Maryland elites; it was nice on occasion to drop the bombshell among them of oh, my husband? Yes, he protects the President. Yes, ‘That’ President. But now, somehow, she knew that her husband’s job had in some way bled into hers. She’d been bundled gently but firmly into a private jet, flown half-way across the country, and then been driven up into the mountains and into a tunnel bored into a mountainside.
She looked up at the red-bearded figure standing in front of a door set into a little vestibule, which in turn was set into a temporary wall which blocked off the tunnel. The guard rivaled her husband for sheer body mass. “Sorry…I think I’m supposed to be here?” she asked, pleased that her voice didn’t squeak.
The man grinned, a folksy expression which helped relax her a bit. “You are indeed supposed to be here, if your name’s Teresa.”
Teresa felt her guts un-clench a little bit more. “It is. I mean, yes, my name’s Teresa.”
“I’m Sergeant Shaw, but y’all can call me Mack, ma’am. You’re Milton’s wife?”
Now she felt a bit of fear return. Just what the hell was going on? “Um, that’s right…Mack.”
The sergeant’s smile didn’t falter. “Met him not too long ago. Nice guy, wore a really well-fitted suit. Couldn’t even see the printing from his gun. I’m guessing that’s mostly thanks to you, am I right?”
The tailor straightened up further in pride. “Of course you’re right. Do you think that big doofus knows one seam from another?”
Mack laughed. “Ha! I figured he had someone talented in his corner. Now, ma’am, I know this looks seven kinds of ominous to y’all, but look at it this way. For once, you’re gonna know about something before he does. I fully expect you to be all kinds of smug about it to him, as is your God-given right.”
Somehow, Mack’s cheeky statement made Teresa fully relax. “Okay, then. But why would you need a seamstress out in the middle of nowhere?”
“Because we have a challenge for you, my dear Teresa,” replied Shaw. He stepped aside and waved at the vestibule’s door. “Please, step on through, and prepare to have your mind blown.”
__________
Oh, she was going to have words, lots and LOTS of words, with her big lovable lump of a husband. How the hell had he managed to sit on something like this and not tell her…?
“He didn’t know, ma’am,” said the Space Force general in response to Teresa’s unspoken question. “At least, not at first.” Even though the man was high up enough in the chain of command to give anyone a headache, Teresa ignored him as she paced around the blue-scaled lizardoid figure in front of her, who in turn was clad in a black and silver-trimmed uniform that she had to admit looked very, very smart.
“It’s all right,” she said to the alien in a soft tone. “Just stand naturally.”
To her credit, Captain Sadaf did so. Teresa looked her over with a practiced eye. “Wow, I really like this uniform. The color scheme and trim pattern is so simple. It’s going to be quite the rage going forward…assuming everything doesn’t get burnt to the ground, of course. So. You want her to look…vulnerable, right?”
Sadaf looked a bit peeved at that. “Vulnerable?”
Teresa held up a calming hand. “Not in a bad way. We need to get across the notion that you’ve assimilated Earth culture to the point where you identify as one of us. It doesn’t have to be true, it just needs to be implied. Hmm…maybe something draped like a sari? Yeah, you’ve got a nicely lithe and athletic figure, that draping will look great on you. Plus those blue scales…oh yes, we should be able to find a color combo that really pops on camera.”
“Sari? Pops?” The alien captain looked over at the general as if seeking support.
“Ma’am, we can get you whatever fabric or materials you need,” replied the general.
“That’s nice, I will be putting you to the test on that soon enough. Now shoo, all of you. I want a curtain across this section; Sadaf and I need some alone-time.”
The very manly men looked at each other in confusion.
“Am I speaking Urdu?” snapped Teresa. “Curtain. Privacy. Now. Just the two of us. Get to it.”
After a whirlwind of activity, she and Captain Sadaf were now enclosed in a little private area. The human smiled down at the uncertain-looking lizardoid alien as she placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.
“Don’t you worry, my dear Captain. By the time I’m done with you, you’re going to look fabulous.”
__________
Matt looked down at Captain Sadaf. The latter now wore a very nice-looking crimson sari in place of her usual more-severe black-and-silver uniform. “Feeling okay?” he asked.
The captain let loose with a snort that might have been heard clear out to her ship still parked at L5. “I feel fine. But are you sure this clothing will look correct?” She plucked at the red dress now draped around her. “It feels oddly constricting.”
“It looks good on you, ma’am,” replied Matt. Somehow he’d been roped into being part of the honor guard for Sadaf, who at the moment was probably the most well-guarded individual on the planet. “Just relax and wait for your cue. I’ll be watching you the whole time.”
Sadaf looked up at him. “Somehow…yes, somehow that makes me feel better. This is not something I’m used to, you understand. The CEB is supposed to be purely an intelligence-gathering force. After all…”
“There is no such thing as a Standard First Contact,” replied Matt with a smile. The unofficial CEB motto had somehow become known and percolated up through those with a high enough security clearance to understand its meaning.
“Exactly!” She glowered at the sea of human reporters just visible beyond the tent flap. “I’m just a meat-head, a soldier like you. I have no real expertise in diplomacy.”
“You and me both, sister,” said Matt. “Look, just walk out there like you own the joint, okay? This is your time to shine. You have a trillion-dollar military-industrial complex at your back, plus Teresa did a really nice job with your clothing, if I’m honest.”
“So you do like my dress?”
The matter-of-fact question threw him for a loop. He looked down at her. “Oh yeah, I like it.”
Sadaf grinned up at him, an expression he’d long ago gotten used to. Man, the auhn had a lot of sharp teeth. “Then I am content, as long as you are watching over me.”
“You can count upon that, ma’am. If anyone out there so much as looks at you sideways they’re gonna have to deal with my size-twelve-boot right up betwixt their fundamentals. Followed by the boots of the entire goddamned Secret Service soon after that.”
__________
The president shuffled her pages, a bit of theater which she’d agreed to. She’d long ago memorized the speech which she was about to give. It was, without a doubt, the biggest speech of any American president’s career, right up there alongside Churchill’s brilliant ‘we shall fight them on the beaches’ rhetoric during the darkest days of World War Two. She could only hope that, at the end of everything, humanity came out of this better than the Brits did after burning down their empire in the cause of defeating evil. Rationing would be the best thing to hope for, at the end of everything.
She looked up at the assembled journalists while she plastered a fake smile on her face. “All right, everyone. You know how this is supposed to go.”
A bit of confused shuffling and glances took place in the mass of people in front of her.
“I would, in normal times, start with the standard phrase of ‘My Fellow Americans’. President Johnson started that, by the way. At least as near as I can tell.” She leaned casually on the podium, now fully in the ‘just between you and me’ mode which had won her two terms at the crummy job which she now fully regretted chasing. “But not today.”
She let those words disperse into the ether before she spoke again.
“Today? Today I come to you and say ‘My Fellow Humans’. Why do I say that? Well, you will all know right now, with no preamble. Two weeks ago, we gained incontrovertible proof that we…by that I mean all of humanity…we found that we are not alone.”
She ignored the elevated murmuring around her and turned backwards. “Captain? We’re ready.”
The murmuring amongst the reporters reached its peak as the crew of the Exultant Finger of Rithro walked and/or slithered out. Captain Sadaf strode out in front of her crew, wearing a stunning crimson sari. She hopped up onto a box already placed next to the presidential podium. She stood there, eye-level with the President, staring out at the assembled crowd as the latter continued to speak.
“They come in peace. Let me be clear on that. They were afraid of our reaction, as they had every right to be. They’ve dealt before with insanity, with religious fanaticism, with total and utter fear. But with us, they have no reason to fear. Because we are better than that. We are human. We do not reply to the unknown dark with screaming and terrified flailing. We embrace the unknown, we try to understand it. As you can see, Captain Sadaf has in turn embraced our ways.” She motioned at the diminutive, scarlet-clad and blue-scaled figure next to her. “We can only but hope to follow her example.” She then waved at the motley array of figures behind her. “And this is her crew. Four species, all united in one common cause. They need our help. And by ‘our’ help, I mean all of humanity. Perhaps we might one day become the fifth species to join their ‘Coalition’. Personally, I hope we do so sooner rather than later. Because there is a menace out there, one which might discover our planet. Our only hope of survival is to pull together, every single one of us. I will show you what happens when this menace discovers an unprotected world.”
President Correa waved behind her, and the until-now hidden holographic display lit up to show a ruined, lava-strewn planet. “This might be our future, if things go wrong…”
__________
“What do you think, Ernie?” Matt figured that the sheriff was as close to the ‘pulse’ of America as he was going to get.
The reply was tinny and muted, an unfortunate side effect of all of the electronic scrambling. “So far, nothing too bad. Everybody’s just walking around stunned, like they received a solid hit in the nuts. Even the women.”
He gave a graveyard chuckle. “Well, I suppose that’s the best we can hope for at the moment.”
“To be honest, Toke…I mean, I’ve had guys with gray hair and in their fifties come up to me and ask if there’s somewhere to volunteer their services. I think showing the video of those…um, the blob-guys…”
There was a long pause on the line, and Matt waited patiently for Ernie to pull himself together.
“…that was the genius move, I guess. Is it real?”
For once, Matt wished he could have let his friend down gently. But he couldn’t. “As near as we can tell, yes. They were a real species, and they were really wiped out. That one minute-long video is all that remains of them. Their planet’s nothing but a cinder now.”
“Fuck. Fuck me sideways with a chainsaw. Dammit.”
“You now know what I’ve been dealing with for the last few weeks, amigo.”
“Yeah, yeah. I just…okay, I’m a podunk sheriff in the middle of nowhere but…you know what the main vibe is that I’m getting?”
“That’s why I called, Ernie. Well, that and I wanted to make sure you hadn’t broken back into my house to drink all of my beer.”
“Har har. Okay, you shithead. You tell your alien pals that there is something brewing amongst us filthy Earthers.”
Matt, not for the first time, felt a little prickle of fear run down his back even though he figured this was a likely response. “Um, okay, I will tell them. Care to clue me in?”
“We want revenge, you motherfucker. Vengeance and sheer fucking hate, that is what we humans bring to the table. We’re gonna fix that Coalition ship, back to even better than before. Then we’re gonna join that Coalition and use their tech to build a fleet of our own. And then we’re gonna find every single one of those ‘Breaker’ motherfuckers and stomp their fucking digital teeth in while we laugh right in their bloody faces. Those poor little blob-dudes will never, ever be forgotten as long as a single one of us filthy humans can draw a single breath. You got that?”
“I understand, Ernie. I suppose that’s as good of a response as we can ask for.”
“Fuck you, asshole.” There followed a click, and Matt was left to stare at the now-dead headset in his hand.
__________
Chao was, by now, used to the comforting weight of Grakosh on her shoulder. The engineer had been very kind and forgiving of her endless questioning about all of the various tech incorporated both into the aliens’ landing craft and their ship up in Earth orbit.
“They have, no joke, proton-proton fusion engines, Toke!” she exclaimed as they walked along the sidewalk. In spite of having an honest-to-goodness alien riding upon her person, Chao was not swarmed with curious humans. That was thanks to Matt, who strode next to her; somehow he’d wound up appointing himself her bodyguard when out in public. That was fine by Chao; Matt’s mean Clint-Eastwood-esque squint meant that any potential crowding was a lot less than it might have been.
“Yeah, it sounds cool,” he said. “I mean, from what I understand we’ve been working on fusion ourselves for a while now.”
Chao’s enthusiasm did not abate. “But that’s using tritium or deuterium! It’s sooo much easier to get the heavier hydrogen isotopes to fuse! I know stars make it look easy, but getting two hydrogen atoms to smack into each other and do their thing? That’s hard as hell. We don’t even have a reactor on paper which could do such a feat.”
Grakosh waved his tail-hand as he interjected. “It is a bit more complicated, but you understand why we do so? We can just find an icy body and distill out its water into hydrogen for fuel.”
Chao waved her hands as well while humans parted around her (thanks to Matt’s flinty gaze) and eyed with curiosity the snake-like alien perched next to her ear. “Of course, of course Grakosh, it makes total sense. It gives your ships unlimited range, well, almost unlimited. You’re still restricted by your food supply, right?”
“Exactly. My counterpart, Mouqon, is the expert in that area. She can, in a pinch, what is the word…’forage’? Yes, forage for edible protein and such to add to our stores. It isn’t usually recommended; there have been a few unfortunate cases where an exploration ship fell afoul of an allergic reaction which wasn’t caught in time. Lifesystem experts, such as Mouqon, are by now some of the most highly trained people in the Coalition.”
“Man, I need to talk to her next,” said Chao.
“People are talking to her already, Chao,” said Matt, but his tone was not unkind. “You’re not a one-person-band. This is now a group effort. Data is getting exchanged, trust me. Now relax, that’s an order. This is supposed to be a fun time, some cultural enrichment for our esteemed guest.”
Grakosh straightened up, weaving his triple-jawed head around. “Yes, it is! Although I do wish you’d tell me where we’re going.”
Chao felt a big grin stretch itself across her face. “Trust me, dude. You’re gonna love it. I come here at least once per year, just to soak it all in. I know everything here, I'm gonna give you the grand tour.”
The knuall-toua gave his version of a snicker. “You humans do have a flair for the dramatic, don’t you? All right, I’ll just ride here and, as you say, soak it all in.”
The trio entered a paved courtyard, beyond which sat two concrete and grim-looking blocks. In between the blocks stretched a glass-covered pavilion, and in the middle of the courtyard itself rose a steel spire with some fractal-like metal blossoms at the top. Grakosh peered up at it in interest.
“Hmm. Very aspiring? I’m assuming this is some sort of engineering exhibition.”
“This is not AN exhibition, my little engineer. This is THE exhibition.” Chao spread her arms. “Welcome…to the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum. Now let’s go get our tickets.”
She led them up towards a booth with “WILL CALL” plastered on top in cannot-miss lettering. She grinned at the man behind the glass, taking great delight upon his pole-axed expression when seeing the alien riding on her shoulder.
“Hi!” she said, brightly. “There should be three tickets for us, under the name of De Vries?”
“Um…” the man looked as if his brain simply shut down, then he shook himself. Chao could feel a crowd gathering behind her, but she ignored it. After all, Matt was watching her back.
The young man went back into ‘normal’ mode. “Right…De Vries…ah, here we are!” He stuck three printed tickets through the slot towards Chao, trying and almost succeeding at not gawking at the alien on her shoulder. “Just present them at the entrance. Have a great day!” Now he did focus on Grakosh. ”Um, and sir…sir? Ma’am?”
“Sir is more correct,” said Matt, before he turned back to scan the ever-growing crowd and keep them back through the sheer force of his mean sneer.
“Sir, welcome to Earth.”
Grakosh gave a polite nod of his head. “I accept your welcome with profuse regards.”
“He says thank you,” said Chao. She accepted the proffered tickets with a nod of her own. “And we will do our best to have a good day. Thank you very much.”
__________
“You are fucking nuts,” said Grakosh.
Matt’s face twitched into a brief grin. “I do believe that’s the first time I’ve heard you swear, Grakosh.”
“You. Humans. Are. All. Mother. Fucking. NUTS.” Grakosh coiled himself tighter on Chao’s shoulder while he pointed his tri-fingered tail at the Apollo 11 capsule. “You went to your MOON in that thing?”
“Hey, it worked!” protested Chao.
“Through sheer dumb luck. Holy hell, you don’t have gravitics so this had to be a total ballistic reentry…” He scanned the encapsulated craft with an engineer’s eye. “Yes. This is designed to just…slam into the atmosphere, isn’t it?”
“You must have done similar stuff yourself, right?” asked Matt.
“Thousands and thousands of years ago!” Grakosh pulled himself up as he realized he’d just shouted. This was supposed to be cultural enrichment, not a lesson to the primitives in How Not To Do Things. “Sorry. It’s just…wow. I never thought I’d see something this…” he trailed off.
“Go ahead, finish the thought,” said Chao.
“…I’d never thought I’d see something this, um, primitive. I…you just throw yourselves out there, don’t you? It’s admirable, but wow.”
The two humans gave a glance at each other. “You wanna meet Buzz?” asked Matt. “That ol’ buzzard is still kicking, after all.”
Somehow the notion gave Grakosh a panic attack, something he hadn’t experienced in quite a while. “Oh, there’s no need to trouble him on my account…”
Grakosh trailed off again, realizing that the very evil grin on Matt’s face meant that he wasn’t getting out of this.
“Oh, I think there is a need. A mighty need. He’ll be tickled pink to meet ya.” The Marine walked away as he pulled out a phone.
__________
Chao was in the midst of feeling quite tickled herself at Grakosh’s distress when she felt a discreet tug at her pant-leg. She looked down at the small child who’d somehow gotten through Matt’s ‘Do Not Mess With’ forcefield.
“Miss?” she asked, with a few adorable blinks of her eyes. “Can I talk to Mister Alien Snake? I just wanna say hi to him.”
Chao was now very glad she’d done as requested and kept a bunch of translator beads on her person. “Of course, honey,” she said, while looking up. She saw a near-frantic adult waving at her nearby, hopefully the waving meant please don’t kill her.
She smiled as she reached into her pants-pocket. “Of course you can talk to him, but you’re going to have to wear this in your ear. Otherwise you can’t understand what he says, okay?”
The kid perked up. “Of course I get it! I’m no dummy!”
“I never said you were.” Chao held out the little ivory-colored plug, while meeting the parent’s gaze with the unspoken message of If you’re not okay with this, please say something now.
“Take it, Tabitha!” exclaimed the parent.
__________
Edwin Eugene AKA ‘Buzz’ Aldrin Jr. was in a foul mood. Well, not that foul of a mood, since he was entering a place which he loved dearly. But he’d been pestered non-stop for a statement by the press after the President’s speech a few days ago. It had dropped on him and the rest of the world like the proverbial atomic bomb.
Aliens.
Actual mother-goddamn-fucking aliens. Aldrin stomped his way towards a craft which he knew very well; he’d ridden it back from the goddamned moon, after all. No ticket was required; the staff knew his face and knew very well that you just let Buzz in when he arrived.
Not that he abused that privilege very often. Also, he took great care to be kind to those who did let him in. Kindness cost nothing, and he knew they always dealt with their fair share of privileged assholes. He didn’t intend to add to their workload, but at the moment his foul mood was due to getting that stupid message.
Get to the Smithsonian. Now. Right now.
The imperious nature of the summons had pissed him off something fierce. But as he stomped forward, he heard something…different.
He rounded the corner into the place which held his pride and joy. It was a glorious machine, a manifestation of will made into aluminum and ceramic tiles. Something which had cradled him and two of the best men he’d ever known in his life. Two men who, somehow, he’d out-lived through no virtue of his own. He’d just…done it.
In a semicircle of kids, next to the Apollo 11 capsule, sat a small dusky-hued lady with a white snake-like creature on her shoulder. The latter gestured with its fingered tail as it spewed a long, liquid stream of syllables at the rapt kids. He couldn’t understand a thing, but clearly the kids knew what it was saying.
“Translator?” said a tall and lean man who seemed to materialize out of nowhere.
Buzz flinched, something he hadn’t done in quite a while. “Eh?”
The man held out a hand with an ivory-colored plug. “If you wanna talk to him, you’re gonna need one of these.”
“I…” Buzz looked down at the little plug of technology, then up at the snakelike alien. “What is he telling them?”
“How they got here.”
Without a second thought he snatched the translator bead out of the man’s hand. As he screwed it into his ear, he asked a one-word question. “Marine?”
“Guilty as charged.”
“Figures. Goddamned crayon-eaters.” He walked forward as the snake-alien’s speech resolved into discernible speech in his ear.
“…but our Captain was wily! Oh, she was sooo wily! She realized that the Breaker had made itself into a giant lance-missile…what you humans call a ‘Casaba Howitzer’…and she had us do a sudden burn towards the jump-point into your system!”
The surrounding children let out a collective ‘oooh!’ at the notion.
“Yes! We made the jump into your star system, but just barely as the lance-missile beam hit us! That’s why we need your help, to repair our ship and let the Coalition know about you humans, right?”
Buzz cleared his throat, a mere ahem which cut through the resulting excited childrens' noises like a buzzsaw through gelatin. The snake-like alien looked up; in spite of having triple jaws and as many eyes, he could still see the evidence of panic in its gaze.
“Laides, gentlemen, or whomever,” said the tall Marine, who somehow again had parked himself at Buzz's elbow without having seemed to move. “Grakosh, engineer of the starship Exultant Finger of Rithro, and various sundry children, may I present…Buzz Aldrin, one of the first two people to set foot on our moon.”
“I still say I should have gone out of the door first,” replied Buzz with a big grin. “I mean, what if some big ‘ol mean moon-beastie had eaten Neil?” He picked out a rapt nearby ten-year-old and gave him a big and unsubtle wink. “Where would we be then, eh?”
“Is it really…him?” asked another child.
Buzz met the weird triple-eyed gobsmacked expression of the snake-alien. “Figures. I show up and it’s just like an alien has landed, am I right?”
That was when he found out how loud the little snake-like aliens could laugh. “Exactly! Mr…Buzz? I’m sorry, the translator is being a little weird about your name.”
“Call me Buzz, I’m used to it. Now. I sense you have some questions for me?”
“Oh indeed yes.” The ivory-colored alien gestured at the capsule behind him. “Did you really, honestly, ride into orbit in this thing? Are you humans all fucking mad?”
Somehow the alien’s cursing in front of children didn’t phase Buzz as he slipped into Explaining Mode, a mode he welcomed. "Well, it was a staged affair; this capsule is only the bit that rode on top. The Saturn Five first stage used kerosene and liquid oxygen..."
__________
Just a quick note for the real Buzz Aldrin just in case he sees this, please don't smack me too hard. I love you and I can only wish that had been there to see you deliver the righteous Fist of Justice on that moon-landing-hoax jackass.

I'm trying to make a list of all of the things to do in Denver for this summer. Does anyone know of anything I should add?
DOUBLE CHECK BEFORE YOU GO. THIS LIST MAY NOT BE UP TO DATE

Music Festivals

• Saturdays 05/27-09/02 Swingin Under the Stars - 7:30PM-10PM FREE All Ages Swing Dancing, Lessons, Ice Cream, Live Music Little Man Ice Cream, 2620 16th Street Denver, CO 80211
• 06/03 Denver Day of Rock - 1:15PM-9:30PM FREE All Ages 15 Bands, 3 Stages; Mainly Rock; Food Trucks LODO Denver
• 06/07 Holiday Theater Music and Poetry Showcase - 7PM FREE All Ages Guitar, Low-Rock, Spoken Word, Poetry, Jazz MCA Denver at the Holiday Theater 2644 West 32nd Avenue Denver, CO 80211
• 06/10 Five Points Jazz Festival - 12PM-8PM FREE All Ages 140+ Jazz Performances Five Points, Denver
• 06/17 First Harvest Music Vestival - 4PM-8PM $10 12 and Below; $35 1+ All Ages Various Musicans Including the Flobots, The Snakes, and Brothers of Brass; Foodtrucks, To Show Solidarity for Refugees DeLaney Community Farm 170 South Chambers Road Aurora, CO 80017
• 07/14-07/16 Compost Heap Music Festival - Times TBA FREE (Suggested Donations) Underground Music of Various Genres Seventh Circle Music Collective, 2935 W 7th Ave, Denver CO
• 07/15 Blues & BBQ Festival – 10AM-6PM $10 All Ages Live Blues Music and BBQ Citizen’s Park, 5560 W 24th Ave, Edgewater, CO 80214
• 07/21-07/22 Global Dance Festival – 3PM-11PM $99/Day All Ages EDM, Art Installations, Circus Performers, Silent Disco. Performers Include Kaskade, Deadmau5, Loud Luxury, Surf Mesa, Troyboi, Zedd and Many More! Empower Field. 1701 Bryant St, Denver, CO 80204
• 07/28-07/30 Underground Music Showcase - 3PM-12AM $120 Weekend Pass *Independent Music of Various Genres - Broadway // 6th Ave to Alameda, 21 S Broadway, Denver, CO 80209
• 08/25-08/27 Meow Wolf Vortex Music and Art Festival - 2:30PM-?? $60-$100 / Day, -$229 Weekend Pass Electronic Music Festival Feat. Griz, Armani White, BLOND:ISH and many more The Junkyard, 2323 W. Mulberry Place, Denver, CO 80204
• 08/12 Ghost Canyon Fest – 6PM-12AM $50 21+ Noise, Punk, and Post Punk Bands Hi Dive, 7 S Broadway, Denver, CO 80223
• 09/09 Sunnyside Music Festival – 12PM-7:15PM FREE All Ages Local Bands, Food, Vendos Chaffe Park near 2001 W 44th Ave, Denver, CO 80211
• 09/16 Viva Southwest Mariachi Fest – 4:30PM-10PM FREE All Ages Mariachi Bands, Food, Vendos Levitt Pavilion, 1380 W Florida Ave, Denver, CO 80223

Culture Festivals

• 06/02 Chrom - 5PM-10PM FREE All Ages A Pride Queer Art Showcase and Vendor Market, Live DJ Skylight, 833 Santa Fe Drive, Denver, United States
• 06/09-06/11 ayA Con - F 4PM-7PM; Sa 10AM-6PM; Su 10AM-5PM $15-$30 All Ages Indigenous Comics, Art, Fashion, Performance, Film, and Music McNichols Civic Center Building, 144 W Colfax Ave, Aver, CO 80202
• 06/09-06/11 Denver Greek Festival - F 11AM-11PM; Sa 11AM-12AM; Su 11AM-7PM FREE All Ages Celebration of Greek Heritage with Food, Music, Vendors, and Art Assumption of the Theotokos Greek Orthodox Cathedral, 4610 E Alameda Ave, Denver, CO 80246
• 06/17-06/18 Juneteenth Festival - 12PM-8PM FREE All Ages Celebration of Black Culture and Liberation with a Parade, Live Music, Vendors Five Points, Denver
• 06/17-06/18 Cherry Blossom Festival - 5k Sa 8AM; Parade Sa 9:30AM FREE All Ages Celebration of Japanese Heritage with Taiko Drumming, Teriyaki Chicken, Sake, Japanese Art Sakura Square, Denver
• 06/24-06/25 Denver Pridefest - Sa 11AM-6PM; Su 11AM-4PM FREE All Ages Celebration of LGBTQ+ Culture with 5k Run, Parade, Venors, Concerts, Drag Events Civic Center Park, 101 W 14th Ave, Denver, CO 80202 (Parade Starts at Cheeseman Park)
• 07/07 -07/09 Colorado Black Arts Festival - F 1PM-8PM; Sa 11AM-8PM; Su 11AM-7PM FREE All Ages * Celebration of Black Culture with Performances, Visual Art, Scavenger Hunts, Food, Parade, Vendors* City Park, 2001 Colorado Blvd, Denver, CO 80205
• 07/15-07/16 Mile High Global Bazaar - 11AM-7PM FREE All Ages Cultural Exhibits and Vendors from around the World Skyline Park, Denver, CO 80202
• 07/22-07/23 Colorado Dragon Boat Festival – Races Start 8AM; Festival Sa 10AM-7PM. Su 10AM-5PM FREE All Ages *Dragon Boat Races, Food, Vendors, Performances – FREE – Sloan's Lake Park W Bryon Pl, Denver, CO 80212

Food / Drink Festivals

• W-Th 05/15-09/?? Civic Center Eats - 11AM-7PM Free All Ages 10-20 Food Trucks of Various Cuisines Civic Center Park, 101 W 14th Ave, Denver, CO 80202
• 05/14, 06/04, 07/09 A Taste of Colorado 10AM-6PM Free All Ages Live Music, 6 Food Trucks, Drinks, Live Music, Kids Activities, Vendors Civic Center Park, 101 W 14th Ave, Denver, CO 80202
• 05/27-05/28 BBQ Fest 11AM-8PM $35 Under 20; $109 Adult All Ages * All You Can Eat BBQ, All You Can Drink, Cooking Demos, Live Music* Empower Field at Mile High, 1701 Bryant St, Denver, CO, 80204
• 05/27 Taste Around the World! Spring Wine Event - 3PM-6:30PM $90 All Ages * Tastings for 25 Bottles of Wine with Help From Wine Experts* Ironton Distillery (RiNo) - 3636 Chestnut Pl, Denver, CO 80216
• 07/20 The Big Eat - 6PM-9PM $85 21+ 50+ Restaurants All You Can Eat, Live Music* Denver Performing Arts Complex, 1400 Curtis St, Denver, CO 80204
• 07/22 - Summer Brewfest - 1PM-10PM $55 Advance, $60 Day of Only Allowed Half of Time) 21+ *Unlimited Tastings of Local Beer Brews Mile High Station, 2027 West Colfax Avenue, Denver Co 80204
• 08/03 Denver Burger Battle - Price TBA 21+ 20+ Restaurants Best Burger Competition; Unlimited Drinks and Burgers* Tivoli Quad, 1000 Larimer St, Denver CO 80204?
• 08/19 Sloan’s Lake Beer Fest - $5 DD, $35 if Drinking 21+ 1970s Themed Beer Tasting with Live Music* 1610 Raleigh Street Denver, CO 80204
• 08/26 Denver Summer Whiskey Tasting Festival - 2:30PM-6PM $45 21+ Tasting of 20+ Whiskey, Tasting Lessons, Live Music, Food Location TBA
• 09/06-09/09 Denver Food and Wine Festivals 11AM-8PM $60-$95 21+ * Food and Wine Showcase, Tastings, Seminars, Cocktail Competition* Tivoli Quad on the Auraria Campus, 1000 Larimer St, Denver

Art / Crafts / Shopping Festival

• 05/05, 06/02, 07/07, 08/04, 09/01 Sante Fe First Friday Art Walks - 5:30PM-9PM FREE All Ages Galleries , Vendors, Food Trucks, Music Sante Fe // 5th Ave to 11th Ave, Denver, CO 80204
• 05/05, 06/02, 07/07, 08/04, 09/01 RiNo First Friday Art Walks - 5:30PM-9PM FREE All Ages Art,Vendors Larimer St // Broadway to Downing
• 05/05, 06/02, 07/07, 08/04, 09/01 Dairy Block First Friday Art Walks - 5PM-9PM FREE All Ages Art, Vendors 1800 Wazee St, Denver, CO 80202
• 05/05, 06/02, 07/07, 08/04, 09/01 Lakewood First Friday Art Walks - 6PM-9PM FREE All Ages Galleries, Drinks, Music 6501 W Colfax Ave, Lakewood, CO 80214
• 05/20-05/21 Spring Bazaar - 12PM-6PM FREE All Ages 80+ Vendors, Live DJ, Food Hall Outside Zeppelin Station, 3501 Wazee St #100, Denver, CO 80216
• 05/27-05/28 Denver Arts Festival - Sa 10AM-6PM, Su 10AM-5PM FREE All Ages Local Art Conservatory Green, Central Park, 8304 E. 49th Pl. Denver 80216
• 06/08-06/11 Denver Fringe Festival - Hours Vary $15 (Some FREE Street Performances) All Ages 55+ Shows of Performance Art, Plays, Comedy, Improv, Cabaret, Magic, Dance, Aerial, Immersive Experiences, & More Across 12 Venues RiNo and Five Points Denver
• 06/10-06/11 Denver Chalk Art Festival - Sa 10AM-10PM; Su 10AM-8PM FREE All Ages Chalk Art on the Street 123 W. 12th Avenue, Denver, CO 80204
• 07/01-07/03 Cherry Creek Arts Festival Sa-Su 10AM-8PM; M 10AM-6PM FREE All Ages Art Vendors Cherry Creek North, 2401 E 2nd Ave #150, Denver, CO 80206
• 07/22-07/23 Cheeseman Park Art Festival – 9AM-5PM FREE All Ages 150+ Artists, Live Music, Food & Drinks Cheeseman Park, 1599 East 8th Avenue, Denver CO 80218
• 05/14, 05/22, 06/11, 06/25; 07/09, 07/23, 08/13, 08/27 Thrift Pop – 12PM-5PM FREE All Ages Vintage Clothing, Thrifting, Collectibles Denver Central Market 2669 Larimer St, Denver CO

Other Festivals

• 05/18-05/21 Somebody’s Friend Movement and Music Festival – Times Vary FREE All Ages Dance and Live Music Festival Denver Central Market 2669 Larimer St, Denver CO
• 05/20 Rocky Mountain Tree Festival – 12PM-6PM FREE All Ages Live Music, Art Vendors; All Funds Go to Planting Trees New Terrain Brewing Co, 16401 Table Mountain Pkwy, Golden, CO
• 05/12; 06/04; 07/09; 08/06 !Viva! Streets – 8AM-2PM FREE 3.5 Miles of Car Free Streets; Food; Crafts Broadway, Denver From Alameda to 20th
• 06/10-06/11 Unicorn Festival – 10AM-5PM $25 All Things Fairy and Unicorn Including the Unicorns Themselves Clement Park, 7306 W Bowles Ave, Littleton, CO 80123
• 06/10-06/11 Big Gear Show – Sa 10AM-6PM; Su 10AM-4PM FREE Outdoor Goods Consumer Show Colorado Convention Center, 700 14th St, Denver, CO 80202
• 06/30-07/02 Fan Expo – F 4PM-9PM; Sa 10AM-7PM; Su 10AM-5PM $38-$58 / Day; $90 3-Day Pass All Ages Convention for Fans of Comics, Sci F, Horror, Anime, Gaming Colorado Convention Center, 700 14th St, Denver, CO 80202
• 07/15-07/16 Lavender Festival – 9AM-5PM $13 Adults, $11 Seniors, $9 Children All Ages Lavender Fields, Artists, Live Music, Demonstrationsof Dye Garden and Blacksmith ShopDenver Botanic Gardens - Chatfield Farms, 8500 W Deer Creek Canyon Road, Littleton, CO 80128

Farmers Markets

Sundays

• Sundays 05/07-11/12 South Pearl Street – 9AM-1PM 1527 S Pearl St, Denver, CO 80210
  
• Sundays 06/25-10/08 Central Park – 8:30AM-12:30 PM South Green 7601 29th Ave, Denver, CO 80238
  
• Sundays 04/07-10/29 Metro Denver Famers Market - Highlands Ranch – 10AM-2PM 9288 Dorchester St, Highlands Ranch, CO 80126
  
• Sundays 06/04-09/24 Arvada Farmer’s Market – 9AM-1:30PM Olde Town Square, 5702 Olde Wadsworth Blvd. Arvada, CO 80002
  
• Sundays 05/21-10/15 HighlandsSquare – 9AM-1PM 3600 W 32nd Ave, Denver, CO 80211
  
• Sundays 05/14-10/29 Parker – 8AM-1PM – 19565 Mainstreet, Parker, CO 80138
  
• Sundays 05/28-10/15 Festival Park – 9AM-2PM – 300 2nd St, Castle Rock, CO 80104
  
• Sundays 06/04-09/24 People + Produce – (Food Trucks Beer Garden Live Music) - 9AM-1PM – 4190 S Newport St, Denver, CO 80237
  
• Second Sundays May-Aug Stanley Summer Series Farmer’s Market - 1PM-6PM Stanley Marketplace, 2501 Dallas St, Aurora, CO 80010
  

Tuesdays

• Tuesdays 05/30-09/26 Evergreene – 10AM-2PM 1036 El Rancho Road, Evergreen, CO 80439

Wednesdays

• Wednesdays 06/07-08/30 Green Valley Ranch – 5PM-8PM Green Valley Ranch Town Center Park, 4890 Argonne St., Denver, CO 80249
  
  • Wednesdays 06/14-08/16 Cherry Creek – 9AM-1PM Cherry Creek Shopping Center, 3000 E 1st Ave, Denver, CO 80206
• Wednesdays 06/14-09/27[Littleton]((https://www.denverfarmersmarket.com/) – 10AM-2PM 7301 S Santa Fe Dr, Littleton, CO 80120
  

Thursdays

• **Thursdays 05/11-09/3140 - Real Farmers Market - Erie – 5PM-8PM – Briggs Street // Wells and Moffatt, Erie 80516

Saturdays

• Saturday 05/06-11/04 Cherry Creek Fresh Market – 9AM-2PM Cherry Creek Shopping Center, 3000 E 1st Ave, Denver, CO 80206
  
• Saturdays 05/13-10/28 University Hills – 9AM-1PM – 2500 S Colorado Blvd, Denver, CO 80222
  
• Saturdays 06/10-09/30 [Lakewood]((https://www.denverfarmersmarket.com/) – 10AM-2PM Mile Hi Church. 9077 W Alameda Ave, Denver, CO 80226
  
• Saturdays 04/06-10/28 Southwest Plaza – 8AM-2PM 8501 W Bowles Ave, Littleton, CO 80123
  
• Saturdays 05/13-09/30* Southland – 8AM-1PM – 6155 S Main St, Aurora, CO 80016
  
• Saturdays 06/03-09/16 Union Station – 9AM-1PM 1701 Wynkoop, Denver, CO 80202
  
• Saturdays 5/13-10/28 City Park – 8AM-1PM 2551 E Colfax Ave, Denver, CO 80206
  
• Saturdays 06/03-10/07 Golden 8AM-1PM 1019 10th St, Golden, CO 80401
  
• Saturdays 5/13-10/14 Real Farmer’s Market - Louisville – 9AM-1PM 824 Front Street, Louisville, CO 80027
  
• 1st and 3rd Saturdays 5/13-10/21 Rebels in the Garden - 9PM-1PM Activist Group Rebel Marketplace, S Del Mar Circle, Aurora, CO, USA
  

Denver.org List of Farmers Markets

Concerts

LIST OF ALMOST ALL CONCERTS AND LIVE MUSIC IN DENVER SUMMER 2023
Free Outdoor Concerts

• Sundays 06/04-08/06 City Park Jazz - 6PM-8PM FREE All Ages Jazz, Blues, Brass, and More City Park Pavilion, Denver
  
• Dates Vary 05/19-09/29Levitt Pavilion Free Concerts Series - Times Vary FREE All Ages Free Concerts, Various Genres Levitt Pavilion, 1380 W Florida Ave, Denver, CO 80223
  
• Central Park Concert Schedule - 6PM or 6:30 PM FREE All Ages Central Park, Denver
  
• Green Valley Ranch Sunday Concerts in the Park - 4PM-6:30PM FREE All Ages Green Valley Ranch Town Center Park, 5050 Argonne St, Denver, CO 80249
  
• Downtown Lakewood Summer Concert Series - 6PM-8PM FREE All Ages Belmar Shopping Center, Downtown Lakewood, 7337 W Alaska Dr, Lakewood, CO 80226
  
• Orchard Town Center Til’ Dark 3rd Friday’s Concert Series - 6:30PM-8:30PM FREE All Ages The Orchard Town Center, 14697 Delaware St, Westminster, CO 80023
  
• Highlands Ranch Community Association Summer Concert Series - 6:30PM-8:00PM FREE All Ages Highland Heritage Regional Park, 9651 S Quebec, Highlands Ranch, CO 80129
  

Outside Paid Venues

• Red Rocks Event Schedule 303-319 CO-8, Morrison, CO 80465
  
• Empower Field Event Schedule 1701 Bryant St, Denver, CO 80204
  
• Fiddler’s Green Event Schedule 6350 Greenwood Plaza Blvd, Greenwood Village, CO 80111
  
• Denver Botanical Gardens Music at the Gardens Schedule Denver Botanic Gardens, 1007 York St, Denver, CO 80206
  
• Evenings El Pastor at the Denver Botanic Gardens Small Ensembles Hidden Throughout the Gardens Denver Botanic Gardens, 1007 York St, Denver, CO 80206
  
• Civic Center Park Concert Schedule Civic Center Park, 101 W 14th Ave, Denver, CO 80202
  
• Dick’s Sporting Goods Park Concert Schedule Dick’s Sporting Goods Park, 6000 Victory Way, Commerce City, CO 80022
  
• Arvada Center Outdoor Amphitheater & Front Porch Concerts Arvada Center for the Arts and Humanities, 6901 Wadsworth Blvd, Arvada, CO 80003
  
• Shady Grove Concert Series at Four Mile Historic Park - 6:30PM $15 Four Mile Historic Park, 715 S Forest St, Denver, CO 80246
  
• Mile High Music Series - 6:30PM-10PM Ticket Comes with 1 Free Frink Four Mile Historic Park, 715 S Forest St, Denver, CO 80246
  

Paid Indoor Venues

• List of Venus in Denver

Concert Lists (by Genre, Search, Etc)

• Songkick
  
• Concertfix
  
• Concertful
  

Parks / Nature

National Parks

• Rocky Mountain National Park $15-$35; $70 Annual; $80 Interagency All Ages 415 Square Miles of Mountain Environments FREE DAYS: 08/04, 09/24, 11/11
  
• Mesa Verde National Park $15-$30; $55 Annual; $80 Interagency World Heritage Site of Pueblo Ruins FREE DAYS: 08/04, 09/24, 11/11
  
• Great Sand Dunes National Park $25; $40 Annual; $80 INteragencyFREE DAYS: 08/04, 09/24, 11/11
  
• Black Canyon of the Gunnison National Park $15-$30; $55 Annual; $80 Interagency FREE DAYS: 08/04, 09/24, 11/11
  

State Parks

• Barr Lake
  
• Cheyenne Mountain
  
• Crawford
  
• Eleven Mile
  
• Jackson Lake
  
• John Martin
  
• Lake Pueblo
  
• Mancos
  
• Ridgway
  
• St. Vrain
  
• Staunton
  
• Steamboat Lake
  
• Trinidad Lake
  

City Parks

• City Park Lake, Science Museum, Zoo, Golf 17th and York, Denver, CO
  
• Skyline Park * Beer Garden, Ice Skating Rink in Winter* 16th and Arapaho, Denver, CO
  
• Civic Center Park * Lots of Festivals, Art Museum, Library, Government Buildings* 101 W 14th Ave Pkwy, Denver, CO, 80203
  
• Confluence Park Aquarium, Children’s Museum, Elitch Gardens, S Platte River 2250 15th St, Denver, CO
  
• Centennial Flower Gardens Gardens, S Platte River, Elitch Gardens 1101 Little Raven St, Denver, CO
  
• Commons Park S Platte River, Sand Prairie 17th and York, Denver, CO
  
• Sloans Lake Park Lake, Festival 1700 Sheridan Blvd, Denver, CO
  
• Washington Park Lakes, Boat Rentals, Gardens, Playgrounds, Sports, Tennis Courts, Soccer Field Virginia Ave and Downing St, Denver, CO
  
• Cheeseman Park Paths, Playgrounds 1599 E 8th St, Denver, CO
  
• Bear Creek Park 2,600 Acres, Hiking, Biking, Horseback Riding, Swim Beach, Boat Rentals 15600 W Morrison Rd, Lakewood, CO
  
• Paco Sanchez Park Hilly expanse with unique playgrounds 1290 Knox Court, 3240 W 14th Ave, Denver, CO 80204
  
• Ruby Hill Bike Park 7 Acre Park for Bike Riders with Ramps and Tracks W Jewell Ave, Denver, CO 80223
  
• Smaller / More Distant City Parks include: Berkeley Lake Park, Rocky Mountain Lake Park. McDonough Park, City of Cuernavaca Park, Benedict Fountain (Triangle) Park AND MANY MORE…
  

Hikes

• Day Hikes Near Denver Great List with Many Categories to Sort From
  
• Top 10 Day Hikes Near Denver * Made by guides at Day Hikes Near Denver .com*
  

Water Activities

Beaches

• Cherry Creek State Park Swim Beach Smoky Hill Trail, Aurora, CO 80015
  
• Aurora Reservoir Swimming Beach S Powhaton Rd, Aurora, CO 80016
  
• Aurora Reservoir SCUBA Beach E Reservoir Dam Rd, Aurora, CO 80016
  
• Platte River Highlands Bridge and Swimming in Confluence Park 2250 15th St, Denver, CO 80202
  
• Soda Lake Beach in Bear Creek Lake Park Near 15600 W Morrison Rd, Lakewood, CO 80228
  
• Chatfield Park Swim Beach Near Perimeter Rd, Littleton, CO 80128
  

Pools

• List of Public Denver Outdoor Pools
  
• List of Public Denver Indoor Pools
  

Splash Parks

• List of Splash Parks in the Denver Metro Area May be out of date

Water Parks

• List of Water Parks in the Denver Metro Area May be out of date
  
• 05/29-09/04 Island Kingdom Waterpark at Elitch Gardens - Varies between 9AM and 8:30PM (Closes at Dusk) $50/Day, $75/Season All Ages Water Park with Thrill Slides, Family Slides, Wave Pool, and Lazy River; Attached to Theme Park (No extra cost) 2000 Elitch Cir, Denver, CO 80204
  
• 05/26-09/04 Water World - Varies between 9AM and 6PM $28-$55 Adults, $24-$45 Children All Ages Water Park with Thrill Slides, Family Slides, Wave Pool, Lazy River, and Surf Wave 8801 N Pecos St, Federal Heights, CO 80260
  
• 05/27-08/13 The Splash at Fossil Trace - 10AM-5:30PM Park; 10AM-5PM Pools $12.50 Day Pass, $194 Season Pass All Ages Pools and Water Slides 3151 Illinois St, Golden, CO 80401
  
• 05/27-09/04 Pirate’s Cove - 10AM-5:30PM $18 Day Pass; $120 Season Pass All Ages Pools and Water Slides 1225 W Belleview Ave, Littleton, CO 80120
  

Amusement

Theme Parks / Roller Coasters

• Year Round, Dates Vary Elitch Gardens - Varies between 9AM and 9PM $50/Day, $75/Season All Ages Theme Park and Water Park 2000 Elitch Cir, Denver, CO 80204
  
• 05/13-09/10 Lakeside Amusement Park - Varies between 1PM and 11:30PM $30 All Ages Theme Park Built in 1908 4601 Sheridan Boulevard, Lakeside, CO 80212
  

Themed Festivals

• Saturdays & Sundays, 06/17-08/06 Colorado Renaissance Festival - 10:30AM-6:30PM $28 Adult, $12 Child All Ages Renaissance Themed Food, Drink, And Entertainment including Comedy, Sword Swallowing, Fire Breathing, Music, Jousting, and More 650 Perry Park Ave, Larkspur, CO 80118

Outdoor Movies

Local Projections

• Denver.org List Mostly not announced yet List of Outdoor Movie Showings in Denver Including: Avanti, Town Center Park Auditorium, Ironton Distillery & Crafthouse, Elitch Gardens (in the Wave Pool), South Green in Central Park
  
• Denver.org List Mostly not announced yet List of Outdoor Movie Showings Near Denver Including: Red Rocks, Stanley Marketplace, Parfet Park in Golden, Parks Across Westminster, Backcountry Base Camp in Littleton, Memorial Park in Northglenn, Infinity Park in Glendale, Citizen Park in and Edgewater
  

Drive Ins

• 88 Drive In - 7PM $12 Double Features Drive in Theatre, Film Schedule 5 Days in Advance 8780 Rosemary Street, Commerce City, CO 80022

Theatre / Opera / Symphony Shows

• Denver Center for the Performing Arts Big Performing Arts Complex with Several Auditoriums for Plays, Concerts, Symphonies, Shows, and More 1350 Curtis Street, Denver, CO 80202

• 04/14-06/18 The 39 Steps- Singleton Theatre
  
• 05/31-06/04 Riverdance - Buell Theatre
  
• 06/13-06/18 Aladdin - Buell Theatre
  
• 06/21-07/02 Book of Mormon - Buell Theatre
  
• 08/16-08/19 Jagged Little Pill - Buell Theatre
  
• 09/01-10/08 A Little Night Music - Wolf Theatre
  
• 09/15-09/17 Beetlejuice - Buell Theatre
  

• Miners Alley Playhouse Local Children’s Theatre 1224 Washington Ave, Golden, CO 80401

• 05/19-06/11 The Oldest Boy
  
• 05/27-06/24 Robin Hood
  

• Adams Mystery Playhouse Full-time Murder Mystery Theatre 2406 Federal Blvd, Denver, CO 80211

• 05/02-05/27 Bootlegger’s Murder
  
• 05/13-05/31 A Dark and Stormy Murder
  
• 06/02-08/03 Mystery in Pirate’s Cove
  
• 06/02-08/05 Murder on Pirate’s Island
  
• 08/10- 09/16 An Artful Murder
  
• 09/22-09/30 They Came From Below
  

• Arvada Center for the Arts and Humanities Local Playhouse for Concerts and Plays 6901 Wadsworth Blvd, Arvada, CO 80003

• ** 09/08-10/15** Beautiful: The Carol King Musical

• Vintage Theatre Local Play House Specializing in Revival and Contemporary Musicals and Play 1468 Dayton St, Aurora, CO 80010

• 06/02-07/09 Driving Miss Daisy
  
• 07/22-07/30 In the Heights
  

• Firehouse Theatre Company at The John Hand Theatre Performance Art Group 7653 E 1st Pl, Denver, CO 80230

• 06/03-07/01 A Mexican Trilogy: Charty

• Curious Theatre Company Cutting Edge Theatre 1080 Acoma St, Denver, CO 80204

• 05/18-06/15 Cullud Wattah

• 06/11-08/13 Colorado Shakespeare Festival Prices Vary; $18 For Standard Bundle **Festival Showing Many of Shakespeare’s Plays Over a Few Weeks 972 Broadway, Boulder, CO, 80302
Theatres Without Current Shows That You Should Still Keep an Eye On
• The Source Theatre Company Local Performing Arts Theatre 721 Santa Fe Dr, Denver, CO 80204
• Lone Tree Arts Center Contemporary Center Which Hosts Plays, Concerts, and Events 10075 Commons St, Lone Tree, CO 80124
• Cherry Creek Theatre Performance Art Center 350 S Dahlia St, Denver, CO 80246

Dance / Performance Art / Burlesque / Etc

• 05/18-06/04 Strange Natures - TH-Su 7PM $20 Immersive Dance Theatre Show 1801 Brentwood St., Lakewood, CO 80214
• 07/05-08/13 Cirque du Soleil: Kooza - 7:30PM $54- $64 All Ages Circus and Gymnastics Show Ball Arena, 1000 Chopper Circle, Denver, CO 80202
• 07/06-07/08 Colorado Burlesque Festival - 7PM-10PM $25- $35 / Day, $75 / Weekend 18+ Burlesque, Drag, Aerial, & Variet Performance Reelworks, 1399 35th St, Denver, CO
• 07/02 -07/31– Central City Opera’s 2022 Festival – (Opera and Theatre) – Central City Opera House

Museums / Exhibits / Gardens

Art

• Denver Art Museum - 10AM-5PM $12-$19 ALL AGES Daily 10AM-5PM General Art Museum 100 W. 14th Avenue Pkwy Denver, CO 80204 - FREE DAYS: 05/09, 05/14, 06/13, 07/11, 07/30, 09/09, 09/12, 10/10, 11/04, 11/14, 12/12)
  
• Museum of Contemporary Art Denver - T-F 12PM-7PM; Sa-Su 10AM-5PM $7-$10 All Ages Contemporary and Modern Art 1485 Delgany St Denver, CO 80202 - FREE DAYS: 06/03, 07/01, 08/05, 09/02, 10/07, 11/04, 12/02
  
• Meow Wolf - Su-Th 10AM-10PM; F-Sa 10AM-12AM $40-$55 ALL AGES Psychedelic Immersive Alien Art Experience 1338 1st St, Denver, CO 80204
  
• Spectra Art Space: Spookadelia - 11AM-9/10PM $12-$30 ALL AGES * Psychedelic, Immersive Local Art Experience* 1842 S Broadway Denver, CO 80210
  
• Clyfford Still Museum - 10AM-5PM $6-$10 ALL AGES Art by the Artist Clyfford Still 1250 Bannock St Denver, CO 80204 - FREE DAYS: 05/31, 06/25, 07/23, 08/18, 09/06, 10/05, 11/04, 12/03
  
• Museo de las Americas - 12PM-5/6PM $5-$8 ALL AGES Latin American Art 861 Santa Fe Dr, CO 80204 - FREE DAYS: 06/02, 07/07, 08/04, 09/01, 10/06, 11/03, 12/01
  
• American Museum of Western Art 10AM-4:30PM $5 All Ages Art Depicting the American West from 1800s to Present 1727 Tremont Place, Denver, CO 80202
  
• Kirkland Museum of Fine and Decorative Art- T-Sa 11AM-5PM; Su12PM-5PM $10-$12 All Ages Fine and Decorative Art 1201 Bannock St Denver, CO 80204
  

History

• History Colorado Center - 10AM-5PM $14 ALL AGES General History Museum with Emphasis on Colorado History 1200 Broadway Denver, CO 80203
  
• Four Mile Historic Park 10AM-4PM $6-$8 ALL AGES Celebration of Denver’s Western Heritage 715 S Forest St, Denver, CO 80246 - FREE DAYS: 05/26, 06/23, 08/25, 09/22, 10/27, 11/24, 12/22
  
• Black American West Museum - 10AM-2PM $10-$15 All Ages History of Black and African American in the Wild West 3091 California St Denver, CO 80205
  

Science / Nature

• Denver Museum of Nature and Science - 9AM-5PM $17-$23 All Ages Nature, Science, Technology, and History; Planetarium; Laser Fantasy 2001 Colorado Blvd Denver, CO 80205 - FREE DAYS: 06/28, 08/16, 09/06, 09/18, 10/15, 12/04
  
• Botanical Gardens - York St (Downtown) - 9AM-8PM $15 Gardens with Plants from All Over the World 1007 York St, Denver, CO 80206 - FREE DAYS: 06/06, 07/05, 08/15, 11/24
  
• Botanical Gardens - Chatfield Farms) - 9AM-8PM $10 Gardens and a Full Working Farm 8500 W Deer Creek Canyon Rd, Littleton, CO 80128 - FREE DAYS: 06/06, 07/05, 08/15, 11/24
  
• Plains Conservation Center M-F 8AM-4PM; Sa 9AM-5PM $10 All Ages Prairie Conservation Center / Activities / Educational Experiences 21901 E Hampden Ave Aurora, CO 80013
  

Animals

• Denver Zoo - 9AM-5PM $24 Adults, $18 Kids All Ages Animals, Conversation, Education 2300 Steele St, Denver, CO 80205 - FREE DAYS: 10/07, 11/07, 11/12
  
• Butterfly Pavillion - 10AM-5PM $15 Adults, $10 Kids All Ages Butterfly Garden, Insect Exhibits, Tarantula Holdings, Education 6252 W 104th Ave, Westminster, CO 80020
  
• Denver Downtown Aquarium - M-Th 10AM-8:30PM; F-S 11AM-10PM; Su 11AM-8PM $19-$25 Plus Add-ons All Ages Aquarium / Restaurant / 4D Theatre / Mermaid Shows 700 Water Street Denver, CO 80211
  
• Wild Animal Sanctuary - 10AM-5PM $50 Adults, $30 Kids All Ages Learn About Wildlife Rescue and See Animals from Elevated Platforms - Stresses It's Not a Zoo but you can see many "zoo" animals 2999 Co Rd 53, Keenesburg, CO 80643
  

Things to Do Year Round

• WIP of Places to Eat, Drink, and Have Fun Around Downtown I'm still building this. Please let me know if you have anything to add or change!
• Eat Around the World in Denver Join us over at /denverfood where we're trying to make a list of restaurants that represent each of the world's countries all in the larger Denver area!

Other Resources

General Compilations
• Mile High on the Cheap
• 303 Magazine Events Calendar
• Colorado.com Events Schedule
• Denver-Co Events
• Vesta Events
• AllEvents
• Metro Denver
• Dairy Block Event Calendar 1800 Wazee St, Denver, CO 80202