Three days ago, my housemates were alive.
And I wasn't losing my fucking mind.
Three days ago, I awoke to my housemate, Misty, shaking me.
“Get up!!”
Misty was usually the last to roll out of bed out of all of us, so I figured it was something important. My housemate wouldn’t get out of bed for nothing. She valued her sleep—often comparing her bed to a safe haven. Her place of solitude. I was right there with her, until she startled me out of slumber. I opened my eyes to find her face roughly three inches from mine, her expression lit up with excitement I couldn’t justify this early in the morning.
She smelled of toothpaste breath and her raspberry scented body wash. Her thick black curls framing her face were still damp from what I presumed was a shower, hanging in tangled knots in front of wide, almost unseeing eyes. When I first met her, Misty Kang had been my crush for a while. With a Korean father and a Texan mother, she definitely caught eyes when we hung out. We had a thing in freshman year, which quickly fizzled out once we started living together. Never date your housemates.
I will just say that.
Over the last few years, Misty has become one of my closest friends.
When she knew I was at least conscious, my housemate was grabbing my arm and yanking me out of bed. “Get up!”
I was barely awake, and those were the only words I could fully distinguish.
I shooed her away for a moment and swung my legs out of bed, taking a minute to blink sunlight out of my eyes coming through the blinds. “Sam.” Misty was in front of me again.
I don’t think she understood the concept of being half asleep.
She wouldn’t leave me alone, waving her arms wildly. Her shadow under the soft morning light almost reminded me of one of those inflatable tube guys.
“Huh?” My voice was a low croak, and her smile widened.
“Guess who’s just scored tickets for an actual screening of the first five minutes of gameplay for the most anticipated game of the decade?”
“What?” Her string of words wasn’t making sense in my caffeine deprived mind. It just sounded like gibberish to me, initially.
Like we were in some cheesy commercial, she was the lead, and I was the confused NPC with the WTF expression. But when I went over it in my head, words started to slide together like a jigsaw puzzle. Misty didn’t get excited about video games. Well, she did. Though, my housemate was one to get excited on behalf of someone else. After living with her for a while now, I had concluded she was a follower.
By that, I mean whatever others thought or did or said, she copied it. If her Twitter followers were mad at bad takes, she would drop all of her own opinions on said follower and focus on what other people said. We had Korean barbecue for takeout the other day, and Misty clearly did not like it from the creased look on her face, and her very obviously spitting it politely into a napkin.
Jay, my other housemate, liked it.
And so did I. So, naturally, Misty announced she wanted more.
I had to watch her suffer through two more portions before she excused herself—presumably to throw up. Blinking at my housemate who was clearly excited for Jay, I resisted the overwhelming urge to roll my eyes.
“Slow down. What game? What are you talking about?”
I got out of bed and threw on my robe, half aware of the mess from last night on my desk. Another attempt to finish an essay which just wasn’t happening. The monster energy cans and takeout Chinese wrappers were embarrassing. I got a basic run-through as I headed downstairs with Misty right behind me, practically breathing down my neck. From what I understood, there was a Reddit post.
That was all I got from Misty’s squealing. She leapt down the stairs after me with a spring in her step. The clock above the front door told me it wasn’t even 9am. The smell of bacon, however, was quick to arise me from the dead.
Jay was in the kitchen making breakfast. I noticed his laptop was open on the table, and every so often he’d peer at it with wide, almost disbelieving eyes. Jay and Misty were complete opposites, which made them great people to live with. Jay was a quiet book who was slightly on the pretentious side, routinely quoting something philosophical to piss me off.
He had rich parents on the other side of the world, but the guy himself was fairly humble and had mostly detached himself from said family.
My housemate was usually well put together. In fact, I barely saw him in his pajamas, excluding game nights. That morning, however, he was a disheveled mess, still in yesterday’s clothes.
He offered me a grin. I glimpsed sauce from last night’s dinner still staining his chin. Jay hadn’t brushed his hair or even put on deodorant.
I caught a whiff of BO when he ducked in front of me, his gaze glued to his MacBook. It was rare when Jay ignored basic hygiene, so yeah, I was going to guess this was a pretty huge thing. “I did tell her not to wake you up, y’know.”
His slight aussie accent was always refreshing on a morning. Born in Australia and moving to the states when he was ten years old, Jay still had a slight tinge in his accent. I had seen pictures of his family, and the guy had definitely gotten most of his dad’s genes, thick brown hair, and freckles. While his dad was built like a pro wrestler however, Jay was leaner like his mom.
I shrugged. “I was already awake.”
“Liar.” He didn’t look away from his laptop.
Looking closer, I glimpsed the Reddit homepage.
“So, you have won something.”
Jay didn’t answer. I could tell he was excited by the way he could barely keep still, bustling around the kitchen, barefoot. “Coffee?”
His voice was more of a Misty-like squeak, and I half wondered for a moment if they had switched bodies, or he had at least become one with my other housemate through a chemical explosion. In our kitchen, which was yet to be cleaned after a cooking disaster several nights ago, I wouldn’t be surprised if something was living on the countertop. I nodded, slumping into a chair. “What’s going on? Why is Misty freaking out?” I nodded at his laptop. “She said you’ve won something?”
As if my housemate couldn’t hold it in anymore, he nodded, turning his screen towards me. “You know____, right?”
“Yes.” I sipped my coffee, eyeing a toaster strudel sitting on the countertop. "You mean the game which has been coming out for a decade."
He ignored that. “Well, what if I told you one of the developer’s posted on the official sub this morning?”
“For _____?"
He nodded with a grin, and I wondered it this was one of those rare times when Jay was blindly looking through a red flag to see what he wanted. I had heard of these types of scams, and Reddit was a breeding ground for them.
Gamers were pretty intense. I didn’t realize I was pulling a face until I caught his lips curving into a smile. Jay was usually the skeptical one.
“You don’t believe me.”
I downed my coffee to avoid replying. When I had drained the cup, he was still staring at me with amused eyes.
“What?”
“You think it’s bullshit.”
I shrugged. “You said it,” I said. “I’m pretty sure that game isn’t even partway through development. Didn’t Twitter leak a still last year? Also, they’ll be bringing out a new console before that game comes out.”
I leaned back in my chair. “It’s more of a pipe dream, at this point.”
“The leaks were fake,” Even he didn’t look sure. “Anyway, that’s not the point. One of the dev’s posted on the official sub this morning. He asked if we were all excited for the new game, asked if we could post some of our favorite NPC dialogue, and he’ll DM winners.”
“Uh-huh.” I nodded at the screen. I had already checked my phone for an internet meltdown concerning this post, but there was nothing. “And where is that post now?”
Jay didn’t look at me. “It was deleted. So it only reached a certain number of people.”
“Oh, it was deleted?” I couldn’t resist a smile. “What a coincidence.”
When I laughed, Jay scowled, showing me his screen—navigating his trackpad to his Reddit DM’s.
To my surprise, there was actually a message from what I guessed was a throw-away account.
While I was skim reading the DM, Misty hurried in, all dressed and ready for the day. I peeked at her outfit from Jay's laptop. Cute.
Extravagant, but cute. My housemate cranked the radio up before bouncing between us, a toaster strudel hanging out of her mouth.
Misty was a living animated character. Ignoring her wide smile, I turned back to the screen. “Congratulation!!” The DM started with capitals.
It took me reading it twice to realize there was a clear spelling mistake. I sent Jay a pointed look, but he was too busy practically vibrating with excitement. If the guy had any more caffeine, he was going to explode. “Since when did winning DM’s start with a typo?”
“I knew you were going to say that.” Jay curled his lip. “They were clearly excited when typing the message.”
“But this is supposedly an official,” I said. “Surely they would make sure it’s professional?”
My housemate didn’t reply, shooting a look at Misty, who rolled her eyes.
“Wow.” I squinted at the screen. “I am so sorry for caring about your safety. You do realize these types of scam’s usually end up with you being sold on the black market, right?”
I shuddered. “I’ve heard horror stories about underground markets specializing in illegal organ harvesting.”
“Or…” Jay’s eyes were glued to the screen. “You could be happy for me?”
I frowned at the rest of the message, which was just a capitalized freak-out about the upcoming release of the game, before inviting Jay (and a friend!) to a five-minute preview of gameplay, as well as a Q&A. There was a location and a time, which was brow-raising. “10 at night.” I said. “Who hosts a gaming convention at 10pm?” I leaned my chin on my fist. “Unless they wanted to lure as many gullible people as possible, and ship them to some organ harvesting factory on the other side of the world.”
Jay scoffed. “That’s dark.”
“You’re actually considering going to a 10pm gaming convention in the middle of nowhere. I’m trying to wake you up.”
Jay nudged me that time. “It’s real. Relax.”
“And.” I pointed to the screen. “No phones? Why would they ask you not to bring your phones?”
“To stop us filming content,” Misty sang. “Duh.”
I groaned, leaning back in my chair. “You’re on his side? This is clearly shady!” I didn’t get mad unless something was seriously pissing me off, and this was one of those times. Jay was a smart guy. There was no way he was falling for this bullshit. I thought he was joking around when he spent the day tracking the location on Google Maps. I went to class like normal and got updates through text. At lunch, Jay agreed with me and said it was in fact shady, and he wasn’t going. By afternoon classes, he was texting me in paragraphs explaining his own skepticism but had found several “friends” on an online forum who were also going and had changed his mind once again. The guy couldn’t make up his mind. He was driving me crazy.
Misty sent me several videos of Jay pacing the kitchen with his MacBook in his hands. She was broadcasting his mental breakdown via Instagram stories. But then she started to send me pictures of herself in different outfits, asking me for my opinion on each one. At that point, I turned my phone off. My housemates had lost their fucking minds. I did my own research though, just to make sure I wasn’t actually going to lose them to a shady cult.
I searched for the game itself, but just as I thought, it was shown as still in development. Every “update” was just fan speculation.
There were YouTube videos and TikTok’s of fake leaks, but nothing was real. It was either AI generated, or badly edited. By the time my classes had ended and I had turned my phone on, I had a barrage of missed calls and texts.
Most of them were from Misty with her outfit changes, and Jay changing his mind again.
This time he was convinced it was all a scam, his texts full of typos and crying emoji's which he never used. Before it hit me that Misty was most likely using his phone to text me.
I was right. When I walked through the door, I was greeted by both of them sitting on the stairs. Misty was scrolling through Jay’s phone, while the boy had his head in his hands. According to Misty’s last text, he was back to being excited to go.
From the look on his face, eyes shadowed with sleep circles, light brown curls slipping from under his hood, I wasn’t sure what Misty meant by “excited”. The guy looked the complete opposite. His mind had been consumed by the game, and the idea of seeing new content.
When I dropped my bag and folded my arms, fixing the two of them with my best disapproving parent look, Misty jumped to her feet. “Sam!” she waved Jay’s phone at me. “Did you get my texts? We’re actually going now!”
The 100+ texts on both messenger and iMessage said otherwise.
I nodded, my gaze on Jay. “Both of you do realize it’s a scam, right?” I softened my tone despite growing progressively more irritated. We were grown adults, not kids. I could understand a group of teenagers falling for it, but two twenty-three-year-olds?
This time, I ducked in front of Jay. “Hey.” I pulled down his hood, and he groaned, burying his head in his knees. “I don’t want to freak you out, so listen to me, okay?”
I exhaled out a breath. “I’m not saying something bad is going to happen to you, because it most likely won’t—and yes, I admit I’m being paranoid.” When he lifted his head, blinking through bedraggled curls, there was a faint smile on his lips. “But.” I said. “You are most likely going to end up disappointed. Which I don’t want, because you won't shut up about it for weeks."
I was only partly joking.
For a moment, I thought my housemate was going to wake up, and nod, laughing at how crazy it was.
Before shook his head and jumped up.
“I’m going to take a shower, alright? I should start getting ready."
I admit, I exploded at him.
We argued while he was in the shower, and I paced up and down the hallway, coming up with multiple reasons why he was definitely going to die, and only two positives if it was in fact real. In the end, I gave up worrying all together. I didn’t say anything when the two of them were hurrying around looking for shoes and missing car keys. I didn’t realize they were gone until the door was clanging shut, and a text was coming through. I didn’t look at it until an hour later, and I had calmed down.
Jay: 1h ago: Stop worrying, lmao. We’re good! I’ll keep my phone just in case. I’ll make sure to avoid the organ harvesting 😉
Another from Misty a few minutes later: “Love you! Chillll, kay? 😭😭 It’s going to be fun! I’ll take pics!”
…
Followed by: “Oh shit, we can’t. I’ll try to sneak some!"
Attached to the text was a photo of the two of them. Misty with a wide smile and a peace sign, and Jay who looked like he was mid-shout, his eyes on the road.
Those texts were… at least comforting, I guessed. Maybe they were right. I figured I was paranoid, and they in fact would really be okay.
But that didn’t stop the anxious coil in my gut when I tried to force down takeout pizza. I attempted to focus on my essay to distract myself, but I couldn’t stop glancing at my phone, and checking Twitter. There was a hashtag on the DM, which was just “PlayStationGO.” When I searched for it, however, nothing came up.
Sure, it was a private convention and only a select few knew about it, but nothing could escape Twitter.
Somewhere, someone must be talking about it. After scrolling through endless tweets though, I realized I was wrong. There was nothing.
That put a bad taste in my mouth.
10pm came, and I held my breath all the way through a Netflix TV show I was forcing myself to watch, half asleep, slumped at my desk.
I could barely distinguish the plot.
I just had a vague idea of the character names, and some of their motivations.
Midnight passed, and I was struggling to stay awake.
I glanced at my phone.
No messages, just a notification from Spotify reminding me my favorite band was playing nearby.
1am.
Still nothing. I fell back to sleep.
2:48am.
This time, I stayed awake for a few minutes glaring at my phone before my eyes grew heavy.
3:16: am.
My phone buzzed with a text from Jay, but I could barely desipher it: "can't feel help my head hurts Canshdhsn727272_6798mi/!! _&go home please. (Sent from: PlayStationGo™️ BETA)."
3:27: am.
3:54: am. I was wide awake, blinking at a notification which had popped up from an unknown number. I was trying to figure out what number it was, when my phone vibrated again and I almost jumped out of my skin.
After a moment of hesitation, I answered it.
I was trying so hard not to think of the possibility of it being the emergency room, or even worse, the cops.
All of my worst nightmares had come true in a single second.
“Hello?” I whispered in a croak.
“Are they in the house with you?” The stranger’s voice came through in a hiss of interference.
His words sent my mediocre dinner lurching back up my throat. “What?” I managed to get out. “Who?”
“Your friends.” He said, and I leapt to unsteady feet, my gut twisting and turning.
“No.” I found myself taking slow strides toward the window, brushing back the curtain and peering out into the night. “Why? Did something happen to them?” I paused.
“How did you get my number?”
“That does not matter.” His voice rattled in my ear as I rushed downstairs, almost stumbling down the bottom two. “I need you to get out of that house. Now. Get as far away as possible.”
I could hear his rapid breaths.
He was driving. I could hear the rumble of the engine. With my phone pressed to my ear, I obeyed his instructions, pulling open the door and stepping out into the cool night, a brisk breeze grazing my bare arms was just enough to stop my thoughts spiraling.
I was barefoot, in nothing but a robe, staggering down the driveway. The night was calm and silent; our neighborhood was asleep, each window drowned in darkness. I couldn’t breathe, my clammy fingers wrapped around my phone, as this stranger broke down over the phone. “Whatever you do,” he gasped out.
“Do not, I repeat DO NOT remove the PlayStationGo—shit!! He hissed out, static rattling the call. The guy seemingly got ahold of himself, and the wheel, and continued. I started to walk—where I was going, I had no idea.
The stranger lit a cigarette. I heard the click of a lighter and his exhalation of breath. “It was a BETA version, but we had to rush it. This was not my idea. My boss is a greedy man. He wanted to release the game last year, which would have meant widespread infection. Luckily, that did not happen. We did manage to delay it, but only by a year.” His words barely made sense to me as I struggled to get a word in, peering in the dark. “It was supposed to be a virtual experience of the game—a whole new angle of gameplay. But testing was difficult. First, on monkey’s, we lost multiple subjects. Tonight was supposed to be a…well, I guess you could call it out first attempt on human subjects,” his laugh was bitter. “I knew the tech wasn’t finished. And I tried. Believe me, I fucking tried. I tried to blow the whistle, but these bastards know where my parents live."
Something squirmed its way down my spine.
“So my friends were lab rats?” I said stiffly. “You used them?”
I fucking knew it.
I knew it was too good to be true.
“Yes and no. Listen to me, the people I work for are hunting them down. Trust me, I don’t want my bosses to find them because a life of experimentation will await them. Torture. Do you hear me? It does not matter if subjects fail. They don’t care. As long as there is at least a light at the end of the tunnel for them, they will see it as a win, and bring the publication date closer. They will not be treated as humans. Your friends signed a contract before trying out the tech, where the small print stated that, under section 3, player engagement, all subjects must agree to offer themselves as participants in later updates. I silently cursed Jay for always skipping the terms and conditions when buying games." The man stopped to breathe.
“I have told you multiple times, and I won’t say it again. Get as far away from that house as possible. I will take care of them. I will make sure of it." The sound of squealing engines, and I stopped power walking, coming to an abrupt stop. The silence of the night around me, compared to the sound of the highway he was on, traffic horns and the wind rushing through the window was an eerie contrast, a disturbance to the heavenly bubble we were trapped in.
“What do you mean ‘take care of them?” I had to swallow a yell. “Hey! What are you talking about?
“I’m sorry.” Was all he replied with. “I’m afraid it is too late. There was once an opportunity to save the mind during the initial level of the demonstration. However, once the PlaystationGo has been fully attached to the base of the subject, we no longer have control of it. Once integrating itself into the cerebral cortex, the PlayStationGo can only be removed by signing out of the player’s account,” his breath was heavy. “On this unfortunate occasion, however, your friends are unable to navigate the system due to a malfunction which scrambled their brains,” He trailed off. “Which has left them stranded in the game."
I let out a breath. “Right.” I said. “That’s.. bad. I mean, it’s a fucked-up piece of technology, but they’re just playing a game, right?”
There was a pause, before the man laughed.
“Young man, I don’t think you understand,” he said. “The PlayStationGo was created to give the player a full virtual experience of our game. The PlayStationGo is not a physical object. Created with nanotechnology, it attaches itself to the subject’s brain and is supposed to create a personal gaming experience for each player. As I said, however, it is not finished. It is yet to be released to the public, and of course, we are expecting certain ethical arguments due to the controversial—”
I pulled the phone away from my ear, shaking my head. I didn’t need to hear his attempts at trying to save his own skin.
“You need to help them,” I whispered. “Do you hear me? Can you do that? Can you help them?!”
“That is what I am trying to tell you,” He said.
“I know you are upset and confused, and believe me, I offer my apologies. But you need to listen to facts. During initial testing, our subjects were conscious enough to know where their home was. We are unsure why this happens, though we have linked it to territory, as well as the main character of the game heavily influencing their actions. I have been tracking them from the testing facility, and they are incredibly close. Please get as far away from there as possible. If you are no longer in the vicinity of the house, I can end this quickly and quietly before we gain attention.”
I wasn’t sure what I was going to say. Maybe start fucking screaming at him, because he was talking about getting “rid” of my friends, after their mistake.
“Do you understand me?” He said, when I couldn’t reply. “Your friends are lost causes!”
Before I could answer, though, headlights were suddenly coming around the corner, and I found myself paralysed to the spot. The car which swerved twice, crashed into several trash cans, before reversing and coming straight towards me, was not Jay’s car. Jay’s car was an old hunk of junk he’d gotten from a scrapyard. Jay’s car had doors which were practically hanging off, and a stereo which exclusively played either static gibberish, or old tapes I had no idea how to use. This car was bright yellow, and definitely had an option to drive itself. When the car came to a stop, inches from careening into me, I lost all control of myself.
I was vaguely aware of my phone slipping from my fingers and hitting the sidewalk. But I was too busy staring at the two shadows in the front of the car. The driver, and the passenger.
And the muffled screaming coming from the trunk.
When the door swung open, a figure stepping out, I did not recognise my housemate.
The stranger told me I wouldn't, but I didn't believe him.
Jay had left the house in casual jeans and a sweater, bearing the game's logo.
Now, I found myself face to face with a man with my housemate's face and features, his smile and eyes-- but something had been severed in his eyes and twisted in his expression. For one, Jay was wearing a suit I knew he couldn't afford, the sleeves torn, collar pulled open, smears of red staining the front.
His pants had cufflinks, and the Rolex on his wrist had definitely been pulled off someone's corpse.
The silver was stained a revealing scarlet. Drinking in his face, he looked like Jay. His curls hung in front of his eyes, freckles speckling his cheeks, but everything else wasn't. It wasn't until I was glimpsing what was moulded into the flesh of his hand, did I remember how to move. But then I was taking all of him in, everything my mind had intentionally skipped, because I didn't want to believe the stranger on the phone. Nanotechnology, the man had said in a hiss.
Fiction, I had thought.
Before I saw the reality of it, a writhing metallic like substance glued to the guy's temple, and slowly, very slowly, inching down his cheek, already forming around the bridge of his ear, a very faint blue light flickering.
Something must have alerted him. His cavernous eyes left mine, and he twisted his head—and I heard the sound of his neck snapping, his head lolling to the left slightly, his eyes flickering. I watched his whole body seem to sway back and forth, ready to fall forwards.
Before the newly formed device on his ear turned red, then green.
It was almost like he was… rebooting. As if coming back to life, Jay lifted his head at an awkward angle, before looking straight through me. The blood vessels in his eyes had popped, rivulets of red beading down his face. He should have been dead, I thought. No. No, he was dead. That… that thing was keeping him alive. “Well, shiiiittt,” he said. I could sense the game dialogue which had taken over him, forming on his mangled tongue.
“I’m a man on a mission.”
In jerking movements, he turned and marched back towards the car, opening the door, and sliding into the front seat.
I remembered how to move, ducking to grab my phone, before something slammed into the back of my head—and I saw stars.
I didn’t remember hitting the floor, only the soft sound of her voice, a seductive murmur repeating NPC dialogue, and her kitten heel sticking into my spine, forcing me onto my face.
Misty. I was expecting her to get it over with. But when she dragged me to my feet, sticking the barrel of a gun into the flesh of my neck—I figured she was still playing the game.
Twisting around to meet her eyes, lifeless and empty, only filled with light from the device which had taken over half of her face, I felt sick to my stomach. This thing wasn’t a games console or a virtual reality headset.
It was an attempt at coercing and programming something you already don’t understand, to do something impossible.
I could see that in the way the things had visibly chewed and eaten through her flesh, devouring her from the inside and out. I could see what was left of the dress she had worn earlier, but something must have gone wrong with her too. Because Misty had thrown on another outfit over the top, a diamond necklace hanging from her neck.
I caught a thin river of red pooling down her right temple, trying to ignore the twitchy way she moved, just like a character. From the way Misty walked, stumbling, I already knew she was gone. My housemate had newly acquired strength, throwing me in the trunk of the car where three other hostages were, and slamming it shut on my attempts to reason with her. She didn’t tie me up or restrain me.
In the dim light I could just make out though passing streetlights, I could see the trunk opened from the inside. Which was too easy.
Still though, Jay was driving recklessly, and every time I tried to throw the damn thing open, I was knocked backwards, rolling into a screaming girl, who was bound by her hands and feet. It took me multiple attempts before I had the trunk open, freezing cold air blasting me in the face. I untied the other hostages, but when I told them to come with me, they just stared blankly at me, and continued begging for their lives—and it only took me glimpsing what was attached to their temples, a familiar writhing metal plate, for me to understand. They too were playing the game. This time, as NPC hostages.
I found myself gingerly touching the trembling metallic flesh of the girl's fingers bound in rope. It had a slimy consistency, and I swore, I felt something bite into me.
No way, I thought.
This thing was sentient, yes. But it wasn't living.
Listen, I wish I could tell you what it was like to jump out of a moving car, but I can’t.
I remember it as lunging out of the trunk, hitting the freezing cold air, before hitting the ground head first, neutron star collisions exploding in the backs of my eyes.
What I do remember is waking up on the side of the road. Hours later. The sky was bright blue, a scorching sun blinding me when I managed to force my eyes open.
The early morning rush hour flew by as normal, and I wondered how ignorant American people had to be to ignore someone knocked out on the side of the road.
It’s not like I was nowhere near civilization. There was a fucking Subway right next to me.
When I had gathered myself, I remembered I had no phone. I couldn’t go home in fear of running into my rogue housemates playing their own fucked up version of _____ in their head. My plan was to try and find my phone, get in contact with the stranger who blew the whistle on my friends being dangerous, and find them. They couldn’t be far., right? And even if they weren’t themselves… someone would be able to save them.
If someone could do this to them, surely they could reverse it.
I felt sick, tired, and I was starving.
So, with some loose cash I’d found in my pocket, I bought a Subway and a Coke.
The woman at the counter smiled widely at me. She leaned forward, with a wink. “Nice cosplay!”
Cosplay?
I didn’t understand what she meant until I swore I felt something… move its way up my pant leg. I ignored it, and it happened again, this time it felt like something was… biting.
A bug, maybe? I had been laying on the side of the road for around six hours.
When I went to the bathroom, though, I found myself staring at an all too familiar glint of silver creeping its way across my temple. Like it was sentient, parts of it sider webbed towards my ear while the rest writhed into my hairline.
I pulled up my pant leg again, and there it was, a fungus-like metal substance which had already formed in two solid metal masses on my knees. I remember grazing two fingers across the thing beginning its slow feast of my flesh. I remember trying to pull it off, hissing in pain when I risked ripping off my own skin with it. I remember shaking my head and being in denial, even when the lights dimmed above me, and the bathroom door in front of me became more of a shadow. When I strode back through the Subway store, I began to see slight flickers of light above each person, highlighting something not quite there yet.
I could see it already starting, beginning to take over my thoughts. Cars which sped past were suddenly highlighted, and at the corner of my eye, if I concentrated, the outline of a map was starting to appear. Even now, when the room is almost completely taken over by shadow, and my thoughts are half my own, and half not—when a metallic device is beginning to form over my eyes—I know if I hold on, this thing won’t take me. I have considered killing myself, but that wouldn’t… be right.
How could I kill myself when there is so much left to do?
This developer was right. I don’t even know where I can sign out. There’s what looks like the beginning of some kind of index when I look up, but it’s not… finished. I can still see entangled pieces of code struggling to load what I’m guessing was log out. Whatever this thing is, it’s taking over me. Fast. Like a fungus, like a virus, it will not stop until it’s dragged me into the game, until it's leeched itself onto me.
I can feel it happening right now. It's been slow.
Almost painfully slow.
But maybe that is the point. Maybe part of the game is to feel my own thoughts beginning to unravel in favor of something else entirely.
Fuck.
Time is going by…. Fast.
Five minutes ago… I was trying to get home. But I can’t remember where I live.
I can’t concentrate.
I can’t think straight.
I have a phone—but I don’t know how I got it. Did I steal it?
Every time I move, the slowly emerging map comes to life at the corner of my eye jerks with my movement. There is a car parked nearby.
I know it belongs to the man with a child.
But a confusing blur of light is highlighting it to be something of importance. Reality is crashing in front of me, replaced with contorting shapes and bursts of color I have to blink through.
I keep hearing... sirens.
Jay is messaging me.
On what, I'm not sure.
But I need to find him.
I’m sure one mission won’t hurt, right?

"Where are your fucking clothes?!" Jerry screamed as one of the girls ran past him naked, shouting for another one and paying him no mind.
"I just had you get dressed!" he wailed as she vanished through the door to the hall. Another one stepped in through the front door and Jerry rounded on her. "Whose fucking blood is that?!" he demanded. She stared, eyes wide, but didn't answer.
"That's two more! You're up to eleven, now." Inanna said cheerfully. Jerry rounded on her, giving her a glare made of pure frustration.
"Don't give me that look," she said primly, turning away from the girl whose makeup she was doing. "You agreed to this, and you're the one cursing up a storm."
"You don't seem to have any issues cursing yourself," he pointed out.
"That's right. I don't. I've told you before that adding a few extra 'fucks' and 'shits' and 'cocksucking motherfuckers' to your vocabulary wouldn't hurt anything and might be a little cathartic."
"Shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker tits," he deadpanned.
Inanna beamed a smile at him. "Eighteen," she said and turned back as he shook his head and went stomping after the naked girl. The one with the blood on her chin and shirt continued to stand next to the front door, looking confused.
"Does this really make men want to mate with you more?" the girl whose makeup she was doing asked. "No, not really," Inanna said. "But it makes you feel prettier, which will make you more confident, and that tends to make the whole process go better as far as you're concerned."
"So when you're done, I will feel more confident?"
"That's the idea," Inanna confirmed.
"Then I will go out and seek a practice mate. How much longer?"
"You will do no such thing until your body's finished growing," Inanna scolded. "Fucking hell, kid, you look like you're about fifteen. Any guy that wants to mate with you right now is a guy you really don't want to mate with. If you really want to practice, I'll speak to Jerry and-"
"Absolutely not!" Jerry said, leading a naked girl out of the hall by a hand around her upper arm. He grabbed the bloody one as well and walked them back to his office, from whence the naked one had come.
"Why not?" the girl asked. Inanna gave her a level stare. "Did you already forget what I just said about men who would want to mate with you? But pay him no mind, I wasn't suggesting he could do it. I mean, he'd probably leave you with internal bleeding, anyways, you're just so tiny. I was going to suggest that he work a little magic to age you up appropriately for a while, so you could find a man who wasn't a hebephile."
"What is a hebephile?" she asked.
"Almost as bad as a pedophile. Worse, in some ways. They're creepier, in any event, at least to me."
"And what is a pedophile?"
"The scum of the earth," Inanna said, as if that settled the matter.
"So I should avoid hebephiles and pedophiles," the girl said. Inanna smiled sweetly at her. "Yes, you should. Now close your eyes, I'm going to do your eyeshadow and them we'll be done."
"I can't wait to see it," the girl said, a bit of excitement creeping into her voice. Inanna gave her smokey blue eyes and then leaned back. "Okay," she said, picking up the mirror and showing the girl her reflection. She squealed loudly and clapped her hands, grinning at her reflection.
Jerry returned, now with two fully dressed girls. He put them both on the couch. "Sit here, and don't fucking move," he instructed sternly.
"Nineteen," Inanna said. Jerry ignored her comment.
"I have to go clean up 'about half' of a dead racoon. Do you think you could get some food going before one of them encounters a neighborhood cat or, god forbid, a neighborhood kid?"
"How about I get them ready to go out? I don't think I have enough food to cook for all fourteen of them."
Jerry nodded, then headed for the garage.
----
It took two humvee to get all of them moving. It also took two hours, because once the others had seen what Inanna did to their sister's face, they all wanted to wear makeup. Fortunately, Aaina had come through, breaking out her own makeup and helping cut the time needed to do them all in half.
Inanna sat in the driver's seat of one humvee with Aaina on the passenger seat. Sarah and Junior were spending the weekend at Eddis and Yarm Junior's new apartment. Some people might find it odd to let two twenty-something boys do their babysitting, but Brekka and Yarm were taking a break, doing some sightseeing in the Sixteenth world, and Inanna trusted those two boys implicitly.
"Dad seems like he's ready to snap," Aaina said. Inanna glanced over to see her looking worried. She laughed. "No, he's not."
"The last time I heard him cursing like this was when we thought you guys were dead," Aaina said. "And I'm sure he'd have killed every single god who got in his way. Tysrane was lucky he only lost a hand..."
"Oh hun," Inanna said. "How much talking and complaining did he do back then?"
"Uhh," Aaina said. "Not much, really. He was more broody than angry."
"Would you say he's acting broody tonight?"
"Ahh, I get you. So what, he's putting on a show of being angry and stressed?"
"Something like that. He's fine, in any event." Inanna turned into the parking lot of the cafeteria and was relieved to note that there was plenty of parking available. She still pulled in near the edge of the lot, taking up two spots with the huge vehicle, but the availability of closer parking meant they wouldn't be too busy.
She climbed out, watching the flood of adolescent Akkorokamui pour out of the back seat. She'd been surprised when Jerry had agreed to watch them so Nick and Zelda could go out on a date. Jerry had given her the impression that he was still holding a grudge over Nick's actions years ago, despite the older man's efforts to make amends in more recent years. But he had gone ahead and volunteered the two of them. And now, he was seemingly paying the price.
She watched as he remained in his humvee after parking and the passenger and rear doors opened. The seven girls with him poured out, and each and every one was naked.
Inanna shook her head and walked over to the driver's side door, to see Jerry behind the wheel with his head against the steering wheel. She opened the door.
"How many?" she asked.
"Twelve more," he admitted. "That's thirty four," she said. He nodded slightly.
"Are you turning your aura on or something?" Inanna asked. He finally lifted his head to look at her.
"No!" he said. "That's what I don't get. They're not trying to do anything, with me or each other! They're just taking their damn clothes off like it's perfectly normal and continuing to chit chat with each other!"
"Well, I mean, it is kinda normal for them to be naked..."
Jerry fixed her with a look. "It's also normal for them to have tentacles instead of legs." None of the girls had reverted to her tentacles. Inanna hadn't even seen one start to, all night. Visually speaking, they'd been a normal gaggle of teenage girls, all evening.
"That's weird, because none of them got undressed in my car," she said.
Jerry threw his hands up. He whimpered. "I don't know how I'm going to deal with thi-Ahh, shit, they're already running inside!"
Inanna turned to see a trio of naked girls entering the restaurant.
"You go get them," Inanna said. "Put a veil of mundanity on them. If they want to go naked, let them go naked, just keep the staff from overreacting." Jerry sighed and nodded, jogging in. Aaina and four of the girls walked up. Inanna counted heads gathered in a group in the middle of the parking lot, chatting excitedly. Seven, five of which were naked. Which meant the girls who'd ridden with her were undressing now."
She sighed. She understood Jerry's frustration. These girls all seemed to have a serious attention deficit disorder, and herding them had been a nightmare so far.
"Aaina," she asked. "Will you find whatever clothing got discarded in the parking lot, and then help everyone who's still dressed get undressed? At least that way, we can keep them from losing their clothes."
"Gonna use a veil?" Aaina asked. "Your father should be using one by now, yes," Inanna said.
"Okay," Aaina turned, spotted a pile of clothing and went to retrieve it.
"We'll be inside," Inanna said. She walked over to the group and pulled the naked ones aside. "The rest of you, let Aaina take your clothes. You can all go naked if you like."
A ragged, high-pitched cheer went up as Inanna shook her head, smiling. "Come on, let's go get some food."
----
There was a bit of a kerfuffle due to the girls entering before Jerry could get the veil settled, but once he did, Inanna was able to smooth things over with the staff and other patrons. Jerry got the tab settled, which was over three hundred dollars for all of them. Inanna considered it money well spent, as the girls took to eating with gusto, and required no real supervision.
They also ate a lot. Which might make the owner upset, but that's the risk one takes when one's only dining option is 'all you can eat'. The cook staff seemed to like the girls, who were mostly bubbly and enthusiastic about trying everything they could.
Jerry was starting to settle down, too. He only racked up four more curse words during dinner. When he and Inanna had eaten, she scooched her chair over to lean against him.
"I think we should do something with them," she said.
Jerry sighed. "Nick told me that the last time they had a night together, Zelda's sister ate one of them, and Zelda in turn, ate her sister. I don't think they'd handle it well. Besides, that's not my-gahh!" Inanna cut him off with a poke in the ribs.
"I didn't mean killing them, you psycho. I meant taking them somewhere to blow off some steam."
Jerry gawked at her. "Are you out of your mind?" he whispered. "We barely survived dinner!"
"Actually, dinner went quite well, compared to keeping them cooped up at the house. That's what gave me the idea."
Jerry heaved a heavy sigh. "I guess you're right. But I have no idea what to do with them."
Inanna turned to Aaina. "Aaina, what do you think?"
"The park," Aaina said without hesitation. "Specifically, Rockville park, down on Churchville Road."
Inanna blinked. "The playground?" she asked. Aaina nodded with a smile. "Exactly."
"I'm not so sure that would be their speed," Inanna objected, but Aaina shook her head.
"Mom, I've been chatting with them all night. I know they look like teenage girls, but for the most part, they talk like little kids. I mean, they're what, six months old?"
"Good point," Inanna said with a proud smile. Aaina smiled back, so she reached over and mussed her hair, eliciting a squeal of protest and a frantic brushing.
"You're such a smart young lady," Inanna said.
----
The girls took to the park with gusto, hooting and hollering as they climbed all over the equipment and chased each other around and just generally had a great time.
"Now," Inanna said as she settled onto a bench with Aaina and Jerry. "All we have to do is make sure none of them run off."
"Okay, this was a damn good idea," Jerry said. "Thank you, both of you. I feel like I can finally breath again."
They sat there, watching the girls play, until a familiar voice sounded from behind them.
"Hey Mister and Missus Williams!" Eddis called. Sara and Junior cried out "Mommy!" in unison.
"Hey," Inanna said as her two youngest children tackled her, hugging and tickling them in response. "What are you guys doing here?"
"The little ones were getting restless, so we decided to bring them out for a bit before bedtime, tire them out some."
"Same," Jerry deadpanned.
"Go play, you too," Inanna said to her kids, shooing them off. She concentrated, summoning a sliver of magic and forming it into a mental warning to the girls.
Anyone who harms the two little kids will get the exact same treatment your aunt got when she ate your sister. And I want to hear fourteen acknowledgements.
A few seconds later, a chorus of fourteen voices chanted the lesson Jerry had impressed upon them at the onset. "Children are friends, not food."
"I meant it!" Inanna shouted.
She kept her eyes on the two little ones, just in case. Several of the girls peeled off and began chatting them up. Within moments, they'd been roped into some sort of game that involved the players chasing each other around screaming "Zombie! Om nom nom!"
"Man," Eddis said as he took a seat on the bench. Yarm Junior offered a hand to Aaina, who took it. He pulled her up and led her to the playground as she laughed at something he said.
"I don't know how you guys do it. I mean, I hear your kids are pretty well behaved from Mom and everyone who knows them, but..."
"They do tend to run you ragged," Jerry commiserated.
"You get used to it," Inanna added.
"Man, I sure hope so. I've always dreamed of having a family. Being a dad, you know?"
"You're gonna be the best dad one day, Eddis," Inanna told him. "Your brother, too. You're both such amazing young men."
"I gotta hit the bathroom," Jerry said, standing up. "Are you guys good without me for a minute?"
Inanna counted heads. Sixteen girls, two boys. "Yup," she said. Jerry nodded and walked over to the bathrooms.
"You mom's gonna love being a grandmother," Inanna said. Eddis laughed. "Yeah, if I can ever find the right girl."
"Don't tell me you're still a virgin," Inanna gasped. Eddis gave her an incredulous look, and then pulled out and tapped his phone a few times. He showed it to her, the screen displaying his contacts. About three quarters of them were women's names with heart emojis at the end. Inanna laughed.
"You certainly take after your father in that regards."
"Yeah. Dad and mom had it a little easier, though. There were only a few people in the tribe, and you pretty much had to pair up young back then."
"Do you remember much of the tribe?" Inanna asked. Eddis shrugged. "Yeah, a bit. Junior doesn't really remember much. We both prefer it here though, I can tell you that."
"Me too," Inanna said.
A moment later, she added. "Well, the bright side is that there's no pressure on you to find the right girl who wants to settle down and have a family."
"What do you mean?" he asked. Inanna pointed to the trees surrounding the park, where Aaina and Yarm Junior could be seen kissing under the canopy.
"Oh!" Eddis gasped.
"You'd better go break it up before Jerry gets out the bathroom. He's liable to have a heart attack, after the evening we've had."

I'm not really sure how to start this post. I guess I can start by saying that I really enjoy this forum and listen to your podcast almost daily. Also, I must apologize, as this is kinda long, but I didn't want to leave anything out. So, here goes....
I'm a 40 year old male and I pride myself on being fairly successful in my life. That's not to say I'm filthy rich or don't have my problems, which we'll get to in a minute, but I have a life that many would be happy to live. I have a beautiful and loving wife, two wonderful kids from a previous marriage, and a job that is not only fulfilling, but allows me to live comfortably. Most people wouldn't suspect some of the things I've dealt with in my time, but I wanted to share this aspect of my past in hopes it will help me work through it.
All my life I've lived in the South, Mississippi specifically, and as one might suspect I've grown up going to church. This has never bothered me, although some of the experiences I could've done without (I'll looking at you youth choir). When I was a young child, probably 7-8 (the exact age escapes me, possibly blocked out for my sanity's sake) my family attended a Baptist church in the boonies which we lived on a family farm. It was your typical southern style church, we had service every Sunday morning, night services that would include business meetings, and RA's every Wednesday night. For those unfamiliar, RA's (short for Royal Ambassadors) was an organization very similar to the Boy Scouts of America. Granted, we didn't have all the same types of awards or taskings they did, but the group would study the Bible and how we could apply the teachings to serve the community at large. Every year we had a couple camping trips and nature hikes we would attend, but no merit badges or anything. I suppose now would be good to introduce our characters in this story. Myself, whom I'll call Addie, my brothers John and Steven, and a young man named Robert. Obviously, these aren't the real names, but you get the idea. Robert was the leader of my RA class and always seemed to be a fairly cool guy. He was probably in his mid-twenties and seemed to be really in tune with all the youth group. Robert was very well known to all the RA classes, as we all would meet in the fellowship hall after the individual classes were done, typically to have an activity as a large group before going home. My brothers and I seemed to be of a particular interest to Robert (And yes, as a grown man I look back and see the absolutely wrong and inappropriate nature of this) and he would always seek us out Wednesday nights to joke around or tussle. This type of behavior went on for a long time, not really sure how long as I've already said, but it was long enough for our parents to feel comfortable with him around us. Before any one starts trying to throw stones my folks way, you have to remember this was in the late 80's and society was far more trusting that it is today. As such, people in the church were thought to be mostly good people and it never entered into anyone's mind what could have been going on behind the door those nights.
I remember some nights where Robert would forgo the weekly lesson, instead opting to "play games" with all the boys in his class. These games were always posed as innocent enough, but always involved....well....things that boys shouldn't be doing with other boys, let alone in the presence of a grown man. This is bad enough, but one of Robert's favorite young men was my oldest brother, Steven. As I would come to find out, Robert had cornered my brother on multiple occasions and assaulted him. One of these times, my brother and I were walking through the church on a Wednesday night, no one else in sight. I honestly can't remember what we were doing (Possibly running an errand or something) but without warning, Robert rounds the corner. Apparently, he had seen us leave the fellowship hall and decided to follow. When he saw us, something about his facial expression gave me and Steven a chill. He looked excited, almost giddy, and had a big smile on his face. He started walking towards us, saying something about he was going to get us or some garbage like that, and that prompted us to run. We bolted back down the hallway and through the sanctuary, with aim to get out the front door and make our way down to the safety of the rest of the group (As our father was one of the teachers and we knew he was there). To give an idea of the layout we were traveling, the sanctuary sat on a hill and the fellowship hall was at the base of the hill. Also, the church was in the process of building a new sanctuary next to the old one, so we had to run around this giant construction zone to get down the hill. So, we exit the front of the church, sprinting to the right as fast as we could, past the construction, and down the hill. When we rounded the corner, we were looking straight at the door to the fellowship hall. We pick up our pace, the sound of Robert gaining from behind, but we keep a good lead until we get to the door. Now, you would think this should be the end of the story right? We fling open the door, the throng of people see our predicament, and rush to our aid. But no, we grab the door handles and find them locked. We ran to the side window, trying to get our father's attention, but to no avail. By this time, Robert had caught up to us and was blocking our way to go back. Things get hazy at this point, mostly coming in flashes, but the jest of it is clear enough. My brother attempted to run past or through Robert, but he ends up being lifted in the air and carried away from the building. He stopped at the far end of the parking lot and began to assault my brother right in front of me. I remember trying everything to get him to stop. I kicked Robert in the ribs, jumped on his back, screaming at my brother to do things to make him stop. But nothing worked. This man was violating my brother right in front of me. This particular memory is as clear in my head as what I had for breakfast today. I don't remember much of my grandfather, the majority of my Christmas holidays, or a thousand other things from my childhood, but this freaking memory sticks out like a billboard. Fast forward, it turns out (not surprisingly) Robert had been doing the same things to lots of other kids, John and I included. When everything came out, my father threatened to beat him to death, Robert was thrown in our state penitentiary, and put on the offender's registry for life.
For years I would check the registry, making sure that Robert was still behind bars. One day, fifteen years later or so, I checked it and found he had been paroled, now living close to my old hometown. It was a gut punch, as I hoped he would never breathe free air again. But by this point, I was grown, big into weightlifting, and trained by the military so I felt confident in my ability to handle myself. If I'm being honest, I actually had concocted an entire scenario in my mind that if I ever saw him in Walmart or something, I would confront him and throw him a beating for everything he had done to my family. Well, the years came and went, I got married, and welcomed the birth of my sons into the world. I also started a career in nursing, eventually earning my master's degree and becoming a nurse practitioner. Having kids of my own gave me a new perspective on life and truthfully gave me a different outlook on life and I never let my guard down when it came to my boys. Eventually, after almost 15 years, my wife and I divorced. I moved back to my hometown to be closer to my support system. This opened up an opportunity to manage and practice medicine in a clinic nearby. I did this for almost two years until I was given the chance to work back in the ER of a hospital system and decided this was a better fit for me. So, I'm working my last few shifts at the clinic, when I went into a room to see a patient. The patient was an older woman, a little older than my parents, and as old folks often do, she wanted to talk about anything but why she was there. I've always been somewhat of a people pleaser, so I typically would just let these type of people talk. I think about how my grandmother and how she lived alone for almost 30 years after my granddad died and how lonely she would get at times. I figured, if someone wanted to ramble and it would make them feel better, I was more than happy to lend an ear. Well, she asked me where I was from, if I was married, if I had kids, etc. Just typical stuff really and I answered everything she asked as it wasn't terribly strange stuff. She remarked at the beginning that my name was familiar, but she couldn't place where from. I told her who my parents were, where they worked, and where I had grown up. Eventually, it came around to where I had gone to church as a child and after I told her, her face grew stoic. Seriously, it looked like someone had pulled the drain plug on her face and emptied it of blood. I looked into her eyes, curious as to what caused this shift, and she started to cry. I was obviously stunned at this drastic turn of her demeanor and asked her what was wrong. She replied, "I know where I know your parents from, where I know you from. I don't know if you would remember my son, you were so young, but I don't want to tell you." When she said this, my brain jumped back to the start of her inquiry about me, at which time she had told me her children's names. I looked at her chart, searching frantically for her last name. When I found it, everything clicked and the name of her youngest child left my lips quietly, Robert.
The realization that I was looking at the mother of my childhood monster was, sobering to say the least. She began to apologize over and over, telling me she had prayed my brothers and I had led normal lives and hadn't been "ruined" by what her son had done. Now, it's important to clarify that while we all have been successful in our chosen fields, all three of us have carried scars from what he did to us. I, personally, have had difficulty with relationships and trusting other people. I can't say for certain what John and Steven endured in all these years, but I know that none of us were ever "normal" after what happened. However, as this woman had nothing to do with her son's atrocities, I didn't want her to feel attacked or responsible. I leaned in and tried to comfort her, reassuring that we all turned out well and had moved beyond the past (Despite this not being entirely the truth). This seemed to give her peace of mind. As she dried her eyes, she spoke again, "I'm glad to hear that. I know what he did was wrong, horribly wrong. He never could tell me why he did it, he told me he knew it wasn't right but he couldn't seem to stop himself. I know he went to prison, and he suffered there, but he's done so good since he's come home. He's not a bad man, he's so good to me." She kept talking, but by this point, I was tuned out. I felt sorry for her, truly I did, but I was ready to get out of that room. Then she said something that made my heart sink and my guts implode. "He's so good to me, he even brought me today. He's out front right now."
I stood up, my legs were numb, and I felt short of breath. I quickly told her what her treatment plan entailed and left the room. I walked to the front of the clinic, looking through the check-in window out into the lobby, and there he was...Robert was sitting not even 10 feet away. My mind raced, all of my rage and anger that had been pent up for over two decades boiling inside me. That memory, the one I spoke about, played in my mind like a bad snuff film (As if any snuff film is a good one, but I digress). I walked back to my office and sat down, trying to rationalize what was going on. All these years, I have had a clear and focused plan for how things would go if I ever saw him again. I rose from my chair, walking towards my car and the gun I always kept inside. I told my nurse to keep all the patient's in their rooms and not to let anyone out to the lobby. She asked me why and, for some reason, I told her everything. She looked into my face and said, "What are you gonna do Addie? What are you going to tell your boys when you go to jail for life?" Her questions stopped me in my tracks, like my feet were bolted to the floor. She continued, "He took something he never should have, no doubt. But don't let him take you from your boys, you're a better man than that." As soon as it had come on, my crazy idea to deal with this guy like I had always wanted evaporated from me. I asked her to discharge the old woman and I went back to my office. I stayed in there until they had both left and then continued with my day. I called my fiance and told her what happened, making sure she knew that I hadn't done anything stupid. She told me that she was proud of me and the rest of the day went by without incident.
I never thought the day would come where I was face to face with this guy. Despite my blustering, I'm no killer and he wasn't threatening anyone in that moment. Since that day, I've started my new job and haven't seen Robert again. I told John about the whole situation, and he echoed my fiancé's opinion, glad I had let him leave without incident. I've since told my mother about it, yet again, was told I did the right thing and that she was proud of me. I wish that I could say I was proud of myself, but I can't. I feel like, I dunno, that I somehow betrayed my brothers by not doing something...anything. Granted, no matter what I did to him, it wouldn't have been enough. Even if I un-alived him, it wouldn't do anything to remove what had happened or the impact we all have endured. But still, I can't help but feel guilty I didn't dish out the punishment I feel Robert deserved, the justice I feel the kids he messed up deserved.
I guess if anything, I'm writing this to hopefully let other people who have been through similar circumstances they're not alone. And to warn everyone else, no matter what you think, there really are monsters in this world and they look like everyone else.
s

This article is not my original creation. It was from "Mysterious Universe" website. Unfortunately the site has since been taken down. I was able to find the wayback machine (internet archive backup) for this article. However it is not a reliable permanent solution, hence I decided to post the duplicate here as well.
https://web.archive.org/web/20210507065339/https://mysteriousuniverse.org/2019/08/bright-colors-strange-entities-and-baffling-vanishings/
Content of the original article:

Bright Colors, Strange Entities, and Baffling Vanishings

Brent Swancer

August 7, 2019

There are numerous cases throughout history of people just seeming to step off the face of the earth to vanish into thin air. We are usually left with only scattered clues, grasping at theories as to what has happened to these unfortunate souls, but in some cases it appears that there is a correlation of sorts. Throughout a great number of these accounts of people who have seemingly blinked out of existence there is the simple but nagging clue that they were wearing brightly colored clothing. It seems to be at first a meaningless quirk, but the number of reports of the mysteriously vanished and bright articles of clothing has increasingly become something that can’t be easily ignored, although the answers as to why might be forever elusive.
A very strange case popped up on Whitley Streiber’s site, Unknown Country, concerning a witness calling himself Alan Lamers and his very unusual, otherworldy story. Lamers claims that he was working on the island of Sulawesi in Indonesia, which is where it first came to his attention that a great many people were said to have gone into the jungles of the area to vanish without a trace. He was first told about this as he visited a small speck of a village in the district of Sandu Batu, in South Sulawesi, where he was warned to only wear clothing that was white or black in color, with no bright colors whatsoever. In particular he was warned not to wear anything that was yellow, and that black was the best one to go with. Odd indeed, but it would get odder still.
When Lamers pressed as to why he should not wear bright colors or anything with yellow on it, the villagers told him that people who did so had a bad habit of disappearing off the face of the earth. Weirder still, sometimes the people would reappear dazed and confused, not remembering anything of their strange incident and missing the articles of clothing with the offending colors. As to why, the villagers had no explanation. After hearing of this, Lamers and his companions warily wore all black when they trekked out into the jungle to investigate some alleged illegal logging in the area, but one of the men apparently broke the rules, and he explains:

One of my friends, who is a Bugis-Makassar, didn’t listen or understand the warning and wore yellow socks. We did our tour and returned. He was strangely quiet. That night he became extremely ill. I had never seen a person projectile vomit that hard. He had an extreme fever also. We nursed him and about a day later he returned to his healthy self. Then he told us what happened. He said something had bitten him on his right legs calf and then his thigh. He showed us the marks. They were huge scratches. He said he could not see what was attacking him. He said he did not want to tell us what happened because he was embarrassed. The villagers stood around us with these knowing looks while we looked at the marks. they said he was very lucky. Usually people disappear. I was stunned.

What was going on here, and what in the world does the color yellow have to do with it? It is unclear, but Lamers claims that he would get at least some theories during his stay. He tells the account of a woman friend of his whose brother had gone hiking in the mountains along with four others, after which they all vanished. After an intensive search finally the brother was found, alive but in a dazed state and looking undernourished and skeletal. When asked about what had happened to them the brother said he could not remember, but whatever it was had obviously and visibly traumatized him. No trace of the others was ever found. Lamers asked his friend what she thought had happened to them, and he says of her response and his reactions to it:

She said it was the Jin. Jin is Arabic for demon. She said many many people have disappeared in the mountains because of the Jin. I asked my engineer friend who I worked with about this early today. He said it happens often and reminded me of Wala Wala the village we had gone to. Entire cultures have developed around this problem. They wear only black because they believe this allows them to travel through the jungle undetectable by whatever it is that takes these people. There is something taking these people Whitley. Something terrible and evil in Sulawesi. The people of Sulawesi have come to terms with it and have tried to adapt themselves to deal with whatever it is. It has gone on long enough to bend culture. I will continue to investigate what this is.

Is that what this was? A Jin? This makes sense considering that the population of the region is around 85% Muslim, but could there be any other explanation? He apparently did follow up on all of this, managing to get more information out of the locals, as well as from the lone survivor from that doomed trek as his memory came trickling back to him about that fateful hike. However, his story seems to make no real sense, and is so bizarre it leaves more questions than answers. Lamers tells Strieber of this additional information:

I found out he kept seeing what the Bugis call Jin Kurcaci. It means little demon people. These things do what is called “penculikan” or abduction. No one knows why they do this. But sometimes the people come back after a bit. The people or creatures who do this have a small nose and their eyes are small and black, but their mouths are very broad and when they smile it is very large compared to the rest of their face. He could not remember the color of their skin. I asked for a picture to be drawn. He managed a crude happy face with a nose consisting of a single line and a huge grimace.
The boy was the only one who could see them out of the five. He kept seeing a lot of them but when he would try to show the others one of the four who disappeared could see them. He also saw a strange animal he could not recognize. These animals are the size of a horse with huge antlers. He said he saw herds of them. He could not understand where they came from or why there were so many. They not an animal indigenous to the area. There is no such known animal that big in Sulawesi. Apparently this is a widespread problem.

Is this Jin, some sort of evil forest people, or just folklore? What is the significance of the colors and why must people wear black? Does this somehow draw these forces in, and maybe they are attracted by these colors? It is very interesting to note that some of the most bizarre vanishings on record are theorized to have had some link to bright colors, according to missing persons investigator David Paulides, author of The Missing 411 series of books.
Paulides has researched strange vanishings all over the world and has compiled a sort of list of criteria that seem to be common to many of the cases. Examples include people disappearing practically right under the noses of nearby friends or family, bodies turning up without shoes or proper outdoor clothing, children who have gone missing only for their bodies to turn up in inaccessible areas where they could not possibly have climbed to on their own, belongings or clothing left behind often neatly folded or arranged, bodies that have turned up in areas that have already been thoroughly searched or are out of reach, and people who have disappeared without leaving a single scrap of evidence behind. There are also the fact that many of these disappearances seem to happen near bodies of water or where berries happen to be growing, that with bodies which are found the cause of death is often unclear or difficult to determine, that there is a lack of tracks, and that search dogs often cannot pick up the scent or are led to places such as sheer walls where no one could reasonably scale. Often people who were with the missing explain that they just happened to get separated somehow without being able to pinpoint when or how. Then there is the curious detail that many of the vanished just so happened to have been wearing bright colors.
This has been seen in many vanishings covered by Paulides, with perhaps the most well-known being the disappearance of 6-year old Dennis Martin. On June 14, 1969, Dennis was on a camping and hiking trip to the Great Smoky Mountains when he and his family stopped off at a grassy mountain highland meadow and popular stop-off point along the Appalachian Trail know as Spence Field. As the adults sat out on the grass chatting, Dennis, his brother, and two other boys on the trip thought it would be amusing to play a prank on their parents. They decided that they would split up, go out into the woods, and then simultaneously jump out from different directions to startle the adults in what was meant to be just harmless fun.
Three of the boys went one way and Dennis, who was the youngest, went the other. The reason he had been chosen to be on his own was that he was wearing a highly visible bright red shirt. This is something to remember in relation to this article, the bright colors. Just as planned, the three older boys jumped out and scared the adults, but then the men asked where Dennis was. Since the other boys had seen him just a few minutes earlier, they assumed that he had merely missed his cue and so they waited for him to jump out of the trees as well, but he never appeared.
Dennis’ father, Bill Martin, went out to get his son, expecting that he would be there hiding in the bushes as he had been instructed, but an immediate search of the area showed no signs of the boy, and calls into the woods went unanswered. Increasingly worried, Bill and Dennis’ grandfather, Clyde Martin, hiked out in different directions farther and farther from the place where the boy had last been seen and still they found nothing. Park Rangers were notified and a search was launched that would last until nightfall, when heavy rain began to come down along with thunder, which hampered efforts to find the boy and the search was called off until the following day with still no trace of where Dennis had gone off to.
In a rather ominous twist, a mere hours after Dennis had gone missing a family named the Keys reported that they had been hiking around 6 miles from Spence Field when they had heard a boy’s scream. The son also claimed to have seen movement in a bush which he at first had thought to be a bear, but turned out to be a man walking in the woods with something apparently slung over his shoulder. As spooky as this may seem, authorities determined that the location was too far away from Spence Field to have possibly have anything to do with Dennis within the time frame of events.
In the following days the search efforts would quickly grow in size to hundreds of people scouring the area, including park rangers, locals, volunteers, the FBI, National Guard, and even Green Berets and psychics, along with bloodhounds and helicopters, and meanwhile the news of the disappearance had started making major national headlines. Since Dennis was described as a robust, healthy boy with plenty of hiking experience it was thought that he was alive and would be found in short order, but continuing heavy rains flooding roads, as well as thick fogs, made efforts difficult. For their part, Dennis’s parents posted a hefty reward for any information leading to finding their son. Dennis Martin has never been found, and not a trace of what happened to him has ever been uncovered. Interestingly, this all fits several of Paulides’ criteria, including the brightly colored clothing.
Similarly there is the case of 4-year-old Alfred Beilhartz, who in the summer of 1938 was on a fishing and camping trip with his family at Colorado’s Rocky Mountain National Park. As the boy and his parents were taking a hike along a river, little Alfred, who was wearing a brightly colored shirt, suddenly simply disappeared without explanation. One moment he had been there walking in a line behind them, and the next the parents had turned around to find he was gone without a trace. There had been no shout or sign of distress, and all calls to him went unanswered. He had seemingly just ceased to exist.
Although the parents claimed that the boy had gone nowhere near the water, authorities were nevertheless convinced that he had fallen into the river, and immediately went about blocking off the river so that it could be thoroughly searched and so that his body would not float too far away. A 6-mile stretch of the river where Alfred had vanished was searched and dredged for 5 full days without turning up any sign of the boy, and when bloodhounds were brought in they oddly tracked his scent to around 500 feet uphill from where his parents had been when he had disappeared, which was odd considering he had supposedly gone missing as he was walking behind them. Also strange was that allegedly the bloodhounds followed the trail for some time before reaching a fork and suddenly stopping and simply lying down, an odd behavior for trained scent dogs to display, and also strange because it seemed that the trail had just abruptly stopped to vanish just as surely as the boy had.
Even more bizarre than this was an odd report that came in from some hikers in the area in the early stages of the search, the very day after Alfred had vanished. The hikers, who were a couple, had been on Old Fall River Road about 6 miles away over rugged terrain and around 3,000 feet higher from where Alfred had disappeared, and at the time had had no idea that there was a missing boy in the area, yet they reported seeing a rather worrying sight. They claimed that they had seen a young boy perched up upon a high ridge in an area ominously called “The Devil’s Nest,” near the top of Mt. Chaplin. The hikers reported that the boy had been forlornly sitting alone up there and had then suddenly moved out of sight, which the hikers mysteriously allegedly said looked as if he were being “jerked back.” At the time they could not figure out how such a young boy would be out there in the remote wilderness by himself or how he could have possibly climbed up onto that formidably high ridge. According to the hikers, as soon as they had gotten home and seen the news, they had realized that the boy they had seen was the missing Alfred Beilhartz.
Authorities acted on the tip and made the journey out to the Devil’s Nest, a perilous hike through thick, unforgiving forested terrain littered with rough brush and dense trees, and there at the top of the looming ridge they could find no trace of the boy. Considering the difficulty of the terrain, the elevation, and the steep, treacherous climb up to the ridge on which the hikers had claimed to have seen the boy, park rangers came to the conclusion that it would have been impossible for the boy to have made the hike out there in the timeframe involved on his own, and that he could not have possibly climbed the ridge alone without specialized climbing equipment and experience. There are several weird details about this case. How did Alfred manage to just vanish right under his parents’ noses without making a sound? What happened to his scent trail and why did the bloodhounds following him act so oddly? How could Alfred hike all the way up Mt. Chaplin, trudging 6 miles and 3,000 feet through unforgiving perilous terrain in such a short time, and then climb up onto that high ridge by himself? What did the hikers mean that he was “jerked back”? We may never know, and Alfred Beilhartz has never been found. Oddly enough, it is reported that young little Beilhartz had been wearing brightly colored clothing at the time of his vanishing.
Such cases are numerous, and we also have the case of 3-year-old Jaryd Atadero, who in October of 1999 was staying with his father at a Christian retreat lodge at Poudre Canyon, Colorado. On October 2, Jaryd was out with 12 of the Christian group members on a hike along the Big South Trail when he somehow got ahead of the group and talked to some fishermen along the Cache la Poudre River, asking them if they’d seen any bears, to which they replied that the boy should get back with the others. Those fishermen would be the last ones to see Jaryd Atedero alive. In the wake of his disappearances a massive search using bloodhounds and aircraft was unable to find any trace of the boy, and it was largely assumed that he had fallen into the frigid waters of the river and drowned.
It would not be until 4 years later that he would finally be found, when on June 4, 2003 his remains were discovered up in a remote, inaccessible area up a steep incline about 500 feet above the trail he had vanished on. This is where the case gets weird. On the dead boy’s cranium were found a series of odd scratches that were assumed to be from a mountain lion, yet big cat experts pointed out that a cougar would have torn at the sweater and body near the neck and stomach, damage that was absent. Indeed, there were no other apparent injuries on the body. Paulides also claims that he spoke to forensics experts on the case who told him that, although the source of the scratches could not be determined, they were not from any known animal. Other odd details about the body were that the boy’s clothes had been turned inside out, and a single tooth from his mouth had been found placed upon a nearby log, strangely not overgrown with moss or vegetation considering that it had presumably been sitting there for 4 years. The clothes and shoes themselves were also surprisingly brightly colored and new looking for supposedly having been out in the elements for so long. And there is a key word here, they were brightly colored.
Adding to this strangeness surrounding the case of Jaryd Atadero are allegations made by the boy’s father, Allyn Atadero, that authorities were very secretive and dishonest about the whole incident, and seemed to be almost intentionally botching the investigation. One example is when the Atadero family was allegedly threatened with arrest if they tried to go off snooping around on the Big South Trail, and although it was claimed by authorities that the trail was the only way in or out of the canyon, this turned out to be a falsehood, as Allyn found records of various other entry and exit points. Another oddity was that Allyn claimed that he had discovered that the police were using his own shorts as a scent sample for the dogs rather than those of his son, and that when confronted about this glaring error in procedure they got confrontational and irritated, allegedly going so far as to threaten to call the search off. Allyn would also claim that although some strange hair samples had been collected from his son’s sweater, no test results were ever released and he was merely told that they were neither human nor mountain lion, but that he “shouldn’t worry about it.” To top it all off, Paulides also claims that authorities were highly uncooperative with his own investigation into the case, and that the FBI had refused to get involved. What in the world happened to Jaryd Atadero? Was this an animal attack, a kidnapping, or something more? It seems we may never know.
Mysterious cases like this go on and on, with that common thread going through them that they were all wearing brightly colored clothing at the time of their bizarre vanishings. Is this, as David Paulides and Lamers say, a determining factor in such vanishings? If so, then why should this be? Are the colors somehow attractive or maddening to whatever forces are taking these people? And now that we are on it what forces would those be? Is this extraterrestrials, evil spirits of some kind, Bigfoot, some sort of other mysterious animal, or what? One very interesting theory that has made the rounds is that perhaps some sort of large, unidentified winged beast is behind it all, perhaps its attention drawn by the bright colors. One commenter on our very own Mysterious Universe has said of this and how it relates to such vanishings:

I’m pretty sure I know what it is & I’m sure it’s also responsible for some of the National Forest missing adults. If these disappearances have anything to do with what I saw in 2006 in Colorado (less than one mile outside of Pike National Forest), then it’s likely that the same thing is responsible for the cattle mutilations as well:
It’s a bird & it was massive; I startled it off my roof by stepping outside onto my front porch in the middle of the night. I had no idea there was anything there but when the door slammed behind me I heard a “scrabbling” sound; as if there were a small rockslide directly above me.I covered my head with my arms & tried to duck under the eaves when I heard a rippling sound. Almost exactly like the sound one of those huge flags make when a sudden strong gust of wind unfurls it.
Then, there was a boom. A percussive boom that my eardrums felt, to the point where I started to lose my balance & fall backwards. That’s when a huge shadow passed overhead. From 1.5 stories above me, clearing 50ft tall tree in the front yard. The shape of the shadow most resembled a vulture & I can’t conceive of the wingspan being less than 20ft.As it glided up it … screamed. A pulsating croak? Not sure quite how to describe it. It was not a sound I have ever heard before. Oddly; it didn’t seem to have flapped its wings again.I refused to think about it for about a year because it was so ridiculously improbable. When an inspection of the roof occurred, the comment was “It looks like Freddy Krueger attacked your roof!” Along with the gashes, there were a few puncture holes as well. So I started researching & haven’t stopped.

It is of course possible that the presence of bright colors could just be a coincidence. Perhaps it does not matter, and has simply been assigned value by Paulides and others, but then how would that explain the clear link supposedly conveyed to Lamers by the people of that remote area of Indonesia and their aversion to entering the jungle wearing anything other than white or preferably black? Is there any connection to be had here, and if so what is it? It is certainly interesting to note the similarities between Lamers’ stories on the bright colors and people reappearing with no memory of what had happened and the very similar Paulides cases in which the same thing happens. Are there mysterious forces drawn to these colors that somehow make these people disappear? There is no way to know, and it seems to lie beyond our comprehension, but until we do understand maybe don’t wear brightly colored clothing next time you are on that hike through the woods.

Part I
Pete is the epitome of a man possessed by entropy. The summary of his life, as narrated by himself in comparison to his father, goes as follows: "Dad was a hardworking man. He single-handedly built this house from the ground up. I burned it all down."
But who was Pete, and how did he come to such a tragic fate?
We went to pay him a visit with the biggest bottle of beer and the cheapest cigarettes on the black market. Pete sat slumped in a deck chair at the back of the yard, suspended somewhere outside of space and time. Unaware of our presence, he seemed like a martyr besieged by the gusts of early September winds. He blew his nose into a large handkerchief, reminiscent of the olden days, now crumpled and stained with the residue of man's earthly struggles with mud and soot.
"Oh dreamer traveller, where do you wish to go? Oh dreamer traveller, the moments are too long."
There is no more glorious character in this world than Pete. He represents the full glory of total failure, ennobled by mistakes and vices. If he were still alive, his mother would have remembered him as a clever boy, coming home from school in a hurry with his notebook tucked into his belt - he had won first prize in the National Mathematical Olympiad without special preparation. I remember him in his last days of prayer and toil on this earth, lying helpless on the hospital bed, devoid of interest in the absurd world, absentmindedly flipping through a children's magazine from the time of the king.
"I'm pumping culture through my veins," he told us bored, turning a page.
Pete translates the sound of nature into words that are hard to understand. He is dissatisfied with the tenants who do not respect their agreement, with his modest retirement income, and with the infirmities of old age. He wonders how much time he has left to live - two, maybe three years? He struggles to get up from the deck chair and leans heavily on his cane. His legs hurt, barely able to support him, the peripheral nerves irreversibly affected by years of limitless drinking. In the heavens, he will receive the deserved reward for those who have faced the burden of excessive drinking and smoking without restraint but did not let themselves be defeated.
Part II
But do you really know where you're going?
The empty room screamed with the agony of lost time. Moth cocoons hung from the ceiling side by side like an overturned plantation heavy with fruit. The bed, reeking of urine, was covered with old, yellowed books and coated with dust. A bucket with ashes and tears of sorrow lay overturned on the floor. On the nightstand, a box with rounded edges and a suede cover housed a straight razor, a strip of glass paper, and a shaving brush.
Pete was in the hospital. They had taken him there to spend the winter because they couldn't find anyone to care for him. The last time I visited him, he could no longer stand on his own, he could only rise to the edge of the bed. He had the bucket on one side and the food tray on the other. The radio and the books kept him company. After he finished reading them all, he would start over again.
When you wanted to leave, you realized you were trapped inside like in a prison - all the doors were locked from the outside. You looked out the window and saw the wolves circling. Out of the cellar came the cave man. He had a massive, hunched body, skin as thick and cracked as dry earth, red, glassy eyes, and teeth as sharp as knives. When he roared, the walls and the souls of the sleeping trembled.
They never brought him back home again. In the white hospital room, he watched people come in moaning on stretchers and leave silently, wrapped in shrouds. At first, they had hope. He had recovered, gotten out of bed, and wandered through the halls in the middle of the night, opening windows in the labyrinthine corridors to smoke, until one day the cold stabbed him in the back like a knife. He fell to the bed and couldn't get up again. They took him out of there in May in a coffin. They were glad to received assistance, so they could bury him like a Christian.

Welcome to the 100-91 Reveal for the NFL Top 100 Players of the 2022 Season!

Players whose average rank landed them in places 100-91 are on this portion of the list revealed today. Players are associated with the team they finished playing for at the end of the 2022 season
Below you will see some write-ups from the rankers summarizing the players’ 2022 season and why they were among the best in 2022. Stats for each player are included below. Additionally, their ranks from previous years are available for y’all to see

METHODOLOGY

Link to more detailed writeup on our methodology

• Step 1: A Call to Rankers right after the Conference Championship games
  
• Step 2: Rankers from each team nominated players to rank, with a 11 game minimum threshold. Players are associated with the team they played for in 2022
  
• Step 3: The Grind. We instructed users to tier positions groups into T25, T50, etc based on 2022 regular season play only. This took several weeks as the rankers tiered each position group and discussed them. There were no individual player threads and no arbitrary position caps. Just questions and rankings.
  
• Step 4: Users submitted their own personal Top 125 lists.
  
• Step 5: User lists were reviewed by myself, u/mattkud , and u/MikeTysonChicken . The rankers were expected to answer questions about their lists. They were allowed to make any changes to their list, and were not forced to make any changes
  
• Step 6: The Reveal… where we are now!
  

And without further ado, here are the players ranked 100-91 in the NFL Top 100 Players of the 2022 Season!

#100 - Garrett Wilson - New York Jets - Wide Receiver

Previous Ranks
N/A
Key Stat:
2nd Most missed forced tackles among WRs with 22
Written by: u/MattyT7
Garrett Wilson walked into the NFL as an immediate stud. He showed the world who he was in week 2, playing a major part in the destruction of the Cleveland Browns. Wilson caught two touchdowns, including what was the game-winner, to go along with 102 yards through the air. Despite having the worst quarterback play across the league last season, Wilson earned Offensive Rookie of the Year honors, and it is not hard to see why. He is a demon after the catch with the ball in his hands, consistently finding ways to squeeze as much extra juice as he can out of a play. His jab step/cutback is lethal; simply put, he is not easy to stop. He may have only caught 4 touchdowns all year, but a lot of that has to do with the fact that the Jets offense was… well, not great. Even so, Wilson finished his rookie campaign with 83 catches for 1104 yards. You may not have heard, but the Jets quietly brought in a new quarterback this offseason, and the sky is truly the limit for Wilson going forward. Although he may not be the most physically gifted wide receiver in the world, he’s an incredibly crafty dude and is already one of the best at what he does.

#99 - Aaron Rodgers - Green Bay Packers - Quarterback

Previous Ranks

2021	2020	2019	2018	2017	2016	2015	2014	2013	2012
4	1	73	95	N/A	11	29	2	26	3​​

Key Stat:
2nd in the league in PFF's Big Time Throw Rate, trailing only Josh Allen
Written by: u/IMissHarambe878
A “down” year for ARod sees him slip to the bottom of the Top 100 here. His stats may have declined since his back-to-back MVPs, but Rodgers was consistently carrying this Green Bay team on his back this season. Despite carrying a broken thumb throughout the campaign (in which he didn’t miss a game), he helped try to steady the ship despite inconsistency across all other parts of the team (defense, run game, inexperienced wide receivers). He nearly dragged Green Bay kicking and screaming into the playoffs but was only stopped by a gutsy Lions team in Week 18 ready to play spoiler. Fun fact, Rodgers actually put up his career high in game winning drives this year with 4.
​
Here is a highlights package of Rodgers’ last season in Green Bay. Some specific highlights within the video:
- 1:01 – Rodgers shows he can still throw a pretty deep ball out to Watkins v Bears
- 3:29 – Deep throw v the Jets to Lazard, probably explains why he wanted him to follow him there
- 4:37 – Rolling out of the pocket to find Aaron Jones for a beautiful TD v Commanders
- 5:06 – Absolute dime to Doubs for a TD v Bills
- 7:30 – Beautiful play action out to Watson for a TD v Cowboys
- 13:05 – Sideline pass out to Mercedes Lewis v Dolphins
- 14:11 – Absolute monster of a ball out to Watson v Lions in his final game for Green Bay
​
All good things have to come to an end at some point, and this year showed Rodgers wasn’t the immortal some thought he was. Considering his supporting cast and the offense around him, I think he did the best he could. Don’t let that fool you though, he’s still very much an above average quarterback and I’m confident he will be higher up this list, this time next year. Take care of him, Jets, and thank you for all the memories, Aaron.

#98 - Jaelan Phillips - Miami Dolphins - EDGE Rusher

Previous Ranks

2021
N/A​

Key Stat:
Phillips’s 70 pressures is the most by a Dolphin since Olivier Vernon in 2015
Written by: u/Yedic
Jaelan Phillips followed up a somewhat spotty rookie season with a much more polished sophomore campaign in 2022. He nearly doubled his pressure numbers, with an increase from 39 in 2021 to 70 in 2022 per PFF. He more than doubled his stops, jumping up from 16 to 36.
Check out this play, where Phillips, lined up at the top of the screen, uses his speed to beat the tackle upfield, and then works back down into the pocket for the strip sack in the 4th quarter of an important division game. Here's one where Jaelan Phillips lines up at 3t, against the LG, and then shows a nice motor to adjust for a 3rd down sack while fighting through a hold.
Phillips also showed off some impressive versatility. Per PFF's tracking, he dropped into coverage about six time a game, which resulted in the most coverage snaps out of all Edge Defenders nominated for this list, and 4th most of all Edge Defenders in the entire league. He even blocked a punt for good measure!

#97 - Talanoa Hufanga - San Francisco 49ers - Safety

Previous Ranks

2021	2020
N/A	N/A​

Key Stat:
Only safety with multiple sacks, multiple forced fumbles, and four interceptions including a pick-6 in a single season in the last 10 years
Written by: u/TheRed_Knight
Once upon a time there was a slightly undersized Polynesian Safety from USC who played with wild abandon and a glorious main of hair, who ended up drafted in the 1st round by the Pittsburgh Steelers. His name was Troy Polamalu and as it turns out, he was one of the best to ever play the game at his position. Fast forward to 2021, and USC has another slightly undersized Polynesian Safety, named Talanoa Hufanga, who played with wild abandon and a slightly less glorious main of hair, who fell in the draft due to a poor combine showing and injury.
Snagged in the 5th round of the 2021 draft by the 49ers (praise be to Adam Peters), Hufanga played spot snaps on defense his rookie year as a rotational safety, while logging most of his playing time as a special teams gunner, with his most memorable play coming against the Packers in the NFC Divisional round, returning the blocked punt by Jordan Willis for a game tying touchdown. When Jimmie Ward suffered a moderate hamstring strain in the 2022 preseason, Hufanga capitalized on his opportunity, playing well enough to earn the starting S job when Ward came back, which in part led to Ward and the 49ers parting ways in FA.
During his 2022-23 sophomore campaign Hufanga ended up 3rd on the team/13th amongst all Safety's in tackles (97), 3rd on the team/6th amongst all Safety's in PD's (9), 2nd on the team/tied for 6th amongst all Safety's in INT's (4), including a pick-6 against Matt Stafford, and tied for 1st on the team/3rd amongst all Safety's in FF (2) EX. Despite being listed at only 6 foot 200lbs he plays significantly bigger and isn't afraid to lay wood or attack blockers in run defense. By far and away Hufanga's greatest asset is his raw instinctual play, his ability to diagnose and blow up plays based on pre snap alignment and pure gut instinct in a way offenses can't plan against. He's SF's wildcard, and on a defense laden with monsters and freaks he's perfectly positioned to reap as much damage as possible against opposing offenses.
While Hufanga's certainly has a long way to go to catch Polamalu, the similarities early in his career are apparent. History doesnt repeats itself but it sure does rhymes a whole lot.

#96 - Alex Highsmith - Pittsburgh Steelers - EDGE Rusher

Previous Ranks

2021	2020
N/A	N/A​

Key Stat:
1st in sacks lined up on the right side of the defensive line with 14
Written by: u/ezDuke
Flashback to 2021. Melvin Ingram had signed with the Steelers in hopes of revitalizing his career opposite a premier Edge rusher in TJ Watt. All that stood in his way was a former 3rd round pick from the football powerhouse school of Charlotte entering his second season, Alex Highsmith. By midseason, however, it was clear that the Steelers saw something in Highsmith and Ingram demanded a trade in search of a starting opportunity.
Throughout the 2022 season, Highsmith rewarded the Steelers' faith in him. He showcased an array of pass rush moves to finish 6th in the league with 14.5 sacks, highlighted by his devastating spin move. He also led the league in forced fumbles, along with Haason Reddick. He actually graded even more highly as a run defender, according to PFF, and even showed good coverage skills for a LB.
Highsmith has blossomed into the do-it-all Linebacker they envisioned when they shipped Ingram off for a 6th round pick. While he still has some room to grow, there's no question that he and TJ Watt have as good a chance as any to finish 2023 as the league's best pass rush tandem.

#95 - Tua Tagovailoa - Miami Dolphins - Quarterback

Previous Ranks

2021	2020
N/A	N/A​

Key Stat:
When throwing 5+ Yards downfield, Tua ranked 1st in EPA/ATT, 1st in Success Rate, 1st in First Down Rate, 1st in YPA and 1st in Passer Rating
Written by: u/cheesepythons
Tua Tagovailoa, perhaps the most polarizing player in the NFL presently. Some of the criticism justified and some vacuous, somewhere in the middle of all this there is the realization that what we got in the 2022 season was a much-improved player who when given the confidence, right system and weapons showed the ability of elite talent. Finishing first in league passer rating, 25 touchdowns, around 9 yards Y/A behind one of the worst OL’s in the league (24th in pass block win rate, thank god for when TA was playing) was a bright spot for his growth and maturity as a QB and team leader. On intermediate throws, Tua ranked first in EPA per drop back and completion percentage. Tua had the lowest average time to throw on these pass attempts at 2.63, the league average for throws of 11 or more air yards is 3.02 seconds. There will be arguments of course that having two of the best receivers in the league has helped, there can’t be any argument, but it is interesting to note that Tua was ranked 33rd in the league in passing yards after the catch which suggests his arm is doing a lot of the lifting as well. 2 serious concussions and subsequently missing time robbed Dolphins fans of seeing him produce at a consistent level but at 8-1 as a starter leading into December (before the wheels fell off) there was enough to have him nominated and subsequently voted into the Top 100 players for the season.

#94 - CJ Gardner-Johnson - Philadelphia Eagles - Safety

Previous Ranks

2021	2020	2019
N/A	N/A	N/A​

Key Stat:
T-1st in the league with 6 INTs
Written by: u/CokeZ3ro
Joining the Eagles mere days before Week 1 via trade, Gardner-Johnson would serve as the cherry on top for the formidable 2022 Eagles defense. More than just a change in scenery, Gardner-Johnson also experienced a change in position, switching from nickel corner to a more traditional safety. Safe to say, he adapted well to the change. Gardner-Johnson co-lead the league with 6 interceptions.
Gardner-Johnson often employs a ballhawk style coverage. He has a great sense for the ball in the air, and a blazingly fast approach which will often punish poor placement and deflections. Pairing with the disruption caused by the Eagle’s D-line and the coverage by their excellent corners gave Gardner-Johnson plenty of opportunities to flash those skills.
Mclaurin got Slay beat? It’s alright CJGJ will fly over to make the pick.
Underthrown? You’re done for.
Sometimes it feels like he spawns out of nowhere to make the pick.
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention trash talk antics. If there was an award for instigation, C.J. Gardner-Johnson would win in a landslide. Few are better at getting under the opponent’s skin. Gardner-Johnson brings a level of grit, energy, and bravado that can instantly make the secondary better.

#93 - Ryan Ramczyk - New Orleans Saints - Offensive Tackle

Previous Ranks

2021	2020	2019	2018	2017
100	63	14	74	100​

Key Stat:
6th straight year allowing less than 20 pressures in true pass sets
Written by: u/LazyFBaby
Ryan Ramczyk turned in a solid year again in 2022. However, he happened to be on the 2022 New Orleans Saints football in 2022 as well. The offense was woefully inconsistent and particularly struggled to get anything going in the 2nd half of most games ranking in the top 5 in terms of three and out percentage during the latter half of the game. Consequently, Ram was mostly ignored throughout the season where he only allowed 3 sacks, 5 QB hits and 20 pressures (per PFF). If I was to pick any performance of his to highlight it would be his work against Nick Bosa in week 12 he stonewalled Bosa all game and his only real mistake was a false start penalty. Ryan continues to be one of the strongest tackles in the NFL in terms of his anchor and his ability to deal with any pass rush moves that an opposing Edge might throw at him. Hopefully, 2023 will see his return to the upper echelons of this hallowed list

#92 - Tee Higgins - Cincinnati Bengals - Wide Receiver

Previous Ranks

2021	2020
N/A	N/A​

Key Stat:
4th in Contested Catch % (16 catches on 26 targets) +3rd highest target passer rating (121.0)
Written by: u/Letsgomountaineers5
Tee Higgins was one of the biggest draft crushes I’ve had in some time, so it was a no brainer to pick up his write up, even though he plays for one of my favorite team’s biggest rivals. He’s just a really fun player to watch from a WR coach’s perspective. Let’s dive into a few things that makes Tee Higgins a Top 100 player and an elite WR in the NFL.
The first thing you have to love about Tee’s game is his deep ball ability. That has always been his calling card, even without elite speed. So, what makes him such a threat? Well, I would be remiss to leave off his size and frame. He’s long and broad and those two things allow him to high point footballs and shield off defenders naturally. However, what separates Tee from the other thousand long and broad people playing WR at any level up and down the country is an otherworldly ability to track a football down the field, very late hands and reactions to assist with preventing a defender from getting between the ball, and most importantly the body control of a world class ballet performer. I mean this when I say that Tee Higgins has the best body control down the field of any player in football and WR gurus like Urban Meyer, Brian Hartline, and Butch will say that body control is the hardest thing to teach a receiver to do and arguably the most sought after trait of a downfield threat, moreso than speed.
Here’s a great example of this. Sauce is playing Cover 3 to his side of the field, so he’s able to open to the QB and track the ball flight. He’s in decent trail position as like I said earlier, Tee isn’t a burner. However, Sauce is late to find the ball because Tee doesn’t give anything to the ball being flight until the last possible moment where his eyes widen and his hands go up. Sauce is even able to flip his head around and get in the line of sight of Tee, but Tee still effortlessly adjusts his body to maintain eye contact with the football and track it into his bread basket. Not often did Sauce get beat deep this year, but he sure did by Tee. Another example of Tee just sonning DBs downfield. In this matchup, the Browns are playing 2-Read. As soon as the slot WR to Tee’s side goes vertical, it becomes matchup quarters and Greedy Williams is attached to Tee. This is a ball that SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN THROWN. Greedy is in excellent position on the fade. The safety is coming underneath on the deep out so even a back shoulder is typically a bad idea here. The Browns play this really well! But, still, here’s Tee high pointing the ball centimeters above Greedy’s hands and ripping it away from him, having the body control to remain on his feet even as gravity and Greedy are pulling him to the ground, and walking into the end zone.
An underrated part of Tee’s game is his route running. He’s very good on his release. The first clip of this cut up shows why. In the slot here, he stems his defender outside while pushing vertical. His delayed release and “out-in-out” stepping pattern freezes the curl/flat player in the cover 3. He’s in a bad spot to play the “curl” zone (he’s not running a curl) of the coverage because the backer to his side blitzes but Tee has him so frozen, he passes Tee off to no one and Tee is able to settle into wide open space. He also uses his body control to break off vertical routes very quickly, even without having the quickest of feet. Cover 3 to Tee again as most teams were scared of him getting over top of the defense. Tee options this go route off into a perfect flag comeback, using both his intelligence and body control to find open space. The defender is flipped open and running from the snap so he recognizes getting behind him is hard. But the defender is also in really good leverage to snap back down on fast break back to the football, so he has to really sell vertical. He closes space and cuts first like he’s going to run a fade/corner route. Then, he plants extremely hard vertically in one of the most unbelievable leg angles I’ve seen from someone that is still able to keep their feet and comes back to the football. The corner is completely helpless to stop this play.
There’s been this long standing whisper that Tee is a product of Jamarr. I attempted to illustrate as briefly as possible just how incredible of a player Tee is in his own right, but I would be remiss when discussing Tee in context of this list on 2022 play to mention how much he elevated his game with Jamarr out. Tee ended the year with 74 catches for 1029 yards. Nothing to scoff at. But with Jamarr out, he elevated his play to a pace of 110 catches for 1577 yards. Tee may be one of the only players in football that is held back by a top 5 WR talent playing across from him. He proved this year that both players serve a crucial role in this offense and if anything, he could stand to see more targets next season even with Jamarr in the fold. He can be the WR1 and when all the attention is paid to him, he seems to take his game to even higher levels. Look out for him next season climbing up this list even higher.

#91 - Quenton Nelson - Indianapolis Colts - Offensive Guard

Previous Ranks

2021	2020	2019	2018
82	21	18	70​

Key Stat:
4rd OL in history to make the Pro Bowl in each of their first 5 seasons, with 3 AP All-Pro 1st teams
Written by: u/Matt_Forte_
Quenton Nelson continues to be the best lineman on the Colts once again. Having a down year compared to his previous pedigree, he was not quite as dominant as his usual standards in pass protection, he allowed more sacks than he had previously, but some of that can be attributed to inexperienced QB play and poor pocket presence forcing him to have to hold up for longer. Nelson allowed 5 sacks out of the Colts’ 60 total allowed sacks, while starting all 17 games and coming close to the lead league among guards with snaps taken, showing he was nowhere near the biggest culprit on the team in allowing sacks. There were two plays that I felt summarized his pass protection. First, he does a great job picking up a stunt to give Ehlinger time in his first NFL start. Second, is simply a picture. The ball was snapped at 9:37, and approximately 2.5 seconds into the play, Q is the only lineman whose man is not pressuring Sam Ehlinger.
However, Quenton Nelson was still a force to be reckoned with in the run. Between his ability pull, or lead block for Jonathan Taylor, Quenton Nelson still retains his ability to be a dominant force in run blocking. Any Jonathan Taylor highlight will heavily feature a solid block from Q giving him the running lane he takes, or Q out in front leading the charge! He will do this on any DL in the league too, there were several big gains in the Eagles game where Q was able to move the very talented Eagles DTs. He routinely performed this well against some of the best Defensive Lines in the league, such as Philadelphia and Pittsburgh, where he does a great job preventing Heyward from wrecking this TD run,
Expect Quenton Nelson to be a massive cornerstone of Anthony Richardson’s development in Indianapolis, providing a solid foundation to every facet of the run game, and a source of protection up the middle against pass rushers

Link to Positional Tracker Sheet

Link to Ranker Reveal Sheet

Link to Hub

I AM NOT THE OOP, OOP IS u/ThrowRAstabbedinback.

POST: 20 July 2020: My (28f) best friend (29f) since birth gave me a bad reference for a job she told me to apply to

Background: Our parents have known each other since before we were born. My parents moved across the street from her parents. Her mom baked my mom and dad a cake and they’ve been friends ever since. They even got pregnant around the same time and gave birth a few months apart. Tori* and I literally grew up together and have always been close. We were inseparable as kids and have always called each other sisters. Freshman year of high school, her dad got a job opportunity and they ended up moving to Cali. We were in Ohio at the time so it was kind of hard to maintain a long distance friendship because of the time difference and everything that was going on in our lives but we still remained close, alternating visiting each other during our summer breaks. We applied and got into the same college after high school so we were finally reunited at college as we dormed together. Things were perfect.
Present day: We are both married to our husbands. We live in the same town. Our husbands are best friends as well. Due to this COVID pandemic, I was laid off from my telemarketing job. It was fine at first because my husband was able to pick up a few extra shifts and maintain our household but his overtime started getting cut so now we were only living off of one income and have had to use our savings to pay a few bills.
As of recently, I’ve been looking for a new job and it’s been hard because no one has been hiring. Tori and I get together once every other week for drinks. I mentioned to her that I was having a hard time job searching and she suggested that I apply at her job and that she would put in a good word for me and I’d be hired. We talked about how fun it would be to work together. Tori is in a similar field as I was. Not exactly the same but she said that I’d have no problem getting in and that they’d train me for whatever I didn’t know.
Later that week, I applied and was called a few days later for a phone interview. We went over my application and she asked how I was referred to the job. I mentioned Tori and she genuinely sounded excited and bragged about what a great employee Tori is and how if she was referring me, I’d probably be a perfect fit. We finished up the phone interview and she said that she would ask Tori a few follow up questions but that the job was pretty much mine and to be expecting a call back by a certain day. I texted Tori telling her how things went and thanking her immensely. However, the day came that I was supposed to hear something back and I haven’t heard anything. At Tori and I’s get together, I asked her if her boss ever asked her about me and Tori said no and that she would let me know if she did. 2 more weeks passed and still no word. I asked Tori again and all she said was that they decided to hire someone else because they had more experience so I dropped it after that.
A month later and I am finally back working and my husband and I are getting back on our feet. I suggested that we invite Tori and her husband over for dinner and my husband immediately said no. I’ve noticed that my husband and her husband haven’t been talking. I asked him about it and he brushed it off. I asked Tori about it at our get together and she brushed it off as well. However, I knew that was odd as they talked almost daily and got together weekly for beer and poker with a few other friends and that hasn’t been happening either. I decided to press the issue more with my husband and he finally broke down and said that the reason why him and Matt* weren’t speaking was because of Tori. He explained that the job Tori said she would speak up for me to get, she actually did the opposite. I asked what he meant and he explained that her boss actually DID ask Tori about me, and she said a few things to deter her from hiring me. I asked why he kept this from me for so long and he said it was better that I didn’t know because he didn’t want to ruin our friendship. Matt actually told him what Tori did and he told Matt to tell Tori to do the right thing. They got into an argument and that’s why they weren’t speaking.
I called Tori and she admitted that my husband was telling the truth and said the reason why she didn’t vouch for me was because she didn’t want things to change between us because at work she was a completely different person, whatever that meant. So after thinking about asking me to apply, she decided to change her mind but couldn’t bring herself to tell me that. I was absolutely disgusted. She knew how much my husband and I were struggling and decided to sabotage my chance at getting a job for no real reason. I hung up and blocked her number. It’s been nearly a month and we haven’t talked yet, however my husband and her husband are back on speaking terms and my husband wants me to make up with Tori and let it go so that things can go back to how they were. However I’m not sure if they can. I feel like I’ve been stabbed in the back. Do I have a right to feel how I feel? Or is it time to move on and let bygones be bygones? I admit that I do miss her, but I feel like I can’t trust her anymore. Had she told me the truth from the beginning, I would’ve been okay. But she lied to my face on multiple occasions.

UPDATE: 22 July 2020

Thank you all for your comments and advice. I’m glad to know I wasn’t overthinking the situation.
I called Tori yesterday and gave her the opportunity to meet up, apologize and explain more in depth. She accepted my offer and we had lunch at a nearby restaurant today. Some of you guessed that the reason that she didn’t want me at her job was because she could’ve been hiding something. That was correct.
She told me that she was indeed having an affair with a coworker. I didn’t buy it at all. It just didn’t make sense because if that was the case, why would she tell her husband that she sabotaged me rather than keep that to her self? Turns out that my husband was pressuring him for answers as well and her husband kept “reminding” her to ask her boss why I didn’t get the job. That’s when she told him what she did. She also gave him a completely different explanation of why she didn’t want me working there. She showed me months of steamy texts and sexts between her and her coworker so I knew then that she was telling the truth.
I asked her why she didn’t just tell me? She said that she was scared that people at her job would ask me questions and it would come out that she’s married. The guy at her job that she’s been seeing doesn’t even know and thinks they are in an exclusive relationship. She said that if I found out about the affair, she was afraid that I’d tell my husband and since our husbands are best friends, he would tell hers. She gets together with her coworker for a few hours after work and on weekends. Apparently, she doesn’t even work weekends! Her husband thinks that she is at work all this time. She said that having me work there would ruin things as our schedules wouldn’t add up and it would get back to her husband and he would question her about why.
I asked her why would she have me apply and say that she would get me in knowing she had no intentions of having me work with her??? She said that she didn’t think I’d really take her up on her offer as I’ve made comments before about her work sounding boring and that she was really hoping that if she dragged it out long enough, I’d get tired of waiting and look elsewhere.
The million dollar question that I asked her was: what did you say to your boss to change her mind about offering me the job? She said she told her boss that having me work there would honestly probably just be a distraction and she wouldn’t perform her best and that I was known to be lazy and a slacker. (Definitely not true) she DID offer her sincere apology and said that she felt terrible knowing what all Jon and I were going through and she didn’t help. But I just can’t see myself forgiving her or even trusting her again after this situation.
Basically the best friend that I have known all these years has turned into a complete stranger! I feel like I don’t even know her anymore. This isn’t someone I want in my life. Especially after she caused me to look foolish by badmouthing me to her boss. I told her that our friendship was over and that she’d better have a talk with her husband because no way was I holding this back from mine.
A few hours later, my husband got a call from hers. Tori told him the news and they are now separating and he will file for a divorce in the upcoming weeks. Tori is, believe it or not, moving in with her coworker. I haven’t heard from her since leaving the restaurant and honestly don’t plan on talking to her ever again. Almost 30 years of friendship gone over a string of lies.
As for my husband, him and I had a long talk after revealing to me that he already knew what Tori did. I explained to him that it is NEVER okay to keep things like that from me, no matter what. I understand him and Matt have a very good friendship but me and my feelings should come first in future situations like this. He agreed and will eventually gain my trust back.
Edit: just to clear things up, my husband never knew about Tori’s affair. All he knew was that Tori sabotaged the job. Also a lot of you are saying the coworker deserves to know and I agree. I emailed the HR department at her job and requested a meeting with the woman I had a phone interview with. The meeting is Friday and I will tell her then, about Tori’s lie and about the affair and I will let her handle it how she wants to from there. After this, I’m completely done with her.
Edit 2: a lot of you think that me talking to her boss is a bad idea. If anything, I probably won’t bring up the affair situation, but I do want to bring it to her attention that Tori lied to her. I don’t think her boss would appreciate having employees that would easily lie to their face to cover up shady stuff that they’ve been doing. I may just send her an email with that part of the recording attached and a quick explanation instead of going to meet her. And yes, I recorded our encounter. If I figure out how, I could possibly post it if anyone would be interested in hearing.
I honestly don’t care if telling her boss is a fucked up thing to do. She didn’t give a fuck about me when she watched me struggle for months and prevented me from getting a job that I desperately needed AT THE TIME, so why should I give a fuck about her? She’s not my friend anymore anyway. She needs to learn that she can’t just do whatever she want with 0 consequences so stop telling me not to say anything

Relevent Comments:

1. I’m very surprised. She has never been like this. I guess people change. Not sure how she pulled off the affair either. I’m guessing her husband knew or had thoughts but figured if he questioned it he’d be forced to face it.
   
2. [On Matt] He’s devastated, but is keeping his distance from us at the moment.
   
3. [On Co-worker knowing] I doubt it but I’m sure things will eventually come to light
   
4. Honestly and this may sound surprising but she has NEVER screwed me over in the past. She has always been such a great friend which is why I’m so hurt about this situation but was hesitant to just sever our friendship. And no, I don’t find that insulting. I understood his reasoning, not wanting to be the one to break up our friend ship but I still wish he would’ve said something. I was still going out for drinks with her the whole time he knew what she did. I feel embarrassed if anything.
   
5. [Commenter: Genuinely curious as to why you feel it’s appropriate to involve her work? That’s her personal life. Yeah she skunked your stuff up but the only reason I see you doing this is for revenge. You have a new placement. Move on with your life. Don’t blow hers up as you exit.]
   

OOP: Well, I have her confession that she lied to prevent me from getting the job recorded. I honestly doubt anyone would want to have employees that would easily lie to them to cover up shady stuff that they’ve been doing. Although I may just send her the recording via email with a quick explanation instead of going to meet her.

The next day (23 July 2020), u/throwra_megantheliar posted this, claiming to be Tori and disproving OOP's posts. The post was deleted but the text is pasted below:

My {29 F} former bestfriend {28 F} posted a Reddit about me in this sub to get sympathy but it’s a complete lie

I actually came across this on Twitter. I gave it a read and noticed that besides the names, the story sounded similar to what happened between me and Megan. I came to reddit and read the update as well and it IS about me. I am ‘Tori’ and I just wanted to clear up a few things.
1)That night at dinner while she was complaining about not having a job and money, I never told her to apply to mine. I already knew that would’ve been a bad idea and NOT for the reasons she stated. She told me that I was just being cynical and applied anyway and put my name down as a referral.
2)Megan never listens and thinks that she is always right no matter what. My boss did ask me about her and I did nothing but tell the truth. I really didn’t think I would be as productive being around her and trying to focus on my job as well.
3)Megan really is a lazy pos, hence the reason why she was depending on my job instead of going out and finding her own.
4)As for the update she posted, what Megan didn’t mention was that my husband and I have been separated for 7 months. We were keeping it quiet but she and her husband both knew. We are living in the same house until my condo is ready which will be later this year.
5)The coworker that I’m so called having an affair with is completely updated on my situation and has been the entire time. My soon to be ex husband even knows about him but I never brought him back to our house out of respect. I can’t believe that someone I once called a best friend would stoop so low and have majority of the internet trash talking me when the situation is not what she is making it seem whatsoever. For those of you that took my side, thank you for seeing the bigger picture. Megan, if you’re reading this, I hope that gold was worth your dignity and losing not only your best friend, but your only friend. Oh and btw, don’t bother contacting my boss, I quit this morning."
First gold edit: Thanks! I've finally ascended. Carry on.

OP's note: A lot of commenters felt that either the first or the second or both posts were fake but I thought this was a solidly entertaining saga for BORU readers to enjoy. Happy Popcorn-ing!

The dichotomy of Hunt's gunplay has been bothering me for a while. Some aspects are modelled perfectly and really represent the guns, but some aspects are borderline arcade. Their methodology to balancing weapons is mind-boggling in how limited the scope is at times. This recent ammo scarcity update is a perfect example of this, where they lack the creativity to effectively balance their guns, so they go for the smoothbrain "less ammo better" approach.
While the long ammo appreciators seethe and the long ammo haters breathe in their own farts in undeserved satisfaction, I have some food for thought on how to balance weapons using methods that already exist in Hunt's framework.
Sway. The largeheavier a rifle is, the harder it is to keep it aimed on target. Holding up something like a stocked pistol for minutes at a time would be easy, but aiming a nine pound rifle tends to induce a lot of fatigue pretty quickly. Crouching would eliminate most of the sway, but making heavier rifles more difficult to aim especially while moving would be a good nerf. Crytek reduced ADAD spam considerably a few years back but didn't solve the issue entirely. This would be a benefit for compact ammo players and a nerf for long ammo users.
Double Action Revolvers. Currently (fanning aside) there is absolutely no reason to take a Nagant over a Nagant Officer, despite there being some nuances. You can pull a DA trigger quickly or accurately, but not both. Old double action revolvers have a long, heavy trigger pull, and even with a tuned-up gun and years of skill and strength practice, it's still nowhere near as fast as in Hunt. (Don't rebut this with videos of Jerry Miculek with a custom tuned, modern race gun. Find a video of someone shooting an actual Nagant or any other DA revolver of the era. Those triggers SUCK, and pulling them fast means you're not going to hit accurately. Like this.) Instead of balancing double action revolvers by having the recoil go all over the place, there's an easy solution: have a half second or so delay from the time you click to the time the gun fires. This would introduce some variety to the usage of guns in Hunt, where learning the delay becomes a skill issue just like learning recoil patterns, bullet velocity, reload time, or any other factor. The Nagant's mechanism lends to an especially bad trigger, so a .5s delay would make sense, whereas the Colt 1892 has a much nicer trigger, so probably only a .25s delay.
Scopes. Magnified optics IRL have something called an eyebox, it's a very small area where your eye needs to be in relation to the scope to actually see through it(in the 1900s it was a VERY small area). Viewing it from anywhere outside that angle gets you a partial view or just blackness. Scopes of the era also transmitted less light, so the image was somewhat distorted, darkened, or otherwise not crystal-clear like it is in games. for an example of this, look for some scope reviews on Youtube. They're modern and much higher quality/visibility than scopes of the 1900s, but will illustrate the mechanics in ways photographs can't.
Zoom. In real life when you're focusing on a weapon's sights it does somewhat reduce your FOV through a sort of psychological tunnel vision effect, but it's nowhere near as pronounced as in Hunt. You can't just zoom in IRL when you aim down the sights of a gun. I'm not saying it needs to be 0%, but it's irritating how you're forced into a 2x or 3x zoom every time you aim down a weapon's sights in Hunt, which in turn makes it harder to use in close quarters since it severely bottlenecks your FOV. Reducing this would make it harder to nail shots at range and get easy headshots, which helps to close the weapon viability gap between long/compact/shotgun users.
Sights. Weapon sights of the era were smaller and nowhere near as open as they are in-game. The dolch's sights are a good example of being extremely generous, where tightening them up to look realistic would make it harder to hit shots since your gun obscures more of the target when aiming. It's a TINY notch. Here's a Rifle notch. The Bergmann and the Lebel are good examples of them being done 90% realistically in game, whereas the Mosin, Winfield, and Dolch are some of the most unrealistically open.
Balancing the Dolch. Context: I love the Mauser C96. I use one in nearly every game where it's possible. That said, the Dolch has been nerfed to the point where it's neither effective, practical, or fun to use in Hunt. Changing it to special ammo was a good call, but the absurdly exaggerated recoil, the crazy price, the high zoom, and the damage dropoff which is only marginally better than compact ammo make it straight up uncompetitive compared to the Nagant Officer (and the New Army Swift will be even better with the faster reload). My goal is to have a C96 in Hunt that's actually viable compared to it's peers, yet appropriately expensive and quirky since in 1895 it'd still have been a prototype.
On Early Mauser C96 pistols there is no way to top the gun off. If you pull the slide back, the rounds will basically vomit out the top and dump themselves onto the floor. Once it's locked open, if you insert a round the follower(which is holding the bolt back) will slam shut. In game, making it so that reloading the C96 empties it's current magazine onto the ground so that you can load the second 10 round clip would be a harsh measure of balancing, but fair. It pushes players to run their weapon dry, putting them in situations where they have to consider whether it's worth it to lose a few rounds, or to risk going into combat with only a few on hand. Additionally, allow clips containing less than 10 rounds to be loaded (since this is how it would be done!). Ballistically it's mostly fine, but give it a steeper damage drop off. A high velocity with a two hit kill in CQB but a severe damage dropoff isn't much different than taking a Nagant Officer with HV ammo. The zoom right now is too high, reducing your FOV too much in CQB but making hitting headshots at range easier (again, tighten up those sights!) Put the wavy crazy recoil back on par with the Nagant officer, charge ~$400 for it (long ammo rifle prices for a sidearm), and all things considered I think it would be a very well rounded weapon. Think about it as paying twice as much as an officer w/ HV and getting three extra rounds, a higher rate of fire, a finnicky reloading system, and worse sights. The precision would be the same thing but with 20% more zoom (since you're on a stock and can get up closer to the gun) and less recoil.
​
Ultimately, I think Crytek has done a great job with Hunt so far, but thinking out of the box and with an eye for how guns realistically would perform can provide some much needed avenues for balance. There is a golden middleground between realism and gameplay, and I wish them good luck in continuing to find it.

So my partner went out with friends last night and it was just me and SS(12). Recently I have been really anxious being around my SS as he is usually complaining about where is dad and when am I going to BM’s, all kinds of soul crushing stuff that he doesn’t want to be around me.
Well anyway it was going ok and we were chatting away and I made a joke that we would make a SM out of me yet. Then I had the internal panic about putting pressure on him to label me as that, something I have been really conscious not to do as I want the relationship to be what is right for him. So I started blabbering away like you don’t need to see me as SM and you can refer to me however you want, and it has to be what is right for you as long as we respect each other etc,etc.
He only turns round to me mid speech and says I see you as a mum!! Not expecting this I had to almost brush it off quick (I did acknowledge it though) so I didn’t cry with joy as I have been trying my best to do what is right and he is such a mummy’s boy.
So after my panicking for weeks as to how he sees me and all this stuff (panic is more real as partner and I get married in October) this was a massive win and forward step that means so much.
Sorry for rambling just wanted to share with someone who might understand.

Editor's Choice: Hoover WindTunnel 3 Max Performance Pet Vacuum
"This vacuum works great on different surfaces with its 7-position height adjustment and a brush roll that can be turned on and off."
Best Double Performance: HOOVER ONEPWR Cordless Floor Mate JET
"A cordless wet and dry vacuum with a two-speed brush, two tanks that keep dirty and clean water separately, and a LED dashboard."
Best Value: Hoover Linx Signature
"A lightweight and easy-to-maneuver stick vacuum cleaner which is cordless and cleans different floor types effectively."
Budget Pick: Hoover Air Lift Deluxe
"Another upright vacuum cleaner that automatically adjusts to the type of surface and features the WindTunnel 3 Technology."
Best Upright: Hoover REACT QuickLift Bagless Upright Vacuum
"This smart upright vacuum cleaner features the FloorSense Technology that automatically adjusts the suction power according to the surface you clean."

Statement of Robert Sews regarding unknown meat packages. Statement taken directly from subjet 23th may 2017.
I can recall it staring all the way back in 2011, somewhere in September. Not so sure about the exact day but it might've been somewhere trought the end of it. The cold was starting to set in at this time in Canada, so did the Halloween spirit. I was preparing in order to go help my friend set the decorations on. I know, it's early but she's always been the kind to celebrate every holiday a month before. I was just near the front door, picking up my coat for the visit when I've heard a quiet, gentle knocking from behind. Barely audible, as quiet as a small sight. I hadn't planned anyone to come neither was I waiting for a delivery, I can just remember too well this fact. I opened the door only to find a single cardboard box sitting there. No delivery man like it is usually the case for packages too big for the complex's mailbox, as I lived in an apartment. It simply sat there, alone and without informations. It even was so quiet on it's delivery that if I hadn't heard the ever so slight knocking I probably wouldn't have noticed the arrival of a package. I picked it up to place it somewhere inside then went over to go do what I had planned for the afternoon, telling myself I must've had ordered something but just not remembering, as it was a rather usual habit of mine. When I came back to my small 2-rooms apartment in the evening, the package was still sitting on the table. Where I had put it, obviously. Nothing stroke me as particularly odd with the package just glancing at it. Dry, unmoving, which is as a box should be. There is few, very few things I regretted more than opening this stranger package. It contained meat. It wasn't filled with it, nor did the meat looked odd in any way, it was just fresh, raw meat. In a package. At my door. It... definitely wasn't something I had been expecting to find inside. I brushed it off as a simple delivery mistake. After all, we can command meat to get it delivered. Especially that the local butcher shop was offering this service. Yet, it still stuck with me for a while. I never had a great relation with meat and it's industry, as far as I can remember. I threw it away. Seeing these pink, bleedy lumps have always disgusted me to my core. The butcher shop has always freaked me out with the meat hanging like that. I didn't think much about it after a month, after a year and half I had just forgotten about it. Until half a year later, two years after the strange packaged meat, there came another. Another neatly arranged package was there. On the top of it... was an enveloppe, attached with a thin, white string finely set into a gentle loop like a old-fashionned gift. I didn't pick it up right away. It reminded me vaguely too much of the weird, gross package of meat I had received 2 years before. And this time. I was certain I hadn't ordered anything. And the knocking announcing it's arrival had gotten quite louder, as I could hear it from the kitchen. It was still quiet thought, so that I would barely hear it. Despite my resilience to take the package, the envy and morbid curiosity grew bigger and became hard to stand. In the end, I left it out for almost a whole week, before I just couldn't stand knowing it was outside my door anyone. So I let it inside my flat. It was left on the table in my bedroom for quite a while, actually. About a month. Yet when it was opened, the meat was still fresh. The enveloppe contained meat as well, althought it seemed like a different one. It was... spongier than the other. I mean of course, it wasn't the usual kind of spongy meat. The second package was the exact same as the first one thought. And I brushed it off too, however trying to find who was meant to receive them this time. Then the year after, it's the same thing. Same package, same foolish mistake of opening it. All of this, these 3 strange packages, all of it began to form a morbid obsession in me. All of it felt so unreal to even be true. Unfortunately all of it was, and I've learned that the hard way. I won't go on about it for too long I think you understand. The delays between these deliveries atrociously shrinked with the time. And you know what's the worst of it? I couldn't do anything about it. I moved out, for unrelated reasons, from Canada to London, in the hope of finding a new job -which was the reason and also the need of change- but also in the slight hope that the boxes wouldn't get to me again. They found me. I had a nice, stable job, as a librarian in a town near London at the time, when the boxes came again. When they started appearing in bigger quantities, I tried getting rid of them, but no hope, if it was trown away or burned, new ones appeared, with the same infernal and endless knocking, I was on the verge of snapping at this point, couldn't stand the knocking getting louder and louder. So. I was left with no choice but to stock it. Of course it was useless, but I couldn't get myself to try and consume it, the circonstances I got them in were just so strange. The meat took all over my fridge, they just arrived so fast, it couldn't contain any more and was full after a week. Couldn't find the space to buy a bigger fridge, and either way it'll fill just as quick with how the packages started containing more, and they arrived faster over. Over and over and over again. So I empiled them around the fridge, into neat piles, but they kept falling off with the bottom row rotting at an alarming rate. The smell wasn't an issue at first, kept in the fridge, it took over a month to decay. But an hot day or two to three regurarly tempered days were enought for it to become all lumpy and gross. All of it. And I still couldn't throw it away, the rotten wasn't going away either, I just received new boxes of the same decaying meat. So more and more kept coming to that spot of my house. And gradually, very, it ended up covering the whole floor, spilled all over but stomped on so often by myself it kind of became a... meaty carpet. It is as gross as it sound. But the deliveries didn't stop. They just went faster, as my floor was full. I... don't know what kind of thought crossed my mind that day but I picked up the package, I took the tender out of it and slowly, I was hanging it on the walls. And so more, same thing happened, they got full too. I'm not too sure why even to this day but, almost hypnotized, I began to put it on the furnitures. The fridge, the sink, the drawers, the tv, even my bed. All of them were -and still are- covered in that God-awful flesh. this happened over a year ago, I've been sleeping on this for over a year. Then it came to the ceiling, it filled so much faster, as the delays of the meat got so, so much closer. Then over the last year I've just been... mindlessly repeating the same patern. A layer of floor, one of the walls, for furniture and for the ceiling. I... lost my job. I've became so obsessed with the stranger meat I didn't went in over 2 months. Quickly enought, I couldn't afford any food to substain myself, leaving no choice but to try and substain off the flesh that was sent to me. All of this started a year ago. I remember the last time I went outside, the tip of my fingers were.. starting to chip off. I had started eating the meat a few days before only. And that was the indication that I was done. And yes, I haven't came out of my apartment for a whole year. I was trying to avoid eating as much as I could once I realized it was the meat who did this to my poor hand, covering them in a gross, bloody flesh. But I just couldn't help but do it, I felt so strangely compelled to take it and swallow it all the way. And there was more of this thick, bleedish-pink flesh growing on my body as the time went by and I consumed more. Look at me. Look at my hands, my deeply infected hands and arms, the flesh spreading like a virus over my very own being. Look at my neck. Bending too much, covered in a thick, bleedy flesh. But I can't not eat it anymore, I just- depend on it now. I can't get rid of eating it. When I try to, it never ends up well, I feel incredibly nauseous, energiless, and oh so irritable. I get angry at so little when sobering from the meat. Just so you know, it usually takes a lot to irritate me in a regular state. But I just feel so compelled toward it, like an obssession. If you want a level for irritability, there was the smell. I got used to it over time, but that moment, I was sobering from this Flesh, but it came to me, the smell made me so, so terribly angry. Such that I tried to rip off my very own nose to try and get rid of it. I almost succeeded. They keep coming at my door. I can't help it, I need your help, I gotta get rid of them. It's method is ever so cruel, the package meat is so low on nutriments and fat to make you unable to rely on your own body to not consume it. I used to be a rather chubby dude, but look at my face, see how you can feel the bones by just looking at it. So, that's about it.

Editor's Choice: BLACK+DECKER BDH2000PL
"This vacuum has powerful suction, is lightweight and easy to maneuver, and comes with helpful accessories like extendible crevice tool. ."
Premium Pick: BISSELL 18P03
"A powerful wet/dry vacuum with a 12 amp motor, advanced Helix system, and seven versatile attachments. Comes with a wall-mounting kit and 5 ft power cord."
Best Value: BLACK+DECKER CHV1410L
"A lightweight vacuum with plenty of suction power and comes with some handy features, like an on-board extension, translucent dirt bowl, and a pull-out crevice tool."
Best for Quick Cleanups: eufy by Anker HomeVac H30 Venture
"A cordless, lightweight vacuum with a multi-surface tool and 2-in-1 crevice tool, that make it versatile for different types of cleaning."
Best Wall-Mount Car Vacuum: MetroVac VNB4AFBR Vac N Blo
"A powerful wall-mount car vacuum that is built to last with its all steel construction and commercial quality 4.0 Peak HP motor."
Best for Tough Messes: DEWALT DCV501HB
"A versatile cordless vacuum that provides 65 AW suction power and runtime. Comes with a drawstring accessory bag and 6 accessory cleaning solutions."
Easiest to Clean: Shark WANDVAC
"A cordless, high-speed, brushless motor vacuum with a detachable dust cup, sleek charging dock, fast charging, one-touch empty, LED indicator, and ergonomic handle."
Best Warranty: Milwaukee 0882-20 M18
"A cordless, handheld vacuum with a 5-year warranty. Adaptable from handheld to stationary use, and comes with a clear view canister for easy emptying."
Best for Pet Hair: BISSELL Pet Hair Eraser 2390A
"A great option for pet hair, thanks to its powerful 14V Lithium-Ion battery, a motorized brush tool, upholstery tool, and crevice tool."
Best Corded Car Vacuum: Bissell Cleanview Deluxe
"An excellent corded option for car vacuuming because with 18 ft cord and 2 ft hose that allows you to reach all the nooks and crannies in your car and get a thorough clean."

TWBS Previous Next First
-
---Esme’s perspective---
---Sunday, 31st of December, 2682 Terran Calendar---
---Interior Sahul---
OK, Esme… Don’t think about the muscular arm wrapped around your shoulders! Don’t think about the muscular chest pressed into your side! Don’t think about the muscular, sweaty back that you have your arm around!
Even if this weren’t a serious, potentially life threatening, situation, now would still not be an appropriate time to be getting excited!
You just made up with this guy after nearly two months of being a petty bitch to him for what, in hindsight, was no reason at all!
“Stop… stop…” he says, weakly “…I’m gonna vomit…”
I release him and he goes to the ground, retching.
I look away as he gives me all the antiaphrodisiac I need for the moment, spewing out his guts onto the sand…
After a bit of dry heaving, he stands back up and looks to me… his sweaty, sharp featured face sunken and sallow.
“I think I might be OK to walk myself, now.”
“No, you’re not! This isn’t like alcohol poisoning! Vomiting won’t do anything! If you faint without someone to break the fall, you’re gonna get a head injury!” I say, firmly, getting under his arm to support him before he has the chance to argue.
“Reid… I think we need to call an evac… this is bad!” says Taylor, his deep voice reverberating against my side.
“Alright… so call it then.”
He freezes and looks down at me
“What do you mean, Reid…?”
Confused, I answer “You said we should call an evac… so, call an evac.”
“You have the beacon, Reid… I left the beacon for you… Please tell me you have the beacon!”
“What?! I thought you had it! I didn’t see anything on the table besides a knife, a canteen, a compass and a keyring!”
“The keyring, Reid!… That was the beacon! Did you not read the manual at all!?… Please tell me you have it!”
My stomach sinking, I answer “I… don’t, Taylor… I’m sorry! I left it there ’cause I thought someone had dropped it by mistake!”
Looking more resigned than angry, he says “So… we’re going to have to survive five days with a man down and no medical treatment then…?”
“Looks like it, yes… I’m sorry, Taylor… Maybe we could try walking to the agricultural band?”
“We’d never make it… It’s hundreds of kilometres… even if we were both healthy, we wouldn’t get there before the capsule came to collect us!” he asserts.
“I’m so sorry, Taylor!”
He gives a feeble wave of his left arm and says “It’s done now… let’s just get to the cliff…”
I nod and keep walking, supporting the massive man.
We come up the rocky slope at the foot of the cliff.
Mercifully, we’re in the shade here, as the sun is fucking fierce!
We spot a cavemouth and head for it.
“Leave me here…*huff*… and check for snakes…*huff*… I don’t want to…*huff*… get bitten again…” he instructs, breathlessly.
I bend down to lie him on the ground and hurry into the shallow cave.
I check the ceiling, the floor and every crevice I can see for snakes, spiders, scorpions or anything else that a massively envenomed person might not want nearby.
I find nothing.
When I turn around, I see Taylor sat up on the ground, drinking from his flask.
“I thought you wanted to distil that first?”
“Fuck that!” he says, swearing for the first time I’ve heard “I’m going to die…*huff*… of thirst before enough water…*huff*… goes through a…*huff*… solar still…*huff*… to be useful…*huff*… Needs…*huff*… must!” before taking another glug.
I look out across the landscape.
The little oasis where we collected the water is still visible, despite the amount of time it’s taken us to get here!
I suppose it makes sense… I originally pointed out this cliff from near there…
It just feels like we’ve gone miles and miles!
I suppose, progress is slow when you’ve got an envenomed person slung over your shoulders!
“Let’s get you inside, Taylor. The cave's clean.”
---Oskar’s perspective---
I took off my sweat drenched clothes a while ago, laying them out on the rock, beside me.
Reid is off, gathering firewood and hunting for anything we might eat tonight now that the sun is lower in the sky.
I would definitely not recommend intentional envenoming as a means of avoiding work to any considering it!
I am weak, I am sweaty, I am dizzy and nauseated and, all in all, if someone gave me the choice between feeling like this and doing a bit of gathering, they wouldn’t be able to finish their sentence before I bit their hand off for the latter option!
“I’m baaack, Taylor… how’re you holding-ohgoodgodyou’renaked!”
I look up at the flush faced girl and blearily say “And… you’re sunburned, Reid… How did that happen…?” the sun should have been low enough by the time I said to go out that, even with her pale skin, she should have been fine.
Not answering my question she turns to face away from me.
“I… uhm… err… I got a tonne of deadwood for the fire… dry plantmatter for kindling too… and look…” she thrusts a sharpened stick with an enormous anuran creature skewered onto its end into the air “…eating frog’s not gonna be my finest moment but it’ll beat starving!… The daft bugger just sat there and let me spear him!”
“That’s a cane toad…” I say, drowsily.
“Alright, eating cane toad won’t be my finest moment but…”
“They’re an invasive species, introduced to Australia in the early 20th Century as a means of controlling pests. They’re rare on the continent, these days, because of centuries of consistent eradication efforts…”
“Why have we worked so hard to get rid of them?” she asks, not turning to look at me.
“Because of how incredibly poisonous they are to the local fauna… Anything not specifically evolved to deal with their toxins is quite likely to die if it eats them.”
“Oh…” she says, dejectedly “…don’t suppose we’re a creature evolved to deal with them, are we?”
“We’re not, no… There is some part of them that’s not toxic but… I can’t remember if it’s the liver or the kidneys, I don’t trust either of us to identify their liver or kidneys… aaand there’s a nonzero chance that I’ve misremembered that and it’s only their liver and/or kidneys that are toxic… not worth risking for the amount of nutrition we’d get.”
“So, I might as well not have killed this thing, then?”
“Nooo… You’re contributing to removing them from the ecosystem…”
“Great comfort that’ll be when we’ve not eaten for five days(!)” she observes, miserably.
“We’ll eat… you’ll find something tomorrow…”
“Look at you…” she says, still not looking at me “…half dead and still able to give an ecology lecture and words of encouragement!”
“You aren’t looking at me, Reid… why aren’t you looking at me?”
“Because…!” she flusters “…you’re… naked!”
I chuckle, weakly “You Christians and your prudishness! Here I am, ‘half dead’ in your words, and you’re worried about seeing my penis…?”
“I’m not a Christian anymore, thank you very much!… Been an atheist since I was 14!”
“You act like a Christian, Reid…” I smile.
Angrily, she turns around, her face beet red (in a way I now realise isn’t from the sun) and her eyes wide, she makes a point of staring intently, up and down the length of my body.
“‘Look at me(!) I’m a Pagan and totally comfortable with nudity!’” she says, doing an unflattering impression of me.
“I’m not a Pagan, as I’ve said before… I am totally comfortable with nudity.”
“So you’d be totes cool with me stripping off, then(!)” she asks in defiant accusation.
“Totes(!)… Actually, it’s probably a good idea… It’ll get cold at night and you’ll freeze if you’re sweaty!”
She looks at me, calculating.
“I’m gonna get the fire going…” she says, truculently “…that’ll keep us warm and dry!”
With that, she picks up a stick, pulls out her knife and begins carving a V-notch into it.
---Esme’s perspective---
Look at the fire! Look at the fire! Look at the fire!
Don’t look at the penis! Don’t look at the abs! Don’t look at the pecs!
Normally, I’d say it was bad practice to focus on how hungry you are in a survival situation but, right now, that’s about the only thing that has a chance of keeping my mind off the nude man I’m sharing the cave with!
This is so embarrassing!
“Erm… err… how’re you feeling?” I ask, not looking at him.
“A bit better, thank you… Less nauseated than I was earlier… I might be well enough to go out to gather, tomorrow…”
“If you were advising another pair, in the same situation as us, on whether to let the snakebit one go out and work the day after he’d received a snakebite, what would you say?”
He hesitates for a moment before answering honestly “…I would tell them it’s probably a bad idea and that the compromised one should probably regain his strength first.”
“Then what are you gonna do tomorrow?”
He sighs “I’m… going to rest here… and let you take care of the work.”
“Daaamn right!”
He reaches for where his clothes are, feeling them for dampness.
Having establish their dryness to his satisfaction, he begins clumsily trying to dress himself.
“…*sigh*…Here, give it to me.” I say, finally, holding out my hand for the t-shirt his venom addled fingers have been guddling about with for a full minute.
I meet his eyes and see the sallowness of his face.
Somehow, he manages to put a cocky expression on his pallid, clammy face and ask “You’re going to dress me, are you?”
“Don’t make it weird!… You’re wasting energy you don’t have struggling! Let me help!… That’s all there is to this!”
He gives a little shrug and hands me the garment.
I figure out how to orient it and then approach him from behind.
“Arms up, lad.”
He brings his arms above his head.
It seems like the venom has only affected his fine and not his gross motor skills. That’s… encouraging?
I pull the t-shirt over his thick arms, trying to view this as an entirely mechanical endeavour and not to pay attention to any of the contours of his irritatingly perfect body.
“Pants…” I say, holding out my hand.
He clumsily grabs his boxer briefs and presents them about 30cm away from where my hand actually is.
I take them and come round to his front, pulling his feet off the ledge he’s sitting on.
I arrange the undergarment on the floor and bring his feet to the leg holes.
I hold out my hand “Trousers…”
“Scalpel… forceps…(!)” he quips, clumsily handing me his trousers.
Ignoring him, I lay them out, the way I did with the pants, and bring his feet through the holes.
“Can you stand?” I ask, looking up at his face (taking a side detour around his crotch).
“I… think so…”
I stand up and hold out my hands for him.
He takes them and gets up, shakily.
I grab his thick arms to steady him.
“Alright… I’m gonna let go now… Just say ‘falling’ if you need me to catch you, OK?”
He nods.
I let go and quickly dive down to the floor, grab his pants and trousers and yank them up over his lower half, rendering him decent again, finally.
Good thing for my soaring pulse!
He chuckles “I really don’t remember the last time I needed someone to dress me…! That was sort of nice…”
“Oh… awakened something, have I?” I ask, flippantly, as I lower him back to the ledge “Too bad! That’s the last time I’m dressing you unless you get bitten by another snake!”
“Are you trying to encourage me to get myself bitten on purpose?!”
“You get yourself bitten on purpose, I’m leaving you for the crows(!)”
“Fair enough!” he laughs.
We sit and watch the fire for a while.
“It’s been a long day… Feels like it’s about midnight… Happy New Year, Taylor…” I say.
In answer he starts gently singing.
pp♫ Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
Happy Biiirthday dear Oskar
Happy Birthday to me♫pp
Moderately concerned that the venom may be having an effect on his cognition, I ask “You alright, Taylor? Who are you singing for?”
“Myself… weren’t you listening?” he says in a way that does not reassure me of his presence of mind!
“That’s… erm… that’s not how birthdays work, buddy! It’s New Year today…”
“It is how birthdays work when your birthday is on the 1st of January!” he smirks, blearily.
“Your birthday’s on the 1st of January?”
“Yup…” he nods.
“So, you’re 18, now?”
“Indeed… or I will be, whenever it actually turns midnight. Difficult to know without a clock.”
“Well shit, man! You should’ve just told me that! I’d’ve sung it for you!”
“It wouldn’t have felt right, asking that… When you’ve been looking after me all day…*yawn*… I’d’ve been embarrassed having such a beautiful girl be the only one singing for me, too…” he says, closing his eyes and lying down.
Flabbergasted, I ask “You… you think I’m beautiful?!”
“You’re one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen…” he says, his tone of voice suggesting that he’s already halfway to slumberland.
I don’t think I’d’ve got that out of him if not for the venom and the sleep deprivation!
My heart is pounding in my chest, my pulse is racing and my breathing is rapid from the information I’ve just come by!
I can’t believe the difference this day has made!
---
Support me on Patreon for to access the entire series, now.
---
TWBS Previous Next First

First Chapter/Previous Chapter
Keoki felt something sting his right flank; it was a sensation he had become familiar with. He would be fine for a minute or so, the heat of the shot having destroyed his nerves, but sooner or later, the laser burn would damage the surrounding skin, and the real pain would begin.
There would be time to wince later as Ha took a shot to his leg, Keoki grabbed him, and they began to retreat. The vo’rul formed the rearguard, relying on their armour to protect them from the laser fire.
A shot struck Melia’s shoulder and nearly stripped all the armour from her suit. Melia realised the Gretsu company had a few plasma weapons in their armoury.
Realising they were horrendously outmatched, Melia threw down a smoke grenade to cover their retreat.
“Let’s just pretend we weren't that stupid,” Keoki said as he shut a bulkhead.
“Are you and Ha ok?” asked Polumnus, inspecting the obed’s injury, amazed the man was still standing and had a leg.
“Yeah, it’s not the first time we’ve been shot; luckily for us, you’re type likes to keep everything on low power,” Keoki replied, trying to ignore the growing pain near his ribs.
Polumnus was not sure how he was supposed to react to that. He, too, had been shot by a laser rifle out of armour, and Polumnus had been floored instantly and needed a new kidney.
“We can’t stand out ground; they’re too many of them; we need to resort to guerrilla tactics,” Melia said.
Then she had an idea. “Keoki can you make more of those bombs you used to blow me up?” she asked.
“Now they’re a sentence I never thought I’d ever say,” Melia thought.
Keoki paused to think as they heard banging on the other side and began to retreat.
“Maybe, it’s doing it soon enough to matter that’s the problem,” Keoki replied.
“What about that laughing gas you used on me? Do you have any more of that?” he asked, his eyes flitting about for anything they could use.
“We do have two bottles left, but I don’t know if they will get through the masks they’re wearing,” Qerik explained.
“We might be able to use it, Qerik; get back to medical and grab those!” Melia ordered, and Qerik did just that.
“We need to slow them down; if they find Tres, Mu or Ka, we’ll be forced into a direct confrontation,” Keoki said, “and that won’t end well for us.”
“Is there another chokepoint we can use?” asked Polumnus.
“No, they can just burn through the door, and we don’t have the time to manufacture one,” Keoki replied after a few seconds of hoping there was something he had overlooked.
“Then we will manage,” Melia said as she noticed a vent in a nearby room.
“Keoki, where does this lead?” she asked, pointing at it.
“Um, it connects to all the other vents on this floor and the ones above,” Keoki explained; he had gained a pretty good mental map of the ship during his time aboard.
“Good, then we use this room, fire some shots off, lock the door and then retreat into the air ducts. The Kireet are too large to use them,” Melia explained.
“It’s about as good as we can expect,” Keoki replied.
“I’ll inform Qerik; tell him to meet us on the floor above,” Polumnus said, contacting the Rating.
“Make it quick, Pompom, we’ve got company,” Keoki said as the locked door was kicked open.
Keoki instructed the obed into the vent while he, Polumnus and Melia fired shots from behind the cover of the door frame.
“What’s Pompom mean?” Polumnus asked as he struck a kireet right between the eyes.
“Do you people have fluffy balls you attach to clothing?” he asked before being grazed on the arm.
Polumnus thought about, as he saw Melia shoot a merc in the leg, “I think the Folriothis Priests wear something like that.”
“In my language, a pompom is one of those, Polumnus, pompom,” Keoki explained.
“Interesting,” Polumnus thought as he removed a frag grenade from his belt and threw it down the corridor.
“Frag out!” he cried as the kireet got as far away as possible, but in the confines of the ship, that was easier said than done.
Three mercenaries were struck, one killed outright, and two badly injured.
Melia, Polumnus and Keoki used the lull in the fighting to retreat into the vent. The Obed had been sent ahead to meet with Qerik.

“Level with me Melia. What are the odds we’ll all get out of this alive?” Keoki asked as he slid from the vent and into a hallway.
Melai considered lying, but it seemed kind of pointless at this point.
“Slim,” she answered.
“That’s good; I was worried I was being pessimistic,” Keoki said.
Qerik was waiting for them and was carrying two glass containers.
“You called this stuff laughing gas; why? What does laughing mean?” Qerik asked as he placed the jars on the ground and stopped the obed from inspecting them
Keoki then recreated that rhythmic noise he had made in the captain's cabin and said, “That’s laughing; humans do it when we’re happy.”
“Or when subjected to Nitrous oxide, I don’t know why; I do know it was used as an anaesthetic, and some people use it as a recreational drug,” he added.
“An anaesthetic, so when we threw the jars in that room with you, all it did was….” Melia said.
“Make it easier for me to tank the explosion, yes,” Keoki said, finishing her sentence.
“Are we sure this will work? They are wearing masks,” Keoki inquired, inspecting the bottle.
“It was your idea,” Qerik said.
“I know; I was relying on your superior knowledge of the local anatomy to fill in the blanks,” Keoki replied.
“It should do; using this stuff if a war crime for a reason,” Polumnus explained, “can be absorbed through the skin.”
“Are you lot sure you’re up for being war criminals?” inquired Keoki
“They’re slavers; you can drown a slaver in their own piss, and it's morally justifiable,” Qerik countered.
Keoki could not really argue with that. He looked down the corridor and asked them, “Do you three think you could hit these jars from two hundred metres away?”
“Yes,” Melia said without hesitation.
“I suggest we put them over there at that T-junction and shoot them with a low-powered shot, zero risk of the rest of us getting doused in the vapour cloud or stray shards of glass,” Keoki explained.
Keoki glanced at the mangled remains of Melia’s shoulder guard and asked, “Are you going to be alright? You took quite the blow there.”
“Yeah, my suit’s not compromised; I just have to make sure I don’t get shot there again,” Melia said.

As they waited for the kireet to arrive, Keoki went over the plan again; admittedly, it was not complicated or lengthy; shoot the jars and then run. He did not want to get caught out again, and after septuple checking his mental map, he was certain the only way the kireet could get through was down this corridor.
Keoki believed they would be doing a lot of waiting before this thing was concluded; he just hoped it ended in their favour.
Polumnus, Melia and Qerik had their rifles squarely aimed at the jars while Keoki and the obed kept watch for the Gretsu Company. Sure, the vo’rul could probably multi-task, but snipers had spotters for a reason, division of labour and all that.
Keoki noticed a face carefully peering around the corner, and he shouted, “Now!”
The vo’rul fired immediately, and within two seconds, both jars had been shattered, and Melia ordered a retreat.
The kireet fired at them, but Melia and company were out of sight before any damage could be done. They did not remain to check if it worked; time was of the essence, and they needed to plan their next move.
Though as he and Melia closed the next door and locked it tight, he did not know what more they could do; they were outnumbered, outgunned, and his tricks would only work when the kireet were scattered and terrified.
They were clearly cut from a different cloth than the uren.
That is how it went; for two floors, they picked out a spotted fire for as long as they could before retreating. It was costly Keoki took a couple more shots, one of them getting dangerously close to his neck.
Boh took a hit and, while not fatal, would require medical attention.
A plasma round had also struck Qerik; much like Melia, it had not harmed the boy, but unlike Melia, it had damaged his suit integrity, which meant the bacteria on the ship would soon be getting to work on his body.
The only small comfort Keoki could take was that none of the plasma rounds had been aimed at him or the obed. The Senator must have really wanted them alive.
They were running out of room; soon, they would be forced into the canteen, putting Mu and Ka at risk.
For their trouble, it seemed the nitrous had done some damage, and they had managed to bring down a couple more kireet with weapons fire, but not nearly enough to make a difference.
Polumnus slammed the canteen door shut and locked it as Qerik and Keoki closed the other entrances, preventing a repeat of their last cock up.
Mu poked his head out from the kitchen, the young man had had very little to do as of late, and while the rectangle was impressive, it could not distract forever.
“Mu, rest,” Keoki said in the obed language.
“I help,” Mu replied, stepping into the canteen.
“Others have guns, no help, I no help much,” Keoki explained.
Mu was having none of it though; despite how it may appear to outsiders, Keoki was not in charge of the obed. As a matter of fact, from what Keoki could tell, the obed did not even have a leader, period.
The obed listened to Keoki because he was the most knowledgeable about their current predicament, but they still made their own decision, which meant if Mu truly wanted to fight, then Keoki could do nothing to stop him.
Keoki supposed if he had crashlanded on their homeworld, he would be expected to defer to their judgment.
Slapping his legs, Keoki finally said, “Push tables to door. Others no get in.”
Mu did as he was asked, pleased to have something to do for a change; a break was nice and all, but he was not built to sit idle.
“I’m going to try and get Ka to move,” Keoki told Melia as he vanished into the kitchen.
Melia heard him but did not respond; she was too busy converting the tables into a makeshift fortification.
Qerik came by and picked up the rotten food.
“Hungry?” Melia asked, not deviating from her task.
“No, I thought we could put it on the floor, help make it slippery,” Qerik explained.
Melia did pause at that and said, “Good thinking.”
“Just keep the slime away from the hole in your suit. You’re going to get sick enough as it is,” Melia added.
“Don’t remind me,” Qerik replied.

The episode resumed on a shot of the dark and dank and craggy underground cave, water drips echoing in the background as the camera panned to the left. It stopped on a small and sudden burst of bubbles, then cut in closer as Geoff broke the surface with a spluttering cough. Scarlett joined him a moment later.
"Where's Anne Maria?" Geoff wondered once he saw no sight of her.
He got his answer when Anne Maria resurfaced, Scarlett apparently on top of her head. "Do I look like a lifeboat?!" the jersey girl grunted and threw Scarlett off of her.
"We had no idea where we'd land. It's not our fault," Geoff said.
"And besides, we're separated from Dave and Molly," Scarlett replied. "Finding them will be beneficial if we want to make it out of here alive." As she spoke, a pair of glowing eyes figure appeared in the background, crawling down the rock.
"I do not want to die, and I definitely don't want anyone else to," Anne Maria said.
"My point exactly," Scarlett stated… just before the shadowy figure tackled her underwater.
"Scarlett!" Geoff shouted in worry. "Anne Maria, she's gone! What do we do?"
"Get out of this before we get dragged down," Anne Maria responded before they swam to shore.
\
The scene flashed to the wrecked mine cart still on dry land, which had crashed against a thick and massive stalagmite. The camera panned to the left onto the fallen bodies of Molly and Dave. The germaphobe got to his feet with an active flashlight still in his hands and groaned as he looked around.
He immediately spotted the indie girl nearby and gasped. "Molly!" he exclaimed, running over to her. "Get up!" he added, tapping Molly on the side of the head with the flashlight and groaning when he didn't get a response.
With a swift cry of "Wake up already!" he kicked the girl on her side, who immediately groaned in pain and got to her feet.
"Dave…" Molly mumbled and frowned. "Did you just kick me?"
"I had to get you up somehow," Dave admitted.
"I can see that," Molly agreed.
"Now come on," Dave said, Molly's eyes widening as he unknowingly rose about a foot into the air. "We have to find the others and the statue!" It was then that he noticed his sudden height change, and along with Molly, he looked at his feet.
The camera zoomed out a step, revealing that Dave was now standing on the head of a giant hairless gopher that had just popped out of the ground. They screamed and ran away in fear as the gopher rose up even more and roared at them.
\
The camera cut back to Trent and Scott running as their mutant gopher continued chasing them down a tunnel. Just then, Trent tripped on one of the planks laid out for mining cart tracks, and tumbled over Scott, sending them both to the floor.
The gopher caught up to them, much to their fright, and began sniffing at them. It recoiled with a whimper afterwards.
"Why is it doing that?" Trent asked as he and Scott got off the floor.
Scott looked at the gopher. "Their eyes are glued shut, so it had to follow us by smell."
"I took a shower this morning," Trent reminded the devious.
Scott lifted his right armpit and sniffed it. "I never do that, so my armpits are pretty skunky."
"Gross," Trent grimaced.
The gopher went back to squealing at the two Rats, and while Trent took a step back, Scott didn't do the same.
"You don't like the smell of my armpits?" Scott smirked at the gopher and took a step forward. "Too bad, because it's never going away!" He raised his arms, and moved towards the gopher, who scurried away in a second.
"Having a clean stench is important," Trent said as he stepped up beside him, "but since it saved us, I'll ignore it this time." He patted him on the back, to which Scott grinned back at.
\
The camera panned across another cave, from an entrance tunnel on the right, past a large pile of toxic waste barrels, and on to Scarlett lying on the ground with a small puddle of water near her face, next to some steps carved into a higher level of stone.
She coughed up a bit of water then looked up. "Where am I?" she asked.
The shot rather ominously panned up to a familiar figure sitting on what looked like a cobbled-together set of bunk beds atop the plateau. A few mutant gophers were on the platform with him, but a couple more started to surround Scarlett.
"I will have no problem harming you myself if you do not back off!" Scarlett threatened the gophers, and one of them got hit by a familiar shoe.
"Step away from her, gophers!" the figure said, stepping out to reveal himself as Max.
"Max!!! What are you doing here?" Scarlett flabbergasted.
Max put his shoe back on and focused on the brainiac. "I have come to enact my revenge on you fools!"
All Scarlett could do was roll her eyes and facepalm.
\
A flash took the scene back to DJ, Sierra, and Sammy running through the mine. "What's taking them so long to catch up?" Sierra asked.
Sammy looked around the shaft. "We probably should've marked where we came from. I think we might be lost from them!"
They were interrupted by the gopher that Scott scared off scampering past them.
"There you guys are!" Trent's voice called, and the three Rats looked in the direction the voice came from.
Scott and Trent then appeared on the scene. "We were almost killed by that gopher, but luckily, my armpits saved the day!" Scott boasted.
"Your armpits?" DJ muttered confused.
"He doesn't shower very often," Trent answered.
"Disgusting," Sammy winced. "Anywho, we should get going since we're reunited!"
Suddenly, five pairs of mutant gopher hands shot up out of the ground under the Rats, grabbing them by their ankles. "Unless they do that," Sammy sighed just before the gophers pulled them screaming into the earth.
\
"Why did you bring me here, and how were you able to return after your departure?!" Scarlett asked as the scene cut back to her and Max.
"I "borrowed" a canoe from a relative of mine and decided to swim back to the island after rewatching the past episodes and doing a bit of research on gophers in order to seize control of them," Max explained, using air quotes on borrowed.
"I highly doubt you were able to get these creatures under your control," Scarlett doubted. "You obviously had help from someone."
Max griped in annoyance. "If you must know, I encountered that clone from last season and decided to bring him along as he's a very intimidating fellow."
It was then that the second figure landed in the middle of the room. Scarlett widened her eyes and Max yelped and yelled "E-Clone! Do not sneak up on me!"
"Did you have the Ezekiel clone capture me so I would be one of your sidekicks," Scarlett followed up.
"With your super-advanced brain, who'd pass you up?" Max responded, making Scarlett and E-Clone frown at the super villain.
\
The scene cut to a drop of water landing in a small puddle, soon followed by two sets of feet that ran through it. The camera zoomed out to show them belonging to Molly and Dave, the two Maggots panting as they ran down the tunnel.
"I'm starting to feel the signs of chemical exposure," Molly moaned. "Fever and nausea."
Seconds later, Dave's arm badge beeped and turned red, earning a surprised look from both teens. "Five minutes left," Dave said. "Let's not die here." Molly's badge changed soon after, but they ignored it as they were in the same predicament.
"I see Dave and Molly!" the voice of Anne Maria called out. The scene zoomed out to show her and Geoff meeting up with the two.
"Anne Maria! Geoff! Nice to have you here," Dave told them. "But where's Scarlett?"
"She got captured by some cave monster," Geoff answered.
"We have to find her!" Molly declared.
"We should leave these dumb packs before they slow us down," Dave added, moving to take the straps off his shoulders.
The sudden crackle and whine of a loudspeaker turning on gave him pause however. "Those packs of pain stay on until I tell you otherwise!" Chris told them. "Or your whole team is disqualified! Dis-qual-i-fied!"
"YOU BETTER NOT LET US US DIE IN HERE!" Anne Maria screamed the moment the message ended.
"Uhh, I'm more of a watcher than a saver," Chris replied. The loudspeaker shut off again, and the four Maggots shared an infuriated look.
"My answer is no!" Scarlett's voice was heard.
"That's Scarlett over there," Geoff said, pointing forward. "Let's roll, dudes." He took off first, and his teammates quickly followed after.
\
The scene flashed back to the entrance to the cave that E-Clone, Max, and Scarlett were in as the four remaining Maggots ran in as well.
"Whatever you want to accomplish, I have no interest in assisting you," Scarlett informed Max, a few mutant gophers standing nearby.
"Can one of you get these gophers off of us!" the voice of Scott asked, causing the camera to quick-pan over to him. Though his team's jar of fireflies was still on DJ's head, the shot zoomed out to reveal that he was dangling with his heavy pack in the jaws of a mutant gopher standing on its haunches on a pile of barrels; another outward zoom revealed the rest of his team in a similar state next to him.
"Great. Now our chances of getting that statue is harder," Dave complained.
"So all of you have come for your golden statues?" Max asked everyone around him.
"Of course we did!" Sierra said. "And why not give my team our statue before the Maggots got here?"
"Simple. I take pleasure in making stuff harder for everybody around me, and seeing you hung up by the gophers is delightful," Max explained. "I told you I would get my revenge."
"Is he always this eccentric?" Trent asked the Rats since he didn't know Max prior to his team swap.
"To answer your question, definitely," Sammy nodded. She took the jar off of DJ's head, and the fireflies swarmed around the gophers' faces, forcing them to drop the Rats and their packs.
"This wasn't part of the plan," Max complained as he saw the gophers running around in order to avoid the fireflies.
"I'll go ahead and get the statue for us," DJ assured his teammates. He ran to the throne, and jumped on a passing gopher's back to reach it. Once up there, he took the statue with the green base. "I got it!"
The Maggots gasped in shock as the rest of the Rats got back up. "Rats, head for the mine carts!" Trent commanded, pointing off to where a trio of mine carts sat on a rail.
DJ agreed, only for E-Clone to appear and block his path. DJ yelped in fright, and the clone tackled him, starting a scuffle. The Toxic Rats' statue flew from DJ's hand in the process.
Moments later, a crackling through the air indicated the start of a message over the loudspeaker. "If you can hear this," Chris called out as DJ tried to fend off E-Clone, "congrats! You're not dead yet!" Scarlett was shown paying attention to the speaker, while Dave and Anne Maria ran to their statue and Molly collapsed out of exhaustion. "Wherever you are, immediately discard your bombs. I mean, backpacks, and run!"
The shot cut back to Scott and Sierra, who were in the process of taking off their own packs.
"Bombs?!" Sierra exclaimed, lifting the largest flap to see what looked like several sticks of dynamite and a detonator as Scott very quickly removed his backpack. "That's too far!"
"This is where I must be going!" Max screamed and rushed to the carts in a seemingly speedy manner, much to Scarlett's confusion. The super speeding boy tripped on a rail, but managed to land on the middle cart.
"He stayed here for way too long, and that's something I'll investigate after we're out," Scarlett said to herself and ran to the carts.
Anne Maria and Dave placed their packs on the throne, and Anne Maria snatched up the statue with the red base. "Bada bling, baby!"
"You guys," Geoff weakly called, "me and Molly are feeling wiped out." Dave and Anne Maria turned around, and saw Geoff dragging Molly slowly and weakly as their packs were discarded. Before they could get any closer, a gopher appeared and started squealing at them, frightening both Molly and Geoff.
"Geoff!!" Anne Maria cried out and gave the statue to Dave. "Hold the statue. These gophers are about to get ham fisted!"
"So I go to the carts? Okay," Dave shrugged and made his way to them.
Meanwhile, DJ managed to get the upper hand in his fight with E-Clone, and took off his pack in the process in order to put it on him.
"I have the statue. Let's go!" Sammy told DJ, who carried E-Clone along as Geoff and Molly were being protected by Anne Maria holding the gopher back.
The shot cut to the carts just as Dave reached them. Sammy, Scott, Sierra, and Trent were on the front cart and DJ, E-Clone, Max, and Scarlett were in the middle. Dave was about to get on the back cart, but he heard the sounds of Anne Maria struggling to fend off the gopher.
"I want to avoid toxic at all costs, and I can do so right now, but what about them?" Dave said while watching his endangered team.
"I can't hold on any longer!" Anne Maria grunted in her hold.
"You can do this," Geoff motivated the Jersey shore reject.
"Geoff, if we don't make it out alive," Anne Maria strained harder, "I want to let you know that I lo-"
A clang sound from behind the gopher was heard, and Anne Maria took her hands away from the gopher the moment it fainted from the blow. The camera panned out to show Dave appearing from behind it with their team's statue in hand.
"Dave!" Molly smiled. "You're our hero!"
"I'm not leaving anyone to die today!" Dave confirmed, and then frowned upon seeing the statue break.
The footage went ahead to them arriving at the rear most cart. Dave helped Molly and Geoff onto the cart, Anne Maria already on it. Dave pushed the carts from the side until they started moving forward, then hopped up into the back cart.
Most of those still conscious screamed as the carts rolled down a slope into a tunnel, then down even more into a slightly more open cave. The rails bent upward, and the carts followed them out of sight...
\
The shot cut outside to Chef and Chris waiting at what appeared to be a dilapidated mine entrance – a wooden platform and scaffolding that had been outside the elevated shaft had crumbled, and the cart track's end was twisted and bent. Both men were wearing hazmat suits, and Chef was holding the massive tongs normally reserved for elimination ceremonies.
"They're really cutting it close," Chris said.
"Mmm-hmm," Chef replied.
Seconds later, the camera panned up to focus on the entrance, and the trio of mine carts and their screaming passengers flew out into the air, then crashed just past the two adults.
When the resulting cloud of dust began to settle, the camera was focused on Max and E-Clone, the two boys coughing and hacking. The sudden clamping of the tongs around them caused them to stop, and the camera zoomed out to show Chef lifting them out of the rubble as Chris watched. "You two are leaving the island right now before you get more mutated," he said irritably before turning his focus towards the campers, just now groaning and getting to their feet.
Chris walked forward, and picked the green-based statue up off the ground. "And the Rats win! Again!"
The team just cheered weakly.
"All clear?" Chris turned and asked Chef, the hulking man still holding on to Max and E-Clone. Chef nodded, and the host took out a remote control. "EXECUTING OPERATION DOOMSDAY!" Chris shouted, pressing the button on the remote.
An explosion billowed out of the mine entrance, and when the smoke and dust cleared, it had been entirely blocked by rocks. Chris and Chef shared a happy nod.
"This wasn't about the statues!" Dave said, walking over to the two men.
"Sure it was!" Chris told him. "And as an added bonus," he motioned back to the blocked mine entrance, "you just helped me seal off the toxic waste forever! And get the feds off my back. It's win-win," he gave the camera a thumbs-up as Chef walked by behind him, "for me."
"I consider you anarchic," Scarlett told him, the shot zooming out to show the entire cast back on their feet.
"Yeah, I just keep getting better," Chris said. "Maggots, hope you're hungry for marshmallows. But first," Chef walked back up behind him, having traded in his captives for a fire hose, "before there's permanent genetic damage..." He walked away, and with a chuckle, Chef turned on the hose and doused the campers with a spray of water powerful enough to push them off-screen in a matter of seconds.
\
The footage skipped ahead to dusk, Molly and Dave standing by the girls' side of the Maggots' cabin. "I really appreciate you saving my life back there," Molly said to the normal guy.
"I couldn't just leave you guys behind," Dave responded. "That would have been selfish and wrong."
"I agree with that," Molly nodded. "Also, I'm sorry for not helping you and Katie when you were frozen. I'm trying to get used to cooperation, but that's no excuse to try and brush it off."
"You did mess up there, but I accept your apology," Dave smiled. "And here's something you can do as gratitude."
Dave whispered in Molly's ear, and the indie chick was surprised. "Really? You want to get eliminated?"
"I got over my fear of germs, and I don't want anything bad to happen after that near-death experience," Dave reasonably said.
"Did you already talk to our team about this?" Molly asked.
"I did," Dave nodded, "and besides, I was the one to break the statue, and nobody else did anything wrong."
"If this is what you want, I guess I can pay you back then," Molly agreed.
"That's all I needed out of you and the team," Dave said back.
\
The footage cut ahead to the ceremonial campfire.
"The votes, are in," Chris opened, the camera cutting outward to show him at his podium, Chef with the toxic marshmallow in a smaller pair of tongs, and the five members of the Mutant Maggots sitting nervously in a row. "Who will receive the Marshmallow of Loserdom and leave the game forever?" the host asked idly, the camera zooming in on the radioactive treat in question before panning back to Chris. "Following players are safe." He picked up the first of four normal marshmallows.
"Scarlett, Geoff, Anne Maria, and Molly," he said, tossing bits of white to each person called. "Dave, your time in Germ City has come to an end."
Dave got on his feet and quickly ducked as the toxic marshmallow was tossed overhead, landing with a sizzle off-camera. "Thanks for agreeing to vote for me!"
"You are a valuable asset to the team, but if you want to leave, then who are we to stop you?" Scarlett said.
"You're a total lifesaver man. I won't forget that about you," Geoff held out his hand for a high-five.
Dave returned the gesture. "Make sure to watch out for any more toxic that comes your way."
\
The scene flashed to the Dock of Shame, where Dave was already seated in the bucket of the season's catapult. Chris laughed, and asked "Any last words, Germaphobe?"
"One, I'm not scared of them as much anymore, and two, just fling the catapult," Dave replied, and he was soon flung into the sky.
The squeak of wheels caught Chris's attention, and the camera cut to a close-up of the wheels of a large hand truck. The shot zoomed out to reveal E-Clone and Max inside a cage being wheeled down the dock by Chef.
"It's time for the two of you to get off my island," Chris told the two captives.
"Aw, phooey," Max grumbled, and the Ezekiel clone growled angrily.
The footage flashed ahead a little, Max and E-Clone now sitting in the Hurl of Shame.
"I hope I taught you all a lesson," Max spoke up. "Evil always pre-VAAAIIIILLLLLLSSSS!" he shouted while he and E-Clone got shot into the sky.
The series's capstone theme began to play. "Join us next time," Chris said as he turned to the camera, "for more danger, treachery, and radical misadventures on Total! Drama! Rrrrevenge, of the Island!"
(Roll the Credits)

DC Next presents:

SHADOWPACT

In Heaven Forbid
Issue Four: Wanted Dead or Alive
Written by PatrollinTheMojave
Edited by GemlinTheGremlin
 
Next Issue > Coming Next Month
 
Heat shimmered off the pavement in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico. The tiny town nestled between the desert hills of the Southwest felt like a kiln, and Rory Regan was baking. “Remind me again--” He huffed between words, “--why are we walking?”
“If Destruction wanted to be found, the Lords of Chaos would’ve done it already. If Destruction is here, he’d pick up on a teleport before we stepped through and I don’t want us burning our only lead.” Traci said, adjusting her black sunhat to wipe beads of sweat from her forehead.
“It could be worse.” Sherry said with an encouraging smile. “It’s a dry heat.”
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I miss Gotham.” Rory looked around at the rest of the Shadowpact for a similar discomfort. His sweat was making the rags cling to his skin. “Jim. How are you not sweating? You must be wearing fifty pounds of metal.”
Jim shrugged. “Magic.”
“Of course.” Rory groaned. “Ruin?”
Ruin quirked an eyebrow and planted their feet. They’d been walking around in their signature trench coat for miles and not lost the spring in their step. They curiously pulled a finger along their forearm. “I don’t think I sweat.”
“And I guess you have some magical charm that makes you resistant to heat, Traci?”
“Yeah. It’s called being raised in Nevada.” She snorted. “Hey, Ruin. We need to keep--” Her gaze drifted up to the quaint wooden building they’d chosen to stop. A woodburnt sign hanging above the door read ‘Tumbleweed Saloon & Inn.’ She smiled. “Rory, good news. We’re here.”
Sherry looked over the saloon. Where the others had picked up sand and sweat on the long trek over, she didn’t have a hair out of place. Sherry looked like she’d stepped out of an advertisement. Her only sign of wear was the suspicion sitting behind her eyes. “You really think Destruction is here?”
“I’m not getting my hopes up.” Traci said. “The Lords of Chaos only felt a twinge, but it’s all we’ve got.”
Rory shot through the swinging saloon doors with a speed he’d lost 10 miles earlier. Ruin was just behind him, their pure black eyes pulling in every detail. Half of the space was devoted to racks and shelves of Old West merchandise; cheap hats, plastic guns, and sheriff badges. The other side of the establishment was a small bar and a few tables. The bartender wiped the bored expression from his face as the Shadowpact entered.
“We’re in a real Wild West saloon!” Ruin hurried into the merchandise section.
“Welcome to the Tumbleweed Saloon. What brings you folks into town?” The bartender said.
“I’m looking for a guy, big-looking, probably. Have you seen anyone like that? He might’ve broken something.” Traci said. She wished she had more to go off.
“We get a lot of tourists.” The man raised an eyebrow. “Wait, are you from the Justice Legion? When are you going to send those people from other universes back home? Did you catch the guy responsible yet?”
Traci exhaled sharply. “We’re here about his brother, actually.”
The clatter of hoofbeats on asphalt clicked outside, followed by the heavy footfalls of someone dropping from a horse.
“Do you get many riders out here?” Jim asked. The bartender shook his head and Jim moved a hand to his sword’s pommel. The rider walked to the saloon door. The figure was in shining white leather boots and pants to match. The peak of a stetson of the same color poked out above the saloon doors.
“I know where to find the man you’re looking for.” The doors swung open to reveal the sheet-pale face of White Stag. The only spot of color was a turquoise bolo tie around his neck and the gold-inlay guard of the rapier at his side. His opaque glasses reflected the light. Jim leapt to his feet and pulled the Sword of Night from its sheath with a metallic shtang. White Stag just raised his hands apprehensively. “While you’ve correctly surmised I am interested a rematch, Jim, I think I’d better explain myself first.”
Jim glanced at Traci, who gave him a nod. Jim lowered his sword but kept it unsheathed. “Talk.” Jim spat.
White Stag reached into his buttoned vest and pulled a cigar, then a lighter. He flicked a few times, then held the flame to the cigar’s tip. Once lit, White Stag took a deep drag and blew a ring of smoke in front of his face. “I am here for a duel with the Destroyer of Myrrha.”
"Myrrha's not destroyed!" Jim gripped the handle of the Sword of Night. "I've been locked off from it. I will find a way back!"
"No.” White Stag walked over to the bar and took a seat. He didn’t bother turning around to address Jim. “No, it's not been destroyed yet. But it's Destruction you're after, and you'll find the Endless on the road you take to meet them. Miss Witch would know about that. How well do you sleep at night, Traci?"
The answer was an uncomfortable silence. “How do we know you’re telling the truth?” Rory said.
“I knew to come here, didn’t I?”
“So after I defeat you in this duel, you’ll tell us where to find Destruction?” Jim said.
White Stag gave a thin-lipped smile. “After the duel, I’ll tell you where he is.”
“You tricked us last time. What’s the trick this time?” Jim said.
“The trick? I’m faster than you, Jim. That’s all I need to win. Blades at dawn, at the old train tracks.”
“At dawn?” Jim shook his head. “We fight now. We don’t have time to waste.”
“Where’s your flair for the dramatic, Jim? Let’s let the tension build for a few hours more. It’s not like you’re in a position to dictate terms.” White Stag stood from the bar.
“I don’t know who you are.” Sherry said. “But this sounds like a big misunderstanding. We’re trying to help people.”
“Who I am? I’m the good guy, Sheridan. And you’re the latest person to sign onto the Shadowpact, which must mean you’re trying to help yourself.” White Stag looked at Jim. “Blades. Dawn. Don’t be late.” He walked through the saloon doors and saddled up his horse while the Shadowpact watched in silence.
He’d only been gone a few seconds when Rory said. “Why not fight him now? Force him to tell us what he knows.”
Jim shook his head. “We need to play his games. He knows more than he’s letting on. And he knows about Myrrha.” A hint of desperation crept into his voice. “He could be holding all of Myrrha hostage, for all we know.”
“Myrrha? I’m unfamiliar with this realm.” Sherry said.
Jim rolled his shoulders back, staring down at the ground. “When I was twelve, I went into the back room of a record store and ended up in a medieval world full of adventure and magic. Years later, I mastered the Sword of Night and started using it to move between realities. Last year, I went to sleep in Myrrha and woke up on Earth. I haven’t been able to return there since. I hate to think what could have happened to it without its protector.”
The display racks rattled and Rory raised his fists on instinct. The rags crawled along his body, ready to strike. It was Ruin rushing out of the merchandise section, covered in cowboy gear. A pair of embossed brown leather boots replaced their usual black strap-ups. They wore a ten-gallon hat and held a cheap revolver toy in each hand. “This town ain’t big enough for the six of us!” They said in their best kitsch Western accent.
A hard glance from Jim sent Ruin withdrawing back into the gift shop, holstering their ‘weapons’. Traci spoke quietly. “Why don’t I get us all rooms for tonight. We can rest and be refreshed in the morning.” She looked up at the bartender. He was still trembling from the standoff moments ago. “Six rooms, please.”
A few hours later, Traci was doomscrolling the front page of KordConnect for articles on the Reawakening. A knock at the door pulled her out of it. “Be right there, just-- uh-- meditating!” She hopped off her bed and walked to the door.
“It’s Rory!”
Traci opened the door. He was uncostumed. His sympathetic face was incongruous with the harsh features of the suit of rags. “Hey, Traci. Can I come in?”
“What’s up?” She stood aside and Rory sat on the bed. “It seemed like what White Stag said affected you.”
“That’s what you’re here for? You don’t have to worry about someone hurting my feelings.” She laughed.
Rory relaxed his posture. “Well, I’m glad, but it’s okay if you’re hurting. That… stuff with Dream. You did what you had to. I miss John too.”
Traci’s grin drooped and she let herself fall back onto the bed. She paused, then: “Dream made me an offer. Become his warlock, like Darhk was.”
“His-- his warlock? Like work for him? What are you going to say?”
“I turned him down. There’s always, always some all-powerful asshole fucking with me and my friends. HIVE, Neron, Darhk, Dream. Dream’s just as responsible for what John… became. And if becoming Dream’s warlock means I end up like Damien Darhk, then I just-- ugh!” She grunted, trailing off.
“But, knowing you, you’re wondering if you could beat the Heavenly Host if you said yes.”
“Not just them.” Traci sat up. “Bring Jim to Myrrha. Fix the Reawakening. Actually set up some magical safety nets that I haven’t jury-rigged from lamb’s spit and a spell I found on Quora. Y’know, all of it.”
Rory turned to her and put his hand on her shoulder. “Traci, you’re the best spellcaster I’ve ever met. You literally saved the universe and you’re still doing more. We’re going to win, and we’re going to do it with or without Dream, OK?”
A cool morning held out against the stinging New Mexico heat, the sun not yet peaked over the hills surrounding Truth or Consequences. Jim walked at the head of the Shadowpact. He saw White Stag and his horse for a mile on the approach. It was a huge thing, its coat the same brilliant white sheen as the rest of Stag’s possessions. It’d been hitched up to a railway spike.
Ruin remained in their store-bought cowboy ensemble. The group were all still a minute’s walk from White Stag when Ruin called out, “Why are you doing this?” They hurried forward, breaking into a jog past the group, despite Jim’s protests.
Traci readied a spell, just in case. “You said you’re the good guy. Jim’s not perfect, but he’s good too. You don’t have to fight.” Ruin looked different that morning in a way that was hard to place. Their silhouette was fuzzy. At a glance, they looked vague and undefined, as though it took a few seconds for them to render in view. It didn’t seem to slow them down any, though at times they seemed to wince to themself
White Stag shook his head. “There comes a time in every man’s life when he has to fight.” His voice took on a bit of twang at odds with his usual refined accent.
“But why Nightmaster?”
“Every day Jim wakes up in this world, he hates it a little more. He hates the toil, the uncertainty. Mostly, he hates that here, he’s not the best. He’s a middling swordsman and a below average hero on Earth.”
Jim said nothing, staring daggers.
“And that’s why I want my duel. You don’t belong in these parts, Jim.”
“You’re a madman.” Jim said. “Playing with the lives of innocents in these stupid games.” He approached, grinding his feet into the gravel to keep from lashing out in rage.
“Playing?” White Stag’s faux accent dropped. “‘Well, I suppose I am having a great deal of fun.” A sliver of sunrise poked over the horizon. In a flash that just caught the few drops of light to trickle onto the tracks, White Stag pulled his rapier. It sliced across Nightmaster’s armor like tissue paper, leaving a long red cut across his chest. Jim grunted and drew his sword.
Sherry took a step forward, but Jim held his hand out to stop her “No!” Jim said. “If you intervene, he won’t give us what we need.”
“Old dogs can learn new tricks, it seems.” White Stag lunged, but this time his blade was batted away by the Sword of Night.
Jim went for a riposte. White Stag sideswiped and the heavy broadsword cut through the air, thunking against the railway tracks. White Stag retaliated, raking another slash across Jim’s side. Jim fell to a knee.
“Yield.” White Stag said. He didn’t get an answer. “I think your man is finished.” He turned to the rest of the Shadowpact, giving Jim the opening to grab a handful of gravel and throw it in White Stag’s face. Stag recoiled and Jim forced himself up using his sword, using the momentum to swing it into White Stag’s flank. It only made the lightest of contact, but the pale red of blood spreading through White Stag’s vest was enough to bring Jim satisfaction.
Jim followed up with another attack, which White Stag evaded. This time, Jim sensed anger behind those opaque spectacles. White Stag parried Jim’s next attack. The second his opponent was off balance, White Stag whipped his rapier at Jim’s wrist. He winced in pain. Another well-placed kick from Stag and the sword went clattering to the side. Jim reached after it, in vain.
“Yield.” White Stag said, this time his voice firmer. Sherry had seen enough battles to see the tremor in Jim’s shoulders, to know what he was going to try next. She added to White Stag, “Yield, Jim. We’ll find another way.”
“I… yield.” Jim said with a bassy, hateful tone.
In an instant, White Stag withdrew his rapier and stepped back. “I wish I could say ‘well fought’, Jim.” White Stag brushed the gravel dust away and ignored his wound. “But I did say I’d tell you where to find Destruction.”
“But I lost.” Jim said, confused.
“Yes, you did. And you continue to lose every day you spend away from Myrrha, right?”
Jim stared at the ground, in a haze.
“You’ll find Destruction at Coast City.”
“Coast City? What would he be doing there?” Rory asked.
White Stag shrugged. “Paying his respects? In any case, I think this concludes our time together for now. I look forward to our next meeting, Jim.” He walked away from the Shadowpact, towards the vast empty desert.
“I don’t think so.” Sherry said. “Not until you answer whatever questions Jim has about Myrrha.”
“I don’t think that would benefit anyone, do you? A nice try at reconciliation, angel. Truly, living up to your occupation.” Sherry charged forward, prepared to take the brunt of any attack White Stag was capable of and tackle him to the ground. However, wInstead, when he swiped his sword it did not clash with Sherry; instead, a portal opened in the air.a quick swipe tore open a portal in the air, White Stag stepped through, and it vanished in an instant. Sherry ran straight past her target.
“His sword can open portals too?” Rory said.
Ruin ignored him and went to Jim’s side, helping him onto his feet. ”C’mon, partner.” Jim winced, taking their hand and slowly rising.
“We need to keep moving. I can bind that move, but there’s no telling how long Destruction will stay in one place. Next stop: Coast City.” Traci said.

Our puppy is only 9wks and won’t need grooming for a while (he’s not allowed around other dogs etc. until his 2nd jabs (all booked, just waiting for the appointment)). He’s a cockapoo, sort of. Mam is a cockapoo, Dad is a cocker spaniel, so he’s got a spaniel coat (no curls). I will be taking him for a groom, but what can I do in the mean time so he’s not too stressed out for the groomer?
We’ll be giving him a few baths, mostly with just water so he’s used to being washed, I’m already brushing him (working on getting him not to try and eat the brush). Could I give him a little blow dry (cold air, no heat)? I’m not doing claw clipping yet (we only got him a week today) but I am doing lots of paw/nail inspecting so he gets used to his paws being handled.
Any ideas what else we can do? It’s all a big game for him at the moment, but I’m hoping it’ll make the groomer’s life easier!

First Prev Next Royal Road Patreon
u/KieveKRS providing the Trash certification of quality! (with help from u/coldfireknight cuz this one needed it.)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Nalah affixed the massive shield to her back, the rectangular form large enough for him to fit behind while only needing to crouch slightly. It was mostly ironwood, but the sides and front were metal-plated, so it still weighed a considerable amount. Despite that, the thing’s bulk hardly seemed to be noticed by the blonde-furred female, likely due to the constant construction work she involved herself in. It paired oddly with the long pike she insisted on using, but he couldn’t deny that poking at things while hiding behind a mobile wall sounded like a good idea.
Jax was wearing his new armour, the bulky chest-piece a mirror of his blond-furred pack mate’s. Though he forwent the protection a buckler or likewise would offer, he doubled up on gear. Gauntlets, vambraces, pauldrons, and anything else he could wear to compliment the massive axe he had taken a liking to.
Where Nalah was fitted to look like an apocalypse survivor—her protections limited to her torso, forearms, and shield—the black-furred male resembled a giant, if underfunded, paladin. All he needed now was some religious imagery and a penchant for exalting the qualities of their god. Joseph almost nudged the guy to suggest it for kicks.
On second thought, he decided that Jax absolutely did not need a reason to start yelling about the Human-turned-religious-figure, because there was no way in hell he wouldn’t. There was no telling what he would choose to say, and the Grand Hunter was perfectly happy never knowing.
Having been with the male as long as he had, it would probably involve ‘taming’ females or something else that would leave him groaning for weeks, if not just contemplating another high-dive from the cliff.
Joseph fixed his own equipment, the ‘Wraith armour’ worn over his own thin iron breastplate. He wasn’t thrilled to wear the extra weight, but it beat being mauled by the thing they were heading out to kill. The trips so far had been tolerable, fog and overcast skies keeping the temperature in check, but he didn’t want to go out in this on a hotter day as Summer really kicked back in. He was sweaty enough without baking inside all this crap.
He adjusted the wolf-skull mask, the rest of the hunting party having gotten over the worst of the unease it gave them. Though they’d needed to rotate people out for the sake of fairness, this would be their eighth consecutive scouting. Using the information that Raine and Faye provided, they narrowed down a likely stomping grounds for the creature and were systematically clearing sectors. It might have been discouraging to keep looking after so long, but the occasional marking on trees and the odd moss-wolf corpse tipped them off that they were getting close. There was still another week’s worth of searching left if today wasn’t the day, but somehow he doubted they wouldn’t need that long.
All in all, they numbered six; larger parties were attempted, but their efforts at stealth quickly became pointless between so many trudging through the forest and stopping for breaks. There was a bit of a scare where one of Mi’low’s pack went missing, but the guy had just stopped to relieve himself. Since the discovery was made by someone else knocking him over in the process by mistake, they decided that keeping the number smaller made communication easier. And lowered the amount of grumbling about needing a bath.
Jax, Nalah, two security members, one of the hunters, and him. Sure, grabbing Tel or the Wraiths would have been a bit more useful for cohesion, but they were all busy with things, and he didn’t want to grind everything in the settlement to a halt for nothing if the search turned up empty again. They were more suited to taking out their fellow Lilhun than some monster in the woods, as much as he disliked the thought.
Scarlet was spending a lot of time with Violet and the new Atmo, Faye was spending much of her recovery with the moss-wolves and moss-pup, and Tel was in the process of helping Harrow shore up the few security members that were slated to become snipers. Kaslin was still learning chemistry with Toril, and Raine was helping whoever needed a hand, so that marked off all of his usual accompaniment. He could have taken more of his direct pack, but they all had important things to take care of as well.
Sahari was managing the pack and putting people where people needed to be put, Pan was working with Idee and Heralt to make a line of armour for the whole pack, and Mi’low was...well, Mi’low. He was pretty sure she was unofficially the master of the hunter’s lodge and spent most of her time keeping track of what came in and out of it, while also making sure that everyone got their fair share. It needed to be done with the settlement growing as much as it had, and it kept Mi’low busy enough to stymie the flow of complaints, so he wasn’t about to complain.
They double checked that they had everything that was needed; food, water, arrows, bolts, and some bags to store anything that the snares had caught on the way back. Four ranged and two melee weapons meant that they would be mostly using Jax and Nalah to soak hits if it came down to it, the others peppering it with projectiles. Given that Harrow was insistent on the bear-thing being resistant to anything they could use at a distance, they also carried spare weapons for the ranged users, just in case. Nodding, Joseph gestured to the group finishing up their preparations for the day’s trip.
“A moment, sir?” Scarlet called to him as she approached the gate, the Wraith flanked by Rose and Cobalt. The two Atmo were decked-out in their own armour, which appeared to be almost entirely metal, save for the palm lining the inside for comfort. Each of their six legs were adorned with broad shields, their bases capped off with a flat storage carriage. They looked like someone had a little too much fun testing how much the insects could effortlessly carry and had ended up with sapient hexapedal tanks.
“Only if you explain why those two would look more at home if they had cannons installed on their backs,” he quipped, an expression somewhere between surprised, amused, and plain dumbfounded plastered on his face. The blackish red-furred female smirked for a split-second before resuming her usual servile presentation.
“The young mistress had extended her request for these two to accompany you.”
Joseph tilted his head incredulously. “Violet told you to send them?”
Scarlet nodded, gesturing to the outfitted Atmo. “They have been under her tutelage for some time now, and wish to be of assistance.”
The Grand Hunter snapped his mouth closed when he was about to ask why his daughter would teach them anything that might be useful for fighting a deadly beast. Of course she did; It was one of the first things he did for her. It would have been weirder for her not to pass on what she knew after all the hours she spent either seeing him coach the others, or being coached herself. With the time she had under her belt, she was the local Atmo Close Quarters Combat specialist, and no one else understood how the modified boxing she learned worked with their bodies like she did.
He wore a hesitant expression, shifting his weight to his other leg. “Well, they’ve certainly geared up.”
“It is a product our smith is rather proud of,” the Wraith affirmed confidently.
He exhaled slowly. “Seems a bit much.”
She seemed to be expecting the remark, barely pausing to register what he said before responding. “Your kit wishes you safe, yet understands you would not allow her to accompany you. These two wish to be of assistance.”
To punctuate her point, the two nodded in agreement, walking forward and slinging some of the backpacks onto their carriages. It seemed ‘no’ wasn’t something they were going to accept after Violet had said her piece. He sighed, conceding that they wouldn’t slow the party down with everyone carrying so much weight in equipment, regardless of the bags. They took breaks frequently enough to accommodate the Atmo, so that wouldn’t hinder anything either.
“Fine,” he relented with a wave of his hand. “We’ll take them. Not like they’d hurt anyway. But–” He put a warning into his tone. “–they’re not playing the hero and getting themselves killed. This isn’t going to work if they think any of us dying is still a net positive, got it?”
The two Atmo mimed their understanding, Scarlet replying with a victorious smile. Joseph couldn’t help but bemusedly roll his eyes. The female had taken rather well to baby-sitting, and that seems to have extended to humouring the young Queen’s schemes now. It wasn’t an unwelcome addition to their little sojourn. At least they could haul back any larger game without it tacking hours onto the return trip.
He thanked Scarlet for her trouble before dismissing her, confirming with the group that everything was accounted for, and set off before it grew too late. He wasn’t looking to get caught out in the woods during the night. The Lilhuns might be fine, but he was pretty well blind unless the moon felt generous.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Jax watched the two Atmo quietly follow on the sides of the group, their heavily armoured forms posing no issues with their naturally soundless movements in the forest. In the den, they would make moderate clacks and clicks as their chitinous legs contacted the ground, but the soft dirt and foliage stifled all but the smallest report of their travel. With Scarlet supervising alongside Violet, he wouldn’t have been surprised to learn that the former Blade had influenced their movement with the goal in mind, though he had never paid much attention to how they walked before to compare.
He had to admit, having them carry the additional equipment was exceedingly useful. He had proposed having the group use the newly acquired platforms on their more arachnid-like abdomen to rest in shifts, but Joseph was quick to insist that the insects were of lesser stamina than even Lilhuns. The phrasing seemed like a comparative insult, but Jax had more than enough experience with the Human to know that he had simply spoken his mind. To him, everyone had sub-par stamina. Training had gone some way to remedy the discrepancy, but the Grand Hunter could still continue for longer than even the most well-conditioned of them.
The black-furred male rolled his shoulders, feeling the heft of his axe shift with the movement. It was an impressive size, the weight well-balanced and its edge sharp. He had once laid it to the ground out of curiosity and confirmed that it was about as tall as Pan from head to haft, though only if she stood to her full height. Regardless of its size, it was still lighter than the armour he chose to don.
Having only really worn leathers or a few sets of ironwood protections, the encumbering prominence of the iron equipment took getting used to. It wasn’t entirely restrictive, but did put a damper on any chances he had of sprinting from danger. That was fine, he supposed, since he was wearing it against a beast he had no experience with. It could very well outrun him regardless, and he would rather have the defences in either case.
Nalah seemed to be doing fine, the large barrier she kept on her back swaying slightly as she walked. She was unhindered by it, her movements barely affected by the bulk, which was reassuring. Joseph, however, seemed to be panting more than usual, the rolling cloud coverage easing as the sun progressively warmed the environment. The fog from earlier meant that it was rather humid, and that seemed to bore no well wishes for the male encased in dark leathers and thick plates. He had even flipped down his hood, the sweat beading on his skin adding a sheen to his visage.
“I liked this better when the sun didn’t exist,” the Human lamented quietly, just loud enough for Jax to hear. The black-furred male chuckled.
“It would be rather dark.”
Joseph glared at him for a moment before rolling his eyes. “I just don’t rank ‘heavily armoured hike through the woods’ high up on my list of things I want to do regularly.”
“I believe that list would be occupied by your mates, no?” he ribbed playfully, a smirk arising when the Grand Hunter shunted his eyes closed in a grimace.
“I hate you.”
“I can see your smile underneath your displeasure, Joseph,” Jax quipped, nudging the male with his elbow, then giving an apologetic smile when his friend almost fell. Joseph sighed, waving Cobalt over and fetching a water-skin from the luggage that the insect was ferrying without breaking stride—though he needed to be careful not to get stepped on.
The Atmo always amused Jax. Be it their passive demeanour hidden by their towering stature, or his interactions with the den-kit, they never failed to be curious people. Having the two that accompanied Volta with them was an unexpected development, but he couldn’t claim to disapprove. If they had been imparted the methods of combat that Violet had cultivated, then there was little worry of them being harmed by naught but perhaps their current target. At least not until there was a better reference of its strength than the single encounter the first-years had so long ago.
At the time, it had smashed pillars and pierced flesh effortlessly, claws proving to be little more than tempting ministrations of tender touch to the thick hide. Jax only had some of the pack’s recount to base the experience off of, but was content to take their word for it. He was, ashamedly, preoccupied taking care of baser needs when the event transpired, so he was woefully unprepared for the eventual encounter. Still, he was afforded the best the settlement had to offer so that he might serve his duty of protecting the Grand Hunter. Harrow would never forgive him if only he returned.
His thoughts were disturbed by Joseph calling for a rest, Jax’s legs thankful for the break from supporting the unusual weight for so long. The Human dispensed rations and water for the pack, the Atmo waiting until everyone else was supplied before accepting their portion. They rested on their base directly, instead of curling their legs beneath them like Jax had become accustomed. Perhaps the armour impeded such, or they wished to remain mobile in the event such was required. Regardless, they blocked what little breeze there was, forcing the Grand Hunter to walk beyond them to enjoy it in the shade. It was short-lived however, as Rose quickly repositioned to stay between the pack and whatever lay beyond their protections.
It was a futile effort, it seemed, because it repeated again twice before Joseph groaned loudly and threw himself atop the carriage to lay back, his legs dangling at the knee. He seemed perfectly content with the unorthodox arrangement, snorting his amusement along with a muttered comment about a ‘taxi.’
The entertaining sight was marred by a distant yelp, snapping the group to attention. Jax and Joseph traded looks, subtle nods and gestures given to move out while remaining quiet. Ignoring his earlier complaints, the Grand Hunter flicked his hood up and donned the mask, drawing his crossbow and readying a bolt. The hunter of the pack mimicked the preparation, the two security members loosely nocking their arrows while Rose, Cobalt, Jax, and Nalah took point.
They proceeded quietly for far longer than the proximity of the noise would have suggested, but marks and gashes upon the trees implied a moving conflict. Thoughts of it being a lost cause quickly became moot as a closer growl and bark shattered the careful silence they had been maintaining.
Motioning for the pack to stop, Joseph waved Jax forward, Nalah approaching the other side. Using the large shield as additional cover, they peered around a particularly thick tree. Locked in combat were two moss-wolves, both attacking a truly massive grey creature.
Twice the Human’s height, half that in width. Four pillars as legs—the muscular trunks sinewy and defined—supported the disturbing hunched figure, the wide base tapering slightly into a thick and extended torso. A singular eye-stalk replaced the head, the ocular organ atop it pitch black and free of any indication of its focus. Four arms with deadly claws parried and sliced the two yellow beasts as they attempted to drive off the predator, a sickeningly large maw gaping to catch any attempts at a lunge. The mouth of the creature almost occupied the entirety of the available surface area upon its front, the jagged bone tools of manduction undulating with the promise of sustenance.
Joseph pulled them back, cursing under his breath as he tried to fight off the tension. From Nalah’s worried expression, it seemed his caution was rather potent, the other members of the group smelling his reaction as well.
“So, what’s the plan, Jax?” the Human whispered, his grip on the crossbow alternating with his fingers stretching across the trigger lest his fidgeting cause a misfire.
“I thought that, with your record, you would wish to tame it for the settlement,” Jax replied while thinking through a plan of action. He was glad that his friend trusted him, but he wished he had known the true scale of the beast prior. Joseph grit his teeth, turning to glance past the tree again with sarcasm pouring out of his response.
“Can’t quite see Winnie-the-woodchipper there playing great with kids.”
“You say that after adopting an Atmo as kit, Grand Hunter,” he returned, nodding to himself when a plan formed. The Human smiled, the banter easing the tension somewhat. “Rose, Cobalt, you two are the most well defended of us. Circle around and drive the beast this way. You should be capable of such without noise, yes?”
The two insects nodded, emptying their luggage behind a tree so as not to lose any of it before disappearing into the trees. The slight glimmer of their iron armour was the only indication of their position through the dense forest. Jax hoped that the beast was not particularly curious about the dimly pulsing glare, nor finished with its current altercation in time to impede the pair.
Satisfied with their progress, he motioned for the two security members to scale a tree and gain a superior vantage point. Their weapons would be able to maintain a more rapid pace of sustained fire at longer ranges. Joseph and the hunter were instructed to hide behind trees nearby, though the Human would need to remain grounded as his lack of claws made scaling the large flora difficult with his equipment.
Finally, Nalah and he positioned themselves much closer, in order to flank the creature as it fled the Atmo and occupy it long enough for the others to bleed it out, if not outright dispose of it.
With the forms of the Atmo peeking through the brush opposite them, Jax raised his axe to signal the start.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Joseph felt the hammering in his chest, his heart preparing him to fight for his life against the walking abomination that easily outclassed the only other predator that he had experience with. Sure, the moss-wolves were easy to take down once you had equipment and a plan, but that thing screamed danger.
He watched Jax and Nalah set up behind thick trees, their goal being for Jax to hopefully disable a leg or two with the war-axe while Nalah occupied it with the shield. As the two strongest members of his little family, he trusted both to do their job.
As a clusterfuck of animal and torture device, he had no faith in the creature playing along.
Swallowing his hesitation, he adjusted his grip on the crossbow again, mentally tallying his shots and cursing himself for not researching explosives. Sure, Toril didn’t want to be involved in that kind of weapon, but at the moment, the tailless white-furred male could suck it up and make one anyway. Joseph would give his left nut to see how quickly the chemist would make weapons of mass destruction just to annihilate whatever that thing called home.
Jax raised his axe, glinting the sunlight of it towards the Atmo. Receiving the start signal, the two clicked and loosed a deafening screech, the Human’s ears ringing even from this distance.
The beast seemed unperturbed by the noise, though the lack of visible ears may have had something to do with the lacklustre effect. Regardless, it did notice the two armour-clad insects charging at it, and smartly decided to extradite itself from the area. The moss-wolves, however, didn’t quite get the memo, mistaking the advancing assistance as yet another foe to defend themselves from.
He had to say, Violet taught the two well. They flashed their blades out in the same flicker jab that he had shown his daughter, and with an unceremonious squelch, the two bisected canines landed in four pieces, a vibrant green ichor now staining the weapon-like appendages of the Atmo. Undeterred by their first act of violence—as far as he was aware, anyway—they continued herding the beast.
It wasn’t as fast as they might have feared, its quadrupedal gait hindered by its proportions, but it was still quick enough to be damn intimidating. Its arms acted as a counter balance, constantly adjusting this way and that just to keep it stable. That thing was clearly never meant for sprinting, all its mobility being given to the overactive maw that pulsated with the exertion.
He readied his crossbow, the shaking in his hands not ruining his aim against such a large target. He eyeballed the distance between the creature and the ambush point, forcibly moving his finger off the trigger so that he didn’t fire early.
Closer. Come on. Almost.
Now.
Jax wound up like a particularly enthusiastic lumberjack, putting his full body into the rotation. The massive axe swung like a horizontal pendulum striking home with all the finality of a clock tolling midnight. It bit into the front leg of the beast, only sinking a few inches before momentum nearly wretched the weapon from the black-furred male. Luckily, the force and timing was enough to trip it, the creature crashing to the forest floor with a deafening roar of pain.
They could hurt it. That made him feel better.
His relief evaporated as the beast swiftly recovered, hauling itself from the ground faster than he thought possible, but his archers took it for an unspoken signal. Arrows and bolts peppered its thick hide, to no effect—it shrugged off the projectiles like they were nothing more than pine needles, none sinking far enough to gain notable purchase.
Jax hefted his axe for another strike, careful not to over-commit this time. Nalah prodded the beast wherever she could with her pike, the melee weapon sliced and skewered just past the surface of the hide, though not enough to do more than marr. It was, however, enough to gain the attention of the target, the creature swinging two of its four arms to rake across the shield that the blond-furred female held. The iron plating across the front let out an unearthly shriek as claws ripped and crumpled the metal.
Well, fuck.
Nalah was quick to react, treating the shield less as an immovable barrier and more like a slight distance buffer, dodging in and out of range to steal jabs with the polearm. The security members nocked another volley, picking different targets than before. An arrow bounced harmlessly off the black orb of an eye, another finding purchase in what passed for gums in its mouth.
The hint was received; aim for the mouth. Thankfully, that was a large target. Less thankfully, it realized that flashing its teeth was detrimental to its health, slamming the maw closed.
Jax managed another swing, this time into one of the rear legs. It wasn’t as effective as the first strike, but it did warrant a sweeping double back-fist from the creature, scoring Jax’s armour with shallow claw marks as he jumped backwards. Joseph let out a breath as he fired his second shot, only just narrowly missing the sliver of a gap between razor teeth that the enraged attack afforded. It couldn’t keep its mouth shut forever, each frenzied swipe pulling its form enough for glimpses of softer flesh within to appear. The hunter dropped from their tree, darting across to reposition for a wider angle to capitalize on. The creature noticed, lunging forward to eviscerate the easier target.
Joseph blinked as two armoured figures jumped in front of the Lilhun, raising their blades in a tight guard to block the four arms grabbing for a quick meal. The beast recoiled with a thunderous screech, two of its appendages sporting deep gashes that fountained blood, while the others managed to impact above the edged outside of the blades. Rose and Cobalt pressed forward, buying time and space for the hunter to collect themselves and scale up another perch. Taking advantage of its pain, two new arrows ripped through the air, smacking into exposed inner flesh. Two new protrusions joined the first in the mouth, one landing next to the existing projectile, while the other cleared the gateway of serration, driving deeply inside of it.
More flicker jabs and extended straights pushed and cut the beast as it tried to gain distance from the two that wounded it, every retaliatory strike earning it another gash in its grey hide.. Unencumbered by the constant barrage, Nalah thrust into its legs more vigorously, her body leaning into each attack to gain every inch of penetration she could into the muscle and thick hide.
Jax used the chance to score another chopping blow, doubling down on a previous wound to a back leg—striking bone this time, based on the unholy wail the beast uttered. Joseph raised his crossbow to land another shot into its mouth, but the beast flailed wildly to fend off the ambush.
Rose managed to block, Jax lunged backwards, Nalah deflected most of it with what remained of her shield, but Cobalt was caught by a strike, taking the hit to its torso. The Atmo flew backwards, rolling when it landed, the carriage and assorted armoured plates trailing behind it. Rose shifted instantly, covering the direction that their companion had been sent while Jax and Nalah focused on pulling the beast away from the downed combatant.
Joseph’s eyes flicked to the Atmo, waging an internal battle on whether helping the insect would be better or worse for the situation as a whole. He didn’t want to lighten up their assault if it would just mean more injuries, but Cobalt could be in dire need for a patch job. It was hard to tell from where he was.
Cursing, he bolted from his spot, firing off one last round into the gaping maw before clipping the crossbow onto his armour and sliding on his knees in front of Cobalt, healroot hastily retrieved from his pocket.
He paused, sighing in relief when none of the armour bore more than deep gashes, the carapace underneath unblemished by the attack. Cobalt clicked lightly, dazed, but otherwise seeming unhurt. Unlearned in the physiology relevant, he ushered the Atmo to remain out of the fight for fear of concussion or something similar. They could look at the insect back at the base to be sure later.
“Joseph!”
His head spun around at both Jax and Nalah screaming his name, a massive clawed hand sweeping at him—the monster's approach unnoticed while he focused on Cobalt. Lacking a better option, he lunged forward towards the underside of the beast to dodge the swipe, crashing to his shoulder on the dirt below.
The creature raised a leg above Joseph, pounding the earth scant inches from his head as he rolled sideways. Ignoring the kicked up dirt, he brought his fist to the underside of the beast, flicking the release on his bracer.
Blood spouted from the newly formed wound, the blade breaking at the mechanism as the massive animal lurched in pain, Joseph rolling out of the way of another attempted trampling. He scrambled to his feet, feeling the wind of another strike narrowly missing him.
Yeah, that would probably kill him.
Luckily, the injuries renewed the desire to flee in the monstrosity, the group of attackers proving too dangerous to continue challenging. It stumbled away from them, sparing Cobalt from its panicked trudging. Jax and Nalah started to run towards him, worry evident in their eyes, but he barked for them to finish it, redirecting the two to keep the pressure going. He didn’t want to mention the pain in the arm from where the bracer hitched. It didn’t feel broken, and thus was irrelevant.
Pressure applied, the grey beast picked a random direction free of opponents to escape, ignorant of the waiting security. When it was too close for them to shoot into its mouth at a decent angle, they slung the bows over their shoulders and drew the swords they had been afforded, patiently waiting with the blades turned down.
It passed below them, the two Lilhuns dropping from the branches to put their full weight into the plunging blades. Both landed on the large target, one sword sinking deep into a shoulder, while the other managed to pierce one of its hip joints. The beast spun haphazardly to dislodge the ‘new’ threats, both security members kicking off and finding new trees to set up in.
Whatever damage was actually done, it had lost the use of an arm, and its gait shifted awkwardly as the blade lodged in its hip worked more harm with each shambling step.. Emboldened, Jax picked up the pace, struggling to position himself with the amount of metal he wore. Ducking another swipe of its claws, he saw his chance and swung, pivoting with his axe as a counter weight. For the third time, his axe blade found the wound in its leg, adding a sickening crunch as the bone snapped from the impact.
The creature swung wildly, forced to favour its two remaining good legs, and the only other leg that could still support at least some of its weight. It was unstable now, the hunched figure swaying while unmoving. Unable to run, it decided to go down with as many of them as it could.
Rose caught up with the attack, drawing attention from the comparatively squishy Nalah as the blond-furred female deflected a wayward swing with her shield. The once iron-plated ironwood now sporting little more than jagged scraps of metal atop its silver wooden structure, a series of deep gouges marring the surface. Two lunging thrusts with the pike bit flesh, drawing new blood from the beast.
Joseph loaded his crossbow, getting off two bolts, but not managing to keep it steady enough to hit anything of use, his arm faltering under the weight of the weapon. Cursing, he decided to flank the beast and try his luck with the other bracer. If nothing else, the force in which the blade deployed was enough to pierce the thick hide, and the others were doing a good job of distracting it.
The red armoured Atmo let loose a series of directed swings, the fifth severing an arm in motion, the flying appendage forcing Nalah to raise her shield to block the unorthodox projectile. The female was sent sprawling from the weight of the impact, but the beast was too busy voicing its agony to take advantage of it. Jax worked another two chops into the broad legs, but neither managed to incapacitate it any more, and the prolonged exertion was slowing his reflexes.
As if cued into his waning energy, the beast flung Jax with another strike, the hunter of the group sinking a bolt deep into the cavernous flesh of its mouth to prevent an attempt at following up.
Joseph roared, desperate to finish it off before the creature could do the same to his downed pack. He sprinted at the monster's back and slid underneath it with as much speed as he could muster. Throwing his fist into the passing undercarriage, he let the deployed blade leave a long gash in its wake.
The grey monster lost its ability to stand, torn tendons, blood loss, and inflicted injuries taking their toll. The Grand Hunter kicked off his knees to fling himself out of the way of the collapsing figure, grimacing as the remaining bracer proved unable to support the abuse he had put it through. He looked back at the beast, the flailing body failing to right itself as teeth did little more than gouge dirt, its back exposed. Rose approached, raising their blades together and plunging it through the body over and over until it stopped moving.
Exhausted, the Atmo dropped where it was, breathing heavily. Joseph’s instinct to yell their victory was delayed as he hurried over to Jax and Nalah to confirm he didn't need to bring back bad news. Nalah seemed fine, if a bit sore from hitting the dirt and rolling, while Jax just asked to lay down when he heard that everything was over. Cobalt came over to the group, the armour that had come off collected atop the carriage it had managed to loosely affix to its base.
It was light, a chuckle originating from the Human as he slumped to the ground against a tree, but soon the entire group was roaring with laughter as victory settled in their minds. The two security members helped the hunter begin disassembling the beast, their contribution to the fight leaving them with more energy than the rest. They hadn’t been slacking off, that much was certain. The number of arrows jammed into the maw of the thing would have guaranteed a few extra seconds of survival and chances to escape if one of them had been forcibly tossed into there, and it had caused enough pause for the rest of them to get in a few hits up close.
Joseph rested across from Jax and Nalah, letting his heart rate slow from the rapid pace it had been pinned to since the start of the conflict. His arm continued its protests, but from the amount of movement he still had, he guessed that he had just strained the elbow. A few days taking it easy should straighten that right up.
Once the active members were about half way through processing the creature for hide and meat, Cobalt approached him, a mimed request for assistance putting their armour back on being redirected to Nalah since he doubted he could lift the damn pieces without hurting himself at the moment. She obliged, getting the blue Atmo back in full attire, though it took a while.
Rose stood first, stopping over to allow the hunter to place collected bits and pieces onto the carriage before securing it with whatever they could make due. A security member gathered the moss-wolf corpses for a similar treatment. Waste not, want not, he supposed.
Rose ended up carrying most of their spoils. When he was about to ask why, he, Jax, and Nalah were dragged to Cobalt and hefted onto the carriage. A series of confused questions revealed that the rest wanted to head back before it started getting dark, and it was pretty obvious who was the most exhausted of them. Lacking the will or energy to argue it, he flopped back on the Atmo as the trees passed them by, Nalah resting her legs across him as her head sat on Jax’s lap. The black-furred male didn’t so much as smirk, so it was clear he had pushed himself too far to quip about the arrangement as he laid down.
“The next time you wish to exhaust me this much, Joseph,” the Head of Security started after a long while of silence, tiredness in his voice, “I would prefer it to involve my mate and a bed.”
The Human snorted, closing his eyes and enjoying the lack of walking as the surprisingly stable Atmo carried the three of them. “Fuck off, Jax.”
“Of course, Grand Hunter.”
Next
A/N: Patreon is fixed!... aka new one cuz problems with the last. Check it out to support the story, get AI character art every now and then, or even preview sections of chapters as i write them! (aka, before kieve gets to fix them :D)

Keyboard cleaning hack Keyboard A toothbrush can be used to clean the keys on a keyboard. It's a good idea to clean your keyboard at least once a month to remove any dirt, dust, and grime that may have accumulated. However, if you eat at your desk or use your keyboard frequently throughout the day, you may need to clean it more often. Regular cleaning can help to prevent the buildup of germs and bacteria, which can be harmful to your health. The Tooth Brush Bristles are just soft enough to clean but not damage Your Keys. Here's how you can clean your keyboard: 1. Shut down your computer: Shut down your computer and unplug your keyboard before cleaning it. 2. Shake out any debris: Turn your keyboard upside down and gently shake it to remove any loose debris. 3. Use compressed air: Use compressed air to blow out any remaining debris from between the keys. 4. Wipe down the keys: Use a damp cloth or disinfectant wipe to wipe down the keys our hands have tons of germs that contaminate our keyboards). Avoid using too much water, as it can damage the keyboard. Clean the crevices: Use a toothbrush to clean the crevices around the keys. 5. Dry the keyboard: Allow the keyboard to air dry completely before plugging it back in. https://honesthoneyreviews.blogspot.com/2023/05/the-best-cleaning-hacks-using-tooth.html

Keyboard cleaning hack Keyboard A toothbrush can be used to clean the keys on a keyboard. It's a good idea to clean your keyboard at least once a month to remove any dirt, dust, and grime that may have accumulated. However, if you eat at your desk or use your keyboard frequently throughout the day, you may need to clean it more often. Regular cleaning can help to prevent the buildup of germs and bacteria, which can be harmful to your health. The Tooth Brush Bristles are just soft enough to clean but not damage Your Keys. Here's how you can clean your keyboard: 1. Shut down your computer: Shut down your computer and unplug your keyboard before cleaning it. 2. Shake out any debris: Turn your keyboard upside down and gently shake it to remove any loose debris. 3. Use compressed air: Use compressed air to blow out any remaining debris from between the keys. 4. Wipe down the keys: Use a damp cloth or disinfectant wipe to wipe down the keys our hands have tons of germs that contaminate our keyboards). Avoid using too much water, as it can damage the keyboard. Clean the crevices: Use a toothbrush to clean the crevices around the keys. 5. Dry the keyboard: Allow the keyboard to air dry completely before plugging it back in. https://honesthoneyreviews.blogspot.com/2023/05/the-best-cleaning-hacks-using-tooth.html