Happy sabbath images
2015.12.17 00:00 thatwentBTE /r/Zoomies
Videos, images, and gifs of happy animals zooming around.
2014.08.19 03:29 YouHearThat /r/brushybrushy
Images, .gifs and videos of animals enjoying being brushed
2019.03.16 11:13 CraftyExtent Happy Dog Gifs
Gifs of happy Dogs
2023.06.05 09:01 ProperMatch I’ve come to an interesting (and tough) realization.
I’ve always had this image in my head of the most optimal version of myself. Extremely fit and in shape, confident, disciplined, productive, accomplishing my goals one at a time. I’ve always known that alcohol got in the way of those goals, that’s why I’ve been so adamant about severely cutting my drinking out over the last few years.
Yet, the funny thing is that when I envision myself with my dream body and on top of the world, I envision it with alcohol. Being able to have a few drinks in celebration of my accomplishments with the false notion in my head that once I get to where I want to be I can drink and not feel guilty.
It’s so silly because I feel the way I want to feel when I’m not drinking. I’m so much more happy, motivated, energetic, aware and present. The optimal version of myself doesn’t exist with alcohol so it’s funny that when I envision it, it does.
Just a thought. IWNDWYT
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2023.06.05 08:37 brovie77 My Husband Calls His Mom Every Time We Fight
TLDR; My husband calls his mom every time we fight. My final straw was 2 days ago when she was working and he spam called her 10 times in a row before she finally answered. Is this normal? How do I bring this up?
My husband (25m) and I (24f) have been together for 8 years, we have 3 children together.
He has always had a very close relationship with his mom which I found odd but tried to be open and happy that he respected his parents.
Throughout the years the relationship has gotten worse and worse. Every time we fight, he calls her. Sometimes he’ll just call her to vent, but sometimes he’ll put her on speakerphone, tell her everything that’s happened and tell her to “tell me that I’m wrong”. The worst part is that she feeds into it.
The other day we had a fight and he ran to call his mom. She was working and didn’t answer, so he proceeded to spam call her 10 TIMES!! before she answered. I cannot get the image of my adult husband spam calling his mother to tell her about our fight.
Having every single intimate and private detail of our relationship broadcasted to his mom is so violating to me. It’s to the point where I’m embarrassed to show my face or speak to his family because of the details that he’s shared. I’ve expressed how inappropriate I think it is multiple time, in which he then shares with his mom, thus making me even more angry and embarrassed.
I don’t want it to be taken as though I don’t want him to have a relationship with his mom. I want him to have a healthy, happy relationship with his mom without sharing every detail of our private fights. I’d like to sit at the table with his mom for dinners and not feel I’m hated for the way he portrays me.
My questions are:
- Am I being sensitive? Is this a typical mother-child relationship? I don’t have the greatest relationship with either of my parents so it’s possible that calling your parent for relationship advice is normal and I just don’t know about it.
- How do I go about this without him feeling attacked or like I don’t want him to talk to his mom at all?
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2023.06.05 08:29 IneverGiveUp01 A Fresh Perspective: Could Rational Recovery be Your Turning Point?
Imagine being trapped in a destructive cycle for eight long years, knowing you need to escape but feeling utterly powerless to do so. That was my reality. I'm a 26-year-old man who, from the tender age of 12, found himself caught in the relentless grip of pornography and masturbation addiction.
By 18, I was painfully aware of the damage it was causing and desperate to break free. I tried everything – NoFap, meditation, sports, cold showers, even punishing myself, but to no avail. It felt like my addiction was an unshakeable opponent. But then, something changed. I discovered a strategy that changed my life. If you're struggling, I want to share this with you...
Caught in the grip of this addiction, I would spend an average of seven hours per day, even peaking at thirteen hours sometimes. The toll of this habit was heavy, affecting my personal, professional, and social life severely. Yet everything changed when I discovered Jack Trimpey's Rational Recovery method.
While his book provided me with crucial insights, it was his comprehensive AVRT Demonstration, where Trimpey guided an alcohol addict towards permanent abstinence, that truly filled the missing pieces in my fight against addiction. The Rational Recovery method fundamentally shifted my perspective towards addiction, helping me to recognize and silence the voice of my brain (the Beast) pushing me to consume. Today, I want to share my experience, hoping it could be an effective solution for many of you. You can access the entire demonstration at the end in the 'Useful Resources' section.
Understanding Addiction and Navigating this Guide
Let's talk about what addiction really is. Addiction isn't about the behavior itself, but rather the desire to escape pain and seek a better life. It is marked by ambivalence, a feeling of being torn between two minds. Overcoming addiction involves breaking free from the grip of pleasure and reclaiming control over oneself.
Before I delve into how I applied the Rational Recovery method and the results I got, I want to pose a simple but powerful question: If I placed a big red button in front of you that, when pressed, would instantly eradicate your addiction, would you press it?
If your answer is 'yes', then you have all the reasons you need to quit. I've been where you are now, writing pages upon pages of reasons to stop, yet relapsing despite knowing how harmful it was. It's important to recognize when a pattern becomes harmful, it's time to stop.
As you explore this guide, remember the importance of keeping an open mind. Let's borrow some wisdom from Mark Twain, who once said, “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.” It's a nod to the importance of being receptive to new ideas and methods. This guide may offer a different approach, but embracing it might bring about the change you're seeking.
What is AVRT?
AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique) is a transformative strategy that I've found invaluable in my journey to overcoming addiction. This technique helps you recognize and differentiate yourself from the 'addictive voice', the part of your primitive brain structure that fuels your addiction.
Think of AVRT as your personal defense mechanism that works under any circumstance, regardless of your emotional state – be it sadness, anger,boredom, loneliness, or stress. The aim here isn't to suppress these emotions, but rather to stay in control of your actions, no matter what you're feeling.
The 'addictive voice' – which we'll call the 'beast' – is a sneaky internal saboteur. It's the part of you that wants to continue with the harmful habit, despite you consciously knowing it's not beneficial. AVRT is about learning to separate this beast from your own true will, thus empowering you to reclaim your life.
The power of AVRT lies in this distinction between you and the beast. Once you master this technique, you'll learn to reject the rationalizations and temptations that originate from the beast. The dissociation from the beast is what makes it possible to make a firm, irrevocable commitment to quit your addiction. By not identifying with the beast, you can prevent yourself from suffering commonly associated with resisting addiction.
In essence, AVRT isn't about fighting or resisting; it's about recognizing, dissociating, and reclaiming control of your life.
What is the "beast"?
The "beast" is a term coined by the Rational Recovery method to denote the part of your brain pushing you towards your addiction. We call it the Beast because, like a wild, uncontrollable animal, it cares about nothing but fulfilling its need. It is a cunning inner voice, whispering that you need to engage in porn and masturbation to feel satisfied, relieved, or happy. This voice, often referred to as the Addictive Voice (AV), can be quite deceptive. It might paint you a picture of an enticing scene, produce alluring sounds, offer a moment of relief, or even present a false promise of control—"Just be more careful next time.
This beast manipulates you with excuses, deceptive emotions, and outright lies to make you succumb to your addiction. But let's make one thing clear: the beast is not your friend. It's your worst enemy. It's a parasitic entity that has latched onto your life, thriving on your addictive behavior. Like every living thing, it fears its end, and that end comes when you stop feeding the addiction. It has no regard for your well-being, your relationships, your life goals, or your health. Only its survival matters.
As you read through this guide, it's crucial to remain aware of the Beast's interference. Remember, the Beast manifests as a voice in your head or as an emotion, pushing you towards addictive thoughts and actions. You might experience feelings of resistance, discomfort, anger, fear, anxiety, or even a cringe reaction. These are the Beast's attempts to disrupt your progress.
While the Beast can attempt to manipulate your thoughts and emotions, it does not and cannot control your actions. It's your survival instincts that the Beast taps into, but your ability to make decisions, to govern your actions, thoughts, and emotions is uniquely yours.
The Beast may present itself in thoughts like, "This is too difficult to understand,
" "This won't work for me,
" or "I'm an exception to this method.
" Understand that these thoughts are not your own, but the Beast's desperate attempts to maintain control.
In its relentless quest for satisfaction, the beast views everything, including you, as expendable. It's the embodiment of your addiction, caring for nothing but its next fix. It's deaf to reason, blind to consequences, and immune to remorse.
If this description resonates with you, don't panic. You're not 'sick.' It's merely an error of association made by your body - an error in the script, so to speak. It mistakenly believes that this addictive behavior is as vital for your survival as breathing or eating.
Take these moments of resistance as signs that you are on the right track. You're threatening the Beast's existence, and it's trying to fight back. Recognize these voices for what they are, continue moving forward, and know that each step brings you closer to reaffirming your control and freedom from addiction.
[How to Proceed]
Let me share an effective exercise, adapted from the Rational Recovery book, that could help you end your porn and masturbation addiction right now.
Start by observing your thoughts and feelings about watching porn or masturbating, both positive and negative. The thoughts and feelings that encourage continued use represent your Addictive Voice (AV), while those advocating for abstinence represent the real you.
When you learn to identify and understand your AV, it becomes an easily defeated foe causing you to indulge. All it craves is pleasure. The main tactic of the Beast is to seize control of the pronoun 'I'. It will try to convince you by saying things like "I want to watch porn
" or "I need pornography
However, you can effectively counter this strategy. By simply adding a 't' and shifting the 'I' to 'It', you can remind yourself that these thoughts are not truly yours, but are the Beast's manipulations. So the sentences become, "It wants to watch porn" or "It needs pornography ".
By changing "I" to "It", you dissociate from the discomfort or distress. Yes, it's that simple, placing it squarely on the Beast instead of yourself. It's crucial to recognize that these feelings are the Beast's attempts to coerce you back into addiction.
Now, tell yourself, "I will never consume porn or masturbate again", and listen for any negative reactions – this is your AV responding. Conversely, if you think, "I will consume porn or masturbate whenever I please," any pleasant feelings that arise are also your AV asserting control.
This recognition technique dispels short-term desire, making abstinence effortless. Complete separation of 'you' from 'it' results in complete recovery and hope for a better life.
Picture the AVRT technique as a form of gardening. The Addictive Voice is the weed trying to overtake your garden and sapping nutrients from the other plants. Recognizing the weed for what it is and uprooting it preserves your garden's health. Similarly, identifying and acting against your Addictive Voice safeguards a healthy and fulfilling life free from addiction.
Shifting is another powerful technique to help you dissociate from the beast of addiction. The idea is to alternate between viewing your addiction from the perspective of the beast and your own.
When viewing addiction through the Beast's eyes, you visualize what it craves the most about the addictive behavior and imagine the associated pleasure for a few minutes. It will express sentiments like "I want this now!
" or "Please give it to me!
", and you may start to feel the beast getting excited, happy, or impatient.
Then, shift to your perspective and reflect on the pain and negative impact the addiction has on you and those around you. Allow yourself feelings of disgust. Let your own feelings now take over, and you will find that your Beast withdraws and you feel either neutral or put off. This back-and-forth process allows you to dissociate from the Beast.
Think of Shifting as toggling between two TV channels: one projects a seductive yet distorted image of addiction, while the other reveals the harsh reality of its damage.
Introducing the "Big Plan"
The idea of the Big Plan in Rational Recovery is to make a personal commitment to lifelong abstinence from addiction. This commitment, for me, took the form of the decisive statement, "I will never consume porn or masturbate again". It involves pinpointing a day and an hour for your turning point. For me, that was a Sunday at 12am. This moment represents a clear and definitive end to your addictive behavior and the start of a new chapter in your life. You can decide to commit either immediately after going through this post or by specifying your day and hour. It's entirely your choice, and we'll discuss this in more depth later.
Your Power Over the Beast
The Beast, despite its intimidating name, is in fact harmless. It may try to coerce, manipulate, and instill fear, but it is important to remember that it is powerless without your consent. It cannot force you to return to the addictive behavior; only you can make that decision. In fact, you are the main authority, the one in charge, and it's the Beast that fears you.
The Beast is aware of your power and control, and it's terrified of it. It knows that you can shatter its illusions in a snap, without any difficulty. You're the one who makes the call, not the Beast, and it fears your unyielding decision to quit the addiction forever.
Its tactics may often involve fear. It's like the Beast is pointing a gun at you, but the truth is, its gun is empty. It's just a bluff, an illusion. You know it, and the Beast knows it too. It's simply trying to maintain its influence by resorting to fear tactics, but you can see through its lies.
"Don't trust yourself in tempting situations...you're not strong enough yet." – The Beast's voice:
The Beast tries to maintain control by suggesting certain places, events, or people will trigger a relapse. You might hear it whisper, "You can't go to that event, you might relapse,
" or "Avoid that location, it's too risky.
" This is simply the Beast's tactic to keep a hold on you, aiming to make you believe you're not completely in control.
By simply recognizing it for what it is - a tactic of the Beast to undermine your confidence - you can dismiss these fear tactics and reaffirm your control.
What if I Lose Control?
The Beast within you is a cunning entity, ever ready to exploit your moments of doubt and vulnerability. It whispers falsehoods, instilling fear and shaking your confidence. But don't be swayed, for you have always held the reins. The Beast may inhabit a corner of your mind, but it lacks the power to control your actions.
Not convinced? Try this: Extend your finger in front of your eyes and move it, then ask the Beast to do the same. The Beast can't because it doesn't hold sway over your physical actions.
The truth is, you've never truly "failed" in your endeavor against addiction. You've always had the choice, and sometimes you've elected to surrender to the Beast's desires. But that doesn't equate to losing control. It merely shows you gave in, momentarily, to the Beast's whisperings.
Recovery from addiction isn't about becoming a superhero or uncovering the universe's hidden secrets. It's about realizing that we don't have control over every aspect of life. However, we do have control over our actions, our reactions, and how we choose to face life's unpredictable events.
Do you choose the path of self-discovery and freedom from addiction? Or do you prefer to remain confined by the restrictions that addiction imposes? Be cautious: the Beast may distort your perspective, asking, "Where are the benefits?
" or suggesting, "You haven't gained anything,
" and even instigating impatience by incessantly asking, "How long until I see the benefits?
But don't fall prey to these distortions. Escaping addiction isn't about immediate gain or fixing all your life's problems. Recovery isn't a magic solution; it's a step towards personal empowerment. It's about gaining freedom and unlocking your potential, not just as a person in recovery, but as an individual capable of resilience and authenticity.
Concentrate on the liberation that breaking free from addiction brings. Let's choose this path towards a life where addiction no longer controls us, allowing us to genuinely live and experience life to its fullest.
Understanding the Real Reason You're Engaging in This
Engaging in this addiction is solely for pleasure and nothing more. Every other justification is a fabrication of the Beast. It's designed to make you believe that giving in to your addiction is the only route to happiness or relief when you're feeling depressed, bored, lonely, stressed, or miserable.
Speaking from personal experience, I used to think that I turned to pornography and masturbation because I was lonely, stressed, or had a rough day. I thought that because I spent my entire day working alone on a computer, my environment or lifestyle was to blame for my addiction. These were excuses, a way to avoid taking responsibility for my actions, guided by the Beast's narrative.
The key to recognizing the Beast is noticing that the conversation always bends towards indulgence in your addiction.
Imagine you're having a tough day, and you begin to feel down. Instead of recognizing this as a passing mood, the Beast seizes this opportunity. It will amplify your negative emotions by saying things like, "You're always unhappy, aren't you? You know what would make you feel better... just one quick session won't hurt.
" Or, "You're so lonely, this is unbearable. Just indulge, it's your only comfort.
" These harsh whispers are the Beast's attempts to deepen your feeling of depression and nudge you towards the addictive behavior. Depression doesn't create addiction; addiction does.
The Beast's goal? To make you feel so low that resorting to your addiction seems like the only way out. Conversely, when you're content and joyful, the Beast will persuade you to give in, arguing it will amplify your satisfaction. Just think about it. If you're living what you perceive as a perfect life, the Beast will still argue you could feel even better with pornography and masturbation. It's a never-ending, destructive cycle.
Understanding and Separating Desire
Desire, in its essence, is not a negative emotion; it's a natural human condition. It propels us toward achievement, drives creativity, and gives meaning to our experiences. It also plays a crucial role in our relationships and our sexuality. The key in overcoming addiction is not to extinguish desire altogether, but to discern between healthy desires and those manipulated by the Beast.
Imagine your desires as a beautiful, roaring river. It's full of life, movement, and potential. This river represents your natural, healthy desires - things like connecting with others, pursuing your hobbies, personal growth, and even your sexual desires. These are your desires, part of who you are.
Then, there's the Beast's desire - a poisonous stream trying to merge into your river, attempting to hijack your natural flow. This stream carries the pull of addiction, steering you away from your authentic path, manipulating your thoughts, and distorting your perceptions.
Recognize this poisonous stream and refuse to let it merge with your river. This is not about damming the entire river or stifling your desires, but about rejecting the poisonous stream that the Beast introduces. It's about retaining your authentic desires and letting them guide you.
Identify that any thought associated with the desire to indulge in the addiction is coming from the Beast. By doing so, you begin to differentiate between what you truly want and what the Beast wants. This understanding will empower you, helping you keep your river clean, vibrant, and true to its course.
In the whirlwind of addiction, it can be easy to confuse the Beast's desires with our own. I, too, was lost in this confusion. I believed I was drawn to endless layers of perversion, thinking that I was attracted to the limitless exploration of perversion. But deep down, this wasn't me, it was the Beast's influence, its relentless push for more and more. Upon reflection, I realized my true desire was much simpler and profoundly more meaningful: to love and be loved. To have a wife, to raise children together, to share in the mundane and the magical moments of life. That's my authentic desire, not the empty promises of temporary pleasure the Beast kept pushing. This profound clarity is a stark contrast to the Beast's corruption, a beacon that can guide you back to your true self.
The goal is not to eliminate desire, but to reclaim it, to keep it authentic and personal. Desire is a part of your humanity; it's the Beast's manipulation of it that leads to addiction.
The Myth of Relapse and the Power of Perfection.
The Beast might sometimes whisper, "It's okay to relapse. You'll do better next time.
" This is a shrewd strategy designed to maintain its hold on you by normalizing relapse as a part of the recovery journey. It uses these tactics to sow seeds of doubt in your mind, aiming to eventually lead you to relapse. Rational Recovery, however, views this differently: the key is making a definitive decision—your Big Plan—to abstain from the addictive behavior and sticking to it under any circumstances.
Human beings are perfectly capable of achieving perfection in certain aspects of life. Consider the professional athlete who plays a perfect game or the musician who delivers a flawless performance. They do so by making a firm commitment to their goal and adhering to it diligently, without allowing any room for mistakes.
Similarly, your recovery journey can be perfect too. Once you make your Big Plan to abstain from addictive behavior, you can stick to it perfectly, without any relapses. This is the ideal that Rational Recovery promotes—not "try, fail, and try again," but "decide and stick to your decision perfectly."
Your Beast wants you to believe that perfection is unachievable, as this gives it room to persuade you to relapse. But don't let it fool you. You have the power to make a perfect decision and stick to it.
What if it's too Difficult or Painful?
Instead of pondering over this, consider a different question: 'For whom is it too painful or difficult?' Any discomfort or difficulty associated with ceasing the addiction stems from the Beast, not you. Observing the Beast's distress is a positive sign - it shows you're successfully dissociating from it.
Remember that humans can only fully experience one feeling at a time. When you start feeling discomfort from abstaining, it's crucial to recognize that this isn't your discomfort. It's the Beast that suffering. The Beast is protesting because it's not getting what it wants. This suffering isn't negative for you; in fact, it's a positive sign. It means you're successfully asserting control over your decisions, as the Beast's discomfort indicates that it's losing its influence over you.
Most importantly, remember: you are safe. You risk nothing by quitting this addiction. Every feeling of discomfort or fear is from the Beast, not you. Your well-being and safety are never in jeopardy by choosing to stop. By rejecting the Beast's influence and asserting your control, you reclaim your freedom from addiction.
How would I know what I will do in the future?
While predicting your future actions may be impossible, you can certainly define what you would never do. Consider the activities that you find disturbing, unhealthy, and reprehensible - those that you would never engage in.
Now, add porn and masturbation addiction to that list. As you do this, pay attention to your Beast. It might try to concoct far-fetched scenarios that seem to justify succumbing to the addiction. Recognize these for what they are: desperate attempts by the Beast to manipulate your thoughts. By doing so, you can effectively disregard its interference and remain true to your values.
I'm scared to relapse, what should I do?
Relapse anxiety is a common pitfall many encounter on their NoFap journey. You may be confidently progressing, then suddenly a thought creeps in: "What if I relapse tomorrow?
" This thought triggers anxiety, shaking your belief in your commitment.
From the Rational Recovery standpoint, relapse anxiety is the Beast's deceptive voice trying to manipulate you. It incites fear and uncertainty, making you feel as if relapse is imminent. The Beast attempts to shake your confidence and sense of control. But here's the truth: relapse anxiety is an illusion, a tactic used by the Beast to tighten its grip.
Combat this by distancing yourself from the Beast and recognizing that relapse anxiety is a deceptive tactic used by the Beast to instill fear and weaken your resolve. Remember, you risk nothing by quitting this addiction; you are safe. Any discomfort you experience stems from the Beast, not you.
Reiterate your Big Plan: "I will never consume porn or masturbate again." By affirming your decision and distancing yourself from the Beast's influence, you can dispel the anxiety and stay firmly on your path. Remember, you are in control, and you will always stay in control, the fears conjured by the Beast hold no sway over you.
The Beast's Attack on the Dreamscape
The Beast's intrusion into your dreams should not be a source of fear. This isn't a situation that requires extensive concern, this is just a sign of the Beast's distress.
There are generally two types of dreams where the Beast tries to assert its influence. The first type are explicit sex dreams, designed to reignite the desires and cravings associated with your addiction. The second type are dreams where you see yourself relapsing, which can be distressing and seem all too real.
When your neocortex (the real you) goes to sleep, the Beast sees an opportunity to attack and tries to regain influence over you through these dreams. This is evidence that you are on the right track. Your progress towards your goal of freedom from addiction is causing this panicked response from the Beast.
Remember, no matter what happens in your dreams, you are in control in reality. These dreams are just dreams, and they do not have the power to make you do anything.
Understanding 'Blue Balls' and Nocturnal Emissions in Recovery
Experiencing discomfort or an aching in the testicles, often referred to as 'blue balls,' is something that some individuals might encounter during their decision to quit their porn and masturbation addiction. Similarly, you may also experience nocturnal emissions or 'wet dreams' during your journey to recovery.
These phenomena aren't signs of harm, danger, or relapse, but rather physical manifestations of your body adjusting to your firm decision to quit the addiction.
While your body is adapting to a new, healthier state, not reliant on constant sexual stimulation, the Beast might attempt to distort these occurrences into negative experiences. It might tell you that nocturnal emissions are relapses, causing unwarranted fear and anxiety. But remember, you're in control.
Consider these sensations and events as physical signs of your transformation, a testament to the changes happening within you. It's important to remember that not everyone experiences this, and even if you do, it's not something to be overly concerned about. These adjustments are something you are more than capable of handling. As your body adjusts to your new lifestyle, such events will likely decrease and eventually stop. Don't let the Beast use these natural bodily responses as a scare tactic.
Gradual Reduction: A Beast's Strategy
In your journey of breaking free from addiction, you might be tempted to adopt a "gradual reduction" approach - cutting back little by little rather than quitting outright. This strategy, while seemingly logical, is often a ploy from the Beast, setting you up for failure.
During my own journey, for many months, I was enticed by the concept of gradually reducing my addictive behaviors. The approach felt less abrupt, seemingly offering a smoother transition. Even the Beast within me suggested compromises such as, "Let's start by indulging only in the afternoon,
" or "How about we limit it to weekends?
".However, I discovered through experience that this gradual reduction strategy often creates more problems than it resolves. Let me tell you why.
Firstly, by not making a clean break, you're continually feeding the addiction, keeping the Beast alive and active. It's akin to trying to put out a fire while still pouring small amounts of gasoline on it - it keeps the flames going, never fully extinguishing the fire.
Secondly, when you set specific times or days for indulging, you're not freeing your mind from the addiction; instead, you're refocusing it. You find yourself constantly counting down the hours or days until your next 'allowed' session. This fixation lead to a persistent preoccupation with the addiction, turning the process into something torturous and counterproductive.
Lastly, even on the days where you've decided not to indulge, the Beast is still at work. It doesn't take breaks. It try to convince you to deviate from your plan, asserting things like, "You're going to do it in a couple of days anyway, so why not just do it today? Why wait?" This becomes a recurring battle with the Beast, undermining your resolve.
The gradual reduction method keeps the addiction in focus, maintains the Beast's influence, and undermines your resolve. It's far more effective to make a clean break and assert your decision to quit outright. Remember, you're not losing anything by quitting - you're freeing yourself from the Beast's control.
Why should you spend energy on counting days for an activity you've resolved never to engage in? The Beast excels at setting goals and then weaponizing them against us.
Here's how the Beast use day counting against you:
Making a big deal of milestones: The Beast lead you to focus excessively on reaching a certain number of days, weeks, or months. While milestones can be motivational, the Beast use them to create unnecessary stress and pressure, saying things like "What if you don't make it?
" or "Imagine how bad it would feel to start over.
Justifying a lapse: "You've made it 100 days, you deserve a reward!
" or "One slip after so many days won't hurt.
" The Beast use the number of days as an excuse to suggest that it would be "safe" or "earned" to indulge in the addictive behavior.
Creating a false sense of security: The Beast suggest that after a certain number of days without indulging in the addiction, you're "cured" and could safely return to the behavior without becoming addicted again.
Undermining early progress: In the initial stages, the Beast belittle the small number of days you've been free from the addiction, making statements like "You've only managed two days, you'll never make it a week.
Leveraging bad days: If you're having a tough day, the Beast say, "You're miserable even after 30 days clean. See, quitting doesn't make things better. Might as well go back.
Remember, these are all tricks of the Beast trying to manipulate you into returning to the addictive behavior. The Beast will use anything, including the count of days, to try to get what it wants. The best way to deal with this is to remain steadfast in your decision and continue dissociating from the Beast.
So, instead of getting trapped in the Beast's game of counting days, surrender this act to it. We can concentrate on the broader scope - liberating ourselves from the Beast's clutches, embracing enduring change, and regaining our freedom. Day counting becomes insignificant because it no longer illustrates our path. Our chosen journey is one where the Beast's urges hold no power, and our authentic liberation takes the limelight. Let the Beast obsess over counting days, while we commit to a life of emancipation and self-discovery.
Why Punishment Doesn't Work
Self-punishment is a common response to addiction, yet it often proves ineffective. This can take many forms, from physical discomfort to emotional torment. In my own battle against addiction, I tried various self-punishment strategies. On the physical side, I would resort to self-harm. Emotionally, I burdened myself with negative self-talk, depression, feelings of hopelessness, anger, sadness, and even thoughts of death. It's important to note, however, that these intense feelings of guilt and self-condemnation were amplified by the Beast. The Beast utilizes such negative emotions to paint addiction as the only respite, the only 'good thing' left in life. It is a manipulative trick to keep you chained to the addiction.
Yet, over time, these painful memories have faded, while the seductive pull of the addictive behavior has remained vivid in my mind. It's a compelling illustration of the human condition: we often forget pain and remember pleasure.
Consider individuals who struggle with drug addiction. They might end up in a hospital after an overdose, experiencing immense physical pain. But as time passes, the memory of this pain dissipates, while the allure of the drug, the pleasure it brought, remains clear and tempting. This imbalance often leads them back into the cycle of addiction.
This became evident to me during the last week leading up to my final decision to quit - my Big Plan. It was the most challenging week of my life; I was counting the days until my liberation. Now that I'm free, when I think back to that week, the Beast tries to rewrite the narrative, calling it the "best week of all time!
This disparity between the memory of pain and pleasure underscores why self-punishment is an ineffective strategy for long-term addiction recovery. Rational Recovery offers a different approach. Rather than relying on the fleeting memory of pain, it focuses on recognizing and dissociating from the addictive voice—the Beast.
Arguing with the beast
Let's clarify something: arguing with the Beast is futile. The Beast is single-minded, craving only the satisfaction of its addiction. Moreover, it's cunning, capable of playing both sides of an argument.
For instance, the Beast might implant thoughts such as, "You could indulge now, it's not a big deal.
" Then, to create confusion and feign agreement, it might echo that very idea, saying, "Yes, I could indulge now.
" It's essential to recognize that both these sentiments are from the Beast. It is a clear demonstration of how it can promote the idea of indulgence while also pretending to be 'you' to create an illusion of consent.
In the Rational Recovery technique, every thought or feeling associated with the indulgence in the addiction is identified as coming from the Beast, including its attempts to take possession of the pronoun "I".
You are the decision-maker here, you are in control. Your will is what truly matters, and the Beast must inevitably conform to your decisions.
Dealing with White-Knuckling and Intense Urges
Feeling urges, cravings, or hunger sensations is a natural part of the recovery journey. In fact, it's a positive sign, an indication that you are making progress. However, these feelings can turn into white-knuckling when you identify with the Beast's thoughts and feelings. When you start saying things like "I'm so horny
" or "I need a relief ASAP,
" you're identifying with the beast voice. When you find yourself arguing with the Beast or doubting your decision to quit, you're in the grip of white-knuckling.
In my own journey to recovery, I experienced these urges, cravings, and sensations. But rather than identifying with them and turning them into a struggle, I recognized them as signs of the Beast's distress, not mine. It was the Beast who was desperate and frustrated, not me. This recognition made these moments not just bearable but even satisfying, as they signaled that I was on the right track in my recovery.
The power of these urges and cravings diminished with my Big Plan, my absolute decision to never indulge in the addictive behavior again. Even if you find yourself in a white-knuckling situation, remember that you can shift your perspective. Recognize that every thought encouraging the addictive behavior is coming from the Beast, and use the Recognition or Shifting techniques to help you dissociate from these thoughts and feelings. After that, reaffirm your Big Plan, stating firmly and clearly, "I will never consume porn or masturbate again." This firm commitment to your Big Plan will dispel all doubt, releasing you from the grip of white-knuckling.
The Big Plan: Your Commitment to Freedom
Taking a firm decision is a critical step in overcoming addiction, and this is what making a Big Plan entails. This plan is a complete commitment, devoid of room for negotiation or compromise. When you formulate a Big Plan, you're making a promise to yourself to never indulge in your addiction again, under any circumstances.
Choosing a specific day for your Big Plan can help add a sense of occasion and finality to your decision. For instance, I personally chose a Sunday at 12am. Your Beast will likely agree to this arrangement, looking forward to a "last hurrah."
But as you approach your chosen day to initiate your Big Plan, the Beast may start getting anxious. It may whisper, "I can't let this go!
" or "Let's postpone the Big Plan, and enjoy this for now!
" This is not your voice. It's the voice of the Beast, trying to make you delay your decision and panicking at the impending loss of its control.
Your declaration for the Big Plan could be: "I will never consume porn or masturbate again." This phrase embodies the essence of the Big Plan — a firm, unyielding decision that signifies your commitment to stay addiction-free.
In your journey to overcome addiction, the video I am about to share will be invaluable. It features Jack Trimpey, the founder of Rational Recovery, directly guiding you through the process of making a Big Plan. Although Trimpey focuses on alcohol and drug addiction in the video, his guidance applies to any addiction, including pornography and masturbation. Carefully absorb his words, understanding their relevance to your personal struggle.
watch this video, skip to 33:39 for the Big Plan section: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_n2YH8RLd_4&list=PLazOJVze5_z3BdcDSF3uPtN8Vu9VDqVJl&index=3where
I've spent a month compiling my experiences and sharing the tools that aided me on my journey. You are free to ask questions while I'm around, but please note that I'm not a regular Reddit user and won't be able to answer indefinitely. For those interested in Rational Recovery, all the information you need is in the "Useful Resources" section. If you found this post helpful, please consider upvoting or sharing it with friends who might benefit from it. Always remember to dissociate from the Beast and stand firm in your Big Plan. Holding unwavering trust in your decision is the key to defeating the Beast. May you embrace your journey to freedom and experience the liberation you've been longing for. Thank you for taking the time to read my post.
Rational Recovery Book : https://www.amazon.fRational-Recovery-Cure-Substance-Addiction/dp/0671528580/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=rational+recovery&sr=8-1
AVRT Demonstration (AVRT Live Vol 1-5) : https://www.youtube.com/@DeborahSpringborn/videos
submitted by IneverGiveUp01
to pornfree [link] [comments]
2023.06.05 08:28 IndependentAny4663 My (29M) gf (29F) wants a one month break to focus on herself
To give you a little bit of background. A few months ago, I was engaged and planned to get married this summer. However, my fiancé and I broke up earlier this year because we realized we weren't right for each other. We have both moved on since then, and I recently started dating an old friend of mine. She has expressed to me that she is unhappy with her body and wants to gain weight, which is causing her a lot of stress at work. She feels that she can't be happy with me until she focuses on herself. She has asked for a one-month break so she can work on becoming a better version of herself and come back to me. While I want to trust her and support her, I am feeling uncertain about the situation. I wonder if her body image concerns are a red flag for a more serious issue and if her stress levels are impacting our relationship. I am also aware that my past engagement and breakup may be affecting how I approach this relationship. I am committed to communicating openly with her.
Should I worry about this reaction? And what should I do with my own life? Keep going “normally” and just move on?
submitted by IndependentAny4663
to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
2023.06.05 08:14 Needhelp2cure I need help to cure my sissy addiction
I’m in desperate need of help to get over my sissy addiction.
It is ruining my life and I want to get over it. The big problem is that, each time I see sissy caption/hentai hypno/Sissy training images, I become really dumb and I can do things I regret. It doesn’t requires much to trigger my « sissy side » and when it does I completly dive in. It turns me on so much that simply writing about them already made me really horny…
It ruined my lige because it also affect my relations with females. It is hard to get hard without any sissy thoughts and I also « perform » really less since my addiction 5 years ago. Since then, I used to watch sissy hypno, caption, trainer, etc… everyday at least once. But since I discovered it, I don’t remember one time when I was happy after orgasm. It always is the thing and only regrets…
It has been a complete month (my longest since I started!) without any sissy porn but the thoughts about getting into it grows stronger everyday. This also have to do with the fact that I’m home alone 16h/day because of a break in my career and easily bored.
That is why I’m looking for help here, hoping that someone has a solution to help my mind think of something else. Even just talking could help, I honestly don’t know. Open to any idea !
All help is welcome!
submitted by Needhelp2cure
to TGandSissyRecovery [link] [comments]
2023.06.05 08:11 Nysterian [LFA] Nue / Nedren, Two characters that share a body
| || | submitted by Nysterian to characterdrawing [link] [comments]
Nue and Nedren are my two characters that share the same body. I won't go into their backstory, but Nue is a lore bard journalist, while Nedren is a swashbuckler rogue masked vigilante.
I've played Nue/Nedren for a long time in the past, but things happened in the campaign where the party had to split, and we chose to continue with the part of the party that they weren't a part of. They will be making a return now after 4 in-game months had passed, and I'd love it if I could get official art for them to celebrate the return of probably my favorite characters so far.
I am looking for a picture of Nue and Nedren... Or separate pictures of each of them. White they have the same body, they dress differently and have different attitudes: Nue is much more socially active and very excitable to promises of possible new scoops, while Nedren is a more quiet and secretive kind of character.For Nedren, I'd love it if there was a version of her with her hood/mask on, and another one where her hood is off and the mask is on the side of her head. This is not necessary, but it would be amazing if I could have that!.
I hope I gave enough information both here in text and in the reference images, I'm happy to answer and questions that you may have. Looking forward to see what people come up with! https://preview.redd.it/6bdeucne554b1.jpg?width=13632&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3cf5f285e5c7ade4618bc8f151e1544bd007b077 Original References:
These are the images that I used previously, they're simply images that I found on the internet. I'd like the keep both of their general feel and colors, I also want to keep their hairstyle somewhat similar to Nue's original picture, but their eyes should just be light green, not heterochromatic like you see on Nue.
- Backpack: They travel fairly light, so I want a backpack that is on the smaller side and doesn't really get in the way. There should probably be scrolls, paper and writing utensils seen poking out of pockets of the bag or similar. Nue should be wearing the backpack on her back, while Nedren is probably holding it on her hand, ready to drop it just before battle, or something like that.
- Nue's Outfit: I like the overall feel of the red part of this reference, and I'd like Nue's outfit to be something like that... But still mostly blue like the original reference. However, this reference is very monk-oriented, so I'd like those parts to not be included, Nue isn't really a fighter.
- Nedren's Outfit: I do really like the top half of this reference, but I don't think that Nedren would opt to wear a skirt like that, so I'd like to keep the pants of the original reference. Also the colors should be similar to the original reference, and I'd like the outfit to still have a hood.
- Nue's Glasses: Nue's original reference has glasses that are slightly square, but I'd prefer if they were rounder like in this reference. Worth noting that Nue wears glasses, but Nedren does not.
- The Owl Mask: This mask is what got Nedren to be called "The Phantom Owl". She uses it to keep her identity hidden, but due to recent events, she doesn't need to hidden by the party anymore. So I'd like it if the picture drawn still included the mask on her head, in the same positions that the reference of the fox mask is. If there could be an alternate version where the mask is on her face as well, that would be a great bonus, but it's not necessary.
- Doss Lute: Nue has an instrument of the bards magic item: the Doss Lute. This reference is what I believe to be the official art for D&D's Doss Lute, but feel free to change it if you think that you can make it fit better. Nue carries this lute on her back, together with her backpack, but Nedren does not use it, so it probably should be together with the backpack on her hand like I mentioned in 1.
- Leafguard Rapier: This is a simple +1 Rapier that the DM game some flavor to. We don't have an official look for it, but I found this reference that I think would be really neat to have. I don't need the blade to be so "crystal-y" like the reference is, in fact, I'd prefer it to be a normal blade, but the place on the reference where the rapier is held is perfect. I'd just like it if the colors were changed to light green tones rather than blue. The blade is primarily used by Nedren, so maybe she should be wielding or unsheathing it on the picture, but Nue would also carry it on her hip.
2023.06.05 08:01 eastbayviews Warning - MCU actually did ruin my love of Marvel Comics
Wanted to warn y'all that the MCU's Guardians Vol 3 just made me so disgusted that I pulled all the Marvel titles from my comic shelf. I can't even look at these comics, even ones that I have loved for decades. It's not rational, it's emotional. The Marvel logo was stamped on a movie that delighted in graphic violence against animals (CGI does not make it OK). As a result, the same logo made me sick every time I looked at my comics shelf. So I pulled them all and put them in my giveaway pile. I feel much better now that the logos are only Valiant, Image, DC, Dark Horse, Archaia and Archie. I'm sharing this with y'all because I always thought the MCU was a stupid but harmless cash-factory that couldn't mess up the happy memories I have from great old issues of comics. I was wrong.
submitted by eastbayviews
to Marvel [link] [comments]
2023.06.05 07:46 DeepthroatAussie Extreme Body Image Issues
So in the last 5/6 months I have managed to loose a decent amount of weight - going from 115kgs to 93-95kgs and thought I was looking pretty darn good.
Then recently I had to get a security camera for my bedroom and accidentally left it on during a wank sesh and after seeing the footage it’s made me sick to my stomach on just how bad I still look 😅
I look in the mirror and i look great there - happy with progress - no sagging skin either thankfully but I can’t shake the image from the security camera footage to the point I have turned off 100% sexually… like I couldn’t even have a quick one this morning cause I felt so disgusted in myself from that image 😞
Anyone else know this feeling or ways I could perk myself up again?
submitted by DeepthroatAussie
to askgaybros [link] [comments]
2023.06.05 07:34 hubb2001 Translation Status Update/Discussion - Jun 4
This is the weekly translation status update thread. Use this thread to discuss translation news, issues, titles you're looking forward to, etc.
Note: This is simply a mirror from 4chan's weekly thread on the /jp/ board. All credit goes to the user VNTS there. I'm simply copying and pasting for discussion sake here since some people can't access 4chan. Entries in Bold have had changes since last week Entries in itallics denote my own changes
- Aiyoku No Eustia - 100% Translated and edited and TLC
- Akatsuki no Goei ~Principal-tachi no Kyuujitsu~ - 100% translated, 48.28% edited, 25.29% through QA
- Akatsuki no Goei ~Tsumibukaki Shuumatsuron~ - "15/169 Total scripts. Act 1 finished. Working on Act 2."
- Amagami - 3rd public Beta patch released
- Aonatsu Line - Translation starting
- Baku Ane 2 - Prologue, Ritsuka Fully translated, Wakana 8/8 Lessons, 5% route, Mashiro 5/8 lessions, Miran 2/5 events and Sayaka 1/3 events translated, Ritsuka patch released
- Bishoujo Mangekyou -Kami ga Tsukuritamouta Shoujo-tachi- - 30% translated
- Caucasus - 100% translated, image editing complete, editing, QC/TLC , and playtesting remain
- CHAOS;HEAD Love Chu Chu! - 65.04% translated, 6.17% edited
- CHAOS;CHILD Love Chu Chu - Being translated
- Chicchakunai Mon - 100% translated and 39.5% edited
- Chusingura 46+1 - 21227/82770 (25.65) lines translated, Kuranosuke route partial patch released
- Clearworld - Translation starting
- Deatte 5-fun wa Ore no Mono! Jikan Teishi to Atropos - Common Route patch released
- Dragon Knight 4 - 57% translated
- Fate/Extra CCC - 100% translated, 225/2499 main scripts edited
- GinIro Haruka - Mizuha route released, Mizuha edits finished, Yuzuki route fully translated and ~50% edited
- H2O √ after and another Complete story Edition - 100% translated, 64.2% edited
- Hakuchuumu no Aojashin - Restoration patch focused on Case 1 released, work being done on the rest of the untranslated scenes
- Haruka na Sora - Sora and Yahiro routes translated, Kozue 29% translated, overall TL 70% TLC 70% ED 26%
- Houma Hunter Lime - Patch in development
- If My Heart Had Wings: Snow Presents - 23% translated
- Junketsu Megami-Sama - 2nd Alpha patch released, Astarotte route finishing up
- Kareshi Inai Reki = Nenrei - Translated 19442 / 58264 text lines (33.37%)
- Koukan no Toriko-Tachi - Prologue, common, and Cuckold Play route translated, Swinging Route 35%, Yukari POV 40%
- Kud Wafter - 23,835 / 31,579 (73.5%) lines translated
- Kusarihime ~Euthanasia~ - "Translation finished. Rest of the processes ongoing."
- Lover Able - 100% translated and edited, 2928/34467 lines approved (8.49%)
- Lucky Star ~Ryouou Gakuen Outousai~ - episode 1 patch released
- Maji Koi A-5 - 85% translated
- Manakashi no Yuri wa Akaku Somaru - 66% translated
- Miagete Goran, Yozora no Hoshi o - 1 of 4 routes translation finished for the restoration patch, Houkiboshi Hika 2 of 4 H-scenes translated
- Nursery Rhyme - 100% translated and edited, text insertion 100% complete, testing ongoing
- Ore to Omae ga Ai ni Tsuite Kataru dake - Released
- Otogirisou - 100% translated
- Planetarian Snow Globe - Editing and proofreading finished, finishing up images and technical work
- Pure Pure - 100% translated, needs proofreading, partial patch released, all routes have been inserted
- Rewrite Harvest festa! - Partial patch released of all heroine routes and part of Rewrite Quest
- Rui wa Tomo o Yobu - 19.51% translated, 4.20% edited
- Sakura Wars 2 - Being translated, demo patch released
- Sen no Hatou, Tsukisome no Kouki - 100% translated, 100.00% edited
- Shabura Rental - 26995/33358 lines (80.9%) translated
- Shangrlia 2 - Menu patch released, patch in development
- Shin Hayarigami - 48% translated
- Shirotsume Yubiwa - 100% translated, 50% beta patch released
- Tenshi no Inai 12-gatsu - 100% translated, TLC and Editing upcoming
- Tokimeki Memorial 2 - Being translated
- Tsukihime - A piece of blue glass moon - Arcueid route patch released, Ciel route 100% translated, days 3 through 14 edited and days 3 through 13 finalized
- Tsuma Netori - 35% translated, 25% edited
- Umi kara Kuru Mono - 85/138 scripts translated
- Watashi wa Kyou Koko de Shinimasu - 100% translated, 99% (2254/2265) lines edited, 36% (826/2265) lines QC
- Walkure Romanze - Common + Celia + Lisa + Mio routes patch released
- Yosuga no Sora - Translation finished, editing and TLC ongoing, Total: TL 100% TLC 71% ED 55%, Common/Kazuha/Motoka routes fully edited
- Shiei no Sona-Nyl - In Beta
- The Pillagers of Raillore - About to enter Beta
- Ciconia - Phase 1 Released
- Hadaka Shitsuji fandisc - Picked up
- Rance 03 - 48% translated, 29% edited
- Rance X - 56% translated, 5% edited
- Luckydog1 - Translation nearly complete
- Funbag Fantasy 4 - 51% translated, 49% edited
- Eve of the 12th Month - 91% translated and 8% edited
- Sumaga- Slow progress ongoing
- Katahane - Progress being made again
- Django - Not actively making progress
- Gears of Dragoon: Fragments of a New Era - In Testing
- Tokyo Hero Project - Translation finished
- Machine Child - Still being developed
- Onigokko! Fandisc - Fully translated
- Kiminozo - Kickstarter for English release planned pending success of JP Crowdfunding
- Anonymous;Code - September 8th release
- Amairo Chocolate 2 - Through QA, awaiting approvals
- Harumade Kururu - Waiting on build
- Rewrite+ Harvest Festa - 100% translated, 20% edited
- Hoshizora no Memoria (retranslation) - In QA
- Subete no Koi ni, Hanabata o. - 100% translated
- Sumire - Picked up
- Sanarara R - 100% translated and edited, waiting on build
- Glass - Picked up
- New Glass - Picked up
- Karakara 3 - 100% translated and edited
- Yume to Iro de Dekiteiru - 90% translated, 30% edited
- Zutto Mae Kara Joshi Deshita - 100% translated, in editing
- Gakkou no Seiiki - 100% translated and edited, Waiting on build
- Imouto no Seiiki - 100% translated and edited, Waiting on build
- Chiisana Kanojo no Serenade - 50% translated, 20% edited
- Hoshizora e Kakaru Hashi 10% translated
- Hoshizora e Kakaru Hashi AA - Announced
- Akaneiro ni Somaru Saka - 40% translated
- Re;Lord 3 - In QA
- Marshmallow Imouto Succubus - In QA
- Hamidashi Creative - Announced
- Happy Saint Sheol - 100% translated, 25% edited
- Inupara - In Development
- Nekopara After La Vraie Familie - In Development
- Nie no Hakoniwa - 90% translated, 10% edited
- Parfait Remake - In translation
- Raspberry Cube - Announced
- Uso Kara Hajimaru Koi no Natsu - 50% translated, 30% edited
- Animal Trail Girlish Square 2 - 100% translated and edited, waiting on build
- Animal Trail Girlish Square LOVE+PLUS - 100% translated and edited, waiting on build
- LUNARiA -Virtualized Moonchild- - 2023 release
- Tsui no Stella - 2023 release
- Summer Pockets Reflection Blue - 2024 release
- Clover Days - Rejected by Steam, "Additional image editing in progress"
- My Klutzy Cupid - 100% translated, 60% edited, Image Editing in Process, Through Steam Approvals
- Dracu Riot - "Waiting on Warmsoft for a QA Build"
- Melty Moment - 80% translated
- Aoi Tori - "Porting work is still ongoing"
- Fureraba Complete edition - Vita exclusive content to be added to Fureraba a couple months after the fandisc release
- Secret Agent of the Knight Academy - "Image editing complete, Engine work wrapping up, Nearly ready for QA"
- Floral Flowlove - 100% translated, 60% edited
- Kakenuke Seishun Sparking - 15% translated, 5% edited
- A Colorful World - 100% translated and edited "Image editing/integration of HD assets in progress"
- Love, Elections, & Chocolate - 100% translated, 17% edited, "Unity port in-progress"
- Love Love Love, Burning in my Heart! - 100% translated and 74% edited
- Ready or Not: The Deadline is Coming! - 100% translated, 17% edited, "Image editing complete, Engine work in progress"
- Mysteries of the Heart: The Psychic Detective Case Files - 100% translated and edited, "Image editing in progress" working with developer on engine work
- Tenshi Souzou "Angelic Chaos" RE-BOOT - 10% translated
- Secret Project 2 - 100% translated and edited, queued for Unity port
- Secret Project 3 - 100% translated and edited, image editing complete, waiting on QA build
- Sharin no Kuni - August release
- Grisaia Chronos Rebellion - Announced
- Sugar Sweet Temptation - Through Steam review, finalizing the build
- Jack Jeanne - June 15th release
- Radiant Tale - July 27th release
- Norn9 ~Norn + Nonette~ Last Era - August 24th release
- Virche Evermore: Error Salvation - 2023 release - Fall 2023 release
- Spirit Hunter: Death Mark II - Fall 2023 release
- Tengoku Struggle -Strayside- - 2024 release
- Samurai Vandalism - Upcoming release
- Nikushoku Gal wa Seijun Ha!? ~Innocent Stuck-up Girls!~ - Released
- Charade Maniacs - June 27th release
- Venus Blood -Gaia- - Kickstarted succeeded, July 28th release
- I want to have your babies! ~Long-awaited reunion! My childhood friend got sexy and horny~ - Announced
- Monkeys! - English release planned
- Haunted Obachestra Vol.1 Awaking - Upcoming release
- NarKarma EngineA - Announced, in development
- Taimanin Asagi - Page for the Trial of episode 1 back on Steam
- Fault Milestone 2 - Side Below - Upcoming release
submitted by hubb2001
to vns [link] [comments]
2023.06.05 07:29 MathiasSven Infill shape going through prints?
| || | submitted by MathiasSven to BambuLab [link] [comments]
Hello, new P1P owner here, have only had the printer for a couple of days, I am also new to 3D printing in general... Yesterday I "designed" (as in took two measurements and boom, FreeCAD baby steps) some separators for some small bin trays I bought a couple of weeks ago, I made 3 versions one print each and then when I was happy with the third I printed a bunch at the same time.
It was the first time I printed something this "flat" and I was just wondering if this looks normal. In the first image, the top one is where it is more pronounced, it was part of the batch print, but the one on the bottom also has some of the same infill patterns and that one was printed solo. https://preview.redd.it/g1woq5fjx44b1.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=266891db39cc2c7ca465fac209d9b7f562cee027 https://preview.redd.it/06igj3pkx44b1.png?width=1040&format=png&auto=webp&s=3c8e1ff6566e507d99dd991f8d5c21cd663b269f
I used standard printing settings. Outside of making the first and final layer count higher (which I am assuming would help), is there anything else I can do? Warmer printing room, warmer printing plate, colder printing plate, etc.
2023.06.05 07:23 L23A1 [Fan Made] Arknights X WarHammer 40k Operator Jurgen
5 star Operator Jurgen
Subclass: Close range/Heavy shooter
Arts Resist 0
Redeploy Time 70 seconds
DP cost 19
Attack Interval 1.6
Talent 1: Psychic Blank
Allies and enemies within adjacent tiles will take zero arts damage, operators deployed adjacent to Jurgen will deal zero Arts damage.
M3 Skill 1: “Rapid fire” Manual SP Start 5 SP Cost: 25 Duration 20 seconds charge type: per second
M3 Skill 2: “Melta” Manual SP start 50 SP Cost: 70 charge type: per second
The next attack will deal 4000% ATK as physical damage to all ground enemies one tile in front of Jurgen.
[Code Name] Jurgen
[Combat Experience] Unknown (50 + years)
[Place of Birth] Unknown (Planet Valhalla Imperium of Man)
[Date of Birth] Unknown
[Race] Unknown (human)
Medical Tests have confirmed no infection is present
[Physical Strength] Standard
[Physical Resilience] Standard
[Tactical Acumen] Excellent
[Combat Skill] Excellent
[Orginium Arts Assimilation] ????????
Operator Jurgen, is the aide of operator Ciaphas Cain. Despite his disposition, he is a specialist in arctic warfare frequently outpacing other operators in such climates. His primary weapons are his “M36 Kantrael Lasgun” and “Meltagun”.
Imaging tests reveal clear, normal outlines of internal organs, and no abnormal shadows have been detected. Originium granules have not been detected in the circulatory system and there is no sign of infection. At this time, this operator is believed to be uninfected.
[Cell-Originium Assimilation] 0%
Operator Jurgen shows no sign of Orginium infection.
[Blood Orginium-Crystal Density] Undisclosed
Relevant data will not be disclosed due to the Medical Department’s agreement.
Archive file 1
Ferik Jurgen, Gunner First-Class, at first glance appears to be a soldier from the Ursus Empire however when questioned he claims he is not. When asked about his origin all he says is to “ask the commissar”. When medical tests were first conducted, staff discovered chronic Psoriasis and were horrified with his lack of hygiene as shown by the multitudes of food spoiled or otherwise hidden on his person and an ill-fitting uniform that looked to have not been washed since it had been made. It did not help that whilst in the infirmary multiple medical Arts devices failed and stopped working.
Archive file 2
Operator Jurgen is somewhat of an oddity among the staff of Rhodes Island. His record in combat and in daily operations of Rhodes Island is nothing less than stellar, remaining stalwart no matter the situation and generally polite. Despite this he is isolated from the majority of staff, with many complaints being submitted on the conduct of operator Jurgen. These mostly pertain to his general uncleanliness and mostly his smell, which has been said to “force you to breathe through your mouth so you taste it”, although some have been lodged due to his viewing of “risque” material in unsuitable locations. An attempt to remove his smell was made, however it returned the next day, as of now a medical exemption has been made so management has an excuse not to proceed in a useless endeavour despite the influx of reports.
Such behaviours indicate that Jurgen, although having a great tactical mind, seems to not fully comprehend social etiquette. His reputation is certainly not helped by his complete lack of an imagination and his literal attitude, with the simplest of jokes being able to be completely undetected by Jurgen unless explained. As a result, aside from Operator Ciaphas Cain and the Doctor, Jurgen interacts very little with his fellow operators, content to be ignored by his colleagues, something that many staff are all too happy to oblige.
Archive file 3
Whilst undergoing combat evaluations, operator Jurgen was able to demonstrate and explain his weapons abilities. His Lasgun is capable of fully automatic and semi-automatic fire with a single powerpack capable of 150 shots at standard power. Although not able to penetrate heavy armour at standard power, it is the range of this weapon that is most impressive, able to effectively hit a target at over twice the range of most modern crossbows which Jurgen frequently demonstrated on operations. The effect the Lasgun has on targets in operations are violent to say the least. On standard power it is capable of creating flash burns on the targets flesh vaporising the surface of the affected area, high power only further exacerbates the phenomena, capable of taking a targets limbs off due to flash boiling the water in a target's body and burning through heavy armour, albeit at the cost of extra power drain.
The power of the Lasgun however is incomparable to the Meltagun. The Meltagun is able to, as the name implies, melt enemies into a molten slag, as was demonstrated by Jurgen when he vapourised the torso of a Shieldguard. However this comes with the cost of close range, with Jurgen requiring to be within a few metres to most effectively use the Meltagun.
Archive file 4
Although reluctant, operator Ciaphas Cain was able to disclose the reasoning as to operator Jurgens unique powers. Cain describes Jurgen as a psychic Blank, able to disrupt and stop any psychic ability within a surrounding area around himself due to what Cain describes as a “lack of a soul”. This has manifested in practice with any operators nearby to not be able to use Arts or Originium Arts devices not working when in close proximity to operator Jurgen. Despite this Cain was quite confused about its current manifestation. According to past experience, most people capable of psychic attacks, whom Cain called psykers, would be in intense agony and be deathly afraid of being in such close proximity to a blank such as Jurgen. Cain recalled a psyker once having a seizure from being touched by Jurgen whilst he was trying to help her into a vehicle. This was after she struggled to get away from Jurgen who was rescuing her and her party from pursuing hostiles and said vehicle being their only reasonable means of escape. Jurgen does not have this effect on operators with high Originium Arts Assimilation when in close proximity. What this indicates about Orginium itself and its Arts is not conclusive.
The Engineering Department was unable to closely examine both Jurgens “M36 Kantrael Lasgun” and “Meltagun” due to Jurgens’ refusal, reasoning that “when we get home the tech priests might get mad”.
Jurgen did however ask if the Engineering Department would be able to develop more ammo for his Melta.
A canister that serves as a “magazine” for the Meltagun contained a combustible gas which was highly pressurised. This gas is apparently “promethium” and that all he had to do to refill the canister was fill it a quarter of the way full with liquid promethium and then press a button on the side of the canister. This promethium which when condensed and analysed in liquid form, was found to be made up of only hydrogen and carbon.
When asked about how promethium was produced, Jurgen stated that raw promethium was generally taken out from the ground and then refined by the “tech priests”. When Cain was asked about the liquid he agreed with Jurgens description of the fuel albeit in a more eloquent way. He did mention however among its many sources, it could be produced through the decomposition of organic material. The exact methods of production however are unknown to the both of them.
In the end refined liquid Originium was substituted in the Melta, with the Melta seemingly having no trouble using the new fuel source. However the engineering department will continue to study the promethium sample provided by Jurgen.
Jurgen is said to have a phlegmatic voice, so make of that what you will.
Appointed as assistant:
The commissar says I will be your assistant for now. What do you need help with?
Have you seen operator Nian Doctor? I’m trying to find her so she can fill out some forms but I can't seem to find her.
Those people with the glowing wings, how do they sleep? Can they turn it off like a luminator?
I’m looking for a tea called Tanna Doctor, do you know where to find any? I want to keep well stocked for the commissar. Why?, the last time I didn’t have any the commissar fought across half a planet to get some.
Talk after promotion 1
It's calm here, not too much to do most of the time. It's nice, wish we were somewhere colder though.
Talk after promotion 2
You remind me a lot of the commissar Doctor. Always ready to help where you can to protect everyone. If you need something, just let me know. As long as it doesn’t interfere with the commissar, I’ll see what I can do.
Talk after trust increase 1
Why do I follow Ciaphas? When we first met he saved my life, afterwards word got out that the officers were looking for an aide to assign to the commissar. So I volunteered, got selected and we’ve been serving with each other since. I think that was… 30-40 years ago? Hard to keep track of time when travelling from war to war.
Talk after trust increase 2
Don’t I get Lonely?... used to it, I suppose. Never really had friends until I met the commissar, never really liked people much anyway. Rather be told what needed to be done than stand around trying to figure out what someone just said. Was never good at figuring out what people said anyway.
Talk after trust increase 3
Of all the planets we’ve been to, this is one of the nicer ones. Most of the time me and the commissar are running around dealing with problems that nobody else can fix. That hasn’t really changed much now, but compared to the things we normally fight it's a lot easier. Your guys are better than most militia anyway, maybe even some bluefeet guard. Most of you anyway.
Apologies miss, the Doctor is very busy right now, would like to make an appointment?
Gunner First-Class Ferik Jurgen reporting for duty, do you know where the mess hall is? I’d like to use the kettle.
Watching Battle Record
I thought psykers were supposed to be rare?
Promoted? Will I get extra pay?
Before meeting you Doctor, the amount of friends I had could be counted with one hand. It's still one hand but at least I can add one more finger.
Added to Squad
Do you want me to bring anything for you Doctor?
Appointed as Squad Leader
I’m squad lead? But I’m not an NCO?
What's our mission for today?
The Emperor protects.
Selecting Operator 1
Selecting Operator 2
Something bothering you Doctor?
Right away doctor.
Very good, sir.
In battle 1
In battle 2
This ought to clear them out..
In battle 3
In battle 4
Sorry Doctor, I didn’t bring any marshmallows.
(Jurgen was about to shoot his melta when an inquisitor joked if he brought marshmallows. Jurgen thought they were being literal until they told him it was a joke, he then later in another book makes a joke about forgetting to bring marshmallows. It is one of the only jokes jurgen makes on purpose.).
Everyone said that this mission would be difficult, I don't see what the problem was. After all you’re here with us.
Sub 3-star result
“Ptuh” Sorry Doctor, some of the frak heads got away.
Don’t worry Doctor, the commissar will get us out of this.
Assigned to facility
Do you have a map?.
Yes doctor? Is there something you need?
Are you hungry, doctor? I've got a few sandwiches and ration bars with me, just let me find them.
Hello Doctor, what do you need me to do today?
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2023.06.05 07:06 DetectiveEvyDevy [TotK] Zora/Sidon monument descriptions as of TotK
Learnings of the Zora, Part One The Waters of the Zora's Domain as told by Prince Sidon
Long, long ago, right here in Lanayru, incredible transformations, both subtle and drastic in nature, shaped the land. The tall mountains birthed clouds, these clouds cried tears of rain, and this rain filled our deep valleys past the brim. In time, this overflowing water became the Zora River, which bred waterfalls that fell and nourished the vast Lanayru Wetlands. Perhaps it was inevitable that my Zora ancestors, who wandered in search of precious water, would finally settle here. The mountains of Lanayru are blessed with high-quality stone. The structures built from said stone are solid yet refined. Just like the Zora and our domain, our buildings exist in harmony with the water. It is a beautiful symbol of our way of life.
If you go to the edge of the domain, close your eyes, and listen closely...you shall be greeted by the gentle sound of water. This kind, soothing sound is a testament to the happy life the Zora are so grateful to have found here. As one born of royal Zora blood, my duty is as clear as it is unshakable. I, Sidon, swear here and now... I shall protect our home with my very life, that the gentle sound of water may never cease in our beloved domain.
Learnings of the Zora, Part Two The Legend of Ruto, Our Great Ancestor As told by Prince Sidon
It is written that long ago there was a strong-willed Zora princess who was as meandering as a winding river. This princess, who was dearly loved by her fellow Zora, was as noble as she was innocent. Her name was Ruto. One day, a powerful and wicked man tried to take over Hyrule and brought great ruin to the once-peaceful Zora's Domain. Our tales speak of fallen Zora soldiers drifting down the river as it sadly reflected the chaotic retreat of the terrified Zora. Princess Ruto bravely fought back her tears as she bore witness to the tragic misery unfolding in the domain. Even amid her heartbreak, the Zora princess did all she could to help the weak and elderly escape. Next she swam against the river's current and climbed the mighty waterfall to challenge her foe. The details this fight have fallen victim to the haze of time. Few details remain. Still, it is said that she was aided by the princess of Hyrule and the hero of legend, and together they saved Hyrule. So the legend goes.
I, Sidon, prince of the Zora, cannot help but ponder these events as I listen to the Zora children play in all their innocence. As Princess Ruto's descendant, it is my fate to carry the torch of her brave acts into tomorrow and beyond. I shall not fail.
The Learnings of the Zora, Part Three The Great King Dorephan As told by Prince Sidon
Several springs after I lost my dear sister, Mipha, a large group of Lizalfos attacked the domain. It mattered not that this was my first true battle. The expectations of those around me weighed heavy on my shoulders. The absence of Mipha, who had always been there to encourage me with loving kindness, was like a spear to the heart. As for my own spear, though I was highly trained for its use, it seemed to only cut the air and slash the water's surface. I was taken off guard by a surprise attack from three Lizalfos hiding at the water's edge, each with their blade fixed on me. I knew that my time had come...and that is when the three Lizalfos disappeared as quickly as they had arrived. In their place, I saw the towering figure of my father, the great King Dorephan, who had just bested my foes with ease. "Sidon, my son," he said firmly. "You allowed your heart to falter. That is the quickest way to fall on the battlefield."
His words cut deep, but as I stood on the brink of despair, a familiar voice gently encouraged me. "Your king needs you." Many soldiers later attested that they were certain they had also heard the sweet voice of Mipha on that day. From then on, my heart was true and my resolve firm. By lending strength to our king, we were able to save the the domain.
Learnings of the Zora, Part Four Two Sisters of Different Blood As told by Prince Sidon
When I was young, I had an irrational fear of strangers. I was particularly bashful around Yona. Paralyzed, even. She was already so mature in manner, and she treated me like a little brother, even though we were not related. There came an unseasonably heavy rain that quickly flooded the river. Us children, who were playing there, were swept away. I was battered by the water's strong flow, my fins helpless to resist. It was Yona who dragged me to the safety of the shore. The water continued to swell as the shore waned, but Yona was unflappable, sweetly comforting me as I shivered in fear. It was Mipha, my dear sister, who finally showed up to rescue us with other Zora adults in tow. I still remember Yona's face as she gazed up at Mipha in admiration. My face must have looked the same as I gazed at Yona.
As a child, I had two big sisters. One by birth and one by chance. Yona looked up to Mipha, and I was in awe of them both. Before i knew it, years had passed and my feelings for Yona became more difficult to quantify. Then, one day... My father informed that the amazing young woman who had once been like a sister to me was to be my bride. Perhaps these feelings and memories are too dear and private to commit to history, but such is the tale of this Zora prince.
Learnings of the Zora, Part Five The Zora Armor She Left Behind As told by Prince Sidon For some time after I lost my beloved sister, even the light shining on the water seemed dark and dreary to my eyes. But as they say, time heals all wounds, no matter how deep. I can now speak of her with a smile, as is only fitting. I shall now tell the tale of the Zora armor that my sister crafted for her future husband, as per our ancient custom. One dark day, the domain was in great peril, and I sought help from a traveling Hylian to save our home. He was sparing with his words, yet I trusted him at once. As fate would have it, he was a childhood friend of Mipha's. My father, King Dorephan, troubled by the domain's suffering, requested his help. The swordsman agreed without hesitation. Father bequeathed my sister's Zora armor to this courageous soul, along with her hopes for the safety of the domain. The armor fit Link perfectly-so perfectly that councilman Muzu, who then harbored a hatred of Hylians, could not object. My sister had already left this world, and with her went the dearly held intentions she had instilled in that special armor. Yet, with Link's help, she shined a light on the Zora in our hour of need, reaching between worlds with gentle fingertips.
Learnings of the Zora, Part Six The Story of Mipha Court: The Beginning As told by Prince Sidon
There was once a terrifying Monster on Ploymus Mountain, loosing shock arrows on all who dared to cross its path. It was of utmost importance to drive the beast away, but as the Zora are weak to electricity, our efforts were futile. That is when a lone Hylian arrived at the domain. This swordsman who was sparing with his words...his name was Link. Unlike us Zora, he was immune to shocks! Well, perhaps that is an exaggeration, but one thing is certain. He was very brave. After careful preparation, he ascended Ploymus Mountain defeated the foul beast all by himself. As if in celebration of the newfound peace, clean water mysteriously began flowing at the top of Ploymus Mountain. This is when many Zora, if not most, voiced support for building a place that all could enjoy in that formerly frightful spot.
Yet the many tree roots and stones made this task tricky, leading to a focus on the no-less-difficult matter of the name. "Zora Park" was too obvious. "Ploymus Park" only conjured images of the former terrors found there. When I candidly asked whether we should focus on the hard work at hand rather than the name, they all turned my way. "Prince Sidon," they asked. "Surely you must have a good suggestion?" To that, I fell silent, and stayed so for a long while.
I shall write the conclusion of this story on another monument.
Learnings of the Zora, Part Six The Story of Mipha Court: The Conclusion As told by Prince Sidon
The first half of this tale can be found on another stone monument. If it is not too much trouble, I advise reading that first. I now present the conclusion.
When posed with the task of naming this storied location, I, Prince Sidon, fell silent. After a time, I timidly proposed the one and only name that came to mind for this place of newfound peace. I suggested that we name it after my beloved sister who had long been lost to us...Mipha Court. I worried they would think I was unfairly favoring my own family's legacy by naming it after my kin. A hush fell over the group. After a time, one of the stonemasons raised his voice in agreement. More voices joined his, one after another. The idea was embraced wholly, and the craftsmen all returned to their work. Though the work was grueling, from then until the completion of Mipha Court, the air was filled with laughter and singing. This incident drove home to my very core how much everyone loved my sister. I hope one day to inspire such admiration. If there is ever to be a Sidon Court, I must work tirelessly to earn that honor.
Learnings of the Zora part, Part Seven The Prince and the Swordsman As told by Prince Sidon
The rain always stops...except when it does not. This humorous saying was once repeated wtih a soft chuckle around here. Then, one day, heavy rain started falling in the domain, and no matter how many days passed, it did not cease. Althought the Zora are a water-dwelling sort, we came to miss the warmth of the sun and the dry winds upon our backs. Alas, as fervent as our desire was, we had no means of stopping the cause of this unprecedented disaster. When all had given up hope, I, Sidon, took it upon myself to invite a Hylian to the domain. The young swordsman of few words was named Link. I trusted him at once, sensing great devotion in his eyes. It was immediately clear that my instincts were correct. Thanks to Link, we were able to face the threat head on. Our battle with the source of the disaster was intense, but my newfound friend and I refused to yield until we finally triumphed. Sometimes, written words flow so much more readily than those spoken...
Link, my dearest friend, you are an unparalleled swordsman, and I admire you so very much. He may lack fins and gills, but it matters not. This hero among heroes exudes magnificence tempered with steadiness. Though we are different, our hearts both yearn to serve a higher calling. I learned much from him, and am eternally grateful. As I recall my best friend, it occurs to me that though the rains have ceased, perhaps a true adventure never does.
Learnings of the Zora, Part Eight The Princess of Hyrule As told by Prince Sidon
Once that despicable disaster had ceased to plague Zora's Domain, a distinguised yet humble lady paid us a visit. This young woman who appeared with Link at her side was none other Princess Zelda of the royal family of Hyrule. "I beg forgiveness," she said earnestly. "Because of the royal family, Princess Mipha..." She paused, unable to continue. Small, silent teardrops tumbled down her cheek and hit the floor, one after another, each saying a thousand unspoken words. She gently wiped her eyes and lifted her gaze to meet the king's, speaking kind words of gratitude for Mipha's sacrifice. We knew well that what had transpired was the result of a decision shared by the Zora and by Princess Mipha herself.
There was no need for the princess of Hyrule's apology, and even less so for her sorrow. King Dorephan, along with the rest of the Zora, were moved by the depth of Princess Zelda's sincerity. She had held that unthinkable disaster at bay for nearly 100 years with nothing more than sheer force of her own will. Yet she was not prideful. She dutifully set to work, traveling across Hyrule to secure cooperation for the kingdom's restoration. She was adored by all, yet so humble. She possessed an inner strength that shone like a star in the night sky. I used to think that inner strength could be forged by building physical strength, but now I am not so certain. I feel a strong calling to one day acquire this same sort of strength within myself.
Learnings of the Zora, Anecdote One The Solid Water and the Fluid Spear As told by Prince Sidon
The Zora are not associated with water because of our dwelling place alone. We each also, to varying extents, possess the ability to actually manipulate water. We use this gift for many purposes. We use it to swim faster, to achieve mighty leaps from the waves below, to gather fish, and so much more. For me, the true awakening of this ability that many of my childhood chums already possessed came upon me quite suddenly. One day as I was training at Veiled Falls, the rain slickened my grasp, causing me to drop my spear. I reached to grab it, but it was already too far away. Soon it would fall to the bottom of the cliff, never to be seen again. I knew that I must take hold of it, and at that moment, droplets created a stream extending from my outstretched hand. The water stream twisted and turned until it finally took hold of my falling spear and deftly returned it to my grasp. In that moment, the water was solid and my spear fluid. This sensation forever changed my approach to spearplay. I was reminded of my sister, Mipha, described it...and everything clicked. Water and spear became one. Gaining yet another layer of admiration for my dear sister, I devoted myself to my spear training from then on.
Learnings of the Zora, Anecdote Two The Great Task Entrusted to Me As told by Prince Sidon
I, Sidon, was entrusted with the great task of renovating the Zora stone monuments that had fallen to ruin. There are 11 stone monuments total found in and around Zora's Domain, including the one you are now reading. The former text written by my father, King Dorephan, could not be salvaged, and so sadly it had to be replaced. Despite my royal blood, whispers abound that it is improper for someone my age to write over the king's glorious words. Ah, but do they not realize that it was King Dorephan himself who ordered me to undertake this restoration project? Father says it is not set in stone that I shall be the one to inherit the throne, as it is not a matter of blood alone.
If we ask the eternal skies above whether I am fit to rule, they shall remain silent, and so we must look to our fellow Zora. He urged me to use these monuments to share my learnings and speak to our people straight from my heart. Father is older and wiser than I. His safe advice is a gift. As such, I have inscribed my thoughts upon these 11 stones. I do not know how far-reaching my words shall be, but it is my hope that they will reach whoever needs to hear them most. Until one of my descendants writes over my musings many years from now, I pray they resonate with whoever reads them.
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2023.06.05 07:05 TeddyBearToons The Stowaway, Part 6
Part 6 Previous
"And that should be last of it."
Captain Rybalov signed off the last order on his manifest as he watched the cargo loaders take away his freight. A notification popped up: the money settling into his account. He pored over the receipt the way copyright lawyers scrutinize the music tracks of small homegrown video channels. Finding no discrepancies, Captain Rybalov relaxed; the money was all good.
Doctor Patel was taking stock of the supplies. He kept careful watch of the legal news, especially those articles regarding the public domain. He had heard that a new type of culture for synthetic lamb had just been made public, and naturally he was buying as many cultures as he could.
Amanda was busy with several phone calls. She was currently describing Stabby in as much detail as she could to the researcher on the other side, who was in turn in the middle of a hyperactive gaggle of their colleagues, hanging onto Amanda's every word.
Conrad was sitting down in front of Stabby, with a children's alphabet book between them. Stabby didn't have any eyes, or at least not any visible ones, but Conrad tried regardless. The alien could talk, so Conrad was going to teach it English, no matter the obstacles.
It was with an air of disbelief that gripped the crew as they looked down into the workshop, to their alien stowaway babbling random phrases in unsettling mimicries of their voices. This new development was very unsettling, and so the crew came together to vote on what to do with Stabby.
Conrad, predictably, wanted to keep the alien. Conrad whined on and on about the benefits of Stabby, his effect on morale, the cute look of the little man, if anyone considered a white-green icosahedron the size of a basketball cute. Captain Rybalov and Li found that the alien was too much of an unknown quantity, and wanted to give Stabby to SETI for further study.
Doctor Patel wanted Stabby in a lab where it could be better studied; the food lab was not an ideal place for xenobiology. Amanda and Barry preferred it if Stabby stayed; it cleaned up trash by eating it when it found anything out of order in the ship, and spared them from recycler duty.
They were growing fond of their space roomba, even if it did have a slight tendency to nick people with the kitchen knife stuck to its side. So it was expected that the debate was fierce.
In the end, a compromise was proposed. The crew would have two month's extended shore leave, during which SETI would try to learn as much as they could about Stabby. Captain Rybalov found this amenable; the ship had been doing run after cargo run for the Local Authority for the last few months to capitalize on the humanitarian crisis after that whole CCA matter, and the crew hadn't had a break in a long time. An extended leave was only expected.
The crew parted ways for the moment, scattering to their homes. Even Captain Rybalov, who at times seemed surgically attached to his freighter, had a place to stay. Doctor Patel stayed aboard the ship. He had nowhere else to go. At least, nowhere that remembered him fondly.
"I kind of wish you were dumber."
Doctor Kevin Ramirez rubbed his face as he shuffled his ream of paperwork. He had an inordinate love of spaghetti and was distantly descended from the ancient conqueror that had brought fear, love and smallpox to numerous indigenous populations. Unaware of the irony of his lineage, he had dreamed for years of leading diplomatic talks with advanced alien races. He didn't think that this would be it.
Across the table from him was Stabby, sitting innocently on a nest of bubble wrap. The kitchen knife was fully wrapped with a buffer zone of gauze, which was turning maroon as blood began to soak through. The blood was not Stabby's.
It had been two weeks since Stabby had been turned over to SETI. Most of those two weeks had been taken up by paperwork. Stabby had displayed extraordinary intelligence with its quick grasp of English and a willingness to convey its desires, which were mostly for food.
This was an amazing scientific discovery, but Stabby's intelligence had some drawbacks. Namely, as a sapient being, it was an ethical necessity for Stabby to consent to the tests SETI wanted to conduct. This was a great difficulty, as Stabby had only recently learned the concept of language.
Doctor Ramirez had to tutor Stabby in English, and in a way so that Stabby could make educated and informed choices on its consent. Doctor Ramirez could not teach Stabby in a way that could coerce it into unknowingly consenting to something it didn't want to happen.
"So basically we're going to shoot x-rays at you to see what's inside your body. It won't hurt, the radiation test proved that, so it should be safe. Okay?" The radiation test was a great battleground of bureaucracy. Every millisievert Stabby had absorbed was paid for with tears, sweat and blood. An acceptable loss in the war for knowledge.
Stabby shifted, turning on one of its vertices in what Doctor Ramirez recognized as its equivalent of a cocked head. It was confused. "Ex-rae?"
Doctor Ramirez groaned and slammed his head into his paperwork.
Imagine writing a letter to nobody in particular.
You're lonely. So very lonely and you don't feel like leaving your house. Or maybe you can't leave your house. So you scribble out a message, addressed to whom it may concern
and send it out, a paper airplane in the wind.
The letter degrades. It grows ragged and soggy from travel. The ink smears and spreads and bleeds and grows illegible. Finally, if someone were to find the letter, or if by some miracle you were to go out for a stroll and find your own letter, it would be near illegible. It might as well be indistinguishable from a random scrap of trash.
So you make your letter a bit more resilient.
Humans did this. When they sent the Voyager probes out into the black, each craft had with it a record. A letter, written on gold-plated copper. Designed to be as impervious as possible to natural wear and tear. A time capsule of sorts.
This little probe, little more than a bundle of metal sticks with a radio attached, represents the hope of a species, as near to a sum of their knowledge as they could make it. Humans tried so hard to put their love, their culture, their optimism into their little gold plate. They said to whom it may concern, we greet you as friends and hope you reply soon.
It's quite poignant, really. It is not entirely unique.
Floating out there in the void are a great multitude of similar probes. Every last one is made by a different race, displaying an incredible variety of engineering principles, language structures, information priorities, and attempts at communication. A million paper airplanes spiraling through an infinite cosmos in a desperate dance of hope and curiosity and love.
The real tragedy is that very few reach their intended recipients. The vast majority will spend eternity in a lightless, lifeless void, searching fruitlessly for a correspondent it can never reach. Some become the last vestiges of their creators as they succumb to war, avarice, greed, decadence or more likely the endless, relentless march of time. Somewhere out there are a thousand unknowing last wills and testaments of civilizations that are long since dust.
Captain Archibald was at the conn today. It was his turn to take the night watch, and he was tired. He was old, but also happy, because his surveyor job allowed him to see the wonders of the universe.
He was jovial normally, and nobody knew his surname because he insisted that he be on friendly terms with everyone he met. Most of the time he simply went by "Grandpa". He used to run a farm on a faraway planet, until he decided to join the Local Surveyor Corps. As soon as he could he gave the farm up to a beloved grandchild who was saddled with an oppressive office job, and screwed off to the stars.
Archibald faintly wondered what his grandchild had done with the old farm. He ought to check up on them later on when his ship next made port.
He was startled from his musings by the blaring of the proximity alarm, followed by the collision alarm. Something about the size of a small shuttle had hit the freighter. Archibald tumbled out of the captain's chair and rushed to the airlock. Ten minutes later he was outside in a space suit that barely fit his portly form, wondering at what had hit him.
Archibald had expected an asteroid of some kind; they were the most likely option. This was definitely not an asteroid. It was a spindly, almost biological form, branching out in a way that reminded Archibald of one of those little caltrop things children played with. He thought they were called "jacks". It was made out of a brownish rock-like material that reminded Archibald of dinosaur fossils. What was most interesting was the fact that the object was absolutely covered in beautiful images and grooves - unmistakably artificial etchings. Archibald had found an alien probe.
Archibald gasped, then jetted it to the back of the ship, where the tow cables were.
He needed to report this to SETI. Immediately.
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2023.06.05 07:00 AutoModerator Weekly Guild Recruitment Thread - June 05, 2023
Welcome to the Weekly Guild Recruitment Thread!
This is the thread for you to make your recruitment posts. For the best results, please try to be as detailed as possible. The following is a suggested format for your recruitment post:
* Guild Name: * Guild Server: * Link to Guild Image: * Guild Level: * Guild Buff(s): * Guild Requirements: * Guild Description: * Additional Contact Info (Discord/LINE/etc.):
Feel free to add in other information to make your post more unique/appealing. Good luck and happy raiding everyone! :)
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2023.06.05 07:00 AutoModerator Query Den: ask your questions here! - Week 23 2023
We hope that you're enjoying playing Pokémon Shuffle and finding this subreddit helpful. We know this place can be a bit daunting for
members and so we've set up the Query Den
The Query Den is a friendly place where you can ask any questions about the game
in a safe environment. We have a lot of experienced players in here that will swoop in and answer all of your questions. We encourage you to use the Query Den to ask a question first, instead of creating a new post, that will overshadow other important ones.
We have many informative guides to start you off
and you should also check out our Discord server
, where you'll get lots of help and support.
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2023.06.05 06:46 Snoo_39150 Trying to make pre-made images with custom rom set
Im having issues making a Pi 4 images with a custom rom set. The goal is to send it to a friend they just install it and it works.
I don't have a PI and was hoping I could just use 7zip or something but im not having any luck on where to place the files or what todo to be honest.
I would be happy to share the image. It will be 128gb full of most of the best full roms sets.
Thanks in advance.
submitted by Snoo_39150
to retropirates [link] [comments]
2023.06.05 06:37 KartoffelLover June 21st will be three years since my journey started
Novel ahead. Tl;Dr: I think baby Aspirin is my ticket out of this torture.
What a hell of a ride it's been. I've spent well over $10k on doctors in this time. I went from one PCP that I saw about once or twice a year to at least 9 and am in a doctors office what feels like every few days. I've had my entire body imaged left and right. MRI x6, CT x3, ultrasound x4, xrays lord only knows. I've had more blood drawn than I thought possible. EMG tests, both upper and lower. I've had so many conditions ruled out, so many. Yet all I've really been diagnosed with is extreme anxiety and IBD (as a result of a colonoscopy that showed evidence of chronic inflammation). I have a medicine box now (a literal box), because my pills outgrew my medicine cabinet. These include muscle relaxers, tranquilizers, anxiety pills, steroids, nerve pain inhibitors, anti nausea and diarrhea pills, etc. It's wild. Like really wild. My buddy that's a doctor looks at it in complete shock every time I show him it's growth. Yet, again, none of them have been able to help me, nobody has been able to help me.
That is, until this last week.. you see, my symptoms come in waves, it's like a complete covid relapse over and over but new symptoms are constantly introduced and nerve pain has become a mainstay that plagues my every day life. When this all started I'd spend about 1-2 weeks feeling pretty normal before a relapse, then sepnd 5-6 days sick. Over the last three years both lengths of time have grown in tandem. I now spend 3-4 months feeling mostly normal and then I spend 1.5-2 months extremely sick without a break. It is absolutely soul crushing to me being sick that long, not being able to play with my son even. Due to this, I got desperate and debated taking Prednisone to try and get through as my symptoms started coming back one by one. My buddy convinced me this would be a bad idea though as it may impact my already rapidly beating heart. He suggested I try taking Aspirin if my goal was to turn down the inflammation. So I did, I took 2 baby Aspirin in the middle of an evening attack that was coming on strong and beating me down. Withing 45 minutes, I felt almost good aside from being dizzy and some stomach issues. I continued taking 2 baby Aspirin every 4-6 hours over the next couple days, then the last couple days I've been taking one in the morning and one in the evening (I've also been taking Pepcid in the am and pm to help keep my stomach calm, just to note) and I've felt.... Fine. Like I beat it before it could take hold this time.
It's crazy, I feel like I finally have a win in my belt. COVID 546, Me 1. I'll take that 1 win though. A flare that started less than a week ago is now gone. I was able to go on a 3.5 mile walk with my son today, then went to the pool in 100 degree weather and I'm basically fine. My mind is blown, I want to cry I'm so happy.
I don't know if this may help others and it'spretty anecdotal, but it may be worth a shot if you've been struggling to cope with long covid. Of course, I recommend talking to your doctor before taking any medication. I'll be meeting with mine in a few days to discuss this as well, but Holy cow, I'm hopeful that I can beat this for the first time in 3 damn years.
submitted by KartoffelLover
to LongCovid [link] [comments]
2023.06.05 06:36 byllogan For a while new I've been designing up custom PS1 style cases for my collection, what do you guys think of my Fallout 4 case?
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Most of the backside is scans of images I'd printed out, then abused lmao I'm really happy with how the back side turned out! submitted by byllogan to Fallout4PS4 [link] [comments]
2023.06.05 06:33 blancbridalsalon Expert Tips for Achieving the Perfect Wedding Hairstyle
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Your wedding day is a special event, and every detail deserves careful consideration, including your hairstyle. Your hair is a stunning accessory that can enhance your overall bridal look and make you feel like your most beautiful version.
Whether you're the bride, bridesmaid, or guest, finding the perfect wedding hairstyle can enhance your overall look and add that touch of elegance and sophistication.
The right hairstyle can enhance the bride's overall look and complement her wedding gown, creating a stunning and memorable appearance. Whether you envision an elegant updo, cascading curls, or a bohemian braid, choosing the perfect wedding hairstyle can be difficult. Don't worry; in this guide, we will provide you with various tips and ideas to help you achieve an attractive and unforgettable hairstyle for your special day.
https://preview.redd.it/yzb0prl0o44b1.jpg?width=5835&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9fde1c40a596a643ffe03c3e72268aee9b64ae02 How to choose the perfect wedding hairstyle:
Choosing the perfect wedding hairstyle is crucial in completing your overall bridal look. Whether you're going for a classic updo or a romantic loose style, here are some essential tips to remember when it comes to wedding hairstyles for women. 1. Research and Gather Inspiration:
Before you visit your hairstylist, it's essential to research and gather inspiration for your wedding hairstyle. Look for inspiration in bridal magazines, Pinterest boards, or celebrity red-carpet looks. Save images of hairstyles you love and discuss them with your hairstylist. This will give them a clear idea of your preferences and help them create a personalized style for you. 2. Start with a Trial Run:
Schedule a trial run with your hairstylist before your big day. This is the perfect opportunity to experiment with different hairstyles and find the one that suits you best. Bring any hair accessories or veils you plan to wear to see how they complement your chosen hairstyle. Don't forget to take pictures during the trial run from different angles to ensure you're happy with the overall look. 3. Consider Your Dress and Venue:
Your wedding hairstyle should harmonize with your wedding dress and the venue. An updo or a sleek bun works well for a classic and elegant look. If you're having a more relaxed outdoor ceremony, you might opt for loose waves or a bohemian braid. Consider the neckline of your dress and any embellishments that might affect how your hair is styled. 4. Consult with Your Stylist:
Your hairstylist is your best resource for wedding hairstyles. Share your ideas, inspiration, and any concerns you may have. A professional stylist can provide valuable input based on your hair type, face shape, and personal style. They will help you select a hairstyle that enhances natural beauty and complements your features. 5. Take Hair Accessories into Account:
Hair accessories can add a touch of glamour and exceptionality to your wedding hairstyle. Whether you choose a delicate flower crown, a sparkling hairpin, or a vintage-inspired comb, select accessories that match your wedding theme and personal style. Ensure your stylist knows how to incorporate these accessories into your hairstyle seamlessly. 6. Embrace Your Natural Hair Texture:
While trying something completely different for your wedding day is tempting, embracing your natural hair texture can result in a stunning and authentic look. Whether you have curly, straight, or wavy hair, work with your hairstylist to know the best way to enhance your hair's natural beauty. Use products that provide hold and help combat humidity to ensure your hairstyle stays in place throughout the day. 7. Prioritize Haircare Leading Up to the Big Day:
To ensure your hair looks its best on your wedding day, prioritize haircare in the months leading up to the event. Regular trims, deep conditioning treatments, and minimizing heat styling can help improve the health and strength of your hair. If you plan to change your hair color, consult with a professional colorist well in advance to avoid any last-minute mishaps. 8. Consider the Weather:
Depending on the time of year and your wedding location, weather conditions can impact your hairstyle choice. For a summer wedding, consider wearing your hair up to stay calm. If you're getting married in a moist climate, opt for hairstyles more resistant to frizz. 9. Plan for Touch-Ups:
Even with the well-executed wedding hairstyle, a few touch-ups might be needed throughout the day. Ask your hairstylist for recommendations on products on hand, such as hairspray, bobby pins, or a small comb, to ensure your hairstyle stays flawless from the ceremony to the reception. Conclusion
Your wedding hairstyle should reflect your style, enhance your features, and complement your attire. Whether you prefer a classic updo, romantic braids, or vintage-inspired waves, there are numerous options to choose from. Experiment with different styles and consult a professional hairstylist to ensure your desired hairstyle suits your hair type and overall wedding vision.
At Blanc Bridal Salon
, we understand the importance of perfect wedding hairstyles for women and offer professional bridal hairstyling and makeup services. Our experienced hair stylists will work closely with you to create a personalized and breathtaking look that compliments your natural beauty. Trust us, we will make your wedding day truly unforgettable.
2023.06.05 06:32 Stellaisaunicorn Need help to Find a dress similar!
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This dress went out of stock from AP but I really want either this dress or another one piece that’s similar, anyone know of something? (Needs to ship to USA) submitted by Stellaisaunicorn to Lolita [link] [comments]
2023.06.05 06:22 ImaginationSea3679 An Alien Nature 2
We see this version of Venlil Prime and the Venlil.
I hope you enjoy!
------------------------ [Memory transcription partially translated to modern terms] Memory transcription subject
: Governess Tarva of the Venlil Republic Date[standardized human time]: July 12, 2136
I stared at the big screen in slight apprehension, feeling the air flowing out of my [cephalic orfice] as I awaited the response from the strangers.
With the situation my people have been in for the past many millennia, I could not be blamed.
The Federation was completely remaking the biologies of various species from various planets to suit their homogenous union, the super species known as the Arxur was dragged into a forever war with them and were devouring everything they could get their claws on, and the Allied Resistance had my species as one of it's main fighters only a few millenia ago without any warning.
The amount of dishonor in the galaxy was palpable, and I initially worried that these strangers would add to that, but my worries faded when they responded to our test transmission.
The test transmission was made specifically to get a response, locking the ship into our network and allowing the computers to scan their databanks and translate their language. It hurt a bit of my soul to have to take advantage a potential ally's trust before it could even be formed. Such a tactic was quite dishonorable. General Cam, however, argued that it being used for everyone's benefit, and not just our own, justified it's use. And it paid off.
The message we received was alien binary, which was initially untranslatable. Then, the computer fished through their databanks and identified the binary as something that translated to an alphabetical language, not too dissimilar from our own. We then identified which strings of binary corresponded to which letters, and what those letters equated to in our alphabet. That landed us with a line of gibberish. We then searched further into their data banks and searched for word meanings, putting words through the visual meaning generator to help us. There were a few errors, but we sorted things out. Finally, after [1 hour 30 minutes] of parsing through things, we managed to get a translation for the message. "We come in peace"
At first, I felt an immeasurable relief. Then I felt an equally immeasurable excitement. This was someone looking for nothing but friendship. With how slow the response was, they clearly weren't advanced enough to lie on a species scale. This was probably their first venture into alien territory. They could have assumed us to be hostile and tried to attack us, they most likely misinterpreted our first message, and had every right to be distrustful and defensive, but they chose to show bravery by lowering their guard and offering peace. Finally, a species with a level of honor and bravery that matched our own!
We spent another [10 minutes] putting together a reply.
"Peace accepted. Who are you?"
As we waited, we parsed through more of their words and meanings to make communication faster. Eventually we received a message. After a few minutes, it was translated. "Our species is called HUMAN. We seek to discover."
Ah, to make a discovery that may shake the foundations of society. Quite the ambitious and admirable pursuit. I was glad that their first discovery of alien life was us, and not something more... tragic.
"Should we introduce ourselves properly?" General Cam asked.
"Let us be sure our species name can transliterate in their language."
We spent the next [10 minutes] figuring out how our name would be spelled in their language. We manage to spell it out, and we had our message prepared.
"We are the VENLIL. We welcome you."
As I sent the message, I imagined the absolute glee our new friends might be experiencing right now. They're probably dancing around in giddy excitement. That mental image made my ears straighten up, signifying my own giddy excitement. I wonder what they look like when dancing around all happy and excited...
I turned to General Cam. "General, can we arrange a meeting with these new allies on Venlil Neo?"
Venlil Prime was the second planet away from the sun. Venlil Neo was the third. It's lifeless exterior was the perfect place for a safe first contact to be initiated.
"I'll see what we can do, Governess Tarva." Previous
submitted by ImaginationSea3679
to NatureofPredators [link] [comments]
2023.06.05 06:21 Maskett In case I die, or disappear from your life
I honestly don't know how to start this, I have too many things to say and very few words to express them. If you are reading this it is because I am dead, because I disappeared from your life or because I entrusted this to you, leaving it up to you whether to read it or not.
Many times, speaking of serious stuff, I told you not to feel obliged to read, that you could skip the conversation and that it was fine. Not this time, I ask you to read all of it, I ask that you only read it and not share what is in these letters. Although obviously you are within your rights to do so.
Of all the people in my life, you will probably be the one who will receive my longest death letter. I have too much to write to you. So I'm afraid this letter will end up being too short because it would mean that the biggest and my favorite connection I've ever made with another human being can be summed up in less than an hour of reading.
It seems strange to me to think that you could be reading this in a very distant future where we are no longer a part of each other's lives. One where you might even have forgotten who I am.
Well, getting to the point, in case you are somewhat like me in that maybe you are not convinced of something nice no matter how many people tell you, I want to make it clear to you. At the time I write this we have known each other for 7 years, and for 5 years I have considered you the best friendship I ever had in my life. I very much doubt that anything will change this and if in 10, 15 or more years I can continue seeing you often, talking about things that happened to us and laughing about a show we like, it would make me very happy.
When I met you, you didn't really stand out to me much, I don't think I would have ever imagined how much our relationship could develop. You were just one of the group of those who got into technical school late. I remember that with T we called you rocket girl because your hair was green like a Tristana skin :p.
Over time you formed a group with T and Tr while I wandered around the classroom looking for a place where I could sit. I was never afraid to join your group, even if they said you were toxic and whatnot. You never gave me that impression.
I think it was the first time in my life that I felt so accepted by those I decided to call friends. You, more than anything, I can't describe the sense of the peace that you made me feel after those years where, one after the other, those who were my so-called friends ended up making me hate myself. I really liked being your friend and I would repeat the experience as many times as possible. I enjoyed every moment you let me come over to your house for lunch, growing up sitting together on a school desk day after day. It makes me feel happy to know that during all those years we spent talking about anything that could entertain us or about some hypothetical moral conflict, you saw me as a true friend. I always had that voice in my head that repeated to me that, deep down, you didn't like me or you'd just get tired of me.
I'm glad I can look back and know now how much you trusted me, always opening up and letting me paint my words, advice, comfort and affection in your mind. I smile every time I remember the difference of how I felt being your friend to what I lived since elementary school.
Words are not enough to express how much I appreciate you and how much I treasure all the mornings, afternoons and nights that we've spent together laughing, complaining, talking, studying, growing, living.
I was thinking of giving you this for your birthday, but I think it would be too much. Despite how long we've known each other and how close we ended up being, I don't remember ever giving you a gift. If I tell you the truth, sometimes I feel like it's because I don't think I can give you something you deserve, something that can make you happy for at least a few minutes, and it scares me to think that you might end up hating something that I give you.
You are an important part in most of my best memories. Playing and talking on the patio of your house, caressing Dana or laughing with your brothers. Walking through the corridors of the school and using recess to take advantage of the tranquility of the library. The conversations that could last for hours, at your house or mine, sitting in class or on the way out, by call or message. Sometimes I miss that feeling when I saw you arrive and decided to sit with me, because it meant that you enjoyed spending time with me, in the same way that I enjoyed spending time with you.
"Thank you for putting up with me" you wrote in a note that you left in my letter for the future from fourth year, as if it were something difficult, as if your presence was not something nice that made my days happy. I should thank you for everything. Thank YOU for putting up with ME, for being my friend, for paying attention to the bullshit I say and for letting it occupy so much of your life. Thanks A.
🐞Para A🐞 If you're reading this shortly after I wrote it, I guess you already noticed, but I haven't stopped liking you for a day since the end of third year. You are the person I liked the most, although you already know that.
It's wrong that I feel like this, I really feel that there is something wrong for me to continue thinking like this after knowing that my feelings lead to nothing. I wish I could try to stop liking you by force, but after knowing that you used to like me and after kissing you, I see it as impossible. Twice I tried and failed.
When the pandemic began I assumed that when we returned to regularity I would not feel the same, and I assumed wrong. When seventh year began, I felt guilty for not having been able to "get over you" and I was afraid that I would make you uncomfortable or that you would find out and think that I didn't value you just as my friend.
When you got with J I thought that might be it, but no. And I blamed myself for feeling that way about you when you were in a relationship.
It's stupid and pathetic, but having had to spend every day next to you two hurt me. I never hated your relationship, but out of my selfishness I distanced myself from the group. I tried everything to distract myself and accept that I would never be able to be with you.
2022 When I started uni I thought that maybe I would meet someone who would make me forget how I felt. For a while I tried to convince myself that I liked Dia. It was logical, right? If we got along so well and I saw her daily. I love her a lot, but I didn't get to see her like this. There was a time in my life where I questioned if I really liked women or the idea of romance with a person just because I had no interest in anyone other than you. But that wasn't right, was it? If you were someone I was going to like for a while, a few months at the most. Sometimes I think that everything would be easier if I'd never had these emotions tied to your existence.
Around September we started talking again like before, and we hung out often and I hated not being able to just be your friend, wanting something more. I felt that I was betraying you, and I couldn't try to "get away and stop talking to you" because I didn't want to, I don't want to and I won't ever want that. I don't like to think of a future where the years go by and you are no longer part of my life.
When you told me that you still remembered when I told you that I liked you, I felt like I was going to die until you said that you remembered it as something nice. I imagined many reactions to that, but never that one. I used to feel guilty for a while. I really believed that since that day I had started to bother you every time we hugged or when we hung out. I was glad to know that all along it was all in my head and that you were not disgusted or annoyed by it.
The day you told me you used to like me I had to stop everything I was doing and sit down. I started to look at some trees and I was on the verge of crying. You had filled my head with so many thoughts at the same time that they seemed to form a kind of white noise that pretended to be silence for the minutes that I was immobile.
Once I calmed down, I was able to allow myself to feel and think about different things, but if I didn't feel something, it was hope, because you were with J and I knew it was a very nice relationship and you loved each other. I think if I had felt that way I would have completely hated myself.
I spent entire days insulting myself in my head "I'm an idiot", "how come I didn't realize it?", "why the hell did I reject a kiss from you?! If all that time it was what I wanted the most". I think I had gotten so used to not having experience in loving and being loved in this way that I had resigned myself to being like this for the rest of my life. You yourself repeated to me several times that I lacked love and yoeyweren't wrong haha, I just wish you were the one who could give it to me. I have blinded myself my entire life in a cloak of hate, convincing myself that I am unworthy of love, that there is no way anyone would like me or see me as cute or be attracted to me. Because I'm obviously boring, I have no personality, my voice is ugly, my face and body are disgusting, and so on. By closing my eyes all my life I lost the opportunity to have the most beautiful thing that could have happened to me. I wish I hadn't blinded myself.
And your messages did nothing more than open my eyes.
"I wonder why I liked you then if you're just funny, kind, understanding, attentive and sweet"
I would never have described myself like that, for as long as I can remember I haven't had a good image of myself. Seeing that from your eyes, I was that, made me very happy. Knowing not only that someone could see me that way but also that that someone was you, that made it more special for me.
"I wish I could have been with you to erase those thoughts with kisses"
I read the latter in a notification while in class. I couldn't concentrate and I think if someone had seen me I would have been red faced. I think those weeks I used the library more to read your messages over and over again than to study.
The point is that your messages erased many of my negative thoughts. With two days of your kisses and almost a month of your affection, you have erased a lot. If I could have been with you, I know that I would be the happiest person in the world.
I got really confused in December. When you broke up with J at no time did I feel hopeful or anything like that. On the contrary, I didn't understand how you had come to that solution after everything I'd told you. You had just gotten out of a year-long relationship and obviously you were going to be damaged and confused. I didn't want to "take advantage" of you, so I just lived day to day with doubts.
At one point I tried to calm you down while you said that no one else was ever going to love you. My throat burned wanting to tell you "what about me?", "I want to love you" but the idea was to help you and not think about myself.
Maybe if I had made more selfish decisions I would be where I want to be with you, but I don't know if I would be happy with how I got there.
I remember that years ago I stayed to sleep at your house, before going to the attractions park, and you woke me up seeing me with such a slight but genuine smile. That day I wasn't sure what I had felt and I wasn't going to be able to understand it until recently.
We hung out more often in December, sleeping together, separated by a pillow, until one day I fell asleep while we were watching Howl. I woke up early while you were still asleep and saw your face glued to mine. Half asleep, I didn't even think about it, but I knew what I wanted the most at that moment, and I hugged you before going back to sleep almost instantly. That's when I felt again what I felt a few years ago, the happiness of seeing your face when waking up. And then you woke me up by pulling me closer, hugging me and using my chest as a pillow. You made me feel wanted.
Being able to sleep holding you felt like something that was missing from my life but I had no way of knowing what it was until then. The warm breeze of your breath on my face or chest, your arms squeezing my body and our embraced legs, the little jumps you hit in your sleep from time to time and the smell of your hair. It feels weird to describe it, it might even make you a little disgusted, but it was something that made it feel like I had rested for twelve hours even though we slept for one.
The day of the World Cup final I left your house after celebrating and you told me what you told me, and we talked about it the next day in the park. I was paralyzed.
Despite the times that I repeated the same thoughts in my head, I couldn't convince myself that surely that only happened because you missed him, that it was childish to get excited and think that you felt that way just because it was me. I guess I was a little stupid, but I was tired of living up to this miserable point in my life, never even having kissed anyone. And having the opportunity to be the person with whom I most wanted to experience everything for the first time (and if life went my way, the last) filled me with joy.
On the 23rd I went to your house having discussed what we had discussed, knowing that I could tell you that I wanted to kiss you, that what I wanted most since fourth year was to kiss you and only you. And... You beat me to it hahaha. You asked me if I would mind if you kissed me, in my mind I laughed knowing that I wouldn't mind at all. That I would like a kiss from you every day until I die. Accepting felt like making up for my mistake of turning you down in fifth year.
The following afternoon what happened happened and I don't know how to describe it, I felt somewhat privileged. I remember once telling you, when you were criticizing your legs and your body, that "I only saw 70% of your body, but I'm sure it's very pretty", and obviously it's okay that you have insecurities but for two days I was able to see you almost completely. and I realized that all the little things that gave you insecurity were beautiful. I don't understand how you hate things that I loved from the very moment I saw.
I think you are a beautiful being, in every millimeter of you, in every gram of your soul and in every second that I shared with you. And you may be beautiful but I don't like you just for that nor did I start to like you just because of how you look. There is something in you and I don't know what it is, but when we talk I want to keep talking to you more and more. Your voice is very beautiful; your expressions and your way of speaking; your laughter. God your laugh, the happiness it gives me to see you and hear you laugh is incredible. I know it doesn't make sense, but sometimes I feel like I love everything about you. I love your humor and the natural way we talk to each other, how affectionate you are, the way you balance between being someone calm and releasing a lot of energy that you had accumulated. I love your tastes in what you decide to see or read, because, although they do not always coincide with mine, they make you someone who interests me a lot. All without mentioning the little things that make you you, like your habits with food, how you spend your time, the difference between the music we listen to. I love when you react with a sticker or you're speechless to something nice that escaped my mouth and I ended up telling you. I love how candid you are about how you see the world and how you convey it. The tone of your voice and the noises you make when explaining something. How you close your eyes a little when I annoy you jokingly and your sarcasm when you annoy me. Sometimes a while goes by that we don't see each other or talk and when I hear your voice again it's as if I had forgotten it and fell in love with it again.
I don't have many photos of you, at most a couple of the ones you sent me and most of them don't show your face. But I treasure them because I can see even if it's your hair for a while and remember when I could caress it while you lay on my chest. When I see you again in person I am surprised again by how beautiful you are. By your smile and your way of being.
If there is something I want more than anything in the world, it is to be able to be yours, to be able to spend my life day by day knowing that I can kiss you and that I can admire you carefully without shame until you realize it. Knowing that you love me and that I love you, being able to sleep in each other's arms and being able to say with a smile that we are a couple. But I can not. And it would be so easy to cut you out of my life to stop feeling that way, get myself a new set of friends, and like someone I don't feel that way about. But I love being your friend, and I can't bear the thought of losing the greatest friendship of my life just to forget that I liked you for so long. If I disappeared from your life... What would you do? Or rather, what would you feel? If you knew that I exist and that I'm still alive where I always was, but we didn't talk or see each other anymore, what would you think of me? I just hope you understand that if I do something like this it's because I can't stand being in love with you anymore without having any conclusion.
It hurts so much to know that you don't feel the same way I feel about you. If you read this while I'm still alive, it may make you uncomfortable from now on, as well as you may not feel anything reading all this, which would be worse. I think that if something would destroy me it would be to be invisible to you, that these nights writing with tears in my eyes are just a piece of paper that doesn't cause you the slightest feeling.
When you told me you were back together with J I cried for the first time in a long time. And it wasn't enough because I continued like this without sleeping for several nights on the coast. I feel a little bad about that, it's not right to feel bad because two people make up and love each other. Since we're never going to be together, all I have to do is focus on stopping feeling that way about you.
It must be very strange for you to read all of this and I apologize, especially if it's a few years in the future. I just wanted to make sure you really know how I felt, to die with no regrets. Although if I had one left, it would be dying without being able to be with you.
If the day comes when we don't talk to each other anymore and the days go by and you forget my existence, or I'm no longer alive, I want you to know that almost since I met you you were my favorite person. Just seeing you made my days happy, hearing you talk, laugh or send me a video or photo about anything you do, gave me life. You never bothered me, I never hated you or got tired of you. Every memory that I have by your side I keep as a treasure and I hate the idea of losing your presence in my life. If when I am old I suffer from dementia I pray so that the last thing I forget is you. If I'm grateful for anything in this life, it's for having met you.
I saw someone say that we should choose those who choose us, and I started to wonder if you would choose me. If you could only spend time with someone again and never see anyone in the world again would you choose me? I assume not, and I accept that. But I know that I wouldn't hesitate for a second to choose you, I would spend every second of my life with you. If my vision is taken away and I could only see one thing, I would choose you. If I found out that I only have one day to live, I would spend it with you, and when I close my eyes for the last time, when I take my last breath, if only I were by your side, I would die in peace.
Dia says that I don't like you, that I'm in love. At first it made me laugh because it sounds so stupid and sweet but I don't know, every day that passes I feel like it's the best I have to describe it. Sometimes I think that I have no right to have these immature feelings. But I guess it's normal not to be able to let you go if at nineteen I experienced for the first time what a normal person does at fourteen. Someone not so pathetic and desperate for love, your love, like me. Someone who at this stage of my life has already learned that you have to let go of those who can't love you. But I don't want to stop loving you, in my grave I'll keep thinking about you.
You once told me that the only person whose absence you wouldn't get used to if they left your life was me. I don't know why you thought I deserved to hear something so nice. And before reading that message I never wanted so much to repeat your own words to you.
It was recently the first time that I was able to tell you that I love you, and you me. It was only by text when you said hello to me on my birthday, but no matter the context I appreciate it for the power I give to that word. I feel that even though we have said the same thing, they did not have the same weight behind them. I know you never loved me nor will you love me the way I wanted to, but really, thank you very much for loving me all these years. Since I met you, you filled my days with a warm light that could turn a bad day into one of the best.
I find it curious that at this point in my life I consider you my best friend, the person closest to me and one of the most important people for my existence, you are almost like a pillar in my life. And yet, as much as I know about you, from time to time I feel like a stranger, as if I have only scratched the surface of who you are. And that only makes me want to meet you and discover you completely day by day, having spent 60 years with you and still being able to discover a crumb of your being, but smile every time I get to know you more.
Someday I wish I could be in the position and time to ask you if you still want to know what would have happened if we hadn't been so clumsy and ended up together, because there isn't a single day where I don't want to know.
It's so hard for me to accept that surely you'll never want to be with me again. That you don't see me the same way anymore, because it would mean that you never came to want me the same way that I want you. It's been more than five years since you entered my head and never left it, my heart flutters with shame or emotion just thinking about you.
Thanks for everything. Thank you for being my friend, for putting up with me, for not being disgusted by me and hugging me and telling me you loved me. Thank you for making me realize that beautiful things can happen to me, like being able to spend time with you, hugging and kissing you, being able to witness and share your existence.
It's weird because it feels unfair to think that I can go into a relationship knowing that I can only imagine myself wanting to be with you. That's why unconsciously I think I'm not looking for one, and I'm waiting for you. As much as it hurts me, I wait for you and I could wait for you for months, years, decades and I would still think of you. Because you are the person I want to hear laugh every day, you are the person with whom I want to share both our joy and our pain. I want you to be part of my soul and leave a mark of mine in yours. I want you to be happy and part of growing up is accepting that it doesn't have to be me and that I should be glad you find that in someone else but please God why can't it be me? I don't know if I'll be enough or if I'll be what you're looking for, but I'd love to try to be.
How many times have I told you that I really liked Hime's playlist. It's because most of the songs are about love and although I don't know what that feels like, they all reminded me of you. Every time someone talked about couples or something similar I could only imagine you.
You showed me a song, "amigo triste", which according to you reminded you of me. God knows how long I had it on loop because it was one of the few things I had to give me an idea of who I am from your eyes.
I imagine that with time I'm going to mature and I'm going to truly accept that I can't want you if it doesn't lead to anything. But I would like you to know that in another life you are the best thing that happened to me. In another life, I would be more than happy just knowing that at the end of the day I can spend my time with you, that I live my life with you in its most mundane parts and in its most interesting parts.
In the meantime, I hope you are as happy as possible in this life. And if you don't mind… I love you
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