Physical therapy hermitage pa

my girlfriend and i are in a long distance relationship. it was very hard for us kasi we prefer na laging nakikita yung isa't-isa and nagsispend time together. in short, physical touch and quality time yung love language namin. dahil summer vacation na, we're both away from each other so we always communicate through calls and chat every minute, every second, and everyday. i'm always there for her and vice versa. dahil nga we're both away, we feel very alone. her home doesn't feel like home to her and i stay in a dorm almost alone everyday tapos my parents were against wlw relationship pa which didn't help us. our mental health were slowly deteriorating. we don't feel safe sa mga place na tinutuluyan namin (bcs of the ppl around it). we only feel the warmth and security when we're together.
things started to get worse kasi we're very occupied with the things happening around us. syempre affected kaming dalawa which affects our mental state which affects our relationship also. there was this time na i broke down in our call. she never left me until i became okay. but when she needed me the most, i wasn't there for her. i wasn't there kasi i was sleeping and i didn't know na she broke down. i slept because kakagaling lang namin sa misunderstanding non and it's starting to affect me na so badly that my head hurts lagi, i barely eat, i cant sleep at night, body aches, and nag eemotional outburst ako bigla-bigla. it felt like i was so depressed with my life. And i know she is too. But at that point sino uunahin ko? sarili ko ba or siya? everytime na mawawala lang ako saglit nagkakaganun na siya. maybe bcs she told me na she only have me.
i dont know anymore. now, we're on a break (cool off). i still want her pero i dont know what approach yung gagamitin ko para hindi na siya magkaganun. i always try to be better for her.
any advices ? thoughts ?
thank you for reading this ! :)

I’m so sorry if this is too long, I kinda vented but I would appreciate some kind advice since I have nobody to talk to about this. I feel lost, thank you.
I’ve been in an on and off relationship for almost 3 years now, he(m28) has dumped me every single time and always coming back to me and while being apart doing things that hurt me (talking to girls and following instagram models/e-girls 1 day after our break up, every. single. time), he emotionally cheated on me once, I have micro-cheated and emotionally cheated too (he doesn’t know) and I just realized that, despite all that I would always choose him. I would never do anything physically with anyone. I also realized that I’ve done all that for pure revenge and that I don’t care anymore because of all the things he’s done to me. He’s done very hurtful things and I always “forgive” him and let him in my life again and again and again.
I love him, I’m sure about that. I love our inside jokes, I love how good we are when everything’s fine, i love the way he treats me when we’re together and I love being intimate with him. That’s what makes me miss him the most when we’re apart, despite how hurt I am by the things he does.
We got back together 3 months ago after 6 months of breakup, and we’ve been on a crisis for a week now. He’s an avoidant, I’m an anxious and we haven’t been able to make it work. I told him that I didn’t want us to stop spending time together and suggested that we could play videogames together or just talk on discord and feel each other’s company, he said that that’s a responsibility he can’t commit to right now, said that atm he can’t give me attention because he wants to focus on a game that he’s very good at because there’s a probability (a ver low one if you ask me but I would be so happy for him if that happened) that he could make an income out of it, I also play videogames, I’ve never had a problem with him spending time playing, what I don’t like is when he doesn’t spend time with me, it makes me feel sad and not loved. He thinks the problem is me wanting ALL his time and attention (which isn’t true) and gets mad and makes me feel guilty for feeling bad when he doesn’t spend time with me or communicate. All of this just makes me feel like I’m begging for a tiny bit of his attention.
I visit him every saturday and I love spending time with him, even if we do nothing. Ik he does too, we really have a great time always. He said we can keep it that way and that I’m free to visit him on the week as well. He’s always said that he doesn’t like going outside, we’re both introverted and I understand that, I’m also not a big fan of hanging out, but I don’t think it would be harmful if we go to dates occasionally, we were trying to do that when we got back together, at the very beginning he suggested so many things for us to do together but now he just doesn’t want to.
I don’t want this, I don’t feel loved or seen, I feel like I’m conditioning myself to accept all the thins I clearly don’t deserve or want just to keep him in my life, even though I’m unhappy and saddened by it and I don’t know how to stop it. Also, it might sound childish but I crave physical intimacy, I love kissing and hugging and if this ends I won’t receive that anymore. I keep resenting him for cheating and I don’t think he’s a great man anymore or that he deserves my love, details or gifts. He suggested to break up 4 days ago and I didn’t let him, I keep telling him that we can save our relationship, that’s what I deeply want but he doesn’t and he will never change his avoidant behavior and it just stops me from healing my abandonment issues and insecurities, I know I am the one who’s responsible, i let him in, i let him hurt. I know I can’t heal while being with the same person who left me wounds. And I know I keep draining him every time I ask him for reassurance.
I need help or advice. How can I leave? How can I help myself? Why is it so hard for me to let go?
I’m too attached, therapy is very expensive here and I don’t have the resources, however, I’m open to read about self help, if you got any suggestions please let me know, I would really really appreciate. Thank you if you made it through here.

I'm at the beach with my niece and saw her cuts peek out from under her shorts.
And when she tells me she's depressed, I tend to not react. Nothing surprises me. I've been depressed and lately a bit numb. I've struggled with sh for 19 years, the last 9 in recovery with ups and downs. I've come a long way in healing but I don't know what to say because seeing her cuts triggers me in a way where I suddenly feel very young. It's like my brain and my thoughts are 13 again.
Her mom knows about her sh btw. Or at least she knew several months ago. But idk If she's aware it's still an issue. The injuries aren't physically severe so I think I'll just check in with my sis to see how she's doing/feel out whether or not she realizes it's still happening, and not mention the cuts, but encourage her again to get her daughter into therapy. I don't know why she hasn't already.
I also am hoping for an opportunity that will allow my niece to open up with me about it. She mentioned being depressed a couple of times but I didn't ask any questions. I should have. I just didn't want to sound pushy. I want her to know she's got people who get it and can walk with her if she wants that.

Hi everyone.
So I am second guessing to pursue my divorce and am in a sad/confused emotional state and would love to hear some honest thoughts/advice.
Second marriage for both of us, married about 5 years, whirlwind romance with many issues causing me to contemplate & ultimately seek a divorce. Lots of narcisissm (sp?) and verbal abuse , severe mood swings, very dark moods, silent treatment, withholding physical and emotional affection, communication problems etc......as explained by my therapist who I saw for about 2.5 years. We're an older couple (i.e. mid 50s). I begged and begged him to go to therapy or couples counseling and he refused. He finally agreed to go 3 months ago but by that time I was done w/trying or caring any longer, had been emotionally wounded too much. In the 3 months since then, he's tried VERY hard to salvage our marriage, has seen a counselor privately and got diagnosed with being bi polar and was put on medication that has dramatically helped his mood for the better. It seems like he is really trying and his behavior has improved a great deal. He says he intends on remaining in therapy even if we divorce for his own well-being and mental health and I think he is being sincere. He says the new medication has made him feel better than he has ever felt in decades and he really, really likes his new therapist. So these are all positive outcomes and I am very happy for him, truly.
That being said............I still feel too wounded to want to be married to him any longer. I just feel like I have a raw, open gaping sore that is just now starting to heal. While I wish him all the best, I don't think continuing in the marriage is a good idea for me. That being said.........after hearing about his bi polar diagnosis, and seeing how he IS going to a therapist and IS changing his behavior towards me........I am all of a sudden feeling guilty about my decision, perplexed and wondering if I am making the right decision after all. Mentally I think it IS the right decision but my heart is second guessing my rational brain. This is the first time he has ever acknowledged the pain he's caused me, taken ownership for it and actually taken steps to fixing things. It doesn't seem fair to him to get a divorce after he's done all these things, does it?? And yet....I still feel that open gaping wound.
Thoughts?
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I 27F have been with the father of my children 28 for 12yrs, on and off. Engaged not engaged. Back story we met it middle school dated in HS and been together pretty much since. Senior yr of hs I was pregnant with our first son, then 7yrs later we had 2 daughters back to back leading into last yr 2022. He had a stable income for the majority of our years together, Ive worked since HS and I’ve also had seasonal jobs in between. As of our second child in 2021 I’ve been a stay at home mother due to me not wanting outside child care (it gives me anxiety) not to mention we wouldn’t be able to afford it unless I was full time and thats almost impossible. He is full time and everybody in my support system also works.. neatliess to say he’s always been in charge of the income. Weve both been with other ppl in the past and have recovered and tried to make things work for the better half of 5 years now. I come from divorced parents so I really have the urge to make my family work even through my thoughts of unhappiness, just to say Im fully aware at some point staying together “just for the kids” may eventually cause more trauma than good.
Starting around or even before my second pregnancy he started drinking more and although he just proposed 2019 he also started stepping out on the relationship. I felt it was my time of need, pregnant and sick so I understand I put a strain on our sex lives but to think he would stick by my side and fight with me was a mistake. There’s two sides to every story but as I know as facts that I seen with my own eyes…….. I had a friend I didn’t really speak to due to life but we always been friends/friendly so I was shocked to see my child’s father texted her and they don’t even know each other, I met her in a summer school program. He said they never hung out when I asked but I asked her myself and he lied to my face. They hung out a few times and he paid her $100+ for “conversation”. I was shook but don’t care to lose a shxt person like that in my life. TOODLES girly! But HE makes me feel so EMBARRASSED by his actions,I can’t fathom the betrayal. I’ve seen his onlyfans account of transactions over or around $1,000 (buying visa gift cards so I don’t see transaction) of girls we went to HS with or he’s pretty much stalked girls social media’s, trying meet up with pornstars/celebrities. When I confronted him, he said “what do you expect you don’t give me nothing and I still give you attention so I don’t see the big deal, I only do it when we have money”.. He has full conversations with these girls under Anonymous accounts but can’t sit down with me to talk about our problems and issues or even about our kids?! When I speak to get to the bottom of things, he walks away and ignores my questions. These girls just want money and he’s trying his hardest to meet up until, I interrupt!! I’ve seen text threads of him talking to coworkers hiding their name under male names,trying to flirt or go out for drinks. I’ve spoke to the “massage therapist” he paid $200 to get “massages” from, off of Craigslist. I asked him first he said he never booked just talk to her, so I asked her and she confirmed he had a few sessions. I called him yelling only then did he tell the truth and or say he forgot details. I think I broke his switch in that same convo. He got fired on the spot by his boss. This boss was an old friend of his from a previous job years ago, his boss saw his wife’s phone and seen the same inappropriate text I seen between his wife and my child’s father. Texts like “I hope you’re keeping our text private”, telling her that she seems like she wants something more, asking about her sex life and what she likes.. I’ve seen all this myself but keep on making excuses like maybe I caused this? He’s begging to stay a family and not put him on child support. While hes been months late on rent and buying alcohol daily while were on our way to our 3 child around Christmas time. I was broken finding out all this and will admit I did some pretty horrible things to him in retaliation. Which leads me to believe this is TOXIC. Idk hormones were baddd!? I’m such a loving person or atleast was but I feel so stuck and angry lately. I did things Im ashamed of. Me being hurt isn’t an excuse but my reason. I feel more so justified although wrong. He refuses AA but won’t stop drinking bc I continue to find empty bottles hidden and he pulls out cash from atm so I don’t see transactions on card for liquor store. My eldest, now 9 know his dads a drunk. He has witnessed his father sleep on this siblings while he was suppose to be watching them or even worst, the time 2am drunk peeing on our sons floor. Our son woke me up crying cause he was scared by the way his dad was acting, he literally said “like a zombie”. He fell asleep on his bottom bunk and my son was scared to sleep in there. I let him sleep in my bed while I woke his father up by pouring a glass of water on him. He didn’t recall what he just did matter of fact “said no I didnt” as I clean up the warm pee.. I hate myself and was embarrassed to tell that story bc I feel like I’m someway allowing it by staying… idk what to do realistically with 3 kids involved but I need to do it soon, safely and efficiently. I can’t really heal from this, idk how, no matter how many ways he says sorry..He has never been honest, I have always only found out myself. I’ve never received any type of closure from all these situations, Which makes me feel crazy that he thinks everythings okay and normal, I feel crazy I stalk his phone, that I smell fireball on his breathe but he swears he’s not drinking. Him lying while I’m looking at facts/proof.. it’s all driving me crazy!
I’m not perfect I started talking to an my ex after I kicked him out when I found his first OF account. I also made a dating app to make him mad. Hes claims he’s never cheated physically and he wants to be a family, thats why I never really consider us “broken up” if hes constantly texting me begging for his family back and claims he tryna do for better us. I want to go to therapy before giving up on Him but he refuses to go. IDK if Hes the narc thats gaslighting me? Or if I’m the narc ? Idk if I’m going through a reactive trauma response? I feel like I was a happy child/teenager and I never use to be this angry….I don’t feel like myself anymore and as for him, I don’t even know who that man is when I look at him. All I feel is anger and disgust. If this isn’t fixable, what would be some good first steps to end this toxic relationship?

Hello fellow Redditors,
I am reaching out to you all once again, this time with a heart heavy with pent-up emotions and an urgent need for support. I wrote my initial post about my DB struggles a while back, hoping to find solace and guidance from those who could relate to my situation. Today, I find myself at the breaking point, desperately needing to vent and find some much-needed encouragement.
The past few months have been an uphill battle for me. Despite my best efforts to address the issue with my partner, the intimacy in our relationship remains stagnant, and it feels as if our emotional connection is slowly eroding away. I've tried everything I could think of; communication, therapy (she doesnt want to go), initiating discussions, and exploring potential solutions. Yet, it seems like we're trapped in a cycle of disappointment and frustration.
The lack of physical intimacy has taken its toll on my mental and emotional well-being. I can no longer ignore the deep ache in my heart and the overwhelming sense of loneliness that has settled within me.
I'm sharing this not only to vent but also to seek solace and support from those who have experienced or overcome similar challenges. I know that many of you have walked this path before, and your stories have given me hope and strength. I am here, raw and vulnerable, reaching out for guidance and understanding.
To those who have faced the pain of a dead bedroom and emerged stronger, how did you find the strength to persevere? Or how did you find comfort elsewhere?
Thank you

It was cold, or was it hot? Conner couldn’t really tell anymore. Each day he could feel himself weakening. Each day he could hear less of the people outside and more of the madness inside.
Bang.
Bang.
“Dinner time.” A guard opened the door. Baton in hand, smirk always on play.
Syringe in hand, the guard did what he always did. He didn’t need to do it, not anymore, Conner was too weak to even stand up most days. He did it because he felt strong. He remembers Lex would do the same thing sometimes, he remembers Lex doing those things like he’d done them too.
Conner would try to fight back in any way possible, but he was always too slow. It always ends in torment and despair anyway, why should he try anymore?
The guard slips him a sedative, and then everything goes black.
-Line Break-
When Conner wakes up, he always expects something other than the red tint he’s used to seeing. It’s like all he can see is red.
At first, it wasn’t as bad.
But the red sunlight made sure to block anything else from coming in. No yellow sunlight, no powers, at least that was what everyone else thought.
If it’d been a year ago, Conner would’ve been able to bust out of this cell with a flick of the risk and some mildly focused concentration. Now, he wasn’t even sure if he could lift a fork, never mind telekinetically open and then crushing a door.
Ding.
Ding.
Ding.
Conner’s eyes widened, he knew what was coming next, at least he knew what type of pain he was going to feel, he wasn’t sure how but he was going to feel it.
He was too weak to make a sound. The only thing that escaped his lips was the heavy breathing of a man being slowly killed, and then not.
They made sure to pump just enough artificial stimulant into his body, just enough so he would stay alive, just enough so that they could experiment more.
After the treatment would sit there, in his tattered suit, with his leather jacket, on the ground ,tormenting him. Thinking and whispering to himself, “Superman’s invincible, so I’m invincible, Superman’s gonna save me.”
Then he remembers that Superman does not remember.
He breaks all over again.
-Line Break-
They’ve kept him in a bigger cell, Conner can hear Waller, she’s been planning something big, but he doesn’t know what yet.
He keeps telling himself that Superman would never break, that he’s not Lex Luthor, that he wouldn’t do the things that Lex would but he knows it’s all for nothing.
The doors open and Conner can feel the strain of kryptonite already. He gets up steadily, conserving as much strength as he can. He sees a syringe with yellow liquid running through it.
Conner feels like a drug addict. He's always waiting for his next fix of yellow sunlight. They never give him too much, just enough to supersede the effects of kryptonite. From who Conner sees in front of him, he knows he’ll need a lot more than one injection.
Metallo grins, “been a while kid, ready for round two?”
Conner sees a beaten up sword in front of him, he looks behind to see his leather jacket.
Conner’s eyes harden, not speaking a single word, he picks up the sword.
-Line Break-
Conner is able to hold his own against Metallo, he can feel himself getting a little bit stronger day by day.
The injections are getting more frequent as well. The injections make his aura stronger, he feels like he could pick up a truck, if he tried enough. He could, but he can’t. He’s savoring every last bit of his aura that he can muster, he never knew that he could do this, stockpiling T.K. energy.
Conner smiles for the first time in months.
The doors open, Conner doesn’t spot a sword there anymore. Instead of one sword and one vial, he sees two vials.
Conner grins again.
-Line Break-
Amanda Waller has had her hands full with Conner Kent. She needs him to be perfect, perfect for her. The world isn’t ready for what she has planned, but what she has planned is what the world needs.
Clark Kent, Jonathan Kent, they are what the world wants. The perfect, most ideal alien saviors, so human that they are more so than anyone else.
Amanda grins, don’t humans make mistakes? Don’t they get angry? She can see the signs in Conner, he’s getting hungry, for more. For more power.
She will make him into the perfect Superman. She will make him into her perfect Superman.
-Line Break-
Conner’s almost ready, he just needs one more vial. His T.K. is far more effective when he’s in physical contact with someone, he isn’t just Clark, he’s Lex, he’s Conner.
He knows what Metallo’s weakness is. Conner wouldn’t kill anyone, Ma’ and Pa’ taught him differently.
Conner's face remains as stoic as Kal’s. He wouldn’t kill anyone, but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t hurt anyone.
Conner looks at his leather jacket for a good minute, he speaks his first word for the first time in months, “hope.”
-Line Break-
Conner can see the two vials on the tray, it’s just three feet away from him.
His face was calm, cold and calculating. Not like a drug addict, but a prisoner, a desperate warrior, a slave looking for a way out.
Conner had already found it.
The two vials of sunlight supplements were then placed into syringes. When the injection pierced Conner’s skin, he could feel the energy welling up in him, strengthening his tendons, keeping him from starving.
Metallo had that same stupid grin on his face. A robotic kryptonite green eye began to shine violently.
Conner knew what to do, conserve energy, every moment might make him set off some of his T.K. aura. He ducked, rolled, and dodged.
He closed the distance between them until he was just an inch away from touching Metallo’s robotic half.
Conner didn’t smile, he thought he would, but he didn’t. His face was as calm and stoic looking as ever.
What Conner did do however, was say something all to familiar, “touch down.”
With contact Metallo went flying. Conner put a little too much into that blow. Metallo was smoking.
Conner stayed stoic.
With one final breath he let it all go.
-Line Break-
Releasing a T.K. an explosion of that magnitude required a great understanding of how his abilities, more specifically ability worked. His telekinesis worked by converting his aura into telekinetic energy. The closer someone is, the less aura Conner would have to expend.
So Conner thought that if he stockpiled enough of his aura, and then consequently let go of it all in one, singular explosion, he might be able to shake things up a bit.
Conner guessed that he was underground. What he did not guess was the magnitude of his T.K. explosion.
He supposed that compressing, and storing all of the aura may have caused it to develop some more explosive properties.
Conner didn't know how much damage he did, but he knew he did enough to get some sunlight to fall on his face. It was the morning, thank Rao for the morning.
One direct beam of sunlight wasn’t going to instantly shoot Conner right back to his prime, but with enough T.K. aura and concentration, flight was more than possible.
It might’ve been stupid, it might’ve been the worst decision he had ever made but he knew that he just had to do it.
To prove to himself maybe, or just to stick it to Waller, either way he would get it done.
With speeds faster than what a normal man could accomplish, Conner sped over his old cell. Not as near as fast as he used to be, but fast enough.
He spotted the jacket on the bed, grabbed it, and then zoomed back to the nearest point of direct sunlight in the now desecrated building.
“Hands in the air Superboy, we don’t need this to get bloody.” Waller had a gun aimed at Conner, one with a green glow emanating throughout.
Conner was already hovering a few inches off the ground, not enough to be noticeable, but enough to give him a head start.
“Kryptonite bullets, really? You could probably kill me with a kitchen knife with how I’m feelin’ right now.” Conner made sure to give her his best boy scout smile.
“I’m not trying to take any chances.” Even now, she still believed she was doing what was best for the earth. Conner remembered Lex felt like that too, sometimes if not all the time.
With one final breath, Conner was gone.
Waller dropped the gun, “did we at least manage to clone him?”
A scientist who was assessing Metallo responded, “yes but…”
“But what?”
“With all that kryptonite in his system, it tainted all of the blood samples we were able to secure.”
“So?”
“We managed to clone him but every single clone had an average life span of two minutes and thirty seven seconds.”
“How many more samples do we have again?”
“None.”
Waller then proceeded to say some very unsavory words to the scientist.
-Line Break-
Conner had missed this, flying with the sun on his face.
He could almost feel the kryptonite burning out of his system. He used to hate that he was a clone, then he came to terms with it, now he was loving it.
If it weren’t for his T.K Conner wasn’t sure where he’d be right now.
Still he was barely managing to keep it together, he only had enough yellow sun radiation in him to fly, and not very fast either, hell if it weren’t for his T.K. he wouldn’t be able to fly as high as he was right now.
He just needed to find a nice spot to crash land. Maybe Hawaii?
Yes, that was it. A nice place to get his nerves together before flying back to the fortress. He was still sure that there was some kryptonite left in his sys…tem.
The forgotten man of steel, the original Superboy, plummeted to the dry deserts of Arizona.
Conner looked toward where he was about to crash land, “at least I’ll get plenty of sun.”

I have nothing, but does everything, to feel something. Really looking forward to meet someone din talaga .Looking for constant museum dates and phone calls. Medical Technology working/student. Reads books and smash facism. Loves to talk history. Good listener kahit sobrang random pa ng topic.
me:

• 5'8 half height
• average build
• kakampink
• wholesome
• ambivert
• lives up north (NCR)

HMU really down to meet anyone

• not looking for any particular hindi naman important sakin yung physical beauty all ladies are beautiful in their own way

For some history, I (31 F) have been dealing with chronic pain since 2019, and have finally been able to be diagnosed with some general causes of my pain. My main question is, what paths can I take to manage this the rest of my life? Because of the cause it seems to be a lifetime sort of situation, and I’ve had issues getting a consensus from my medical team on which path to move forward in. I would appreciate your input based on the summaries below
History/description of pain: I have been active my entire life, participating in sports from elementary school till end of college. I have not done any impact sports, or have been in an accident/fall. I did break my femur at a young age because of a bone cyst. This break was corrected with two metal rods that were removed later. I had to have a Tibial Tubercle Osteotomy in high school to address a misalignment of my patella on the same leg. The hardware has since been removed as well, but I have (what I consider normal) chronic pain in my knee. This pain feels similar to the new painful areas in my body which made me concerned. Pain is a chronic aching feeling, and occasional sharp shooting pains with certain movements. No areas are hot to the touch, and minimal swelling (only in knee and occasionally hands). Minimal pain relief with icing/heat or OTC medication like acetaminophen/ibuprofen.
Brief medical history (outside of narrative below): abdominal Cyst removal x2. One at 3 months old, one at 25 years old. Both were located around my small intestines and grew to the size of a grapefruit before removal. Depression (currently not depressed), have not had COVID19. Not on any medications.
Pain started in early 2019 (pre-pandemic) in my lower back. At the time I was working an intensive job, and was very burnt out. I was also diagnosed with depression this year and assumed that my pain was a symptom of that. In 2020 the pain increased, and as a result my activity also decreased. Prior to this I was going on long walks, swimming, yoga and running. All of which I can no longer do at this time. All activities that I was able to continue during the lock downs but was halted due to my pain. The pain spread to my hips, ankles, and I started experiencing tingling/numbness in my hands and feet. In 2022, I finally went to a ortho who took X-rays of my ankles/feet (most painful areas at the time) and found nothing wrong. He referred me to a Rheumatologist since I have a family history of Rheumatoid Arthritis. Rheum determined it was not RA (blood work was normal), referred me to Physical therapy, and also referred me to Neurology due to concerns with my numbness in my extremities. I finally got a MRI and CT scan at the end of 2022 and it was found that I have multiple cystic lesions in my hips, spleen (irrelevant to pain I think), and spine (located at T12, L1, L4, L5 S1 and the distal sacrum). Additionally there is a bulge at L4-L5, L5-S1 and a disc osteophyte at L5-S1. The final diagnosis for this was “Cystic Angiomatosis” which has not been helpful imo since all of my doctors have handed me off to someone else since they have no knowledge of how to address it. Because I’ve gotten stuck shifting physicians, its been hard to find a solution for the pain management since that seems to be my only path forward. Would I just continue Physical therapy for years? Or just be less mobile ? What are the options to pain management since it seems like this is a chronic thing with no immediate solution. I appreciate any input/advice.

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TLDR I am in a relationship which has got very onsided (i do everything financially, emotionally, practicality/chores) while my girlfriend keeps getting more angry with me for small things no matter what i try to the point where i get depressed and even feel a bit unsafe at home. My girlfriend has been going through hell so I have tried to be understanding, but shes not open to trying to change things and i am not sure how much longer i keep trying as its breaking my mental health. But I still really care about her and don't want to leave her without support so feel trapped and unsure what to do I feel a bit strange posting here at my age but feeling really lost it could do with some advice.
First a bit of background.
I am a m32, and have been dating my girlfriend f29 (gf), for coming up to a year, we both live in London.
There’s a bit of important background for both of us first.
I had some really big health (including depression) and career headaches (all sorted now and I’m generally in a very good place in both ) so coupled with the pandemic vaporising two years, I’ve had about five years off from being in (and not really seeking out) relationships, so I both feel a bit rusty and to be honest and within anxious about getting older (I do want to have a family/settle down).
Gf has had a really tough time her previous relationship was quite badly abusive and when I met her (which I didn’t know originally) she was staying in a women’s shelter.
I’m autistic so sometimes I don’t read social cues and the best way (although I have a decent circle of friends I’m in senior managerial job, I do get by okay but I know it’s not always my biggest strength), I’m about 99% sure gf is as well (not diagnosed which shows a lot of the traits and is of a mind that she probably has herself as well).
And onto the conundrum sorry this is a very long, having read these threads before I know people often miss out important information so I’m trying to be fair but that also means ends up as a bit of a wall of text.
I met gf on a dating website, where she had down as her career, that she did a bit of freelance website design and some translation work (we are both in the UK she is not from the UK originally and does speak a really impressive collection of languages). We started talking online and got on really well. This was odd for me as I tend to take quite a long time to figure if I like someone but we both seem to hit it off pretty much immediately. When we met in person I did realise she was in quite a lot of the worst state then I first thought and she shared (after some gentle prodding) she had been unemployed for a while, has gone out of an abusive relationship, and was in effectively a womens shelter, and was clearly suffering from quite bad depression (I’ve had depression myself and know what a nightmare it can be).
Hearing about the really tough time she had for the last few years absolutely broke my heart and while it wasn’t what I would he planned this point I’d already caught feelings so made it clear I appreciated she has some ship to get through I was happy to take things slowly and carefully and I wanted to be there to try and help.
One of the problem she mentioned was her room was uninhabitable a hot during the summer (we are about to hit a record heat wave) it was clearly really worrying her so I decided to offer to let her stay over at my house during the heatwave (I do have a spare room) while stressing there were no particular expectations from doing so. She agreed came over and I basically spent a long weekend trying to do all the things I felt was missing out on and honestly it was wonderful she got out of her shell we got really close really quickly at the end of the long weekend we properly kissed (as in more then a peck on the cheek) and agreed we were going to try and build something together. The first few months were honestly the best relationship I’d ever had. We have the same interests, she seemed really interested in building a life together, and generally we seem to gel incredibly well . I knew she was in a really crappy place but she was really clear she wanted to get back on her feet was really appreciative of me trying to help a bit with that (we did things like yours at all a user works to help people plan the next steps in their career to figure out what she could do to get a good job). I was paying for the dates (unsurprisingly and happily) but she assured me that what she was getting as benefits was enough to get by day-to-day, and long term she did not want to have to depend on anyone, so I didn’t really intervene more than that.
But then around last winter (so about 4-5 months in) things really started to change. She previously said she wanted to start looking for work after Christmas (she was originally going to be on her own over Christmas so I invited her over to me and my mums). But she was having real trouble starting to look into making applications she lost her computer (I think in the prior abusive relationship), so she was having to go into the library and often couldn’t get a device I could see was really upset about this and hatered how sad it made her, so I talked about it with her and agreed to get her a laptop as a slightly early Christmas present. I should point out a bit about my financial situation here stop I’m in a relatively senior role in a charity I make a good deal more than the national average but I’ve also got, a rather big mortgage (which massively spiked with the increase in interest rates), so I get by certainly don’t have to worry about getting food on the table but spare money is quite tight. So finding the cash for a decent, laptop was a fairly big deal and more or less drained my reserves (especially given of course I’ve been paying double for all the dates etc). Gf knew I was worrying a lot about money especially after the interest rate hike and seemed really understanding and very thankful for the laptop.
But then out of the blue she started talking about trying to apply to go back to uni next year instead of looking for work, she seemed to assume I’d cover the costs for the full three years! I tried to explain calmly and quietly I could not commit to that (after all complete financial responsibility for someone for years is very different to paying for a few meals out), and she got really angry and upset. We had our first really serious fight. But the next day she seemed better pretty much simultaneously came up with a mutual solution (she could look at applying for degree apprenticeship or similar which should mean should be bring enough cash in that it wouldn’t cause me to bigger financial headache even though I would still be doing most of the heavy lifting (which i would be okay with i can do most of it jsut not all long term) and it seemed like things had been resolved).
But ever since then she suddenly getting angry with me about the strangest things.
January came and went she missed the deadline to apply for courses and didn’t start looking for work when I brought up uni deadline and said I was happy to help with paperwork (something she expressed interest in before) she again got really angry with me, and accuse me of trying to force her to do what I want to/fit into a box for my interests. I made it really clear that I’m not too fussed what she does (e.g. she’s talked to a lot of different types of work lots of different types of uni etc) and she is happy with the understanding that I can’t commit to being completely financially responsible for someone else for years given my current financial situation (but I am in a comfortable enough position I can do most of the heavy lifting), but again she got really angry with me and so to say I don’t care about her. I explained I care about her massively and I do everything I can to try and help through I know is a really crap time and then she said this was me trying to blackmail her by doing nice things then creates an obligation for her to do nice things for me which she said isn’t fair…..
I was a bit lost for words as to be honest doing nice things just what I assume once you do for one’s partner! At this point I asked if she really wants to keep going she sounded like she really dislikes me but she said she did. I know sometimes when people are depressed say things they don’t mean and I try to keep muddling along.
A bit after that she went from staying at my house/in my spare room occasionally to pretty much constantly; and I slowly found her financial situation was a lot worse than I thought (she wasn’t affording enough to eat at her room and because of fees and some old debts she basely had no money coming through). Once I realised how bad it was I did offer to help out a little bit and have been giving her a couple of hundred pounds a month to cover necessities (while she’s staying at my mine most of the time so I was largely covering food anyway). Which was doable but again quite a strain in my current financial circumstances (at this point with everything else and higher food bills she’s pretty much all my discretionary spending)
Every now and again we’d link up like we used to and it would be brilliant and still me of those good days and It would remind how much I care about her but as time goes on she’s just getting more and more angry with me about the smallest of things and the good times have hot rarer. She still not looking for work (I’ve not been particularly pushing as I know she gets really worried when people push), and she’s even stopped helping out with basic cleaning when staying over (I’d say initially we were 50-50 now it’s 90/10). At the same time she keeps getting angry with me about the smallest things accusing me of being controlling, not caring for what just seems like normal everyday things.
A recent example was we’d been having a fairly separate day (I have some work to do over the weekend she was feeling unwell), I came down and we watched tv for a bit (I had got a new tv having not had one in my place before as when she was down she liked to binge watch). I tried to pause it manually to say something and she used the remote instead i commented it was amusing how little i know about how to use my tv as i rarely use it and she got very angry about me using the word my instead of our as this apparently meanti was treating her like a guest who could be kickd out at any time and did not care about her. It then took hours to calm her down after this
At the same time she has stopped showing any real affection for me (which has now been a case for about six months) something I used to really like about relationship was how close we were physically, but she stopped showing any real interest even in holding hands or cuddling on the sofa. I explained I was finding this really difficult she said it was and that should work on but then quickly step back into complete disengaging. I did ask if there’s something I could do to help, or if there was anything I was doing wrong and beyond listing whatever she was most recently angry with me about. And it’s not just about physical intimacy is also emotional intimacy when my birthday happened she’d did not even whish me happy birthday or try and do anything for the day, the other weekend when I had a really bad experience work that may be scared I was going to lose my job (I did not and it was fine in the end), and I came down to the sitting room and said I was feeling really vulnerable and scared (and clearly needed a bit of emtional support) she just said it should be fine and she didn’t understand why I was interrupting a television show.
So all in all I feel like I’m doing all the emotional labour, all the actual work, and I’m not getting any support back.
But the tragic thing is I can see moments of her getting better, she’s really musical but when shes depressed she can’t sing but she’s been starting to sing again, she’s really bad taking care of herself and she’s depressed but in the last few weeks and started to use nail varnish again it doesn’t sound like a lot but it’s a massive step for her. But we had long periods of her getting with me for anything that I do I’ve asked if she wants to break up but she’s been adamant that she doesn’t, she even says we fit really well together and keeps saying shes feels better when shes with me which makes me feel so happy I am helping. But the simple fact of the matter is for months now I’ve been living in a really uncomfortable environment I try and build bridges just gets shot down. In the meantime I keep crossing lines I’m not comfortable with (whether that’s starting to help pay off some of her debts, or effectively having her move in without having agreed), but I feel if I try and push back she just gets more angry with me more unwell.
I know if I ended the relationship it would pretty much destroy her (and she has more or less said that) I’m the only support network she’s got, and without me in her current situation I know she’d even struggle to do things like get regular food. And the honest truth is when we had in a good place I feel more alive with her than have anyone else. I also remember when I was badly depressed, I lost a lot of good friends including a good relationship because I wasn’t in any state to engage with people so it will be there to be supportive of her even if it means a few bumpy months, to look after someone I care about. But the stress of both carrying all of the burden for months, and constantly being berated for anything I do in my own home is starting to make me really ill to the point where it’s affecting my work in beginning to make me depressed in turn (something I haven’t had to deal with in years). When I have told her a few times I’m feeling really sad (without saying the cause is) she’s effectively just responded with well there’s not much I can do about that, and wandered off to watch TV or do things on her phone, while when the roles are reversed I drop everything to try and help her get through a dark period.
I think if I keep this up I’m going to have a nervious breakdown, but at the same time besides the fact they do really care about her and would like to stay with them if I could, it feels monstrous to break up knowing I’d be destroying her support network and throwing her back into the dark kit she was in when we met.
I’ve tried suggesting things like therapy and even offered to help her get access to it but while she initially shows interest she then doesn’t engage/ go forward with it. In general whenever I try and talk to her about my worries she just gets really angry with me to the point where I am scared to talk about my own needs. Ive also floated talking to other folk about out issues (id usually chat to friends or family about this sort of thing) but she got really angry and said it was private and I should not tell anyone hence coming hear where its at least anonymous)
So I’m at a loss, as to what I can do next I can’t live the rest of my life like this, but I feel trapped and I’m getting to the point where I feel scared and depressed in my own house, but i dont want to abandon her in her current situation so I don’t want to do next.
So for the kind souls who have read all the way through this
I can give more detail on any of the above but felt I should stop as I have already written a bit of a novel in length.
What do you think I should do?

I (female) grew up in an unsafe environment which has led me to therapy. I will give some background info. My brother has always struggled with mental issues which caused him to become abusive. It started as verbal but soon turned physical. I have developed severe PTSD and anxiety. Last week i began seeing a new therapist, as i quit my old one a month ago. She specializes in EMDR and works with extreme cases of trauma in minors. Last week we were going over PTSD testing and asked if she could share the results with my parents. I agreed as my mom and I are close. As soon as my mom realized how much I struggle with the past, she broke down in tears. I felt awful and guilty. Once we got in the car she started yelling at me and asked me “Why would you not tell me?”. I immediately began crying. I never opened up to her because she was too busy with my brother and I didn’t want to worry her, but now she is constantly checking up on me and babying me. I’m regretting opening up to my new therapist. AITA?

Backstory: We have been together nearly 10 years and have always been sexually compatible. We have also always got along well as companions and rarely have argued.
Last Oct I find out that I’m pregnant. This was something we both wanted to happen although we conceived more quickly than anticipated. We were both excited when we first found out. I experienced some classic first trimester symptoms (nausea, heartburn) and he was understanding and helpful. In turn I made a conscience effort to maintain our sex life despite my symptoms. As time went on, I noticed that he was beginning to keep tabs on how often we had sex, something he never did. We always had sex about 4-5 days a week (pre-pregnancy). Suddenly it was as if this wasn’t enough. Some days we began to have sex more than once, which was fine, but then if a day or two went by, it would become this big problem — that I’m neglecting or that I don’t love him the same. It wasn’t an issue prior and we have always had a relaxed attitude around sex. I suddenly felt more pressured to initiate sex to keep him happy. Meanwhile I am pregnant and exhausted most times. Despite my best efforts and even sometimes having sex multiple times a day, he is truly never satisfied. I will sometimes get glimpses of satisfaction or see his old self emerge through, but this is very short lived.
I am now nearing the end of my pregnancy and feel insecure in our relationship despite giving my best efforts. He says I wasted time and didn’t do enough but I know in my heart I did all I could. We are still making love 3-4 times a week at minimum, but he makes it clear that he isn’t happy and he has even said he doesn’t want to be with me and that he doesn’t feel a connection with our unborn child.
I feel heartbroken after all we have been through in nearly 10 years together. I only fear things will get worse once baby is here and I go through postpartum/recovery. I have suggested couples therapy but he doesn’t want to go. I really don’t think there’s a chance he’s cheating as we are always together and he’s a bad liar. I really don’t want to give up on us, but if he’s set in this mindset do I have a chance of changing it? I feel that I barely recognize him. Is there anything I can do? Is it really about the sex? I feel physically and mentally exhausted.
TL;DR Pregnancy seems to have changed my long term partners sex drive, not sure how to save relationship

My husband(33m) and I(30f) have been married 6 years. We’ve been best friends for 10. I feel like the pressure of marriage and children caused him to try to constantly escape mentally and resent me. Typical, I know. He was often distant and irritable and made it clear he would rather be smoking marijuana, watching porn, playing video games, or lusting after other coworkers even if there was no physical cheating. Regardless of all of this, I swear, he is still one of the best men I’ve ever met. He’s just human. I love him very much.
However, I think I was in denial of my husband not loving me as much as I love him. I always felt like I wasn’t perfect either so I should not expect so much of him. He’s the avoidant, I’m the anxiously attached.
I tried over and over to “save” our marriage for our kids. All with very little cooperation from him. He was a provider and was not interested in anything extra.
My breaking point was in December. He had often been rough during sex but it was getting out of control. I told him I don’t want him watching porn anymore because it was affecting our sex life(he watched a lot of fantasy rape porn).
He agreed but I really felt like he was lying so one night I went through his phone and what I found shocked me. He was watching a ton of porn(he obviously had an addiction). He also had an onlyfans(I’ve 100% mentioned before I would not be ok with it) and he subscribed and paid to many women, including “teen” girls. I found he saved multiple images and videos of these “18” year old girls from their social media. I also found he casually and sexually talked to one of them that he seemed to really like. It disgusts me because I looked at her social media and she was in fact about to start college. Meaning she was in highschool when they started talking on onlyfans(he claims to know none of this and didn’t notice her age). I also found he had looked up a coworker for his porn stash and he tried to message her on Facebook(he later admitted to having a crush on her and masturbating to her and that this was not the first coworker he masturbated to).
I was so horrified and heartbroken that I thought I was having a heart attack. For 2 entire weeks my heart physically hurt so bad I almost went to the hospital. I am a very strong advocate for older men not getting involved in ANY way with young girls. He insists that porn just desensitized him and he didn’t think of her as really 18, just hot. I’m just still so disgusted. It was also right before I turned 30 so it destroyed my self esteem. I had poured everything I had into this man for 6 years.
He blamed it all on porn addiction. I did research on porn addiction and tried to save our marriage again. He had promised to delete everything and be open and let me see his phone whenever. One night I had a few glasses of wine and I tried to grab his phone and he refused. The way I remember it was trying to grab it and ask to go through it, he refused so I flipped and tried to pull the phone out of his hands. He then got up, threw me to the ground full force and broke my ring finger. Yes, the one my ring goes on. He said I was much more aggressive(I don’t remember this) and he had to throw me to get me to stop.
My ring finger healed slightly crooked because I had to take my splint off so much as a stay at home moms to two young kids. My ring no longer fits on it.
I feel like this was some sort of ridiculous sign where I can literally no longer unsee how damaging and toxic this marriage is.
I finally told him I’m done for good this time. Whenever we would get in fights or separate in the past, if he apologized and swore to change I would go right back to him immediately, giving him whatever he wanted so he would want this marriage this time. I think he thought I would never leave. Probably because I have no family, few friends, no income, and am unhealthily obsessed with him.
This time I pulled the strength I needed out of thin air and was really done. I was prepared to take the kids and I to a shelter if I needed to(he’s punched a few holes in the wall before when I’ve made him mad).
My whole demeanor towards him changed. I almost don’t even recognize myself anymore because normally I’d forgive him and we’d be in the “just worked things out everything is happy again” phase by now.
At first my husband was ok with divorcing and was being civil and it was such a relief, but he is freaking out all of the sudden, I’ve never seen him like this either. He started going back to therapy. He’s researching his issues and apologizing to me for all these little things he finally recognizes. He recently got a huge promotion and he is saying he will buy us a house since we can finally afford it.
He’s treating me like I always wanted. A house is what I’ve always wanted for my kids. I don’t think I will ever be able to give them anything but a shitty apartment if I leave. I can’t help but feel like I can see two sides of my life and the one that gives my kids and I the best life is staying with him.
He’s begging me to go to marriage counseling but I don’t want to. A switch flipped in me. I refuse to have sex with him, I refuse to give him any part of me other than civil conversation and friendship at most.
There is this part of me that just can’t turn back but there is this other part of me that is already starting to consider it. Even if it means driving myself into paranoia again.
Should I take him back or would I be an absolute fool?

Aaj meri jee ki kahani suno, 11 th ke june se coaching start hui, maine bahut acche se padhi, chemistry chalo samajh me ati thi coaching se, maths aur physics nahi to maine physics alakh sir ke old videos padhna chalu kiya tab mujhe is subreddit ka nhi pata tha warna abj sir se padhta, maths bhi samajh aane lagi, basics clear hone lage lekin maths ke mains ke question dekh ke fir bhi gand fat jati thi, logo ki 11th wqste hoti thi meri kafi strong ho gyi. Fir 12 th me coaching chhod di aur pura mohit tyagi youtube channel se padhne laga, september tak theek chal rha tha fir jab practicals ka time aaya to kafi busy schedule ho gy, ho nhi pa rha tha mujhse aur mai depression me chala gya, us phase me bc boards ke bhi sawal nahi ho pate, uske baad maine boards tak jee ka kucchh nhi padha, january attempt me 88 percentile, expectation se zyada aa gye, boards ke time maine puri breaking bad dekhi aur thoda sa hi padha(90% aaye) aur ek chiz hui jisne depression khatm kar diya, meri purani crush jo mai pehle jis city me padhta tha wahan meri classmate thi wo mujhe coincidentally mili, maine usse number manga aur baatein ki. fir maine kaha hatao purana tarika ab mai apne tarike se padhunga, maine april attempt tak abj sir se pura syllabus padha notes banaye, maths aur chem bounceback se, phy aur chem kafi strong ho gyi, maine koi pyq nahi kiya na hi mock diya aise hi april attempt de aaye, phy me 92 number , chem me 68 number aur maths me 10 number aaye aur overall 97.6 %ile fir mujhe laga mil gya mere padhne ka style, mains me sirf acche se syllabus compelete karne se bhi ho jata hai, bad news ki wo meri purani crush mili wo single nahi hai to fir mai gaya gaanv wahan par meri mami ki dur rishtedaar mili jisse koi blood connection nahi hai mera, usse bat hone lagi, kahani aage badhi aur ab mai single nahi hu, caste bhi same hai to koi mana bhi nahi karega,kafi lambi(5'7 mai 5'9 hu), humble aur supporting hai, kal mai advanced deke aaya hu dekho kitna aata hai expected to 150+ hai.

I couldn't quite put my finger on why I felt so overwhelmed by the physicality when I think about rejection until I read the book Attached by Amir Levine and the way we are wired to want love. It's been a long journey all my life of various spectrums of disabledness all my life. I've had immense trauma all my life and it wasn't until I was 31 I was diagnosed with CPTSD. As I started unpacking these traumas in therapy I began to descend into various health issues. I believe they are inextricably intertwined as I had to examine myself and let down the various maladaptive coping methods that held my body together until one day it couldn't. My body had enough. As it is common for people with trauma. Only in the past year have I been unpacking the internal ableism I held, with each day, I've learned to accept myself. It has been a rough year. I lost my job and everyone from my job avoided me like the plague. I lost my beloved cat. She was my soulmate and it was heartwrenching losing her. I'm alone in this world. And I have accepted this. I try to live with gratitude and acceptance each day. I am happy when my legs allow me to stand. I look forward to simple pleasures in life.
And as I've learnt to accept myself I've realised how much it isn't enough when the people I thought would accept me as I am, don't. My best friend avoids me because my life is too depressing and she doesn't want to hear it and I have to accept it because it's her boundaries. I just want to scream. I really do. But I don't because I'm trying to be an understanding friend and I don't believe she'll hear me anyway. I'm aware that my life is depressing, who wants to be around that? I worry I alienate people because I probably am. If people don't have chronic conditions it's hard to relate. My therapist has been gaslighting me anytime I talk about my chronic illness because I haven't been able to access further specialist to confirm my condition and has decided it not a good time to see her because I'm unwell and doesn't validate my worries. I'm only able to see her 3 or 4 times this year. I will ask her for a referral to a therapist who can help me deal with my chronic conditon however it is funded via insurance and has specific criterias that may not be able to get approved. Trying to access medical help is an uphill battle. I am completely disabled and I rely on socially funded resources. But honestly, the social rejection I've experienced is far more difficult to cope with.
Thanks for letting me rant. Any resources (books, podcasts, etc) you've found to help with dealing with rejection will be great!

My ex and I had a beautiful relationship, though it became very complicated. A lot of it was timing related but also to do with some mental health issues I struggled with. We met just after she broke up with her longterm ex, and we immediately knew we wanted to be in each others' lives, but decided to stay friends before considering anything romantic. After a while everything just fell into place naturally, and the transition to romance was seamless and easy. It felt like a dream - we were compatible in all the right ways, communicated openly, were honesty with each other, and fell heavily in love. We both constantly remarked on how we'd never felt something like this before, that we'd loved other people before, but nothing of this nature - and how lucky we were to have met.
However she was still not ready to jump into a new relationship, especially since she'd been in a relationship for almost all of her 20s and needed to detach/decompress from that, but also because her ex knew some of our mutual friends and she didn't want him thinking she'd been cheating or left him for me. I understood this rationally, but emotionally and internally, I started feeling anxious. My previous ex cheated on me and lied to me, and I was having trouble trusting that things would work out. This anxiety grew and began to have an effect on us because I wasn't dealing with it in healthy ways. Our communication started breaking down a bit, but then she asked me to be her boyfriend, and I thought it would solve things. She later admitted that she didn't feel ready, but was terrified of losing me, and thought diving into a serious relationship would solve the issues too.
In reality it just made things more difficult, because clearly neither of us were in the right place for a relationship. My anxiety spiked because I sensed she was rushing it for my sake, and her anxiety spiked because she felt she was moving too fast. Combined with both of us entering new stressful careers and working 12-14 hour days, our communication got worse. We started having recurring little arguments (less arguments, more just annoying misunderstandings), though we were never malicious or abusive towards each other. We were always kind, caring, and tried our best to communicate despite clearly being out of sync and not hearing each other properly.
By the end, it was easier for us to see in hindsight why things went the way they did. We cleared the air and talked it out, both started doing therapy, but ultimately broke up. She cried uncontrollably and told me she loved me more than anybody on this planet, and that we were still as compatible as we'd always been, but that there was too much stress and pain associated with our relationship, and that she needed to cut ties. She also hadn't had much time to just be single and independent as a young adult which I understand. I needed to cut ties as well so that I could focus on dealing with my traumas/insecurities via therapy and self-work, as well as focus on my career and passions. She said she wants to reconnect someday but that she also prefers to be pragmatic and meet someone new eventually because 2nd chances carry too much potential for even worse heartbreak (she's a very logical, pragmatic person...).
I really miss her. I've been casually dating lots of other women, have gotten into better physical shape than ever, been writing a lot and have made tons of new friends, but I often think about my ex. All of the good things, and the good days, feel a bit less happy than they should. I feel sad knowing that she's gone, and wonder what would have happened had we met at a different time or if I'd done therapy before meeting her. I live with one of her best friends, and I hear she's really enjoying being single and travelling and having flings and thriving at work. I often wonder if she thinks about me at all, or if the idea of a love as passionate as the love we shared is something that just disappears after a while for the person who wanted to cut ties.
Is there any possibility that she ever thinks about me or misses me? How did/do you feel being in her position?

Context: we are both in our 20s and have been friends for 2 years
I feel so horrible about it. I really really like him, but I cannot imagine myself being intimate or sexual with him. It's like I want to be with him forever but can't do anything that people actually do in relationships physically. The thing is that I never have his problem when imagining myself with other women.
Whenever I imagine myself with a man, him included, I get terrified. I have no idea why this is. I have not been abused in any way that I can remember. I don't know if my non-attraction is due to this fear, or if I'm just a lesbian. I really want to find him attractive so I can be with him...
Should I try to be with him anyway and face my fear?? Or should I get therapy? Or should I just accept that I'm lesbian and get over it?