Donate to his veterans support charity No Duff if you can, it will go to his daughtewhanau, to return his body and continue his enduring kaupapa, which will help other whanau in this conflict and others.

No Duff Charitable Trust Givealittle page:

https://givealittle.co.nz/org/noduff

​

Kane Te Tai remembered as man of honour committed to aiding Ukraine

https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/national/486507/kane-te-tai-remembered-as-man-of-honour-committed-to-aiding-ukraine

Whānau and friends of slain soldier Kane Te Tai say he will return home as a warrior in life and death, and be remembered as a man who always fought for what was right.
RNZ understands the body of the slain New Zealand soldier has officially been identified as Te Tai and is now being transferred to Kyiv.
He is understood to have been killed while clearing a trench in the Vulhedar area of Ukraine.
Sources have told RNZ he had moved deeper into the trench, away from his team, when he was killed by Russian soldiers.
His team were forced to leave his body there, before Ukrainian marines went in and recovered him overnight.
Veteran support and advocacy group No Duff is now working to ensure a New Zealander can be available to escort his body through the country to the Polish border, before travelling with him for his final journey home.
Comrades and friends have said they believed it was important a Kiwi was always with him, but the process would not be simple.
Te Tai co-founded No Duff with Aaron Wood, who told Midday Report his mother had asked them to manage the journey home.
"We're pulling all the pieces together. A number of volunteers and interested people from New Zealand, all the way through to Ukraine and in between, are coming together to make this happen."
It was highly likely they would be able to bring him home, Wood said, but there were numerous jurisdiction challenges ahead.
Deeply respected during time in Ukraine
Te Tai joined the Defence Force after leaving high school and went on multiple deployments while serving in the 2/1 Royal Battalion.
He left the Army in 2010 and travelled to Ukraine in April last year, operating under the call sign 'Turtle'.
Te Tai was a prominent character in the warzone and was widely followed on social media.
His colleagues described him as well-known and deeply respected for his professionalism, skill, leadership and relentless sense of humour.
They said he never underestimated the importance of his job, or the lives he held in his hands.
His death marks the third New Zealander to be killed in the combat - after the deaths of his best friend Dominic Abelen and humanitarian Andrew Bagshaw.
Te Tai had become the unofficial expert for New Zealanders in Ukraine, often acting as the point of contact for Kiwis wanting to travel to the warzone. He would ensure people knew what they were signing up for, a way to get into the country and a unit to go to.
He admitted in an interview with RNZ his initial motivations for going there were selfish, but that changed quickly on arrival.
The soldier became an infamous figure in the war, often featuring on Russian propaganda sites - seen by RNZ - particularly the Wagner group, who put a NZ$11 million price tag on his head.
In a conversation with friends he joked about ratting himself out for the money, illustrating his sense of humour.
Te Tai always said to his friends he was not afraid to die, but he also was not afraid to live.
During nearly a full year in Ukraine, he garnered respect from people in all walks of life. He volunteered with Ukrainian families, taught civilians how to fight and eventually found a spot at the frontline as one of the team's leaders.
Te Tai said he was fiercely protective of his team and did anything to make sure they were safe.
During one mission in August 2022, his best friend, Abelen, was killed in trench warfare. In an interview after the mission, Te Tai said the team were unable to get his body back and it ended up in Russian hands, but that did not stop him from trying.
He told RNZ they only stopped because Abelen would not have wanted them killed in the process.
Just last week Te Tai posted on social media, revealing that while clearing a Russian position he had found a "long lost friend" who had wanted to visit New Zealand.
Te Tai had thought his friend was dead and was amazed to find him alive, describing it as a "Hollywood moment".
He said at first he did not recognise the man, who had been shot four times and was skinny.
"He'd been starved by Russians for two months and drinking anti-freeze because the Russians wanted a laugh."
The man did not want to be left with the Ukrainians, but Te Tai had to keep fighting. He promised he would return and walk him personally to hospital.
That was exactly what he did, he said.
'The people grow on you'
In that August interview with RNZ, Te Tai said he had fallen in love with the country and its people, and was deeply respectful of their resolve.
"I was sort of getting a bit bored of being at home... and coming into this conflict was just one of those things that selfishly I thought I could be close to the war without getting too entangled.
"But then that sort of changes... I've met so many people, I've been everywhere in this country and the place grows on you, the people grow on you, and their strength, and that's why I'm still here."
Te Tai said he was prepared to leave everything in Ukraine, but in the weeks before his death he had made moves to return home.
His mother said he always kept her up to date, ending the calls with "I love you Mum", but more recently it was like "I'll see you soon".
In a Facebook message to another friend he said he loved Ukraine, but it was time to start living a real life - "gotta put the toys away and start to build while I can", he said.
"That's enough war for me, I love this place, it's like a playground where I can do anything I want.
"But that's the problem isn't it? So before the game gets me or before I decide that life here is too easy, maybe it's time to start living my real life.
"This place is pure escapism, we are all trying to run from something, mine is from having a real life, but the time is near."
Passionate about the cause
Te Tai is being remembered by his friends and comrades as a man of honour who was passionate about his cause, always doing everything he could to protect people.
Longtime friend Aaron Wood described Te Tai as a beautiful man, who he loved to bits.
"He just wanted people to live their best lives and he wanted to help as many people as he could.
"That sounds like a cliché, but with him it's a truism. That's his whole life... Just serving people, that's what he did, that's what his message was."
That was what he died doing, Wood said.
His mum, Ngaire Te Tai, said there was never any talking him out of it.
"He never did anything by halves, my son. We tried to stop him, but he had his mind made up, that's just Kane.
"When you were around him, you just felt safe."
A gift she said she knew he spread much further than just Ukraine.
Ngaire Te Tai's final comment about her eldest boy was: "Don't let my son's death be in vain."
He leaves behind a 12-year-old daughter.

“Don’t get me wrong, I don’t find anything glorious about killing young mobilised Russian boys who are crying in their trenches”
https://www.stuff.co.nz/world/europe/300777917/the-shelling-is-so-close-it-makes-you-puke-says-kiwi-fighting-in-ukraine

The shelling is so close it makes you puke, says Kiwi fighting in Ukraine

A Kiwi soldier fighting under Ukraine’s military intelligence says he’s prepared to die.
Kane Te Tai, code name Turtle, is fighting in a secretive reconnaissance unit on Ukraine’s front line in the eastern Donetsk region.
After deaths, injuries and resignations, Te Tai now leads the Foreign Reconnaissance Team after only joining in July.
A December article in The New Yorker magazine revealed the existence of the unit and featured Turtle.
It’s the same unit that 28-year-old Kiwi Dominic Abelen was fighting in when he was killed in August, and the two were like brothers.
Te Tai’s unit has set up a PayPal to fundraise for vehicles it needs to move around its area of operation, near the town of Pavlivka.
As Te Tai was interviewed, he had to be careful his phone wasn’t too bright, so as to not give his unit away to any Russian drones flying overhead.
“We live on the line, we just occupy whatever place we can find at the time. If it gets too hot we just find somewhere else,” he told Stuff.
His unit’s job is primarily reconnaissance, a small mobile force that could reach into Russian land or no-man’s land between the trenches, and destroy a tank or hold a position, before the Ukrainian army moved in.
“Find it, locate it, observe it, report it, attack it.”
Good 4x4 vehicles are a necessity.
Donetsk is known for farming and coal production, and Te Tai described the land as similar to the Canterbury plains.
Soldiers try and use the tree lines separating the fields for cover, and trench systems are built through them.
During the winter, the roads and fields are muddy, pocked by craters from Russian artillery barrages.
The Foreign Reconnaissance Team can get the necessities of war – food, bombs, clothing, bullets - just fine.
Reliable working vehicles and parts, and enough for an emergency stockpile, are harder to come by.
The Foreign Reconnaissance Team is reliant on vehicles driven into Ukraine from throughout Europe by volunteers and paying for them with donated money.
“You can use that vehicle until it is blown up or you crash it, unfortunately both those things happen all the time,” Te Tai said.
“The last three vehicles we’ve had, in the last month, they’ve been hit with artillery. Holes in the front, s... just smashed through.”
Unlike the famous International Legion Battalion, which tens of thousands of foreigners have joined since the start of the war, the Foreign Reconnaissance Team is for some of the highly-trained foreign few.
Te Tai served a tour in Afghanistan for the New Zealand Defence Force and thinks of himself as having spent his whole life training to fight.
His team is given autonomy, building trust with local Ukrainian commanders to find out what they want and then formulating missions.
Te Tai was able to talk about one operation the Foreign Reconnaissance Team conducted during a December battle in Pavlivka, first described in the New Yorker article.
Te Tai and a small team of a half-dozen were set to cross a bridge at night and enter a tree line which ran into the centre of the town.
The mission was to see how close they could get to the Russian positions before they were fired on.
“The moment that we got onto the bridge, everything just opened up, rockets, missiles everything. We ran across this bridge and were just trying to scramble to the safest nearest spot.”
Te Tai’s team managed to get into the tree line and into a trench – all in the dark – but the Russians began to shell progressively towards them down the tree line.
“I remember just looking at everyone in the pit and we all had this look on our faces like, ‘well, the party had to end some time’. We had this feeling of acceptance.”
But, just as the next shell was set to kill the team, it flew off somewhere else and the Russians then began to bomb regressively back along the tree line.
“By divine intervention we missed getting smashed... We all knew we were supposed to die that night.”
Before joining Foreign Reconnaissance, Te Tai was working for a church training Ukrainians in basic military skills.
He was open with people back in New Zealand about what he was experiencing, including old army colleagues.
Te Tai described an environment where Kiwis in Ukraine often stayed in touch and worked together, including Dominic Abelen who contacted Te Tai before making the trip.
When Abelen said that he was set to join the International Legion Battalion, Te Tai told Abelen he was hearing bad stories.
“You go there as a foreigner, you get given a weapon, some ammunition, and sit inside a trench and you fight or die, that’s how it’s portrayed.
“People would tell us: 'Thank you for training my son, he didn’t make it back, but I felt he was better off than he was before’,” he said.
Abelen, now with the nickname Tolkien, made his way into the Ukrainian army, but managed to get taken into Ukrainian military intelligence.
Talking to Abelen about what he was doing, Te Tai had had enough of training soldiers and the 37-year-old felt like he was running out of time to fight.
“I told him [Abelen], ‘I’ll jump in with you too’.
“And he [Abelen] was like ‘thank God, cool man’,” said Te Tai.
He ended the volunteer work and a recruiter told Te Tai to get to Lviv where he entered a secretive military intelligence training camp.
Recruits weren’t allowed to use their phones and were closely evaluated for a two-week period.
“Pretty much from the second they take you into the camp, they don’t tell you what’s going on.
“They operate it like a psychological test, to see if you can be just told what to do and not know any other parameters,” he said.
Access to weapons was heavily restricted and there was heavy scrutiny as Ukrainian officials went through candidates’ records and social media, trying to weed out spies and the weak.
“When you talk to someone, it’s always a cover story, you’re never talking to who you think you’re talking to,” Te Tai said.
Then, one morning in July, officials gave Te Tai a contract and drove him to the Foreign Reconnaissance Team in Donetsk.
“As soon as we pulled up... Dom had no shirt on... he said, ‘let’s do some work’.”
“I was like ‘my man!’.”
Abelen had put in a good word for him with Ukrainian intelligence, Te Tai said.
He gave Te Tai the code name of Turtle, after he had originally named himself Talon. Talon was too cool, Abelen said.
Te Tai described new troops arriving for the unit as a big event, a celebration of strengthening the group after the fighting took its toll.
“There’s a high attrition rate either by death, injury, or guys wanting to leave.”
The Foreign Reconnaissance Team currently operates out of a house, planning their missions on a whiteboard.
“We’re normally strapped for time. If we’re not out working we are resting, or we are giving instructions.”
Te Tai said there aren’t ranks in the unit, so while he is the team’s leader, he sits on the same step as the other foreigners in the unit.
He eats Ukrainian food: soups like borscht, and two-minute noodles and toast.
At night Te Tai watches Netflix and YouTube fail compilations to decompress. Sometimes, he hears the Russians shelling, keeping him awake.
When you’re fired on by artillery, you can hear the lifespan of the shell, he said.
He described how shells left the Russian gun with a distant duh-boom, screeching through the air, before exploding somewhere on the Ukrainian side of the line.
Some shells landed far away, but some hit so close to soldiers that the concussion made them puke and made them feel sick for the next day, he said.
“That shit happens like every week.”
About six weeks after Te Tai joined the unit, Abelen was killed during a mission.
“It pissed me off more than anything, it just consolidated for me that I’m not leaving any time soon.”
Te Tai said Abelen didn’t have a death wish, but he was a soldier and fighting was what he had trained for his whole life.
“I could have told him, ‘you are going to die today’ and he would have been like ‘it’s a good day to die’, that’s just who he was.”
Killing didn’t weigh on Te Tai’s mind, he said. He described it as part of the job, and said his views hadn’t changed since Abelen’s death.
“Don’t get me wrong, I don’t find anything glorious about killing young mobilised Russian boys who are crying in their trenches,” he said.
“I’m willing to die, for sure, but I don’t want to die.”
Te Tai has no plans to leave and wants to attend a victory day parade in Kyiv.
“I know we’re going to win, I know that for sure,” he said.
“I’m staying here until I can’t take it any more, or I am dead.”

I did both TG PRK and CXL on Wednesday to my right eye and today is the 4th day post op but I still can’t open my eye more than a few seconds. Is this normal?? I don’t think it’s light sensitivity because I also couldn’t open it at night and it also doesn’t feel dry so I’m scared something went wrong. Did anyone experience this?

just want to say first off that i’m still incredibly excited for these shows and if the gig i go to is the same setlist as sacramento i know i’m still going to have an amazing night and i’m just happy they’re touring at all. however…
though the setlist is amazing on its face, i am really disappointed that so many of the same songs we’ve heard on previous tours have been wheeled out yet again. sister of night, john the revelator and waiting for the night are great surprises (sister of night especially) but what gives with a lot of the other choices? wrong again? i love that song and it was awesome on the last tour but why not swap it for something from sotu that we haven’t heard since that tour? do we really need in your room or i feel you again when there are songs like mercy in you or rush that have been ignored for forever? stripped in place of other songs from black celebration that haven’t been played in eons? and don’t get me started on pain that i’m used to jacques lu count remix. was a fantastic surprise on the delta machine tour but it doesn’t deserve to become a setlist staple for 3 tours in a row.
ets, nvlmda, personal jesus, wims- these should be played at every show. they’re the most iconic dm songs and absolute crowd pleasers. world in my eyes i wouldn’t rank with them but since it’s dedicated to fletch i don’t mind seeing that come back. but man…there are so many songs that they could be playing including songs from entire albums that have been ignored for the most part for ages (rip exciter).
it’s especially frustrating when other bands like radiohead change their sets around completely not just tour to tour but night to night- and that means 5 members shuffling around from different instruments in different tunings in different time signatures etc. all having to come together to make it work. depeche mode is mostly play back with live drums, vocals and synth lines/guitar played over it. i’m not knocking that, they’re very different bands but it should be easier for dm to shake things up than a band like radiohead or nine inch nails. and again, i’m not even asking for nightly set changes- just something more different to the last tour!
maybe they will change things up radically as the tour goes on. i really hope so!

Hi all,
Quick story time. I (34M) just entered music school to fulfill a lifelong dream of mine. This means that I’ve been for the past 6 months or so playing drums about 5 to 6 hours a day.
Any ways I’ve always had a very light sleep, and my dreams are always very easily influenced by my daily activities. So since I just play drums most of the day I’ve been having this crazy sort of fever dreams (I don’t actually have a fever, I’m using the term for a lack of better words, to describe crazy, repetitive, rapidly changing, vague and not productive dreams) about drumming at night, which are messing up with my sleep.
Whatever songs, exercises or drills I’ve been practicing are, well, drilled into my head and I keep repeating them over and over again, counting jazz forms in my head, improvising solos, practicing rudiments, trying to make sense of polyrhythms, etc.
Firstly, it makes it really difficult to fall asleep initially, but then also all of that stays in my head during the whole night, like sleeping with a banging hammer, half asleep, half awake, my brain constantly working. It sometimes wakes me up completely, or sometimes it just feels like I had a really long night and that I didn’t get any rest at all.
All in all it’s becoming rather problematic. Has anyone else had this same experience? Will it go away eventually? Am I just too big of a wimp? Lol.
Let me know what you think and if you’ve had similar experiences. Cheers!

Hi!
I moved to Chicago during the pandemic, and I’m not a smoker.
My sister is in rehab for at least another month. She called me last night and asked me to send her cigarettes, which I am happy to do.
However, they’re $17/pack in Chicago. Is there a way to get them cheaper if I drive to the suburbs or Indiana? Can anyone tell me where to go? I live near South Loop if that matters.
Yes, I know they’re bad for you but smoking is the very least of our concerns for my sister. It’s one of the few things that we’re allowed to send to her, so I guess her counselors don’t discourage it either.
Thank you!

ACTIFLOW Prostate Parasite Found In 83% Of Men.
Are you dealing with weak urine flow, discomfort while urinating or the frequent urge to urinate?
If you answered yes to any of those things then you may be the victim of a newly discovered “prostate parasite” that scientists at Harvard University now agree is the proven real root cause of an enlarged prostate, low testosterone levels, and tanking libido in men over 40.
A parasite that is rapidly multiplying and causing major damage to your reproductive organs.
“Once this parasite enters the bloodstream, it causes your prostate to swell up immediately and we couldn’t find a single medication or herbal supplement to counteract the effects. Most men have it and don’t even realize it”, explained the research team.
Scientists and doctors from all over the world have been working tirelessly trying to figure out a way to flush out this parasite but with little success.
Until now…
World-renowned top urologist Dr. David Hoffman, an expert in men’s health, has discovered an easy and all-natural method to flush out this prostate parasite completely.
“I urge any man dealing with prostate issues and low testosterone levels to start doing this 5-second “switch” every night before bed.” Dr. Hoffman explained.
He even put together a short tutorial video showing you his exact step-by-step process of this bedtime switch and how you can start doing it tonight in your own bedroom.
I don't know how long he’ll be able to keep this video up so please, if you’re a man over the age of 40 I highly recommend you to watch this short video and learn how to protect yourself.

I have been “dating” this girl for almost four years. The relationship transitioned into long-distance after 2 years due to work reasons.
From the get go I knew she was the one for me personality wise, we had very similar personalities and really bonded over small things. This was the kind of girl that I would stay up till 3am doing homework, so I could have my weekends free for her. We went on quite a few dates and really had a good time, I would bring her coffee, dinner, flowers, etc and tried to make her feel appreciated. The first signs of negativity were when she told me to ease up on this as it was making her sister who she lived with jealous, because she had never experienced a boyfriend like this. So I eased up.
We were in college at the time, so money wasn’t the easiest to come by. She started liking going out less and less due to studies, so we transitioned into me making her dinner and watching movies. She got really upset about this, because I was only cooking dinner for her and not her brother and sister as well. I started cooking for them as well. Every time I asked her to go on dates on the weekend, whether putt putt or whatever, she would get upset that I didn’t want to include her family or that I was pulling her away from school. This went on for the remainder of the time we spent together, where I planned dates, brought her coffee, made her fun baskets for halloween and easter, and regardless of all of this she would still find ways to be upset at me. If I went golfing alone and didn’t invite her brother she would be mad. If I brought her coffee or dinner and not everyone else she would be mad. This is my first relationship and I didn’t know what to expect.
Long distance was rough.
She called me twice a day when she was going to work and leaving work. She wasn’t the best at responding to texts and often would get back to me within a few hours at a time. If I called her late at night to chat about my day or say goodnight oftentimes she was on the couch watching a show with her mom, so she would make it a 1 minute conversation and hang up.
When she visited me I wanted her to feel like her time was valued, so I really made an effort. I took her to all of my favorite restaurants, let her pick restaurants, took her to NFL, MLB, MLS sporting events. Took her to the zoo, our local amusement park 2 times, kayaking, fireworks shows, shopping at the malls, to our world famous grocery store whenever she wanted. I basically wanted to make sure that if she was visiting she was getting her moneys worth. I was very much a “yes man”, where if she wanted breakfast, coffee, to go to the grocery, etc I would do it. If she needed something from the store, I would go get it, if she wanted to do something we did it. However, this was pretty much expected from me I guess, the only thing I wanted was once to hear wow I had a great day thank you so much. Instead usually it was pointing out some mistake I made earlier in the day that I forgot about or something I did that upset her, that I didn’t intend to do. There was always something for me to improve on in her eyes.
When I would visit her and her family, I didn’t really expect a lot. I used about 10 days of PTO visiting a year and the majority of the time we spent with her family. If I brought up that I’d really like to go on a date with her, she would make me feel bad and ask why I didn’t just spend time with her family. I eased up on this as well and just decided it was better to let it be. Oftentimes visiting consisted of household chores followed by relaxing inside then going to dinner. I helped them with landscaping for hours in the Texas heat, moving furniture, putting together furniture, getting groceries, etc. They would all go golf, but my girlfriend liked to ride with the girls in a 3 person group while the boys went in another 3 person group.
During this time when we spent it with her family I felt like things always went alright, I wouldn’t say they went the best as I have trouble with my social battery, but let me tell you my girlfriend didn’t let it go unnoticed. I would always be made to feel like crap for any mistake I made around her family or if I just wanted to take a minute alone to recharge and didn’t want to be surrounded by her family constantly. It was ironic I guess though because her brother would take a break in the day or when she would visit she would take naps or time away, and I didn’t criticize her. To get to the point of all of this, I feel like no matter what I do I am always wrong and have never felt more unappreciated and unloved by someone. It’s taken me four years to realize this, but I don’t care about the lack of effort on her end as I’m not here to change her I just want her to appreciate the things I do. She always claims how much she loves me and says I don’t do enough to make her feel loved via words, but I think I’m in such an emotional whirlwind constantly or not knowing what’s right and wrong that I feel emotionally closed off.
How do I discuss this without losing the relationship?
TLDR: During 4 years of dating I take my girlfriend on countless dates and introduce her to numerous experiences, but she always finds a way to find a flaw in me or one of my actions. It’s become a vicious cycle where I’ve became more and more emotionally distant. I just wanted her to appreciate me more. How do I bring this up without losing the relationship?

Sorry guys, this is really long.
I’ve been feeling really happy lately because I feel like I’ve finally found some friends and I seem to be getting on well with everyone from work. About a month ago a coworker invited a few of us round and we had a really good time. There was some bitching going on but I didn’t really get too involved.
Unbeknownst to me, one of my coworkers (who I get on well with, let’s call her D) fell out with a few of the people that were at the gathering a month ago. She’s very upfront and can be quite loud, and apparently she was overheard talking about how some of the coworkers at the get-together were constantly bitching about people at work, and went into detail about what they were shan’t ( I’m guessing she felt they were being unfair.)
They told me about this yesterday during a night out with 5 of us from work for my coworker’s birthday. This was the second time I’d been out with everyone, including that night when all of us were together. I had no idea there was a falling out and apparently they don’t like D!!!!! At first I was upset with D because it felt like she was stirring things and being twofaced. They said she was not to be trusted.
However, as the night went on, I realised D was right. The bitching did not stop. Some of it was warranted, some of it was just so petty and it felt like they were taking people’s actions in bad faith. A lot of the people they were bitching about are people I like and I don’t think they deserve to be spoken about in that way. They said not to trust certain people at work, including someone I’m quite good friends with at work, and said that this friend and D and another coworker were cliquey and not to be trusted. But I get on really well with them and I don’t really see why they would say that?
At one point, they were bitching about another coworker who has gone through a lot and said something really mean about them while laughing . I said ‘oh but (coworker) is a sweet heart and quietly said ‘that’s mean’ but I hate hate hate that I didn’t stand up for her and the others more. They also said this co worker was bad at her job, and I didn’t really say anything, but I should have.
Another time they were saying another coworker’s home was a mess and there was cat poo all over the floor. Sounds to me like they were depressed and it’s not nice that they were spreading that info around. They also bitched about a coworker who reached out to talk about her miscarriage (the person bitching said she knew she’d asked her because she’d also had a miscarriage, and she felt like she was being used only speaking to her when she needed to trauma dump.)
It was all just so mean-spirited and nasty. And I just feel awful because, although I didn’t really say anything specific or substantive about anyone, i was just laughing along and nodding and saying ‘oh no way!’ Or ‘omg that’s bad’ and kind of reaffirming what they were saying without really saying much. Because I hate confrontation and am a people pleaser to a fault. When they spoke bad about the coworker who went through a lot I didn’t join in, same as when they were speaking about my good friends being cliquey. But the rest of the time, I was a coward and just went along with it . I was getting progressively more drunk as the night went along and I’m worried I said something mean about something and forgot about i? I seem to remember most of the night so I hope I’d remember if I did.
I also chose to go out with two of the bitchier people for more drinks. I should have gone home and this isn’t an excuse but sometimes when I’m drinking I just can’t stop. I’m also bad at saying no to people. And I don’t get out much so I just wanted to keep going? I was hoping we could just talk about something else and dance a bit
Idk I feel awful about it now. I should have gone home. I don’t know what to do now. I kinda wanna speak to my close work friends about it but D can be very loud and I don’t want to start office drama and get a reputation as a stirrer? But at the same time, I don’t want it to come out that I was participating and didn’t mention anything to them? One of the close work friends, who was also invited, didn’t come because she was Ill. She asked how it went and I said ‘it was ok but would have been better if you were there.’ I was tempted to say there was too much gossiping but idk if it would get back to the other coworkers and then there’d be a load of drama in the office.
They want me to come out with them again but I think should just find an excuse not to go because I realise now they are just mean about people and I don’t want to be involved in that. It’s not a nice way to be. I also think they probably have a reputation for being mean (esp as they kept saying not to trust people) so I don’t want to be associated with them. But like, if I distance myself from them I feel like they’re going to start bitching about me too? And I confided some stuff to them (because I’m stupid) and I’m worried they will use this against me. And also they will likely say I’m two faced because I took part in the gossip. I’m not sure what to do and I feel early fad

I'm a uni junior and she's a senior. Over a year ago, she approached me alone in the middle of the night one day, and she seemed really interested in me as a person. She even told me I have "good genes". I mistook this friendliness for romantic interest and had a one sided crush for over a year.
We weren't even friends. At most we'd just greet each other. Especially since a few months after that she got a bf. We rarely ever talked, and I really just admired her silently from afar because I'm a very socially awkard person and rarely talk with people.
Come exactly 1 year after we met and she broke up with her bf. My feelings got stronger for some reason, culminating to me asking her out late january. She kindly let me down, told me all relationships just lead to pain, and that shes down to hangout anytime.
Well for the rest of february i just decided to not do anything. We rarely ever talked anyway, the only thing that changed was that i stopped greeting her. Apparently she noticed this and asked me several times why Im ignoring her.
Come early march, she approaches me in the labs in a friendly aggressive way. Gave this speech about the importance of networking, made me repeat after her to say "I think youre cool and would like to hang out sometime".
So heres the timeline after that:

• Saturday march 11: sent her a message on insta asking to hang out on monday, she accepted
• Monday march 13: hung out from 6 to 8:30 pm
• Tuesday: approached me and asked to hang out again. Went from 6 to 9:30 pm
• Wednesday: sent me a msg on insta that she and her friend were in the labs if i wanna come hang out. We spent from u to 11 pm in the labs. Got her phone number
• Thursday: i ask her if shes in the dorms to hang out, she said she left
• Sunday: asked me to hang out with her again as she returned. From 4 to 5 pm, then from 8 to 12
• Monday: i asked if she wanted to hang out, she said she was sleeping over at her friends house for her fyp which she was
• Tuesday: nothing
• Wednesday: she sent me a msg asking to hang out so we can watch a tv show together, when i arrived at 7:30pm she was busy the whole time working on her final year project. we did hang out like usual but didnt watch the tv show. I left at 11 and she seemed really apologetic, i said it was no problem
• Thursday: she left the dorms again
• Friday: i sent her a msg saying lets hang out on monday to watch that tv show, she said ok and that this time its for real

Note: by hangout i mean like we go to the pc labs and sit by each other talking a lot and working at the same time. At first, i thought she wouldnt like this but she told me she and her friend did this all the time, and that I talk to her more during these hangouts than her friend does, so this does seem like something normal.
As for the hangout themselves, ive definitely gotten more comfortable with her and we do sit close to each other throughout.
How deep am i going into the friendzone? Is there any hope to salvage a relationship? Got any advice?
edit: I would like to point out she told me a few months ago was a very tumultuous time in her life. She just found out her mother has cancer and her bf broke up with her immediately after, so she was going through some rough stuff.

Hello, I am a mother for 4 with a amazing husband. I am 34F and my husband is 66M my son is 9M and is extremely misbehaved. His father gives him everything he wants and when he doesn't he throws tantrums and tries to stab his siblings, his siblings are not much better but they aren't as bad as him. He decided to go through all of my makeup and break it all when I was out doing yoga with the ladies. I came home and saw my bathroom a mess and I went and asked who did it and he said "fuck you and ur makeup you dirty whore" and what I did was I grabbed him by the nose and I slapped him and locked him in his room. He was screaming and crying saying sorry but that was $2,000 worth of makeup, so there was no going back he fucked up. My husband came home and let him out so I yelled at him and my husband slapped me and told me to grow up, my son was laughing at me as if I'm a clown and I went up to him grabbed his arm and locked him in the backyard, I'm not a monster so I gave him a towel because it was snowing. My husband left for work and my son started yelling at me because I left him out so to get my revenge for everything he has done I took some cockroaches from PetSmart and put them all in his underwear drawer. Later that night I heard him screaming and I was giggling to myself and yelled at him pretending I didn't know why they were there and I told him to start cleaning or I'll send him away. Nobody knows it was me but I don't feel bad because he is a shit head, AITA

Imagine this; far beyond the comfort of your warm, cozy home, awaits a massive world just waiting to be explored. Lively little towns packed with all kinds of different people, vast seas that stretch on for miles and miles, ancient caves filled with the stories and secrets of the past—this world really is massive! The best part? There’s a place for just about everyone here, no matter how daring or odd. All you have to do is look.
While you travel across the land, searching far and wide, you’re sure to find a place that resonates with you. From the beautiful tropical islands of the Alola region, to the massive bustling cities of Unova, or even Orre’s vast, barren deserts teeming with crime and chaos—there truly is a place for all different walks of life in this strange world. Not only that, but you’ll be sure to find plenty of people like you along the way. Tenacious trainers battling their way to the top to make a name for themselves, starry-eyed explorers hungry for a thrilling adventure, and of course, the most important thing: a plethora of rare and extraordinary creatures found all throughout the regions just waiting to be discovered. Seeing all of these new creatures, big and small, is only one tiny part of your mission though. Catching them will be your real test, and to train them will be your cause. But of course, like any other adventure, your journey won’t come without its fair share of hardships. What’s an adventure without a few bumps in the road after all? Whether it’s skilled trainers and gym leaders rivaling you, fierce evil teams running amok, or even these powerful creatures you wish to catch, your opponents will come in all different shapes and sizes. But it’s up to you to teach your new friends the power that’s inside them if you want to succeed. Being able to move forward no matter what obstacle life throws at you, that’s what it’s all about! So, in a world you must defend, will you be the one who gives up in the face of danger, or will you rise up and be the very best, like no one ever was? If you think you’re really up for this challenge, then I choose you!
Hello there everyone! I hope you all are having a good day or night, wherever you are in the world. You can call me Blue. If you could guess by that little snippet up there and all those awful little jokes, I’m looking for someone to play out a long-term adventure story with. Not just any story though—one for a very particular fandom. A certain monster-catching series, if you catch my drift.
As I’m playing the role of a Game Master, I’ve created a bunch of scenarios and characters for you to interact with along the course of the story, ranging from friends and rivals to villains and even love-interests if that’s something you’re interested in. But don’t think that just because there’s a whole new cast of colorful characters to meet that you won’t bump into your favorites along the way! The brilliant Professor Oak? Of course! The renowned Sinnoh Champion Cynthia? You bet! The fierce and fiery Gym-Leader Flannery? Definitely! I’m sure some of your favorites will make a cameo somewhere in the story.
Though, if you have any ideas of your own you’d like to share or add to the story, I’d love to hear them out! I have a few ideas of my own to share, but I’d rather do that in private. I’m a big fan of OOC chat, so please don’t be shy. Even outside of RP, I’d love to get the chance to chat with you casually. About the story, the characters, even just normal conversations. I’m all ears!
If you’re interested, please don’t be shy and send me a chat. Feel free to tell me what caught your eye and if you have any ideas too. I’m looking forward to hearing from you. Take care! <3

I am very worried.Father around 72, has many health issues-diabetes, high blood pressure and extc.My father had a full liver transplant on feb 6 of this year of a deceased person, he stayed at hospital that time for little over a week of time then came back home. In between, he had some issues where he was having alot of pain in pelvic area where he was taken back again to the Mercy hospital where he had surgery where they discovered he had a bile leak, he was also having conspiation issues too.Now I know this sounds very irresposnbile, I dont live with my father btw but my brother got sick recently was with vomitting and motion assuming a virus.Anyways my sister went over to check on them dad and brother, she just got sick recently too last night vomitting and motion too.yes they were not wearing any masks.They should realize this.Anyways Im very upset and worried.please give me hope my father will he oky.he is so full of life He is around 72 but still acts like he is in his 20s.. very talented always active.He just doesnt deserve it.will he recover??Im so anxious.He is still at ER, he had a 101 fever last night, shortness of breath.

[Working Draft: Constructive Feedback Welcome]

Drowsiness

• Feeling lethargic is probably due to a drop in body temperature as the result of vasoconstriction:

[1]

• One recommended technique to help you fall asleep at night is to take a hot bath/shower before bed, as the drop in body temperature will make you drowsy.
• Or another is to turn own your heating/thermostat in your bedroom.
• Also it is a common symptom to feel drowsy or fall asleep during the 'come-up' when macrodosing psilocybin:

[2]

• For more potent strains you probably want to Start Lower ⬇️.
• Alternatively you could try to take the dose before bed as a significant minority do.

References

1. 🗒 Serotonin 5-HT2A, 5-HT2C and 5-HT1A receptor involvement in the acute effects of psilocybin in mice Thermoregulation with Psilocybin Biomedicine & Pharmacotherapy [Oct 2022]
2. Twilight Zone Remaster Jason Butler [Jun 2013]

TDLR: Ask a woman out via facebook before any other guy gets to her, or wait (indefinitely) until we meet face-to-face?
On Friday night I attended a Salsa class for singles, as the class was starting. I saw this beautiful woman (probably early-mid 20's) and was instantly attracted to her. The instructor told the men to find a partner and I rushed to her. I asked her to be my partner and we introduced ourselves. Let's call her Elizabeth. We practiced some basic stuff together before we were told switch partners (every man/woman combination danced a little during the class). At the end there was an after-event for us at a bar nearby and I was able to tag along with her group.
The night started to take a turn for the worse. Another guy approached Elizabeth and her friend and began talking. Between everyone facing away from me, the horribly loud music, and my limits of continuing the conversation, I didn't get a lot of time to talk to her. Although I managed to steal her attention away time-to-time and got to learn a decent amount about her.
By the time Elizabeth and her friend were ready to leave, I gave Elizabeth my number. I didn't ask for hers as I typically don't do that to not make women feel uncomfortable about it. As they were heading out I tried to make plans with them but they seemed pretty uninterested. I can't blame them though, I barely about myself given the conditions of the bar. Regardless I don't think Elizabeth will be contacting me.
As my night began to end, I kept thinking about Elizabeth. Not just what I learned about her, but also how she carried herself. She just seems like an incredible person, and this is where I noticed my fuck up: I want to ask her out on a date, but I have no way to reach her. Maybe she might decline me, but honestly I would rather have that than the silent rejection that I'm used to.
I spent multiple hours of the past 24 hours trying to find Elizabeth online using the knowledge I learned about her as a reference. Her presence is rare but I was able to find her facebook profile. I could send her a friend request and send her a note explaining myself to her and simultaneously ask her out. But there's one more factor in play...
On Sunday (almost today as I write this) there's a speed dating event made by the same group as the Salsa class that I'm going to. Considering Elizabeth is most likely single, I imagine she will attend this event as well. I could just find her there and try to ask her out there (with or without explaining my feelings) one concern I have with this is that another guy there could possibly beat me to it or have her change her mind. If I do it before the event, maybe we could convince her for the both of us to skip it. I am genuinely worried that another guy will scoop her up before I take my shot (as it has happened over and over and over and over again in my life).
Even if she doesn't attend the event, I'm not sure if using facebook is a good idea. She never gave me her last name, so I might come off as creepy. Although I have no idea how else I can reasonably contact her.
To reiterate, I know my chances with Elizabeth are bad, but for my own emotional health I'll take a verbal/text rejection over a silent one. Although I still want to position myself to maximize my chances. What should I do reddit?

Hi all, I recently got sober as of three days ago and I haven’t been able to sleep since, I can’t tell if I’m having heartburn or heart palpitations or esophageal spasms. I used to drink a liter of vodka or more a day if I was coming home from work. I recently quit my job because I think I’ve connected working in restaurants to drinking to excess, well me at least. But I gave up a management position for a large company and lost my benefits. I have to switch to a whole new industry for my sanity and sobriety and I’m honestly at a loss. Also I’m pretty sure I’ve been hallucinating and hearing random shit for two days now. When I was in bed the other night all my muscles tensed up at once. I don’t think that’s a seizure but for 10 seconds I couldn’t move anything.

When I (23M) was 10 years old my father divorced my mother and about two years later he married my stepmother with whom he has 3 children. After my parent's divorce, my mother went to live about 10km away from my father, who bought a house with my stepmother, they still live there to this day. My family has always been multicultural, apart from my stepmother being Ghanaian, my mother is French and my father's parent emigrated from Czechoslovakia in the 80's. By the way, English is not my mother tongue, therefore I'm sorry for any mistake I could make.
I've been aware the situation has been deteriorating for a while, a few years after they've got married, my stepmother developed pathological jealousy and suspiciousness towards my mother. She basically forbade my father to contact her over any matter, throwing a fit and almost leaving the country with my stepsister when she discovered they were still talking together over work related issues. We all quickly realized we were walking on eggshells, she would be deeply suspicious of him and would pick fights with him over little misunderstandings, even for things me and my (1 year younger) sister would say. Overall she revealed herself to be quite selfish and irresponsible, she's the one that earns the most money in the marriage, yet she spends it on beauty products, expensive clothes and sends a significant amount to Africa, where she launched some business. She's hardly ever there for the kids, leaves my father at home with the them and goes out with friends or after-work events. From my father's perspective, she's a bad mother and I would tend to agree on this.
On the other side, my father hasn't been himself lately. He found a new job with the help of my stepmother and is now earning about as much as she does, but at the same time he keeps working for his own company, even though he's supposed to have closed it for months. My grandfather got sick with rapidly progressing dementia, last year, he's now in the late stages, unable to move, and is taken care of by my grandmother, my uncle and him. My sister dropped out of college and works for my father's company, she's clueless as to what to do with her life and lives with her boyfriend, which doesn't seem to care much about it. He has to take care of the kids, take them to school, take care of the house which is basically still under construction. So many things lie on his shoulders and he looks exhausted. Overall he seems to be letting everything unfold as if he wasn't part of it. He takes forever to answer to us - me and my sister - and changes his mind all the time, he doesn't seem to see things clearly. Lately he has been talking about buying a house for my mother, because she's in a precarious financial situation, but as soon as my stepmother heard about it, she disappeared for a week to "make him realize his mistake".
My father is a very secretive person, he does not talk about his problems, he keeps everything inside and never seeks help from anybody. After living a few years in Czechia, I realized this attitude was very common amongst Czechs, as it is unacceptable, in the Czech society, to bother other people with your personal issues.
He's basically the one on which my whole family relies, but it is beginning to get clear that he's failing at it, because nobody can stand that much pressure without putting his own health in jeopardy. On the other side I must say that he was not always a good father to us - me and my sister - he left us alone when we were 10, we didn't see him for a year. He would give me financial help when I was abroad, and then decide to cut it without warning. He told me many times he did not believe in me and I basically had to make myself alone. It's beginning to clear to me that he doesn't know how to manage his own life, but at the same time I just see what's on the surface and God knows what he's going through by himself.
I've been living in a city about 100km away from them, and came to visit yesterday, while staying at my mother's place. Last night my stepmother proposed to take me back there because it was late and I came without my car. Upon arriving, we started to talk about my father, she told me how she feels exhausted from him, how he's been hiding things from her. There was, for instance, some issues with the nurse that takes care of my grandfather, as she's apparently been sending very personal messages to my father, she noticed it and also noticed he was buying train tickets for her. When she confronted him about it, he went to see the nurse and apologized for my stepmother's jealousy, the nurse recorded it and sent it to people in the local African community, now apparently everybody's talking trash about my stepmother. She then fired her, but my grandmother called her back and told my stepmother to stay away from her house. On another occasion she found a hotel reservation for two people on the backseat of my father's car.
She then went on to tell me she was, in fact, not suspicious at all of my mother, but the fact that my father would try to hide every conversation they had from her made her think that there was more to it. Also the fact that my father keeps so many things inside makes her very distrustful of him. She then told me she has been gathering evidence and contacted a lawyer, but she's waiting to see if my father wakes up and changes something after their trip to Africa, next April.
I'm sorry for the length, but there you see how complicated this whole situation is. I've always known that it was, but I didn't suspect it to be nearly as bad as this. I told her I would discuss with my father, but just what am I supposed to tell him? I don't even understand who's at fault, if not both of them. Of course he could take charge of his life, sell his company, get more sleep and be more clear and honest when communicating with other people, but isn't this just a consequence of this terrible marriage? I don't really understand what's going on and yet I bear this information and am clueless what to do with it. Should I warn my father about a potential divorce ahead? Should I tell him what my stepmother think is wrong and ask him why he's been behaving this way? She did not say she would divorce, but she's considering it.
TL;DR : my stepmother told me she's considering divorce with my father and I don't know what to tell him, but they both seem to have messed up.

Ok here’s a question, I started to taper, was on 25 for 2weeks then 37.5 for 1 total three weeks, backed the dose to 25 day before yesterday and last night HOLY SHIT, no sleep, nightmare, shakes, feel horrible, I’m taking the 25 for at least another week till I go to 12.5, and that’s way slower than the dr and the psych PA recommend, how long will this last and any advice

This girl [25 F] is the love of my [25 M] life and I seriously worship the ground she walks on. I thought that she was giving the same to me, until I found o last night that she's been hooking up with another girl for the past 8 months. She does not know yet that I am aware of this. I know that cheating is always a symptom and not a root cause, but I feel so sad that whatever issue we had manifested in this way.
She has always been bi-curious, but only ever floated the idea of "hey I'd like to try having sex with a woman at some point in my life" and I would say ok I'll think about that and we'd leave it at that. She never, ever implied that she had concrete plans to do something. If she did then should have brought it up for my stamp of approval, no?
Anyway, the person she's been hooking up with is a "friend" (at least I thought) that she would have over from time to time. They has a relationship that made me uneasy in the beginning, and I guess I should have trusted my instincts. I even went so far to ask like "hey this friendship is just platonic right" and she assured (lied) to me yes.
I think that this is a relationship that should probably end because of this. But guys, I'm so scared. I crumple and break down when it comes to confrontations. I just can't do it, even if it's just at a grocery store or my work, let alone with the love of my life. Couple that with the fact that she is not who I lost my virginity too but she has definitely been my only "sexual partner" of my life, we live together, and have been talking about our future. She has high anxiety and prone to depression, and the last thing I want to do is set her into a depressive episode.
Guys, tell me what I need to hear. I'm so scared and conflicted. It would be so much easier to just go back to normal and forgive and forget, and seeing that as the easy option scares me. Is there a path to that? How can 1 work up the courage to do this.

My son has had one hell of a first year of life. He fought for his life against a rare genetic condition and recovered from a liver transplant and a second major abdominal surgery. There were times where we were told he would not make it to this milestone and we almost believed that when he went into a cardiac arrest at 3 days old. With him being immuncompromised, we planned on having a small gathering with JUST immediate family, about 12 people in addition to us with mask wearing, hand washing, and shoes off. We weren't planning this to be an all day festivity, just a couple hours in between his feedings. Our son is only gtube fed at the moment, so his feedings require a lot of moving parts.
The past few days (and last night included) my son had not been sleeping well at all. We took him to the pediatrician and it turns out, he has a bad ear infection. He started antibiotics yesterday immediately following his doctor appointment. During the days, you can't even tell he's got the ear infection, until you try to get him to nap. He's really clingy with that, I can't blame him, laying down with an ear infection is awful!
My husband and I keep going back and forth this morning on if we should call the party off. If we do, we really don't feel like rescheduling it, so if it's canceled, that's that. We want our family to celebrate our son, we know he never knows what's going on at this age. What would you do? Would you cancel the party?

I posted yesterday in another subreddit about my FIL being an insufferable git at my nephews small birthday party. He passed my 3 month old round like the Olympic torch, he kept harassing me and following me around trying to get her back off me even while I was trying to feed her. I left after less than an hour because he wouldn't listen to me and I was sick of trying to not cause a scene whilst advocating for my baby.
Long story short the party, the noise and the fact she was passed around like a hot potato caused my daughter to have a complete over stimulation meltdown. It took me 8 hours to calm her down enough to sleep yesterday and it was heartbreaking to see, the poor babe was stressed out her mind and so upset.
We were supposed to be going to a bigger party for my nephew today but I text my SIL telling her the baby needed a quiet day after last night which she totally understood. 20 minutes after the party started FIL tried calling.
I ignored it and text back asking if everything was okay.
"We'll come and pick the baby up later so you can have a break"
NO. No you won't! I don't need a break! She does! From you! Because of you!
This is just one of many instances where he's totally disregarded what me and my fiance have to say. First it was no visitors because she was a premie and they'd all had COVID, what did he do? Turn up unannounced!
Then no kissing, she's had her jabs and will be vulnerable. No obviously that didn't apply to him!
My poor fiance is at the end of his tether with him, he had to work nights last night and felt awful that I had to try and manage babies meltdown alone which added to the whole thing.
My fiance's gonna talk to him about it all soon but it's just gonna go over his head because he can't fathom that he might be the issue on occasion.

Imagine this; far beyond the comfort of your warm, cozy home, awaits a massive world just waiting to be explored. Lively little towns packed with all kinds of different people, vast seas that stretch on for miles and miles, ancient caves filled with the stories and secrets of the past—this world really is massive! The best part? There’s a place for just about everyone here, no matter how daring or odd. All you have to do is look.
While you travel across the land, searching far and wide, you’re sure to find a place that resonates with you. From the beautiful tropical islands of the Alola region, to the massive bustling cities of Unova, or even Orre’svast, barren deserts teeming with crime and chaos—there truly is a place for all different walks of life in this strange world. Not only that, but you’ll be sure to find plenty of people like you along the way. Tenacious trainers battling their way to the top to make a name for themselves, starry-eyed explorers hungry for a thrilling adventure, and of course, the most important thing: a plethora of rare and extraordinary creatures found all throughout the regions just waiting to be discovered. Seeing all of these new creatures, big and small, is only one tiny part of your mission though. Catching them will be your real test, and to train them will be your cause. But of course, like any other adventure, your journey won’t come without its fair share of hardships. What’s an adventure without a few bumps in the road after all? Whether it’s skilled trainers and gym leaders rivaling you, fierce evil teams running amok, or even these powerful creatures you wish to catch, your opponents will come in all different shapes and sizes. But it’s up to you to teach your new friends the power that’s inside them if you want to succeed. Being able to move forward no matter what obstacle life throws at you, that’s what it’s all about! So, in a world you must defend, will you be the one who gives up in the face of danger, or will you rise up and be the very best, like no one ever was? If you think you’re really up for this challenge, then I choose you!
Hello there everyone! I hope you all are having a good day or night, wherever you are in the world. You can call me Blue. If you could guess by that little snippet up there and all those awful little jokes, I’m looking for someone to play out a long-term adventure story with. Not just any story though—one for a very particular fandom. A certain monster-catching series, if you catch my drift.
As I’m playing the role of a Game Master, I’ve created a bunch of scenarios and characters for you to interact with along the course of the story, ranging from friends and rivals to villains and even love-interests if that’s something you’re interested in. But don’t think that just because there’s a whole new cast of colorful characters to meet that you won’t bump into your favorites along the way! The brilliant Professor Oak? Of course! The renowned Sinnoh Champion Cynthia? You bet! The fierce and fiery Gym-Leader Flannery? Definitely! I’m sure some of your favorites will make a cameo somewhere in the story.
Though, if you have any ideas of your own you’d like to share or add to the story, I’d love to hear them out! I have a few ideas of my own to share, but I’d rather do that in private. I’m a big fan of OOC chat, so please don’t be shy. Even outside of RP, I’d love to get the chance to chat with you casually. About the story, the characters, even just normal conversations. I’m all ears!
If you’re interested, please don’t be shy and send me a chat. Feel free to tell me what caught your eye and if you have any ideas too. I’m looking forward to hearing from you. Take care! <3