Autumn lake nursing home

How to maintain boundaries?

2023.06.05 05:08 Tinawebmom How to maintain boundaries?

Not bringing her back is not an option.
Mother (75) fell May 1st and shattered her shoulder.
She's been in rehab for a month now. I suspect they'll discharge her home this week.
It has been such a lovely time not having her here!
While at the rehab she let her mask slip. There was one nurse in particular she treated horribly. When I spoke with this nurse I was gobsmacked. Mother treated her like she does me when no one is looking! Yelling at her, cussing at her, telling her she was hardly better than a CNA, threatening her, et cetera
I called mother later and made it clear this was absolutely unacceptable behavior. She later began using that fake nice personality to everyone.
She's continued to argue, demand and hang up with me.
She's lied to staff so much that even though I've told them 4 different times her bedroom is upstairs they think she only needs to be strong enough to go up three steps!!
I need to set a lot of boundaries, stand firm and make her comply. (eating diabetic diet, sleeping in her bed not on my couch, changing clothing daily, showering at least twice a week et cetera)
What might work?
submitted by Tinawebmom to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]

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2023.06.05 05:03 JoshAsdvgi The Messenger of Peace

The Messenger of Peace

The Messenger of Peace
The Peacemaker crossed Lake Ontario and headed for the land of the Iroquois tribes, or Hotinonshonni as they call themselves.
He looked for signs of village fires as he approached the shore, but did not see any.
All of the villages were built away from the lake for protection because the Iroquois were all at war with each other.
As he neared the shore, some men came running out, having seen the sparkle of the white stone canoe.
He called out to them and they told him that there was fighting in their village, and that they were running away.
He told them to go back to their village because he had been sent by the Creator to bring them a message of peace.
Because of the canoe made of white stone, they knew Deganawida had special powers, and they agreed to take this message back to their village.
As soon as the hunters left, he continued on his journey to the east.
He came to the longhouse of a woman who lived by a path which went east and west and which was used by the warriors on their raids.
She had a reputation for evil, because she would offer the warriors a home-cooked meal as they passed by and instead would poison them.
Deganawida accepted her offer of a meal, and she welcomed him into her home and set food before him.
She thought she had another victim, but Deganawida said, "I know what you have been doing to men who pass by here.
You must stop this wickedness and accept the good message that I bring from my father the Creator who sent me here to offer it to all human beings."
She asked about the message and he told her, "The message I bring is that all people should love one another and live together in peace.
This message has three parts:
peace, righteousness and power, and each part has two branches.
Health means soundness of mind and body.
It also means Peace, because that is what comes when minds are sane and bodies are cared for.
Righteousness means justice practiced between men and between Nations.
It means a desire to see justice prevail.
It also means religion, for justice enforced is the will of the Creator and has his sanction."
The wicked woman said, "What you say is true, and I accept your message of peace, righteousness and power and enforce it.
I will not return to my evil ways and hurt people who come to my lodge."
Deganawida said, "Since you-a woman-are the first to accept the Law of Peace, I declare that from this point forward, women will name the Chiefs."
The woman was thankful, but told Deganawida that unless all men and all Nations accepted the Law of Peace, there would be no end to the revenge and killing.
She asked him where he would go next and he answered that he would continue east toward the sunrise.
The woman cautioned him, "Beware of a man in that direction who eats humans."
And the Peacemaker answered, "Then that is where I must go first in order to bring such evils to an end, so that all people may be without fear."
submitted by JoshAsdvgi to Native_Stories [link] [comments]

2023.06.05 04:59 Trauma-dumpie Update: My mom kicked me out when I was 15. Now she’s homless and I won’t let her live with me

its apparent that nobody gives a fuck what happens to my brother besides me. cps said “we cant take him just bc his mom is poor” when she’s literally SMOKED CRACK in front of him, doesn’t have him enrolled in school (she “homeschools” him but mostly only reads the bible and tries to teach him spanish while not knowing spanish herself). so i had him living with me in my apartment since like the beginning of May. cps said the only thing i could do is file for “emergency custody” which sounds fake as hell. so youre telling me you cant put the kid in foster care but a random family member can just take him if they want for apparently no reason ?? okay ig. so i went to the courthouse and got the papers (on wednesday) but literally the very next day as im coming back inside i see my sister leaving with him and he has his suitcase and a bag. i was literally so fucking confused then my sister says that he was supposed to tell me that mom is taking him. nobody told me anything and like where the hell is he even going ??? my mom DOESNT HAVE ANYWHERE TO LIVE thats what initiated this whole fucking thing anyway ???? she took him back to our home city thats 45 minutes away from where we live now and put their belongings at a family friend’s house. apparently while they were there my mom renewed her nursing license with money she got from one of her tricks and found an apartment there that she plans on getting when she gets her nursing job back.
the thing that bothers me the most though is my sisters attitude towards the whole thing. because i was in the middle of filling out the paperwork for getting custody of him and she just takes him back to OUR ABUSER ??? then she says the plan the whole time was for mom to get her stuff together so that our brother could go back to his mom. ummmm NO THE FUCK IT WASNT that was NEVER the plan. SHE WAS WITH ME WHEN I GOT THE CUSTODY PAPERS. she says that as long as he goes to school in the fall it should be fine. NO NO NO. this woman let us get SA’d and beat up since we were 3 years old. SHE DOES NOT NEED TO BE AROUND KIDS PERIOD. and she still spends the majority of time with her sugar daddy and with her tricks instead of with her own son. these people barely even pay her. i know i definitely do not have to means to take care of him but i’d rather him be poor and safe with me than with her and potentially get SA’d or beaten by whatever sleazy men she has around.
right now theyre sleeping at my mom’s friend’s house around the corner from my place, so i went to go see her and my brother and i got pizza for them from the place i work at bc my mom was trying to make my brother split the price of a pizza with her. shes scum to the core. like youre supposed to be the parent and take care of your kid and youre making him scrape up whatever change he has to feed you ???? shes a piece of shit. my sister came with me and cried because my mom cut up the collar of her vintage shirt… you know when i cried ?? when the bitch took my brother and i literally didn’t sleep for 3 days after that. like i empathize about the vintage shirt, i would have cried too, but the fact that she didn’t even cry about our brother and just delivered him to our mom ??
im here just to post about trauma and i try not to talk to heavy on my twin sister bc shes been through a lot and most of it is nobody’s business but i feel like i want to document all the shit she’s done to me too. this is not the first time shes done some shady shit like this and i almost want to call her an abuser too. she scares the absolute shit out of me.
i hate everyone and everything right now.
submitted by Trauma-dumpie to TwoXChromosomes [link] [comments]

2023.06.05 04:58 Trauma-dumpie Update: My mom kicked me out when I was 15. Now she’s homless and I won’t let her live with me

its apparent that nobody gives a fuck what happens to my brother besides me. cps said “we cant take him just bc his mom is poor” when she’s literally SMOKED CRACK in front of him, doesn’t have him enrolled in school (she “homeschools” him but mostly only reads the bible and tries to teach him spanish while not knowing spanish herself). so i had him living with me in my apartment since like the beginning of May. cps said the only thing i could do is file for “emergency custody” which sounds fake as hell. so youre telling me you cant put the kid in foster care but a random family member can just take him if they want for apparently no reason ?? okay ig. so i went to the courthouse and got the papers (on wednesday) but literally the very next day as im coming back inside i see my sister leaving with him and he has his suitcase and a bag. i was literally so fucking confused then my sister says that he was supposed to tell me that mom is taking him. nobody told me anything and like where the hell is he even going ??? my mom DOESNT HAVE ANYWHERE TO LIVE thats what initiated this whole fucking thing anyway ???? she took him back to our home city thats 45 minutes away from where we live now and put their belongings at a family friend’s house. apparently while they were there my mom renewed her nursing license with money she got from one of her tricks and found an apartment there that she plans on getting when she gets her nursing job back.
the thing that bothers me the most though is my sisters attitude towards the whole thing. because i was in the middle of filling out the paperwork for getting custody of him and she just takes him back to OUR ABUSER ??? then she says the plan the whole time was for mom to get her stuff together so that our brother could go back to his mom. ummmm NO THE FUCK IT WASNT that was NEVER the plan. SHE WAS WITH ME WHEN I GOT THE CUSTODY PAPERS. she says that as long as he goes to school in the fall it should be fine. NO NO NO. this woman let us get SA’d and beat up since we were 3 years old. SHE DOES NOT NEED TO BE AROUND KIDS PERIOD. and she still spends the majority of time with her sugar daddy and with her tricks instead of with her own son. these people barely even pay her. i know i definitely do not have to means to take care of him but i’d rather him be poor and safe with me than with her and potentially get SA’d or beaten by whatever sleazy men she has around.
right now theyre sleeping at my mom’s friend’s house around the corner from my place, so i went to go see her and my brother and i got pizza for them from the place i work at bc my mom was trying to make my brother split the price of a pizza with her. shes scum to the core. like youre supposed to be the parent and take care of your kid and youre making him scrape up whatever change he has to feed you ???? shes a piece of shit. my sister came with me and cried because my mom cut up the collar of her vintage shirt… you know when i cried ?? when the bitch took my brother and i literally didn’t sleep for 3 days after that. like i empathize about the vintage shirt, i would have cried too, but the fact that she didn’t even cry about our brother and just delivered him to our mom ??
im here just to post about trauma and i try not to talk to heavy on my twin sister bc shes been through a lot and most of it is nobody’s business but i feel like i want to document all the shit she’s done to me too. this is not the first time shes done some shady shit like this and i almost want to call her an abuser too. she scares the absolute shit out of me.
i hate everyone and everything right now.
submitted by Trauma-dumpie to u/Trauma-dumpie [link] [comments]

2023.06.05 04:56 Historical_Maize3857 Im alone

First off this is gonna be a little long, it’s kind of my way venting…
I’m 19(M) and I’ve reached the breaking point of pretending to be fine being alone
Ever since middle school I rarely talked to friends outside of school. I would maybe sometimes play some basketball with people but they weren’t necessarily looking to hang out with me. Same thing happened in high school. And y’all know that adult saying “your not gonna be talking to all those friends after high school, but you’ll have a couple real friends”. Well I ain’t have any.
But for a good amount of time I was having that mindset of “I don’t need anybody else, I’m chillin alone, working out, and getting money”. I was starting to gain muscle, was dressing up better, and my confidence was at an all time high. I legit ain’t give af in a good way, I was truly at peace.
Well I have no real friends, the one person I do talk to(We’ve known each other since we were little because of our moms) always makes excuses when I try to hang out. And just yesterday he said he was going to the lake and I was like “that’s great, maybe I’ll try to go” and he said he would lmk which lake. So today I called and I said “yo Watcha doin” and he said he was going to the lake and I asked which one and he said “idk” so at point I was a really bummed out, and tbh a little pissed off. I really wanted to hang out with him because he’s moving to the other side of the country so I was trying to have that last hoorah.
I got pissed off to the point that I’m thinking about cutting him off because he’s never really invited me anywhere, I’ve even once told him that if he’s ever hanging out with his other friends that it would be awesome if he invited me, because than I could make more friends. But everytime I ask if he wants to hang out he says “ahh nah sorry man, imma be hanging out with some other people”. So I’m just thinking in my head “well damn I can’t hang out with y’all”
Ok now is the thing that really f*cked me up
Just a month ago I met a girl online and we started hanging out on a couple of dates. And it was my first time going on a date so I was really nervous. The first two dates went well, we even cuddled on the 2nd one at the movies. She was even sending me snaps without me having to initiate the convo. So I felt good.
But than we had the 3rd date and I asked if she wanted to watch the sunset, and tbh I fucked up with that decision because I suck at talking a lot, and that requires a lot of talking. And I didn’t make a move because I didn’t want it to feel forced. So the next day I asked if he wanted to hang out and she said she’s busy the rest of the week and she would let me know at the end of the week. Now I wasn’t mad at her for saying she’s busy, but it was just because of how the 3rd date ended. So those next couple days I just couldn’t sleep because the whole time I was thinking “what did I do wrong? Did I seem like a creep? I shoulda just made a move”. The days went so slow. I stopped going to the gym, I lost 10 lbs because I wasn’t eating. I wasn’t eating, and I couldn’t think straight when I was at work.
So than came Sunday and she texted me saying she was able to hang out, so I was thinking “SWEET”. So I set up the date and we were gonna go Tuesday. So the whole time before I was still a little nervous but I promised myself that I was gonna make a move. Than came the next day and she sent me a snap, now don’t think I’m weird for saying this… but she sent me a pic of her wearing a swimsuit. So I was thinking “holy sh*t she’s definitely interested”.
So the next I picked her up and we just went for a quick bite at some ice cream place. But man the date was a little awkward. I ruined it because the whole time I was thinking about making a move so there would be moments of silence. We were maybe at the ice cream place for like 15 min. Than we left and I finally decided to make a move in the car and we held hands. Than that feeling of peace finally came back and the the pain in my chest went away. We were even singing “Don’t go breaking my heart” my Elton John together 😅. Than we got to her house and I gave her a hug and a kiss on the forehead. Than I left and she sent me a “:)” text and man was I hyped up. I was yelling in the car like Ric Flair yelling “WOOOOO”. So I’m just thinking that I’m about to have the most fun summer ever.
Than the next day came and I asked if she wanted to hang out on the weekend, she didn’t respond right away. But than during the night time I was just having a normal convo with my dad and than I got a notification saying “____ is typing” so I was thinking “YAY she’s texting” but than 20 seconds went by and I was like “oh no she’s still typing🫤”. And she said that it wasn’t gonna work out and that she’s not ready for something serious and that deserve somebody that puts the same amount of effort, and that I’m super sweet and that I did nothing wrong. She also said that she was gonna be busy with family and friends. And I quickly agreed with her, because I didn’t want to beg for her to hang out. But it was still tough. And after that text I just left home and started balling my eyes out. I cried like an infant, and I don’t think I’ve ever cried like that before.
Ever since that day I’ve been feeling so alone. And it sucks because I experienced for the first time that somebody was actually interested in hanging with me. And holding her hand made me the happiest guy on earth, but just a day later and I was the saddest guy on earth.
I just wish I could rewind so than we could just become friends. Because tbh, I’m not looking for just a girlfriend, I rather just find a really good friend. And I feel like that was the best opportunity to make one without having to force it. And I sometimes wish that I never met her because I woulda been vibin if we didn’t meet.
So yea that’s pretty much it… I wish I could find that peace of being alone. But it doesn’t feel peaceful anymore, it straight up feels lonely.
submitted by Historical_Maize3857 to depression [link] [comments]

2023.06.05 04:54 bk9896 Frustrated and sad. I feel like we'll never EVER get out of debt bc of kid health issues

We have three boys aged 5, 7, 9. We were debt free (other than the house) until our middle was diagnosed with a relatively moderate immune disorder. He was pulled out of school, I had to quit working. Hospital stays and hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of testing in 1.5 years and we find out her needs a $30k drug IV (so we have to pay hospital and nurse fees too) every 2 weeks that our insurance doesn't cover. We don't make much money, so there are grants I have to apply for yearly for that one. And some years we will get one and the next year we won't. It's... Wild.
Then our oldest was diagnosed with post infectious (not COVID) Asthma. It is so severe he was in the ER at least once every single week for 6 months straight. Nothing at home worked to keep him breathing safely. His 4th doctor of the year said she literally had no one above her to escalate his case to. He was on 8 different medicines (multiple times) daily and hardly made it through the week. He was pulled out of school. He was finally approved for an injection that is $24k per month. Our insurance, of course, doesn't approve because it's "too new" and apparently new things are the devil. Even though this particular medicine has radically changed his life. He hasn't been to the ER for asthma in 13 months now. He has gotten approved for a program through the manufacturer of the miracle med because we have no money anymore. But it's so far past time for help that we don't even really feel the burden lessen. When you're so deep in debt, adding another thing on top doesn't even matter anymore.
Ofc the youngest had to present with bogus vision and needs glasses every 6 months. Which is like NOTHING compared to the others, but at $150-300 per pair of glasses.... It's not cheap. And we're just praying he doesn't smash them or break them, ya know? He's only five.
After three years of copays and pharmaceuticals and medical devices and testing we are over 300k in debt from our two medically fragile children. And we've been told we're the lucky ones with "good" insurance. But their conditions aren't going away. Ever. Asthma can get better, but it's not going away. This will be a lifetime cost for them even after they've left home.
My husband is a teacher. I keep the kids home from school because getting sick will literally put the older two in the hospital for weeks. We have an amazing homeschool group that meets outdoors for us. (Socialization!!!) And we love them all dearly, but financially we're drowning. And there is seemingly no hope. No one is going to forgive our medical debt. No one is going to leave us money in their will. No one is going to magically fix the USA healthcare insurance issue. We're stuck and it is just depressing.
submitted by bk9896 to DaveRamsey [link] [comments]

2023.06.05 04:47 _-Life-sucks- I hate my Mom

I don’t believe I have mommy issues but I just need to talk to someone who is or had gone through the same thing I am right now.-
I’m a teenage girl who was left to learn how to be a woman alone. I can’t live another moment with her. She can’t talk to me without yelling or getting mad when I read something online about how to blah blah blah.
She works a job where she cooks for a nursing home and she hates/loves it. She blames me for her and my dad for almost getting a divorce (I wasn’t even born when it almost happened) She blames me for her wanting to be de-d. She blames me for my sister having a mental breakdown. She doesn’t believe that anxiety exists, she smokes because she has “anxiety”. She doesn’t know why I’m so anger all the time and I can’t tell her because she will just blame me or anyone but herself.
At 7 we went to a restaurant and I was where a skirt, she looked at me and said loudly that “K, you need to shave your legs or boys won’t like you and people will judge you. I stopped where skirts for a long time because I didn’t know how to shave my legs because no one taught me, I watched a YouTube video on how because my mom can teach me.
At 8-now I am a little I overweighted, I am working on getting in shape before the next school year but my mom sees me as a whale, if I’m wearing something tight because it makes me feel beautiful then I’m just trying to show off my stomach because my mom is underweight.
She lost her curly hair after having me and she gets mad at me when I try to tell I need this and that to maintain curly hair because I mean you can’t grow without knowing how right? I can’t ask my dad because he has short curly hair.
When I wanted to start to play tennis she got mad at me for looking it up.
She got mad at me for not understanding what she was saying.
She made me a maid for my sister because she was sick(stomach flu)
When my sister came back from the hospital they forgot about me for a year and blamed me for my sister actions when going upstairs and my sister is strong so when I would try to stop her she would push me around even with a broken leg. My mom made me clean after my sister and her, but I’m not sure is she cared how it effect me.
She got mad at me for her need surgery and got mad when I wanted to get her something for Mother’s Day but I have no money and I was the only one that thought of her.
She gets mad at me if I got mad/cried because she yelled at me for not understanding.
She doesn’t leave me alone when doing homework and then gets mad at me when I don’t have it done.
She doesn’t help with anything and gets mad when nothing is done.
If you don’t know how to do something to told how to do 8 years ago she’s mad.
If you didn’t do something done right away even when you are busy then she is mad.
This isn’t really that mad from what others have been through but I just need someone to talk to and Reddit is helpful to me for this
Thank you for reading.
submitted by _-Life-sucks- to Mommyissues [link] [comments]

2023.06.05 04:47 flyingbyson Elder law advice: Grandma on Medicaid inherited $500k (NY)

My grandma’s first cousin recently passed away. She was quite wealthy and left my grandma and my grandma’s two siblings about $500k each. My grandma has absolutely no interest in the money and wants it to go directly to my mom and uncle. My grandma’s siblings are set to receive their inheritances without issue and agree that the money should go to my mom and uncle.
However, my grandma is on Medicaid and in a nursing home in NY that costs approximately $17,000 a month (which totally doesn’t feel like a scam to begin with /s). Receiving this inheritance would make her ineligible for medicaid; essentially medicaid will take the money as reimbursement for her expenses. Because she and my grandpa didn’t plan ahead for Medicaid, my grandma has no assets at all to begin with and nothing to pass to my mom and uncle.
My mom and uncle have consulted with Medicaid attorneys and the best option they’ve suggested is the “Half loaf” strategy which in theory preserves half of the inheritance for my mom and uncle. Clearly I’m no legal expert but the concept of this is bugging out my mind; forfeit $250k is the best option?
Are any obscure legal tactics that might be worth asking their attorney? For example, establishing a trust? Having the will altered? Purchasing a car and/or other medicaid-exempt assets for my grandma (though she doesn’t drive)? Purchasing some sort of amenities for her nursing home?
I know this is a really specific question for this sub, but I guess I’m just hoping that someone here has a better handle of what to ask their attorneys than we do. Thanks in advance.
submitted by flyingbyson to legaladvice [link] [comments]

2023.06.05 04:46 tubeshade Group hug?

40 year old woman with two boys on the spectrum, the worlds laziest husband, three terminal illnesses, & a ridiculous number of health problems. I have endured one traumatic, horrific situation after another since 2017, and I’m just exhausted. For three years I’ve begged my husband for support and to help me out around the house and getting healthier. He’s a nurse I want to point out. So when I originally got sick he quit his job to care for me. He did wonderful for about six months and then he just stopped giving me my meds, cooking my meals, or helping me in any way. I was so sick I almost died. I was bedridden at the time so what he did to me was beyond cruel. Then he decided to go back to work to care for others and leave me to fend for Myself. I was so sick and weak that I just focused on survival: it wasn’t until later that I realized the severity of what happened. I’m too sick to leave but I know I can never heal in this environment. He controls me by not giving me access to a vehicle so I’m pretty much a prisoner in my home. There are no resources for victims of narcisstic abuse. I can’t go to my family because they are equally abusive and honestly don’t care about my life. They are too busy living theirs. I’m so scared if something doesn’t change I won’t survive. And I have felt so invisible since I got sick, life can feel so hopeless. I just want a real chance at living. The way I have been treated and what i’ve endured is mind blowing. I truly believe nobody cares about me anymore. And i’m here I guess, in hopes that maybe somebody will care and get mad about this horrific set of circumstances with me. And it really think I need that right now. Xoxo
submitted by tubeshade to biggrouphug [link] [comments]

2023.06.05 04:31 ArtVandalay47 What's something strange about you that would drop jaws if you told others?

The other day at work we were sharing these with one another. All my fellow employees are around my age.
And my co worker who's the same age as me. She said she hasn't had Burger King in over 8 years as I was asking if she's been there recently to hear how the orders are done now.
Which btw if any of you haven't heard. When you make an order. You know how they been using orders on a first name basis, and they get your first name? They still do that. But I ordered through the drive thru and after she repeats my order back to me. She finished it off by saying. You rule.
First I thought she was just playing some sort of inside joke. But after talking to the cashiers there once I grabbed my food. She said they have to say it now after every order.
Again I thought. No way. Go there again this week to grab my mom a burger since she hates the nursing home food. And yet again. You rule. Ok then lol...
Anyway, back to the topic at hand here. When my co worker said 8 years. That's when I told her I haven't eaten inside any kind of restaurant in over 13 years now. I'd rather just eat it at home and watch tv instead.
I always hated eating in restaurants. I need entertainment when I eat. Not some sports shit on the tvs that most have or just watch other people eat. Fuck that. Give me Seinfeld instead.
So what about you? What's something strange or weird about you that would surprise others?
submitted by ArtVandalay47 to GenXTalk [link] [comments]

2023.06.05 04:26 huihui56967 Women's Summer Pajamas with Built-In Bras

Women's Summer Pajamas with Built-In Bras
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submitted by huihui56967 to u/huihui56967 [link] [comments]

2023.06.05 04:26 Tangou-888 The Hoax Story of Remarkable Testimony of a Buddhist monk in Myanmar (Burma) (Part I)

The Hoax Story of Remarkable Testimony of a Buddhist monk in Myanmar (Burma) who came back to life a changed man!
Introduction The story that follows is simply a translation of a taped testimony from a man with a life-changing story. It is not an interview or a biography, but simply the words from the man himself. Different people react in different ways when they hear this story. Some are inspired, some skeptical, a few will mock and ridicule, while some others have even been filled with rage and anger, convinced these words are the ravings of a mad man or an elaborate deception. Some Christians have opposed the story simply because the radical and miraculous events described herein do not fit their feeble image of an Almighty God.
We were first made aware of this story from several Burmese church leaders who shared it with us. These leaders had looked into the story and had not found any suggestion of it being a hoax. It was with this in mind that we decided to step out and circulate the story. We do not do so for any monetary gain, or with a motivation of self-promotion. We just want to let the story speak for itself, and invite Christian believers to judge it according to Scripture. If God wants any part of it to be intended for His glory or to encourage His people, then we pray His Spirit will work in the hearts of the readers in those ways.
Some people have told us they think the monk in this story never actually died, but that he just lapsed into unconsciousness, and the things he saw and heard were part of a fever-driven hallucination. Whatever you think, the simple fact remains that the events of this story so radically transformed this man that his life took on a complete 180-degree shift after the events described below. He has fearlessly and boldly told his story at great personal cost, including imprisonment. He has been scorned by his relatives, friends and colleagues, and faced death threats for his unwillingness to compromise his message. What motivated this man to be willing to risk everything? Whether we believe him or not, his story is surely worth listening to and considering. In the cynical West many people demand hard evidence of such things, evidence that would stand up in a court of law. Can we absolutely guarantee, beyond doubt, that all of these things happened? No, we cannot. But we feel it is worth repeating this man's story in his own words so that readers can judge for themselves.
My Early Years Hello! My name is Athet Pyan Shinthaw Paulu. I am from the country of Myanmar. I would like to share with you my testimony of what happened to me, but first I would like to give some brief background information from my life growing up.
I was born in 1958 in the town of Bogale, on the Irrawaddy Delta area of southern Myanmar [formerly Burma]. My parents, who were devout Buddhists like most people in Myanmar, named me Thitpin [which means 'tree' in English]. Our lives were very simple where I grew up. At the age of 13 I left school and started working on a fishing boat. We caught fish and sometimes also shrimp from the numerous rivers and streams in the Irrawaddy area. At the age of 16 I became the leader of the boat. At this time I lived in Upper Mainmahlagyon Island [Mainmahlagyon means 'Beautiful Woman Island' in English], just north of Bogale where I was born. This place is about 100 miles southwest of Yangon [Rangoon], our nation's capitol city.
One day, when I was 17, we caught a large number of fish in our nets. Because of the many fish, a large crocodile was attracted to us. It followed our boat and tried to attack us. We were terrified so we frantically rowed our boats toward the riverbank as fast as we could. The crocodile followed us and smashed our boat with its tail. Although no one died in this incident, the attack greatly affected my life. I no longer wanted to fish. Our small boat sank because of the crocodile attack. We had to go home to our village that night on a passenger boat.
Not long after, his employers transferred my father to Yangon City [formerly spelt Rangoon]. At the age of 18 I was sent to a Buddhist monastery to be a novice monk. Most parents in Myanmar try to send their son into a Buddhist monastery, at least for a time, as it is considered a great honor to have a son serve in this way. We have been observing this custom for many hundreds of years.

A Zealous Disciple of Buddha When I turned 19 years and 3 months old (in 1977), I became a normal monk. The senior monk at my monastery gave me a new Buddhist name, which is the custom in our country. I was now called U Nata Pannita Ashinthuriya. When we become a monk we no longer use the name given to us at birth by our parents. The name of the monastery I lived at is called Mandalay Kyaikasan Kyaing. The senior monk's name was called U Zadila Kyar Ni Kan Sayadaw [U Zadila is his title]. He was the most famous Buddhist monk in all of Myanmar at the time. Everyone knew who he was. He was widely honored by the people and respected as a great teacher. I say he "was" because in 1983 he suddenly died when he was involved in a fatal car accident. His death shocked everyone. At the time I had been a monk for six years.
I tried hard to be the best monk I could and to follow all the precepts of Buddhism. At one stage I moved to a cemetery where I lived and meditated continually. Some monks who really want to know the truths of Buddha do things like I did. Some move deep into the forests where they live a life of self-denial and poverty. I sought to deny my selfish thoughts and desires, to escape from sickness and suffering and to break free from the cycle of this world. At the cemetery I was not afraid of ghosts. I tried to attain such inner peace and self-realization that even when a mosquito landed on my arm I would let it bite me instead of brushing it off!
For years I strived to be the best monk I could and not to harm any living being. I studied the holy Buddhist teachings just like all my forefathers had done before me.
My life proceeded as a monk until I got very, very sick. I was in Mandalay at the time and had to be taken to the hospital for treatment. The doctors did some tests on me and told me I had both Yellow Fever and malaria at the same time! After about one month in the hospital I was getting worse. The doctors told me there was no chance for me to recover and discharged me to make arrangements to die.
This is a brief description of my past. I would now like to tell you some of the remarkable things that happened to me after this times...

A Vision that Changed My Life Forever After I was discharged from the hospital I went back to the monastery where other monks cared for me. I grew weaker and weaker and was lapsing into unconsciousness. I learned later that I actually died for three days. My body decayed and stunk of death, and my heart stopped beating. My body was prepared for cremation and was put through traditional Buddhist purification rites.
Although I faded away in my body I remember my mind and spirit were fully alert. I was in a very, very powerful storm. A tremendous wind flattened the whole landscape until there were no trees or anything else standing, just a flat plain. I walked very fast along this plain for some time. There were no other people anywhere, I was all alone. After some time I crossed a river. On the other side of the river I saw a terrible, terrible lake of fire. In Buddhism we do not have a concept of a place like this. At first I was confused and didn't know it was hell until I saw Yama, the king of hell [Yama is the name ascribed to the King of Hell in numerous cultures throughout Asia]. His face looked like the face of a lion, his body was like a lion, but his legs were like a naga [serpent spirit]. He had a number of horns on his head. His face was very fierce, and I was extremely afraid. Trembling, I asked him his name. He replied, "I am the king of hell, the Destroyer."
The terrible, terrible lake of fire The king of hell told me to look into the lake of fire. I looked and I saw the saffron colored robes that Buddhist monks wear in Myanmar. I looked closer and saw the shaven head of a man. When I looked at the man's face I saw it was U Zadila Kyar Ni Kan Sayadaw [the famous monk who had died in a car accident in 1983]. I asked the king of hell why my former leader was confined to this lake of torment. I said, "Why is he in this lake of fire? He was a very good teacher. He even had a teaching tape called 'Are You a Man or a Dog?' which had helped thousands of people understand that their worth as humans is far greater than the animals." The king of hell replied, "Yes, he was a good teacher but he did not believe in Jesus Christ. That's why he is in hell."
I was told to look at another person who was in the fire. I saw a man with very long hair wrapped on the left hand side of his head. He was also wearing a robe. I asked the king of hell, "Who is this man?" He replied, "This is the one you worship: Gautama [Buddha]."
I was very disturbed to see Gautama in hell. I protested, "Gautama had good ethnics and good moral character, why is he suffering in this lake of fire?" The king of hell answered me, "It doesn't matter how good he was. He is in this place because he did not believe in the Eternal God."
I then saw another man who looked like he was wearing a soldier's uniform. He had a large wound on his chest. I asked, "Who is this man?" The king of hell said, "This is Aung San, the revolutionary leader of Myanmar." I was told, "Aung San is here because he persecuted and killed Christians, but mostly because he didn't believe in Jesus Christ." In Myanmar the people have a common saying, "Soldiers never die, they live on." I was told that the legions of hell have a saying "Soldiers never die, but they go to hell forever."
I looked and saw another man in the lake of fire. He was a very tall man and he was dressed in military armor. He was also holding a sword and a shield. This man had a wound on his forehead. This man was taller than any person I have ever seen. He was six times the length between a man's elbow and the tips of his fingers when he stretches his arm out straight, plus one span of a man's fingers when he spreads out his hand. The king of hell said, "This man's name is Goliath. He is in hell because he blasphemed the Eternal God and His servant David." I was confused because I didn't know who either Goliath or David were. The king of hell said, "Goliath is recorded in the Christian Bible. You don't know him now, but when you become a Christian you will know who he is."

I was then taken to a place where I saw both rich and poor people preparing to eat their evening meals. I asked, "Who cooked the food for these people?" The king of hell replied, "The poor have to prepare their own food, but the rich people get others to cook for them." When the food had been prepared for the rich people they sat down to eat. As soon as they started a thick smoke came up. The rich people ate as fast as they could to ease their consciences. They were struggling to breath because of the smoke. They had to eat fast because they were fearful of losing their money. Their money is their god.
Another king of hell then came to me. I also saw a being whose job is to stoke the fires beneath the lake of fire, to keep it hot. This being asked me, "Are you going into the lake of fire too?" I replied, "No! I am only here to observe!" The appearance of this creature stoking the fire was very terrifying. He had ten horns on his head and a spear in his hand that had seven sharp blades coming from the end. The creature told me, "You are right. You came here just to observe. I cannot find your name here." He said, "You must now go back the way you came." He pointed me toward the desolate plain that I had first walked along before I came to the lake of fire.
The Road of Decision I walked a long time, until I was bleeding. I was hot and in great pain. Finally, after walking for about three hours I came to a wide road. I walked along this road for some time until I came to a fork. One road, going off to the left, was wide. A smaller road went off to the right hand side. There was a signpost at the fork saying that the road to the left was for those who do not believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. The smaller road to the right was for believers in Jesus.
I was interested to see where the larger road led so I started down it. There were two men walking about 300 yards ahead of me. I tried to catch up with them so I could walk with them but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't catch them up, so I turned around and went back to the fork in the road. I continued to watch these two men as they walked down the road away from me. When they reached the end of the road they were suddenly stabbed. These two men cried out in great pain! I also cried out when I saw what happened to them! I realized the bigger road ended in great danger for those who traveled down it.
Looking into Heaven I started walking down the believers' road instead. After traveling for about one hour the surface of the road turned to pure gold. It was so pure that when I looked down I could see my own reflection perfectly. I then saw a man standing in front of me. He was wearing a white robe. I also heard beautiful singing. Oh, it was so beautiful and pure! It was much better and more meaningful than the worship we have in churches here on the earth. The man in the white robe asked me to walk with him. I asked him, "What is your name?" but he did not answer. After I asked his name six times the man answered, "I am the one who holds the key to heaven. Heaven is a very, very beautiful place. You cannot go there now but if you follow Jesus Christ you can go there after your life has finished on the earth." The man's name was Peter.
Peter then asked me to sit down and he showed me a place to the north. Peter said, "Look to the north and see God create man." I saw the Eternal God from a distance. God spoke to an angel, "Let us make man." The angel pleaded with God and said, "Please don't make man. He will do wrong and will grieve you." [In Burmese literally: "He will make you lose face."]. But God created a man named anyway. God blew on the man and the man came to life. He gave him the name "Adam". [Note: Buddhists do not believe in the Creation of the world or of man, so this experience had a significant impact on the monk].

Sent Back with a New Name Then Peter said, "Now get up and go back to where you came from. Speak to the people who worship Buddha and who worship idols. Tell them they must go to hell if they don't change. Those who build temples and idols will also have to go to hell. Those who give offerings to the monks to earn merit for themselves with go to hell. All those who pray to the monks and call them 'Pra' [respectful title for monks] will go to hell. Those who chant and 'give life' to idols will go to hell. All those who don't believe in Jesus Christ will go to hell." Peter told me to go back to the earth and testify about the things I had seen. He also said, "You must speak in your new name. From now on you are to be called Athet Pyan Shinthaw Paulu ["Paul who Came Back to Life."].
I didn't want to go back. I wanted to go to heaven. Angels opened a book. First they looked for my childhood name (Thitpin) in the book, but they could not find it. They then looked for the name I had been given when he entered the Buddhist monk hood (U Nata Pannita Ashinthuriya) but it wasn't written in the book either. Then Peter said, "Your name is not written here, you must return and testify about Jesus to the Buddhist people."
I walked back along the gold road. Again I heard beautiful singing, the kind of which I have never heard before or since. Peter walked with me until the time I returned to the earth. He showed me a ladder that reached down from the heaven to the sky. The ladder didn't reach to the earth, but stopped in mid-air. On the ladder I saw many angels, some going up to heaven and some going down the ladder. They were very busy. I asked Peter, "Who are they?" Peter answered, "They are messengers of God. They are reporting to heaven the names of all those who believe in Jesus Christ and the names of those who don't believe." Peter then told me it was time to go back.
It is a Ghost! The next thing I was aware of was the sound of weeping. I heard my own mother cry out, "My son, why did you leave us now?" I also heard many other people weeping. I realized I was lying in a box. I started to move. My mother and father started shouting, "He is alive! He is alive!" Other people who were farther away did not believe my parents. I then placed my hands on the sides of the box and sat upright. Many people were struck with terror. They cried out, "It is a ghost!" and ran away as fast as their legs could carry them.
Those who remained were speechless and trembling. I noticed I was sitting in smelly liquid and body fluids, enough to fill about three and a half cups. This was liquid that had come out of my stomach and my insides while my body was lying in the coffin. This is why people knew I had indeed been dead. Inside the coffin there was a type of plastic sheet fixed to the wood. This sheet is placed there to retain a corpse's liquids, because many dead bodies release much fluid like mine did.
I learned later that I was just moments away from being cremated in the flames. In Myanmar people are placed in a coffin, the lid is then nailed shut, and the whole coffin is burned. When I came back to life my mother and father were being allowed to look at my body for the very last time. Moments later the lid of my coffin would have been nailed shut and I would have been cremated!
I immediately started to explain the things I had seen and heard. People were astonished. I told them about the men I had seen in the lake of fire, and told them that only the Christians know the truth, that our forefathers and us have been deceived for thousands of years! I told them everything we believe is a lie. The people were astonished because they knew what kind of a monk I had been and how zealous I had been for the teachings of Buddha.
In Myanmar when a person dies their name and age is written on the side of the coffin. When a monk dies, the monk's name, age and the number of years he has served as a monk are written on the side of the coffin. I had already been recorded as dead but as you can see, now I am alive!
Epilogue Since 'Paul who came back to life' experienced the above story he has remained a faithful witness to the Lord Jesus Christ. Burmese pastors have told us that he had led hundreds of other monks to faith in Christ. His testimony is obviously very uncompromising. Because of that, his message has offended many people who cannot accept there is only one Way to Heaven, the Lord Jesus Christ. Despite great opposition, his experiences were so real to him that he has not wavered. After many years in the Buddhist monk hood, as a strict follower of Buddhist teachings, he immediately proclaimed the Gospel of Christ following his resurrection and exhorted other monks to forsake all false gods and follow Jesus Christ with all their hearts. Before the time of his sickness and death he had no exposure to Christianity at all. Everything he learned during those three days in the grave was new to his mind.
In a bid to get his message out to as many people as possible, this modern-day Lazarus began distributing audio and video cassette tapes with his story on them. The police and Buddhist authorities in Myanmar have done their utmost to gather these tapes up and destroy them. The testimony you have just read has been translated form one of those cassette tapes. We are told it is now quite dangerous for citizens of Myanmar to be in possession of these tapes.
His fearless testimony has landed him in prison at least once, where the authorities failed in their bid to silence him. Upon his release he continued to testify of the things he saw and heard. His current whereabouts are uncertain. One Burmese informant told us he is prison and may have been killed, while another informant was told he is now released from prison and is continuing his ministry.
Translated by: Asian Minorities Outreach P.O.Box 901 Palestine, TX 75802 U.S.A. E-Mail: monkst... u/ Website:
Dear Triplegem Members, The following message was posted to the Website by someone called 'James' on 23rd July, 2000. (NDE = Near Death Experience). The Monk's story is identical. But the source is different. Details can be viewed at
The message began with: "Buddhist Monk visits Hell" I believe this person died, body decay & rotten. He was then brought to those places by the LORD to show him some vision. <-------
This is taken from a mission paper "Northside Missions Update" Northside Christian Centre 31-61 McLeans Road Bundoora Victoria 3083 Australia
The same 'Monk's Story' followed. Then, exchange of interesting messages took place at the Bulletin Board among NDE regulars, some of them are Christians, and finally, someone called 'Melvin', 'a Myanmar Buddhist', posted the following message and the discussion came to a close.
The fact that the same story has re-surfaced in another form (cassette), perhaps in a another country is a bit disturbing!
Best wishes to all our Triplegem members, MM Lwin
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2023.06.05 04:19 lchernn A small ramble for some advice?

Hey, everyone! I currently have a five month old who has been breastfed as well as supplemented with formula ever since he came out of NICU at a week old. ((Apologies because this might be a bit long-winded; I’ll try to keep it short.))
The NICU he was flown to was gavage feeding him an outrageous amount of donor milk his first few days; by day four, once I finally got to hold him and exclusively nurse, he was already getting 60ml of donor milk every two hours while I was still only producing colostrum (and had been pumping with his feeding schedule). So, I was competing in a race I didn’t know I was a part of and I wasn’t able to quite catch up. He lost 3oz overnight and that resulted in his doctors and nurses (even my amazing, supportive lactation nurses) suggesting I supplement formula as well as nurse until my supply ramped up. I’m a firm believer in “fed is best”, and I was totally on board.
Ever since coming home, he’s gradually transitioned to where he prefers a bottle during the day, unless he’s dozing off for a nap. Bottles are less work to him, they’re “instant”, even though I literally have a supply on tap. It seems the older he’s gotten, he’s leaned more and more towards bottles.
I’ve pumped religiously, I’ve used supplements, I’ve done skin-to-skin, you name it. But I’ve also gotten back to a more regular work schedule and I’ve also been battling some serious life stressors the last few months; ever since he was born, really.
I try to latch him as much as possible during the day, I pump and hand express, and I’ve lost an ounce in production. -That’s a large amount for me considering I’ve only ever managed to pump 1.5-2oz both sides combined each session.
Is there anyone who has struggled with baby preferring bottle to breast and successfully “rewired” that? Any advice would be extremely helpful. I’m trying not to make too many changes in a short time -I know production doesn’t increase overnight and I don’t want to overwhelm my body. I just feel a little stuck and I’m not sure what the best process is for me and my little guy both.
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2023.06.05 04:15 Hakuna_my_Matata The post that we all wish never to create...

Well, it finally happened. The very tough and shameful lesson that is learned after taking a bad fall without wearing a helmet. Let me start by saving you all the trouble of telling me that I am an idiot and thats what I get for not wearing a helmet. I am fully aware that I don't deserve sympathy, nor am I asking for it, because EVERYBODY knows that helmets are a necessity.
I put bout 1500 miles on my Pint last year and I have about 250 on my Pint X this year. Of course I have taken a few spills throughout those miles but never any head contact. They were painful, they sucked, and they were embarrassing but they only led to some cuts and bruises. Fast forward to May 14th 2023, AKA mothers day this year. All I remember is that I went for a sunset ride around 8pm and the next memory I have is waking up in the ER wearing a hospital gown, extremely confused at what was going on.
Once awake, I was promptly greeted by a kind nurse that didn't even wait for me to ask what was happening, instead she said hello and informed me that I was found unconscious in the middle of the road last night, fractured my skull, and had a brain bleed that was worsening. They also had a tight neck brace on me because they were unsure about fractured vertebrae. On day 4 I was allowed to remove the neck brace and I was transferred from the ER to the ICU. After three days in the ICU, the medical team determined my brain bleeding was not increasing and they felt comfortable discharging me that Sunday, a week after the accident. Sunday came around and I was very excited to get out of the robe, put on my own clothes, return home, and see my dog. This is great news right? Right! Well...unfortunately, when I was unconscious and being rushed to the hospital, the EMT's had cut my shirt off. As if I was not already feeling the shame of a non-helmet wearing injury, I got to catch an uber home wearing jeans and a hospital robe as my shirt.
The post-accident/hospital part of this has been far less exciting. I missed another week of work after being discharged. Most days I felt like I was underwater for half the day and I got the spins every time I would bend down, stand up, roll over in bed, etc. Anti-seizure pills for a couple days. Confusion and short-term memory problems. Having to explain to all the concerned friends and family what had happened with each response being either "what were you doing riding without a helmet!?" or "time for you to give up that onewheel!"
So here I am, a 31 year old lawyer with a couple weeks of brain bleeding, intense waves of dizziness and pain, a constant throbbing that changed positions in my head every hour or so, two weeks of missed pay, and likely a soon to be ambulance/hospital bill.
If you read my whole post then I have to say thank you and I appreciate you hearing me out. If you skipped all that then I at least hope you read this:
Do not be like me. Do not ruin an amazingly joyous hobby for yourself. Riding without a helmet does not increase the joy, nor does it make you look just shows the world that you lack common sense. I must have read a dozen stories of people that have died or sustained life-long brain damage from a fall without a helmet yet for some reason I was convinced that it would never happen to me. Astonishingly... I was wrong. False-confidence is a very dangerous thing to rely on.
Do not be like me. Head injuries suck. They are not like other injuries you may have experienced. They are scary, confusing, and almost always require immediate and serious medical treatment. Do not jeopardize your future or your dreams, don't take your chances with permanent brain damage. Don't risk losing enthusiasm for what used to be your favorite activity.
I can't go back in time and I don't get a do-over, so now all I can do is pray that the worst is over and I didn't cause any permanent damage. The fantastic take away from my sob story is that whoever (if anyone) is reading this - you won't ever need to be hospitalized, full of regret and wishing for a time machine. Please do not be like me, just wear a helmet.
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2023.06.05 04:05 808spida Chances for Public Health @ Ivies and top public

GPA: 3.3 UW, school doesnt do weighted
Rigor: All honors (and 4 AP) classes except Athletics/Sports, self studied 5 other APs. School is #1 in state of California, class has 170 students
SAT: 1510 Superscore (780 M, 730 RW)
Demographics: South Asian, Male, Southern California, middle class
Awards: USABO semifinalist, AP Scholar w/ distinction,
LORs: Academic: CS teacher (who is also my cross country coach), my physics teacher, and for non academic letters, i'm getting one from my work supervisor, and may get one from my martial arts gym owner if i need another one.
Essay: Planning to write my essay on how giving back to my community is one of the most important things to me as a person, and will highlight all I've done, and what more i'd like to do. I am trying to get a public health degree to attempt to become a Doctor as well, which fits my goal in life to help as many people as possible.
Elephant in the room : my gpa is absolutely horrendous, I had a really bad 2022, I couldn't adjust to in-person school at all, and my parents have had an increasingly rocky relationship which collapsed, which sent me down an academic spiral of failure during my sophomore year of hs. The ECs i have listed above were my main coping mechanisms during my dark times, and while I feel much better now, I'm afraid it's too late.
submitted by 808spida to chanceme [link] [comments]

2023.06.05 04:03 HercHuntsdirty Should I Text Her After Breakup (6 Years Together) To Show How Much I Value Fixing What We Had?

Never thought I’d be bringing this to Reddit, but here I am!
I (26M) was recently broken up with by my (24F) girlfriend of 6 years right after opening up to her about how I had been struggling a lot mentally recently. That's not necessarily the cause, but it happens to be a terrible coincidence.
About 10 weeks ago I had a very long night out and woke up extremely hungover. My brother met up with me that night in our parents car and ended up staying with us for a few drinks, so evidently he left the car.
Of course, I woke up and had a boatload of caffeine so I was already on edge a little bit. My brother was still asleep, so my mom asked me if I could quickly drive my dad to the car so he could take it home. No problem, I hopped in my car and drove there with my dad.
On the way home, completely unprovoked and no anxiety prior, I had an insane panic attack. I’ve never experienced anything like it before. I think I’ve only had one panic attack in my life, and for some reason it left me with a very small amount of social anxiety. During this attack, my hands and feet were completely numb and sweating. At first, I had literally no idea what was going on - I thought it was a legitimate health issue. I ended up taking a bit to drive home, but I made it.
Since then, I've just had heightened anxiety. I've had one other panic attack in the past and I eventually got over the lingering anxiety, so I knew it wasn't permanent.
Mental Health Backstory on her end:
To preface this, we both have anxiety/depression in our genetics unfortunately. In fact, her mom spent some time in the hospital when they were young because of how bad it got.
She also apparently had a ton of anxiety from work recently (she's a nurse, I'm in tech).
On my mothers side of the family, my mom, grandma and great grandma have struggled with anxiety their entire lives, some of them taking antidepressants.
Not fun genes for either of us to have, but we persevered!
Our Relationship:
This is what has been getting to me, our relationship was very healthy. We argued probably 2-3 times per year, we spent the majority of days together - as we lived only a 5 minute drive apart. We were both fully a part of each other's families. All of the normal relationship stuff, we were completely engulfed in it. We had also been looking at engagement rings for a bit and ALWAYS talked about our life together.
When I was about 19 before we were together, I used to drunkenly talk about her all of the time to my friends saying "if she ever gets out of the relationship with her boyfriend (at that time) she's the one I'm going for". When I was graduating high school, I went into her class on yearbook day, grabbed her yearbook and wrote my number in it. Long story short, she ended up single and within a month of that happening, we were together.
The "problems" we had over the years that were semi-recurring:
I didn't suggest enough of our plans. I explained to her a number of times that I'd happily go anywhere, I just don't tend to suggest ideas because sometimes she wanted to, other times she didn't. I've lived by the motto "happy wife, happy life" in that relationship, so I tended to go along with whatever she suggested.
We didn't take enough pictures together. I don't really like being in too many pictures and that bothered her.
We didn't travel together enough. This goes back to the anxiety, I hate flying and haven't done it in almost a decade. However, I have an appointment with my doctor in early July where I'm requesting some "emergencies only" anxiety medication to use for that exact scenario. Note - she went on a number of trips over the years with her closest friends. Furthermore, we had done weekend getaways via car together but those apparently don't count. To add, her friends are hopping on planes at least once per month to go somewhere, I think comparison became the thief of joy here.
I didn't tell her I loved her enough or hug her enough. This one is hard for me because I felt like I definitely told her I loved her a lot. She used to occasionally say "do you even love me", semi-joking but also serious, and I always told her of course I did and even though I may not say it a number of times a day, of course I do. I also did a TON of things for her to show how much I cared (ie. she very rarely had to make a lunch for work, I cooked for her almost every day and we don't even live together) The hugging thing is a bit different, as she's always been extremely affectionate and I never really have been. I truly think it comes down to how I was raised, affection just wasn't a huge part of my childhood. (note, that's not a problem for me or anything, I had incredible family/parents, it just wasn't as prominent as it was in her childhood)
I cared a lot about money and how we could set ourselves up to move out. She had taken 5 trips (two of them by train, three by plane) with her friends in the past year and after the 5th one I asked if she planned on slowing down so she could focus on tackling her student debt and so we could start saving to move out, have a wedding etc. Specifically, I wanted us to be in the position where we weren't renting a home, ESPECIALLY given how much money we were making combined. This part kind of confused me because she was the first one to suggest moving out, but when it came time to adjusting the lifestyle to prepare for it, she didn't like the idea. But, I did use it as a crutch for my anxiety to get out of things sometimes and I did open up to her about that. As an example though, I still went with her to the Gucci store and helped her pick out a very expensive purse to celebrate getting her first real nursing job after graduating. I don't feel that I cared about money (especially given the stage we were in in our lives) more than any of my buddies with girlfriends. I wanted us to be set up well for the coming stages of our lives; they were fast approaching. Furthermore, her friends are catching a plane every weekend and are living with their parents but pay cheque to pay cheque with no prospects of ever leaving unless it's renting
The Situation:
About 7-ish weeks ago, a few weeks after my panic attack, my girlfriend was very adamant that we needed to book a trip together. She said we hadn't been on a "real" trip during our relationship (by real, she means getting on a plane). We were sitting down in her bed on my laptop looking at destinations and flights, but I was incredibly anxious about the whole thing. As we were about to book, I broke down and was fully vulnerable to her for one of the first times in the 6 year relationship. I said that I just don't see myself getting onto a plane right now without some kind of medication to calm me down. On top of that, it would stress me out financially a bit, as I'm a full-time masters student and working full time. Plus, it was during my one-week semester break, so I honestly just wanted to relax.
From that day on, our relationship started going downhill. She said she felt extremely disappointed by the whole situation and she couldn't shake the feeling. We then started only hanging out maybe once per week and it was very bland when we did. A couple weeks after that incident, I slept over at her house and I could tell she was genuinely just not happy at that time.
Brief backstory - despite being 26, my mom still gives me a ton of flack if I sleep at her house. It was rare that I got away with it. But, I did it that night anyway because she always asked me to sleep over but I rarely wanted to have to deal with my mom. I thought it would help show her I'm really trying to get better. She also invited me over the following evening and I obviously went.
After that day, I don't think we saw each other for about 2 weeks. I texted her on a Friday evening and said I just don't feel like she wants to be with me anymore. She picked me up so we could talk, and explained that she felt very disappointed about how we were so close to booking the trip and ended up not doing it. She said she needed a break and I was fine with it, I understood where she was coming from.
During this time, I started seeing a therapist. I found one online who was one of the highest rated in my province and was also extremely experienced in marital/pre-marital counselling so I could tell her about the relationship issues I was having along with my anxiety.
Fast forward about 2 more weeks (last weekend) she texted me saying she was ready to talk and picked me up. She said it's probably best if we just end the relationship for the time being. She explained that she felt she had been disappointed a few times over the years and was bottling a lot of things up. She said she needed time to "find herself again" and didn't know if we would get back together at all in the future or not. Then, we sat there talking in her car for another 30 minutes like things were normal so it really threw me off.
I ended up texting her the next day and asked if I could pick her up because I was confused from the night prior since we talked so normally after the breakup conversation. We ended up talking again, sharing some tears and what not, but I kind of understood why she felt she needed to be alone for a bit, even though she didn't know if we would get back together or not. She said that people do this all of the time and sometimes they come back stronger, but if it was meant to be then we'll get back together. I also told her about how much help I'm getting and how I'm setting a goal to take a vacation when I finish my masters in November. She was noticeably happy and asked a lot about how I was talking to my therapist about improving as a person and a (what I thought was soon to be) fiancé. She asked for all of the details about what we talked about in regards to our relationship and was very happy that I was putting that much effort in.
A couple days ago is when she deleted are photos together, but it came right after she posted an Instagram story while out with a friend who has no stability whatsoever. This friend has been on and off with the same guy (who treats her terribly) for as long as we were together. Not to mention, she sleeps around a ton. I can't help but feel like some of this breakup is being influenced by her friends (specifically this one) wanting her to be single like they are out of jealousy or something. Or, they want her to be flying somewhere once a month with them with no plans for the future. My girlfriend has cried to me in the past because she had been brought to places she didn't want to be because her friend wanted to go for a guy. That friend has also been binge drinking several times weekly for years. The following night, her two friends posted a story of her incredibly drunk in the back of a car with her feet out of the window I'm sure in hopes that I would see it. We're grown ass adults, I can't help but feel like that's just not a cool thing to do to your friend in general? I don't care how drunk you are, in fact I expected her to have a night out with her friends and let loose but posting someone else like that is just insanely stupid to me! To put the icing on the cake, one of my long time buddies from high school decided to go for one of her friends and I gave him substantial warnings about her. Within a year, that relationship was completely over with and she was on to the next.
Neither of us were ever the type one to have one-night stands or get around, so I'm not concerned about anything like that during the breakup. If it happens it happens, but I won't be sleeping with anyone until I've put in all of my effort to saving everything we've built. She's only ever been with me and her ex, while I've had a handful more partners before her - but I've experienced enough in my 26 years to know that there was is only one woman for me.
After all of this, I still couldn't shake the feeling that I felt I was being abandoned during the one time in my entire life I've opened up to anyone and really wanted some support. I'm also just having a hard time processing why it happened and how I can salvage it.
I've texted her once per week since the breaks & breakup happened just telling her that I loved her and wished we were going to XYZ events coming up. I also always say in the message that "You don't have to respond or even read it, I just want you to know". I'm having a hard time deciding if I should continue giving her that weekly text or not, but I really do want her to know how much I care and thought we were a dream team.
I just can't help but feel like we had "problems" that were very fixable and were very minor compared to 99% of couples. Her two best friends have had 5+ boyfriends each in the time that we were together and countless one-night stands. Every time they would break up, I'd hear a story from my girlfriend about how terribly they were treated by these guys and we talked about how lucky we are to have each other. There was no forms of jealousy or self-consciousness between us either, neither of us were bothered when we went out alone with our respective friend groups. I also never for a second worried when she travelled with her friends that she'd cheat or something.
This wraps in with why I can't process the breakup. Aside from the few things we argued about here and there (few times a year) it was an incredibly healthy relationship. I had a great relationship with her friends (despite some of the things I've said about them above) and would often times opt to go out drinking with her group over my group of buddies. I acknowledged my shortcomings as a boyfriend (ie. the affection) with my therapist and she's giving me some help with it. Am I crazy for thinking that we can easily salvage everything we’ve built over 6 years?
TL;DR - We had a very healthy relationship, never argued, no cheating, but she said I didn’t tell her I loved her enough or wasn’t affectionate enough. Said she doesn’t know if we’ll get back together or not. I’ve been texting her once a week just to say I hope she had a good weekend, to let me know if she wants to talk and that I love her. Should I continue it?
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2023.06.05 03:44 craneguy2013 Nursing Home

When you get old why not go to a nursing home. People your age, games, fun trips , people taking care of you. It would be like going back to school again right?
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2023.06.05 03:44 lyrical_justicex Is this anxiety?

Is this anxiety? Or what?
I didn't go to pre-K, I did go to a morning class but I never went to pre-k. In 1st grade I went half days, and my mom would take me out in the afternoons. I did go to a homeschooling teacher for a little while, I can't remember how I did. Then 2nd through 4th grade I went normally. Then, she took me out to homeschool me, it didn't work out so she stuck me back in later in the year.
I surely fell behind because I couldn't stay focused on my schoolwork at home, that's why my mom put me back in public schooling. Which I'm thankful for. I missed a lot of school through my education years, due to an illness I had which had me vomiting quite frequently. They took me out of class for math because I fell behind, and I had comprehension issues due to my ADHD. I have attention deficits. But, now it's gotten better. In 5th grade towards the end of the year they brought up to my mom they would like to place me on an IEP due to falling behind in a few subjects; Reading and Mathematics.
Fast forward to current time, given I was in an IEP I feel like I'm intellectually or developmentally delayed. I feel like I'm slow, I currently live at home and work in the hospital as a certified nursing assistant. I work full time, but I feel dumb. I pay rent at home even though I'm so bad with money it's insane. I'm impulsive with money especially, I prioritize things badly. I know I'm doing it too, it's just like impulsive. It's weird. I have bad anxiety, social anxiety as well.. anxiety for every situation it seems like. I've gone to therapy for it, because I feel like I'm existing... not living. My therapist says that given that I was able to pass my CNA state certification I'd have to be average or above average in intelligence to even pass it.
I feel like everyone around me knows something is "off". Even though I haven't heard it, I'm sure they talk? I don't really care about anything else anyone has to say BUT the thought of them thinking that I'd be slow or intellectually delayed bothers me. As a kid I walked and talked on time, and passed my childhood milestones. It wasn't ever indicated I was intellectually delayed.
I got employee of the month 2 months being in the hospital, but I've made big mistakes no one got hurt. I've been a CNA 4 years prior. These nurses are my age and younger and they seem so mature. I feel like sometimes I feel dumb and inadequate. I'm quiet, but I want to be smart and an intellectual. They always say how a hard job I do. These nurses hangout and are friends with each other. I feel out of sorts here. There's been times where they come sit by me cause I sit away from them. Do you think they think something is off? They seem to like me and keep me included. THEY are articulate, I think I'm articulate online but offline it's bad.
I don't know if I'm overthinking this?
There's patients that come in with cognitive deficits or intellectual disabilities. I don't act like them, but everytime I hear something along those lines I panic. I worry people think that about me. I worked with adults with intellectual disabilities and it triggered something in me. I had to quit because of it.
I got drunk the other night and said to my friends "I think I'm slow" and they were like "No you arent!" But idk if they say they cause they didn't want to hurt my feelings.
The CNA test is common sense but my therapist said that I'd have to hold an average intelligence.
I still live at home, I'm 26, needing dental work done and now I have to get insurance on my own because I don't have any now. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Is this just anxiety? My one friend said socially I probably have anxiety over. I do have bad social anxiety and I'm quiet. I spend money and sometimes go into overdrafts, I'm bad with money but I know I am and it's an issue. I spend money to be happy, because I'm so sad a lot. I am paying off my car to my mom, I pay rent everyday check to my mom. It's not like I'm living here for free. I would love my own place but I can't afford it.
I feel like at work I'm slow, even though they tell me I do amazing. These nurses are younger and my age and they are so assertive, confident and I more so go with the flow.
I'm pretty quiet, I'm opening up now. I feel like I do stupid shit all the time... and I've been a CNA for a long time.
I went to college for a few weeks, we took a standardized testing, to know what classes to place you in due to your education you know. I didn't do good on it. Idk if it was cause I didn't take my time, or I got distracted easily. I do have ADD. I'm bad with money, and everything else.
submitted by lyrical_justicex to Anxiety [link] [comments]

2023.06.05 03:40 Background-Celery24 How can I night wean/bed transition without the help of a partner?

I plan to night wean first, then once that’s going well, to transition my toddler out of my bed and into her own. I’ve seen some fantastic pointers… but they all include the help of a partner. My husband travels for work and also snores very loudly, when he is home, so him helping really isn’t much of an option for us. Any advice, suggestions, what went well/what didn’t for you?
My daughter is almost 18 months and still nurses often throughout the day and night. I don’t mind if she nurses during the day, but the night time is getting to be too much with me being pregnant now. Idk if weaning completely would be easier, or just cutting night feeds. Any advice would be super appreciated, thanks!
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2023.06.05 03:28 ilyn_violet [USA-CA] [H] Asus Flow X13, Asus Flow Z13 [W] PayPal

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2023.06.05 03:28 Mouse-Direct Being Gay is like being left handed, judgment unnecessary

I live in Oklahoma City, and my husband and I are 52 and have a 14 year old son, Jonah.
Saw my salon stylist yesterday. Nice lady but has a lot of the issues those who grow up in generational poverty and marry and have kids young have. She’s 38 with 2 aggressive kids. She told me how her 15 year old didn’t finish sophomore year cuz he failed to show up and now has to go to summer school. She went to take him to first day of and he threw a big fit, threw stuff at her and set a bunch of her stuff on fire, causing them to get kicked out of their RV park. So she sent him to live with his dad.
I had told her earlier that Jonah (14) finished 9th with straight A’s, was tutoring incoming freshmen to the Mount, and won the French award.
Then I’m talking to another stylist about Pride and I said my son had just come out to me last month but we were not going to the Parade this year because the climate has been so scary. We can go when he is older if he wants.
Later my stylist (who has cut Jonah’s hair) said, “I overheard about Jonah and I just want you to know he’s always welcome in my chair: no judgment.”
No judgment?! No judgment about my 14 year old virginal child who is an honor student and still sleeps with a Squishmellow and volunteers at nursing homes? NO JUDGEMENT?!
Can you imagine if I had said that about her son for being violent and willfully ignorant?
You’re goddamn right no judgment.
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