We had the finals a couple weeks earlier, I did not do well, we had 4 subjects, I did well in I think 2 of those, okay in one and terrible in the last, I will probably have a bad score this year. I have been feeling horrible since everything's over. Primarily since it is my fault, I haven't studied as much as I should've, I did a lot of miscalculations and have procrastinating for a while. But I still have studied a lot which makes it feels worse cause appart from the fact I feel like a failure, it's like my studying has amounted to nothing.
But the problem isn't just this, the problem is my family, especially my parents. I am not doing well, the grades are freaking the soul out of me, which made me a little bit more sensitive than usual. Which meansy mood have been really bad for a couple weeks. And they have been complaining a lot cause they also are stressed out cause of work, they said "we already have a lot going on we don't need you to add on more problems". But obviously that statement only works for them.
When my mom comes home and the first thing she does is scream or complain before even greeting us it also doesn't help with my stress, when my dad asks me about the results of the exams everyday almost like he wants me to feel even worse than I am it doesn't help. He looks at me with visible disappointment in his eyes, he usually is the calm part of the house, the person to make me feel better, now I can't even look him in the eyes because I feel like I failed him. He mocks me when I am feeling down, gets mad when I am trying to stay on my own, and honestly I don't need a duplicate of my warm blooded mother in the house.
I also have to take care of my younger siblings daily, my brother is a jerk on every lvl, curses, punches, attitude. And my little sister is too demanding as she is only 7. I have been taking care of them for years now since my parents work all day, but now is simply not the right time. So apart from my siblings, I now have to deal with my parents, and also my own problems.
I am overwhelmed, my dad said he wanted to take me out of private school to public cause we are tight on money and cause quote "There is no point in wasting money on you if you ain't gonna do anything with it". Public schools in my country are the last thing you want, teachers are bad, schedules are bad, instalments are worse. And you basically have more chance of failing because of the lvl of education, private is nearly the only way here. If I go there, next will be worst.
But I think the worst part is that they act like it is about them, like "they" are hurt cause of it, like I don't care. But the truth is that I am honestly fighting the urge to jump off our roof, this is getting overwhelming. And I can't take it anymore, I feel like a failure and a mistake, and I have lost the little peace I had with my father, I am pretty sure he hates me now. And things are going to get worse once the results are out.
I want to die, and it almost feels like they'd be happier if I did, I am tired of feeling like I am completely worthless. But they don't care, my mom never did I am used to it, but now my dad as well. Funny how shit can go sideways sometime. I just want everything to stop.

We had the finals a couple weeks earlier, I did not do well, we had 4 subjects, I did well in I think 2 of those, okay in one and terrible in the last, I will probably have a bad score this year. I have been feeling horrible since everything's over. Primarily since it is my fault, I haven't studied as much as I should've, I did a lot of miscalculations and have procrastinating for a while. But I still have studied a lot which makes it feels worse cause appart from the fact I feel like a failure, it's like my studying has amounted to nothing.
But the problem isn't just this, the problem is my family, especially my parents. I am not doing well, the grades are freaking the soul out of me, which made me a little bit more sensitive than usual. Which meansy mood have been really bad for a couple weeks. And they have been complaining a lot cause they also are stressed out cause of work, they said "we already have a lot going on we don't need you to add on more problems". But obviously that statement only works for them.
When my mom comes home and the first thing she does is scream or complain before even greeting us it also doesn't help with my stress, when my dad asks me about the results of the exams everyday almost like he wants me to feel even worse than I am it doesn't help. He looks at me with visible disappointment in his eyes, he usually is the calm part of the house, the person to make me feel better, now I can't even look him in the eyes because I feel like I failed him. He mocks me when I am feeling down, gets mad when I am trying to stay on my own, and honestly I don't need a duplicate of my warm blooded mother in the house.
I also have to take care of my younger siblings daily, my brother is a jerk on every lvl, curses, punches, attitude. And my little sister is too demanding as she is only 7. I have been taking care of them for years now since my parents work all day, but now is simply not the right time. So apart from my siblings, I now have to deal with my parents, and also my own problems.
I am overwhelmed, my dad said he wanted to take me out of private school to public cause we are tight on money and cause quote "There is no point in wasting money on you if you ain't gonna do anything with it". Public schools in my country are the last thing you want, teachers are bad, schedules are bad, instalments are worse. And you basically have more chance of failing because of the lvl of education, private is nearly the only way here. If I go there, next will be worst.
But I think the worst part is that they act like it is about them, like "they" are hurt cause of it, like I don't care. But the truth is that I am honestly fighting the urge to jump off our roof, this is getting overwhelming. And I can't take it anymore, I feel like a failure and a mistake, and I have lost the little peace I had with my father, I am pretty sure he hates me now. And things are going to get worse once the results are out.
I want to die, and it almost feels like they'd be happier if I did, I am tired of feeling like I am completely worthless. But they don't care, my mom never did I am used to it, but now my dad as well. Funny how shit can go sideways sometime. I just want everything to stop.

AITA for going No Contact with my mother?
So, I (28F) was raised by my single father. I have had a rocky relationship with my mother (59F) my whole life, due to drugs and alcohol and gun violence. She is incredibly volatile, and has alienated a majority of her family due to her volatility. I can include more of that in comments if folks would like some backstory. So, my father (M76) had been struggling with esophageal cancer for 2 years, and it was approaching hospice time. Where my mother had been horrible, my father was exceptional. He was an amazing dad. As good and kind of a man as you could possibly imagine. I was taking care of him throughout his cancer, but I put aside the crappy relationship with my mom and called her.
My mother came up immediately to help. My father had been living with me so that I could take care of him, so I took off work to do full time home hospice. My fiancee (27F) had quit her job to help out as well.
In order to shorten this a bit, I’ll have to leave out the drama where she started stealing my liquor. I didn’t know she was back to drinking, she had been sober. I have a normal relationship to alcohol, and thus didn’t think about hiding my liquor from her when she came over.
There was so much manipulation that it would be hard to include everything she did during the month she stayed with my father and I. It was an incredibly stressful time for all of us. I tried to have sympathy for her stress levels as well.
One night, we had a different nurse come by. She told us to put liquid pain meds under my father’s tongue, as his feeding tube wasn’t an option at the moment. At this point, my father was non responsive. He was clearly on his way out. The nurse being a medical professional, I listened. Unfortunately, this caused my father to cough and choke on the meds. My fiancee and I suctioned until he stopped, and he got comfortable again. I called the nurse and explained what happened. She came up with a way to make his feeding tube viable again and that was that. I felt very bad for having made my father cough, but I thought I was doing right, as that is what I had been told. My mother had absolutely zero medical experience, but was incredibly mad at me for not listening to her suggestion not to. I was following medical advice. He was okay after the nurse's mistake. I thought it was over with.
She accused me of trying to drown my father. She kept yelling that I was drowning him. My fiancee politely asked her to stop. She said “this is a really stressful time for all of us, and OP already feels really bad. Can you please stop, this isn’t helping”. Then she started freaking out and yelling at me over everything. I had some martini glasses and a bar mat out to dry after washing. Me putting those away after drying was apparently offensive to her. She screamed at me about not trusting her with medical stuff, and she’s right, I didn’t. She had fucked up the antibiotics multiple times, and gave a medication that was contraindicated despite the nurse specifically telling her not to.
She started to threaten to leave. She was screaming at my fiancee even more than she was at me. The last straw was when she was screaming, and I quote, “I rebuke thee Satan!” directly in my fiancees face. I told her to get the fuck out. She started packing her bags. We had been going through family photos on the couch and coffee table together, she made sure to snatch those first. Then she said I’ll never have photos of my father, and why didn’t HE have childhood photos of me?? (He did. They’re in a large box in my closet.)
Importantly, she left one packet of photos on the couch. I saw them, and, afraid that she’d follow through on not letting me have any photos of my father, quickly took photos of them with my phone. My fiancee then put them on the coffee table between two books. My mom came out of the bathroom accusing me of having stolen photos from the room. I said I didn’t know what she was talking about, because I didn’t. I hadn’t stolen anything or even moved out of the chair I was sitting in. When I realized she was talking about the photos she left behind, I gave them to her immediately. She continued to accuse me of theft. This coming from a woman who has struggled with drugs and alcohol and various crimes her whole life, to her daughter that has never once even had a speeding ticket. But I’m a thief apparently. A normal person would have simply asked if they left those ones out there, but she can’t possibly do that.
All of this screaming while my father is literally on his death bed.
She left after midnight, screaming at me for over an hour. Had she refused to leave I would have called the cops. The next day I calmly asked her to scan copies of the photos. She continued to try to hold them over my head as leverage. Eventually she did, and dropped the copies off.
My father passed a week later. I briefly spoke to her at the funeral. I hugged her, but didn’t accept any apologies. I haven’t answered the phone since. I sent a Merry Christmas text but that’s it. The calls aren’t as frequent now. I think she’s gotten the message. My half brother still tells me to talk to her. I have no desire to talk to someone who would treat me so poorly. I don’t care that she’s my mother. She’s had her own health issues lately. Heart surgery, her own cancer treatments. I don’t care. As far as I’m concerned, I became an orphan when my father died.
TL;DR My mom exploded on me while my father was dying. We had a bad relationship to begin with. I haven't spoken to her since.
Am I being unfair to her? Should I give her another chance?

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Lots of thanks to u/Killsode-slugcat for helping me work through this chapter with editing.
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Memory transcription subject: Tevri, Venlil Romanticist
Date [standardized human time]: August 11, 2137
With eyes still closed, I stretched my legs and arms, paws pushing up against the inside of my sleeping bag. A sigh of contentment escaped my mouth.
I let the world in—light falling down in shafts that struck my still-waking eyes. No trees were around to provide cover from the rising sun that hung low in the east. The sounds of life surrounded me, occasionally being broken up by particularly strong gusts as well as a hint of something else.
My head turned to that hint, who still slept somewhat soundly off to my side. Last night Jack had set up his own sleeping bag less than an arm’s length from my own, citing our lack of a fire as the reason to gather closer to each other.
He tossed and turned, occasionally, muttering incoherently. At least he’s found some rest. After carrying me for over half of yesterday, he had certainly earned it.
It was actually quite surprising how well he had managed it all. His slim build compared to other humans that I had seen was betrayed by a hidden strength and incredible endurance. I suppose millions of years of evolution tends to allow such a thing.
Some part of me still felt bitter about what he had done the night prior to our last, but it was clear to me that his apology was sincere. I gave a quiet snort. He probably wouldn’t have carried you on your shoulders if he wasn’t at least somewhat sorry.
The covers of my too-big bag were thrown off and I sat up, holding my knocked knees with my paws.
Rocky rolling hills with low-grown shoots of grass lightly waved towards me. The nearby mountain range looked down upon us with its well-kept snow despite the summer season. Even three days of standing beneath them didn’t eliminate their wondrously looming presence.
I reached over to my nearby pack and grabbed my pen and journal. I clung to every thought that passed its way through my mind, marking them down the old fashioned way. There was something special about writing my feelings down on something physical rather than some pad or computer. It felt real in comparison to the alternative.
It was incredible to me how one of, if not the most dangerous planet to be found within known space was simultaneously one of the most fantastically beautiful worlds I ever had the pleasure of setting foot on. What a travesty it would have been had the federation actually managed to glass the biosphere. Ironically it had been the Arxur that prevented such a disastrous outcome. Those same savages had…
“Gah!”
Jack shot upright from where he had lain. He heaved harsh breaths, chest rising and falling as though he had just sprinted up the incline of a hill. I looked on with alarm, but didn’t think to disrupt the startled man. His eyes stared down at the dirt in front of him as he hung his hands between his legs.
“You okay?” I asked. He whipped to look at me like he had forgotten I was there. Slowly, he turned back to face the dirt. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” He took a curt sniff and ran his hands across his face as he took a deep sigh.
He was lying.
The restless sleep, the violent rise into consciousness, the obvious distress within those wild eyes—all signs of nightmares. It had been years now since I last worried about such things, but I knew all too well how difficult they were to deal with.
A thought, as intrusive as it was unwelcome, pushed its way through the crowded thoughts of my mind, forcing my heart to skip a beat. What would be enough to scare a predator—human—to scare a human within their dreams? Instantly, I shoved it back from wherever it had come. He needs you right now, just like how you needed her.
I gently crawled over to the distraught man and set a paw on an arm while he leaned forward. At my touch, he turned his head towards me, staring with those forward-facing eyes. “Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked.
A slight snarl of a smile crossed his face, but no answer came. Jack stood up and stretched his arms outward, leaning back and forth.
“C’mon, let's pack up and head out. S’always good to start out early.” He extended a hand down to me where I sat still. How could he just brush something so terrifying off so easily? My tail flicked absently I guess they always have been a rather resilient species. Why should they be any different mentally? I relented to his proposal, grabbing his hand and allowing him to pull me upright.
Breakfast—much like last night’s meal—consisted of dry pre-prepped rations. Without surrounding trees from which drywood could be scavenged, we were left fireless. The ‘breakfast bars’ as Jack called them were a sufficient substitute for warm food. Every meal with the human increased my interest in the cuisine of his species. I hadn’t imagined it would all be so wonderfully varied and delicious.
The bar itself was chewy, made of oats, filled with dried fruits and sweetened by sugar. Each bite gave a satisfying crunch as my taste buds reveled in the impeccably delightful taste.
After hydrating and filling ourselves with calories, we set off once more on the trail.
This time, I was actually able to walk properly, though less than an hour after we departed, I was left wishing that Jack could scare me sleepless again—that way I could guilt him into carrying me.
While we continued, I walked without thinking much about the placement of my paws. I worried for my human friend. His mind was clearly plagued by something terrible, but the answer of what continued to evade me. The only lead I had were my own experiences, and in chasing that lead, my mind wandered back to the past.
As I was dragged from our home without protest, Devra lambasted our parents. Velnik cowered to the side as he watched the ordeal, helpless with widened eyes. Dad practically had to peel my sister away from mom as I was shoved into our vehicle. The echo of her shouts faded away.
It was the first time my parents admitted me for predator disease screenings.
An iron grip held my hand and led me forward through the stark featureless halls of the facility. A glance over my shoulder revealed my parents walking along. They dared not to risk a look in my direction. Tears welled at the edge of my eyes as the echoes of distant screams shocked my ears and flooded my brain with fear-chemicals.
My tail wrapped around my body and my ears bent towards the ground. Why did they want to throw me in here with the monsters? All I did was explore.
The facility worker threw me in a chair within a purely white room other than the single large black wall. From the ceiling hung a projector that faced one of the three white surfaces. After the worker left, my eyes floated through the room, narrowing at a sight that practically screamed of its existence. Dark lines were scrawled into the furthest corner of the sterile chamber.
I didn’t have the time to think about its implications when the screen clicked on and the lights dimmed, enhancing the image before me.
The metal chair fell backward with me in it, creating a resounding clang that bounded back and forth across the walls.
My hands slipped and slid across the slick floor, carrying my body backwards. This scramble led the wall to smash against my back. Without a thought, my claws joined the countless other marks of those who had come before me.
A towering, onyx-shaded visage of the malevolent beast prowled beyond the edge of my vision, obscured by tears of terror that practically blinded me. The blood-orange eyes glowed greedily and its mouth was stuck in a perpetual snarl. Viscera of a horrifically familiar color dribbled down its chin from where the meat was in the Arxur’s razor-sharp teeth.
With a click, the sanguine show moved forward to yet another horrific display. Another click. Another. One more. Click. Click. Click. Silence.
My eyes were as raw as my bloodied paws. Their scraping and scrabbling joined me with the other souls who had faced this same experience. When the lights flicked on and the worker came back to collect me, I curled up trying and failing to back away. She stood me up, patting me down before pulling me from the room. Everything was a collective white blur, compressed into a single moment of unfocused voices until I heard the vehicle’s door slam.
The ride home was silent as I leaned my head against the padded surface of my seat. Shallow breaths rose and fell from my chest while Mom and Dad stared ahead. They hadn’t looked at me once since we left the facility—or even talked to me—since we left the facility.
Among the many questions I had, one clung to the surface of my mind before being swallowed by its sea of screams. Why?
When at last we arrived at home, I barely even noticed. Only when the door to the passenger cabin flung open did I somewhat rise from my stupor. A sudden surprise wrapped around me and pulled me from the car, dragging away from my supposed guardians.
In an instant, I was rushed to my room and placed upon the familiar comfort of my bed before being coated by two layers of warmth; one was the plush cloth of a blanket and the other the fluffy warmth of my sister’s fur. “It’s ok, Tev. You’re home. You’re safe.” My empty eyes had no tears left to give, so Devra lent me hers.
You’re home. You’re safe.
“Tev? Tevri?”
My repeated name yanked me from the memory. Ugh, I’ve got to stop wandering off like that.
“You in there sheep?”
With a grumble, I responded. “I told you to stop calling me that.”
Jack uttered a mischievous chuckle. “C’mon, let's get over this next hill then break for lunch. Sure seems you could use a rest.” Despite it going unnoticed moments prior, I now felt my heart pumping hard and each breath heaved just as harshly. A short break will probably do me some good.
Together, we crested the hilltop and sat down both our packs and ourselves. I greedily lapped up water from my bottle while the man beside me calmly took several swigs from his own canteen. The food he grabbed was a pair of packaged items that he called ‘pasta salad.’
The small noodles were coated in a layer of creamy sauce and mixed with a variety of colorful vegetables that I didn’t recognize, but just like everything else cooked up by these humans, it was delicious. The sweet, creamy sauce contrasted nicely with the savory taste of the noodles and the soft texture of the pasta paired with the lovely crunch of the vegetables made for a wonderful meal.
As I munched on my food, the wind lazily played with my tail. My heart drummed onward, steadying into an agreeable rhythm before finally, my breathing leveled out.
A field of purple flowers greeted us, climbing and falling with the rolling land. Down below us was the river we had loosely followed, bordered by nondescript bunches of shrubbery. Rapid white waters splashed up and against rocks, breaking the flow and sending up spray.
When together we finished our food, we sat there, enjoying the world around us. “So, Tevri,” as Jack spoke, I met his forward eyes, “we’ve been out here for two days now and I still know next to nothing about you. Why don’t you tell me a bit more ‘bout yourself.”
The sudden question caught me by surprise, but I tried my best to answer anyway. “There isn’t much to tell. I write stories and poetry about the nature of worlds I’ve visited.”
“Well, you must be one hell of a writer to throw around money like you do.”
At the compliment, I felt a rush of warmth to my face. “I—”
Jack’s calm demeanor became one of surprise in an instant. “Is your face ‘sposed to do that?” A pair of my paws clapped to my face, trying and failing to hide the spreading orange.
“Y-yes!” I squeaked. “It’s p-perfectly fine.”
“Huh, right.” He didn’t sound convinced in the slightest. “Well, uh, what about your family? You’ve met mine already, why don’t you tell me about yours?”
Just as the orange began to fade away, a shroud of mist met my eyes and my voice sunk with my ears. “I’d rather not.” The whiplash of jumping from a sense of contentment, to embarrassment, to sad longing was jarring to say the least.
“Ah.” He held his silence for a moment, allowing the blowing breeze and the distant rush of water to fill the space between.
“I’m sorry.”
“S-sorry? Sorry for what?”
Jack gave a huff. “You know it's funny really. You Venlil, us Humans. I never really saw it before, but even just a few days around you, it’s shown me just how similar our people really are.”
Again, wind and water.
“If it means anything, I’ve felt your loss.”
What?! How does he know? How could he possibly know?
He must have picked up my confusion before he responded. “After the battle of Earth I got used to hearing that answer of yours.”
Oh.
Jack rose, swinging his pack around his shoulders. “C’mon sheep, sun’s not getting any higher. Let's get going.”
“YOU—!” The dour mood was immediately washed away by my guide’s hearty laughter. Again with the emotional whiplash.
It was amazing how easily he managed to do that. Try as I might, I couldn’t stay mad at him. As I shook my head, I followed my guide’s motions and grabbed my bag to join him.
For a while we walked quietly, but once again, Jack tried to strike up a conversation. “So, you mentioned you’ve visited other worlds. What were they like?”
I gave the human equivalent of a shrug with my tail. “Some were better than others, but for the most part, they were quite beautiful.”
“You have any favorites?”
My ears perked up. “Oh yes! The sky cities of Nishtal were incredible. Dwelling among the clouds, it was a rather uplifting experience.” Jack groaned with a smile still on his face.
“That might be one of the worst puns I’ve ever heard.” In response, I simply chuckled.
“Nishtal, huh?” The smile on his face faded. “That’s the world of feathered sacks-of-shit, right?”
“What? The Krakotl? Don’t be dense now, they aren’t all that bad.”
Jack scoffed. “That’s easy for you to say. They didn’t try to wipe the Venlil from existence.”
“If they succeeded during the battle of earth, they very well could have. Not that it matters anymore. Nishtal’s skies are clouded by the ash of their once-lush swamps and their cities have been plucked from the skies. Their world died.”
Jack gave a gruff grunt. “What goes around comes around I guess.”
I was genuinely shocked at what I heard. The anger that began to bubble within me was not the same lighthearted stuff from earlier. “How can you say something like that?”
“They brought it upon themselves,” he barked.
“That bastard Kalsim was the one who brought destruction to his people and you know it. Billions of Krakotl were killed or captured by betterment. Can you honestly tell me, or even yourself, that any species deserves such a fate?”
Silence.
“No. No I guess I can’t” Mentally, I gave a sigh of relief.
With my tail, I gave him a gentle flick. “The Krakotl are functionally endangered now, you know? They may have killed a billion humans, but for each life taken, tens of their own were paid.”
My voice began to choke. “I had—have—friends among the Krakotl. If you think that the mourning you humans experienced was harsh, I just want you to think; how would you feel if less than a percent of your people survived death or capture”
These words of mine were followed by an air of silence. I wasn’t sure what it was exactly, but something I had said clearly struck a chord with the man. Unlike me, Jack seemed to ground himself in reality, but for the first time since I met him, his distant unfocused eyes made it clear enough that his mind was elsewhere.
The remainder of the day flew by beneath this same blanket of silence.
We passed from the wide grassy knolls into a sparse forest that was more brush than tree. The trail led beneath their branches and through the tall shrubbery, rarely veering one way or the other.
When we eventually stopped to make camp for the evening, the sun was still slightly above the horizon. The campsite was similar to the one we had stopped at on our first day. An old steel fire-pit was set in the middle and a steel food container lay to the side.
Even as we set up, the cold quiet remained.
Progress was slow. Jack usually did the majority of the work, but tonight, his movements were taken with less purpose than I was used to. More than once, his hands fumbled, dropping something only for him to robotically reach down and pick it up again.
Once he did finally unpack his belongings, he left to find wood for the fire. At least this time, I found myself less frightened than when he had last done so. The deafening silence of my thoughts was more disconcerting than the idea of any hunters prowling nearby.
Whatever I had said, it didn’t just strike a chord. No, this had shaken him. Not even those nightmares of his had affected him this deeply.
In much the same way that I hadn’t wanted to talk about my own family, it was clear that whatever this was, he had no desire to elaborate further. I did find it odd however that only after mentioning the near-annihilation of the Krakotl did he seem to change. Perhaps it had to do with whoever he had lost? If this was the case, then I couldn’t fully blame him for his hatred towards the Krakotl. Grief is a powerful accelerant for the fires of rage.
On the other paw, my poor heart broke for the poor avians. So many lost. So few left. When the news had arrived back on Venlil prime, I devoted every moment possible to comforting my grieving friends; to Dualo, Oqui, Icatl and Haiula.
For some though, the grief of their new reality was too strong. Several of my dear friends had been unable to overcome that grief. My ears fell and my head bowed. If nobody else would remember them, I would ensure I never forgot them. They deserved that much.
Despite the clouds looming over my mind, my ears perked up at the sound of footfalls and I turned to see a bundle beneath Jack’s arms. Minutes later, a brilliant blaze burned before us.
It felt good to have a fire again. The protective warmth felt like a familiar embrace. From my pack, I grabbed the same blanket my guide had lent me the day before and wrapped it across my body.
While I found myself shrouded in comfort, Jack prepared our food above the pit. It was yet another warm meal of packaged food. The smell of spice wafted up to the tips of my taste buds as he stirred it about with a metal ladle.
The clink of utensils against our metal bowls rose above the crackling flames. Their sun still peeked out from behind the trees, though soon enough, it fell and with it, came the night’s chill.
Countless stars that you simply didn’t get to see on Venlil Prime appeared in the night sky. A glance told me that I wasn’t the only one impressed by their appearance. My wide field of vision managed to capture nearly the entire sky. I wonder, which of those stars is home?
A gust of wind blew by sending shivers down my spine. The effect of the Wendigo’s story hadn’t been completely lost on me, but the terror it inspired had at least died down to a manageable amount. Staying near to Jack certainly helped.
Speaking of him, I’d had enough of this silence.
“Hey Jack, how would you like to hear a campfire story?” I asked, tossing aside the quiet that had covered.
“Hmph. A promise is a promise. Didn’t really have a fire last night to tell a story ‘round did we. Guess it’s only fair to give you a chance.”
My tail gave a flick of excitement at his agreeance. “I must warn you, this is a bit less of a story and more of a poem. It’s one of the last few that I wrote before my travels across the Federation ended. It isn’t quite as long of a tale as that Wendigo story you told me, but it means a lot to me.
Jack gave a thoughtful nod. “Very well, I call this poem ‘The Wandrer’s Curse.’”
“Across the stars we wandrers go, not caring much for threat or foes, The skies we see are not our own, But from them wonder’s always shown.
From Nishtal’s clear and crystal skies, To Fahl where golden deserts lie, And ‘cross the cradle’s fruitful lands, Our own horizons do expand.
It is amidst these very sights, That we the wandrers oft delight, For friends we seek and friends we find, Across the worlds of species kind.
Thru mountains, oceans and the woods, Where those long past once walked and stood, The wandrers seek to find the past; A simpler time, no clouds o’er cast.
Despite the friends which we have made, The clouds above us cast their shade, Upon the surface of our minds, And seek our hearts with chains to bind.
It is our lot to flee from pain, Brought on by smashing, lashing rains. Til weary broken and undone, We fall with legs which fail to run.
But such is life—that beautiful thing, That brings one joy and suff’ring. So with this final cloudless verse, Remember thee, the wandrer’s curse.”
At the end of my poem, the crackling fire picked up where my words left off. My eyes raised to the heavens once more and I realized just how wonderful this life was. There was something truly sublime about existing right here during this exact moment; under the stars, surrounded by trees the whistling, beside a warm fire that staved off the cold.
Sharing it with Jack made it that much better.
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https://pix4free.org/assets/library/2020-12-13/originals/alaska022.jpg (Cover Image)
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I am writing this in hopes for some help and to guide others to not have the same fate as me. I think I have made the biggest mistake of my life. It has been 5 months since it happened and I haven't been able to fix it. This phone is the only connection to the realm of my birth. My original world. I probably cannot undo my mistake but I can guide future players.
My phone it's Android. It has an IR blaster, the only reason I bought it, and for some reason, this phone can hold its network through dimensional change. As if it's a loophole, a glitch in the broken matrix that i was facing. Not that i could actually make any use of it because I am still here.
The people here look like us. They all do. They are very sapient. They look just like us. But my bones know that they don't have the same origin as I do. They are good though. Have the same societal issues, the same intolerable governing body, protestors, and unrealistic agendas, the left wing and right wing at each other's throats. People who should touch some grass have podcasts. People who should have podcasts enjoy their lives. They are humans, just like us, but they are not us.
The rules stated by the urban legend still strike the same to this day if time and space follow the same routine, follow the floor number pattern, pay no heed to the lady that enters the elevator on the 5th floor, leave the building immediately if you return to floor 1, etc. I followed them all correctly, but the rules are no guarantee as to whether you will be safe or alive after your elevator journey is done, the rules only make sure the procedure is correct.
Hey you know what I will write down the rules in short, for your reference to my guidelines but the rules should always be memorized to your bones and spine, this is your SOS and your key. You will find the set of rules on any website. I suggest visiting multiple of them before you start your endeavor. Because each of them gives you different kinds of warnings, something the successful players learned from their own experience. And take this advice of reading through all of those points from this unsuccessful player.
One thing the rules on blog sites don't mention is the choice of which world you want to enter. Because most players enter an identical world with no electronics and no living thing around them. Only a red crossed window that's far stretched away from where ever you look and keeps on moving further away from you. My case was vaguely different.

1. So firstly all you do is enter a building with more than 10 stories.
   
2. Enter the lift via the first floor and only by pressing the "up" button
   
3. Follow a pattern of floors, press 4 then 2 then 6 then 10 then 5.
   
4. On 5 a lady shall or shall not enter your floor. Then press 1
   
5. When you press 1, you will either reach 1. or you will reach 10.
   
6. If you reach 1, get the f out of the building and don't come near it, not in 6-7 months i suggest.
   
7. If you do reach 10 congratulations. your first part of the journey is a success
   

now Something, about the lady. Do not interact with her at any cost because of course she is not a lady, no matter how pretty she looks, oh you looked at her? alas, that's also a grave mistake. don't look at her, don't talk to her. Just ignore her total existence. If you know of the elevator game you are already aware of how you should not interact with the lady and all. But one thing is often left blurry is that what you should do if she does not enter. This was my case.
So my advice here: If the lady on the 5th floor does not enter. Then just hope that you do return to the 1st floor after you press it. if you do no then, and start ascending. continuously press any and every floor button for it to stop, or maybe the emergency or call button so that the staff can stop the elevator. Because if you end up reaching the 10th floor, good chances are you get to meet me and we make a cute therapy consult group for people who can't return back. :)
I remember everything from that night so vividly. I did your usual pattern follow. I entered the lift when no one was using it. I entered 4. went up there, meh nothing happened. Then again I pressed 2. I felt a vague chill around me. As if the mechanism of the ritual was understanding my intention. I pressed 6, then after it reached 6, I pressed 2, then 10 then 5. Oh, 5. The elevator door opened. And there she was, standing with all her glory. I did not look at her. but of course, i could see her from waist to bottom. She was dressed in Russian traditional clothing. not something i was expecting from an urban legend that became popular in Korea and japan. I think her wardrobe is a good collection from all cultures. or maybe there's more like her? Who knows?
I could feel it in my spine she was looking at me. She stopped the elevator with her foot so that the doors don't close and asked, "Baby which floor are you going?"
I followed the rules, did not look at her, did not reply to her, and completely ignored her.
She said, "Not much of a speaker eh? no worries have your ride. I hope you have a better life."
I have no idea why she said that. Looking back I think she knew what was going to happen to me. She knew that I was not going to end up in the world most player venture into. "Better life," she said.
She did not enter the lift and I pressed 1. The ritual, now tainted because she did not enter, worked. I reached the 10th floor. And when the doors opened, it was like nothing changed. The building I entered was a hotel. The housekeeping staff was running around. I heard children crying. Some Karen was screaming at a worker because her coffee, which she made from their amenities tasted bland. It was very confusing for me. I think I assumed the ritual did not work. And the lady was just another lady who could have been high. I walked out of the elevator and I felt great.
"those silly online urban legends, such lies" I probably had muttered to myself.
I took the lift again, reached the ground floor, and walked out of the building. Everything was going well until my head started hurting and spinning. and i was slowly passing out. and that's the exact moment i remembered from one of the posts of an earlier player "Do not at any chance lose your consciousness. and if you do, no matter where you wake up, return to the building, re-follow the exit ritual pattern and return to your own world."
My head felt dizzy as I woke up. In my very room. I thought to myself, was it all a dream? Did I search so much about some damn urban legend that I had such a deeply engraving dream? For heaven's sake. I jerked myself up and got down from my bed. Even my clothing is same as the last evening. I didn't know what was more weird, that i was wearing the clothes from my dream or that i remember the dream so vividly that i can even recall the outfit i was wearing. Also my phone was in my pocket. This is something i just never do. No matter how sleepy i am. i keep my phone on the other end of my table, in case it might just blast if the lithium goes through a thermal runaway.
AND! That is when i noticed. My table. It was completely on the opposite side. No no, it is right beside my bed, just like every day but the bed, and the entire room, its opposite. As if it were mirroring the room i know. Also, It wasn't just a complete mirror. my room was smaller, just a bit in breadth. One wouldn't notice it even if they visit my room on a weekly basis. But it's my damn room of course i would know even if a fly moved differently. Lo and behold, that extra loss on my room, was added to my washroom. Again, one wouldn't just notice it right away.
In a nightmare-like urgency, I rushed down the stairs to call complain my mother, and that is when the realization hit me that I did, in fact, play the elevator game. My dad was there. In the kitchen. Alive and happily married. Figuratively much different from how I remember him. I stood there in shock with my mouth wide open. How could this be? I remember my father. The last time I lived with him was until I was 9. When my parents parted ways. The last time I saw him was when I was 11, when he died. Not that I cried, he was far from what a father is supposed to be. I am 25 now.
"Good morning Sweetie!" His voice sounded oddly different. I was utterly petrified by this moment. There was a quirky yet calming nature to his sound which creeped me out even more. I dashed out of the house while grabbing my backpack from the sofa. I could hear him call out my name in my concern. This is it. This is definitely it. I crossed the borders of the unknown realm. But why are people here? Isn't it supposed to be dark with no one in it? No electricity and all ? But there is everything. This is a whole other world, what went wrong?
I had to return to my world. I ran through the roads and traffic to the hotel. Hotel Sunset. As I crossed the roads I could see it all. Cars stopping at the orange light. People walking in blue. I mean they are still following basic physics by using orange, longer wavelength for stopping cars. but does Red not exist in this world? not it does, OH MY GOD, the road lines are red.
I hurried through the crowd to reach the hotel. I pulled out my phone, which was surprisingly working perfectly. Internet, gps everything. It said i reached my location. "Hotel sunset"
I looked up, it said "Hotel Moon shine". I am surprised it wasn't named "moon rise", it'd would have been the cherry on top then.
I walked in, the Interior looked the same. I waited and waited and waited for the evening to hit and the horde to lessen. I stood up and walked to the lift. I repeated the entire process.
The lift stopped at 5. Instead of the lady, someone else entered. I of course didn't look up, but they entered hurriedly, screaming my name and i had to look up, i was already freaked out at this point. It was me. I was looking at me. she, well me, or wait she? she held the lift by her foot. What's up with women in the elevator game to hold the elevator by the foot?
"what did you do!? " I - I mean she said, one that looked like me.
"what did i do?" i replied back. . Whoever this doppelganger was. sure i was petrified. but here i was.
"DID THE LADY ENTER YOUR LIFT ?" she screamed at me.
"wha?" i was trembling at her screeching was. the white portion of her eyes started to redden.
"OH MY GOD DID SHE OR NOT ENTER WHEN YOU DID THE RITUAL?" she again proclaimed.
"she didn't." i replied and slowly lost my leg strength and somewhat collapsed while sitting down.
"why? why did you complete the ritual then? did you not read before you did? you are supposed to be me, you are supposed to be smart. heck, aren't you supposed to be smarter? oh my god. is that my backpack or yours?"
I just shook my head and handed her the backpack, it was hers definitely. I never put on any anime pins on mine. Speaking of anime pins, naruto here has pink hair. Isn't that cool?
she took out her phone and said "If you want to go back home go to this tumblr account and download the app. The account is called buihotline.tumblr.com "
And she left.
Was that the me of this universe? do we have counterparts in every universe? How many universes are there? are these even universes the way our science teaches us universes?
The lift started to quake. the light started flickering and I could hear some noise. soft noises that slowly grew louder and louder until they became uncontrollable screams. my ear drums were hurting beyond control. until it all stopped and the lift door opened. I stepped outside. Yet I was still there at "Moon shine hotel".
I tried the ritual again. I ended up back here. To floor 1 and I went back "home" to my "dad" and "mom". For the next 7 days, I kept on going back to the elevator, trying the ritual continuously and failing. On my way, I noticed new and new things about their world. These people like to greet each other in a very weird way. They grab each other's throats and smile. Almost sadistic. Language is very similar, but there are a few words and phrases here and there that have changed with customs and traditions. Honey here tastes like metal. Cows don't Moo, and birds chirp, but the sounds are unfamiliar, dogs don't exist. cats are the only domestic animals here. I read similar things in some blogs, but never did I think I would get to experience them for real.
Either way. On every failed ritual, I reached floor 1 and went back home. and repeated the cycle Until the 7th day, I got so fed up, that I kept on trying multiple times. but all I did was end up on floor 1. But I saw the weirdest thing.
Well, I can fill in on what happens if you immediately don't leave the building after playing the elevator game and ending up on floor 1. You see, well better than seeing failing grades or not being able to return to your own world, ghosts. Yep pretty much. Deranged souls that roam around the building. That is exactly what you see. And once they notice your existence, god save you. If there is any.
Mine was rather sarcastic. They did infact noticed me. They all came running towards me, looked right at me, smelled me and then slowly moved away and kept on about roaming. My heart intensified so much, it felt like I just lost a marathon I almost won.
I saw a man, maybe a bit older than me, in his 20s, walk down the entrance come and sit beside me. "They won't attack someone who's like them. You are of no use to them. They used to belong here, but don't anymore. and you never did."
I looked at him with a frightening shock. I took my bag and ran back home. Only when i came back home i realized he could have had answers. But i was so terrified at the moment, the only thing I could think of was getting away from him. I needed answers. I need to enter the website the other me mentioned. I got a new phone from this world. they didn't have Google, but I tell you their search engine is much better, it has AI integrated within. The account never opened from the new phone. Tumblr did. but that account never did. Then I tried my own phone and voila! The page had nothing. A heading, a two-liner bio, and a link. Link to download the app. Tumblr happens to be one of the only few apps that do work in other dimensions. Apparently, it has something to do with the first person who jumped dimensions, not only did they jump, but they also jumped through time and made sure every world had Tumblr. It's kinda funny they could have chosen Reddit, it's much more effective.
I loaded the app. Its a 2010's forum-based app. There are discussion topics under which you make threads. You got a chat box to interact with other users. the main discussion had a guide. I searched through it and finally came to the part "how to enter and leave a mirror world" aaand its blank. well not totally. A couple of reasons saying why you should not enter it. A bullet point that said download this pdf to know how to return back to your own world. I hurriedly clicked on it and boom the file did not open. I have never been so disappointed in my life.
There are so many dimensions else than the one with red cross and mirror dimensions. it is almost like aliens exist because some "humans" look so different. some people probably might even have ended up on my world as well. I wonder how they are taking it.
Apparently, only devices of one world present in another world, or at least have been in a few can open the website and run the apk file. Only androids work across dimensions. There's a conspiracy theory that the creators of android have got something to do with the entire interdimensional rituals and breaking the laws of space and time.
Either way, hoping to get some results I posted on the site wishing for some advice on opening the file or someone just copy-pasting the rules I guess.
I received a DM saying, "Since you have successfully crossed a mirror dimension You are capable of much more than you can imagine. But you should know how to use them, you have to be responsible for every move you make"
Good lord, I am not Spider-Man. The user further said, " I do not know where you are from, but I am from dimension 17391, go to the universal map translator and put the location, "Kairo office main building, st. red 22209". It will automatically give you a few building locations of your world." But the interface is very slow. Because it's not a singular place that has a counterpart in every dimension, there is one in every 4 hours of journey. It's an arbitrary location. It will take some time. maybe days. But you will reach."
I asked the user a dozen questions, how do I find the translator map, how many universes are there, and what do I do when I reach there? Why does everyone speak English? But they never replied. But now I have something, hope. A twinge of hope.
I searched around the app and found the map feature, build within the forum. It was on the top layer, but a confused me couldn't find it right away.
Ever since I found the map It has been nothing but a dilemma. 5 months. 5 months of intense searching and nothing. The first time I entered the location and searched, it landed me at the coordinates of a graveyard. The Irony. The second time, a fish market, the third, 3-storey guest house with the most normal Karen.
I can't even venture out every day. I have a "life" here that I have to maintain. This me had a similar job. Marketing manager at a pretty good company. The pay is almost the same. A bit lower here, but hey cost of living is also lower here. Putting those two together I probably have the exact same pay. But they have more facilities. Better vacation leaves. That is exactly what i took right after i downloaded the app, to understand the world better, and the changes here and there.
Morning, I go to work. where I sort out the place I will visit. and after work, i leave. Some places were nearby, some were far. One was in the neighboring country, luckily, the passport here is strong. But none of them work. I think I have broken the "not your universe? not the place? click again" button. Sundays and Saturdays are for long-distance locations. Also every day i cannot afford to go, even though the pay is good. In my world I used to live alone with Mum visiting me now and then. She and I had a family business along with my job, so all was good. Here I don't have a place of my own. And I gotta pay the bills around the house and sometimes take care of the business as well. Things are so similar yet different. I feel likeIi live in a deja vu.
By now i have crossed out almost 75 locations within 5 months, all of them being complete failures. I have crossed out 60 universes that aren't this one. I have made multiple posts on that app, describing my condition, where i am, and which universe it might be. If i even know this universe number and input it, the map translator will work much much better. I describe my original universe in the posts expecting someone to understand me and maybe send me a picture of my mother and friends, but all i have received are words of sympathy and hopefulness.
A few more people have send me their "kairo" addresses but they all can send only one to two messages before the chatbox stops. One of them managed to message me that i have to enter my universe number in the settings for the interface to work better. I also haven't been able to find the man from the hotel on the app or at the hotel either.
what do I do? Any piece of advice?

I started a new job, so I will have gone about a month without pay before I get my first paycheck. Two of my children had birthdays, two proms, and a high school graduation, so I spent a lot of money on that and made sure I paid my bills. My sister’s fiancé had a birthday, and I am down to my last $40. I didn’t even remember it was his birthday with how busy I have been with birthdays, proms, and graduations, until my mother sent two texts last week telling us it was his birthday. I planned on getting a gift on Thursday, but my former employer did not pay me my bonus I was due to receive before I left employment. Yesterday, I told the fiancé and my dad I would bring him a birthday gift next week when I got paid from my new job due to my low funds. They were okay with this and understanding of my situation.
Well, today, my mother called me and said everyone needed a gift and she called everyone and told them they needed to give him a gift. I told her I had already talked to him and that I did not have the money for gifts until next week. She then commented on the packages I received, implying I had money for that but not a gift. I told her those were for my children’s birthdays and graduation, feeling like I had to justify what I did for my children. To try to avoid more drama from her, I took $25 of my last $40 and bought a gift card. I took it to her house, said hello and bye and left.
Later I got a text about how I’m being dry and my personal problems with my husband have nothing to do with the family and I’m disrespecting her. I was floored, so I called her. I told her my husband had nothing to do with this, and that she shouldn’t have called me lecturing me about a gift when I spoke to my sister’s fiancé and let him know he would receive a gift from me next week. She said she had no clue I talked to him and nobody told her. I told her that I didn’t know I had to go thorough her to let her know about the gift. I told her the reason I’m mad is because she implied I had money for my own purchases but not for him. I then told her my sister’s fiancé is not my child, and my children and bills come first. I said gifts for siblings’ partners are not a necessity when I’m low on money and have bills and children. She told me his gift was a necessity, and accused me of disrespecting her and told me if I didn’t want a relationship with her that was fine.
I was shocked. I never said anything about not having a relationship with her. I told her she was disrespectful to me for all of this. Then she said I didn’t have to speak to her ever again. I then told her she was turning into my grandmother and she hung up on me.
AITA?

Some context, I am one of 8. My (25F) oldest sister (41F) has been an addict for a while. Probably 10+ years on heroin and meth. She also has a now 18 year old son who my siblings and I have basically taken care of his whole life. My mom got full custody of him about 7 years ago because my sister brought him to a known crack house which ended up getting busted by the feds while they were there. My sister has been on and off the streets for a while now. She tried rehab once and it didn’t workout. My mom is a huge enabler and because of that my sister knows she can come and go to my moms house whenever she wants.
It’s pretty exhausting because my sister will get sober and we will start getting close with her again, then she leaves, relapses, and comes back which means we have to start from square one. When she comes back she’s totally out of it and really mean. She makes everyone feel uncomfortable with her actions and words. She is very territorial over my nephew (her son) even though she has been in and out of his life since he started existing. She constantly is in his space and in his ear. If she asks him to hangout and he says “no mom I can’t I have plans” she will get all weird and say stuff like “I am your mother and I deserve time with you” in a super serious tone when in reality it’s just not that deep. I’m so sick of her coming in and out of our lives especially because when she comes back she is a psycho jerk. My parents have never really been involved so her situation has always fallen on my siblings and I. My dads birthday party is next weekend and she’s invited which is so annoying. I don’t want to exclude her because I know that’ll make her feel shitty but it’s just really ridiculous that we are just supposed to welcome her with open arms when she treats us like shit and makes us all uncomfortable. I don’t know what to do. Im just exhausted. I can’t help her and I don’t know who can.

Broke everything down into several sections. It's a bummer I couldn't watch/discuss while it was airing, so I'd love to hear people's thoughts!
Overall Thoughts/S1 Ending
I thought this show was a great ride. It wasn't perfect and of course was a bit unrealistic, but I found it was less soapy and sensationalist than many shows in the genre. For me, Kate was the star. I felt like they did a good job of explaining why she took the actions she took without villifying her or making her less of a victim. I could see why she lied in many cases, and how it was a larger part of her struggle to reconcile for herself why things happened.
I really liked Jeannette from the start and didn't read into the creepiness as quickly as everyone else did, I was rooting for her the whole time (although I was also rooting for Kate). However, at the end, HOLY **** that last scene messed me up, and in a good way. It definitely changed my retrospective view of things. I also want to add that I don't think it took away from the idea that Martin was the main villain. I thought it was a good and deliberate choice to focus on Kate and Martin's episode in E9 and not show too much of Jeannette, because it allowed us to really see the shitty things Martin was doing in their own light. And his final scene with the gun, I definitely saw as more manipulative than anything. I look forward to a rewatch down the road where I focus more on Jeannette's shitty ways.
In, the finale Jeannette accused Kate of never wanting her life anyway. It sort of got me thinking about how in the end, Kate sort of ended up with parts of Jeannette's life and seemed happier for it. She was bffs with Mallory, and didn't have as wide a network or was as popular, but was fine just smoking pot with her bestie. Jeannette's and Kate's journeys were an interesting trope on "finding oneself" (I put this in quotes bc obviously it was not a good thing that any of this ever happened to Kate). Also the ways in which this happened are super juxtaposed.
A few nitpicks
I was disappointed that the show often flirted with the theme of how women are believed/portrayed in media/are in their dynamics with men, but then it just petered out. It was kind of a backslide to have Jeannette and Jamie be endgame imo, not just because their emotional connection was not at all developed, but also because it was nice to see Jamie realize what an awful person he'd been, and see him own up to it without any hope of redemption. Jeannette is a pyscho imo, but I still felt like it undid some of that to see him get the girl, especially because I thought the earlier plot point of Jamie being awful to both of them and both of them seeing that was quite powerful. There were also signs of this in other dynamics as well (Cindy, for example). It disappointed me that the show introduced it but never fully capitalized on it outside of Kate's (very valid) fears of how her actions would be viewed.
While I loved the final episode, I also wished we'd seen a little bit more of the other characters, maybe a 2 hour episode would be nice. It felt like the dynamics that had happened got thrown out a bit, which was a bummer. I wanted to see a Derek/Ashley fight, maybe see Kate confront Ashley. I wanted to see how Cindy reacted to things with the trial (before the final Jeanette reveal, ofc). I also felt like the Vince/Ben thing, while cute, was super underdeveloped and either should have been given more time or cut. I make these criticisms mostly because they populated the world really well and had a lot of nice, fleshed-out dynamics. I thought it was a bummer they abandoned most of them at the end.
Hot Takes
Maybe public opinion has changed since the initial airing of S1, but I have to say I was kind of shocked at the Mallory (and Cindy) vitriol, and kind of shocked not to see more vitriol for Greg, who, imo, was an awful parent.
Mallory was an annoying, immature teenager, but I fail to see anything truly awful that she did to Jeanette. She was bossy and pushy, but was hardly a criminal - Vince didn't seem to have a problem with her. Jeannette wanted to transcend her dorkiness and be cooler, and she felt like Mallory was dragging her down. Jeannette's constant harping on Mallory for doing things that could get them into trouble while always breaking into the house was super gaslight-y imo and just as pushy as Mallory. I felt like Jeannette's aversions to Mallory's mischief was partly because she didn't want to be associated with what she saw as Mallory's cringe. Not to say Mallory wasn't pushy or ignoring Jeannette's feelings, she was, but I think she was also picking up on Jeannette pulling away, and doubling down out of insecurity. It felt like a super normal teenage rift to me and I think they were both being kinda shitty and shallow, but ultimately not in a super evil way.
I also don't think Mallory not telling Kate about seeing her was that wrong. Imo, Mallory's friendship with Kate did not seem to start out of guilt, in fact, I don't think Mallory intended it to happen (Kate was the one who invited Mal over for her birthday in '94). It was a sharp contrast to Ashely, who eventually genuinely cared about Kate, but also clearly felt guilty for pushing her away and adding to Kate's sense of isolation. Mallory not telling Kate about seeing her seemed in part due to her not wanting to drag up Kate's story inconsistencies, out of a place of protectiveness. As a teenager, I don't know that I would have known how to tell Kate that, either. Even Jeannette pointed out that Mallory hung on to the snowglobe to protect Kate. And Mallory didn't know that this situation was the one Kate was pinning on Jeannette, so I also don't think she was super responsible for that, either. Mallory was the only teen who seemed to want to be supporting Kate because she liked Kate and didn't want anything from her besides friendship. Did I like Mallory that much? No, not for a long time. But she grew on me, I really do not get the outcry, other than I guess people are thinking she's annoying.
My final hot take is that Cindy >> Greg. Was she perfect? No. But Greg was an awful, enabling parent. He let Jeannette get away with everything, and wouldn't listen to his own wife on how she wanted to parent, always insisting Cindy was wrong. When he finally realized Jeannette broke into the house, he dealt with it reasonably well, but failed to learn from the incident that his precious little girl was capable of keeping things for him. The way he (and everyone) treated Cindy was awful, too. I'll admit, I have a soft spot for the actress from Grey's Anatomy, but it was *really* hard to watch everyone in the family hang her out to dry. Jeannette gaslit her mom just bc Cindy was onto her, then continued to pound Cindy for "leaving me" even while we know that Cindy was still trying to be in contact with Jeannette. Greg refuses to listen to her and continually dismisses her basically until Cindy puts her foot down. On their anniversary, Greg gets flowers from a cute girl and is all dopey. Then, when Cindy leaves later that night, Greg goes, "On our anniversary?" as if he actually cared. As soon as he admits Cindy was right about Jeannette (over one thing), he expects Cindy to come back, without taking any responsibility for the deeper issues she'd communicated to him. Meanwhile, he just continues to enable Jeannette then get wasted and complain about how his life sucks for sticking by her, without even trying to actually question her or hold her accountable. He has a right to be upset, but he really seems to just like to blame all the women in his life for his problems then mope around and sleep with someone who gives him free alcohol. I also really don't think Cindy "abandoned" Jeanette, she left for valid reasons and tried to find ways to still be there for her daughter. I know it was the 90's, but people split, and it's not like Jeannette wasn't lying to her continuously. I honestly just felt so bad for Cindy, and again, it was a case of just, "Why do people dislike this character for the crime of being annoying?".
Anyways, thanks for reading!

My sister (F18) is honestly a piece of shit. I(F21) do not interact with her unless I’m at home b/c college and I’m tired of parenting her. We never had a good relationship- she steals my things and manipulated my parents so they don’t get mad at her. She would insult me and make fun of me to her friends and our cousins over my weight. She is a shitty narcissist and even her previous friends have called her high maintenance bitch. I am the better student and have a better relationship with my parents because I actually help them and give them gifts for birthdays/holidays, which she was always too lazy or broke to do so. I honestly think she is extremely insecure about this, which is why she targets my appearance and calls me fat or ugly, which hurt my self esteem growing up. I’m not that big, but I was a little chubby growing up because of a thyroid disorder. Today, I had to use the car to go drive and give a family friend of ours a gift for a large sum of money that she gave to both my sister and I for college. I asked my sister to come with me and sign the card but she said no b/c she had to get ready for a party. The car had no gas so she asked me for money to pay for gas to go to the party and I said no. She then whines and complains and I tell her if she doesn’t come with me then I’m not giving her the car or gas money. She calls me a bitch and other insults and locks herself in her room. She then texts me demanding that I come home and give her the car. I tell her no because I paid for the gas and she insulted me without apologizing. It’s not my car, but because of her nasty behavior towards me (which has been normalized over years) she would have to figure out some sort of carpool situation, which is something she usually does. I refuse to give the keys until my dad gets super upset and tells me to give him them (it’s his car), which I do. He gives them to her after she threw a big tantrum and she laughs in my face. He doesn’t really parent her as much as he parented me because my mom protects her and lets her do as she pleases. I call my mom and she calls me an AH for not giving her the keys, and blames her behavior on my father. My family has been quite rocky ever since I left for college, and my parents often fight over my sister’s behavior, or try to involve me in her issues. She drinks, wears barely any clothing, and brings random guys into the house when my parents are working. I try to talk to my parents and convince them to say no to her, or give her some sort of punishment like collecting leaves or cleaning the basement (like they did to me), but they’re tired of her. Every time I try to get them to realize that she’s at fault for whatever issues arise, they blame each other or call me an AH. Reddit, am I really an AH for trying to get my sister to realize her actions have consequences? I don’t know what to do and I really don’t want my parents to have to parent her until they retire. They’re tired of her and think college will fix her, but I really doubt it.

A few years ago my mother had a huge blow out fight with me, and most of her own family.
When I tried to talk and reason with her, it only seemed to escalate, and it actually got to a point where I could no longer tolerate her contacting me. She was literally sending me 5 apps an hour and each were several paragraphs of all the things I had done to wrong her, so many things from the past were brought up, by her.
Most of them so insane and unfair I found it hard to believe she had any other intention than to make my blood boil.
Some absolute psychotic stuff about my grandparents too, so bad they all cut contact with her because she was stalking them with it.
Now I have actually suffered through a lot when I was younger with my parents. They were extremely overbearing and I was always seen as a slut for wanting to spend four hours on a Friday night with female friends. Every boyfriend I had was a drugdealer or a no life in their eyes, no matter the truth. Every bad grade was due to me not trying my best, I was lazy, never mind my hair falling out due stress. Every disruption from school was a sign of me being devious, a disappointment. I finished high school and my first year of uni with good to excellent grades and never got any real credit for it in retrospect, I was always so stressed out about report cards, and remember wanting to jump in a river in case my results were bad when I was 13.
Social interactions were frowned upon, other people were inferior.
In my second year at uni a few horrible things happened to me, and the fact that I couldn’t turn to my parents, in fact they had actually made it so much harder for me, was sort of soul breaking at that age. I continued my education against my wishes. I didn’t realize at the time, but during my first internship I stopped eating gradually, due to the pressure. I lost 15 kgs in a under two months. I was very underweight at that point.
After that I got into a serious though kind of bad at times relationship, that I am still in today.
So back to the fight a few years ago. We had sort of patched up at that point. I graduated some years prior, they approved of the serious relationship, as he was wealthy. I worked and took good care of my children. They were wrong about me.
I had let a whole lot slide. So when she started bringing up the past again in those apps, as if I was to blame back then, was hurtful. Being a parent myself now I would never abandon my child the way she did.
Anyway I said a few things. She said a whole lot back. I was no longer her child. My dad was no longer my dad. We were all wrong and she was right. I blocked her at that point. It was unlivable and traumatizing. My dad picked her side 100%. My sibling never replied to my messages again.
Now I went through a whole process, of anger, disbelief, shock, sadness and immense grief. I do miss my dad so much. I worry he is getting older and I might lose him someday with us not speaking. When it happened I instantly knew I couldn’t live without them, but they have truly never been there for me, calling me fat and lazy my whole life, even though I never was. I still miss my mom, I wish she wasn’t hurt because of me. I miss my sibling. I wish they had not said what they said, or did what they did. I wish I could say happy birthday or happy father’s day. It just sucks.

I 14F was texting my dad 38M last week and recently because I was angry at my mom and I was calling her a weirdo and saying that I was tired of her existence also I got $50 from my dads friend for graduating 8th grade I spent some and had 27 left my my asked me for favors and said she’d pay me so I gave her my $27 to add with what she owed me and send it to me but I had asked her day after day she kept making jokes but I was actually angry so 2 days ago I wanted to go to this pop up SHEIN event but my mom wouldn’t give me my money she told me to ask my dad and when texting him I said that my mom was a weirdo for not sending my money then we got to talking about how I haven’t had fun on my birthday since my 10th birthday party because every part after wasn’t planned by me or something that I wanted so I was watching TikTok and fell asleep facing away from my mom on the couch when I woke up I seen my phone behind me and in me and my dads messages I initially thought that she went threw my messages but she’s never done it before so I pretended to still be asleep I heard her saying that she was “trying to send my dad a messages” saying that he didn’t have to give me the money anymore which is a lie because I sent my dad two messages he read but didn’t text back so she grabbed my phone and read me and my dads messages then she told my sister to inform me that she wasn’t speaking to me or my father and that we were both blocked then yesterday she says for her birthday (which is the same month as mine) that she wanted a $600 suitcase from the tote bag and my sister was calculating how much we would each have to put in and my mom says not to add me because she and I quote “is not doing shit for her or her birthday because I’m a weirdo” but then says she’s not mad at me but mad at my father because he didn’t stop me from referring to her as a weirdo and talking about her the way I did with us weird to me because I felt a since of security talking to my father and if I was talking to a therapist I none of it would be disclosed to her but also a little more to add is that I also said that even tho she spent thousands on my golden birthday that I didn’t have fun because I didn’t she rented a bunch of bouncy houses and closed down the block for my party but a situation happens where the ride that was for older kids ended up not getting set up so it was kiddie stuff and water rides I ended up not doing anything but walking around and eating slushees and hotdogs so I had no fun and got no birthday presents barely also I was really taken aback because I said a couple of things in private while i was angry but when she’s angry she tells me and my siblings that she hates us and called me and my brother fat so yeah after reading all of this AITA for talking about my mom while I was angry at her

I'll try to explain my best since I'm not a native English speaker.
Today is my birthday and I will reach 5 years of NC with my n-father in Christmas, and I dedicated a moment to figure what he would be thinking today.
Our birthdays are a week apart (mine is June 10th and his is June 18th), but he always made MY birthday about HIM. And he loved to give me good presents so he would be seen as a cool dad (he even botched my maternal family's present one time by gifting it to me before them and believe me, my mom got REALLY pissed because all the family was collecting money to gift me a camera).
I had to visit him and his wife every two weekends so we made joint birthday lunches. But he had to be the star, think of that Family Guy meme of Steve and Peter with the cakes.
So... what do you think they have in mind when you are NC with them in your birthday? I'm reading you.

Hey everyone! Wasn’t sure exactly how to word the title, but it’s true. On my wife’s 25th birthday, my mother in law called to tell us that her “dad” may not be her biological dad. 😩 Since then, she’s understandably been going through an “identity crisis” for lack of better words. It makes it even worse that due to her dad’s alcoholism, they’ve been estranged for about 7 years (also her parents divorced when she was a child and do not get along at all). She was always treated differently growing up because she has extremely fair skin and bright blue eyes, and everyone on her dad’s side including her only sibling has strong Lumbee Indian physical characteristics. The brown skin, long dark brown/black hair, dark brown eyes, high cheek bones, etc. Everyone called her the “milk man’s daughter” growing up because she doesn’t look like anyone on her mom or dad’s side either one. 🤦🏻‍♀️
Anyway, her mom has said that the only other person it could be was her “first love” that she was dating right before she got together with her presumed dad. She was 17 and still in high school and my wife doesn’t hold it against her. The man does have a wife and daughter, which would obviously make it a tricky situation to navigate if the results aren’t what we expect. Not to draw conclusions, just merely making observations, my wife admits to sharing many of the same physical characteristics as the other man, and I have to agree. 😬 Her dad doesn’t know any of this, he’s a severe alcoholic and has extreme anger issues and wouldn’t tolerate it well at all, so it’s best he doesn’t know unless results say he isn’t, then she’d tell him.
She’s turning 29 in July. It took her up until recently when we started family planning to work up the courage to want to test. We’re a lesbian couple planning on growing a family and looking into reciprocal IVF, and now obviously it’s even more important for her to know family history as far as health goes.
All that to say, I ordered her a kit today. She doesn’t know yet. We’re relatively new to this, so I’m wondering how much it’ll show as far as her biological dad’s characteristics? Her dad and the other man have very stark differences. Will it help that we know 100% that her “dad” has very strong Native American genes? I’m not sure what all the results show, so any information that we can expect or even just someone she can relate to with a similar experience is appreciated. ❤️ Good luck to everyone else searching, too!

Throwaway account long time lurker first time poster!
So I (20f) am turning 21 at the end of the month (June). I didn’t decide what I wanted to do for my birthday because I knew the following situation would happen, so I told my mum that I would tell her once I decided and to not sort anything.
Today, my mum texted me saying she’s organised the party for me and she started inviting a bunch of people - without asking me who I wanted to come. These people include my step-dad’s family and his friends, who I am not close to at all. Haven’t actually seen some of them since my mum and step-dads wedding 4 years ago. They aren’t my friends or family, they are his. Only invited because of him.
Pretty much, my step-dad is always picky about parties at our house and how many people come to our house, even though my mum and him split the costs of everything 50/50. He somehow feels like he owns more of it than her and can dictate what goes. Idk he’s get misogynistic and hasn’t cooked a day in his life. But I digress! Basically he feels that he should dictate who comes and goes and how many can come and if people he likes aren’t there then the party won’t happen. I haven’t had a birthday party since I was 18 because of this. But I’m 21 so it’s a “big one”.
I told my mum “I don’t want xyz” there and listed a few people off the list of step-dad’s family and friends (some of them I do like). She asked me “why,” I said “because if there is a limit, I’d rather have my friends there than distant family members and people who aren’t my friends.”
She told me that I could just do something with my friends another day and to invite them to “keep everyone happy” but I told her my friends are busy and have kept my birthday weekend open specifically in case I did do something. We all have jobs/uni/etc. and haven’t met up since new years as a group so my birthday is a way for us to meet (first birthday of the year for us). she said i can’t invite them because of how many she has already invited.
I said I’d rather cancel the party she organised and just go out with my friends than have one at home filled with randoms just to make my stepdad happy. She called me selfish because i didn’t want to celebrate with family and told me to grow up. My step-dad overheard and said “it’s not your house so you don’t get a say in it” and i just said “i’m sorry” and walked off to my room to avoid another argument with him.
I may be TA for not sucking it up and trying to reorganise with friends. She’s trying to keep the peace between me and him. throwing me a party whilst keeping him happy.
AITA for saying that? WITBTA if I cancelled it?

Salam everyone,
My father passed away a few years ago and I'm now technically the wali of my sister. Since my father's passing my sister has been in a relationship with a man who last year became her fiancé. They are both 24 years of age and I'm 27.
They're engaged but now they want to do a nikkah and Islam you should get married as soon as it's possible for them to do so. However, me and my mother are hugely concerned about their relationship as it can easily be described as "toxic".
She says she wants to marry him because he's a good guy and loves him. I'm trying really hard to be diplomatic and see it from her side but these issues are causing huge relationship problems between her and my mother and myself too by proxy as we live in the same household. Over their past 3 year relationship so far there have been some major issues between them that I'll bullet point down below.

• At the start of the relationship he lied to her about his ethnicity and his family background claiming his mother was born in Turkey and Italy. Additionally he lied about his mother's name and claimed she couldn't understand Urdu. The engagement last year was the first time our families met each other and we saw his mother for the first time where she was engaging with her husband and kids who are also Pakistani. My sister spoke to his mother during the engagement and to her embarrassment found out her name isn't what he said it was and she's not from where he said she was. She confronted him after the engagement and was heartbroken to find out he'd lied to her for 2+ years. It damaged her trust in him but she forgave him.
• He was very hesitant to share much information about his family apart from those lies. He never showed my sister photos of his family and refused to tell her exactly where he lived. Eventually we met them in real life but we thought it was very suspicious at the start.
• Overall they argue regularly and disrespect each other and our families. Today I found out that a while ago he disrespected her for not having a father. I asked her about this and she said he said this because she called him some names or they were having an argument but I'm still very disappointed as this is a very low blow since he's very aware that my sister's relationship with our dad was incredibly close and his death a few years ago was the worst time of her life.
• Before the engagement they used to argue regularly and break up several times a month over petty things like he wanted to go on holiday with his friends and it caused an argument between them. They blocked each other all over social media and on their phones when they argue or break up and they still do that now after engagement.
• My sister tells me that he used to get into trouble when he was younger and had to move to 7 different schools during his childhood. In his adult age what we know about his behaviour is that he has to take medication for his mental health or he gets angry, he had a fight with/punched a policeman whilst on holiday and someone accidently scratched or bumped into his luxury car and so he spat on them. These are only the stories that we've been told.
• Now for the major breakups post engagement that we're aware of. The first one was about the mahr. He told her that we was going to only give her between £50 - £100 mahr. Which caused a major argument between them since the mahr is supposed to be used to support her in case of things like divorce. She found it very disrespectful and even called into question how much money he had. I'm not sure how long they broke up / blocked each other for.
• Another major break up this year was about the legal marriage. He told her he refuses to a legal marriage in the UK and will only do a nikkah that wouldn't be recognised by UK law. My sister called him dodgy and suggested this is suspicious and this caused a huge argument between them both. I think he thinks she's just after his money or he wants to ensure that if they get divorced she's not entitled to anything. They blocked each other and didn't speak for over 2 months even after Ramadan and Eid - he didn't contact her or wish her or our family any blessings. They only got back in touch because my sister reached out to him on his birthday to wish him well and they got speaking again but suggested that he hadn't changed his mind. A few weeks later she told me that he changed his mind and is willing to have a legal marriage also.
• The most recent break up I'm aware of she actually gave him back the engagement ring. She met up with him and gave him his ring back and various gifts he had bought her over the years. Apparently he was upset when she gave it back. They didn't speak for about a month until he sent my sister some flowers for her birthday.
• From the gifts he buys her, my sister suggests that he's rich as since she's been with him he's had multiple luxury vehicles. He's also changed his careers 3 or 4 times in the last few years. Currently he's apparently leasing apartments and putting them up on AirBnB. Apparently this is without the owner's permission too. We're based in the UK and if he's so wealthy through his businesses then he'd have some sort of limited company in his name. My sister claims that each apartment he puts up on AirBnB can raise him £3,000 in revenue per month. This is just one of his businesses though we're told. These sorts of figures would suggest he would have a company in his name. So either he's lying about how much he's earning, he's obtaining it illegally or he's not paying his taxes (since it would be a hugely unwise financial decision to make this amount of money and not do it through a limited company). This man would have to provide for my sister and her family inshallah and we're not sure about where his finances are coming from or if they're truly halal. The last thing we want is for him to get caught for some tax issues and have to pay a hefty fine or go to prison when they're married. Personally I think this is less on an issue and could be explained away by proving his income and finances.

The above information is based on what we've witnessed before our eyes and her own accounts. Everything bad we've heard about him has come from her own mouth and she's surprised that we take a negative view on him personally. The only thing we see is that he buys her nice shiny things from time to time so she's always going out with him and coming back with shopping bags.
She's yet to explain to me how this relationship will succeed in marriage without conflict and hasn't yet explained how he is of good character. Personally I believe they're both at fault and shouldn't be together. One personal thing he helped me with was he helped me sell my late father's car when he passed away. Apart from that and the engagement we haven't spoken much at all.
Me and my mother's thoughts are that if they're behaving like this whilst they're apart from each other then it's going to be much more intense and chaotic when they're in each other's faces 24/7. My sister gets annoyed very easily and is argumentative. It's okay when it's your close family but if you're a newly wed and you're fighting because you're grumpy that day then there will be major issues that could become violent.
Her reactions to me and my mother when we talk to her about this is that we never let her have anything she wants, she's going to marry him whether we like it or not and that we're just jealous of her relationship which is why we don't want her to be with him.
Her and my mother's relationship has been damaged and may only get worse unless this is sorted. My mother really doesn't like him based on his past behaviour, the break ups and how she's seen my sister react to arguments (smashing mirrors, throwing her phone at the walls, crying in the bathroom in the middle of the night).
Is there anything that is redeemable about this relationship?
My sister doesn't seem too mature and neither does he. She sends me a lot of videos on social media about toxic couples who have had issues and got through them and lived happily ever after.
What can I do about this situation? I've tried to speak to her but she gets very emotional and angry which makes the situation worse. There's a lot of name calling and disrespect from her and she doesn't seem very rational. She also said that this situation (us not supporting her to get married to this guy) makes her want to end her life so I'm very concerned about her.
I've suggested that me and my sister go to a muslim therapist or mediator to discuss these problems in front of someone who can advise about this situation. I think she needs to hear from someone who isn't friends or family who already have a negative view of him and bias. That way she can't suggest they're just jealous or don't understand. I really need to help her as she thinks we're all against her and not actually helping her get out of a bad situation. I need to protect her and I'm hugely concerned about this.
I'm not sure what I can do next if the therapist or mediator suggests she shouldn't be in this relationship because she'll say that it's her life and her decision and that's the end of that.
Any help or advice on how to deal with this difficult situation would be massively appreciated. Like I say I'm trying really hard to find anything good about the situation she's found herself in and be diplomatic but I'm struggling.
My late father wouldn't approve of this.
Thank you

Salam everyone,
My father passed away a few years ago and I'm now technically the wali of my sister. Since my father's passing my sister has been in a relationship with a man who last year became her fiancé. They are both 24 years of age and I'm 27.
They're engaged but now they want to do a nikkah and Islam you should get married as soon as it's possible for them to do so. However, me and my mother are hugely concerned about their relationship as it can easily be described as "toxic".
She says she wants to marry him because he's a good guy and loves him. I'm trying really hard to be diplomatic and see it from her side but these issues are causing huge relationship problems between her and my mother and myself too by proxy as we live in the same household. Over their past 3 year relationship so far there have been some major issues between them that I'll bullet point down below.

• At the start of the relationship he lied to her about his ethnicity and his family background claiming his mother was born in Turkey and Italy. Additionally he lied about his mother's name and claimed she couldn't understand Urdu. The engagement last year was the first time our families met each other and we saw his mother for the first time where she was engaging with her husband and kids who are also Pakistani. My sister spoke to his mother during the engagement and to her embarrassment found out her name isn't what he said it was and she's not from where he said she was. She confronted him after the engagement and was heartbroken to find out he'd lied to her for 2+ years. It damaged her trust in him but she forgave him.
• He was very hesitant to share much information about his family apart from those lies. He never showed my sister photos of his family and refused to tell her exactly where he lived. Eventually we met them in real life but we thought it was very suspicious at the start.
• Overall they argue regularly and disrespect each other and our families. Today I found out that a while ago he disrespected her for not having a father. I asked her about this and she said he said this because she called him some names or they were having an argument but I'm still very disappointed as this is a very low blow since he's very aware that my sister's relationship with our dad was incredibly close and his death a few years ago was the worst time of her life.
• Before the engagement they used to argue regularly and break up several times a month over petty things like he wanted to go on holiday with his friends and it caused an argument between them. They blocked each other all over social media and on their phones when they argue or break up and they still do that now after engagement.
• My sister tells me that he used to get into trouble when he was younger and had to move to 7 different schools during his childhood. In his adult age what we know about his behaviour is that he has to take medication for his mental health or he gets angry, he had a fight with/punched a policeman whilst on holiday and someone accidently scratched or bumped into his luxury car and so he spat on them. These are only the stories that we've been told.
• Now for the major breakups post engagement that we're aware of. The first one was about the mahr. He told her that we was going to only give her between £50 - £100 mahr. Which caused a major argument between them since the mahr is supposed to be used to support her in case of things like divorce. She found it very disrespectful and even called into question how much money he had. I'm not sure how long they broke up / blocked each other for.
• Another major break up this year was about the legal marriage. He told her he refuses to a legal marriage in the UK and will only do a nikkah that wouldn't be recognised by UK law. My sister called him dodgy and suggested this is suspicious and this caused a huge argument between them both. I think he thinks she's just after his money or he wants to ensure that if they get divorced she's not entitled to anything. They blocked each other and didn't speak for over 2 months even after Ramadan and Eid - he didn't contact her or wish her or our family any blessings. They only got back in touch because my sister reached out to him on his birthday to wish him well and they got speaking again but suggested that he hadn't changed his mind. A few weeks later she told me that he changed his mind and is willing to have a legal marriage also.
• The most recent break up I'm aware of she actually gave him back the engagement ring. She met up with him and gave him his ring back and various gifts he had bought her over the years. Apparently he was upset when she gave it back. They didn't speak for about a month until he sent my sister some flowers for her birthday.
• From the gifts he buys her, my sister suggests that he's rich as since she's been with him he's had multiple luxury vehicles. He's also changed his careers 3 or 4 times in the last few years. Currently he's apparently leasing apartments and putting them up on AirBnB. Apparently this is without the owner's permission too. We're based in the UK and if he's so wealthy through his businesses then he'd have some sort of limited company in his name. My sister claims that each apartment he puts up on AirBnB can raise him £3,000 in revenue per month. This is just one of his businesses though we're told. These sorts of figures would suggest he would have a company in his name. So either he's lying about how much he's earning, he's obtaining it illegally or he's not paying his taxes (since it would be a hugely unwise financial decision to make this amount of money and not do it through a limited company). This man would have to provide for my sister and her family inshallah and we're not sure about where his finances are coming from or if they're truly halal. The last thing we want is for him to get caught for some tax issues and have to pay a hefty fine or go to prison when they're married. Personally I think this is less on an issue and could be explained away by proving his income and finances.

The above information is based on what we've witnessed before our eyes and her own accounts. Everything bad we've heard about him has come from her own mouth and she's surprised that we take a negative view on him personally. The only thing we see is that he buys her nice shiny things from time to time so she's always going out with him and coming back with shopping bags.
She's yet to explain to me how this relationship will succeed in marriage without conflict and hasn't yet explained how he is of good character. Personally I believe they're both at fault and shouldn't be together. One personal thing he helped me with was he helped me sell my late father's car when he passed away. Apart from that and the engagement we haven't spoken much at all.
Me and my mother's thoughts are that if they're behaving like this whilst they're apart from each other then it's going to be much more intense and chaotic when they're in each other's faces 24/7. My sister gets annoyed very easily and is argumentative. It's okay when it's your close family but if you're a newly wed and you're fighting because you're grumpy that day then there will be major issues that could become violent.
Her reactions to me and my mother when we talk to her about this is that we never let her have anything she wants, she's going to marry him whether we like it or not and that we're just jealous of her relationship which is why we don't want her to be with him.
Her and my mother's relationship has been damaged and may only get worse unless this is sorted. My mother really doesn't like him based on his past behaviour, the break ups and how she's seen my sister react to arguments (smashing mirrors, throwing her phone at the walls, crying in the bathroom in the middle of the night).
Is there anything that is redeemable about this relationship?
My sister doesn't seem too mature and neither does he. She sends me a lot of videos on social media about toxic couples who have had issues and got through them and lived happily ever after.
What can I do about this situation? I've tried to speak to her but she gets very emotional and angry which makes the situation worse. There's a lot of name calling and disrespect from her and she doesn't seem very rational. She also said that this situation (us not supporting her to get married to this guy) makes her want to end her life so I'm very concerned about her.
I've suggested that me and my sister go to a muslim therapist or mediator to discuss these problems in front of someone who can advise about this situation. I think she needs to hear from someone who isn't friends or family who already have a negative view of him and bias. That way she can't suggest they're just jealous or don't understand. I really need to help her as she thinks we're all against her and not actually helping her get out of a bad situation. I need to protect her and I'm hugely concerned about this.
I'm not sure what I can do next if the therapist or mediator suggests she shouldn't be in this relationship because she'll say that it's her life and her decision and that's the end of that.
Any help or advice on how to deal with this difficult situation would be massively appreciated. Like I say I'm trying really hard to find anything good about the situation she's found herself in and be diplomatic but I'm struggling.
My late father wouldn't approve of this.
Thank you

Hey everyone,
My father passed away a few years ago and I'm now technically the wali of my sister (I'm now the person who gives her away when she's married). Since my father's passing my sister has been in a relationship with a man who last year became her fiancé. They are both 24 years of age and I'm 27.
They're engaged but now they want to do a nikkah (islamic marriage) and Islam you should get married as soon as it's possible for them to do so. However, me and my mother are hugely concerned about their relationship as it can easily be described as "toxic".
She says she wants to marry him because he's a good guy and loves him. I'm trying really hard to be diplomatic and see it from her side but these issues are causing huge relationship problems between her and my mother and myself too by proxy as we live in the same household. Over their past 3 year relationship so far there have been some major issues between them that I'll list down below.

Lies about ethnicity

At the start of the relationship he lied to her about his ethnicity and his family background claiming his mother was born in Turkey and Italy. Additionally he lied about his mother's name and claimed she couldn't understand Urdu. The engagement last year was the first time our families met each other and we saw his mother for the first time where she was engaging with her husband and kids who are also Pakistani. My sister spoke to his mother during the engagement and to her embarrassment found out her name isn't what he said it was and she's not from where he said she was. She confronted him after the engagement and was heartbroken to find out he'd lied to her for 2+ years. It damaged her trust in him but she forgave him.

Hesitant to show his family

He was very hesitant to share much information about his family apart from those lies. He never showed my sister photos of his family and refused to tell her exactly where he lived. Eventually we met them in real life but we thought it was very suspicious at the start.

Arguments and disrespect

Overall they argue regularly and disrespect each other and our families. Today I found out that a while ago he disrespected her for not having a father. I asked her about this and she said he said this because she called him some names or they were having an argument but I'm still very disappointed as this is a very low blow since he's very aware that my sister's relationship with our dad was incredibly close and his death a few years ago was the worst time of her life.

Break ups pre-engagement

Before the engagement they used to argue regularly and break up several times a month over petty things like he wanted to go on holiday with his friends and it caused an argument between them. They blocked each other all over social media and on their phones when they argue or break up and they still do that now after engagement.

Behaviour

My sister tells me that he used to get into trouble when he was younger and had to move to 7 different schools during his childhood. In his adult age what we know about his behaviour is that he has to take medication for his mental health or he gets angry, he had a fight with/punched a policeman whilst on holiday and someone accidently scratched or bumped into his luxury car and so he spat on them. These are only the stories that we've been told.

Major break ups post-engagement

Now for the major breakups post engagement that we're aware of. The first one was about the mahr. He told her that we was going to only give her between £50 - £100 mahr. Which caused a major argument between them since the mahr is supposed to be used to support her in case of things like divorce. She found it very disrespectful and even called into question how much money he had. I'm not sure how long they broke up / blocked each other for.
Another major break up this year was about the legal marriage. He told her he refuses to a legal marriage in the UK and will only do a nikkah that wouldn't be recognised by UK law. My sister called him dodgy and suggested this is suspicious and this caused a huge argument between them both. I think he thinks she's just after his money or he wants to ensure that if they get divorced she's not entitled to anything. They blocked each other and didn't speak for over 2 months even after Ramadan and Eid - he didn't contact her or wish her or our family any blessings. They only got back in touch because my sister reached out to him on his birthday to wish him well and they got speaking again but suggested that he hadn't changed his mind. A few weeks later she told me that he changed his mind and is willing to have a legal marriage also.
The most recent break up I'm aware of she actually gave him back the engagement ring. She met up with him and gave him his ring back and various gifts he had bought her over the years. Apparently he was upset when she gave it back. They didn't speak for about a month until he sent my sister some flowers for her birthday.

Alleged finances

From the gifts he buys her, my sister suggests that he's rich as since she's been with him he's had multiple luxury vehicles. He's also changed his careers 3 or 4 times in the last few years. Currently he's apparently leasing apartments and putting them up on AirBnB. Apparently this is without the owner's permission too. We're based in the UK and if he's so wealthy through his businesses then he'd have some sort of limited company in his name. My sister claims that each apartment he puts up on AirBnB can raise him £3,000 in revenue per month. This is just one of his businesses though we're told. These sorts of figures would suggest he would have a company in his name. So either he's lying about how much he's earning, he's obtaining it illegally or he's not paying his taxes (since it would be a hugely unwise financial decision to make this amount of money and not do it through a limited company). This man would have to provide for my sister and her family inshallah and we're not sure about where his finances are coming from or if they're truly halal. The last thing we want is for him to get caught for some tax issues and have to pay a hefty fine or go to prison when they're married. Personally I think this is less on an issue and could be explained away by proving his income and finances.
---------------- The above information is based on what we've witnessed before our eyes and her own accounts. Everything bad we've heard about him has come from her own mouth and she's surprised that we take a negative view on him personally. The only thing we see is that he buys her nice shiny things from time to time so she's always going out with him and coming back with shopping bags.
She's yet to explain to me how this relationship will succeed in marriage without conflict and hasn't yet explained how he is of good character. Personally I believe they're both at fault and shouldn't be together. One personal thing he helped me with was he helped me sell my late father's car when he passed away. Apart from that and the engagement we haven't spoken much at all.
Me and my mother's thoughts are that if they're behaving like this whilst they're apart from each other then it's going to be much more intense and chaotic when they're in each other's faces 24/7. My sister gets annoyed very easily and is argumentative. It's okay when it's your close family but if you're a newly wed and you're fighting because you're grumpy that day then there will be major issues that could become violent.
Her reactions to me and my mother when we talk to her about this is that we never let her have anything she wants, she's going to marry him whether we like it or not and that we're just jealous of her relationship which is why we don't want her to be with him.
Her and my mother's relationship has been damaged and may only get worse unless this is sorted. My mother really doesn't like him based on his past behaviour, the break ups and how she's seen my sister react to arguments (smashing mirrors, throwing her phone at the walls, crying in the bathroom in the middle of the night).
Is there anything that is redeemable about this relationship?
My sister doesn't seem too mature and neither does he. She sends me a lot of videos on social media about toxic couples who have had issues and got through them and lived happily ever after. What can I do about this situation? I've tried to speak to her but she gets very emotional and angry which makes the situation worse. There's a lot of name calling and disrespect from her and she doesn't seem very rational. She also said that this situation (us not supporting her to get married to this guy) makes her want to end her life so I'm very concerned about her.
I've suggested that me and my sister go to a muslim therapist or mediator to discuss these problems in front of someone who can advise about this situation. I think she needs to hear from someone who isn't friends or family who already have a negative view of him and bias. That way she can't suggest they're just jealous or don't understand. I really need to help her as she thinks we're all against her and not actually helping her get out of a bad situation. I need to protect her and I'm hugely concerned about this.
I'm not sure what I can do next if the therapist or mediator suggests she shouldn't be in this relationship because she'll say that it's her life and her decision and that's the end of that. Any help or advise on how to deal with this difficult situation would be massively appreciated. Like I say I'm trying really hard to find anything good about the situation she's found herself in and be diplomatic but I'm struggling.
My late father wouldn't approve of this.
Thank you

I've always had issues with my family, and I have slowly been spending less time with them as I found my mental health plummets even after a few days, but I've always visited them when asked.
I was in the car with my dad today, and usually I will initiate a conversation and talk to my dad. I just couldn't be bothered to try and talk to him. The worst part is that he just didn't try, so it kind of proved to me that he is disinterested. The only time he started a conversation was to tell me obviously my diet and exercise isn't going well.
The same few thoughts have just been going through my head and the idea of spending time with my family is just entirely off putting: - when my parents initiate contact it's always about the exact same thing: "have you been on a run today/are you going on a run today/are you doing on a run tomorrow/have you been to the gym today etc/do you think you've gained weight/do you think you've lost weight". That's all they ever want to talk about and the idea that that's all they think about when they look at me upsets me - my sister and mum were very homophobic towards me growing up and there has never been an apology and there will be no resolution because they have conveniently forgotten everything - my sister is generally a horrible person anyway and I already dont speak to her - I haven't spoken with my brother and SIL in months because I haven't initiated any conversation. I realised that almost 100% of the time when we had a "conversation" it was me sending detailed messages (like life updates etc) and at best receiving a one or two word response, but usually just a thumbs up reaction. My brother and SIL have never told me anything, I had to hear the following things from other people: when they got engaged, their wedding arrangements, when they were moving overseas, when my SIL had a cancer growth and subsequent surgery (in fact I was never told about it and just figured it out from conversations people were having in front of me) - my birthday is in less than a week. Normally we do things on birthdays. The past two years there has been an overseas trip for my sister's birthday. Not one person has messaged me about my birthday. I know I could plan it, but it's frustrating that they don't seem to care if nothing is planned with the family. - I keep remembering moments where I have left a room/gone to enter a room and my family have been making fun of me or saying things behind my back. I saw some messages my mum sent my sister saying I was "socially awkward with no experience" when the truth is my family don't see the real me as I've learnt to be quiet and not say much in case they start making fun of me. I'm not socially awkward, I just don't like being around my family.
I honestly don't know where I've gone wrong. I don't think I'm a bad person, I think I'm generally quite nice, but we all have our moments. I've always tried to maintain relationships with my family members but if the relationship is one sided I don't see any point in making an effort. I started crying earlier about all this and after about 5 seconds I snapped back to normal just thinking "I don't even care anymore!" Usually when my family makes me feel like this I cry (like real ugly cry) for like 20 minutes non-stop.
Even though it sucks it has to be this way I do think less time with my family will ultimately help me to be a happier person.

I grew up in a Christian home and always considered myself a “believer” without questioning it much. When I was around 13 my dad went to a “Promise Keepers” conference and came home talking a lot about needing to “turn his life over to Jesus” and began calling himself a “born again Christian”. It had a big impact on our family.
When I was around the age of 18, I too turned my life over to Jesus and began identifying as a “born again Christian”. It wasn’t just because my dad did, it was because it made sense to me and I genuinely felt called by God to do it. My whole life changed and everything I did had Jesus and God at the center of my focus.
About this time I was also leaving home to go to college. So I had just left my very small/rural hometown to move to a bigger city and was then exposed to all of the other types of people and religions in the world. It made me start to ask myself the deep questions about my faith. As in “How do I KNOW that Jesus was really the son of God?” and “How do I KNOW that Christianity is then ‘one true religion’?”
As I began to research those things and ask other Christians my questions, my questions seem to get biggebroadedeeper and scarier. The deeper I dug into my questions to firm up my faith, the less firm my faith seemed to become. I kept praying and asking God to guide me to the answers… but I was just plainly overwhelmed by the lack of air-tight proof that existed.
I kept asking Christian authority figures “How do you KNOW that Christianity is real?”. I was often so surprised to have these very strong Christian leaders sort of stumble over themselves with such a basic question. They would say things like “Well, I’m not really into Christian apologetics…but I guess I believe because…” and then give me some wishy washy answer that really all boiled down to something like “well, ya just gotta have faith I guess.”
I eventually went to a big/long camp in Colorado called “Summit Ministries” that focused on answering this very question. I learned a lot, bought a few books like “New Evidence that Demands a Verdict” and a few others… but honestly, nothing was firm enough for me to really feel like I was standing on truly solid ground.
Eventually my faith crumbled and I no longer really identified as a Christian. It’s not that I don’t think it isn’t possible, it’s more that I just think there isn’t enough proof for me to dedicate my whole life to this belief system. And when you really dig down to the bottom of every single Christian’s belief you realize that they cannot be truly CERTAIN… and “KNOWING” is just a literal impossibility. There is never actually any evidence that is air-tight.
I’m a very genuine, realistic, logical and humble person. As in, if the evidence of ANY truth really unfolded before me and I was truly convinced… I would pursue that religion or collection of beliefs… because in my heart I believe that I really do want to know the TRUTH. Why wouldn’t I?
Even today, I post this because in my heart there is a big void that Christianity left. It was so nice believing in a God that was promising to take me to Heaven after death. And now I’m just sitting in what I feel like is the sad reality that is just knowing that “it’s impossible to prove and know that Christianity is real.”
So anyways, there ya have it :) Do your best to convince me. I WANT to believe. As I said, my heart is open… I just can’t seem to get there.