Bit of a strange post but figured this sub worked for it. This happened to my mother about an hour or two ago. She was taking one of our dogs out to the bathroom when this deer just comes walking out from the trees (this isn’t like a big forest either, it’s literally a few trees and some poison ivy, our neighbors house is right on the other side) and just kinda stands there. Our dog loses her mind so my mom scoops her up and runs inside. She figured she’d just wait until it left to go back outside and grab the dog poop that she’d left in the yard.
Except the deer didn’t leave. She sat and ate a bowl of cereal, watching it through the window, it just stood there. She did some cleaning, waited, nothing. She went back out into the doorway to the yard and watched it back, tried to yell at it, nothing. She took some pictures. It just kinda paced around outside, and our yard isn’t covered either it’s like right out in the open. At one point my father came downstairs and asked her to cut his hair, which they do outside, and at that point it had been like an hour so they just went back out to a farther corner of the yard. She used an electric razor while the deer stood and watched them.
She ended up texting animal control because this can’t be normal and it’s the second time we’ve seen this deer in our yard (we think). Last time it just kind of passed through, but it still took its time (just not to this extent). It hasn’t been violent, just strange. Anyone have any ideas?

I pretty much verbally abused my MIL because she didn’t want to come to my hub’s 21st birthday dinner after we said her husband wasn’t invited. (it was the straw that broke the camels back because she had always chosen men over her sons) I was so angry in the moment and my hub was visibly upset with her so I just let loose and said some god awful things to her. I knew what I said was wrong of me and I’m not a mean person by nature but seeing red is seeing red.
My hub knows everything I said to her and thinks that she deserved to hear it. I do feel guilty but I don’t think I will ever apologize for it.
Reason why MILs husband was not invited: Her husband is very shady and has done some not so great things to my hub in the past. The most recent thing that happened was Christmas time when were doing presents with them at our house. MILs husband was outside with SIL and said that we were rude for not letting him use the bathroom and he was gonna shit on the floor and blame the dogs, he never asked to use the bathroom in the first place. Our ring camera picked it up and we saw it the next day. We never said anything but after that we decided he was no longer welcome in our home or around us.
How MIL reacted after I said all the nasty things to her: MIL apologized to my hub after a few days for not coming but blamed me saying that it was my idea not to invite her hub. It was a mutual decision that was delivered from my hub in a txt when we said he wasn’t invited. (She’s always put her bfs/husbands over my him and that’s why he didn’t want me to apologize) I blocked her on everything after and I plan to live my life without her in it from now on.

Hello everyone!! This theory has two parts as said in the title. The first one about what the D. means and the second one is about how I think Luffy and Imu are each others counterparts, simbolizing dreams vs nightmares, and how Imu´s surname "Nerona" takes inspiration on emperor Nero and what lies behind that inspiration with Imu´s possible fruit, hope you guys like it!!!
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FIRST THEORY: The clan of the "Dreamers"
Following chapter 1085, Oda has given us some information about the possible meaning of the "D.", after showing us the conversation between King Cobra and Imu sama. While these dialogues have not directly revealed what it means, he does seem to have specified with certainty that the "D." is not a family name of a particular family or dynasty, but is actually a moniker according to TCB's translation.
If we take this premise of the moniker I believe that the meaning of the "D." could be an adjective that was given to those who fit within that moniker.
An important fact I should mention to try to give substance to the theory is to recall Oda's use of anglicisms in One Piece, the most well known to all being the revelation that Raftel (Rafuteru) was really "Laugh Tale". To mention some of the most significant anglicisms within the very many that exist, we can name the Levely, which we all knew as Reverie (the change is confirmed in chapter 905, it is seen in the flag of a man in the background) or the case of Joy Boy's title.
I make a disclaimer here that, despite using the romanization of Japanese, I know nothing about Japanese; but it is true that as simple readers many of us, with or without knowledge of Japanese, have seen a certain tendency of Oda to play with words and their possible meanings. Thanks to people like Artur - Library of Ohara, fans who do not understand Japanese can be informed of these nuances that enrich One Piece.
From the beginning of One Piece we see how dreams are very important in the story, with each of the Mugiwaras having a dream to fulfill, in addition to the famous and mysterious dream of Luffy and Roger that Oda keeps up his sleeve. Let us also remember one of the most famous quotes said by Kurohige himself "A man's dream will never die". It is well known that dreams are one of the pivots of the story.
Therefore, joining the knowledge about the "D." as a moniker, the use of English words directly used by Oda to "mislead", and the great importance that dreams have in the story of One Piece and its characters, I believe that the meaning of the "D." could well hide the adjective "Dreamers". The famous clan of "D." could actually be the clan of the Dreamers, not as a genealogical lineage, but as a distinctive in the form of a moniker given to the people who came from the Great Kingdom/Ancient Kingdom (Kyodai na Ōkoku) that perished during the void century. It could also directly mean "Dream" but I opt more for the "Dreamers" option.
To explain why I think the "D." has this meaning, I will first comment facts that we know 100%, for having already appeared in One Piece, and then the part of my own imagination.
As we know so far the "D." that have appeared and have been important in the story, have great and ambitious dreams for which they fight. As an example of this we have the dream of Xebec, who wanted to be the King of the world; or that of Kurohige who aspires to be the king of pirates and found a pirate nation recognized as such by the World Government; and well, as I mentioned, earlier the dreams of Roger and Luffy, which although unknown, it is clear that they must be big and imaginative dreams by the reactions they have provoked to those to whom they have been revealed.
Why Dreamers? To answer this question I will first quote what Vega Punk said in chapter 1069, which although it is the character's own theory and not a definitive explanation, I am of the opinion that it can serve as a basis:
“- We owe all ther is to desire (dreams)!! For instance the devil fruits!!
Each devil fruit embodies a different wish (dreamt) someone had for our evolution.
“If only I could do X… It´d be great if Y were possible”.
The powers actulize these sentiments, showcasing potential futures for humanity.
Of course, since they cause unnatural aberrations they earn the ire of mother nature… the sea itself. Such blasphemy cannot go unchecked.
Those who have eaten a fruit face a totally alien reality born from boundless imaginatiom!!
That´s my theory at least, whether you believe there´s a god out there or not… (i will explain the idea of maybe Nika isn´t a god but a man from the Great Kingdom) … one thing´s for sure, we live in a wondrous world!!
And as he finishes by saying, that is his theory but it is not something fully proven.
It could be that in the Old Kingdom they reached such advanced technology in general, and specifically in genetic scientific research, that from the dream or the thought of desiring they could make fire (mera mera no mi) or become x animal (zoan), they experimented until imbuing those abilities into fruits (like Vegapunk does, but perfecting the process), which they could then eat and alter their base DNA, mixing it with the chosen ability. This idea of creating fruits that genetically modify people by eating them to achieve x or y ability would come from imagination, from dreams.
The people of the Old Kingdom perhaps traveled throughout the world and visited different islands, both inside and outside the Grand Line, and those who came from the Old Kingdom, being users of "Akuma no mi" and having abilities that would seem impossible, fantastic or divine to the people of these primitive people (when I say primitive I mean that they were less technologically advanced, as may be a stage similar to the middle ages, for example), were at first deified. The case of the Sun God Nika, who could have been a normal human being but with the abilities of the gomu gomu no mi or hito hito no mi, could be a perfect example of that possibility. In the eyes of people who were not from the Ancient Kingdom he would appear to be a God, provoking smiles and happiness in the places he visited and carrying the hopes and dreams of the people. If we think about it, it also makes sense in our context. In One Piece we already have internalized the idea that supernatural powers exist, that there is a reason for them, but if someone appeared today with the power to create earthquakes, fire or light out of nothing, without knowing where those abilities come from, he would be a supernatural being in our eyes; in the eyes of ancient civilizations, a God.
It is worth making reference here also to the theory of evemerism, either because of the possibility that Oda was inspired by it for his representation of religious cultures in One Piece, or simply as a tool to understand the vision of the gods that is being proposed. Evemerus of Messene was a 4th century B.C. thinker who proposed in his work the possibility that what classical culture considered gods were nothing more than mortals who gained great prominence in their society. He argues that figures such as Zeus or Cronus could thus be ancient rulers of another civilization, and that their divinity would be an idealized memory by society of them, exaggerating their attributes and greatness. Thus, Zeus would have been only a revered king. In essence, evemerism is the search for a "rational" explanation of the divine.
In One Piece we see several cases where a certain character is shown for a particular culture at first, as one who possesses divine powers when in reality this conception is only given due to a lack of knowledge about the origin of his powers. The most obvious case is that of Enel, who in the eyes of the Shandians is a God, but only because of ignorance and low presence of the akuma no mi in Skypea.
An example of this deification in reality would be the first impression that the pre-Columbian people had with the arrival of the Spanish armies, thinking at first, (although this thought did not last long) when they saw them mounted on horses with shining armor and guns that shot fire, that they must have been gods. And we already know how much Oda likes to take real historical references for inspiration.
This relationship between the people of the Old Kingdom and the "primitive" kingdoms could be maintained over the centuries allowing the "primitives" to become familiar with the unknown of those who came from the Old Kingdom, perhaps they even came to mix and have joint offspring, but the first writings deifying them would have already been captured in the history of One Piece, passing from legend to myth. The reality would have been distorted by the different versions of the different civilizations that would have been told from generation to generation, undergoing the modifications of each culture, as it happens in reality with the historical evolution and being in the end the person of Nika considered the God of the Sun.
So, if we accept that the members of the Old Kingdom may have been seen as gods, perhaps they taught them their knowledge as a gift and showed the reason why devil fruits were created. It may be that at that time the akuma no mi were called by another, less derogatory name, instead of "devil fruits". The name "clan of the Dreamers" could then be because they were people who believed in the improvement of human evolution and with the power to materialize what they dreamt and desired into a fruit that would provide the desired abilities. For example, the dream of wanting to cure and save people's lives would have been the origin of the ope ope no mi. It is also possible that people from kingdoms with a more backdated technologi, transmitted their dreams to members of the ancient kingdom and the Dreamers, as a gift, created the appropriate fruit to achieve such dream, thus forging a reputation that motivated them to be assigned a nickname, the Dreamers, for being able to materialize dreams.
Therefore, I think it is a possibility that "the clan of the Dreamers" was the moniker that less advanced kingdoms gave to the people coming from the Old Kingdom. Perhaps the "D.reamers" first introduced them to the akuma no mi and told them that they came from their imagination, ideas and dreams.
Likewise I also believe it would make sense of another mystery of the story, "the inherited will of the D." Will is something that only people possess, and the idea of inheriting implies that something is also necessarily received from a person. This interpretation would be in contrast to the possibility that the "D." stands for "Dawn" (which is also an interesting theory, and one that I would equally like if it were the final meaning), since a concept or natural phenomenon such as dawn, which has no will and cannot be inherited, fits less in my opinion, than the idea that inheritance could be that of ideals or principles passed from one civilization to another.
Regarding the reason why the word Dreamers stayed in the initial D. I think it was the way they chose for those who defied the 20 kingdoms, to recognize each other but also so that the enemy did not, it would be the same thing that happens with the tattoo on the ankle of the people faithful to the kozuki clan in Wano.
In short, I think the clan of the Dreamers would be formed by the people of the Old Kingdom, and the inherited will of the Dreamers would be the will of the people who pursue and fight to make the world a better place, people whose ideals include the pursuit of freedom and happiness of all people throughout the world of One Piece, and thus bringing the eventual dawn of the world, as said in Lili´s card.
Pd: this is a part that I don't quite know how to substantiate, but going back to Oda's puns, the word "dream" in Japanese would be pronounced "dorIMU" (meaning "Mu" emptiness in Japanese), and it could be a kind of very vague interpretation that "Imu" or "Mu" (as he/she calls him/herself), was the one who betrayed the Dreamers' clan. He/she would then be "the void" that absorbed all the dreams and hopes of humanity by ending the said Clan.
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SECOND THEORY: Luffy vs Imu, and Imu´s devil fruit
Connecting with my theory that the D. stands for Dreamers, I see a clear antithesis between Luffy and Imu that I will try to explain below.
Luffy being the Sun God Nika, personifies happiness, freedom, hopes and dreams while Imu symbolizes the opposite, terror, oppression and in my opinion also nightmares. It is very interesting to highlight how while Luffy is free and travels around the world living adventures and being happy, on the other hand, Imu despite being the king of the world and having all the power, is someone who is hidden from the world, imprisoned in his own room without anyone knowing of his existence.
From here I will give my opinion on what Imu's fruit may be after seeing chapters 1085 and 1086.
The first option is that Im's fruit is the "akumu no mi", the fruit of nightmares. I believe in this idea because of the design Oda has drawn for the manifestation of Imu's powers, a formless being, full of darkness that engulfs the whole empty throne room. In addition akumu contains the same kanji as Mu (as Imu calls himself), whose meaning besides nothingness or emptiness, can be translated as dream, And what would be the antithesis of dreams? Nightmares, which would be what could symbolize Imu, in front of Luffy as symbol of the dreams, and this fits very well with the idea that the clan of the Dreamers would be the natural enemy of the nightmare (Imu or Mu). Therefore the first option would be the nightmare against the dreams.
The second option is that Imu would directly have the akuma no mi, the devil fruit as such. While in chapter 1085 there are times when Imu's power is blurred and formless, in other panels we have been able to see the shape of an arrow-tipped tail and sharp teeth. It is mainly because of the arrow-tipped tail that I think it could be the akuma no mi. To substantiate this theory I have to refer to the possible full name of Im revealed in this last chapter 1086.
Saint Imu of the house Nerona. The surname Nerona could be inspired by the Roman emperor Nero, whose reign is associated with tyranny and extravagance, being the architect of a series of systematic executions and a relentless persecution of Christians. It is for this last reason, that in a book of the Bible, the number of the beast (666) is associated to the emperor Nero being considered the devil. Therefore, if the surname Nerona comes from this emperor, the idea that Imu has the akuma no mi is quite feasible. Below in brackets, I leave the long explanation of this, but if you don't want to read it you don't need to. Then follow it up with a third possibility about Imu's power.
[In the Apocalypse of St. John, Rome is criticized in a veiled way for its persecution of the Christian population, and in this book the Beast (which had 7 heads, like the 7 hills on which Rome was settled) is mentioned, represented by the number 666 (or 616 as well). The specific quote is "He that hath understanding, let him calculate the number of the Beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is 666". The Greeks and Hebrews at that time used gematria, that is, the assignment of a numerical value to each letter of the alphabet. So, the sum of the Hebrew letters of "Caesar Nero" adds up to exactly 666. And therefore, Nero is the Beast/the devil who wants to destroy the world].
The third possibility is that Imu, like Kurohige, has more than one devil fruit and perhaps has both akuma no mi, akumu no mi, devil and nightmare fruits, again being the complete antithesis of Luffy, having on the one hand the God of Dreams and the Devil of Nightmares Imu.

Penelope Woods went for her daily shower / masturbation routine. She had a dildo with a suction cup which she attached to the glass shower. While she was soaping her pussy she was sucking the dildo. Then she slowly inserted it into her ass and started to bugger herself. Just like every day Jay Bangher sneaked up to the bathroom door and started to peep inside. His step sister was really hot. Unfortunately when she was about to orgasm she opened her eyes and saw Jay. She started to chase him. He pretended he wasn’t spying on her. Penelope had an idea. They could help each other. She wanted a real dick up her ass. Jay had a dick. It was a win win situation. He ate her ass, she sucked his dick. Then they buggered. Any position you can while fucking you can also do with anal. So they did. They fucked and sucked and fucked more until Jay s**t is sperm into her face."

10. J. Willy’s: The exterior is so rundown, Gordon remarks it looks like it’s been closed for ten years. I suspect the building used to be some kind of chain restaurant the owners never bothered to remodel. The inside isn’t much better with its drab color scheme and worn carpet that looks like it was trampled on by a thousand buffalos.
9. Flamango’s: I hate the tacky tropical theme of this place. And how can you be positive about something you hate? The remodel wasn’t my favorite, but it was an improvement upon the tiki hellscape. And Adele is one of the worst owners imo—so rude and mean-spirited to everyone around her, even her own husband.
8. Fleming: The pink walls, old-fashioned decorative plates, out of place stained glass windows, petrified desserts on a counter right outside the bathroom. This place really does look like Grandma’s house, though I cannot recall if Gordon uses that line in the episode.
7. Zeke’s: Despite the owners’ belief to the contrary, the idea of eating in a swamp does not appeal to adults or children. The ugly green chairs only add to the humdrum ambiance, and the tables seem way too close together. Chowing down on Oysters Cortello and Darryl’s week-old lasagna in that eyesore of a restaurant while Ellen meanders around with crossed arms and that snotty look on her face just doesn’t sound like a good time.
6. Casa Roma: If you like maroon tablecloths, booths stuffed with garbage, and biohazardous bathrooms, Casa Roma is the place for you. Or was, as it closed its doors nearly a decade ago. This establishment should never have existed in the first place, and it was obvious that no one who worked there gave two fucks about it.
5. Miss Jean’s Southern Cuisine: I love this episode, but I can’t deny this restaurant looks downright awful. Gordon compares the lobby to a doctor’s office, and the empty dessert display gives off a negative first impression. The dining room’s green walls and cafeteria-esque furniture make for a dismal atmosphere. And Miss Jean’s ancient exercise bike smack dab in the middle of the hallway is so random and unexpected.
4. Capri: One of the filthiest restaurants of the show. Ripped booths plastered in duct tape and overflowing with bits of food, decaying wallpaper, grime-covered ceiling fans, countless wads of gum stuck underneath tables. There was simply no excuse for the state of Capri. I would not be shocked if it hadn’t been cleaned since 1963.
3. The Old Neighborhood: The mannequin in the lobby is creepy AF; the fact that the owners named it is even creepier. The chairs are broken, the upholstered booths stink to high heaven, and the restaurant is overflowing with junk thanks to owner Randy’s hoarding ways.
2. Fiesta Sunrise: Sombreros galore, repurposed menus, and a stuffed chili pepper named Manuel are the highlights of this sorry excuse for a Mexican restaurant. If all that weren’t bad enough, the food is stored in garbage cans and the kitchen is crawling with cockroaches.
1. Dillon’s: This place has to be the biggest Kitchen Nightmare of all time. They must have put the sheets on the walls to hide all the cockroaches. The fact that this hellhole was open for any length of time does not reflect well upon the NYC health department, that’s for sure.

Yesterday morning I had woken up and realized I had been low for HOURS. I never woke up to my alarms or possibly ignored them. I asked my boyfriend and he said he didn’t hear anything, only asked because he’s a light sleeper. I thought it was okay and I’d deal with it then. While he was getting ready for work in the bathroom, I was preparing to help him take the dogs out in our room. Every second felt like a minute. I was trying to put my leggings on as a shirt for what felt like minutes. I was just so out of it. Once I realized the shirt problem I put on shorts. Walking into the hallway and I still have no idea what caused it but I completely fell out of nowhere. Mind you it felt like slow motion and I took forever getting back up. My poor bf couldn’t get to me too quickly due to… well tmi but he was busy on the throne ( he was talking to me through the door etc etc ). I finally made it to the kitchen and nursed a big glass of juice. Because of this he is making me sleep with my phone sound on so we can hear as soon as I go low as it only sounds off when I’m below 50, which is valid. I feel terrible for scaring him like that but I also haven’t had something like this happen to me in years. Last time I had to crawl downstairs to my kitchen while home alone to get something but my bg was below 30.

I am running new circuits in an unfinished basement and will have receptacles.
I have seen an existing circuit for the sump pump. They attached a 4 square metal box to the concrete wall directly and ran a 1/2" PVC conduit from behind the frost line insulation up to the floor joist, and then ran the wire normally through the joists to the main panel.
3 Questions:

1. Since that passed inspection when the house was built a few years ago, I assume that is still a sound plan.
2. I'm not a massive fan of drilling holes into the basement concrete walls. I do have Tapcons to do the same, but I wanted to see if liquid nails or equivalent construction adhesive would be an alternative for fastening the metal box to the concrete wall or if that's a big nono. Or rather, if there is a better idea than that.
3. Does the conduit also need to be attached via clamps to the wall? I can't tell from the existing one without cutting the insulation if they did or not or if they just left it behind the insulation loose being kept in place by the tension of the insulation tarp - The frost line insulation is a tarp anchored top and bottom every 6 feet or so with loose insulation pressed against the wall by the tarp. I was thinking of just trying to push the PVC conduit behind the tarp.

Thank you for your help!

As the title suggests, I had a strange dream about being chased down. However, it’s a lot weirder than you may think. You may have seen the meme where you will be given millions of dollars, but you cannot be touched by a snail that is slowly hunting you down as it will kill you on contact. My dream was like that, except without the millions of dollars. It was my girlfriend and I staying at a hotel. It was a small hotel in terms of height, only being around five floors, but I do remember it being quite wide. Basically, we saw a group of friends from the hotel go missing across the street as we were on the balcony of the hotel. My memory becomes a little fuzzy here as it was a very long dream and felt like it had been going on for hours. But we tried searching for the people, which ultimately ended in more people slowly but suddenly disappearing. Sometime during that, I remember my girlfriend and I seeing this older lady, probably in her 60/70s, not walking but almost gliding very slowly across the hotel. She never said anything but had these bold eyes that would look straight at you. She’ll come up later in the story. Well, toward the end of the dream, my girlfriend and I found another clue and were investigating inside one of the rooms on the top floor. We found a random task we had to do, I remember it being something very weird like “get something in under a minute”. So I told her “let’s go to the very bottom floor and go outside to pick some flowers”. We ran to the elevator and I got in first, but accidentally went down without her as I clicked the button too early. I pressed the emergency stop on the elevator panel before getting out a flier down and running up the stairs next to the elevator. On the way up I saw the old lady, who was walking in the same fashion as I described earlier. I saw my girlfriend and got distracted on her before being touched by the lady and being told the game was over. I freaked out and as confused before noticing an old man, with similar mannerisms as the old lady, walking up to my girlfriend and touching her on the back with the same “game over” thing happening. I woke up a few seconds after that in complete confusion and panic. It was such a strange dream, the weirdest one yet. I still have no idea what to make of it.

Hi, I'd like to get myself out there a bit as I've recently started and still somewhat new. I've been regularly streaming the past month, I have a schedule in place, please check me out here https://www.twitch.tv/nightfallenecho and leave a follow if your into it. anyone kind enough to give me a visit feel free to also give me some feedback on this post. ( can't put multiple tags sadly) I guess, there is also some recent vods to look at to, to get and idea, if you can't catch me live.
I've gradually been adding more and more things to the stream, and have been putting in some effort in panels and such. i seem to get a few viewers pop in, but not many have actually reached out to interact in chat. i am fine with lurkers, but i am curious to know on any advice to help with that. Thank you to anyone who takes their time to read this, and even look.
( i apologize also if this was better tagged as Help, but Self Promo was involved so seems more right)
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I'm done with the ALU side of things. It's been nothing but annoying headaches. I hadn't turned on my unit in a couple months, but went to turn it on to play Street Fighter 6 with a friend and the arcade panel is unresponsive on PC or the ALU side of things. My PC detects the controllers, but the buttons on unresponsive. I have no idea if the ALU side detects it. The lights range from fast blinking blue to solid blue.
Anyway, I've decided to just get rid of the ALU portion because it's terrible. What's the easiest way to get my panel buttons working solely on a PC, while still being able to power on the screen with the big power button?
In my head, I should be able to just plug new wiring into a couple USB encoders and run them to my PC, while leaving the main board hooked up so it can still turn on the monitor? But I just want to make sure this will work before I order the stuff.

I NEED YOUR HELP!!!
I feel like my ECs are all over the place, and have no idea if my EC’s will even help me stand out or are even good. Please share your thoughts, and also please suggest any changes to my ECs and which ones I should use. TYSM
Demographics Gender: male Race/Ethnicity: white Residence: NY Income Bracket: middle class Type of School: public Hooks: divorced parents lol? Intended Major(s): mechanical engineering or CS
Academics GPA (UW/W): 95/108 Rank (or percentile): in the top 15/170

of Honors/AP/IB/Dual Enrollment/etc.: 1 Honors 10 IBs

Took only 1 honors class across freshman and sophomore years but junior and senior I took IB everything+calculus
Standardized Testing SAT: 1500 AP/IB: APWH 3 , IBs🤷‍♂️ Extracurriculars/Activities
(Ik I can only put 10)
Problem Solving Club: I started a club that used STEM to solve problems. I was foundepresident for 2 years. An example of a problem is school pew pews. We split up into teams to build our idea, and the school sorta impletened my team's idea. (pretty cool) (2 years.
Robotics: Member of Robotics for 2 years my schools team placed well in many competitions
Volleyball: Played volleyball for 3 years Freshman: JV Junior: Varsity Senior: Varsity
DECA: Was president of DECA for 2 years, grew the club from 5 members to 13.
App Developer: I have a mobile game studio. I created 3 apps all by myself that includes development process from conception, design, development, testing, and publication. Combined, the three apps have 20k+ downloads. One of my apps was selected for “Game of the week” by Google Play Store. I taught myself how to code. (2 years)
Jiu Jitsu: I have been competing in BJJ for 3 years outside of school, i have won multiple county tournaments and am now a purple belt. When I started I was told my injured arm would hold me back. (3 years)
Drone Racing: Ran an instagram page about drone photography, modding, racing etc. Grew it to 20k followers over 2 years posting every day. (2 years)
created landscaping solutions: My mom owns a landscaping company, when I went to work with her I saw how much of her day was spent fertilizing plants (like %30) so i created a product to increase efficiency and lower cost. It was built out of scrap and was 13X faster, I then began to distribute among other landscaping companies in my area. (1 year)
modded laptops: Customized over 100 laptops (painted them, modded panels, etc). Some of the brand themed laptops I built were bought by said brand which is pretty cool. Also ran an Instagram page about this too with 3k followers. (2 years)
Stock trading BUT WITH AI- Since freshman year I have been trading crypto, recently I created and implemented trading algorithms using AI. My algorithms result in profit %92 of the time and my overall return rate since freshman year is %6000 percent (that's not a joke). (Im not sending you it so please don't ask) (4 years)
Cashier: Worked as a cashier at a local pharmacy for 2 years on weekends. I introduced Apple pay and other payment methods.
6 week summer internship at well known company
Kittens: For over 2 years I have fostered 60+ kittens at my house (like 2-3 a month), this is a 24/7 task. I got an insane amount of community service hours from this, but that's not the reason I did it.
Old people: After [redacted life event] I started going to Old age homes to teach the residents how to use modern phones. I did this at like 20 places, which won me a community service award. (1 ish years)
Awards/Honors Community service awards National merit semifinalist DECA stuff Jiu Jitsu please chance me for CMU, northwestern, cornell and HYPSM any school recommendations are appreciated thanks for the help 😀

I'm going to try to write my thoughts and feelings down as best as I can. I don't know if it will make any sense. I don't know if I will reread it either. I just need to get my thoughts out somehow. I don't know if I want advice or if I will even respond to any comments but if you have any thoughts please comment if not for me than anyone else who could come across this post.
I'm 22 years old. I struggle with self harm. I am scared to tell my family. I know my mom will blame herself for not seeing it. it's been almost 8 years since I started. I was 14, almost 15 when I first started doing it. The last time I did it was 5 months ago, but I still get the urge sometimes. I think I'm spiraling into depression again. For the last few days I haven't been eating enough, but every time I look at food I just don't know what to eat because nothing sparks hunger. I drink a lot of water, orange juice and other things, so I know I'm not dehydrated. Sometimes I feel happy when I don't eat a lot of food. Because I want to lose weight. And it's nice to have one thing that I can control. I don't have anything else I can control. I don't feel tired when I lay down to sleep, but luckily I'm not struggling too much with falling asleep right now. It was way worse when I was in high school. I hate that it's summer now. It's so hot and the days are longer. I hate the expectation that you have to go out in the nice weather and have fun. It also doesn't help that I struggle with lots of sweating and because of my self harm scars I don't want to wear anything but long-sleeved clothes. It's hard to get out of bed when I wake up in the morning. I have woken up at 6 am almost every day, probably because of the sun and I just hate it. I try to sleep more but when I wake up again I start scrolling on my phone which can be hours.
I hate my life. I don't remember a time where I haven't hated my life. I grew up with an alcoholic dad. He could go long between drinking but when he drank it could last one day or up to a week. He never physically hurt me or anything but it made me feel lonely. Dad was there physically but not there emotionally. Sometimes I blame my mom for not leaving him. They're not married but it's also not easy to just move because of money issues and how expensive everything is. I don't live with them anymore. I don't really have contact with my dad anymore, only mom. I remember them arguing a lot and I am happy I don't have to witness that every day anymore. I also hate my dad for letting one of our dogs run away. I think I was 13 when it happened. He was out hunting with our dog and she did have a gps on her collar but apparently it didn't work and they couldn't find her again. She was just 5 or 6 years old. I still miss her. I also miss the first dog we had who died of cancer when she was 14. I think the cancer could have been avoided if my parents just fed her food she was supposed to have and not leftovers from their food. I'm scared for the current dog we got. I'm scared that she will become obese because she is always fed food she isn't supposed to have. They walk her a lot but that doesn't really help if she is fed too much food. I also remember being a kid and being scared of that one Bratz episode where Burdine force feeds this man until he dies. I remember being scared that my mom would die because she is overweight. She has always tried to lose weight but she has never been successful. I'm scared that my mom will die because I don't know what I will do without her.
When I was about 16 or 17, I sent nudes to a stranger online. Sometimes I'm scared that people will find out about it. I think the reason I did it was because I was so lonely. I had friends in high school at the time but I didn't feel included. I felt like I was the one person in our group that didn't belong. I just didn't feel like any of my friends cared about me. And I'm sure they believed I didn't care about them either. Because I had an argument with one of them about something stupid. She cried but I didn't cry and I have had so many dreams about it. It's been many years but I hate what I did. She was my best friend and I fucked it up. She was the first person I told about my self harm. When I told her, she made sure that I would be safe and she had me sleep over at her house that night. I will always be thankful for her.
I was never bullied in school, only teased a little bit but I didn't feel safe at school either. I was scared to tell teachers that I needed to pee and so I wet myself on multiple occasions. Embarrassing but it happened at least twice. I also did something very stupid when I was about 7 or 8. Someone in my year told me to do something and I did it because I was scared to say no. I got in trouble for doing it and I tried to tell the teachers that they forced me to do it but they didn't understand what I was trying to say and my mom grounded me. That didn't really do anything though. I also remember when I was 14 that I refused to play volleyball when my class was supposed to play. The teacher told all of us that we had to because no one in the class volunteered. I absolutely hated it because some of the boys in my year would always correct me whenever we played it in phys ed. Eventually the teacher told me that I could do something else and I got to help another teacher carry some chairs into a shed. I also remember the first time I hurt myself. I remember the exact date and I remember the following Monday in phys ed and I told the teacher I forgot my gym clothes and couldn't participate. I remember that after the class was done he tried to talk to me because he noticed something was off but he didn't dig deep enough for me to tell him what I had done. Sometimes I wonder if people I went to school with realised that I had hurt myself because I used to wear t shirts to phys ed but then suddenly just started wearing long sleeve shirts. Sometimes I even wonder if my mom secretly knows because I always wear long sleeve shirts.
I never knew I was autistic until I was about 20 years old. I am angry that no one saw it. I was the one that had to figure it out. My mom was told that I would just grow out of my "shy" nature. I wasn't shy, I was fucking anxious about everything. I was clearly struggling but no one helped me. I remember when I was about 13 years old, the school nurse was worried about me because I was alone during recess and got me to talk to this woman. I had friends but I also liked to be alone. I don't know what exactly the woman worked as but I remember the book we used in sessions had the words cognitive behaviour therapy on it. No one told me why I had to see this woman. how can you expect to help a child when the child doesn't even know why they're there to begin with or the child doesn't even know they apparently need help. One day the sessions just stopped and that was that. Nothing came out of it and it didn't help. The only thing I'm grateful for is that she suggested that I participate in an after school activity. I joined a choir and was there until I was 18. I loved singing in the choir, I also got to sing some solo songs too but I never got any friends out of it. I just showed up to all the practices and performances but never felt comfortable enough to make friends.
When I was in first grade, I got diagnosed with dyslexia which I have always thought was wrong. And even one of my teachers in school never even knew I had the diagnosis and she didn't notice anything. Is it possible that they misdiagnosed me with dyslexia instead of autism? It has just never been a diagnosis I identified with. Autism is different though. I got the diagnosis when I was 20 and I know it fits me. I just don't feel like I belong with other autistic people. There are so many things that don't fit me or I just don't experience but is apparently something "all" other autistic people seem to struggle with. I'm tired of not feeling like I belong anywhere. I don't even feel safe in my own apartment. I hate the placement of the living room windows and I hate the tiny space between the counter and stove. I hate that I can hear every fucking time someone uses the bathroom. When I'm in the shower it feels like everyone can hear that I am in the shower. I'm scared to wash my clothes because the washing machine is loud and I'm scared of noise complaints. I hate going out with the trash and getting the mail. I feel like people are staring at me even when there's nobody there. I hate spending my days just looking at my computer. I don't have a job. I don't even know if I'm capable of working. The last time I tried I had to quit because I just couldn't do it even if I was only working part time. It was so exhausting and I'm scared that my life won't get better. I look forward to the future and getting older but I am so scared that things will stay the same. Its been the same for almost 3 years now.
I'm also scared that my mom don't like me anymore. I feel like I am to dependent on her. I always rely on her to go grocery shopping or do simple stuff like clothes shopping or going to the movies. I want to be independent but It's so hard. I remember when I was 18 I wanted to start a completely new life after high school. I tried to study film at the other side of the country. It just caused burnout. I wasted so much money, energy and time on it. I didn't even want to study anything after high school but my mom pressured me to at least study something so I would have a degree in something. The only thing I liked about living there is that no one knew me and I could just be anonymous when walking around. If I could have any super power it would be invisibility because I hate when people stare at me.
The only good things about my life now is my special interests. I love conlanging, austronesian/australian languages, the dutch language, merpeople, h2o just add water, mako mermaids, the bureau of magical things, the elephant princess, summer camp island, gravity falls, rick and morty, the new version of the little mermaid, dodie, siren (show), ghost rockers (tv show), conspiracy theories, world building, cooking, veganism, heartstopper, the owl house, amphibia, icon for hire, bring me the horizon, beabadoobee, pommelien thijs, froukje, tinne oltmans, poppy (singer), cosmic horror, the backrooms, lost in the hyperverse youtube channel, writing stories, filmmaking, singing. Even if I like all these things it's still hard to do participate in it sometimes. I can go months without doing any of it. I don't like it when I'm not writing. I feel the need to be productive but I don't have the energy. I want to be a screenwriter. I got so many ideas for stories but I'm never satisfied with them when I try to write anything down. And I'm scared of asking for advice because I feel like people will just make fun of me for my bad writing or my bad ideas or literally anything.
Sometimes I think I am okay but then I feel bad again. It's a constant cycle. I might feel good one week and the next I feel awful but sometimes the cycle is longer or shorter. I have spoken to both a psychiatrist and psychologist because of my autism diagnosis but I didn't really get the help I needed then. I didn't even feel comfortable enough to talk to them and I had to write a 5 page letter with all my thoughts and feelings but I still don't think they understood the severity of my bad health. Sometimes I wish my problems was seen as just as important as physical health. I wish that I had cancer or something visible that people could easily see. It's hard when it's invisible and some people don't understand that mental health is just as important.
Recently I rewatched Heartstopper and it makes me even more depressed. I love Heartstopper, the show and comic. It reminds me of a life I could never have. I want my life to be as easy as theirs. I want to fall in love. I want to have friends. I want to have people that care about my mental health. I know my mom probably cares about my mental health, but no one else. I don’t feel like I can talk to her about anything deeper than what’s on the surface. I hate how easy everything seems to other people even though it probably isn't. Even heartstopper who is supposed to be a lighthearted story, just makes me envious. Sometimes I don't even know if I am capable of falling in love. I know I'm queer and non binary, but it's just so hard to find anyone who would like me and someone who has similar interests. I did try do go on a date with a guy once but he only wanted sex. When we talked to each other on the dating app, he seemed nice and he liked some of the same things as me. I just wish I could fall in love with anyone at this point.
I haven't told anyone about some of the stuff in this post. I just don't want people to worry about me. I'm worried that if I tell people in my personal life then it will become worse. I have felt suicidal multiple times before. I just don't ever want to feel like that again. I hope this post makes sense. English isn't my first language. I don't know if I have anything more to say. If you read everything then thank you.

We are looking to replace the damaged bifold doors on the built in double wardrobe in our bedroom.
However, we are thinking about putting in sliding instead of the bifold which never seem to work properly.
Does anyone have any idea as to the cost difference? The bifold are the normal cheapie white panel ones.
Thanks

Yugo was going to have to find some way to entertain himself but he still has some of his candy."This sucks" Yugo thought obviously bored out of his mind about thirty minutes into the movie he was falling asleep already despite eating all of his candy. Luckily Rin was too engrossed in the movie to pay attention to him otherwise she would hit and nag him for fallen asleep. "Their got to be something I can do" Yugo thought he then turned to look at Rin and noticed that she was wearing a skirt and her hot legs immediately making him feel extremely horny, that's when he got a idea he then smirked so hard Yuri would have been proud of him if he was here with them today. I need Rin body to cum today no matter what！Yugo said to himself.
Yugo then put his left hand on Rin's leg and started to rub it earning a gasp from the green haired synchro duelist. Rin turned to face Yugo and glared at him "Yugo what are you doing!?" Rin hissed at the banana haired duelist "just keeping myself entertain Rin I hope you don't mind" Yugo said with a grin as he continued to rub Rin's leg. Rin just glared at him not wanting to make a scene as she turned back at watched the movie. Only a couple minutes later Rin tried her best to watch the movie but she lost all of her concentration when she felt Yugo lifted her skirt up a little bit and started to rub her pussy through her panties. Rin tried her best to keep watching the movie and keep herself from moaning and luckily she did.
Rin could feel herself getting wetter and her mind was started to be clouded with lust she will get Yugo later for this but now all she wants to do now is cum. So the green haired synchro duelist spread her legs a so that Yugo could have easier access to finger her pussy. Yugo smirk when he saw Rin spreading her legs knowing that Rin gave herself up to him. He continued to rub her pussy through her panties and he could feel Rin getting wetter and wetter by the minute about ten minutes later Yugo decided to not tease Rin any longer. He pushed aside the front of her green panties and without wasting any time he put two fingers inside of Rin's pussy and started to rapidly thrus his fingers in and out of Rin's dripping womanhood.
"Oh fuck so good！！！！I gonna cum I gonna cum！！！！Ahhhhhh" Rin thought as she bit her lips so she wouldn't make any noise Yugo was hitting in her in all of the right spots with his fingers as always. It wouldn't be long now until she explodes and cum all over his fingers to add to the pleasure Yugo leaned forward and kissed her neck causing the green haired synchro duelist to shiver in pleasure she was losing all self control at the moment but none the less she still kept quite. Yugo continued doing this for about twenty minutes until Rin quietly said " Ahhhhhh........Ahhhhhhh！Fuck Fuck！！！Yugo I'm cumming！！！ ". Yugo just kept doing what he was doing and kept fingering Rin faster and was lightly biting her neck and hug her before orgasm. About a minute or two later Yugo felt Rin's pussy clinching around his fingers and without any warning she came all over Yugo's fingers.
Yugo then released his fingers from Rin's pussy and saw his childhood friend pant as she just had a hard orgasm. He then licked his middle and index fingers of Rin's juices and turned to ask Rin "so Rin how do you feel?" Yugo asked Rin with a bit of a smirk on his face. Rin just turned to face Yugo "you idiot Moan heavily what were you thinking we could have gotten caught" Rin said as she scolded her childhood friend. "But we didn't come on Rin don't tell me you didn't enjoy me fingering you in public like that. Also your hot legs really making me feel super horny. I can't help it" Yugo replied. Rin sighed she did enjoy it but that was still very dangerous what Yugo did they could get in a lot of trouble if they get caught. But then again they didn't get caught and to be honest Rin always wanted to try public sex ethier with Yugo or with the other boys since Ruri and Yuzu had done it with the other boys including Yuto and Yuya. She haven't experience real sex for 3 years.
Rin sighed knowing that Yugo was right and arguing with him would be pointless also she saw his boyfriend dick became really hard. She started to lose it"Yugo unzip your pants and hurry up Moan" Rin ordered her childhood friend. Yugo nodded knowing what Rin was planning and unzipped his pants and getting his cock out of his pants and it was nearly hard. Rin looked around to see if any people were nearby and once she knew that she was in the clear we went down on the floor and went and kneeled down until she was face to face with Yugo's dick. Rin then grabbed her hand started to rub Yugo's dick up and down so she can get it fully hard. After about a minute or two Yugo dick was fully hard and Rin decided to not waste anymore time.
She started to open her mouth and take the tip of Yugo's dick and took a few more inches. Although she would have like to take more in she didn't due to wanted to not make too much noise or else she and Yugo would be in serious trouble so she would have to make due to what she has for now. Without wasting anytime Rin started to rapidly bob her head up and down Yugo's dick while at the same time she moved her panties to the side and started to rapidly rub her wet hot pussy. "Shit that feels so good" Yugo thought as he kept himself from grunting and was enjoying the blowjob he was getting from Rin. There was nothing so hot and taboo then screwing around with each other in public in his eyes he could now understand why Yuzu and Ruri loves it and this was just as good then he had sex with Serena when they went to the hot springs together.
Rin just continued giving Yugo a blowjob without making any noise and was a bit surprise she wasn't caught yet but luckily its dark in the theater so she and Yugo had used that to her advantage. But none the less all Rin was interested in getting a nice dish of Yugo's cum in her belly "I wonder what cum filled popcorn taste like?" she wondered. Rin continued to rapidly suck Yugo off like this for about twenty minutes until Yugo said "Rin I'm about to cum". Rin just bobble her head up and down hoping that Yugo would cum soon. Without any warning Rin felt Yugo shot a huge load straight into her mouth and throat. Rin then pulled herself away from Yugo dick and took her fingers away from her pussy and swallowed Yugo's cum and tasted her juices from her fingers. She then stood and looked at Yugo who quickly zipped up his pants and looked back at Rin.
"Ok I'll admit that was pretty fun but there is one place we haven't done it at" Rin said blushing a little bit. Yugo grinned "you thinking what I'm thinking Rin?" Yugo asked his childhood friend. Rin just nodded knowing exactly what Yugo was thinking and getting her hint as well "alright time to go Moan I can't hold back anymore. My pussy need a real dick inside" Yugo said as he got up from his seat and headed straight towards the location he and Rin decided to go to. Rin then took one last look at the movie and sighed "looks like I will have to see this movie another time！Now my body need to relax" Rin said to herself as she then quickly followed Yugo out of the movie theater. Yugo and Rin snuck around and both went inside the men's bathroom and luckily no one was in there so they will have time to do what they wanted to do.
Rin and Yugo then got inside one of the bathroom stalls and once they did that Rin lifted up her skirt and took off her panties while moaning heavily and gave it to Yugo who put it in his pocket and Yugo sat down on the toilet seat and unzipped his pants he then got out his cock from his boxers and started to rub it a little bit so he can be fully hard. Once it was fully hard Rin wasted no time and got on top on Yugo and quickly lower herself on his dick taking it inch by inch. Rin had to bite her tongue to keep herself from moaning loudly once she did that she started to rapidly bounce up and down on Yugo's dick. Yugo grunted a little bit but at the same time he lifted up Rin's tank top and bra and started to play with her breasts using his hand and mouth"Ahhhhhh....Ahhhhhh.....It's feeling so fucking good......I gonna go crazy.....Ahhhhhhh" Rin thought as she felt Yugo was playing with her breast while at the same time was bouncing up and down his dick. She been waiting for this moment since she saw Ruri and yuto have sex next to her bedroom. Rin knew damn that she shouldn't moan that loud. But she already lost all the control due to sex pleasure. The only thing matters to this synchro girl now is how many orgasm she can get at this moment.
The two continued doing this for about almost twenty minutes until Yugo said "Rin I'm about to cum" "me too" Rin replied Ahhhhhh.....Yes Yes Yes......shoot all inside my pussy.....Ahhhhh....Ahhhhhhh.....I'M CUMMING！！！！！. The duo continued to do what they were doing for five more minutes until Yugo felt Rin's pussy tighten and without any warning she came all over his dick. Which in turn caused Yugo to shoot 3 big load deep inside Rin's pussy. After about 3 minute or two Rin got off of Yugo and adjusted herself. Yugo then gave her panties to her and she quicky put it on "well not the movie date that I had in mind but still I enjoyed it. I haven't cum like this for ages " Rin said with a bit of a giggle. Yugo smiled at Rin "yeah I enjoyed it too Rin that was pretty fun sorry I made you miss your movie" Yugo said. Although he just orgasm, when he saw his girlfriend wet pussy right in front his eyes. His dick went fully hard again. I.....I need more sex tonight！Yugo said to himself.
"Don't worry about it spending time with you was more rewarding then seeing the movie besides I can always go back and see it next time！BTW we haven't have sex once inside my bathroom and bedroom. I need this tonight. I want to cum while both of us are naked" Rin said. Yugo said he then nodded and smile "yeah your right！I haven't use my mouth to message your pussy once. I need to do it tonight". "Come on we better get out of here before someone see us" Rin said "Yeah I'll lead the way" Yugo said after that Yugo and Rin then quietly snuck out of the boys bathroom and then started to make their way to Yugo's D-Wheel so that they could head home for the night. In that night Yugo hard dick made Rin orgasm 4 times more. Selena recorded the whole thing from her bedroom while masturb. She also orgasm 4 times.

I really just want to vent to people who will get it. There is nothing I could have done about this, I mean I did everything that would have usually helped, but the circumstances weren't there. Also, this is gonna be a really long one, sorry.
Okay, so yesterday there was a big event in my (f19) city. Think parade, but it was on the river. People come to see the event, the area around the river fills up with people and picnic blankets and things generally get a folk fest vibe. It's a university city, but with a lot of families, so people's plans range from wholesome picpic to copious amounts of alcohol.
I went with a few friends and were all pretty wholesome, so we went the calm picnic route. The morning and afternoon were seriously amazing, I was doing really well with the crowds and am actually really proud of myself because I removed myself from the situation for a few minutes when I noticed overstimulation coming on once. Later we went to a further part of the river, I went in for the first time this year, we chilled on the river banks for a while. Everything really calm, according to my ideas of a good time and accomodating to my nt needs (ADHD and autism, been learning how to cope for a year and ~3 moths respectively). It was still pretty exhausting though, so around 6pm we all went home and I wanted to just chill the rest of the day and try and recharge.
Here's where things get ugly, because the thing is I live in student accommodation. We have an area of around 300m by 400m that are just packed with varying sizes of student accommodation blocks with a cheap bar in the middle, that is right outside my window. Usually that's fine, I can hear them, but most nights is fine, when it gets bad I can close the window. But because of the event yesterday the bar also had a thing and they had a stage outside and a DJ with techno, at least 5 times as many people as normally and this time everybody was outside. My options were window open, music so loud it gives me overstimulation and the base hurts my ears or window closed, overstimulation from overheating and the music is still at the top of how loud I listen to music myself.
I had some food and then was just absolutely physically and mentally exhausted from my day to the point that even comfort-YouTube was too much. Semi-napped on my desk for about an hour with the window closed and noise cancelling headphones and calm music. The desk was vibratibg a bit form the base outside. Got suuper hungry again around 10 cause I didn't eat enough and I thought things would get better then anyways, because due to noise complaint laws the event had to end at 10 anyways. Of course it went till 10:30, but that's fine. I was super overwhelmed trying to pic something to eat, but finally decided to make some pasta.
Waiting for my pasta to cook I sat in the kitchen with the window open, the techno music had stopped, but all the people still made noise. Uncomfortable, but survivable. Until there was this one high pitched beeping that instantly sent me into shutdown. I swallowed that for about two minutes so I could drain the pasta and take everything to my room, but then it was closed window, zero lights, noise cancelling headphones with silence and hiding in the corner of my bed under the blanket and crying. I think that was the worst shut down I ever had. Took a few minutes to collect myself and then sat in complete darkness with my headphones eating my pasta (that was really difficult by the way to try and not burn my face because I missed my mouth with the fork lol).
Eventually I wanted to get ready for bed, so I opened the window fully to get some air befor sleeping with it closed and did my evening routine. But when I came back from the bathroom it was still hot in the room because I didn't put the blinds back up. So blinds up, window still open, try and push through 15 minutes of people sounds until the room is colder so I can go to sleep. Well that's what I thought. Some group of people thought that that was their moment to go get their own techno music, this time right outside my window (the bar is like 100m). I went back into my blanket and cried, this time full on whining and everything. But I hadn't closed the window yet for teh room climate and because I didn't have the mental capacity to. So I forced myself to get back up after like 10 minutes, closed the window, put the blinds on black out and actually put in ear plugs under my noise cancelling headphones and went back into my blanket to cry a little more. In the end I actually slept with earplugs and headphones and was still able to occasionally hear the music. (That was around midnight btw)
I slept almost exactly 10h in complete darkness (freed my ears when I woke up at some point) I'm doing better, but I'm definitely feeling that I wasn't able to relax yesterday. I'll take it really slow today and not take any risks, try and be okay fo the weekend, because I have a university thing all day both Saturday and Sunday (one time thing, but bad timing). Looking back I did everything I knew to do, but the quiet safe space in my room was ruined by the party outside. I maybe could have gone to sleep as soon as the official party went quiet, but then the other people's music would have hit me half asleep and hangry, so idk if that would have been better.
It's just that this was the first time things got this bad for me. I had a few proper shutdowns in the past few months (hence I am realising I'm autistic and talking to my therapist about it), but I was always able to remove myself from the situation, remove the triggers or whatever else. This was just complete torture with nothing I could do about it. I'll probably vent to my friends about it in the coming days, but since they are either nt or "only" have adhd or other things they can't really relate. So here you go.

So my daughter (we’ll call her T) came over to the house to do some laundry and she was asking “What the hell is Aunt Liz’s problem?” I asked what she meant and she explained how my sister had posted on Facebook that she and her husband were going away for their 15th wedding anniversary. T said that she had sent Aunt Liz a congrats post and Liz responded back with “Very fucking funny.”
So I sat her down and I told her what I’m about to tell you.
When T was four, Liz had called us and said that she was getting married in a few months. She and I were doing the typical girly “Squee!” sounds and “Oh that’s wonderful” stuff that sisters usually do. When we calmed down she asked if T would be willing to be the flower girl. I asked her and she said yes and chanted “Imma be flower girl” and started running around and pretend flying like she was a new member of the Justice League or something. I told Liz “We need to work on it, but she’s in.”
About a month later, the invites came in. In them it was stated that Liz did not want any children under the age of seventeen there and explained why. The reasons were sound (bored children, potential disruptions, etc) so I understood them. I did however have one concern. I called her and asked “Hey. Just got the invites, Me and the boys will be there but Hubs has a business trip that month and can’t make it. Do you still want T as your flower girl? Liz replied “Oh god yes. She’s too cute to not have her.” I shrugged and said “Well it’ll be the four of us, consider this your RSVP.” She said “Great! See you there.” We hung up and I went online and made the reservations. A room for me and T, and an adjoining room for the boys, Ron (19) and Carl (17). Names changed and all that.
Fast Forward to the weekend of the wedding. The venue is a six hour drive for me and I had to get out there on a Friday for the Saturday wedding. Since I had to wait for Carl to get out of school, we got a late start on Friday and we got there around 10pm. I got out and checked into the hotel room and I texted Liz. They were still at the venue and would be there at least another hour or two taking care of details so we drove over.
We got there and it was the usual pre-wedding chaos. Liz was getting things to her liking and honestly going a bit Bridezilla. She saw us first, beamed and came over. However when she got closer and saw who was in my party…she blew up.
“WHY DID YOU BRING HER!” she screamed. I said “But you wanted her for…” I was cut off and Liz went into a complete screaming meltdown about how this was her day, she didn’t want children there and “How dare you bring a FUCKING CHILD TO MY WEDDING!?!?” while looking right at T, and then stormed off screeching curses into the night. I was done, T was crying and saying “But I wanted to be flower girl” in between sobs, and Ron and Carl looked like they wanted to kill their aunt and at that moment I wasn’t sure I wanted to stop them. I picked up T and tried to comfort her and herded the crew back to the car and we drove back to the hotel.
I was seriously considering just packing up the car and heading home. I told the boys that and Ron was being the level headed one. “Mom, it’s a six hour drive and we’re all too tired and pissed to make that drive right now. We’d get in around 5-6 in the morning depending on rest stops and bathroom breaks. Do you really want to do that since we have a nice hotel room for the night? How about we go back to the hotel, get a night’s sleep and head back in the morning?”
I grudgingly admitted that he had a point. Carl piped up “Mom. I’ve got another idea.” I was waspish and I kinda snapped “What is it?” Carl looked up from his phone and sheepishly said “Well, T’s pretty upset.” Which was true, it’s been fifteen minutes and she’s still sobbing “I wannabe flower girl” over and over in the back seat. Carl continued “There's a county fair that just started tonight. Carnival rides, petting zoo, games…that sort of thing.” I snapped “So?”
Carl is made of sterner stuff. He didn’t wither under my anger and continued on. “We have the hotel until Sunday morning. Why not spend the night here, go to the fair tomorrow and then go home on Sunday like we planned. Give T something to think about other than Aunt Liz’s freakout, let her have some fun, and we all could use a Mom and the gang outing right about now.” I calmed down a bit and said “An idea not without merit.” I looked at T in the rearview and said “What about it T? You want to go to the fair instead of the wedding?” She sobbed “I wanna be flower girl!” Carl piped up “They’re going to have cotton candy and deep fried Oreos.” The crying stopped, there was one last sniffle and an exhausted but determined “I wanna go to the fair.”
So that’s what we did and we had fun. Liz could have her Bridezilla day and that was that. Except that it wasn’t. We had all turned our phones off since we knew some calls would be coming in and we just could not be bothered to deal with it. When we got back to the hotel, My mom and dad were there. They lit into me about how T was supposed to be there as Flower Girl and we just blew my sister and her special day off.
“Mom, Dad…” I said. “You know how the invites said no children? I called Liz when we gout ours and I asked if she still wanted T as a flower girl. She said that she did. So I brought T to the venue last night and Liz flipped out about how dare I bring a child to her special day.” Carl bless his “I can’t function without an iPhone in his hand” heart pulled up the video. I didn’t know he had recorded it but he was able to catch the final “How dare you bring a FUCKING CHILD TO MY WEDDING!?!?” I lit into them back. “So if T’s supposed to be there as flower girl but not be there because she’s a child, how am I supposed to pull that off? We went to the fair to calm T down and so she’d have something happy to remember and hopefully forget that Liz cussed her out. To. Her. Face!”
Mom and Dad went quiet then apologized. They said that they were going to have a word with Liz when she got back from the honeymoon and then had a nice chat with T about the things she saw and did. We drove home Sunday morning and that was that.
Story over, back in the present. T was blown away. “Mom, would I be a bad person for unfriending her and blocking her ass?” I said no and we went back to enjoying some Mom and Daughter time.