(i got tired of answering at some point and i think you can notice that, so sorry if my tone suddenly changes shsk, i didn’t answer in order so the ones written clearly more hastily are the ones i wrote after have got tired lol)
I tried to type myself multiple times but i always reconsider it… so i’ll try to answer the questions and drop some test results i got :) + english isn’t my native language so im sorry for eventual mistakes in my writing!!
• How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.
I’m 21 and i’m a female (trying to better understand if a feel comfortable identifying myself as genderfluid/bigender), i’m neurodivergent (adhd+autism+giftedness) and that has often made difficult to type myself. I’m really energetic and i like doing stuff, in the meaning that i hate stay sitting still and i always need stimuli both it is mental or physical. Even when i am w others, i need to do things w them, not just talk about things, unless we talk about smth i really like (which are usually relate to things I’ve to explain somehow) , but still i prefer do it while doing smth like drawing or walking. ‘Bout that I can say I really like doing activities w people especially when I am in charge, meaning that I like to decide what to do and so I usually prefer the company of ppl who are more kinda followers (but I won’t, for eg, chose an activity if I know the person I’m with doesn’t like it or doesn’t wanna do it, I’d probably try to convince them somehow - I also could be manipulative sometimes- but I’d still respect their decision at the end, I could be upset by that tho, it depends on how much I wanted to do that activity and the reason behind the “no”, but I’d not show it and try to be the more comprensive I can be, it really depends on the situation and the person tho. Also if it can counts to better understand my type, I didn’t like this question lol, bc its so general “general description of yourself”, in which sense help, what is ‘general’ abt a person to you, I’d end up writing everything just in this answer (that’s why I’m gonna stop myself here btw).
• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow? A part for being neurodivergent i struggled in my teen years with some ‘issues’ and even if i’ve never had a diagnosis (except for an ed’s one) i’m pretty sure i went through some pathological behaviour (therapists have mentioned histrionic behaviour at first and then covert narcissistic one), now i’m feeling so much better but i think that period had a big impact on my personality and behaviour causing me to be more insecure abt other opinions (which wasn’t a real worry before, not that much) and to be afraid of being a bad person or coming back to the person i was at the time.
• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it? I grew up basically by myself, considering that my parents have always been very neglective and distant to me and my needs, they’ve always done the minimum til i became able to do thing on my own (eg. they cooked for me til i went grown enough to do it by myself - i was 12 - and never done that again), so i’ve always been really independent and this helped me being really open-minded but also made me difficult to develope opinions/judgment, cause i haven’t had any type of influence, i started to cope this by reading and attach to fictional characters, that are still now the ones who help me grow a more coherent personality ig, if it makes sense, also by analysing their psychology as i said and understand them i’m able to explain what i think and also better understand myself and others. Basically I could say I’m very opinionated, but especially now that I fear being offensive/bad person, I tend to keep all to myself also bc I’m scared of seem incoherent since if I hear or read different perspectives abt smth which I’ve already an opinion of I can completely change my view, even if I would’ve defend that opinion w my life, which makes me feel so ashamed somehow either bc even if I hide it I hate losing arguments or being wrong in general (if this happens during an argument - I can’t help but would do anything to win it-) and bc as I said I don’t wanna ppl say /think I’m incoherent or whatever.
• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not? I work in a supermarket atm and my occupation is to supply the markets shelves with products, i really like it cause it keeps me active and also i have to organise things, which i love (much more if it’s a practical type of organisation, I like organise and categorise objects, things I can see and touch, not ideas, If I have to deal w them I need to write them down or visualise them somehow to have the same satisfaction). Tho, in september i’ll start a performative arts academy (singing, acting and dancing), performative arts are one of the things i love more in the world, i never get bored while practicing them (i HATE boredom). Here I think it’s worth to say that my favourite type of dance is ballet bc I have to keep my body in control, it’s impossible to explain how good I feel when I do that, pay attention to every part of my body and feel the sensation of control. + I think it’s also important to say that i usually learn by seeing, in general i prefer seeing videos ora images, or even better doing what i’m learning, but i noticed that if i just watch someone dance (for eg) w/out thinking to much about it or focus to much, it’s like my brain registers it and then it’s able to do it three thousand time better then if i would’ve tried to get every particular and overthink abt everything i have to do. While abt acting i feel really comfortable in fakes emotions or situations, i feel A LOT but i don’t like to talk abt my feelings in general ig ?? I tend to bottle everything up, especially negatives emotions and never show them, but when im acting it’s a total different things (maybe bc i know they’re not my own feelings yk, and even if i relate ppl don’t know i relate lol), in this way im also really good at manipulate my own brain in believe what i have to feel and how to act, i’m so good at being manipulative -either w myself and others- even if i try to not do so w ppl (some times i just cant help it tho -I understand when it’s to much and I’ll never doit if i know it can harm in any way), when i was little i used to do it more.
• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed? I don’t mind being alone, but i surely prefer company, even if we’ve to stay in silence i prefer someone w me, i only like being alone when i need to do smth that need my completely focus (like working ,study etc -when I’m really focused none should dare interrupt me fr). But in general i really feel refreshed and full of life after have spent time w ppl I care of or have done activities in general. Spend to much time alone w/out doing nothing has me kinda depressed and i always need to start doing smth after a while.
• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities? As i said i love dancing and acting, i like sports (skii and tennis especially), when i was little i used to avoid them tho cause i was afraid to not be able to play well and being made fun of, also I’m very competitive and even if i hide the frustration of losing, it’s really smth that give me nuts. I also love crosswords and sudoku, resolve maths and logical problems or puzzle (i’m really good with problem solving btw, I love solving things and I get so mad when I can’t), board games (my favourite is twister!!), reading (more when i was little, now it depends on if i get attached to the characters) and watching tv series. I also like some videogames like Super Mario’s games or The sims (i’ve always struggled in reading instructions/doing tutorials, i tend to learn while playing since forever and that’s why i avoid games that have a lot of options and instructions) but it’s not my favourite thing, and i find pleasure in drawing and writing too.
• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be? I think leadership really is my thing, but I’ve a past, already from childhood, made of criticism and ‘have been made fun of’ (my parents first of all) so I tend to avoid it unless I’m sure I’ll be successful and nobody will tell me anything abt my leadership. My style would probably be based on efficiency and have results that are admirable in any sense they could be, idk if its make sense, my brain is melting after writing sm lol, I’d be nice and comprensive as much as I could but depending on what happens, tempistics, etc… I could be really harsh and easily lose temper (only in certain situations tho, I’m trying to say that is an effort I’ve learn to put, to be patient, so it hasn’t always come so natural to me).
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity? As I said I love doing practical things, I love use my hands and I’m really good in handmade stuff. My mom always calls to do those kinda things at home for eg. I’m really coordinated, sometimes I literally get surprised of my reflexes and how much coordinate I can be.
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer. I love art, may favourite types of art is the one who involve moving your whole body tho, so dance and acting like I said, bc, like, I love writing and drawing too, but they’re more of a sitting still type of art, so I surely love them but I love dancing and acting more. I like less to watch art, there are lotta paintings I like but its not this big deal, while theatres’ plays for eg are more exciting to me. (Adding that art can be literally everything not only those things but nevermind).
• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them? I don’t think a lot abt the past honestly, I’m actually a person who move on really fast (I can hold grudges in this sense but this is more abt how I feel abt certain ppl not situations). I like look at the future even if it scares me a bit, but I also love being in the present, I’m usually a person who set goal after goal but especially lately I’m enjoying more being in the present, I mean if I’ve to do a ranking it’d be: present, future, past asjsja.
• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so? I’m really prone to help others even if sometimes it stress me out and I’ll prefer doing something else, but I do it anyway and I usually that person who try to find solutions that will work and have a result or at least touch a point. But I’m also really goos at empathise, I usually read ppl really well, so I come out as really understanding and in touch w others feelings, adding that I literally neve judge, unless i’m stressed and feel the need to take on someone (I feel guilty when it happens yes but I really can’t help it), ppl often say they feel safe came to me for help or even just vent (I recently learn that some ppl don’t wanna solutions but just need to be listened, so sometimes I just say “is there anything I can do to help you” “I’m sorry you feel this way” and stuff cause apparently otherwise it’s called toxic positivity (?? I don’t remember) and yk that fear abt being a bad person I mentioned? Right, but my thing is pretty much try to solve the problem after have listened the person I’m talking to.
• Do you need logical consistency in your life? I’ve a problem understanding the meaning of logic as a way to valuate situations or whatever mbti theory mean by that, I mean, it’s like “making sense” right? Cause every time I read abt mbti there is logic and moral and honestly I can’t tell the difference bc it literally depends by situations?? Or maybe I’m just stupid and got nothing, but what is logical consistency, bc when w talk about things relate to logic in a sense that isn’t logical-maths problems, my answer is always ‘it depends’, so I think my answer to this question is still ‘it depends’. Dunno really maybe I’m stupid but…
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you? It’s important. It just is, there isn’t a lot to explain here. I’m not always the most productive person, I’m adhd, sometimes it’s really hard to find the motivation to start doing things, but when I start them I need to be not only efficient but also the best, so obviously I need that efficiency and productivity to be really efficient and productive yk
• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that? I think I do both directly and indirectly, as I said I like being in control and even more I hate being controlled so… I’ve already mention manipulation, which is one of the way I use to control others ig, I think I’m not aware of other mechanisms I use to do so but I’m surely a controlling person, this was clearer when I was younger, I was a total bossy little kid, now I softened a lot, so, if I am controlling, I am in a way more healthy way, if it exists, idk it seems like I’m a monster but I swear I can be a really nice person help ashsasjah
• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses? I’ve already touched this topic so I’m gonna be short: I learn the best by doing, so physical senses are my must, I absolutely don’t like learn by just reading lot of informations put in written words, so if I have to learn by books I’m better if there are images or schemes, video are surely more appreciated and the worst is learn by just listening to someone, w/out any other supply , like no I just can’t.
• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go? I’ve good strategy skills I think and I’m even more good to break up projects into manageable tasks, so yes, its smth that really comes natural to me and I really enjoying do. Sometimes it can absorb my energy honestly, I really feel that, but I love planning and find solutions. I’m not bad in wing projects and improvise tho, I think it depends on tasks??
• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally? I just wanna be happy, enjoy life, try lotta things ad have lotta experiences, met ppl and bound w them, sharing quality time, love and being loved, this kind of thing, I’d say I’d really love to achieve big things and be successful honestly, but what counts more it’s just living life ig (have both would be the perfection obviuosly)
• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why? There are really a lot of questions omg, well I hate being controlled and fear lose control, I’m uncomfortable in sharing my feelings cause I hate being seen as weak or vulnerable, I can’t stand being made fun of, even if its just a joke, bc I hate the feeling of shameless I feel, I kinda need to be admired and give a good impression so when someone joke abt thing I do/say I get upset (hide it) unless I’m the first to do irony abt myself. I also hate being wrong and when ppl don’t listen to me, or when I have to repeat myself many times (I got tired of answering I’m sure it can be seen lol, it’s 11 pm here btw..)
• What do the "highs" in your life look like? I act so excited and I feel like I literally could do anything, I get so hyper motivated that I could accomplish all the thing I planned to accomplish and even more in a day.
• What do the "lows" in your life look like? The opposite, I feel unmotivated and could stay at bed all the day, also when I’m not at my best I tend to be really harsh on ppl close to me, like my brother for eg, I take everything on him and its like I can’t help but make him feel bad on propose sometimes (?), saying things I know will hurt him or annoy him (?), idk, I’m this honest just bc I really want to find out my real mbti, but yes when I have lows I tend to be an a**hole :((((
• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so? I daydream but not that much at the end, I’m surely aware of my surroundings while doing so, I think I use daydream as a way to get motivated but I’m not so lost in my head when it happens.
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it? It depends, there was a period during my teen years where I used to make a lot of impulsive decisions, now I try to think more before acting, but I still think I’m more prone to follow my gut. It’s an hard question to answer to cause its a thing that has changed often during my life. I usually can regret a decision but at the end I rarely change my mind while pondering the situation.
• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why? Yes, almost always, the scenarios are two, or I need the conversation to end so I agree w everything just to close it asap, or it’s just me and my fear of hurt the person I’m talking to, as I mentioned when I was I child I didn’t have this problem and I used to speak my mind during conversation, but now its a hole new story, I only say what I think if we’re really close, the more close the more I speak my truth, indeed I’m the most direct person ever whit my parents and brother.
• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why? I don’t break rules rules, but when we talk about social norms or way to do things at work etc… I usually find my own way to do them, even when my boss or more high level colleagues tell me tips, or explain how they’ve always done a particular tasks, I find more efficient ways so I can low-key also demonstrate I was right and able to do thing on my own. I don’t directly challenge authorities buy I often find myself thinking they could do better.
ty btw :))

I finally understand my addiction. I thought it was knives, but it is buying knives, realizing I have too many, and the anguish of choosing what has to go. That is my real addiction. So here we are. I am the first owner of all of these they have never been carried, sharpened, dismantled, or fidgeted with. All are priced below purchase value (from manufacturers or authorized dealers), and all ship in original factory packaging. Timestamp here and slip joints timestamp here.
Due to tax law changes, prices are PayPal FF with no comments (fees and shipping to lower Continental USA states included in sell price). Sorry but not trading today. Just too many knives in my collection.
Sharp By Design Tempest (Mini) with Carbon Fiber insert and drop-point blade. Picked it up in the last Brian Nadeau drop. Includes OEM spare screws and pivot that I bought from Brian’s webstore. Pictures and Video. $355.00
Sharp By Design Apex (limited run) with Damasteel blade and Timascus frame inserts. Also from the Brian Nadeau drop. Includes spare screws, pocket clip and pivot. Pictures and Video. $735.00
My absolute pride and Rockstead’s flagship Higo X-IW-ZDP (HRc67), wood handle overlay and Rockstead Sheath. Still brand new, never registered, and will ship with CoA and original purchase details. Pictures and Video (sheath videos here and here). $1,095.00
Olamic 247 Wayfarer. M390 harpoon blade, Titanium handles with Timascus hardware, backspacer and pocket clip. Includes CoA and Olamic tool. Pictures and Video. $485.00
Liong Mah Field Duty, Marbled Carbon Fiber handles, TI bolsters and M390 blade. Pictures and Video. $420.00
Alliance Designs Mini Slim Pickins, Natural Micarta with ELMAX blade. Pictures and Video. $295.00
Terrain 365 Caiman CF Skip-joint with 3" Dendritic Cobalt Blade (rustproof – they call it Teravantium) and Carbon fiber handle. Great walk and talk. Pictures and Video. $255.00
Tactile Knife Company and Carryology (TKCCO) limited run collaboration Bexar Koyo. This slip joint has a DLC coated Magnacut blade, special edition lanyard bead, Greg Stevens design leather slip and custom engraved pivot. Pictures and Video. $299.00
Custom Knife Factory Rotten Design Evolution 3.0C, with Hand Rubbed 3.74" M390 Satin Blade, Black Stonewashed Titanium Handles, Zircuti Collar. Includes the upgraded Zircuti pocket clip. Only left the pouch for inspection, for me to install the optional pocket clip, and to take these pictures. Includes the pouch, OG titanium pocket clip (also new), spare bearings and pivot & body screws. Pictures and Video. $850.00
Knifejoy version of the Brian Brown Knives (BBK) Damasteel Yeager-M. Includes the upgrade option OEM Mokuti Backspacer, Pocket Clip and Pivot Collars that replaced the original Titanium parts (still new and included). Only opened to install the Timascus kit, then back into humidity-controlled storage. Pictures and Video. $680.00
Limited-edition Lotto version of the Brian Brown Knives (BBK) Damasteel Raptor v2 with speed holes in the Titanium frame. Includes the upgrade option OEM Mokuti Backspacer, Pocket Clip and Pivot Collars that replaced the original Titanium parts (still new and included). Only opened to install the Timascus kit, then back into humidity-controlled storage. Pictures and Video. $725.00
Custom spec, Medford Slim Midi Marauder. Blue-Ano frame, Flame-Ano finish hardware and S35VN satin drop-point blade. Comes with all the Medford goodies and Pelican style box. Pictures and Video. $500.00
Custom spec, Medford Marauder-H. Blue-Ano frame, Flame-Ano finish hardware and 3V satin drop-point blade. Comes with all the Medford goodies and Pelican style box. Pictures and Video. $700.00

19, UK
While at university, using their eduroam system I accessed a cartoon porn site (of the Simpsons) a handful of times(less than 5). At the time I had no idea that this could be illegal in any way. However, I am now increasingly stressed about the prospect of a house search due to viewing indecent images of children. Again, it’s hard to explain my thought process here but the idea that this is any way portrayed children physically sickens me now.
While I didn’t download any content from these sites I did download “Rick and Morty a way back home” but never ran the game.
I don’t want to make any excuses here I made a mistake that looking back on it is reprehensible and I take full responsibility. But, I would just like to know what the fuck I should do.

Hello there! Im out here looking to make a connection with someone, take my mind off things, someone to chat with and all that. I'm 27, M I'm a huge nerd; I love playing board games, video games, I'm ofc into things like Marvel, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, etc.
I love to build things in my spare time when I can, mostly cool props or things from movies/tv/video games I or my friendsenjoy. I'm also pretty good with my hands and decently handy
I like to laugh and tell jokes (defense mechanism apparently). One of my main love languages is sharing stupid memes, comics, tik toks or otherwise fun or beautiful pieces of art that I think you may like. A general silly man if you will haha.
I've never been good at just summing myself up, so if I sound at all interesting to you and you'd like to chat I'm totally down! Oh I'm 5'9" with blonde hair, beard, average build
Hope to hear from you 😊

I have been masturbating multiple times a day since I started hitting puberty. At 15/16 it turner into 4/5 times a day. Afterwards my penis would be slightly sore, sometimes slightly swollen, but it would usually be fine the next day. If it was too sore I'd take a break. A few times I've done recreational stimulants and ended up masturbating while flaccid (gently with lube) for a few hours- this only happened a handful of times. Afterwards my flaccid penis would be firmer, sometimes cold, maybe slightly less sensation but always went back to normal.
I have also been going multiple rounds with my girl the past few months and my penis is often sore after sex even after taking a break.
Yesterday noticed my flaccid penis was firmer, slightly cold, and a little less sensation after masturbating. It got soft when I lay down and "contracts" and got firm when I stood. I noticed this last night and it went away today. This night, however, I got erect with porn for a few moments to "check things out" and noticed my head/glands were not fully engorged. All of these are symptoms of "hard flaccid" according to the internet.
I saw a nurse practioniner today, going to see a urologist doctor Monday. Should I be worried? Is this a thing?
Also was worried about Peyronies because of a lump but it turned out to just be my penis according to the nurse practicioner.

The episode on Gargwiki.
The episode on Ask Greg.
How long has it been: it's been five days since the previous episode.
Now this is much better. We begin with Dracon and his men stealing Xanatos' prototype weapons - a nice, if brief, scene; I love seeing Owen take part in the action a bit, and I love his visibly peeved expression at the end. Dracon makes a good first impression too, with that laught right after he managed to pull off his heist (although it's a bit strange to see him without the streak in his hair).
Remember how I said, back in Awakening Part Four, that the fight between Elisa and the Commandos was the "I'm not April O'Neil!" scene? Well, this is the "I'm not April O'Neil!" episode, introducing just about every part of Elisa's not-Gargoyles-related life: her parents, Derek, Beth (as a mention and a photograph), Chavez, Cagney, her loft, her precint (with the first appearance of the Clock Tower) and even a silent cameo for Matt; the characters don't get much in the way of characterization here, but it's nice to have them established.
Elisa and Chavez talk about Dracon at the precint - and hot damn, Elisa is pissed! That doesn't happen often. "Come on, captain, you know it was Dracon! Who else could it have been?" I don't know, one of those other criminal guys Weisman recently introduced in the comics? Not sure why it had to be old Tony, but whatever, Angry Elisa entertains me. Owen arrives, clarifies how many guns are out there and how dangerous they are - and then gives Elisa a rapid glance while smiling: I love how manipulative he is in this episode.
Elisa and Dracon's confrontation is AWESOME:

• It implies there's a lot - and I do mean A LOT - of history between these two; it's a pity Weisman doesn't seem to have any interest in Elisa's pre-Gargoyles life, because I think you could get a couple of great flashbacks out of her earlier confrontantions with Dracon.
• As I already mentioned, Angry Elisa entertains me.
• I love how sure of himself Tony is: "Hey, I told you, I'm not the guy. And if I was the guy, you couldn't do anything about it. In fact, if I were to tell one of my associates here to go sell off some... merchandise to raise some operating capital, you couldn't do anything about that either. Face it, Sugar: you got nothing." Awesome squared.

(There is, admittedly, one problem with the scene: when Elisa appears, Glasses and Pal Joey immediately reach for their guns; uh, I don't think you want to shoot a cop in a public place, you guys.)
Elisa goes home and tells Cagney "Be glad you've got a home, cat: the streets just got a whole lot meaner"; pat line is pat.
Broadway shooting Elisa is still a very effective scene (although, how unlucky can you get? Broad points that gun in literally every direction, and then, just when he's pointing at Elisa, it fires; had it gone off half a second before, there would have just been a round hole in the sofa. The rules of drama can be real c**ts sometimes); Broadway taking her to the hospital and then seeing her blood on his hands is arguably the least child-friendly scene in the entire show ("Out, damned spot!").
Dracon and his men trying out the weapons in the forest is another great scene:
GLASSES: "Hey, did you hear about Maza?"
DRACON: "Yeah... dangerous to leave a gun lying around, uh?"
What an a-hole; I love him. And speaking of a-holes, Owen makes sure to tell Goliath that Elisa "was trying to get a stolen shipment of particle-beam weaponry off the street. It was... very important to her." And then he leaves to go to his appointment with Tony: awesome. Goliath sends Brooklyn and Lex to search for Broadway, while Hudson stays home "to guard the Castle": hope you like that division of tasks, Old Soldier, because it won't be the last time you hear it.
Dr. Sato tells the Mazas that "The bullet hit high in the chest, ricocheted off the collar bone, nicked the heart muscle and passed through the right lung; I removed it from the base of her spine"; I honestly have no clue if any of this makes sense, medically-wise, so if anyone wishes to enlighten me, feel free to do it.
Then it's Goliath's turn to visit Elisa; according to Weisman, he already loves her by this point: "It's so clear to me. The way he touches her hair. The way he reacts to her being shot. He loves her. He doesn't know it yet. But it is SO there." I don't think you necessarily have to read the scene like that, but I suppose it makes sense. After that scene, Goliath immediately finds Dracon's house - how the hell did he manage to do it? - but doesn't attack him yet because he wants to be brought to the weapons first.
Meanwhile, that mugger that appears in a handful of episodes has the misfortune of meeting Broadway, who has now become the Reverse-Punisher: "What's this? A new kind of gun? A new way to kill people? WHERE DID YOU GET THIS? WHO GAVE IT TO YOU?" The real theme of this episode is people getting angry and looking awesome while they do it, and we haven't even reached the best part yet.
(Also awesome: Broadway lifting Glasses by the head - a veritable WTF moment.)
I love Goliath's reaction when him and Broadway meet at the place of Dracon's appointment: "How did you...? Oh, never mind. You're just in time to help me deal with the one who shot Elisa." And the fight scene that follows is amazing: kinda like the second part of the fight with the Pack from two episodes ago, there's almost a reversal of roles here - not two heroic Gargoyles fighting with human gangsters, but a bunch of poor humans desperately trying to fend off two rage-filled monsters. The tension doesn't come from the idea that the Gargs may possibly lose this fight - the way it's staged never leaves any doubt about the eventual winners - but from the fear that they might actually go over the edge here.
(Also awesome #2: the place they're in falling into darkness except when it's being illuminated by the lasers - another fantastic choice.)
Anything bad? Well, Goliath being so gung-ho about killing Dracon to avenge Elisa is a bit weird, considering that it was Elisa who, just three episodes ago, told him that by taking revenge he would become "the same as Demona"; moreover, him forgetting that lesson will become a bit of a recurring problem, going forward.
Broadway fesses up, and Goliath tells him they "have much to talk about" - bit of a pity we didn't see that conversation; then Owen arrives and makes the frankly dumb mistake of telling Goliath that Xanatos "will be pleased that you have recovered his property". Goliath doesn't like the idea of Xanatos being happy, and reacts accordingly by "Making sure that no more of these fall into the wrong hands".
OWEN: "Mr. Xanatos isn't going to like this..."
GOLIATH: "I'll be happy to discuss the matter with him."
We end things with another visit to Elisa and by regurgitating the episode's moral:
BROADWAY: "Elisa, it was all my fault: I was... playing with your gun and... it went off. I'll never touch a gun again."
ELISA: "I should have been a lot more careful about where I left it. We both made mistakes."
BROADWAY: "Yeah, but you nearly paid for those mistakes with your life."
ELISA: "Then let's not repeat them."
A bit louder, you guys, I'm not sure the sleeping two-years-old in the back have quite figured it out yet. Still, Goliath and Broadway watching over Elisa during the day is nice; final verdict: really really good, best episode yet, in fact.
RANKINGS:

1. Deadly Force
2. Awakening Part Four
3. Awakening Part One
4. Awakening Part Two
5. Awakening Part Five
6. The Thrill of the Hunt
7. Awakening Part Three
8. Temptation

“Its fundamental causes are to be found in the ingrained conventions of Japanese culture: our reflexive obedience; our reluctance to question authority; our devotion to ‘sticking with the program’; our groupism; and our insularity.”

- Kiyoshi Kurokawa (at the time, Tokyo University professor emeritus), on the causes of the Fukushima nuclear disaster.
Welp, I was wrong. Turns out, you can indeed write a long-form post about intelligent disobedience in a subreddit about video games. By the way, I'm not Japanese, but I will be writing about my take on Japanese culture. If you are Japanese, feel free to correct me regarding anything that I have written.
Spoilers the size of GENERAL GYOUBU ONIWA's ego ahead because I will be talking about the endings a lot. You have been warned!

Japan's issues with 'reflexive obedience'

Do you guys remember the Fukushima nuclear disaster? It did happen 12 years ago so it is indeed possible that some of you guys are not even aware it even happened. I did. I remember the talks of nuclear water spewing into the ocean, and how it might affect the Pacific Ocean. I remember seeing on TV the whole area evacuate, and how there are refugees even now from the disaster. I remember being aghast in horror when I learnt that the disaster was partially caused by bad building design, including how backup diesel generators were placed at sea level, vulnerable to any tsunamis. It, however, took me many many more years to learn that the disaster was not wholly natural. Rather, not only did it have a major human element, it was almost completely preventable. Yet, because of Japan's cultural quirks, it wasn't. As Kurokawa pointed out in the inquiry report, the disaster was "made in Japan."
So, what exactly is it about Japan's culture, especially in the workplace, that made Fukushima nuclear disaster pretty much inevitable? As Kurokawa had succinctly summarised, Japanese workplaces are notoriously hierarchical. Subordinates are expected to show respect to their higher-ups. This includes not disagreeing with them to their face and of course doing what you are told. Higher-up's decisions are not always questioned as much as they should be...such as the decision to build a nuclear power plant on a known fault line. Heck, the area even had stones dating from hundreds of years ago warning people not to build below that line because of the dangers of tsunamis, and the power plant was built below that.
An extreme example turned out to have happened during the Fukushima disaster itself because the Prime Minister at the time, Naoto Kan, had a notoriously strong personality. He wanted to help make the most minutiae of decisions, and would even yell at experts that disagreed with him. Kan at the time got away with it because he was at the top of the hierarchy, and people were afraid to question him. As a result, the disaster response was not as good as it could have been.
But there is a little bit more to Japanese hierarchy than the whole "top-down" approach you might be used to. Japanese culture also emphasises consensus (the "sticking with the program’" "groupism"). A fantastic example would be Nemawashi (根回し). In summary, this practice has people make extensive consultations with everyone affected within the company regarding a proposed change or project. Before the project or change can go ahead, everyone needs to agree to it. 99% Invisible did a fantastic side piece on it in their episode on Hanko stamps. Of course, if there is momentum within the company to support a change, you don't want to be the one to disagree with it and potentially stop the project in its tracks. That would make you pretty unpopular. So sometimes, people would be pressured into agreeing to something, even if they privately disagree with it.
Did the Fukushima nuclear disaster influence the themes of Sekiro? I don't know. The disaster happened in March 2011. The inquiry led by Kurokawa released its report in 2012. The development of Sekiro was said to have started in 2015. No doubt Miyazaki was deeply aware of the disaster being a Japanese person himself, and it could have influenced him to write about the follies of leaders in his other video games, such as Dark Souls III and Elden Ring. I'll leave this thread to someone who has more knowledge on the matter.
By the way, 'reflexive obedience' has caused other issues in Japan apart from the Fukushima disaster. For example, it is cited as one of the causes of the Toshiba accounting scandal, in which it was found that its PC division was overstating profits by at least $ 1 billion.
With that said, I don't think this 'reflexive obedience' pattern of behaviour is just a Japanese thing. Sure, it may be more prevalent in Japan, but it has popped up in Western situations, practically in contexts of widespread company fraud. A much more macho, toxic, and greedy version existed in the final years of Enron, and no doubt helped the directors create the fraud as big as it was. I recommend Alex Gibney's documentary Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room regarding the matter.
(By the way, I'm not even going to begin speculating how the whole 'reflexive obedience' came about because I don't want to suddenly have a Bachelor of Japanese Culture or something like that. From what I can tell, it has roots in Confucianism and the whole 'obey your elders' thing that is prevalent in East Asian cultures, but I don't know).

Reflexive obedience in the game

I hope by now that I have laid down the groundwork well enough that you would be reminded of one very specific thing in the game: The Iron Code.

One! The parent is absolute. Their will must be obeyed
Two! The master is absolute. You give your life to keep him safe. You bring him back at any cost.
Three! Fear is absolute. There is no shame in losing one battle. But you must take revenge by any means necessary!

I have heard this many times from Owl, because quite frankly it took me a long time to git gud. Back to the Code. According to it, as Owl is his father and therefore his superior, Sekiro should obey everything Owl says... up to and including killing friends and abandoning Kuro. And we know how that goes! Miyazaki was certainly not subtle in critiquing blind obedience in that regard!
But the critique goes further than that. Miyazaki is saying in the game that we should question all of our superiors, even the ones that are benevolent and well-meaning because even they might not know everything and you might come up with an even better solution to issues at hand. For example, if we had blindly followed Kuro's orders instead, we end up...not actually solving the problem. Sekiro ends up being a former shell of himself. In nine months' time, another divine heir will be born. In a few years' time, everyone will start fighting over their blood again. Another shinobi will come to the temple and look for the prosthetic. Kuro's sacrifice will be for naught. So, by even disobeying Owl, you accidentally land yourself in another bad ending. Sure, the ending in which Kuro sacrifices himself is not the worst ending ever, but it's still depressing.
So, how do you get to the good endings? How do you actually go about fulfilling Kuro's wishes of stopping the bloodshed and corruption of humanity caused by the presence of the divine blood? By practising intelligent disobedience.

What is intelligent disobedience?

Intelligent disobedience is when an order is given but deliberately ignored because following that order would lead to unforeseen negative consequences the orderer might not have predicted. The most common example of intelligent disobedience is the training of service animals. For example, a seeing-eye dog would immediately stop in front of the stairs. If the blind person the dog is assisting gives the command to go forward, the animal would not budge. The dog would only move if given a specific command that indicates the blind person is aware of the stairs and that it is safe to move. If the dog had blindly (ba dum tsh) followed the command to move forward, then the blind person would not be aware of the stairs. They would then tumble down, and hurt themselves badly. By disobeying the command to move forward, the dog is preventing a negative outcome. Note how intelligent disobedience is different from plain old disobedience.

1. Intelligent disobedience is done in good faith e.g. to prevent a negative consequence, or to protect people, or to help achieve a better outcome; and
2. The being disobeying the order has knowledge the orderer does not.

Ira Chaleff has advocated for intelligent disobedience to be used in human-to-human interactions as well, particularly in contexts where negative outcomes can be disastrous. He does note that respect is still needed and that the best way to go about it is to collaborate with the authority figure. Do question questionable orders, give your reasonings as to why you think the orders are unsuitable to attain the suitable outcome and work with your authority figure to find better solutions.
In the good endings, Sekiro...doesn't quite follow Chaleff's version of intelligent disobedience. He seems to more closely follow the guide dog's version of it by not just obeying Kuro's commands. Sure, he goes around collecting the ingredients for severing immortality on Kuro's command, but as soon as he figures out what it truly entailed and what it meant for Kuro, he can start doing his own thing. He can do research independently of Kuro and even decide to keep it a secret from his master.
I can see why he won't want to talk about it with Kuro however. He might not want Kuro to know that he is going against his master's wishes or is afraid Kuro will just command him to stop. After all, he is very socially awkward. He might not even know how to broach the topic.
(I do like the Purification route because it is when Sekiro learns to trust someone else that is not Kuro. If you complete the requirements, Emma becomes one of Sekiro's confidants and conspirators. He even becomes fond of her at the end.)
The Purification and Dragon Homecoming endings follow intelligent disobedience because:

1. Sekiro does it out of love for Kuro and respect for Kuro's wishes. In the Purification route, he is giving Kuro a mortal life, unburdened by his divine blood, and a chance to be able to open a tea shop. In the Dragon Homecoming route, he is going to return the Divine Heritage back to its rightful place, which in turn will permanently stop it from corrupting the people and land (hopefully). Kuro wants the outcomes from the two endings, sure, but this is a FromSoft game. Completely happy endings are illegal. Sekiro can only fulfil one wish but not the other.
2. Both endings require Sekiro to not only just get information from Kuro, but to listen to everyone around him. For example, Sekiro and Emma collaborate to meet the requirements for Purification, while he has to interact with the Divine Child a lot to get any chance of being able to pull of the Divine Homecoming ending. By the end, he comes to know of two other options that Kuro does not know about.

In conclusion: Sekiro is a critique of 'reflexive obedience' prevalent in Japan and a subtle advocate for intelligent disobedience

And if you want to achieve the best endings in life? Be smart, be kind, and listen to everyone around you. If you know something bad is going to happen, speak up and don't be afraid to collaborate with your authority figures. If you are in a position of authority, be aware of your follies. Listen to your underlings; they might know something that you don't.

I’ve found the subreddits for clasical music better (for my tastes) than (cough) some other forums, so I'm posting this here. Especially after someone around here pointed me to Sorabji, who I am in love with now — this is what people told me Scriabin was going to sound like — and I’ve never even seen him discussed anywhere else.
I’ve listened to 4000 albums that are new to me in the last couple years. Mostly thanks to RYM, where I could build charts by descriptions and subgenres. I eased my way into jazz — marked Cecil Taylor “interesting but too free” on my first pass — and now he and a dozen other free jazz musicians are my favorites by far. My taste in metal did the same thing: flung out to the deep ends of the avant-garde. Liturgy mixes black metal sounds into a totalist compositional style, Jute Gyte writes in 24tet for the most dissonant assault I’ve ever heard, metal that doesn’t reach this level of sheer idiosyncracy just doesn’t capture my imagination anymore.
All that is to say, I am — at this point in my musical journey — the kind of person who naturally finds Boulez more interesting that Beethoven. There are still a handful of “popular” acts that do or did enough musically to keep my attention — Stevie Wonder, deeper funk acts that made up for approachable melody/harmony with an intense sense of rhythm— but my tastes are also informed by my own dabbling in music, in the sense that I don’t want “good tunes” as much as I want listening to someone else’s music to *teach* me something. And I could shuffle diatonic/pentatonic melodies over diatonic chords all day. Yeah, I know, there are a billion songs still to be written in C and I can learn to write those better.
So the #1 thing that appeals to me in music now is — well, it’s hard to summarize in a word, but I see it as various expressions of a single core idea, I’ll break it down like this: 1. when a melody note goes over a chord it “shouldn’t” go over; 2. when a chord follows a chord that it “shouldn’t” follow; 3. when a chord shouldn’t be “a chord” at all (think of Ives basing pieces around “chords” including all 12 notes, and doing this again and again to entirely different effects.)
So a large portion of what I love is going to be broadly “avant-garde,” but there’s a lot of “avant-garde” stuff I just know I’ll never care much for. Solo violin performances, even if they are from Berg. Dark ambient-esque sonorism, however “dissonant.” I need vertical and horizontal “complexity” together. Everything doesn’t have to be as overbearingly dense as Sorabji, but if it *is* as heavy as Sorabji, I probably *am* going to love it.
One trouble is, I feel like the majority of modernist classical stuff is closer to Berg’s violin sonatas than Ives’ fourth symphony. If there aren’t some moments I feel like my brain needs to return to and take some time to just compute, I feel like I’m wasting my time.
An even bigger trouble is, I feel I’ve exhausted how far crawling around for recommendations here and there can take me. It’s just so easy to keep using RYM charts to find and sort *literally anything else* that I know over the long term, my interest in classical won’t keep up unless I do something else to ensure it sticks. Second, I’ve ran through most of the big names — Messiaen, Boulez, Ligeti, Penderecki, Schonberg, Ives, Carter, Xenakis — leaving odd stray mentions of smaller names, and where do I even start with them? They could have one or two works that massively land in my tastes, and a much larger number that don’t. But realistically I’m not going to sit through five symphonies waiting to figure that out. On RYM and the genres it handles well, I could search for the “dense” descriptor and look at negative reviews from people saying it gave them a headache or it’s “like eating a whole box of chocolates in one sitting” or wherever.
So this is a recommendations post because I am always interested in more modern classical recommendations, especially here, but also a broader request to help me keep classical music in my diet going forward. I want to know the stuff that falls in my sphere of interest here as well as I do in jazz for instance.
Things that are:
- in odd, unusual, nonexistent “modes” or “scales”, which can sound as pretty as Messiaen or as dissonant as Boulez, I count serialism here just because it contrasts so severely with all other music that has any tonal center at all, but especially if the counterpoint is as dense as it gets in Boulez
- dense, in terms of tonality shifting frequently, or of the complexity of chords (see Ives’), or many layers of polyphony or counterpoint — so many modernist symphonies are mostly solo instruments with a creepy violin pluck thrown as an accent occasionally, and that just doesn’t hit for me
- complex, or loose and fluctuating rhythms are a plus but not my main
Ian Ring’s website breaks down that there are 413 mathematically possible 7-note scales. I mean, I’d love to have a collection sorted by each of them with all of them filled in, then a further section for polytonal combinations of odd scales.... I know I’m describing something absurd.
So first, obviously the floor is open for any and all composer / composition / recording recommendations that fall around these criteria. But just as if not more importantly, how can I keep a radar out for things with these qualities when I’m checking RYM’s yearly charts for dense, avant-garde, etc.? By which I mean, if the answer is some label that has a wide assortment of styles, I’m just not realistically going to keep up listening to random names there unless I find they stand a high chance of falling in these categories. If there’s anyone out there that’s made a listing sort of along the lines of Scaruffi’s, anywhere I could find these kind of huge indepth rankings from people that are placing these works in a broader historical and musical scope of some kind, that would be amazing. I’d happily spend the next year going through every recording, maybe even dedicate a whole year exclusively to classical. I *have* gone through Boulez and Messiaen’s Completes Ō€veures disc by disc in order more than once by now.
This is a very uncommon issue to have, I know — even in classical forums people don’t talk about modernism as much — I figure this place is my best bet for finding people of similar bent.
Thank you guys in advance 🙏

Here's a weird ass lyrics I wrote about a person in City 17 who support the Beneficiaries and look up to them as their lord and savior despite the citizen got drugged becoz of the private reserved water. I dunno why I wrote one, I thought its a good idea, it just popped in my head.
This is not canon however coz I threw Portal Storms and Air Exchange references, (the Green Clouds and rain.)
Also the title is a reference to GLaD-OS heh.
[1st Verse] I'm so glad that I'm still breathing Despite of everyone, picking out the flaws Instead of being thankful for their lives. Private reserved water for breakfast And I still couldn't remember the day I got here But it's alright.
[Pre-Chorus] I'm alright, The air and the sun still kiss my skin, I feel alive.
Why don't these people Move out of the city instead of disturbing the peace? Those graffitis on the walls, the symbol of hope, now in yellow tapes. I'm tired of sleeping with one eyes open Why couldn’t just they be glad
[Chorus] That we were spared Instead of being incinerated Or for worse, to resist and turn to something you'd wish you're not. They scare me But at the very least, I am glad I'm not you.
[Verse 2] All this worthless plotting of taking out Our Beneficiaries, which makes us all safe at night God looms over us making points to create a beautiful line And the suppression field to lessen the reproduction of the weak.
[Pre-Chorus] It don't matter whether if it rains I'm alright, unlike everybody else.
We aren't free nor oppressed, The shackles is what makes us all alone in a song, Listen how the melodies rhyme and the words blends altogether Why couldn’t you just be glad
[Chorus 2] That you were spared Instead of being incinerated Or for worse, to resist and turn to something you'd wish you're not. They scare me But at the very least, I am glad I'm not you.
[Bridge] I am glad I'm not you. I am glad I'm not you. I am glad I'm not you. I am glad I'm not you.
(Instrumental)
[Sample:] ("The true citizen knows that duty is the greatest gift. The true citizen appreciates the comforts of City 17, but uses discretion. The true citizen's job is the opposite of slavery.")
(Last Chorus) I hope you all lose, I didn't even found what I was looking for, Put these all behind, I've tried, and look at where it got me Piece by piece, my mind never healed, There were splashes of scenery and peace and serenity.
(Outro) Then there's fire and blue storms, Green clouds and rain, and they burn All I ever, wanted was to see All I ever, wanted was to see All I...

So this time last year my career was in a great place. I was a TA Manager in FAANG making great money in an interesting role with great people and loving life. My role got impacted by layoffs at the start of the year. I got a good 6 figure severance package and I’m now in a contract TA role which is quite junior at a respected organisation.
I’ve been hustling like crazy but there are no interesting roles out there! The people at this contract are lovely but my career has gone backwards. I do have a lot of time on my hands and I’d like to look at moving outside TA, potentially projects, tech sales, change management. Has anyone made the move and if so what did you do, any courses you’d recommend taking? I live in Australia fyi - thank you!

DRAG RACE!
Chronologica struts the runway wearing a Spider-Man suit, and long red wig.
Hello world!
Welcome to Drag Race.
Princess Papaya, you’re back! How are you going?
“Fabulously.” Papaya grins, touching the back of her head. “OH!”
What?
“Nothing.” Papaya smiles.
Rachelle, are you a lover?
“Always.” Rachelle smirks. “We were lovers.”
Once!
Floss, are you a lover?
“I’m a fighter, bitch.” Floss smirks. “I’ve survived snipers, baby.”
For our Challenge, our racers were tasked with competing in Duos in Lovers: The Musical.
And on the runway, they’ll be wearing Royal Couture.
It’s TIME!
~
Category is… Royal Couture!
Yasmin strides confidently onto the runway in a super-elegant Irene Galitzine cream shift dress, with a structured dress collar, built-in pockets, and a subtle black geometric pattern, accessorized with sleek black boots, black gloves, a neat blonde bob, triangular cream glasses, and a simple tiara studded with black diamonds.
“I’m hungry.” Papaya laughs.
Aguacate struts, jade scepter first down the runway. She is covered in a bronze robe, and her face is concealed by a jade mask reminiscent of Pakal the Great. At the end of the runway, she removes the mask, revealing a mug that is beat for the Mayan Gods.
“Ooooh….” Floss eyes light up.
Zazu Nova enters the stage in a fitted bodice adorned with intricate beading and lace in a regal royal blue, a voluminous skirt made of silk, structured with hoops to create a dramatic effect and an oversized collar, made of beads with metallic accents to add the final touch.
Beaded for the GODS.
Fiore Stravaganza struts out in a pearl coloured ballgown, with layer upon layer of white pearls upon her chest, structured around her gown. She has a stark painted face in a clown white, with a huge updo that itself has pearls wrapped around it, with a crown in white to add the final touch.
“A pearl necklace? Gross!” Papaya yells.
Jaslene Bangus has become Cinderella! In a gorgeous blue gown, Jaslene spins around, her dress glittering in the shining light. Her hair is placed up in a shining blonde, with a blue ribbon headpiece wrapped around it as she smiles.
Cinderella’s Ball.
King Omari Star enters the stage as an African King! He’s got a huge bronze cape, with a suit in a shining gold with geometric shapes throughout. Around his neck are various beads and jewels, along with a huge top hat in the same embroidered fashion as his cape as he proudly stomps through the stage.
“Power, baby.” Floss grins.
~
Hi Racers.
Let us chat.
Starting with… Aguacate & Yasmin.
The two grin.
What a fun combination. You both are really campy Queens, and you brought it this week.
“We always do.” Aguacate winks.
“I feel like you aren’t SINGERS.” Papaya adds. “But, you really had the confidence and skill in the delivery that brought yourself forward. For that, you should be pleased.”
“Thank you.” Yasmin nods. “I wanted to fight for this, and I believe collectively, we did.”
Good work.
Jaslene and Fiore.
The two stand tall.
“First of all. You look amazing- both of you.” Rachelle says.
Jaslene grins, and Fiore nods.
“Princesses.” Fiore smiles.
“I feel as if the vibe, though- the two of you, together, didn’t really work like I wanted to. Jaslene, you are a performer, and that was shown, through and through.”
“Thank you.” Jaslene responds.
“Fiore, I wanted so much more then what you did.” Rachelle responds. “This competition- we’re almost at the tail end, I need you to give us more. You struggled.”
“I did.” Fiore purses her lips. “But I did try-”
“Is that enough?” Rachelle adds. “I don’t know.”
Fiore looks at Rachelle. “Okay.”
Finally, Zazu and Omari.
“Pisces.” Zazu winks.
“You two bring such a fun chemistry, baby.” Floss smiles. “When it’s bad, it can be bad.”
“No more hosting.” Omari smirks.
“But when it’s good, it’s fucking good.” Floss grins. “I loved ya’ll.”
“Thank you!” Zazu smiles.
“There was such a level of fun, such a level of entertainment- you were stars on the main stage, and I loved to see it.” Floss grins. “Well done.”
The two look happily.
Thank you, racers. Whilst we deliberate, you may untuck backstage in the Crystal Lounge, sponsored by Princess Papaya Tropical Drinks.
Papaya winks.
~
The racers enter the Crystal Lounge.
“The final countdown…” Aguacate sings. “Da do do da… da da dee da da…” Aguacate grabs her drink. “The top 6.”
“It feels fantastic.” Yasmin grins. “Also because I am surviving another week.”
Fiore and Jaslene, at the other side of the room, both roll their eyes at the back.
“I feel as if-” Omari purses his lips. “This week, I was challenged, I felt as if at times- I couldn’t do it. But not only did I fight, have fun- but I engaged with my truth with a fantastic partner.”
“Me?” Zazu looks over in surprise.
Omari chuckles. “Yes, you.”
Zazu blushes. “I just wanted to enjoy this. I know I am not- the most mind blowing, the most talented artist but I love to perform. That’s what is in my heart.”
“I think that’s-” Yasmin tears up. “Beautiful. Because all of us here, we’re all fighting something and giving our all. And you’re a survivor, girl.”
Zazu smiles.
“We’re all survivors.” Aguacate wipes a tear and nods. “That’s what makes us powerful.”
Jaslene and Fiore look at each other.
"Well." Fiore purses her lips.
"Well, this has been quite the journey, hasn't it?" Fiore says, breaking the silence between them.
…
"Well, what?" Jaslene raises an eyebrow.
Fiore takes a deep breath. "Look, Jaslene, I may not have been the easiest person to work with, and I apologize for my behavior. I let my competitiveness and my desire to win cloud my judgment and affect our partnership. I didn't give you the respect and support you deserved."
Jaslene looks surprised and nods. "Thank you for saying that, Fiore. I appreciate it… And I'm sorry too. I let my frustration get the best of me, and I didn't always handle our conflicts in the best way either. We both made mistakes, but it's not too late to make amends."
Fiore's voice cracks slightly as she continues, "I know we don't have the best relationship anymore, and I can't promise that everything will suddenly be perfect between us. But I don't want us to be at each other's throats anymore. We're both here for a reason, and we should focus on supporting each other, rather than tearing each other down… and I have honestly missed our friendship these past few weeks.”
“Me too, girl.” Jaslene nods, also becoming emotional.
“…and I hope we can eventually go back to how we were." Fiore sighs.
Jaslene smiles, extending her hand towards Fiore. "Truce?"
Fiore hesitates for a moment, then reaches out and shakes Jaslene's hand. "Truce." She says with a small smile.
…
"Aww, look at them. They're having a moment." Yasmin whispers to the group, as the two walk over to the mirrors.
Omari smiles. "Seems like they've finally found some common ground. It's about time."
Zazu raises her glass. "To growth and second chances. May they slay this lip sync and leave the past behind."
"Go out there and show them what you're made of, skanks!" Aguacate yells.
"You've got this, ladies!" Yasmin adds with a supportive nod.
~
Welcome back, racers.
King Omari Star and Zazu Nova, this week, you were amazing- and I was living- no, LOVING it. Condragulations, you are the winners of this week’s challenge!
“AHHH!” Zazu cheers, hugging Omari, who chuckles.
King Omari Star: “A win, and damn does it feel good.”
…
…
…
Aguacate and Yasmin, you’re safe.
The two grin.
Fiore and Jaslene look at each other.
That means Jaslene Bangus and Fiore Stravaganza, I’m sorry my dears, but you are up for elimination.
The time has come… for you to lip sync to your life!
**You Belong with Me by Taylor Swift starts to play**
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VuNIsY6JdUw
Good luck… and don’t fuck it up!
Fiore and Jaslene both look at the other and sigh.
Aguacate: “Two frenemies, lip syncing for their lives… oh this will be delicious.” Aguacate chuckles.
~
Next Time!
Racers, it’s time for The Gods Ball!
This is our FINAL challenge before our grand finale!
Aguacate: “There’s no way I am NOT going to win this challenge before the finale. I want that SPOT!”
“Am I serving?” Yasmin looks at her garment.
“Something.” Zazu says, awkwardly.
“This is it, racers….” Omari smirks. “Who’s gonna take it?”
~
Stats
Voting
Spreadsheet

DRAG RACE!
Chronologica struts the runway wearing a Spider-Man suit, and long red wig.
Hello world!
Welcome to Drag Race.
Princess Papaya, you’re back! How are you going?
“Fabulously.” Papaya grins, touching the back of her head. “OH!”
What?
“Nothing.” Papaya smiles.
Rachelle, are you a lover?
“Always.” Rachelle smirks. “We were lovers.”
Once!
Floss, are you a lover?
“I’m a fighter, bitch.” Floss smirks. “I’ve survived snipers, baby.”
For our Challenge, our racers were tasked with competing in Duos in Lovers: The Musical.
And on the runway, they’ll be wearing Royal Couture.
It’s TIME!
~
Category is… Royal Couture!
Yasmin strides confidently onto the runway in a super-elegant Irene Galitzine cream shift dress, with a structured dress collar, built-in pockets, and a subtle black geometric pattern, accessorized with sleek black boots, black gloves, a neat blonde bob, triangular cream glasses, and a simple tiara studded with black diamonds.
“I’m hungry.” Papaya laughs.
Aguacate struts, jade scepter first down the runway. She is covered in a bronze robe, and her face is concealed by a jade mask reminiscent of Pakal the Great. At the end of the runway, she removes the mask, revealing a mug that is beat for the Mayan Gods.
“Ooooh….” Floss eyes light up.
Zazu Nova enters the stage in a fitted bodice adorned with intricate beading and lace in a regal royal blue, a voluminous skirt made of silk, structured with hoops to create a dramatic effect and an oversized collar, made of beads with metallic accents to add the final touch.
Beaded for the GODS.
Fiore Stravaganza struts out in a pearl coloured ballgown, with layer upon layer of white pearls upon her chest, structured around her gown. She has a stark painted face in a clown white, with a huge updo that itself has pearls wrapped around it, with a crown in white to add the final touch.
“A pearl necklace? Gross!” Papaya yells.
Jaslene Bangus has become Cinderella! In a gorgeous blue gown, Jaslene spins around, her dress glittering in the shining light. Her hair is placed up in a shining blonde, with a blue ribbon headpiece wrapped around it as she smiles.
Cinderella’s Ball.
King Omari Star enters the stage as an African King! He’s got a huge bronze cape, with a suit in a shining gold with geometric shapes throughout. Around his neck are various beads and jewels, along with a huge top hat in the same embroidered fashion as his cape as he proudly stomps through the stage.
“Power, baby.” Floss grins.
~
Hi Racers.
Let us chat.
Starting with… Aguacate & Yasmin.
The two grin.
What a fun combination. You both are really campy Queens, and you brought it this week.
“We always do.” Aguacate winks.
“I feel like you aren’t SINGERS.” Papaya adds. “But, you really had the confidence and skill in the delivery that brought yourself forward. For that, you should be pleased.”
“Thank you.” Yasmin nods. “I wanted to fight for this, and I believe collectively, we did.”
Good work.
Jaslene and Fiore.
The two stand tall.
“First of all. You look amazing- both of you.” Rachelle says.
Jaslene grins, and Fiore nods.
“Princesses.” Fiore smiles.
“I feel as if the vibe, though- the two of you, together, didn’t really work like I wanted to. Jaslene, you are a performer, and that was shown, through and through.”
“Thank you.” Jaslene responds.
“Fiore, I wanted so much more then what you did.” Rachelle responds. “This competition- we’re almost at the tail end, I need you to give us more. You struggled.”
“I did.” Fiore purses her lips. “But I did try-”
“Is that enough?” Rachelle adds. “I don’t know.”
Fiore looks at Rachelle. “Okay.”
Finally, Zazu and Omari.
“Pisces.” Zazu winks.
“You two bring such a fun chemistry, baby.” Floss smiles. “When it’s bad, it can be bad.”
“No more hosting.” Omari smirks.
“But when it’s good, it’s fucking good.” Floss grins. “I loved ya’ll.”
“Thank you!” Zazu smiles.
“There was such a level of fun, such a level of entertainment- you were stars on the main stage, and I loved to see it.” Floss grins. “Well done.”
The two look happily.
Thank you, racers. Whilst we deliberate, you may untuck backstage in the Crystal Lounge, sponsored by Princess Papaya Tropical Drinks.
Papaya winks.
~
The racers enter the Crystal Lounge.
“The final countdown…” Aguacate sings. “Da do do da… da da dee da da…” Aguacate grabs her drink. “The top 6.”
“It feels fantastic.” Yasmin grins. “Also because I am surviving another week.”
Fiore and Jaslene, at the other side of the room, both roll their eyes at the back.
“I feel as if-” Omari purses his lips. “This week, I was challenged, I felt as if at times- I couldn’t do it. But not only did I fight, have fun- but I engaged with my truth with a fantastic partner.”
“Me?” Zazu looks over in surprise.
Omari chuckles. “Yes, you.”
Zazu blushes. “I just wanted to enjoy this. I know I am not- the most mind blowing, the most talented artist but I love to perform. That’s what is in my heart.”
“I think that’s-” Yasmin tears up. “Beautiful. Because all of us here, we’re all fighting something and giving our all. And you’re a survivor, girl.”
Zazu smiles.
“We’re all survivors.” Aguacate wipes a tear and nods. “That’s what makes us powerful.”
Jaslene and Fiore look at each other.
"Well." Fiore purses her lips.
"Well, this has been quite the journey, hasn't it?" Fiore says, breaking the silence between them.
…
"Well, what?" Jaslene raises an eyebrow.
Fiore takes a deep breath. "Look, Jaslene, I may not have been the easiest person to work with, and I apologize for my behavior. I let my competitiveness and my desire to win cloud my judgment and affect our partnership. I didn't give you the respect and support you deserved."
Jaslene looks surprised and nods. "Thank you for saying that, Fiore. I appreciate it… And I'm sorry too. I let my frustration get the best of me, and I didn't always handle our conflicts in the best way either. We both made mistakes, but it's not too late to make amends."
Fiore's voice cracks slightly as she continues, "I know we don't have the best relationship anymore, and I can't promise that everything will suddenly be perfect between us. But I don't want us to be at each other's throats anymore. We're both here for a reason, and we should focus on supporting each other, rather than tearing each other down… and I have honestly missed our friendship these past few weeks.”
“Me too, girl.” Jaslene nods, also becoming emotional.
“…and I hope we can eventually go back to how we were." Fiore sighs.
Jaslene smiles, extending her hand towards Fiore. "Truce?"
Fiore hesitates for a moment, then reaches out and shakes Jaslene's hand. "Truce." She says with a small smile.
…
"Aww, look at them. They're having a moment." Yasmin whispers to the group, as the two walk over to the mirrors.
Omari smiles. "Seems like they've finally found some common ground. It's about time."
Zazu raises her glass. "To growth and second chances. May they slay this lip sync and leave the past behind."
"Go out there and show them what you're made of, skanks!" Aguacate yells.
"You've got this, ladies!" Yasmin adds with a supportive nod.
~
Welcome back, racers.
King Omari Star and Zazu Nova, this week, you were amazing- and I was living- no, LOVING it. Condragulations, you are the winners of this week’s challenge!
“AHHH!” Zazu cheers, hugging Omari, who chuckles.
King Omari Star: “A win, and damn does it feel good.”
…
…
…
Aguacate and Yasmin, you’re safe.
The two grin.
Fiore and Jaslene look at each other.
That means Jaslene Bangus and Fiore Stravaganza, I’m sorry my dears, but you are up for elimination.
The time has come… for you to lip sync to your life!
**You Belong with Me by Taylor Swift starts to play**
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VuNIsY6JdUw
Good luck… and don’t fuck it up!
Fiore and Jaslene both look at the other and sigh.
Aguacate: “Two frenemies, lip syncing for their lives… oh this will be delicious.” Aguacate chuckles.
~
Next Time!
Racers, it’s time for The Gods Ball!
This is our FINAL challenge before our grand finale!
Aguacate: “There’s no way I am NOT going to win this challenge before the finale. I want that SPOT!”
“Am I serving?” Yasmin looks at her garment.
“Something.” Zazu says, awkwardly.
“This is it, racers….” Omari smirks. “Who’s gonna take it?”
~
Stats
Voting
Spreadsheet

previous
The PV Hobby Horse, a small cargo ship in the manufacturer’s default medium grey, sat at one end of the docks. Mid-bulk transports took the other occupied slots, while the big ships were loaded by drone on the opposite side of the station.
Sidra Boston, captain of the Hobby Horse and professional bounty hunter, found herself facing a trip back into aslodzhin space to fulfill a promise. The trip was going to cost. Any other species’ space, she’d find someone that needed a small cargo delivered, but not so the aslodzhins. They already had her and her ship registered as a private vehicle for the purpose of bounty hunting, and their rules were as strict and inflexible as their carapace.
On a whim, she checked for any bounties put out by the aslodzhin courts. That she found one surprised her; the fact that the bounty was so low it wouldn’t even cover docking fees didn’t. Still, the skip was reportedly on this station, and it saved her a few credits.
Sidra wandered the station, stopping in the first eatery she encountered. They did a passable burger and fries, but the milkshake tasted like sweetened sludge, and was undrinkable.
She paid for her meal and looked at the warrant again. The hikarin female shouldn’t be difficult to find. Hikarins were tall, often well over two meters, thin, fine-boned, furry, and had six limbs, sometimes walking on four, sometimes on three and sometimes on two. The center two limbs were long and strong enough to act as legs, yet they had grasping feet-hands. This station, in human space, had few hikarins, and even fewer with the rare, orange fur of her bounty.
Finding her quarry was easier than expected. She sat against the wall in the main concourse and held a sign asking for food or assistance to get to Lizshak, a world in aslodzhin space.
Sidra didn’t have any weapons or cuffs on her, but thought she’d give it a try. “Minsahee?” she asked.
The hikarin nodded. Her large eyes were sunken, her fur a matted and dull orange-brown beneath crusted clothes. “Can you help me get home?”
“Minsahee, I have a warrant for your arrest for failure to appear before the aslodzhin court. You can come with me quietly, or I can go back and get my cuffs and shackles and we can do this the hard way.”
Minsahee’s eyes filled with tears. “You mean, you’ll take me to Lizshak?”
“I wasn’t planning on going that far, but I’ll get you to aslodzhin space, Station 47, and the court will take you wherever you’re meant to stand trial.” Sidra extended a hand to help the hikarin to her feet.
She was too weak to walk on two limbs, instead leaning over to walk on four, and even then, her steps were unsteady. Sidra put an arm around her and was surprised at how bony the woman felt under the fur.
“Do you need a doctor?”
Minsahee leaned against Sidra. “No, I’m just tired.”
Sidra didn’t see a need to put the hikarin in the cell built into the cargo bay, and instead offered her a bunk in an unused cabin. “I’m trusting you not to be stupid,” she said. “Remember, I could take you on my worst day and your best, so don’t make me lock you up.”
Minsahee said nothing. Instead, she lay on the bunk, once again on the verge of tears.
Sidra grabbed a meal bar from the pantry and gave it to her with a jug of water. “There’s a washroom right next door if you need it. Once we’re in the hyper lane I’ll have time to answer any questions.”
At least the return trip to aslodzhin space would be quiet. She’d spent the last two weeks with a crippled turgen in the cell, cursing her every minute he was awake, until she finally snapped, “You wouldn’t stop! You threatened to kill the hikarin you’d already hurt, and the aslodzhin officer, and me! How was I to know you can’t walk or stand without the use of your tail, anyway?”
The court was at first reluctant to pay the bounty, given his condition. Once they saw the bodycam footage, though, they relented.
This was a strange one, though. She’d picked up skips in various states of injury or illness, but never one that seemed on the verge of starving to death.
Once they were in the lane, course plotted in, she returned to the cabin Minsahee was using. The door was still open, and the empty wrapper for the meal bar was folded neatly and laid next to the pillow on the bunk. The hikarin had drunk half the water and was sleeping curled up in a ball.
Sidra closed the door and slept in a chair right outside it. It wouldn’t do to have the gal try to sneak to the cockpit and reroute the ship to Lizshak.
When Sidra woke a few hours later, Minsahee was still asleep. She heated up a can of potato-leek soup with ham and filled a bowl for herself. It was just as she started on her meal that Minsahee entered, carrying the half-empty water jug and meal bar wrapper.
Sidra looked up at her. “You hungry?”
Minsahee nodded and Sidra got up and poured the other half can of soup into a bowl, put a spoon in it, and set it on the table opposite herself. She sat back down and nodded at the bowl.
The hikarin got the message and sat to eat. She ate as if it was the last meal she’d ever get. Still, she only managed to eat half of it.
“Thank you, Captain.”
“So, Minsahee, why Lizshak?”
“I have—had a home there. Maybe I can go back to my job after I serve my time.”
“Your warrant didn’t say anything about your crime. You mind telling me?”
“Not a crime, a civil infraction.” Minsahee still held on to the meal bar wrapper until Sidra pointed at the recycler where she finally deposited it.
“What was the infraction, and how much time are you facing?”
“Mandatory three standard days for failure to appear for an appointment to have my signature notarized.”
Sidra’s spoon stopped halfway to her mouth which hung open. She set the spoon back in the bowl. “Say that again?”
“I was closing out a lease, which required a notarized signature. I had an appointment at the court notary but had to leave the day prior for Amherst station where you picked me up.”
“Why is that?”
“My hemi-brother was injured and in intensive care there. He was my only remaining family.”
Sidra sighed. “Was. I take it he didn’t make it?”
Minsahee shook her head. “I spent every credit I had getting there and had no way back.”
“How long were you on Amherst?”
“I don’t know in standard days, but seventy-one human days.”
“Shit.” Sidra went back to eating her soup. “Do you feel a little better with some food in your belly?”
“Yes, Captain. Thank you again.”
“I’m going to lay out a few simple rules on my ship. One: never enter the cockpit unless I tell you to. Two: never cycle an airlock unless I tell you to. Three: Clean up after yourself. That includes putting your leftovers in the fridge over there and finishing them later. I hate waste. Four: if you’re using the washroom, flip the switch just inside the door up, so I know you’re in there, and flip it down when you leave.”
“Yes, Captain, I will do those things.”
“As long as you don’t break the rules, you can call me Sid. Is it okay if I call you Min?”
Minsahee nodded. “Yes, I’d like that.”
Sidra stood up and cleaned up her dishes. “Not rules, but a few helpful things. If you want to wait to eat when I eat, that’s fine, but if you’re hungry, don’t be afraid to come in and feed yourself. Drinking water is available from the labeled tap over there. First aid kit is right there, too, but there’s nothing in there to make me go night-night or get you high. If you need to, feel free to use my shampoo. I take it you haven’t had a good wash in a while, right?”
Minsahee looked down at the table. “Right.”
“Hey, don’t be embarrassed. It’s not your fault. Social Services on Amherst should’ve done something to help.”
As Minsahee put her leftovers in the fridge, Sidra flopped down on the sofa and started up a holo series. She hadn’t been able to pay any attention with her last passenger, so it seemed like a good time to catch up.
She heard the shower start and stop several times. At least she knows how to wash without wasting water, Sidra thought. During quiet parts of the holo she could hear pained grunts and sharp intakes of breath from the cabins.
Sidra paused the holo and went to check on Minsahee. Her door was open, and she was trying to untangle bright orange fur with her fingers. Her clothes lay in a pile beside the bed.
Sidra grabbed a comb and brush from the washroom and tapped on her door. “Would you like some help?”
“I don’t want to be a bother—”
“Nonsense. You can throw those clothes and the bedsheets in the sterilizer and come sit in the galley with me. I’ll work on your back while you work on your front.”
“But I’m naked.”
“So? See anyone else around here?”
Minsahee picked up the clothes and sheets and put them in the machine that Sidra pointed to. It started automatically, and she followed Sidra back to the galley.
“I’m gonna sit on the sofa, just sit on the floor in front of me and I’ll get started on your back.”
Once they’d settled in, Sidra resumed play on the holo and began to comb the mats out of the hikarin’s fur. She was careful not to pull too hard, instead treating it as she did the rescue cat she’d had years before.
“Captain, why would you do this for me?”
“I told you, Min, call me Sid.” She took a deep breath and let it out. “Maybe I just don’t want the court to think I abused you on the way.”
Minsahee shook her head. “That’s not it. You could’ve brought me in exactly as you found me, and they wouldn’t care. So why, Sid?”
“Most of the time my job’s pretty lonely. I guess it’s just nice having a skip that isn’t trying to run, or kill me, or anything of the sort.” She laughed. “You’re the first bounty I’ve ever picked up that wanted to go serve your time.”
“I can’t get work until I do,” she said, “so I should.”
Once Sidra had worked out the mats on Minsahee’s head, back, and upper arms, she handed the comb to her and began to brush out those areas. All the while, the two watched episode after episode of the holo.
They stopped partway through the evening to eat; Minsahee reheating and finishing her soup and Sidra making herself a sandwich. Even though her clothes were clean, Minsahee didn’t rush to dress. When Sidra had finished with the brush, Minsahee took over, brushing her forelimbs and legs, chest, belly, and neck.
As one of the holo episodes ended, Sidra stopped it and stood. “I’m going to shower and go to bed. If you want to keep watching you can, just no spoilers.”
“Spoilers?”
“If you watch more episodes, don’t tell me what happens. I like to find out for myself.”
“I think I’m just going to finish brushing out my legs, and then go to sleep myself. I’m not ready to put clothes on with how good my fur feels right now. Besides, I think the show’s more enjoyable with a friend.”
Sidra nodded and left the galley. A friend, she thought, is that how she sees me? The sterilizer was on the way to the cabins, so she pulled out the sheets and clothes, made up Minsahee’s bed, and laid her folded clothes in the center of it. The four-sleeved top had a large rip on one of the lower sleeves, but Sidra didn’t have any way to repair it.
She stepped into the shower, wet herself down, scrubbed, and rinsed quickly. She walked out carrying her clothes and wrapped in a towel. Minsahee waited for her just inside the door of her cabin. “Thank you again, ca—Sid.”
“Get some sleep, Min.” Sidra dropped her clothes and the towel in the sterilizer on her way by and lay down to sleep in her own cabin. She knew for sure now that Minsahee wasn’t going to sneak onto the bridge or try to strangle her in her sleep.
The next morning, Sidra pulled the treasure she’d picked up on Amherst out of the pantry. Two real potatoes. She’d planned on gorging on home fries, but since she had company, she’d share. Shit, she thought, company? I thought I was hauling a skip.
As she finished chopping the potatoes, she answered herself aloud, “No, she’s a good woman. She just missed an appointment, we all do. It’s the bugs that are the baddies here.”
“Did you say something?”
Sidra jumped, knocking the knife off the counter. It landed on her foot, leaving a long gash. “Ow, shit!”
“Lay down and elevate your foot,” Minsahee said with more force than Sidra thought her capable of. She pulled the first-aid kit off the wall and dropped down next to Sidra. In a matter of seconds, she’d cleaned the wound, and begun pulling out the suture kit. “I’m sorry, Captain, it’s deep and it needs stitches.”
“What was your job?” Sidra asked.
“Second-rank-emergency-trauma-physician-first-class,” she answered, as she sprayed a numbing agent on the injury.
“Aslodzhin titles. That would be like, what, an ER doctor in human space?”
“Similar,” she said, while stitching up Sidra’s foot. “The only things we don’t do are those we pass off to surgeons or specialists.”
Within a matter of minutes, Sidra’s foot was stitched and bandaged, and Minsahee helped her to the sofa where she could lie down and elevate her foot. Only after she was settled did she notice that besides tending her wound, Minsahee had cleaned up the blood, tidied up the suture and bandage packages, and repacked the first aid kit.
“Thanks, Min. Or I guess I should say Doctor Minsahee.”
“There’s no need for that. But I will have to take care of you for a few days. You need to stay off that foot as much as possible.”
“Ugh.”
“What were you preparing to cook?”
“I was going to make us some home fries. The potatoes are chopped and ready.”
“I don’t know what home fries or potatoes are, but if you talk me through it, I can make it for you.”
As Sidra lay on the sofa, eating home fries, she looked at the hikarin woman seated in the chair across from her, savoring them, taking her time.
“You know, Min, I think these may be the best home fries I’ve ever had. I don’t know whether it’s the potatoes, the cook, or the company.”
“Like I said, everything’s better with a friend.”
“We’ll have to do this again.”
“When I finish my time?”
“That sounds like a plan. I can hang around and wait a few days for you. Maybe even find some potatoes there on the station…wouldn’t that be something?”
Minsahee cleaned up the mess in the galley and made sure Sidra had water close to hand. “I’ll go make sure the cabins and washroom are clean. If you need anything, call.”
“They’re clean enough. Let’s watch some more of this series.” The next episode started, and Sidra looked at her foot, then at the hikarin woman curled up on the floor watching with her. She’d always worked alone, but maybe she could do with a doctor on board…or even a friend.
Reedsy prompt: Write about two people striking up an unlikely friendship.
Original Post

you stepped out of the night full lonely, we stepped into a world full of light 🎵
hi! first time seeking something out on Reddit. I'm 30 as the title suggests and I live in Ontario.
about me, I'm introverted by nature. I'd partially attribute that to my background and also my preference for a quiet and peaceful lifestyle. for what it's worth, everytime I did the Myers-Briggs personality test, I've consistently resulted in INTJ.
so up to now I've been quite focused in my career and side projects which have been coming fruition but I realized that I needed to take a few steps back from the daily grind and find a partner that I can confide in and to experience the fruits of life together.
for the most part, I stay fairly active. I'm usually training seven days a week split between the gym, MMA, and tennis. otherwise, I'm playing video games (League primarily, Project Zomboid, and some other FPS games) and studying another language. I speak three, brushing up on one and learning a fourth at the moment. I've also studied classical piano as a child and I'm deeply fond of musicals.
I'm looking for player two to grab my hand and unravel philosphical debates and visions whether it's at a gallery, museum, or exhibition. I've been to Europe and Asia a handful of times but it would be absolutely amazing to have a partner to speedrun a new destination together, any%.
I'm not super active on social media, but I do update it once in a while. if you're curious about a vibe check, here are some excerpts from my album called life:

• 1
  
• 2
  
• 3
  
• 4
  
• recent editorial, NSFW
  

I'm open to a LDR but communication would be paramount in sustaining the relationship or otherwise.

My husband fell off a mountain on May 4th 😒. He said he was going to be safe, went to take photos and never came back. I use humour to cope because I literally messaged him 'if u fall off a mountain and die, I'll kill u' a few months ago and he did it anyway. Why don't husbands ever listen? 🥲 Anyway. Im broken. He was 34. I am 32, we have 3 kids under 11. Together 16 years, married 15. He raised me, he took care of me. He supported all my dreams. He gave me everything, left me everything. Ensured I had the best life. He was romantic. He was faithful. He was everything and now he's gone.
It's not fair.
I live abroad, but I've been blessed with a ton of support. My in laws are incredible, my friends here are pretty hands-on and special. My kids are being well taken care of. I can't really complain. Except I will, because my husband died.
I'm so uncomfortable with being alone. I've never had a moment to be lonely in my life. I jumped from my dad's arms into my husband's. And... lve been dreaming of getting remarried ASAP. In my religion I'm in a waiting period of 4 months. I keep dreaming that I'm going to jump into a relationship as soon as this period is over. I know this is absolutely insane because I am madly in love with my husband, still. I wonder if its my brain trying to find solutions for my pain? A replacement. I feel awful. The dreams keep coming. No one can replace him, but everything in my body is screaming 'You're so so alone'. What is this? Why am I being tortured? It's not enough that I have to grieve, feel guilty, crazy, and worried...
Please tell me this is my brain trying to cope, and that I'm not actually this dumb.

My two year old daughter is wonderful—smart, determined, adventurous, funny and helpful. She probably has a temper tantrum a couple times a month, which I take as fairly normal. However, lately when she gets mad, she tends to bite herself: usually her hand or arm. Today I told her she couldn’t have another snack as I was about to serve dinner and she screamed and then hit her own wrist so hard that she left a serious bite mark. Should I be concerned? This doesn’t strike me as a normal reaction to the situation.

I (24F) want to try to keep this as short as possible, but this goes back a lot farther than this one incident. I am starting therapy as soon as hopefully next week, but this whole situation is eating me alive. I need help, I'm losing sleep, I can't stop crying, I'm irritable, I'm not myself at all. I need advice on how to move forward. I know this is the internet and honestly, I feel incredibly stupid for even resorting to this but please go easy on me as I'm really in a fragile state of mind right now.
2 years ago, I lost contact with my mom (43F) due to an issue between her and I that really is not related to this situation but helps with timeline. Only on occasion my mom would contact me through email since I had changed numbers and had no intention of giving her my new number as I was only comfortable with this form of communication between her and I. I started therapy the second year I lost contact, unfortunately due to it being incredibly expensive recently. I had to stop. So early November of last year I felt like I was ready to finally respond to one of her emails, there were only 2 since she only contacted me for my birthday. I responded, the following day she responded back inviting me to see her for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I only opted for one holiday, I really needed to prepare myself to see my family again.
My boyfriend (24M) and I get to my mom's for Christmas, the first day nothing really happened but we also arrived really late in the day. So, the following day was when I feel things started to spiral. My mom pulled me into her room and said she wanted to have a discussion with me. I of course oblige, at the time I was not really thinking she was trying to corner me but looking back I feel as though I was. Since I really was not allowed to speak unless it was me apologizing. She tells me that I needed to apologize to her and her boyfriend about something I said 2 years ago as it caused a huge fight. I asked for more detail as I honestly did not remember what I had said since it was so long ago. But when she answered me, I knew right away what incident caused me to say what I said.
She says this is not abusive, I thought otherwise but maybe I am wrong? This happened months before my mom and I had a falling out, but I can't get the image and the sound out of my head. My brother who was (15) at the time, now (17) was punished for watching porn on his tablet. I was not physically there for the whole thing I was working, but when I got home my mom showed me a picture and video of a smashed-up tablet both of which I know she posted on social media but shortly after posting also deleting them. The video consisted of my mom's boyfriend (45M) taking a hammer to the tablet on the kitchen table in close proximity of my brother, my brother is just standing there crying hysterically, my mom is laughing, my mom's boyfriend looks like he's enjoying the whole thing. I told her right when she showed me this video that it made me uncomfortable, and I thought that the punishment was a bit extreme considering he just watched porn. Of course, she did not like this response and walked away with nothing left to say. I went and talked to my brother who was still shaken up and crying, I felt I needed to give him some sort of advice because still to this day his situation isn't the healthiest. I had told him if he ever felt he needed to defend himself (in any situation) then he should do so but to never put his hands on anyone first. Shortly after I said that I realized really quickly that I had given him bad advice so I switched it and told him if he ever needed me for anything to not hesitate to call me if he ever got a phone and that defending himself should be a last resort. My mom was unaware of this advice up until he used it. Now during this conversation in December of last year she brought to my attention that he got into a fight with her boyfriend, I'm unaware of what caused the fight, she refused to give me that information when I asked her because I was thinking well why would my brother feel the need to fight him when generally he does as he's told, he listens, he's not normally one to fight I should know I've been around him his entire life. When I knew I wasn't going to get the information I wanted I just decided for the sake of my sanity I'd just apologize and move on.
Flashforward to today, I feel like I should not have apologized, I feel like I was right in thinking that this is abusive, and it should not have happened. I blame myself for the fight of course that's my fault, terrible advice. But I'm also blaming myself for not being there for my brother when he really needed me. I've taken care of all of my siblings from the time they were newborns up until now, and with everything that's going on with them I feel like I've been a terrible older sister by not being there for them, not being able to save them. Am I crazy? Is this not abusive?
TL;DR My mom's boyfriend (45M) took a hammer to my brother's (at the time 15 now 17M) tablet for watching porn, my brother was standing right next to him crying and very clearly upset, my mom (43F) recorded the whole thing you could hear her laughing in the video. Is this abusive or am I crazy?

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Man, I was so ecstatic when I beat the game the first time, but now, I'm just suffering. I'm not great at the game so I can have issues even getting to them, but when I do? Yea, this hasn't been happening. It doesn't matter who I focus on, the others will kill me dead. Fizzle is usually the biggest/most immediate threat, since she can nuke down any unit(s) in a single attack cycle, but it really doesn't matter. Mini Mika is the least of the issues, especially since he can't move if I don't have junk, but that still usually only gives me one free attack cycle from him before Folby or Scaven inadvertently put junk in my hand. Oh, and then there's Luggish himself.
Anyone got any advice on how to take these guys down? Besides Ink, I guess, though that still usually only gives me the chance to deal with one of them. I really don't know what to do. I only beat the game once, so I only have the first modifier bell, and it just doesn't seem very helpful.

I am an 18-year-old Male who likes to draw and play video games
• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?
no
• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?
my parents were pretty strict with me. I didn't watch a lot of TV shows growing up, I had a lot of private classes and was expected an A+ from all of my classes. I wasn't allowed to have a phone until High School and although I went to a religious school, I don't have any opinions on religion, and during my time in school, although I didn't believe in religion I still paid respect and did what was expected of me. This lead to me becoming somewhat of a people-pleaser and would have outbursts when someone breaks my limits, which usually never happens.
• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?
I do not have a job right now but my dream job would be an artist, and my realistic job would be working at a restaurant. If all else fails however, I could settle to be a therapist because I feel like a listener in more relationships.
• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
I would feel both lonely but also refreshed. I love to spend time with people but get tired easily, but when I'm alone for too long I feel tired too and need other people to help energize and motivate me. Most of the time I would call my friends online to keep in touch.
• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?
I prefer to draw and play games with my friends, but I also love to bike. I love doing these monotonous things because I feel like I get to think the best when my mind is consciously doing things while my subconscious takes over the thinking. So I like both indoor and outdoor activities. I also like dancing because it's very fun.
• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
I'm very curious but in a way that is kept to myself. Everytime I start thinking consciously however, it always leads to something gloomy and somehow everything I think about somehow ties to the inevitable end to all things. My ideas are usually things I've seen before and I like to merge them to see what would be the best idea from observing not the little details but the grand scheme
• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
I hate taking on leadership positions and the only times where I have taken a leadership position was helping my friends who were in conflict back together. My leadership style would be to listen to everyone's perspectives and then creating an average perspective and go from there.
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
I am very coordinated within myself but I hate making decisions for myself because it feels selfish. I never feel coordinated however because I feel like I'm always just going whatever my path takes me and figure it out when I get there. I love to draw with my hands and fold papers or do monotonous work like I said earlier because it helps me focus on other things.
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
I love to draw both traditionally on paper and also digital paint. My art usually has an underlying meaning and also in my head I think was perfect at the moment, which is why so many of them are unfinished because I've grown to not like that idea and focus on the ones that are more perfect.
• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
I'm always thinking about the future but I really hate to because every time I do it always leads to something bad and gloomy, usually death and how the fabric of reality we're living on may not even be real. As a coping mechanism, I would focus on the present by being around my friends because they help me live in the moment. I see the past as more of as experiences that when averaged up helped me make decisions in the present/future. I also have incredibly bad memory.
• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
I usually try to stop what I'm doing to help them, unless I'm doing something really important and I would reassure them usually over text that I'll help them later. I help them because it makes me feel better that they appreciate me for my efforts and out of everyone they could've asked for help they came to me.
• Do you need logical consistency in your life?
No, I think my sense of logic can change all the time and it's completely personal. I can learn many things from proven sources but how everyone perceives that knowledge is different to themselves.
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
It's only ever important if I am demanded of it or if it's required, otherwise I rather spend my time making everything more perfect and presentable.
• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?
I'm not sure if it's control, but I've realized just recently that every since I was young, I've learned how to appeal to every individualistic person as a good friend even if I don't like them so that when conflict happens people will always be by my side. 90% of the time though I'm nice to people because I genuinely believe that everyone can be a good person if you get to know them.
• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?
I love every form of art, from drawing and poetry to dancing and theatrical acting, because I think art is the meaning of life and I genuinely just enjoy them. I love to play video games too and although playing alone is fine, but usually I really open my computer to talk to my friends.
• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?
My learning style is slow and group oriented. I take in information very slowly because I need a physical teacher in front of me to give examples of how it works internally, because I have trouble just memorizing equations; I actually need them to make sense to me. I struggle most with environments where I have to figure everything out by myself; it's not impossible but I would DEFINITELY rather have someone who can guide me. I don't really prefer any classes because I don't like complaining.
• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
I always just wing and improvise because if I paid attention to the teacher, I've learned to trust my brain to know exactly what to do and how to do it.
• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally?
• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?
• What do the "highs" in your life look like?
In seventh grade when I had all A+ in every class, I made a ton of friends in my new school, had swimming classes everyday so my parents were happy, my friends and I played games together every weekend, and I was just happy because I had no idea what was going on
• What do the "lows" in your life look like?
A period of time when I had really really bad grades, stayed up with all nighters doing literally nothing, thought I was genuinely developing a mental illness, didn't want to talk to anyone, had no idea where my life was going, moving somewhere else where away from all of my old friends I've spent my life with, and I suppressed all of my emotions because I thought that there was always someone who had it worse than me.
• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
I daydream very often but I'm always very connected to reality. sometimes I wonder if I hate being connected to reality or I hate that I love to daydream, because I'm always believing that there is good out there, but I get disappointed every time yet I still belive in the same thing. I'm usually aware of my surroundings when I daydream, but I will forget everything someone says until I hear something that snaps me out of my daydream.
• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?
It would be my nightmare because even without the room being blank and empty I'm always thinking about the worst things ever, and I always need someone else to talk to to break me out of that chain of thought. I always think about the future and what it holds but I can't control myself when doing it and sometimes I even have trouble falling asleep because I'm trying to not focus on my thoughts but they override my brain anyways.
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
Very long, because I need to know every perspective of the situation and I trust myself to not change my mind unless something new is added to the equation.
• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?
Emotions are very important to me and I love to share my emotions with people I'm closest to, which really sucks for me because when I'm outside I always have this need to make my emotions be appealing to the people around me.
• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?
Very very often because I hate conflict.
• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?
I usually don't break the rules because I see no reason why to, I never really put much thought into it (to both not breaking the rules and breaking the rules). Authorities should be challenged when they're wrong and being selfish. They probably do know better but after all they're still human like us and how should we not know better?

So you may recall me submitting somewhat of a critical piece of literature on Hont a couple weeks back. It garnered quite a bit of discussion and brought forward a handful more people that had similar grievances with Hont. To see my first piece of literature click here.
The TL:DR of part 1 is essentially me receiving a faulty strap. I tell Hont. Hont says I am a liar bad man. Offers a small refund which I decline because I do not particularly want to continue business with someone who calls me liar bad man. I cease communication with him.
I was hoping that that would be the end of that bad experience however it continues. Once I buy a replacement strap for my V7F IWC Mark XX, I actually begin to wear it, when I realise that the rotor is constantly getting stuck and it takes a good shake to dislodge it and it can begin moving freely again. This means that the power reserve is no more than around 2 hours as it’s unable to charge naturally with my movement. It took me a while to realise this as I’ve only began wearing it when my replacement strap arrived.
I opened up the case back and to my amazement, the rotor and the small metal disk that sits on top of it just fell out! I was pretty pissed off at this as it was yet another issue I had to deal with.
I already know that someone’s furiously grabbing their tablet to say that this is not Amazon and yes you are correct and I applaud your deductive reasoning capacity, however when we assign these middlemen with statuses such as Trusted Dealer, are we not to trust that the sale should go somewhat smoothly? Like fuck me, what’s the barrier for entry of being a TD if all it takes is to ship out faulty watches and when the customer says their faulty watches you just call them a liar bad man? A truly magnificent business idea.
Anyways I contacted Hont to see what laughable solution he would pluck out of the air. A week later he tells me that on my next order he’ll send me a gift on my next order! I wonder what that could be? How delusional does one have to be to think there’ll even be a next time? And I imagine the gift will be one of those shitty montblanc pens.
That’s my rant over. In my first post I said buying from Hont is a gamble and if you want any peace of mind that there’ll be a modicum of after sales service - go with another dealer.