This is a very basic question but I've had a lot of trouble finding an answer.... What's the difference between an onion or shallot set, versus a bulb you can buy from the grocery store for eating? What makes a set inherently better for planting? Thanks

I have been “dating” this girl for almost four years. The relationship transitioned into long-distance after 2 years due to work reasons.
From the get go I knew she was the one for me personality wise, we had very similar personalities and really bonded over small things. This was the kind of girl that I would stay up till 3am doing homework, so I could have my weekends free for her. We went on quite a few dates and really had a good time, I would bring her coffee, dinner, flowers, etc and tried to make her feel appreciated. The first signs of negativity were when she told me to ease up on this as it was making her sister who she lived with jealous, because she had never experienced a boyfriend like this. So I eased up.
We were in college at the time, so money wasn’t the easiest to come by. She started liking going out less and less due to studies, so we transitioned into me making her dinner and watching movies. She got really upset about this, because I was only cooking dinner for her and not her brother and sister as well. I started cooking for them as well. Every time I asked her to go on dates on the weekend, whether putt putt or whatever, she would get upset that I didn’t want to include her family or that I was pulling her away from school. This went on for the remainder of the time we spent together, where I planned dates, brought her coffee, made her fun baskets for halloween and easter, and regardless of all of this she would still find ways to be upset at me. If I went golfing alone and didn’t invite her brother she would be mad. If I brought her coffee or dinner and not everyone else she would be mad. This is my first relationship and I didn’t know what to expect.
Long distance was rough.
She called me twice a day when she was going to work and leaving work. She wasn’t the best at responding to texts and often would get back to me within a few hours at a time. If I called her late at night to chat about my day or say goodnight oftentimes she was on the couch watching a show with her mom, so she would make it a 1 minute conversation and hang up.
When she visited me I wanted her to feel like her time was valued, so I really made an effort. I took her to all of my favorite restaurants, let her pick restaurants, took her to NFL, MLB, MLS sporting events. Took her to the zoo, our local amusement park 2 times, kayaking, fireworks shows, shopping at the malls, to our world famous grocery store whenever she wanted. I basically wanted to make sure that if she was visiting she was getting her moneys worth. I was very much a “yes man”, where if she wanted breakfast, coffee, to go to the grocery, etc I would do it. If she needed something from the store, I would go get it, if she wanted to do something we did it. However, this was pretty much expected from me I guess, the only thing I wanted was once to hear wow I had a great day thank you so much. Instead usually it was pointing out some mistake I made earlier in the day that I forgot about or something I did that upset her, that I didn’t intend to do. There was always something for me to improve on in her eyes.
When I would visit her and her family, I didn’t really expect a lot. I used about 10 days of PTO visiting a year and the majority of the time we spent with her family. If I brought up that I’d really like to go on a date with her, she would make me feel bad and ask why I didn’t just spend time with her family. I eased up on this as well and just decided it was better to let it be. Oftentimes visiting consisted of household chores followed by relaxing inside then going to dinner. I helped them with landscaping for hours in the Texas heat, moving furniture, putting together furniture, getting groceries, etc. They would all go golf, but my girlfriend liked to ride with the girls in a 3 person group while the boys went in another 3 person group.
During this time when we spent it with her family I felt like things always went alright, I wouldn’t say they went the best as I have trouble with my social battery, but let me tell you my girlfriend didn’t let it go unnoticed. I would always be made to feel like crap for any mistake I made around her family or if I just wanted to take a minute alone to recharge and didn’t want to be surrounded by her family constantly. It was ironic I guess though because her brother would take a break in the day or when she would visit she would take naps or time away, and I didn’t criticize her. To get to the point of all of this, I feel like no matter what I do I am always wrong and have never felt more unappreciated and unloved by someone. It’s taken me four years to realize this, but I don’t care about the lack of effort on her end as I’m not here to change her I just want her to appreciate the things I do. She always claims how much she loves me and says I don’t do enough to make her feel loved via words, but I think I’m in such an emotional whirlwind constantly or not knowing what’s right and wrong that I feel emotionally closed off.
How do I discuss this without losing the relationship?
TLDR: During 4 years of dating I take my girlfriend on countless dates and introduce her to numerous experiences, but she always finds a way to find a flaw in me or one of my actions. It’s become a vicious cycle where I’ve became more and more emotionally distant. I just wanted her to appreciate me more. How do I bring this up without losing the relationship?

I'm a IT Student, my free time is from 5 pm onwards.. I'm wanting to work in this nihht restobars that looks like café.. (sorry Yun na yung visualizations ko.)
Kahit part time lang..
I really want to work even as a waitress or dishwasher Basta may work na hindi ko need I sacrifice Yung studies ko. 😞
a little info.. sa province po ako nakatira Ang 24/7 lang dito 7/11. Kung maghire Naman po puro 3rd year and 4rth year pa.
I need money to help my parents in supporting my studies. Problem is Idk if I'll get hired. Napansin ko..
Puro may itsura and apaka clear skinned Ng mga staffs!! yung tipong no visible pores 🥹🥹 I'm struggling in mild acne. Sometimes hormonal, sometimes due to my oily skin due to high sugar intake (minsan Kasi nag bi binge eating ako Ng O-puffs, flattops and gummy candies, those cheap candies na afford ko sa ailes Ng grocery stores during my coding sessions)
Lastly.. I'm not 'that' attractive. 😓💔
Can someone help me find a part-time job? Thank you in advance. 🥹💖

This girl [25 F] is the love of my [25 M] life and I seriously worship the ground she walks on. I thought that she was giving the same to me, until I found o last night that she's been hooking up with another girl for the past 8 months. She does not know yet that I am aware of this. I know that cheating is always a symptom and not a root cause, but I feel so sad that whatever issue we had manifested in this way.
She has always been bi-curious, but only ever floated the idea of "hey I'd like to try having sex with a woman at some point in my life" and I would say ok I'll think about that and we'd leave it at that. She never, ever implied that she had concrete plans to do something. If she did then should have brought it up for my stamp of approval, no?
Anyway, the person she's been hooking up with is a "friend" (at least I thought) that she would have over from time to time. They has a relationship that made me uneasy in the beginning, and I guess I should have trusted my instincts. I even went so far to ask like "hey this friendship is just platonic right" and she assured (lied) to me yes.
I think that this is a relationship that should probably end because of this. But guys, I'm so scared. I crumple and break down when it comes to confrontations. I just can't do it, even if it's just at a grocery store or my work, let alone with the love of my life. Couple that with the fact that she is not who I lost my virginity too but she has definitely been my only "sexual partner" of my life, we live together, and have been talking about our future. She has high anxiety and prone to depression, and the last thing I want to do is set her into a depressive episode.
Guys, tell me what I need to hear. I'm so scared and conflicted. It would be so much easier to just go back to normal and forgive and forget, and seeing that as the easy option scares me. Is there a path to that? How can 1 work up the courage to do this.

This girl [26 F] is the love of my [25 M] life and I seriously worship the ground she walks on. I thought that she was giving the same to me, until I found o last night that she's been hooking up with another girl for the past 8 months. She does not know yet that I am aware of this. I know that cheating is always a symptom and not a root cause, but I feel so sad that whatever issue we had manifested in this way. She has always been bi-curious, but only ever floated the idea of "hey I'd like to try having sex with a woman at some point in my life" and I would say ok I'll think about that and we'd leave it at that. She never, ever implied that she had concrete plans to do something. If she did then should have brought it up for my stamp of approval, no? Anyway, the person she's been hooking up with is a "friend" (at least I thought) that she would have over from time to time. They has a relationship that made me uneasy in the beginning, and I guess I should have trusted my instincts. I even went so far to ask like "hey this friendship is just platonic right" and she assured (lied) to me yes. I think that this is a relationship that should probably end because of this. But guys, I'm so scared. I crumple and break down when it comes to confrontations. I just can't do it, even if it's just at a grocery store or my work, let alone with the love of my life. Couple that with the fact that she is not who I lost my virginity too but she has definitely been my only "sexual partner" of my life, we live together, and have been talking about our future. She has high anxiety and prone to depression, and the last thing I want to do is set her into a depressive episode. Guys, tell me what I need to hear. I'm so scared and conflicted. It would be so much easier to just go back to normal and forgive and forget, and seeing that as the easy option scares me. Is there a path to that? How can 1 work up the courage to do this.

1955 Murder of Gottingen St. grocer, Michael Resk, still unsolved. Dec. 8th 11:40 pm Michael leaves his family home on Poplar St. to assist closing his Meat/Grocery store at 407 Gottingen. His body was found inside the delivery van he was driving at approximately 2:20 am blocking a driveway at Roome and Acadia by a cab driver returning home. The cab driver and a passing navy man discovered Michael’s body in the back of the van. He had been shot three times. Police believe he was not shot in the van. Many pictures exist of Michael’s brother’s store on Gottingen - Joe Resk’s Fruit and Veg at 389 Gottingen. Michael’s store would have closed but Joe’s would have continued. Both stores were expropriated by the city and became part of the library site.

What's the funniest joke you know by heart?

So there were three days where we went on a short holiday with one of my friend, his girlfriend and my girlfriend. They had an argument, I did not fully take one's side and now it's getting worse.
The story :
One day, me and my girlfriend wanted to go spend a week-end on holiday, two hours away from where we live. I suggested we invited one of my friends and his girlfriend, who my girlfriend had known at the time and was getting along with. At first, she was reluctant because she had a lot of work and was willing to go only if she was allowed to work. I tried to convince her, and we agreed to go with them.
From now on, here are the names I'll use (not real names) : my (20) gf is Gabrielle, 20, and we've been together for a year and a half. My friend is Josh, 21, and I've known him for 8 years, and his gf is Hannah, 20, and they've been together for something like 6 months.
The plan was as follows : go get Gabrielle 45 mins away from our home town, get some groceries, then drive to the destination for two hours. Upon arrival, I realized I had the wrong keys, so I had to awkwardly apologize, call my parents to let them know, and go to another apartment for which I had the keys. The next day, we met with my uncle who was also spending a few days near us and had the keys to the first apartment. We headed back to the initial place, spent a day there and got back home.
Here is what went wrong :
First thing, of course, I had forgotten the key, which clearly started things wrong, I know that. Gabrielle was angry because I was not taking action fast enough and not apologizing, since I did not know how to react at first.
After that, we had to cook for dinner, which went fine, we had a drink and headed to bed. The next morning, Gabrielle had to work, but we had just finished eating breakfast and were doing some kid's puzzles for fun. She told me she was not happy about it because she didn't have enough room on the table and it was too noisy. She thought we should have either been more quiet or go do something on our own, since we agreed she had to work. After 30 minutes or so, Josh and Hannah went to their bedroom and I had to do the dishes on my own. When they got back, they helped put about a plate and a fork in place at best, so not much help from them.
During the day, we met with my uncle, and headed to the second apartment. We got our stuff out of the car, set everything up and ate some left-overs for dinner. I don't quite remember what happened during the afternoon, but I know it wasn't that interesting, it was pouring and Gabrielle was working.
In the evening, no one was starting to cook dinner. Gabrielle was hungry and as she finished working, she came in the living room asking why no one was getting dinner ready. Josh and Hannah started cooking, and I cleaned the area, dressed the table, etc.
Dinner was taking way too long to get done (everyone agrees on that), which Gabrielle was not happy about later on. When she came back one hour later, she started handling the cooking since it was too slow. After dinner, everyone headed to bed because of how late it was.
The next morning, I was again doing all the dishes of the previous day alone. At the point, Gabrielle was getting mad because it was not an environment in which she was able to work, and Josh and Hannah were way too chill for her. She needed to have a more stable schedule (not eat super late, not have to play the mom for things to get done, etc). I told her that she had to work and they wanted to relax, and everyone wanted to spend their holiday how they pleased. She had to understand that they wanted to relax, and they had to understand that she had to work.
Josh and Hannah woke up very late, pretty much ate breakfast instead of dinner, and it messed up the entire schedule. At this point, we hadn't gone out at all, didn't check anything out (even though we knew the area pretty well) and Gabrielle was getting fed up. In the afternoon, we had an argument, and she decided she wanted to go back home by train (which would almost take 4 hours). We were planning on leaving at around 5.30pm, and it was 2pm. I told her it was not a good choice, and she told me she was tired of Josh and Hannah not helping around and generally us not being responsible.
We were arguing outside and when we got back to the apartment, Josh and Hannah had not done much to clean the place : they basically packed their own stuff and that's it. They said they were heading outside for a walk since we did the same and came back 20 minutes later.
When they left, Gabrielle was basically raging. She screamed loudly that my friends are assholes, they fucked up the holiday, she didn't want to see them again, she was not going on holiday with them again, etc. I said I understood and agreed that they didn't help much but she didn't have to scream like this. For context : she started screaming when Josh and Hannah left the place, so they heard her for a few seconds while walking down the stairs.
A few minutes after they came back, she packed her bags. She was about to go get the first commute to the nearest station, and Josh asked her why she didn't even say goodbye. She did, said sorry for not saying it and that she was very mad about what they did. I walked with her to her commute and she left.
I got back to the apartment and told Josh and Hannah that she was fed up of all this. Josh said that she had to calm down and asked me how our relationship was going. I said that even I did not know, since she often gets mad (not as hard as she did during the holidays though) and it feels like we do not understand each other. We discussed a bit, cleaned the apartment and headed outside to leave.
At this point, I asked Gabrielle where she was at. She said she and the people around her had missed the train since the doors were closed and no one could open them. I suggested we come pick her up, since she had 4 hours of train to do and we only had 2 hours by car. I asked Josh if he was okay since he was the one driving, he said yes but that he wasn't pleased about it. We picked her up and got back home.
[FAST FORWARD 1 MONTH LATER TO TODAY]
My group of friends are heading out tonight, and Josh said he wasn't feeling like inviting Gabrielle until this was sorted out. He asked me if I wanted to join the message group since Gabrielle wasn't on it. I said yes but that I didn't know what to do at this point. I didn't read the messages and waited for the week-end to talk to Gabrielle about it (she studies in another city and her week was already stressful enough).
Gabrielle is still mad that they made a group without her, which I understand to be honest. I probably shouldn't have joined it. She's saying I shouldn't go out with them because I should be on her side, or that I should bring up the subject if I go out. I told her that I didn't think bringing this up with the group was a good idea, but she's really mad that I did not defend her more.
She has already had a discussion with Josh where they argued. They then had another discussion a few hours later and she said it was somewhat sorted out. She apologized for getting so mad, but he didn't quite apologize for not helping around.
My point of view is that I don't want to fully take one's side. I think she shouldn't have screamed bad stuff about Josh and Hannah, that they should have helped more and we generally should have been better organized. I don't want to sacrifice Gabrielle for my friends, and I don't want to sacrifice my friends for Gabrielle.
She's still mad at me for not being on her side, and according to her, being on her side doesn't mean I must think she was right to be so mad. Pretty much like a kid engaging a fight and the other kid defending himself : taking the second's kid side doesn't mean you think he should have hit back, but I don't see how this resembles our situation.
TL;DR : my girlfriend is mad that I didn't take her side in an argument with my friends. I don't think I should have fully taken either's side and she's mad about it.
What are you guys' opinion ? Should I have been more on her side ? How should I have reacted ? What have I done wrong ? How can I repair the damage ?

What's the craziest thing you've ever seen in a grocery store?

I haven't been in a fight with my employer or anything, but it still needs to be said (in case anyone forgets): Your employer isn't doing you a favor by hiring you.
I have read, time and time again, how employers want to make it seem like they're some noble person for hiring you and that you should be grateful. You shouldn't be more grateful than the grocery store should be grateful for me shopping there. They offer groceries and in return, I give them money.
You offer your employer your time and labor, and in exchange they pay you.
Unless they hire/keep you despite having no use of you, for the sake of providing you with money, you have nothing to be grateful for, neither does your employer. It's a trade, not charity.

Intro

Hello 👋🏻, me again. As you can probably tell by now, I post here a lot trying to match with someone. I'm not gonna waste too much of your time as my last post I created on this subreddit around 2 weeks ago was too long and was probably more than most of you were willing to read, so I'm gonna change things up and try to be brief while putting the effort in. I'm gonna be completely honest throughout. So, where to begin?
As the title states, I'm looking for a long-term relationship and genuine relationship. I'm talking real, amazing, happy, and romantic love where we can make memories, both of us putting in the effort to make the relationship and bond work, communicate frequently, trust and respect each other well, stay loyal and faithful towards one another and behind each others back, be honest with each other, always have each others back no matter what the situation is, make each other feel good, etcetera, etcetera. That ray of sunshine in my life would do me some good y'know? Having something to fight for, being the happiest I've ever felt, less stressful and painful days both mentally and physically, peaceful nights, a greater sense of purpose to my life, etc, after spending a rough few years in the single life. You cannot go wrong with that special someone in your life. However, I do understand that relationships need time to form and grow in a healthy and positive way, so maybe we could get to know each other first and see where things lead before taking things to the next step?
Anyway, that's my version of a loving and genuine long-term relationship in words. Relationships are so hard to come by these days istg, more and more people get their hearts broken every single year to the point where others know about it and then can't see the point of being in a relationship thanks to fear of the same thing happening to them, or something else happening, it's crazy... But I can assure you that I'm not like all the other heartless individuals out there, I'm respectful and trust worthy ✨. I consider myself to be a friendly and socially confident introvert, I'm good with people irl, but often keep to myself from others (apart from my family). But once time passes and I spend enough time with then, my confidence will kick in and I will be quite a confident and comfortable sort around them :)
Just a little fun fact about me, my zodiac sign is Cancer ♋🦀 for those of you who are interested and if that matters to you at all.
I promised to be brief and not take too much of your time so I'm just gonna get to the basics and write a few of my hobbies and more about myself now.

I'm an indoor type of person but occasionally, I like spending time in the great outdoors too:

I like watching TV shows like Doctor Who, The Simpsons and Hollyoaks, and binging on a ton of movies. I like listening to music and gaming on PC games such as GTA, Red Dead, and Minecraft. The outdoor activities I like doing are spending my days out in places in the UK like Scarborough, Blackpool, Hornsea and Withernsea. I'm also interested in Photography, taking stunning photos to store and save for later. Playing different sports such as Badminton, Bowling, Cricket, Dodgeball, Tennis and Volleyball on the beach are things I really enjoy, but haven't played them recently thanks to a lack of others playing them with me. I like gardening and working with plants. I occasionally like doing artistic activities like card making, paper crafting, drawing and painting. & I also like to read from time to time.

Physical Appearance

My appearance is quite normal, I'm 5'8 in height, I've got quite the decent body shape, I've got a small amount of facial hair, an average to slightly above average face (pics can be exchanged if you're interested in knowing what I look like), and I'm also healthy with no health conditions or concerns.
I also have a balanced diet as I go grocery shopping at least once a week. I shower 7 days a week and I brush 😬 everyday too.
£££ ain't a problem as I receive it once every month in the 🏦, but I don't get much, just enough for rent and care charge to keep the roof over my head, & groceries. However, there's been quite a few occasions where people online have asked me to buy them gift cards / vouchers, or just money in general either on cashapp, PayPal or Play Store, literally 1 to 2 days in getting to know them. Those types of people have been immediately blocked. -.-
🔴STAY SAFE WITH YOUR MONEY ONLINE FOLKS🔴

You

I haven't got many preferences in a woman tbh. Just as long as you live in the UK, or at least in different countries that are close to the UK like Norway, Ireland, Sweden, Belgium, Denmark, France, or perhaps even The Netherlands, since all have shorter time-zone differences to the ones in the UK which will make it so much easier to chat at similar times (but you can message me wherever you are on the globe), and you don't smoke or do drugs. My age limit is between 18-23, but people that are past that age range can also message me. Come as you are, no sugar coating, be real, be genuine. 🚫No NSFW content please🚫, that's all I ask. Say Hi, send me a picture of your pets if you have any and tell me where you're from.

Outro

Not too shabby for a shorter post? I did have a lot more I wanted to write here but I feel like that would've been too much for most people to want to read, but I can express the rest to you in private if you're interested, and if you're facinated in this post enough to contact me.
Thanks so much for taking the time out of your day to read this post.
See you on the other side? 🙏🏻👋🏻

SIDE NOTE:

[If you wish to contact me after reading this post, you can message me and introduce yourself on here first if you'd like, but afterwards I would much rather prefer to chat on discord or Facebook messenger, if you don't mind, since the Reddit chat is so glitchy and slow, & doesn't send each other's messages on time, or not at all. It has happened every time I go in conversations with people. -_- I'm tired of this app ruining them by not sending our messages to one another most of the time. If you message me and I send a message back which is completely unrelated to it, that's the app not sending me your messages, or vice versa. If we message elsewhere it would be so much easier to chat without having to worry about this problem interfering in our dialogue.
This has been an ongoing issue ever since I installed the app.]
All my social media links are in my bio on my profile if you're interested.

Hi all,
First of all, this subreddit has been an amazing resource in my research! I’m new to the credit card points game. I’m looking to build out my portfolio that suits my spending habits and can use some advice.
​

• Current cards
  • Discover it Chrome: $9,900 limit, Sept 2017
  • Gap Good Rewards Mastercard: $300 limit, Nov 2018
• FICO score: 826 (from Discover); 783 (TransUnion and Equifax from credit karma)
• Oldest account age: 5 years 5 months
• Chase 5/24 status: 0/24
• Income: $200,000 per year (gross income)
• Average Monthly Spend and categories:
  • Rent: $1480
  • Travel: $150
  • Groceries: $400
  • Dining: $400
  • Others: $150 (Gym, Netflix, EV charge, etc)
• Open to Business: No
• Purpose of next card: Travel, Cashback, game plan
• Cards looking at: BILT, Citi Custom Cash, Capital One Venture X, Chase freedom flex
• Are you OK with category spending or do you want a general spending card: I’m interested in category spending card.
• Other Information:
  • Auto loan from Wells Fargo:
    • Age: 3 years 9 months
    • term: 5 years
    • paid 80% - never missed a payment
  • Average age of all my accounts: 4 years 6 months
  • I have a Chase checkings account from 2017.
  • I’m pre-approved for Chase freedom flex, freedom unlimited, Sapphire Preferred, Sapphire Reserve and Chase Slate Edge.
  • I’m pre-approved for Capital One Venture Rewards, Venture One Rewards, however, Venture X Rewards didn’t show up in the tool.
• The primary categories I’m looking to find rewards are
  • Rent
  • Travel
  • Groceries
  • Dining
  • Rotating categories
  • Store cards (eventually)
• I plan on traveling to India to visit family once a year or once in 2 years. I usually opt for Emirates for this.
• I tried to product change my Discover it Chrome to the Cash back card but unfortunately they aren’t doing this anymore.

​
I could use your advice in the following:

1. If Capital One Venture X wasn’t recommended to me by the pre-approval tool, does that mean it is unlikely that I get approved for it if I apply?
2. I like the 5% on categories per quarter by Chase Freedom Flex but is it worth it to get into the Chase ultimate rewards ecosystem when I can’t justify Chase Sapphire Reserve Annual fee for me? Would you recommend that I still get the 5% and redeem points for dollars?
3. I have an upcoming international travel in May for which I need to book flight tickets and hotel stay. Is there a travel card (or Capital One Venture X if I’m approved) that would allow me to use it online before the physical card arrives in the mail?
4. Based on the resources from this subreddit, here is what I’ve come up with so far. I would love to hear the community’s thoughts.

Option 1: Include Chase

• BILT for Rent, Lyft linked account and rides, Dining
• Chase Freedom Flex for rotating categories, drugstores and groceries (to use the SUB in the first year)
• Capital One Venture X for travel and catch all card (Walmart, target and cap exceeded expenses)
• Citi Custom Cash for groceries after CFF 1 year SUB ends

Option 2: Exclude Chase

• BILT for Rent, Lyft linked account and rides, Dining
• Citi Custom Cash for groceries
• Capital One Venture X for travel and catch all card

Given that I have an upcoming international travel and these options, in what order should I be applying for the above cards?
Thank you!

Originally posted by u/feisty-art9149 in TrueOffMyChest on March 19th, updated as an edit undated.
Trigger Warning: Child neglect, mentions of mental health struggles and self harm
Original post
My mother hates me for telling my sister the truth.
I want to preface this with an apology if it’s all over the place. There’s so much information to sort through and decide what does or doesn’t have a place here. I will reply to what I can and make edits for any common questions/ remarks.
So a little (or a lot) of background is required for this to make any sense. Many years ago my mother had an affair that completely blew up our family. I suppose the affair was the lesser issue, but rather all her other actions that screwed many of us over. For context I was 10, my younger sister was 7/8 and my older sister almost 14- all female.
To start with, in the years prior, my mother had taken out tens of thousands of dollars in loans and credit cards in my dads name, of which he was never aware of. Ignorant, absolutely, but she had always managed all finances while a SAHM. She also managed to make 5 years of GST payments disappear from the business account, for which dad was then charged with two charges (around 100K in fines) of tax evasion on top of the missed payments.
All three of us kids had a bank account set up from young, which our dad had added to so that we would be in a positive position when we were older- for University, or a house deposit, whatever it was that we desired. Being saving orientated even as a kid, I had chosen to put 100% of any money earnt through chores or gifted for birthdays into the account. At 14 when I began working and gained access to net banking I realised mum had drained my account, less $50… only my account.
If that wasn’t enough, her own mother had stored a sum of money in my parents safe that was intended for her funeral. My mother took every last dollar and refused to pay it back- my dad paid it back with interest when he found out.
Due to the tricky financial situation, dad had to travel for work, wherever the trade was needed in that moment. Typically he would leave in the early hours of Monday morning and return on Saturday afternoon. In this time my mother felt it appropriate to leave us at home so that she could visit the affair partner, usually not coming home for days at a time. Nobody knew- we had no carers or access to resource as we lived a 20 minute drive to the nearest town/stores.
This went on for a few weeks before my mum (sometimes) contacted our cousin to come stay with us while she was out… To this day I believe that only happened because the other guy figure out what was going on. Due to timing of people coming and going our dad didn’t know any of this happened to until months later. I kept quiet because I knew he couldn’t afford to stay home.
All this said- I stepped into the parent role. My little sister was kept in the dark as much as possible, I did my best to maintain her same routine so that she felt as little impact as possible. Obviously she suffered, to the point of requesting to sleep in my bed every night for a year, but it seems that she doesn’t remember any of the shitty things that happened back then.
My older sister was very mentally ill, where I had to medicate her each morning and conduct daily body and room checks. Those who know will get what I’m suggesting… To the best of my knowledge our little sister never saw any of this- I didn’t and don’t believe those are subject such little eyes should have to witness. The older sister was also really ashamed and has asked to keep this situation away from the youngest as she had a habit of speaking without realising or knowing the potential damage.
As much as I hated the responsibility, cooking, cleaning, hiding the families dirty laundry; I was also very aware that what was happening wasn’t okay. That if I couldn’t keep it together and matters hidden, that authorities would become involved. Those times were scary but the idea of not having access to and control over what happened to me or my siblings felt like it would be worse.
These are only the first things that come to mind but the details aren’t exactly the point of this post.
Anyway, I guess my younger sister’s soon to be in laws have asked some questions, of which my sister doesn’t have the ability to answer. I would suggest she asked our mother first but the queries would have been shut down. I know she feels guilty, knows that she screwed up, and frankly I hope she never forgives herself for it.
So, little sister came to me and for the first time in 15 years I was willing to give her the answers she was looking for. I’ve always been vague, not wanting to cause her pain, but I’ve started feeling guilty in recent years for not treating her as enough of an adult to make her own decisions. After a loooot of therapy, I have realised that I don’t have to be their parent anymore. My sister cried, I cried, and she apologised for assumption made and words said because she didn’t know any better in the past. She needs and wants time to process a whole lot of information that’s entirely new to her, that has quite literally flipped the way she has perceived many people over the years.
Anywho… she isn’t speaking to our mother right now and that’s where it becomes my problem, I guess. She called me, blowing up, claiming I’ve ruined her relationship with her daughter. That I’m out to get her, resentful without cause and need to stop living in the past. But I don’t see how me being honest about her actions is my fault? Could I have filtered details? Maybe. But I don’t understand why I should have to hold onto the pressure of keeping her shortcomings secret. Maybe it’s time to grow up and pay for the consequences of your actions….
Edit: to add genders.
In the comments:
She’s never taken any responsibility, only made excuses. My favourite was the one for her leaving us to care for ourselves- “you all made it clear you didn’t want to spend time with me”.
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I feel like she thought she’d gotten away with it at this point and that’s why she’s mad. To be honest I only told my sister for selfish reasons… we’ve only in recent years developed a close relationship and I didn’t want to lose that if she became mad at me for not telling her anything. I know there was always a layer of resentment towards me for “thinking I was the boss of her”. She needed somebody to be mad at and at the time I was okay with that person being me.
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Children (and young adults) get mad at the people it is safe to be mad at. It sounds like you took that anger to give her a safe space and a safe person. Now that she's of an age where she is old enough to hear the truth, where it's safe for her to be angry at your mom without risking breaking your family apart, you've given her the truth. That's quite heroic. I hope you find the peace and space to have a life of your own free from your mother's negligent abuse. You've certainly more than earned it.

OP: I never considered the aspect of somebody needing to be safe to be mad at them. That puts a lot into perspective… thank you. Tbh my mother has no influence over my life or feelings. I stopped regarding her as a parental figure long ago so her opinion of me, someone she really had no part in moulding, means nothing. Don’t get me wrong, I do not place the blame for all wrong doings exclusively on her, but she was certainly the catalyst for most of the difficult seasons. Every action or inaction I’ve ever made has been a decision to protect the other people she hurt which only served to protect her from backlash and I think it’s time she faced up.
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In some ways I think caring for them was all that kept me sane. I was so busy and exhausted by the day to day motions that I didn’t have time to reflect on my own feelings or the situation as a whole. Full survival mode I suppose. I appreciate that, a lot. I tried my best… in hindsight doing for them what I probably needed myself.
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She was cut out for a very long time. The stolen money (from myself) was the absolute last straw which resulted in me going no contact for about 5 years. Part of me thinks she was glad for that, too, because I’d threatened to press charges against the mystery thief if she didn’t fess up. But because of my sisters age, and her eventually choosing to live with mum, I felt compelled to be civil because I missed my sister. I live 4 hours from my hometown now, so maintaining a healthy distance is really quite easy.
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Curious about your dad, how is he doing rn? After knowing the truth, did your younger sister go living with your dad? And did he divorce your mother? And all that money she stole, what was she doing with that money? Did you get any of your money back?

OP: He’s doing really good, but of course had had a long time to pick up the pieces. In his 50s and still working 6 days a week- not because he needs to but because he’s never known anything else. His parents were immigrants so it was quite literally bred into him.
She’s 22 now and living with her partner. She and dad never had a strained relationship but after years of living exclusively with him, decided to spend the next few years with mum. Never any bad blood on either end where she’s concerned. They did divorce long ago, and as much as I find it strange, they still have a relatively positive relationship.
The money…. Literally who knows. Never saw a cent returned though! Dad didn’t know she stole from me until 6 ish years ago. Early on he was struggling and I knew he’d try to put the money back if I told him. He knew something had happened for me not to talk to my mother all those years but I hadn’t told him and she sure wasn’t going to.
Recently my husband and I built our first home and he was insistent on cutting “trade swaps” to save money which I strongly feel was his way of repaying her debt to me. He’s a great dad… has his flaws as every human does, but every step he’s taken has been with the intention of his kids not having to want for things as he and his siblings did.
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I only tolerated her in the past to keep my sister close- I don’t trust our mother to not hurt her in the process of getting what she wants. The partners family aren’t stupid and while they will hand out finance they will never relinquish control of it. If they suspect somebody of having ill intent, they’re cut out of all their lives. Mums husband does pretty well for himself and pays all their living expenses, but knowing her past will not give her unbridled access so she has to work to support her spending habit which is probably where the jealousy comes in.
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I used to tell my sister that I “don’t really know”, “can’t remember”, or “have only heard snippets of the story”, so not necessarily a lie but definitely deceit by omission.
1st Update:
Aaaand now she’s resorted to posting on Facebook, claiming that one of her “ingrates are spreading rumours to ruin her” JFC 🤦🏼‍♀️ I don’t even have Facebook, so not really sure what she’s trying to achieve in doing this, but an old family friend called my dad to ask what’s going on. Also, I’m speaking to nobody about the situation? I don’t even live in our hometown!!! If nothing else- she has nothing for me to ruin. No way I’m engaging or sinking to her level but seriously… what a waste of a person. Now the parents are fighting, she’s fighting with her current husband and shit is all around just getting messy. She thinks she’s making people feel sorry for her but mostly she just looks pathetic, if you ask me.
Update 2:
Turns out I REALLY don’t need to sink to her level, that’s been taken care of while I sleep. I guess mums privacy settings aren’t great and that’s working against her. The vague ‘woe is me’ post has been shared by three family members/ friends with a single, but far less cryptic, one liner. I’m told: “oh you mean the ingrate that raised your kids?”, “Should she be more grateful for your affair or the complete and utter abandonment of your three kids” and my absolute favourite (from my granny) “rot in hell you lying thieving bitch”
Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.

Hi all, I searched online and this forum too but i have a question for which i don’t have a clear answer
I have lived in Australia and now currently in Switzerland. I have a friend in Germany who’s buying a steam deck for me. But my steam account Is Australia, i just created it long back but haven’t bought games and it says i can’t change till i buy something. I don’t have a payment method from Australia now.
I am currently in Swiss so how do i change the country and account. Also i will be here only for a few months maybe, and i want to change to India as that’s my permanent location. So can i directly now add a indian payment method and buy games in Indian store. Will that work when i am in Switzerland? Help is highly appreciated!