4 bottle wine fridge

I need to get this off my chest, throwaway account for obvious reasons. (Looong post. Grab some wine and a snack.)
I feel like I've allowed myself to become a doormat and a fool and walked into a trap.
My DH and I have been together now for almost 12 years, got married 4 years ago. We have 1 son, 1 on the way and I am just so ashamed I even let this happen to me.
For starters, my husband and I live with my parents. My husband has a decent job, started his career while I went to college. The plan, or so I thought, was to finish college, he'd have a head start good paying career and we'd move when I graduated. Well, we got married right after I graduated college and that's when covid hit, about 6 months later. I had a small part time job at the time which ultimately I was fired from for downsizing during the covid chaos. This is when I started staying home. He swore up and down and convinced me "our" dream of me being a SAHM was a reality. I wouldn't have to work. It wouldn't effect anything for us bc my income was so incredibly low I didn't contribute financially anyway. Which was 100% true that wasn't a lie.
So, needless to say I didn't find another job and settled into at home life. Which I enjoyed 100%. I loved being in charge of the home. We did live with my parents still, I took on some of their chores and house work too. But the goal was still the same. To leave. The issue then was the market boomed (if you're from the US you know how insane it was) so we pushed back the plan to buy a home which at the time I thought was reasonable considering around the area we needed to live for his job was basically selling run down hoarder houses for no less than 250k. This was 2021.
During 2021 I fell pregnant. At the time I was thrilled despite the living situation. I was under the assumption we wouldn't be here long and tbh a FTM with a newborn, I liked the idea of having the help from my parents. I had my son, he's amazing. I love him and don't regret having him. However, as 2022 started I started pressuring my husband to move out. Get the ball rolling. To his credit he did find an agent, but started talking about how we didn't make enough. (Weird considering his job only got better during this time, housing stabilized a bit, and wtf you said we could do this?) At first I thought it might be cold feet. A newborn, turned infant, scared FTD, we got a lot of help in the early days from my parents. We had it easy to say the least.
I left the topic alone for a little, maybe a couple months and revisited it. He again started claiming we would need 200k in the bank, we would need at least 30k down, we would need this and that and basically saying it will never happen. I combats this argument. I grew up poor. Very poor actually. I'd start saying things like idk how you think my parents help us and helped my sister with her kids when they make significantly less than you do. And even my sister today has 6 kids and is a SAHM with a husband who makes 20-30k less a year. His ideas on how much people need to survive were wild to me. Of course I don't want to live poor, but we wouldn't be anyway. He had gotten a promotion. Unlimited over time whenever and if he wanted it. I was genuinely confused and he ignored my attempts at a realistic conversation about it. And again, WTF YOU SAID WE COULD DO THIS. Not only that but I do not spend money. I find deals, I shop around, etc. Again growing up poor you know how to make a dollar stretch a mile and it's just in me to do this. There is no way we can't make it work for our family. I even have a friend who has a son and her and her husband combined don't make as much as my husband. They are comfortable. Buying new cars, debt free, new cloths, trips etc.
I knew the market wasn't amazing still. I thought maybe it's bc he still sees houses for 250k+ and he just is scared to jump. I spoke to this agent and told her to send us over some houses lower than our initial target price point. There were some pretty decent houses. Cue me sending them over a few months and getting nothing but excuse after excuse. Or "I don't want to live there." Or "yeah but we'd have to renovate this or that" but also coupled with the confusing statement of "we can afford a 200k house why is she sending us these?" So it's turned into a cat and mouse game of. Can we not afford 200k? Or can we? What is going on?!?? When I asked him why he kept doing this flip flopping he used the amazingly dumb excuse of "well you deserve xyz" which is a cop-out in my opinion.
The end of 2022 hit, I started feeling stupid, defeated and worn out. I gave up. I just figured I'd learn to accept ill be the person who lives with their parents forever and my life will be hell with no privacy, nothing to call my own and in early 2023... oops. Pregnant. Again. On the pill. A cruel joke the universe had on me? Idk. I'm currently 22 weeks pregnant.
At this point we live in my parents (admittedly finished and nice) basement, no rooms. No doors. With a crib shoved in a corner for my son. No room to grow with a new baby on the way. My parents are while nice about it very much at their stage of life wanting to not have a bunch of baby things everywhere, so the basement is PACKED im constantly running into things, kicking toys around, I have no room and some how we have to fit another human being down here.
Currently my husband is STILL insisting we can't afford to move. He won't even entertain the idea of it anymore. And to top it all off, our marriage is in shambles. He routinely ignores any of my needs and wants. He constantly has a bad attitude. He is always annoyed, always running from reality and even my parents have noticed, even though I don't say anything about my marriage, how unhelpful, lazy and rude he has been. My mom has even said one night when he working overtime "well it's not like he helps you anyway." If he's home he sits on YouTube or plays video games and I'll be honest, I give up.
I feel like I have exhusted this topic to the point he refuses to engage with it. We barely speak about anything of value and I basically go about my day as If I was a single mom living with my parents and being THEIR live in maid. I feel betrayed. Like he sold me a lie. I feel stupid for even believing him. I feel trapped being unexpectedly pregnant. Idk what to do.
I have set up a therapy session for myself. I'm hoping this helps me just come to terms with everything and figure out my next steps and ultimately, idk. I just feel like I need someone to talk to about it so I signed up for it.
I feel trapped by an over grown toddler of a man who is simply living his best life rent free while his wife is miserable and cries alone at night trying not to wake her child. All bc I was too gullible in believing this man. Believed he'd be a provider. A good daddada great husbsnd. Now left with an embarrassing life and I'm so ashamed I'm bringing another child into this even if i will love them.
If you've made it this far, I appreciate you. Thank you for letting me vent. Idk anymore I feel fucking stupid. It's embarrassing to even post this anonymously.

So we are together for more than 4 years, and during all that time my GF is making significantly less money than me (like, for a long time it was half the money I make). And I'm not even making that much, maybe an average pay for where I live. Because of this for these past years I wasn't really able to be financially stable, so to say, because it was always like "please buy me a coffee" or "please give me gas money" or "please give me 10$ for something", for a long time I also had to carry a bigger part of food spendings (we live together), so every month I'm down to square one, with almost no savings and nothing even bought for myself. I don't really need lots of stuff, but damn, I want to treat myself once in a while.
With time I developed a system for us to spent only a fixed amount of money on groceries and it was really working. So I am more or less aware of my incomes and spendings, but still she was regularly asking for money here and there. Recently she got a good new job which pays more (still less than I make but with short term prospects of making more than me), and I was kind of relieved, so we planned to move to a better (and more expensive) apartment, I managed to save up some money in the past few months and I was planning to buy some nice shit for myself and for the new apartment (where we live together, mind you). But here comes the moving day (right in the beginning of a new month so she got her paycheck like 1-2 weeks ago) and she says she has no money again, so I had to pay almost my full monthly pay for the rent, advance and all that shit. Keep in mind, we were talking about moving and actively looking for an apartment for a month minimum, so she was aware that we were going to move and pay that much money at once. So now she owes me half of her paycheck as well, so next month she's gonna be broke again. So the cycle continues.
If at this point you might have thoughts that she buys something in secret, like drugs or booze or whatever, but no, I can assure you.
That said, she never holds back in spending money not even for herself, but for everyone else. Like, we are going for a dinner to my parents, she buys candy for the kids, wine for mom, groceries to cook something for them. Sometimes she even buys something for me, something I don't necessarily need.
Every time I start even a remote conversation about the dinero, not even insinuating that she is broke again and I have to carry us through with rent and shit, she just gets pissed at me and says something like "you always tell me how stupid I am with my money". We had one of these conversations yesterday and it was the same thing. After all these years she says that she tries to keep it together with her spendings, but for the love of god I can't see it.
Fuck man, I'm really close to breaking up with her just over this, I love her, but I want to buy shit for myself and just feel stable once for 4 years of this and not grab money from my savings account (which is fucking miserable as is) just to get by.

I'm sure many people figured this out already. But since petrol bottles can fuel the generator, creating a route through officers quarters, past wine cellar and to fuel storage can be very useful. You will never need this much fuel but it is very helpful for exploring or just easing your worries. I killed all rats in the way with petrol bombs, opened up any locked doors including to wine cellar and did a few practice runs until I was able to get empty bottles, sprint to fuel storage and sprint back without getting killed/chased by the beast and doing it fast enough that I was still fuel efficient. I figured it would be possible to do four or five runs in a generator life, enough to last you for the rest of the game and beyond. I'm pointing out the obvious here but some people might not know.

I came upon a write up and found this useful, may the community ponder it's merit. All credit goes to - Misslotisification
This comment stemmed from Rupert Spira's talk on suffering which in itself is valuable & can be found here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FalrMDDmlW0
This seems to be a post enlightenment realization or as Adyashanti has said "closing the gap" This could also be the "dark night" of the soul, as the ego is not there to manage locked down emotions.
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The sense of separation is 10% beliefs, 90% feelings so the original I thought rises as a belief but it is later validated and substantiated at the level of our feelings, so instead of being a vulnerable vacillating thought it grows depth and substance by taking its home in the body so we don't only think I'm a separate self we feel I'm a separate self and long enough after our beliefs in separation have been cleared up, the feelings of separation continue, and this is a very common condition in our era where the non-dual perspective is available and many people have a clear understanding at an intellectual level that there is no separate self, that the separate self is an illusion and that's not enough to put an end to suffering, to our rejection of the now and our seeking in the future or in the past for happiness because by far the larger part of the imaginary self lives in the body as layer upon layer upon layer of feeling and as the layers go down they get subtler and more nameless to begin with.
At the beginning we can say what our feelings are: I'm angry because oft his, I'm jealous because of that but actually these layers as they go down they become nameless, formless, existential sense of lack, the fear of disappearance. If what we're discussing here is going to impact our lives, if it's going to be more than just entertaining a wonderful idea, a wonderful possibility, if it's really gonna cut the ice in our experiences, this deeper level, the felt sense of separation has to be explored. We have to clear out all levels of beliefs of separation before going at the level of the body, but there is terrific resistance in most of us to explore separation in the body.
Many of us will explore our beliefs in separation 24/7 for decades, read books about it, talk about it, discuss it, but explore the feeling in the body and you find a fortress in here, and so much of our thoughts, feelings, activities and relationships as an apparently separate self are designed precisely to keep these dark, difficult feelings at bay so as soon as we see them rising which we do in between the gaps in the middle of the night, in odd moments where there's nothing to do they surface, because they want to come in the light of awareness. As soon as we feel this impulse what do we do? It's the fridge, the bottle, the cigarette, the sexual encounter, [the mantras], whatever it is for each of us, anything but I don't want to feel this, and much or all of the imaginary self activity is involved in not having to fully feel these feelings and for this reason, long after we have that beautiful clear intellectual understanding of non-duality, the separate self is safe and happy in here, there is a terrific defence system in place in much of us, to be willing to go into the body, to be willing to get out of the head, to stop reading books, to stop endlessly talking and questioning, its all fine but it's a prelude to the deeper exploration and if we don't go to that bottom of those feelings then no matter how clear the mind is, no matter how apparently free the separate self is (there's nothing there, there's nothing to do kind of mantra), these feelings will, from behind the scenes, unconsciously, dictate our thoughts, actions and feelings on behalf of the separate self because this is where it's being controlled from, thought, and then we have a problem: the thought says there's nobody there there's no separate self yet we feel ourselves thinking and behaving and acting on behalf of the separate self, and through some convoluted act of reasoning it appropriates the advaita teachings and says oh, my obnoxious behavior, my suffering, my unhappiness is an expression of awareness, there's nothing to do about it, there's nobody there. Bullshit.
We're just fooling ourselves, the separate self has just dressed up as an enlightened self and is appropriating the advaita teachings in order again to successfully keep those deep dark uncomfortable feelings at bay and this is a classic thing in the contemporary advaita scene --my suffering is just an expression of awareness, of course, ultimately it is but until the whole system is free of contraction and suffering we're not entitled to say that, it would be better to be honest and recognize that despite my clear intellectual understanding these residue of suffering are still compelling my thoughts and more importantly my activities and my relationships. Why are there still conflicts in my relationships when I know there is no separate self? It's because I still feel that I am a separate self and you are a separate self so here there's a crisis, are we just going to carry on the non-dual mantra there's-nobody-there-theres-nothing-to-do, all my suffering is just what's happening now, or are we going to have the courage and the love to face these feelings, to allow them to come up and to stay in place, not to reject them, not to express them but to let them fully show their face, show what they're made of.
When we first hear these teachings we think oh everything should be peace and light and happiness if that's what my true nature is I'm the turbo-bull piece, when actually life gets rougher since I'm exploring this and it's precisely because we are truly taking our stand as awareness there's no longer any impulse, there's no longer any identity present rejecting these feelings so the lid is taken off they come up, and it feels worse. We thought meditation was supposed to be peaceful, this is tortuous, there's this wave after wave, one layers of feelings comes up and then sure enough, as soon as it's passed through there's the next one, even deeper, even darker, so it requires courage and love not to contract and say no, because there's a bottom to this well... The fear of death is one of the essential forms of the separate self, the sense of lack is another.

Hi, I'm fairly new to the world of wine. Currently I am looking for an Australian made wine for newly weds that encaptures 'Australia'. The wine or wines I am looking for would ideally fit one of the following points:

1. All round/General accessible taste
   
2. great paired with proteins, roasted and rich flavors
   
3. Light, Fruity and a bit on the sweeter side.
   

Thank you all in advance for the help.
Edit: I forgot to add that my budget for a bottle can range to a maximum of 50 australian dollars. Suggestions of more expensive bottles are still welcome if you see fit.

I’m a FTM so I’m sorry if this is a silly question, but my 2 month old is SO hard to wake up. Is this normal??
For reference, there are some times he wakes up to a pin drop, and other times this kid doesn’t wake up for anything. Specifically, on Tuesday this week, he didn’t take a single good nap all day, he just took little 10 minute cat naps that equaled out to an hour and a half. Yesterday, Wednesday, he slept all day essentially. I would try to wake him up out of a nap, and he would wake up for a second but fall back asleep. He even fell asleep when I put him in tummy time. Tonight (3 am right now), he was being fussy. I changed him, made him a 4 oz bottle (his usual) and he drank 2 oz and crashed. I tried waking him up to finish the bottle, but he wasn’t having it. I figured since the last time he ate was 10 pm, he’d want to eat.
When I try to wake him, he does respond to sound or light, he just won’t actually wake up. He may open his eyes for a second, but he falls back asleep. He doesn’t have a fever, still eating his normal amount in a 24 hour period… am I just overthinking this? I’m trying not to let my PPA win this one, but I feel like I just need some reassurance and guidance on if this is normal for a baby.

Throwaway
My (33f) and my husband Matteo (31m) have been married for 4 months, together for 3 years. When we were dating his mom used to randomly call him up and ask for money, anywhere from 2-6 thousand dollars. He told me that she had been doing it for years but he didn’t care because he had a high paying job and had the disposable income to give her money. My FIL is a successful businessman in his city and I was told that they had joint accounts so I always found it a bit odd that she asked her son for money. When we got engaged we discussed his mom’s monetary requests and my husband agreed he would put an end to it, and he did. She stopped calling after he refused to give her money.
Last Tuesday my MIL called and asked my husband for 15 thousand dollars, she said she needed it for vacation. After he told her no, she sent me a lengthy text message saying that I had no right to get involved in a mother’s relationship with her son, I didn’t respond. I asked my husband if his parents were having money troubles and he said that everything is fine as far as he knows.
Well today my FIL and SIL (husband’s younger sister) came over for lunch. My FIL was helping us choose a bottle of wine when I asked him if everything is okay at home, he looked at me confused and asked what I was talking about. That’s when my husband told him about her calling us for money.!
It turns out that my MIL has been secretly asking my husband for money in cash. My FIL told us that she was withdrawing cash from the bank last year and told him it was to help pay for our wedding but she lied, she never gave us a dime.
My FIL left immediately and hours later my MIL called crying saying that I have a big mouth and ruined her life. My FIL wrote us a check to pay us back and is temporarily separated from my MIL until he feels he can trust her again. My husband’s maternal relatives are calling us an saying that I’m a giant AH.
AITA for bringing it up to my FIL that my MIL is secretly harassing us for money?
ETA: We were told tonight that she was using the money to buy lavish gifts for her friends and pay their rent.

I need help since I see no gut improvements.
What should I do, given my brief history.
10 years ago I started getting eczema on my scalp when I ate various foods.
Only after many years of damage to my gut have I realised I needed to stop eating what I was eating.
So I have been carnivore/keto for 4 years, and the past years I have been eating mostly beef steak with white basmati rice.
During this time, i kind of controlled my scalp rash, knowing that If i ate high histamine foods or fried/chemically enchanted foods I would flare up and not be able to sleep properly. So i avoided these foods 97% of the time.
During summer when it's sunny, my tolerance to food histamines is way better.
But this past winter, i ended up with a rash on my scalp like never before. I had unmovable scales and no matter what I ate, (just beef and rice) it was getting worse and worse. I was also baking my own sourdough bread thinking that it would remove the glutten. But who knows.
This winter I did stool PCR test and found out I had Blastocitis Hominis.
I have also tested my Zonulin and it was 30% over the limit meaning leaky gut (permeability)
Now it's almost summer and my symptoms are better but still, I need to keep a bland diet of beef/chicken/lamb and white rice, otherwise, as I was now on my holiday, I ate a bit of matured cheese, a glass of wine once and i had a big scalp flare up.
I have been taking the past year 5000k vitamind D3 with K2 and electrolised beef (100% collagen)
and the last 6 months I took Taurine, L-glutamine, B complex, additional B6, Tongat Ali, Magnesium.
After I have found I had that parasite, I decided to NOT go the antibiotic route, and to take the following: 1 drop oregano oil in glass of water daily, parasite cleanse natural pills with oregano oil, garlic, BLACK walnut, wormwood etc together with probiotic Saccharomyces Boulardii and Lactobacillus acidophilus.
But i do not feel any improvements, I am thinking that I feel better simply because it's summer and my body can handle the symptoms way better.
I plan on doing a stool test for dysbiosis
I understand that it can show what bacteria is lacking or overpowering the gut.
I understand that the event from winter was maybe due to the parasite, who knows if maybe I had it since 10 years ago when it all started, or only this the past year.
If it's been only this past yeAr, why have I suffered leaky gut symptoms for 10 years? And why hasn't it healed in the last 4 years since I have been eating carnivore keto and really avoided the bad stuff?
I can barely eat foods that have natural
Probiotics such as sauerkraut, or aged cheese or bone broth, because I flare up like crazy.
Also, in terms or fibre, i can eat bananas and watermelon.
I can't eat greens (oxalates) nor carrots or any ROOT vegetables because I flare up.
What is there to do next?
I appreciate your feedback!

Does anyone know where I can get Seattle or Washington fridge magnets for an affordable price? I want to get a bunch of them to give to my family overseas as souvenirs but don't really want to pay for 4-5 bucks for each at Pike Place Market... Any leads would be greatly appreciated! Many thanks in advance!

[Part 1](https://www.reddit.com/HFY/comments/131t1q9/first_contacts_part_1/)
[Part 6](https://www.reddit.com/HFY/comments/13xe87q/first_contacts_part_6/)
“Welcome to the Endeavour 2.”
Nathan had already chosen to name the frigate after his experimental warp ship, I wondered if that meant he intended to keep hold of it but the limited number of Doradul crew was my largest concern.
“Only 20 Orvangians?”
Nathan’s smile dropped away and he rose from his seat, “I am sorry Jin, the Axarli shot and killed several on the planet’s surface, these were the only prisoners they recovered.”
Halor the Doradul’s Secondary Ops Officer made the Orvangian Gesture of Greif from loss before taking the pilot’s seat that Nathan slid out of.
“I am glad to see you and Doc got to the shuttle safely, but you should probably get some rest, that’s what I am going to do now.” Nathan gestured back to the elevator.
Once we were aboard the elevator, he thumbed the button for Deck 9 where the shuttle was stored.
“What course are we on?”
“Halor plotted a course to a Federation System called Polivor, we will be there in about a day.”
Once we reached the shuttle Nathan and I gathered our things and headed for Deck 4 officer’s quarters. Nathan claimed the Captains Quarters and offered me the First Officers, it was nowhere near as comfortable as the Doradul, in that respect it was much more like the Endeavour, it was a single chamber with a bed, chair, desk, and storage compartments, no more than 6 square metres of floor and barely 3 metres high.
All I had in the way of possessions was a Laser Rifle, a Space Suit, and the pack of seeds from the Doradul, Purple Valuri Seeds my mother had given me when I left for the Doradul. The Chamber didn’t have enough lighting for flowers to grow, the gloom better suited to the needs of the Sovereigns or Euterians.
I Stowed my things and extracted myself from the space suit, it looked ugly now, not the smooth bluish appearance it had once possessed, there were dozens of scratches on its hard segments and the Separatist sealant was brown leaving a couple of dozen irregular dirty-looking smudges where I had sealed it.
My uniform was no better, torn and tattered I had been wearing it for hours when I was sent to recover Nathan from the Endeavour 1, it smelled dirty and pink staining surrounded the tears.
Entirely disrobed I lay on the bed and dimmed the lights, the last sleep I had managed was back in the escape pod, it felt like that was days ago. Despite my exhaustion, it wasn’t easy to fall asleep, perhaps it was the stinging of wounds or the death of so many Orvangians that I knew, sleep took over an hour to reach.
I dreamt of the first year I served aboard the Doradul, we were surveying systems in the Tilbas Sector, looking for worlds that would be suitable for Orvangian settlement, they were peaceful days wandering the stars in search of beauty and quiet, I had built many friendships with members of the crew, among them was Wula, she served as a Geological specialist, surveying planetary crusts for stability. I had gathered her family seal from her body when I was on the Doradul, hers and two others, Palos wasn’t exactly my friend, a support Engineer, he was after my job but I did not wish to see him dead and Worgan, I didn’t know him well.
I woke after a few hours, my bedding stained with lymph from a wound on my side, it had opened again as I had slept. The only thing I had to wear was my torn and stained uniform so I donned it again and headed for the medical bay on deck 3.
Doctor Hule and the Tilik Nathan called Doc were here, treating plasma burns on Sub Officer Florn, she had been a ground officer during surface surveying for the Doradul.
Doc moved over to the second bed and patted it with a tentacle so I hopped up and gestured to my reopened would “It started weeping again”.
“Not to worry, I can go over them all with more care now that there are no enemies at the door.”
Doc began to treat my wounds taking time to seal and patch each one, it took over an hour of work for him to finish and I did feel considerably better.
“Thanks, Doc” I slid off the bed and turned to leave.
“I suggest you also visit the quartermasters on deck 7, they can sort you out something clean to wear.”
Clean clothes and a shower sounded great so I headed straight to Deck 7, the Doradul’s own Quartermaster was here and she soon had the ship fabricate two new uniforms for me, both now showing the embroidery pattern for the Doradul as a Memoriam pattern, though she had not included an Endeavour 2 pattern.
The deck where my quarters were had a shower block, suited to the use of four so that all the senior officers of the frigate could use it at once. I was the only one there though so I took my time cleaning, ensuring that the grime of recent events was gone.
Finally clean I donned a new uniform and stowed the other in my quarters before heading to the bridge.
Halor was still in command, using the Pilots chair as a sort of captain’s seat as he reviewed the ship’s systems and supplies, not that the information was necessary, we would be arriving at Polivor in less than 20 hours now and he would most certainly be disembarking, we all would. This ship was evidence of the Separatists’ rearming against the treaty they had signed when they lost the war.
“Jin! I thought you would be resting after all that excitement.”
“Sleep is difficult, I was hoping we had a crew roster.”
“We do” he indicated an auxiliary console “But I am sad to say that neither of the Doradul’s Therapeutic officers are with us.”
I sat on the padded bar that counted as an auxiliary station seat and brought up the roster, Nathan and Doc were both listed as well as the 21 survivors of the Doradul, 84 had died in the attack on the ship, those whose seals had been recovered were also listed, so I added the three I had collected and quietly wept for a few moments at the losses we had taken.
Less than 40 seals of dead crewmembers had been recovered and were currently being displayed in the galley on deck 3 so that was my next destination, the elevator was in use so I took the ramps.
The Galley was busy, 10 of my crewmates from the Doradul were here some at a wall where 35 seals hung in memoriam of the lost, and others were sitting at tables with the separatist equivalent of ration packs.
I approached the memorial wall and hung the three seals I had recovered, Jola and Nero gave me sympathetic hugs in response. Jola had worked with Wula as part of the survey teams so she offered to make the bond and share memories of our friend and colleague.
We sat and shared our memories through the Bond, the experiences we had each gathered of Wula being integrated, the social evenings I had shared with her, and the work humour Jola had experienced, each memory we shared built a greater picture of our lost friend in our minds and helped us to become closer friends as a result.
After the bond was over, we sat together and ate, the Separatist ration packs were simple, a grain and nut disc with a side of dried berries all held in a small plastic pouch. It wasn’t as good as the fake chicken that Nathan had shared but it was enough to sate my appetite.
Others in the Galley were sharing memories and meals, we may have lost the therapists but our shared experiences were helping us to cope with the losses.
I was about to depart the Galley when Nathan arrived with Doc, Nathan’s arms were loaded with ration packs of his own kind, far more than he could reasonably eat, and Doc was carrying a couple of bottles of medication.
Nathan selected a table next to mine and began laying out and snapping tabs on containers, a total of eight each with the same markings as the fried chicken I had tasted. Doc opened the bottles and dumped the pills into a bowl.
Once the circles turned red Nathan tore lids off packs and released the delicious smell of chicken “Ok everyone, feel free to try some Southern Fried Chicken, Be aware that the coating is a little toxic to Orvangians, so please take an Anti-Toxin pill from Doc here before you eat!” he spoke loud and clear so that everyone turned their attention to him and the smell.
I moved swiftly to the table and dry swallowed a pill before selecting a piece of chicken and biting down. My first taste of this had been without the coating so I had not been able to experience the full delights of its flavours, the coating was quite spicy though the anti-toxin was doing a good job of keeping it from being painful.
Soon others were trying the food for themselves and Nathan found himself explaining that it was not meat once again, though most were satisfied with no explanation. The atmosphere soon became more jovial and Nathan asked Buddy to play some music by another Buddy, this time a musician called Buddy Holly.
The Chicken was soon gone but the uplifted spirits would not fade so quickly, Nathan chatted with everyone, sharing jokes and stories from his people. For a few hours, the galley was a happy place.
Eventually, Nathan and I headed to the bridge to relieve Halor and monitor systems during our journey. I had never served aboard a ship built by another species before, the console layouts and bridge plan here were designed for a mixed species crew with effort made to offer interface and seating flexibility for all the races of the Separatist movement.
Someone had already modified screen layouts to better suit the Orvangian standard and seats were largely configured for our lean forms, the pilot’s chair being the only exception.
“Nathan, you understand that the Federation is likely to want this ship for study.”
“Halor told me. It’s fine though just leaves room for an Endeavour 3.” Nathan followed the statement with a Grin, something the other Orvangians on the bridge were still not used to, but I found myself grinning back causing a surprised reaction from the rest of the bridge crew.
There wasn’t much to do at warp so much of our time was just familiarising ourselves with the ship and its many systems, the Endeavour 2 was originally just referred to as the TX210-B, a combat support Frigate with an arsenal of ship-to-ship weaponry, it was designed to fight, having no other purpose.
After a few hours we were relieved of duty ourselves, Florn being the next most senior officer, he had no experience commanding a ship, but his rank was just below mine and he did command ground survey teams so he would manage for a few hours of Warp travel.
Nathan and I departed the Bridge together “You hungry?” Nathan nudged me as he spoke.
“I haven’t eaten much the last couple of days.”
“Let’s head to my quarters and grab some food then.” We used the ramps to reach deck 4, Nathan’s Fabricator was set up on the desk in his quarters and six ration packs were stacked inside it.
“Your fabricator can make food?”
“Yes, I fed it some of the separatist ration packs and it can make a half dozen different food options from them.” He took a pack from the machine and held it out to me.
He cleared the machine and started it on the next load, then he gathered the stack he had built beside it, almost two entire batches worth and headed back up to the Galley. Once we arrived, he deposited all but one of the packs onto a table at the end of the room and selected a seat at another table.
As I sat with the pack he had given me I noticed that the writing on the pack that had been in Nathan’s language when we had shared chicken on the shuttle, was now all in Orvangian, indicating the instructions to cook the meal and describing itself as a ‘Closed Spicy Meat Sandwich with vegetables and Fruit Sauce’ once the circle turned red I tore open the top to reveal a pair of shell-shaped things, they didn’t look like sandwiches really, they smelled of cooked meat and spices.
“I had Buddy modify the ingredients to eliminate toxic properties so enjoy.” Nathan bit into the crunchy exterior and juices dripped from his chin as he ate.
It was delicious, though I still preferred the chicken he had provided before. Several crew in the galley helped themselves to a pack and soon the whole galley smelled of the spices and meats of this Human food.
Two of these sandwiches were a little much for an Orvangian so most of the crew were sharing packs. After I finished one sandwich Nathan asked “You going to eat that?”
“No.” with that Nathan demolished his third and seemed sated.
“Captain Nathan. Could Buddy play some more music?” the query came from Asor a junior engineer by rank.
“Sure! Buddy, can we get some Dolly?”
“Playing Dolly Parton.” Buddy began with a song about working long hours and soon the galley was full of Orvangians badly singing along.
Eventually, the poor sleep I had gotten over the last couple of days was too much for me and I departed the music and joviality of the galley and returned to my chambers, the small size and lack of a garden hit me again as I entered the metal box military officers call spacious quarters.
Exhaustion made sleep much easier this time and I managed a good six hours of rest, my dreams largely of my childhood and memories I had gained from my bond with Jola. When I awoke it was to the voice of Nathan “All crew, we shall be arriving at the Polivor system in one hour, All crew to stations.”
I climbed out of bed and donned a fresh uniform, depositing both my dirty and tattered one into the laundry chute before heading for the bridge.
Nathan was in the Pilots chair and Halor was standing at an auxiliary station, I took a position at the first officer’s console and examined the navigation data, we were now just 35 minutes from our destination.
That time soon vanished as we prepared the ship for arrival, we would look like a separatist ship so Halor had modified our transponder data to indicate that we were the Endeavour 2 under the Galactic Federations Flag, still, we would need to prove we were not hostile so I set the weapons to safe mode and prepared a transmission of my security code and a message to indicate our allegiance. Nathan prepared to take control of the ship’s course moments before the Warp drive shut down.
We dropped out of warp at 2.2 million kilometres from the Military Outpost in the outer system.
Two Separatist Cruisers were waiting for us, barely a thousand kilometres from our arrival point they immediately opened fire, particle beams lancing out at us with their crimson fury.
Nathan’s reactions were on par as usual, jerking the controls to starboard and hitting full thrust the moment he saw the ships. He managed to evade the worst of it but a blast cut a streak across the port side of the ship, two turrets were hit and auxiliary communications were burned off the ship.
“Jin, Arm Weapons, focus fire on the sunward side ship! Halor, get me data on the state of the system.” Nathan yelled orders as he twisted the Endeavour 2 among the beams.
I had set the weapons to safety thinking we would need to look non-threatening, it was going to take two minutes to get weapons back “Captain, two minutes for weapons!”
Halor set secondary displays to show the devastated Outpost and the distant flashes of conflict over Polivor 3 “Captain, there are 5 Separatist Battleships in orbit of Polivor 3 and the Military Outpost has been destroyed.”
He paused for a moment as though he could barely believe his next statement, “We are at war.”
​
[Part 1](https://www.reddit.com/HFY/comments/131t1q9/first_contacts_part_1/)
[Part 6](https://www.reddit.com/HFY/comments/13xe87q/first_contacts_part_6/)
(I hope everyone is still enjoying this story, Let me know if you are. As you may have noticed there is no Species Data Drop in the comments this week they will resume once another species makes an appearance.)

Hi friends I’m wanting to try and get advice on the cheapest way to buy bulk Pokémon cards in Australia, and I thought maybe Reddit would have some ideas. Money is tighter than it’s ever been for us right now.
My kid pulled a couple of cards he really loved recently after I found some old packs of unopened cards in a box in the back of a wardrobe at Nanna’s house.
He pulled a rainbow charizard and he was absolutely THRILLED. He had a shoe box of cards he’s collected over the last 4 years, he had two large folders of holos and rares and even a bunch of his dads original cards and a few Japanese cards. Thousands of dollars worth of cards, easily. Every cent he has been given over the last 4 years has been spent on Pokémon cards.
So, being excited, he decided to take his folder and his shoe box to school. We allowed the shoe box, but he was suppose to leave the folders with the most expensive/rarer cards at home. Unfortunately, he’s 10 years old, adhd/ASD, and doing what he’s told isn’t always his strong suit.
At school he’s been having trouble with a bully, and she thought it would be hilarious to break into the classroom and steal his cards from the teachers desk during lunch break and throw his box of cards down a third floor stairwell and then take his folders and pour an entire 2L bottle of Coca Cola over them from the top of the stairwell, and down to on the cards she had tipped on the stairs.
Most of his cards are now destroyed and he is beyond devastated. He has about 40 cards left that he’s managed to save out of hundreds, possibly thousands. The bully was suspended for two days and will spend the next semester using her breaks to participate in charity/community work with the principal. The bully’s family are fairly well known locally and don’t have a lot of money due to… let’s call them “known extracurricular activities” 🙃 so suing them for the damage and asking for replacements etc isn’t going to do us any good unfortunately, and in all honesty I feel bad for the bully to a point for having to try to survive through what she goes through at home. It’s just… sad.
The school of course cannot replace the ruined cards or really do anything except tell my son he shouldn’t bring expensive items to school because nobody can guarantee their safety, which he should already know, his teacher had the cards in her desk because Pokémon cards are a banned item for exactly this reason.
I’d really appreciate any advice at all on how to buy bulk cards across all sets as cheap as possible in Australia. I don’t have much money right now, but I’m so heartbroken for him, I need to do something. I know I’m not going to be able to replace the incredible cards he had but I want to do what I can to give him something. He’s a good kid and he deserves good things. He has been so quiet since it happened, not playing his PlayStation with his friends or doing anything much outside of just watching videos under his blanket in bed when he gets home each day. :( I feel so devastated for him.
Any and all advice would be so appreciated! 💕 thank you in advance!

Occupation – Government employee
Age – 34
Location – Zimbabwe
My salary – $500 (paid monthly)
Side Gig Income – $0
Other income – negligible amounts from dividends received from my stock portfolio that I re-invest
Housemates – 4 (husband P, 6 year old L, 4 year old E and nanny F. My nephew M is around and makes appearances too)
​
Assets and Liabilities
​

Equity	$60,000 fully paid off
Retirement Balance	??	I contribute monthly, and employer matches fully. But because of changes in currency and hyperinflation, I don’t really count this as an asset
Savings	$1700	(went down due to travelling trying to get my passport done since it expired)
Current account balance	$660	Includes my mum's money since I'm managing her financial affairs while she's abroad
Loan from employer	$130	I took a personal loan from work, because the interest rates are lower than rate of inflation and repayment is over 18 months. Loan was used to make improvements on our house, and what wasn’t used, I bought shares on our stock exchange, due to hyperinflation, the amount I owe in US$ has gone down
Investments (shares in various counters on our local stock exchanges)	$1,186
Car	$4,000	Based on current resale value. Car was bought secondhand for cash

​
Income progression- (https://www.reddit.com/MoneyDiariesACTIVE/comments/vbbb7s/i_live_in_zimbabwe_making_3600year_and_i_just/)
​
Expenses
This year, my husband and I decided that he would take on the bulk of our expenses since I do most of the domestic work/childcare. Expenses I pay will be indicated. My salary is now for my expenses, my investments and my savings, and spoiling the kids. Husband caters for the family basics. There was a point last year when I felt my husband wasn’t as invested in the family because he barely did anything financially. By having him cater for all expenses, he is now definitely involved and invested. My husband’s income is just about the same as mine, slightly higher at some times.
​
My Expenses

Expense	Amount /period	Note
Car insurance and licensing	$300/annum	This is due in March, and I pay for the entire year
Petrol	$60/month
Electricity	$10/month
Airtime/data	$20/month
Groceries	$60/month	This is for additional groceries such as bread, veg and fruit bought during the month
Kids’ clothes	$40/month	I’m trying to build up their winter wardrobe so I try to buy them something each month
Makeup/clothes/toiletries/ supplements/hair	$30/month	I do not us this much monthly though
Water	$15/month	Based on last bill received in April. We do not get water consistently so bills are infrequent
Donations	$20/month	Ad hoc donations to a soup kitchen, and maternal health fun
Stock market investment	$50/month	May invest more or less, but I do try to buy shares every payday

​
Household Expenses (paid by P)
​

Expense	Amount /period	Note
Groceries	$200/month	Bulk grocery shopping of staple food items and toiletries
LP Gas	$30/approx. every 2 months	We buy when it runs out. Usually every 2 months depending on how bad the power supply is
Medical	$15/month	For OTC meds (painkiller, cough syrup, antacid stocked for emergencies) and any prescriptions
Pet expenses	$60/ twice a year	For vaccinations and checkups for 4 dogs. Pet food is covered under groceries
School fees for the kids	$347/ term	One kid has fees paid every month, the other every 3 months
Nanny	$80/month	Less than before as both kids are now in school fulltime, and nanny is there to get them ready for school and care after school for 3 hours.
DSTV subscription	$37/month
Transport for kids to/from school	$60/month	L gets picked up and dropped off at home daily, E is dropped off after school

​
Previous MDs - (https://www.reddit.com/MoneyDiariesACTIVE/comments/vbbb7s/i_live_in_zimbabwe_making_3600year_and_i_just/) and (https://www.reddit.com/MoneyDiariesACTIVE/comments/yc801g/i_am_33_years_old_and_i_just_graduated_with_my/)
​
MD Q&A
Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
Yes, I have a BSc in Accounting, a Masters in Accounting, and a Postgraduate Diploma in Taxation. My parents both have Masters degrees, and in my family, the bare minimum acceptable for education was getting a Bachelors. My mother paid for my undergraduate degree, and I paid cash for my postgraduate studies.
​
Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money?
My parents divorced when I was very young. My dad is the wealthier of the two, my mum has always been middle-class. My mum brought me up with very little financial help from my dad, he only covered tuition and healthcare until I turned 18. My mum catered for everything else. My mum taught me how to look for bargains, how to save and invest, and also how to sometimes enjoy your money.
​
If you have, when did you move out of your parents'/guardians' house?
I would say I moved out at 26 when I got my current job. I had moved out when I got my first fulltime job, but moved back home when that contract ended
​
At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself? Does anyone else cover any aspects of your financial life?
At 26 again. That's when I earned enough to cover all my bills without needing help. My husband P covers some aspects of my financial life, and my mum occasionally helps out with stuff for her grandchildren.
​
What was your first job and why did you get it?
I worked as a receptionist at my mum's law firm after finishing my A Levels (age 18) while waiting to start university. My mum gave me the job to keep me occupied and out of mischief, lol.
​
Do you worry about money now?
I worry about building generational wealth for my children. I want to make sure they will be set for life as adults. I do worry about money because hyperinflation is eroding my earnings and retirement dramatically. This is my second time losing my retirement. My mum and in laws are losing their retirement for the third time, so honestly our old age looks bleak if we do not invest outside of work pensions.
​
Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income?
I receive negligible dividends from the shares I own, lol.
​
Day 1
0430 – I’m woken up by loadshedding. I sigh, rollover, and sleep some more
0600 – Alarm goes off. I turn it off, enjoy cuddles from P and finally get out of bed. Our water tanks ran out 4 days ago, and council has not yet deigned to give us water, so we rely on P’s parents and friends to give us water. I get my water that was warming up on the stove, and take a quick bucket bath. I moisturize, do my brows, throw my lace wig on (I cut my hair in January, and I’m at a really awkward stage where my hair looks bad when I wear it out all day) and get dressed. It’s cold in the mornings so I put on winter stockings and a black and white chevron patterned dress, nude ballet pumps plus my warm jacket. I get E from the couch where he was watching Cocomelon and my lunch bag out of the kitchen and we head off to his school. After dropping off E, I go to the office. No electricity means no elevator, so I go up the stairs. I see my boss’s boss and greet him as we do the ZESA (local electricity company) sponsored workout. I log in to the work register, fill up my kettle, and settle down to check out my work email. Nothing urgent came through overnight, so I go into my personal email. The wig company I patronize has given me a code for my birthday, and I’m wondering if I should pull the trigger on my cart. I decide to do a report while thinking this through.
My mum is currently working out of the country, so I am managing her local finances/obligations while she’s away. I remember I have to buy the prepaid electricity token for my childhood home as well as for the house she lives in when she’s working in the country. I spend $23 on electricity for both houses (mum’s money so doesn’t count)
1030 – After doing some firefighting and office gossip I have my breakfast. Today its rice, peas and 2 fried eggs. I sprinkle some peri-peri Aromat on top since I don’t have a sauce/gravy ad I have been craving spicy food lately. I also pop my multivitamin and supplements. I check my team’s work and send back anything that needs correcting. I also generate the multiple reports my boss expects from me. I suddenly remember I need to claim my allowance for performing a role that is higher than my actual position at work. I quickly complete the form, and send it to my boss for his signature. The extra money from this is what I use to fund my stock market investments. I also remind my team to send a report to me for consolidation by noon.
12.00 – I do a major push of all my work due today so I can relax after lunch. I compile my reports and set them ready to send. I also finish my first 2 litres of water of the day, and cue up the next 2 litres
1300 – Its lunchtime, and my work bestie and I head out around town**. I find shorts that L would fit and buy 2 pairs for $10**. We head back to the office and I have caramel popcorn for lunch. Then I remember I forgot to have my afternoon meds, oops. Anyway, more work before heading to an audit meeting
1630 – The audit meeting is finally over, and I rush to shut down my computer, pack up my things and go home. I have an agreement with my manager that as long as I make up for the hour, by either coming early or skipping lunch, I can leave work at 4pm. I had a total hysterectomy end of last year so I still can’t manage driving in heavy traffic. I arrive home, make the bed (P had not made it when he went to work), and harvest chilies from our garden that have ripened. I also harvest a local herb used as a flu remedy and lemongrass, so I can brew up a tea/tisane for the flu affected people in my house. I also pack L’s lunch for tomorrow, a pie, a naartjie and juice. It’s also F’s payday, so I give her US$80 (P gave me this money).
E says he is hungry so I feed him sadza and sour milk by his request. I multitask covering L’s school textbook while supervising his homework and watching Married to Real Estate and the Great British Bake Off. I then have my dinner of sadza, greens and beef. I have a chat with the kids about their day at school. P gets home.
1900 – P and my nephew M go to fetch water from P’s friend’s house. The city council still hasn’t opened up our water supply. I do some French on Duolingo while the boys wreak havoc in their playroom. I read L and E their bedtime stories and put them to bed. I decide to do my hair in cornrows while watching Masterchef Australia. They get home and I help them carry water indoors. I remember that when power comes back I need to boil tripe on the stove, so I cut it up, put it in the pot with water, salt and garlic, and place it on the electric stove. We have serious loadshedding these days, so we have a gas stove and solar power to tide us over. I take a quick bath and change into my pyjamas. While P watches TV, I read Wild Sweet Love by Beverly Jenkins and continue to do my hair in cornrows.
2200 – My arms are tired and I’m only halfway through with the cornrows. I give up and go to bed with P.
Total spent - $10
​
Day 2
0600 – I hear crying. E is in a bad mood today. I turn off my alarm, and go to see what’s wrong. E does not want to get dressed for school. I sigh, and help F dress him while he throws a massive tantrum. E is dressed, so I go do my morning routine of shower, moisturize, contact lenses, and eyebrow makeup. Today, I wear a green dress I took from my mum, black tights, nude ballet flats and a black and white coat. E gets put into the car by F, and starts crying for porridge. We are already late, so he learns that the consequence of refusing to eat his porridge on time is to go to school without having his porridge. It’s not a big issue though, as he gets fed at school. So I lock the doors and windows and drive him to school as he throws a tantrum for the entire 10 minute drive. I shove him into the school gate and head to work.
It’s another ZESA sponsored stair workout today. I log into the register, and fill up my kettle with water. I switch on my computer, check my work email and send off client emails to my team for their response. My personal email has an annual report from one of the companies I have shares in so I check out if there’s a dividend this year. I own a negligible number of shares in the company though, but 28c per share is quite impressive. I check to see if my stock exchange wallet has been credited with the money I transferred there so I can buy more shares. It still hasn’t so I send a follow up email o the enquiries desk at the stock exchange. I do have a stockbroker, but I prefer doing my trades myself. I also do some French on Duolingo before 8am.
0830 – Our HR is in a tizzy because people are late for work. I don’t make a big deal out of it usually, because salaries are shit and people are demotivated. As long as my team shows up and does some work, I’m ok. I approve some work, and warn my team about coming in a bit too late. I also tell a teammate that she will have to cover for me on Monday as I am taking the day off. Our internet connectivity is shit so I can’t log into our system to check some stuff. My work bestie gives me avocados from her house. I almost cry because I have been craving avocados, but been too cheap to buy them.
1000 – I have a really bad sore throat. I am also hungry since I haven’t had breakfast yet. I jot down my shopping list for the weekend and head to Pick ‘n’ Pay to buy carrots, green peppers, tomatoes, lemons, cheese, polony and bread. I also buy my breakfast/lunch, which is rice, beans, ox liver and egg salad**. It all cost $10**. I leave my shopping in my car, and go to the office to wolf down my food, and take my multivitamin and painkiller. I also receive my wigs that I bought in May. Perfect timing, as I want to wear a new wig tomorrow for our girls’ day out.
I do some more work, and remind my team to send me the information I need for my daily reports.
1300 – I go out to buy a few items I didn’t find in Pick ‘n’ Pay earlier**. I go to Spar and buy peas, eggs, soft drinks for the outing tomorrow and a sausage roll. Total cost is $10**. The outing has been deemed kid friendly, so I needed drinks for the boys to have tomorrow. I get back into the office, and spend the rest of the lunch hour working.
1600 – It’s finally time to go home. I send my email to handover work issues for the person who will take over my role on Monday while I am on leave. I also send my out of office email, and head home. The kids are at their grandmother’s, so I take a leisurely bath, put on my pyjamas and eat dinner. Then I watch Masterchef Australia until P and E get home. I also get in some French Duolingo practice
2000 – P goes out with his friends, so I snuggle up on the couch with E and watch TV. I put E to bed, read him his bedtime story and kiss him good night. I finally finish season 13 of Masterchef Australia, and move on to My Kitchen Rules Australia. I love Australian reality shows, ngl.
2200 – I go to bed P gets home and tells me some bad news about a friend of ours. I feel very sad for him. He cuddles me and we sleep.
Total spent - $20
​
Day 3
0700 – I wake up feeling like a truck ran me over. I get out of bed, and get ready to hand-wash our laundry. We still have no running water so we can’t use the washing machine. I play music while doing my laundry to keep me motivated
0900 – Laundry has been hung out to dry. F has cooked potato curry, so I boil eggs and water. I have my breakfast of potato curry, egg, multivitamin and coffee. Once I’m done, I give E a bath and dress him. I also bath, moisturize, do my brows and get dressed. I’m wearing jeans and a t-shirt today as my friends and I ae supposed to take our kids out for a playdate. Then I receive a message that the outing is cancelled since one of our group is really sick. I try to think of something I can do with E, since L is out having fun with his grandmother. I do my Swahili Duolingo practice.
1100 – The welder comes to do some work on our garage door. I monitor the work for a bit, and then my nephew takes over. E starts really bugging me to go out. So I put on my headband wig and sneakers, and pack a cooler bag with snacks and drinks. We head into town and I buy myself some ciders for $9. These are for me to drink when the mood strikes me. E wants to go to a resort by the lake so I oblige him. We pay $8 for our entrance. He goes to play on the swings, and I take pictures of him having fun. Another family turns up, and one of his classmates is among them. He’s so happy, and goes to play with his friend. I watch him running around.
1500 – I get a call from my friend that she’s in town with my cake. This cake was meant for the cancelled outing. I pack up our stuff, hustle E into the car and drive back into town. I let out some colourful swear words when I realise I forgot to get our change of $2. Anyway**, I meet up with my friend and get the cake, and pay her $30**. It’s so pretty. I call my MIL while still in town to find out what time she will be there so I can pick up L. She says it will be an hour, so E and I head home to drop off the cake so it doesn’t melt in my AC-less car.
1600 – We are back in town waiting for L and MIL. E wants an ice cream so I buy him one for $0.50 using money I had in my Innbucks wallet. MIL calls and asks me to head over to where she is to pick L up since she can’t leave yet. E and I get there. MIL gets me sadza and goat tripe stew, which I eat a bit of to be polite even though I am not hungry. When I’m done, I pack up the kids and drive home. I bath and change into my pyjamas.
1800 – I feed the kids, and we play until their weekend bedtime of 8pm. I read them their bedtime stories and tuck them in. I watch TV and iron my morning laundry while having a gin and juice until 9pm, and head to read in bed. P and my nephew arrive home from their amateur soccer league match and subsequent outing with the boys. I fall asleep soon after.
Total spent - $49.50
​
Day 4
0700 – I’m woken up by L demanding that I come and play with them. I am still sleepy so I fob him off.
0900 - F knocks on the door and tells us she is off to church. I finally get out of bed and get dressed. I see the boys playing relatively peacefully so I let them continue with their antics. In the kitchen, I find F had cooked breakfast, and since I’m starving, I heat up water for coffee. L surprisingly isn’t hungry so I serve up breakfast for P and me. I have my daily multivitamin. P heads out to go fetch water, while I bath, change and hang out with the kids. I also do my French Duolingo practice for the day
1200 – I have played with the dogs and kids, and I am exhausted. I collapse onto the couch and watch MKR Australia. P gets home, and naps on the couch. I give the kids haircuts and baths.
1700 – L is hungry and really wants cake, so I feed the kids a dinner of sadza and sour milk. Then some cake for dessert. I also pack L’s school lunch, which will be a polony sandwich, a cupcake and juice. The kids play until its bedtime at 7pm. The usual routine, bedtime stories and tuck in is done
2000 – P and I watch a movie while having some alcoholic drinks.
2200 – Bedtime for us
Total spent - $0
​
Day 5
0600 – It’s my birthday today. I am going all out celebrating myself since TW I tried unaliving myself twice in the past year. L wishes me a happy birthday before he goes to school. I get birthday messages from my mum, dad, SILs, and friends. I also get a call from my brother, his wife and their son, and they sing to me. I feel very loved today. P goes to drop off E at school today so I can sleep in
0800 – I am finally up and hungry. I cook a quick breakfast of boiled eggs, and a bean curry. P takes my car to get serviced, while I bath, moisturize, contact lenses, do a full face of makeup and get dressed for the day. Today I wear a tie-dyed cutout mini-dress and sneakers, and my wavy headband wig
1300 – P is home and he drives me to a hotel outside town near a renowned tourist site in our country. We have a platter of fried fish, chicken strips, pork strips, fries, and a salad to share and multiple Savannah Drys while there. It’s really nice getting to reconnect after a very tumultuous year in our marriage. P pays.
1700 – We drive around the area, before heading home. Once we get home, P and my nephew go on a hunt for water, while I feed the kids. P and I head off to take our showers. I remember why I don’t do a full face of makeup when it take a long time to get the makeup off my face.
1900 – The family sings happy birthday, and we eat cake. Birthday gifts were gin and chocolate. I hustle the boys off to bed. No story today, as they went to bed later than usual. P watches TV while I read my novel.
2100 – Bedtime for the grownups
Total spent - $0
​
Day 6
0530 – I wake up and lie in bed for a bit. Then I read my novel some more.
0620 – I am up, and take my bath, moisturize, do my brows and get dressed. It’s cold this morning, so I wear a yellow dress with black polka dots, black tights and ankle boots. I pack up the cake I’m giving to my colleagues, as well as my water bottle. E and I head out. I drop E off at school, and go to the office. I log into the work register, turn on my computer, and check my emails. There are a few pressing issues I need to get up to speed with. One of my colleagues gives me $50 as a birthday gift. I also hand out the cake to my team.
0900 – Work is pretty quiet today, so I update my MD. I also receive news that one of my nephews is getting married. He is not that much younger than me, and could be my younger brother, but it makes me feel so old.
Note on my family: In our culture, even distant relatives are given close relationships so the large number of nephews/nieces is from those relationships. It’s a big thing done to maintain close family bonds. I have 4 actual (in a Western sense) nephews and nieces who are all under the age of 6.
1000 – I head to the supermarket and buy bread, onions, carrots, pork chops, pork trotters and my breakfast and lunch. This costs $25. The meat is the main cost driver here. I have a sausage roll, my multivitamin, supplement and milk for breakfast. I remember that I need to check if my stock exchange wallet was credited, ugh. The website is refusing to load and I’m very frustrated. I finally log in and see the amount is still not credited. I email and send a tweet to the stock exchange. Hopefully the tweet will get them to start moving.
1200 – My boss is mad. One member of my team left his desk without informing me and there’s an urgent matter. I was about to go downstairs to give P the groceries, so I stick around for a bit before committing the same offence as my subordinate, lol. I quickly get back into my office and check on work, sign some papers and letters, and clear out my emails.
1300 – My work bestie has to run other errands at lunch so I decide to stay in the office. I check my personal email and see I have received a dividend of $0.27, lol. The share price will probably drop soon, so I will buy more shares in this counter if I can get them to increase my shareholding. My goal for this year is to breach the 10,000 share mark for one counter. I suddenly remember I have work to do, so I use my lunch hour to do the work, and then take a quick break to eat my lunch of fries and a sausage and do some Swahili Duolingo practice.
1500 – I am thinking of going home when one of my team members calls me to deal with an angry client. I go to the office, and find out it’s a surprise birthday party from my team. I am so happy, lol. We have more cake, and there’s also fruit and juice. I head home feeling so appreciated with even more cake.
1700 – P and my nephew go out to get water. I warm up my bath water, and give the kids their dinner. Today its rice and croc meat. I make L’s lunch for tomorrow, a toasted polony sandwich and juice. I also pack my lunch, rice, a fried egg and peas. And some cake for my work bestie’s kids. I take my bath; change into my pyjamas and hound E to eat his food. If we let that kid be, he would probably live on the bits of our souls he sucks out daily by being stubborn. I am feeling nauseous so I have plain rice with a bit of avocado. The kids watch cartoons, while I do some more Swahili on Duolingo.
1900 – Bedtime for the kids. Today, there’s no demand for a bedtime story, so I just tuck them in and tell them I love them. I read my novel as increasingly feel more nauseated. I end up going to hurl my guts out. P comes home and finds me lying limply on the bed. He gives me a cuddle, and goes to eat his dinner. I get up but smell fish, and run back to throw up. If I hadn’t had a hysterectomy, I would be doing a pregnancy test ASAP.
2100 – I go to bed, and lie in bed for a bit, before finally drifting off.
Total spent - $25
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Day 7
0500 – I wake up feeling nauseated again. Ugh, this reminds me of having hyperemesis while pregnant. I put my water on to heat and get back in bed to read some more.
0600 – E comes to lie on our bed. I get out of bed, and go throw up. I get my bath water, take my bath, moisturize and put my contacts in. I look like a reanimated corpse this morning. I do my brows to try bring a bit of life to my face and get dressed. It’s very misty and cold today so I put on warm brown tights, a long black dress, my warm jacket and ballet flats. I grab my lunch and the cake, pop E into the car and head out. Visibility is extremely low, so I drive slowly. I don’t know why people like surprising other drivers by having their cars pop out of the mist without switching on their headlights. I successfully avoid the drivers who hate life and drop E off at school before heading to work.
0700 – I am in the office, and I log into the register, before turning on my computer and checking my work email. Not too much in there, so I check my personal email. My stock exchange wallet has finally been credited with the $100. I also ponder whether I should pull the trigger on a V-part wig.
I do my weekly report, and start doing some boring work in the system. I realise I didn’t save the work I did yesterday, so I have to re-do it, so I can have the list of error messages to send to ICT.
0830 – Everyone is in the office, so I do some reshuffling of duties, so that essential areas are covered while one of my colleagues is on leave. I give the cake to work bestie, who tells me how much her daughter was excited over the cake yesterday. It’s now time for me to put my head down and really focus on knocking out the system work today. I also log into an online training, and I listen while doing my work. My mum also deposits money for my birthday gift and to spoil her grandkids.
1000 – I log into my stock exchange account and buy shares for $99.14 (doesn’t count as spending, as the money was moved before the MD started). The deadline for other departments to submit their weekly reports to me for consolidation has passed so I start following up. One department is a big problem as they always send their report late. Le sigh. I draft a very passive aggressive email to them. I also decide not to buy the wig and instead ask the person making me my custom earrings that I got myself for my birthday to bill me the rest of the money so I can pay and move the remainder of the money in my account into savings. Our currency has taken an enormous hit in the last week, and is free falling dramatically. I’d rather keep USD cash than money in my account at this point. The training finally ends.
1100 – I’m getting hungry so I go warm up my lunch, sprinkle on peri peri Aromat and dig in. Yum. I also have my multivitamin and supplement. A lady who sells local snacks comes in. She persuades me to buy maputi (corn nuts mixed with roasted peanuts) for $0.50. I buy them for my afternoon snack. I end up sending the report with missing statistics, and tell the department to send directly to the compiler, as they were late. That was a very aggressive email tbh. I’m still hungry, so I munch on my maputi, leaving the peanuts because I don’t feel like eating them lately.
1200 – I see a missed call from a number I don’t know. I call and it turns out they had sent money to my mobile wallet mistakenly. I check the mobile wallet and it shows it had an extra $11. I send the money back to the person. Times are too tough to keep people’s money
1400 – I snack on a few skittles instead of having more food. I just want something to entertain my mouth, I’m not hungry at all. I review more work and drink more water. The jeweler has sent the payment request for the earrings. I pay $100 (total spent on the earrings comes to $200, which is worth it for sterling silver custom made Jewellery. I use $50 of the birthday money from my mum to cover for part of this expense)
1600 – Finally time to go home. I shut down my computer, and drive home. Once I’m home, I put on my bath water, and help L do his homework. Then I do some Swahili Duolingo practice and pack L’s lunch for tomorrow. He requested maize (corn on the cob), a boiled egg and a naartjie. His wish is my command for once. I also pack my lunch, a boiled egg, peanut butter sandwich and a bit of birthday cake. The jeweler sends pictures of the final product. They are absolutely gorgeous. Happy 34th birthday to me!!!
1800 – I serve the kids their dinner, and go to take my bath. P sends a text that he will be home late as they are working late today. I have my own dinner while persuading E to eat his food
1900 – Bedtime for the kids. I read them their bedtime stories, tuck them in and tell them I love them. Then I go to watch TV. I’m catching up on Married to Real Estate, Food Factory and Man Vs Food. You can tell that reality TV is my jam.
2100 – I decide to have some decaf black coffee and cake as my bedtime snack. P and my nephew arrive home. They are later than they thought they would be because nephew dropped his phone in the middle of the highway and they were searching for it. Because nephew’s ancestors were on the job, they found it intact. It’s a big deal because this is a major highway and huge trucks use that road constantly. I chat with P as he has his dinner and takes his bath.
2200 – Cuddles and bedtime for us
​
Total spent today – $100
​
Total spent this week – $204.50
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Spending by categories
Food & Drink – $84.50
Home & Health – $0
Clothing & Beauty – $110
Transportation – $0
Fun & Entertainment – $10
​
Reflections on this week’s spending
The spending is pretty much about normal for me tbh (excluding the cake and earrings). I had quite a bit of petrol in the tank so I didn’t need to top up my tank this week. The converted US$ prices are a bit inaccurate since our currency had a big drop this week, and most of my spending is in local currency. I could reign in my spending a bit, and focus more on investing. However, I do enjoy using my money to bring joy to my kids and myself. Particularly myself after the absolutely shitty year I had.

Hi everyone. I need advice.
I have been friends with a guy for a while through both of our daughters been best friends since kindergarten. They are now in fourth grade about to be in fifth. When I first met me, no boyfriend, he was from what I thought, happily married to his wife, and his daughter, who it happens to be my daughters, best friend. Going over there to drop off my daughter and get to know them, I came to find out that his wife was having an affair with a guy, and actually bring him over to the house, while the play dates were happening and the husband would leave knowing this. I was mind blowing. I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t stand up and at least all them to do their shenanigans outside of his own home. Moving forward, she ends up, marrying the guy and moving on with her life. I got out of a toxic relationship and wanted to be single for a while. All the while, for about a year to my nail boyfriend was pursuing me very hard. I decided finally to give him being that I knew he was a good dad, a good guy, a good career and house, and was tired of toxic men so I gave it a go. In the beginning, he would take me shopping, etc. etc. to try to impress me. All the while, as I was trying to get to know him. Overtime, I realize that most conversations would lead to his ex wife. It seem like he would start taking me or was taking me to the places they had been together. We talked about moving on in the future, but he still wants to remain in the same house him and his wife purchase together. I feel like that house has lots of that energy being that she cheated on him in that home as well. I want to start fresh with someone and my dream is to buy a home with my future person. He was talking me into, perhaps building onto the house for my children so that we could all fit together but still, he won’t let go of it. Here’s a catch, when they first broke up three years ago, they would exchange the children every Wednesday and have dinner together as a temporary thing for the kids to get on with the divorce. It’s been three of us for years now, and they are still meeting every Wednesday for dinner. Most of the time they meet for dinner and have a glass or bottle of wine or two and talk about more than just the kids. It ends up becoming a two or three hour session. He’s inviting me to it to prove to me that nothing was going on, but the whole time he was just talking to his wife about their kids, ignoring her husband, and I, or her husband was making comments about finally getting to bed and hits for James to finally leave. it seemed as though he was overstaying his welcome. I cannot do every Wednesday with him as I have a life of my own. He promised me that these Wednesdays would eventually evaporate, and he would be spending time with me, but it hasn’t happened yet. I definitely feel like I am at the point where it’s either me and spending more time with me or him and his ex and their past relationship. I’ve told him this a few times, but I’m ready to really let things go. Should I stay with this guy because he’s a great guy and maybe down the road things will get better? We don’t spend any time during the week together and he and I only get together on weekends or with the kids, we rarely get date nights or selves, maybe every other weekend, so it makes your every day evenings like cooking dinner together and having wine and talking about your week literally nonexistent. Is it just me or does he have a very unhealthy connection to his ex wife? I’m trying to support the idea of coparenting which I do, but it seems a bit excessive. They talk every day about the kids and I really don’t feel like I have much room to start a relationship with him and my kids.

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