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Previous: https://redd.it/142fe2y Chapter 32
As Mae had previewed, the weeks that passed since the incident in the Logistics Bay were fraught with speculation and feeding the rumor mill. Quin felt he couldn’t walk ten paces on Nemo before meeting some askance gaze of a crewmember or hearing the murmurings of a conversation that abruptly stopped when he would round a corner. Mae was right though that, after a while, the incident became old news and the ruckus died down a bit. Certainly, there was always an inappropriate joke to be had during dinner or dark looks from certain members of the crew, but as the time passed, people turned once again to daily happenings onboard, when the next stopover would take place, and the perennial favorite: who happened to be sleeping with whom.
This last item tended to occupy people to no end, and Quin felt a bit unfortunate that this news also pertained him. Mae and Liza’s breakup and the apparent spat that he and Pepper had ran through the corridors just as fast as the news about Nova. Quin was honestly unsure which conversation he dreaded being brought up more. It seemed that individuals he had never or barely even met knew more about his world than he himself was aware. It was during one of these conversations with two people from the Engineering section that Quin accidently lost it and stormed off, an act he regretted immediately for furthering the gossip chain. “So is it true that you had to hold Mae back so she wouldn’t punch Liza?” the guy had asked. ”What? NO. What the hell?” Quin responded, flabbergasted. “Well, I heard from someone in the officer’s corridor that there was yelling and someone got hit. Do you know who got punched?” The other person was practically on their toes with anticipation. “NO ONE GOT PUNCHED!” Quin shouted, ready to leave the conversation as soon as possible. “Jeez, why are you yelling?” as the first person, blind to Quin’s growing frustration. “Don’t you know, Liza’s friend broke up with him the next day because of the fight?” The second person remarked to the first, now completely cutting Quin out of the conversation. “WE WEREN’T EVEN DATING! WHAT THE HELL?!” Quin screamed, turned on his heels and stormed off to nowhere in particular.
Thankfully, this was probably the worst interaction he had had as a result of those unfortunate few days, aside from the actual conversations themselves that he experienced with Pepper and Nova themselves. He would have appreciated any interaction with either of them at all, if he was honest. The silent treatment from the both of them was practically unbearable. Mae’s words of encouragement, “Time, give it time,” only helped so much when he would pass by Pepper in the corridors or when he had to work directly with Nova during his long shifts in the lab. Nova had limited their conversations to something like a comment box, dropping in parcels of a conversation to the syslog, to be taken up at her leisure and delivered at inconvenient times in the middle of the night. But at the very least, Nova was responding, albeit specifically for work and solely related to their responsibilities together. Pepper, on the other hand, was completely mute. Painfully so, Quin noted as she passed by him going into the cafeteria and didn’t even afford him a glance.
The level of complete non-interaction with Pepper and the invasion into his life by everyone else was beginning to wear on him, and he felt more cut off from the rest of the crew than ever before. He had stopped visiting Bostwick’s chamber for fear of the look of pity that the Commander often wore when passing by him. At least Mae had somewhat of a ‘tough love’ approach to cheering him up. Bostwick’s uncompromising warmth and sympathetic looks made Quin feel guilty rather than comforted, and shameful rather than encouraged. In fact, in the two and a half weeks that passed since Nemo had left the Rhea stopover and Quin passed the night under the watch of the Commander, Quin had only exchanged glances with Bostwick.
Then there was the insomnia. At first, Quin felt nothing but lethargy as he felt the different components of his life crumble around him. The inability to communicate with Tess, the intolerable pity of Mae and Bostwick, the unbearable silence from Pepper and Nova, the frustration expressed by the command staff, and the whispers and side-eyes from the rest of the crew all contributed to the complete physical and mental shutdown he experienced after leaving Rhea. He would steal away to his chamber during break periods to nap, and he would skip meals in order to stay in his room, profiting from the odd bits of food Mae snuck out of the cafeteria. However, after several days of feeling an inability to motivate himself to be out of bed, he started to find that he would lie awake, staring at the ceiling, or glancing at the clock and fretting that it was already 4:00 in the morning.
It was on one of these early mornings that Quin saw the numbers 3:22 at the top of his tablet, and he felt as if it would be impossible for him to find any sleep that night. He had laid down in bed at 22:05 with every intention of forcing a good night’s sleep, but with five hours passing by and no respite coming, he sat up on the edge of his bed and rubbed his eyes a bit. He figured that the coffee station in the kitchen would probably have some hot water with which to make tea, and that could possibly help him. He threw his jumpsuit and boots on and strolled out of the room.
The ship was deserted and peaceful, the type of quiet that Quin relished. It was almost trance-inducing, the soft hum of the ship that Quin felt coming through the very walls themselves. He felt the sound reverberate through him and it was soothing. He set off toward the kitchen. The sleet grey walls of Nemo’s interior usually made for a serious backdrop, but at this hour, it had the effect of dimming the corridors and adding to the sleepy atmosphere of the ship. He stuffed his hands deep in his pockets and followed the sleek lines of the hallways with his eyes as he passed. He came upon the cafeteria doors and walked by them to skirt the main room. He was heading for the back area, the sparkling room with gleaming metal and white tile and a peaceful getaway. Upon swiping his arm against the pad, though, he found that the space was already occupied. A voice greeted him before he had an opportunity to look up.
“Hey Quin, can’t sleep? Is it another bad dream?” Bostwick was sitting on a stool with a steaming cup of coffee in his hand and his illuminated tablet resting on one of the food prep work tables. The man had a weary look around his eyes but Quin could still discern the warmth that emanated from the wrinkles near his temples and the large smile he wore. Quin froze, unsure whether to step into the room and submit himself to another round of pity or try to find some excuse for leaving and head back to his room. In his uncertainty, he ended up standing in the doorway, causing the automatic doors to try to swish shut but freezing and retracting, over and over again.
“Well? Are you just going to stand there, mouth agape, or are you going to come get something to drink like you had planned?” Bostwick said with an eyebrow raised, his mouth now reflecting a knowing smirk. Slowly, Quin trudged into the room, his hands clenched in his pockets as he tried to suppress the nerves that were boiling in his stomach. He gingerly walked over to the coffee station and put a tea bag in a cup and pressed the release valve to allow boiling water to fall over it. Then he set the cup down to steep. He kept his eyes fixed on the surface of the brewing tea, though he felt the hair on the nape of his neck stand as he guarded himself for Bostwick’s eventual conversation starter. But after a minute, it didn’t come. Quin stood there watching the deep brown tea diffuse throughout the water but did not hear a word come from Bostwick. Hesitantly, Quin looked around and saw Bostwick tapping on his tablet, seemingly composing a message.
Quin shuffled his feet a bit before clearing his throat lightly. Without even looking up, Bostwick said, “I’m able to read signs, Quin. If you don’t want to talk to me, I’m more than happy to oblige your intention to be left alone.”
Quin’s eyes shot up to look at Bostwick, who kept on typing as if he hadn’t spoken. Quin was left a bit taken aback. Oh hell,
he thought, is it that obvious or can he read my mind?
He shuffled again and then picked up his tea cup. Quick, say something, you idiot, his mind was screaming at him as he struggled to put together his words.
“Look, uh, Commander, I—“ Quin started, but was immediately cut off.
“Louis, but please continue,” Bostwick said, looking up at him and smiling.
Whatever momentum Quin had built up in trying to speak, he lost it with Bostwick’s interruption. He started to second-guess even his need to speak if Bostwick was going to be able to anticipate the conversation. His mentor apparently picked up on his nervousness, because he relieved Quin’s tension by taking up what was going through Quin’s head.
“Quin, listen, I understand that you feel like you want to be left alone,” Bostwick said, his tone soft and unassailing. “And I’m sensing that you feel a bit embarrassed about being vulnerable in front of me. That’s a totally normal human feeling. I hope you aren’t feeling, though, that I overstepped any boundaries by not waking you up immediately when you fell asleep in my room?”
“No, uh, Louis, it’s not that,” Quin said abashedly.
“Good, I’m glad. So if you are feeling ashamed about the way I show that I care about you, please just tell me, and we can talk about how I can change that.”
Again, Quin was at a loss for words. It’s not that I don’t want him to care about me,
he thought, it’s that I want him to be mad. Why wasn’t he angry at all? That I could deal with. But he’s so kind that I feel like I want to scream.
Quin lifted his eyes and finally met Bostwick’s own piercing gaze. Bostwick seemed to interpret the silence and took up the conversation again.
“Unless…perhaps you are feeling ashamed about your own reaction?” Bostwick posited. “Quin, it’s almost the twenty-third century, well actually, for everyone not aboard this ship, it already is. We are long past the cultural stereotype of men not being able to cry. I’d say that your expression of deep emotion is quite masculine, and I for one would—“
Quin interrupted him, “No, Louis, it’s not that either.”
Bostwick fell silent for a moment, then continued gently, “Okay, again, if you wouldn’t like to discuss it right now, you can simply have your tea and we can sip our respective beverages in silence. Though I will note that a 3am excursion raises all sorts of eyebrows that a lesser XO would rush to conclusions. Thankfully for you, I’m not a lesser XO.” He ended with a smirk, returning to his tablet with a very self-satisfied look on his face.
Quin let the silence fill the room again as he turned his cup in his hands, the warmth slowly radiating through his cold fingertips and seemingly giving him a bit of courage. After a moment, he slowly walked over to the work table and set his cup down. Again, without looking up, Bostwick pulled a stool out from underneath the table and pushed it toward Quin. Quin couldn’t help but smile a bit at Bostwick’s level of tact in assuming. He took the proffered stool and plopped himself down, elbows on the work table and eyes fixed on the tea cup. Hesitantly, he glanced at Bostwick, who was humming a tune and slowly shaking his head back and forth in rhythm as he completed his message and hit the send button.
Quin cleared his throat and made his attempt, “Commander, uh sorry, Louis, it’s not that I don’t appreciate everything. I really do. I just…I was just wishing you would be less…I don’t know…understanding? A little more mad?”
“I have no intention of being mad at you Quin. That would be counterproductive and a waste of energy. Wouldn’t you say?”
“Well, I um, what do you mean?” Quin shook his head as his eyes fell.
“I’d imagine that your self-imposed reclusion and the restrictions imposed by Captain Fuentes would be a sufficient punishment, and you are probably looking for a friendly face, especially after things with Ensign Jefferson, erm, Pepper, have recently soured. That would leave you with Mae to seek some company and I daresay that Lieutenant Rohlwing has her own mission responsibilities and personal tumult to deal with, no?”
Quin was staring with his mouth open at Bostwick, who yet again was wearing a rather pleased smirk on his face. How in the hell did he know all of that?
Quin thought, unable to keep an astounded look off his face.
Bostwick chuckled, then seemingly replied to Quin’s thought, “You people think the command staff are a bunch of old farts out of touch with the inner workings of the social network among you youths, but I too hear things. I have my spies on board.”
Quin laughed, causing Bostwick to perk up a bit, “Oh alright,” he rejoiced, arms up in the air. “Ten points to Bostwick for making the moody one laugh.”
Quin laughed more heartily and took a sip of his tea. When he looked back up he saw Bostwick was staring at him with an encouraging look on his face, as if to say May I keep asking questions?
Quin sipped his tea again and nodded softly, almost to himself as he continued to chuckle.
“So, I take it you and Ms. Jefferson have not spoken much since we set off from Rhea?” Bostwick asked, eyebrow raised.
“No, that would require her wanting to speak to me,” Quin said dryly.
“How do you know she doesn’t want to speak to you?” Bostwick asked.
“Well, she seems to avoid or ignore me, so I’m trying to take the hint,” Quin said, trying to be nonchalant in his tone.
“Do you still like her?” Bostwick continued.
“Yeah, a lot. I thought we were doing well, really well on Rhea, but I said some stupid things in defending Mae to her, and I know I need to apologize, but she basically called me a coward, she said I needed to ‘grow a spine.’” Quin quickly gave Bostwick the back and forth of what constituted Pepper and his last conversation.
“I don’t think you are a coward. You do have a tendency to take your relationships with everyone very seriously, which is for the most part endearing, but I can see how she would find that stubbornness a bit frustrating when she is trying to argue with it.”
“So now you are on her side?” Quin said sharply.
“I wouldn’t dare try to take her side, but you don’t need to bite my head off for trying to give you some advice. I can see it’s not welcome though,” Bostwick said flatly, falling silent.
“No…wait, I’m sorry,” Quin said, changing his tone immediately. “Please, Louis, help me. What should I do?”
“An honest apology to start, you would be surprised how far being honest and sincere gets you. People seem to forget that. Then I would try to start seeing Ms. Jefferson outside of your interactions with Mae and Liza. Give yourselves something to talk about other than your common friends. That way you don’t revert into difficult territory immediately.”
“Like what?” Quin asked. “Watch a movie with her or something?”
“That being your strong, go-to approach, sure you could start there,” Bostwick said. “As an extra hint, I hear that the kitchen has some late-night snacks stashed away back here, and if you know someone, you can get good movie food. You could even, you know, call it a date or something. Don’t be afraid to ask her to do something at the next stopover too. Again, call it a date. If she sees you taking her seriously like you do everything else, she’ll probably appreciate you being intentional about it. That’s my guess. Anyway, Cronus is supposed to be a little bit more of an open schedule, so you can be more creative.”
Bostwick was making all sorts of sense. His was the type of advice that Quin had been looking for all along. Quin found himself shaking his head, as he processed everything. Bostwick seemed to misinterpret it.
“What? You’re thinking a different approach?” he said, a bit surprised.
“NO! No, sorry, it’s just…I’ve been such an idiot. That’s really good advice, I’ve just been stupid not talking to you. I don’t know why,” Quin finished, again shaking his head.
“Because you are young, and you guys don’t like getting romantic advice from someone your parents’ age,” Bostwick said, smiling.
“You aren’t that old,” Quin said, “I know we joke about it, but you can’t be more than…”
Bostwick laughed. “Be careful how you finish that sentence, Mr. Hammond.”
“Well, anyway, you aren’t that old. You just…I don’t know, you have this way about you, it made me want to avoid you. I felt ashamed that you were being all sympathetic, and it made me blind to the fact that I really needed to talk to you. What I mean is, you are a good listener, and I forgot that when I was unable to think straight. I felt all of these things happening around me, and you were there when that stuff happened with Nova. I know you were just trying to be nice. I’m sorry I was such an ass.”
“Well, if you were looking for honest and sincere apologies, Quin, you just found yourself one,” Bostwick said, putting his hand on Quin’s shoulder. “Change it up a little to be specific for her, and I’m sure you will have a good result. Don’t forgot to take care of yourself when you are trying to fix everything else, you know? It’s not possible to be perfect, so don’t make yourself sick in trying to be.”
“Yeah, right,” Quin said softly. “I wish I could fix everything, just like that.” He snapped his fingers.
“That would be nice, but unfortunately, we aren’t computers, and life isn’t all math problems. Sometimes life just needs time and a bit of decent humanity.” The two of them were silent for a little while as Quin stewed in his thoughts. Despite the hour, he was wide awake and appreciative of his little night excursion. After the pause had continued much longer than Quin expected, he looked up and saw Bostwick studying him. The man opened his mouth and then hesitated, before beginning tenderly, “Speaking of, how are things going with Nova?”
Quin sighed a bit, collecting his thoughts. Then he decided it was for the best and recounted to Bostwick the last conversation that Nova and he had face to face. The two of them had really not spoken since that evening some weeks ago. As Quin was narrating the story to Bostwick, the Commander was slightly chuckling and shaking his head. Astounded, Quin finished his story and confronted Bostwick.
“What’s so funny?” he demanded. “You’ve been laughing the entire time.”
“She’s quite brilliant, you know,” Bostwick said, scratching his forehead, eyes wide. “She presents these neat little ethical quandaries as if they were nothing and yet, scientists and philosophers have been asking the same types of questions about artificial intelligence for maybe two hundred years. It’s only now that we have got a being that is the walking and talking example of that.”
“Yeah, well, she’s another one that’s not talking to me,” Quin said.
“Well, Quin, I’m afraid I must give you the same advice. You should apologize. In her view, and I think objectively, you were somewhat of, if I may borrow your words, ‘an ass.’”
“This time I think you are definitely taking her side,” Quin said, sourly.
“Indeed. You created her. She takes her direction from you. You are kind of like her father, her brother, her friend, and her crewmate all rolled into one. The obligations of any one of those roles would be enough to say you needed to be there for her, and unfortunately you found yourself too busy being in your own head. Perhaps this is the root of your problem with both Ms. Jefferson and Nova. You are so busy letting everything weigh on you, being worried all the time, that you are unable to focus externally and be present for other people.” Quin’s eyes were downcast, his shoulders slumped. Well, if this is his form of a closing pick-me-up, I don’t think it’s working,
Quin thought, sighing deeply.
“Fortunately,” Bostwick continued suddenly, “I think the solution is relatively simple and similar. You need to apologize to Nova, sincerely this time, and you need to spend some time with her, outside of work, so that you can normalize being around her. If your point was that you sometimes forget that she is only part human, then you need to do more human things with her in order to sensitize yourself to how she acts. She shouldn’t have to change for you, it should be the other way around. She can’t just be a mantelpiece in your career, Quin. She thinks.”
Quin sighed aloud, saying, “Yet again, another piece of sound advice from the ever-so-sage Commander Bostwick. And yet again, the solution is that I was wrong.”
Bostwick laughed. “Well, welcome to being an adult, my friend. Everything is complicated and you are usually wrong.” He patted Quin on the back. “Sarcasm aside, it’s okay to be wrong, just own up to it.”
Quin nodded slightly, acknowledging Bostwick’s counsel. The room was silent for a bit longer. The Commander downed his cup of coffee and looked into it, as if inspecting the bottom.
“You know what,” he said, looking up. “I think I’m going to have some tea too, but I’ve been keen to try some of the apple honey they brought me, you want some?” Quin nodded slowly, lost in his thought. Honey,
he said to himself, honey, something about…honey.
“Can you believe they make all of this on Rhea?” Bostwick said over his shoulder. “I honestly can’t understand how their entire ecosystem, let alone their economy, operates off apples. It’s nuts.” Bostwick chuckled to himself. “Sorry for the pun.” Apples and honey,
Quin’s brain was churning, but at this hour it was too fuzzy. …and honey.
He set two new cups down in front of them, still steaming and with the tea infusers bobbing around on the surface. He pulled a jar down from one of the kitchen cabinets and ladled a small bit of honey into each cup. After stirring a bit, Bostwick took a sip and smacked his lips, grinning satisfactorily at Quin.
“Oh my, that’s so good,” Bostwick said, relishing the taste as he took another draw. “You should drink it while it’s hot.”
Quin brought the cup to his lips mechanically, though he could have sworn that he was missing something. He felt himself distracted by Louis enjoying his cup of tea, the early hour, and the lack of a good night’s sleep for several days. I could have sworn that I just remembered something,
he thought, growing frustrated at the lack of ability of his brain to recall what it was that was escaping him. Resigning himself, he took a long swig, his eyes closing automatically when the taste of the sweet and sour apple-tinged honey hit his lips. Instantly, he was transported back onto Rhea, where he savored several fleeting moments of being away and being happy. Unfortunately, his happiness was suddenly ripped away from the call from Nemo. What I wouldn’t give to be back there to have some more time with Pepper and Mae,
he thought while recollecting the honey tasting in the orchard. He remembered the smile on Pepper’s face, how infectious it was, and Mae’s giggling at him.
“Hmm,” Bostwick said into the silence, “it’s just about time that the command deck wakes up. Some of the buzzing should start soon.”
“Buzzing?” Quin asked distantly, almost half-consciously.
“Sorry, yeah, buzzing. Message traffic. Unfortunately, a lot of the lingo revolves around bees.”
“Bees?” Quin asked, his brain slowly coming to.
“Yeah, bees,” Bostwick said, studying Quin curiously. “You know, Captain Fuentes being the Queen, the Deck being the hive, that sort of thing.”
“Bees!” Quin exclaimed.
“What?” Bostwick demanded, flabbergasted.
“Louis! BEES!” Quin shouted, shooting off his stool and slamming his cup down.
“Quin, I don’t-“ Bostwick began, but Quin wasn’t listening. The young man half-sprinted out of the room.
“BEES!” Quin shouted again, his face mixed with a smile and intense concentration.
“Okay, Mr. Cage,” Bostwick said, chuckling and shaking his head, his eyes and mouth reflecting a knowing smile as he watched Quin run out of the room.
I know some might say: "there are customizable keyboards!", but what I am about to talk about is more along the lines of "native full customization" support.
Recently I got my first iPhone in 11 years and since the 4, the 14 Pro Max. I really like it, iOS feels pleasant, Apple certainly do certain things on a different level, however after almost 2 months of concurrent usage I have to say compared to an Android flagship iPhone is more of pretty toy that is often gimmicky rather than functional. But there's not much that is crap about iPhone, there is the file system, USB 2.0 port, and then there's the keyboard.
After years of using Android iPhone keyboard seems so outlandish, it's got smooth operation but the layout switch positioning, symbol switch button, lack of number row - unapologetically, it all seems just like bad design which would probably be more convenient to a left handed person.
All of this leads me to wonder - why on earth can't we have customizable keyboards? It's a fully software keyboard after all. I would love to be able to reposition the layout switch button, the symbol switch button, add the numbers row, or even swap all buttons in whichever order if I feel like it.
This is not such a big problem with Android is there is an abundance of functional keyboards and perhaps there is even one that does what I am trying to describe, but with Apple you are pretty much limited to the Apple keyboard cause even cross-platform keyboards seem to be very limited for iOS and they are nowhere near as smooth as the stock keyboard.
Hi, I am looking for someone to talk to and see where things go. I am an introvert and kinda awkward and suck at writing these kinda things so bare with me.
I like gaming, anime, TV shows, movies and reading. We can also talk about other stuff.
If you are interested in chatting DM me.
So a bit about me, I’ve got a full time job now and are busy Monday to Friday but after work finishes I’m pretty free and have been trying to fill my time with fun /productive things. My wish is the be studying in university once my focus improves enough.
For games, I love to play Detroit Become Human, Undertale, Fall Guys, Uncharted, GTA and Hollow Knight. What’s your favourite games? I think playing and talking with eachother is fun if you’d like to do that. I have discord so we can definitely watch movies together or talk on there if you’d like. For games, my PC is veeeeery slow so I’d prefer to play on the PS4. Or we can just just watch stuff on discord using my laptop .
In terms with movies I’m really open to whatever, recently I’ve been watching Star Wars and have been really enjoying that. We can talk about Star Wars if you want too or literally anything else. My favourite movie growing up was probably the Narnia movies and they’re so comforting. Also reading them is great. I’ve also been watching/ reading the manga on Attack On Titan, I have loads to talk about with that too. I’d love to get more into anime too as I’ve only really watched AOT,spyxfamily and Grave of the Fireflies. I’d also say GOTF is one of my childhood fave movies. I’ve seen clips of this anime called “Angels of Death”, it looks so good.
I’m from the UK so I hope in terms of time zones, it will match up to when you are free. It’s totally okay if they don’t match up as you may like to hang out at a different time of day. I’d love for this to be a long term friendship and to be open . If you don’t want to talk anymore just tell me. please don’t reply if you ghost people or plan to 😅. Also with replies, I have a pet peeve of people waiting a few minutes between texts just so you look more busy. I just mean in an intentional way yk.
My interests within books mainly lie around classics especially gothic. Although I will admit that I am reading like five completely different books simultaneously rn and have loads of others I haven’t even begun reading but have bought already in my room.
I’ll support you and want a hyping up kinda friendship and open enough to be able to share parts of your day and hobbies with me and different perspective a maybe you can learn things from me and I can learn things from too.
Hi there. I am really in need of some big amount of money (exactly nearly 13k dollars) for me to go to another country. I am 14 y.o and i think copywriting may be a right decision for me, cuz i like it a lot and i learn some basics and improve a little everyday. I understand that this is hardworking and requires a lot of time and resources, and i'm fine with it. I want to move to the US (i'm from Ukraine) in 1-2 years and i need to raise that money, but can i really apply for a job so fast and develop with that speed? And even so, who will take me on the job with a big amount of others freelancers on Upwork?
| || | submitted by DemiGodInsanity to HonkaiLore [link] [comments]
Today we're going to be talking about a character who has sadly been left out to the wolves in Star Rail, but that is still liked by many, Himeko! As a side note, this is also the first of these that I'm not doing directly on the Star Rail sub, instead doing it on the new community I've created specifically to discuss the lore of the Honkai series, HonkaiLore
! But anyway, let's get right into this! Himeko's splash art
First of all, disclaimer: The Honkai: Star Rail characters and Honkai Impact 3rd characters who have the same name and similar appearances, except for Welt Yang, are NOT the same person, but instead you may think of them as something akin of parallel versions of each other! I go into detail about this and how the Honkai universe works here! Also, spoilers for Honkai Impact 3rd ahead, be warned!
Now let's get started!
Star Rail's Himeko
To summarize a bit about Himeko in Star Rail, we know her as the "leader" of the Astral Express gang. As a young woman, she found the Express when it became stranded in her world, and decided to fix it up so it could once again travel through worlds. Once she did, she boarded it and since then has been travelling around the universe. Along the way, she's met many companions, starting with Welt and "his blond friend", up to the current crew with the Trailblazer being the newest member aboard.
Though Star Rail has not yet given us much else in terms of her story, we'll now take a look at what her story is in Honkai Impact 3rd, and how this Himeko, Star Rail's Himeko, is important even outside of her own game.
Honkai Impact's Himeko
Himeko Murata, born on June 11th, 1987, is the captain of a battleship known as the Hyperion, as well as the leader of Schicksal's Valkyrie Squad V. In the game, she is a mentor to the main characters, much like her role in Star Rail towards the rest of the crew. She's also their teacher at St. Freya High School. Himeko's base battlesuit, Battle Storm
However, before she became all these things, she went through a lot in her life.
Himeko's early life and Ryusuke
She was born to her father, Ryusuke Murata, and an unnamed mother. Her mother had a chronic disease, and spent all her time in a hospital. The doctors always requested that Ryusuke stay by her side, in case her condition would worsen, and in any case, to have someone close to her by her side. But Ryusuke would always leave. Himeko as a child and her mother
You see, Ryusuke worked for Schicksal as the leader of a research facility, specifically the one in charge of a satellite, known as the 4th Divine Key. This was a satellite built by the Previous Era, a civilization from 50,000 years in the past, and it was a tool that would repair the world if and when that civilization was wiped out by the force known as the Honkai. 50,000 years later, it had completed its task and now floated around the Earth without a purpose, enticing Ryusuke to join the team. He had become obsessed with the prospect of alien life and its discovery through space exploration, and believed that his research would change the course of human civilization forever.
Though these may have seemed like selfish and impossible dreams (and selfish they most definitely were), the truth is that Ryusuke would indeed come across alien life. More than that, he would befriend it. But instead of finding it, he was found by it himself. One night, after one of his projects were cancelled for lack of credibility, Ryusuke went home in a rage, especially as this was the same day he received a notice from the hospital, notifying him of his wife's death. At the moment that he decided he would not let anyone or anything get in his way, someone, or more specifically something, approached him. Ryusuke receives a letter from the hospital, and is watched by something
This little furball is known as Pepper Mint. He belongs to an alien race known as the Sugars, a race that travels from planet to planet, forming their civilization in a sort of "pocket dimension", a world of their own where they are never interrupted. They normally do not interact with humans, as they feel as though if they are discovered they must leave the current planet and move on to another one, but Pepper Mint decided to attempt to meet a human to become his "host". This is because the Sugars have an ability to become monsters, and lend this power to a host, and Pepper Mint had heard the story of Sugar Molass, another of his race who had traveled to Earth and found her host around this area.
Pepper Mint, after coming into contact with Ryusuke, informed him of another alien race, known only as the Sky People. This was a dangerous race, unlike the Sugars, who travelled across different worlds to find places that had high amounts of Honkai energy. They would then take over said places, take all the Honkai energy to feed their own devices while also replacing all living things with their own devices. Ryusuke made it part of his mission to stop the Sky People, perhaps in an attempt to justify the intensity of his research to himself.
Later, in 2005, Himeko had enrolled into the California Institute of Technology. She was studying Space Engineering, following in her father's footsteps, while also having become keen on following alien sightings and rumors of the sort. During her class under teacher Welt Yang, she received a notification for an alien sighting in New Mexico. Himeko receives a notification for a new alien sighting
Welt Yang, as you may know, was not just any ordinary teacher. He was the sovereign of the group known as Anti-Entropy, as well as the Herrscher of Reason, a super powerful being. After becoming friends with Himeko accidentally, he saw this photo and immediately recognized it. It was not an alien, but instead the Arahato, a mech developed by Anti-Entropy. Of course, he couldn't tell Himeko this, as Anti-Entropy's actions, and the Arahato, were top secret. In order to protect the secret without allowing Anti-Entropy to hurt Himeko in any way, Welt decides to board the same plane as her, and they go to New Mexico.
Here, Welt and Anti-Entropy do their best to cover up the Arahato's existence, eventually finding a way to fool Himeko by plastering up a movie poster for the upcoming Arahato movie (in a rush, the word "coming" was mispelled), which upset her as an explanation but she believed it and left. The Arahato movie poster
All the while, Ryusuke Murata had his own plans. He had contacted Anti-Entropy, warning them that Schicksal was to use the 4th Divine Key and its immense power to attack them directly. He had requested that they give him asylum in exchange for information on how to stop this attack, to which the Anti-Entropy scientists, Tesla and Einstein, agreed.
After meeting, they discuss the intel that Ryusuke had for them. He had brought a device for unlocking the 4th Key, as well as a document detailing its uses. Einstein shared her worries, as she had not found any information that hinted at the 4th Key even having any use as a weapon, but they took Ryusuke's gifts anyway, as he went to visit his daughter. Ryusuke meets with Tesla and Einstein
Upon arriving to find Himeko and Welt talking, Welt feels a strong presence coming from Ryusuke. Though he didn't know it at the time, this was the presence of the Sugars' monster form. He decided to look into it immediately, even though Ryusuke didn't seem highly suspicious.
Upon activating the device Ryusuke had given them, Einstein and Tesla found that the 4th Divine Key began releasing Honkai energy and creating a storm over Houston. As Ryusuke, who was spending some time with Himeko, received notification of this, he left in a hurry and met once again with the scientists, claiming that Otto, Schicksal's Overseer, had planted a trap in the device that would activate the Key if anyone attempted to stop it. After helping them break into the device's emergency shutdown, they are able to stop it, but the device's existence, and the fear of reactivating it in an attempt to break its code, leads to Tesla deciding to launch Anti-Entropy's special Anti-Honkai missiles, the Silver Bullet, against the 4th Divine Key to destroy it. Ryusuke, with a small and fast smirk, states that he knows how to find the key's exact location. Ryusuke offers to help find the key's coordinates
Welt, having his suspicions about Ryusuke, decides to go to his house, where the two men are forced into an amicable conversation due to Himeko's presence. Eventually they are left alone, and Ryusuke introduces Welt to his alien friend, and his monstrous form.
Ryusuke takes Welt into the Sugars' world, where they learn more about the Sky People. This is in an attempt by Pepper Mint to form an alliance between humans and the Sugars in order to stop the Sky People, not just from taking Earth, but to stop their plans entirely. However, the rest of the Sugars race is opposed to this alliance, and decide that they will leave the planet as they have been found out by humans. Pepper Mint explains some details of the Sky People
As they leave this world, they find that Himeko has been attacked by the Sky People. Taken into Anti-Entropy's care, they find that she has been infected by them, and Ryusuke decides to reveal his intel in full to help his daughter. It turns out that his plan was to give the scientists of Anti-Entropy the wrong coordinates to launch the Silver Bullet, instead having it hit the asteroid the Sky People were using to survey and attack Earth. After having Welt use his powers to destroy this asteroid, it seems Himeko's infection recedes and disappears.
However, Ryusuke is not done. He reveals to Welt that he had been investigating blueprints from the Previous Era, that detailed a project named Project Ark. He wished to create a spaceship that would be able to save a few humans and send them into space, in the meantime allowing the Sky People to take the Earth, or the Honkai to destroy it. Welt is obviously opposed to this, as a majority of humankind would perish as a result, but Ryusuke has become obsessed with the prospect of space exploration and breaking free from the limitations of the human race. He is even willing to sacrifice his daughter for this. In a fit of rage, he crushes Pepper Mint, killing him and taking his power for himself to battle Welt. Ryusuke crushes Pepper Mint
Despite this monstrous power, Welt is able to defeat, and kill, Ryusuke. Himeko, completely unaware of any of this, or even her father's motivations, is later informed by Anti-Entropy that her father had indeed died. However, his actions, as well as his cause of death, are kept secret from her, being written off as some sort of accident. Himeko, however, is not so easily fooled, and has her suspicions that they may be covering something up. In the end, she decides to join Schicksal after finishing her PhD to find out what truly happened.
Himeko's life in Schicksal
Himeko was not someone with any special abilities. In fact, she had lower Honkai adaptability than most, she was taken in by a mentor, a woman by the name of Ragna Lothbrok. Ragna incentivized Himeko, believing that anyone can become a Valkyrie with enough effort, and Himeko was eventually able to become one, at the age of 19, considered late compared to the average person. In an effort to become stronger against the Honkai, Himeko received an artificial stigma, an implant given by Schicksal that enforced a person's capabilities, but, for Himeko who had low Honkai adapability, this stigma reduced her lifespan, slowly corroding her body. Ragna Lothbrok, as seen in a stigma art
In 2010, the Valkyrie squad Himeko belonged to, with Ragna as its leader, was sent to subdue the Herrscher of the Void, who had reappeared 10 years after its initial awakening. Her entire squad was killed in front of her eyes during this mission, with Himeko herself being the only survivor. Shortly after, she decided to join St. Freya High School as a teacher, perhaps in an effort to not allow other Valkyries to end up like her squad.
In 2014, the Herrscher of Thunder manifested for the first time in the city of Nagazora, and Himeko was sent to subdue and stop her from destroying the city. Here, Kiana Kaslana, Bronya Zaychik and Mei Raiden had all met and were traveling together, attempting to survive in the midst of a large scale Honkai attack on the city. However, the reality was that the Herrscher of Thunder had manifested within Mei herself. Himeko, using the Scarlet Fusion battlesuit, was able to match up to, and subdue, the Herrscher of Thunder. Himeko dons the Scarlet Fusion battlesuit
Following this, Himeko and the principal of St. Freya, Theresa, persuade the three girls into joining the school and becoming Valkyries of their own, with Himeko becoming their main teacher, and leader of their Valkyrie squad.
The Herrscher of the Void
It turned out that the Herrscher of the Void had actually manifested within Kiana, Himeko's "favorite" student due to how much she saw of herself in her. In 2016, this Herrscher once again was released into the world, prompted by a plan by Schicksal's own Otto Apocalypse. Himeko was given a serum, known as HSN-b46, by Fu Hua. This serum had been created by a man known as Dr. Magi, when asked by Kiana to create an antidote to Himeko's Honkai corrosion. Kiana asks Dr. Magi to create Anti-Honkai serum for Himeko
Himeko was led by Fu Hua's powers to find the Vermillion Knight battlesuit, a prototype of the Godsbane series which held a gem with Honkai energy close to the level of a Herrscher. This, combined with Himeko asking Tesla for help to create an anti-Honkai weapon using the serum, known as the God-Slaying Spear, would ensure that she'd be able to defeat the Herrscher of the Void.
The Final Lesson
(You can see the following section for yourself [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dmvNGxYPCU
With serum in hand and equipped with the battlesuit, Himeko prepares to battle the Herrscher of the Void. Though she is continuously overpowered by her, she continues to fight, though completely unable to touch her. She continues to take attacks, and her corrosion worsening to the point of almost completing the process of zombification, but she does not stop, as she wishes to save her student. Himeko's face and body show signs of Honkai corruption
In one final attack, using up the rest of her strength, and with a lesson to Kiana to always continue to fight and change the world in the way she wishes to see it, Himeko brings down her greatsword on the Herrscher and... misses. Well, seemingly. Himeko never intended to hit the Herrscher at all. After all, she is using Kiana's body, and Himeko does not wish to hurt her. Instead, all Himeko did was for one purpose only: to get close enough. At this moment, while the Herrscher is stunned before her brain can process what's happening, Himeko injects the God-Slaying Spear, with the serum, into the Herrscher, forcing her out of Kiana's body. Having used up all of her power, Himeko peacefully passes away, as the world created by the Herrscher of the Void crumbles around her. Himeko's journey ends after saving her dear student. Himeko stands, almost lifeless, over the Herrscher
Himeko's journey ends here, but her legacy does not. Kiana would adopt her ideals, fighting for the beauty she saw in the world. Despite it not being perfect, she would fight to turn it into the world she wants to see. Kiana would eventually take on powers similar to those Himeko displayed using the Vermillion Knight battlesuit, fully solidifying her legacy. Finally, they hold a funeral for her, only having the pieces of her sword that they were able to recover. Himeko's sword fragments lay upon her coffin
13 years later, in 2029, Welt Yang finds himself traveling to a spaceship owned by the Sky People, along with his "friend", Void Archives. I won't go into too much detail about Void Archives, as his identity and details are not important here.
On this spaceship, they find the portrait of someone Welt recognizes: it's Himeko, but not the same Himeko he knows. Void Archives explains this is a Himeko from a world not the same as their own, and Welt decides that, since the Sky People were interested in her, she might be in danger, and he feels a sense of responsibility to help her. Star Rail Himeko's portrait, visible on the left side slightly cut out
This leads to Welt and Void Archives, through yet unknown means, traveling to the world inhabited by the Himeko we see in Star Rail. From there, we know from lines in Star Rail that Himeko takes the both of them in, before Void Archives eventually leaves for some unknown reason, and that leads us to where we are today with Star Rail!
This ends the story of Himeko Murata! As always, some details were cut out to make sure everything fit in a decent length post. The last thing I want to point out is that, as you may have already seen, the Herta Space Station holds an easter egg to this story. Shards of Himeko's sword, kept as a Curio
We can find the remains of Himeko's sword, as they were found in Honkai Impact. Though it's unclear how they got here or why, one can see that interacting with them while using Himeko brings some special dialogue, which you can see in the image above, as a small easter egg. This dialogue is a refence to a specific scene, the last scene in which we see HI3's Himeko, during the Everlasting Flames cutscene of the game. \"Turn into a moon that always tells the warmth and brightness of the sun\"
Himeko appears one last time, within the flames brought about by Kiana's newfound powers. She smiles, before disappearing into the flames, solidifying her legacy within Kiana and her influence on not just her but the entirety of Honkai forever.
This ends the story of Himeko! Thank you very much for reading, and I hope you've enjoyed! Himeko is a very important character, perhaps not for her own characteristics or actions, but she is both the reason Kiana, the main character of Honkai Impact, is who she is today, and also the reason Welt ended up on the Astral Express, and why the Express can even run at all! I look forward to see how her story and character will develop now that we see her on this new path! (As a side note, Himeko being keen on the Express and even able to fix it reminds me of a Himeko that continued to follow her father's path in being excited and fascinated by space, which is a very poetic thing, what do you think?)
As always, feel free to leave any suggestions, corrections or comments you wish, and I'll respond to everyone! Besides that, I'll see you next time!
We brought home an 8 month old GSD last weekend. Up until now he's had little to no training or socialization. We are pursuing a 16wk class starting Monday.
He has done well with learning leash manners, some commands, and learning not to bark at dogs on walks (for the most part), so I know he's a smart dude!
But the nipping is a huge problem. He gets excited and nips A LOT and it's kind of scary given his size- probably 60lbs at this point. I know they're a nippy breed but I really feel like this needs to be nipped in the bud.
It typically happens after ~15min of exercising him- so either we'll be playing tug of war inside then he gets hyped up and starts nipping, or I'll be kicking his ball or throwing a stick for him then he starts chasing and nipping me.
We don't run, but we do pull him off and he gets more excited. We have tried a firm no, ending contact until he's calm, treating/praising when he's not nipping, etc. Nothing seems to help! He is half my weight so I'm getting scared to take him outside when im home alone. I know he needs exercise and the exercise helps with nipping, but it's hard to exercise him when after like 15min he's trying to get my whole arm in his mouth!
I can't let him anywhere near the toddler or cats until this is resolved so it's a cycle where he needs to stay behind a gate or crated when the toddler is awake, which I'm sure gets him even more antsy and encourages more nipping.
He gets a 30min walk in the mornings and up until now I've been giving him an hour of exercise in the afternoon, followed by another hour with my husband in the evening and a 30min training session.
Obviously this will be brought up to the trainer, but does anyone have any tips?
Hi all. Pretty self explanatory with this one. I may be moving to the area in the near future so I am looking for current recommendations for in-person or online psychology or social work related masters programs. Please let me know which college or university you'd recommend & why.
Right now, the only thing keeping me from adopting Arc as my full-time browser is the lack of functionality in the mobile app. I feel like the desktop app on my Mac is pretty near perfect, and I’m hoping that development on the mobile experience is a priority now, because there’s really no great browser on mobile, and Arc has the some amazing potential.
Okay, I've debated making this for months for a few reasons. I'm kinda worried about my partner somehow finding this, and putting the pieces together it's about us and he'll get very upset. Actually really scared.
I guess another reason is just judgement? Or all of this sounds really silly. Sorry, I'll get on with it. To understand better here's some context.
I've been with my partner for about nearly 7 years. We've been married for about 4. Before even meeting him and dating he had been dedicating a lot time to an MMO game. I am a gamer as well so we connected through mutual interests and so on. However, I don't play MMOs. They never appealed to me.
This game is really important to him, series wise, and it was something him and his brother once shared. Early dating and living together he would go all day at the game, I mean all day. I used to work 12 hour shifts so he'd be playing when I'd get home and go right to sleep since my next shift was in 12 hours. And when I'd wake up to start getting ready, roughly 10 hours later, he'd still be playing, and its not that he stopped and just picked it back up. He just, hadn't moved.
It got to the point he said we'd do something and I'd be waiting on him to finish up on the game, and hours later, he's not done with the daily duties. I don't play this MMO, so honestly I don't know if realistically it takes this long. I did give him an ultimatum and tell him he had an addiction after a few months. It was me or the game. And he stopped. Honestly our relationship felt great. I did feel a bit bad though.
Okay, here's where we get to my main question and concerns. 3 years ago we moved overseas due to his work. A few months in, he brought up he missed playing, and missed some of the friends he made through the game.
I felt sympathetic, and honestly a bit guilty too. He also was hesitant to start because he was worried he'd be too behind story wise, raids, etc.
I encouraged he should try, as long as he promised to not let it get out of hand again.
3 years later and being overseas, he's the breadwinner. He pays the bills, he goes to work, provides needs, and he 100% financially supports me. He's often exhausted from work, I get that.
The usual routine is he gets home, and hops on his computer, starts a discord call, and that's the rest of the night. It's practically like this several days a week.
I tried to gently approach this many times. Explaining how with his attention just being focused something else often, I am lonely. I have no one else. I miss him, since him wearing headphones being in a call, we don't even converse that entire time. Also I am genuinely concerned with his well being and health because I truly care. On average he stays up very late playing on work nights and he's definitely tired constantly. He usually says it's because of stress and work. On weekends, I'd argue he plays at least 10 to 12 hours a day. He's taken weeks off in the past from work to dedicate it to these "raids"
When approached about the subject, it usually erupts into a really nasty conversation, ending with me in tears. He gets angry because he feels I'm "trying to control what he does in his free time" he wants "his freedom" he "deserves to relax and unwind in his free time" "he wants to decide when he wants to do something else" "it's one of the few things that helps with his stress" me bringing it up "stresses him out and makes him feel guilty" he's "an adult and can decide to do whatever he wants"
I often just.. don't say anything anymore if I can. I don't want to start anything. I'd rather try to keep the peace than have him get wound up about the subject as he always does
I never brought up quitting, but I have asked if there's any way to play less. Besides what he has said, these "raids" are very important to him. I'm a gamer too, I get the grind, the item drops, etc. His words to my understanding, if he's not at it every night, he will get behind and have no one to raid these certain fights with because of the timezone. Why? It's important to him and because of the rewards, etc.
Today he actually offered to go out to get some food, and I asked if he was sure since I figured he was tired. Half way eating be brought up "I didn't think this would take this long. Now I lost a day to "prog" because no one is going to be on because of the timezone and everyone is moving on to the next fight and I have to work twice as hard" I didn't really finish my food and I suggested we go so we didn't take up anymore time. I felt bad and I did understand to an extent.
Maybe I really am the problem? Is this game that time consuming? Am I not being considerate enough? He is right, he is an adult, he is allowed to make his own decisions. Because I don't play this specific game am I just not understanding all this?
He's talking with his discord friends he plays and talks to all the time right now, but it sounds like he didn't find anyone to raid with tonight because we got home too late.
He has his good moments, I feel I need to mention this, and at the end of the day, he does provide and pay the bills, my bills too, but during these "raids seasons" this is all his time and any disturbing him seems to really just set him off.
I've been feeling incredibly guilty all night. I feel guilty I ruined his weekend. I'm so sorry this post was so long and so much rambling. Hopefully someone who also plays can shed some light to maybe help me understand too. I always have been a overly needy person
Hi guys this isn’t for everyone but for the last few months I’ve been enjoying reading trip reports. It’s been a bit of nighttime reading for me. Yesterday I did my first shrooms. I wrote a report more for myself but thought I’d post it for anyone who wants to read it
First trip Strain: yetis Location: download (UK rock festival) Dosage: exact unknown but roughly 1.5g With: 5 friends. 4 took shrooms before me and one other friend it was our first
14:00 the shrooms were eaten. I’d heard about how horrible they were taste wise but I swigged them with a drink and was surprised how tasteless they were. Popcorn texture, the smell was worse than the taste.
14:20 wondering if they were duds. No feeling of anything but remembering they were bruised blue and from a reputable seller and reminded myself to stop being so impatient
14:30 I started to notice like a slight tingling in my hands and a smile forced into my face. One of my friends (the most experienced user) smiled at me and said I’m definitely feeling something now which made me laugh, consequently him laugh back.
15:00 hard to explain but I start to feel my muscles moving individually and I could fully feel blood, not pumping but rather moving round my body. It had a sort of euphoric feel that my body was just working away to keep me alive. We were sat on one of many wooden benches outside a beer tent and one of my friends mentioned something about the wood of the bench, I looked down and the knots of the wood started going slightly green and the wood was swirling around the knots. At this exact point I knew I was tripping, I remember thinking it was exactly how I pictured some parts from watching YouTube clips of “trip simulations” and thought how accurate they were. I remember touching the wood and again, my explanation is terrible but I could really feel the actual wood against my fingers like it was the first time touching wood. I definitely had a real euphoric feeling as I smoked a cigarette and looked up at the sky.
16:00 the next phase definitely turned up a notch. As my group was chatting and laughing it felt like everything was moving really fast. One of my friends is a naturally quicker speaker and it felt like he was talking so fast I couldn’t keep up. One of friends I was talking to has a few freckles and I noticed they were all swirling too. A band started playing on a distant stage but was easily heard and I don’t know if it was the music, but it really felt like as they started a slow beat, everything slowed down to like 0.5 speed. We had been sat there for a couple of hours chatting etc at this point and there was a generator for the beer tent near us the whole time but all of a sudden my ears like locked onto it and it was almost squealing at me.
1630ish I noticed my thoughts were a bit more meaningful. For example we have a friend who since kids was the natural leader of our group and everyone gravitates towards him. But I realised that while he was our groups natural leader whenever there was an argument, issues or someone in need I tended to be the go to person and I understood that I actually play an Important role in our friendship group.
16:45 i started to feel a little out of control, my vision was off and I felt really quite hot. But I needed a pee. I walked 100m to the toilets and on my way back I realised the sea of wooden benches with thousands of people all wearing dark clothing. Things were a bit blurry here and my sight a bit all over the place. It the was the only moment I felt a little worried and out of my depth but alas, I found them after a few minutes.
17:00 I think it started to ware off here. All the effects were losing strength but even my experienced friend said they felt very potent for the small dosage we had. I suggested we go and get some food which I pulled us out of the trip even more.
As someone who’s never done shrooms or any kind of drug tbh I thought it was an ideal first time. I will always remember that experience it was like nothing I’ve ever felt before.
My after thoughts. Hard one to explain but I see why people say you need to let go and enjoy the experience.
I’m glad I had friends around me
Im very intrigued how a slightly larger dose will be, to see visuals etc.
Some parts of the trip were exactly as I expected, some parts I don’t think I was ready for (the change of vision etc) and I’m glad I didn’t do a bigger dose to start with.
This is my first post on this subreddit! And the first time I’ve really talked about my journey with other people.
I’m 22 years old, 6 foot 4, & currently 290 pounds. I’ve been “obese” my entire life pretty much, and always struggled to lose weight. My starting weight when beginning this journey was 320lbs. I’m insanely proud of the progress I’ve made so far but the battle is definitely far from over.
I don’t have access to equipment besides weights, so my main form of weight loss (besides dieting) is walking.
As for my diet, water & tea (with lemon juice & honey) have been my beverages of choice & Ive seen a TON of benefit from that. I haven’t felt nearly as hungry as I used to so I haven’t been eating nearly as much. I eat once maybe twice a day at the moment & it’s whatever we have for dinner. (Since I haven’t been as hungry I’ve been able to portion what I do eat a lot better as well.) I’ve completely cut out sugar besides the honey i put in my tea.
I’d like to know how long (daily) it would be recommended for me to walk in order to lose weight at a quickesteadier pace. As it’s getting a lot warmer outside I’ll be able to walk longer.
I hope this was a decent first post! I look forward to updating everyone on my journey & reading any responses! Sending love & encouragement to everyone! We’ve got this! 💚
I (25 F) saw a chat from my boyfriend (38 M) to his mom that he was planning on breaking up with me today.
for context, he is going through a depressive episode since his abusive grandmother came back to live with them for a week. since then he refused to leave his room in protest of this. We haven’t seen each other throughout the week and i know that it has been eating through his sanity. He was saying to me that it was better if they just left him to die when he tried taking his own life a couple of years ago (before we met) and i said that i was uncomfortable talking about his death since we were making plans for the future. He became quite after that and we made plans to see each other this afternoon. He let me borrow his phone while since we were gonna order food and i saw that his messenger chat with his mom was still left open and i saw that chat.
He said that he wanted to break up with me since he thought that he was a burden to me and that his outbursts are stressing me out. his mom dissuaded him. he then proceeded to say that we were gonna meet today and it was fun while it lasted.
I spent the whole day with him like nothing was wrong and we watched movies the whole day, we talked out the problem with his grandmother and cleared out that there was no problem between the 2 of us. but i didn’t bring up the chat that i saw.
i just got home and i dont know what to do. I feel weird, should i bring it up?