Kimmikka sex video

My husband(33m) and I(30f) have been married 6 years. We’ve been best friends for 10. I feel like the pressure of marriage and children caused him to try to constantly escape mentally and resent me. Typical, I know. He was often distant and irritable and made it clear he would rather be smoking marijuana, watching porn, playing video games, or lusting after other coworkers even if there was no physical cheating. Regardless of all of this, I swear, he is still one of the best men I’ve ever met. He’s just human. I love him very much.
However, I think I was in denial of my husband not loving me as much as I love him. I always felt like I wasn’t perfect either so I should not expect so much of him. He’s the avoidant, I’m the anxiously attached.
I tried over and over to “save” our marriage for our kids. All with very little cooperation from him. He was a provider and was not interested in anything extra.
My breaking point was in December. He had often been rough during sex but it was getting out of control. I told him I don’t want him watching porn anymore because it was affecting our sex life(he watched a lot of fantasy rape porn).
He agreed but I really felt like he was lying so one night I went through his phone and what I found shocked me. He was watching a ton of porn(he obviously had an addiction). He also had an onlyfans(I’ve 100% mentioned before I would not be ok with it) and he subscribed and paid to many women, including “teen” girls. I found he saved multiple images and videos of these “18” year old girls from their social media. I also found he casually and sexually talked to one of them that he seemed to really like. It disgusts me because I looked at her social media and she was in fact about to start college. Meaning she was in highschool when they started talking on onlyfans(he claims to know none of this and didn’t notice her age). I also found he had looked up a coworker for his porn stash and he tried to message her on Facebook(he later admitted to having a crush on her and masturbating to her and that this was not the first coworker he masturbated to).
I was so horrified and heartbroken that I thought I was having a heart attack. For 2 entire weeks my heart physically hurt so bad I almost went to the hospital. I am a very strong advocate for older men not getting involved in ANY way with young girls. He insists that porn just desensitized him and he didn’t think of her as really 18, just hot. I’m just still so disgusted. It was also right before I turned 30 so it destroyed my self esteem. I had poured everything I had into this man for 6 years.
He blamed it all on porn addiction. I did research on porn addiction and tried to save our marriage again. He had promised to delete everything and be open and let me see his phone whenever. One night I had a few glasses of wine and I tried to grab his phone and he refused. The way I remember it was trying to grab it and ask to go through it, he refused so I flipped and tried to pull the phone out of his hands. He then got up, threw me to the ground full force and broke my ring finger. Yes, the one my ring goes on. He said I was much more aggressive(I don’t remember this) and he had to throw me to get me to stop.
My ring finger healed slightly crooked because I had to take my splint off so much as a stay at home moms to two young kids. My ring no longer fits on it.
I feel like this was some sort of ridiculous sign where I can literally no longer unsee how damaging and toxic this marriage is.
I finally told him I’m done for good this time. Whenever we would get in fights or separate in the past, if he apologized and swore to change I would go right back to him immediately, giving him whatever he wanted so he would want this marriage this time. I think he thought I would never leave. Probably because I have no family, few friends, no income, and am unhealthily obsessed with him.
This time I pulled the strength I needed out of thin air and was really done. I was prepared to take the kids and I to a shelter if I needed to(he’s punched a few holes in the wall before when I’ve made him mad).
My whole demeanor towards him changed. I almost don’t even recognize myself anymore because normally I’d forgive him and we’d be in the “just worked things out everything is happy again” phase by now.
At first my husband was ok with divorcing and was being civil and it was such a relief, but he is freaking out all of the sudden, I’ve never seen him like this either. He started going back to therapy. He’s researching his issues and apologizing to me for all these little things he finally recognizes. He recently got a huge promotion and he is saying he will buy us a house since we can finally afford it.
He’s treating me like I always wanted. A house is what I’ve always wanted for my kids. I don’t think I will ever be able to give them anything but a shitty apartment if I leave. I can’t help but feel like I can see two sides of my life and the one that gives my kids and I the best life is staying with him.
He’s begging me to go to marriage counseling but I don’t want to. A switch flipped in me. I refuse to have sex with him, I refuse to give him any part of me other than civil conversation and friendship at most.
There is this part of me that just can’t turn back but there is this other part of me that is already starting to consider it. Even if it means driving myself into paranoia again.
Should I take him back or would I be an absolute fool?

I have now watched videos about robots being designed for everything from household chores to companionship to sex. From these videos, I have inferred that the robot will have an AI chip of some kind inside it--like a Tesla Full Self-Driving car does--and that, furthermore, that AI will be connected to the net all the time for firmware update, additional training, monitoring, and the gaining of more and more knowledge.
To be a companion, for example, it will have to have substantial knowledge about any subject, since you may to talk with it about any possible subject. Also, in the case of companion robots for elderly, sick or disable people, it has to be able to determine when you are in need of medical intervention, and call 911, as it were, to get you some help.
Of course, as with our phones and SmartTVs, being connected to the internet comes at a price. We never know who is watching us and listening to us, or for what purpose. If it's a sex bot, will I be able to relax enough to get naked and say intimate things to it knowing there might be a 53 year old guy named Mike at the other end, looking at me through the robot's eyes and laughing his ass off. ;-)
What think you, mi amigos?

TW I’m so sorry is this is the wrong subreddit. I would’ve liked to put this is cocsaabusers but it seems like it hard died out and you can’t post there anymore. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
So my brother and I started sexually “experimenting” when he was 4 and I was 6 because we were exposed to porn. Verbatim, this is how to convo went
Me: do you know what sex is? Him: yes (interestingly) Me: do you wanna try it? Him: okay!
I remember this so vividly in my mind. We then went in the closet and I tried to “hump” him with our pants down. This probably happened a few times. During this time, I was also looking up porn videos on the computer and “naked games” and my brother always threatened to tell on me. My dad caught me a few times and just said that I wasn’t allowed to used the computer anymore, even though he kept letting me. So, I kept doing it.
Then fast forward maybe a year or so. My brother “accidentally” buys porn on the TV. I become intrigued and kept buying it. This happened everyday for like a week, we both watched porn on the TV and fought over which videos to watch. My parents saw the bill obviously and punished me. My mom also caught me searching up sex games on the computer and punished me. Mind you, not ONCE did my parents explain why this was wrong, so I kept doing it.
I was also getting groomed on the internet around these elementary years, exposing myself when I was like 8 on webcam sites to creepy teenagers and adult.
In these same elementary years, I was recording naked videos of myself. Sometimes my brother joined but it was mostly me. Me and brother still acted out porn as well. We both initiated I’m pretty sure, but I KNOW I initiated more than him, and these acts included oral. I also recall my brother rubbing my genitals and boobs with stuffed animals on multiple occasions when we were in our shared room as a “joke” my mom actually saw him so it once, and just told him “don’t do that” in a worried tone, but that never helps a child. He also tried pushing my hands further into my vagina on one instance. The amount of times too that we were “almost” caught and had to play it off… the play started to slow down when I got scared that was gonna be pregnant for some reason because I read somewhere that sex makes babies, and I would cry in bed at night because of it.
The last time we did it was when we decided the two characters that we were roleplaying needed a “rpe scene. Which was basically his character acting aggressively while we did the stuff we normally did in our sexual “play”. I was like 10 here and he like 8. This was the last time we did / watched anything sexual until last year, when he showed me a video of his friend drinking his own semen.
I’m now 19. Last year, I apologized my brother about it. I didn’t want to be too explicit, but I think he knows what I was talking about. He said he accepts it and we never really talked about it. He also said on a separate occasion that he never feels abused by me in any way, so he doesn’t see it as serious as I do. Or at least not now. I’ve also been to therapy about this. There was no penetration except for once I believe which was unintentional
My brother and I starting about this year are not really that close as we used to be. He’s started the “typical” teenage behaviors of calling his family annoying, ignoring everyone but being loud with his friends. He says he’s fine, but I don’t know what he’s feeling. Obviously I shouldn’t push him. But I don’t want him to feel like how I’m feeling. I’m consumed with intense guilt and humiliation and suicidal ideation because of these memories. I feel like a predator. I just want to die and not deal with it, or have God erase these events from existence. I want to also tell my parents, but I know my brother would not like that. I just want to not be alive.

Side note: I've added a password, so read carefully. If you message me WITHOUT the password, your messages are automatically IGNORED. tired of getting hit up with people who don't read 😒. It's ridiculous cause I've ignored 5+ chats cause none of them contained the password. Things are written for a reason.
Facts about me:

• I have been roleplaying since 2012. Yes, I got experience under my belt, and yes, my ideas usually have really long reads, but don't let that scare you off! After the starter is off, I may lower myself down to a decent paragraph or two, sometimes three! It all depends on what I've got to work with.
  
• My timezone is EST. I'm awake from 9am - 2am and I'm usually free unless I'm busy doing house chores, out of the house, asleep, or playing video games on my switch. I'm usually become REALLY active at or around 8pm.
  

Rules:
1: if you don't like 50/50 mixture of sex scenes and story, don't bother hopping into my inbox. I'm fine with sex scenes, but when it's constantly back to back, the roleplay itself gets boring.
2: Be literate. No one liners. I like to write..it's annoying when I send a 2-3 paragraph response and I get 3 lines...just...no. I am not accepting people who are just starting out! If you aren't experienced in writing or roleplaying, kindly stay out of my inbox.
3: Be okay with playing canon characters. I'm mainly doing fandom roleplays right now and it's going to be Canon x my oc. No, I'm not doing double ups. Do not even ask, because the answer will be no every time. I do not give a shit if you think that makes me 'lazy' or 'selfish', if you've got a problem, you can simply ignore or block me. Commenting on my post to bitch and whine about me not doubling up will only result in me blocking you. The ONLY time I'll double up, and if I'm confident enough, I'll only do female characters. I suck at males. Got a problem? Not my issue. Block and move on.
4: Roleplay in third person. I can't and won't adapt to first. Don't even bring up the idea of you playing first person and me playing third. Believe it or not, I've been asked this twice and that is just a hell no for me. The only time I do first, is when I'm writing into my book.
5: if you don't know how to share ideas, then don't bother messaging me. I'm tired of carrying the story when the other person doesn't help. If you've got ideas, then PLEASE speak up! Your opinion on the roleplay matters too! I'm an easy going person, and easy to get along with (dispite my rules).
6: DO NOT control my character. I control what she says, does, hears, sees, ect. I don't control yours, so don't control mine. HOWEVER, if it's highly necessary and needed, then run it by me first and ask me. Just leave me some wiggle room so I can make a decent response. Failure to comply by this rule, results in immediate drop of the rp.
End Note:
Yes, I've updated my rules just a tad. I do not care if it makes me sound mean or rude, because I'm neither of these things. I'm just tired of putting these rules down for a specific reason and they go ignored because I can tell when someone hasn't read them, and lied about it. I'm just trying to get my point across and roleplay. I'm a very easy going person who loves to make friends on the side (which I've somewhat given up on making friends...only a selective few have actually gained my friendship).
Do not hop into my inbox with a simple 'hey' 'hi' 'sup', etc and for God's sake, don't message me with a 'rp?'and proceed me to flash me with your talliwhacker. I promise you, you'll get your feelings hurt and I'll be here laughing at ya 😂. Nobody wants a peen on their screen. Do not send me an image of your one eyed noodle. Thank you. The password is pineapple.
Fandoms & Pairings
Deadpool (Wade x my oc)
The Adam's family
Pokemon ((MAYBE. Don't be nasty about it either!))
Bridgerton (or something like it. Can be Oc x Oc)
Disney Decedent's (or anything Disney) (oc x oc)
Orange is the new black (this can be oc x oc).
Criminal Minds (REALLY wanna do)
Marvel:
Loki x my oc
Spiderman (Tom Holland) x my oc
Dog The Bounty Hunter (REALLY wanna do):
Dog Chapman x my oc
The walking dead (REALLY wanna do!!):
Daryl X my oc
Batman x my oc
Lucifer (Netflix show series) x my oc (really wanna do)
The Originals: Klaus x my oc (PLEASE !! I REALLY wanna do this one!)
American Horror Story: Tate x my oc (REALLY wanna do)
Dragon Ball Z - Super (vegeta x my oc) (really wanna do)
Naruto: Minato x my oc
Harry Potter (thanks to the wonderful world of rp, the characters will be 18 or older. For me, I'd like it if it was Draco x my oc. REALLY wanna do)
Game Of Thrones (I'm still very early in the show, but I think we could think of something!)
Once Upon A Time:
killian x my oc, REALLY wanna do 🥺.
Avatar the last Airbender:
Zuko x my oc
Twilight:
Jacob x my oc
(Course, our version will be alot better than the movies).
If any of these interests you, message me!
End note part 2:
Congratulations! You've made it to the end. Still interested? You've got the password. Message me and let's get started 😁.

40M still have a great sex drive but yet my 36F girlfriend of many years now does not. For over a year and counting we have had sex maybe a few times. Every so often we have a little foreplay, but the sex is just not there. She has little interest anymore and has become less energetic and does nothing around the house. You would think ok maybe she’s cheating, but she’s always home and doesn’t go anywhere. I have gone overboard trying to find that out and that’s not the case. She has used toys before but has no interest in them, it’s just her miserable bubble. For me I can’t stand it anymore. I chat and watch videos online and pleasure myself. I’m ok with that but nothing beats the real thing. I’m not a cheater but quite frankly I am going to have to be soon. I have asked for a free pass and got denied. I’m not asking anymore, I’m ready to just get what I need. I love her dearly, I want to be with her, but I need more sex point blank.

Recently my GF and I have decided to try watching porn together while we have sex. The thing is I watch porn but she doesn’t.
We had thought of those porn videos that explain sex positions explicitly because it could be fun to try them out.
What do you think? Any videos, genres or people that you recommend we watch?

We’re both part of this friend group which includes another girl, same age. We always have a lot of fun, it’s chill and no dramas.
About 10 months ago, we were hanging out playing video games and having light drinks at the guy’s place after dinner. The other girl left first to meet her bf that night. The guy was gonna drive me home but we were trying to sober up.
We started chatting about random things but the topics started getting more intimate/sexual, which has never happened before. We’ve known each other for over 4 years, and it’s been strictly just friends, no flirting ever. He just got out of a long commited relationship and a much shorter one right after that.
We talked about the people we found attractive and our views on relationship, sex, hookups etc. Which I had zero experience of at the time. He said that he doesn’t see anything wrong with casual stuff and all, and that it doesn’t have to be complicated. He asked me if I was curious and bla bla, one thing led to another and we ended up kissing. I was curious and thought it’d be safer to try it with this friend instead of some random at a bar… We were both clear no feelings were involved and it stopped at kissing.
We have never spoken about it after. But after that he had been super unresponsive when the group wanted to meet up. This made me overthink a LOT. And it felt like he was avoiding me because he met up with the other girl in our group like 2 weeks ago and they didn’t invite me….
We finally met up recently and it turns out he was really depressed. The hangout and group dynamics was fun as usual. But I’m still concerned that it was because of the kiss? Is it a stretch? Should I address it or ignore it??? I’m probably just overthinking it but I like things to be out in the open, yet I don’t want to seem like the virgin who overreacts over a kiss…. I don’t have feelings and I definitely don’t want to pursue anything serious with this guy, but I treasure the friendship (which makes me regret complicating it with the kiss tbh). He’s going overseas for a good 2-3 months tomorrow, so this is probably going to be the last chance if I wanted to address it. But also how?
TL;DR my good friend and I kissed and I’m not sure if he was avoiding me because of it. Should I address or not, and if yes, how?

Throwaway account, as i don't want this connected to my other accounts.
My thoughts are erratic, forgive me for bouncing all over the point but I'm trying to include everything I've been thinking and feeling with my reasoning so please bear with me. Gonna be a long one. If you take the time to read all this and provide genuine, thoughtful feedback, know that I'm beyond appreciative.
I had my first child at 19, and his mother and I didn't stay together. He was given a hyphenated combination of our last names, and now all these years later his mother is engaged to another man with their own newborn, and my son calls said man "his other daddy". I understand that as even though i am active in my son's life, my own dad wasn't around and i ended up calling my temporary step-dad "daddy" for a period of time. My son's mom and her fiancé of course have been living together for a while so i don't see anything wrong with that, nor am i bothered by it as long as my son and Mr. Fiancé don't forget who his actual father is.
All that to say that this has led to me being unwilling to have my other children calling another man "daddy", which is one of a few reasons making me feel like i have to stay in my current relationship and eventually tie the knot with my girlfriend - even if i am currently unhappy more often than not and feel as if marriage would be dooming myself to a life of tolerance rather than contentment.
I feel like my current girlfriend is a great person, friend and mother, but many of her tendencies and thought processes tend to irk/frustrate me. I know no one is perfect and any relationship requires work and effort, but I can't help but feel as if there would be someone out there better suited for myself, or if I would just be better off alone.
Before I talk (or complain) about everything I'm unhappy about, I'd like to make it known that I've been 10 relationships before my current one, and i ended 8 of them with 2 of them ended by the girl- much to my chagrin. Those 2 had a pretty big impact on me but not as much as 2 that i ended due to being cheated on. The rest I ended i guess out of boredom? This made me feel as if I wasn't cut out for relationships and I should be alone, but then I end up lonely wanting a relationship. I ended one relationship with a cheater right before the relationship that gave me my firstborn. I never took the time to heal from that and I wasn't ready for a child at the time, so even though i love my son and have always been active in his life, i never thought his mother and I would have a longstanding relationship.
We separated and then i met and began a relationship with the second cheater. At the time I was 21 and she was 33, but i could've swore she was the best thing to ever happen to me. Thing was, she was still living with her ex and I'm sure you can imagine how that went. That whole relationship left me feeling emasculated.
I left that relationship and began a relationship with my current girlfriend not even 3 months later. Needless to say I did no healing, took no time for myself. To make things worse we moved in together within another 3 months, and she found out she was pregnant by the end of the year.
I was actually perfectly content with my only child and had no desire to sire another child at this point in time, but my girlfriend had gotten pregnant in her previous relationship and ended up losing the baby, so her baby fever was at an all time high and she would get depressed whenever we would have sex and I'd cum anywhere other than inside of her. She'd roll over and put her back to me and sulk about it until she went to sleep, sometimes even crying about it. This made me feel Tee-totally terrible so I eventually just 🤷🏾‍♂️ and started finishing inside her to give her the child she wanted. This pregnancy gave me my daughter and I love her to death, she's amazing. We were staying in an apartment complex with roommates, but after finding out she was pregnant we went to stay with her mom. I broke up with her after welcoming the baby due to feelings of discontentment, although we got together again a few months later.
We got our own place and stayed there about a year and a half before I broke up with her again because i felt like i just wasn't the man for her. I told her i didn't want to marry and i don't want anymore kids, mainly just to drive the point as these are things she wants. We separated for 3 or 4 months this time, in which period of time I had sex once with an ex and she had sex once with a coworker. Despite that, we got back together because i had "thought about it" and decided that i didn't mind marrying and having more children. Fast forward a year and we moved to a better home and welcomed our second child together, my 3rd child and 2nd son.
I've thought about and pretty much accepted the concept/fate of marrying my girlfriend. She's been insistent bordering on impatient which I understand. This last time we got back together I told her we'd be wed before our son got here, which was rash on my part. I rush a lot of things but marriage isn't one of them.
I don't know if it's because my girlfriend is the partner in question, but marriage just feels like a huge shackle to me and divorce is a hassle from what I've heard. I don't want to marry just for it to be unhappy and end up in divorce.
Back to: I feel like my current girlfriend is a great person, friend and mother, but many of her tendencies and thought processes tend to irk/frustrate me. I know no one is perfect and any relationship requires work and effort, but I can't help but feel as if there would be someone out there better suited for myself, or if I would just be better off alone.
Here comes the complaining.
I'm an introvert, through and through. I like reading books, i like quiet time, i enjoy having time to myself, I enjoy doing/accomplishing things alone.
My girlfriend has to be the antithesis. She can talk on and on and on for hours on end without nary a breath in between. This isn't as much of an issue as the subject of her conversation- most of the time, there isn't one. It's like 95% of her thoughts come out of her mouth and she expects me to reply and vividly react to it all. It's really kind of draining. I get that as the man i should be glad that I'm the one she's talking to, but sometimes I'd rather enjoy the song that's playing or just have time alone with my thoughts. So most of her dialogue has no real meaning to me, and she often talks/asks questions about things that would be clear to her with just a little observation on her end. A little thought. She's so busy spitting out that 95% thought that she can't use the remaining 5 to come to her own conclusions.
For example, we're riding in the car. It's sunny outside, yet starts to rain. She says, "The devil must be beating his wife". I just look at her like 😐 while internally doing the wtf Jackie Chan face because what kind of sense does that make? She says, "What you've never heard that?" No, because it doesn't make sense. The devil is in theory beneath us so even if he did have a wife and beat her, why would these tears be coming from the sky? Perhaps I'm just a dull rock and too analytical but i feel like we could've both saved our breath on that whole exchange.
Another example. We went to eat, i got a coke to go. It was riding in the front cup holder until i finished it, and threw the empty cup into the trash. A whole ten, fifteen minutes later she asks, "Did you finish your coke?" I just look at her like 😐 while internally doing the wtf Jackie Chan face because are you telling me you didn't see me throw it away while you're right beside me? Do you not see the empty cup holder? I say yea, to which she asks me to hand her her water bottle. I just feel as if she could've taken the time to do some looking and thinking on her own, and just ask me for her water.
We're driving with a gps, she says that she needs me to help her because she doesn't know if it's this exit or the next one. 😐 idk if i can do this for the rest of my life. The route is highlighted on the screen, instead of oh so many feet, the distance is point something miles, and the exit number is on the screen. I tell her to think about it. She takes the wrong exit and gets mad at me.
Other times she is literally just voicing her inner dialogue like "I want a coke", "I'm hot, need to turn on the air", "My head is itching" and she just looks at me waiting for me to say something when I feel like none of this really warrants a reply. I hate small talk but maybe I'm just a stick in the mud.
She asks for help ridiculously often when she doesn't really need any. She could do things on her own most of the time just by freeing up one of her hands or literally thinking about the issue more. She probably tells me "hold this" 15 to 93 times a day. Just put it down? We were eating chinese takeout one night, and with a table right in front of her, she tells me to hold her plate. You know they give you enough food to feed a small village in those flimsy ass trays so the styrofoam bends and she drops her plate on my legs and in the floor before i can get a hold of it. I can't tell you how many times she's asked me for help with something that literally has instructions on it; she just didn't take the time to read it. I point it out and she's like "Oh 😜". It's gotten to the point where other than "think about it", when she asks for help i ask "do you really" and when i feel like she doesn't i resort to a childhood saying of my mother: "USE YOUR NOODLE! And when you're done with your noodle, put it back in your soup and finish your dinner".
To sum these points up, my pride doesn't want my kids acknowledging yet another dad, my girlfriend spits faster than Eminem when I'm a quiet guy, and her problem solving skills are near nonexistent when I'm a self-dependent, figure it out type of guy. I guess these personality differences might stem from our upbringing, as she was raised in a volatile home with her brother, bouncing between her mother and grandmother who both talk just as much as she, while i was raised alone with my mother who also enjoyed quiet time and liked reading and such. BUT-
In addition to this, I don't feel like my girlfriend and I are as sexually compatible as we could be. Our preferences and things we want aren't that different, but i have a much broader taste than she does and I don't ever think I'll achieve sexual freedom with her. I know that some of my fantasies are off the table for her, and others I'm too ashamed to even open up about due to what she's made clear of her stance. She doesn't like the lights on during, she doesn't like eye contact, she isn't very vocal. I wanna see her, look her in the eye, when i talk to her she doesn't talk back and doesn't mention it till we're done. These differences probably come from our experience and lack of with porn and sexual partners. I think I'm her third or fourth relationship. The guy before me she was with for 5 years. I started watching porn at 12 or 13, was running a NSFW tumblr page before tumblr stopped being cool, regularly masturbated. I don't think my girlfriend ever really touched herself before me, and the only time i know of her masturbating was to send me a video like 2 years ago. I want more from out sex life but trying to bring it up is met with mild disgust before rejection. Ideally I want my partner to want to masturbate sometimes, for us both to have toys, for us to explore with ourselves and other people and explore our fantasies. My girlfriend doesn't even have any. This makes me reluctant to marry because I don't wanna give up on all of this without having experienced it.
On top of this is her style of living. Bathroom sink and tub full of hair. Throwing something away- KOBE! -she misses and doesn't pick it up. Preparing food and leaving the scraps and trash on the counter for roaches, rats and ants, i can't stand it. Her side of the bed looks like the empty water bottle monster threw up and she loves to eat before bed but rarely takes her dishes to the kitchen before sleeping, and just throws her trash in the general direction of the can without bothering to just lean over and place it in or at least see if she made it. I'll say something and she'll do better for 2 days and a half, then i feel like i wasted my words. 8 used wash rags left in the shower, not flushing the toilet, she just really kinda sucks at cleaning up after herself until the stars align or mercury is in retrograde or some divine intervention where she wants to do everything in a day. She's a manager at McD's now so she's working a bit more, but she used to be a server with multiple off days through the week while I've had the same job for 6 years working 6 days out the week from 7a-3p, sometimes working 3-3 or 7-7 and it's frustrating to come home with her having laid on the couch all day amidst a house that a torndado ran through. Then when I get home she wants us to clean together, nah I'm tryna sit down somewhere. I still help pickup but why could you not do this in the 10, 12 hours i was gone? At least start on it and i can come in with the assist like an alley-oop.
To top it off is her style of parenting/communication. Her dad is a loud man and he's to thank for the genes I guess, but she's quick to resort to yelling whenever things bother her or the kids don't listen, as if the louder you are the easier it is to understand. Like I said I'm a quiet guy and i consider myself rational so i like to slow down and calmly talk about things, talk to kids with a level head and tone when they're wrong and talk to her in a calm tone whenever we have any altercations. She normally beats me to the punch with child reprimands since those thoughts have been bubbling in her mouth, and i don't like the yelling at all. After she gets done yelling I'll usually come behind to tell the kids what went wrong and why it was/why they shouldn't do that. But due to my level-headedness she sees that as me not caring, and when i ask her to calm her tone she says it's just how she reacts when upset. The kids act drastically different when they're alone with me versus alone with her, going from minding to whiny/crying whenever she gets to yelling.
Besides the yelling and too high expectations for small children, i do think she's a good mom, i just wish she'd handle things differently sometimes.
To sum these points up, I'm worried about sexual fulfillment, cleanliness (having to pick up after 3 kids and an adult), and temperament/attitude once married.
I know these things take effort but I feel like she just isn't as conscious about it as I am, and when i try to explain why i think she could/should do things differently/more efficiently, she takes it as me criticizing her and belittling her. It feels like I'm in a relationship with a child sometimes as far as her tendencies go.
Is marriage really the best option? Should we spend some time apart or end things for good?
Despite all of this we don't have a bad 1 on 1 relationship, when it's good it's great but when it's bad i can't help but wonder. I get pensive. Is marriage the best course of action for my life, for her life, for our kids? Would we all be able to grow and develop better with mom and dad separated? Is there someone better for me, someone better for her out there?
I've already gotten the supplies I had in mind ready to propose to her in a way she would love and i am happy with, i just have yet to buy a ring. It's a huge commitment that i don't want to end in disaster and resentment.
Sorry for the book. Thoughts/advice greatly appreciated.