10. J. Willy’s loaded potato pizza - Some things should not exist. This preposterous pizza is one of those things. Gordon calls it the strangest pizza he’s ever seen for good reason.
9. Mike and Nellie’s Chicken Murphy - Jeanine says it best when she describes this dish as a stew gone bad. To add insult to injury, Gordon had to smell an old, moldy carpet as he swallowed that slop.
8: Charlie’s fried ravioli - These things don’t look like they were cooked at all. Maybe Casimiro trolled Gordon by serving him raw ravioli. Seeing what an asshat he was, I wouldn’t be surprised.
7: Levanti’s stuffed banana peppers - Dino’s Carletta sauce may have been inspired by Heaven, but his stuffed banana peppers are straight from the depths of Hell. Gordon compares the dish to a donkey’s dick.
6. Mill Street Bistro’s elk medallions - Watching Napoleon complex poster boy Joe Nagy declare, “That’s a tender piece of elk” while chewing on it like a piece of shoe leather gets a laugh out of me even in these difficult times.
5: Capri colossal pizza - A supersized pizza loaded with nasty looking toppings. Not even blazed out of my mind would I have touched that steaming mess.
4: Sebastian’s New York Strip - Gordon aptly described this one as a pile of dog food. And knowing Sebastian’s idiotic ass, you just know that dog food was frozen.
3: Chappy’s gumbo - If you were to compile a list of the show’s funniest lines,“It looks like Chappy took a crappy in my gumbo” would be a contender for the top spot. I've never heard a more apt description of something in my entire life.
2: Blackberry’s chitlins shitlins - Just look at them.
1: Dillon’s every dish - Knowing every dish that came out of that hellhole had cockroaches crawling all over it before being served makes me avoid this episode like the plague.

Wrote some stuff down in a Google Doc every night, so it ended up being super long and rambly. Hopefully I was able to cut it down at least a little bit. I wasn't sure if I could leave references to individual businesses or Airbnb experiences in, so please let me know if I need to remove those.
I planned this trip 2 weeks before I had to leave, so I was in a huge rush. I wouldn’t have been able to do it without everyone’s help here and on the Discord! It was my first time traveling solo, so I was a little more neurotic about it than usual. Also I don’t know how accurate the steps/distance on iOS is, but I figure there’s enough internal consistency to compare between days.
Some personal highlights
Tokyo

• Check out some listening bars if you’re down for a low key night with more of a focus on listening to music than socializing: Grandfather’s, Bar Martha, Bar Track, Ginza Music Bar
• Yoshikami is a pretty interesting (albeit pricey) place for dinner. It’s apparently been there since the 1960s and has a nice diner vibe.

Kyoto

• Otagi Nenbutsuji, Adashino Nenbutsuji, and Nanzenji were my personal favorites.
• Fu-ka near Ginkakuji for fantastic omurice.

Osaka

• I loved Osaka in general for its mixture of being laidback with big city vibe
• Izakaya crawl with Taka was amazing (https://www.airbnb.com/experiences/1018635). It’s true that you can plan a night of izakayas for free, but honestly I found the cost pretty worth it. Taka was a really cool guy and made for an incredibly memorable night.
• Okonomiyaki Chitose for okonomiyaki. Great food and great staff.

Monday, May 29 - arriving in Tokyo

• 3pm - Haneda Airport arrival. Withdrew money after immigration, picked up Suica card, then traveled to Ueno Station (close to hostel) to pick up JR Pass due to 1 hour line at airport. In hindsight, I obviously should’ve gotten the JR Pass the following day, but I was jetlagged and exhausted and wasn’t thinking. When I arrived at the hostel, I ended up falling asleep and decided to just start my trip officially the following morning.

Reflections If you’re an anxious planner or traveler like me, definitely don’t plan anything specific on the first day. There’s a good chance your plans will get derailed. The JR Pass line at the airport is often super long and if you can, try to stop by an office close to where you’re staying or near one of your stops.
Walked: 6540 steps / 3.1 miles
Tuesday, May 30 - Tokyo (Akihabara)

• 7am - Yoshinoya for breakfast (Random, but I wanted to try all 3 of the big gyudon places by the end of the trip just because. Even as a big completionist, this wasn’t worth it at all.)
• 8am - Walked around Ueno Park, then Ameya Yokocho.
• 11am - Gyukatsu Motomura for lunch at Ameyoko, which was absolutely incredible.
• 12pm - Walked around Akihabara and checked out the “Weird vending machines” on Google Maps. It was definitely weird. Would recommend if you’re kind of drawn to weird shit, and the hostel staff found it super entertaining when I showed them everything.
• 3pm - I ended up moving through Akihabara pretty fast (I have a bad habit of not being able to take my time with these things). I decided to stop by some places in Ginza, like the Sembikiya flagship store and the Okuno building (Room 306).
• 6pm - I was still pretty jetlagged, so I ate some dinner with people at the hostel and hung out with the hostel residents and staff.
• 10:30pm - Stopped by a convenience store to grab something for breakfast the next morning.

Reflections
Having a list of restaurants or specific foods (e.g. tempura, okonomiyaki) to pull from can be super helpful in being slightly flexible/spontaneous but also settling some of your (my) neuroticism. I had planned to check out Gyukatsu Motomura elsewhere but since it’s a chain and I had no idea what to eat, it helped me make a decision for lunch.
It can be a good idea to have an “overflow list” of things to do in certain areas. I thought I’d spend more time in Akihabara but I think I was still getting the hang of traveling/exploring without rushing around.
Walked: 27728 steps / 12.9 miles
Wednesday, May 31 - Kyoto (Nishiki Market / Department Store food floors / Kiyomizu-dera) * 7:30am - Shinkansen from Tokyo to Kyoto * 10:15am - Walked to hostel and suitcase wheels ripped off on the way there (still left it there for storage). Original plan was to wander Nishiki Market and the food floors for Takashimaya Department Store and Fujii Daimaru, which I did for a bit. Then got a new suitcase at the large tax free store a block down, and walked back to the hostel to put my suitcase there. * 3pm - Check in with a new suitcase and head to Kiyomizudera. Three hours was more than enough time for me to wander around Sannenzaka, Ninnenzaka, and Kiyomizu-dera. I’m also not someone that is great at lingering to stop and smell the roses, though. * 6:30pm - Try to line up for Menya Inoichi. The line was already closed for dinner, so I stopped by Nakau for some fast gyudon/tonkatsu instead.
Reflections
Have backup plans for your meals, list out some ideas in the area but expect some of those to be derailed.
You might need an eye mask even if you splurge on a private room in a hostel. The blinds were paper thin here so I woke up at like 4-5am.
Walked: 26290 steps / 12.2 miles
Thursday, June 1 - Kyoto (Arashiyama / Ginkakuji / Philosopher’s Path / Eikan-do / Nanzenji / Gion) This was the day I was prepared to walk the most because of the itinerary. It ended up being pretty packed, but I think it worked out decently well. Both of these things would’ve been better off unrushed as maybe 2/3 of a full day, so I would’ve split this up into 2 days if I could have.

• 7am - Breakfast at a convenience store, then taxi to Otagi Nenbutsuji at 7:30am (opens at 8). It isn’t the cheapest option, but there also isn’t a great alternative. It was pretty empty and a great place to start the day.
• 9am - Walked to Adashino Nenbutsuji, which was also fairly empty but had a beautiful bamboo area that honestly was basically as good as the Arashiyama grove for pictures.
• 10am - Walked to Tenryuji, which included the Saga-Toriimoto Preserved Street along the way, then did the Arashiyama Walking Tour from Inside Kyoto, which was a great way to see a little bit of everything (https://www.insidekyoto.com/arashiyama-bamboo-grove-guide-walking-tour).
• 12:30pm - Walking tour led me to Togetsukyo Bridge, where I could easily bus over to the Ginkakuji area.
• 1:30pm - Grabbed lunch at Fu-ka, which was a small restaurant run by some very sweet people. The omurice there was amazing, and I would definitely love to go there again someday.
• 2pm - Ginkakuji -> Philosopher’s Path -> Eikan-do -> Nanzenji -> Gion. I was definitely not prepared for how much stuff there was to do at Nanzenji in particular! I definitely could’ve spent 2-3 hours there even rushing around. I ended up not being able to check out the inside of Nanzen-in and the big gate because I ran out of time. Upstairs from the Nanzenji arches there is a great walk to leave Nanzenji when you’re all done (Nanzenji Suirokaku). It takes you past a power station, and then down some abandoned railroad tracks.
• 5:30pm - Went to check out Gion and Pontocho. I couldn’t figure out what to eat for dinner, so I thought I’d give Menya Inoichi another shot. It was pretty early but the line was closed again. There was an amazing fried chicken place nearby called Loco Chicken (would definitely recommend too!)
• 7pm - Checked out Yasaka Shrine and Gion again now that the sun was down. It was nice but admittedly underwhelming after all the amazing temples I had seen. I was originally going to go to an izakaya for the night or experience some nightlife, but I was pretty tired and decided to call it a night.

Reflections
Even if you’re a rusher like I am, Nanzenji especially can take some time. Otagi Nenbutsuji and Adashino Nenbutsuji are a little out of the way, but definitely worth it. The preserved street isn’t all that exciting, but it is along the way from Adashino Nenbutsuji to Tenryuji.
Menya Inoichi apparently closes pretty damn early wtf, possibly due to running out of their limited supply of wagyu. Loco Chicken was suuuuper good though. I guess there see a lot of great food options and planning meals in advance should only be if there’s a restaurant I really want to stop by (e.g. Fu-ka).
Walked: 33577 steps / 16.4 miles
Friday, June 2 - Kyoto / Nara / Osaka

• 7am - Got up to go to Fushimi Inari Taisha. We were on the edge of a typhoon (apparently the landslide zones of Kizugawa were being evacuated?) so it was pouring rain, which meant it was really empty on the actual walk to the summit.
• 10am - Kintetsu train to Nara Park. It was pouring there too, but the deer were still out and about to get their food from visitors. I was a little tired at this point since my feet were soaked through, so I went to check out Todaiji and only took a brief walk around Nara Park before heading to my hostel in Osaka, so I could get my shoes washed and dried at a nearby laundromat.
• 8pm - I did an Airbnb bar crawl (https://www.airbnb.com/experiences/4388157) in the Dotonburi area which was awesome as a solo traveler because I got the chance to meet other people much more easily and check out some local spots I realistically wouldn’t have gone to (or at least navigated easily). The guide was fantastic and fun, and it was a really nice way to get an introduction to Osaka nightlife. I would definitely recommend doing this on your first night if you want to spend some time in Dotonburi! You can find the listing for that one here: . One of the places we stopped by was called the Misono building, which had a bunch of interesting and quirky bars.

Walked: 27023 steps / 12.4 mi
Saturday, June 3 - Osaka (shopping streets and Dotonburi)

• 10am - Took a look around Denden Town and all the different streets in Osaka near Dotonburi (Kuromon Ichiba, Hozenji Yokocho, Ebisu Bashi-Suji, Shinsaibashisuji). I also stopped by the Ebisu Tower Ferris Wheel, which was nice but also not something I’d consider a must-do activity. I imagine it might be even cooler at night when the lights are all on.
• 6pm - I did another izakaya crawl here, and it was AMAZING (https://www.airbnb.com/experiences/1018635)! The guide, Taka, has lived all around the world and has some incredible stories to tell about his life. He worked on farms in remote places in Australia, for instance, that even the Aussie guests were astounded to hear about. The vibe was definitely a lot more chill and not super conservative, if that makes any sense. It was the kind of environment where all the guests felt comfortable asking him how to swear in Japanese after the first round of drinks. If you’re not super uptight about stuff and want the feeling of local nightlife with some friends, this is a must-do in my opinion! Taka was such a cool guy and this was an unforgettable once-in-a-lifetime experience. We stopped by to do some karaoke at the end, which I felt was mandatory since we were at its birthplace.

Reflections
Taka brought us to one of the streets that I completely missed in my research, which was Tenshinbashi-sushi. It’s supposedly the longest shopping arcade in all of Japan, at 2.6km long. Definitely something to check out!
Walked: 25782 / 11.8 miles
Sunday, June 4 - Osaka (Shinsekai, Abeno Harukas)

• 10:30am - Was starting to get pretty tired by this point so I slept in again, and got to Shinsekai around 10:30. I realized how much I loved the vibe of Osaka, which seemed much more laidback than the other big cities. I remember there was an adorable off leash puppy walking around one of the shopping streets, and a bunch of old people pulled out their phones and started chasing it down to take cute pictures. I might be totally off the mark from my few days’ impression of other big cities, but that just felt kind of unique to me.
• 11:15am - Lined up outside Okonomiyaki Chitose so I could get food there when they opened. Fantastic okonomiyaki, and the owner and staff were super great as well. They chatted with me a bit and joked around with each other while making the food in front of us. Great experience.
• 1pm - Went to Tsutenkaku to look around and check out the viewing area. It also had this big slide that you could pay to go down, which was quite fun too.
• 2:30pm - Walked over to Abeno Harukas to check out the observatory here. The view was fantastic and they also had a fun little VR bungee jump station where they put you on a tilt table and simulate a jump from the observatory area. Didn’t have time to check out the helipad because I had a timed ticket for the aquarium (which didn’t end up being necessary, it wasn’t super busy at this time).
• 4:30pm - Osaka Aquarium! I honestly considered skipping this and I don’t think it was absolutely unmissable, but it was a fun time. I really tried to take my time here but it only took 2 hours.
• 6:30pm - Grabbed dinner at nearby Tempozan Marketplace, then went on the Tempozan Ferris Wheel (waited for one of the clear bottom carriages). Another fun activity that I wouldn’t categorize as a must-do, but definitely worth it if you’re in the area.

Walked: 20954 / 9.6 miles
Monday, June 5 - Hakone This is the part of the trip that I embarrassingly botched, but considering I had less than 2 weeks to plan the whole thing while working full time, I’m trying not to give myself too much shit for it.

• 10:30am - Arrive at Odawara Station and leave luggage in locker there (packed a day bag). Transfer to the train that will eventually take me to Gora Station
• 12pm - Gora Station. Grab a quick lunch at some random cafe and walk over to the Open Air Museum.
• 2pm - Realized I spent too long at the museum and rush to continue the loop. Spend about 30-45 minutes at Owakudani.
• 3:50pm - End up waiting at Togendai until 4:25pm for the next pirate ship.
• 4:50pm - Arrive at Motohakone and decide I’ll do the quick walk to Hakonemachi and catch a cab to my ryokan (checkin before 6 if I want to make it in time for dinner). My big mistake here was not noticing that the taxi stand was empty already by this time.
• 5:10pm - Realize I’ve screwed myself at Hakonemachi and decide to take the Tozan Bus to another major stop to get a taxi. Yunnessen seemed like a good bet but the taxi stand was once again totally empty. Ended up wandering around for about 20 minutes and managed to flag a stray taxi.
• 6pm - Check in and realize my dumb ass accidentally booked without the dinner option and that I could’ve taken the long way to the ryokan after all.
• 7pm - Stop by a nearby kaiseki place for dinner. They seemed a bit wary about having me eat there and really emphasized that this was a set menu that took a long time (probably had bad experiences with tourists in the past?).
• 8pm - Get cleaned up and head to the onsen before bed

Walked: 17975 / 8.2 miles
Reflections If you really want to stay in Hakone for only one night and one day, I would recommend checking into your hotel/ryokan the night before and relaxing there, which gives you the next full day for exploring the city. YMMV of course since I did get to Hakone in the late morning, but I think doing the loop then ryokan will inevitably feel like it’s cutting into ryokan time.
Even though the Hakone transportation system is great, things like the Tozan Bus line can have long lines and alternative/workaround routes like in the big cities don’t really exist. Tight schedules are tough to stick to, and I nearly got stranded because I stood at one of the taxi stops around 5pm and it became clear that no one was going to be coming by.
Booking.com has a lot of ryokans listed as minimum 2 people (I just bit the bullet and decided to splurge), but the staff at Senkyoro were confused about why I paid for 2 instead of 1. Could be good to try to check with the ryokan directly in case you can save some money when booking.
Tuesday, June 6 - Tokyo (Shinjuku, Shibuya)

• 6:30am - Leave for Odawara Station because I had to meet with a relative in the morning (like I said, definitely could’ve scheduled this better). Definitely misplanned this leg of the trip, and didn’t maximize my time in Hakone at all.
• 10:30am - After dropping off luggage at Asakusa Station locker near my hostel, met up at Shinjuku Gyoen, then walked around and grabbed lunch at Omoide Yokocho. Also stopped by Kabukicho and Golden Gai just to look around.
• 1:30pm - Originally planned to spend more time at Shinjuku and go to Shibuya the following day but I realized I didn’t have anything left to do. Walked to Shibuya and checked out the Hachiko Statue and Harajuku. Stopped by Iyoshi Cola. Shibuya Sky tickets were sold out so I had to come back the following day for my original reservation.
• 5pm - Hang out at Grandfather’s before dinner. Great place for people interested in listening bars!
• 6pm - Head back to my hostel (K’s House Tokyo Oasis) to check in, then swing over to Sensoji and Nakamise-dori to check out at night.
• 7:30pm - Grab dinner at Yoshikami, a Japanese style Western restaurant. Had a really good beef stew and cream corn potage. Went here in passing but would definitely recommend stopping by if you’re in the area.

Walked: 27632 / 12.8 miles
Wednesday, June 7 - Tokyo (Shibuya Sky, Akihabara, Bar Martha/Track) I spent a good chunk of my life in Shanghai, China, so I think the appeal of the big city stuff was a little lost on me (not a huge big city guy). In hindsight, I definitely didn’t need to allocate this many days for Tokyo. I definitely should’ve gone further to other areas for day trips that were recommended on the Discord, like Shimokitazawa, Jiyuugaoka, Koenji, Kamakura/Enoshima, Honmonji Ikegami, Yokohama, Nikko, or Fujikamaguchiko.

• 10am - Slept in and explored Nakamise-dori a bit after. Grabbed an early lunch and headed over to Shibuya for my Shibuya Sky reservation.
• 12:40pm - Shibuya Sky for a little over an hour. I wouldn’t consider a must-do, but it’s definitely a nice spot to get a good view of the city. Pretty similar vibe to Abeno Harukas (Harukas 300).
• 2pm - Headed to Akihabara to mess around for a little more and get some gifts for friends. Checked out all the different arcades and peeked at some rhythm gamers in their element.
• 6pm - Headed to Ebisu to grab dinner. Found a Japanese style Italian restaurant called “Uncle Tom” (Google translated name), used Google Lens to translate the photos of the menu and just pointed and ordered.
• 7pm - Stopped by Bar Martha, which was one of my personal must-sees. Some of the reviews online were pretty scathing, and I’m not sure if the staff have just mellowed out in recent years or the reviewers lacked self-awareness, but it was a great experience. You’re not allowed to talk too loudly or otherwise be disruptive (or take photos), but that’s really just your typical listening bar. The Tannoys sounded fantastic!
• 8pm - Went to Bar Track to check it out as well. A little bit more laidback than Bar Martha but with the same rules. Also a great spot.

Walked: 21181 steps / 10.3 miles
Thursday, June 8 - Tokyo

• 10am - Stopped by Tsukiji Outer Market to check it out. There was a fruit stall that sold a cup of Shine muscat grapes for about 2000 yen (super expensive but worth it just to try - they really were pretty amazing). Ended up meeting up with someone on the Discord for lunch, and we wandered Ginza for the Uniqlo and Muji flagship stores.
• 3pm - Split up with Discord buddy because he wanted to head to Shibuya but I had dinner reservations at 5pm. Wandered around a bit more and checked out Kabukiza and then went to Mantensushi Hibiya for 5pm omakase.
• 7pm - Went to Ginza Music Bar. A little difficult to find but very much worth the visit. It was relatively empty but it was a fantastic spot to round out my listening bar visits. It had a little more of a typical bar-like atmosphere but the music and sound system were just as amazing.
• 8pm - Head back to hostel to pack. Grabbed some last second ramen at Asakusashoten on the way back. Needed to be a little more intentional about cash usage here because I wanted to use it all up before leaving. After factoring in my subway and Skyliner costs, I ended up with 210 yen in my pocket and 7 yen in my Welcome Suica (I really should’ve just gotten a regular one) the next morning before my flight, and spent 200 yen at one of the massage chairs in Narita.

Walked: 19530 / 8.9 miles
Thursday, June 9 - Flight out from Tokyo

Cast of Characters:
Kevin Eggs– A bumbling wannabe Hibachi chef fresh out of culinary arts school
Mr. Kritt – Restaurant Manager and owner of Moriyuki’s Grill.
Male restaurant patron
Female restaurant patron
Nick the chef – A drunken hibachi cook who gets himself fired. He eventually carries out an armed robbery to compensate for his lost earnings.
Synopsis:
A clueless and reckless culinary arts attempts hibachi cooking at his first job without much success.
Stage setting:
A kitchen/bar island counter top is positioned at center stage. Three bar stools line the front while a stove/grill top remains partially hidden behind the counter. Above the counter is a dangling Japanese paper lantern.
(Lighting illuminates the main stage area. Male and female patrons are separately seated on their respective barstools with each one positioned opposite the other at the end of each counter corner. They are partially facing the audience with their gazes focused on the main chef behind the counter. Main chef Nick is fully facing the audience and is performing his tasks poorly under a drunken stupor. Both restaurant patrons are grimacing and recoiling nervously due to his recklessness. Kevin enters stage right with a confused expression written on his face.)
(Nick is swaying left and right on his feet while clumsily waving a meat cleaver in one hand and an empty bottle in the other)
NICK
So, you two (hiccup) wanna see me make a chicken hand sandwich? (hiccup)
MALE PATRON
(Grimacing and scared) Please, no. We just wanted a vegetable stir fry and steak. Maybe coming here was a bad idea.
(Kevin tries to grab someone’s attention, but no one listens.)
KEVIN
Um excuse me?
FEMALE PATRON
(Also grimacing) You make a chicken and ham sandwich?
(Nick is aimlessly clattering his cleaver against the grill/stove top.)
NICK
Not chicken and ham, (hiccup) chicken and hand sandwich! Now put your pretty little hand on the cutting board and I’ll show ya.
FEMALE PATRON
(Shrieking) No!
(Mr. Kritt frantically enters stage left and interrupts the chaotic scene. He is shaking his fist in outrage)
MR. KRITT
(Furiously) Nick! You’ve been drinking again! How many times have I warned you that if I catch you intimidating our customers while under the influence, I would throw your drunken ass out of my establishment!
KEVIN
Um, pardon me?
(Kevin is still ignored.)
(Nick points his meat cleaver at Mr. Kritt.)
NICK
Okay dude, you need to chill.
MR. KRITT
Don’t you point that thing at me!
(Mr. Kritt pries the cleaver out of Nick’s hand by the handle and drops it on the countertop. He then points his finger directly towards the right stage exit.)
MR. KRITT
You’re fired! Get out! You’re a menace to the patrons and the establishment.
(After a pause, Mr. Kritt steps towards Nick, seizes him by the back collar of his shirt and pants and proceeds to forcibly eject him from the building. Nick is dragged to the right exit. Kevin side-steps out of their way.)
MR. KRITT
Get the hell out of my restaurant! Out! Out! Out! Out!
(Nick is shoved out the right stage exit. He is still clutching his empty bottle. Mr. Kritt turns his focus to Kevin)
MR. KRITT
What do you want?!
(Kevin stammers through Mr. Kritt’s annoyed gaze. He produces a certification paper.)
KEVIN
I…I’m sorry. My name’s Kevin Eggs and I’m looking for a job. I’m fresh out of culinary arts school and was looking for a hibachi kitchen position…these are my credentials…
(Mr. Kritt swipes the paper out of Kevin’s hand, glances over it for a second, and hands it back to him. He is much calmer at this point, but still retains a firm tone of voice.)
MR. KRITT
Congratulations, Kevin. You’re hired. Welcome to Moriyuki’s Hibachi Bar and Grill. You can start now.
(He leads Kevin back to the Island stove countertop and hands him a togue and apron.)
KEVIN
Wait. No formal interview. No questions asked? Thank you, Mister…
(Both men firmly shake hands)
MR. KRITT
…Kritt. Jay Kritt. Restaurant owner.
(Mr. Kritt shifts his attention to the petrified patrons who are perched at the edge of their barstools.)
MR. KRITT
My sincerest apologies to the both of you for what just happened. The misconduct you just witnessed does not reflect our company policy. I assure you that this will not happen again. Perhaps if you two choose to come here again, I would be most happy to offer you both a complimentary dinner on the house? I understand if you do not wish return here.
(Both patrons relax and lighten up a little. They periodically sip from their water glasses)
MALE PATRON
No, as a matter of fact, I think we’ll stick around and give our order another shot. It is, after all, complimentary.
FEMALE PATRON
And I am curious to see how this new chef will perform.
MR. KRITT
I assure you that you will not be disappointed.
(He shoots Kevin a stern glance and addresses him in a strict tone. Mr. Kritt also points his menacing index finger towards Kevin.)
MR. KRITT
One little foul-up from you, and you’re out of here! Oh, and by the way, take your shoes off. We need to keep a ‘Japanese’ feel to the atmosphere. (Note that Mr. Kritt uses air quotes to emphasize the word ‘Japanese’ in his sentence.)
KEVIN
Oh, sorry about that, sir.
(Keven bends over behind the counter to take his shoes off while Mr. Kritt exits stage left.)
KEVIN
Sooooooo, what did you two order?
FEMALE PATRON
We already placed our orders earlier. The last chef put our orders under the counter.
(Kevin bends over to look beneath the stovetop and remains invisible until he finds two pieces of paper and emerges back into view. He holds up each piece of paper and reads them aloud.)
KEVIN
Ah! One order of soy stir fry, and another order of fried flank steak with scallops. Coming right up!
(Kevin bangs his fist on the countetable surface and shouts out a command. Both patrons appear startled and tense up every time he does this)
KEVIN
Ahem! Tomato!
(An offstage hand from behind the scenes tosses Kevin a tomato. He catches it and places it on the counter, then bangs his fist again.)
KEVIN
Cucumber!
(Offstage hand tosses Kevin a cucumber which he sets down. He bangs his fist and repeats the process)
KEVIN
Onion!
(Kevin catches an onion, places it next to the other vegetables, and bangs his fist again.)
KEVIN
Meat!
(A hand tosses him a piece of steak. Kevin catches it, but almost drops it as it constantly slips and slides in his hand.)
KEVIN
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Got it! (Chuckling) Heheh! Slippery little piece of steak, ain’t ya? Don’t worry fellow customer, I successfully grabbed your meat and now I’m going to beat it for being naughty little sucker.
MALE PATRON
(Sounding disturbed) Please do not say that ever again.
(Kevin realizes his Freudian slip)
KEVIN
Ooops. That didn’t sound right.
(After setting the fillet on the counter. He pulls two spatulas out of a cupboard beneath the stove counter top. As the patrons gradually ease up from their muscle tension, Kevin begins twirling the spatulas in each hand. As he twirls each one, he loses his coordination and drops them both on the surface.)
KEVIN
(Smiling) Sorry. First day.
(Kevin takes both spatulas and uses them like percussion instruments. He uses synchronized hand movements and coordinated arm crossing gestures to bang out a tune on the hard grill surface using the kitchen utensils. He loses his groove and momentum by accidentally flipping a spatula out of his grasp and onto the ground behind him.)
KEVIN
(Grinning) My bad. Oh well, guess I’ll have to cook with just one utensil.
(Kevin wipes off the stovetop surface with a rag.)
KEVIN
So, how long have you two known each other?
MALE AND FEMALE PATRONS
(Unison) We’re not together.
KEVIN
Oh, sorry. What’s your story, then?
(Kevin looks at the man patron as he begins chopping the onion on a cutting board)
MALE PATRON
I’ve been negotiating this multi-million-dollar contract all day with some of our biggest partners from Japan. It was a tough one alright, but once you get past the language barriers and persuade those electronic geeks to start pushing their signatures on every certified document, It’s a success story. Ironically, I thought to myself, why not celebrate this victory at a Japanese themed eatery to make things a bit more apropos? The guys at the office said -
KEVIN
(In a sing-song voice) Bo-oring! What’s your story, miss?
(Kevin shifts his eyes to the female patron. The male patron shuts up and scowls at Kevin)
FEMALE PATRON
Me? Oh, well…my boyfriend broke up with me and…I loved him so much…
(Female patron starts sniffling and crying. Kevin starts sniffling and tearing up as well due to the onion fumes)
KEVIN
Yeah?
FEMALE PATRON
He told me that he would be my soulmate, forever. And then last night, he dumped me for some French slut! So here I am, eating alone again…
(Female Patron breaks out in tears. Kevin follows suit.)
FEMALE PATRON
(Emotionally Distraught) I mean, what do French girls have to offer over us American women? Looks? Wit? Charm? Non-stop steamy jungle sex? Well fuck you, Sean! Fuck you! Oh, I’m sorry cook Kevin. Did I upset you? You seem so sensitive and empathetic to my feelings right now. That’s so sweet of you.
KEVIN
(Sobbing) (*sniff. Sniff\)* No! It’s just these stupid onions!
(Female Patron drops her head in disappointment.)
FEMALE PATRON
Oh…
KEVIN
I sound like a wuss right now. I’m a badass hibachi chef, not a wuss. I’ll prove it to you guys by karate chopping this onion with my hand!
(Kevin raises his hand in flat, vertical knife motion above his head and brings his hand down hard on the cutting board.)
KEVIN
(Yells) Hiiyah!
(Kevin’s hand chop makes contact with the remaining whole onion. Instead of slicing it in half, the onion slides off of the counter and onto the floor.)
KEVIN
Dammit.
(Kevin pauses, then recomposes himself. He slides some of the freshly chopped onions onto the stove)
KEVIN
Now where were we? Oh, yes! The grill. (Cheerfully) I have an idea! Let’s get rid of these long faces and lighten things up! Nobody here should be unhappy.
MALE PATRON
I was happy until you opened you pissed on my parade.
KEVIN
It’s not stir-fry without eggs in it. They don’t call me Kevin Eggs for nothing.
(Kevin retrieves a carton of eggs from a bottom cupboard beneath the stove)
KEVIN
Since I’m sometimes a scatter brain and mess things up, my family used to call me Kevin scrambled eggs. Get it? Scrambled eggs! Ha! Ha! Ha! (laughing)
(Kevin’s laughter quickly dies down as he notices that his joke was received with cold, dead stares. Female patron utters an annoyed, soft groan.)
KEVIN
(Upbeat chuckle) Okay. Here’s a good one. When I went to Hollywood, I bumped into actor Kevin Bacon. Well, he was nice enough to give me his autograph when I asked him for one. And when I did that, my parents called us the breakfast combo. Why? Because his name’s Kevin and so is mine. Only thing is, our last names complement each other nicely. Bacon and Eggs! Arr! Arr! Arr!
MALE PATRON
(Interrupting) Just shut up and cook the damn food already.
KEVIN
Sorry.
FEMALE PATRON
Yeah, enough. When do we get to eat?
KEVIN
(Ecstatically) Hey. Watch this!
(Kevin selects an egg out of the carton. He picks up his spatula and holds it vertically above his head as if to bring it down in a chopping motion. He underhandedly tosses the egg into mid-air in front of him while attempting to split it in the fraction of a second when it remains directly suspended before his face. He does a karate chop shout during in course of action)
KEVIN
Hiyaa!
(Kevin misses the target and swings into an empty space due to poor timing. The egg plummets to the floor and breaks.)
KEVIN
Shit!
(Kevin tosses another egg into midair and repeats the process a second time.)
KEVIN
Hiyaa!
(He swings/chops at a downward angle and misses again. The egg hits the floor. Both patrons cringe at his efforts.)
KEVIN
Shit!
(Kevin tries tossing up an egg a third time, but misses his target. The egg accidentally lands on the male patron’s head. Kevin is sincerely apologetic at first, but can’t help cracking a bad joke last minute. Female Patron covers her mouth in alarm.)
KEVIN
Whoops! I’m so sorry sir! That was an egg-cident.
MALE PATRON
(Angrily) I’ve had enough bullshit for one night! I’m outa here.
(Male Patron storms off the set: exit stage right)
FEMALE PATRON
(Disdainful tone) You really suck at entertainment, don’t you?
KEVIN
C’mon, give me a little credit for trying. It’s my first day here and-
(He breaks off into a panicked exclamation as fumes rise from the vegetables on the stove.)
Oh my God! The food is burning!
(Kevin frantically drops his spatula)
KEVIN
Oh, not again!
(Kevin hurriedly scoops the few veggies on the stove into his hands and onto a plate. After doing so, he realizes that he just burned his hands. He flails the wildly while looking around the room for relief. Unbeknownst to him, Mr. Kritt furiously enters the scene and stands directly behind Kevin with his hands on his hips.)
KEVIN
Owwwww! Ow! Ow! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot!
(Kevin submerges his hands into the female patron’s water glass and sighs with relief. She appears to be disgusted)
KEVIN
(sighing) Aaaaaaahhhh…
MR. KRITT
(Loud and agitated) Kevin! You blew it! I turn my back on you for just one second, and bang, I come back to a disaster. Unreliable. You’re fired! Out of here! Gone!
KEVIN
Mr. Kritt, it was just a little mishap. It’s still just my first day here.
MR. KRITT
Out!
(Points to exit)
(At that moment entering from stage right, Nick bursts onto the scene clad in a ski mask and carrying a handgun. Nick points the gun in the direction of Mr. Kritt, female patron, and Kevin. All three appear to be shocked and terrified.)
NICK
(Shouting angrily) Alright all of you! Hands up where I can see them! Get them the fuck up now!
(Everyone raises their hands into the air)
FEMALE PATRON
Oh my God!
MR. KRITT
(Weak and trembling tone) What the hell do you want? I have nothing special to offer.
NICK
Your money, dumbass! Front end register is empty. So I guess I’ll have to try the manager’s office instead.
MR. KRITT
(Moment of Realization) Wait a minute! You’re Nick! I recognize your voice now. I just fired your ass.
NICK
Yeah, that’s right. I’m comin’ back to get what’s mine. No paycheck, remember? So, I guess I gotta take what you owe me by force.
MR. KRITT
I don’t owe you nothin’! You’re a bum who doesn’t deserve a dime even if his life depended on it.
NICK
(More aggressively) Shut the fuck up and get me what I want before I blow your head open!
(Intimidated, Mr. Kritt takes a step back and responds in a shakier tone of voice)
MR. KRITT
Alright. Alright. If it’s money you want, then I’ll lead you back to the office. No hard feelings.
NICK
No, wait. I want something else first. Hey lady, kick your purse over here.
(Nick waves his gun at the female patron. She complies by gradually sliding her purse with her foot towards the direction of Nick)
NICK
Atta girl! Mr. Kritt? Your wallet please.
(Mr. Kritt fishes his wallet out of his pant pocket and nervously tosses it onto the floor)
NICK
(Sneering smile) Ah, last but not least, my replacement. You’re next.
(Kevin gives him a nervous smile)
KEVIN
Actually, I don’t have mine in my pocket. I put it in one of my shoes.
NICK
(Annoyed) Then get it! And no tricks! If I see a knife or a cleaver, you’re dead.
KEVIN
No worries. I won’t do anything.
(Kevin bends over to the point at which he is totally obscured by the entire counter island. Shuffling noises can be heard from behind the surface.)
NICK
What’s taking you so long?
KEVIN
Uh-just a minute! I’ve got it. Nope. That’s not it.
(A spatula is recklessly thrown over the counter top by Kevin, followed by a vegetable.)
NICK
(Uneasily agitated) Hey! Don’t do that! What are you, stupid? Quit it now!
KEVIN
I think I got! No. Not that shoe.
(One of Kevin’s shoes flies out from beneath the countertop and hits Nick in the face, knocking him unconscious. Nick’s eyes crisscross as he slumps to the ground. Mr. Kritt and the female patron exchange relieved facial expressions. Kevin then emerges into view triumphantly holding the other shoe.)
KEVIN
Here it is! Got it! Hey what happened?
MR. KRITT
(Grateful expression) You saved my business and my life. That’s what you did.
FEMALE PATRON
You sure as hell did. Now excuse me while I call the police before I throw up.
(Female Patron pulls out her phone and retrieves her purse before hastily exiting stage right.)
MR. KRITT
What did you have in those shoes?
KEVIN
(In a proud tone) They’re steel toe shoes, Mr. Kritt.
(Mr. Kritt grins while clasping Kevin over the shoulder.)
MR. KRITT
Ya know what, Kevin? Maybe you’re not so bad after all. Sure, you’re a klutz and your jokes stink, but I think I might have a good place for you here. In fact, I’ll give you another chance by training you myself. You’re rehired.
(Kevin returns the grin to his boss)
KEVIN
Really, Mr. Kritt?
MR. KRITT
Sure!
KEVIN
Mr. Kritt I’m never gonna let you down again. We’re gonna have some good times together!
(Kevin violently clasps Mr. Kritt over the shoulder causing him to grunt in pain. In spite of this Mr. Kritt manages to create a half sardonic half sincere grin on his face.)
MR. KRITT
(Grimacing) Yeahhhh...I’m sure we will.
(Lights fade out.)

NARRATOR: (Black screen with text; The sound of buzzing bees can be heard) According to all known laws of aviation, : there is no way a bee should be able to fly. : Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. : The bee, of course, flies anyway : because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. BARRY BENSON: (Barry is picking out a shirt) Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. : Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. JANET BENSON: Barry! Breakfast is ready! BARRY: Coming! : Hang on a second. (Barry uses his antenna like a phone) : Hello? ADAM FLAYMAN:
(Through phone) - Barry? BARRY: - Adam? ADAM: - Can you believe this is happening? BARRY: - I can't. I'll pick you up. (Barry flies down the stairs) : MARTIN BENSON: Looking sharp. JANET: Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. BARRY: Sorry. I'm excited. MARTIN: Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. : A perfect report card, all B's. JANET: Very proud. (Rubs Barry's hair) BARRY= Ma! I got a thing going here. JANET: - You got lint on your fuzz. BARRY: - Ow! That's me!
JANET: - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! (Barry flies out the door) JANET: Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! (Barry drives through the hive,and is waved at by Adam who is reading a newspaper) BARRY== - Hey, Adam. ADAM: - Hey, Barry. (Adam gets in Barry's car) : - Is that fuzz gel? BARRY: - A little. Special day, graduation. ADAM: Never thought I'd make it. (Barry pulls away from the house and continues driving) BARRY: Three days grade school, three days high school... ADAM: Those were awkward. BARRY: Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. ADAM== You did come back different. (Barry and Adam pass by Artie, who is jogging) ARTIE: - Hi, Barry!
BARRY: - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. ADAM: - Hear about Frankie? BARRY: - Yeah. ADAM== - You going to the funeral? BARRY: - No, I'm not going to his funeral. : Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. : Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. ADAM: I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. (The car does a barrel roll on the loop-shaped bridge and lands on the highway) : I love this incorporating an amusement park into our regular day. BARRY: I guess that's why they say we don't need vacations. (Barry parallel parks the car and together they fly over the graduating students) Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. (Barry and Adam sit down and put on their hats) : - Well, Adam, today we are men.
ADAM: - We are! BARRY= - Bee-men. =ADAM= - Amen! BARRY AND ADAM: Hallelujah! (Barry and Adam both have a happy spasm) ANNOUNCER: Students, faculty, distinguished bees, : please welcome Dean Buzzwell. DEAN BUZZWELL: Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... : ...9: : That concludes our ceremonies. : And begins your career at Honex Industries! ADAM: Will we pick our job today? (Adam and Barry get into a tour bus) BARRY= I heard it's just orientation. (Tour buses rise out of the ground and the students are automatically loaded into the buses) TOUR GUIDE: Heads up! Here we go.
ANNOUNCER: Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. BARRY: - Wonder what it'll be like? ADAM: - A little scary. TOUR GUIDE== Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco : and a part of the Hexagon Group. Barry: This is it! BARRY AND ADAM: Wow. BARRY: Wow. (The bus drives down a road an on either side are the Bee's massive complicated Honey-making machines) TOUR GUIDE: We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life : to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. : Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. : Our top-secret formula : is automatically color-corrected,
scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured : into this soothing sweet syrup : with its distinctive golden glow you know as... EVERYONE ON BUS: Honey! (The guide has been collecting honey into a bottle and she throws it into the crowd on the bus and it is caught by a girl in the back) ADAM: - That girl was hot. BARRY: - She's my cousin! ADAM== - She is? BARRY: - Yes, we're all cousins. ADAM: - Right. You're right. TOUR GUIDE: - At Honex, we constantly strive : to improve every aspect of bee existence. : These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. (The bus passes by a Bee wearing a helmet who is being smashed into the ground with fly-swatters, newspapers and boots. He lifts a thumbs up but you can hear him groan) : ADAM==

• What do you think he makes? BARRY:
• Not enough. TOUR GUIDE: Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. (They pass by a turning wheel with Bees standing on pegs, who are each wearing a finger-shaped hat) Barry:
• Wow, What does that do? TOUR GUIDE:
• Catches that little strand of honey : that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. ADAM: (Intrigued) Can anyone work on the Krelman? TOUR GUIDE: Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. : But choose carefully : because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. (Everyone claps except for Barry) BARRY: The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. ADAM:

What's the difference? TOUR GUIDE: You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off : in 27 million years. BARRY: (Upset) So you'll just work us to death? : We'll sure try. (Everyone on the bus laughs except Barry. Barry and Adam are walking back home together) ADAM: Wow! That blew my mind! BARRY: "What's the difference?" How can you say that? : One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. ADAM: I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. BARRY: But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? ADAM: Why would you question anything? We're bees. : We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth.
BARRY: You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? ADAM: Like what? Give me one example. (Barry and Adam stop walking and it is revealed to the audience that hundreds of cars are speeding by and narrowly missing them in perfect unison) BARRY: I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. ANNOUNCER: Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. BARRY: Wait a second. Check it out. (The Pollen jocks fly in, circle around and landing in line) : - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! ADAM: - Wow. : I've never seen them this close. BARRY: They know what it's like outside the hive. ADAM: Yeah, but some don't come back. GIRL BEES: - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! (The Pollen Jocks hook up their backpacks to machines that pump the nectar to trucks, which drive away)
LOU LO DUVA: You guys did great! : You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! (Punching the Pollen Jocks in joy) I love it! ADAM: - I wonder where they were. BARRY: - I don't know. : Their day's not planned. : Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. : You can't just decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. ADAM== Right. (Barry and Adam are covered in some pollen that floated off of the Pollen Jocks) BARRY: Look at that. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. ADAM: It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. BARRY: Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. (Barry waves at 2 girls standing a little away from them)
ADAM== Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? BARRY: Distant. Distant. POLLEN JOCK #1: Look at these two. POLLEN JOCK #2: - Couple of Hive Harrys. POLLEN JOCK #1: - Let's have fun with them. GIRL BEE #1: It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. BARRY: Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! : He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! (Slaps Adam with his hand to represent his scenario) GIRL BEE #2: - Oh, my! BARRY: - I never thought I'd knock him out. GIRL BEE #1: (Looking at Adam) What were you doing during this? ADAM: Obviously I was trying to alert the authorities. BARRY: I can autograph that.
(The pollen jocks walk up to Barry and Adam, they pretend that Barry and Adam really are pollen jocks.) POLLEN JOCK #1: A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? BARRY: Yeah. Gusty. POLLEN JOCK #1: We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. BARRY: - Six miles, huh? ADAM: - Barry! POLLEN JOCK #2: A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. BARRY: - Maybe I am. ADAM: - You are not! POLLEN JOCK #1: We're going 0900 at J-Gate. : What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? BARRY: I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. (The scene cuts to Barry looking out on the hive-city from his balcony at night) MARTIN:
Hey, Honex! BARRY: Dad, you surprised me. MARTIN: You decide what you're interested in? BARRY: - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. : Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? MARTIN: Son, let me tell you about stirring. : You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. : You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. BARRY: You know, Dad, the more I think about it, : maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. MARTIN: You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? : That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. :
Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! JANET: - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. BARRY: - I'm not trying to be funny. MARTIN: You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! JANET: - You're gonna be a stirrer? BARRY: - No one's listening to me! MARTIN: Wait till you see the sticks I have. BARRY: I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! (Barry's parents don't listen to him and continue to ramble on) MARTIN: Let's open some honey and celebrate! BARRY: Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. : Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! JANET: I'm so proud. (The scene cuts to Barry and Adam waiting in line to get a job) ADAM: - We're starting work today!
BARRY: - Today's the day. ADAM: Come on! All the good jobs will be gone. BARRY: Yeah, right. JOB LISTER: Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... BEE IN FRONT OF LINE: - Is it still available? JOB LISTER: - Hang on. Two left! : One of them's yours! Congratulations! Step to the side. ADAM: - What'd you get? BEE IN FRONT OF LINE: - Picking crud out. Stellar! (He walks away) ADAM: Wow! JOB LISTER: Couple of newbies? ADAM: Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! JOB LISTER: Make your choice. (Adam and Barry look up at the job board. There are hundreds of constantly changing panels that contain available or unavailable jobs. It looks very confusing)
ADAM: - You want to go first? BARRY: - No, you go. ADAM: Oh, my. What's available? JOB LISTER: Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. ADAM: - Any chance of getting the Krelman? JOB LISTER: - Sure, you're on. (Puts the Krelman finger-hat on Adam's head) (Suddenly the sign for Krelman closes out) : I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. (Takes Adam's hat off) Wax monkey's always open. ADAM: The Krelman opened up again. : What happened? JOB LISTER: A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. : Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. : Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life!
ADAM: Oh, this is so hard! (Barry remembers what the Pollen Jock offered him and he flies off) Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, : humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, : mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? (Adam turns around and sees Barry flying away) : Barry! POLLEN JOCK: All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... ADAM: (Through phone) What happened to you? Where are you? BARRY: - I'm going out. ADAM: - Out? Out where? BARRY: - Out there. ADAM: - Oh, no! BARRY: I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. ADAM:
You're gonna die! You're crazy! (Barry hangs up) Hello? POLLEN JOCK #2: Another call coming in. : If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd : that gets their roses today. BARRY: Hey, guys. POLLEN JOCK #1 == - Look at that. POLLEN JOCK #2: - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? LOU LO DUVA: Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. POLLEN JOCK #1: It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. (Puts hand on Barry's shoulder) LOU LO DUVA: (To Barry) Really? Feeling lucky, are you? BEE WITH CLIPBOARD: (To Barry) Sign here, here. Just initial that. : - Thank you. LOU LO DUVA: - OK. : You got a rain advisory today, :
and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. : So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, : hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. : Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. : Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! BARRY: - That's awful. LOU LO DUVA: (Still talking through megaphone) - And a reminder for you rookies, : bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! : All right, launch positions! POLLEN JOCKS: (The Pollen Jocks run into formation) : Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! LOU LU DUVA: Black and yellow! POLLEN JOCKS:
Hello! POLLEN JOCK #1: (To Barry)You ready for this, hot shot? BARRY: Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. POLLEN JOCK's: Wind, check. : - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. : - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. BARRY: Scared out of my shorts, check. LOU LO DUVA: OK, ladies, : let's move it out! : Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! : All of you, drain those flowers! (The pollen jocks fly out of the hive) BARRY: Wow! I'm out! : I can't believe I'm out! : So blue.
: I feel so fast and free! : Box kite! (Barry flies through the kite) : Wow! : Flowers! (A pollen jock puts on some high tech goggles that shows flowers similar to heat sink goggles.) POLLEN JOCK: This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. : Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. : Roses! POLLEN JOCK #1: 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. : Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. (The pollen jock fires a high-tech gun at the flower, shooting tubes that suck up the nectar from the flower and collects it into a pouch on the gun) BARRY: That is one nectar collector! POLLEN JOCK #1== - Ever see pollination up close? BARRY: - No, sir. POLLEN JOCK #1:
(Barry and the Pollen jock fly over the field, the pollen jock sprinkles pollen as he goes) : I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, : a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. BARRY: That's amazing. Why do we do that? POLLEN JOCK #1: That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. BARRY: Cool. POLLEN JOCK #1: I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. could be daisies. Don't we need those? POLLEN JOCK #2: Copy that visual. : Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. POLLEN JOCK #1: Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? POLLEN JOCK #2: Affirmative. (The Pollen jocks land near the "flowers" which, to the audience are obviously just tennis balls) KEN: (In the distance) That was on the line!
POLLEN JOCK #1: This is the coolest. What is it? POLLEN JOCK #2: I don't know, but I'm loving this color. : It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. POLLEN JOCK #1: Yeah, fuzzy. (Sticks his hand on the ball but it gets stuck) POLLEN JOCK #3== Chemical-y. (The pollen jock finally gets his hand free from the tennis ball) POLLEN JOCK #1: Careful, guys. It's a little grabby. (The pollen jocks turn around and see Barry lying his entire body on top of one of the tennis balls) POLLEN JOCK #2: My sweet lord of bees! POLLEN JOCK #3: Candy-brain, get off there! POLLEN JOCK #1: (Pointing upwards) Problem! (A human hand reaches down and grabs the tennis ball that Barry is stuck to) BARRY: - Guys! POLLEN JOCK #2: - This could be bad. POLLEN JOCK #3: Affirmative. (Vanessa Bloome starts bouncing the tennis ball, not knowing Barry is stick to it)
BARRY== Very close. : Gonna hurt. : Mama's little boy. (Barry is being hit back and forth by two humans playing tennis. He is still stuck to the ball) POLLEN JOCK #1: You are way out of position, rookie! KEN: Coming in at you like a MISSILE! (Barry flies past the pollen jocks, still stuck to the ball) BARRY: (In slow motion) Help me! POLLEN JOCK #2: I don't think these are flowers. POLLEN JOCK #3: - Should we tell him? POLLEN JOCK #1: - I think he knows. BARRY: What is this?! KEN: Match point! : You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to EAT IT! (A pollen jock coughs which confused Ken and he hits the ball the wrong way with Barry stuck to it and it goes flying into the city) BARRY:
Yowser! (Barry bounces around town and gets stuck in the engine of a car. He flies into the air conditioner and sees a bug that was frozen in there) BARRY: Ew, gross. (The man driving the car turns on the air conditioner which blows Barry into the car) GIRL IN CAR: There's a bee in the car! : - Do something! DAD DRIVING CAR: - I'm driving! BABY GIRL: (Waving at Barry) - Hi, bee. (Barry smiles and waves at the baby girl) GUY IN BACK OF CAR: - He's back here! : He's going to sting me! GIRL IN CAR: Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! (Barry freezes as well, hovering in the middle of the car) : GRANDMA IN CAR== He blinked! (The grandma whips out some bee-spray and sprays everywhere in the car, climbing into the front seat, still trying to spray Barry) GIRL IN CAR: Spray him, Granny! DAD DRIVING THE CAR: What are you doing?! (Barry escapes the car through the air conditioner and is flying high above
the ground, safe.) BARRY: Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. (Barry sees that storm clouds are gathering and he can see rain clouds moving into this direction) : I gotta get home. : Can't fly in rain. : Can't fly in rain. (A rain drop hits Barry and one of his wings is damaged) : Can't fly in rain. (A second rain drop hits Barry again and he spirals downwards) Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! (WW2 plane sound effects are played as he plummets, and he crash-lands on a plant inside an apartment near the window) VANESSA BLOOME: Ken, could you close the window please? KEN== Hey, check out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. : You see? (Folds brochure resume out) Folds out. (Ken closes the window, trapping Barry inside) BARRY: Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. (Barry tries to fly away but smashes into the window and falls again) : What was that?
(Barry keeps trying to fly out the window but he keeps being knocked back because the window is closed) Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... : Drapes! (Barry taps the glass. He doesn't understand what it is) That is diabolical. KEN: It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. ANDY: What's number one? Star Wars? KEN: Nah, I don't go for that... (Ken makes finger guns and makes "pew pew pew" sounds and then stops) : ...kind of stuff. BARRY: No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. KEN: When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. BARRY: (Looking at the light on the ceiling) There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. (Starts flying towards the lightbulb) : I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. (Barry hits the lightbulb and falls into the dip on the table that the humans are sitting at) KEN:
I predicted global warming. : I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. (Andy dips a chip into the bowl and scoops up some dip with Barry on it and is about to put it in his mouth) : Wait! Stop! Bee! (Andy drops the chip with Barry in fear and backs away. All the humans freak out) : Stand back. These are winter boots. (Ken has winter boots on his hands and he is about to smash the bee but Vanessa saves him last second) VANESSA: Wait! : Don't kill him! (Vanessa puts Barry in a glass to protect him) KEN: You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! VANESSA: Why does his life have less value than yours? KEN: Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? VANESSA: I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. (Vanessa picks up Ken's brochure and puts it under the glass so she can carry Barry back to the window. Barry looks at Vanessa in amazement) KEN:
My brochure! VANESSA: There you go, little guy. (Vanessa opens the window and lets Barry out but Barry stays back and is still shocked that a human saved his life) KEN: I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. VANESSA: Put that on your resume brochure. KEN: My whole face could puff up. ANDY: Make it one of your special skills. KEN: Knocking someone out is also a special skill. (Ken walks to the door) Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. : - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? VANESSA: - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. : (Vanessa tries to close door) KEN== - You could put carob chips on there. VANESSA: - Bye. (Closes door but Ken opens it again) KEN: - Supposed to be less calories.
VANESSA: - Bye. (Closes door) (Fast forward to the next day, Barry is still inside the house. He flies into the kitchen where Vanessa is doing dishes) BARRY== (Talking to himself) I gotta say something. : She saved my life. I gotta say something. : All right, here it goes. (Turns back) Nah. : What would I say? : I could really get in trouble. : It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. : I can't believe I'm doing this. : I've got to. (Barry disguises himself as a character on a food can as Vanessa walks by again) : Oh, I can't do it. Come on! : No. Yes. No. : Do it. I can't.
: How should I start it? (Barry strikes a pose and wiggles his eyebrows) "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. (Vanessa is about to walk past Barry) Here she comes! Speak, you fool! : ...Hi! (Vanessa gasps and drops the dishes in fright and notices Barry on the counter) : I'm sorry. VANESSA: - You're talking. BARRY: - Yes, I know. VANESSA: (Pointing at Barry) You're talking! BARRY: I'm so sorry. VANESSA: No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. : But I don't recall going to bed. BARRY: Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. VANESSA: This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee!
BARRY: I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, (Pointing to the living room where Ken tried to kill him last night) but they were all trying to kill me. : And if it wasn't for you... : I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. (Vanessa stabs her hand with a fork to test whether she's dreaming or not) : That was a little weird. VANESSA: - I'm talking with a bee. BARRY: - Yeah. VANESSA: I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! BARRY: I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. (Barry turns to leave) VANESSA: - Wait! How did you learn to do that? BARRY: (Flying back) - What? VANESSA: The talking...thing. BARRY:
Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. VANESSA: - That's very funny. BARRY: - Yeah. : Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. : Anyway... VANESSA: Can I... : ...get you something? BARRY: - Like what? VANESSA: I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Coffee? BARRY: I don't want to put you out. VANESSA: It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. : - It's just coffee. BARRY: - I hate to impose. (Vanessa starts making coffee) VANESSA: - Don't be ridiculous!
BARRY: - Actually, I would love a cup. VANESSA: Hey, you want rum cake? BARRY: - I shouldn't. VANESSA: - Have some. BARRY: - No, I can't. VANESSA: - Come on! BARRY: I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. VANESSA: - Where? BARRY: - These stripes don't help. VANESSA: You look great! BARRY: I don't know if you know anything about fashion. : Are you all right? VANESSA: (Pouring coffee on the floor and missing the cup completely) No. (Flash forward in time. Barry and Vanessa are sitting together at a table on top of the apartment building drinking coffee)
: BARRY== He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. : He finally gets there. : He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. : And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. : Why would I marry a watermelon?" (Barry laughs but Vanessa looks confused) VANESSA: Is that a bee joke? BARRY: That's the kind of stuff we do. VANESSA: Yeah, different. : So, what are you gonna do, Barry? (Barry stands on top of a sugar cube floating in his coffee and paddles it around with a straw like it's a gondola) BARRY: About work? I don't know. : I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. VANESSA: I know how you feel.
BARRY: - You do? VANESSA: - Sure. : My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. BARRY: - Really? VANESSA: - My only interest is flowers. BARRY: Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. : Anyway, if you look... (Barry points to a tree in the middle of Central Park) : There's my hive right there. See it? VANESSA: You're in Sheep Meadow! BARRY: Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! VANESSA: No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. BARRY: - Why do girls put rings on their toes? VANESSA: - Why not? BARRY:

• It's like putting a hat on your knee. VANESSA:
• Maybe I'll try that. (A custodian installing a lightbulb looks over at them but to his perspective it looks like Vanessa is talking to a cup of coffee on the table) CUSTODIAN:
• You all right, ma'am? VANESSA:
• Oh, yeah. Fine. : Just having two cups of coffee! BARRY: Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. VANESSA== Yeah, it's no trouble. BARRY: Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. (Barry points towards the rum cake) : Can I take a piece of this with me? VANESSA: Sure! Here, have a crumb. (Vanessa hands Barry a crumb but it is still pretty big for Barry) BARRY:
• Thanks! VANESSA:
• Yeah. BARRY: All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around.
  : Or not. VANESSA: OK, Barry... BARRY: And thank you so much again... for before. VANESSA: Oh, that? That was nothing. BARRY: Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... (Vanessa and Barry hold hands, but Vanessa has to hold out a finger because her hands is to big and Barry holds that) (The custodian looks over again and it appears Vanessa is laughing at her coffee again. The lightbulb that he was screwing in sparks and he falls off the ladder) (Fast forward in time and we see two Bee Scientists testing out a parachute in a Honex wind tunnel) BEE SCIENTIST #1: This can't possibly work. BEE SCIENTIST #2: He's all set to go. We may as well try it. : OK, Dave, pull the chute. (Dave pulls the chute and the wind slams him against the wall and he falls on his face.The camera pans over and we see Barry and Adam walking together) ADAM:
  
• Sounds amazing. BARRY:
  
• It was amazing! : It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life.
  

ADAM: Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! : Giant, scary humans! What were they like? BARRY: Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. : They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. ADAM: - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? BARRY: - Some of them. But some of them don't. ADAM: - How'd you get back? BARRY: - Poodle. ADAM: You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. : You had your "experience." Now you can pick out your job and be normal. BARRY: - Well... ADAM: - Well? BARRY: Well, I met someone.
ADAM: You did? Was she Bee-ish? : - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! BARRY: - No, no, no, not a wasp. ADAM: - Spider? BARRY: - I'm not attracted to spiders. : I know, for everyone else, it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. : I can't get by that face. ADAM: So who is she? BARRY: She's... human. ADAM: No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. BARRY: - Her name's Vanessa. (Adam puts his head in his hands) ADAM: - Oh, boy. BARRY== She's so nice. And she's a florist! ADAM: Oh, no! You're dating a human florist!
BARRY: We're not dating. ADAM: You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes : with power washers and M-80s! That's one-eighth a stick of dynamite! BARRY: She saved my life! And she understands me. ADAM: This is over! BARRY: Eat this. (Barry gives Adam a piece of the crumb that he got from Vanessa. Adam eats it) ADAM: (Adam's tone changes) This is not over! What was that? BARRY: - They call it a crumb. ADAM: - It was so stingin' stripey! BARRY: And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! : - You know what a Cinnabon is? ADAM: - No. (Adam opens a door behind him and he pulls Barry in)
BARRY: It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. ADAM: Be quiet! BARRY: They heat it up... ADAM: Sit down! (Adam forces Barry to sit down) BARRY: (Still rambling about Cinnabons) ...really hot! (Adam grabs Barry by the shoulders) ADAM: - Listen to me! : We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! BARRY== Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? ADAM: There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! : You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! BARRY: - Thinking bee. WORKER BEE: - Thinking bee. WORKER BEES AND ADAM: Thinking bee! Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee! (Flash forward in time; Barry is laying on a raft in a pool full of honey. He is wearing sunglasses) JANET: There he is. He's in the pool. MARTIN: You know what your problem is, Barry? (Barry pulls down his sunglasses and he looks annoyed) BARRY: (Sarcastic) I gotta start thinking bee? JANET: How much longer will this go on? MARTIN: It's been three days! Why aren't you working? (Puts sunglasses back on) BARRY: I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. MARTIN: What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! JANET: Would it kill you to make a little honey? (Barry rolls off the raft and sinks into the honey pool) : Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. : Martin, would you talk to him? MARTIN:
Barry, I'm talking to you! (Barry keeps sinking into the honey until he is suddenly in Central Park having a picnic with Vanessa) (Barry has a cup of honey and he clinks his glass with Vanessas. Suddenly a mosquito lands on Vanessa and she slaps it, killing it. They both gasp but then burst out laughing) VANESSA: You coming? (The camera pans over and Vanessa is climbing into a small yellow airplane) BARRY: Got everything? VANESSA: All set! BARRY: Go ahead. I'll catch up. (Vanessa lifts off and flies ahead) VANESSA: Don't be too long. (Barry catches up with Vanessa and he sticks out his arms like ana irplane. He rolls from side to side, and Vanessa copies him with the airplane) VANESSA: Watch this! (Barry stays back and watches as Vanessa draws a heart in the air using pink smoke from the plane, but on the last loop-the-loop she suddenly crashes into a mountain and the plane explodes. The destroyed plane falls into some rocks and explodes a second time) BARRY: Vanessa! (As Barry is yelling his mouth fills with honey and he wakes up, discovering that he was just day dreaming. He slowly sinks back into the honey pool) MARTIN: - We're still here.
JANET: - I told you not to yell at him. : He doesn't respond to yelling! MARTIN: - Then why yell at me? JANET: - Because you don't listen! MARTIN: I'm not listening to this. BARRY: Sorry, I've gotta go. MARTIN: - Where are you going? BARRY: - I'm meeting a friend. JANET: A girl? Is this why you can't decide? BARRY: Bye. (Barry flies out the door and Martin shakes his head) : JANET== I just hope she's Bee-ish. (Fast forward in time and Barry is sitting on Vanessa's shoulder and she is closing up her shop) BARRY: They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? VANESSA: To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream!
: Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. BARRY: A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? VANESSA: No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? BARRY: It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. VANESSA: Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. BARRY: TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! VANESSA: You don't have that? BARRY: We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. VANESSA: Oh, my. (A human walks by and Barry narrowly avoids him) PASSERBY: Dumb bees! VANESSA: You must want to sting all those jerks. BARRY: We try not to sting.
It's usually fatal for us. VANESSA: So you have to watch your temper (They walk into a store) BARRY: Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, : write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: : Anger, jealousy, lust. (Suddenly an employee(Hector) hits Barry off of Vanessa's shoulder. Hector thinks he's saving Vanessa) VANESSA: (To Barry) Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? (Barry is getting up off the floor) BARRY: Yeah. VANESSA: (To Hector) - What is wrong with you?! HECTOR: (Confused) - It's a bug. VANESSA: He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! (Vanessa hits Hector across the face with the magazine he had and then hits him in the head. Hector backs away covering his head) Barry: What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? (Vanessa sets Barry back on her shoulder)
VANESSA: Yeah, it was. How did you know? BARRY: It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. VANESSA: You've really got that down to a science. BARRY: - Oh, we have to. I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. VANESSA: - I'll bet. (Barry looks to his right and notices there is honey for sale in the aisle) BARRY: What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? (Barry looks at all the brands of honey, shocked) How did this get here? Cute Bee, Golden Blossom, : Ray Liotta Private Select? (Barry puts his hands up and slowly turns around, a look of disgust on his face) VANESSA: - Is he that actor? BARRY: - I never heard of him. : - Why is this here? VANESSA: - For people. We eat it. BARRY:
You don't have enough food of your own?! (Hector looks back and notices that Vanessa is talking to Barry) VANESSA: - Well, yes. BARRY: - How do you get it? VANESSA: - Bees make it. BARRY: - I know who makes it! : And it's hard to make it! : There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! VANESSA: - It's organic. BARRY: - It's our-ganic! VANESSA: It's just honey, Barry. BARRY: Just what?! : Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! : You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! :
And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. : I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! (Flash forward in time; Barry paints his face with black strikes like a soldier and sneaks into the storage section of the store) (Two men, including Hector, are loading boxes into some trucks) : SUPERMARKET EMPLOYEE== Hey, Hector. : - You almost done? HECTOR: - Almost. (Barry takes a step to peak around the corner) (Whispering) He is here. I sense it. : Well, I guess I'll go home now (Hector pretends to walk away by walking in place and speaking loudly) : and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. BARRY: You're busted, box boy! HECTOR: I knew I heard something! So you can talk! BARRY: I can talk. And now you'll start talking! : Where you getting the sweet stuff?
Who's your supplier? HECTOR: I don't understand. I thought we were friends. : The last thing we want to do is upset bees! (Hector takes a thumbtack out of the board behind him and sword-fights Barry. Barry is using his stinger like a sword) : You're too late! It's ours now! BARRY: You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! HECTOR: You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! (Barry hits the thumbtack out of Hectors hand and Hector surrenders) Barry: Where is the honey coming from? : Tell me where! HECTOR: (Pointing to leaving truck) Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! (Barry chases after the truck but it is getting away. He flies onto a bicyclists' backpack and he catches up to the truck) CAR DRIVER: (To bicyclist) Crazy person! (Barry flies off and lands on the windshield of the Honey farms truck. Barry looks around and sees dead bugs splattered everywhere) BARRY: What horrible thing has happened here?
: These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now : they're on the road to nowhere! (Barry hears a sudden whisper) (Barry looks up and sees Mooseblood, a mosquito playing dead) MOOSEBLOOD: Just keep still. BARRY: What? You're not dead? MOOSEBLOOD: Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? BARRY: To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. MOOSEBLOOD: I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! ANOTHER BUG PLAYING DEAD: I'm going to Tacoma. (Barry looks at another bug) BARRY: - And you? MOOSEBLOOD: - He really is dead. BARRY: All right. (Another bug hits the windshield and the drivers notice. They activate the windshield wipers) MOOSEBLOOD== Uh-oh! (The windshield wipers are slowly sliding over the dead bugs and wiping
them off) BARRY: - What is that?! MOOSEBLOOD: - Oh, no! : - A wiper! Triple blade! BARRY: - Triple blade? MOOSEBLOOD: Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! (Mooseblood and Barry grab onto the wiper and they hold on as it wipes the windshield) Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! : How much do you people need to see?! (Bangs on windshield) : Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! RADIO IN TRUCK: From NPR News in Washington, I'm Carl Kasell. MOOSEBLOOD: But don't kill no more bugs! (Mooseblood and Barry are washed off by the wipr fluid) MOOSEBLOOD: - Bee! BARRY: - Moose blood guy!! (Barry starts screaming as he hangs onto the antenna) (Suddenly it is revealed that a water bug is also hanging on the antenna.
There is a pause and then Barry and the water bug both start screaming) TRUCK DRIVER: - You hear something? GUY IN TRUCK: - Like what? TRUCK DRIVER: Like tiny screaming. GUY IN TRUCK: Turn off the radio. (The antenna starts to lower until it gets to low and sinks into the truck. The water bug flies off and Barry is forced to let go and he is blown away. He luckily lands inside a horn on top of the truck where he finds Mooseblood, who was blown into the same place) MOOSEBLOOD: Whassup, bee boy? BARRY: Hey, Blood. (Fast forward in time and we see that Barry is deep in conversation with Mooseblood. They have been sitting in this truck for a while) BARRY: ...Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. MOOSEBLOOD: Wow! BARRY: I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. : I mean, that honey's ours. MOOSEBLOOD: - Bees hang tight. BARRY:

• We're all jammed in. : It's a close community. MOOSEBLOOD: Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. BARRY:
• What if you get in trouble? MOOSEBLOOD:
• You a mosquito, you in trouble. : Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! BARRY: At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. MOOSEBLOOD: Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. : Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. (An ambulance passes by and it has a blood donation sign on it) You got to be kidding me! : Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! (Mooseblood leaves and flies onto the window of the ambulance where there are other mosquito's hanging out) :
• Hey, guys! OTHER MOSQUITO:
• Mooseblood!

MOOSEBLOOD: I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? (The truck goes out of view and Barry notices that the truck he's on is pulling into a camp of some sort) TRUCK DRIVER: We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. (Barry flies out) BARRY: What is this place? BEEKEEPER 1#: A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. BEEKEEPER #2: They are pinheads! : Pinhead. : - Check out the new smoker. BEEKEEPER #1: - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. : The Thomas 3000! BARRY: Smoker? BEEKEEPER #1: Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. : A couple breaths of this knocks them right out.
BEEKEEPER #2: They make the honey, and we make the money. BARRY: "They make the honey, and we make the money"? (The Beekeeper sprays hundreds of cheap miniature apartments with the smoker. The bees are fainting or passing out) Oh, my! : What's going on? Are you OK? (Barry flies into one of the apartment and helps a Bee couple get off the ground. They are coughing and its hard for them to stand) BEE IN APARTMENT: Yeah. It doesn't last too long. BARRY: Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? BEE IN APPARTMENT: Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. (The apartment room is completely empty except for a photo on the wall of the "queen" who is obviously a man in women's clothes) BARRY: This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! : That's a drag queen! : What is this? (Barry flies out and he discovers that there are hundreds of these structures, each housing thousands of Bees) Oh, no! : There's hundreds of them! (Barry takes out his camera and takes pictures of these Bee work camps. The beekeepers look very evil in these depictions)
Bee honey. : Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! : This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. (Flash forward in time and Barry is showing these pictures to his parents) JANET: Oh, Barry, stop. MARTIN: Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. BARRY: Do these look like rumors? (Holds up the pictures) UNCLE CARL: That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. JANET: How did you get mixed up in this? ADAM: He's been talking to humans. JANET: - What? MARTIN: - Talking to humans?! ADAM: He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! JANET: Make out? Barry!
BARRY: We do not. ADAM: - You wish you could. MARTIN: - Whose side are you on? BARRY: The bees! UNCLE CARL: (He has been sitting in the back of the room this entire time) I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. JANET: Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? BARRY: I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! : Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked : your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. JANET: I remember that. BARRY: What right do they have to our honey? : We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever!
ADAM: Even if it's true, what can one bee do? BARRY: Sting them where it really hurts. MARTIN: In the face! The eye! : - That would hurt. BARRY: - No. MARTIN: Up the nose? That's a killer. BARRY: There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. (Flash forward a bit in time and we are watching the Bee News) BEE NEWS NARRATOR: Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. BEE PROTESTOR: No more bee beards! BEE NEWS NARRATOR: With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. : Weather with Storm Stinger. : Sports with Buzz Larvi. : And Jeanette Chung. BOB BUMBLE: - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. JEANETTE CHUNG:

• And I'm Jeanette Chung. BOB BUMBLE: A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, : intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, : packaging it and profiting from it illegally! JEANETTE CHUNG: Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, : we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, : Classy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. (The scene changes to an interview on the news with Bee version of Larry King and Barry) BEE LARRY KING: Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. : Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? BARRY: Bees have never been afraid to change the world. : What about Bee Columbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? BEE LARRY KING: Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans.
  : We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. BARRY: How old are you? BEE LARRY KING: The bee community is supporting you in this case, : which will be the trial of the bee century. BARRY: You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. BEE LARRY KING: It's a common name. Next week... BARRY: He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... BEE LARRY KING: Next week... BARRY: Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. BEE LARRY KING: Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here, live. (Bee Larry King gets annoyed and flies away offscreen) BARRY: Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. (Flash forward in time. We see Vanessa enter and Ken enters behind her. They are arguing)
  

KEN: In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! VANESSA: It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. KEN== Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? BARRY: (To Ken) Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. KEN: (Pointing at Barry) - Is that that same bee? VANESSA: - Yes, it is! : I'm helping him sue the human race. BARRY: - Hello. KEN: - Hello, bee. VANESSA: This is Ken. BARRY: (Recalling the "Winter Boots" incident earlier) Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. KEN: (To Vanessa) Why does he talk again? VANESSA:
Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. KEN: But it's our yogurt night! VANESSA: (Holding door open for Ken) Bye-bye. KEN: (Yelling) Why is yogurt night so difficult?! (Ken leaves and Vanessa walks over to Barry. His workplace is a mess) VANESSA: You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! BARRY: Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. ADAM: - Frosting... - How many sugars? ==BARRY== Just one. I try not to use the competition. : So why are you helping me? VANESSA: Bees have good qualities. : And it takes my mind off the shop. : Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. BARRY:
Those are great, if you're three. VANESSA: And artificial flowers. BARRY: - Oh, those just get me psychotic! VANESSA: - Yeah, me too. : BARRY: Bent stingers, pointless pollination. ADAM: Bees must hate those fake things! : Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. : Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. VANESSA: - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. BARRY: - I guess. ADAM: You sure you want to go through with it? BARRY: Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able : to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! (Flash forward in time and we are watching the human news. The camera shows
a crowd outside a courthouse) NEWS REPORTER: It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, : where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, : we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. (We are no longer watching through a news camera) ADAM: What have we gotten into here, Barry? BARRY: It's pretty big, isn't it? ADAM== (Looking at the hundreds of people around the courthouse) I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. BARRY: You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? SECURITY GUARD: Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. (A limousine drives up and a fat man,Layton Montgomery, a honey industry owner gets out and walks past Barry) ADAM: - What's the matter? BARRY: - I don't know, I just got a chill. (Fast forward in time and everyone is in the court) MONTGOMERY: Well, if it isn't the bee team.
(To Honey Industry lawyers) You boys work on this? MAN: All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. JUDGE BUMBLETON: All right. Case number 4475, : Superior Court of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry : is now in session. : Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? MONTGOMERY: A privilege. JUDGE BUMBLETON: Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? (Everyone looks closely, they are waiting to see if a Bee can really talk) (Barry makes several buzzing sounds to sound like a Bee) BARRY: I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. JUDGE BUMBLBETON: Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. MONTGOMERY: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, : my grandmother was a simple woman. :
Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right : to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. : If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, : just think of what would it mean. : I would have to negotiate with the silkworm : for the elastic in my britches! : Talking bee! (Montgomery walks over and looks closely at Barry) : How do we know this isn't some sort of : holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? : They could be using laser beams! : Robotics! Ventriloquism! Cloning! For all we know, : he could be on steroids! JUDGE BUMBLETON: Mr. Benson?
BARRY: Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. : I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. : It's important to all bees. We invented it! : We make it. And we protect it with our lives. : Unfortunately, there are some people in this room : who think they can take it from us : 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, : you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have : but everything we are! JANET== (To Martin) I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! JUDGE BUMBLETON: Call your first witness. BARRY: So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden
of Honey Farms, big company you have. KLAUSS VANDERHAYDEN: I suppose so. BARRY: I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! KLAUSS: Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. BARRY: Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. : I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? KLAUSS: (Quietly) - No. BARRY: - I couldn't hear you. KLAUSS: - No. BARRY: - No. : Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, : it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. KLAUSS: They're very lovable creatures.
: Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. BARRY: You mean like this? (The bear from Over The Hedge barges in through the back door and it is roaring and standing on its hind legs. It is thrashing its claws and people are screaming. It is being held back by a guard who has the bear on a chain) : (Pointing to the roaring bear) Bears kill bees! : How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! : Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! JUDGE BUMBLETON: OK, that's enough. Take him away. (The bear stops roaring and thrashing and walks out) BARRY: So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. : - Where have I heard it before? MR. STING: - I was with a band called The Police. BARRY: But you've never been a police officer, have you? STING: No, I haven't. BARRY:
No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example : of bee culture casually stolen by a human : for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. STING: Oh, please. BARRY: Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? : Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. : Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! MONTGOMERY: That's not his real name?! You idiots! BARRY: Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on : your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. RAY LIOTTA: Thank you. Thank you. BARRY: I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome : with a churning inner turmoil
that's ready to blow. RAY LIOTTA: I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? BARRY: Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? : Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't : have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? RAY LIOTTA: Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! BARRY: This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! (Ray Liotta looses it and tries to grab Barry) RAY LIOTTA: Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! JUDGE BUMBLETON: - Order in this court! RAY LIOTTA: - You're all thinking it! (Judge Bumbleton starts banging her gavel) JUDGE BUMBLETON: Order! Order, I say! RAY LIOTTA: - Say it! MAN:

• Mr. Liotta, please sit down! (We see a montage of magazines which feature the court case) (Flash forward in time and Barry is back home with Vanessa) BARRY: I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. VANESSA: I think the jury's on our side. BARRY: Are we doing everything right,you know, legally? VANESSA: I'm a florist. BARRY: Right. Well, here's to a great team. VANESSA: To a great team! (Ken walks in from work. He sees Barry and he looks upset when he sees Barry clinking his glass with Vanessa) KEN: Well, hello. VANESSA:
• Oh, Ken! BARRY:
• Hello! VANESSA: I didn't think you were coming. : No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... (Ken holds up his phone and flips it open. The phone has no charge) ...the battery... VANESSA:

I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. KEN: Oh, that was lucky. (Ken sits down at the table across from Barry and Vanessa leaves the room) VANESSA: There's a little left. I could heat it up. KEN: (Not taking his eyes off Barry) Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. BARRY: So I hear you're quite a tennis player. : I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. KEN: That's where I usually sit. Right... (Points to where Barry is sitting) there. VANESSA: (Calling from other room) Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, : and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. KEN: (To Barry) You think I don't see what you're doing? BARRY: I know how hard it is to find the right job. We have that in common.
KEN: Do we? BARRY: Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. KEN: (Menacingly) That's just what I was thinking about doing. (Ken reaches for a fork on the table but knocks if on the floor. He goes to pick it up) VANESSA: Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. (Ken quickly rises back up after hearing this but hits his head on the table and yells) BARRY: I'm going to drain the old stinger. KEN: Yeah, you do that. (Barry flies past Ken to get to the bathroom and Ken freaks out, splashing some of the wine he was using to cool his head in his eyes. He yells in anger) (Barry looks at the magazines featuring his victories in court) BARRY: Look at that. (Barry flies into the bathroom) (He puts his hand on his head but this makes hurts him and makes him even madder. He yells again) (Barry is washing his hands in the sink but then Ken walks in) KEN: You know, you know I've just about had it (Closes bathroom door behind him) with your little mind games. (Ken is menacingly rolling up a magazine) BARRY:
(Backing away) - What's that? KEN: - Italian Vogue. BARRY: Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. KEN: It's a lot of ads. BARRY: Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? KEN: That's funny, I just can't seem to recall that! (Ken smashes everything off the sink with the magazine and Barry narrowly escapes) (Ken follows Barry around and tries to hit him with the magazine but he keeps missing) (Ken gets a spray bottle) : I think something stinks in here! BARRY: (Enjoying the spray) I love the smell of flowers. (Ken holds a lighter in front of the spray bottle) KEN: How do you like the smell of flames?! BARRY: Not as much. (Ken fires his make-shift flamethrower but misses Barry, burning the bathroom. He torches the whole room but looses his footing and falls into the bathtub. After getting hit in the head by falling objects 3 times he picks up the shower head, revealing a Water bug hiding under it) WATER BUG: Water bug! Not taking sides!
(Barry gets up out of a pile of bathroom supplies and he is wearing a chapstick hat) BARRY: Ken, I'm wearing a Chapstick hat! This is pathetic! (Ken switches the shower head to lethal) KEN: I've got issues! (Ken sprays Barry with the shower head and he crash lands into the toilet) (Ken menacingly looks down into the toilet at Barry) Well, well, well, a royal flush! BARRY: - You're bluffing. KEN: - Am I? (flushes toilet) (Barry grabs a chapstick from the toilet seat and uses it to surf in the flushing toilet) BARRY: Surf's up, dude! (Barry flies out of the toilet on the chapstick and sprays Ken's face with the toilet water) : EW,Poo water! BARRY: That bowl is gnarly. KEN: (Aiming a toilet cleaner at Barry) Except for those dirty yellow rings! (Barry cowers and covers his head and Vanessa runs in and takes the toilet cleaner from Ken just before he hits Barry) VANESSA: Kenneth! What are you doing?! KEN== (Leaning towards Barry)
You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! VANESSA: We need to talk! (Vanessa pulls Ken out of the bathroom) : He's just a little bee! : And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! KEN: Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? VANESSA: No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! KEN: Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... : My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! VANESSA: Goodbye, Ken. (Ken huffs and walks out and slams the door. But suddenly he walks back in and stares at Barry) : And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners MADE BY MAN! (Ken leaves again and Vanessa leans in towards Barry) VANESSA: I'm sorry about all that. (Ken walks back in again)
KEN: I know it's got an aftertaste! I LIKE IT! (Ken leaves for the last time) VANESSA: I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. : I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. : Are you OK for the trial? BARRY: I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. (Flash forward in time and Barry, Adam, and Vanessa are back in court) MONTGOMERY-- We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. ADAM: Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... (Barry stares at Adam) ...Yeah. LAWYER: Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. MONTGOMERY: Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around : is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. (To lawyer)

• You got the tweezers? LAWYER:
• Are you allergic? MONTGOMERY: Only to losing, son. Only to losing. : Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. : What exactly is your relationship (Points to Vanessa) : to that woman? BARRY: We're friends. MONTGOMERY:
• Good friends? BARRY:
• Yes. MONTGOMERY: How good? Do you live together? ADAM: Wait a minute... : MONTGOMERY: Are you her little... : ...bedbug? (Adam's stinger starts vibrating. He is agitated) I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand,
  : doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? BARRY:
  
• Yeah, but... MONTGOMERY: (Pointing at Janet and Martin)
  
• So those aren't your real parents! JANET:
  
• Oh, Barry... BARRY:
  
• Yes, they are! ADAM: Hold me back! (Vanessa tries to hold Adam back. He wants to sting Montgomery) MONTGOMERY: You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? ADAM: He's denouncing bees! MONTGOMERY: Don't y'all date your cousins? (Montgomery leans over on the jury stand and stares at Adam) VANESSA:
  
• Objection! (Vanessa raises her hand to object but Adam gets free. He flies straight at Montgomery) =ADAM:
  
• I'm going to pincushion this guy! BARRY: Adam, don't! It's what he wants! (Adam stings Montgomery in the butt and he starts thrashing around)
  

MONTGOMERY: Oh, I'm hit!! : Oh, lordy, I am hit! JUDGE BUMBLETON: (Banging gavel) Order! Order! MONTGOMERY: (Overreacting) The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! : I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! : You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! : Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! BARRY: - Adam, stay with me. ADAM: - I can't feel my legs. MONTGOMERY: (Overreacting and throwing his body around the room) What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison : from my heaving buttocks? JUDGE BUMLBETON: I will have order in this court. Order!
: Order, please! (Flash forward in time and we see a human news reporter) NEWS REPORTER: The case of the honeybees versus the human race : took a pointed turn against the bees : yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. (Adam is laying in a hospital bed and Barry flies in to see him) BARRY: - Hey, buddy. ADAM: - Hey. BARRY: - Is there much pain? ADAM: - Yeah. : I... : I blew the whole case, didn't I? BARRY: It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. ADAM: I'd be better off dead. Look at me. (A small plastic sword is replaced as Adam's stinger) They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich.
: Look, there's a little celery still on it. (Flicks off the celery and sighs) BARRY: What was it like to sting someone? ADAM: I can't explain it. It was all... : All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! BARRY: ...All right. ADAM: You think it was all a trap? BARRY: Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. : What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. ADAM: What will the humans do to us if they win? BARRY: I don't know. ADAM: I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. BARRY: Adam, they check in, but they don't check out!
ADAM: Oh, my. (Coughs) Could you get a nurse to close that window? BARRY: - Why? ADAM: - The smoke. (We can see that two humans are smoking cigarettes outside) : Bees don't smoke. BARRY: Right. Bees don't smoke. : Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. : That's it! That's our case! ADAM: It is? It's not over? BARRY: Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. : Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. (Flash forward in time and Adam is making a paper boat in the courtroom) ADAM: And assuming you've done step 29 correctly, you're ready for the tub! (We see that the jury have each made their own paper boats after being taught how by Adam. They all look confused) JUDGE BUMBLETON:
Mr. Flayman. ADAM: Yes? Yes, Your Honor! JUDGE BUMBLETON: Where is the rest of your team? ADAM: (Continues stalling) Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. : Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, : and as a result, we don't make very good time. : I actually heard a funny story about... MONTGOMERY: Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs : taken up enough of this court's valuable time? : How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? : They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges : against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. : I move for a complete dismissal
of this entire case! JUDGE BUMBLETON: Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going : to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. ADAM: But you can't! We have a terrific case. MONTGOMERY: Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? : Show me the smoking gun! BARRY: (Barry flies in through the door) Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? : Here is your smoking gun. (Vanessa walks in holding a bee smoker. She sets it down on the Judge's podium) JUDGE BUMBLETON: What is that? BARRY: It's a bee smoker! MONTGOMERY: (Picks up smoker) What, this? This harmless little contraption? : This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. (Montgomery accidentally fires it at the bees in the crowd and they faint
and cough) (Dozens of reporters start taking pictures of the suffering bees) BARRY: Look at what has happened : to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" : Is this what nature intended for us? : To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines : and man-made wooden slat work camps? : Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? (Barry points to the honey industry owners. One of them is an African American so he awkwardly separates himself from the others) LAWYER: - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. BARRY: Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! ADAM AND VANESSA: Free the bees! Free the bees! BEES IN CROWD: Free the bees! HUMAN JURY: Free the bees! Free the bees! JUDGE BUMBLETON: The court finds in favor of the bees!
BARRY: Vanessa, we won! VANESSA: I knew you could do it! High-five! (Vanessa hits Barry hard because her hand is too big) : Sorry. BARRY: (Overjoyed) I'm OK! You know what this means? : All the honey will finally belong to the bees. : Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. MONTGOMERY: This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. : You'll regret this. (Montgomery leaves and Barry goes outside the courtroom. Several reporters start asking Barry questions) REPORTER 1#: Barry, how much honey is out there? BARRY: All right. One at a time. REPORTER 2#: Barry, who are you wearing? BARRY: My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants.
(Barry flies outside with the paparazzi and Adam and Vanessa stay back) ADAM: (To Vanessa) - What if Montgomery's right? Vanessa: - What do you mean? ADAM: We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. (Flash forward in time and Barry is talking to a man) BUSINESS MAN: Congratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? BARRY: First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. (As Barry is talking we see a montage of men putting "closed" tape over the work camps and freeing the bees in the crappy apartments) Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, : every last drop. (Men in suits are pushing all the honey of the aisle and into carts) We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more (We see a statue of a bear-shaped honey container being pulled down by bees) than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. : We're all aware of what they do in the woods. (We see Winnie the Pooh sharing his honey with Piglet in the cross-hairs of a high-tech sniper rifle) BARRY: (Looking through binoculars)
Wait for my signal. : Take him out. (Winnie gets hit by a tranquilizer dart and dramatically falls off the log he was standing on, his tongue hanging out. Piglet looks at Pooh in fear and the Sniper takes the honey.) SNIPER: He'll have nausea for a few hours, then he'll be fine. (Flash forward in time) BARRY: And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... (Mr. Sting is sitting at home until he is taken out of his house by the men in suits) STING: But it's just a prance-about stage name! BARRY: ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products : and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. (An old lady is mixing honey into her tea but suddenly men in suits smash her face down on the table and take the honey) OLD LADY: Can't breathe. (A honey truck pulls up to Barry's hive) WORKER: Bring it in, boys! : Hold it right there! Good. : Tap it.
(Tons of honey is being pumped into the hive's storage) BEE WORKER 1#: (Honey overflows from the cup) Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! : - I think we need to shut down! =BEE WORKER #2= - Shut down? We've never shut down. : Shut down honey production! DEAN BUZZWELL: Stop making honey! (The bees all leave their stations. Two bees run into a room and they put the keys into a machine) Turn your key, sir! (Two worker bees dramatically turn their keys, which opens the button which they press, shutting down the honey-making machines. This is the first time this has ever happened) BEE: ...What do we do now? (Flash forward in time and a Bee is about to jump into a pool full of honey) Cannonball! (The bee gets stuck in the honey and we get a short montage of Bees leaving work) (We see the Pollen Jocks flying but one of them gets a call on his antenna) LOU LU DUVA: (Through "phone") We're shutting honey production! : Mission abort. POLLEN JOCK #1: Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. (The Pollen Jocks fly back to the hive)
(We get a time lapse of Central Park slowly wilting away as the bees all relax) BARRY: Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. ADAM: Oh, yeah? BARRY: What's going on? Where is everybody? (The entire street is deserted) : - Are they out celebrating? ADAM: - They're home. : They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. : I heard your Uncle Carl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. BARRY: At least we got our honey back. ADAM: Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? : It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. : This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. :
And now... : Now I can't. (Flash forward in time and Barry is talking to Vanessa) BARRY: I don't understand why they're not happy. : I thought their lives would be better! : They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. VANESSA: You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? BARRY: - What did you want to show me? (Vanessa takes Barry to the rooftop where they first had coffee and points to her store) VANESSA: - This. (Points at her flowers. They are all grey and wilting) BARRY: What happened here? VANESSA: That is not the half of it. (Small flash forward in time and Vanessa and Barry are on the roof of her store and she points to Central Park) (We see that Central Park is no longer green and colorful, rather it is grey, brown, and dead-like. It is very depressing to look at) BARRY: Oh, no. Oh, my. :
They're all wilting. VANESSA: Doesn't look very good, does it? BARRY: No. VANESSA: And whose fault do you think that is? BARRY: You know, I'm gonna guess bees. VANESSA== (Staring at Barry) Bees? BARRY: Specifically, me. : I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. VANESSA: It's not just flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. BARRY: That's our whole SAT test right there. VANESSA: Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. : And then, of course... BARRY: The human species? : So if there's no more pollination,
: it could all just go south here, couldn't it? VANESSA: I know this is also partly my fault. BARRY: How about a suicide pact? VANESSA: How do we do it? BARRY: - I'll sting you, you step on me. VANESSA: - That just kills you twice. BARRY: Right, right. VANESSA: Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. (Vanessa leaves) BARRY: (To himself) I had to open my mouth and talk. : Vanessa? : Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? (Vanessa is getting into a taxi) VANESSA: To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. :
They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. : It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. BARRY: Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. VANESSA: I know. Me neither. (The taxi starts to drive away) BARRY: Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. : Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? : Roses! : Vanessa! (Barry flies after the Taxi) VANESSA: Roses?! : Barry? (Barry is flying outside the window of the taxi) BARRY: - Roses are flowers! VANESSA: - Yes, they are. BARRY: Flowers, bees, pollen!
VANESSA: I know. That's why this is the last parade. BARRY: Maybe not. Could you ask him to slow down? VANESSA: Could you slow down? (The taxi driver screeches to a stop and Barry keeps flying forward) : Barry! (Barry flies back to the window) BARRY: OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. VANESSA: Yes, it kind of is. BARRY: I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you : with the flower shop. I've made it worse. VANESSA: Actually, it's completely closed down. BARRY: I thought maybe you were remodeling. : But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. VANESSA: I don't want to hear it!
BARRY: All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. : I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. : All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. : - Bees. VANESSA: - Park. BARRY: - Pollen! VANESSA: - Flowers. BARRY: - Re-pollination! VANESSA: - Across the nation! : Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, California. : They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. : Security will be tight. BARRY: I have an idea.
(Flash forward in time. Vanessa is about to board a plane which has all the Roses on board. VANESSA: Vanessa Bloome, FTD. (Holds out badge) : Official floral business. It's real. SECURITY GUARD: Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. =VANESSA== Thank you. It was a gift. (Barry is revealed to be hiding inside the brooch) (Flash back in time and Barry and Vanessa are discussing their plan) BARRY: Once inside, we just pick the right float. VANESSA: How about The Princess and the Pea? : I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! BARRY: Yes, I got it. : - Where should I sit? GUARD: - What are you? BARRY: - I believe I'm the pea. GUARD: - The pea? VANESSA:
It goes under the mattresses. GUARD: - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. VANESSA: You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! : Let's see what this baby'll do. (Vanessa drives the float through traffic) GUARD: Hey, what are you doing?! BARRY== Then all we do is blend in with traffic... : ...without arousing suspicion. : Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. (Flash forward in time and Barry and Vanessa are about to get on a plane) SECURITY GUARD: Stop! Security. : - You and your insect pack your float? VANESSA: - Yes. SECURITY GUARD: Has it been in your possession the entire time? VANESSA: - Yes.
SECURITY GUARD: Would you remove your shoes? (To Barry) - Remove your stinger. BARRY: - It's part of me. SECURITY GUARD: I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. (Barry plotting with Vanessa) BARRY: Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. (Flash forward in time and Barry and Vanessa are flying on the plane) Can you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! VANESSA: I think this is gonna work. BARRY: It's got to work. CAPTAIN SCOTT: (On intercom) Attention, passengers, this is Captain Scott. : We have a bit of bad weather in New York. : It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. VANESSA: Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. BARRY:
I gotta get up there and talk to them. VANESSA== Be careful. (Barry flies right outside the cockpit door) BARRY: Can I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. (The flight attendant opens the door and walks out and Barry flies into the cockpit unseen) BARRY: Captain, I'm in a real situation. CAPTAIN SCOTT: - What'd you say, Hal? CO-PILOT HAL: - Nothing. (Scott notices Barry and freaks out) CAPTAIN SCOTT: Bee! BARRY: No,no,no, Don't freak out! My entire species... (Captain Scott gets out of his seat and tries to suck Barry into a handheld vacuum) HAL: (To Scott) What are you doing? (Barry lands on Hals hair but Scott sees him. He tries to suck up Barry but instead he sucks up Hals toupee) CAPTAIN SCOTT: Uh-oh. BARRY: - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney!
HAL: (Hal doesn't know Barry is on his head) - Who's an attorney? CAPTAIN SCOTT: Don't move. (Scott hits Hal in the face with the vacuum in an attempt to hit Barry. Hal is knocked out and he falls on the life raft button which launches an infalatable boat into Scott, who gets knocked out and falls to the floor. They are both uncounscious.) BARRY: (To himself) Oh, Barry. BARRY: (On intercom, with a Southern accent) Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. : Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? (Vanessa looks confused) (Normal accent) ...And please hurry! (Vanessa opens the door and sees the life raft and the uncounscious pilots) VANESSA: What happened here? BARRY: I tried to talk to them, but then there was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. : Now one's bald, one's in a boat, and they're both unconscious! VANESSA: ...Is that another bee joke? BARRY:

• No! : No one's flying the plane! BUD DITCHWATER: (Through radio on plane) This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? VANESSA: This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. BUD: Where's the pilot? VANESSA: He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. BUD: Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? BARRY: As a matter of fact, there is. BUD:
• Who's that? BARRY:
• Barry Benson. BUD: From the honey trial?! Oh, great. BARRY: Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. : It's got giant wings, huge engines.

VANESSA: I can't fly a plane. BARRY: - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? VANESSA: - Yes. BARRY: How hard could it be? (Vanessa sits down and flies for a little bit but we see lightning clouds outside the window) VANESSA: Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. (An ominous lightning storm looms in front of the plane) (We are now watching the Bee News) BOB BUMBLE: This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, : where a suspenseful scene is developing. : Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... ADAM: That's Barry! BOB BUMBLE: ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers : and an incapacitated flight crew. JANET, MARTIN, UNCLE CAR AND ADAM: Flowers?! (The scene switches to the human news)
REPORTER: (Talking with Bob Bumble) We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls : with absolutely no flight experience. BOB BUMBLE: Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. BUD: I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. : They've done enough damage. REPORTER: But isn't he your only hope? BUD: Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. : Their wings are too small... BARRY: (Through radio) Haven't we heard this a million times? : "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense."... BOB BUMBLE: - Get this on the air! BEE: - Got it.
BEE NEWS CREW: - Stand by. BEE NEWS CREW: - We're going live! BARRY: (Through radio on TV) ...The way we work may be a mystery to you. : Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. : But let me tell you about a small job. : If you do it well, it makes a big difference. : More than we realized. To us, to everyone. : That's why I want to get bees back to working together. : That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. : We get behind a fellow. : - Black and yellow! BEES: - Hello! (The scene switches and Barry is teaching Vanessa how to fly) BARRY:
Left, right, down, hover. VANESSA: - Hover? BARRY: - Forget hover. VANESSA: This isn't so hard. (Pretending to honk the horn) Beep-beep! Beep-beep! (A Lightning bolt hits the plane and autopilot turns off) Barry, what happened?! BARRY: Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. VANESSA: - That may have been helping me. BARRY: - And now we're not! VANESSA: So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. (The plane plummets but we see Lou Lu Duva and the Pollen Jocks, along with multiple other bees flying towards the plane) Lou Lu DUva: All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! : Move out! (The scene switches back to Vanessa and Barry in the plane) BARRY: Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! (Barry sticks out his arms like an airplane and flys in front of Vanessa's face)
VANESSA: Don't have to yell. BARRY: I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. VANESSA: It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! BARRY: It's not a tone. I'm panicking! VANESSA: I can't do this! (Barry slaps Vanessa) BARRY: Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! VANESSA: (Slaps Barry) You snap out of it. BARRY: (Slaps Vanessa) : You snap out of it. VANESSA: - You snap out of it! BARRY: - You snap out of it! (We see that all the Pollen Jocks are flying under the plane) VANESSA: - You snap out of it! BARRY: - You snap out of it!
VANESSA: - You snap out of it! BARRY: - You snap out of it! VANESSA: - Hold it! BARRY: - Why? Come on, it's my turn. VANESSA: How is the plane flying? (The plane is now safely flying) VANESSA: I don't know. (Barry's antennae rings like a phone. Barry picks up) BARRY: Hello? LOU LU DUVA: (Through "phone") Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? (All of the Pollen Jocks are carrying the plane) BARRY: The Pollen Jocks! : They do get behind a fellow. LOU LU DUVA: - Black and yellow. POLLEN JOCKS: - Hello. LOU LU DUVA: All right, let's drop this tin can
on the blacktop. BARRY: Where? I can't see anything. Can you? VANESSA: No, nothing. It's all cloudy. : Come on. You got to think bee, Barry. BARRY: - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. (On the runway there are millions of bees laying on their backs) BEES: Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! BARRY: Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. VANESSA: - What? BARRY: - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. : Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. : Bring the nose down. BEES: Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! CONTROL TOWER OPERATOR: - What in the world is on the tarmac? BUD: - Get some lights on that!
(It is revealed that all the bees are organized into a giant pulsating flower formation) BEES: Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! BARRY: - Vanessa, aim for the flower. VANESSA: - OK. BARRY: Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? LOU LU DUVA: Affirmative! BARRY: Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. : Land on that flower! : Ready? Full reverse! : Spin it around! (The plane's nose is pointed at a flower painted on a nearby plane) - Not that flower! The other one! VANESSA: - Which one? BARRY: - That flower. (The plane is now pointed at a fat guy in a flowered shirt. He freaks out and tries to take a picture of the plane) VANESSA: - I'm aiming at the flower!
BARRY: That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! (The plane hovers over the bee-flower) : Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. : Rotate around it. VANESSA: - This is insane, Barry! BARRY: - This's the only way I know how to fly. BUD: Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? (The plane is unrealistically hovering and spinning over the bee-flower) BARRY: Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! : Just drop it. Be a part of it. : Aim for the center! : Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! : Come on, already. (The bees scatter and the plane safely lands) VANESSA: Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly!
BARRY: - Yes! (Vanessa is about to high-five Barry) No high-five! VANESSA: - Right. ADAM: Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? BARRY: What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! ADAM: - Thank you. BARRY: - But we're not done yet. : Listen, everyone! : This runway is covered with the last pollen : from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. : That means this is our last chance. : We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. : If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say?
: Are we going to be bees, or just Museum of Natural History keychains? BEES: We're bees! BEE WHO LIKES KEYCHAINS: Keychain! BARRY: Then follow me! Except Keychain. POLLEN JOCK #1: Hold on, Barry. Here. : You've earned this. BARRY: Yeah! : I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. (The Pollen Jocks throw Barry a nectar-collecting gun. Barry catches it) Oh, yeah. JANET: That's our Barry. (Barry and the Pollen Jocks get pollen from the flowers on the plane) (Flash forward in time and the Pollen Jocks are flying over NYC) : (Barry pollinates the flowers in Vanessa's shop and then heads to Central Park) BOY IN PARK: Mom! The bees are back! ADAM: (Putting on his Krelman hat) If anybody needs
to make a call, now's the time. : I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! (The bee honey factories are back up and running) (Meanwhile at Vanessa's shop) VANESSA: (To customer) Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Can I help who's next? : Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. (There is a room in the shop where Barry does legal work for other animals. He is currently talking with a Cow) COW: Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! : Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! BARRY: I had no idea. VANESSA: Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? BARRY: Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. MOOSEBLOOD: Sorry I'm late. COW: He's a lawyer too?
MOOSEBLOOD: Ma'am, I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. VANESSA: Have a great afternoon! : Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. BARRY: No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. VANESSA: You're a lifesaver, Barry. Can I help who's next? BARRY: All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. VANESSA: Thank you, Barry! (Ken walks by on the sidewalk and sees the "bee-approved honey" in Vanessa's shop) KEN: That bee is living my life!! ANDY: Let it go, Kenny. KEN: - When will this nightmare end?! ANDY: - Let it all go. BARRY: - Beautiful day to fly. POLLEN JOCK:

• Sure is. BARRY: Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. (Barry recreates the scene near the beginning of the movie where he flies through the box kite. The movie fades to black and the credits being) [--after credits; No scene can be seen but the characters can be heard talking over the credits--] You have got to start thinking bee, my friend! :
• Thinking bee!
• Me? BARRY: (Talking over singer) Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. : I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Can we stop here? SINGER: Oh, BarryBARRY: I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! SINGER: All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. BARRY: I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

Background:
We are a family of 5 with my wife and I, along with my 7 yr old and 6yr old daughters and then my 3 yr old boy. They have been to disneyland before, but I'm not sure if they really remember it as it was 3-4 years ago, and my son wasn't even around. We did go to AK 2 years ago as we were in tampa staying on the beach for vacation when hurricane elsa was coming, so we made a quick 2 night escapae to disney world and were able to get a park reservation for AK for 1 day. I'm not really counting that though as their first trip to WDW. In my mind this is their first trip as we got to do everything
Travel:
We skipped out on the last day of school on May 26'th for my kids and caught a 11 am flight that morning out of Houston and got to Orlando around 1:45 PM or so. I surprised the kids with a limo for the ride to the hotel (they've been begging to ride in one for quite a while so figured why not for this special trip).
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Hotel:
For this trip we decided on staying at Caribbean Beach Resort. We got a preferred room w/5th sleeper. I was using touring plans for this trip to help with the plans / hotel requests and what not and had requested a room in barbados closer to the main road that runs by the sky liner. That room request was sent in, but unfortunately we did not get that request. Instead we were put in Martinique which ended up being roughly a 8 minute walk to the Riviera skyliner station or 10-13 minute walk to the CBR skyliner station. Overall it wasn't bad, but I really wish I could of gotten that barbados request as it would of put us within a few minutes walk of the CBR skyliner station and still been relatively close to the main area of the resort. Overall though I was fine with the room. It was what I had booked and the bonus was the beds were the ones that had the space underneath them for the luggage. I had read / watched videos that said some of the CBR beds had the old style bed frames where you could not put your luggage under the bed and with us having 5 bags, that was going to make it tight in the room. So with being able to store the bags under the bed was very nice to have.
My thoughts on this resort is that it is nice and still in the process of being refurbished, but I had 0 complaints here. Skyliner is a big plus here, and I recommend getting close as you can to the CBR skyliner station for the convenience of getting to Epcot and Hollywood studios. If you get on the skyliner at the CBR station you do not have to get off the skyliner when it hits the riviera station. However, if you get on the Riviera skyliner and go to hollywood studios, you will have to get off at the CBR station then back on, so this could delay you getting to HS if you were trying to rope drop. With that being said we did this both ways and never had an issue.
Food at CBR was just fine. Quick service had some decent options for food besides your standard chicken strips / pizza. My personal favorite option they had was a pork carnitas with rice/black beans.
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Parks:
Out of our 10 vacation days we had a total of 6 park days. Originally it was just 5 park days, but it was only like an extra $150 or so to add a extra day so we took that for a total of 6 days. Our schedule looked like this:
Thursday May 25: travel day
Friday May 26: HS/Epcot
Saturday May 27: MK
Sunday May 28: Epcot
Monday May 29: Rest Day
Tuesday May 30: AK
Wed May 31: HS
Thursday June 1: Rest Day
Friday June 2: MK
Saturday June 3: Rest Day
Sunday June 4: travel day
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I was going to into more detail on all the days, but realized this was going to be a crazy long post. So instead I will just summarize.
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We rope dropped all 6 days and 5 of the days we stayed till closing time.
We bought genie plus for all 6 days. We also did virtual queue and ILL to ride Tron twice. Amazing ride..highly recommend it. We did an ILL for guardians..again an awesome ride and highly recommend it.
We were able to hit every ride we wanted with minimal wait times due to the lightning lanes. I think the longest wait we had was 10-15 minutes. The Genie plus + ILL + Rope dropping made it easy hit the most popular rides in each park in the first couple of hours. I realize it's not feasible for everyone to get genie plus every day, but I had budgeted for it and I wasn't looking forward to waiting in line for an hour on some rides with my 3 kids.
We did Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique for my 3 kids on our second day @ MK. The girls absolutely loved getting dressed up(we brought dresses my wife and bought) and having their hair / makeup done. We did the prince package for my 3 yr old and he was super excited to get his sword and shield. Awesome experience here for them.
My main disappointment was it seemed that most of the star wars stuff was in B mode and that was with a morning ride. For example doing RoR around 9:30 AM, There was no bb8, no rey, and Kylo was B mode. Then doing Smugglers Run, there was no hondo. Thankfully the second day we were at HS, we had BB8 / Rey and Hondo back on smugglers, but Kylo was still B mode, and again that second day was in the morning.
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Food:
We did the following table service restaurants
Chef Mickeys:
Topolinos Terrace
Yak and yeti
Boathouse (disney springs)
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Boathouse was a great start to our trip. That was dinner for us on arrival day.
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Chef Mickeys was ok..nothing great, standard buffet food, but of course we are there for the characters.
Topolinos was probably my favorite plus the view was awesome.
Yak and yeti was good, plus sitting down in the shade and air conditioning was very welcome after walking around AK for a few hours.
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Overall thoughts: I thought the parks were going to be busier than they were over memorial day weekend, but it seems we lucked out.
We 100% lucked out with the weather with only a day or 2 barely in the 90's. Most of the days were the 80s' which is definitely tolerable. We also managed to avoid any crazy rain showers while at the park. We got a little rain here and there but nothing that soaked us.
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We used the Disney Minnie Vans a few times, and these things were awesome. We used them a couple times to get to the parks in the morning. Was nice to just book one and know we had 10, 15 minutes till it showed up. We actually made it to MK one day before the buses for opening and were there before security even opened up to let us through. Super convenient, but a little pricey. From CBR to the parks I think we averaged around $30-$40 one way with them.
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Overall we had a great time. The kids did great as we only brought a stroller for the 3 yr old, the 6 and 7 yr old we had walk and they chugged along just fine with us. Albeit at the end of the night there were many requests to "hold me", but overall they did awesome. We did generally go back to the hotel room for 2-3 hours each day. The only park did we did not do that was at Animal Kingdom

I can't quite put my finger on exactly what it is that I want. I was hoping I could get an assist from the group here.
Im very familiar with counting calories, its pretty much the only thing that has every worked for me.
But I can't quite put my finger on why I don't want to do it any more. I guess im just so over it, burned out. I've got hundreds & hundreds of memorized calorie counts in my head. Its to the point where if calories are brought up in just about any capacity I can regurgitate how many calories are in it atleast ball park if not exactly.
My coworker walked in with a chicken strip basket from DQ & said something like, "this can't be good for me" and I was like, "Ooof, ya thats like 1300 calories."...I hate myself for this. I don't even hear food names in my brain. Someone would be like, "You want a banana?" & I hear, "You want a 100 calories?"...Then if I don't know it, I WANT to know it. Ill be at a friends house & maybe taking a mental break from counting calories, im eating some chips or whatever & Ill think, "I wonder if these chips have a similar calorie count as the tortilla chips I like or if they are more? Was it 130 for 12 chips, or was it for 18 chips? I should have never changed brands, im getting all mixed up."...
My point is when I feel burnt out & want to take a break from calorie counting...I still cant...my memory kicks in & I can't seem to shut it off. So I think, well, im still not weighing things or starring at the label & asking Alexa a bunch of math problems & conversions so its still like taking a rest. But what's happening is that I still feel like im counting calories & just doing a poor job of it. Resulting in nearly the same amount of mental effort with way less results.
I want to try something else for a while.
I just don't know what.
Im against eliminating food groups. I used to do Paleo, Atkins & Keto & was even a Vegetarian way back in the day...none of that fits my lifestyle. I need to be able to eat whatever I want, but in moderation. Its much easier for me to eat less of something than its is to deny myself it entirely.
In my quest to find an alternative to counting calories...the only thing that keeps popping up is Weight Watchers. I have recently been clobbered with their newest advertising as well. I searched for WW posts on this sub & read a few that were mostly not supportive of it. Soooo....any suggestions for me?

So I'm 15 years old, I'm 6'0 and I'm skinny. I made some meal plan for myself (my average calorie intake was 1900, and this meal plan has 3000 calorie intake)
Breakfast: - 2 boiled or fried eggs - 2 slices of white bread with avocado or peanut butter - 1 cup of Greek yogurt with fruit and nuts - 1 cup of oatmeal with milk and additions like dried fruits or honey
Snack: - 1 piece of fruit (banana, apple, pear) - 1 handful of nuts (almonds, walnuts, cashews)
Lunch: - 150-200g of meat (chicken, turkey, beef, fish) or meat substitute (tofu, seitan) - 1 cup of white rice or pasta - 1 cup of steamed or lightly sautéed vegetables - Add desired fat source for additional calories
Snack: - Smoothie with milk, banana, berries, peanut butter, and protein powder - Sandwich with meat, cheese, greens
Dinner: - 150-200g of meat (chicken, turkey, beef, fish) or meat substitute (tofu, seitan) - 1 cup of boiled potatoes - 1 cup of steamed or lightly sautéed vegetables - Salad with desired dressing for additional calories
Evening Snack: - 1 cup of Greek yogurt with honey and nuts - 1 handful of dried fruits (prunes, apricots, dates)
I created some homemade weights and I started lifting. I'm planning on working as hard as I can. How long before I actually see the changes?

Hey all! I’ve been going at this low-UPF thing now for a short while, and I thought I might share some ideas of items that have helped me immensely if you’re just starting out. These are just what work for me, so take everything with a pinch of salt!
1. A Freezer and Freezer Bags
This is probably the most important thing when it comes to actually being able to eat low-UPF while juggling work/school/life. Of course, almost everyone has a freezer, but keeping it in order and stocked with batch cooked meals removes the need for either constant cooking or the kind of preservatives found in UPF which allow the convenience to which we have become accustomed. I have a tiny freezer, so freezer bags have been much better for me than Tupperware at maximising space. If you’re eating low-UPF you’re likely using less plastic anyway, so don’t worry about it too much.
2. Good fridge storage
You’re going to be buying a bunch more fresh fruit and veg, as well as other fresh produce. Storing this well will elongate its life in your fridge, reducing both food waste and cost. Try storing food in containers with kitchen paper and a little water, which can keep food from drying out. This works particularly well for herbs. I like the IKEA 365 range as it’s versatile and will always be available if I need replacements.
3. A good flatbread recipe
I do buy and freeze a loaf of fresh bread from GAIL’s (UK non-UPF bakery) which lasts me about a month honestly. But I’m making flatbreads once a week at least. They’re delicious, they’re filling, they’re hard to find without UPF ingredients, they’re easy, they freeze well, and they make using leftovers easy as they work as wraps. Truly learning to make flatbreads has added value to my life. My husband loves them!
4. A stocked spice cabinet
A LOT of shop-bought sauces and condiments contain UPF. Pre-made marinades and stir-fry sauces are really hard to find too. I’ve been making my own dressings and marinades a BUNCH! Having adequate, delicious spices to hand has been amazingly important. My favourites for a quick easy meal are almost all Middle Eastern: I just find they can make any veg or meat or leftover rice taste good, especially with a little yoghurt and some parsley/mint thrown in. Ras El Hanout, Za’atar, sumac, Baharat, Shwarma spice mix, etc. Go to Indian/Middle Eastern shops to get these at reasonable prices. I mount my spices to the wall which helps with accessibility.
5. A well laid-out kitchen
This seems obvious, but you’re just not going to want to cook in a messy, confused, cluttered kitchen. Try to eradicate gadgets and utensils you just don’t use. Eating low-UPF means a loss of convenience, so you want to make cooking as convenient and easy as possible. Get a dishwasher if you can - you’re going to have more washing up than before. As I said, I mount my spices to the wall and keep NOVA 2 ingredients closely at hand and organised so that I can just cobble something together in 15/20 minutes.
6 - bags of snacks ready to go
For me, this means I keep a few freezer bags of cubed cheese, apple or pear slices and non-UPF crackers in the fridge and just throw one in my bag when I’m heading out. This means I have something to snack on and don’t have to resort to UPF snack options. Other great options are fruit leather (Bear brand in the UK - meant for kids but delightful and compact), nuts, berries, carrots and hummus, chocolate covered raisins/cranberries, veg crisps, etc. just keep them ready to go or you will find yourself hungry or munching on UPF crisps or something.
7 - cordials
One of the hardest things when eating low-UPF is drinks. I was so used to drinking diet sodas it was unreal. Having to suddenly stop and drink just water was sad. I keep a good amount of fresh cordials in my cupboard and add them to soda-stream water. You can also freeze lemon/mint/cordials in ice cubes which I’m told helps. I’m drinking more water than I ever did but it helps to be able to change it up.
8 - tinned fresh foods
Self explanatory really. It’s quick, easy, often has higher nutrient content to the fresh stuff, and allows quick food prep. They shouldn’t contain anything but fresh produce. Tinned tomatoes/passata are a must, and legumes like chickpeas etc are so helpful. Also great for making fresh hummus easily. I adore tinned fish. Cheap, delicious, and non-UPF. Check out cannedsardines for inspo.
9- Air Fryer
Not to be an air-fryer evangelist, but air fryers are fantastic. You can whip up crispy chips or chicken wings in a few minutes so no need for pre-made stuff. Really replaces the convenience that UPF offers. My favourites are crispy sweet potato bites, salmon bits, halloumi bites, potatoes in general, hard boiled eggs (!). I bought mine for £80 and it’s already paid for itself in reduced energy bills from oven usage.
10 - the right mentality
You’re probably not going to be able to 100% eradicate UPF from your diet if you have things to do other than cook, clean up and cook again. That’s ok. Things happen. Birthdays happen. Weddings happen. Nights out happen. Chocolate boxes at your gran’s. A drizzle of sriacha at a restaurant. A hangover. A summer’s day when you just need an ice cream.
UPF is bad for us all and it’s bad on a population level. It’s the single greatest factor contributing to obesity as far as I can tell. We have to be pushing for change and better labelling and policy and education and all the rest of it. But we live in a UPF world. It’s just not tenable for most of us to completely eradicate it. We CAN change our pattern of eating - the 95% of what we take in, to be low-UPF. I’ve done that, and I’m much better off for it. I’ve lost 30lbs without even trying, I have more energy and my relationship with food has never been better. I love cooking, I love eating, I love food and I just want to celebrate it more and love it for what it actually is - not imitation versions sold to me my multi-nationals. I also know I’m not going to be perfect, and that’s OK too. I want to live and eat with joy and freedom too, and I don’t want orthorexia or worse. Be kind to yourself!
I hope my tips help someone. I really have found eating this way to make so much sense to me. I hope it brings you the same joy too.
Images of some things in my kitchen for your possible interest

Welcome to the 100-91 Reveal for the NFL Top 100 Players of the 2022 Season!

Players whose average rank landed them in places 100-91 are on this portion of the list revealed today. Players are associated with the team they finished playing for at the end of the 2022 season
Below you will see some write-ups from the rankers summarizing the players’ 2022 season and why they were among the best in 2022. Stats for each player are included below. Additionally, their ranks from previous years are available for y’all to see

METHODOLOGY

Link to more detailed writeup on our methodology

• Step 1: A Call to Rankers right after the Conference Championship games
  
• Step 2: Rankers from each team nominated players to rank, with a 11 game minimum threshold. Players are associated with the team they played for in 2022
  
• Step 3: The Grind. We instructed users to tier positions groups into T25, T50, etc based on 2022 regular season play only. This took several weeks as the rankers tiered each position group and discussed them. There were no individual player threads and no arbitrary position caps. Just questions and rankings.
  
• Step 4: Users submitted their own personal Top 125 lists.
  
• Step 5: User lists were reviewed by myself, u/mattkud , and u/MikeTysonChicken . The rankers were expected to answer questions about their lists. They were allowed to make any changes to their list, and were not forced to make any changes
  
• Step 6: The Reveal… where we are now!
  

And without further ado, here are the players ranked 100-91 in the NFL Top 100 Players of the 2022 Season!

#100 - Garrett Wilson - New York Jets - Wide Receiver

Previous Ranks
N/A
Key Stat:
2nd Most missed forced tackles among WRs with 22
Written by: u/MattyT7
Garrett Wilson walked into the NFL as an immediate stud. He showed the world who he was in week 2, playing a major part in the destruction of the Cleveland Browns. Wilson caught two touchdowns, including what was the game-winner, to go along with 102 yards through the air. Despite having the worst quarterback play across the league last season, Wilson earned Offensive Rookie of the Year honors, and it is not hard to see why. He is a demon after the catch with the ball in his hands, consistently finding ways to squeeze as much extra juice as he can out of a play. His jab step/cutback is lethal; simply put, he is not easy to stop. He may have only caught 4 touchdowns all year, but a lot of that has to do with the fact that the Jets offense was… well, not great. Even so, Wilson finished his rookie campaign with 83 catches for 1104 yards. You may not have heard, but the Jets quietly brought in a new quarterback this offseason, and the sky is truly the limit for Wilson going forward. Although he may not be the most physically gifted wide receiver in the world, he’s an incredibly crafty dude and is already one of the best at what he does.

#99 - Aaron Rodgers - Green Bay Packers - Quarterback

Previous Ranks

2021	2020	2019	2018	2017	2016	2015	2014	2013	2012
4	1	73	95	N/A	11	29	2	26	3​​

Key Stat:
2nd in the league in PFF's Big Time Throw Rate, trailing only Josh Allen
Written by: u/IMissHarambe878
A “down” year for ARod sees him slip to the bottom of the Top 100 here. His stats may have declined since his back-to-back MVPs, but Rodgers was consistently carrying this Green Bay team on his back this season. Despite carrying a broken thumb throughout the campaign (in which he didn’t miss a game), he helped try to steady the ship despite inconsistency across all other parts of the team (defense, run game, inexperienced wide receivers). He nearly dragged Green Bay kicking and screaming into the playoffs but was only stopped by a gutsy Lions team in Week 18 ready to play spoiler. Fun fact, Rodgers actually put up his career high in game winning drives this year with 4.
​
Here is a highlights package of Rodgers’ last season in Green Bay. Some specific highlights within the video:
- 1:01 – Rodgers shows he can still throw a pretty deep ball out to Watkins v Bears
- 3:29 – Deep throw v the Jets to Lazard, probably explains why he wanted him to follow him there
- 4:37 – Rolling out of the pocket to find Aaron Jones for a beautiful TD v Commanders
- 5:06 – Absolute dime to Doubs for a TD v Bills
- 7:30 – Beautiful play action out to Watson for a TD v Cowboys
- 13:05 – Sideline pass out to Mercedes Lewis v Dolphins
- 14:11 – Absolute monster of a ball out to Watson v Lions in his final game for Green Bay
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All good things have to come to an end at some point, and this year showed Rodgers wasn’t the immortal some thought he was. Considering his supporting cast and the offense around him, I think he did the best he could. Don’t let that fool you though, he’s still very much an above average quarterback and I’m confident he will be higher up this list, this time next year. Take care of him, Jets, and thank you for all the memories, Aaron.

#98 - Jaelan Phillips - Miami Dolphins - EDGE Rusher

Previous Ranks

2021
N/A​

Key Stat:
Phillips’s 70 pressures is the most by a Dolphin since Olivier Vernon in 2015
Written by: u/Yedic
Jaelan Phillips followed up a somewhat spotty rookie season with a much more polished sophomore campaign in 2022. He nearly doubled his pressure numbers, with an increase from 39 in 2021 to 70 in 2022 per PFF. He more than doubled his stops, jumping up from 16 to 36.
Check out this play, where Phillips, lined up at the top of the screen, uses his speed to beat the tackle upfield, and then works back down into the pocket for the strip sack in the 4th quarter of an important division game. Here's one where Jaelan Phillips lines up at 3t, against the LG, and then shows a nice motor to adjust for a 3rd down sack while fighting through a hold.
Phillips also showed off some impressive versatility. Per PFF's tracking, he dropped into coverage about six time a game, which resulted in the most coverage snaps out of all Edge Defenders nominated for this list, and 4th most of all Edge Defenders in the entire league. He even blocked a punt for good measure!

#97 - Talanoa Hufanga - San Francisco 49ers - Safety

Previous Ranks

2021	2020
N/A	N/A​

Key Stat:
Only safety with multiple sacks, multiple forced fumbles, and four interceptions including a pick-6 in a single season in the last 10 years
Written by: u/TheRed_Knight
Once upon a time there was a slightly undersized Polynesian Safety from USC who played with wild abandon and a glorious main of hair, who ended up drafted in the 1st round by the Pittsburgh Steelers. His name was Troy Polamalu and as it turns out, he was one of the best to ever play the game at his position. Fast forward to 2021, and USC has another slightly undersized Polynesian Safety, named Talanoa Hufanga, who played with wild abandon and a slightly less glorious main of hair, who fell in the draft due to a poor combine showing and injury.
Snagged in the 5th round of the 2021 draft by the 49ers (praise be to Adam Peters), Hufanga played spot snaps on defense his rookie year as a rotational safety, while logging most of his playing time as a special teams gunner, with his most memorable play coming against the Packers in the NFC Divisional round, returning the blocked punt by Jordan Willis for a game tying touchdown. When Jimmie Ward suffered a moderate hamstring strain in the 2022 preseason, Hufanga capitalized on his opportunity, playing well enough to earn the starting S job when Ward came back, which in part led to Ward and the 49ers parting ways in FA.
During his 2022-23 sophomore campaign Hufanga ended up 3rd on the team/13th amongst all Safety's in tackles (97), 3rd on the team/6th amongst all Safety's in PD's (9), 2nd on the team/tied for 6th amongst all Safety's in INT's (4), including a pick-6 against Matt Stafford, and tied for 1st on the team/3rd amongst all Safety's in FF (2) EX. Despite being listed at only 6 foot 200lbs he plays significantly bigger and isn't afraid to lay wood or attack blockers in run defense. By far and away Hufanga's greatest asset is his raw instinctual play, his ability to diagnose and blow up plays based on pre snap alignment and pure gut instinct in a way offenses can't plan against. He's SF's wildcard, and on a defense laden with monsters and freaks he's perfectly positioned to reap as much damage as possible against opposing offenses.
While Hufanga's certainly has a long way to go to catch Polamalu, the similarities early in his career are apparent. History doesnt repeats itself but it sure does rhymes a whole lot.

#96 - Alex Highsmith - Pittsburgh Steelers - EDGE Rusher

Previous Ranks

2021	2020
N/A	N/A​

Key Stat:
1st in sacks lined up on the right side of the defensive line with 14
Written by: u/ezDuke
Flashback to 2021. Melvin Ingram had signed with the Steelers in hopes of revitalizing his career opposite a premier Edge rusher in TJ Watt. All that stood in his way was a former 3rd round pick from the football powerhouse school of Charlotte entering his second season, Alex Highsmith. By midseason, however, it was clear that the Steelers saw something in Highsmith and Ingram demanded a trade in search of a starting opportunity.
Throughout the 2022 season, Highsmith rewarded the Steelers' faith in him. He showcased an array of pass rush moves to finish 6th in the league with 14.5 sacks, highlighted by his devastating spin move. He also led the league in forced fumbles, along with Haason Reddick. He actually graded even more highly as a run defender, according to PFF, and even showed good coverage skills for a LB.
Highsmith has blossomed into the do-it-all Linebacker they envisioned when they shipped Ingram off for a 6th round pick. While he still has some room to grow, there's no question that he and TJ Watt have as good a chance as any to finish 2023 as the league's best pass rush tandem.

#95 - Tua Tagovailoa - Miami Dolphins - Quarterback

Previous Ranks

2021	2020
N/A	N/A​

Key Stat:
When throwing 5+ Yards downfield, Tua ranked 1st in EPA/ATT, 1st in Success Rate, 1st in First Down Rate, 1st in YPA and 1st in Passer Rating
Written by: u/cheesepythons
Tua Tagovailoa, perhaps the most polarizing player in the NFL presently. Some of the criticism justified and some vacuous, somewhere in the middle of all this there is the realization that what we got in the 2022 season was a much-improved player who when given the confidence, right system and weapons showed the ability of elite talent. Finishing first in league passer rating, 25 touchdowns, around 9 yards Y/A behind one of the worst OL’s in the league (24th in pass block win rate, thank god for when TA was playing) was a bright spot for his growth and maturity as a QB and team leader. On intermediate throws, Tua ranked first in EPA per drop back and completion percentage. Tua had the lowest average time to throw on these pass attempts at 2.63, the league average for throws of 11 or more air yards is 3.02 seconds. There will be arguments of course that having two of the best receivers in the league has helped, there can’t be any argument, but it is interesting to note that Tua was ranked 33rd in the league in passing yards after the catch which suggests his arm is doing a lot of the lifting as well. 2 serious concussions and subsequently missing time robbed Dolphins fans of seeing him produce at a consistent level but at 8-1 as a starter leading into December (before the wheels fell off) there was enough to have him nominated and subsequently voted into the Top 100 players for the season.

#94 - CJ Gardner-Johnson - Philadelphia Eagles - Safety

Previous Ranks

2021	2020	2019
N/A	N/A	N/A​

Key Stat:
T-1st in the league with 6 INTs
Written by: u/CokeZ3ro
Joining the Eagles mere days before Week 1 via trade, Gardner-Johnson would serve as the cherry on top for the formidable 2022 Eagles defense. More than just a change in scenery, Gardner-Johnson also experienced a change in position, switching from nickel corner to a more traditional safety. Safe to say, he adapted well to the change. Gardner-Johnson co-lead the league with 6 interceptions.
Gardner-Johnson often employs a ballhawk style coverage. He has a great sense for the ball in the air, and a blazingly fast approach which will often punish poor placement and deflections. Pairing with the disruption caused by the Eagle’s D-line and the coverage by their excellent corners gave Gardner-Johnson plenty of opportunities to flash those skills.
Mclaurin got Slay beat? It’s alright CJGJ will fly over to make the pick.
Underthrown? You’re done for.
Sometimes it feels like he spawns out of nowhere to make the pick.
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention trash talk antics. If there was an award for instigation, C.J. Gardner-Johnson would win in a landslide. Few are better at getting under the opponent’s skin. Gardner-Johnson brings a level of grit, energy, and bravado that can instantly make the secondary better.

#93 - Ryan Ramczyk - New Orleans Saints - Offensive Tackle

Previous Ranks

2021	2020	2019	2018	2017
100	63	14	74	100​

Key Stat:
6th straight year allowing less than 20 pressures in true pass sets
Written by: u/LazyFBaby
Ryan Ramczyk turned in a solid year again in 2022. However, he happened to be on the 2022 New Orleans Saints football in 2022 as well. The offense was woefully inconsistent and particularly struggled to get anything going in the 2nd half of most games ranking in the top 5 in terms of three and out percentage during the latter half of the game. Consequently, Ram was mostly ignored throughout the season where he only allowed 3 sacks, 5 QB hits and 20 pressures (per PFF). If I was to pick any performance of his to highlight it would be his work against Nick Bosa in week 12 he stonewalled Bosa all game and his only real mistake was a false start penalty. Ryan continues to be one of the strongest tackles in the NFL in terms of his anchor and his ability to deal with any pass rush moves that an opposing Edge might throw at him. Hopefully, 2023 will see his return to the upper echelons of this hallowed list

#92 - Tee Higgins - Cincinnati Bengals - Wide Receiver

Previous Ranks

2021	2020
N/A	N/A​

Key Stat:
4th in Contested Catch % (16 catches on 26 targets) +3rd highest target passer rating (121.0)
Written by: u/Letsgomountaineers5
Tee Higgins was one of the biggest draft crushes I’ve had in some time, so it was a no brainer to pick up his write up, even though he plays for one of my favorite team’s biggest rivals. He’s just a really fun player to watch from a WR coach’s perspective. Let’s dive into a few things that makes Tee Higgins a Top 100 player and an elite WR in the NFL.
The first thing you have to love about Tee’s game is his deep ball ability. That has always been his calling card, even without elite speed. So, what makes him such a threat? Well, I would be remiss to leave off his size and frame. He’s long and broad and those two things allow him to high point footballs and shield off defenders naturally. However, what separates Tee from the other thousand long and broad people playing WR at any level up and down the country is an otherworldly ability to track a football down the field, very late hands and reactions to assist with preventing a defender from getting between the ball, and most importantly the body control of a world class ballet performer. I mean this when I say that Tee Higgins has the best body control down the field of any player in football and WR gurus like Urban Meyer, Brian Hartline, and Butch will say that body control is the hardest thing to teach a receiver to do and arguably the most sought after trait of a downfield threat, moreso than speed.
Here’s a great example of this. Sauce is playing Cover 3 to his side of the field, so he’s able to open to the QB and track the ball flight. He’s in decent trail position as like I said earlier, Tee isn’t a burner. However, Sauce is late to find the ball because Tee doesn’t give anything to the ball being flight until the last possible moment where his eyes widen and his hands go up. Sauce is even able to flip his head around and get in the line of sight of Tee, but Tee still effortlessly adjusts his body to maintain eye contact with the football and track it into his bread basket. Not often did Sauce get beat deep this year, but he sure did by Tee. Another example of Tee just sonning DBs downfield. In this matchup, the Browns are playing 2-Read. As soon as the slot WR to Tee’s side goes vertical, it becomes matchup quarters and Greedy Williams is attached to Tee. This is a ball that SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN THROWN. Greedy is in excellent position on the fade. The safety is coming underneath on the deep out so even a back shoulder is typically a bad idea here. The Browns play this really well! But, still, here’s Tee high pointing the ball centimeters above Greedy’s hands and ripping it away from him, having the body control to remain on his feet even as gravity and Greedy are pulling him to the ground, and walking into the end zone.
An underrated part of Tee’s game is his route running. He’s very good on his release. The first clip of this cut up shows why. In the slot here, he stems his defender outside while pushing vertical. His delayed release and “out-in-out” stepping pattern freezes the curl/flat player in the cover 3. He’s in a bad spot to play the “curl” zone (he’s not running a curl) of the coverage because the backer to his side blitzes but Tee has him so frozen, he passes Tee off to no one and Tee is able to settle into wide open space. He also uses his body control to break off vertical routes very quickly, even without having the quickest of feet. Cover 3 to Tee again as most teams were scared of him getting over top of the defense. Tee options this go route off into a perfect flag comeback, using both his intelligence and body control to find open space. The defender is flipped open and running from the snap so he recognizes getting behind him is hard. But the defender is also in really good leverage to snap back down on fast break back to the football, so he has to really sell vertical. He closes space and cuts first like he’s going to run a fade/corner route. Then, he plants extremely hard vertically in one of the most unbelievable leg angles I’ve seen from someone that is still able to keep their feet and comes back to the football. The corner is completely helpless to stop this play.
There’s been this long standing whisper that Tee is a product of Jamarr. I attempted to illustrate as briefly as possible just how incredible of a player Tee is in his own right, but I would be remiss when discussing Tee in context of this list on 2022 play to mention how much he elevated his game with Jamarr out. Tee ended the year with 74 catches for 1029 yards. Nothing to scoff at. But with Jamarr out, he elevated his play to a pace of 110 catches for 1577 yards. Tee may be one of the only players in football that is held back by a top 5 WR talent playing across from him. He proved this year that both players serve a crucial role in this offense and if anything, he could stand to see more targets next season even with Jamarr in the fold. He can be the WR1 and when all the attention is paid to him, he seems to take his game to even higher levels. Look out for him next season climbing up this list even higher.

#91 - Quenton Nelson - Indianapolis Colts - Offensive Guard

Previous Ranks

2021	2020	2019	2018
82	21	18	70​

Key Stat:
4rd OL in history to make the Pro Bowl in each of their first 5 seasons, with 3 AP All-Pro 1st teams
Written by: u/Matt_Forte_
Quenton Nelson continues to be the best lineman on the Colts once again. Having a down year compared to his previous pedigree, he was not quite as dominant as his usual standards in pass protection, he allowed more sacks than he had previously, but some of that can be attributed to inexperienced QB play and poor pocket presence forcing him to have to hold up for longer. Nelson allowed 5 sacks out of the Colts’ 60 total allowed sacks, while starting all 17 games and coming close to the lead league among guards with snaps taken, showing he was nowhere near the biggest culprit on the team in allowing sacks. There were two plays that I felt summarized his pass protection. First, he does a great job picking up a stunt to give Ehlinger time in his first NFL start. Second, is simply a picture. The ball was snapped at 9:37, and approximately 2.5 seconds into the play, Q is the only lineman whose man is not pressuring Sam Ehlinger.
However, Quenton Nelson was still a force to be reckoned with in the run. Between his ability pull, or lead block for Jonathan Taylor, Quenton Nelson still retains his ability to be a dominant force in run blocking. Any Jonathan Taylor highlight will heavily feature a solid block from Q giving him the running lane he takes, or Q out in front leading the charge! He will do this on any DL in the league too, there were several big gains in the Eagles game where Q was able to move the very talented Eagles DTs. He routinely performed this well against some of the best Defensive Lines in the league, such as Philadelphia and Pittsburgh, where he does a great job preventing Heyward from wrecking this TD run,
Expect Quenton Nelson to be a massive cornerstone of Anthony Richardson’s development in Indianapolis, providing a solid foundation to every facet of the run game, and a source of protection up the middle against pass rushers

Link to Positional Tracker Sheet

Link to Ranker Reveal Sheet

Link to Hub

NOTE: This is a remake of the list I made way back in 2022, and it can be found here: https://www.reddit.com/BokuNoHeroAcademia/comments/vx4z7h/providing_some_characters_ideal_real_names_in_my/
Keep in mind that some entries on the list have their names changed over time because of, well, reasons. Check the old list for comparison.
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Providing some characters’ ideal real names in My Hero Academia whose real names are currently unknown and are only referred by their aliases.
Have you ever wondered what the real names of some characters in My Hero Academia may be? There are some who are only refered by their aliases and not their real names. For example, we know that Cementoss’ real name is Ken Ishiyama (石山堅), but Ectoplasm’s real name is unknown. So I thought I would compile a list of characters, whether heroes, villains, or neutral, whose real names are not revealed in any form of media, whether they are anime, manga, game, or light novels. Keep in mind that I made up all of the ideal real names by myself (with my limited knowledge of the Japanese language). We’ll wait if Kohei Horikoshi decided on some of the names to be designated as official real names, so there could be a possibility that if a real name is already revealed and is different from mine.
Crimson Riot: Masayoshi Shinkuyama (真紅山正義, しんくやま まさよし)
Shin (真) means true, Ku (紅) means crimson or deep red, Yama (山) means mountain, Masa (正) means correct or justice, and Yoshi (義) means righteousness. The surname Shinkuyama means deep crimson mountain, which explains his hero name. The given name Masayoshi means justice, since Masayoshi is an alternate reading of Seigi, which also means justice. His sense of justice, and to an extent, chivalry, is what motivated the life of Eijiro Kirishima on his path of training to be a pro hero.
Lunch Rush: Godan Ransei (蘭生五旦, らんせい ごだん)
Ran (蘭) means orchid, Sei (生) means raw or genuine, Go (五) means 5, and Dan (旦) means daybreak. His name is a play on British chef celebrity Gordon Ramsay, only if you mention the name in western order, since Japanese names use the surname-first, given-name order, making his name Ransei Godan instead. The Go in Godan likely refers to the 5 tastes – sweet, sour, salty, bitter, and umami, while Dan refers to breakfast, which is ironic considering that his hero name is Lunch Rush. The Sei in Ransei also likely refers to his signature insult.
Snipe: Hokori Toki (東木埃, とうき ほこり)
To or Higashi or Azuma (東) means east, Ki (木) means tree or wood, and Hokori (埃) means dust. The surname Toki roughly means “east wood”, a reference to American actor Clint Eastwood, who is known for starring in old west and spaghetti western films. The surname is also homophonous with time in Japanese, Toki (時), probably as in the phrase “the good old times” or “the good old days”. The given name might be a reference to the “Dust Bowl”, the name given to the drought-stricken Southern Plains region of the United States in the 1930’s, or the Kansas song Dust in the Wind.
Ectoplasm: Kazuhiro Masumi (増見数博, ますみ かずひろ)
Masu (増) means multiply or increase, Mi (見) means to see, Kazu (数) means number, and Hiro (博) means command or esteem or win acclaim. The surname Masumi alludes to his quirk, noting that he can multiply or clone his own self, while seeing multiple directions at once through his clones. The given name Kazuhiro is a reference to his profession, a math teacher in UA.
Backdraft: Kansho Kadome (火止看消, かどめ かんしょう)
Ka or Hi (火) means fire, Dome or Tome (止) means to stop or halt, Kan (看) means to watch or observe, and Sho (消) means to erase or extinguish, the same kanji character in Shota Aizawa’s name (相澤消太). In other words, Kadome means stopping fire, while Kansho means observe while extinguishing.
Uwabami: Mamiko Hebita (蛇田真美子, へびた まみこ)
Hebi (蛇) means snake, Ta or Da (田) means rice field, Ma or Shin (真) means true, Mi or Bi (美) means beauty, and Ko (子) means child. Hebi in Hebita refers to her appearance and quirk, alluding to the Greek mythological figure Medusa. Her given name means true beautiful child.
Gunhead: Kenshiro Tsutsuto (銃頭拳志郎, つつとう けんしろう)
Tsutsu (銃) means gun, To or Atama (頭) means head, Ken (拳) means fist, Shi (志) means will or intention, and Ro (郎) means male. The surname Tsutsuto literally means Gunhead, his hero name. Tsutsu in Tsutsuto is the same reading in Lady Nagant’s real name, Kaina Tsutsumi (筒美火伊那). Although written in a different kanji (筒), which means gun barrel, a reference to her quirk, it has the same connotation as the other one. The given name Kenshiro may be alluded to the main protagonist of Fist of the North Star of the same name, although written in katakana, noting that he is a pro hero whose agency specializes in armed combat and martial arts. Also the Ken in Kenshiro is the same kanji character in Itsuka Kendo’s name (拳藤一佳).
The Fly: Kisuke Koba (小羽黄助, こば きすけ)
Ko (小) means small, Ba or Bane or Hane (羽) means wing or feather, Ki or Ko (黄) means yellow, and Suke (助) means help or assistance. The surname Koba literally means small wings, referring to his appearance and quirk. The Ki in Kisuke means yellow, referring to his blonde hair.
Slugger: Sango Sakagami (阪神三吾, さかがみ さんご)
Saka or Han (阪) means heights or slope, Kami or Gami or Shin (神) means god, San (三) means 3, and Go (吾) means I or my. The surname Sakagami is an alternate reading of Hanshin (阪神), a reference to a popular Japanese pro baseball team, the Hanshin Tigers (阪神タイガース). In the west, the baseball team is primarily (and infamously) remembered for being associated with the curse called “The Curse of the Colonel”, a 1985 Japanese urban legend regarding a reputed curse placed on the baseball team by the ghost of the deceased Kentucky Fried Chicken founder and mascot Colonel Harland Sanders, who passed away 5 years prior at the age of 90. The given name Sango is a play on ’35, the year the Hanshin Tigers were founded, 1935; although the next year, they would be officially formed and have their first season as the “Osaka Tigers”. In 1940, amid anti-foreign sentiment, the Tigers changed the name to "Hanshin" and in 1947 changed the name back to "Osaka Tigers". The current team name was assumed in 1961.
Native: Teppei Nishiriku (西陸哲平, にしりく てっぺい)
Nishi (西) means west, Riku (陸) means land, Tetsu (哲) means philosophy, and Pei or Hei or Hira (平) means flat. The surname Nishiriku means western land, most likely referring to America. The given name Teppei is a play on the word tepee or tipi, a conical tent made by Native Americans.
Selkie: Yasuhiro Hirezaki (鰭崎安洋, ひれざき やすひろ)
Hire (鰭) means fin or flipper (body part), Saki (崎) means cape or peninsula, Yasu (安) means peaceful, and Hiro (洋) means ocean. The Hire in Hirezaki means fin or flipper, referring to his seal physique. It may also be a reference to the Japanese word Kikyakurui (鰭脚類), meaning pinniped. They are a widely distributed and diverse monophyletic group of carnivorous, fin-footed, semi aquatic, mostly marine mammals. They are also commonly referred as seals. In fact, the name "pinniped" derives from the Latin words pinna, meaning fin and pes or pedis, meaning foot, thus giving the literal meaning of fin footed.
Sirius: Miya Otomaru (音丸美弥, おとまる みや)
Oto (音) means sound, Maru (丸) means round, Mi or Bi (美) means beauty, and Ya (弥) means all the more or increasingly. The surname Otomaru means sound around, a reference to her quirk, which allows the user to hear high frequencies around her that humans normally cannot. She uses it to communicate with Selkie when they are far apart. She can also use it to detect the number of people nearby. The given name Miya can be also read as Mimi (耳), which means ear in Japanese, also a reference to her quirk and appearance.
Mr. Brave: Yuichi Kamige (上毛勇一, かみげ ゆういち)
Kami or Ue (上) means up or above or raise, Ge or Mo (毛) means hair, and Isamu (勇) means brave. The surname Kamige literally means raising hair, a reference to his quirk. The given name Yuichi means brave one, a reference to his hero name.
Death Arms: Atsuto Aratake (荒武篤人, あらたけ あつと)
Ara (荒) means rough or wild, Take (武) means military, Atsu (篤) means fervent or serious, and To or Hito (人) means person. The Ara in Aratake and Atsu in Atsuto refer to his serious and rough behavior.
Crust: Mutsuo Tatezaki (盾崎六雄, たてざき むつお)
Tate (盾) means shield (type of personal armor), Zaki or Saki (崎) means cape or edge, Mutsu or Roku (六) means 6, and O (雄) means masculine or male. The Tate in Tatezaki refers to his quirk, shield, which allows him to manifest stone-like, hexagonal shields from their body that could be utilized both defensively and offensively. His given name Mutsuo is a reference to his hexagonal shields.
Yoroi Musha: Takeyoshi Furumoto (古本武義, ふるもと たけよし)
Furu (古) means old or ancient, Moto or Hon (本) means origin or book, Take (武) means military, and Yoshi (義) means righteousness. All of the kanji characters are associated with him. The surname Furumoto can be also read as Furuhon, which means ancient book, possibly referring to old records, text, or illustrations regarding Japanese history and society. The Take in Takeyoshi refers to his hero costume, resembling a samurai, while Yoshi refers to his personality, which is ironic after what happened during the war.
Kesagiri Man: Kenjuro Kuroi (黒井剣寿郎, くろい けんじゅろう)
Kuro (黒) means black, I (井) means water well, Ken (剣) means sword, Ju (寿) means longevity, and Ro (郎) means male. The Kuro in Kuroi refers to the color of his hero outfit, while the Ken in Kenjuro refers to the literal meaning of his hero name - slashing someone with a sword diagonally from the shoulder, Kesagiri (袈裟切り).
Water Hose father: Namihiro Izumi (出水波弘, いずみ なみひろ)
Water Hose mother: Kishiko Izumi (出水岸子, いずみ きしこ)
Knowing that the Water Hose Duo is Kota Izumi’s (出水洸汰) parents, we can obviously assume that they are also named Izumi. Izu (出) means outside, and Mi or Mizu (水) means water. Combined together means flood, Izumi (出水). The surname is also homophonous with fountain in Japanese, Izumi (泉).
For the father: Nami (波) means wave or billow, and Hiro (弘) means vast or wide.
For the mother: Kishi (岸) means beach or shore, and Ko (子) means child.
Nezu: Hideyuki Nezu (根津秀幸, ねず ひでゆき)
Assuming that Nezu is his surname, I would give him his given name only. Ne (根) means root, Zu or Tsu (津) means harbor, Hide (秀) means excellence, and Yuki (幸) means happiness or fortune. His surname is meant to be a play on rat in Japanese, Nezumi (鼠), and his given name is a common Japanese male name, which fits his personality.
Kido: Ryota Kido (貴堂良太, きどう りょうた)
Ki (貴) means noble, Do (堂) means temple or hall, Ryo (良) means good, and Ta (太) means plump or thick. His surname is homophonous to that of his hero name (キドウ) and his respective quirk traject in Japanese, Kido (軌道).
Onima: Junji Onima (鬼馬淳次, おにま じゅんじ)
Oni or Ki (鬼) means demon, Ma (馬) means horse, Jun (淳) means pure, and Ji (次) means next. His surname is homophonous to that of his hero name (オニマー).
X-Less: Mitsuyuki Hoshimoto (星本光行, ほしもと みつゆき)
Hoshi (星) means star, Moto or Hon (本) means origin or book, Mitsu (光) means light, and Yuki (行) means line. His name is a reference to his quirk laser, where he fires energy beams from his right eye.
Shishido: Daisho Shishido (獅子戸大昌, ししど だいしょう)
Shishi (獅子) means lion, Do (戸) means door, Dai or O (大) means big, and Sho (昌) means prosperous or clear. His surname is homophonous to that of his hero name (シシド) and the fact that the first two syllables of his surname fits with him being called the lion hero. Shishido is also an actual surname, but written as宍戸 instead, with the initial kanji character meaning muscles or meat.
Airjet: Hayato Kamizora (上空早人, かみぞら はやと)
Kami or Ue (上) means up or above or raise, Zora or Sora (空) means sky, Haya (早) means early or fast, and To or Hito (人) means person. His surname is a reference to the fact that he can shoot blasts of air above the ground as high as he wants.
Fourth Kind: Shugo Shinomiya (四宮修悟, しのみや しゅうご)
Shi (四) means 4, Miya (宮) means temple or palace, Shu or Osamu (修) means discipline, and Go or Satoru (悟) means enlightenment. The Shi in Shinomiya refers to the fact that he has 4 arms in his appearance. Not a Kaguya reference.
Takeshita: Yoshiyuki Takeshita (竹下吉幸, たけした よしゆき)
This character in the manga and anime is named that way, which is an actual surname, which means I would give him his given name only. Take (竹) means bamboo, Shita (下) means below or under, Yoshi (吉) means good luck or joy, and Yuki (幸) means happiness or fortune. The Take in Takeshita is likely a reference to his unnamed bamboo quirk.
Eel Boy: Teruki Unagi (宇凪輝樹, うなぎ てるき)
U (宇) means roof, Nagi (凪) means calm, Teru (輝) means shine or illuminate, and Ki (樹) means tree. His surname is homophonous with eel in Japanese, Unagi (鰻), referring to his unnamed eel quirk. Interestingly, in My Hero Academia: Vigilantes, there is a character with a similar sounding name, Teruo Unagisawa (鰻沢照生), unrelated to the character above. I made that name up without realization, so I must say it’s almost a coincidence.
Briareos: Gosaku Tezawa (手澤郷作, てざわ ごうさく)
Gyges: Gosuke Tezawa (手澤郷輔, てざわ ごうすけ)
Knowing that the two guards present during the Assault on Tartarus are brothers, we can assume that they share the same surname. Te (手) means hand or arm, and Zawa or Sawa (澤) means swamp, referring to their appearance.
For Briareos: Go (郷) means village or hometown, and Saku (作) means make or prepare.
For Gyges: Go (郷) means village or hometown, and Suke (輔) means help or assistance.
Public Safety Commission President: Yasuko Hoki (保喜安子, ほき やすこ)
Ho (保) means protection or guarantee, Ki (喜) means delight or rejoice, Yasu (安) means peaceful, and Ko (子) means child. Combining both the initial kanji characters of both her surname and given name would mean security in Japanese, Hoan (保安), referring to her position in the Hero Public Safety Commission.
2nd user: Hayao Nikaido (二階堂速雄, にかいどう はやお)
Ni (二) means 2, Kai (階) means story, stair or floor, Do (堂) means temple or hall, Haya (速) means quick or fast, and O (雄) means male. For the given name Hayao, the Haya in Hayao is the same one in his quirk "Gearshift" in Japanese, Hensoku (変速). The surname Nikaido has the kanji character for 2, Ni (二), referencing the fact that he is the 2nd user of OFA. Something I would like to share - the first time I encountered the surname Nikaido came from a staff member whose name was credited with that surname in most of Mob Psycho 100's episodes in the end credits. As soon as I saw the name 二階堂 in the end credits, that gave me an idea to use that surname as a what-if name for the 2nd user, so that's how I arrived with that surname. I never intended to name him after an anime staff member whatsoever.
3rd user: Sanjiro Undo (運道三治郎, うんどう さんじろう)
Un (運) means luck or fortune, Do (道) means road or path, San (三) means 3, Ji (治) means reign or cure, and Ro (郎) means male. The surname is read as "oondo" and not in the English word as it appears to be in romanized form. Also, the aforementioned surname is homophonous with movement in Japanese, Undo (運動), as his quirk Fa Jin is used for to build up kinetic energy by repeating regular motions and store it for later use. Kinetic energy in Japanese is Undo Enerugii (運動エネルギー). The given name Sanjiro has the kanji character for 3, San (三), referencing the fact that he is the 3rd user of OFA.
6th user: Enzo Rokuhara (六原煙造, ろくはら えんぞう)
Roku (六) means 6, Hara (原) means field, En or Kemuri (煙) means smoke, and Zo (造) means create or make. The surname Rokuhara has the kanji character for 6, Roku (六), referencing the fact that he is the 6th user of OFA. The given name Enzo is a reference to his quirk Smokescreen, which would give the character's nickname as En. The surname is also the name of a Japanese railway station in Kanegasaki, Iwate. Interestingly enough, two other characters in the series, whom both of them are villains, are also named after real world Japanese railway stations. The villains in question are Twice and Re-Destro. Twice's real surname is Bubaigawara (分倍河原), named after a railway station operated jointly by the East Japan Railway Company and the private railway operator Keio Corporation located in Fuchu, Tokyo of the same name, while Re-Destro's real surname is Yotsubashi (四ツ橋), named after a railway station in Nishi-ku, Osaka of the same name.
Wolfram: Shigeki Kinzoku (金続重樹, きんぞく しげき)
Kin (金) means metal, Zoku (続) means to continue, Shige (重) means heavy, and Ki (樹) means tree or wood. The surname Kinzoku is homophonous to Kinzoku (金属), in which the latter kanji character, Zoku (属), means genus. However, the Zoku in Kinzoku (金続) means to continue, referring to how he manipulates and creates metal continuously in combat. The Shige in Shigeki refers to how generally heavy metal is. Not to mention that his villain name is named after tungsten, whose symbol W means wolfram, and it is one of the heaviest naturally stable elements you can carry or hold (but factually speaking, uranium IS the heaviest element in terms of natural stability).
Nine: Kisho Terunaga (照永起昇), てるなが きしょう)
Teru (照) means shine or illuminate, Naga or Ei (永) means eternity, Ki (起) means rouse or get up, and Sho (昇) means rise up. The Teru in Terunaga likely refers to his intimidating appearance, akin to a god, while Naga likely refers to the fact that he would be invincible like any other villain if he has a great amount of quirks, considering that he is one of the few characters to do so. The given name Kisho is homophonous with weather, Kisho (気象), a reference to his original quirk before amalgamating to All for One, weather manipulation, or Kisho Sosa in Japanese (気象操作).
All for One: Majin Shigaraki (死柄木摩甚, しがらき まじん)
According to All for One himself in a flashback, Shigaraki is his real surname; however, his given name is unknown. Shi (死) means death, Gara (柄) means grip or handle, Ki (木) means tree or wood, Ma (摩) means to scrape or grind, and Jin (甚) means extreme or intense. The given name Majin is homophonous with devil in Japanese, Majin (魔神).
Mustard: Shoki Kitai (北井祥基, きたい しょうき)
Kita (北) means north, I (井) means water well, Sho (祥) means auspicious or good omen, and Ki (基) means fundamentals or basis. The surname Kitai is homophonous with gas in Japanese, Kitai (気体), a reference to his quirk. The given name Shoki is homophonous with miasma in Japanese, Shoki (瘴気), a highly unpleasant or unhealthy smell or vapor, fitting with the properties of his quirk.
Innsmouth: Yakishi Takonuma (蛸沼焼司, たこぬま やきし)
Tako (蛸) means octopus, Numa (沼) means marsh, Yaki (焼) means burnt, and Shi (司) means administer or boss. The Tako in Takonuma is a reference to his appearance, resembling an octopus.
Moonfish: Takanari Habashi (歯橋高成, はばし たかなり)
Ha (歯) means tooth, Hashi (橋) means bridge, Taki (高) means tall or high, Nari (成) means grow or reach. The surname Habashi is a reference to his quirk blade-tooth in Japanese, Shijin (歯刃).
Ending: Shingoki Kurodo (黒道伸剛輝, くろどう しんごうき)
Kuro (黒) means black, Do or Michi (道) means road or path, Shin (伸) means to expand or stretch, Go (剛) means sturdy or strength, and Ki or Teru (輝) means shine, or gleam. The surname Kurodo means black road, referring to how he activates his quirk through a road or highway. The given name Shingoki is homophonous with traffic lights in Japanese, Shingoki (信号機).
Starservant: Noriharu Hoshimiya (星宮典治, ほしみや のりはる)
Hoshi (星) means star, Miya (宮) means temple or palace, Nori or Ten (典) means law or rule, and Haru or Chi or Ji (治) means reign or subdue. The surname Hoshimiya means star temple or star palace, referring to his villain name. The given name Noriharu can be alternatively read as Tenchi (天地), which means above and below, top and bottom, or more symbolically, heaven and earth. The third meaning could possibly be referring to the phrase “Heaven and Earth are about to collide”, one of the taglines to the 1998 asteroid disaster film Deep Impact, since the villain himself is a preacher who ensures the society that the end of the world is nigh.
Dictator: Reiji Shiki (志紀令司, しき れいじ)
Shi (志) means will or intention, Ki (紀) means chronicle or history, Rei (令) means orders or command, and Shi (司) means administer or boss. The surname Shiki is homophonous with command, direction, or supervision in Japanese, Shiki (指揮), while the given name Reiji is reverse for command or control in Japanese, Shirei (司令), both referencing his quirk despot.
Kunieda: Ikunobu Kunieda (國枝育伸, くにえだ いくのぶ)
Kuni (國) means country, Eda (枝) means bough or branch, Iku (育) means grow or raise, and Nobu (伸) means to expand or stretch. The villain name Kunieda, which is written in katakana, is an actual surname in Japan, so I had to use the kanji version of that name. The given name Ikunobu means growing and expanding, both of which are referring to his quirk that has the ability to sprout and grow gigantic flowers, spores, and fungus-like plants from the ground.
Gigantomachia: Goro Onikigawa (鬼木川吾郎, おにきがわ ごろう)
Oni or Ki (鬼) means demon, Ki (木) means tree, Kawa or Gawa (川) means river, Go (吾) means I or my, and Ro (郎) means male. The Oni in Onikigawa refers to his demonic appearance, while his given name Goro is a play on the Japanese onomatopoeia Goro Goro (ゴロゴロ), which describes the sound of thunder, earthquake, or other disasters incoming, fitting with his personality during the Paranormal Liberation War Arc.
Iceman: Geten Koriyama (氷山外典, こおりやま げてん)
Kori (氷) means ice, Yama (山) means mountain, Ge or Soto (外) means outside, and Ten or Nori (典) means law. The surname Koriyama is an alternate reading of Hyozan, which means iceberg, fitting with his quirk. The given name Geten means apocrypha, which is a story of unknown author or origin. While Geten is the real name of Iceman, it is unknown if it’s his given name or surname, so randomly assuming that this is his given name, his surname would be unknown, and that explains the surname’s existence. (NOTE: With the recent release of Chapter 387 on May 8, 2023, it was revealed that Geten happened to be from Rei's side, which means that his surname is Himura, and this made him a relative to the Todoroki family members, so his full name is Geten Himura. It was not explicitly stated how Rei, or even the Todoroki family, and Geten were specifically related and just listed their relation as simply "relative". With this revelation, his full name written in Japanese would be 氷叢外典, or in hiragana, ひむら げてん. As of this writing, this is the only entry on the list with a character's officially confirmed full name in the original source, so I would discard my ideal surname in favor of the original source instead.)
Unnamed Cider House leader: Gyokoten Samukawa (寒川凝古天, さむかわ ぎょうこてん)
Samu (寒) means cold, Kawa (川) means river, Gyo (凝) means stiff, Ko or Furu (古) means old or ancient, and Ten (天) means heaven. The surname Samukawa means cold river. The given name Gyokoten is homophonous with freezing point in Japanese - Gyokoten (凝固点). The first kanji of the word Gyo (凝) is the same as in the given name. His alias or villain name was never revealed as well, so Yeti (イエティ) would be a good choice, named after the ape-like creature purported to inhabit the Himalayan mountain range in Asia of the same name.
Keigo's Father: Keiichi Takami (鷹見啓一, たかみ けいいち)
This character in the manga and anime is named that way, which means I would give him his given name only. Taka (鷹) means hawk, Mi (見) means to see, Kei (啓) means disclose, open, or say, and Ichi (一) means 1. The Kei in Keiichi is the same as his son Keigo (啓悟).
Habit Headgear: Takehiko Kito (鬼頭武彦, きとう たけひこ)
Oni or Ki (鬼) means demon, To or Atama (頭) means head, Take (武) means military, and Hiko (彦) means lad or boy. His surname is a reference to his unnerving appearance. Not a Demon Slayer reference.
Giant Villain: Kiichi Otomo (大友毅一, おおとも きいち)
O or Dai (大) means big, Tomo (友) means friend, Ki or Tsuyo (毅) means strong, and Ichi (一) means 1. His name is a reference to his appearance and personality. Ironic that he is the first villain to appear in the series, yet has a character that means friend.
Sludge Villain: Sohei Dorokawa (泥川創平, どろかわ そうへい)
Doro (泥) means mud, Kawa or Gawa (川) means river, So or Hajime (創) means begin or start, and Hei or Pei or Hira (平) means flat. His surname is a reference to his dirty mud-like appearance.
Swordkil: Takeshi Mekajiki (目梶木丈士, めかじき たけし)
Me (目) means eye, Kaji (梶) means sculling oar, Ki (木) means tree or wood, Take (丈) means height or stature, and Shi (士) means samurai. His surname is homophonous with swordfish in Japanese, Mekajiki (眼梶木), which is a reference to his unnamed sword quirk, as well as his villain name, though close.
Daigo: Daigo Saruno (猿野大悟, さるの だいご)
Saru (猿) means monkey, No (野) means field, Dai or O (大) means big, and Go or Satoru (悟) means enlightenment. His surname is a reference to his beast-like appearance, while his given name is the same as that of Daigo Yamamoto (山本大悟), the character’s voice actor, also simply known (and credited) by his given name, Daigo. He is part of the Japanese comedy duo Chidori (千鳥), who made a cameo appearance in My Hero Academia: Two Heroes as two of Wolfram’s minions.
Nobu: Nobuyuki Katai (片井信行, かたい のぶゆき)
Kata (片) means part or fragment, I (井) means water well, Nobu (信) means faith or truth, and Yuki (行) means line. His surname is can be also read as Heni, which is homophonous with displacement (physics) in Japanese, Heni (変位), a reference to his unnamed displacement quirk, while his given name is the same as that of Nobuyuki Hayakawa (早川信行), the character’s voice actor, also simply known (and credited) by his nickname, Nobu (ノブ). Like the previous entry on the list, he is also part of the Japanese comedy duo Chidori (千鳥), who made a cameo appearance in My Hero Academia: Two Heroes as two of Wolfram’s minions.
Glutton God: Shigeo Shokuzawa (食澤茂雄, しょくざわ しげお)
Shoku (食) means food, Zawa or Sawa (澤) means swamp, Shige (茂) means overgrown or grow thick, and O (雄) means masculine or male. His surname is a reference to his appearance, as well as his villain name in Japanese, Kuishin (食神).
Sanctum: Seizo Jiyumiya (自由宮聖造, じゆうみや せいぞう)
Ji (自) means oneself, Yu (由) means wherefore, Miya (宮) means temple or palace, Sei (聖) means holy, and Zo (造) means create or make. His surname means freedom temple, and Seizo means holy structure, referring to his villain name.
The Mother of Quirks: Seiko Yotsubashi (四ツ橋聖子, よつばし せいこ)
Knowing the Mother of Quirks is the mother of Chikara Yotsubashi (四ツ橋主税), I would give her given name only. Yotsu (四ツ) means 4, Hashi (橋) means bridge, Sei (聖) means holy, and Ko (子) means child. I chose Seiko as her given name for a reason, because her name, when Romanized, is an anagram for quirk in Japanese, Kosei (個性), since she was the first person to use the word "quirk" to describe meta abilities.
Shie Hassaikai boss: Takahito Saijo (斎条崇人, さいじょう たかひと)
Sai (斎) means purification, Jo (条) means article, Taka (崇) means respect or revere, and To or Hito (人) means person. The Sai in Saijo is the same character in Shie Hassaikai (死穢八斎會), while his given name fits given with his position during the time he founded the organization years before Kai Chisaki succeeded him.
Hood: Tsuyoshi Aida (会田強士, さいじょう たかひと)
Ai or Kai (会) means meeting or association, Ta or Da (田) means rice field, Tsuyo (強) means strong, and Shi (士) means samurai. His name fits since he used to be a street punk who made a living as a fierce underground fighter before being turned into a Nomu by the Doctor.
Gunga Mountain Villa Paranormal Liberation Front Commander: Kairo Dendo (傳堂会呂, でんどう かいろ)
Den (傳) means propagate or transmit, Do (堂) means temple or hall, Kai or Ai (会) means meeting or association, and Ro (呂) means spine or backbone. His surname is homophonous with electric or conduction in Japanese, Dendo (電動) or Dendo (伝導) respectively, while his given name is homophonous with circuit in Japanese, Kairo (回路), both referring to his quirk amplivolt, which can conduct and amplify electricity within their body, being able to release it afterwards. Ironic that he was never given a name, yet his quirk, as well as his ultimate move, is named in the manga and anime.
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That is all I can present. If you know a character whose real name is unknown, comment down below and formulate his or her real name based on the character's qualities. Thank you!

Foundations of Humanity 29 (Healing Words) - an NoP fanfic
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Thank you u/SpacePaladin15 for establishing the Nature of Predators Universe, and for allowing Fanfics to flourish! Thank you again, u/Braquen, u/Acceptable_Egg5560, u/BiasMushroom721, and last but not least u/Liberty-Prime76 for proofreading! This is my side of the Nature of a Giant crossover!
First -- Previous -- Next
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Memory transcription subject: Valek, Venlil tourist
Date [standardized human time]: Sept 11th, 2136. Middle of 3rd Claw
Tarlim was the first to see me as I marched toward the table, tossing the still-open pad into its center.
“Predator Disease is anything! Whatever they need to put you away!” I cried, vacillating between grief and outrage while Tarlim looked through my research.
“They don't work! None of them do! Hundreds are being thrown into those facilities for everything from active murder, to jaywalking,” And Tarlim met my gaze, “to complaints. Complaints! The most positive source said ‘a dozen cured every year’. From a sample of hundreds! No names! No sources! Just their word and a ‘trust me, bro!’ And that’s only maybe from the ‘jaywalking’ section, not even the people who need real help!”
I pulled my ears down taut, embracing the pain to distract my panic, blind to Alvi’s desperate attempts to calm and comfort me. “The facilities don't help anyoneI But every one of them punishes, no, tortures Venlil for something they cannot control or choose. Not criminals, not those who did something, just… just so many people who did nothing wrong! Who had no record beyond a-a single half-shorn screening!!"
I stopped to breathe, my voice faltering as I started again, “And we sent you there. I checked, you did nothing! Not even a complaint! The only charge on your record, even according to that pro-exterminator trash ‘Moralen’s Pred Guide,’ was ‘resisting arrest’; whatever the brahk that’s supposed to mean. You were only barely an adult, and… we still sent you there. I’m… I don’t… I’m so sorry, Tarlim. I won’t plead innocence; we did this. Our people, all of us, failed you in the most impossible, embarrassing way. I’m…”
You’re what?? Sorry?!
My body went limp as I felt the weight of my people’s sins against all of us, distilled into this Person’s real experience. “No. Just a sad ‘sorry’ doesn’t even begin to make up for what happened to you. I don't know how to make this right, or if it’s even possible to do so at this point. But for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”
I looked up at him. At Tarlim. He… he had begun breathing erratically, short and fast, tossing his chest wool about. His ears twitching in fear. Had- had I said something wrong? I saw Alvi lean towards him with worry in her affect. “Hey, you okay?”
Tarlim didn’t show any sign of having heard. He grabbed onto his knees and pulled them to his chest. Jacob stood and began running his hand along Tarlim’s back. I didn’t know what to do! How do I fix this? Should I do something? Wait? I-
I heard a chime coming from Tarlim’s shoulder pack. As soon as it was heard, it was like he transformed. The look of panic and confusion was replaced by a determined calm as he began taking steady breaths. He seemed to be coming around again.
Maeve leaned forward, looking uncertain at her words. “It’s alright Tarlim. We are here with you. You’re not alone. ”
“C’mon buddy, you got this.”
A murmur, too small for a Venlil of his size, “Th-Thank you.” Then Tarlim’s ears swiveled back to me, “Valek… you… you are the first to say that. To really say that, and to mean it, too.”
My tail swayed in honest joy, while I closed my eyes to give him comfort, as he started again, choking on phlegm brought on by tears,
“It has been years since my lawsuit. In that time, I can count the people who supported me on one paw. One paw!” He held up four claws for emphasis. “They helped me get on my feet. Let me release my feelings. And just… they were there for me. They gave sympathy, but you…” I panted, trying to control my breathing. “You didn’t. You called me dangerous. Feared me. You were… you were them.” He swept his arms at the oblivious crowd below, “In all those years, all that time, nobody, not one, had ever apologized. Not sincerely.”
I tried to show kindness and welcome, happy to have another friend. “You’re a good person Tarlim. I know I won’t be the last.”
…
A short silence fell over us all, before Maeve spoke up, “Not to give conversational whiplash, but absolutely to change the subject: What do you think about Venlil Cuisine, Jacob? I am quite partial to the Juicefruit, even if I need a small towel for every bite.”
“Good subject change,” he took a drink of his soda and set it on the table. “There’s this thing that translates to Firefruit, and it’s amazing! Got this nice zest like a lime but a sweet spice like a jalapeño! Its juice goes great on a lot of things!”
“Oh then you may like this,” she shifted a plate of fried veg across the table, “This one is fried Deeproot. It’s got quite a ginger kick to it, but the fry brings out a lot of sweet too!”
Tarlim’s affect softened as we spoke on kinder things. “Deeproot? That’s rather tasty.” He uncurled himself and swung his ears genially, “Have you… have you been on the planet long?”
Maeve met my eye, and pulled Alvi onto her lap, her voice taking on a wistful remembrance, “Feels like a new life… but my calendar says just over two weeks! A lot has changed since I walked on the station.” Her voice trailed off, while my tail flicked comfort and Alvi leaned her weight against Maeve.
Tarlim continued his curiosity and asked Maeve, “So what do you think of our planet? Apart from the… poor welcoming.”
Maeve waved her hand dismissively, “Oh those poor pups were just doing as nature intended; honestly it just made your planet more familiar! Really that’s the surprising thing, despite twenty lightyears across the galaxy, everything is still so familiar! You have trees that remind me of the Redwoods, you have cities that are just like ours, if shinier, and Alvi here worked in customer service!” She ruffled Alvi’s crown affectionately. “I never imagined I would feel so at home on another world!”
I stepped back from the conversation and helped myself to what was left of the food, enjoying the sharp tang of the Deeproot.
Maeve breathed a contented sigh under her veil, before facing Jacob, “How about you, Jacob? How are you handling the planet?”
Jacob finished another drink of his soda. “Ah would say that outside of the station incident, it has been going well. After we’re done here, ah am going to be getting my own apartment to live in since Tarlim’s isn’t big enough!” He snorted in amusement. “Don’ worry about me living in an apartment. Ah have mah ways of winning people over.” He picked up the last of his fried dough. “Relatedly, be careful with Venlil drinks. Their ‘lite beer’ is our equivalent to distilled whiskey.”
Maeve laughed lightly, “Glad to see they know how to party! It’s an equal trade though, what they call an ‘energy drink’ is on par with weak tea. I was so glad my handler got me a 10lb bag of beans and a french press.”
“Lite beer? What do you guys consider strong?” Alvi asked, and I had to agree with her concerned tone.
“Tarlim called it distilled Ipsom,” Jacob responded. “60% alcohol. That’s pretty strong fer most humans. Our whiskey is usually 40-50%. What about y’all? What do you call strong?”
Alvi perked up, excited to share one of her happy memories, “I used to hang out at The Roost when I was in the capital, and they kept a bottle of 90% behind the counter for Venlil only: distilled and fermented Goji juice, aged in Nishtalian hardwood casks. It was really good, but I’ve had stronger.” I had to admire how proud she was to say that. Even I would struggle at that amount!
Jacob leaned back, his shoulders tense with surprise. “Jeezus! And this is just drinkable Ethanol, right? Not Methanol?”
I recoiled at the awful memory of my first time with Methanol. That disgusting stuff? Blech!
“Ew, no, I hate the taste it leaves on your tongue. And after what happened at my 16th, I’m not touching that stuff any time soon.” Alvi seemed to share in my distaste for that glorified spoiled speh.
“Yeah,” Tarlim chimed in between sips of his Sprunk, “I hear the Zurulians experiment with drinking that stuff specifically, but it seems to be just them. Even they don’t usually drink at our level.”
“That’s incredible!” Maeve chimed in, “That stuff makes us go blind. Doesn’t stop people from homebrewing it anyway though.”
My tail flicked in concern; I mean, methanol is bad, but were humans so frail that it would make them go blind?
Tarlim, however, seemed somehow amused! “You guys are crazy. Why would you do something that would cause you to be disabled?”
“I never said we were smart!” Maeve, to my astonishment, laughed along with Jacob. “Seriously though, it's complicated. The insultingly short version is: humans experimented with alcohol for literally our entire history, some post industrial nits thought it was evil and banned it, so people made their own. Bootlegging Moonshine became its own culture, even the not so smart parts, so methanol based drinks are still around.”
“But seriously though, to turn blind.” Tarlim’s voice was full of worry, and his tail didn’t hide it. “Why do something that would cause them to be cast out?”
“Cast out??”
A silence fell over the table, while Maeve and Jacob watched Tarlim, who began to shrink under their gazes. I hadn’t been expecting this reaction; wouldn’t humans do the same? Isn’t that what… Wait. Maeve wouldn’t, not in a million years! Why did I think that humans would do this?
“Why,” Jacob asked, “would you think we would cast someone out?”
“B-because that’s what… we… oh Speh!” Tarlim did his best to bury his face in his paws, and I hid behind my ears. “Why did I think that? It isn’t true- of course it isn’t! The exterminators said it! Gods!”
“Yeah,” Jacob said as he shook his head slowly, “that ain’t what we do. We try to help them live as normal a life as possible.”
“Yeah,” Maeve agreed. “We teach them how to use guiding sticks, give correctional implants, or help them learn braille!”
That last word caught my attention. The translator seemed to struggle with it, saying it was some form of communication for people who couldn’t see, but not how. “Braille? What’s that? The translator didn’t quite get it.”
“It’s a kind of writing.” Maeve explained, “Little bumps whose patterns translate to a letter. A blind person can pass their fingers over the bumps to feel the pattern and thus read through their hands.”
“Don’t y’all have something similar?” Jacob directed his question at Tarlim, “you told me once that the Xeno-what’s it hospital.” He twirled his hand dismissively, “You said it had classes. Don’t they teach stuff like that there?”
“Those…” Tarlim spoke up, then hesitated. “Those classes are for families. Teaching them how to care for their herd members. Not for… us.”
Jacob shook his head. “Okay? Ah mean, that’s fine fer families, but what about someone without one? Or if they go somewhere the rest of their herd doesn’t?”
"It depends on the family," Alvi added her voice, "some will go without to stay with the weak, but some will just…" Her ears fell, "leave them. And for those that don't have… don't have a herd they…"
A deep sadness drifted from the Giant, “Sleep on the streets.”
“Bullshit!” Jacob slammed his hand against his table. “I’m not gonna lie and say we humans don’t have homeless, but no support if they don’t have a family or herd? None? What about shelters? Food banks? Those… those bunkers everybody evacuated to in panic!”
“We have food banks!” I piped up, wishing to add some hope to the gloom, “We don’t let people just starve! If people are tight on money, they are completely free to visit one of the social centers or food banks! They have services there to match you with a herd, and sometimes they give community service. It's considered pre-disease treatment.” But I couldn’t ignore the Tarlim in the room. "Sometimes people fall through the cracks. And sometimes, as I just learned… they are dropped through."
"Oh my god…" Maeve sighed, her face pointed at nothing.
“Hold it. Pre-disease?” Jacob’s voice dripped with skepticism. “So you're saying that someone visiting one of those places would be saying they have your Predator Disease?”
I answered immediately, "Not necessarily. It is more supposed to prevent herdless behavior. I've never been in the system, though, so I don't know what it looks like inside."
“It’s a big room.” I wince at Tarlim’s tone as he interrupts. “A bunch of bunk beds crammed together in the center with Exterminators watching over at all hours as you eat, sleep, and… everything else. Watching for the slightest excuse to cry Predator Disease.” He let out a huff of distaste. “When I was in the facility, there were five inmates who tried to stick around me despite what the faculty said.” He stared directly at me as he said the final words. “Three of them were snatched in one of those places. There’s a reason I slept in the streets.”
“But… but they wouldn’t…”
I remember the photo. I remember the corruption on Emerald Marble. I remember the testimony from Clegal Falls. So many children, abandoned by their families.
"Who am I kidding. I want so badly to believe we aren't like that, but…" I pointed despondently at my pad in the center of the table.
"It's ok, Valek, this is actually familiar to us." Maeve's voice soothed my melancholy, as she tried to rub my head with her elbow, "We haven't solved those problems ourselves, but we have made huge strides. Hopefully, more opportunities and less facilities may give them a fighting chance."
“Here’s hoping,” Jacob agreed.
I heard Tarlim sigh, but his tail… wagged?. “And as little as it may be, there is now at least one city with no Facility at all.”
A city with no facility. Somewhere that people with… possible Predator Disease roamed free. For two years. And yet, this place… it wasn’t bad. It wasn’t in chaos. There weren’t people being devoured in the streets at all times. There was… there was nothing. Just a normal city…
How could so few have realized…
“By the way,” my train of thought was interrupted by Jacob’s voice, “bit of a subject change, but Maeve. Are you going to eat any of your food?” He gestured to our plate. “You haven’t even touched that since we arrived.”
Maeve flipped her hand, and her voice was light and kind, "It's quite a pain to eat through this. I'd already had enough before you guys got here, I'll be fine."
Jacob shook his head. “Ah don’t buy that. There’s only one plate in front of you, and it’s only been nibbled.” He leaned forward, placing his elbow on the table. “It’s the teeth thing, isn’t it?”
Tarlim signaled concern, while his ears locked onto Maeve. “Are you not eating just so I don’t see your teeth?”
Maeve was quiet for a moment. She was thinking about her next words, like I had seen so many times before. "... I'm sorry I lied to you, I should have seen you're more comfortable than the average Venlil. Teeth is a part of it, yes, but I have had the most intense reaction from my eyes and hair. I'm red-headed, rather brightly I'll add."
Jacob leaned back in his chair, and chuckled, "Oh, No!"
Tarlim’s affected slid to confusion, "I don't get it, what am I missing?"
"Uhh, there's no easy way to say this bud, but her hair makes it look like she's doused and speckled in Venlil blood."
Of course, there really isn’t a good way to say that. It was the most alarming thing about Maeve when we first met, and Alvi took almost three paws to get used to it! I hoped that Tarlim wouldn’t freak out too badly.
He stared blankly. “Ooookaaay? And why is that a problem?”
Whut.
“Wait,” Alvi was the first to speak, “you aren’t bothered?”
Tarlim cocked his head quizzically, “Why should I be? It’s a fur color. I have seen pictures of Sulians with a pigment that makes them look like the color of our blood.” I could only stare in shock as he simply sipped from his soda. “Don’t starve yourself on my account.”
Ok Tiny, you're laying it on a little thick. You don’t have to be that nonchalant.
My ears focused on him as I called him out, “Alright, how are you so calm about this? Even the braver Venlil on the station were nervous around humans that weren’t their partners. Why aren’t you?”
“Guys, look at me. I tower over all of you. What could they do to me that a prey couldn’t? That…” His whistling laugh dripped with irony, “that a prey hasn’t already done?”
What they… that hasn’t… that has to be the most cynical reason for bravery I’ve heard.
I remembered the video of the station incident. My father’s rifle, ready to fire. The shuttle driver dropping us in the middle of a forest. And through it all, Maeve’s smile never left me.
I joined the four of them in boisterous laughter at the ridiculous reversal of everything I have ever known and been taught. When the world is upside down, what can you do but laugh?
Shortly after, Maeve regained her breath and answered, "I'm glad you can laugh about it! Well, consent given…" and she removed her veil entirely.
I watched as Maeve removed her head covering, marveling at the luscious waves of sunset falling against her shoulder. I couldn’t stop my tail from swaying as I saw her bright smile light up the entire room, and set my heart ablaze; a fire more hungry than any Exterminators’ torch. And in that moment I wanted nothing more than to feel her hair in my paws, scent her salt on my tongue, and hear our jubilations rattle off the walls of wherever we stood. To know her, completely. And maybe ‘biblically’.
Tarlim spoke with certainty, as if stating a fact that was beyond obvious, “You have very nice eyes,” Damn right, she does. And my snout bloomed at the well deserved compliment. “The color reminds me of a freshly sprouted Darkwood leaf.” Tarlim turned his attention to me, “From what I understand, you two are very brave to have seen her without her mask.”
I flapped my ears to shake off my reverie, and I breathed deeply as I remembered how we began. "It took time. We had talked by text for a couple weeks before the meetup, and our introduction in the room went smoothly. But when she took off her hair wrap, I… I could hear the sound of blood on the ground. I tried to dive under the bunk, but I missed. Woke up in the clinic with a nasty bump." and I laid my paw on the place of impact, now well healed.
Jacob chuckled. “You certainly weren't the only one to react by freaking out.” He turned his visor towards Alvi. “What about you?”
"My first time was in the forest." Alvi started, "Maeve was… having a hard time. I caught her eyes when I was trying to talk to her and… I uhh… I fainted!" She pulled her ears in front of her face, "and the second time! We were in Valek's b-" her voice caught in her throat.
I met Alvi’s eye while she sat on Maeve’s lap, reaching out to offer comfort as I picked up her story, "It's ok, Alvi. Our first rest at the farm we were all sharing a bed, Maeve's spare room wasn't finished yet. Maeve's uncovered face was the first thing Alvi saw when she woke, and she locked up. At least we took the opportunity to get used to eye contact."
"How about you two?" Maeve spoke to Tarlim directly, "You mentioned you were from the first wave on Prime Station? I'm glad you both made it out of the attack!"
“Nah,” Jacob waved his hand, palm facing out, “Only one of us was on the station.”
Tarlim sighed in disappointment, “Yeah, I’m certain you can guess why it wasn’t me.”
Maeve sympathetically returned his disappointment, “Ah. I can see why your size would be a prohibitor. Though I’m certain a human would have gotten creative to make a fix. But no use lamenting what is already done. And you, Jacob?” She switched to facing Jacob, and asked through a bite of fried sweetwood. “How did you fare in the attack?”
Jacob shrugged, “ah volunteered to help recover drifters after the raid cause, well, Spacesuit.” he gestured at his sadly un-blue pelts, “But Ah’m sure we can talk about that even more in a bit. Fer now,” he shook the now empty fried dough bags, “Ah don’t think these were filling enough. Do any of y’all have suggestions on what else to eat?”
“Not around here if you’re looking for ‘filling’,” Maeve answered, “If I’m being honest, as delicious as I find their food, everything has been very calorie-light. I would ki-- uh… be very excited for some pasta. This girl needs her carbs!” Her giggle was adorable. I could tell she was about to say something else, but she recovered well.
“Well why not eat some Stringfruit?” Tarlim offered, excited to be helpful, “It’s one of the more dense foods, more content and less juice, and has a good amount of protein inside. Good savory taste, in my opinion. Or maybe some more Bunt leaf salad. Hearty plant. Bit neutral, but that makes it good with just about everything. And even though it’s not my taste, firefruit is a good option for calories.”
I was impressed; He was more familiar with some of our foods than even my parents! Maeve and Jacob looked at him in surprise before he clarified, “I’m big! Need to eat more to fuel my size!”
Maeve lit up in another smile, “I will take those notes! The three of us can check a cafe that we passed on the way. But Jacob, what were your first impressions when you got to Venlil habitations? The smell took some getting used to, but at least it’s not sour…” Her question surfaced memories of her teeth on my neck, and I hoped my bloom wasn’t noticeable.
Tarlim’s ears turned in confusion, “Smell? What scent do you mean?”
Maeve shrugged, “It’s just something I noticed while on the station. Humans have their own scents, some stronger than others, but I noticed that the Venlil are especially thick; might be a consequence of having to taste the air. You, for example, remind me of when I took a nap in a field of honeysuckle.”
In response to Maeve’s words, Tarlim leaned forward for a scenting breath.
It was an interesting part of our biology. While our lack of a physical nose caused many to assume that we Venlil had no sense of smell, that wasn’t quite true. Our mouth and tongue had more taste receptors than most other races, so we could taste the air much like other races could smell it; though we were less sensitive and more specialized. We would be able to discern the difference between fruits one day apart in age, but things like petroleum products were completely scentless to us. Maeve and I had a wonderful conversation about the differences in our biology when that was first brought up.
Tarlim appeared to approve of our choice of shampoo. “Interesting. If multiple people were using the same scented fur-care, I can see how it would be overwhelming at first. But Jacob is going to get his own apartment. We’re just waiting to hear from the magistratta with news. Should be on this paw or the next. I’m sure that sleeping on a couch wouldn’t be an accurate impression.”
“Certainly not,” Jacob agreed. “Just thankful the apartment is tall enough!”
“Yeah, I can stand straight with my ears flat. Barely fitting for me, but good headroom for humans!” Tarlim flattened his ears, mimicking his issues with low ceilings, before laughing amiably.
“But fer now,” Jacob calmly stood from the table, “my stomach demands to be satisfied. Perhaps we could all check out that cafe y’all noticed?”
Alvi’s ears excitedly perked, “That would be fantastic! They had a stringfruit soup bowl with spiceleaf and nightberry on the window that I’d love to try! They're just leeward of the Dome, about two streets over.” Maeve set her down before standing as well.
Tarlim was next to rise, agreeing and swinging their tail in clear joy and friendliness. Maeve and Jacob reapplied their coverings before we all walked as a herd to the exit.
​
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Occupation – Government employee
Age – 34
Location – Zimbabwe
My salary – $500 (paid monthly)
Side Gig Income – $0
Other income – negligible amounts from dividends received from my stock portfolio that I re-invest
Housemates – 4 (husband P, 6 year old L, 4 year old E and nanny F. My nephew M is around and makes appearances too)
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Assets and Liabilities
​

Equity	$60,000 fully paid off
Retirement Balance	??	I contribute monthly, and employer matches fully. But because of changes in currency and hyperinflation, I don’t really count this as an asset
Savings	$1700	(went down due to travelling trying to get my passport done since it expired)
Current account balance	$660	Includes my mum's money since I'm managing her financial affairs while she's abroad
Loan from employer	$130	I took a personal loan from work, because the interest rates are lower than rate of inflation and repayment is over 18 months. Loan was used to make improvements on our house, and what wasn’t used, I bought shares on our stock exchange, due to hyperinflation, the amount I owe in US$ has gone down
Investments (shares in various counters on our local stock exchanges)	$1,186
Car	$4,000	Based on current resale value. Car was bought secondhand for cash

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Income progression- (https://www.reddit.com/MoneyDiariesACTIVE/comments/vbbb7s/i_live_in_zimbabwe_making_3600year_and_i_just/)
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Expenses
This year, my husband and I decided that he would take on the bulk of our expenses since I do most of the domestic work/childcare. Expenses I pay will be indicated. My salary is now for my expenses, my investments and my savings, and spoiling the kids. Husband caters for the family basics. There was a point last year when I felt my husband wasn’t as invested in the family because he barely did anything financially. By having him cater for all expenses, he is now definitely involved and invested. My husband’s income is just about the same as mine, slightly higher at some times.
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My Expenses

Expense	Amount /period	Note
Car insurance and licensing	$300/annum	This is due in March, and I pay for the entire year
Petrol	$60/month
Electricity	$10/month
Airtime/data	$20/month
Groceries	$60/month	This is for additional groceries such as bread, veg and fruit bought during the month
Kids’ clothes	$40/month	I’m trying to build up their winter wardrobe so I try to buy them something each month
Makeup/clothes/toiletries/ supplements/hair	$30/month	I do not us this much monthly though
Water	$15/month	Based on last bill received in April. We do not get water consistently so bills are infrequent
Donations	$20/month	Ad hoc donations to a soup kitchen, and maternal health fun
Stock market investment	$50/month	May invest more or less, but I do try to buy shares every payday

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Household Expenses (paid by P)
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Expense	Amount /period	Note
Groceries	$200/month	Bulk grocery shopping of staple food items and toiletries
LP Gas	$30/approx. every 2 months	We buy when it runs out. Usually every 2 months depending on how bad the power supply is
Medical	$15/month	For OTC meds (painkiller, cough syrup, antacid stocked for emergencies) and any prescriptions
Pet expenses	$60/ twice a year	For vaccinations and checkups for 4 dogs. Pet food is covered under groceries
School fees for the kids	$347/ term	One kid has fees paid every month, the other every 3 months
Nanny	$80/month	Less than before as both kids are now in school fulltime, and nanny is there to get them ready for school and care after school for 3 hours.
DSTV subscription	$37/month
Transport for kids to/from school	$60/month	L gets picked up and dropped off at home daily, E is dropped off after school

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Previous MDs - (https://www.reddit.com/MoneyDiariesACTIVE/comments/vbbb7s/i_live_in_zimbabwe_making_3600year_and_i_just/) and (https://www.reddit.com/MoneyDiariesACTIVE/comments/yc801g/i_am_33_years_old_and_i_just_graduated_with_my/)
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MD Q&A
Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
Yes, I have a BSc in Accounting, a Masters in Accounting, and a Postgraduate Diploma in Taxation. My parents both have Masters degrees, and in my family, the bare minimum acceptable for education was getting a Bachelors. My mother paid for my undergraduate degree, and I paid cash for my postgraduate studies.
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Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money?
My parents divorced when I was very young. My dad is the wealthier of the two, my mum has always been middle-class. My mum brought me up with very little financial help from my dad, he only covered tuition and healthcare until I turned 18. My mum catered for everything else. My mum taught me how to look for bargains, how to save and invest, and also how to sometimes enjoy your money.
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If you have, when did you move out of your parents'/guardians' house?
I would say I moved out at 26 when I got my current job. I had moved out when I got my first fulltime job, but moved back home when that contract ended
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At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself? Does anyone else cover any aspects of your financial life?
At 26 again. That's when I earned enough to cover all my bills without needing help. My husband P covers some aspects of my financial life, and my mum occasionally helps out with stuff for her grandchildren.
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What was your first job and why did you get it?
I worked as a receptionist at my mum's law firm after finishing my A Levels (age 18) while waiting to start university. My mum gave me the job to keep me occupied and out of mischief, lol.
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Do you worry about money now?
I worry about building generational wealth for my children. I want to make sure they will be set for life as adults. I do worry about money because hyperinflation is eroding my earnings and retirement dramatically. This is my second time losing my retirement. My mum and in laws are losing their retirement for the third time, so honestly our old age looks bleak if we do not invest outside of work pensions.
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Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income?
I receive negligible dividends from the shares I own, lol.
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Day 1
0430 – I’m woken up by loadshedding. I sigh, rollover, and sleep some more
0600 – Alarm goes off. I turn it off, enjoy cuddles from P and finally get out of bed. Our water tanks ran out 4 days ago, and council has not yet deigned to give us water, so we rely on P’s parents and friends to give us water. I get my water that was warming up on the stove, and take a quick bucket bath. I moisturize, do my brows, throw my lace wig on (I cut my hair in January, and I’m at a really awkward stage where my hair looks bad when I wear it out all day) and get dressed. It’s cold in the mornings so I put on winter stockings and a black and white chevron patterned dress, nude ballet pumps plus my warm jacket. I get E from the couch where he was watching Cocomelon and my lunch bag out of the kitchen and we head off to his school. After dropping off E, I go to the office. No electricity means no elevator, so I go up the stairs. I see my boss’s boss and greet him as we do the ZESA (local electricity company) sponsored workout. I log in to the work register, fill up my kettle, and settle down to check out my work email. Nothing urgent came through overnight, so I go into my personal email. The wig company I patronize has given me a code for my birthday, and I’m wondering if I should pull the trigger on my cart. I decide to do a report while thinking this through.
My mum is currently working out of the country, so I am managing her local finances/obligations while she’s away. I remember I have to buy the prepaid electricity token for my childhood home as well as for the house she lives in when she’s working in the country. I spend $23 on electricity for both houses (mum’s money so doesn’t count)
1030 – After doing some firefighting and office gossip I have my breakfast. Today its rice, peas and 2 fried eggs. I sprinkle some peri-peri Aromat on top since I don’t have a sauce/gravy ad I have been craving spicy food lately. I also pop my multivitamin and supplements. I check my team’s work and send back anything that needs correcting. I also generate the multiple reports my boss expects from me. I suddenly remember I need to claim my allowance for performing a role that is higher than my actual position at work. I quickly complete the form, and send it to my boss for his signature. The extra money from this is what I use to fund my stock market investments. I also remind my team to send a report to me for consolidation by noon.
12.00 – I do a major push of all my work due today so I can relax after lunch. I compile my reports and set them ready to send. I also finish my first 2 litres of water of the day, and cue up the next 2 litres
1300 – Its lunchtime, and my work bestie and I head out around town**. I find shorts that L would fit and buy 2 pairs for $10**. We head back to the office and I have caramel popcorn for lunch. Then I remember I forgot to have my afternoon meds, oops. Anyway, more work before heading to an audit meeting
1630 – The audit meeting is finally over, and I rush to shut down my computer, pack up my things and go home. I have an agreement with my manager that as long as I make up for the hour, by either coming early or skipping lunch, I can leave work at 4pm. I had a total hysterectomy end of last year so I still can’t manage driving in heavy traffic. I arrive home, make the bed (P had not made it when he went to work), and harvest chilies from our garden that have ripened. I also harvest a local herb used as a flu remedy and lemongrass, so I can brew up a tea/tisane for the flu affected people in my house. I also pack L’s lunch for tomorrow, a pie, a naartjie and juice. It’s also F’s payday, so I give her US$80 (P gave me this money).
E says he is hungry so I feed him sadza and sour milk by his request. I multitask covering L’s school textbook while supervising his homework and watching Married to Real Estate and the Great British Bake Off. I then have my dinner of sadza, greens and beef. I have a chat with the kids about their day at school. P gets home.
1900 – P and my nephew M go to fetch water from P’s friend’s house. The city council still hasn’t opened up our water supply. I do some French on Duolingo while the boys wreak havoc in their playroom. I read L and E their bedtime stories and put them to bed. I decide to do my hair in cornrows while watching Masterchef Australia. They get home and I help them carry water indoors. I remember that when power comes back I need to boil tripe on the stove, so I cut it up, put it in the pot with water, salt and garlic, and place it on the electric stove. We have serious loadshedding these days, so we have a gas stove and solar power to tide us over. I take a quick bath and change into my pyjamas. While P watches TV, I read Wild Sweet Love by Beverly Jenkins and continue to do my hair in cornrows.
2200 – My arms are tired and I’m only halfway through with the cornrows. I give up and go to bed with P.
Total spent - $10
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Day 2
0600 – I hear crying. E is in a bad mood today. I turn off my alarm, and go to see what’s wrong. E does not want to get dressed for school. I sigh, and help F dress him while he throws a massive tantrum. E is dressed, so I go do my morning routine of shower, moisturize, contact lenses, and eyebrow makeup. Today, I wear a green dress I took from my mum, black tights, nude ballet flats and a black and white coat. E gets put into the car by F, and starts crying for porridge. We are already late, so he learns that the consequence of refusing to eat his porridge on time is to go to school without having his porridge. It’s not a big issue though, as he gets fed at school. So I lock the doors and windows and drive him to school as he throws a tantrum for the entire 10 minute drive. I shove him into the school gate and head to work.
It’s another ZESA sponsored stair workout today. I log into the register, and fill up my kettle with water. I switch on my computer, check my work email and send off client emails to my team for their response. My personal email has an annual report from one of the companies I have shares in so I check out if there’s a dividend this year. I own a negligible number of shares in the company though, but 28c per share is quite impressive. I check to see if my stock exchange wallet has been credited with the money I transferred there so I can buy more shares. It still hasn’t so I send a follow up email o the enquiries desk at the stock exchange. I do have a stockbroker, but I prefer doing my trades myself. I also do some French on Duolingo before 8am.
0830 – Our HR is in a tizzy because people are late for work. I don’t make a big deal out of it usually, because salaries are shit and people are demotivated. As long as my team shows up and does some work, I’m ok. I approve some work, and warn my team about coming in a bit too late. I also tell a teammate that she will have to cover for me on Monday as I am taking the day off. Our internet connectivity is shit so I can’t log into our system to check some stuff. My work bestie gives me avocados from her house. I almost cry because I have been craving avocados, but been too cheap to buy them.
1000 – I have a really bad sore throat. I am also hungry since I haven’t had breakfast yet. I jot down my shopping list for the weekend and head to Pick ‘n’ Pay to buy carrots, green peppers, tomatoes, lemons, cheese, polony and bread. I also buy my breakfast/lunch, which is rice, beans, ox liver and egg salad**. It all cost $10**. I leave my shopping in my car, and go to the office to wolf down my food, and take my multivitamin and painkiller. I also receive my wigs that I bought in May. Perfect timing, as I want to wear a new wig tomorrow for our girls’ day out.
I do some more work, and remind my team to send me the information I need for my daily reports.
1300 – I go out to buy a few items I didn’t find in Pick ‘n’ Pay earlier**. I go to Spar and buy peas, eggs, soft drinks for the outing tomorrow and a sausage roll. Total cost is $10**. The outing has been deemed kid friendly, so I needed drinks for the boys to have tomorrow. I get back into the office, and spend the rest of the lunch hour working.
1600 – It’s finally time to go home. I send my email to handover work issues for the person who will take over my role on Monday while I am on leave. I also send my out of office email, and head home. The kids are at their grandmother’s, so I take a leisurely bath, put on my pyjamas and eat dinner. Then I watch Masterchef Australia until P and E get home. I also get in some French Duolingo practice
2000 – P goes out with his friends, so I snuggle up on the couch with E and watch TV. I put E to bed, read him his bedtime story and kiss him good night. I finally finish season 13 of Masterchef Australia, and move on to My Kitchen Rules Australia. I love Australian reality shows, ngl.
2200 – I go to bed P gets home and tells me some bad news about a friend of ours. I feel very sad for him. He cuddles me and we sleep.
Total spent - $20
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Day 3
0700 – I wake up feeling like a truck ran me over. I get out of bed, and get ready to hand-wash our laundry. We still have no running water so we can’t use the washing machine. I play music while doing my laundry to keep me motivated
0900 – Laundry has been hung out to dry. F has cooked potato curry, so I boil eggs and water. I have my breakfast of potato curry, egg, multivitamin and coffee. Once I’m done, I give E a bath and dress him. I also bath, moisturize, do my brows and get dressed. I’m wearing jeans and a t-shirt today as my friends and I ae supposed to take our kids out for a playdate. Then I receive a message that the outing is cancelled since one of our group is really sick. I try to think of something I can do with E, since L is out having fun with his grandmother. I do my Swahili Duolingo practice.
1100 – The welder comes to do some work on our garage door. I monitor the work for a bit, and then my nephew takes over. E starts really bugging me to go out. So I put on my headband wig and sneakers, and pack a cooler bag with snacks and drinks. We head into town and I buy myself some ciders for $9. These are for me to drink when the mood strikes me. E wants to go to a resort by the lake so I oblige him. We pay $8 for our entrance. He goes to play on the swings, and I take pictures of him having fun. Another family turns up, and one of his classmates is among them. He’s so happy, and goes to play with his friend. I watch him running around.
1500 – I get a call from my friend that she’s in town with my cake. This cake was meant for the cancelled outing. I pack up our stuff, hustle E into the car and drive back into town. I let out some colourful swear words when I realise I forgot to get our change of $2. Anyway**, I meet up with my friend and get the cake, and pay her $30**. It’s so pretty. I call my MIL while still in town to find out what time she will be there so I can pick up L. She says it will be an hour, so E and I head home to drop off the cake so it doesn’t melt in my AC-less car.
1600 – We are back in town waiting for L and MIL. E wants an ice cream so I buy him one for $0.50 using money I had in my Innbucks wallet. MIL calls and asks me to head over to where she is to pick L up since she can’t leave yet. E and I get there. MIL gets me sadza and goat tripe stew, which I eat a bit of to be polite even though I am not hungry. When I’m done, I pack up the kids and drive home. I bath and change into my pyjamas.
1800 – I feed the kids, and we play until their weekend bedtime of 8pm. I read them their bedtime stories and tuck them in. I watch TV and iron my morning laundry while having a gin and juice until 9pm, and head to read in bed. P and my nephew arrive home from their amateur soccer league match and subsequent outing with the boys. I fall asleep soon after.
Total spent - $49.50
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Day 4
0700 – I’m woken up by L demanding that I come and play with them. I am still sleepy so I fob him off.
0900 - F knocks on the door and tells us she is off to church. I finally get out of bed and get dressed. I see the boys playing relatively peacefully so I let them continue with their antics. In the kitchen, I find F had cooked breakfast, and since I’m starving, I heat up water for coffee. L surprisingly isn’t hungry so I serve up breakfast for P and me. I have my daily multivitamin. P heads out to go fetch water, while I bath, change and hang out with the kids. I also do my French Duolingo practice for the day
1200 – I have played with the dogs and kids, and I am exhausted. I collapse onto the couch and watch MKR Australia. P gets home, and naps on the couch. I give the kids haircuts and baths.
1700 – L is hungry and really wants cake, so I feed the kids a dinner of sadza and sour milk. Then some cake for dessert. I also pack L’s school lunch, which will be a polony sandwich, a cupcake and juice. The kids play until its bedtime at 7pm. The usual routine, bedtime stories and tuck in is done
2000 – P and I watch a movie while having some alcoholic drinks.
2200 – Bedtime for us
Total spent - $0
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Day 5
0600 – It’s my birthday today. I am going all out celebrating myself since TW I tried unaliving myself twice in the past year. L wishes me a happy birthday before he goes to school. I get birthday messages from my mum, dad, SILs, and friends. I also get a call from my brother, his wife and their son, and they sing to me. I feel very loved today. P goes to drop off E at school today so I can sleep in
0800 – I am finally up and hungry. I cook a quick breakfast of boiled eggs, and a bean curry. P takes my car to get serviced, while I bath, moisturize, contact lenses, do a full face of makeup and get dressed for the day. Today I wear a tie-dyed cutout mini-dress and sneakers, and my wavy headband wig
1300 – P is home and he drives me to a hotel outside town near a renowned tourist site in our country. We have a platter of fried fish, chicken strips, pork strips, fries, and a salad to share and multiple Savannah Drys while there. It’s really nice getting to reconnect after a very tumultuous year in our marriage. P pays.
1700 – We drive around the area, before heading home. Once we get home, P and my nephew go on a hunt for water, while I feed the kids. P and I head off to take our showers. I remember why I don’t do a full face of makeup when it take a long time to get the makeup off my face.
1900 – The family sings happy birthday, and we eat cake. Birthday gifts were gin and chocolate. I hustle the boys off to bed. No story today, as they went to bed later than usual. P watches TV while I read my novel.
2100 – Bedtime for the grownups
Total spent - $0
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Day 6
0530 – I wake up and lie in bed for a bit. Then I read my novel some more.
0620 – I am up, and take my bath, moisturize, do my brows and get dressed. It’s cold this morning, so I wear a yellow dress with black polka dots, black tights and ankle boots. I pack up the cake I’m giving to my colleagues, as well as my water bottle. E and I head out. I drop E off at school, and go to the office. I log into the work register, turn on my computer, and check my emails. There are a few pressing issues I need to get up to speed with. One of my colleagues gives me $50 as a birthday gift. I also hand out the cake to my team.
0900 – Work is pretty quiet today, so I update my MD. I also receive news that one of my nephews is getting married. He is not that much younger than me, and could be my younger brother, but it makes me feel so old.
Note on my family: In our culture, even distant relatives are given close relationships so the large number of nephews/nieces is from those relationships. It’s a big thing done to maintain close family bonds. I have 4 actual (in a Western sense) nephews and nieces who are all under the age of 6.
1000 – I head to the supermarket and buy bread, onions, carrots, pork chops, pork trotters and my breakfast and lunch. This costs $25. The meat is the main cost driver here. I have a sausage roll, my multivitamin, supplement and milk for breakfast. I remember that I need to check if my stock exchange wallet was credited, ugh. The website is refusing to load and I’m very frustrated. I finally log in and see the amount is still not credited. I email and send a tweet to the stock exchange. Hopefully the tweet will get them to start moving.
1200 – My boss is mad. One member of my team left his desk without informing me and there’s an urgent matter. I was about to go downstairs to give P the groceries, so I stick around for a bit before committing the same offence as my subordinate, lol. I quickly get back into my office and check on work, sign some papers and letters, and clear out my emails.
1300 – My work bestie has to run other errands at lunch so I decide to stay in the office. I check my personal email and see I have received a dividend of $0.27, lol. The share price will probably drop soon, so I will buy more shares in this counter if I can get them to increase my shareholding. My goal for this year is to breach the 10,000 share mark for one counter. I suddenly remember I have work to do, so I use my lunch hour to do the work, and then take a quick break to eat my lunch of fries and a sausage and do some Swahili Duolingo practice.
1500 – I am thinking of going home when one of my team members calls me to deal with an angry client. I go to the office, and find out it’s a surprise birthday party from my team. I am so happy, lol. We have more cake, and there’s also fruit and juice. I head home feeling so appreciated with even more cake.
1700 – P and my nephew go out to get water. I warm up my bath water, and give the kids their dinner. Today its rice and croc meat. I make L’s lunch for tomorrow, a toasted polony sandwich and juice. I also pack my lunch, rice, a fried egg and peas. And some cake for my work bestie’s kids. I take my bath; change into my pyjamas and hound E to eat his food. If we let that kid be, he would probably live on the bits of our souls he sucks out daily by being stubborn. I am feeling nauseous so I have plain rice with a bit of avocado. The kids watch cartoons, while I do some more Swahili on Duolingo.
1900 – Bedtime for the kids. Today, there’s no demand for a bedtime story, so I just tuck them in and tell them I love them. I read my novel as increasingly feel more nauseated. I end up going to hurl my guts out. P comes home and finds me lying limply on the bed. He gives me a cuddle, and goes to eat his dinner. I get up but smell fish, and run back to throw up. If I hadn’t had a hysterectomy, I would be doing a pregnancy test ASAP.
2100 – I go to bed, and lie in bed for a bit, before finally drifting off.
Total spent - $25
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Day 7
0500 – I wake up feeling nauseated again. Ugh, this reminds me of having hyperemesis while pregnant. I put my water on to heat and get back in bed to read some more.
0600 – E comes to lie on our bed. I get out of bed, and go throw up. I get my bath water, take my bath, moisturize and put my contacts in. I look like a reanimated corpse this morning. I do my brows to try bring a bit of life to my face and get dressed. It’s very misty and cold today so I put on warm brown tights, a long black dress, my warm jacket and ballet flats. I grab my lunch and the cake, pop E into the car and head out. Visibility is extremely low, so I drive slowly. I don’t know why people like surprising other drivers by having their cars pop out of the mist without switching on their headlights. I successfully avoid the drivers who hate life and drop E off at school before heading to work.
0700 – I am in the office, and I log into the register, before turning on my computer and checking my work email. Not too much in there, so I check my personal email. My stock exchange wallet has finally been credited with the $100. I also ponder whether I should pull the trigger on a V-part wig.
I do my weekly report, and start doing some boring work in the system. I realise I didn’t save the work I did yesterday, so I have to re-do it, so I can have the list of error messages to send to ICT.
0830 – Everyone is in the office, so I do some reshuffling of duties, so that essential areas are covered while one of my colleagues is on leave. I give the cake to work bestie, who tells me how much her daughter was excited over the cake yesterday. It’s now time for me to put my head down and really focus on knocking out the system work today. I also log into an online training, and I listen while doing my work. My mum also deposits money for my birthday gift and to spoil her grandkids.
1000 – I log into my stock exchange account and buy shares for $99.14 (doesn’t count as spending, as the money was moved before the MD started). The deadline for other departments to submit their weekly reports to me for consolidation has passed so I start following up. One department is a big problem as they always send their report late. Le sigh. I draft a very passive aggressive email to them. I also decide not to buy the wig and instead ask the person making me my custom earrings that I got myself for my birthday to bill me the rest of the money so I can pay and move the remainder of the money in my account into savings. Our currency has taken an enormous hit in the last week, and is free falling dramatically. I’d rather keep USD cash than money in my account at this point. The training finally ends.
1100 – I’m getting hungry so I go warm up my lunch, sprinkle on peri peri Aromat and dig in. Yum. I also have my multivitamin and supplement. A lady who sells local snacks comes in. She persuades me to buy maputi (corn nuts mixed with roasted peanuts) for $0.50. I buy them for my afternoon snack. I end up sending the report with missing statistics, and tell the department to send directly to the compiler, as they were late. That was a very aggressive email tbh. I’m still hungry, so I munch on my maputi, leaving the peanuts because I don’t feel like eating them lately.
1200 – I see a missed call from a number I don’t know. I call and it turns out they had sent money to my mobile wallet mistakenly. I check the mobile wallet and it shows it had an extra $11. I send the money back to the person. Times are too tough to keep people’s money
1400 – I snack on a few skittles instead of having more food. I just want something to entertain my mouth, I’m not hungry at all. I review more work and drink more water. The jeweler has sent the payment request for the earrings. I pay $100 (total spent on the earrings comes to $200, which is worth it for sterling silver custom made Jewellery. I use $50 of the birthday money from my mum to cover for part of this expense)
1600 – Finally time to go home. I shut down my computer, and drive home. Once I’m home, I put on my bath water, and help L do his homework. Then I do some Swahili Duolingo practice and pack L’s lunch for tomorrow. He requested maize (corn on the cob), a boiled egg and a naartjie. His wish is my command for once. I also pack my lunch, a boiled egg, peanut butter sandwich and a bit of birthday cake. The jeweler sends pictures of the final product. They are absolutely gorgeous. Happy 34th birthday to me!!!
1800 – I serve the kids their dinner, and go to take my bath. P sends a text that he will be home late as they are working late today. I have my own dinner while persuading E to eat his food
1900 – Bedtime for the kids. I read them their bedtime stories, tuck them in and tell them I love them. Then I go to watch TV. I’m catching up on Married to Real Estate, Food Factory and Man Vs Food. You can tell that reality TV is my jam.
2100 – I decide to have some decaf black coffee and cake as my bedtime snack. P and my nephew arrive home. They are later than they thought they would be because nephew dropped his phone in the middle of the highway and they were searching for it. Because nephew’s ancestors were on the job, they found it intact. It’s a big deal because this is a major highway and huge trucks use that road constantly. I chat with P as he has his dinner and takes his bath.
2200 – Cuddles and bedtime for us
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Total spent today – $100
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Total spent this week – $204.50
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Spending by categories
Food & Drink – $84.50
Home & Health – $0
Clothing & Beauty – $110
Transportation – $0
Fun & Entertainment – $10
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Reflections on this week’s spending
The spending is pretty much about normal for me tbh (excluding the cake and earrings). I had quite a bit of petrol in the tank so I didn’t need to top up my tank this week. The converted US$ prices are a bit inaccurate since our currency had a big drop this week, and most of my spending is in local currency. I could reign in my spending a bit, and focus more on investing. However, I do enjoy using my money to bring joy to my kids and myself. Particularly myself after the absolutely shitty year I had.

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I was shallow frying (or pan frying) some dumplings last night and realised that while I was logging the different dumplings from the barcodes and the database, the calories/macros would be for the food in prepared state and not account for the oil.
I cant really use before & after weight to see how much oil was absorbed because cooking them would also release a lot of water bound in the dumpling dough and the meat or vegetables inside.
I read conflicting articles about deep frying accounting for an extra 50, 75 even 100% of the calories of food, though I dont ever deep fry at home, only shallow fry.
Amending each entry to "1.5" (to add 50%) would also mess up the protein and carbohydrate amounts - so whats the best way to log to account for frying?
Also - is this me working out that its time for an air fryer? lol