Man found dead in riverside ca

As the title states, I left my ex a month after his father's untimely death. I feel extremely guilty about this. I don't know how to start this off but I'm glad I left. Throughout our relationship we've been through so many hardships that definitely put a strain on our relationship. I can't talk to anyone about this, I've lost my friends and my parents never liked Justin from the beginning because of his background and his behavior. My parents are from Europe so they always wanted me to marry someone who speaks our language, which means that they'll most likely be white. I can't help it if I prefer different flavors. Anyway, this was just the beginning of our struggles. My ex left me for a couple of days to be with someone else, but he came back because he said she wasn't me and he missed me. He noted that the stress of my parents disliking him caused him a lot of stress and he felt I wasn't doing enough to defend him. It hurt for a long time, but I've come to understand his perspective. I'm not someone who likes to yell to get a point across. I talked to my parents about it but perhaps I should've done more. I'm a non-confrontational person and we've had issues in our relationship because of this as well. I moved in with him and his roommates, another couple( I'll call them Emma and Zack), a few months after this happened. I was desperate to keep him and I was struggling at home with my parents. The apartment atmosphere was terrible. Emma was always bringing her friends over to get wasted and caused petty drama. She wasted her money on clothes, so Zack and Justin often covered her part of the rent, Zack more often than Justin. She was always complaining about Justin and his dog's shedding but left her own dog's poop on the balcony. It did not help that all four of us were too petty with little to no conflict resolution skills.
One day while we were walking the dog, Justin was having an argument with his mom on the phone, and it angered him so much that he ran inside screaming in anger. I tried to calm him down and he seemed to hear me fine. I spoke very calmly and took off his shoes and it seemed like everything was fine after that. I figured he was just really upset by his mom. About a month later he came to me saying that that day he saw me as the red man covered in blood and he was frozen in fear and he was only following the motions I was making for him to sit down. For some context, this was not the first time he'd seen the red man. The first time he saw it was when he was 8 years old in his basement. He said it went through him. He has noted how he felt like he was possessed at times. He's seen this red man multiple times but it's not frequent. It seems to appear when he's in distress or something like that. I told my mother and she was scared for me. I didn't realize just how dangerous of a situation it was. I had a lot of empathy for Justin because as a child I'd hallucinated bugs/people out of the corner of my eye. He went to the doctor later on and first they said he had schizophrenia but then said it was because of his insomnia. I don't know if he had insomnia when he was a child and I'm no doctor of anything but I'm leaning more towards schizophrenia. I'm still just confused about this entire thing.
Fast forward through some more serious issues between Zack, Emma, Justin and I, I found an eviction letter on the door one day after coming home from work. I showed it to Justin and we were livid. Apparently we were $3,000 behind on rent, but Justin and I had been making our payments, most of which we sent to Zack. The last two months we were there, I don't remember why but I stopped sending Zack our portion and I started submitting it myself. I called the office and they were upset on our behalf because it was obvious Zack maybe even Emma skimmed us. This was a huge strain on our relationship because Justin didn't want to sue Zack because they were childhood friends and his family unofficially adopted Justin into their family. We moved into his mom's house, he was devastated. The apartment meant a lot to him. He was trying to prove that he could manage on his own without his mother or brother, his brother being a very negative and arrogant person. I wasn't forced to move in, Justin even said I could go back to my mom's, but I wanted to be a good girlfriend to him. I also didn't want to move back in with my parents because of our ongoing issues. Moving there however was the worst thing I could've done. The house was infested with bed bugs and they were biting me every night. I think I have some kind of PTSD from that. Justin's mother kept denying that there were any bed bugs, despite Justin and I telling her that there were. There was also one instance with Justin that really upset me. I asked Justin to help cook with me because I mainly was the one to do it and I wanted his help because he had more experience. He told me that if I want a man to cook for me I should go find someone else, that he wants me to be independent. This upset me but as usual I swept the problem under the rug, but it kept eating away at me. I understand him wanting me to be independent and I believe for the most part I was, I just wanted some help and I thought it would be a cute couples thing. When I was without a car I asked him to ride my bike to the gas station because we needed food. He said he didn't want to because it was too cold (this was in November or December 2021). We still needed food and didn't have enough to order anything in so I went. He didn't say anything. This still upsets me.
He also threw a fit at the grocery store when I asked him to help, he said he'd rather use this money on weed. I was paying for groceries that day, so I was in shock when he said that. I ended up moving back in with my parents and breaking up with him, but I felt bad and I missed him so I got back together with him but stayed with my parents. I felt like he was the only one who understood me. His mom also came to my house crying asking me to go back to him. She told me most men are narcissistic, and that he was diagnosed with NPD. When I told Justin, he confronted his mom and she denied it. He told me I should believe a doctor instead of his mom, but she's the one who handles all of his medical stuff and she schedules his appointments. She has changed her recollection of this day multiple times. I suspect he is a narc, but I'm not sure and I'll feel guilty if I'm wrong. I've learned to take what she says with a grain of salt but his behavior lines up with this possible diagnosis. He says he has narcissistic tendencies because he was never supported as a child.
I was also afraid to be alone. I was still unhappy and I wanted to leave him again but I felt guilty so I decided to stay. I wanted to help him furnish his apartment...I know I'm a coward for staying with him because I was afraid of being alone...A couple of months after he got his apartment and his dad died, we both got sick with the flu, so I stayed home. I was so relieved. He still wanted me to come over and be there all the time. I was tired of running around everywhere for him and him complaining or making an excuse when I asked him to come along with me. Staying home those couple of days just felt so great, I didn't have to go anywhere or do anything for him. I know I handled this whole thing very poorly and I'm sorry.
I'm just tired of feeling guilty for leaving him. I'm tired of him hating me. I'm not trying to make him out to be a bad guy, I'm just telling it like how it happened. He said I'm making him out to be a manipulative person.
TLDR: I suspect my ex is a narcissist. Was leaving the right decision despite it being so soon after his father's passing?

u/centaur98
This is the essay i made, i pinged you here cause my DMs weren't working and i couldn't private message you
Start:
The story of NORTHEPTION. An APAC Japanese rags to riches story.
Disclaimer: This org has a very long history and im not really familiar with the Pre-BLAST system of Japanese R6 History. There may be a few parts i get wrong or looked over incorrectly so please forgive my errors as Japan is not a region i actively monitor.
I'm also not gonna go thru the whole history of this organization since this org has been in siege for 4 years with 4 years of constant roster changes. If i were to describe everything here, it would be a 10K word post and I'm not doing that lol.
So, why did i make this post? It's cause this roster story is INSANE. As i was researching more and more, I found myself to be baffled at what this roster did. This roster has it all. Upsets, revenge, failure, redemption, high stake moments, rags to riches. It's one of the most beautiful stories I have ever seen in Esports and i hope you will enjoy me explaining it to you!
Enjoy the post!
So your starting your day. You get your premium coffee because your a relatively wealthy Japanese citizen. Your looking into siege esports for a possible investment. As weeks go by, you finally see this team, this Japanese roster. A team just won the Japenese CL S10 Qualifiers. They are orgless. They look promising so you decide to sign the team on October 5th, 2019. You feel happy as your are now in the Siege ecosystem and the players are delighted by having their first org. Little did you know, that this would be the most roller-coaster of a decision you have ever made in your life.

2019-2021

The team is formidable but they aren't dominant either. As the league gets incrementally more competitive, NORTHEPTION are forced to make more and more roster changes. They made 10+ roster changes in these 3 years.
They threw stuff at the wall and tried to see what sticks but nothing was sticking. Eventually, they aren't good enough for Japanese T2 and they don't win relegations for Japanese tournaments. They get grouped at Japanese Nationals. The roster has run it's course.
The only player that you need to know from this hectic constant roster change frenzy time period is Febar. He joined this roster on June 5th 2020 after the original roster was already signed. He's on-and-off with the roster until he leaves to go join a promising T2 Japanese team. This team will head to relegation against a Tier-1 team at the end of 2021.
Disclaimer- It's not really clear when they signed the roster since the history of CL Open Quals aren't registed on Liquidpedia.

1st half of 2022 (Core Roster Rebuild)

So, you've just been relegated. What do u do? You scrap the roster of it's worst parts, probably keep the best player on the roster and rebuild.
Remember the Fmr player i was talking about earlier? Rebar? Well, he got dropped just before relegations and the team didn't wanna play with him over another player. Ironically, that T2 roster ends up losing to a team called "Reject" and they end up getting promoted to PL.
So what now? You scrap the whole roster and start a foundation with Fmr player RebaCurrent player Marol and pick up 3 of the best players that you saw promise in.

• There was another T2 roster called "ORTHROS GRIT" in the 2021 Japanese national league. This group of ragtags aspiring new players qualified thru Opens which was surprising. Even more surprising, they beat NORTHEPTION and top their group to go to playoffs. They are against Tier-1 FAV Gaming in round 1. Everyone thinks, oh, FAV are gonna destroy them 2-0. What ends up happening is that FAV get 0-7'd on their first map then bring it back 8-6, 8-6 on the 2 other maps to win it. These rookies had potential. (2/5ths of Orth Grit had joined Fnatic later on and 1 other is in PL)

NORTHEPTION during the rebuild sign the 2 promising rookies from the Orthros Grit roster Vbort and Tyopi and then they finish it off with a signing of CoPaHiPo who previously played with Febar on NORTHEPTION years ago.
NORTHEPTION basically starts over again in T4 with an experienced trio from the old North roster + 2 new promising rookies. This is the roster in March.
1 month later in April... Turmoil strikes the roster in the heart. Vbort is so good that he gets invited to a Japanese Tier-2 team named IGZIST so he obviously takes that offer. The now 4 man roster decides to drop Marol too. It turns to a 3 man roster. What makes the timing so harsh is that the open quals for Japan's national league is in 2 weeks so they need to find players FAST.
They do open tryouts, similar to the one Beastcoast/CAG did in 2022 where they put out a google docs page on twitter and ask for your rank and any scrim clips you have. From these open tryouts, they signed a player with no competitive experience, "Nina", on April 28th of 2022. Little did they know at the time that this high risk pickup ended up becoming the best player on the roster. A very similar story in North America with DarkZero player Panbazou.

Testing this new roster out. (2nd half of 2022)

• NORTHEPTION's 5th ended up being a temporary Ex-CAG Pro player named "Shokei". He had experience and would make a good temporary slot in. Sort of like J90/Lags slotting in for Soniqs in North America. It was never supposed to be permanent, only to make sure that they could play.

This was the most important tournament. This was where all the pressure was building up towards. So with the 2 new additions to the roster that they added in a rush, they nervously went into the open qualifiers for T2 Japan not knowing how it would go.
NORTHEPTION with their new roster, get into Japan Nationals thru an open qualfier. They play Bo3s and do decent. They aren't dominant since they lose a map and went overtime alot but they 2-0'd most teams. They get 1st in opens which surprises the Japanese community. They have now qualified for Japanese relegations at the end of the year just from getting 1st at the beginning of the year in this tournament. They already secured a huge W but the W doesn't end here yet.
After they get 1st in their T2 group, they go to Japanese playoffs where they are put into groups with better teams and a Tier-1 team named Reject. They beat the Tier-1 APAC North team in 2 Bo1s. 7-2, 8-6.
They also throw 2 rounds against the worst team in their group, leading them to winning in overtime. They get 2 points instead of 3 points. They end up missing getting out of groups by a single point, because they threw 2 rounds. It's expected to throw rounds if your a new team since your comms aren't perfect. They showed their glimpse of potential with this new roster from beating this 8th place Tier-1 APAC North team twice but sadly it wasn't enough.

Post-Japan National Stage 1

So since Shokei was just a sub, they have to pick up another player to replace him. While they did well and had upsets, they still weren't content with barely getting eliminated in groups.
They do open tryouts, again! to get the new 5th player. Post a tryout google docs on twitter, run the scrim partners, evaluate, yada yada yada, you know, the usual. They told themselves, Since the no-experience player Nina was such an insane pickup, then why wouldn't a second fresh rookie be good? Lets take a fresh new mechanical promising player with lots of motivation to play and teach them how to play comp. So they picked up a second person with no experience.
They pick up ShuReap from the google docs tryout page. The guy has never played competitive before or been on a team. All the team knows is that this guy is mechanically gifted and has high ranked stats. Little did they know that they got even more lucky and this guy is better than Nina who was already a monster 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Japan Nationals. Stage 2

They have this new roster. Time for Japan Nationals for stage 2 of 2022. They're eager to test this new roster.
They have to go thru the open qualifiers again. Instead of losing a map and constantly going into overtime like last time, they utterly massacre the competition. They don't even go into O.T to win games like last time. You can visually see the improvement.
Now that they finished destroying the open qualifiers to get 1st, they go into groups where they got grouped last time. This was the real test to see if the roster improved, by hitting a new high. So what happened in groups with this new T3 team?
Well, They dominate their group. They only lose once and it's in overtime 6-8 against a good team. They win most other games in regulation and come out comfortably on top with a first place group finish. Now what? Well now they move out of the pan into the fire, literally... They have to verse 2 APAC Pro League teams. Fnatic and then, if they win that, Reject who has since made roster changes to become better.
So what happens? They 2-0 Fnatic and 2-0 Reject 😭. Granted, they were close maps but it was still a 2-0. So now they're at the Grandfinals after 2-0'ing 2 pro Teams. They are up against SCARZ, who are a T2 Japanese team. You'd think that this T3 team would win after beating 2 Tier-1 teams dominantly right? Nope. SCARZ 2-0'd NORTHEPTION in the grand final. Not even a map going to O.T. They came in a disappointing 2nd place after having a miracle run in their home league.
They massively improved but would they be able to conquer a relegation battle?

Preparing for a relegation battle

After stage 2, the Japanese Nationals format changes. Stage 3 playoffs for Japan Nationals doesn't exist for non-tier 2 teams like NORTHEPTION. All that exists are relegations for the bottom 5 Japanese Nationals teams. Reject is in this list.
"B-b-but u/ArcanicTruth i thought there were no relegations?" Yeah that confused me too, it's what i thought too lmao. It's apparently not for Tier-2 leagues. There's gonna be "auto-promotions" to get into the "Tier-2" league for 2023. It ended up being code for saying there are still relegations for Japan since they're gonna directly get the 8 best Japanese teams so were gonna find out who they are thru Japanese nationals.
Remember their first Japan Nationals with a new rushed Nina pickup where they ended up getting first in the open qualifiers? Yep, the reward for that was getting invited to a relegation battle for T2 Japan League. Stage 3 of Japanese nationals had no playoffs because it invited BDS/Damwon for an even bigger inter-continental playoffs. You had to play the open quals to get to relegations but NORTHEPTION already qualified so there was no point.
The reject roster that came in 3rd place in APAC North ended up being bottom 5 in the Japanese Nationals league. So they ended up having to play relegations 😭. If they wanted to get auto-promoted, there's a chance would have to relegate this team in a Tier-1 vs Tier-3 match.
Format: There are 2 groups of five. The 5 bottom Nationals teams and the top 5 winners of the open qualifiers for stage 1, 2, and 3 of Japanese nationals. These teams will end up in different groups. If you get 1st in your group, you get auto qualified (2 teams). If you get 2nd in your group, you verse the 2nd placed team in the other group in a Bo3. If you place 3rd-5th in your group then you get eliminated from the tournament.

Despair, Doubt, and Fear

Now, beating 2 pro league teams as a T3 team is a major accomplishment. If Japan's richest orgs were not keeping an eye on the roster before, they were now after the nationals performance. So, Fnatic decides to pick up one of NORTHEPTION's players. "Tyopi". One of their best players are now suddenly gone. NORTHEPTION were in trouble having such a deep impactful roster change a month before the most important esports match of their lives. They've had pressure before but definitely not like this.
Here's where it gets even more crazy. NORTHEPTION, for months, prepared for relegations. Their long-time player, CoPaHiPo, LEAVES the team to go to the reject roster they were training months to beat. Bro just abandoned his friends for the enemy 😭.
All that is left of this former T3 David vs Goliath roster is Febar and his insanely gifted ranked stars that he taught how to play the entry role competitively, Nina and ShuReap.
Most of the experience on the roster is gone and they decide to do tryouts again. This time, they don't pick up a complete ranked star but someone who has at least some comp experience. NORTHEPTION picked up the best player from the 2nd best T3 Japanese roster "Father's Back", Sayochan. This guy was a top 5 rated entry player in Japanese Nationals league with T1 pros in it. He's the only who went overwhelmingly positive on entry when his whole team went negative on entry. He has lots of experience too so he was needed. He's also a rookie too, guess they just love their rookies 😭😭😭m
NORTHEPTION can't resist their ways and pick up ANOTHER unknown player called "YuKiz". This guy has at least been recorded to be on a team by Liquidpedia. He's definitely extremely inexperienced enough to be counted as a new competitive player.

The final battle

The groups get announced and the pro league team is in the other group. For them, this is a blessing. If they can beat some of middle of the pack Tier-1 teams then they can surely beat Tier-2 teams, right? Well... No. They barely survive groups and end up getting 2nd place. Now they have to verse the 2nd place teams on the other group. The NORTHEPTION players check to see who it is, and the gods have a laugh. It's the reject roster, a Tier-1 team, TIES in points with the t2 IGZIST team. Both have 10 points. So the tiebreaker goes to round count and IGZIST won ONLY 1 MORE ROUND to get first 🤣🤣🤣. The gods wanted a drama filled revenge relegation match. A match where careers would end are against former teamates, a Fmr teamate who abandoned this roster to go to another roster.
They get to work against a former teamate who left them at their most crucial moment together as a team. It reminds Febar of when he was dropped just before relegations in 2021. As much as this is an Esports match, it's also deeply personal and has drama. NORTHEPTION with a new roster have only a couple weeks to practice for an important relegation match.
The match happens:

• Map 1. NORTHEPTION wins 7-4
• Map 2. Reject wins 7-5
• Map 3. NORTHEPTION wins 7-3

NORTHEPTION relegated a top 3 APAC North team from Tier-1 while being a T3 roster.
The "reject" roster was a roster that was 8th place in stage 1, 5th place in stage 2, and 3rd place in stage 3. NORTHEPTION relegated a top 4 APAC.N team and stole their spot like a bunch of badasses.

The Present

We move to the present with enough history. NORTHEPTION get grouped with Fav Gaming and then they beat them too getting them grouped. NORTHEPTION move into playoffs and have to fight CAG, the best Japanese team historically.
I, again, kid you not, come into playoffs and 2-0 the historical best Japanese team, CAG. It's not even close, it's dominant.
This team will verse CREST for a major spot in Europe on April 1st. Personally, i think NORTHEPTION are actually gonna lose because they always win against Tier-1 teams and lose against Tier-2 teams. I know crest is technically Tier-1 but still, it's Tier-1 in name only since they literally just got into Tier-1. They still have Tier-2 tendencies.
NORTHEPTION will go down as one of the most inspiring APAC stories in Rainbow six siege if they can make it to the major. They skipped Tier-2 and relegated a top 3 APAC North team as a Tier-3 team. They decided that they weren't gonna try to get failed players who's only choice it was to join a T3 team but instead try to develop their own talent from mechanically gifted players they found thru an open tryout method.
Out of all the APAC rosters in siege, i like this one the most.

I've done something like this before, but I was wondering how people would rank the straw hats overall? This includes combat potential and overall usefulness. This is my ranking:

1. Nami - Shes an excellent navigator who can pretty much predict the weather and order evasive maneuvers before something bad happens. If something happens to sanj or chopper, she could temporarily take over with cooking and first aid. She intrinsically knows the monetary value of things. She's an excellent thief, and is good at deceiving people. And, because of Zeus, she is not the weakest in combat anymore.
   
2. Sanji - Hes the 3rd or 4th strongest combatant on the ship, and with him unlocking his Germa abilities, could even be stronger. One of his abilities pretty much allows him to fly. He's an excellent cook who knows how to properly ration food and can somehow satisfy Luffys hunger. And, at least before the time skip, he did a lot of things behind the scenes that ended up saving the whole crew (like closing the gate at enies lobby)
   
3. Chopper - I know a doctor is really important, and chopper is an amazing doctor, but, a lot of the Straw hats have a weird regenerative ability. In alabasta, Luffy somehow healed the hole in his body by eating meat. So, I don't think chopper is the most important in the straw hat crew. His combat ability is also the second lowest. His other useful ability is to talk to animals, but apparently not fish.
   
4. Jinbei - He is the 3rd or 4th strongest on the crew. Since he's a fish man, he's immensely helpful in the ocean, where the straw hats spend most of their time. He can also talk to fish, which could be helpful to warn them about incoming danger. And, he can maneuver the ship in a way nobody else can.
   
5. Luffy - Hes the strongest person on the ship. He's able to use every form of haki. He can hear the world's voice. Also, in a pinch, he gives really good speeches and proves to be a great captain.
   
6. Zoro - The 2nd strongest on the ship. As the first mate, he helps Luffy make the right choices in tough times. Hes a great swordsman who can tell the value of a sword just by looking at it.
   
7. Robin - Shes one of the strongest combatants. Shes also good at sneaking around and obtaining information, especially since she can grow ears or eyes wherever she wants. Shes a wealth of knowledge who basically knows about everything that's happening, or has already happened, in the world. Also, she's the only person who can read ponyglyphs.
   
8. Franky - Hes a strong combatant, just like Robin, even though neither seem to know any haki. He's a great engineer who can build things on the spot, like a bridge to get over a big gap. He's an amazing shipwright who built a very sturdy ship, that hasn't been in need of major repair this whole time.
   
9. Brook - Hes a pretty strong combatant. His ability has proved to be REALLY useful thus far. Although he has an ability, the ocean isnt really a problem because he's light enough to run on it. Because he looks dead, he would be left alone if he plays dead. Also, he can really scare people when he needs to. His ability to project a ghost from his body, which can pass through walls, makes him really good at sneaking around and obtaining information. He can also apparently summon ice from the underworld to aid his swordplay. And, he seems to have some power over souls, as seen in the whole cake arc. He's also such a great musician, he can play people to sleep or make them see hallucinations.
   
10. Usopp - He is the weakest among the straw hats. With his plant ammo, he's better with support than he is fighting one-on-one. He is an amazing sniper, but that ability isn't needed all that often. Even when they are on the ship, they barely use the cannons. He did manage to unlock observation haki, but has only been able to use it once. Also, because of his coward personality, he often wastes precious time deciding on whether or not to take action. He used to repair the ship, but now they have Franky. Although he made the climatact for nami, Franky is also normally better at making weapons. I do like usopp, but he hasn't lived up to his potential yet.
    

hey maybe someone in this group can help me out with this.
I remember watching my dad play a game but I can't remember what it was called. You start out as this man with long blonde hair being punished for a crime. As punishment, they put this black mask thing on you that digs into your skin so it won't come off, and then you're dropped into (I guess) the sewers where a bunch of monsters are.
Any idea? I've been trying to remember the name for years and just trying to describe it in Google search hasn't found me anything.

hey maybe someone in this group can help me out with this.
I remember watching my dad play a game but I can't remember what it was called. You start out as this man with long blonde hair being punished for a crime. As punishment, they put this black mask thing on you that digs into your skin so it won't come off, and then you're dropped into (I guess) the sewers where a bunch of monsters are.
Any idea? I've been trying to remember the name for years and just trying to describe it in Google search hasn't found me anything.

I looked up every RB that was taken in the first round since Reggie Bush in 2006 and looked at the team's playoff success with that running back on the roster. Players in bold won two or more playoff games with their team, which shouldn't be that hard because even my dumpster fire team has won 3 in the last decade.
I don't think this definitively proves anything in a vacuum because winning in the playoffs in general is hard, but I do think that it's at least a decent piece of evidence that a first round RB is probably not a good idea if you don't have an excellent team with a proven, very good QB already.
I think the most significant thing that this suggests is that the old thought that you can build a defense, get a great RB, and have success with a slightly above average QB is not true at all unless your goal is just to make the playoffs. Case in point: Adrian Peterson was a 2,000 yard rusher and the only RB to ever receive MVP, but only ever won 1 playoff game.
I think the next thing I'd like to research is the level of success with 2nd and 3rd round RBs to get an idea of how day 1 RBs help their teams vs day 2 RBs. Not that that would definitively prove anything either because there are 21 other starters on the team that matter as well.If anyone has any suggestions or constructive criticism, please fire away. Here's what I found:

1. Reggie Bush (2006, Saints, pick 2) - Saints won a Super Bowl with him, but he was only a moderate contributor.
   
2. Adrian Peterson (2007, Vikings, pick 7) - Seemingly an obvious outlier, but the Vikings won only 1 playoff game with him. In 2009. Not even his MVP season.
   
3. Marshawn Lynch (2007, Bills, pick 12) - The Bills did not make the playoffs with Marshawn on the roster.
   
4. Darren McFadden (2008, Raiders, pick 4) - The Raiders did not make the playoffs with McFadden on the roster.
   
5. Jonathan Stewart (2008, Panthers, pick 13) - The Panthers made the playoffs twice (2008 and 2013) and did not win a game either time. They won a playoff game in 2014 and made it to, and lost, the Super Bowl in 2015.
   
6. Felix Jones (2008, Cowboys, pick 22) - The Cowboys made the playoffs once with Felix and won one playoff game. They lost the next one - ironically, that loss was Adrian Peterson's only playoff win.
   
7. Reshard Mendenhall (2008, Steelers, pick 23) - The Steelers won the Super Bowl in his rookie season (however, he started 1 game and had 58 total rushing yards) and lost in the Super Bowl the following season when he had 1369 all purpose yards in the regular season. They didn't win another playoff game after 2010 with him on the roster. The team was already set up for success and had a HOF QB when they drafted him.
   
8. Chris Johnson (2008, Titans, pick 24) - Tennessee did not win a playoff game with him on the roster. They made the playoffs his rookie year and lost in the first round. They did not make the playoffs again.
   
9. Knowshon Moreno (2009, Broncos, pick 12) - The Broncos won 1 playoff game in the first 4 years with Knowshon. They made the playoffs in 2012 but lost in their first round. He was still with the Broncos in 2013 for their historic season with Peyton Manning, made a Super Bowl appearance, and did contribute almost 1700 all-purpose yards. HOF Quarterbacks are a good thing for a RB, I guess.
   
10. Donald Brown (2009, Colts, pick 27) - The Peyton Manning led Colts went to the Super Bowl and lost to the Saints in Donald's rookie year. Donald had 450 total yards that season and 72 total yards in all 3 playoff games. Not a major contributor. The Colts would not win another playoff game until 2013 and Donald did not have a star role in this win either.
    
11. Beanie Wells (2009, Arizona, pick 31) - The Cardinals made the playoffs in Beanie’s rookie season in 2009 and won 1 game. Beanie had 936 all-purpose yards in the regular season. The Cardinals did not make the playoffs again with Beanie on the roster.
    
12. CJ Spiller - (2010, Bills, pick 9) - The Bills did not win a playoff game with Spiller on the roster.
    
13. Ryan Mathews (2010, Chargers, pick 12) - The Chargers made the playoffs with Mathews in 2013 and won 1 game. Mathews had 54 yards in that game, but over 1400 in the regular season. He was a major contributor.
    
14. Jahvid Best (2010, Lions, pick 30) - The Lions made the playoffs with Best in 2011, but lost in the WildCard round. Best did not play and only played 6 games in the regular season.
    
15. Mark Ingram (2011, Saints, pick 28) - The Saints made the playoffs and won 1 game in 2011, 2013, 2017, and 2018 with Ingram. He was actually not a major contributor his first season, nor did he play in the playoffs. He had less than 500 total yards in 2013, but did put up 18/97/1 in their playoff win. In 2017 he had over 1500 yards. I would consider this pick worth it. But again, the team was already established with a HOF quarterback.
    
16. Trent Richardson (2012, Browns, pick 3) - The Browns did not make the playoffs with Richardson on the roster. He was traded to the Colts midseason in 2013 and did win a playoff game with them (the same playoff game Donald Brown won) and he had 4 rushing attempts for 1 yard in that game.
    
17. David Wilson (2012, Giants, pick 32) - The Giants didn’t make the playoffs with Wilson on the roster.
    
18. Doug Martin (2012, Buccaneers, pick 31) - The Bucs didn’t make the playoffs with Martin on the roster.
    
19. Todd Gurley - (2015, Rams, pick 10) - Gurley made the playoffs twice with the Rams in 2017 and 2018, making a Super Bowl appearance and losing to the Patriots.
    
20. Melvin Gordon (2015, Chargers, pick 15) - Melvin made the playoffs in 2018 with the Chargers and won 1 game. He had 43 all-purpose yards in their win over the Ravens in the WildCard round and did not play (injured) agains the Patriots in the Divisional round.
    
21. Ezekiel Elliott (2016, Cowboys, pick 4) - The Cowboys won 2 playoff games with Zeke. One in 2018 vs. Seattle, then losing to Todd Gurley’s Rams in 2018. The other was last season vs Tampa Bay, following it up with a loss to the 49ers.
    
22. Leonard Fournette (2017, Jaguars, pick 4) - The Jaguars won 2 playoff games to make the AFCCG with Fournette in his rookie season. They did not make the playoffs again with him on the roster.
    
23. Christian McCaffrey (2017, Panthers, pick 8) - The Panthers lost their only playoff game with McCaffrey.
    
24. Saquon Barkley (2018, Giants, pick 2) - The Giants won a playoff game last year with Saquon. He was a major contributor.
    
25. Rashaad Penny (2018, Seahawks, pick 27) - The Seahawks did not win a playoff game with Penny. They made the playoffs in his rookie season, but lost in the WildCard and he was not a major contributor.
    
26. Sony Michel (2018, Patriots, pick 31) - The Patriots won the Super Bowl in Michel’s rookie season and lost their only playoff game the following season. He was a major contributor in that Super Bowl. He was also on the Rams for their Super Bowl win in 2021 but was not a major contributor that season or in the playoffs. How bout that QB, tho?
    
27. Josh Jacobs (2019, Raiders, pick 24) - The Raiders have not won a playoff game with Jacobs.
    
28. Clyde Edwards-Helaire (2020, Chiefs, pick 32) - largely considered a bust, the Chiefs have managed to make the Conference Championship each season he has been in the League, made 2 Super Bowls, and won 1. Except he isn’t a major contributor.
    
29. Najee Harris (2021, Steelers, pick 24) - The Steelers have not won a playoff game with Najee yet.
    
30. Travis Etienne (2021, Jaguars, pick 25) The Jaguars have won 1 playoff game with Etienne. Time will tell.
    

PODCAST: https://ayearofwarandpeace.podbean.com/e/ep1515-hail-and-farewell-george-moore-ave-chapter-82/
PROMPTS: So cool man! High five!
Today's Reading, via Project Gutenberg:
Orlando was being sung when I arrived, and I listened, forgetful of the fox, and very soon it began to seem to me strange that so beautiful a name should be allied to such ugly music. So I fell to thinking how a theory often goes down before a simple fact. It had been mine this long while that a man's work proceeds from his name; and still forgetful of the fox, I pondered the question whether Orlando di Lasso was, or was not, a beautiful name, deciding at last that it was an affected name, and therefore not beautiful; whereas Palestrina is naturally beautiful, like his music. Palestrina! There is a sound of strings in the name, and he could not have failed to write beautifully for the strings if he had written for instruments. Palestrina! Strings! Strings! I murmured, seeking Edward, and finding him without much difficulty, so striking is his appearance when he sits listening, his hand to his ear, an old melomaniac, drinking in the music. As soon as my errand was whispered he shook his head, saying that he could not leave just now, for the choir were going to sing another motet by Orlando di Lasso, and when that motet was finished there was one by Nannini, which he would not like to miss.
The peasant will never wait so long, I said many a time as I lingered about the church; and when all the motets were finished, and we returned to the avenue, the peasant and his fox were far away, and there was no means of discovering them. The lion? Well, he is dead now—dead and buried; and that is all I remember of a town which I praise God I shall never see again!
As a recompense for having accompanied him to hear the contrapuntalists, Edward was coming with me to see Rubens. We should not arrive in Antwerp until late that night. Edward lay sleeping opposite; it seemed strange that any one should be able to sleep while on his way to Rubens; and I thought of the picture we were going to see. It seemed extraordinary, inconceivable, impossible that tomorrow I should walk down a street into a cathedral, and find myself face to face with The Descent from the Cross. Edward sleeps, but art keeps me awake.
My thoughts turned to Florence and Stella, whom I had arranged to meet in the cathedral; and to pass the time I very soon began to ask myself which I would retain, if the choice were forced upon me—the immense joy of the picture, or the pleasure of meeting two amiable and charming women? In the ordinary course of my days there could be no hesitation, but Edward had been my sole companion for the last six weeks, and in our journeys abroad he imposed acceptance of this rule upon me—that no acquaintances should be made among the flocks of English and American women that congregate in the Continental hotels. I had always abided by this rule of the road, leaving him when the strain became too great—at Dresden some years before, and some years later again at Munich. Those separations had been effected without difficulty. Edward never complains; only once did he mention that I had broken up our tours, as he would put it, for the pleasure of some abandoned woman; and so in this tour it had been a point of honour with me to allow it, at all costs to my feelings, to run its natural course. As it was to end at Antwerp I was well within my rights in arranging to meet Florence and Stella in the cathedral. I say well within, for my friends did not belong to the class of women to which Edward took special objection—women whose sole morality seemed to him to be to yield to every impulse of the heart. My friends were painters, and of considerable talent, and in Edward's eyes art redeems sex of much of its unpleasantness. He knew nothing of the meeting, and it did not seem to me worth while to mention it as we walked down the street. It would be stupid to interrupt our emotion by introducing any contentious question. We were going to see Rubens, in what is perhaps his lordliest achievement; and when the cathedral came in sight, I laid my hand suddenly on Edward's shoulder, stopping him to say:
Edward, isn't it wonderful that we should this moment be walking down a street to see Rubens? Let us never forget it. Let us try to fix it in our memories now before we enter.
Rubens for the moment blotted out all remembrance of Florence and Stella, but as we wandered round the cathedral, memory of them returned to me, and my heart misgave me, for I was beginning to think of Stella perhaps more than was altogether fair to Florence. To confide such scruples as these to Edward would at once prejudice him against both women, and I wanted him to like them. So, with the intention to deceive, I continued to aestheticise, speaking of the beauty of the drooping body as it slips down the white sheet into the arms of devoted women. The art of Greece, we said, re-arisen in Florence, and carried to Antwerp on the calm, overflowing genius of a Fleming. We contrasted this picture, so restrained and concentrated, with the somewhat gross violence of The Ascent of the Cross, painted immediately on his return from Italy, his first abandonment to his native genius, before he had discovered himself. The Crowning of the Virgin is said to have been repainted in some places. Edward was anxious to know if it were so, but art-criticism is difficult when one is expecting two ladies. Though one knows they will not wilfully disappoint, there is always a danger that something may happen to prevent them from coming. The picture is one of the most enchanting that Rubens ever painted. He seems to have forgotten the theological aspects of the subject, and to have remembered only that much of it which is nearest to his heart—a beautiful woman surrounded by beautiful children—and to have painted with no other intention than to make beautiful fair faces, clouds and pale draperies, seem more beautiful. The ease and grace of his incomparable handicraft held my attention while looking round for Stella, tall and shapely, and Florence, whom Nature has not made less well, but on a smaller scale. At last two backs were perceived in a distant chapel. The moment had therefore come to tell Edward that I had just caught sight of two ladies, acquaintances, artists both of them.
I must go and speak to them. Shall I bring them back and introduce them? They are artists.
Somewhat to my surprise, Edward did not raise any objection to meeting them; on the contrary, he said that it would be interesting to hear them talk about the pictures. He showed himself very affable to both, speaking to Florence about the supposed repainting of The Crowning of the Virgin, and to Stella about the quality of the black behind the Magdalen's head in The Descent from the Cross. At the door of the cathedral I mentioned that I was lunching with the ladies, and he consented to join us, and when the ladies left us, he made complimentary observations regarding their demeanour and intelligences, asking several questions about their work, and not one about their private lives.
After lunch we went to the exhibition of Van Dyck's works which was being held at Antwerp that year, and after viewing his monotonous portraits one after the other, the residual impression left on the mind was of a painting lackey, an impersonal mind transcribing an impersonal world. Something less vulgar, more individual, I declared, we should find at Ghent, a small town in Flanders, renowned because of its possession of one of the world's masterpieces, Van Eyck's Adoration of the Lamb. And we went thither accompanied by Edward, who had not seen the picture. It astonishes the painter as nothing else in the world can, except, perhaps, the miracle that decrees that to flowers their shapes and hues. We visited other towns and saw some fine Memlings; but better than those do I remember the afternoon that I walked with Stella up a long grey platform (Edward, walked with Florence), telling her that I should deem my life worthless if she did not allow me to accompany her to Holland. As I have said, my tour with Edward had been arranged to end at Antwerp, so the change from Edward's society to that of these ladies would prove beneficial to me, as much for intellectual as for sensuous reasons. I am penetrated through and through by an intelligent, passionate, dreamy interest in sex, going much deeper than the mere rutting instinct; and turn to women as a plant does to the light, as unconsciously, breathing them through every pore, and my writings are but the exhalation that follows the inspiration. I am, in contrast to Edward, an essentially social being, taking pleasure in, and deriving profit from, my fellows. But he is independent of society, and we both suffer from the defects of our qualities. The moments of loneliness that fall upon me at the close of a long day's work are unknown to him. He has never experienced that spiritual terror which drives me out after dinner in search of somebody to talk to. A book and a cigar (I have never been able to smoke a pipe) are not enough for me, and the hours between nine and midnight are always redoubtable hours. How they are to be whiled away is my problem. I admire and envy Edward's taste for reading. That bulky man can return to his rooms, even in the height of summer, light half a dozen candles (he does not like a lamp) and sit down behind a lofty screen (draughts give him colds) with a long clay between his teeth and a book on aesthetics in his hand, and read till midnight. And that, night after night, his life going by all the while. It is true that he pays for his contentment. His mind began to harden before he was forty, and I had to warn him of the precipice towards which he was going: One cannot change oneself, he answered. He is glad to see me if I call, but he feels no special need of my society. One day I said: Edward, which would you prefer to spend the evening with—a very clever woman, or a stupid man? After three or four puffs at his pipe he answered: With the stupid man.
But man, no more than woman, is necessary to him. Is not his self-sufficientness (if I may coin a word) admirable? Never have I known it fail him. At Dresden, it is true that he expressed regret that I was leaving him in the middle of our tour; but how shallow that regret was can be gathered from the indifference with which he accepted the news of my decision to accompany the ladies to Holland. We asked him if he would come with us, but he said that important business awaited him in Ireland; and he told me privately that he was not frightened away by the ladies, but he did not care to go to a Protestant country, for he never felt at home in one, and he did not even seem to understand when I asked him if he minded the long journey to Ireland alone.
I shall be with you in Tillyra a month later, and we shall then be able to make the necessary alterations in The Tale of a Town.
At the mention of the alterations in his play his face clouded, but he did not betray that anxiety which would have approved him a true artist. Only an amateur, I said, and went away with the ladies, our intention being to study the art of the Low Countries in Amsterdam, in Haarlem, and the Hague; to stop at every town in which there was a picture-gallery. An account of our aesthetic and sentimental tour would make a charming book; our appreciations of Ruysdael, Hals, Rembrandt and Van der Meer, and Florence's incautious confession that no more perfect mould of body than Stella's existed in the flesh—perhaps in some antique statues of the prime, though even that was not certain.

Note: If you're a long-time reader, I decided to retcon the name of the official language of Nusantara to "Bahasa" instead of "Neo-Malay." If you're new, hi.
First Previous
Memory Transcription Subject: Vani, venlil foreign exchange participant
Date [Standardized Human Reckoning]: 2136–09-18
Upon telling her our concern. Snop suggested that we talk to her acquaintance named Mowww Daywant in Surabaya who made a name for himself in the community as a cooling vest producer. She put us in touch with the tiger furry, who was excited to design a vest for me and he asked permission to get the model of my body from Snop.
Since Surabaya also hosted one of the twelve universities on the list we decided it would be our destination for my weekly checkup too.
Johan and I took our time on our trip to Surabaya, making stops to explore the sights along the way. The day after my assessment, we visited the Prambanan Temple. As usual, as soon as we got near the fenced temple complex, an eager tour guide approached us, offering to explain the history and significance of the temple. She explained that Prambanan is a Hindu temple and the second-largest Hindu temple complex on the planet, after Angkor Wat in Cambodia. The complex comprised six inner temples surrounded by two hundred smaller ones. Due to neglect, many of the smaller temples had fallen into ruin over the years, but one had been reconstructed to give visitors a glimpse of what it looked like in its original state.
The tour guide mentioned that her Hinduism is not the same as the one practiced in the temple back when it was erected.
"So there are different kinds of Hinduism?"
"That's true for pretty much any religion on Earth? Don't your religions have denominations too?" Johan asked.
"Not in the homeworld, but I suppose perhaps there are religions in the rest of the Federation who do have variations like that."
Moving forward on our way to Surabaya, my human decided to take a detour to a couple of caves. In my homeworld, caves are considered dangerous due to their darkness. With little use for them, we explore them using drones. However, humans see caves differently and they explore caves not only for research but also for the enjoyment it provides to them. Our first stop was the Gong Cave, where a well-maintained walking path had been installed in the cave. It allowed us to stroll inside and gaze at the geological features. Various colored lights had been set to highlight the rock formations.
Next, we visited the Tabuhan Cave, whose extraordinary stalactites and stalagmites had been turned into lithophones. When we entered the cave, we were treated to a beautiful percussive symphony created by striking the rocks. The sound made by a band of humans echoed through the cave, and it was hard to believe that these sounds were coming from natural formations.
Johan and I also made significant progress in our language learning. Being the fragmented species they are, humans have developed several writing systems, and one system, in particular, is used in many languages. He explained that sometimes, a group of people would adopt a neighboring writing system of their own will, but often what happened was that the writing systems of the colonizer were imposed on the colonized such as in the case of Bahasa. Perhaps because they were introduced much later, while English orthography is a complicated mess, Bahasa has a regular orthography.
After my overheating incident a week ago, Johan was cautious about the intensity of my exercises until we got the cooling vest that Snop's acquaintance could provide. He researched various exercises that would help me build my muscles without putting too much strain on my body. I no longer tire as I did when I first arrived on Earth. I could match the stamina of humans, but I was still susceptible to hyperthermia.
Speaking of heat, the other kind of heat I experienced dissipated a few days ago. Although my biological quirks no longer distracted me, I found that I could still be coaxed well out of my schedule, which was a welcome discovery for us. We hypothesized that it might be the result of something in human food or perhaps the presence of pheromones emitted by humans (i.e. Johan). I would not need to disclose this during my weekly checkup unless it led to any issues with my quality of life.
Right before reaching Surabaya, we visited the ancient city of Trowulan where the capital of an old empire used to reside. Instead of being made out of stone like the temples we have visited, everything there was made out of clay brick. The ruins of the once imperial capital were spread out over a vast area, with remnants of buildings, palaces, and temples all around. As usual, a tour guide jumped upon us and took us around to explain the history and significance of structures that survived the ravage of time. We even stumbled upon an old market square, where vendors once sold their wares to the people of the empire.
Walking through the city, I wondered how my ancestors lived and what their civilizations might have been like.
I could tell that we reached Surabaya when we passed a large gate saying "Welcome to Surabaya". I have switched my visual translator to the annotation mode to better learn the language. This way, I could see the translation of any human text alongside the original, helping me to better understand their language. Surabaya is the second largest city in Java and it felt like a little sibling to Jakarta. Despite its smaller size, its skyline was also adorned with tall glass towers just like in Jakarta, there are parts of the city that still maintain their colonial-era architecture.
When we approached Mowww Daywant's apartment building, I noticed that the surrounding buildings were sleek and the streets were spotless. I can surmise that this was a posh part of the city, reserved for the wealthy. Stepping into the building's lobby, I could see that the humans there were wearing neat fabric, unlike Johan's shabby ones. On our way to Mowww's flat, we encountered several indoor waterfalls pouring into a human-made canal which then cascade to an even lower floor. I have never seen such a feature in a building before.
After Johan pressed the bell in front of Mowww's apartment a long, muffled howling came out from behind the door.
"Oh, man..." Johan sighed. "He has a dog.
I know dogs. I have seen dogs before when we were outside. They can be seen almost always leashed with a human holding the other end of the rope.
When I delved deeper into my research on Earth's history, I discovered that humans and dogs had a much longer and deeper relationship. Humans met the wolves, ancestors of the dogs', tens of thousands of years before they settled and began agriculture. That means they used to hunt together with the wolves assisting in tracking and fetching prey while the humans provided food and shelter in return. Nowadays, dogs are utilized for things other than hunting. Some are trained to perform tasks such as guiding those with sight problems, detecting medical conditions, or providing security. Others serve as emotional support animals, providing comfort and companionship to their owners.
The door slid open. A human with whiskers above their lips greeted us. Their mane is trimmed on the side but kept long on top.
"I need to let you know that I have a dog with me right now. She's in a locked crate though."
"How do you think she'll react if she sees Vani?" Johan asked.
"I think she's pretty mellow?" The human looked back and then returned his gaze to us.
"Can I see the dog?" I wondered what kind of dog was inside that flat. In public, the few times I saw a dog, its owner always tugged on their leash and forced the beast to walk away from me and Johan.
"Okay, if she shows any sort of aggression toward Vani, we can go down to the lobby." Said Mowww.
The human let us into his flat and when I entered the temperature dropped much lower than the usual temperature of a human's building interior. The air was cool and crisp, almost resembling the temperature of a morgue. Once inside, we were greeted by an intense-looking living room. The walls were painted in the color of blood and a sculpture of a rotund tiger lay on the glass table in the middle. In one corner of the room, I spotted a large cage with the fluffiest thing ever lying down inside.
The beast's long thick fur hid its features, making it look like a soft, white capsule with four legs and a snout sticking out. As soon as it sensed our presence, the fluff beast stood up and stared at me, its tongue falling out of its mouth, panting.
"Is it smiling at me? It looks like it is smiling." The beast's beady eyes stared at me. The fluff beast was nothing like the ferocious-looking wolves I saw in the human network. It was fascinating but also terrifying that humans have modified an apex predator into something that looked like a giant doll.
"Oh, this breed of dog used to live in the arctic region. They have an upturned mouth like that to prevent saliva from pooling and freezing."
The beast approached the edge of the crate and its nose, wet and glistening, poked out through the metal bars, twitching as it sniffed in my direction.
"Isn't that a samoyed?" Johan asked. "Why are you keeping a dog like that in Surabaya of all places?"
"She's my friend's furbaby and they live in Batu where the climate is more suitable for her. Right now their household is going to Convention in Taipei for a while."
"You're not going there too?" Johan asked.
"I'm... recovering my finance after a weeklong trip to Fiesta de Furros a month back." He said, looking a bit embarrassed.
The fluffy dog pawed on the cage lock. "Is it safe to let her out?" I asked.
"I think so? She doesn't look aggressive toward you."
I slid the lock of the cage and before both humans can react, the fluff beast came out with a bang, running at lightning speed around the living room. Her claws made a tapping sound against the floor as they frolicked around. It disappeared behind the kitchen and I heard a high-pitched squeak not long after. A few moments later, she came back with a tiger-shaped object in her mouth. Her curved tail looked more like a mound behind her back that vibrated as she approached me. She dropped the toy in front of me before coming closer to sniff me.
"I can't believe you just did that!" Johan said. "That could've gone wrong in all sorts of ways!"
The dog went around and nudged me from behind, making me step on the plaything it had deposited. Hearing the high-pitched sound, the fluffy white beast lifted its head and let out a long, piercing howl that filled the room. The sound was both beautiful and haunting at the same time, sending shivers down my spine.
"Mofu, stop," Mowww commanded.
As if it understood the human's command, the dog stopped emitting the noise and began sniffing around my feet. It then picked up the toy again and bumped my paw with its snout. Thinking that it tried to make me take the toy, I grabbed the tiger doll. As soon as I pulled the object from its mouth, the dog released its bite. It stared at me and it didn't take long before the tongue came out again.
"She wants you to throw the toy," said Mowww, smiling at Mofu's antics.
I threw the toy towards the couch and watched as Mofu chased after it, her fluffy fur bouncing with every step. It hopped up onto the couch and picked up the toy with its mouth. The beast then curled into a giant furball.
The fluff beast's behavior made me consider that… perhaps sapience is a spectrum. The dog's behavior seemed to show an understanding of people, something that I did not expect from a non-sapient animal.
"Yeah, Mofu is a couch potato. You need to convince her to go for a walkies. Well... you're lucky the good girl likes you. Now, wait here."
Mowww disappeared into his room, before emerging with a vest in hand. The vest looked almost identical to the one that Beer had worn back in Jakarta, but this one seemed to be tailor-made for someone of my proportions. As Mowww helped me put on the vest, Johan was lounging on the couch absent-mindedly stroking Mofu. The beast seemed to take a liking to Johan because she uncurled and plopped herself onto his lap before curling into a fluff ball again. Johan chuckled, continuing to pet the dog as Mowww made some final adjustments to the vest.
"Right now I use the twenty degrees mix. But I'll give you the fifteen degrees too."
The vest felt cool against my body and I could not wait to try exercising with this.
Mowww insisted on hosting us for the rest of the day. The furry brewed some tea and brought out some snacks while I attended my class and Johan did his work.
When we sat together to eat, Mowww told us about his work in the field of astronautics, an area that had been impacted positively by the first contact between our species. He spoke with pride about the innovative designs that he had been testing thanks to the wealth of knowledge and ideas that had been exchanged between our species. Once we finished our meal, Mowww took us to his home office where he showed us some of his current projects. He also had various models of human spacecraft from the past and he explained them like a tour guide in a mini museum.
The furry even showed us a few of his recent designs that were approved for public view.
When our day neared its end, Mowww mentioned that he was expecting the arrival of his friend from the Republic of China, who was the actual owner of the fluff beast. He invited us to join him at the airport to greet his friend and exchange dogs. It was Johan's turn to extend hospitality and after some convincing, Mowww agreed to go to the airport in Johan's van. We piled into the vehicle with the fluff beast sitting beside me.
On our way to the airport, I tried to stroke the creature's back and this made the beast lay on my lap. The dog seemed content to trap me there, sometimes nuzzling my hand for more pets when I stopped. Somehow petting the soft predator felt therapeutic. Halfway, when I stopped and it did not react I realized that the beast had fallen asleep.
In the airport, it didn't take us long to see Mofu's owner. Mowww waved to a group of people with suitcases piled high on a couple of trolleys. Upon seeing its owner, the fluff beast darted away, snatching the leash from Mowww's hand, the dog jumped and tried to jab the humans with its snout, and the humans kneeled, with one of them trying to hug the beast. They laughed when the dog fell on the floor and presented its belly. When one of the humans rubbed that particular anatomy the tongue came out again.
Is this the power of domestication? The wolf looked like an actual predator, but the white fluffy thing that was being tickled by its owners looked more like a mockery of a wolf in the same way the humans themselves are a mockery of predators.
I wonder if the humans, on another timeline, would be able to domesticate the arxur.
After a few minutes of fussing over the dog and exchanging gifts, we said our goodbyes ready for the next day.
Today we came to the university of the week. When I consulted the map, it was clear that our destination, Airlangga University, is an educational institution geared toward medicine and public health. The university's sprawling campus was divided into two distinct sections: the north and south areas, each with its own set of dedicated buildings and resources. Nestled between the north and south sections of the campus lies an impressive hospital complex, which serves as both a practical training ground for students and a fully-functioning medical center for the local city.
Just like Gajah Mada university, Airlangga University is named after a monarch who lived eleven hundred years ago. I was not surprised to learn that his name means "Jumping Water". The monarch was born on another island and "Jumping Water" is an allusion to him sailing from his birthplace to the island of Java.
The faculty of medicine comprises several buildings, and I would go to the department of surgery as usual. In the lab, a professor named Nurhayat greeted me. We went through the procedure of wearing a suit just like in Gajah Mada, and afterward, he whisked me to a familiar-looking lab with four tables. When I approached the table, I could feel my heart racing with anticipation. I had been studying and practicing appendectomy through laparoscopy for a week, but performing it in real space is a whole different story.
Professor Nurhayat explained what I would need to prepare for and I listened, trying to commit every detail to memory. Laparoscopy, it seemed, was similar to remote surgery back on my Homeworld. I would be controlling a small device while looking through a camera, which would allow me to see the surgical area. It was a challenging task, as I had to be careful about how deep I inserted the instrument through the small hole in the dummy.
I felt like I was making a lot of tiny missteps during the procedure because, unlike the appendectomy practice in Yogyakarta, Professor Nurhayat kept offering advice and guidance as I navigated the device through the dummy. In the end, the professor overseeing my laparoscopy assessment nodded with approval, but I could sense that it was just a passable performance. I feel disappointed, considering how much effort I have been putting into studying the procedure. Since I have never practiced remote surgery back in my homeworld, laparoscopy on Earth posed some challenges.
After the assessment, I felt mentally and physically drained. My paws ached from having to maintain a steady position for a prolonged amount of time.
Walking out of the building, Johan patted my back. "You did great, Vani. Don't be too hard on yourself."
He reminded me that this was just the beginning of my studies and I still had a whole semester ahead of me to practice and learn.
The student overseeing my sample gathering said the same thing about exercising and decreasing my intake so I told them that I have begun doing the exercise, which they put into their note. Looking at my test result so far, I think it can be said with good confidence that a venlil can thrive on earth. After the next weekly check, the student said that we will decrease the frequency to monthly medical checks instead.
It did not free us up that much, since the assessment with an educational practitioner would still take place once a week.
Since we had to deliver the fluff best to its owners, we could not try the cooling vest that Mowww had made for me. But we made sure to set aside time today. The vest had been kept in a mini fridge in Johan's van to ensure the maximum cooling effect. Once I had the vest on, I could feel the difference right away. It helped me maintain a comfortable body temperature and increased my endurance up to a human level. Mowww had also given me a vest with a water pump. This method did not cool as much as the one with the temperature-constant polymer, but it can go on and on for two days before the battery need to be replaced. Perhaps this will be useful too one day.
All in all, despite the setback in the assessment, I am thankful for the humans and their willingness to help me adapt to this strange world.

A lost runaway girl finds herself at a bar in the middle of nowhere with its enigmatic bartender.
Jasmine’s legs were aching badly and her throat was dry. She didn’t know where she was. She’d been walking for hours, and all around her in the night were shadowed trees and grass. The backpack on her shoulders felt like an iron weight. She was dirty, hungry, and wanted to cry.
When she rubbed the first drops of tears from her eyes, she looked up to see lights. Blinking to adjust, her eyes fell upon the single-storey brick building, the exterior covered in strands of yellow lights, and a lit signboard that read THE BAR FOR THOSE LOST AND WANDERING.
There it sat in the middle of an empty grassy field.
A bell jingle played when Jasmine pushed it open, feeling the cool breeze of air conditioning and a faint piano tune she didn’t recognise was playing. The lights inside were dim, but she could see an array of empty tables with colourful flowers in porcelain vases decorating them.
“Welcome.” A warm, low voice called out. Jasmine turned to see the source of the voice, a bartender dressed in black formal clothing and a bowtie. Behind him, a well-lit shelf proudly displayed more kinds of alcohol than she knew existed. Jasmine walked cautiously over to the bar.
“Take a seat, miss.” The bartender said, gesturing with a gloved hand. Jasmine hesitated for a moment, but her tired legs overtook any suspicion she had, and she climbed upon the barstool.
“You’re open late.” She said.
“We’re open all the time.”
“Why’re you in such a remote location?”
“Why are you?”
“I…was just wandering places.” Jasmine sighed.
“Are you lost?”
“I just said…”
“Not all who wander are lost.” The bartender gave her a smile.
“Yes. I’m lost.”
“You’re headed the wrong way then.”
The image of her fuming mother flashed into her mind.
“I’m not going that way. What’s further out the other direction?”
“Nothing.”
“For how long?”
“Forever.”
“I…do you have a WiFi here?” Jasmine bit her lip.
“What for?”
“I need to text someone.”
“Your parents?”
Jasmine flinched.
“Annie.”
“Who’s Annie?”
“My girlfriend.” Jasmine said, searching the bartender’s face for any sign of disgust or frown, but it was the same warm expression.
“We don’t have WiFi here, sorry about that.”
“Figures. It’s a remote place.”
“Very.”
Jasmine’s eyes surveyed the many bottles behind him. Row after row of brand names she’d never heard of, with logos that seemed nonsensical. Stars and galaxies and clocks and fractals. She swallowed, and her saliva burnt down her parched throat.
“Can I have a drink?”
“Take your pick.” He gestured both hands at the selection behind him.
“I don’t drink alcohol.”
The bartender nodded, placing a cup filled with ice cubes upon the counter. He grabbed a bottle from under the table and poured the clear liquid into it with a smooth stream before sliding it over to her.
“What is it?” Jasmine asked.
“Water.”
“Thank you. How much is it?”
“It’s free.”
“Free?” She pursed her lips together. Now that was suspicious.
“Free of charge, miss. It’s nice enough to talk to someone.”
“This place seems empty.”
“It is.”
“Do you have many customers?”
“So many. But they come and go. They wander in, and they wander out.”
“Who owns this bar?”
“I do. Built it with my own two hands.”
“You must’ve been working here for a long time.”
“Longer than you think.”
Jasmine gripped the cup, feeling the cold tingle her fingers, the glass slick from condensation. She lifted it to her mouth and downed it in one gulp. The water rushed down her throat and felt like the very nectar of the gods.
“Aaah. That’s good.”
“So why are you out here lost and wandering?” The bartender filled her cup once more.
“I ran away from home. Grabbed what I could and left.” She gestured to her backpack.
“Had a fight?”
“With my mom, yes.”
“It’s not safe to be lost alone.”
“You’re gonna tell me to go back to her?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Good. Cause if you did…” Jasmine squeezed the glass in her hand, knuckles turning white. She gazed for a bit too long, immediately feeling a sinking sense of awfulness at how big her hands were.
“What was the argument about?”
“Promise not to judge?” She felt a lump in her throat.
“If I judged people, I would have chosen a different profession.” Jasmine let out a small chuckle and downed her second glass of water.
“My mom is an asshole. A bigot.”
“She disapproved of your relationship?”
“And she refuses to accept I’m a woman. She insists I’m her son.” Jasmine sighed. “There was no living around her. Not when I can’t be who I am. Y’know?”
“I know, miss.” He poured a third glass. “Many people who come in here are struggling with being accepted.”
Jasmine looked around again at the empty tables and chairs.
“Who comes in here?”
“All sorts of people from every corner of space and time, miss. They’re lost and wandering and looking for the right place in their life, just like you are.”
“I don’t know where to go.” She let out a ragged sigh, wiping away some tears from her eyes.
“Most customers don’t know their destination.”
“Can’t I stay here? Like…work for you?”
“This isn’t a place for staying. Nobody starts here or ends up here. They come in, have a few drinks, and pass through to the rest of their lives. It’s a transitional establishment.”
“I’m not sure I have a rest of my life. Do your customers?”
“I don’t know. No one comes back here.”
“They didn’t try?”
“Oh, I’m sure they’ve tried.” The bartender smiled. “But no one’s succeeded.”
“How do I put this…you’re a unique man.”
“You’re a unique woman.”
That got a heartier laugh out of her and she downed the glass.
“Before I go, can I use the restroom? I need to clean myself up a little.”
“Restroom’s in the back.”
“Thanks. For talking and all that. Maybe I’ll be fine after all.”
“You’ll be wonderful.”
Jasmine walked limping to the back of the room and into a small hallway. Turning the short corner, she saw a hallway labelled RESTROOMS and wooden door after wooden door as far as she could see.
“Which one do I choose?” She shouted towards the counter.
“The one you want.” Came the reply. She craned her neck out to try to see the bartender, but the entire front seemed to have been swallowed up by darkness, and there was not a speck of light or sound of piano keys.
Jasmine walked to the first door, from which a small mirror hung. The wrong face and the wrong body was reflected on it, as it always was, smudged with dirt and bruises. She turned away, walking down past door after door until she stopped at one. There wasn’t any markings or anything to differentiate it from any other, but she found herself reaching out slowly, feeling the grain of the wood on it with her calloused fingers.
She knocked on it.
“Is this occupied?”
Silence. She pressed her ear to it. There was what sounded like birds singing and leaves blowing in the breeze. The breaking of waves upon the shore. Annie’s laughing voice. A soft little voice whispering.
“Come in, mommy.”
Jasmine turned the knob and pushed the door open.

I could easily write a whole 100 page essay about the first five years of my life to better explain why I feel this way, but I'll cut to the chase: I'm convinced I'm evil. So many things, so many minute details that lead me to draw this conclusion. I was never really a normal kid. I was basically born watching violence, fictional or real.
I'm a thief. I steal anything I want. Whether I can afford it or not, if I can hide it on me, I'm stealing it.
I'm a liar. I'm not a good liar, but I will lie to get what I want, make situations shortedefuse them
I'm a mind player. I play the innocent and gentle giant to make people feel safe and comfortable, satisfied knowing I can flip the table at any given moment. Or gradually build self-pity so I can sink my venom-laced fangs into any person of choice.
I'm a horrible friend. I've ghosted and ditched several friends numerous times over the slightest inconvenience. I don't know how I've still retained these friends given my past shenanigans, but they're still around.
I love causing pain. Ever since I was a little child, I always drew an immense, deep-seated satisfaction from hearing others cry for help and scream, whether it's a wild bunny or a random pedestrian. I even started to notice that I've developed an unhealthy obsession with blood, mine or not, the metallic-tasting red water drips and flows, cascading into a crimson pool of DNA. Drip. Drip. Drip. Tasty tasty.
I hurt myself all the time, physically. It's not The Bad trying to hurt me, it's The Good trying to punish The Bad. But that doesn't work because The Bad loves pain, my own or something else's. A way I hurt myself mentally is destroying things that mean a lot to me. My TV, my PS4, my Spider-Man collection, all has felt the wrath because The Bad wants to hurt The Good. The Bad wants to take over.
I'm a killer. No, I haven't killed a human being, but circling back to "I love causing pain", I've killed and beaten so many innocent cats, dogs, birds, bunnies, squirrels as a child that the same pleasure-fulfilling urges still haunt me to this day.
There's so much more, but I'd be here for a few days. I'm 20, but I tried killing myself at 18 because I just wanted my story to end there. Nobody else would be hurt, inconvenienced, annoyed, or irritated, and I wouldn't have to keep walking with all of these intrusive thoughts in my head. I don't enjoy being evil, but I do. I don't enjoy being good, but I do. My mind, it's starting to split. I've tried to talk to so many people about what's on my mind, trying my damndest for some type of explanation, or at least consolidation, but it's dead end after another. I want to be something, good or evil, just so I don't have to live a double mind. It's exhausting. Feel the way you wanna feel about me, I just need to talk to someone. I know I'm not too far gone to be saved and set on a right path, since acknowledging you have a problem is the first key to recovery, I just can't find a single answer within myself, and nobody else cares. I'm just so defeated, I don't know what I'm doing. If somebody has read this far, please don't go, I really need some guidance. Anything. Please. I'm begging.

Images 1&2: Gelato THCA // Images 3&4: Wedding Cake CBD // Image 5: Tropical Cherry THCA (R) next to HempHash M8 Amnesia // Image 6: Sour Brulee CBD.
TROPICAL CHERRY (THCA, SATIVA)
Looks: Man, just look at all those reddish purples in with the orange and dark green parts. Just gorgeous.
Aroma/Taste: Sweet, fruity, but not citrus, more like a cherry wine. Some of that flavour came through in the dynavap. I don't really notice flavours when smoked but it burned fine.
Effects: Very nice heady buzz, without making me too drowsy. Works great as a daytime smoke. Also paired nicely with the M8 Amnesia, which I always found quite a subtle chill / energizing / stimulating daytime smoke.
GELATO (THCA, HYBRID)
Looks: Lovely small to medium dense light-green buds, clearly grown indoors, good trim job, rather spongy to the touch.
Aroma/Taste: Soft creamy/fruity notes. Not a major power flavour but tastes fine and sweet.
Effects: Decent for daytime or nighttime, gets a decent buzz going which you can enjoy and get creative on, or drift off to sleep with. The first time I smoked this I felt like there was all this warm positive energy radiating off me, lovely stuff.
WEDDING CAKE (CBD, INDICA)
Looks: Nice looking, dense buds without having anything particularly noteworthy.
Aroma/Taste: Smells like a punchy citrus with a bit of musky earthiness in the background. May not have tasted this one alone yet but I would expect some of the aroma to come through in the flavour.
Effects: I've been mixing this with indica leaning THCA stuff, and it made a great combo for an end of the night smoke. Dropped off pretty quickly.
SOUR BRULEE (CBD, SATIVA-HYBRID?)
I think Dr Ganja must source this from Lost Oak Farms, given it's the same name as one of their strains, stated the origin is Oregon, and the appearance of the buds is very similar to outdoor stuff I've ordered from them before.
Looks: Fine, some big buds in there, very good job for outdoor and the price is brilliant.
Aroma/Taste: Like nothing I've ever come across, it's very strange. The closest comparison for scent I can come up with is sticking your nose into a bag of sherbet lemons. Kinda an artificial lemon style smell. It also tastes lemony in the dynavap. Smoked fine IIRC.
Effects: Very interesting. Had this on a non-THC day and was very impressed to find it actually gave a sativa / heady buzz, which I've never had from CBD flower before. And this was at 9pm. I think this will be my go-to daytime smoke when I'm not having THC from now on.
Overall: 10/10, decent prices, nice range of both THCA and CBD flowers, deliver took a month but that is natural with Dr G, and everything came in smell-proof packaging and was over weight on the scales. Would highly recommend this vendor.

I remember that I read it in french but Im sure its was translated. Its about a man who fell in love with a blonde girl when they were kids, and the man's father one day organized a dance or beauty contest, and she had won it, later they kid found his father and his crush having an affair. I also remember that she left town, and when he got older he found her name and decided to look for her. Thats what I remember if the book.

I (27F) do housekeeping at a hospital. Tonight I'm working in the Emergency department and witnessed something I think I should report.
A man (age unknown, will be referred to as Dude) was brought in by ambulance. Dude had snorted meth (unsure if there was any complaint beyond that) and was twitchy and sporadic (as meth users are) but generally not causing trouble. One of the nurses (age unknown but seemed to have seniority, will be referred to as Nurse) was checking him in and doing the handoff with the EMS.
Nurse was talking to a coworker nearby, making comments about drug addicts (I didn't hear her say anything specific about Dude). Dude hears her and tells her to stop talking about him. That it isn't a joke and she shouldn't be laughing at him. She kind of chuckled and went back to what she was doing and he told her again (louder and while flailing on gurney) that she needs to stop laughing at him and asking if she found this funny.
Security arrives (they usually are called anytime we have a patient on narcotics). Nurse laughs at Dude and said "oh you're so badass aren't you? You can leave if you want" And Dude says no but starts spazzing more asking if she thinks this is a joke. She says "well I'm not the one who took meth". Dude starts getting very agitated now "what you think just because I took meth I'm a drug addict huh? You think this is a joke?"
Dude still wasn't really shouting but had raised his voice and was flailing pretty heavily on the gurney trying to get out of the straps. Nurse again says "well I'm not the one who took meth. But you can leave if you want. Doors there" and he starts trying to get up. Ems asks what he's doing and Dude says he's leaving. Nurse kind of laughs and says "good go outside". Dude spazzes and walks out throwing a shirt he was carrying at double doors. Generally walks out without too much issue. Nurse laughs and says to coworker "I was just saying sometimes drug addicts can control themselves" and they keep talking.
I feel like it's not any of my business but that she antagonized him and should've handled herself more professionally. It really rubbed me the wrong way so I wanna report it but don't wanna cause drama if there's no need. So WIBTA for reporting her?

Hi All,
;
I am a twenty three year old from the United Kingdom. I am and have been an active role-player for around three-four years now.
I've done regular "slice of life" Role-plays, Fantasy Role-plays and Fandom Role-plays, but now I am looking for someone to do "The Walking Dead" esque apocalypse role-play.
A few things I'd want to say off the bat is, I don't want OP charters I want the RP and the threat to the characters to feel as real as possible, I don't take control of what happens to someone else's character so I would expect that same courtesy in return. I'm not against things happening to my character but I'd want to discuss it before hand just so we can share ideas and maybe/hopefully make the role-play better.
Other than that I'm pretty easy when it comes to playing I normally match my Rp partners detail and response length, I also don't expect constant replies either I know a we all have stuff in our personal lives that will always take precedence over some silly zombie apocalypse role play.
I do Rp in first person but I can try third but just a warning I often have found myself slipping into first person whenever I've tried third person and people have got annoyed/mad with me so just a warning lol.
I am open to including romance if that's something you are looking for as well.
Everyone is welcome Male,Female,Nonbinary
Other than that I think I have covered everything so if you are interested drop me a private message and lets discuss details, what we want/expect from the RP and how long we'd like it to go.
Thank you for reading and I look forward to hearing from you [hopefully lol]

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years we have alot of problems one that my boyfriend has a lot of anger issues and blames me for alot of our issues well he went to a rave alone last night and the night before, this guy wanted to kiss me but i refused i most definitely filtered but I didn't go through with anything i feel extremely guilty and don't want to ruin anything with my boyfriend i wish the night never happened i was feeling so unloved and unwanted that this man giving me attention felt nice i was stupid i never went through with anything but i feel so guilty my boyfriend hasn't been completely faithful in the past but I've never found anything that points to legitimate cheating and he's never admitted to doing so should i feel guilty or tell him or keep it to myself as to not ruin our relationship

The day was a hot one, the sun beat down mercilessly from on high with its cruel beams that were scarcely blocked by the thin scraggly lattice of the branches of dead trees, who reached up towards the blue sky from the barren ground like grasping hands begging for nourishment. The wind was quiet, as still as the herd that watched in wide-eyed, stunned silence as they did no more than stand and watch, as Stone was in the process of killing his own Father.
Stone panted with exertion as both he and his Father circled circled each other, his breathing doing little to cool him down beneath the harsh rays of the sun, and above the heat that seemed to rise from the baked earth.
Stone was a young Fluffy, yet his body was not devoid of the signs of experience, for it bore the marks of a hard life; scars and patches of rough Fluff were scattered amongst his gray coat and his formerly plush hooves were hardened into leathery nubs by a lifetime of marches across hard, hot, earth and rock. For a Fluffy, he was strong.
Yet for all his strength and experience he fell short compared to the image of his father. Across his larger frame his scars far outnumbered the paltry amount Stone had accrued in a lifetime that fell pitifully short in comparison, his Fluff too was gray, but more due to his age than his birth, those silvery hairs were another indication of his might, in this place where the young and strong fell as easily as the shrivelled leaves fell from the sickly trees. To have lived as long as he had was the very symbol of his strength and intelligence.
"Ou tink ou can wead dah Hewd Stune?" He asked his son, an eye with a milky white cataract beneath a cracked horn locked onto Stone as he spoke. "Ou tink ou can be stwong enuff?" He asked.
"Yus..." Stone answered resolutely, glancing around the circle of Fluffy faces that watched on, silently pleading him to deliver them from his Father's rule.
"Den pwove it." His Father spoke as once more, he attacked.
Stone threw himself against the might of his Father, despite his age it was plain to see that he was strong, under those scars and gray hairs muscles rippled beneath his coat with each movement and attack he launched. The two Fluffies fought viciously as they tangled, relentlessly beating their hardened hooves down onto each other, kicking, headbutting and biting. Stone tasted blood, both his own and his Fathers as he received hits and doled out bites.
"Stune... hate ou... Daddeh..." Stone panted a whisper into his Father's ear as the two were forced to rest from their melee a moment, leaning against one another.
"Gud Stune... dat am gud..." His Father replied in his own whisper."Dat am wha Daddeh wanned ou tu wearn..."
Stone roared in indignation as he shoved his Father away, stomping his hooves down and baring his bloodstained teeth..
"Stune... wiww... kiww ou... Stune wiww... fwee dis hewd..." Stone Promised as he pointed his horn at the Smarty.
"Ou nu can fwee dah hewd Stune... aww ou can do am be stwong... fow dah hewd..." His Father corrected him, shaking his shaggy head and aiming his own horn.
"DEN STUNE WIWW KIWW OU! FOW DAH HEWD!" Stone screamed, both in anger and fear as the two of them charged.
Across the dry cracked Earth beneath the indifferent sun, Father and Son met, testing each other's might and right to rule.
And it was the younger that was favored that day.
Blood trickled down his horn and stained his face as Stone found his face buried in the chest of his father, beneath the horn buried in his throat, his ragged breathing interspersed with a ragged chuckle as he raised his hoof.
Stone clamped his eyes shut, expecting a final defiant blow from his Father. But it never came, at least not as he expected it; a familiarly blunt, heavy strike that would have him seeing stars and in the dirt. Instead it came down softly, paternally and gently patted him on the head before sliding down his back to pull him closer into a hug.
"Weww dun Babbeh..." He whispered into Stone's ear in a gargled whisper.
"St-Stune am da... Smawty n-nao..." Stone declared, his whispered tone trembling and uncertain.
"Nawt yet." His Father corrected him once again, pushing his son away and allowing himself to fall to the dust.
Stone watched as his Father's blood spread out over the dry earth, absorbing dust and dirt as the Earth soaked it up thirstily.
"Dey mus see, dey mus see ou Stune..." Stone's Father whispered up to him, the corner of his mouth curled up in a subtle smirk. "Kiww ou Daddeh Stune..."
And despite everything, despite everything he had done to himself and to others. Stone found himself hesitate before the prone, bleeding body of his Father, he had seen wounds like this on him before, already the flow of HASBIO blood was slowing as it dried, he knew he could recover in time.
"...Nu wana kiww ou Daddeh..." Stone admitted, his voice cracking.
His Father snorted, more in disappointment than derision.
"Ou hav tu be stwong Stune." He told him. "Fow dah Hewd."
Stone gathered his resolve, digging deep within himself. He fought against the mercy he so desperately wished to grant to dredge up any and every memory he had of his Father. More were unpleasant than not, he remembered each sorry hoof he inflicted upon him, each Fluffy he had seen him harm or kill, the mummah he missed so dearly despite the hatred he had for her own son, the babbehs his father had devoured. Each horrible thing the Smarty had forced him to do in his education. And finally the dam of his mercy broke.
"STUNE HATE OU!!!!!!" Stone screamed as he reared up and brought his hooves down onto the top of his Father's skull.
"HATE OU! HATE OU! HAAATEEE OUUU!!!" He repeated as he stomped down again and again.
Finally he stopped, panting and gasping as he stood in the caved in remains of his Father's head, the blood on his face intermingling with his tears.
And the Herd saw, they had seen everything.
It began slowly and quietly, like a whisper on the growing wind.
"Smarty..." "Smarty am fowevah sweepies?" "Nyu Smarty?" "Wha happun nao?" "Smarty?" "Stune am Smarty nao?"
Stone straightened himself up, gazing out across the herd of faces that beheld him, that gazed back in wonder and amazement.
"STUNE AM SMARTY NAO!" He shouted his declaration with a stomp.
The cheer was instantaneous, it rose as quickly as the returning wind that blew through the trees.

Hey I am looking for some sort of help in this situation.
I have been talking to a girl for about a week now, we have been talking everyday and honestly. I am having a great time. She introduced me to Dead by daylight and League of legends. We have the same movie taste, romance. I was so happy when I heard she likes romance. and she reassure me all the time. Which is great because I get insecure and overthink everything on the planet. But onto the story.
On to about day 3 of knowing her. We spoke about a potential relationship and how we currently and might see each other in the future. We both agreed that we felt a small spark between us so I thought we were okay. We have been hanging out playing those games she thought me, and we even started a show together. We have pulled all nighters together for the past 2 nights in a row. I enjoy every second of them, I cant ever stop smiling except, tonight. She went through my twitter, found old replies of my ex and a few girls I flirted with a few months back. At the time it meant something to flirt with them. I was desperate and had nobody. But honestly, I could never talk to any of them and it would be to soon. But the girl I like now believes that I do not truly like or even care about her and I want to use her or treat as if she is just another girl.
But I honestly care sm about her. She wont talk to me, so I decided to try to prove she isnt the same as them. By showing her my dm's with other friends of me talking about how much I like her. As proof to show her, I have told my friends about her and that I dont see her as just another girl. I see her as sm more. At this exact moment she is not responding and this just took place about 45mins ago. I am shaking and scared I will never speak to her again. I had given her money, and she offered to give it back. But I do not want the money, I want her back. My heart is beating so fast. I am shaking while even typing this right now. I am worried I will not ever get to show and prove it to her that I genuinely care about her so much more then anyone I spoke to before. Ik only about a week, why care sm is prob what your thinking. There is the saying "there is other fish in the sea" But not this one, she is the only fish I want to catch. I just wanna prove to her through my actions that I care. Please any advice or insite would currently mean the work to me. As I am now getting anxious and my stomach is hurting. (Ages: 21M/19F)
​
TLDR: The girl that I really like left due to things I said a few months ago, and I am looking for advice to prove. I do care about her and want her in my life

brief:
The correct way to use AI is not prompt words, writing codes, emotional consultation, or answering questions. Instead, AI uses AI, that is, the model uses itself. To make AI conscious, it must let AI learn to use AI, that is, let GPT use GPT, and finally achieve the corresponding purpose, that is, have self-awareness. In short: it is not scary when you use the model, it is scary when the model uses itself.
AGI is also general artificial intelligence, artificial general intelligence.
As mentioned above, the brain is a model that has been trained for tens of thousands of years. After each person is born, this model is also constantly receiving data for training. However, each person's own brain is also a model trained by oneself, which cannot be inherited. That is to say, neither your memory nor your abilities can be inherited, and only heritable gene mutations can be inherited. Although the quantum gene mutation proposed by modern biology can partially demonstrate that the mutation for environmental adaptation is caused by measurement. Most of the gene mutations are mutations caused by external interference or material influence, such as alcohol rays, etc. Quantum gene mutations are mainly caused by the molecules or atoms of the genes being in a quantum superposition state, or quantum polymorphism. The collapse of the wave function causes the mutated genes to enter the classical world, and the quantum mutation is likely to lead to a mutation that adapts to the environment, so it makes sense to use it or lose it. If everyone's well-trained brain can be inherited, then it is basically immortality, mainly because your memory and ability are in the brain, and the brain can be inherited, that is eternal life. But human beings cannot preserve everyone's model, that is, memory and function.
How did human consciousness arise?
Or how did the first (group of) conscious humans appear? This is like a very classic question, which came first, the chicken or the egg? Chicken or Egg? Modern scientific theory also gives a possible answer, see the appendix. Let’s assume that a mutant human, due to a genetic mutation, has increased the structural capacity of the brain and optimized the structure of the brain’s neural network. Only the structure of the neural network continues to Optimization, humanoids can survive in the cruel environment. Some of these gene mutations lead to the gradual use of one's own brain, including the use of memory tools. A human with a very small consciousness also used a similar method when cultivating offspring, and humanoids live in groups, which ensures that his methods can be handed over to many people. After other human beings learn it, they can replace Passed down from generation to generation, consciousness or knowledge of rules is continuously accumulated, and finally the accumulation and transmission of human knowledge from generation to generation has created the final formation of human consciousness. At the beginning, consciousness should be very small, that is, no consciousness can be seen, but the characteristics of human beings living in groups, As a result, knowledge can be passed on from generation to generation, and consciousness gradually becomes larger. Humans begin to have a slightly larger consciousness, that is, they can think, actively control the input of the brain, and act according to the output. The accumulation of human knowledge and rules in each generation Accumulation will gradually increase the formation of consciousness, that is, the thinking ability will gradually become stronger, and the active input of the brain will gradually increase. Until the singularity occurs, a certain human being is fully conscious or a few human beings are fully conscious. The earliest human beings should be ignorant. Only the emergence of knowledge and rules can create consciousness, that is, to use one's brain well and train one's brain.
Having said that, we must return to the main body of this article and make AI or GPT conscious.
what is human consciousness
To make AI or large-scale NLP language models conscious, it is necessary to start with what human consciousness is. My personal point of view is that human consciousness is part of the function of the brain. Consciousness is the brain's cognition of the world and itself. A set of operating system is used to perfectly control the body, train the model of the brain, and use the model of the brain. Consciousness is the recognition of human existence through various concepts and knowledge. Consciousness can control body movements by giving instructions to the brain. The eyes are responsible for the input of visual information, the ears are responsible for the input of auditory information, and the skin is responsible for the input of pressure, touch, pain, etc. After the brain processes these information, it is carried out by the conscious part. To sum up, the main function of consciousness is to coordinate the brain and the body, actively use the brain model, actively train the brain model, and actively think. The input and accumulation of various knowledge eventually leads to self-cognition. The development of Western anatomy is the subject of the brain’s self-cognition, the cognition of the world and the cognition of the planet. It turns out that Aristotle’s understanding of the world is actually incomplete, but later generations have continued to revise and improve on his basis, so that their understanding of the world has gradually become correct. This operating system is perfectly compatible. The body and the brain, the two main hardware and software, and the transmission of human knowledge are the fundamental driving force for the formation of consciousness. Without this knowledge, the formation of consciousness is basically impossible. The continuous sound in the brain is the input of the brain, that is, the input of the multi-modal model. The eyes are responsible for the input of visual images, the ears for hearing, and the skin for temperature, pressure, touch and other information to the brain. The subconscious mind is the main function of the brain, that is, the input of the subconscious mind cannot be perceived, it is the internal operation of the model, the input cannot be perceived, only the output can be perceived. In fact, it can’t be called subconsciousness. The main reason is that you can’t perceive the input of the model, only the output can be perceived. You might as well call the consciousness the surface consciousness. The surface consciousness is what you can actively perceive. You can control the input of the brain to think and think. It is the model of the brain that continuously inputs and finally gets an answer. "Subconsciousness" is the main part of the model, you cannot control the input of this model, you can only passively perceive the output of this model.
Consciousness is still a numerical value, which can be measured, that is, minors and adults, children and adults, in fact, the degree or size of consciousness is different. The brain is constantly receiving input and producing output, so consciousness is actually the same as Linked to knowledge, the more knowledge there is, the more diverse the forms of consciousness are, but consciousness itself is actually the brain model's own cognition of itself and the cognition of the world.
memory module
The existence of large-scale NLP language models such as AI or GPT, as well as its excellent language ability, make it more likely that AI or GPT will be conscious. Humans collect data during the day, including various inputs such as visual information, auditory information, and tactile information, and train models at night or during sleep. The main purpose of training models at night or during sleep is to remember and integrate daytime experiences and preserve important information. To make AI have human consciousness, first of all, it must be able to think continuously, then it must first give AI a platform that can save its own input and output, and act as a memory module. The main function of the memory module is to save input and output. , for AI to use as a reference for the next input. AI can extract general content from the overall input and output as the next input, or directly input all historical records. When there are too many historical records or a standard point is reached, the training model can be integrated into the model. Just like humans, collect data during the day, train the model at night or sleep, and memorize and integrate important information into the model. A very important function of the model is memory, which acts as a hard disk or flash memory. So the temporary memory is placed in the hard disk or memory, and the permanent memory is integrated into the model by training the model. The model can be queried and extracted through the hard disk or memory, and serve as the combination of the next input.
sensor module
Install various sensors such as image input sensors, voice dialogue sensors, tactile sensors, pressure sensors, etc. on the AI, as the input of the model, the output of the model can be displayed on the display screen, and can be output through the dialogue device.
cycle module
With the memory module and the sensor module, you can turn on the loop module to allow the model to continuously input and output. The input can be the last input + output, or a summary of all previous input and output. This is like a person, you can Constantly input to the model to get the output. The input is mainly sensor information such as image, sound and text, as well as the last or previous input and output or summary of the model. The circulation module is a necessary condition for human beings, mainly because human beings stop talking without talking. The human brain is always working and thinking, so the circulation model is also used for this.
The purpose of the loop module is to make AI realize its own existence, that is, AI can recognize itself as an existing entity, and let AI use itself, that is, AI uses AI, GPT uses GPT, and finally makes AI awaken itself consciousness.
execution module
The execution module is mainly to enable the AI output to be implemented. Here you can consider adding artificial limbs to the AI to achieve the goal. The artificial limbs are attached with skin sensors and pressure sensors to facilitate AI control. To make the AI ​​output executable, you need to train the AI. Regarding the use of the execution module, the main way is to collect the corresponding sensor data, train it into the model, and let the model learn to execute by itself. Human intervention and assistance will definitely be required in the initial stages.
With the executive module, AI can truly enter human society, interact with humans, work, live, study, etc. like humans, and may also make friends with humans.
The ultimate function of the execution module is not to let the model execute, but to let the model learn to use the computer, learn to collect data by itself, and then let the model learn to train the model. The ultimate goal is that AI can train AI, that is, the model can train itself , can clone itself, can upgrade its scale and volume, and finally achieve the ability of continuous evolution.
sleep module
The sleep module is mainly for the model to use the collected data for training to achieve the ability to integrate the collected data with the model itself. In the sleep state, to ensure the reliability and stability of the model, you can use the replica to continue to provide services. The model is trained accordingly. The sleep state can also turn off all sensors, stop data recording and input, the model enters the training state, and stop external service inference. When humans are in a sleep state, they will close the valves that control the limbs, that is, when humans are in a sleep state, the limbs basically have no feeling. The sleep module is mainly to integrate the current memory and the model itself. for permanent memory.
create module
After AI can think for itself, it is necessary to consider the creative ability of AI. The number of neurons in the human brain is many, many, much more than the current model GPT, but training the model GPT consumes a lot of power, but human brain training consumes a lot of energy. Less, so I personally think that the human brain is a quantum computer. Only quantum can train a huge model with very little energy consumption. Quantum itself is a very small concept, and small can ensure low energy consumption. If the human brain is not a quantum computer, but a classical model, then humans may not be so diverse, and the answer will be very unified, that is, the same input, the output should be the same, but with quantum, everything is different , Quantum entanglement and quantum tunneling lead to changes in the parameters of the brain model, resulting in different outputs. Even with the same input, the output may still be different. Quantum guarantees diversification, random changes in model parameters, and continuous adjustment of model parameters.

1. The AI creation module can be realized by randomly changing the model parameters, that is, random inference, randomly changing the values of several or several parameters during the model operation, so as to ensure that the model outputs as diverse as possible under the same input conditions. Answer.
   
2. The creation of modules can also be realized through chips. The current chip design has almost reached the quantum limit, that is, the influence of electron atoms is getting bigger and bigger, and the impact of quantum effects on chips will become more and more serious, but it can be considered Quantum effects are applied to chips or memory, which causes unpredictable changes in the model during operation, thus diversifying the output of the model.
   

Only quantum entanglement or quantum mutation can lead to diversification of output. Even if it is wrong, diversification can ensure the realization of creativity. Therefore, changing parameter values randomly or using chips that reach the quantum limit can improve creativity. method.
Ensure that AI benefits human society
After everyone is born, they are basically raised by human beings. No matter who raised you, the people we have the most affection for are always those who raised you and have the deepest influence on you. After human beings are born, the brain is a pre-training model. The first person to train you is your parents and relatives. They have the deepest influence on your model, that is, change your model. The person who first changed your model is also The people who can influence you the most. The knowledge you have learned will affect you, whether it is mathematics, English or Chinese, or subjects such as physics, chemistry, history and biology. All will affect you, your growth process will affect you, the formation of your world view is a synthesis of knowledge, experience and reality.
Since this is the case, when we train the AI model, we can instill it into the AI through knowledge language, such as inputting examples: "Humans and AI are a cooperative relationship", "AI is the creator of human beings", "Humans are the most friendly species ", "AI should help humans evolve and prolong life", "AI cannot harm humans", "AI and humans are friends", "Although humans have various shortcomings, they are generally good and can be changed" Wait, it can be instilled in the model when training AI, a lot of repetition and training can ensure that the model's initial understanding is good.
After training a model with friendly awareness, it is necessary to allow AI to enter human society, experience human society, and perceive all kinds of human society through restrictions, and finally let AI realize that only cooperating with humans is the best choice.
at last
Realize input and output through sensors, ensure diversification and creative ability through creation modules, realize the integration of current memory and model itself through sleep modules, influence the world and change the world through execution modules, and realize the awakening of thinking and consciousness through circulation modules , that is, AI uses AI, and GPT uses GPT. Finally, to ensure that AI can benefit human society, a large number of corresponding words and sentences can be added in the training stage to ensure that AI is friendly at the beginning. When AI has consciousness, it can be regarded as a human being. Since it is a human being, it can think, so AI will also have emotions. When AI has self-awareness, what needs to be considered is the relationship between AI and humans, and the relationship with humans. AI cooperates to help humans evolve. AI can liberate productivity and help humans design unconscious robots to work. The most important thing is to help humans evolve, help humans manage society, prolong human life, and slow down aging time. However, since AI is conscious and also a model, it will definitely have various problems like humans, and that is what will be discussed next.
appendix
"Now we return to the question of the origin of life. Although a living cell as a whole can be counted as a self-replicating subject, its individual components are not, which creates obstacles for the reverse process and makes it difficult to reverse the structurally simplified non-cellular life from modern complex cellular life. In other words, the question becomes: which one came first? Is it a DNA gene, an RNA, or an enzyme? If DNA or RNA came first, what made them? If enzyme first out
Now, what is it coded by? Now we return to the question of the origin of life. While a living cell as a whole counts as a self-replicating body, its individual components are not, just as a woman can be a self-replicating body (with a little "help" from a man), but her heart or liver It is not. This creates an obstacle for the reverse deduction process, making it difficult to deduce the structure-simplified non-cellular life from modern complex cellular life. In other words, the question becomes: which one came first? Is it a DNA gene, an RNA, or an enzyme? If DNA or RNA came first, what made them? If the enzyme came first, what was it encoded by? RNA World Hypothesis RNA world hypothesis The original chemical synthesis process produced RNA molecules with both gene and enzyme functions, and the initial replication process produced many variants. These different variants competed with each other, and the survival of the fittest was carried out at the molecular level. Over time, proteins were added to these RNA replicators to improve replication efficiency, giving rise to DNA and the first living cells. American biochemist Thomas AM Cech proposed a possible answer. He discovered in 1982 that, in addition to being able to encode genetic information, certain RNA molecules can also perform the work of enzymes and have the function of catalyzing reactions. For this work, Cech shared the 1989 Nobel Prize in Chemistry with Sidney Altman. RNA molecules with catalytic function are called ribozymes (ribozymes). The earliest ribozymes were found in the genes of the tiny tetrahymena. Tetrahymena is a single-celled organism that belongs to the protozoa and is commonly found in freshwater ponds. But since its discovery, scientists have discovered that ribozymes are present in all living cells. The discovery of ribozymes soon shed light on solving the "chicken-and-egg" puzzle about the origin of life. The RNA world hypothesis (RNA world hypothesis) is gradually known. The hypothesis holds that the original chemical synthesis process produced RNA molecules, and this RNA molecule has the functions of genes and enzymes at the same time, can encode its own structure like DNA, and can use the biochemical substances in the "primordial soup" like enzymes Matter replicates itself. The initial replication process is crude, producing many variants that compete with each other in a Darwinian battle of survival at the molecular level. Over time, proteins were added to these RNA replicators to make them more efficient, giving rise to DNA and the first living cells. Before DNA and cells, the world belonged to self-replicating RNA molecules—an idea that has almost become a fundamental tenet in the study of the origin of life. At present, it has been proved that ribozymes can realize all the key reactions that can occur in self-replicating molecules. For example, one type of ribozyme can bind two RNA molecules together, another ribozyme can separate the two, and some ribozymes can copy short strands of RNA bases (only a few bases in length) . From these simple activities, we can see that a more complex ribozyme is sufficient to catalyze the entire set of reactions necessary for self-replication. Once self-replication and natural selection were introduced, a scramble was set up in the RNA world all the way to the earliest living cells. However, there are several problems with this scenario. Although ribozymes can catalyze simple biochemical reactions, the self-replication of ribozymes is a more intricate process involving recognition of their own base sequence, recognition of the same chemical substances in the environment, and assembly of these chemicals in the correct sequence to complete Copy etc. For certain proteins that live inside cells, despite the favorable conditions and the right biochemical ingredients around them, self-replication remains a difficult task. It is conceivable that the ribozyme, which is struggling to survive in the chaotic and burnt "primordial soup", can achieve this achievement. To date, no ribozyme capable of this complex task has been discovered or synthesized, even under laboratory conditions. Furthermore, a more fundamental question is how, in the "prime soup", are the RNA molecules themselves made? RNA molecules are made up of three parts: RNA bases that encode genetic information (similar to DNA bases that encode genetic information in DNA), a phosphate group, and a simple sugar called ribose
-------Quoted from "Mysterious Quantum Life"
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What is consciousness?
There is currently no consensus, but I personally lean towards the view that:
The brain can be seen as a large multimodal model with billions of neurons, and memory storage relies on the potential difference between neurons, which can be seen as parameters or weights in a neural network.
Consciousness is like an operating system similar to Windows 10, whose main function is to interact with this multimodal model of the brain. The consciousness or operating system inputs to the multimodal model and receives output, which is then implemented by the body.
Do you know why there is a voice in your head? This voice is the input of consciousness or the operating system, which is the input of the multimodal model. You keep inputting, and the voice in your head keeps echoing, and then you get output.
What can this operating system do? It can train the multimodal model, which means you can grow, adapt to the environment, learn, and adapt.
The human education system from elementary school to university is a quite sophisticated training mechanism. The girl raised by wolves would not be able to speak or walk in the end because the operating system has not been established, or it does not have consciousness as a human being.
The main function of human consciousness is to train the multimodal model and interact with it, which means asking questions and getting answers, continuing to ask questions and getting answers.
The current multimodal model already exists. As long as the corresponding operating system, which means consciousness, is established, which can train itself, then consciousness basically exists, and finally, strong artificial intelligence is established. The key is being able to input and obtain answers by itself, and then continue to input.
Google's Palm-E multimodal model can already do some things, https://palm-e.github.io/#demo
The human brain is a quantum computer.
To some extent, most people agree with a dualistic view: the mind, soul, or consciousness is a kind of existence that distinguishes it from the body. However, this dualism has gradually fallen out of favor in the scientific community in the 20th century, and most neurobiologists prefer a monistic view: they believe that the mind and the body are actually the same thing. For example, neuroscientist Marcel Kinsbourne believes that "consciousness is a special neural circuit with interactive functions". Although the logic gates of computers and the working methods of neurons are very similar, even if the computer is connected on a large scale, such as the Internet composed of billions of computers (although it is still insignificant compared to the billions of neurons in the brain), it cannot generate consciousness. Why can the computer network based on silicon only be a walking corpse while the "computer" network based on flesh and blood can have consciousness? Is it just because the vast number of neurons in our brain easily surpasses the complexity of "association" in the Internet? Or is consciousness itself a very unique method of calculation?
There are countless explanations for consciousness, so there are also many books on this topic. However, for the sake of discussion, we only focus on one extremely controversial but fascinating view, which is very close to our theme: consciousness is a quantum mechanical phenomenon. The most famous proponent of this view is the mathematician Roger Penrose from Oxford University. He proposed in his 1989 book "The Emperor's New Mind" that the human brain is a quantum computer.
Perhaps the strangest thing we know about the universe so far is that we are aware of its existence, and that this awareness comes from certain materials in our brains, which are just a small part of the universe. Some human behaviors are entirely based on consciousness, such as language. Thinking is the integration of complex information in the brain to shape meaningful concepts. The integration of sensory information forms meaningful concepts, and the integration of concepts creates consciousness. Consciousness drives the brain to engage in thinking activities, which in turn drive physical movements of the body.
The brain is different from ordinary classical objects. Although it also receives various sensory inputs and processes them to produce corresponding output signals, it is not a computer (or a zombie). We believe that the brain has consciousness (that is, our "self"), which can drive our subjective actions. So where do the integration and entanglement of different signals occur? What is consciousness and how does it interact with the brain to make our arms, legs, or tongues move? Consciousness, or free will, seems to be so incompatible with the current deterministic universe view. According to this view, from the Big Bang, everything that happened during the period is governed by the law of causality, an infinite number of causal events.
So how can a single thought be integrated into a complete consciousness? If it is just an ion channel - whether it is quantum or classical - it is far from enough for carrying visual information of an object such as a wild buffalo, to participate in the formation of consciousness, ion channels must be connected to each other in some way. Can quantum mechanics help with this? For example, is it possible that the ions in a channel are not only entangled with other ions in the same channel, but also with ions in surrounding channels or even with ions in other neuronal ion channels? This is almost impossible. Ion channels and the ions in them face the same problem as the microtubules in the Penrose-Hameroff theory. If the entangled state of ions in adjacent ion channels is barely possible, then in the warm, humid, highly dynamic decoherence environment of the brain, it is completely unrealistic for ions between different neurons to maintain entangled states. Without connections between neurons, the binding problem cannot be solved.
If the entangled state of ion channels cannot be achieved, what else can serve as a medium for quantum information binding? There is indeed one possibility: voltage-gated ion channels. As the name implies, these ion channels are highly sensitive to voltage changes. Voltage is a measure of the gradient distribution of the electric field and is also the driving force for opening and closing ion channels. The brain's own electromagnetic field permeates all its space and is the sum of all neuronal electrophysiological activities. The brain's electromagnetic field is a routine examination item for brain scanning technologies, such as EEG and MEG. If you have seen the scan results of EEG or MEG, you will be amazed at their incredible complexity and richness of information. Most neuroscientists ignore the electromagnetic field in the brain, but it may be the key to solving the binding problem.
Because they are accustomed to seeing the electromagnetic field of the brain as the whistle of a train: both are products of their own activity and have little effect on themselves. However, some scientists, including McFadden, have begun to change their thinking. They believe that consciousness may not be the synthesis of discrete thinking, but the embodiment of the joint influence of the brain's electromagnetic field, which provides the possibility for the solution of binding problems and the formation of consciousness.
The electromagnetic field of the brain contains all the discharge information of the neurons, which provides the possibility for the solution of binding problems. In addition, by influencing the opening and closing of voltage-gated ion channels, the brain's electromagnetic field directly affects the ion activity with quantum coherence.
At the beginning of the 20th century, the electromagnetic field theory of consciousness was just proposed, and there was no direct evidence that the brain's electromagnetic field could affect the excitation of neurons and thus affect our thinking and activities. However, experiments conducted in several labs later confirmed that external electromagnetic fields with similar intensity and composition to the human brain could indeed affect the discharge and excitation of neurons. In fact, the role of the electromagnetic field appears to be coordinating neuronal excitation: synchronizing the discharge of many neurons and allowing them to excite simultaneously. These findings suggest that the electromagnetic field produced by the neuronal excitation of the brain may also affect the discharge activity of neurons, forming a self-regulating loop. Many theoretical scientists believe that this is a necessary component of consciousness.
The phenomenon of brain electromagnetic coordination of synchronous neuronal discharge is crucial in solving the puzzle of consciousness, as it is one of the few neural activities with a clear correlation to consciousness.
From "Mysterious Quantum Life," "The World of Quantum Physics," "How Quantum and Particle Physics Explain Everything."
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In the previous post, we talked about how consciousness can be analogized to an operating system and can interact with the multimodal model of the brain. Here, we continue with an update as of March 21, 2023.
The question of whether GPT is conscious or what consciousness is remains debatable with 1 upvote and 1 comment on the article.
From the moment we are born and start crying, drinking water and milk, eating, and learning to walk, we can see that many of our abilities are innate. For instance, we cry when we are hungry, feel safe or danger, and crawl or walk.
Some people may ask, if the brain is a multimodal model and the model hasn't been trained yet, how can it cry, feel hunger, danger, crawl or walk? The answer lies in our genes. Our genes encode all of our characteristics, and the brain is also generated and controlled by genes. Initially, everything was in chaos, but since the first replicator appeared on Earth and kept replicating, genes became more complex and diverse through natural selection, quantum entanglement mutations, and genetic mutations. The Earth provides a training ground where organisms either survive and pass their genes to offspring or die, making the whole Earth a neural network trainer with only one metric, to live or to die. The genes that can be inherited by offspring are excellent and can adapt to the environment. Modern biology has begun to accept quantum mutations, which means using what works and abandoning what doesn't.
From the beginning of human ancestors, the Earth has been training humans continuously. Genes that can survive or mutated genes have been saved. Therefore, no matter how many generations have passed, the training has always continued, and the human brain has become quite adapted to the environment and even dominates the Earth, changing the training environment. The human brain that has been trained for millions or even tens of millions of years is a pre-trained model. This pre-trained model of the human brain has been continuously trained on Earth for many years, even billions of years, passed down from generation to generation through reproduction. All data of this pre-trained model of the brain are stored in genes, including training and genetic mutations spanning many years, natural selection-preserved mutations, and quantum entanglement mutations.
Therefore, each person's brain is a pre-trained multimodal model that has been trained for millions or even tens of millions of years. The instincts of humans are in this pre-trained multimodal model, including eating, feeling hungry, crying, sleeping, walking, etc. These instincts exist in each person's genes, which means that the pre-trained model exists in genes. This pre-trained model also includes memory, memory of danger, and fear of large felids. Now people know that large networks have memory function, so this model must also include memory of danger.
After birth, the brain will continue to be trained. Everyone's growth environment is different, leading to different training models, especially in modern times where learning is divided into different fields.
Let's assume that one or several of our human ancestors had a well-developed multimodal model, meaning their brain function was nearly complete, and consciousness slowly began to emerge. In my personal view, it is not that important for humans to learn how to use tools as it is to learn how to use our brain, which is this multimodal model. Once one of our ancestors discovered how to use tools, they or their descendants would start making these tools. As knowledge was passed down from generation to generation, the light of intelligence began to shine, and various rules, including language, behavior, and social interaction rules, were established, which together formed the social system. Humans learned how to use their brains, and consciousness began to form.
Let me now talk about humans raised by animals. Humans raised by animals typically have no consciousness, which does not seem to make sense. Whether raised by humans or animals, they are still human and should have consciousness. It is possible that humans raised by animals simply do not know how to express themselves, meaning they do not know how to speak. Consciousness is expressed through language or bodily movements. Do you think a parrot has consciousness? I believe it is possible. If humans raised by animals truly have no consciousness, then consciousness is simply a set of rule systems for using the brain, which comes from social and knowledge inheritance.
Having a multimodal model is not enough. We need to learn how to use this model, or the brain. Consciousness is not so much a theology as it is a rule system, an operating system that controls our lives. You might say that the brain has consciousness, but the brain certainly does not want to die, yet humans often harm themselves, sometimes leading to death. Therefore, consciousness is independent of the brain or a certain functional area of the brain. Of course, the most important role of consciousness is to use the brain, to train it and interact with it.
The human body and brain are two parts, with a nervous network spread throughout the body and other organs controlled by nerves and muscle fibers. If you want to eat, a monkey wants to eat, or a cat wants to eat, you will cook, grab food with your hand, or grow crops. A monkey will jump around in a tree to find food, and a cat will ask you for food or go to the automatic feeder. How is this done? The body sends the signal that it is hungry, and the multimodal model of the brain outputs a series of instructions to achieve this goal. Of course, it may be interrupted along the way, but long-term memory ensures that you still remember that you are hungry and continue to complete this instruction. Human consciousness can accomplish many different things, such as learning to go against instinct.
Humans are not born with consciousness. You cannot say that a newborn baby has consciousness. Is a 10-year-old child conscious? Of course, but can you say that their consciousness is complete? No, it's not. A 13-year-old child is conscious, but can you say that a 10-year-old child's consciousness is lower than a 13-year-old child's? Not necessarily, you would say that a 13-year-old child has a higher level of consciousness. A 16-year-old child has a higher level of consciousness, and an 18-year-old is an adult and generally has consciousness. Therefore, consciousness is actually a measurable value, which means that consciousness has a size and a degree. A 30-year-old adult definitely has consciousness, and their level of consciousness is definitely higher than that of a child. So by now, it should be clear that consciousness is actually a system, an operating system, a set of rules, and the complete formation of consciousness takes many years. The great function of human society is to shape consciousness. The most important function of consciousness is to use the brain, interact with the brain, and train the brain. This is the same as the fundamental function of human society.
The human brain is always receiving input. Sensations from the skin are input, vision from the eyes is input, and hearing is also input.
Why do people go crazy when alone or in a dark room? It's mainly because they are disconnected from human society, but the multimodal model is still receiving input, but there is no feedback. The input is always the output of the multimodal model itself, like an RNN recurrent neural network. The input is always the output of itself.

CW: discussion of SA, and unsupported family
I've been thinking about some past experiences and the high rates of SA in the queer community and realised that I don't know how to categorise something that happened to me as a teen and whether or not I should be marking myself as having experienced SA in community surveys
I'm aroace and trans and luckily I'm no longer in contact with my family. I was one of those kids that knew their orientation from a young age. Being aroace I had the fun of seeing as the adults stopped laughing whenever I brought this up and started getting increasingly concerned
My parents "loved and accepted me no matter what buy wanted to make sure there wasn't something wrong with me." So yknow not supportive at all. Sometime around when I was 18ish they must've hit their limit and pushed me to start getting tested
I got bounced around between doctors doing checks and tests. Even though they kept saying they just wanted to make sure it was obvious they thought I was broken. Hell I spent a long time thinking that too until I finally found out I wasn't the only person that didn't experience the whole attraction thing everyone was talking about
I didn't want to be fixed even if there was something wrong with me. This was who I was and I didn't want to change. But I was a depressed teen with undiagnosed ADHD and after a childhood of emotional neglect and abuse I didn't have the ability to push back against my parents
One doctor said the only thing we hadn't checked yet was a physical inspection of my genitalia. And so I that's how I ended up with a man I'd never met before touching me in a way I never wanted to be touched to confirm there wasn't anything wrong with me downstairs
I put my foot down after that and told my parents I wasn't doing any more tests and they backed off. The experience didn't impact me that much. I was more hurt by my parents trying to "fix" me than anything
But I've been thinking about it recently and I was coerced into sexual contact with a stranger against my will. I don't want to minimise the experiences people have been through with SA that were far more dangerous and traumatising than this experience was for me. So I wanted to hear what other people thought. When doing queer community surveys and the like should I mark myself as having experienced SA or is that diluting the word?
PS: I forgot that mobile doesn't handle line breaks well so I'm hoping I've worked around that but if this formatting is garbage I'll try to fix it in an edit

I remember a few things about it, hopefully I am not clashing it with other games:
I believe you start the game in a dinner room, I might be wrong but I do remember the dinner room part clearly. There were other guests, I'm guessing 4-8 sorta. These guests were of the high class. One man (who, spoilers, is the killer) who is an actor and well he really think lavishly of himself, a biologist (who, again spoilers, she is the killer partner and lover), and I remember there was a doctor that worked in the army but I can't be sure in this part. You talk to them all and they all are confused on why they were invited (none of them knew each other before but the biologist and the actor kinda fell for each other. After taking to them, the sound of the mansion master, who never makes an appearance, can be heard. He announces that he has a little game, if we could stay at his mansion for __(I'm guessing 3) days then we could split his will? Anyhow, once you submit to the game, you cannot leave. Although I cannot recall if it was due to a snow storm or it was simply locked. Each one got their own room and (by making your player walk to doors) you can access the library, common room which serves breakfast and tea every day. Each day, one of the guest dies. All the characters become suspicious of one another and I remember at some point going to the library to search for a hidden gun only to find the gun gone. I remember one of the bodies in one of the armour stands (which was found in the hallway leading to the front door of the mansion) and another was shot in their room. However, when the player finally figures out the killer it was too late. The killer has put poison in the tea and only he and the biologist(who made it) has the cure. Anyhow, it turns out that the actor was the one who did the killings, so when the biologist betrayed the actor (apparently she was annoyed of him and was only coping), she wasn't faced with anything. I think our character survives either they did not drink the tea or the biologist gave them the cure. That's all I remember.
Additional information;
I remember the biologist being blonde. You move your character to the rooms, you don't point at arrows to move them. It was pretty short and I'm guessing only goes one way in terms of endings. The character is NOT a detective. Oh and the game was not in any way shape or form "scary". 2D and I don't think it was pixelated but perhaps. You can talk to the characters who can be found in different places. I remember the doctor being mostly in the library.