Hey there, yesterday I playtested the new map I've built with our map editor and I've made this short gameplay video: https://youtu.be/hw5URmRIAV8
New features are self-spreading trees and functional weather.
You can notice there is a desert at the beginning of the video while at the end it is grassy ground ready for planting.
From the 18th second an acid rain starts falling. It affects ground with a poison and also water level gets higher. Water flow also washes the poison away from the ground continually.
Interesting fact is that poison is spreading in the ground slower than moisture. It means the poison actually stops spreading at some point while a clean moisture continues further allowing plants to grow behind the line of poisoned ground.
We developed and implemented new features like self-seeding trees and functional weather. They have a huge impact on a gameplay.
To see how trees are seeding and growing I've made this simple gif from 20 mins long video: https://www.reddit.com/reviveandprospecomments/1253eoc/revive_prosperupdate_trees_are_seeding_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
If you like the game, please, follow us on Steam here➡️ https://store.steampowered.com/app/2247760
Closed beta testing will be in May, join our Discord so you won't miss it➡️https://discord.gg/KwwpmRekn6
I'll be happy for your feedbacks. Cheers! Shootinka

Hey there, yesterday I playtested the new map I've built with our map editor and I've made this short gameplay video: https://youtu.be/hw5URmRIAV8
New features are self-spreading trees and functional weather.
You can notice there is a desert at the beginning of the video while at the end it is grassy ground ready for planting.
From the 18th second an acid rain starts falling. It affects ground with a poison and also water level gets higher. Water flow also washes the poison away from the ground continually.
Interesting fact is that poison is spreading in the ground slower than moisture. It means the poison actually stops spreading at some point while a clean moisture continues further allowing plants to grow behind the line of poisoned ground.
We developed and implemented new features like self-seeding trees and functional weather. They have a huge impact on a gameplay.
To see how trees are seeding and growing I've made this simple gif from 20 mins long video: https://www.reddit.com/reviveandprospecomments/1253eoc/revive_prosperupdate_trees_are_seeding_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
If you like the game, please, follow us on Steam here➡️ https://store.steampowered.com/app/2247760
Closed beta testing will be in May, join our Discord so you won't miss it➡️https://discord.gg/KwwpmRekn6
I'll be happy for your feedbacks. Cheers! Shootinka

Hey there, yesterday I playtested the new map I've built with our map editor and I've made this short gameplay video: https://youtu.be/hw5URmRIAV8
New features are self-spreading trees and functional weather.
You can notice there is a desert at the beginning of the video while at the end it is grassy ground ready for planting.
From the 18th second an acid rain starts falling. It affects ground with a poison and also water level gets higher. Water flow also washes the poison away from the ground continually.
Interesting fact is that poison is spreading in the ground slower than moisture. It means the poison actually stops spreading at some point while a clean moisture continues further allowing plants to grow behind the line of poisoned ground.
We developed and implemented new features like self-seeding trees and functional weather. They have a huge impact on a gameplay.
To see how trees are seeding and growing I've made this simple gif from 20 mins long video: https://www.reddit.com/reviveandprospecomments/1253eoc/revive_prosperupdate_trees_are_seeding_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
If you like the game, please, follow us on Steam here➡️ https://store.steampowered.com/app/2247760
Closed beta testing will be in May, join our Discord so you won't miss it➡️https://discord.gg/KwwpmRekn6
I'll be happy for your feedbacks. Cheers! Shootinka

So yesterday I installed the new One Ui update and saw that the weather app has changed. I actually like the change but it still doesn't show wind direction in the app, which is a bit annoying. Anybody know the reason why ?

Help? So I was hospitalized for a kidney stone, (first, and hopefully 🙏, last), and while I was in-patient I was let go from my job. (Rude, right??!) Well now I’m in a pickle and need to make 3-4k as fast as the weather changes pretty much everywhere these days. How fast 💨? Like yesterday (rent, car, phone, insurance, the usual).

All values in USD.
Assets and Debt
Retirement Balance: nope because I'm planning on leaving the US (for my bf) after finishing school. Not sure how retirement balance works across countries.
Equity: nope but almost bit and bought a house in the middle of the insane housing price crisis? windfall?? in 2021. Boy would my life be different rn
Savings account balance: zip but 90k in bonds
Checking account balance: 60k
Credit card debt: nada, and using a debit card in Europe
Student loan debt: nothing, because my parents (bless them) paid for my (subsidized, bless FAFSA + need based scholarships) college tuition, and I got a free masters (thanks to my advisor + TAships) and am currently doing a free (aka on my advisor's bill again lmao + TAships) phd
Income
Income Progression: a string of tech internships (every single summer except freshman and masters and first year of phd) with pay from between 5500/month to 11000/month (pre-tax, adjusted for bonus and currency exchange rate) That high end was from a fancy startup and pre-brexit lmaoooo. Low end was gov work. And my current phd income is 2500/month, so this is actually an income regression lol
Main Job Monthly Take Home: Current internship is 5000/month but my overall taxes are low because I'm not here long enough for it to bump up my income taxes more than one rung. So keep in mind I make like 1700/month the rest of the year
Side Gig Monthly Take Home: I wish! Once I get my big girl job I'm going remote and setting up a ceramics studio, a grocery store, and then volunteering and making games. Work can go stuff itself. Honestly the more and more I work the more and more I feel like I want to turn stage left exit society, tyvm. People meme academia as being abstract and useless (and sometimes toxic...that one's deserved maybe) but unless you are at a specific type of company, corporate research can be equally "useless" but by way of having insanely short (as in, to production by year's end) deadlines so you're kind of forced to "fit a square peg into a round hole" eg work on a business problem that you (or your higher up) did not spend enough time defining and then somehow make it look like research when maybe the most cost-effective solution was something else entirely...sorry for rant
Do your parents pitch in monthly? Been financially independent since last year...to my great surprise. I used to be financially independent since undergrad graduation but apparently my mom started sneakily paying off my CC debt again in my phd so I had to change the linked bank account back. My mom thinks I'm poor lmao...I'm not
Expenses
Rent (includes utilities): 2000 ouch (Europe) + 500 (US) monthly
Transport: bike (free after fixed costs, yay!) and bus (free with school)
Renters insurance: none. Getting renter's insurance is like wearing my retainer...everyone tells me to do it (including myself) but I make up a million excuses as to not
Savings contribution: whatever's left in the month. Usually 400+-100
Investment contribution: is the stock market even real? I'm just kidding. But I don't really understand my finances, and I feel embarrassed about that, but at the same time I feel like after factoring in all my personal considerations, I'm better off not doing anything other than guaranteed bonds.
Debt payments: no. college is done, no house, no car
Cellphone: Prepaid in Europe, like 5 a month. But my US phone is actually on my parent's family plan. So I guess I'm still not financially independent...
Subscriptions: Occasional magazines 50 annually, school union 100 annually
Regular therapy: None. Therapy has been a hit and miss for me
Paid hobbies: Art supplies like 100 a year, books like 300 annually, audio like 100, bike stuff 100, kitchen stuff...400, fancy specialty ingredients...800, clothes 400 but my mom gifts me a lot over the holidays like 500-1000 worth, and gifts for f&f I budget around 800 a year
[Money Diary]
[Tuesday]
7am: wake. super groggy. Drink two gulps of fanta to actually wake and immediately regret it
8am: on the bus to work. Today is going to be a slow day which is nice.
8:30am: grab a rhubarb and rose yogurt for breakfast ($2). Delicious. Have to order this somehow when I'm back in the states.
12pm: Brought eggplant and bolognese for lunch. Eat with another intern and talk random stuff about our phds.
4:30pm: leaving early cuz today is my bf's last night in the country. I head to a bakery and grab a croissant and pretzel and baguette ($7) for him as an apology for an argument we had yesterday. I also head to a grocery to grab a pumpkin ($10) for curry later. I race to the bus! Almost miss it. Everyone is looking at me because I'm panting and I feel that strange awkwardness you get from being caught running without gym clothes.
6pm: Back home. We heat up leftovers (ramen for me and bolognese for him) and watch a chill video about balancing in gaming. It was either this or a math video and the math video was too long.
7pm: I ask him about when he's coming back to see me so I can let my mom know if my schedule fits my family's June paris trip or not (my mom's extremely hyped about this so I would like to come.) Because he's been dragging his feet figuring out his schedule we get into another argument, which then carries back into our argument from yesterday.
9pm: Answer some emails and book a flight for my return trip because my sister is going to her dream college and I want to be with her on visit week ($156)
10pm: I'm trying to read my paper for tomorrow's meeting but it's not going well because we are still talking about our problems
12pm: We cuddle and sleep. Argument's not resolved because neither wants to give
Total: 19 (Food) + 156 (Plane)
[Wednesday]
6am: wake. notice that it's 6am and go back to sleep
7am: wake and wake up bf. He's leaving today and so we cuddle, but like sadly (LDR, whats new.) Eventually I get hungry so I go and munch on plums. I am a bit distracted because I have a lot of meetings that I'm not well prepared for.
8:30am: catch bus. We joke a bit about yesterday's argument. Eventually, say goodbye when I transfer trams. I watch a video to prepare for my first meeting on the tram. Then I have a meeting, read to prepare for next meeting, rinse, repeat. Go out to eat with coworkers ($18)--conversations are so awkward (because of me. I don't have the extra mental capacity to try socializing with overworked dudes 4 years older than me and I've lost a concerning amount of EQ over the course of my phd.)
2:00pm: After a particularly stressful meeting (went well, thanks to my clutch skills) I decide I need to take a walk outside as a break. I go to the bakery to buy a chocolatine and apple danish ($5). I am not even hungry. I am just retail theraping and desserts look cute and smell good. Head back and have string of meetings until the end of the day. Very angry about my schedule
5:30pm: say fuck it cuz my brain is shot and go home. Why am I the only one who leaves before 6? Isn't this supposed to be Europe? I hate working a 9-6.
6pm: eat dinner (ramen), shower with rice on the stove (no rice cooker), rice burns omg now the bottom of the pan is burnt. I soak the pan overnight and leave my personal pan out for people to use.
7pm: reddit as revenge procrastination. I make a note to buy steel wool for the burnt pan
9pm: start writing money diary. Have wayy too much fun writing money diary while snacking on Comte and aloe vera water
11pm: realize its late and I have to finish reading a paper for Friday. I read a bit of the paper
1am: sleep
Total: 23 (Food)
[Thursday]
6am: Wake and look at random stuff on reddit for an hour and a half. I don't feel that hungry so I head out to work.
8:30am: I am very sleepy for some reason. I don't have a lot of meetings today, so I check emails, slack, and find a manageable task for the day. I end up getting distracted dealing with administrivia (ugh visa work!) I see that I have a seminar I want to attend the night and mark that down too.
10am: I decide I should try doing something productive so I start brainstorming. It doesn't really get anywhere, but I've realized that I probably need to read another paper to get a better idea of what I should do.
12pm: Head out to eat with other interns. I get shawarama ($16.) Delicious. Head back for more meetings. I try to read a bit but my focus is pretty shot so I start doing a more chill writeup instead.
7pm: We are having drinks at a bar tonight, and it takes time for people to get ready so I work late. We head out to the bar, which is crowded. I order a burger and soda because I don't want to make my sickness worse ($20.) We have a good time chatting and I get closer with some coworkers I didn't know well.
7:45pm: I say goodbye and leave early. As I'm scrolling through my phone on the late night bus, I realize that I've missed the seminar. I'm legitimiately devastated. I was thinking this seminar would help a lot with me pushing through a huge bottleneck in my thesis that's been stressing me out for the last year. I panic message my labmate to ask if the seminar was recorded, and thank the fucking lord, buddha, allah, hayao miyazaki, yes. It was recorded. My pants on fire are doused, my soul is saved. I cannot wait to fucking graduate.
9pm: I get back and notice the cleaning lady's cleaned the burnt pan. I feel a bad but grateful. After showering I am tired as hell. I really can't work today, but I stubbornly stay awake thinking that if I lay in bed scrolling through eBay long enough I might recharge. It doesn't work but I find some really nice stuff (cool architectural glass vase from a designer whose stuff I usually hate, secondhand clothes from one of my fav designers, suitcase from a brand with a style that I love but quality that is absolute trash for its price, and a gift for my college friend for her next bday) that I want to bid on.
11pm: Sleep
Total: 36 (Food)
[Friday]
6am: Wake and look at videos but now with zen. I have come to terms with my laziness. I get out of bed at 7:30 instead of 7:45 (progress!) and I snack on the chocolatine from two days ago. I finally find the time and motivation to deal with some administrivia and I head to work. On my morning bus trips, I like to press my forehead against the cool window glass and zone out to stripes of greenery but today I'm thinking about eBay and how I might travel to go visit my favorite eBay stores in person lol. A quick google search shows that a roundtrip ticket is $200. Interesting.
12am: Nice lunch with coworkers at a bakery. I get a croissant sandwich ($6) and a gift for one of my coworker friends ($14).
4pm: I wrap up writing a draft and go chat and review some stuff for school and then catch up with my coworker friend to give her the gift. 6pm: Head to the grocery for a dinner salad, plums, and some orange-mango juice ($13). Look for steel wool but there is none???
6:30pm: shower because I feel a little under the weather.
8pm: call my bf and tell him some juicy gossip at work. He gets bored around the 1 hour mark.
11pm: I start working on my writeup for school. I message the dude who is receiving the writeup that it's gonna be late. He is really nice about it but I feel like I'm taking advantage of his kindness because I am always late. Disappointed in myself but not sure how to change.
1am: sleep
Total: 33 (Food)
[Saturday]
6am: wake. Seriously not motivated to continue the writeup. I waste time on eBay and youtube for 5 hours.
11am: get dressed, brush teeth, and look alive. I've been planning out my day a bit so I call my bf while I clean my room and check up on my fridge. I toss out a quarter kg of ground beef that I forgot to finish, it is two days past expiry. I take stock of what I need for meal prep this week (carrot, onion, meat, steel wool) and load up my laundry before heading to the grocery. I end up also getting a lightweight aluminum bowl (it says stainless steel though??) for washing, blueberries, dried mangos, mushroom medley ($35.) I make curry with rice for next week and rice balls to add to miso soup later.
4pm: Eat curry. I call my bf after and try to write my writeup but I get very frustrated over trying to understand a paper and complain to my bf
7pm: I head over to my friend's place for a going-away party. I feel a bit ambivalent about attending because I still have my writeup but I had already agreed to come and I will miss these people when they leave. I want to aim to leave around 9pm. The host's house is lovely and we have some great food.
9:40pm: I head back home, shower, and work on my writeup.
11pm: sleep
Total: 35 (Food)
[Sunday]
7am: wake. My wakeup time is off from normal but then I remember that today is daylight savings in Europe. I still feel tired so I end up watching some dumb videos on youtube. I bid on two items on eBay ($70...tentatively). My friend from uni messages me about meeting up to chat tonight. Hyped.
11:45am: I remember my clothes are still in the dryer. The landlord wants the laundry room free between 11am and 3pm for airbnb reasons. I rush down to grab them. I got there right on time because the landlord has 3 minutes on the washer left.
12pm: Heat up curry and eat it with an apple, some Comte, and a plum. I take a supplement with water. I've been forgetting to do that.
12:30pm: Start working on writeup. I am determined to finish it before there is no sun left so I can enjoy the outdoors a little this weekend. Have my bf on vc.
4pm: One of my bfs jokes lands the wrong way and we have to talk about it. I'm fuming mad because I'm wasting time here.
6pm: Facetime with my friend from college! It's been awhile so we catch up for a long time. 9pm: Heat dinner (curry) and eat. Then I go and read a bit more.
11pm: I have a bit of a mental breakdown because I can't finish the writeup by the weekend, and it's not because I don't have time, but because I have bad mental health around it. I have a long heart to heart with my bf over the phone. I cry a little. Life is sometimes hard and everyone's life is really hard at some point. At some point I just start rambling about nothing. I fall asleep at 1:30am.
Total: 70 (eBay)
[Monday]
4am: wake. I have a bit of a shitty morning because my eyes are still swollen. I woke up early to work on this writeup but tbh I'm barely awake and not in the mood. This was a bad idea. I intermittenly wake and sleep between 4am and 6am, of which at tail end I realize that I'm just playing myself for a fool and then I actually sleep for a good hour or so.
7:15am: Wake for real and get ready.
8:30am: Arrive at work. I buy yogurt ($2) and eat a banana while checking emails. I decide to use company time to work on my writeup because I'm blocked at work by someone else right now anyways (this is about as far as my lukewarm ass will r antiwork.)
12am: Lunch with coworkers. I have a sandwich I really don't care for ($10.) I'm a bit woozy from lack of sleep so I don't remember much. Also, I got my period.
1pm: Meetings, meetings, meetings. So many meetings.
6:30pm: Meetings end. Catch up with my intern friend before she leaves. Will miss her. I go the grocery to buy a baguette ($1) and then go to the fancy, overpriced but also conveniently-located-right-next-to-my-bus-stop bakery to get a croissant and chocolates for my period ($25.)
7:30pm: I grab Mickey D's because I want to. Fish filet sandwich, fries, chicken nuggets, and a soft drink ($18.)
8:00pm: zone out in bed and chat with my bf
11:00pm: Work on the writeup
1am: sleep
Total: 56 (Food)
[Reflections]
Weekly total:
Food + Drink: 207
Home + Clothes + Beauty (aka eBay): 70
Transport: 156
Honestly, this was the first time in a long time that I had done such a detailed review of my week. I was honestly a bit impressed by how often I wound up on eBay (ngl the times I'm on reddit, I'm oftentimes searching for new brands and designers I like, so that I can go find them...on eBay. It kind of feels a little like I may have a bit of a shopping addiction?) I use it wayy too often to cope. The nice thing about it is that I always find great deals on eBay, but I think it's probably time to switch hobbies.
Also, I need better work hygiene. Like sleep hygiene but for work. I might start going into the office weekends just so that I can wrap up stuff early, leave, and then actually have a weekend.
This week was a bit pricier than usual because I ate out for dinner and bought a plane ticket, but tbh it's not that ooc for me. Food is almost exactly the same as what I spend a week in the US and usually I budget 400/m for misc stuff so it seems like my habits haven't changed much even after moving lol. I know some people might balk at the idea of 800/m for food and 400/m discretionary spending on a 2k/m income but being no car + having the school pay for my insurance (& offering a lot of free things in general) + most importantly, no debt makes it less of a dangerous risk and more of a poor choice lmao. In Europe, I think I will end up spending more on misc things here than back in the US because Europe offers a higher density of concerts, entertainment, and designers that I like within a 30 euros train distance (and 200 euros plane distance for the ones I really like.) My personal preference is to spend <2 hours a month total thinking abt finances (so basically budgeting if I have a major life change + just going thru my CC statement and updating my tracker) so I am happy with how I spend and prefer to overspend a bit rather than think about it too much.
For those who are curious, my monthly budget here:
food (weekly): 70 for groceries + unavoidable 50 for eating with coworkers 3x a week
overall (monthly): 3700 (income) - 2500 (rents) = 1200 - 300 (food after sodexo) = 900 - 600 (misc spending) = 300 (base savings) + 1000 (relocation) = 1300 (total savings) + a bit more after tax return
​
Hope you enjoyed reading! I'm curious to see people's reactions.

It’s that day again. Guess what day it is? Happy Hump Day plain ol' Wednesday, everybody! What's Up Wednesdays are when we sobernauts celebrate the sober life, see how our SD family is doing, and support each other. Share your good, your bad, and your ugly (or your pretty, or your future, or your funny, or whatever else is on your mind) with us below!
The good: Had a great great three day mini vacation this past weekend, out of town, visiting a friend. I mention this for two reasons: One... because only in sobriety am I able to do these things and have fun like this. If I were drinking, I wouldn't have the money to afford weekends away like this with the amount I was wasting getting wasted. Two... I simply wouldn't be able to physically make it. I'd back out, flake out, pass out, bail out, and just be my lazy untrustworthy self.
I'm grateful sobriety has opened up a kickass fucking life that I wasn't living three years ago.
The bad: Snow. It's still on the ground, and I'm only just starting to see the grass over the past couple of days. Barely. In small intermittent patches. On March 29th. Some of these piles will be here until June 1st. And it's below freezing yesterday and today. And an 88% chance of snow on Friday. And fuck winter. And fuck spring for not existing.
TLDR; The bad: weather.
The annoying: Today is bulk curbside cleanup day in my suburb. It's cool, but it brings out the scrapper hoarders. As I'm typing this from the comfort of my couch, with no garbage to haul to the street, all my neighbors are bringing out all their shit, one GIANT piece at a time. And there are a good dozen trucks overflowing with crap circling the city streets like vultures. I really don't care, but it scares the fuck outta my dog, and they make a bigger mess of what people are already deeming garbage.
Dickheads.

hi all. i was here in a panic last week but decided not to post but it's an ongoing issue. for reference, i live close to Pittsburgh, PA. temps have been kinda back and forth in Jan/Feb but Mar has been slowly creeping up from 30s to 50s. last wednesday i found a total of 3 wasps in my house. the first of which was in the upstairs bathroom, assumed it may have wandered in through the vent. the second was on my stairs, 2 or 3 steps up, already dead. i attribute this to my cats who i thank infinitely for leaving their spoils for me to find rather than bringing to me (they're great mousers). shortly after one was on my living room window. didn't see any for a day or two then my wife found one on the living room floor. then yesterday i found yet another on the living room floor. today i found two on my basement floor. all alive except the one.
so in my research i've determined that these are likely queens. aside from the first one (in the bathroom) all of them have been found grounded (or windowed, in one case; not flying) which leads me to assume lethargy, not sure if due to temps (PA weather fluctuates drastically) or lack of food. i also initially assumed they were coming from my attic but after the first 3 we kept all doors upstairs closed and haven't seen more up there.
anyway, now that story time is done its time for my questions: is it common to have 7 (maybe more) wasps hibernating in one house? i'm not familiar with wasp hierarchy and i'm not sure if new queens from the same hive will stick together until after winter (i do know they make their own individual nests but not sure what their MO is before that). there is also an abandoned house next to mine, i've seen people mow the lawn but never go inside. mail hasn't been gathered since we moved in last May. if queens were hibernating there, could that explain what i'm seeing? any way to prevent this that wouldn't harm other wildlife? or is this most likely an internal issue? and is there any way to solve that other than deal with them as i find them? is there any realistic way to know an upper limit to how many i may encounter? or could i potentially keep dealing with this unless i choose a nuclear option? sorry for the barrage of questions but i've been on edge and have no idea what to do other than hose the place down but i'd like to avoid that if possible
edit: a question i forgot to ask is, since this has beeb going on for a week, do queens usually wake up around the same time or could it take months for them all to wake up? any and all help is greatly appreciated!
edit2: totally forgot to mention, i'm certain these have all been northern paper wasps unless red paper wasps can get very dark. have not seen yellow stripes on them. i do not have a picture nor a wasp to take a photo of at the moment (that i know of...)

I’m generally dog-savvy having always had a dog in my life, but have not had much experience with fevers themselves and would like some advice. Currently I’ve left him to rest, while periodically bringing cool water to him (which he hasn’t been super interested in) and giving him his cool pad, which he is using. The plan is that if he’s not improved by noon tomorrow we will take him into the vet, but I want to make sure this isn’t more urgent. Here’s the info on him:
Species: Dog
Age: 8 years
Neutered?: yes, several months ago; all went well with the procedure
Breed: Bichon Frise
Body Weight: 11 pounds at his last vet visit
History: typical dog, has not done anything in the last few days that would be concerning/I would consider relevant to the situation.
Clinical signs: no appetite. He’s never been a huge food dog, always a bit of a grazer and whatnot, but he’s also refusing his favorite treats today. I do not have a thermometer here for him but his paws, ears and nose feel warmer than usual, which makes me feel like he may have a fever. He’s not lethargic imo, but clearly feeling under the weather (wants to lay around and sleep but still has plenty of energy to bark at perceived threats from the window).
Duration: I noticed mostly after I offered breakfast around 8:30-9 am today, which he didn’t eat at all. It’s currently almost 2 in the afternoon. He seemed normal yesterday, and did eat his dinner last night.
General location: Colorado

So for some background information my best friend started dating a good friend of mine 2 years ago… I 18 female have known my best friend I’ll call her Luna since 7th grade her boyfriend I’ll call Chad I have know since 6th grade so one year difference; Chad and I have created sort of a brother and sister bond so we’re really good friends at this point in time; anyways Luna and Chad started dating two years ago and it was fine for the most part but then they broke up after 1 year and got back together 3 months later that’s when a lot of the problems started. Chad is a very forgetful person and to be honest has a hard time showing and understanding emotions so he struggled greatly in being what society would call a good boyfriend and Luna has some past trauma dealing with anxiety abandonment and depression so she wanted someone to always be there weather they were a good person for her or not. One of the first problems they had was with birthdays Luna had gone out of her way to set up a surprise party for Chad she got him a cake,presents, and reached out to all our friends she even got his parents in on it; however for Lunas birthday Chad worked and showed up to her party late. After that lots of problems accorded and they had begun fighting over something new every week. The fighting had gone on for about another 6 months before they finally sat down and talked about how they don’t think it’s going to work and return to being friends; however here’s where the main part of the story comes in… Luna has separation anxiety and has a hard time letting people go. so she started texting him good morning and good night every day, she told everyone she was fine… she wasn’t; she went so far as to driving to his house and begging him to get back with her while crying. I understand she has a few problems letting go but it’s been three weeks and she still keeps going at it with him. Every day she text him asking to get back together and all this other stuff, however yesterday was the worst; because Chad had left his guitar at her house and he wanted it back so he went over to get it and left without saying a word… Lunas response to this wasn’t the best. while I do admit him not saying anything to her wasn’t great what she said was even worse. Luna proceeded to call him a heartless monster and many other slur words as well as pinning the blame all on him for their break up. while I don’t condone what she did, is doing and saying I know this breakup is hard on her due to her anxiety. However despite my patience with her and all the time I spent defending her from our other friends giving her hell about what she’s been doing to Chad; who just wants the situation to end; she thinks I shouldn’t be even talking to Chad despite him being a close friend. Luna requested I stoped talking to him and when I told her no she’s being unreasonable she said I’m a selfish ahole and not a true friend. Many of my friends involved in the situation have said I should have just agreed and stoped talking to Chad instead of creating another problem and that me saying no made ma the ahole in this situation.Aitah? What should I do?

I continued trying to have some kind of contact with my mom. I gave her the ultimatum that to be in my son’s life, she had to get professional help and be sober for some length of time. She said she would never go to therapy, but she would try meetings. We met up for lunch every so often, usually at a diner near her home, and it was awkward but mostly low-drama. My wife and son remained off the table until she could give me reason to trust her.
And every time we met up in person, she was back to drunk-calling me in less than two weeks.
Tuesday, November 29th, 2016
My mother calls me, drunk, late at night. When I remind her of the “no phone calls after 5” boundary (which we’ve discussed very recently during our last visit), she says “but that was ages ago!”
From me:
When we last had lunch—twelve days ago, not "ages ago"—I told you what I needed to be able to trust you. You just trampled all over that. So one of three things must be true: A) you were drunk when you called me just now, B) you're experiencing cognitive decline such that you don't remember a very recent, supposedly important conversation, or C) you weren't really paying attention during that conversation, just yes-mabeling me so you could get access to my son, because you still don't see me as fully human or give a shit about me except in that it hurts your ego when we're not in touch and you don't have baby pictures to show off.
If it's B, please tell your doctor what's going on. But my money is on C, given that every time I try to give you a chance, you end up hurting me.
Giving you the benefit of the doubt that you really don't remember, this is what I said:
1) I have spent way too much of my life trying to figure out whether you were drunk or not, lying to me or not. I'm done with that. Don't give me reason to wonder, and I'll assume you're acting in good faith. This means not calling me in the evening, not drunk-calling people you know through me ([MIL], [friend’s mom whom she barely knows], etc.), and not being drunk at family gatherings. Basically, don't make your drinking my problem anymore, and don't make me wonder.
2) I need to know that you will respect my boundaries, even if they're inconvenient for you. That means that if I tell you I need space, give me space. Which means not calling or emailing me, not trying to get at me through [wife], and not shit-talking me to people who know us both.
I sat in your living room and said all this less than two weeks ago, and you claimed to understand when I said that these were the only conditions under which I could have any kind of relationship with you.
You never call me during the day, so calling me at night (and regardless of our history, who the hell calls someone with a fussy infant after 8PM anyway?) is a pathetically obvious power play.
IF you are really taking recovery seriously and doing the work, you will understand that it takes a long time to earn back the trust of people you've harmed with your drinking. It's not a switch that can be thrown. And you'll know that you don't have to understand or agree with someone's boundaries to respect them.
So this is it: last chance. I need some space. I'm asking you not to contact me until I'm ready. That means not calling, texting, emailing, or showing up at my home, not trying to get at me through [wife] or anyone else, not having [Narc grandma] write another of her disgustingly manipulative nastygrams to get me back in line. I'm not giving you a time frame, because I honestly have no idea how long it will be. Or you can keep pushing my boundaries and destroy any chance that I will ever trust you or want to see you again. Your choice.
From her, the next day:
[childhood nickname],
I truly apologize. It's not A, B or C. D is I thought that since I'm not drinking, the previous barriers didn't apply. Now I know better, and will give you the room you say you need, though how I can prove myself with no communication is beyond me.
When you're ready, I will bring you the photo album you wanted to see.
Love,
From me:
I literally said in so many words on Thursday that they still applied. I told you I'd give you the benefit of the doubt about not drinking—even though you've lied to me about it countless times before—as long as you didn't make me play this horrible, painful guessing game anymore, and I explicitly mentioned calling me in the evening.
You can prove yourself by leaving me be and working on yourself. By giving me space and not saying nasty things about me that you know will get back to me. By giving me a real, actual break from the emotional labor of constantly trying to figure out whether I can trust you.
Wednesday, December 21st, 2016
From her:
[childhood nickname] dear,
Just want you to know I very much wanted to send salutations to mark [misspelling of son’s name]'s 4 month milestone, but my net was down from early Friday morning until this morning.
This is a transparent (to me) attempt to frame my frustration with her as the result of unrealistic expectations. Why, she is just a poor waif who struggles with her internet connection, and I’m shunning her just because she didn’t wish my son, whose name she totally knows, a happy four-months since being born! I'm sure many of you know this tune and can hum along.
We continue to be VVLC. She tries to get both Narc grandma and my dad to intervene; my dad, to my great relief, hears me when I tell him that he needs to stay out of it and never brings her up to me again for the rest of his life.
Saturday, June 10th, 2017
From her:
I've torn my apartment apart looking for my knitting needles. Did I lend them to you?
From me, nearly a month later, because I’m not checking my email from her all that often:
I do have some, though definitely not all, of your knitting needles. I can mail them to you if you'd like. I have no idea where the rest might be.
I was beginning to feel that you were finally giving me space, that I might consider trying to re-establish some kind of conversation with you in the hope of seeing if there is a place for us in each others' lives going forward. Then I received [Narc grandma]’s latest salvo, and it's clear that nothing has changed—you are still claiming that this estrangement was out of the blue, that I never explained to you why I needed this distance, that I am doing it to punish you.
I have explained myself to you so many times. I spent countless, irretrievable hours out of the first days and weeks of my son's life trying over and over to find the perfect words that would help you understand why it hurts me to be around you, why I could no longer swallow that hurt, why I did not and do not feel like I can trust you. If you actually care to know, it's all there in black and white.
I don't know what you're doing in recovery if it does not involve any kind of self-reflection or accountability.
If we are to be in touch, I need to know that you really understand what it did to me to grow up with a mother who was drunk every night, who was utterly unpredictable. To be threatened with institutionalization when I defied you, to see you repeatedly hold a knife to your own throat and threaten to kill yourself in front of me. To know that you drove drunk with me in the car. To have you scream and swear at me, to know that you would always, always choose drinking over not hurting me. And I need to know that, in light of all that, you understand why it is difficult for me to be around you.
When you are ready to have a real, honest conversation about that, call me—during the day—and I will answer.
From her:
[my full name],
First, I did not know that [Narc grandma] had been in contact with you until your email and when I asked her later that evening. And I have told her why you felt you needed this distance, and that I've stopped drinking. Her bewilderment is not over that, but about the seemingly endless estrangement, as is mine.
There's been plenty of sell-reflection - that's what happens in the Rooms, and on my own as ell..
I have been hoping that we can find a way to move forward together; that we can put the past behind us and look toward the future. I'm still hoping for that but if you're determined that it's not to be, I will have to find a way to move forward on my own.
Still hoping.
From me:
The estrangement has been ongoing because you have not given me the space I asked for. Every time that I think that you are finally getting it and giving me that space, you email me. You have also called both me and [wife], including in the evenings, which I specifically asked you not to do. Your messages alternate between acting as if I am "banishing" you for mysterious reasons I have refused to explain (e.g. on March 8) and acting as if everything is completely normal and fine (e.g. on April 16 or June 10).
Even this email from you is more of the same: I tell you what I would need to start moving forward (an acknowledgement of your part in this estrangement), and you reframe that as me utterly refusing to entertain the idea of reconciliation.
I have no desire to rehash the past endlessly. But the unacknowledged weight of it distorts every interaction that we have had in my adult life. I am not asking for self-abasement or endless apologies. I am saying that if we are to move forward, we need to have one conversation in which you acknowledge your role in all of this without gaslighting, minimizing, or denial. I need to know that you understand the damage that your drinking has done to me and to our relationship.
I have left the door open. You know what it would take for me to be able to rebuild a relationship with you. If you decide the price of that is too steep, that is a choice you have the right to make.
No response. We are NC for a time, and then I cave again, even though I know in my gut that nothing has changed.
Thursday, August 3rd, 2017
My mother and I meet up for lunch. I speak to her with more honesty and vulnerability than I’ve ever managed to muster. Her eyes slide off me and to the side, the way you’d react to a stranger screaming obscenities on the subway. She keeps repeating that we can’t “move forward” if I won’t let her all the way back into my life, making a little walking gesture with her fingers as she says it. Outside the restaurant, she asks why I’m afraid of her, and I tell her that she’s the angriest person I’ve ever met. “Not anymore,” she says. Something in me breaks. I'm not quite done, but I'm closer to done than I've ever been.
From me, the next day:
I'm writing this out because I find it much easier to gather my thoughts and express myself clearly in text than speaking in the moment. I can also write without disturbing my son during his naps, while I can't always talk on the phone without waking him.
There are a couple of things about yesterday that give me serious misgivings. One is that you asked me, right off the bat, why on earth I would still need space. There are a few problems with this question:
1) It presupposes that everything is settled now, that since the past cannot be changed, it must be as if it never happened. This is not only impossible, but it is how things have operated between us for my whole life—you were allowed to lash out and do and say whatever you felt like in a drunken rage, and if I called you on it once you sobered up, you would not remember, and you'd act as if I was being unreasonable and oversensitive.
2) When I asked you for space before, you never actually gave me that space. During the time that I was trying to take a break, you contacted me more than a dozen times between November and July, called me, called my wife, and sent other people to tell me how unfair I was being. That is not a break. I felt cornered and hunted and was constantly looking over my shoulder.
3) While I was at your apartment yesterday, I developed a crashing stress headache, which I still have today; as soon as I got home, I had the first cold sore outbreak (a stress-related symptom) that I have had in months; and I spent the evening vomiting. I am telling you this not to blame you for my physical symptoms, which are mine to manage, but to help you understand how difficult it is for me to be around you. This has been true for years—I used to need days to recover from visiting you—but now I have a baby (whom I can't kiss right now for fear of making him ill), and I can't compromise my ability to care for him like this.
I also want to address your apology. I appreciate that you say you believe me; that's more of an acknowledgement than you’ve given me before, and I am sure that it was not easy to say. But you have to recognize that it is the bare minimum, and it is not a magic wand that heals all wounds. Saying "I don't remember doing all of what you say I did, but I'm sorry for whatever it was" is not really validating in any way; it shows vague good will but not any real understanding of the damage done.
If you don't remember all of it, do you remember any of it? Do you remember telling me it was my fault you had to drink? Blaming me for your unhappiness in general? Telling me I was wonderful one minute and telling me that I'd ruined your life the next? Because that was all normal to me. I thought it really was all my fault. I thought I was just that bad, that worthless. It was only as I contemplated becoming a parent that I realized how twisted, how damaging that is.
To make matters worse, your not remembering things has been a big part of the pain of all of this—from before the age of reason, I knew that if we had a conversation in the evening, I could not expect you to remember it in the morning. I knew that if there was an emergency in the night, I could not trust that you would wake up, much less be able to keep me safe.
You said that just as I want to protect my son, so [Narc grandma] wants to protect her daughter. What about you? Where was your protective instinct? Now that I have a child of my own, the idea of deliberately incapacitating myself while caring for him is terrifying, horrifying to me. You had to know that your drinking was a problem, and you had to know that it was damaging me, and yet you chose, again and again, not to get help. You chose the appearance of normalcy over getting healthy and being there for me.
Which brings me back to what you said yesterday about wanting to get us back to "a semblance of normalcy." That's a telling phrase. I remember many, many times in childhood, when you were screaming at me, and then the phone would ring. And you would answer it in the happiest, calmest voice imaginable. It terrified me that you could switch it on and off like that, and it made me feel like there was something wrong with me because I couldn't maintain that facade.
My whole life, I have felt like it was my job to keep your secrets. And when you would get sloppy in public, I would feel deep shame that I had somehow failed to protect you from your own actions and that people would know what was going on. One of the main feelings I remember from childhood is shame. I was ashamed of everything about myself. Even now, looking at my copies of the photos you showed me yesterday, which delighted me at first because of their resemblance to [son], just makes me feel sick and sad.
I am writing all of this because I was not able to say it to you yesterday. I get tongue-tied in the moment and talk about trivialities instead. The crux, though, is this: I have gotten healthier over these last few months than I have ever been. I feel right now as if I made a big mistake by visiting yesterday. It was not for [son]'s sake that I got back in touch with you—he will be fine no matter what. And it was definitely not for mine—I am worse off for it. It was out of a sense of obligation to you.
I was not going to send this—I wrote it down to get it out of my head, which is why it might be a bit jumbled—but I realize that the only hope there is to rebuild anything between us is if we are honest with each other.
I won't be up for another in-person visit for a while. I don't know how long. I am open to us corresponding by email—which is easier for me logistically for the reasons I mention above. I am also open to phone conversations, when we can find the time. It's up to you to decide whether that's worth the effort.
From her, nine days later, in a new thread with the subject line “Moving On?”:
[name] Dear,
I've been wracking my brain trying to respond to your last email. When you left here I was guardedly optimistic that by having lunch, hanging out (your words) we could begin to forge something positive between us. I'm heartsick that our meeting so stressed you out.
I have heard everything you've said, and acknowledge and apologize for my past behavior. As I've said, that, along with ensuring that it stays in the past, is really all I can do.
Of course it's worth the trouble to me for us to be in contact. Just hoping that it won't all be talking about what was, but trying to build what can be. Sharing thoughts, stories, experiences. I'm not nearly as good at expressing myself in writing as you are, but will try, and hope for an occasional phone conversation.
From me, the next day:
Thank you for reading what I wrote and for taking your time in responding. I really do appreciate the acknowledgement. I know it can't all be fixed in a word or overnight, nor should it be. I'm comfortable with it being a slow process and comfortable with being uncomfortable sometimes. I hope you are, too.
And I want to reassure you that I really don't want us always or only to talk about the past. The reason I wrote to you is that our meeting felt like the chance for both of us to clear the air, and with one thing and another, there was a lot I needed to say that I didn't have the presence of mind or ability to articulate in the moment.
Let's talk soon. I think this is a relatively light week for [wife], so I should be able to slip away for a phone call at some point.
We try to stay in touch for a while, kind of. I send her photos and grey-rock updates; she sends me weather reports (we live in the same city), occasional photos from my childhood, and offers of random junk she has lying around her home. My son is still off the table.
Sunday, June 19th, 2019
Less than two weeks after another in-person visit, my mother calls me, drunk, late at night.
Some time later, she sends me this:
Hey girl, just wondering how you all are. I just finished walking the [local street fair] and came home with my favorite sour pickles.
So what happened to our playdate? I remeber you saying that the 4 of us would go somewhere like the [museum] or [park]. I would love to do that.
xoxo
From me:
"So what happened to our playdate?"
Do you really not remember? Or are you pretending not to? At this point, I'm not sure which is worse.
From her:
No [my full name], I don't remember. But I assume it has to do with one of the 2 days since March 11, 2017 when I had a couple of drinks, both of which were while telling someone what is (or isn't) going on with us.
Sunday, July 7th, 2019
This is what I finally sent to my mother in response to the above:
[her full name],
I see that you're still blaming me for your bad choices and destructive behavior, as you've always done. This is the lie that poisoned my childhood and distorted my sense of self, the lie you've told me all my life. Maybe you even believe it yourself. Certainly your nightmare of a mother does. But I am an adult now, and a parent, and I no longer believe it. And you are an adult too, as you were then, and responsible for your own choices.
All I asked you to do was not call me in the evening. It's not complicated or difficult. And yet, despite knowing that it hurts me, you've done it over and over for more than a decade. Every time I've given you another chance, you do it again within two weeks. There's always an excuse or a loophole, always a reason it doesn't really count this time: it used to be that you weren't drinking on that particular night, so I wasn't allowed to be bothered by it. Now it's that this time you were, so you can't be held accountable, and it's my fault anyway.
It doesn't matter to me anymore why you keep doing this: whether it's because you actually don't remember the dozens of times we've had this conversation, or because you want to show me who's boss, or because you have a compulsion to blow things up when you're not getting what you want fast enough. Or because you never stopped drinking in the first place, and you've just been going to meetings and congratulating yourself on how much smarter you are than all the poor saps who are making themselves vulnerable and actually doing the work to get sober and healthy.
I know that you've been through some terrible things in your life. I really hope that some day you'll get tired of lying to yourself and everyone else, decide to take care of your own mental health, and get some real help.
But it's not my job to keep you sober or be your emotional dumping ground; it never was. Putting that responsibility on me from early childhood was an abuse of the natural trust and love that children have for their parents. That you still can't see that means that you are not a safe person for me or my child.
Her response, in its entirety:
Calling me [her full name] was a nice touch.
Monday, July 29th, 2019
A birthday email from my mother:
[name] dear,
First off, Happy Birthday. Hope you do something fun and manage to keep cool.
Second, is there anything I/we can do to change things? I am heartbroken, lonely, numb, and stone cold sober. I feel as though I'm just not even alive without you dear girl.
I love you.
What I wrote but did not send:
I have told you as clearly as I know how, in as many ways as I can express it, exactly what would need to change for me to trust you. Every time, you’ve chosen not to hear me and then complained that I refuse to explain myself.
Nothing has changed. You still minimize your drinking and blame me for it, hold me responsible for your emotional well being, and pretend not to understand the simplest boundary. Whether or not you are currently drinking, that is not sobriety.
Grieving an estrangement is normal. I feel that grief, too. “I feel as though I’m just not even alive without you” is not normal or healthy, and is something that needs to be addressed with a therapist.
Sunday, May 8th, 2022
Mothers’ Day message from her:
Just wishing you a Happy Mother's Day. (And wishing you would wish me a Happy Mother's Day.) Hoping you, [wife] and [my son’s name, misspelled in a different way from the last time] are well.
There has been a trickle of contact since then, including an attempt to break the news of my father’s sudden and violent death to me, a month late, last summer (I am his executor and already knew, but I know she was hoping to break the news to me). But I’ve stopped responding. I’m done.

I'm Korean woman(32, F), dating a man(20, M) who is working in U.S army.
I got to know him at Dating app(Bumble) and we have been talking for for a few months.
Our first dating is in the early of January, and we lived far away in different cities in Korea, so we slept over together at hotel at first date, and we did kiss or things, but we didn't have sex because I'm inexperienced but he understood me and though I didn't expect it, and he did so sweet to me, like kissing on my forehead and holding my hands, which is one of the reasons I felt comfortable with him. The next day, we parted away and I thought he would not wanna meet me again because I didn't have sex and I'm not that interested in him at first time.
After that, he sometimes sent messages to me, and after a few weeks later, he said me he likes me and wanted to hang out again but he couldn't have relationship with me since he had to leave Korea later, and he doesn't think LDR is work out. since then, we had been sharing our daily lives via Snapchat everyday and he seemed to care about me, but we couldn't hang out until March since our fist date in January because he had been busy for work and he went back to America for holidays almost for a month.
Finally, we met in the end of March, recently, and we promised to meet at a train station around 5:30 pm. I went to a new city for the first time in my life, and so I got lost in the train station, I became late for a date and met him at 6 pm. I felt sorry for him for being late.
Our date plan is to take an air balloon flight at first day, and to go to an amusement park next day, but I had to cancel air balloon flight because of inclement weather.
Originally, we planned to go to a nice restaurant, which takes a few days for me to find out information about restaurants, but he said he ate dinner already, which I felt embarrassing. At first time, I thought he ate dinner earlier, waiting for me but I found out that he ate dinner at 5pm, even though we were supposed to meet at 5:30pm. I asked him why you ate eat dinner before I'm arriving and he said that he ate dinner because he felt so hungry.
Anyways, since I became late, I could understand him about that. He said if I wanna go to restaurant, he can go with me, but he didn't wanna eat anything. since I don't wanna eat alone at a nice restaurant, and he promised me to go to restaurants tomorrow morning and lunch, we went to hotel right away. As soon as we arrived at a hotel, he tried to have sex with me though I wanted to watch a movie and talk with him and doing it later.
Actually, in the past, he asked me If I'm really virgin and I said yes. He asked me if I have any experience of masturbation, and I said I have never been masturbated myself since I don't think it's hygienic to my vagina.
At first date, he dine out at a nice restaurant, and after arriving hotel, we watched movie and saw tiktok together, and he didn't try to sex as soon as possible but this time was different, but this time, he put his hand in my inner wear right away, and tried to take off my pants, which I felt comfortable. When he touched my lower body, touching near my vagina, I felt more likely painful than feeling good though he tried to do it gently and go slower. Though he is quite experienced, he seemed to not find my vagina since it's my first time. Though I said I would have sex with him, I felt insecure and not ready, so I couldn't have sex with him(PIV sex) though I helped him to ejaculate by hand.
Before a date, he asked if I would ever shave down, and I heard shaving down is socially norm in his country, so I did Brazilian waxing for hygiene and it felt so painful, and I tried to make an effort to have sex with him this time. But he seemed to not feel good about it, and said If I would not have sex with him, we don't need to come hotel and rather go to an amusement park right away, Actually, I'm afraid that he would not go to an amusement park if I didn't agree to have sex, and I just like to be with him. unlike last time, when he held my hands and kissed on my forehead while sleeping, he said he felt tired and wanted to sleep since he slept 9 pm to 2 am last night. I asked him why didn't sleep last night and he said he just couldn't sleep. He asked me to turn off light at 9pm since we met at 6pm , and I had to eat dinner alone in a dark room, relying on TV light, which I didn't feel comfortable, and I wondered if he didn't go out with me, why he dated with me.
although he made a reservation the hotel, where he had been before, I didn't know this hotel has almost no privacy like there's only transparent curtain between bedroom and bathroom, and I don't feel comfortable about taking shower and using bathroom.
And things happened. When I took a shower, I found out some kinds of trouble near my groin, and I became panicked because I rarely get any skin troubles near my groin and he did oral to me, which I didn't ask to him, so I suspected it might be some kinds of std like herpes.
since I have sensitive skin, and I knew that HSV2 type has no cure, I became so insecure and woke him up in the middle of showering, and asked to him about his past history of sex. He said he had sex 20 times in his life with 5 partners and he had never experienced any outbreak in his life. I showed him my body and he said it's not big deal and it might be just skin irritating. After that, I googled and looked that part under the bright light on bed, and he asked me if I'm ok.
I know it could be not considerate for him about asking std and If I would so worried a lot, them I would not have any sexual intimacy with him. Though I didn't ask him oral to me, but somehow it happened and I was so confused at that time.
Anyways, he fell asleep again, but I didn't wanna spend that night just sleeping without watching movies or talking, and I tried to wake him up like lying on his body or touched his body, and played some planks on him. I admitted that I behaved like a child who wanted to get attention, and he said he just wanna sleep.
And I tried to sleep, but his phone had been kept alarming from Snapchat in the middle of night, and I felt weird and checked his phone. Though I didn't know his passwords, I could see Snapchat notifications in the screen and I found out those messages were from a variety of girls, at least 5 girls.
Though I assume that he might be talking with other girls, I didn't expect as much and I lose my control. At first time, I tried to ask him calmly why they are, but it felt like he ignored my word intentionally, and all this situation seems like he didn't respect me. Finally, I loud my voice to him and firmly said I'm so uncomfortable about it and asked him to explain who they are. he said they are just friends like that in America, and the reason he kept sending messages to me is due to time difference.
And when I asked him if he is using other dating apps, he said yes, and he is different from what I expected. Before that night, I had never asked him about other girls, since I believed what he said that he likes me.
in the next morning around 7 am, he woke up and said to me that he didn't feel good about last night. He felt like I woke him up at least 10 times, and I cried a few times and he said he didn't understand me and he felt like it's crazy. He said he is not in the mood of going to an amusement park today, and just wanted to leave after eating breakfast. I apologized him about it and said I felt so insecure and unstable yesterday since he didn't eat out with me, do nothing with me, and just kept sleeping from 9 am. But he seemed to be cold. I asked him if he doesn't like me anymore, and he said he doesn't like me as much. I asked him if he doesn't wanna hang out with me anymore, and he said he wanna go to amusement park with me maybe another time, but he is not in the mood of going there today. And he left hotel.
But after 10 minutes he left, I heard that someone knocking on the door hardly, and it's him. He said the reason he came back to hotel is he couldn't get a taxi, so he had to wait a bus. it seems like he didn't take a public transportation easily, so I decided to go to train station together with him. But I'm not sure how he felt about me. Because he hold my hands while going to the train station. And we went to a cafe, and he didn't say anything, just eating quickly and left, leaving me alone at a cafe.
I felt regret about last night, losing cool and waking him up a lot, and even though I felt uncomfortable about him, I should have asked him early in the next morning or just don't hang out with him next time, but I became emotional and I couldn't control my feelings since I became liked him for over time. I just wanna go to an amusement park with him and have a good time.
But I got hurts a lot from him since he seemed to not care about me at all unlike first date.
Actually, I got a skin disease after meeting him on first date since he kept smoking before me and touched my body without cleaning hands, and I had to get treatments in a hospital for a few months to be healed, but I didn't tell him about him since he didn't meant to it. And before he leaving me, I talked about him that I was sick but he just saw me with a blank look, and reacted like it's none of his business. he just said 'so what? you got cured right now and that's all'.
After he went to his place, he sent me messages that he arrived, and since then, we haven't talked so far.
Although he said he likes me, I'm not sure.
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\

It is surprising that men can be divided into those who lead an indoor and those who lead an outdoor life— as if birds and quadrupeds were to be divided into those that lived a within nest or burrow life and [those] that lived without their nests and holes chiefly. How many of our troubles are house-bred! He lives an outdoor life; i.e., he is not squatted behind the shield of a door, he does not keep himself tubbed. It is such a questionable phrase as an “honest man,” or the “naked eye”— as if the eye which is not covered with a spy-glass should properly be called naked.
 
From Wheeler’s plowed field on the top of Fair Haven Hill, I look toward Fair Haven Pond, now quite smooth. There is not a duck nor a gull to be seen on it. I can hardly believe that it was so alive with them yesterday. Apparently they improve this warm and pleasant day, with little or no wind, to continue their journey northward. The strong and cold northwest wind of about a week past has probably detained them.
 
Knowing that the meadows and ponds were swarming with ducks yesterday, you go forth this particularly pleasant and still day to see them at your leisure, but find that they are all gone. No doubt there are some left, and many more will soon come with the April rains. It is a wild life that is associated with stormy and blustering weather. When the invalid comes forth on his cane, and misses improve the pleasant air to look for signs of vegetation, that wild life has withdrawn itself.
 
But when one kind of life goes, another comes. This plowed land on the top of the hill— and all other fields as far as I observe— is covered with cobwebs, which every few inches are stretched from root to root or clod to clod, gleaming and waving in the sun, the light flashing along them as they wave in the wind. How much insect life and activity connected with this peculiar state of the atmosphere these imply! Yet I do not notice a spider. Small cottony films are continually settling down or blown along through the air. Does not this gossamer answer to that of the fall? They must have sprung to with one consent last night or this morning and bent new cables to the clods and stubble all over this part of the world.
 
~
footnote: Thoreau’s handwriting is sometimes hard to read. Transcribers are not certain that “tubbed” is the word he actually wrote in the first part of this excerpt. Also it is debatable whether he wrote flashing or plucking in the final paragraph given here.

Good morning everyone,
I bought a house back in October and we knew we would have to replace the AC unit sooner than later. After a long winter where the unit has been off because of beautiful Arizona winter weather, we are anticipating that it is going to crap out on us when it comes back to life. Anyways, a solar rep came by yesterday and told us about government initiatives and all this money (25k) that could be ours for putting up solar. I explained that we needed to replace to AC and he said they could do that too. That money can essentially be used for whatever we want, but we'd be taking out a loan and then using the money to pay for the panels. Getting a new AC with this would get us another chuck of money for rebates with our power company, but we're worried about several things. 1. How effective solar panels really are 2. This seems really easy, too easy. What are the hidden cons of this? 3. How is solar panels, a locked in power bill ($120) a month, and passing the bill off to someone else who buys the house down the road going to effect the resale value Please let me know what you think about this. We would be getting a new power panel too, which we were going to have to replace too. This would all cost is a pretty penny that we could roll into one bill financed with a 3% APR. It all feels like a good choice, but I don't want to be hurt by this in the future. If you have solar panels, please tell me about your experience! ESPECIALLY if you got panels in AZ. THANK YOU!

As of March 28th, 2023, the weather in Bangkok Thailand (where I am from) is roughly 33 degrees Celsius, an abnormal temperature for my country as the mean temperature all year round typically falls around 26.3 degrees Celsius in the north (27.5 degrees Celsius in the south). Although this is not the peak temperature in Thailand, it is very high -- the hottest I can remember. Yesterday my Chow Chow dog almost had a heat stroke, now she is in the doctor’s hands, that’s how severe the heat is. Surrounding countries are also experiencing the same phenomenon.
Is this also happening in your country? And if so, what are your opinions on it?

Dear diary
Woke up at 4am but stayed in bed until 6 trying to unpick the dream, sleeping in bed the other way up in an attempt to change the coordinates.
Coffee, meds, cigarettes; the morning ritual of God why am I still smoking. A song plays in my head determined to block me from thinking about the dream further.
Had enough of stimulating myself, chemically speaking and went to make bed, sat on the golden feathers and wrote in blue and gold book with orange ink inserted into quill. Affirmations, gratitude, all the good things and God solves for me.
As I'm writing out lines I watch the flow of spacing to get it through my thick skull the actual reason for alignment with higher vibration; unity consciousness. What needs to be solved today I question god, is it more of the same thing just from a different angle until something happens?
Diary tells me there's a lecture on at the institute regarding the ten pound poms and I have to go to school as I have two assignments due. Angel card pulled says get out in nature today, positivity card tells me the umph in triumph is required when trying.
Sooo much time to spend...daily cards pulled, recorded in book, caught up with sister's - they are my current rock - early morning touch base between the US and AUS makes the pain of distance less every day. I love them so much, they have helped with the goal of the collective.
Left over chicken and chips for breakfast, diet gone out the window this week, dark night of the soul again. Reading the power of one bit by bit, it's such a great story, I miss boxing.
Shower, potions applied to skin smells like real vanilla, looks in mirror until I think I'm me. Clothing applied, all black today, hair back up in a bun and boots for walking - the suede is fucked from yesterday's rain, sigh. Weather says no need for weapons today, leaves giant umbrella against wall.
Walks and watches the parade of cars, the little kids wishing me a good morning. Finds blue chalk, graffs the shelter with my tag. Same bus driver as yesterday and the train wasn't too far behind. Packed carriage, the idea of everyone is you pushed out, I'm fending off energetic push back on my frequency from men eyeball fucking me, can hear their thoughts ticking over regarding my appearance.
Wander through station separate from the tide, through the turn of the barrier and up to outside. Hide. Come back, cross road, there's a tool cd on the ground and strewn chaos from a crazy person. He tells me to watch his stuff as he disappears into the convenience store. When he magically reappears we put hands up almost touching and I heal some of his issues, he broke out in goosebumps.
Walks away, walks up the same way as usual, finds silver ring in doorway. Places ring on finger and weaves through back streets to the hidden coffee refuge to hide again. Places ring on a window sill, it will be back in its evolved form if it really wants me.
Coffee at Zhivago's laneway, uses blue chalk to add to the current running list of travellers. Rejoins reality, coffee still in hand and sees what's changed. Finds red guitar pick, thinks about Knifey, he said he would message me in a month and his time is up, I won't contact him again. Lossy to a dear friend, I forgive you.
Sits at battle station, it had been a while. Two windows side by side, instructions and response. Typing, touch typing, I kinda forgot how much I enjoy watching the words appear on screen as fingers remember the dance...got stuck, gave up as the other thing was calling me.
Wanders off down into the mall, music intersected areas, to stand under a tree and just listen. Found a man blowing a trumpet riding an elephant and arrived on time to the theatre.
Numbers, names, locations, dates offered up for synchronization data, I feel like an undercover agent on a recon mission. No idea its relevance yet, knows it matters doesn't matter - depends on when I go down that rabbit hole.
To the train station once more, waits on platform, saw Mikey and Graham briefly as we were in the same world space for an instant. Eventually got back to the place I'm staying at, and mum was home from her trip, I made us lunch and we got into the scotch. Telling eachother the stories of our trips, the pictures painted in each others minds fills in the blanks.
The Amanda fairy dropped by with cake and I've just written this chapter into the library.

It’s been a week and it’s only Tuesday.
I’m having a bad second last week of term.
My kids, are also seemingly having a bad week of term.
Yesterday two of them got in a punch-up, it’s dealt with. But it felt like my fault so I had a bit of a cry about it.
Today I held my head up- until I was met with anger, vulgar language, disorderly conduct, defiance and abuse from the same two individuals. They’ve been at me all day: - they didn’t get the recess activity they wanted (it has been wet weather) - they didn’t listen or take any notice of me during maths and therefore when they’d finished, I stopped them and asked where part of it was (mind you, I’d explained it at least five times to them, and did an example with them, and followed up) then they got shitty they had to go back and finished it. Hurled abuse at me. - then they decided to deconstruct several textas and put the ink everywhere on everything and themselves and when I asked them why, and they couldn’t answer, I asked them to explain how I managed to have ink on me from cleaning up textas. Smart answers were similar to “well I guess you made a mess because you like playing with ink (unkind name)” - so I sent them out of my class and then spent my next period of release trying to fix it.
Then I cried again. I’m trying so damn hard. I’m putting in so much effort. I’m trying to make life easy and fun. And I’m getting treated like dirt and there is nothing I can seemingly do. It’s bullshit. It’s so unbelievable.
I’m getting senior staff help but today enough was enough. I’m tired. I can’t take it anymore. The two of them were out for the last lesson and I FINALY GOT TO TEACH. For the first time all day.
Then they came back toward bell-time and thought it was funny that they were out.
I’m so spent.

So I live up north. It’s been so cold a dreary for so long, that people haven’t been out much. Yesterday and today we’ve had nice weather FINALLY. People are out again and with that my Malincollie has to re-adjust all of her high drive anxieties and re-condition herself to the new people and dogs and skateboards and smells on the trails. Over the winter we usually were the only ones- with occasionally other dog owners or hardcore bikers passing by. But today, there were people passing constantly.
She had a hard time healing by my side and I should have just let her be- and not been so stern/yanky with the leash. Well, we were literally three blocks from home- and these two guys decided to pass us because I was slowing down to try to get her to heel. They startled her by coming up from behind her- and she nipped one of the guys elbow.
I didn’t approach him- I was in shock. This is the first time she has ever bit anyone. I apologized and gave him my number and told him to text me and I would send him all of her papers. He was freaking out saying he didn’t know if he should get a rabies shot or not. (At that point I knew his anxiety was speaking, and this was also a first for him)
The other person with him asks if I’m okay, and checks in on me- more than him….
Then he texts me later and says he’s headed to urgent care for antibiotics because she broke the skin and will let me know what the doctor says about rabies…..
Obviously he’s overreacting. I wasn’t near him, but I was close enough to see that she didn’t bite him hard enough to be gushing blood to need anything more than a bandaid (if that) and some Neosporin— but I also can’t blame the guy. If I was in his shoes, I’d be scared and not know what to do too. Especially if I wasn’t a dog owner.
But now—- I’m sitting here in over consumed anxiety worried about my sweet girl that loves people (yes) more than anything and wants to give everyone all the attention and licks, and hugs, and dog piles she can. What is this man going to do? If he’s willing to go to urgent care for a scratch…. Is he willing to also take her away from me and potentially end her life?

Happy Tuesday, Barkada --

The PSE lost 7 points to 6595 ▼0.1%

Thanks to Jing and kalelManila.eth for the ALTER meme love, and to Market Babbler for the great idea to see if sponsors want to donate raffle prizes to future IPO Allocation polls!
Today's episode is dominated by some meta analysis of the performance last 15 IPOs (excluding LPC) that have happened since RCR back in September of 2021.
As you'll see, I've chopped the list up into some fun segments (All Villar, No Villar, All REIT, no REIT, Renewables, No Stab Fund, etc), and analysed how those segments performed on a 1st day basis and a long-term basis.
I'm looking to do more of this kind of thing in the future, but I'm curious to know what you think of it, and how to improve. Do you have any suggested segments that I could do? Food? Financials? SMEs v Big Boards? Let me know!
Shout-outs to Jonathan Burac, SE Accounting Solutions Philippines, Harry Lego, CHARToons, Jing, LanAustria, Palaboy Trader, Market Babbler, PF JTor Realtor, mArQo, cristinaorlina, Lance Nazal, Evolves Capital, Inc., meloi, Chip Sillesa, Dividend Pinoy PGG, Justn, Rolex Jodieres, and Jing for the retweets, and to Jayvee Menil, Evolves.co, and Mike Ting for the FB shares!

▌In today's MB:

• ANALYSIS: 1st day vs long-term IPO performance
  • Winners / losers
  • 7 fun "what if" segments
• MREIT P5.2-B injection approved
• Semirara declares P3.50/share divs
• FMETF_halted _again(3).omfg
• Global Ferronickel FY22 net income up 9%

▌Daily meme Subscribe (it's free) Today's email

▌Main stories covered:

• [META] Short- and long-term performance of recent IPOs... There have been a total of 16 IPOs over the past 18 months, starting with RL Commercial REIT [RCR] in September of 2021, and ending with Alternergy [ALTER] that happened last Friday. There are many that will say that IPOs, especially those in the Philippines, are losers that shouldn’t be touched, and they’ll often tell jokes in the forums about dropping by after the opening bell to grab IPO stocks on fire-sale discounts. There are also many that, despite these warnings, invest in IPOs almost out of habit. Perhaps out of fear of missing out on one that pops hard, or perhaps because they just enjoy the feeling of being a part of a somewhat-exclusive process. So using those 15 IPOs over the past 18 months, let’s take a closer look at how they performed after their first day, and then again as of yesterday’s close. I’ve left LFM Properties [LPC] out of this analysis, because it was not a typical IPO that a person could purchase during an offer period, and its first-day trading is not subject to the same rules as the rest of the IPOs in the group because it was an IPO by way of introduction.
  
  • First-day performance: In the chart, all of the IPOs have been sorted, in ascending order, by their first-day performance. As you’d likely guess, Medilines Distributors [MEDIC] takes the bouquet of flowers for giving us the worst IPO in the batch, which is also technically the worst-possible first-day performance allowable under the current rules for regular IPOs. The best-performing first-day in the group was AllDay Marts [ALLDY], which hit the ceiling on its first day. Out of the 15 IPOs, 20% “popped” (closing up over 10%), 40% were up (closing above 2% but below 10%), 26% were flat (closing above -2% but below 2%), 7% were down (closing below -2%), and 7% “pooped” (closing down over 10%; the opposite of popped).
  • First-day analysis: If you theoretically had been able to invest ₱10,000 into each of these IPOs, and then managed to sell each on the first day for the closing price indicated, then you’d have made ₱5,920 in profit (before trading fees and taxes) on ₱150,000 in initial investments. That’s about a 3.9% gross return. It’s beyond the scope of this fun chart to determine how easy it would have been to sell each stock for higher than its first-day close (many closed at prices that were lower than their intraday high), and it’s also beyond the scope for us to consider how easy or difficult it would be to actually sell the stocks for that end-of-day price.
  • Long-term performance: The chart is the same one used above, except this time, the first-day performance (blue) is matched up against each IPO’s performance to yesterday’s closing price (red). It’s plain to see that the longer time frame was not kind to stock performance. Could the story have been different if so many of the REITs weren’t blind-sided by inflation? Perhaps, but these are not events that we can just delete from the record, and so we should take the market as it is. MEDIC remains as the worst-performing IPO, down 73% from its IPO price, but MEDIC’s lead is hardly as pronounced in this dataset. Out of the 15 IPOs, 80% are in losing positions relative to their IPO offer prices. In fact, only 12.5% of IPOs are in positive positions: just SP New Energy [SPNEC] (+69%) and Figaro [FCG] (+31%). Out of the 15 IPOs, 13% popped, none were just “up”, 20% were flat, 13% were just “down”, and 54% pooped.
  • Long-term analysis: If we again imagine that our hypothetical IPO buyer spent ₱10,000 on each IPO and held each purchase until today, then that hypothetical trader’s “held to present day” portfolio value would have gone from ₱150,000 down to ₱132,000, a drop of 12%. That number is before transaction fees and taxes, and excludes the positive cash-flow of dividends and other rights that may have come with stock ownership (like SPNEC’s SRO). So many of those stocks that were in the first-day marginal gains category became pooped and migrated down into the substantial losses category. The two biggest changes were SPNEC, going from flat to 68% up, and ALLDY, which went from 50% up to 59% down.
  • Ok, but what if...: The easy response to this is to say something along the lines of, “I’d never have put any money in MEDIC, or anything Villar for that matter,” and so it’s maybe instructive to slice up the data a little further to see what would happen if the theoretical trader made some choices instead of just buying everything that came to market. There are so many different ways to cut these IPOs up into groups, but here are the ones that I went with just for a little fun analysis.
  • What if... analysis: So with the benchmark of +3.6 first-day performance for all IPOs, and -11.9% performance long-term for all IPOs, let’s take a look at how the rest stack up. Renewables have been the clear winner, both in the short-term (+3.3%) and long-term (+11%) (I didn’t count PREIT as a renewable, because it doesn’t have any renewable assets of any kind), as Renewables was the only group that has had long-term success. Pretty much all the fun segments that I made performed alright on the first day, except for the “No Stab Fund” group, which (predictably?) was the only group that ended the short-term in the negative (-3.0%). Interestingly, the No Stab Fund group was also the third-worst performing group over the long-term (-12.3%). Thanks to ALLDY, the All Villar group tied with All Stab Fund for best short-term performance (+6.5%), but... also thanks to ALLDY, the All Villar group was by-far the worst long-term performer (-35.3%).
  • MB BOTTOM-LINE: Generally, investing in IPOs was a marginally-positive thing if you sold at the end of the first day, and a fairly disastrous thing if you held everything that you bought without making any changes. And while it’s true that a lot has happened over the past 18 months that might have affected some of the IPOs and not others (COVID, inflation, changing listing rules, etc), I think this kind of surface-level analysis shows that a deeper analysis of each IPO as a unique event is probably closer to the path of success. Choosing to make no choices has been a terrible choice. Will it continue to be this way? Will buying everything without concern for the quality of the company, the pedigree of the ownership group, or the make-up of the deal continue to be a trash-tier strategy going forward? I mean, probably, but if I do this again next year after a huge bull market or some other large change that floated all IPO boats, maybe not? I think the best take-away from this is to realize that not all IPOs are created equal. Each one presents a different bouquet of short-term and long-term risks and rewards, and each one should meet some elevated set of criteria (above just being available to buy) to justify your investment! Make them earn it!
• [NOTES] Quick takes from around the market...
  
  • MREIT [MREIT 14.66 ▲3.2%] [link] received SEC approval for the acquisition of four “prime” office properties from its parent company, Megaworld [MEG 2.00 ▼3.4%], valued at ₱5.4 billion. MREIT will pay for the properties by issuing 263,700,000 common MREIT shares to MEG, pricing the deal at ₱20.00 per MREIT share. MREIT noted that this is 41% higher than MREIT’s market price. MREIT also noted that the occupancy rate of the new towers is 96%, which is marginally higher than its existing occupancy rate of 95%, but noticeably lower than the occupancy rates of its office space REIT peers, AREIT [AREIT 34.20 ▲0.6%] (97%) and RL Commercial REIT [RCR 5.68 ▲0.5%] (99%).
    • MB Quick Take: MREIT said that it will recognize income from the new properties starting on January 1st of 2023, so this income should show up in MREIT’s Q1/23 financial statements, and should provide a boost to its Q1/23 dividend, which shareholders should probably appreciate because MREIT’s dividend has been trending lower for two consecutive quarters.
  • Semirara Mining and Power [SCC 30.95 ▲2.3%] [link] declared ₱3.50/share in regular and special dividends from FY22 operations. The dividends are payable on April 25 to SCC shareholders of record on April 13. Relative to SCC’s closing price yesterday, the combined dividend’s yield is 11.3%.
    • MB Quick Take: This is the kind of dividend that will make mouths water, but it’s perhaps something of a cold comfort to all of those investors that jumped into SCC over ₱40/share at the height of its surge in early Q4/22. For those people, this dividend’s yield is closer to 8.50%.
  • FMETF [FMETF 102.50 ▲0.5%] [link] was halted for 2.5 hours yesterday because the iNAV calculation was not updating correctly. The iNAV value is the real-time value of the shares that are owned by FMETF, and the correct display of this number is a crucial piece of information that investors need to properly price the FMETF security.
    • MB Quick Take: This is the fourth time since September of 2022 that FMETF has been halted during live trading to solve this specific problem. I feel like I have better uptime for some of my data sources that I collect using a goofy system of terrible scraping code and overly-complicated Google Sheets formulas that are prone to a wide variety of (human) errors. For an error that is so common, it’s a little bit weird that it (1) continues to happen, and (2) takes so long to resolve. The iNAV first stopped updating at 10:30, and wasn’t restored until 2:30. In a trading day that’s only 4.5 hours long, being down for 3 hours is kind of a big deal.
  • Global Ferronickel [FNI 2.45 ▲2.9%] [link] teased FY22 net income of ₱2.2 billion, up 9%. FNI said that total ore shipped for FY22 was down 24% due to bad weather, but that revenues only fell 13% due to the higher quality of ore mix and favorable forex exchange. > - MB Quick Take: The increased production from the Palawan mine will help, but that too will be impacted by rain delays and storms. FNI is one of those stocks where the execution of the management team can be saved or killed by factors that are largely beyond their control, like market prices of ore and the weather. That’s why I’m interested to see FNI trying to climb the value chain by building investing heavily in a steel mill and port facility in Bataan; the higher up the value chain, the less severe the peaks and valleys from these forces beyond that are beyond the power of the boardroom to control.

MB is written and distributed every trading day. The newsletter is 100% free and I never upsell you to some "iNnEr cIrClE" of paid-membership perks. Everyone gets the same! Join the barkada by signing up for the newsletter, or follow me on Twitter. You can also read my daily Morning Halo-halo content on Philstar.com in the Stock Commentary section, and in the Saturday edition of the Daily Manila Shimbun.

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